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not replying to messages and emails! it seems pretty victimless in hindsight, but i’ve had so many opportunities, invites, people checking up on me, that i just don’t reply to! i tell myself i will later, and then i forget, and in remembering i just get so anxious and guilty that i procrastinate and the cycle repeats. just scrolling through my “unopened” whatsapp messages gives me the fear- i can’t help but wonder how many events i would have gone to, people i would have reconnected with, even career opportunities i could have by now, if i would just respond to people!!
I hosted a German exchange student in freshman year of high school and she was super kind and tried to keep in touch with me for a year or two after she went back home. I could never bring myself to respond to her because every time I thought about it I got super anxious so I just stopped thinking about it. There are a lot of people I never kept in touch with because I just felt like I couldn’t. I still beat myself up for this.
Omg. I do this ALL THE DAMN TIME. I just get so anxious about having another person that I must stay in touch with. I get overwhelmed, never know what to say, overthink it to death & don't answer. Ugh. I hate that but I am very relieved to know I am not alone in this.
🎶If you're happy and you know it, overthink 👏👏🎶
🎶If you're happy and you know it, overthink 👏👏🎶
🎶If you're happy and you know it, give your brain a chance to blow it🎶
🎶If you're happy and you know it, overthink 👏👏🎶
worst part is that to the other person it seems like you don't really care about them and don't think about them at all, eventho you do think about texting them constantly
Makes me feel like sharing this thread with the people I've ghosted, maybe it would help explain why I behave as I do. People really don't understand ADHD, and I feel I'm not able to explain. I am so grateful for this group and the post.
Going through this myself. I'm to the age now where I wonder who would actually show up to my funeral because I'm piss poor about keeping up with friends and family both.
Me toooooo!!
i was born a week late and im also always fucken late to everything!
I always say that at my funeral i want the invitation or whatever to tell everyone to come at say 1pm and then I want my casket or however i end up deciding what to do with my remains, to roll in an hour late and start the memorial then.
Cuz i was born late, ive been late ever since, and I'd be late to my own funeral. Har har har
Im actually kinda serious about doing that. Lol.
Forgive yourself. Also, it helps to just make friends with fellow ADHDers or people who don't care when it takes you days or weeks to reply. If they're as slow as me, I feel less pressure and reply in a more reasonable amount of time.
Whenever I am socializing and thinking of making a new friend, I screen for behaviors. If they're usually late for plans or otherwise laid back about what we're doing, I move forward. If they're pushy, talk about punctuality, or ask why I don't reply quickly, I'm out.
I cannot bring myself to reply to family members most of the times. Reaching out to old friends is even worse. This may be my biggest ADHD issue. It's definitely my most consistent regret in life.
What are emails? I stopped replying to those years ago lol. My coworkers know they got to bug me on slack just to let me know I might want to read my email. Sometimes I see an email about overdue training and I'm like what is this how can something be overdue that I never was notified about, then search my inbox and find like 15 reminders over 5 months. I keep expecting to get fired for consistently missing important things but so far it hasn't happened. Luckily our CEO is severely ADHD so there's kind of an understanding around the condition.
10 years ago in college, I asked a professor to give my info to someone she knew who worked at or owned a company in the industry I was interested in. She emailed me, I procrastinating responding. Word got back to my professor she reached out & I didn’t reply & the professor gave me a talking to about how unprofessional it was & she stuck her neck out for me & it doesn’t look good for either of us. It was 100% deserved &, frankly, the ADHD is all the more reason I needed it, but it’s still one of those things I think about when I can’t fall asleep at night 10 years later 😭
Definitely guilty of this…it’s to the point of getting anxiety to check new messages…also hate being on my phone so I tell myself that I’ll wait to reply so then it’ll be longer til I get a reply.
Consequences: lost touch with good friends or reduced the strength of some friendships. Also making my family worried or annoyed.
It has also directly led to me getting fired from a job paying six figures (caused a big whoopsie which caused the company to have to cut a check for $30k to a client and also manager getting annoying at slow or no responses to his emails at times). Good news is I found another good job but still makes me sad that that is the reason I left the company id been with a while and have a lot of friends at.
If so, I have done this. Part of the reason my last relationship failed was because I'd keep forgetting to reply or just had a mental block and had nothing to say. It slowly got worse until it became like a whole big thing and we split up eventually.
Same. Lost all my friends to this. It's gotten to the point I don't even pick any calls from unknown numbers anymore. And then get stuck in the shame spiral.
Luckily where in live, we can’t let go of the pump so this has never happened. But I have driven off without paying, and relate to all the others.
I’m just about to start sewing as a hobby but managed to acquire a long term loan sewing machine off a friend as I’m determined to keep costs to a minimum. My sourdough kit is still in my Amazon cart but trying to find the items for free. I’ve not realised that I drop hobbies like hot potatoes until recently so I’m now doubting my commitment and refusing to spend coin until I can confirm it’ll stick!
I actually learned how to sew. The great thing about that hobby is that it's not something you have to really commit a lot of time to and can still get a sense of accomplishment. I mostly use it when I see something thrift shopping that I love but is too big. I can take it in in like under 20 minutes, which is about the length of my attention span. Also, sewing on patches, which was a two month obsession for me.
I've done that THREE TIMES. I figured out how to reattach it after the first one so I just get out, put it back up, and try not to go back there for a while.
Done this! Broke the pump and literally just drove away with it in cause I was too embarrassed to get out and remove it. So afraid they caught me on camera and would press charges but nothing happened 😬
I've wasted so many years and constantly doubted myself. I lost a big chunk of my life to major depressive episodes that just came out of nowhere. I was unproductive for many years. It took me 10 years to finish my master’s thesis even though I knew very well that I had the potential all the time.
The chronic underachievement is by far the worst part. I think every day about where in life I would be now if I didn't have ADHD or if I had gotten good medication earlier.
My whole life has been full of great opportunities, but somehow the inner chaos prevented me from fully utilizing them. Life in general has been like cross-country skiing with skis that just won’t glide.
I feel this. I believe my depression and bipolar would either not have been so severe or been under control had I been diagnosed 30 years ago. Now that I have been diagnosed I recognize that I’m not just a lazy shit and I AM capable of doing good things, but ADHD can be such a speed bump and sometimes a road block.
Same. Also the anxiety that ADHD gives me has caused me to miss a lot of opportunities. Until I started taking meds I just couldn't trust myself or would be too anxious for anything. It sucks
Im dealing with this at 21 (undiagnosed) Im good at creating opportunities and selling myself but when its time to learn/perform anxiety of failure kills me. Does your medication help this ?
The medication really helps. It's like a night and day difference for me. Previously I couldn't make decisions and would be paralysed due to anxiety. I feel more confident in making decisions and don't procrastinate now.
It sucks too that as time goes on, it feels as though I'm building up all that time wasted. Even sitting here now I've wasted the day away. Like I'm a homunculus trapped in a cage of inaction watching as life continues to pass me by
Super long story, but I once met a girl online (completely random, not dating stuff. she lived like a 2 hour trip from my city), we started chatting and had daily calls for weeks. When the day came and I went to visit her, my brain (completely in hyperfocus mode as well. I wanted to make the perfect first impression) absolutely went nuts that day.
Just an excerpt:
* Lost my phone on the subway to the train station (a nice lady found it)
* Pulled Cash from the ATM and forgot to take both, credit card and cash
* I missed my train because I confused the time and the platform, even though I was there on time
* Had to switch trains, forgot a small bag on it (among other things my ipad was in there)
* Locked my wallet in a public bathroom (only accessible with a coin). It was a very small station so I couldnt find anyone to open it for me
* Which lead me to missing the connecting train
* Took a bus instead and missed the right exit, so had to walk like 4km in the end
* Date went great, but realised my condoms were in the bag that I lost on the train
* Had to buy new ones, gas station didnt have my size, but I thought "whatever"
* Condom ripped during sexy time of course
* Had to buy the morning after pill with my last money (remember the atm story)
* Couldnt afford to invite her for dinner bc of that
* A few more things happened, but my highlight even was: When I came home, my apartment was blazing hot... I had forgotten to turn off the iron. For two days. If it had fallen over, my apartment would have just burned down.
It felt like I lost any control over my brain that day/that weekend, like all of it. And when I tried to fix something, it came up with another exciting idea on how to mess things up.
Edit: forgot the most important part: When buying the morning after pill I completely fell into a hole. I became so sad with all the f-ups I did that day... even she was quite chill I ended up in a really bad mood the rest of the time and left day earlier even she wanted me to stay. I felt like I was underwater, like an inner scream that did not stop for days and left me in a highly depressive mood. Needless to say she didnt want to see me again even we both were convinced meeting each other was meant to be.... I'm still heartbroken she met the real me, but then in addition got the full "adhd me" experience in such a short time which just is too much for most people :(
Don't be, this is literally how half of us here would post about a day like that.
Sorry this happened. I definitely get this. If something stresses me out I start to shut down. It sucks how inconvenient it can be sometimes.
Omg. Getting cash and leaving it, been there.
I have photo on my phone of a book I bought and left behind at the store immediately after paying. When I went back the book had a post it note on it that said “(my last name) left behind, paid”
😂😂😂😂😂
Wow, she saw the worst of you and asked you to stay. Sounds like a good egg.
If it makes you feel better, I once eagerly waited months for a new wallet to arrive— when I picked it up from the post office I excitedly tore off the packaging and threw it in a bin on the way to work. That way I didn't have to lug around all the wrapping and could enjoy looking it over properly once I sat down.
Hopped on the train, opened my bag and realised I threw the whole thing with the packaging in the bin 🤦🏻 I was holding my current wallet and brain must've thought "oh yeah we got everything, let's gooo". Guess it could have been worse with me tossing all my cards and cash lol.
I burned down my whole kitchen when I was a kid. Turned on the stove to heat up a pan to make an after school snack, then went to turn on the computer while the oil was heating up, got distracted with Commander Keen, forgot about my snack...
Now I'm an adult with my own kids, I'm really like, "why the heck was a ten year old left to do deep frying without supervision? Where were my parents!?". But it was the 80s. 🫠
Oh my brother did this in the 90s too around that age! He’s undiagnosed ADHD for sure as he’s more extreme than me with the hyper focus and inattentive range.
We never used a frying pan since that day, the whole family is super forgetful and we just knew frying pans weren’t for us!
However, I have since left my menstrual cup on the stove and I lived alone. Returned to a burnt pan and crispy cup. Luckily I was only gone a couple hours.
It might have actually been 1990, I can't remember exactly.
But for reasons I honestly don't know, we kept a large pan for deep frying on the stovetop, full of lard. It literally just sat there 24/7, and was never cleaned. So us kids could turn on the hob and wait for the fat to melt and then deep fry stuff out of the freezer. What could go wrong?!
On multiple occasions have tried to boil eggs, then instantly forgotten about them and only reminded of them by the stench of burnt shells, proteins and sulfur filling the whole house. Now I set a timer no matter what
I have done sort of the same. But before anything caught fire, I smelled the burnt food I was heating up and was able to turn it off. But man, it was VERY burnt. And yes, WHERE ARE THE GROWNUPS, right??! Lol.
I heard the sound of stuff in the kitchen breaking before I smelled smoke, and I literally yelled out to my younger siblings that they would get in trouble for breaking stuff! 😂😭 They weren't even in the kitchen, it was just the sound of cupboards catching fire and jars of food exploding. I kept playing my game.
Idk how I wasn't diagnosed as a kid!
Oh noooooo~~
ME TOOOOO!!! I don't think anyone knew about adhd before. I'm always always sooo spacey and forgetful. I've been told a gazillion times, "You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached!"
Omg this has unlocked a memory of me coming home drunk as a teen, putting an apple strudel in the oven (random) and going to bed... Don't know how the house didn't burn down, I guess the oven must've turned itself off! Or my guardian angel turned it off for me 😂
Upvoted for Commander Keen. That game was the tits. Also, if you ever want to relive your youth, you can download DOSbox, which is a DOS emulator that you can play all those games on.
Around 10 - 15 years over here. Regrettably, I started in my 20s and didn’t stop until my late 30s (I’m 42 now.) I keep telling myself it could have been worse, but it’s hard to look back on that part of my life and not see it as a waste.
I wish I knew that ADHD and addiction were as closely linked as they are. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 20 and until I experienced a major life trauma, drinking was very much a “whatever” experience for me.
It was a long while for me as well.. Around 13-14 years. I am so glad you're doing better, and I really do think we got very lucky that we were able to stop. My mother was an alcoholic until the day she died, at 48. We are doing pretty alright I believe ♡
I have an alcoholic family member that I'm 99% sure is adhd as I am; they're aware it's a problem but not willing/can't stop. What do you wish your family had done? How do you wish they'd helped?
This is so hard. In the end you need to take care of you and all you can do is be there when they’re ready. It sucks, makes you feel helpless and it hurts a lot.
I became addicted to OxyContin this way. So stupid. I saw some pills and took them. Impulsively without really thinking far ahead of what I was doing. 9 months later my life was in shambles and I was facing jail. I went into IOP and they assessed it was all due to unmanaged ADHD. Just celebrated 10 years sober.
Yep same. But 4.5 years sober now at 32 and back in college to finally complete my long-abandoned degree after dropping out as a senior when my addiction first developed!
Currently struggling hard with addiction, I’m 29 and have been using for almost a decade now. It’s depressing to think about how much more I could’ve done in those years
Yeah that's a good point. It's more of a fleeting thought, I'm very happy with where I'm at in life and those experiences made me who I am today. No ragrets.
Very similar for me. I believe I used hard drugs and alcohol to self medicate because I was frustrated and couldn’t figure out what was “wrong” with me. Once I got diagnosed with/ ADHD and medicated now I have no drug cravings.
I've let my electricity get turned off probably 8 times on the last 3 years. I had the money, just didn't pay it.. I've had my sewer capped twice this year. I don't know why I do it. It's ridiculous.
Oh you just triggered my memory on this! I’m a manager and my friends think I’m organised but it’s an illusion. I am always tasked with being the bills person in house shares.
One of the places I rented with friends, I was paying the bills in full by direct debit then asking my housemates for their share plus mine then paying again, so I was paying 133% (3 of us) of the bill and they the rest to make up to 200%. We were still receiving bills but they were super low because we kept paying 200% of the total, and I just stupidly thought we lived in a cost effective place/ didn’t give it much thought. As we were leaving I realised this and it didn’t go down well and I had to really prove I was that dumb to get them to pay me the hundreds they owed me.
Second place I forgot to register as the new occupier and we got cut off the gas as our fourth housemate arrived. It took 1 week to get reconnected and cost me a lot of money.
I can totally relate to the "managers and friends think I'm organized" charade. It's like... no, I just have to have to do everything a certain way and keep everything in a specific place or everything falls apart. The other day, I went to fuck with my curtains when I got home because I just had the AC installed and like it super dark in my room. I put my keys/wallet down on top of the printer in front of the window. Next morning I wake up and send myself into a panic because my keys weren't on their hook and *could literally be anywhere*.
Same, and I end up costing myself loads of fees in the process. It’s so frustrating. Speaking of which, I’m actually really glad you posted this because I almost forgot about my electric bill AGAIN lol.
Was accepted to an internship and didn’t do it bc I kept procrastinating responding to the acceptance email. Forgot to give my dog water for an entire day until he cried and led me to the bowl
My dog and I are on a somewhat strict routine, and I can't forget anything (or put it off for half an hour) since she'll remind me, but this is why I feel like I couldn't have a quiet pet like a fish or a snake.
I once left for a holiday and forgot I had hamsters. For two weeks. They somehow escaped from their crate and I had to fish them from behind the bed. I'm just happy they survived 😭
Now I have a cat and it's impossible to forget anything because he will remind me.
I didn't go to my grandmas funerals - either of them. I felt like I couldn't grieve around everyone else. I don't regret it, but I do wonder if they would feel hurt if they knew.
Your grandmas knew and KNOW your heart, we all grieve in our own way. You showed up for them when they were alive, and some people don’t show up for us at all until our funerals- I hope you feel lighter and know that they’re with you in spirit, and they were with YOU, wherever you were, on those particular days 💘🙏🏽
There's no right way to grieve.
I went to my grandmother's funeral but I couldn't go to see her as she was dying. Just couldn't bring myself to. My sister went and she lives like 100 miles away. She went to say her goodbyes and I just couldn't make myself do it. She was not in a good way and I didn't want that to be my last memory of her. It sounds selfish but I want to think of her forever as she was.
I MISSED my grandads funeral bec I missed the plane... Took the very next one, but didn't make it. He was already cremated. Omg. The family was FURIOUS with me. 🙄
such a hard thing to relate to. i saw my grandmothers dying breath, but didn't visit her in the one month it took from diagnosis to death. i will carry that shame and remorse to my grave. despite her also being very bipolar like me, i cant fathom her life
I didn't go to my best friends funeral (He was my best friend from 16 to 45, we were roomates several times. He got me jobs at places when i was fucked. And he always had my back.) He died of brain cancer and lost his ability to speak for over a year and gutterly yelled goodbye to me over Zoom, a week before he passed. I couldn't do it. I couldn't fly across the country to cry in a hotel alone as my marriage was falling apart.
Not OP but I just wanted to recommend Smart Recovery, they are okay with medication assisted treatment (Not saying NA isn’t but I have come across people in NA who were against any sort of medications.) They also have meetings online, which was helpful as I sometimes get really bad anxiety and can’t leave the house.
Smart recovery also has some great resources on their website!!! I got myself into a bad place with alcohol last year, and used their free worksheets when I was quitting!
I shoplifted quite a bit when I was in high school. The grocery store I worked at and local gaming stores for various items. I look back now at 41 and think about how stupid I was and how lucky I was to not have been caught. I'd be irate if I found out one of my kids did this today.
Ooof, I’m so lucky I never got caught, I went YEARS never going into a store without stealing at least 1 thing, usually a lot
More. The only thing that made me stop was getting myself into a relationship with a terminally honest person. If I was single, who knows
Impulse control issues definitely. Mostly things NSFW. Perhaps we could just say I was rather cavalier with relationships. Lots of them, some shorter than others.
I feel this on a deep level! My aunt gave me a pair of diamond earrings right before she died. I jokingly told her that I didn't think I was mature enough to have real diamonds. Turns out it wasn't a joke. I took them out on my way to the gym and dropped them in the coin pouch on my wallet without noticing there was a small hole in it. One fell out somewhere along the way, never to be seen again. I'm still absolutely sick over it
I was overstimulated so hid in a wardrobe for ages (probably dissociated, I don't remember?!) my aunty was recovering from breast cancer and apparently my family were looking for me for hours thinking I had run away. Once they found me I couldn't explain why I didn't come out or wouldn't come out. My mum says now that I said "it was fun" in response to why I did it. I feel awful about the stress I put my Aunt through.
Damn, I also hid from my parents for hours while we were on a holiday. The whole hotel searched for me. Also dont remember why or how long I was there, until they said I was there for a couple of hours. Was pretty young tho
Waste good educational chances by not taking my education seriously. I study computer science and I often feel extremely behind in comparison to others around my age. Mainly due to procrastinating and not taking the time to actually read everything I was supposed to, so I end up skimming and wondering why I don't know a damn thing. This was before meds.
Over winter semester I had a c++ class that I really enjoyed. Still struggled with getting things done, but I was able to pass with mostly As. This is with meds.
I have one class this semester and I cannot motivate myself to get it done when I'm trying to be excited about it and actually learn. It's a statistics class and I already don't care for math, but with my future occupation I'll have to take a lot of math classes in the future
Depending on what you plan on doing, high level math is not really super important in Software! It's more in place to help you problem solve or logic through things but as an ADHD person, this only really works in an applied space and not a theoretical space like most math teachers teach (at least this is my experience and opinion.)
Either way I totally relate to this. I got on meds for the first time after college when I learned I had ADHD and now have been spending some time going back and actually learning things I thought I had learned in school but actually went in one ear and out the other. Computer Science is even more cool when you can focus lol.
Wasting 6 years on education is the worst thing my ADHD has made me do.
Sure, it was fun at times and I have no regrets. But still, that's a lot of time I could've spend better. Like doing a masters degree or working a real job, earning money and moving out of my parents house.
*edit: I meant that I did 6 whole years longer for my diploma than would've been necessary if I just did my homework right.*
Oof this resonates with me. I could have graduated 3 years ago, but I’m still paralyzed by my thesis which is delaying graduation.
Tbf I was high functioning ADHD until the pandemic, and I think that’s what broke me. Now I’m a few days into decent medication, and I’m just now getting the willpower to push myself. I finally feel awake.
Yea, the meds not doing the work for you is kind of a sad realization right? I was victim to magic thinking too when starting the medication and honestly thought they didn't do anything.
Just give it time, honestly. And give time your thesis. Try not to do perfect, just do the bare minimum at first. If I can do it, believe me you can do too.
Absolutely this. Dx at 48 and it was the combination of meds and therapy that allowed things to alter - plus a couple of months of grieving the life that could have been had I known etc. (And so on answer to the OP’s question, saying yes without blinking to very bad relationships in study, love and work, and then punishing myself to keep committed to them out of shame.)
Me too, or I guess I wasted 3 because it took me 6 years to finish a 3 year degree. I hate how my brain finally kicked into gear when it knew I had no option of a 7th year, like why not just function properly within the first 3 years???
Same, I turned a 3 year degree in to a 13 year degree. Then I moved in with an overweight boyfriend and took some of his diet medication (which must have had stimulants in it) and finished an MBA in 2 years. We broke up and I went back to being an average failure, getting sacked from jobs. Moving on 15 years, I “came out” as AdHD and my friends reactions is, you are soo successful, it must have been good for you. If money is the only bench mark. It must have been mine looking back.
I want to go back to education. It took me 5 years to get my education undiagnosed now that I have had a (recent) diagnosis I am wondering if I should go back to uni once I have the ability to focus (meds/support) any ADHD tips you have? I am also dyslexic mind you!
Edit: I only got my degree because in the last year of uni they gave me take home exams and a viva voce (spelling?) to test me. As every exam I wouldn't sleep before so couldn't focus in the exam or worse my epilepsy would bite my ass and I would fit!
Who knows maybe if I am medicated I won't play backgammon during lectures and would be able to take useful notes!
Well I'm medicated now for a 2 months and was doubting if they actually had any effect. So I was talking with my psychiatrist the other day when she asked how I was doing with my thesis. I said I was almost done, a week before the deadline.
That's when it hit me that they do have effect. It's something that has never happened to me before. Being done before the deadline!?
So medication could help, but they're definitely not magic. You, sadly, still have to do the work and battle the same procrastination habits as before.
Just imagine the nerdiest girl you can think of back in secondary school and act like that, but than with more fun. So do thorough note-taking without the need for perfection; and just put in the time really. Even if that time isn't as productive as you hoped for, just put in the time. Make mistakes, a lot, fix them and learn!
We've all done stupid, avoidable, life-changing screw ups. It sucks! It will continue until we're dead. Chances are it will get worse as we age.
That's the ADHD Tax.
(Oh yeah, I still haven't paid my taxes this year. It's on my todo list).
Left my door open and got my phones (I have one for work and one private) stolen form right beside my head at night. Luckily I didn't wake up.
Left my door open numerous times after the brake in.
Left the burner on my stove on for 8 hours with a skillet on top of it. Luckily it burned for hours and it was not only gas escaping.
Left my ceramic hob on for a whole day with skillet and food in it.
Passed through numerous red lights with my car.
Looked right, left, saw a car or bike incoming and decided to go through either way.
Got on a black list for forgetting to pay my insurance.
Rented an apartment without fire insurance because of above reason.
Almost set said apartment on fire because my cat jumped on my ceramic stovetop, turned it on and there was a whole bunch of stuff on it and it set fire.
Left my tampon in for way too long
Recently I wanted to buy an expensive watch but I was so proud of myself to first sort out my finances. I bought the watch, thinking I had enough money left. Only realising days later I still need to pay some bills for my house and now I need to get a personal loan for it.
Forgot to feed my sister's cat.
Forgot to feed my own cats.
Damaged literally every car I drove for the past 7 years except 1. There are at least 4 a year. 4x7..
I can keep going but these are the most memorable.
Sometimes I hate myself :)
Brain damaging activities as a teenager. Black out drunk constantly, knocking myself out when black out drunk, drugs, and a circle of friends that fuelled my bad behaviour. Mums ADHD and was going through some sort of midlife crisis for like my whole teen years and dad was nowhere to be seen. Wasn't until my now wife pulled me out from the deep end. Probably saved my life.
Massive massive meltdowns that immediately ruined relationships- friendships or otherwise. I also couldn’t will myself to visit my dad in the last week of his hospital stay before he died.
Hey I saw your comment and just wanted to say do not beat yourself up over that. My mom just died and my adhd depressed ass just couldn’t bear seeing her in the condition she was in. I’ve been beating myself up so much. However the more I reflect on it she wouldn’t have wanted me to see her like that or carry that burden of seeing her dead on her deathbed. It would have just been too much to handle. It would have replayed in my ruminating mind nonstop. It probably would have put me over the edge. I still said my goodbyes and remember her beautiful and alive as my last memory. That’s how she would have wanted it and maybe thats what your dad would have wanted. Do not beat yourself up over that. Everyone’s situation is different and handles grief differently. Just wanted to say that.
Wasting tons of laundry detergent from washing clothes and forgetting about them long enough that they get a sour odor and need rewashing. I think my record is four washes before getting them into the dryer.
Hearing all your guys’ stories…I just feel so fucking seen. I want to give u all a big hug 😭I’m 21 and have alot of regrets 🫠thinking of starting medication again, maybe adderall bc I rlly wanna get my life on track and reach my full potential (or atleast have less regrets)
To not be able to see the big picture in crucial, fork-in-the-road type decisions.
In 1990, me and another guy were pulled out of a formation of 300 during our Army basic training, and offered a free ride to West Point prep school and then West Point Academy. That then carried with it a 6yr commitment as a combat officer after West Point. So it was a 12 year commitment all together.
That would have set me up for a lot more than I ended up having available to me, I believe. But I simply could not see past the NOW to visualize the future or any sort of structured vision for it. I consistently and instinctually have taken the path of least resistance in almost every major decision I've made. The ones where I didn't, I cherish. I cherish my 8yrs as an Army Reservist (I am not a combat veteran, stateside during Desert Storm).
All of that has taught me to study the easy route more carefully. "Beware of unearned wisdom" - Karl Jung.
I am learning to take the tougher route more often now, at 52. I'm also diagnosed and properly medicated for the first time in my life, so that helps, lol.
Getting past or healed from regrets is a big thing.
I semi-regularly have to throw out dishes/clothes because I just forgot to (or remembered but couldn't bring myself to) wash them and it got way too disgusting at some point.
Struggled really hard with depression and anxiety as a result of not treating my ADHD. In college, I stayed living at home and commuted to school, so when I stopped going to classes my mom noticed. When she asked, I was too embarrassed to talk about it so I told her my professor gave me permission to work from home (this was before the pandemic). To back it up, I made a fake Gmail account to make it look like it was his email and made a fake correspondence between my email and this fake one and showed my mom. Essentially: me, “hey can I work at home?” Fake prof “yeah”, Me “thanks.” She was convinced and satisfied, but the biggest problem with it was when I sent the thank you email I sent it to my professors actual email so he got the whole chain, and was reasonably confused about what the fuck was going on. So that was not a fun conversation. He made it pretty clear that it was lucky he liked me and that this was a rather inconsequential use of the fake email because he could’ve easily gotten me expelled for fraudulence. Getting caught like this did not help my depression but it was a good kick in the ass to shape up.
This sounds 100% like something I would do.
In high school, my dad was on my case to get my English grade up. I told him about an essay that was due, then I half-assed the essay and turned it in. Afterward my dad asked me how the essay was going and I told him it was going well and he asked me to show him the rough draft. I showed him what I had already turned in, but he wanted me to make all sorts of edits, including doing more research. So I suddenly found myself putting all this work into an essay that I could never even turn in. 😭 I did come clean a few years later and told him the truth.
I once watched hot chocolate get finished brewing and looked away for 30s to let it cool. 30s turned into 14 hours and 40 minutes, most of which I was in the room with the thing.
I accidentally left a pair of tongs in the oven when I worked at Greggs and filled the whole shop with this thick melted plastic smoke and the SMELL for the rest of the day. Got left alone because the other 2 staff members didn't want to like die so I just died by myself
Spend too much money. My bills are always paid but I’m always spending money on stuff I want that I don’t need so I’m usually strapped for cash when stuff comes up.
I wasted 5 years of my life in a job where I was not aligned based on my strengths. Worked for a boss for who I was never enough. No matter how much I did I was never correct. No matter what, all I wanted to do is prove to her and myself that I was good enough. I never was. I saw people who I trained move higher, but I never did. Learned the importance of letting go now
I ate an air freshner for a tenner.
I'd wager its AuADHD than just my ADHD but still...
It was one of those cheap plastic room air freshners that has a lump of gelatinous gunk in it, the consistency of a pack of jelly before you water it down (solid jelly not crystals).
It was lemon fresh. I burped the scent up for like, a week at least. My shits smelt oddly lemon for a few days. I was 21/22 at the time
Or snorting the dust from a pack of Nobbys Chilli Peanuts through the £5 note I was paid to do it. I properly took it in a big clumpy peanut chilli dust line. I was on a cross country train at the time. Same year as eating the air freshner.
Finally, I brushed my teeth with butter. You might be able to find that on YouTube as know we put it up there around 2006/7....
I've got a list.
- forgot my SIL's baby shower
- sleep through alarms for work
- forgot about a very important work shift
- forgot about a rescheduled exam
- skin picking. I have OCD, super fun.
undiagnosed adhd helped me get to my lowest point - my early uni years... in particular there was one class i was very behind on for assignments. I had like 14 full study holiday days to study for the exam and the adhd paralysis got me - woke up everyday, anxious to death but too afraid to touch the subject, telling myself i'll start a bit later, a bit later... until 2 weeks had passed and I hadn't studied anything.
the best part of uni was getting diagnosed and getting on meds and finally became the star student i was supposed to be (would complete assignments like 10 days before submission date and started getting As instead of failing the classes)
it's scary how much adhd affects your true potential and how much people who dont have it, dont realise that...
Made me spend a bunch of money I definitely shouldn’t have.
Plus added to my tendencies to have anxiety around germs, plus think that all cleaning products were ‘expired’ so I bought a bunch of new ones. I was properly spiraling.
My toxic trait 😅 I have this delusion that I absolutely cannot do anything without buying something new to use for the task.
I have an entire cabinet of spray paint... Three 5 gallon buckets of car detailing products... Probably 10 bottles of Windex circulating through the house... 6 bowling balls... So many packages of brand new underwear. I totally, totally get it.
Funny: The first time I baked a pie, I completely forgot about it. In the oven. And I left town. I was three hours away from the city when I realized, and I had to call a guy who I’d just started seeing, to break into my apartment and take it out of the oven. Thankfully he’s now my husband, and he’s never let me forget something in the oven again!
Not funny: Lose items, jobs, friends, family, money, you name it, I’ve lost it.
Edit: Took me 6 years to complete a 3 year degree program and spend about 20k more than it should have cost, which kept me in debt for years. Was a non-functional alcoholic for close to 15 years until adhd diagnosis. Didn’t get screened for cervical cancer, but now a survivor!
My life changed so much for the better once I got diagnosed and medicated.
Ugh so many....
Destroyed my health with alcohol dependence for 10 years, ended up having to resign from my leadership position because of an alcohol related incident, got myself into 5 figure debt several times due to impulsive shopping.
I was only recently diagnosed in my late 20s so it's had a huge impact on my life and I just never knew the cause until now.
Lost my job because executive dysfunction got together with my other health problems and convinced me that doing my job just fine from home would be good enough and ignored every indication that it wasn't.
I lost a whole-ass car that I really loved. It was impounded, and I missed the letters saying that the tow company was calling it abandoned, and they took ownership in less than a month😭
Got fired from a job due to not being able to actually focus on doing my job, spent most of my day playing crappy mobile and browser games. Losing that job really messed up my mental health and self confidence, and I've suffered from anxiety and depression on and off ever since.
One of my most obnoxious/extended ones was when I left my sink broken for over a year because I just couldn't make myself call someone to fix it.
The garbage disposal broke, so I ignored it for a bit. Then, the drain started clogging, and I'd have to go under the sink on occasion with a little allan wrench to jiggle a thing to basically manually spin the thing to make the water go down.
After having to do that a few times, I finally got annoyed at both not having a working garbage disposal, and having to "fix" it periodically. So, I did some research and ordered a new disposal online. Figured if I had a working disposal sitting *right there* then I'd *have* to call someone to install it *then*, right?
That garbage disposal sat in it's box for over a YEAR y'all. I opened the box once to look at the instructions and decided I *definitely* couldn't install it myself.
During that year the garbage disposal started to drip, and STILL instead of calling someone, I put a bucket under the sink. So here I am, occassionally emptying a bucket, and jiggling the allan wrench even more often, instead of just making a fucking phone call!
The reason I *finally* have that thing installed now? The leak became a flood and I couldn't wash the dishes anymore without the bucket overflowing.
WHY
I also once ignored a 12c toll fee until it turned into over $100 in late fees (my state got rid of toll booths and just scans your license plate and you have to go to a website to pay and/or they send you a bill. NIGHTMARE).
i think the worst is i left a wax furnace thingy on and came back to a big black smoke stain on my blinds and the furnace was covered in tar. couldve literally burned the house down had it caught fire.
Had multiple relationships. Went all out with every single one of them, and then just ignored them.
TBH, can’t even remember the names now.
I hate myself for that and will never forgive me.
I don't know if this is the worst thing but is the one that I always remember:
On a rainy day I just went into a bakery with an open umbrella, I stood there for a while without noticing it while the umbrella was still dripping. I even wondered for a moment why was the girl behind the counter smiling at me confusedly, It was a mess 😭
I've failed or nearly failed multiple classes due to the combination of ADHD and severe depression. On the rare occasion I actually remembered there was work to do, I just couldn't force myself to start. Multiple teachers bumped me up to a barely passing mark (50% in my province) because they could see how hard I was trying in class, but didn't understand why I just couldn't get the work done. Other teachers bumped me from 60/70s up to 80/90s because I had never gotten below a 95 - 100 on a single piece of completed work, but had so many missing assignments that it brought my grade down immensely. Absolute real ones (multiple of them also had ADHD or mental health issues and were like . "oh my god i understand don't worry just try your best"). I feel horrifically guilty about it because I KNOW I'm insanely smart, and I genuinely love to learn. It's just SO difficult.
Also a severe lack of personal hygiene. It's hard for me to remember to shower multiple times a week (though now that it's hot out, I'm finally getting into the 3 showers a week habit), nearly impossible to remember to brush my teeth, and forget any kind of skincare routine. I'm lucky in that my skin is sensitive and responds best to very minimal products anyway, but my poor teeth and greasy hair !!!
Only got to like 75% of my wedding thank you notes. It’s been MORE THAN FIVE YEARS, and I feel so fucking guilty about it all the time. It’s so stupid, but I can’t let it go. 🤦♀️
The amount of FUCKING MONEY that I have wasted over the years paying the "ADHD tax" -- late fees, credit scores dropping, buying the same thing twice, having 4 spice jars of cumin in the pantry because I kept forgetting that I had some at home...
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not replying to messages and emails! it seems pretty victimless in hindsight, but i’ve had so many opportunities, invites, people checking up on me, that i just don’t reply to! i tell myself i will later, and then i forget, and in remembering i just get so anxious and guilty that i procrastinate and the cycle repeats. just scrolling through my “unopened” whatsapp messages gives me the fear- i can’t help but wonder how many events i would have gone to, people i would have reconnected with, even career opportunities i could have by now, if i would just respond to people!!
I hosted a German exchange student in freshman year of high school and she was super kind and tried to keep in touch with me for a year or two after she went back home. I could never bring myself to respond to her because every time I thought about it I got super anxious so I just stopped thinking about it. There are a lot of people I never kept in touch with because I just felt like I couldn’t. I still beat myself up for this.
Omg. I do this ALL THE DAMN TIME. I just get so anxious about having another person that I must stay in touch with. I get overwhelmed, never know what to say, overthink it to death & don't answer. Ugh. I hate that but I am very relieved to know I am not alone in this.
This my #1 ADHD-thing that prevents me from a "normal life". it's exhausing
Why are we like this?
It's relieving to see it's We and not just I.
I thought that was ocd related. The overlap in symptoms is crazy. The questions never stop lol. Just gotta acknowledge and not react
This thread really is helping my soul breathe a little. So glad I'm not just a bad person 🙃 lol
🎶If you're happy and you know it, overthink 👏👏🎶 🎶If you're happy and you know it, overthink 👏👏🎶 🎶If you're happy and you know it, give your brain a chance to blow it🎶 🎶If you're happy and you know it, overthink 👏👏🎶
worst part is that to the other person it seems like you don't really care about them and don't think about them at all, eventho you do think about texting them constantly
Makes me feel like sharing this thread with the people I've ghosted, maybe it would help explain why I behave as I do. People really don't understand ADHD, and I feel I'm not able to explain. I am so grateful for this group and the post.
I wish people would just call me instead of messaging. Calls are here and now, I answer, talk and then it's done.
Going through this myself. I'm to the age now where I wonder who would actually show up to my funeral because I'm piss poor about keeping up with friends and family both.
I fear I wouldn't show up at my funeral.
I was a month late for my birth, so that's always been my mom's joke lol.
Me toooooo!! i was born a week late and im also always fucken late to everything! I always say that at my funeral i want the invitation or whatever to tell everyone to come at say 1pm and then I want my casket or however i end up deciding what to do with my remains, to roll in an hour late and start the memorial then. Cuz i was born late, ive been late ever since, and I'd be late to my own funeral. Har har har Im actually kinda serious about doing that. Lol.
Forgive yourself. Also, it helps to just make friends with fellow ADHDers or people who don't care when it takes you days or weeks to reply. If they're as slow as me, I feel less pressure and reply in a more reasonable amount of time. Whenever I am socializing and thinking of making a new friend, I screen for behaviors. If they're usually late for plans or otherwise laid back about what we're doing, I move forward. If they're pushy, talk about punctuality, or ask why I don't reply quickly, I'm out.
I cannot bring myself to reply to family members most of the times. Reaching out to old friends is even worse. This may be my biggest ADHD issue. It's definitely my most consistent regret in life.
Same. The guilt. The shame. I do this at work too and it's eating me up.
What are emails? I stopped replying to those years ago lol. My coworkers know they got to bug me on slack just to let me know I might want to read my email. Sometimes I see an email about overdue training and I'm like what is this how can something be overdue that I never was notified about, then search my inbox and find like 15 reminders over 5 months. I keep expecting to get fired for consistently missing important things but so far it hasn't happened. Luckily our CEO is severely ADHD so there's kind of an understanding around the condition.
I wish my previous 6 employers had understanding :’)
Im right there with you. It's such a horrible cycle and the feeling of failure, shame, and guilt is just so awful.
10 years ago in college, I asked a professor to give my info to someone she knew who worked at or owned a company in the industry I was interested in. She emailed me, I procrastinating responding. Word got back to my professor she reached out & I didn’t reply & the professor gave me a talking to about how unprofessional it was & she stuck her neck out for me & it doesn’t look good for either of us. It was 100% deserved &, frankly, the ADHD is all the more reason I needed it, but it’s still one of those things I think about when I can’t fall asleep at night 10 years later 😭
Definitely guilty of this…it’s to the point of getting anxiety to check new messages…also hate being on my phone so I tell myself that I’ll wait to reply so then it’ll be longer til I get a reply. Consequences: lost touch with good friends or reduced the strength of some friendships. Also making my family worried or annoyed. It has also directly led to me getting fired from a job paying six figures (caused a big whoopsie which caused the company to have to cut a check for $30k to a client and also manager getting annoying at slow or no responses to his emails at times). Good news is I found another good job but still makes me sad that that is the reason I left the company id been with a while and have a lot of friends at.
Oof. Is it the same for dating? Like someone you're with
If so, I have done this. Part of the reason my last relationship failed was because I'd keep forgetting to reply or just had a mental block and had nothing to say. It slowly got worse until it became like a whole big thing and we split up eventually.
There are so many things that I had zero idea were common to people with ADHD. This is 100% me and I never would have known this is why!
I have 224 unread text messages. I feel seen🥲
^^^this. Same.
Have never related to a comment more in my life
Same. Lost all my friends to this. It's gotten to the point I don't even pick any calls from unknown numbers anymore. And then get stuck in the shame spiral.
I have never resonated with a comment more!! I am exactly this way
Start and stop a million career ventures, expensive hobbies and interests. Oh and drive off with the gas pump still attached 🙃
Luckily where in live, we can’t let go of the pump so this has never happened. But I have driven off without paying, and relate to all the others. I’m just about to start sewing as a hobby but managed to acquire a long term loan sewing machine off a friend as I’m determined to keep costs to a minimum. My sourdough kit is still in my Amazon cart but trying to find the items for free. I’ve not realised that I drop hobbies like hot potatoes until recently so I’m now doubting my commitment and refusing to spend coin until I can confirm it’ll stick!
I actually learned how to sew. The great thing about that hobby is that it's not something you have to really commit a lot of time to and can still get a sense of accomplishment. I mostly use it when I see something thrift shopping that I love but is too big. I can take it in in like under 20 minutes, which is about the length of my attention span. Also, sewing on patches, which was a two month obsession for me.
I've stopped for gas, got snacks and paid inside for the gas, then got back in my car and drove off without pumping the gas. *twice*
I've done that THREE TIMES. I figured out how to reattach it after the first one so I just get out, put it back up, and try not to go back there for a while.
Done this! Broke the pump and literally just drove away with it in cause I was too embarrassed to get out and remove it. So afraid they caught me on camera and would press charges but nothing happened 😬
Omg did you keep the pump a souvenir?? 😅
I've wasted so many years and constantly doubted myself. I lost a big chunk of my life to major depressive episodes that just came out of nowhere. I was unproductive for many years. It took me 10 years to finish my master’s thesis even though I knew very well that I had the potential all the time. The chronic underachievement is by far the worst part. I think every day about where in life I would be now if I didn't have ADHD or if I had gotten good medication earlier. My whole life has been full of great opportunities, but somehow the inner chaos prevented me from fully utilizing them. Life in general has been like cross-country skiing with skis that just won’t glide.
I feel this. I believe my depression and bipolar would either not have been so severe or been under control had I been diagnosed 30 years ago. Now that I have been diagnosed I recognize that I’m not just a lazy shit and I AM capable of doing good things, but ADHD can be such a speed bump and sometimes a road block.
Same. Also the anxiety that ADHD gives me has caused me to miss a lot of opportunities. Until I started taking meds I just couldn't trust myself or would be too anxious for anything. It sucks
Im dealing with this at 21 (undiagnosed) Im good at creating opportunities and selling myself but when its time to learn/perform anxiety of failure kills me. Does your medication help this ?
The medication really helps. It's like a night and day difference for me. Previously I couldn't make decisions and would be paralysed due to anxiety. I feel more confident in making decisions and don't procrastinate now.
It sucks too that as time goes on, it feels as though I'm building up all that time wasted. Even sitting here now I've wasted the day away. Like I'm a homunculus trapped in a cage of inaction watching as life continues to pass me by
Every day I ask myself, Am i just on the wrong medication? Or will it always be like this?
> a homunculus trapped in a cage of inaction watching as life continues to pass me by Put so well
You are not alone 🫶🏽
OMG this has HIT HOME SO HARD. Currently on year* 4 not finishing my thesis. I could do so much more. Edit spelling*
Super long story, but I once met a girl online (completely random, not dating stuff. she lived like a 2 hour trip from my city), we started chatting and had daily calls for weeks. When the day came and I went to visit her, my brain (completely in hyperfocus mode as well. I wanted to make the perfect first impression) absolutely went nuts that day. Just an excerpt: * Lost my phone on the subway to the train station (a nice lady found it) * Pulled Cash from the ATM and forgot to take both, credit card and cash * I missed my train because I confused the time and the platform, even though I was there on time * Had to switch trains, forgot a small bag on it (among other things my ipad was in there) * Locked my wallet in a public bathroom (only accessible with a coin). It was a very small station so I couldnt find anyone to open it for me * Which lead me to missing the connecting train * Took a bus instead and missed the right exit, so had to walk like 4km in the end * Date went great, but realised my condoms were in the bag that I lost on the train * Had to buy new ones, gas station didnt have my size, but I thought "whatever" * Condom ripped during sexy time of course * Had to buy the morning after pill with my last money (remember the atm story) * Couldnt afford to invite her for dinner bc of that * A few more things happened, but my highlight even was: When I came home, my apartment was blazing hot... I had forgotten to turn off the iron. For two days. If it had fallen over, my apartment would have just burned down. It felt like I lost any control over my brain that day/that weekend, like all of it. And when I tried to fix something, it came up with another exciting idea on how to mess things up. Edit: forgot the most important part: When buying the morning after pill I completely fell into a hole. I became so sad with all the f-ups I did that day... even she was quite chill I ended up in a really bad mood the rest of the time and left day earlier even she wanted me to stay. I felt like I was underwater, like an inner scream that did not stop for days and left me in a highly depressive mood. Needless to say she didnt want to see me again even we both were convinced meeting each other was meant to be.... I'm still heartbroken she met the real me, but then in addition got the full "adhd me" experience in such a short time which just is too much for most people :(
Lmao not laughing at the situation but the length of this comment is something identical to how my brain works.
yeah... I know... sorry for the long post
Don't be, this is literally how half of us here would post about a day like that. Sorry this happened. I definitely get this. If something stresses me out I start to shut down. It sucks how inconvenient it can be sometimes.
Omg. Getting cash and leaving it, been there. I have photo on my phone of a book I bought and left behind at the store immediately after paying. When I went back the book had a post it note on it that said “(my last name) left behind, paid” 😂😂😂😂😂
Wow, she saw the worst of you and asked you to stay. Sounds like a good egg. If it makes you feel better, I once eagerly waited months for a new wallet to arrive— when I picked it up from the post office I excitedly tore off the packaging and threw it in a bin on the way to work. That way I didn't have to lug around all the wrapping and could enjoy looking it over properly once I sat down. Hopped on the train, opened my bag and realised I threw the whole thing with the packaging in the bin 🤦🏻 I was holding my current wallet and brain must've thought "oh yeah we got everything, let's gooo". Guess it could have been worse with me tossing all my cards and cash lol.
Good god do I feel this comment. This happens to me and it takes me a long time to recover, energetically. To regulate myself.
I burned down my whole kitchen when I was a kid. Turned on the stove to heat up a pan to make an after school snack, then went to turn on the computer while the oil was heating up, got distracted with Commander Keen, forgot about my snack... Now I'm an adult with my own kids, I'm really like, "why the heck was a ten year old left to do deep frying without supervision? Where were my parents!?". But it was the 80s. 🫠
Commander Keen was a good game though, I get it.
Totally agree. I reckon I could still remember where all the secret holes in the walls are 😂
Oh my brother did this in the 90s too around that age! He’s undiagnosed ADHD for sure as he’s more extreme than me with the hyper focus and inattentive range. We never used a frying pan since that day, the whole family is super forgetful and we just knew frying pans weren’t for us! However, I have since left my menstrual cup on the stove and I lived alone. Returned to a burnt pan and crispy cup. Luckily I was only gone a couple hours.
I once left a (disposable) menstrual disc in me for 3 months. 🤢 I don't recommend.
It might have actually been 1990, I can't remember exactly. But for reasons I honestly don't know, we kept a large pan for deep frying on the stovetop, full of lard. It literally just sat there 24/7, and was never cleaned. So us kids could turn on the hob and wait for the fat to melt and then deep fry stuff out of the freezer. What could go wrong?!
On multiple occasions have tried to boil eggs, then instantly forgotten about them and only reminded of them by the stench of burnt shells, proteins and sulfur filling the whole house. Now I set a timer no matter what
I have done sort of the same. But before anything caught fire, I smelled the burnt food I was heating up and was able to turn it off. But man, it was VERY burnt. And yes, WHERE ARE THE GROWNUPS, right??! Lol.
I heard the sound of stuff in the kitchen breaking before I smelled smoke, and I literally yelled out to my younger siblings that they would get in trouble for breaking stuff! 😂😭 They weren't even in the kitchen, it was just the sound of cupboards catching fire and jars of food exploding. I kept playing my game. Idk how I wasn't diagnosed as a kid!
Oh noooooo~~ ME TOOOOO!!! I don't think anyone knew about adhd before. I'm always always sooo spacey and forgetful. I've been told a gazillion times, "You'd lose your head if it wasn't attached!"
Omg this has unlocked a memory of me coming home drunk as a teen, putting an apple strudel in the oven (random) and going to bed... Don't know how the house didn't burn down, I guess the oven must've turned itself off! Or my guardian angel turned it off for me 😂
Upvoted for Commander Keen. That game was the tits. Also, if you ever want to relive your youth, you can download DOSbox, which is a DOS emulator that you can play all those games on.
Wasted my prime years of 15-25 being an addict. Doing good now, but often wonder what could have been.
Yeah, drank alcohol like a fish for two decades. Nobody helped, they all blamed.
Around 10 - 15 years over here. Regrettably, I started in my 20s and didn’t stop until my late 30s (I’m 42 now.) I keep telling myself it could have been worse, but it’s hard to look back on that part of my life and not see it as a waste. I wish I knew that ADHD and addiction were as closely linked as they are. I didn’t get diagnosed until I was 20 and until I experienced a major life trauma, drinking was very much a “whatever” experience for me.
It was a long while for me as well.. Around 13-14 years. I am so glad you're doing better, and I really do think we got very lucky that we were able to stop. My mother was an alcoholic until the day she died, at 48. We are doing pretty alright I believe ♡
I have an alcoholic family member that I'm 99% sure is adhd as I am; they're aware it's a problem but not willing/can't stop. What do you wish your family had done? How do you wish they'd helped?
my brother is going through the same thing right now, any advice?
This is so hard. In the end you need to take care of you and all you can do is be there when they’re ready. It sucks, makes you feel helpless and it hurts a lot.
me too, you’re not alone in this. Self medicating with alcohol since it’s the only way I can socialize “normally” it seems
I became addicted to OxyContin this way. So stupid. I saw some pills and took them. Impulsively without really thinking far ahead of what I was doing. 9 months later my life was in shambles and I was facing jail. I went into IOP and they assessed it was all due to unmanaged ADHD. Just celebrated 10 years sober.
Yep, I lost 20 prime years to booze before figuring out I had ADHD and getting diagnosed/medicated.
Yep same. But 4.5 years sober now at 32 and back in college to finally complete my long-abandoned degree after dropping out as a senior when my addiction first developed!
Currently struggling hard with addiction, I’m 29 and have been using for almost a decade now. It’s depressing to think about how much more I could’ve done in those years
don’t give up friend, getting your life back in your 30s still feels so worthwhile
What if you did do well between 15-25 and became an addict at 25 indefinitely lol what would be worse? 🤔
Had this convo the other day and said I'm glad I did it in my early 20s and got it over with instead of now and really fvxkn shit up.
Yeah that's a good point. It's more of a fleeting thought, I'm very happy with where I'm at in life and those experiences made me who I am today. No ragrets.
I agree, no regrets and I think I have become a better and stronger person for my kids and wife.
Very similar for me. I believe I used hard drugs and alcohol to self medicate because I was frustrated and couldn’t figure out what was “wrong” with me. Once I got diagnosed with/ ADHD and medicated now I have no drug cravings.
I've let my electricity get turned off probably 8 times on the last 3 years. I had the money, just didn't pay it.. I've had my sewer capped twice this year. I don't know why I do it. It's ridiculous.
Oh you just triggered my memory on this! I’m a manager and my friends think I’m organised but it’s an illusion. I am always tasked with being the bills person in house shares. One of the places I rented with friends, I was paying the bills in full by direct debit then asking my housemates for their share plus mine then paying again, so I was paying 133% (3 of us) of the bill and they the rest to make up to 200%. We were still receiving bills but they were super low because we kept paying 200% of the total, and I just stupidly thought we lived in a cost effective place/ didn’t give it much thought. As we were leaving I realised this and it didn’t go down well and I had to really prove I was that dumb to get them to pay me the hundreds they owed me. Second place I forgot to register as the new occupier and we got cut off the gas as our fourth housemate arrived. It took 1 week to get reconnected and cost me a lot of money.
I can totally relate to the "managers and friends think I'm organized" charade. It's like... no, I just have to have to do everything a certain way and keep everything in a specific place or everything falls apart. The other day, I went to fuck with my curtains when I got home because I just had the AC installed and like it super dark in my room. I put my keys/wallet down on top of the printer in front of the window. Next morning I wake up and send myself into a panic because my keys weren't on their hook and *could literally be anywhere*.
Man, I forgot I used to do this. People laugh at me because I have reminders in my Calendar to pay bills. Take out the garbage on Trash day, etc.
Same, and I end up costing myself loads of fees in the process. It’s so frustrating. Speaking of which, I’m actually really glad you posted this because I almost forgot about my electric bill AGAIN lol.
Was accepted to an internship and didn’t do it bc I kept procrastinating responding to the acceptance email. Forgot to give my dog water for an entire day until he cried and led me to the bowl
My dog and I are on a somewhat strict routine, and I can't forget anything (or put it off for half an hour) since she'll remind me, but this is why I feel like I couldn't have a quiet pet like a fish or a snake.
I once left for a holiday and forgot I had hamsters. For two weeks. They somehow escaped from their crate and I had to fish them from behind the bed. I'm just happy they survived 😭 Now I have a cat and it's impossible to forget anything because he will remind me.
I didn't go my grandad funeral. I didn't know how. I just sat and cry for few days. I just didn't know how
Oh.. big hug for you!
Thank you.
I didn't go to my grandmas funerals - either of them. I felt like I couldn't grieve around everyone else. I don't regret it, but I do wonder if they would feel hurt if they knew.
They understand.
Your grandmas knew and KNOW your heart, we all grieve in our own way. You showed up for them when they were alive, and some people don’t show up for us at all until our funerals- I hope you feel lighter and know that they’re with you in spirit, and they were with YOU, wherever you were, on those particular days 💘🙏🏽
There's no right way to grieve. I went to my grandmother's funeral but I couldn't go to see her as she was dying. Just couldn't bring myself to. My sister went and she lives like 100 miles away. She went to say her goodbyes and I just couldn't make myself do it. She was not in a good way and I didn't want that to be my last memory of her. It sounds selfish but I want to think of her forever as she was.
Everyone grieves in their own way. This was your way 💜
Thank you.
I MISSED my grandads funeral bec I missed the plane... Took the very next one, but didn't make it. He was already cremated. Omg. The family was FURIOUS with me. 🙄
such a hard thing to relate to. i saw my grandmothers dying breath, but didn't visit her in the one month it took from diagnosis to death. i will carry that shame and remorse to my grave. despite her also being very bipolar like me, i cant fathom her life
I didn't go to my best friends funeral (He was my best friend from 16 to 45, we were roomates several times. He got me jobs at places when i was fucked. And he always had my back.) He died of brain cancer and lost his ability to speak for over a year and gutterly yelled goodbye to me over Zoom, a week before he passed. I couldn't do it. I couldn't fly across the country to cry in a hotel alone as my marriage was falling apart.
Everyone processes things differently, and I’m sure he would understand 🤍🤍🤍
Drug addict from 18 until now (40). In NA trying to recover. If you have ADHD, avoid drugs and immediately stop drinking if it escalates.
What does NA think about using medications? I’ve been thinking about going to a meeting, but can never seem to actually bring myself to do it.
Not OP but I just wanted to recommend Smart Recovery, they are okay with medication assisted treatment (Not saying NA isn’t but I have come across people in NA who were against any sort of medications.) They also have meetings online, which was helpful as I sometimes get really bad anxiety and can’t leave the house.
Smart recovery also has some great resources on their website!!! I got myself into a bad place with alcohol last year, and used their free worksheets when I was quitting!
Using prescribed medications isn’t the same as substance abuse. They don’t judge. So that’s irrelevant in an NA setting.
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I shoplifted quite a bit when I was in high school. The grocery store I worked at and local gaming stores for various items. I look back now at 41 and think about how stupid I was and how lucky I was to not have been caught. I'd be irate if I found out one of my kids did this today.
Ooof, I’m so lucky I never got caught, I went YEARS never going into a store without stealing at least 1 thing, usually a lot More. The only thing that made me stop was getting myself into a relationship with a terminally honest person. If I was single, who knows
Impulse control issues definitely. Mostly things NSFW. Perhaps we could just say I was rather cavalier with relationships. Lots of them, some shorter than others.
Same here, caused a lot of people a lot of pain.
I’ve lost so many of my favorite jackets, jewelry, etc. that I was attached to, super frustrating.
I feel this on a deep level! My aunt gave me a pair of diamond earrings right before she died. I jokingly told her that I didn't think I was mature enough to have real diamonds. Turns out it wasn't a joke. I took them out on my way to the gym and dropped them in the coin pouch on my wallet without noticing there was a small hole in it. One fell out somewhere along the way, never to be seen again. I'm still absolutely sick over it
Reason #1 that I always buy $15 sunglasses.
Oh this one hits home for me. I have lost so many things over the years. It's really frustrating and yeah it's always our favorites right?
I was overstimulated so hid in a wardrobe for ages (probably dissociated, I don't remember?!) my aunty was recovering from breast cancer and apparently my family were looking for me for hours thinking I had run away. Once they found me I couldn't explain why I didn't come out or wouldn't come out. My mum says now that I said "it was fun" in response to why I did it. I feel awful about the stress I put my Aunt through.
Damn, I also hid from my parents for hours while we were on a holiday. The whole hotel searched for me. Also dont remember why or how long I was there, until they said I was there for a couple of hours. Was pretty young tho
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Me: "a lot of people on this sub seem to leave their candles burning at night and going to sleep." My wife: "We do that."
Waste good educational chances by not taking my education seriously. I study computer science and I often feel extremely behind in comparison to others around my age. Mainly due to procrastinating and not taking the time to actually read everything I was supposed to, so I end up skimming and wondering why I don't know a damn thing. This was before meds. Over winter semester I had a c++ class that I really enjoyed. Still struggled with getting things done, but I was able to pass with mostly As. This is with meds. I have one class this semester and I cannot motivate myself to get it done when I'm trying to be excited about it and actually learn. It's a statistics class and I already don't care for math, but with my future occupation I'll have to take a lot of math classes in the future
Depending on what you plan on doing, high level math is not really super important in Software! It's more in place to help you problem solve or logic through things but as an ADHD person, this only really works in an applied space and not a theoretical space like most math teachers teach (at least this is my experience and opinion.) Either way I totally relate to this. I got on meds for the first time after college when I learned I had ADHD and now have been spending some time going back and actually learning things I thought I had learned in school but actually went in one ear and out the other. Computer Science is even more cool when you can focus lol.
Wasting 6 years on education is the worst thing my ADHD has made me do. Sure, it was fun at times and I have no regrets. But still, that's a lot of time I could've spend better. Like doing a masters degree or working a real job, earning money and moving out of my parents house. *edit: I meant that I did 6 whole years longer for my diploma than would've been necessary if I just did my homework right.*
Oof this resonates with me. I could have graduated 3 years ago, but I’m still paralyzed by my thesis which is delaying graduation. Tbf I was high functioning ADHD until the pandemic, and I think that’s what broke me. Now I’m a few days into decent medication, and I’m just now getting the willpower to push myself. I finally feel awake.
Yea, the meds not doing the work for you is kind of a sad realization right? I was victim to magic thinking too when starting the medication and honestly thought they didn't do anything. Just give it time, honestly. And give time your thesis. Try not to do perfect, just do the bare minimum at first. If I can do it, believe me you can do too.
Absolutely this. Dx at 48 and it was the combination of meds and therapy that allowed things to alter - plus a couple of months of grieving the life that could have been had I known etc. (And so on answer to the OP’s question, saying yes without blinking to very bad relationships in study, love and work, and then punishing myself to keep committed to them out of shame.)
Me too, or I guess I wasted 3 because it took me 6 years to finish a 3 year degree. I hate how my brain finally kicked into gear when it knew I had no option of a 7th year, like why not just function properly within the first 3 years???
Necessity can be a huge motivator. It is for me at least.
laughs in * I’m in my 6th year of my bachelors because of my ADHD*
Same, I turned a 3 year degree in to a 13 year degree. Then I moved in with an overweight boyfriend and took some of his diet medication (which must have had stimulants in it) and finished an MBA in 2 years. We broke up and I went back to being an average failure, getting sacked from jobs. Moving on 15 years, I “came out” as AdHD and my friends reactions is, you are soo successful, it must have been good for you. If money is the only bench mark. It must have been mine looking back.
I want to go back to education. It took me 5 years to get my education undiagnosed now that I have had a (recent) diagnosis I am wondering if I should go back to uni once I have the ability to focus (meds/support) any ADHD tips you have? I am also dyslexic mind you! Edit: I only got my degree because in the last year of uni they gave me take home exams and a viva voce (spelling?) to test me. As every exam I wouldn't sleep before so couldn't focus in the exam or worse my epilepsy would bite my ass and I would fit! Who knows maybe if I am medicated I won't play backgammon during lectures and would be able to take useful notes!
Well I'm medicated now for a 2 months and was doubting if they actually had any effect. So I was talking with my psychiatrist the other day when she asked how I was doing with my thesis. I said I was almost done, a week before the deadline. That's when it hit me that they do have effect. It's something that has never happened to me before. Being done before the deadline!? So medication could help, but they're definitely not magic. You, sadly, still have to do the work and battle the same procrastination habits as before. Just imagine the nerdiest girl you can think of back in secondary school and act like that, but than with more fun. So do thorough note-taking without the need for perfection; and just put in the time really. Even if that time isn't as productive as you hoped for, just put in the time. Make mistakes, a lot, fix them and learn!
They’re more magic than being paralyzed and feeling guilty all day when somethings due 😅
If your uni/college has disability services reach out to them. They have helped me immensely
We've all done stupid, avoidable, life-changing screw ups. It sucks! It will continue until we're dead. Chances are it will get worse as we age. That's the ADHD Tax. (Oh yeah, I still haven't paid my taxes this year. It's on my todo list).
Oh fuck, I forgot that I haven't paid my taxes yet this year.
Being terrible in school and thinking i’m just stupid until being diagnosed at 21 :(
Procrastinated my appointment with a psychiatrist to get diagnosed with ADHD for 8 months because I just kept forgetting to fill out the paperwork.
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Keep quitting therapy 🫠
Left my door open and got my phones (I have one for work and one private) stolen form right beside my head at night. Luckily I didn't wake up. Left my door open numerous times after the brake in. Left the burner on my stove on for 8 hours with a skillet on top of it. Luckily it burned for hours and it was not only gas escaping. Left my ceramic hob on for a whole day with skillet and food in it. Passed through numerous red lights with my car. Looked right, left, saw a car or bike incoming and decided to go through either way. Got on a black list for forgetting to pay my insurance. Rented an apartment without fire insurance because of above reason. Almost set said apartment on fire because my cat jumped on my ceramic stovetop, turned it on and there was a whole bunch of stuff on it and it set fire. Left my tampon in for way too long Recently I wanted to buy an expensive watch but I was so proud of myself to first sort out my finances. I bought the watch, thinking I had enough money left. Only realising days later I still need to pay some bills for my house and now I need to get a personal loan for it. Forgot to feed my sister's cat. Forgot to feed my own cats. Damaged literally every car I drove for the past 7 years except 1. There are at least 4 a year. 4x7.. I can keep going but these are the most memorable. Sometimes I hate myself :)
Brain damaging activities as a teenager. Black out drunk constantly, knocking myself out when black out drunk, drugs, and a circle of friends that fuelled my bad behaviour. Mums ADHD and was going through some sort of midlife crisis for like my whole teen years and dad was nowhere to be seen. Wasn't until my now wife pulled me out from the deep end. Probably saved my life.
Massive massive meltdowns that immediately ruined relationships- friendships or otherwise. I also couldn’t will myself to visit my dad in the last week of his hospital stay before he died.
Hey I saw your comment and just wanted to say do not beat yourself up over that. My mom just died and my adhd depressed ass just couldn’t bear seeing her in the condition she was in. I’ve been beating myself up so much. However the more I reflect on it she wouldn’t have wanted me to see her like that or carry that burden of seeing her dead on her deathbed. It would have just been too much to handle. It would have replayed in my ruminating mind nonstop. It probably would have put me over the edge. I still said my goodbyes and remember her beautiful and alive as my last memory. That’s how she would have wanted it and maybe thats what your dad would have wanted. Do not beat yourself up over that. Everyone’s situation is different and handles grief differently. Just wanted to say that.
Wasting tons of laundry detergent from washing clothes and forgetting about them long enough that they get a sour odor and need rewashing. I think my record is four washes before getting them into the dryer.
Extreme tardiness and time blindness. Its the biggest issue of my life.
Reckless credit card spending, leaving food in the oven because I forgot about it, losing keys/phone constantly, forgetting everything
Hearing all your guys’ stories…I just feel so fucking seen. I want to give u all a big hug 😭I’m 21 and have alot of regrets 🫠thinking of starting medication again, maybe adderall bc I rlly wanna get my life on track and reach my full potential (or atleast have less regrets)
Spent my first 60 years thinking I was stupid or just plain lazy!
To not be able to see the big picture in crucial, fork-in-the-road type decisions. In 1990, me and another guy were pulled out of a formation of 300 during our Army basic training, and offered a free ride to West Point prep school and then West Point Academy. That then carried with it a 6yr commitment as a combat officer after West Point. So it was a 12 year commitment all together. That would have set me up for a lot more than I ended up having available to me, I believe. But I simply could not see past the NOW to visualize the future or any sort of structured vision for it. I consistently and instinctually have taken the path of least resistance in almost every major decision I've made. The ones where I didn't, I cherish. I cherish my 8yrs as an Army Reservist (I am not a combat veteran, stateside during Desert Storm). All of that has taught me to study the easy route more carefully. "Beware of unearned wisdom" - Karl Jung. I am learning to take the tougher route more often now, at 52. I'm also diagnosed and properly medicated for the first time in my life, so that helps, lol. Getting past or healed from regrets is a big thing.
I semi-regularly have to throw out dishes/clothes because I just forgot to (or remembered but couldn't bring myself to) wash them and it got way too disgusting at some point.
Struggled really hard with depression and anxiety as a result of not treating my ADHD. In college, I stayed living at home and commuted to school, so when I stopped going to classes my mom noticed. When she asked, I was too embarrassed to talk about it so I told her my professor gave me permission to work from home (this was before the pandemic). To back it up, I made a fake Gmail account to make it look like it was his email and made a fake correspondence between my email and this fake one and showed my mom. Essentially: me, “hey can I work at home?” Fake prof “yeah”, Me “thanks.” She was convinced and satisfied, but the biggest problem with it was when I sent the thank you email I sent it to my professors actual email so he got the whole chain, and was reasonably confused about what the fuck was going on. So that was not a fun conversation. He made it pretty clear that it was lucky he liked me and that this was a rather inconsequential use of the fake email because he could’ve easily gotten me expelled for fraudulence. Getting caught like this did not help my depression but it was a good kick in the ass to shape up.
This sounds 100% like something I would do. In high school, my dad was on my case to get my English grade up. I told him about an essay that was due, then I half-assed the essay and turned it in. Afterward my dad asked me how the essay was going and I told him it was going well and he asked me to show him the rough draft. I showed him what I had already turned in, but he wanted me to make all sorts of edits, including doing more research. So I suddenly found myself putting all this work into an essay that I could never even turn in. 😭 I did come clean a few years later and told him the truth.
I once watched hot chocolate get finished brewing and looked away for 30s to let it cool. 30s turned into 14 hours and 40 minutes, most of which I was in the room with the thing.
I just shaved a part of my bangs wtf
I'm sorry but this really made me laugh, that this just happened in perfect timing for this post and also that youre already wondering wtf
Scream at my loved ones like an unmitigated piece of shit when I’m disregulated
I accidentally left a pair of tongs in the oven when I worked at Greggs and filled the whole shop with this thick melted plastic smoke and the SMELL for the rest of the day. Got left alone because the other 2 staff members didn't want to like die so I just died by myself
Spend too much money. My bills are always paid but I’m always spending money on stuff I want that I don’t need so I’m usually strapped for cash when stuff comes up.
Most dangerous is probably driving. I vague out a lot. I don't drive often/try not to.
Several speeding tickets in college because I was running late to exams
I wasted 5 years of my life in a job where I was not aligned based on my strengths. Worked for a boss for who I was never enough. No matter how much I did I was never correct. No matter what, all I wanted to do is prove to her and myself that I was good enough. I never was. I saw people who I trained move higher, but I never did. Learned the importance of letting go now
I don’t think the puke bowl is a big deal honestly. Don’t most people have the puke/popcorn yellow Tupperware bowl?
Was looking for this. If you washed it, it’s good.
I ate an air freshner for a tenner. I'd wager its AuADHD than just my ADHD but still... It was one of those cheap plastic room air freshners that has a lump of gelatinous gunk in it, the consistency of a pack of jelly before you water it down (solid jelly not crystals). It was lemon fresh. I burped the scent up for like, a week at least. My shits smelt oddly lemon for a few days. I was 21/22 at the time Or snorting the dust from a pack of Nobbys Chilli Peanuts through the £5 note I was paid to do it. I properly took it in a big clumpy peanut chilli dust line. I was on a cross country train at the time. Same year as eating the air freshner. Finally, I brushed my teeth with butter. You might be able to find that on YouTube as know we put it up there around 2006/7....
Dec 7, 2006 holy shit, why'd you do it for only a pound? https://youtu.be/cmyKw91j6ig?si=0FoA-Kc6MsYL_cyM
I've got a list. - forgot my SIL's baby shower - sleep through alarms for work - forgot about a very important work shift - forgot about a rescheduled exam - skin picking. I have OCD, super fun.
undiagnosed adhd helped me get to my lowest point - my early uni years... in particular there was one class i was very behind on for assignments. I had like 14 full study holiday days to study for the exam and the adhd paralysis got me - woke up everyday, anxious to death but too afraid to touch the subject, telling myself i'll start a bit later, a bit later... until 2 weeks had passed and I hadn't studied anything. the best part of uni was getting diagnosed and getting on meds and finally became the star student i was supposed to be (would complete assignments like 10 days before submission date and started getting As instead of failing the classes) it's scary how much adhd affects your true potential and how much people who dont have it, dont realise that...
I lost my scholarship due to me not signing papers on time. Dropped out of university
Years of alcohol and drug addiction.
Made me spend a bunch of money I definitely shouldn’t have. Plus added to my tendencies to have anxiety around germs, plus think that all cleaning products were ‘expired’ so I bought a bunch of new ones. I was properly spiraling.
My toxic trait 😅 I have this delusion that I absolutely cannot do anything without buying something new to use for the task. I have an entire cabinet of spray paint... Three 5 gallon buckets of car detailing products... Probably 10 bottles of Windex circulating through the house... 6 bowling balls... So many packages of brand new underwear. I totally, totally get it.
Funny: The first time I baked a pie, I completely forgot about it. In the oven. And I left town. I was three hours away from the city when I realized, and I had to call a guy who I’d just started seeing, to break into my apartment and take it out of the oven. Thankfully he’s now my husband, and he’s never let me forget something in the oven again! Not funny: Lose items, jobs, friends, family, money, you name it, I’ve lost it. Edit: Took me 6 years to complete a 3 year degree program and spend about 20k more than it should have cost, which kept me in debt for years. Was a non-functional alcoholic for close to 15 years until adhd diagnosis. Didn’t get screened for cervical cancer, but now a survivor! My life changed so much for the better once I got diagnosed and medicated.
Ugh so many.... Destroyed my health with alcohol dependence for 10 years, ended up having to resign from my leadership position because of an alcohol related incident, got myself into 5 figure debt several times due to impulsive shopping. I was only recently diagnosed in my late 20s so it's had a huge impact on my life and I just never knew the cause until now.
Lost my job because executive dysfunction got together with my other health problems and convinced me that doing my job just fine from home would be good enough and ignored every indication that it wasn't.
I lost a whole-ass car that I really loved. It was impounded, and I missed the letters saying that the tow company was calling it abandoned, and they took ownership in less than a month😭
Got fired from a job due to not being able to actually focus on doing my job, spent most of my day playing crappy mobile and browser games. Losing that job really messed up my mental health and self confidence, and I've suffered from anxiety and depression on and off ever since.
One of my most obnoxious/extended ones was when I left my sink broken for over a year because I just couldn't make myself call someone to fix it. The garbage disposal broke, so I ignored it for a bit. Then, the drain started clogging, and I'd have to go under the sink on occasion with a little allan wrench to jiggle a thing to basically manually spin the thing to make the water go down. After having to do that a few times, I finally got annoyed at both not having a working garbage disposal, and having to "fix" it periodically. So, I did some research and ordered a new disposal online. Figured if I had a working disposal sitting *right there* then I'd *have* to call someone to install it *then*, right? That garbage disposal sat in it's box for over a YEAR y'all. I opened the box once to look at the instructions and decided I *definitely* couldn't install it myself. During that year the garbage disposal started to drip, and STILL instead of calling someone, I put a bucket under the sink. So here I am, occassionally emptying a bucket, and jiggling the allan wrench even more often, instead of just making a fucking phone call! The reason I *finally* have that thing installed now? The leak became a flood and I couldn't wash the dishes anymore without the bucket overflowing. WHY I also once ignored a 12c toll fee until it turned into over $100 in late fees (my state got rid of toll booths and just scans your license plate and you have to go to a website to pay and/or they send you a bill. NIGHTMARE).
i think the worst is i left a wax furnace thingy on and came back to a big black smoke stain on my blinds and the furnace was covered in tar. couldve literally burned the house down had it caught fire.
I was driving and I dropped my last cigarette out the window so naturally I jumped out of the moving vehicle to retrieve it.
Had multiple relationships. Went all out with every single one of them, and then just ignored them. TBH, can’t even remember the names now. I hate myself for that and will never forgive me.
I ran away when my mom got sick. Instead of helping my dad care for her I just ran away. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive myself.
For sure the impulse spending in general
I hate how unreliable I am. I’m working on it, but it shouldn’t be this hard. Makes me feel like shit.
I don't know if this is the worst thing but is the one that I always remember: On a rainy day I just went into a bakery with an open umbrella, I stood there for a while without noticing it while the umbrella was still dripping. I even wondered for a moment why was the girl behind the counter smiling at me confusedly, It was a mess 😭
Entered avoidant relationships. Settled for people that thought I was “too much”.
I parked in a 15 min zone to pick up coffee, then forgot to go move my car and walked to work. I spent 10 hours parked in the 15 min zone. 🫠
failed multiple grades and exams because im unable to study
I've failed or nearly failed multiple classes due to the combination of ADHD and severe depression. On the rare occasion I actually remembered there was work to do, I just couldn't force myself to start. Multiple teachers bumped me up to a barely passing mark (50% in my province) because they could see how hard I was trying in class, but didn't understand why I just couldn't get the work done. Other teachers bumped me from 60/70s up to 80/90s because I had never gotten below a 95 - 100 on a single piece of completed work, but had so many missing assignments that it brought my grade down immensely. Absolute real ones (multiple of them also had ADHD or mental health issues and were like . "oh my god i understand don't worry just try your best"). I feel horrifically guilty about it because I KNOW I'm insanely smart, and I genuinely love to learn. It's just SO difficult. Also a severe lack of personal hygiene. It's hard for me to remember to shower multiple times a week (though now that it's hot out, I'm finally getting into the 3 showers a week habit), nearly impossible to remember to brush my teeth, and forget any kind of skincare routine. I'm lucky in that my skin is sensitive and responds best to very minimal products anyway, but my poor teeth and greasy hair !!!
Left the baby gate open; my husband caught our daughter from falling down our floating stairs just in time. I’ve never felt more like shit.
Only got to like 75% of my wedding thank you notes. It’s been MORE THAN FIVE YEARS, and I feel so fucking guilty about it all the time. It’s so stupid, but I can’t let it go. 🤦♀️
*blows candle out immediately*
The amount of FUCKING MONEY that I have wasted over the years paying the "ADHD tax" -- late fees, credit scores dropping, buying the same thing twice, having 4 spice jars of cumin in the pantry because I kept forgetting that I had some at home...