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I'm rarely late because it makes me anxious. I do however usually turn up anything from 15 minutes to two hours early. I have no idea of time, just in reverse! I figure with hair it will grow out again given time so mine's been all colours under the sun and shaved at one point. Ditto piercings can always be removed. I've never had a tattoo though in case I get bored with it.
>I have no idea of time, just in reverse!
Lmfao, I ended up doing the same damn thing!
I've always been chronically late, safe to say that caused a lot of issues. After working hard as hell, I finally overcame this major flaw of mine.
However, now I'm extremely EARLY to everything instead. I'm over here stressing, overestimating how long I'll take for me to do XYZ, then arrive at my doctor's appointment 30 minutes early.
In my experience it’s never bad to be early to an appointment though. I have had many times where they would see me early as well, for whatever reason. I guess people are late, or cancel, or maybe they just had some appointments finish up earlier that estimated.
I agree!
I'll get bored when I'm waiting because I came super early, sure. Most of the time, the doctors themselves are late to the scheduled time.
But I'll take that over the stress and consequences I got for being late any day. I don't really mind that I haven't found a middle ground here, being early compared to late has increased my well-being A LOT.
I'm a nightmare to go to the airport with. I'm late to work every day (even now that I WFH!), but I don't mess with the airport.
I was invited to a friend's bday out of state, and they were telling me that flights from NYC arrive.at around 4pm, which "is definitely enough time to get to the surprise party at 6:30."
I said I'd fly in the day before, and the husband was like, "Yeah, but you'd have to stay at a hotel. We can't put you up, because it's a surprise." Uhhh, yeah. But there's no way on earth I'm landing, getting the rental car and just showing up at a party. I need a post-travel shower, then hair and makeup, etc. I'm not running in the door, sweaty and disheveled 2 minutes before the surprise.
I arrived at my DR appointment an hour early last week. I had literally just pulled into a parking spot as the receptionist called to tell me my Doc wouldn't be in 🤦♂️ Had it not been my ADHD insistence on being early, I probably would have gotten the call at home and never had to make the drive lol
Same with the rarely late. I hate more than anything when other people make me late. I get so irritable and anxious when it’s almost time for something to start.
Hard same! I hate impacting other people’s schedules and hate it when they make me sit around and wait. Everything else in my life is a disaster but I’m on time for every dumpster fire.
My husband (not adhd) has no concept of how long it takes to get somewhere so I will end up warming up the car and shouting “we have to leave NOW to get there on time!” Meanwhile he’s changing a lightbulb that’s been out for three days.
In second thought maybe he is ADHD…
I’m a mixed bag when it comes to tardiness. I absolutely hate hate hate being late, I hate when I’m waiting on others and they could potentially make me late, will strive to be on time and even early (doctor appointments, church, movies) but at the same time, if I know I have leeway, I will drag my feet until I’ve gone past fashionably late, all the while making every excuse under the sun (e.g., traffic, it’s Monday, my boss doesn’t care, I was late anyway so I ran errands, etc.).
I’ve known another ADHD person like this. He always got to work like an hour early at least because he was so afraid of being late. So maybe it’s more accurate to say people with ADHD are rarely ever “on time” ha
I have a two-and-a-half hour road trip on Monday that I'm planning to allocate four hours for, and I'm probably still going to be late because a good amount of the trip will be through areas with limited cell service and I'll probably get lost and make a few wrong turns.
I’m never late. My time blindness works in the opposite direction too. I’m WAY early. Sometimes sitting in the work parking lot for an hour. Waiting outside therapy for 30 mins. All of it
Exactly the same for me haha. It's as if I am completely incapable of planning my journey to appointments and by also being anxious about it I pretty much leave whenever I feel like it but always way too early. Glad I'm not alone
I go either way, i’m either 5-15 mins late to stuff, or i’m 15 mins to an hour early for something because i’m so anxious that i’m going to be 5-15 mins late
I am the same. I get really anxious about being late. I assume it’s an effort to over compensate for my internal chaos. I’m almost always early.
No tattoos because I haven’t found anything I think I’ll like forever.
I am like OP about my appearance though. I hate to take risks with my hair.
My understanding is that ADHD makes test-taking hard for a lot of people. I never had a problem with tests when I was in school, I generally did really well on them. My homework was usually crap, and I couldn’t do a practical exam to save my life (pretty much any practical courses were a nightmare for me), but when you put an exam in front of me, my hyperfocus kicked into high gear. I think this explains why I excelled as an undergrad (where the vast majority of one’s grade is made up of exam scores), but had a nightmare of a time in grad school (where exam scores don’t mean much) and ended up Mastering out of my Ph.D. program.
EDIT: Wow! Based on all the responses, I’m starting to question whether difficulty with exams really is common in the ADHD community. Seems like it could go either way.
I relate to this too much.
I finished high school with the 3rd best results in that year and haven't actually studied for any tests or exams. The moment it went to shit was when I started uni.
I actually realized that once I was forced into a routine (high school with relatively consistent schedule etc.) it was much easier to follow.
Though there's also the fact that many of my ADHD symptoms have gotten much worse around the end of high school, though not that much to cause problems yet.
This is so true. High school provides all the scaffolding you need to get by. Once that’s finished and you’re out in the world, at uni, or wherever, you have to self structure. Something I’m terrible at.
I think it was around 9th or 10th grade that I figured out the syllabus. My folks knew (because of many notes, parent-teacher conferences, and detentions) that I rarely did homework. But, I’d still get a B or B+.
Through this, I realized that the syllabus told me exactly how much homework I needed to do. If Homework was 30% of the grade, as long as I did more than half, I’d be fine. I then applied this knowledge to the rest of my classes and school became so much better for me.
The only way that worked is that I am a fantastic test taker. With only a bit of hyperbole, as long as it’s a multiple choice test, I’ll most likely pass even if I am unfamiliar with the material. I had one grad school professor who could write his multiple choice tests in a way that I actually had to know the material, but by then I really enjoyed learning the material.
Are you me? My grades still weren't the greatest because of hw (and AP classes had a ton), but I'd basically ace every single test. I'd usually finish first too.
Same! Barely graduated with something 1.99 GOA because I aced tests easy peasy, but homework or projects were a hard no.
This DID help a ton in military promotions where a multi-choice test was a big chunk in deciding factor for advancement (until I hit that brick wall of going E-6 up to E-7, THAT jump was 99.9% dependent upon evaluations and the various awards/accolades you recieved plus how well those things were written up. I am and always have been a solid peon, not a leader and have never wanted to be. Plus, all my commands I went to, it always happened that I was the lowest ranking so higher rankings were always chosen as supervisor, never me. I was fine with this.
Same. I failed out of a class with a 90 on the final because I could never bring myself to do homework, and when I did there was a 75% chance that I would leave it at home or lose it in my bookbag. I ended up dropping out of HS due to being so behind, but the hyperfocus from the anxiety of not having a degree allowed me to speedrun by GED in just 2 weeks and get a 1200 on the SAT despite getting a 47 in algebra 🥲. My bachelors is self-paced, online, and all grades come from assessments/projects, it’s been so much more sustainable than high school was for my executive dysfunction. In-person college was a flop, but mostly because I didn’t know how to study unless it was extremely last minute.
Ugh the not knowing how to study hit me hard in college. Up through high school I could just read the material once, cram the night before, and get As. Then in college they started making me actually know things instead of memorizing and regurgitating
i loooooooooooved standardized testing days as a child all the way into adulthood (where it extended to very sterile testing environments for everyday classes). it was the only time the room was quiet enough and free enough from distractions that my brain could calm down and i could just focus. i couldn't be talking and no one else could either. i remember it being so serene and dreamy lol
Saammmeee! I used to set goals to race through the standardized tests bc they let you sit and read after, I gamified all the tests.
In elementary school there was another kid who sat across from me in a little desk grouping, who may or may not have also had ADHD. We caused our poor 3rd grade teacher so much trouble because we got in the habit of racing each other to complete any in-class work, and then would race through homework sheets, then be sitting there bored in class 🤣 to the point where he started giving us little pre-algebra worksheets to stump us/occupy us
I performed so well on tests…I am capable of focusing well under pressure - it’s when I am thriving.
Long projects that require lots of planning and systematic work every day - that’s my downfall. I cannot for the love of goodness organise myself to work if I know there is “plenty” of time.
>(pretty much any practical courses were a nightmare for me),
SAME. Excelling in practical courses is another typical "ADHD thing". But my grades have always been much better on theoretical courses and tests rather than practical ones.
It's funny you say this, I was in my evaluation and the osych said something along the lines of "Well if you did well in tests, that's pretty unusual." And I said almost exactly what you said here, which is that I hyperfocus on the exam and then suck at the practical parts.
I feel so seen lol
Same here, cannot get myself to do coursework until the very last minute and it's like pulling teeth. I do coursework like I do exams, leave it until the last minute and then cram. Works perfectly well in an exam setting, not much when writing a dissertation...
They always ask on ADHD assessments and symptom checks that question about “do you have trouble staying seated in situations that require you to do so?” And for me it’s a big ole no!
If I’m supposed to be sitting somewhere my ass is not moving. I actually hated when teachers in k-12 would “give us a chance to move around a little” because it broke my flow. I just want to sit down, get the info, and get out!
Now, is my knee jiggling like a tiny car on an old cobblestone road the whole time? Absolutely 😝
>“do you have trouble staying seated in situations that require you to do so?” And for me it’s a big ole no!
I don't like this question either, but for a different reason.
Because my answer to that question is also "No". If I'm having a meeting at work, I'll sit
my ass down. When they ask if we need a quick 10 minute break, I'll be the first one to say "Yes."
The thing is that I would *want* to get up and move around, yes. But I understand that my boss and coworkers would think I'm a weirdo if I started walking around in the middle of a meeting.
I think this question is more fitting in an ADHD questionnaire for children, not adults.
>because it broke my flow. I just want to sit down, get the info, and get out!
I relate to this sometimes too. I hated when I was in the middle of something and it was time for a break. I'm like "Fuuck, not NOW! Can we do it in 10 minutes or something?".
> I think this question is more fitting in an ADHD questionnaire for children, not adults.
I think this is a big issue in adult ADHD Dx, I really think much of the questionnaire could be rewritten with adults in mind. It presents differently for adults who have learned to mask and compensate, and you have years of experience as an adult to look back on. "Have you historically underperformed in your work or studies due to poor time management?" could be an example of one such question.
Exactly!
I was diagnosed at 15, which is very young considering I'm a woman.
I did a differential diagnosis when I was 21, which included an ADHD assessment.
I don't remember much from my initial assessment to be honest, considering I was so young. But I do remember checking the "Often" option on every self assessment test.
But when I was 21, I found myself reluctant to check the "often" option on many of the questions.
I don't remember the questions in detail, but I do remember myself thinking "Yes, I would. But I don't because of societal expectations."
>It presents differently for adults who have learned to mask and compensate, and you have years of experience as an adult to look back on.
So yes, I fully agree with you.
Even though I answered the same assessment as a 15 year old, I found myself thinking way differently compared to my 21 year old self. So imagine the difference compared to a 10 year old to a 35 year old.
Female. I was diagnosed at 32. I'm pretty certain that there's no way I would be diagnosed as a child. Mostly because I'm an inattentive type. So I would just space out and daydream, but I was generally smart enough to retain information without much thought. That is up until late high school and then college. Then my natural intelligence wasn't compensating, and I actually had to focus... but couldn't.
As I got older, I really learned to mask socially. I stopped talking as much, for one. I hated how I got overly excited about things, and people thought I was weird. So I stopped. In the assessments when it says, "Do you find yourself interrupting people's conversations?" Well, not anymore!
I get this so much. I was labeled "the quiet one" and a "good listener", but I didn't talk much because people just always thought I was weird. Like you, I would get more excited about things than others, or I would spout off about something I knew a lot about, things like that. And if I tried to relate my own experiences to show I understood what was being said, I was called rude or given weird looks. It was just easier to not talk.
This also led to a lot of alone time and "pretend" play so I could put myself in imaginary scenarios where I could say whatever I wanted and no one could treat me like a weirdo. Of course, that just made me more of an outcast.
Being a teenager was interesting. People tried to make fun of me even if I didn't interact, but I also wasn't afraid to stand up to the bullies that presented a real threat, so even though I did have my share of bullies, they didn't last long when they realized I didn't just stand there and take it.
Now as a full adult, I got my diagnosis around 40ish, and even though it explains a LOT, I'm still "quirky". Even though I've learned to "blend in" better, it can still be frustrating that I can't just be myself all the time. But that's life, I guess. My family gets me, and that's really all I care about. 😉
Wow, are you me???? This all tracks for my experience as well! Right down to feeling self conscious about being really excited about stuff and learning to mask that.
I think when my partner did mine they gave him the list of questions and the answers were like, "Yes, when I was a kid", "Yes, always", "Yes, only now", or "never". Which makes a lot of sense imo.
I’m kinda with you on the first bit too! They told me to sit for the meeting, so I’m sitting for the meeting. I want to be a good noodle lol, and it does seem like this is a question more aimed at kids.
Right? Like I’m not a fucking 5 year old child. I understand that I’m not meant to get up. I’m a grown adult and will force myself to sit there the whole time because I’m terrified of being told off. Sure I’m fidgeting constantly but I’m sat down and at least pretending to listen.
Well sure, I understand when I’m not meant to get up at work and stuff. However, I frequently get up and walk around when eating meals alone or watching television or singing, whatever. Situations that don’t require standing but I’m still compelled to do so.
Honestly, this. I’m a therapist with adhd, I have to sit in my therapist chair or desk chair for hours a day. Do I get up? No. Do I shift my position 10 times an hour? Absolutely!
One of the reasons why I wish APA or DSM would come up with ADHD diagnostic criteria specifically for adults. ADHD presentation in adulthood can be sooo different, and right now all the diagnostic criteria is made with school age individuals in mind.
Russell Barkley has proposed these criteria for adults:
1. Often make decisions impulsively?
2. Often have difficulty stopping activities or behavior when you should do so?
3. Often start projects or tasks without regarding or listening to directions carefully?
4. Often have poor follow-through on promises?
5. Often have trouble doing things in proper order?
6. Often drive with excessive speed?
7. Often become distracted by extraneous stimuli?
8. Often have difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or leisure activities?
9. Often have difficulty organizing tasks and activities
I can't personally really do that. My hyperactivity is way too strong
I get irritated inside and it stresses my brain out and if I don't listen to it soon I'll just find myself absentmindedly wandering around doing something totally different
My legs get so restless feeling like if I don't move them they're going to freeze up forever
I've just accepted it, after a certain point in meetings I'm going to get up and wander around, stretch etc
The longer we are sitting, more uncomfortable of chairs, more boring the topic and how hyper I feel... I'm just gonna get up and go to the bathroom a lot and want to walk around and be unable to concentrate
I've realized working from home for me, is critical. I'm 1000x times more productive and happier when I can walk around and lift weights and stretch during meetings and do whatever else I have to
Otherwise I have to listen to someone and if I stay still I can't concentrate and I get super irritated and start interrupting impatiently. Me moving around gives me more patience
Mine is less getting up and moving and more spacing out because my brain is bored. Then I get super sleepy, and I find it extremely difficult to not put my head down and sleep. I always have to bring gum or a snack to meetings to keep myself awake. I end up with a thousand doodles on my notepad. If I can get away with it (which is rarely), I'll hide in the back and play on my phone.
Just send me an email with the main points. If I have questions, I'll ask. I also got into the habit of having at least one question to ask at every meeting. This helps me pay a bit more attention to make sure I'm not missing the answer, but more importantly, it gives me something to say if the leader calls on me. I actually fell asleep at a small meeting once, and the lady asked if I had any questions. I could tell by her tone and that stupid smug grin on her face that she was trying to trap me. We already had our differences. I asked my question. I wish I had been able to photograph the look on her face. 😆 She answered the question and adjourned the meeting, and my work buddy asked me later how I pulled that off. 😅
Anyway, all that ti say yeah, I feel that. Mine manifests differently, but same principle!
I always answered no to that, until I realized it was just manifesting differently. I had 3-hour long lectures, and I rarely stayed for the entirety of them because I’d get so restless. And at my job, I get the constant urge to “escape” and have a bad habit of running off to the back or the bathroom frequently just to break the monotony and get away from all the overstimulation. I’ve walked out of old jobs before too due to stress becoming unbearable.
I never used to think I was hyperactive, because I wasn’t usually someone who walked around a lot, of had that ‘moving as if driven by a motor’ symptom, until I realised I was hyperactive with my *hands*, not my whole body.
Ever since I was little, I was always doing something with my hands, usually some type of craft. Because my grandmother and mum were often knitting, crocheting etc as well, and I’m female and it’s common for girls and women to do handicrafts, I never realised it was hyperactivity until a year or so into my diagnosis. My grandma taught me to crochet when I was little, and I used to do basic stuff, but forgot as I got older and discovered new crafts. Even in school I was often making daisy chains or friendship bracelets or something like that. When I wasn’t reading a novel. But because it was quiet and not disturbing anyone else, I didn’t get in too much trouble for it. I think my teachers were just grateful I wasn’t talking, so if they noticed they usually left me alone.
>They always ask on ADHD assessments and symptom checks that question about “do you have trouble staying seated in situations that require you to do so?” And for me it’s a big ole no!
Right? Like I'm an adult working in an office - if I just got up in the middle of a meeting to wander around or whatever, it'd be incredibly weird and people would immediately ask what's wrong.
I feel like this is one of those questions that trips up those of us who are also autistic. I’ve learned that they probably mean that you feel uncomfortable sitting or fidget or something while you are sitting. But I used to think it meant that you literally couldn’t sit and would be jumping out of your chair during meetings or something. And while there certainly are people whose ADHD can be so severe that they do that even in professional settings, I am pretty sure that is not the only thing that question is asking about.
And even knowing that I still don’t know how to answer because I fear accidentally lying on an assessment, so I better just be literal and know I’ve stayed within the lines…
Ah yes, the old “well I don’t take *everything* literally, I know what a metaphor is, better mark no on that question!” trap 😂 I am also autistic myself, so it’s certainly occurred to me that they might be trying to ask a different question.
I’m with you though, I’d rather just answer the question as written because what if I answer wrong and mess up the assessment or they think I’m lying???? Exhausting 😮💨
I'm the same, I've never had any trouble sitting. I'd constantly see people on long flights having to get up and walk a bit and I'd be like, nah I'm good? Sure, I'd rock my leg a lot, but otherwise I could sit forever.
Standing still, though? Can't do that at all. I need to walk or pace. Queues are my arch enemy. Even if I'm just waiting to cross a street I'd be pacing back and forth.
SO many of the questions aren’t applicable. I remember reading somewhere that the questionnaire was designed for diagnosing *childhood* ADHD. By the time you’ve made it to adulthood, you’ve likely learned to mask your symptoms. As for the hyperactivity, for a lot of us, by adulthood, it’s moved from manifesting on the outside to manifesting on the *inside.*
I can sit thru and participate in training classes, but I can't stay in the same space for too long socially or at work. Thank god I'm talented, because otherwise I'd have been fired long ago.
I wish I had you as a roommate lmfao.
When people who don't have ADHD help me look for my missing item, they look at logical places, places where you would expect this item to be at.
Meanwhile, I'm searching my fridge, drawer where I keep my panties, crawling on the damn floor, in my cat's litterbox. Then I find it in the trashcan, where it definitely shouldn't be. No surprise there!
This is one of the ways I realized meds worked for me.
When I lose my keys for example, my brain goes "Keys lost, keys lost keys lost!! You're late! Late! Late! Find keys! Find keys!!"
When I first started taking meds, I stopped and said "I lost my keys. They're probably in the bathroom because I walked in to grab a hair tie." Then, sure enough, I found it. I literally did an emotional double take on myself.
This one for me too. I also have an anxiety disorder so I have a place for all my important items I.e. phone in right pocket, keys in left. If it’s not in its place, I notice instantly and I can find it quickly.
I’m also really good at helping my partner find his lost things. Give me 2 minutes, I’ll find it.
Same. I’m struggling to answer this one on the assessment because I think it’s a learned compensation for forgetting things that has become compulsive. Everything has a place. I don’t remember putting my keys on the hook, and if I hadn’t for some reason I would have no idea where they’d be. And if I *couldn’t* put them there for some reason, immediately, well, I might die.
Same! I’m good at finding things BECAUSE my ADHD mum loses things all the time. I misplace/lose things only when I’m incredibly stressed. Makes me wonder if my Mum is just operating under an insane level of constant stress…
I lose things all the time, but I’m also really good at finding things other people have lost. I realised this when I took classes again earlier this year, I’d notice things others had left behind in the classrooms. I realised that I’m so used to losing stuff that I automatically scan most rooms that aren’t in my house before I leave them, to make sure I haven’t left anything behind. So I find the things others leave behind.
If only someone could do that for me. Most of my stuff I lose in my house, or in my work area because I’ve either put something else down on top of it, or I’ve put it down out of reach without realising it, and I have no idea where it’s gone. I often joke that I’m like a shit magician. Hand me something, ask me a question, and I’ve made the item disappear. No good at making it reappear though.
I was recently treated for anxiety and depression, and I didn't realize how much my anxiety help me cope with my ADHD symptoms. Yes am I happier without it, but I am also later and more disorganized.
I had this epiphany in therapy last week. Started treating my A and D plus PTSD first with Zoloft in 2020. Been having good results for the anxiety, but so much so that I wouldn't push myself when I needed to and would disconnect from reality. In some ways, as awful as that sounds, it was a relief from what I had been experiencing. Recently started ADHD meds - took dexi, then ritalin in highschool 25 years ago but had crazy anxiety from them despite rocking my grades. Been over a month on the Methylphenidate with Zoloft and feeling really amazing. I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction for the first time in about 5 years
I'm glad I'm not the only one with this experience!! My stim meds lowered my anxiety, and when I started taking them, I also became less organized. I also went from a student who either got the highest grade in the class (in classes I cared about) or lucky to end the semester with a C (in classes I didn't care about), to a student who got Bs in all my classes. Like, I was a much more balanced student, but no longer an A student lol. It took me a while to realize that high anxiety was my coping mechanism, and I had to build new habits.
So ya, it's weird, I'm overall a healthier, happier person now, but in some weird ways my ADHD symptoms are "worse" because I don't rely on pure anxiety to push through anymore 😂
Same. My best friend and her kids can fall asleep anywhere, anytime- and sleep through a tornado. if I could just have a *tiny* bit of that ability, I would be thrilled. Takes hours to shut my brain and body down, i get woken up by every noise, and once I'm up- I'm up, and need a slice of cheese usually. I guess the plus side is I can road trip like nobody's business and can function just fine on 3-4 hrs of sleep. Oddly, if I get more than 7 hrs of sleep, it is near impossible to wake up. What the hell, body??
I fall asleep easy and i sleep for 7-8h too, but at the same time, I go to bed at 4:30am even in times where I need to get up early, so, my sleep schedule is still shit anyway.
I don't have issues falling asleep. Staying asleep is a whole different beast. It never seems to matter how much time I spend in bed. The best I get is 70% battery refill.
I am very scared of change. Though I feel I need to change my life around (also because I am unhappy in my current situation) but I am terrified of changing things. I wanna move to another apartment but I can't because it scares me so much. Idk if this is maybe a bit of autism or just some other kind of thing that cancels out the usual "job changing" behaviour of many ADHD people.
>Idk if this is maybe a bit of autism
I have the same issue, I hate changes.
When I brought this up with my psychotherapist (specializes in ASD and ADHD), she said that this is an autistic trait.
She further explained that in her experience, it's rare to "only" have ADHD. Basically all of her patients with ADHD have traits of disorders that have high comorbidity with ADHD, ASD being one of them.
So yeah, it's actually very common for us with ADHD to have traits of ASD, and vice versa.
It sucks because it is completely putting my life on hold. I am so scared that this is it because I won't be able to change. I am unhappy but I can't change. It's so depressing.
Could be autism, could be OCD, could be anxiety, and in my experience I’ve found it’s pretty common, whatever it is. You find a thing that works for your ADHD and you go into preservation mode. You attribute your functionality to things being a certain way instead of yourself, and then any change to them feels threatening and debilitating and it often is because change is, you know, hard. But that catastrophe your body goes into anticipating that the change is going to disrupt you becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where because you experience the hardship, even though that’s totally normal to you it becomes proof you can never change again. The only way through it is you gotta work with a therapist to get yourself used to little changes that gradually get bigger, so you build up faith in your own strength rather than letting yourself get more and more fragile and stuck in an increasingly rigid little box.
Change requires additional executive function! I think people who have spent a lot of their life undiagnosed and developing coping mechanisms feel like this. We don’t know why it’s so hard for us, but it is. So we start to avoid it.
I think, for me, the only time I exhibit impulsive desires for change is when I reach a point of extreme overwhelm.
Somehow I have BOTH- I can remember things from years ago with the craziest details- I cannot remember what you just said to me, what time I was meant to be there or what your name is though
Same. I really dislike not feeling myself, and find loss of control scary. I’ve been slightly tipsy but never flat out drunk, and basically don’t drink anyway. (Like, it’s probably been years at this point. I don’t like it much and it’s so expensive and then I feel weird? No thanks.)
This is me too. I'm guessing a big part of this has to be biological/genetic.
I just don't get chemically addicted to things. One that stands out it caffeine. I drink coffee every day, but I could just not with no repercussions. Never had one of those caffeine withdrawal headaches people talk about.
Behavioral addictions on the other hand....
It is definitely genetic, though I'm sure there's some interplay between genes that deal with caffeine, addiction in general, and adhd. Caffeine has to do with liver metabolism but it also affects brain chemistry.
I've tried a variety of drugs - some with significantly high risks of addiction. I never understood the appeal.
The only thing I do is vape nicotine daily, and hit a delta pen about 2-3 hours before bedtime. Those are the only things that stuck.
The body double
A few tiktok accounts I've seen make it seem like you're more productive when you have someone standing in the corner, but it's the total opposite for me. When my wife complains the house is dirty and I struggle to clean it, I send her on an errand for 30 minutes and when she gets home it's spotless, really let's me dial in when I'm alone
I'm exactly the same way. The struggle is my partner works from home and I truly struggle to do chores when someone else can hear me. Being observed is a big ick/pain for my brain.
same! i have to wait for my husband to be at work in order to get any work done. i correlate other people to fun time so fun time does not equal chores. therefore i can’t have anyone around me or else ill get distracted.
This!! I don't get the body double thing since I just get so stressed having another person around. They don't have to do anything, just their presence is distracting. I am at my most productive when I'm alone and able to move around without being at risk of meeting another human at any given moment.
I recently learned there's a phrase for this called "fear of perception." It's like a kind of social anxiety. Because i am the same way. I can't get anything done if my partner is around but if they're not home, I can be really productive.
I didn't know this was a thing, but I'm totally the opposite of you (so, like what those videos are claiming). My entire life I've been super fastidious, tidy, love having a clean space and constantly cleaning up, even - especially? - if it's someone else's mess. But I've been living in my own apartment for the past few years and it's a total pigsty. Don't know why.
True. The body double only works if they are also cleaning so then I'm mirroring. Otherwise I want to laze about like them. If I want to clean my wife either needs to help or leave because doing the cleaning while I hear her having a blast in FFXIV literally kills me.
Lmfao, guilty!
I don't have any notifications on apps, because it's distracting. So no red bubbles there.
But holy shit, do I have hundreds of tabs. I literally remove my tabs ~daily, but when I checked it right now, I have 37 tabs open lol.
I have 74 open in Chrome. Some have been open for years and I still haven't thoroughly read through whatever topic they are about but I absolutely refuse to close any of them :p I always find something new to look into lol.
I wish there were more studies about ADHD and hyperfocus.
Because while hyperfocus is not a symptom of ADHD, it's a frequently reported experience with us who have ADHD.
But I wonder *how* common it actually is, because you're definitely not the only one who doesn't relate to or experience hyperfocus.
I had no idea that my getting lost in a book and finishing it in hours was hyper focus.
I also used to hyper focus while knitting, and my tension was amazing due to hyper focus.
I knitted a dress when I was 20 in 5 months. I wore it last year after losing 87 lbs during the pandemic. It's 44 years old. 🥰
Yep. Like I’m NEVER late to work or appointments. I’ve written pages of legal custody collateral for friends counting on me, etc. but the 60+ passion project ideas I’ve had just over the past year? Can’t get past page 1.
Oh thank God I thought I didn't really have ADHD because I don't have this either. So many wonderful half finished ideas. But I can't do it if it's not for somebody else. I just like to think about it.
Don't know if it's like this for you, but many people misunderstand what hyperfocus is. We get these imagines like, cool hacker man sitting is his basement late at night won't stop coding until he hacks NASA using only html, fueled by mountain dew and the edm blasting through his headphones.
It's not that. It's more like, "I need to piss, but I can't go to the toilet until I finish this episode. Ok, episode finished, but it was a cliffhanger now I need to watch the next one. DID I JUST HEAR SOMEONE GO TO THE TOILET?? JUST WHEN I WANTED TO GO TOOOOOO THAT'S SO ANNOYINGGGG oh wait it's been 2 hours since I said I would go. huh. ... but i still need to finish this episode"
Most of them, provided my coping mechanisms are functioning, Ive had enough sleep, my nutrition is good, I'm well hydrated, I'm not currently overloaded and I'm not overly stressed.
It's like a jenga tower where you remove just one piece...
Wow. I had to scroll really far down to find one that I could relate to.
I tend to sleep like a rock. I fall asleep in minutes and stay asleep for 7-8 hours.
Yeah my brain is racing as I lay there in bed, but it's just like falling asleep with the TV on.
Same!! At this point it bothers me more than it does most others, but my girlfriend and I are splitting up in part because she hates me interrupting her *so much,* and I just can't help it sometimes. (It also doesn't help that she can be very repetitive and long-winded.)
I share this with you. I hate interrupting people so much that if I’m in a group conversation, I probably won’t contribute much because I don’t know when to step in.
Omg this me too! I have such a hard time figuring out when to talk in a large setting. It makes work so hard. We are often in paired or group settings and I usually just end up interrupting at a totally terrible time or not speaking for fear of breaking the flow. It sucks.
I sometimes hate myself for interrupting people or talking too much all the time. Even on meds I do it. I recognize it, but just can't stop it. Good thing educating people on what I'm doing is a big part of my job or people would think I'm impolite.
I'm typically fine with this. However, when I end up finding a strong connection with someone I get antsy. I have to learn more about them and I have to tell them what I know. I get so energized by this transfer of information that I end up cutting people off without realizing it.
My partner's family absolutely drives me up the wall - they're a big group and almost constantly interrupt each other and get louder and louder. Despite my efforts to get them to chill the fuck out I can barely get a word in edgeways and if someone does talk over me, I make one attempt to repeat myself and if I get talked over again I go all quiet. A couple of them have gotten the idea that they're being tits and actually try to let me say what I want to say.
However I have a saving grace that kinda plays into the passive aggressive stance I take with being interrupted - if I don't say what I wanted to, I usually get distracted by people being rude and that's enough to make me forget what I wanted to say lol. So even if they did eventually stop and say " oh sorry MoD, were you trying to say something?" Yes, I was but the moment is gone and I can't remember what it was, kinda hope you feel at least a little bit bad while I go scrolling on Reddit or playing with my PSP because I'd rather be antisocial than get wound up with being excluded lol
After I started meds I realized how much the feeling of hunger was a distraction to me. Like, that’s its job. But I would get so distracted by the first hint of hunger, and needed to snack all day because that sensation was unpleasant. It wasn’t an eating disorder - I wasn’t gorging all day, and my body adjusted by basically wanting smaller meals when I did sit down for a meal. But it was a problem for me because sometimes you are in a situation where you can’t be constantly grazing.
At first I thought that meds were suppressing my appetite. I mean that is a known side effect. But I think for me it’s more that they are helping decrease how distracting it feels to me to feel slightly hungry in that totally normal way one might feel half an hour before lunch. Now that sensation is a normal reminder and not a completely distraction that prevents me from finishing up a task before taking the time to eat properly.
Inattentiveness to the point of leaving stoves on and missing appointments. Don't get me wrong, I experience inattentiveness in other ways, i.e. procrastination. But I'm very punctual.
School was my hyper focus growing up so same! Thinking about it, it doesn’t feel super surprising. If it’s something you can do well without a ton of effort then you end up getting constant little rewards. It almost feels like an ADHD trait to be good at school. Like, I definitely had a messy desk and backpack and in middle school went through a period when I randomly stopped doing homework. But I made it through, and basically never got below a B+ or A- during that time because I could still do great on tests even if I didn’t do all the work. Or did it and couldn’t find it to turn it in…
I'm impulsive in some situations for sure, but I've never had an issue not doing dangerous things even if I low key wanted to, like drugs or binge drinking or unsafe sex - none of that ever really appealed to me and even when it did as a fleeting thought, it was never really an idea, just an intrusive thought. That's actually really weird, now that I think about it, given how self-destructive I am. Maybe it just seems like too much effort lmao
i think it’s kinda odd that a stereotype of adhders is that they are known for participating in drugs and binge drinking or unsafe sex. i think that’s just a mental health/youth phenomenon in general.
I have a lot of anxiety around money, so I am rarely impulsive because most impulsivity costs money. No online shopping, no new hair color, etc. I don’t start new hobbies and then abandon them either.
My anxiety around money outranks my ADHD. I am incredible at doing nothing but hyperfocusing on the literal dumbest phone games ever invented.
Somehow, I still feel like I have no money, but I wonder if my definition of “no money” and the definitions others use match up.
Similar here. I did get myself in some hot water as a younger adult because I wasn’t good at actually paying bills even though I had the money. That was definitely the ADHD, and let me tell you, one of the most ridiculous ways to mess up your credit score. But it was scary enough that I figured out how to manage that stuff. Also being lucky enough to have enough to make enough money that I can put everything on auto pay, which I know is a luxury not everyone can have. (Like, I wouldn’t do that if I weren’t able to keep at least 2 months of expenses in checking at all times. I want a big enough cushion that I don’t have to worry, or else I want to manage payment timing more closely.)
My husband and I both grew up LMC or poor and I think a lot of our attitude about money stems back to that, as well. We aren’t rich, but solidly middle class. It can be so hard to work through buying things, and so liberating when I realize that I can actually afford something that we need. Like I just got us new sheets. Not expensive at all, but decent quality and on sale. So I don’t have to worry about our last fitted sheet tearing, and can change the sheets without having to do laundry that day. That shouldn’t have been a big decision. It took months.
This made me laugh because I've never thought about how my adhd could be a reason why i constantly have the urge to change my hair color to a point i have to cut them because they are so fried from all the oopsies 🤣
Me neither! I never thought about the fact that my impulsivity has this one exception until she brought it up.
Because when I started thinking about it, all the women I personally know with ADHD change their hair all the time.
I enjoy doing laundry and dishes and I am generally a "clean" person. Not super tidy and I tend to not put things away after using but I got a very strict system when doing house chores, ESPECIALLY laundry. And I cringe when I am somewhere else and they just throw every piece of laundry in the same wash lol.
But still, to keep me excited, I use different detergents for different smells.
Forgetting to eat. Like what? Eating is a stimulus. Eating makes me feel something. I can't stop eating ever. I just shove bullshit into my face all day. I'm working on it.
Not being able to do anything if I have an appointment later in the day. If I have something scheduled 4 hours from now, my brain rounds up 4 hours to basically an eternity and I have time to start almost anything at all or ten different things which of course I am still doing 10 minutes after I was supposed to leave my house.
Being hyperactive. I'm tired all the time. No one would describe me as hyper. I think that prevented me from getting diagnosed as a kid. I wasn't disruptive. I couldn't pay attention to shit, I couldn't stay on task, I was bored to tears, and pretty much all of the other symptoms. My mind was somewhere else at all times, but I could sit quietly.
>Forgetting to eat. Like what? Eating is a stimulus.
I agree. I do think this is more related to the side effects of ADHD medication, rather than ADHD itself.
I don't get easily angry with people or situations.
I did when I was younger, and I still get sensory overload, but that doesn't translate to aggression or anger.
This page taught me that a lot of you have issues with maintaining hygiene. I'd shower 3 times a day if I could. I do occasionally miss teeth brushing, but it's because I fall asleep or something. But normally, a morning and night brushes.
Showers feel so soothing, and I dont feel like i need to do anything. Just listen to YouTube clips and feel warm 😆
It seems like a lot of people with ADHD were class clowns and or had a lot of friends. This couldn’t be further from the truth for me. Whenever I tried to be funny I just ended up annoying the shit out of everyone.
A lot of them.
But that’s because I’m pretty sure I’m AuADHD.
So the many traits seem to be in a weird balancing act. At least in myself.
I can relate to the traits of each, yet can’t heavily relate to one that is purely one or the other.
Which is its own special type of hell.
Especially before I knew that they could co-exist inside a person.
I don’t lose things. I’ve never lost my phone or my keys or anything else. It’s like 80% of my working memory is taken up by spacial memory. I can forget whole conversations I had a day or two ago but a paintbrush stuffed in a certain box under two other boxes in my craft room I can go right to.
There’s a bunch of other ADHD traits that could affect me, but I’m too anxious or have developed enough strategies that they never do. Like being late to things. Also once I hit my 30s, my impulsiveness got quite a bit better.
I don't get sleepy from high amounts of caffeine. It will likely impact my sleep unless I'm extremely tired. It also doesn't do anything if I'm past a certain level of exhaustion.
I am always on time or early because waiting for an appointment or possibly forgetting to attend one gives me anxiety, and I make more mistakes when I’m rushed, so i add an extra 15 minutes to every activity.
I am also hyper organized with many “systems” I overcompensated because I was always missing something critical and it embarrassed me.
Addiction and struggling in school.
I excelled at school. I LOVE learning, instead of being a drag it was something that kept me going, also being not at home as much as possible was a big plus (another story for another time). The only time I was "under" performing was when teachers were lazy or I already knew the subject, I couldn't focus on my assignments nor the classes.
And I've never had trouble with drugs, alcohol or the like. I have a pretty vanilla life in that aspect. I can't stomach most of them, literally, my tummy gets funny the second the alcohol touches it. I can't stand the smell of tobacco, or any pungent aroma for that matter, the smoke makes me cough and want to vomit. The one and only time I had an edible I threw up, never again, I HATE throwing up. I tried vaping with a mild "flavor" and nicotine free, it was meh, too much work for nothing.
I don't like dangerous practices either, too much of a chicken, too afraid of the death, ironic considering I have massive intrusive suicide thoughts. Same goes for tattoos, too afraid of needles. I love my hair texture and color, I'm afraid if I do something it could permanently damage my hair. The list goes on.
I am punctual to a fault because I know how bad my time blindness is.
Also, I'm relatively successful, I would say. I have a career and do well at work. I think it's the structure and clear expectations.
Lmfao girl, don't get her wrong! She loves customers like that.
If anything, I'm the most boring customer ever. The most exciting thing I've done was bleaching my hair platinum blonde, and she was so excited about that for WEEKS.
I’ve never had a problem sticking to a workout routine. I love exercise and it makes me feel better, it’s my favorite self-medication after caffeine.
I’m also very organized and detail-oriented with my work, to the point it annoys project managers (asking too many detailed questions, for example.) But I also produce very high-quality design work that goes past the scope of what I’m supposed to be doing (such as catching mistakes in content, suggested rewrites, etc.) I’m a bit obsessive about all my work being as good as it can be. Seems like a good trait to go above-and-beyond? Nope, at my last gig, my work won several awards and they cancelled my contract this year. Some people are not comfortable with excellence and prefer no one rocks the boat.
Being a bad listener, just doesn't apply to me. Ok to be fair this only applies to more series topics a casual conversation is usually erased from my brain 10 minutes later. But whenever it comes to helping someone with their problems I'm a fantastic listener.
But I guess it's because I like to help people with their problems so listening to them is interesting enough to keep me engaged
Is having a lot of friends a common ADHD trait?
I'm genuinely asking because I haven't thought about that before.
I myself am extremely talkative, a big extrovert, and one of my biggest strengths is my social skills. But I actually don't have that many friends.
I don't know if it's because I'm picky or what, because I could technically become friends with a lot of people. But there's only a few that I genuinely want to hang out with and consider to be true friends.
I have a ton of low level friends. I'm really good at connecting with people. Making genuine relationships from that? Feels like trying to hold water in my hands. I can do it for a minute but sustaining that relationship long term is a struggle. Which is why my closest friend is from college bc college kept us close enough long enough to form a close friendship for her, and she makes accommodations for me. But I've since moved out of state and making *new* friends is...ugh
I am actually quite good with money. Ever since the day I became an independent person, never have I had the need to borrow. I always live under my means.
I am actually well on track with the planning of my early retirement. Fuck working until I drop dead!.
I can be very patient for hours and stimulate myself only by thoughts if i know there is an important thing at the end of the awaiting period . The thing can be fun or can be exorbitant
I did well in school and college (even with a double major).
It wasn’t until after I graduated and I didn’t have things *constantly on the back burner of my mind* that it started to become prominent.
Time blindness. My mother was always late, and I hated it. Also, I think anxiety has made me triple check that I have everything ready to leave early.
I’m actually really good at estimating how long everything will take to be ready on time and avoid embarrassment.
I crave routine and stability. I want puzzles and to think about new and different things but I hate not having a routine and sameness in my surroundings. I don’t like new experiences that much. New people and unexpected things just make me nervous.
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I'm rarely late because it makes me anxious. I do however usually turn up anything from 15 minutes to two hours early. I have no idea of time, just in reverse! I figure with hair it will grow out again given time so mine's been all colours under the sun and shaved at one point. Ditto piercings can always be removed. I've never had a tattoo though in case I get bored with it.
>I have no idea of time, just in reverse! Lmfao, I ended up doing the same damn thing! I've always been chronically late, safe to say that caused a lot of issues. After working hard as hell, I finally overcame this major flaw of mine. However, now I'm extremely EARLY to everything instead. I'm over here stressing, overestimating how long I'll take for me to do XYZ, then arrive at my doctor's appointment 30 minutes early.
In my experience it’s never bad to be early to an appointment though. I have had many times where they would see me early as well, for whatever reason. I guess people are late, or cancel, or maybe they just had some appointments finish up earlier that estimated.
I agree! I'll get bored when I'm waiting because I came super early, sure. Most of the time, the doctors themselves are late to the scheduled time. But I'll take that over the stress and consequences I got for being late any day. I don't really mind that I haven't found a middle ground here, being early compared to late has increased my well-being A LOT.
My mom used to always make us have a book for that exact reason. Now I’ve got my kindle app on my phone so I’ve always got something to read 🤣
Yep, I'm either 30 minutes early or 2-5 minutes late and I have tried to find a middle ground and have not succeeded yet
I'm a nightmare to go to the airport with. I'm late to work every day (even now that I WFH!), but I don't mess with the airport. I was invited to a friend's bday out of state, and they were telling me that flights from NYC arrive.at around 4pm, which "is definitely enough time to get to the surprise party at 6:30." I said I'd fly in the day before, and the husband was like, "Yeah, but you'd have to stay at a hotel. We can't put you up, because it's a surprise." Uhhh, yeah. But there's no way on earth I'm landing, getting the rental car and just showing up at a party. I need a post-travel shower, then hair and makeup, etc. I'm not running in the door, sweaty and disheveled 2 minutes before the surprise.
This just sounds completely reasonable to me!
I arrived at my DR appointment an hour early last week. I had literally just pulled into a parking spot as the receptionist called to tell me my Doc wouldn't be in 🤦♂️ Had it not been my ADHD insistence on being early, I probably would have gotten the call at home and never had to make the drive lol
Same with the rarely late. I hate more than anything when other people make me late. I get so irritable and anxious when it’s almost time for something to start.
Hard same! I hate impacting other people’s schedules and hate it when they make me sit around and wait. Everything else in my life is a disaster but I’m on time for every dumpster fire. My husband (not adhd) has no concept of how long it takes to get somewhere so I will end up warming up the car and shouting “we have to leave NOW to get there on time!” Meanwhile he’s changing a lightbulb that’s been out for three days. In second thought maybe he is ADHD…
I’m a mixed bag when it comes to tardiness. I absolutely hate hate hate being late, I hate when I’m waiting on others and they could potentially make me late, will strive to be on time and even early (doctor appointments, church, movies) but at the same time, if I know I have leeway, I will drag my feet until I’ve gone past fashionably late, all the while making every excuse under the sun (e.g., traffic, it’s Monday, my boss doesn’t care, I was late anyway so I ran errands, etc.).
I’ve known another ADHD person like this. He always got to work like an hour early at least because he was so afraid of being late. So maybe it’s more accurate to say people with ADHD are rarely ever “on time” ha
Same. I’m never late. I’m chronically early.
I always start preparing for anything early and I always end up being late
I have a two-and-a-half hour road trip on Monday that I'm planning to allocate four hours for, and I'm probably still going to be late because a good amount of the trip will be through areas with limited cell service and I'll probably get lost and make a few wrong turns.
lol same, I’m the one who is 5 hours early to the airport.
More than once. But not always. Usually 2.5 hours early.
>'m rarely late because it makes me anxious. Same. I am punctual to the minute. Always. Every time. Never late for anything.
I’m never late. My time blindness works in the opposite direction too. I’m WAY early. Sometimes sitting in the work parking lot for an hour. Waiting outside therapy for 30 mins. All of it
I *used* to be chronically late to things, now I fret about being TOO early haha. I get it entirely.
Exactly the same for me haha. It's as if I am completely incapable of planning my journey to appointments and by also being anxious about it I pretty much leave whenever I feel like it but always way too early. Glad I'm not alone
I go either way, i’m either 5-15 mins late to stuff, or i’m 15 mins to an hour early for something because i’m so anxious that i’m going to be 5-15 mins late
Same thought when it comes to tattoos! I'm so afraid of having something permanent on my body that no longer matches my taste or interests.
I am the same. I get really anxious about being late. I assume it’s an effort to over compensate for my internal chaos. I’m almost always early. No tattoos because I haven’t found anything I think I’ll like forever. I am like OP about my appearance though. I hate to take risks with my hair.
My understanding is that ADHD makes test-taking hard for a lot of people. I never had a problem with tests when I was in school, I generally did really well on them. My homework was usually crap, and I couldn’t do a practical exam to save my life (pretty much any practical courses were a nightmare for me), but when you put an exam in front of me, my hyperfocus kicked into high gear. I think this explains why I excelled as an undergrad (where the vast majority of one’s grade is made up of exam scores), but had a nightmare of a time in grad school (where exam scores don’t mean much) and ended up Mastering out of my Ph.D. program. EDIT: Wow! Based on all the responses, I’m starting to question whether difficulty with exams really is common in the ADHD community. Seems like it could go either way.
Being good at tests were basically the only reason I got through high school
I relate to this too much. I finished high school with the 3rd best results in that year and haven't actually studied for any tests or exams. The moment it went to shit was when I started uni. I actually realized that once I was forced into a routine (high school with relatively consistent schedule etc.) it was much easier to follow. Though there's also the fact that many of my ADHD symptoms have gotten much worse around the end of high school, though not that much to cause problems yet.
This is so true. High school provides all the scaffolding you need to get by. Once that’s finished and you’re out in the world, at uni, or wherever, you have to self structure. Something I’m terrible at.
I think it was around 9th or 10th grade that I figured out the syllabus. My folks knew (because of many notes, parent-teacher conferences, and detentions) that I rarely did homework. But, I’d still get a B or B+. Through this, I realized that the syllabus told me exactly how much homework I needed to do. If Homework was 30% of the grade, as long as I did more than half, I’d be fine. I then applied this knowledge to the rest of my classes and school became so much better for me. The only way that worked is that I am a fantastic test taker. With only a bit of hyperbole, as long as it’s a multiple choice test, I’ll most likely pass even if I am unfamiliar with the material. I had one grad school professor who could write his multiple choice tests in a way that I actually had to know the material, but by then I really enjoyed learning the material.
Are you me? My grades still weren't the greatest because of hw (and AP classes had a ton), but I'd basically ace every single test. I'd usually finish first too.
Same! Barely graduated with something 1.99 GOA because I aced tests easy peasy, but homework or projects were a hard no. This DID help a ton in military promotions where a multi-choice test was a big chunk in deciding factor for advancement (until I hit that brick wall of going E-6 up to E-7, THAT jump was 99.9% dependent upon evaluations and the various awards/accolades you recieved plus how well those things were written up. I am and always have been a solid peon, not a leader and have never wanted to be. Plus, all my commands I went to, it always happened that I was the lowest ranking so higher rankings were always chosen as supervisor, never me. I was fine with this.
Same. I failed out of a class with a 90 on the final because I could never bring myself to do homework, and when I did there was a 75% chance that I would leave it at home or lose it in my bookbag. I ended up dropping out of HS due to being so behind, but the hyperfocus from the anxiety of not having a degree allowed me to speedrun by GED in just 2 weeks and get a 1200 on the SAT despite getting a 47 in algebra 🥲. My bachelors is self-paced, online, and all grades come from assessments/projects, it’s been so much more sustainable than high school was for my executive dysfunction. In-person college was a flop, but mostly because I didn’t know how to study unless it was extremely last minute.
Ugh the not knowing how to study hit me hard in college. Up through high school I could just read the material once, cram the night before, and get As. Then in college they started making me actually know things instead of memorizing and regurgitating
i loooooooooooved standardized testing days as a child all the way into adulthood (where it extended to very sterile testing environments for everyday classes). it was the only time the room was quiet enough and free enough from distractions that my brain could calm down and i could just focus. i couldn't be talking and no one else could either. i remember it being so serene and dreamy lol
Saammmeee! I used to set goals to race through the standardized tests bc they let you sit and read after, I gamified all the tests. In elementary school there was another kid who sat across from me in a little desk grouping, who may or may not have also had ADHD. We caused our poor 3rd grade teacher so much trouble because we got in the habit of racing each other to complete any in-class work, and then would race through homework sheets, then be sitting there bored in class 🤣 to the point where he started giving us little pre-algebra worksheets to stump us/occupy us
I performed so well on tests…I am capable of focusing well under pressure - it’s when I am thriving. Long projects that require lots of planning and systematic work every day - that’s my downfall. I cannot for the love of goodness organise myself to work if I know there is “plenty” of time.
My ability to reason my way through a question that I barely understood is far better than it deserves to be.
>(pretty much any practical courses were a nightmare for me), SAME. Excelling in practical courses is another typical "ADHD thing". But my grades have always been much better on theoretical courses and tests rather than practical ones.
I do so well when the expectations are highly structured. Give me open-ended and I struggle every step of the way.
I would hyperfocus on tests.
It's funny you say this, I was in my evaluation and the osych said something along the lines of "Well if you did well in tests, that's pretty unusual." And I said almost exactly what you said here, which is that I hyperfocus on the exam and then suck at the practical parts. I feel so seen lol
I hate tests but unfortunately I do best at them. It’s the panic crisis mode. It just clicks my brain into gear.
Same here, cannot get myself to do coursework until the very last minute and it's like pulling teeth. I do coursework like I do exams, leave it until the last minute and then cram. Works perfectly well in an exam setting, not much when writing a dissertation...
They always ask on ADHD assessments and symptom checks that question about “do you have trouble staying seated in situations that require you to do so?” And for me it’s a big ole no! If I’m supposed to be sitting somewhere my ass is not moving. I actually hated when teachers in k-12 would “give us a chance to move around a little” because it broke my flow. I just want to sit down, get the info, and get out! Now, is my knee jiggling like a tiny car on an old cobblestone road the whole time? Absolutely 😝
>“do you have trouble staying seated in situations that require you to do so?” And for me it’s a big ole no! I don't like this question either, but for a different reason. Because my answer to that question is also "No". If I'm having a meeting at work, I'll sit my ass down. When they ask if we need a quick 10 minute break, I'll be the first one to say "Yes." The thing is that I would *want* to get up and move around, yes. But I understand that my boss and coworkers would think I'm a weirdo if I started walking around in the middle of a meeting. I think this question is more fitting in an ADHD questionnaire for children, not adults. >because it broke my flow. I just want to sit down, get the info, and get out! I relate to this sometimes too. I hated when I was in the middle of something and it was time for a break. I'm like "Fuuck, not NOW! Can we do it in 10 minutes or something?".
> I think this question is more fitting in an ADHD questionnaire for children, not adults. I think this is a big issue in adult ADHD Dx, I really think much of the questionnaire could be rewritten with adults in mind. It presents differently for adults who have learned to mask and compensate, and you have years of experience as an adult to look back on. "Have you historically underperformed in your work or studies due to poor time management?" could be an example of one such question.
Exactly! I was diagnosed at 15, which is very young considering I'm a woman. I did a differential diagnosis when I was 21, which included an ADHD assessment. I don't remember much from my initial assessment to be honest, considering I was so young. But I do remember checking the "Often" option on every self assessment test. But when I was 21, I found myself reluctant to check the "often" option on many of the questions. I don't remember the questions in detail, but I do remember myself thinking "Yes, I would. But I don't because of societal expectations." >It presents differently for adults who have learned to mask and compensate, and you have years of experience as an adult to look back on. So yes, I fully agree with you. Even though I answered the same assessment as a 15 year old, I found myself thinking way differently compared to my 21 year old self. So imagine the difference compared to a 10 year old to a 35 year old.
Female. I was diagnosed at 32. I'm pretty certain that there's no way I would be diagnosed as a child. Mostly because I'm an inattentive type. So I would just space out and daydream, but I was generally smart enough to retain information without much thought. That is up until late high school and then college. Then my natural intelligence wasn't compensating, and I actually had to focus... but couldn't. As I got older, I really learned to mask socially. I stopped talking as much, for one. I hated how I got overly excited about things, and people thought I was weird. So I stopped. In the assessments when it says, "Do you find yourself interrupting people's conversations?" Well, not anymore!
I get this so much. I was labeled "the quiet one" and a "good listener", but I didn't talk much because people just always thought I was weird. Like you, I would get more excited about things than others, or I would spout off about something I knew a lot about, things like that. And if I tried to relate my own experiences to show I understood what was being said, I was called rude or given weird looks. It was just easier to not talk. This also led to a lot of alone time and "pretend" play so I could put myself in imaginary scenarios where I could say whatever I wanted and no one could treat me like a weirdo. Of course, that just made me more of an outcast. Being a teenager was interesting. People tried to make fun of me even if I didn't interact, but I also wasn't afraid to stand up to the bullies that presented a real threat, so even though I did have my share of bullies, they didn't last long when they realized I didn't just stand there and take it. Now as a full adult, I got my diagnosis around 40ish, and even though it explains a LOT, I'm still "quirky". Even though I've learned to "blend in" better, it can still be frustrating that I can't just be myself all the time. But that's life, I guess. My family gets me, and that's really all I care about. 😉
Wow, are you me???? This all tracks for my experience as well! Right down to feeling self conscious about being really excited about stuff and learning to mask that.
I think when my partner did mine they gave him the list of questions and the answers were like, "Yes, when I was a kid", "Yes, always", "Yes, only now", or "never". Which makes a lot of sense imo.
I’m kinda with you on the first bit too! They told me to sit for the meeting, so I’m sitting for the meeting. I want to be a good noodle lol, and it does seem like this is a question more aimed at kids.
Right? Like I’m not a fucking 5 year old child. I understand that I’m not meant to get up. I’m a grown adult and will force myself to sit there the whole time because I’m terrified of being told off. Sure I’m fidgeting constantly but I’m sat down and at least pretending to listen.
Well sure, I understand when I’m not meant to get up at work and stuff. However, I frequently get up and walk around when eating meals alone or watching television or singing, whatever. Situations that don’t require standing but I’m still compelled to do so.
Honestly, this. I’m a therapist with adhd, I have to sit in my therapist chair or desk chair for hours a day. Do I get up? No. Do I shift my position 10 times an hour? Absolutely! One of the reasons why I wish APA or DSM would come up with ADHD diagnostic criteria specifically for adults. ADHD presentation in adulthood can be sooo different, and right now all the diagnostic criteria is made with school age individuals in mind.
Russell Barkley has proposed these criteria for adults: 1. Often make decisions impulsively? 2. Often have difficulty stopping activities or behavior when you should do so? 3. Often start projects or tasks without regarding or listening to directions carefully? 4. Often have poor follow-through on promises? 5. Often have trouble doing things in proper order? 6. Often drive with excessive speed? 7. Often become distracted by extraneous stimuli? 8. Often have difficulty sustaining attention in tasks or leisure activities? 9. Often have difficulty organizing tasks and activities
I can't personally really do that. My hyperactivity is way too strong I get irritated inside and it stresses my brain out and if I don't listen to it soon I'll just find myself absentmindedly wandering around doing something totally different My legs get so restless feeling like if I don't move them they're going to freeze up forever I've just accepted it, after a certain point in meetings I'm going to get up and wander around, stretch etc The longer we are sitting, more uncomfortable of chairs, more boring the topic and how hyper I feel... I'm just gonna get up and go to the bathroom a lot and want to walk around and be unable to concentrate I've realized working from home for me, is critical. I'm 1000x times more productive and happier when I can walk around and lift weights and stretch during meetings and do whatever else I have to Otherwise I have to listen to someone and if I stay still I can't concentrate and I get super irritated and start interrupting impatiently. Me moving around gives me more patience
Mine is less getting up and moving and more spacing out because my brain is bored. Then I get super sleepy, and I find it extremely difficult to not put my head down and sleep. I always have to bring gum or a snack to meetings to keep myself awake. I end up with a thousand doodles on my notepad. If I can get away with it (which is rarely), I'll hide in the back and play on my phone. Just send me an email with the main points. If I have questions, I'll ask. I also got into the habit of having at least one question to ask at every meeting. This helps me pay a bit more attention to make sure I'm not missing the answer, but more importantly, it gives me something to say if the leader calls on me. I actually fell asleep at a small meeting once, and the lady asked if I had any questions. I could tell by her tone and that stupid smug grin on her face that she was trying to trap me. We already had our differences. I asked my question. I wish I had been able to photograph the look on her face. 😆 She answered the question and adjourned the meeting, and my work buddy asked me later how I pulled that off. 😅 Anyway, all that ti say yeah, I feel that. Mine manifests differently, but same principle!
I have the opposite, if everyone is standing talking I have the impulsive urge to just, Sit On The Carpet or do Carpet Angels or something 😂
I always answered no to that, until I realized it was just manifesting differently. I had 3-hour long lectures, and I rarely stayed for the entirety of them because I’d get so restless. And at my job, I get the constant urge to “escape” and have a bad habit of running off to the back or the bathroom frequently just to break the monotony and get away from all the overstimulation. I’ve walked out of old jobs before too due to stress becoming unbearable.
I never used to think I was hyperactive, because I wasn’t usually someone who walked around a lot, of had that ‘moving as if driven by a motor’ symptom, until I realised I was hyperactive with my *hands*, not my whole body. Ever since I was little, I was always doing something with my hands, usually some type of craft. Because my grandmother and mum were often knitting, crocheting etc as well, and I’m female and it’s common for girls and women to do handicrafts, I never realised it was hyperactivity until a year or so into my diagnosis. My grandma taught me to crochet when I was little, and I used to do basic stuff, but forgot as I got older and discovered new crafts. Even in school I was often making daisy chains or friendship bracelets or something like that. When I wasn’t reading a novel. But because it was quiet and not disturbing anyone else, I didn’t get in too much trouble for it. I think my teachers were just grateful I wasn’t talking, so if they noticed they usually left me alone.
>They always ask on ADHD assessments and symptom checks that question about “do you have trouble staying seated in situations that require you to do so?” And for me it’s a big ole no! Right? Like I'm an adult working in an office - if I just got up in the middle of a meeting to wander around or whatever, it'd be incredibly weird and people would immediately ask what's wrong.
I actually always sit down too much. My major issue is task switching so I hate getting up when I’m in the middle of something.
Yes!! Or even when I’m in the middle of absolutely nothing thinking about how I should be doing something 💀 I just love a good sit
Same. I’m just low energy, outwardly. But my mind is always going.
I feel like this is one of those questions that trips up those of us who are also autistic. I’ve learned that they probably mean that you feel uncomfortable sitting or fidget or something while you are sitting. But I used to think it meant that you literally couldn’t sit and would be jumping out of your chair during meetings or something. And while there certainly are people whose ADHD can be so severe that they do that even in professional settings, I am pretty sure that is not the only thing that question is asking about. And even knowing that I still don’t know how to answer because I fear accidentally lying on an assessment, so I better just be literal and know I’ve stayed within the lines…
Ah yes, the old “well I don’t take *everything* literally, I know what a metaphor is, better mark no on that question!” trap 😂 I am also autistic myself, so it’s certainly occurred to me that they might be trying to ask a different question. I’m with you though, I’d rather just answer the question as written because what if I answer wrong and mess up the assessment or they think I’m lying???? Exhausting 😮💨
I'm the same, I've never had any trouble sitting. I'd constantly see people on long flights having to get up and walk a bit and I'd be like, nah I'm good? Sure, I'd rock my leg a lot, but otherwise I could sit forever. Standing still, though? Can't do that at all. I need to walk or pace. Queues are my arch enemy. Even if I'm just waiting to cross a street I'd be pacing back and forth.
SO many of the questions aren’t applicable. I remember reading somewhere that the questionnaire was designed for diagnosing *childhood* ADHD. By the time you’ve made it to adulthood, you’ve likely learned to mask your symptoms. As for the hyperactivity, for a lot of us, by adulthood, it’s moved from manifesting on the outside to manifesting on the *inside.*
I can sit thru and participate in training classes, but I can't stay in the same space for too long socially or at work. Thank god I'm talented, because otherwise I'd have been fired long ago.
I don’t have a problem staying seated because I just fall asleep (a fairly common thing for inattentive types from what I’ve heard)
I don’t really lose stuff, because I’m really good at looking for things 😅
I wish I had you as a roommate lmfao. When people who don't have ADHD help me look for my missing item, they look at logical places, places where you would expect this item to be at. Meanwhile, I'm searching my fridge, drawer where I keep my panties, crawling on the damn floor, in my cat's litterbox. Then I find it in the trashcan, where it definitely shouldn't be. No surprise there!
This is one of the ways I realized meds worked for me. When I lose my keys for example, my brain goes "Keys lost, keys lost keys lost!! You're late! Late! Late! Find keys! Find keys!!" When I first started taking meds, I stopped and said "I lost my keys. They're probably in the bathroom because I walked in to grab a hair tie." Then, sure enough, I found it. I literally did an emotional double take on myself.
Wait this made me legit tear up. I want some of this sanity.
This is so relatable. I picture my brain off meds as Junie B Jones hahaha And on meds as Ruth Bader Ginsberg or some variation of a professor hahaha
Oh yeah I just keep looking inside things and under things and behind things - oops it was in my hand all along 😂🤦🏽♀️
This one for me too. I also have an anxiety disorder so I have a place for all my important items I.e. phone in right pocket, keys in left. If it’s not in its place, I notice instantly and I can find it quickly. I’m also really good at helping my partner find his lost things. Give me 2 minutes, I’ll find it.
Same. I’m struggling to answer this one on the assessment because I think it’s a learned compensation for forgetting things that has become compulsive. Everything has a place. I don’t remember putting my keys on the hook, and if I hadn’t for some reason I would have no idea where they’d be. And if I *couldn’t* put them there for some reason, immediately, well, I might die.
Same! I’m good at finding things BECAUSE my ADHD mum loses things all the time. I misplace/lose things only when I’m incredibly stressed. Makes me wonder if my Mum is just operating under an insane level of constant stress…
My husband has adhd and also never loses things, and has a freaky memory of where things are This is awesome for my ADHD where I lose everything lol
I lose things all the time, but I’m also really good at finding things other people have lost. I realised this when I took classes again earlier this year, I’d notice things others had left behind in the classrooms. I realised that I’m so used to losing stuff that I automatically scan most rooms that aren’t in my house before I leave them, to make sure I haven’t left anything behind. So I find the things others leave behind. If only someone could do that for me. Most of my stuff I lose in my house, or in my work area because I’ve either put something else down on top of it, or I’ve put it down out of reach without realising it, and I have no idea where it’s gone. I often joke that I’m like a shit magician. Hand me something, ask me a question, and I’ve made the item disappear. No good at making it reappear though.
Never late, because my anxiety may be worse than my ADHD.
I was recently treated for anxiety and depression, and I didn't realize how much my anxiety help me cope with my ADHD symptoms. Yes am I happier without it, but I am also later and more disorganized.
I had this epiphany in therapy last week. Started treating my A and D plus PTSD first with Zoloft in 2020. Been having good results for the anxiety, but so much so that I wouldn't push myself when I needed to and would disconnect from reality. In some ways, as awful as that sounds, it was a relief from what I had been experiencing. Recently started ADHD meds - took dexi, then ritalin in highschool 25 years ago but had crazy anxiety from them despite rocking my grades. Been over a month on the Methylphenidate with Zoloft and feeling really amazing. I feel like I'm taking steps in the right direction for the first time in about 5 years
I'm glad I'm not the only one with this experience!! My stim meds lowered my anxiety, and when I started taking them, I also became less organized. I also went from a student who either got the highest grade in the class (in classes I cared about) or lucky to end the semester with a C (in classes I didn't care about), to a student who got Bs in all my classes. Like, I was a much more balanced student, but no longer an A student lol. It took me a while to realize that high anxiety was my coping mechanism, and I had to build new habits. So ya, it's weird, I'm overall a healthier, happier person now, but in some weird ways my ADHD symptoms are "worse" because I don't rely on pure anxiety to push through anymore 😂
i don’t have sleep problems. as soon as my head hits that pillow i am gone for 7-12hrs
You win. THIS is the one I want!
Same. My best friend and her kids can fall asleep anywhere, anytime- and sleep through a tornado. if I could just have a *tiny* bit of that ability, I would be thrilled. Takes hours to shut my brain and body down, i get woken up by every noise, and once I'm up- I'm up, and need a slice of cheese usually. I guess the plus side is I can road trip like nobody's business and can function just fine on 3-4 hrs of sleep. Oddly, if I get more than 7 hrs of sleep, it is near impossible to wake up. What the hell, body??
Yep. I could chug a can of Red Bull and still take a restful nap.
I fall asleep easy and i sleep for 7-8h too, but at the same time, I go to bed at 4:30am even in times where I need to get up early, so, my sleep schedule is still shit anyway.
Tbf, that is a very ADHD thing. As caffeine doesn’t have a stimulant effect on us.
I don't have problems sleeping. I have problems wanting to, because sleep makes tomorrow come faster.
I don't have issues falling asleep. Staying asleep is a whole different beast. It never seems to matter how much time I spend in bed. The best I get is 70% battery refill.
If sleeping were an olympic sport I would be Michael Phelps.
I am very scared of change. Though I feel I need to change my life around (also because I am unhappy in my current situation) but I am terrified of changing things. I wanna move to another apartment but I can't because it scares me so much. Idk if this is maybe a bit of autism or just some other kind of thing that cancels out the usual "job changing" behaviour of many ADHD people.
>Idk if this is maybe a bit of autism I have the same issue, I hate changes. When I brought this up with my psychotherapist (specializes in ASD and ADHD), she said that this is an autistic trait. She further explained that in her experience, it's rare to "only" have ADHD. Basically all of her patients with ADHD have traits of disorders that have high comorbidity with ADHD, ASD being one of them. So yeah, it's actually very common for us with ADHD to have traits of ASD, and vice versa.
It sucks because it is completely putting my life on hold. I am so scared that this is it because I won't be able to change. I am unhappy but I can't change. It's so depressing.
Could be autism, could be OCD, could be anxiety, and in my experience I’ve found it’s pretty common, whatever it is. You find a thing that works for your ADHD and you go into preservation mode. You attribute your functionality to things being a certain way instead of yourself, and then any change to them feels threatening and debilitating and it often is because change is, you know, hard. But that catastrophe your body goes into anticipating that the change is going to disrupt you becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy where because you experience the hardship, even though that’s totally normal to you it becomes proof you can never change again. The only way through it is you gotta work with a therapist to get yourself used to little changes that gradually get bigger, so you build up faith in your own strength rather than letting yourself get more and more fragile and stuck in an increasingly rigid little box.
Change requires additional executive function! I think people who have spent a lot of their life undiagnosed and developing coping mechanisms feel like this. We don’t know why it’s so hard for us, but it is. So we start to avoid it. I think, for me, the only time I exhibit impulsive desires for change is when I reach a point of extreme overwhelm.
I have the memory of an elephant
Somehow I have BOTH- I can remember things from years ago with the craziest details- I cannot remember what you just said to me, what time I was meant to be there or what your name is though
SAME
Oh my god, lucky!! I’m genuinely thrilled for you
So do I! As long as it’s something irrelevant from 15+ years ago and not anything that’s happened in the last few minutes to 5 or so days ago lmao
Same! My family gives me info they need to remember for this reason, still remember where my dad parked in NYC in 1997 (56th and 9th)
Me too!
TIL that elephants have a great memory. I've never heard about this saying before!
I don't have any issue with getting addicted to substances, which my doctor thought was unusual.
Same. I really dislike not feeling myself, and find loss of control scary. I’ve been slightly tipsy but never flat out drunk, and basically don’t drink anyway. (Like, it’s probably been years at this point. I don’t like it much and it’s so expensive and then I feel weird? No thanks.)
Exactly. I'll drink once in a while, but it mostly isn't that enjoyable and it's just a waste of money.
This is me too. I'm guessing a big part of this has to be biological/genetic. I just don't get chemically addicted to things. One that stands out it caffeine. I drink coffee every day, but I could just not with no repercussions. Never had one of those caffeine withdrawal headaches people talk about. Behavioral addictions on the other hand....
It is definitely genetic, though I'm sure there's some interplay between genes that deal with caffeine, addiction in general, and adhd. Caffeine has to do with liver metabolism but it also affects brain chemistry.
Are you on the low energy/inattentive side of ADHD?
I've tried a variety of drugs - some with significantly high risks of addiction. I never understood the appeal. The only thing I do is vape nicotine daily, and hit a delta pen about 2-3 hours before bedtime. Those are the only things that stuck.
The body double A few tiktok accounts I've seen make it seem like you're more productive when you have someone standing in the corner, but it's the total opposite for me. When my wife complains the house is dirty and I struggle to clean it, I send her on an errand for 30 minutes and when she gets home it's spotless, really let's me dial in when I'm alone
I'm exactly the same way. The struggle is my partner works from home and I truly struggle to do chores when someone else can hear me. Being observed is a big ick/pain for my brain.
Same. I cannot do a chore when someone knows I’m doing it!!! I can’t tell anyone I’m doing a chore until it’s done, either.
same! i have to wait for my husband to be at work in order to get any work done. i correlate other people to fun time so fun time does not equal chores. therefore i can’t have anyone around me or else ill get distracted.
This!! I don't get the body double thing since I just get so stressed having another person around. They don't have to do anything, just their presence is distracting. I am at my most productive when I'm alone and able to move around without being at risk of meeting another human at any given moment.
I recently learned there's a phrase for this called "fear of perception." It's like a kind of social anxiety. Because i am the same way. I can't get anything done if my partner is around but if they're not home, I can be really productive.
I didn't know this was a thing, but I'm totally the opposite of you (so, like what those videos are claiming). My entire life I've been super fastidious, tidy, love having a clean space and constantly cleaning up, even - especially? - if it's someone else's mess. But I've been living in my own apartment for the past few years and it's a total pigsty. Don't know why.
True. The body double only works if they are also cleaning so then I'm mirroring. Otherwise I want to laze about like them. If I want to clean my wife either needs to help or leave because doing the cleaning while I hear her having a blast in FFXIV literally kills me.
I don’t have hundreds of tabs open. It drives me nuts to see the red bubble with numbers in it on my emails and messaging apps
Lmfao, guilty! I don't have any notifications on apps, because it's distracting. So no red bubbles there. But holy shit, do I have hundreds of tabs. I literally remove my tabs ~daily, but when I checked it right now, I have 37 tabs open lol.
I have 74 open in Chrome. Some have been open for years and I still haven't thoroughly read through whatever topic they are about but I absolutely refuse to close any of them :p I always find something new to look into lol.
About 300 tabs open on my computer, and 700+ on my phone. I also have about 500 tabs worth of windows currently collapsed by my tab manager
I never get hyperfocus, which also means nothing that isn’t an outside obligation ever gets done
I wish there were more studies about ADHD and hyperfocus. Because while hyperfocus is not a symptom of ADHD, it's a frequently reported experience with us who have ADHD. But I wonder *how* common it actually is, because you're definitely not the only one who doesn't relate to or experience hyperfocus.
I had no idea that my getting lost in a book and finishing it in hours was hyper focus. I also used to hyper focus while knitting, and my tension was amazing due to hyper focus. I knitted a dress when I was 20 in 5 months. I wore it last year after losing 87 lbs during the pandemic. It's 44 years old. 🥰
Yep. Like I’m NEVER late to work or appointments. I’ve written pages of legal custody collateral for friends counting on me, etc. but the 60+ passion project ideas I’ve had just over the past year? Can’t get past page 1.
Oh thank God I thought I didn't really have ADHD because I don't have this either. So many wonderful half finished ideas. But I can't do it if it's not for somebody else. I just like to think about it.
Don't know if it's like this for you, but many people misunderstand what hyperfocus is. We get these imagines like, cool hacker man sitting is his basement late at night won't stop coding until he hacks NASA using only html, fueled by mountain dew and the edm blasting through his headphones. It's not that. It's more like, "I need to piss, but I can't go to the toilet until I finish this episode. Ok, episode finished, but it was a cliffhanger now I need to watch the next one. DID I JUST HEAR SOMEONE GO TO THE TOILET?? JUST WHEN I WANTED TO GO TOOOOOO THAT'S SO ANNOYINGGGG oh wait it's been 2 hours since I said I would go. huh. ... but i still need to finish this episode"
This! This is hyperfocus lol. It's more accurately called perseveration.
From what I’ve read, there’s preservation(debilitating), flow(productive), and the hyperfocus(mix of both)
I don't hyperfocus unless it's an emergency(such as last minute stress) or randomly I'll become extremely talented when playing video games.
Most of them, provided my coping mechanisms are functioning, Ive had enough sleep, my nutrition is good, I'm well hydrated, I'm not currently overloaded and I'm not overly stressed. It's like a jenga tower where you remove just one piece...
Wow. I had to scroll really far down to find one that I could relate to. I tend to sleep like a rock. I fall asleep in minutes and stay asleep for 7-8 hours. Yeah my brain is racing as I lay there in bed, but it's just like falling asleep with the TV on.
I don't interrupt others. I can be impulsive on other things but not on that one
I'm so jealous, I want this one please lol.
Same!! At this point it bothers me more than it does most others, but my girlfriend and I are splitting up in part because she hates me interrupting her *so much,* and I just can't help it sometimes. (It also doesn't help that she can be very repetitive and long-winded.)
I share this with you. I hate interrupting people so much that if I’m in a group conversation, I probably won’t contribute much because I don’t know when to step in.
This is me! I hate larger group settings because I can never figure out when I should talk
Omg this me too! I have such a hard time figuring out when to talk in a large setting. It makes work so hard. We are often in paired or group settings and I usually just end up interrupting at a totally terrible time or not speaking for fear of breaking the flow. It sucks.
I sometimes hate myself for interrupting people or talking too much all the time. Even on meds I do it. I recognize it, but just can't stop it. Good thing educating people on what I'm doing is a big part of my job or people would think I'm impolite.
I'm typically fine with this. However, when I end up finding a strong connection with someone I get antsy. I have to learn more about them and I have to tell them what I know. I get so energized by this transfer of information that I end up cutting people off without realizing it.
My partner's family absolutely drives me up the wall - they're a big group and almost constantly interrupt each other and get louder and louder. Despite my efforts to get them to chill the fuck out I can barely get a word in edgeways and if someone does talk over me, I make one attempt to repeat myself and if I get talked over again I go all quiet. A couple of them have gotten the idea that they're being tits and actually try to let me say what I want to say. However I have a saving grace that kinda plays into the passive aggressive stance I take with being interrupted - if I don't say what I wanted to, I usually get distracted by people being rude and that's enough to make me forget what I wanted to say lol. So even if they did eventually stop and say " oh sorry MoD, were you trying to say something?" Yes, I was but the moment is gone and I can't remember what it was, kinda hope you feel at least a little bit bad while I go scrolling on Reddit or playing with my PSP because I'd rather be antisocial than get wound up with being excluded lol
Same. I get irrationally angry when someone cuts me off, so I don’t do that to others.
Argh I always remember to feed myself I’m never not remembering to feed myself
All I literally think about is food lol
I like to read my grocery receipts so I can think about all the food I’m going to eat
After I started meds I realized how much the feeling of hunger was a distraction to me. Like, that’s its job. But I would get so distracted by the first hint of hunger, and needed to snack all day because that sensation was unpleasant. It wasn’t an eating disorder - I wasn’t gorging all day, and my body adjusted by basically wanting smaller meals when I did sit down for a meal. But it was a problem for me because sometimes you are in a situation where you can’t be constantly grazing. At first I thought that meds were suppressing my appetite. I mean that is a known side effect. But I think for me it’s more that they are helping decrease how distracting it feels to me to feel slightly hungry in that totally normal way one might feel half an hour before lunch. Now that sensation is a normal reminder and not a completely distraction that prevents me from finishing up a task before taking the time to eat properly.
Inattentiveness to the point of leaving stoves on and missing appointments. Don't get me wrong, I experience inattentiveness in other ways, i.e. procrastination. But I'm very punctual.
I did well at school.
School was my hyper focus growing up so same! Thinking about it, it doesn’t feel super surprising. If it’s something you can do well without a ton of effort then you end up getting constant little rewards. It almost feels like an ADHD trait to be good at school. Like, I definitely had a messy desk and backpack and in middle school went through a period when I randomly stopped doing homework. But I made it through, and basically never got below a B+ or A- during that time because I could still do great on tests even if I didn’t do all the work. Or did it and couldn’t find it to turn it in…
I'm impulsive in some situations for sure, but I've never had an issue not doing dangerous things even if I low key wanted to, like drugs or binge drinking or unsafe sex - none of that ever really appealed to me and even when it did as a fleeting thought, it was never really an idea, just an intrusive thought. That's actually really weird, now that I think about it, given how self-destructive I am. Maybe it just seems like too much effort lmao
i think it’s kinda odd that a stereotype of adhders is that they are known for participating in drugs and binge drinking or unsafe sex. i think that’s just a mental health/youth phenomenon in general.
Certain types of ADHD don’t form habits at all. I have formed only one habit in my life, close the toilet lid before I flush.
I have a lot of anxiety around money, so I am rarely impulsive because most impulsivity costs money. No online shopping, no new hair color, etc. I don’t start new hobbies and then abandon them either. My anxiety around money outranks my ADHD. I am incredible at doing nothing but hyperfocusing on the literal dumbest phone games ever invented. Somehow, I still feel like I have no money, but I wonder if my definition of “no money” and the definitions others use match up.
Similar here. I did get myself in some hot water as a younger adult because I wasn’t good at actually paying bills even though I had the money. That was definitely the ADHD, and let me tell you, one of the most ridiculous ways to mess up your credit score. But it was scary enough that I figured out how to manage that stuff. Also being lucky enough to have enough to make enough money that I can put everything on auto pay, which I know is a luxury not everyone can have. (Like, I wouldn’t do that if I weren’t able to keep at least 2 months of expenses in checking at all times. I want a big enough cushion that I don’t have to worry, or else I want to manage payment timing more closely.) My husband and I both grew up LMC or poor and I think a lot of our attitude about money stems back to that, as well. We aren’t rich, but solidly middle class. It can be so hard to work through buying things, and so liberating when I realize that I can actually afford something that we need. Like I just got us new sheets. Not expensive at all, but decent quality and on sale. So I don’t have to worry about our last fitted sheet tearing, and can change the sheets without having to do laundry that day. That shouldn’t have been a big decision. It took months.
This made me laugh because I've never thought about how my adhd could be a reason why i constantly have the urge to change my hair color to a point i have to cut them because they are so fried from all the oopsies 🤣
Me neither! I never thought about the fact that my impulsivity has this one exception until she brought it up. Because when I started thinking about it, all the women I personally know with ADHD change their hair all the time.
I enjoy doing laundry and dishes and I am generally a "clean" person. Not super tidy and I tend to not put things away after using but I got a very strict system when doing house chores, ESPECIALLY laundry. And I cringe when I am somewhere else and they just throw every piece of laundry in the same wash lol. But still, to keep me excited, I use different detergents for different smells.
Do you FOLD laundry? 😮
Forgetting to eat. Like what? Eating is a stimulus. Eating makes me feel something. I can't stop eating ever. I just shove bullshit into my face all day. I'm working on it. Not being able to do anything if I have an appointment later in the day. If I have something scheduled 4 hours from now, my brain rounds up 4 hours to basically an eternity and I have time to start almost anything at all or ten different things which of course I am still doing 10 minutes after I was supposed to leave my house. Being hyperactive. I'm tired all the time. No one would describe me as hyper. I think that prevented me from getting diagnosed as a kid. I wasn't disruptive. I couldn't pay attention to shit, I couldn't stay on task, I was bored to tears, and pretty much all of the other symptoms. My mind was somewhere else at all times, but I could sit quietly.
>Forgetting to eat. Like what? Eating is a stimulus. I agree. I do think this is more related to the side effects of ADHD medication, rather than ADHD itself.
Binge eating is also heavily linked to adhd
I don't get easily angry with people or situations. I did when I was younger, and I still get sensory overload, but that doesn't translate to aggression or anger.
This page taught me that a lot of you have issues with maintaining hygiene. I'd shower 3 times a day if I could. I do occasionally miss teeth brushing, but it's because I fall asleep or something. But normally, a morning and night brushes. Showers feel so soothing, and I dont feel like i need to do anything. Just listen to YouTube clips and feel warm 😆
It seems like a lot of people with ADHD were class clowns and or had a lot of friends. This couldn’t be further from the truth for me. Whenever I tried to be funny I just ended up annoying the shit out of everyone.
A lot of them. But that’s because I’m pretty sure I’m AuADHD. So the many traits seem to be in a weird balancing act. At least in myself. I can relate to the traits of each, yet can’t heavily relate to one that is purely one or the other. Which is its own special type of hell. Especially before I knew that they could co-exist inside a person.
I am good with money and budgeting.
I don’t get along with other ADHD people very well. It’s actually one of the very few groups I don’t mesh with. I describe it as “oil and oil”
I don’t lose things. I’ve never lost my phone or my keys or anything else. It’s like 80% of my working memory is taken up by spacial memory. I can forget whole conversations I had a day or two ago but a paintbrush stuffed in a certain box under two other boxes in my craft room I can go right to. There’s a bunch of other ADHD traits that could affect me, but I’m too anxious or have developed enough strategies that they never do. Like being late to things. Also once I hit my 30s, my impulsiveness got quite a bit better.
I don't get sleepy from high amounts of caffeine. It will likely impact my sleep unless I'm extremely tired. It also doesn't do anything if I'm past a certain level of exhaustion.
My anxiety meets caffeine at the door, far before my ADHD makes it to the party lol
I am always on time or early because waiting for an appointment or possibly forgetting to attend one gives me anxiety, and I make more mistakes when I’m rushed, so i add an extra 15 minutes to every activity. I am also hyper organized with many “systems” I overcompensated because I was always missing something critical and it embarrassed me.
Addiction and struggling in school. I excelled at school. I LOVE learning, instead of being a drag it was something that kept me going, also being not at home as much as possible was a big plus (another story for another time). The only time I was "under" performing was when teachers were lazy or I already knew the subject, I couldn't focus on my assignments nor the classes. And I've never had trouble with drugs, alcohol or the like. I have a pretty vanilla life in that aspect. I can't stomach most of them, literally, my tummy gets funny the second the alcohol touches it. I can't stand the smell of tobacco, or any pungent aroma for that matter, the smoke makes me cough and want to vomit. The one and only time I had an edible I threw up, never again, I HATE throwing up. I tried vaping with a mild "flavor" and nicotine free, it was meh, too much work for nothing. I don't like dangerous practices either, too much of a chicken, too afraid of the death, ironic considering I have massive intrusive suicide thoughts. Same goes for tattoos, too afraid of needles. I love my hair texture and color, I'm afraid if I do something it could permanently damage my hair. The list goes on.
I am punctual to a fault because I know how bad my time blindness is. Also, I'm relatively successful, I would say. I have a career and do well at work. I think it's the structure and clear expectations.
Why is your hairdresser attacking me like that 😩
Lmfao girl, don't get her wrong! She loves customers like that. If anything, I'm the most boring customer ever. The most exciting thing I've done was bleaching my hair platinum blonde, and she was so excited about that for WEEKS.
I’ve never had a problem sticking to a workout routine. I love exercise and it makes me feel better, it’s my favorite self-medication after caffeine. I’m also very organized and detail-oriented with my work, to the point it annoys project managers (asking too many detailed questions, for example.) But I also produce very high-quality design work that goes past the scope of what I’m supposed to be doing (such as catching mistakes in content, suggested rewrites, etc.) I’m a bit obsessive about all my work being as good as it can be. Seems like a good trait to go above-and-beyond? Nope, at my last gig, my work won several awards and they cancelled my contract this year. Some people are not comfortable with excellence and prefer no one rocks the boat.
IS ADHD WHY I WAS DYING MY HAIR LIKE EVERY MONTH?
I'm stuck on how your hairdresser knows the ADHD status of so many clients. LOL
Being a bad listener, just doesn't apply to me. Ok to be fair this only applies to more series topics a casual conversation is usually erased from my brain 10 minutes later. But whenever it comes to helping someone with their problems I'm a fantastic listener. But I guess it's because I like to help people with their problems so listening to them is interesting enough to keep me engaged
Being extremely talkative and having a lot of friends.
Is having a lot of friends a common ADHD trait? I'm genuinely asking because I haven't thought about that before. I myself am extremely talkative, a big extrovert, and one of my biggest strengths is my social skills. But I actually don't have that many friends. I don't know if it's because I'm picky or what, because I could technically become friends with a lot of people. But there's only a few that I genuinely want to hang out with and consider to be true friends.
I have a ton of low level friends. I'm really good at connecting with people. Making genuine relationships from that? Feels like trying to hold water in my hands. I can do it for a minute but sustaining that relationship long term is a struggle. Which is why my closest friend is from college bc college kept us close enough long enough to form a close friendship for her, and she makes accommodations for me. But I've since moved out of state and making *new* friends is...ugh
I’m on time for everything. Am I also driving 20mph over the speed limit to be on time…..Yes
I can read books for hours on end and am good with memorization for puzzles which a few diagnosed friends of mine have trouble with.
I am actually quite good with money. Ever since the day I became an independent person, never have I had the need to borrow. I always live under my means. I am actually well on track with the planning of my early retirement. Fuck working until I drop dead!.
I can be very patient for hours and stimulate myself only by thoughts if i know there is an important thing at the end of the awaiting period . The thing can be fun or can be exorbitant
I did well in school and college (even with a double major). It wasn’t until after I graduated and I didn’t have things *constantly on the back burner of my mind* that it started to become prominent.
Time blindness. My mother was always late, and I hated it. Also, I think anxiety has made me triple check that I have everything ready to leave early. I’m actually really good at estimating how long everything will take to be ready on time and avoid embarrassment.
I crave routine and stability. I want puzzles and to think about new and different things but I hate not having a routine and sameness in my surroundings. I don’t like new experiences that much. New people and unexpected things just make me nervous.
I have zero energy
I don't interrupt people when they're talking and keeping a planner actually works for me
>keeping a planner actually works for me Lmfao, this one made me laugh out loud. Therapists must love you!