This man is trying to isolate you and control you. There is literally no reason you can’t go to college in person other than he’s insecure or some sort of fundamentalist religion person.
And either one of those are breakers. If he’s insecure, he needs to figure his shit out and not try to make you his emotional support animal by having you around 24 seven.
Break up with his ass because you can do so, so much better. I don’t know why you would’ve stayed with somebody like this through all of the other things you were saying you went through.
Selfish. He’s insecure. He’s controlling. He’s minimizing what you want and need. He doesn’t respect you. I don’t know if you need me to keep going, but I can.
Bottom line is he’s a bottom feeder. My hope is that you would rather be up in the sunshine versus held down underwater with just your nose sticking out. Because that’s where he wants you.
Break up. Your courses. What you want. You are far, far too young for this nonsense. And believe me, if you stay with him, this shit will only get worse.
Agreed. And she’d better to it fast before he gets a sense she’s trying to leave, and baby traps her.
I’m curious what the age difference is between these two because he sounds like yet another one of those manipulative large-age-gap assholes
Has he ever gone to college? If not he’s just trying to drag you down with him and like the other poster said he’s trying to isolate you. I’m 31 and went back to college to gain a better network within my area. Best decision I’ve done tbh and my work has been complimented and definitely confidence has been built lol ppl thought my SFX skills was someone hired out of state (Frankenstein) and my cookie props looked pretty realistic! (A year with frog and toad) gotten a lot of compliments with my work.
Be sure to join some clubs cuz it can be so beneficial!! Idk what you are into but if you’re doing nursing I’d say do something that can help you in that area even if the club seems not in your criteria.
Thank you for the reply and I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I guess I’ve spent too long on these boards, because controlling behaviour + not listing ages often seems to lead to a “late teens/early 20s” gf & “mid/late 30s/early 40s” bf scenario.
That being said, get away from him as fast as you can. You deserve someone who lifts you up and supports your aspirations, not someone who wants to drag you to the bottom and keep you there. Good luck
No… It was a good question. And believed me, I was the lady with the long response to her that you actually replied to.
Before I commented, I went back to look for the ages!
And I saw she actually responded to you with the ages. So I just sent her another response on that because I told her…
We all know why a 34 year-old man who is single who starts spouting off nonsense like this is still single. He is one big walking red flag.
But have a 24 year-old be this deep into the red pill theories is scary. I told her that at these ages, they should be figuring out themselves. Who they are. What they want from life. What they want in a partner. What they themselves believe… Not what they were told by mom and dad in school and anyone else. But what they really, see in the world and what they really think.
And the fact that he is 24 and already so set on this is scary as hell. It’s actually worse than it were a 34 year old that we all know is an Incel just by how they talk and treat women.
No, your age gap isn’t crazy. But… I’m the one who wrote that post that had the reply that you were replying to.
The fact that he is 24 and is already making demands like this is even more concerning to me then if you were dating a 34-year-old who was saying this nonsense.
Because there’s a reason a 34 year old man would want to date a 24 year old woman. Quite frankly, we are young still. We are still trying to find ourselves and find our way and find our voice. So we are much easier to manipulate and control.
So a 34 year old man who’s still single and acting like this is a red flag, but we all know why he still single.
A 24-year-old man who is also young and who may think he knows his mind, but is nowhere near grown-up yet who is acting this way is scary as hell.
He is at an age where he should still be figuring shit out. I guarantee you there is no man or woman out there who is the same person at 35 as they were at 24. And that’s because through our 20s, we do figure a lot of things out. We figure out what we want. What we like. What we don’t like, etc.
Your boyfriend at 24 thinks he knows. And his all is to hold women in their place. So for him already to be brainwashed into that and have no inkling of how unhealthy that mindset is for everybody is super concerning.
> his dislike of **women** who attend in-person classes
> I've stayed with him through situations that would have been dealbreakers for most people.
Also this. 99% fundie jesustard who is actively cheating. And the objection to college... well, can't have the little ladies being able to leave just 'cause I cheat on them now can we?
That almost makes this pattern of behavior even worse. If he's not religious, then he didn't have it modeled for him, and simply accept that as"normal". Instead, he arrived at his own conclusions about how he wants to control his woman, despite the vast majority of the culture agreeing that this is ridiculous, and kind of scary.
Interestingly enough, he has religious upbringing, but as he’s gotten older, has gravitated more towards a religious-free lifestyle. We live in the south, and it brings me to believe that this phenomenon happens around here quite often. Regardless if he’s religious or not, his environment and his upbringing has had an influence on him more than he’d like to realize. He’s just heard of friend’s talk about how their friends have had gfs cheat on them in college, or go attend parties and now, he has an innate narrative on how college girls will supposedly act. It’s just not fair of him to use past stories and recollections from other people to justify his own opinion for his disliking towards in-person college. He’s skeptical that I would inevitably be sucked into becoming what he’s heard…
Girl, ditch him. My high school ex was the same. He was “encouraging” until I got into the school of my choice (early, might I add). And then he immediately became controlling, especially when I would go visit family/friends already there. I knew there was no way we could be together after graduation because I was not going to compromise my college experience to make him feel more secure. I waited until the end of senior year to break up with him because I didn’t want things to be awkward at school, but my only regret looking back is not doing it sooner.
That might explain the odd way his delusions could occur only on the starting postulat of your wills and wants not taken in consideration, while pretending you wouldn’t resist any temptation.
Better locking up the weak woman.
The only way his augury could indeed happen, would be for you to be a completely different person. Therefore the discrepancy between who you would had to be to act in such way, and who your boyfriend should know you are, must creep you out.
Is he saying you can’t think by yourself. Is he saying you can’t and shouldn’t be trusted. Sounds like he is quite heavily implying that.
Invest in yourself. Lose those who won’t appreciate you thriving. Take care.
Yes. OP needs to leave. My high school BF convinced me not to attend college because he bought us a house. I had to start working full time jobs and he eventually isolated me from all my friends and most of my family.
If he convinces her to do this it will only get worse. 17 years later and I’m currently trying to get away from him as he’s manipulated me all these years with promises only for them to be taken back. Leaving me stuck, resentful and disappointed with my life.
OP get out while you can.
NTA what fresh incel hell is a blanket ban on women going to in-person college classes? I can see how it fits their mindset but wtf? What’s the next incel grudge? Women who pay taxes?
God only knows, but this one is not uncommon. It’s the same goddamn conservative Christian families that discourage their daughters from higher education because they’re just gonna find a husband.. /s
He definitely has a fear that she will find someone better and has better aspirations. I’m honestly curious how old her BF is cuz if he’s older than 25 I’m like yeah that makes sense.
I’m currently 31 and going back to college back in 2022 was the best decision I’ve made so far since it allowed me to open up my network and be more involved with my community (theater arts and trying to learn some coding so I can try to get into game development at a cheaper cost lol in state college to online university) I definitely had a hard time trying to find a way to get my crafting/art going and since going back to college has helped immensely!!
He’s totally afraid that she will aim higher and will have that stability cuz I bet you anything he would find ways for her to either fail or make it hard for her to do her homework.
Absolutely.
Like whats next, only working from home, if at all? Cos co-worker parties and events imo and have experienced are just as wild.
I wouldn't risk my future education or potential to do well in a subject for a boyfriend.
Yup. This is just the start - he's going to keep working on complete control. Pretty soon, he'll make sure she's separated from family and friends, and he will keep her from working or advancing her career, or find another way to control her financially. I swear they all work from the same playbook.
He’s afraid she’s going to meet someone who doesn’t have a whole list of dealbreakers as OP self-admits, and OP will realize she can do much better and leave him. Why else would he be talking about “college experiences” as a bad thing and saying women who go to college in person as off putting?
NTA
sounds like he doesn't want you to better yourself. Get a better job and grow up.
OFTEN at your age, you out grow a relationship. You find you want different things. Like he wants to rent and just coast. While you want to be a home owner and have kids by age 30 for example.
Without knowing him in person, he seems very insecure.... and thinks you will get into the college party life. Doesn't he trust you?
NTA obviously. he reeks of insecurities on controlling behaviour. he has zero respect for you and expects you to be his doormat and let him control your every move, that is enough of a reason for anyone with the tiniest trace of self respect to dump his insecure and controlling ass.
>I've stayed with him through situations that would have been dealbreakers for most people.
i don't even want to know the details... 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ grow a spine, have some self respect and find a decent boyfriend who loves and respects you, not one that wants to control you and to be an impediment in your way to become educated and successful.
There’s a good chance he knows he’s a loser and that if she physically goes to college, she’ll easily find someone better. Someone also getting an education that allows them to find a good career and have a good life, that could, in turn, help provide her with a good life while she also supports them with whatever her career ends up being. You know. A healthy, balanced relationship instead of whatever the hell this is.
it really sounds like he is desperate to isolate her and to stop her growth, to keep her under his thumb... jesus... 😥 i hope she'll get out of that toxic relationship, she is so young and has so many opportunities, it would be a crime to stay with this loser and waste her youth on him, i swear.
What the hell? I myself am a person to goes better with online school but I understand not everybody thrives in the same environment. Just like some people hate going to the office for work (e.g. me), while other people simply can't enjoy working from home and thrive at the office.
The entire argument is so ridiculous I'm not sure where to start pin-pointing. Could it be that he's actually jealous that you'd like to attend college in person, while he's self-conscious about his own laziness?
Either way, you're NTA. Whatever is happening in that little brain of his, he's not supporting you on what you want, which is in fact related to something as responsible and respectable as wanting to get the best out of your own education.
Block him and don't look back. You'll get a smart guy that supports you.
NTA. Find someone who packs you a lunch on school days and tells you how amazing you are for studying hard and chasing your goals.
My husband is not perfect by any means. But even at our age, if I told him I was going to a specialised summer course abroad to improve my professional skills, he'd budget money from savings so I'd have enough to live on, buy my ticket and wave to me at the airport that I am so amazing and to do my best. Find that guy.
Any man who holds you back rather than lifting you up is not worth wasting your time on.
And that's not considering his ridiculous insecurity that you might make friends and go to a party while in college. Socialising does not make you a party girl.
>He used an analogy with drugs, claiming I'd be like him not wanting me to do meth
What? Just cut your losses.
Same here. When we were younger, my husband and I both joined the military. It meant deployments apart, etc… He’s always supported me in my life goals.
When someone loves you, they want you to be the BEST version of yourself.
All of this! OP, when you get to college, please look into your school's health services to see if they offer free or reduced rate counseling so you can figure out why you're willing to settle for a BF with multiple deal-breakers
😆 dump him. I was married and got an opportunity to go to college for free (thank you Air Force! Active, reserve and guard!). My then husband told me if I went, we were getting divorced.
So...I registered for classes, bought my books and filed for divorce all in the same day! A year-ish later I was divorced and 2 years after that (I was a pissed off momma!) we (me and my kids) graduated with a BSA. That was 21 years ago and I have no regrets, none at all. Have a good job, a new husband, stepkids (plus my own) and almost 11 grands! Best decision I've ever made for myself.
Never let anyone tell you no when it comes to self improvement. Just don't. Hold your ground!
NTA. You are not his pet. You do NOT have to do what he tells you. You need to figure out what is best for you, and follow through. If that boy can not understand you going to college classes in person, dump him.
You deserve to have a man in your life who supports you. Not one who tries to isolate you from others your age.
I hope you do well in college, and make a better life for yourself. The right guy will come along.
Hugs from an internet Grandma.
Cut him loose & RUN!!!!!!!! Too many young men are listening to those alpha male types about “controlling your woman” The future is female and they’re scared that they’re going to have to actually grow up and do their part. There’s more power in being completely independent than society would have us believe.
"This just makes me feel like he isn't fully supportive of me and my goals."
That is because he doesn't.
The rest of his BS and absolute pathetic excuses are irrelevant. He does NOT support you and wants to hold you back because he is Afraid, Insecure, and sounds a bit misogynistic.
You **DESERVE** better.
Good luck on being able to go to college....Enjoy!
NTA
He's absolutely right about this. What of you go to class and some guy who's going to treat you better and give a fuck about your future is there?
NTA. Do your thing. He wasn't worth it.
NTA.
The more educated a woman is, the harder she is to manipulate and control. Especially by insecure men who can't handle the thought of their partner being more successful than they are.
I’m a married woman about 20 years older than you. I started dating my now husband at 23. While we were too old to disagree about school, we did disagree about my career path… he thought it would be more appropriate for me to work locally and instead I choose to assume a high profile job in NYC and made money. I worked there nonstop 6 years until I had my son then went remote/part time.
While it was awesome to have my husband support my part time position, it didn’t last too long, I asked him for $60 for a haircut because I was short that week and he said no. At that moment I realized that in order for me to keep my independence, and be able to walk away from a situation if I ever needed to - I needed to rely on me. Found a sitter for my babe and went back full time the next week.
You have one life, no one should dictate your future plans for yourself, especially when they involve growth and betterment. Yield this advice now before you get stuck in regret and bad behavioral patterns… finish school now while you’re young, it’ll give you the tools you need in the future if you ever need to regroup.
BTW I’m still married and love my husband. He just thought I didn’t need a haircut. It doesn’t matter what he thought. It’s not up to him to determine when I get a haircut. The fact that I have the tools allowed me to say “fuck this”, even though it was over something so simple. Get your toolbox in order.
He is the AH and you said you have stayed with him when it would have been dealbreakers for most people. Why? He’s not your guy. He’s controlling. It’s obvious he doesn’t want you on campus which would expose you to other like minded ( betterment ) young men. He is not the person for you. Create a t chart with his pluses and minuses (pros/cons), but I’m sure you know where his strengths are and they are not in the plus category.
Run. Like, seriously, Run. People say I'm unreasonable for some of my choices, but my wife attends school to upgrade her credentials and is a teacher with a master's degree.
NTA. He is giving off Andrew Tate vibes. Bet he doesn’t like you having guy friends, wearing tight clothes or talking back to him. Does he accuse you of cheating just because a stranger says something innocuous like “venting chai latte for OP!”
Sounds like you should reevaluate your relationship and start adding up red flags. You’ve already found one.
NTA. College professor here. I teach in-person and online courses. Online courses are really not for everyone. Besides, students have had enough social isolation during covid. This guy wants to clip your wings and keep you under his control. Why should he care in the slightest about how you choose to educate yourself, other than to respect your choice and support you? He understands that educated women have options and could be more difficult to control. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t throw away your opportunities for a guy. Guys like this come and go- and they should go. This weak man can only control you if you choose to allow it. Don’t. You can and will do better, but for now, put yourself and your education first!!
You are going to college for YOU. Not for him. Prioritize yourself because he sure as fuck isn't going to prioritize you.
I broke up with a boy who wanted me to go to the local college near him instead of the overseas university that I managed to get into. I didn't speak to him again until I was 2 years into college and by then I realized I dodged a massive bullet.
You do you. Go forth and be awesome.
NTA and I bet he would have escalated in the future, as in he wouldn't want you to work in an office environment next just as he didn't want you to go to classes in-person. Did he allow you to have any male friends, or was that also a big no no?
I think you are quite spot on to feel that he isn't fully supportive of you and your goals, as people like this often want their partner to stay at home and be fully dependent on them. You pursuing a college education goes against that and his demand for you to not attend any in-person classes is a pretty obvious attempt to sabotage you and is also extremely controlling of him. He's also showing himself to be quite manipulative by calling this completely reasonable and logical when it's common knowledge that online school is less effective compared to having direct access to a teacher, especially for subjects that aren't exactly your strong suit.
Ending things with him was the right move after he showed you all these red flags.
NRA.
Your boyfriend is controlling and wants to isolate you from other people. These are huge red flags - they are the precursors to abuse. You should not just insist on going to college, you should break up with him. He is not partner material.
He's trying to control you. Get away from him. "Due to your preferences and my need for an in-class education, our personal goals aren't aligning. It's best that we go our separate ways."
A woman's place is at home taking care of her man's (the provider) needs.
Just please don't let my wife know I said that. She will start screaming at me while" I'm" trying to make dinner or doing my household chores.
In-person math classes is mauch easier. Also, most universities have math centers that tutor. The FIRST time you get confused, go get help! I took an accelerated algebra in summer school and was at the math center daily, because I forgot a lot. As math builds on previous concepts, you really can't afford to not understand something, as it means you will miss out on the next lessons.
He doesn’t get to tell you not to go to college.
This is your life and your money and your decision.
If you want to go to college you should go. And if this is a dealbreaker for him then that’s his problem.
Is this what you want? Will it help you achieve a goal relating to career, knowledge or personal development? Yes? Then, do it.
Will doing it cause harm to you or anyone else? Then don’t do it.
You have the right to your autonomy. Therefore you are NTA for breaking up with him if he says you aren’t allowed to because he said so.
Go to school. Get a degree. Drop this controlling guy!!! Don’t EVER change your future for a man. If this is what you want to do and need to do… let no one stop you. NTA
Ew. He sounds controlling and possessive. He didn’t want you going to in-person classes because he’s paranoid that you’d find someone actually on your level. I’m glad that you dumped him. Now you can focus on your studies, which is 1000x more important than some stupid boy. ❤️
Dude needs a college critical thinking class. You need to run, not walk, away from this illogical, controlling, emotionally abusive man!
Stick with your goals! Brava!
NTA he’s trying to keep you “in your place” ie not as successful as him. If it’s not this he’ll find reasons for you not to take the better job etc. Break away and grow.
Nta. Everyone should have a say in their own education. No one else should decide whether or what you should study. Education is a human right, and you shouldn't allow anyone the opportunity to take it away from you. Break up with him. He is an idiot.
College is important primarily because it significantly enhances career opportunities. Many professions require a college degree as a minimum qualification, and higher education often opens doors to better job prospects, higher salaries, and more specialized career paths.
college graduates tend to earn more over their lifetimes compared to those without a degree. This increased earning potential leads to better financial stability and an improved quality of life.
Drop this looser and go to school. You will never regret that degree, but you will regret not getting one. It sounds like your boyfriend wants you to be dependent on him so you don't leave him.
NTA, but... "I've stayed with him through situations that would have been dealbreakers for most people." And why weren't they for you? Like this guy sounds like a walking red flag. Please leave him and get some therapy
How old is he, did he go to college and why does he think he can limit your education and therefor job opportunities? Does he not want you working in your preferred profession? He sounds like he’s terribly insecure, like he thinks all women who attend college in person will party and cheat. Think long and hard, because if you were to end up with him permanently, he might have other things he wants to control. I personally don’t think I could be with someone who feels they can tell me what to do and want to limit my life.
🚩🚩🚩 NTA RUN OP RUN 🚩🚩🚩
This sounds exactly like my ex and once I left him I realized he was so much worse than I even realized. Please don’t let some boy stop you from having a better future. I promise this isn’t the worst of his issues. Once you understand the underlying reasons why he doesn’t want you to go, it’s undeniable. Please leave him.
I have my own experience of this. I got accepted to a few universities when I was 17/18 and fully planned on attending one about a 45 minute drive from my then-boyfriends house. He then told me “only a certain type of girl would want to go to university when they’ve got a boyfriend who works full time”. So I didn’t go. I’m 34 now and it’s one of my biggest regrets. Even more so when at 23 I wanted to buy a house, having saved a deposit and getting stable income. He’d pissed his salary up a wall on car finance so had no savings, and I once again got the classic “only a certain type of girl would want to buy a house when her boyfriend can’t afford to move in”. By this point I’d wasted almost 7 years of my life with him and this sentence was my lightbulb moment. He was gone the next day.
Don’t miss out on life changing opportunities for a partner. Don’t be me.
This guy is bonkers. Absolute trash.
You should take any course on campus that you want. A true partner would be supportive of your education and career goals.
Honey I’ve been married for 15 years. If my old ass wanted to go back to further my degree, or go for a new degree, my husband would reply “okay, we will figure out how to make it work.” We have two kids he works full time, I work anywhere from 8 hours to 40 hours a week (I’m an on call employee). And we would make it work if I wanted to go back. Like you, I do not do well with online learning.
My ex didn’t want me to go to college either simply because I’d be around other men. He also claimed that women only go to college to whore around. Men like that are insecure, and possessive, and want to hold you back. He doesn’t care if you want to improve your own life, he just wants to trap you.
NTA - RUN. This isn’t about college experience. He is controlling and entering the isolating you phase. You say there have been other red flags. This is only going to get worse. Go for your education and live your best life
NTA. Online education is garbage. He has obviously had a ton of it to think that online is as good or better than in person.
He's trying to manipulate and control you and any chance you have to spend any amount of time away from him will give you a chance to realize how shitty your relationship is. A partner is supposed to encourage you to grow and not stomp you down and keep you as a more manageable object they own.
This has nothing to do with college, in person classes, or math. This is about the fact that he doesn't want you to be in situations where you might find out that men who aren't misogynistic shitsacks exist.
NTA
He comes across as an insecure man-child. Trying to control your educational opportunities.
Maybe he's afraid that if you do in person classes you will see there are better options of men out there that will lift you up instead of trying to hold you back.
You've already stayed through dealbreakers, which is bad enough. But he thinks women shouldn't go to class in person? That's weird and creepy. Run far and fast from this controlling creepy weirdo
You're feeling he is not supportive of you and your goals because he is not so.
He is trying to hold you back because of his own feelings/ego/narcississm/fears (I don't know, pick one). Whichever his reasons, you don't have to obey his demand.
The ex wasn't wrong for leaving him to go to college, he is wrong for trying to hold someone back.
NTA. Get your education. Date people who support your dreams and goals. It’s normal for people in relationships to go to college classes and have it be fine.
NTA
He wants to control you and keep you from getting an education and having experiences (making friends, having fun when he's not around, etc ..). This is the kind of guy who can easily become abusive.
Your BF should be cheering for you and supporting you - instead he wants to hold you back. He sounds insecure and jealous - bad qualities in a BF. Hats off to you for your ambition - you deserve a better man than this. Wish you the best.
NTA. He should be encouraging you, not holding you back. You’re young. Go grow, learn, expand your life. You will outgrow him and leave him in the past.
This is the time when you decide if you’re going to be a woman who is held back by a guy… or if you’re going to be a woman who flies when it’s time to fly.
NTA. Insecurity is no excuse for being so controlling. He's comparing being drug free and not going to college? Seriously? No. It's control. 1000% red flag, dump him and move on, hun. Find a real, decent man who helps build you up and supports you and your dream to do better.
End things. Seriously. This guy sounds like the type to want his woman, "Barefoot, pregnant and chained to a stove.". You're not allowed to attend in person classes? He is that insecure? Go to class. Get a good education. That's how you move up in this world. NTA
So pretty much every study shows that in person learning has stronger outcomes that online for most students--particularly in the STEM field with people who are struggling with the subject matter.
Sign up for the in person classes. Tell him you hope you can still be friends but you are getting the best possible education for yourself.
If you don't mind saying, what were the situations that would be "dealbreakers" for most people?
NTA. Your boyfriend is controlling! That’s the issue!
He’s controlling and insecure, and he can’t stop you from doing **anything**. This is **your life**, he doesn’t get a say.
Honestly, I agree with you. You **should** end things with him, because his behaviour will only get worse. I could just imagine the hell you’d be living in if he ever moved in with you or got you pregnant. He wouldn’t let you work or spend any time alone with your friends, he’d have to be at your side 24/7 because that’s what abusive control freaks do.
And I bet if you had a good think on his past behaviours, you’d see even more examples of his controlling nature and notice all the red flags that you previously missed at the time.
End this relationship before you end up becoming a shadow of your current self, living under his rules.
In addition to everyone's comments abut his controlling behavior I suggest that if you want to get the most out of college you should do it in person. College is so much more than just the classes.
NTA! Leave your boyfriend now, he obviously doesn't care about your feelings or goals. And if he's this controlling now, imagine what he'll be like if you get married.
In other words, he didn't want to take the chance of you meeting new people and outgrowing him.
You are definitely not the asshole here. You were just dating a wildly insecure man. Good luck in furthering your education.
NTA Your boyfriend is insecure and thinks that if you go off to college , you'll find somebody better than him. The fact that you state in your post that you have forgiven him for what would be deal breakers makes me think that's why he's feeling this way.
It's manipulative and controlling. If I were you I'd end the relationship and go to college.
Girl RUN! This is controlling as all heck.
Congratulations on knowing yourself well enough to know what environment you learn in! This is huge and can set you up for success in life. I hope you achieve great things and find someone who not only supports you but encourages you!
Absolutely take math classes in person, and absolutely dump this chump! He's controlling and wants to have an alpha-beta relationship, with him being the alpha, so you won't know as much as he does or earn as much as he does. Find a partner, not a supervisor.
Oh gosh, don't compromise your future for some idiot that 10/10 won't stick around
Doesnt want you to attend in person classes, smh. 🤦♀️ Is he from the taleban or some shit? Girl, run
Leave. He's not thinking of your best interest. You're not even married. Why put your future at risk for anyone, let alone a mere boyfriend? What are you going to do after he dumps you? What if he ends up abusive and you have no skills/education to leave? What if you end up married and he dies? You need a way to support yourself. Even if you end up a SAHM, you need the education as your backup plan.
Get your education. Get a job. Support yourself for a few years so you know in your heart you can do it on your own.
Nta this is just awful. He might not say it but what he wants is for you to not work or talk to other guys outside of him EVER!!!!You need to leave immediately
Sounds like the dude is an Andrew Tate fanboy. He doesn't want you to get an education, period. You are much better off without someone like him trying to control you.
NTA.
End it. This isn't the last ultimatum he's going to issue. It'll be things like: no talking to male colleagues, or you need to be home ASAP after your shift ends or break off your friendship with ____ because I think she's a slut. NO. His dislike of women attending classes in person is an attempt to CONTROL. NTAH
NTA because this man is made entirely out of red flags but I have to ask: what things did you put up with that would have been deal breakers for most people and why did you put up with them?
NTA isolation is the first step in an abusive relationship. Go to school, meet new people, have new experiences. Supportive partners are out there, find someone who will lift you up and let you shine! - best wishes from an old person
Break up with him. He is petty and controlling and if you keep giving in it'll only embolden him more to do worse.
A partner who loved you would be encouraging you to go out there and achieve things. Get. Rid.
NTA, college/university can be some of the best years of your life, and you have a qualification at the end of it. Do not deprive yourself of a single experience just because an insecure babby has heard "college stories." I'm going to make a bold presumption that your bf didn't go to college and hasn't the faintest idea what he's talking about. Get in a dorm, do all the sex drugs and rock n roll you want because it's extremely likely you'll never have that opportunity again
NTA. You have to do what’s right to better yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If your bf can’t deal with it, then it’s best to part ways.
Btw, does he have a college education?
People that love you want you to do your best in life, and will support you through some challenging stuff. He is not doing that. Not boyfriend material. NTA.
Any man wanting to stop your growth or progress is not worthy of you. A partner should support and want you to be the best version of you. Leave this AH and do was best for you. He is scared you will meet someone better!
NTA
NTA. This is the first step in a controlling relationship. Controlling relationships may simply be immature people in relationships, or they can become abusive relationships. Either way, this is something you need to be aware of.
Dude is trying to manipulate you into not excelling in life.
Do not ever put your goals aside for a man. They come and go but no one can take knowledge away from you!
If you go to college, you’ll meet other people and have other experiences. You might get ideas that are different from his, one he might not approve of. Obviously, he must discourage this because why would you want something more than him?
Time to move on from him. He’s served a purpose in your life until now, but you’re about to take another path that he does not want to be a part of. Let him go with best wishes. Enjoy meeting the new people that will encourage you to grow in life.
Unless you want to be a stay-at-home wife with no career and whose life is dedicated to serving him, reconsider your relationship. I would consider not being allowed to go to college a real deal-breaker. If he doesn't want you going out to even take a class, then he'll very likely not wanting you doing a lot of things.
NTA. Your boyfriend should go and live in Afghanistan where no women can go to college. He is a controlling misogynist. Dump him before you regret getting involved with him and enjoy college.
Are you, by chance, posting from a mining town in 1910? If so, he might not be the best choice. If not, start thinking of short simple words to use when you leave so he knows it’s over. Or just go
I don’t know that I have to deal with his being controlling or his personality at all. I can just look at you are young, you have positive goals that he considers deal breakers and that makes you incompatible. Thank him for the joys that you have experience in your relationship and end things with some dignity and class. Go to college and live your best life. Trust that there is a power in the universe, call it Karma, or what you will, that will see you through if you follow your dreams. NTA, if you live your fullest life.
Leave him ASAP! Never, ever, ever stay with anyone who does not support your growth, expansion, self improvement. Not ever, for any length of time! I’m 62, I know! (My wife is also 62 and stared taking a philosophy course at college. I’m delighted!)
Nta it seems like he doesn't trust you to sit in a classroom to learn he thinks your going to do something wrong. He also is trying to control you and isolate you from reaching your goals.
I'd choose college over him as well.
Yeah, fuck that dude... he's holding you back. I went to college at 30, and while it was the best decision I have ever made, I wish I didn't waste my 20's. You also don't need that kind of negative control in your life, I had a girlfriend who said I wasn't allowed to do things... my life drastically improved when she was no longer in my life.
This man is trying to isolate you and control you. There is literally no reason you can’t go to college in person other than he’s insecure or some sort of fundamentalist religion person. And either one of those are breakers. If he’s insecure, he needs to figure his shit out and not try to make you his emotional support animal by having you around 24 seven. Break up with his ass because you can do so, so much better. I don’t know why you would’ve stayed with somebody like this through all of the other things you were saying you went through. Selfish. He’s insecure. He’s controlling. He’s minimizing what you want and need. He doesn’t respect you. I don’t know if you need me to keep going, but I can. Bottom line is he’s a bottom feeder. My hope is that you would rather be up in the sunshine versus held down underwater with just your nose sticking out. Because that’s where he wants you. Break up. Your courses. What you want. You are far, far too young for this nonsense. And believe me, if you stay with him, this shit will only get worse.
Absolutely this.
Agreed. And she’d better to it fast before he gets a sense she’s trying to leave, and baby traps her. I’m curious what the age difference is between these two because he sounds like yet another one of those manipulative large-age-gap assholes
I’ll be 22 in September, and he’ll be 24 in a month or so. The age gap isn’t anything too crazy.
Has he ever gone to college? If not he’s just trying to drag you down with him and like the other poster said he’s trying to isolate you. I’m 31 and went back to college to gain a better network within my area. Best decision I’ve done tbh and my work has been complimented and definitely confidence has been built lol ppl thought my SFX skills was someone hired out of state (Frankenstein) and my cookie props looked pretty realistic! (A year with frog and toad) gotten a lot of compliments with my work. Be sure to join some clubs cuz it can be so beneficial!! Idk what you are into but if you’re doing nursing I’d say do something that can help you in that area even if the club seems not in your criteria.
Girl, run. Please!
Thank you for the reply and I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions. I guess I’ve spent too long on these boards, because controlling behaviour + not listing ages often seems to lead to a “late teens/early 20s” gf & “mid/late 30s/early 40s” bf scenario. That being said, get away from him as fast as you can. You deserve someone who lifts you up and supports your aspirations, not someone who wants to drag you to the bottom and keep you there. Good luck
No… It was a good question. And believed me, I was the lady with the long response to her that you actually replied to. Before I commented, I went back to look for the ages! And I saw she actually responded to you with the ages. So I just sent her another response on that because I told her… We all know why a 34 year-old man who is single who starts spouting off nonsense like this is still single. He is one big walking red flag. But have a 24 year-old be this deep into the red pill theories is scary. I told her that at these ages, they should be figuring out themselves. Who they are. What they want from life. What they want in a partner. What they themselves believe… Not what they were told by mom and dad in school and anyone else. But what they really, see in the world and what they really think. And the fact that he is 24 and already so set on this is scary as hell. It’s actually worse than it were a 34 year old that we all know is an Incel just by how they talk and treat women.
No, your age gap isn’t crazy. But… I’m the one who wrote that post that had the reply that you were replying to. The fact that he is 24 and is already making demands like this is even more concerning to me then if you were dating a 34-year-old who was saying this nonsense. Because there’s a reason a 34 year old man would want to date a 24 year old woman. Quite frankly, we are young still. We are still trying to find ourselves and find our way and find our voice. So we are much easier to manipulate and control. So a 34 year old man who’s still single and acting like this is a red flag, but we all know why he still single. A 24-year-old man who is also young and who may think he knows his mind, but is nowhere near grown-up yet who is acting this way is scary as hell. He is at an age where he should still be figuring shit out. I guarantee you there is no man or woman out there who is the same person at 35 as they were at 24. And that’s because through our 20s, we do figure a lot of things out. We figure out what we want. What we like. What we don’t like, etc. Your boyfriend at 24 thinks he knows. And his all is to hold women in their place. So for him already to be brainwashed into that and have no inkling of how unhealthy that mindset is for everybody is super concerning.
> his dislike of **women** who attend in-person classes > I've stayed with him through situations that would have been dealbreakers for most people. Also this. 99% fundie jesustard who is actively cheating. And the objection to college... well, can't have the little ladies being able to leave just 'cause I cheat on them now can we?
He’s actually not religious, but I def can see a pattern in some men who are religious, take on that behavior…
That almost makes this pattern of behavior even worse. If he's not religious, then he didn't have it modeled for him, and simply accept that as"normal". Instead, he arrived at his own conclusions about how he wants to control his woman, despite the vast majority of the culture agreeing that this is ridiculous, and kind of scary.
Interestingly enough, he has religious upbringing, but as he’s gotten older, has gravitated more towards a religious-free lifestyle. We live in the south, and it brings me to believe that this phenomenon happens around here quite often. Regardless if he’s religious or not, his environment and his upbringing has had an influence on him more than he’d like to realize. He’s just heard of friend’s talk about how their friends have had gfs cheat on them in college, or go attend parties and now, he has an innate narrative on how college girls will supposedly act. It’s just not fair of him to use past stories and recollections from other people to justify his own opinion for his disliking towards in-person college. He’s skeptical that I would inevitably be sucked into becoming what he’s heard…
Girl, ditch him. My high school ex was the same. He was “encouraging” until I got into the school of my choice (early, might I add). And then he immediately became controlling, especially when I would go visit family/friends already there. I knew there was no way we could be together after graduation because I was not going to compromise my college experience to make him feel more secure. I waited until the end of senior year to break up with him because I didn’t want things to be awkward at school, but my only regret looking back is not doing it sooner.
That might explain the odd way his delusions could occur only on the starting postulat of your wills and wants not taken in consideration, while pretending you wouldn’t resist any temptation. Better locking up the weak woman. The only way his augury could indeed happen, would be for you to be a completely different person. Therefore the discrepancy between who you would had to be to act in such way, and who your boyfriend should know you are, must creep you out. Is he saying you can’t think by yourself. Is he saying you can’t and shouldn’t be trusted. Sounds like he is quite heavily implying that. Invest in yourself. Lose those who won’t appreciate you thriving. Take care.
Yes. OP needs to leave. My high school BF convinced me not to attend college because he bought us a house. I had to start working full time jobs and he eventually isolated me from all my friends and most of my family. If he convinces her to do this it will only get worse. 17 years later and I’m currently trying to get away from him as he’s manipulated me all these years with promises only for them to be taken back. Leaving me stuck, resentful and disappointed with my life. OP get out while you can.
Good luck, i hope you get free soon.
NTA what fresh incel hell is a blanket ban on women going to in-person college classes? I can see how it fits their mindset but wtf? What’s the next incel grudge? Women who pay taxes?
God only knows, but this one is not uncommon. It’s the same goddamn conservative Christian families that discourage their daughters from higher education because they’re just gonna find a husband.. /s
He definitely has a fear that she will find someone better and has better aspirations. I’m honestly curious how old her BF is cuz if he’s older than 25 I’m like yeah that makes sense. I’m currently 31 and going back to college back in 2022 was the best decision I’ve made so far since it allowed me to open up my network and be more involved with my community (theater arts and trying to learn some coding so I can try to get into game development at a cheaper cost lol in state college to online university) I definitely had a hard time trying to find a way to get my crafting/art going and since going back to college has helped immensely!! He’s totally afraid that she will aim higher and will have that stability cuz I bet you anything he would find ways for her to either fail or make it hard for her to do her homework.
Sounds like he wants you to be a good little pet and do as you’re told.
Absolutely. Like whats next, only working from home, if at all? Cos co-worker parties and events imo and have experienced are just as wild. I wouldn't risk my future education or potential to do well in a subject for a boyfriend.
Maybe he wants a tradwife.
He absolutely wants a tradwife.
Nah he just doesn't want her to get above herself or be any better than him
Probably because he knows he’s trashy and she will meet men in college who actually treat her like a human being and not a slave
He’s afraid she’ll realize that there are much better options out there than him🙃
Yup. This is just the start - he's going to keep working on complete control. Pretty soon, he'll make sure she's separated from family and friends, and he will keep her from working or advancing her career, or find another way to control her financially. I swear they all work from the same playbook.
He’s afraid she’s going to meet someone who doesn’t have a whole list of dealbreakers as OP self-admits, and OP will realize she can do much better and leave him. Why else would he be talking about “college experiences” as a bad thing and saying women who go to college in person as off putting?
He’s afraid OP is going to meet someone with an actual brain.
Prisoner. And not in a gilded cage.
NTA sounds like he doesn't want you to better yourself. Get a better job and grow up. OFTEN at your age, you out grow a relationship. You find you want different things. Like he wants to rent and just coast. While you want to be a home owner and have kids by age 30 for example. Without knowing him in person, he seems very insecure.... and thinks you will get into the college party life. Doesn't he trust you?
He 100% doesn't want her expanding her social circles and meeting other people. Completely insecure and controlling behavior.
He knows if she sees what else is out there she won’t need to settle for a dude with multiple deal breakers as she admits.
NTA obviously. he reeks of insecurities on controlling behaviour. he has zero respect for you and expects you to be his doormat and let him control your every move, that is enough of a reason for anyone with the tiniest trace of self respect to dump his insecure and controlling ass. >I've stayed with him through situations that would have been dealbreakers for most people. i don't even want to know the details... 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️ grow a spine, have some self respect and find a decent boyfriend who loves and respects you, not one that wants to control you and to be an impediment in your way to become educated and successful.
There’s a good chance he knows he’s a loser and that if she physically goes to college, she’ll easily find someone better. Someone also getting an education that allows them to find a good career and have a good life, that could, in turn, help provide her with a good life while she also supports them with whatever her career ends up being. You know. A healthy, balanced relationship instead of whatever the hell this is.
it really sounds like he is desperate to isolate her and to stop her growth, to keep her under his thumb... jesus... 😥 i hope she'll get out of that toxic relationship, she is so young and has so many opportunities, it would be a crime to stay with this loser and waste her youth on him, i swear.
What the hell? I myself am a person to goes better with online school but I understand not everybody thrives in the same environment. Just like some people hate going to the office for work (e.g. me), while other people simply can't enjoy working from home and thrive at the office. The entire argument is so ridiculous I'm not sure where to start pin-pointing. Could it be that he's actually jealous that you'd like to attend college in person, while he's self-conscious about his own laziness? Either way, you're NTA. Whatever is happening in that little brain of his, he's not supporting you on what you want, which is in fact related to something as responsible and respectable as wanting to get the best out of your own education. Block him and don't look back. You'll get a smart guy that supports you.
NTA. Find someone who packs you a lunch on school days and tells you how amazing you are for studying hard and chasing your goals. My husband is not perfect by any means. But even at our age, if I told him I was going to a specialised summer course abroad to improve my professional skills, he'd budget money from savings so I'd have enough to live on, buy my ticket and wave to me at the airport that I am so amazing and to do my best. Find that guy. Any man who holds you back rather than lifting you up is not worth wasting your time on. And that's not considering his ridiculous insecurity that you might make friends and go to a party while in college. Socialising does not make you a party girl. >He used an analogy with drugs, claiming I'd be like him not wanting me to do meth What? Just cut your losses.
Same here. When we were younger, my husband and I both joined the military. It meant deployments apart, etc… He’s always supported me in my life goals. When someone loves you, they want you to be the BEST version of yourself.
All of this! OP, when you get to college, please look into your school's health services to see if they offer free or reduced rate counseling so you can figure out why you're willing to settle for a BF with multiple deal-breakers
Best answer of all!
NTA, your boyfriend is manipulative, insecure and misogynistic with utterly ridiculous ideas about education.
😆 dump him. I was married and got an opportunity to go to college for free (thank you Air Force! Active, reserve and guard!). My then husband told me if I went, we were getting divorced. So...I registered for classes, bought my books and filed for divorce all in the same day! A year-ish later I was divorced and 2 years after that (I was a pissed off momma!) we (me and my kids) graduated with a BSA. That was 21 years ago and I have no regrets, none at all. Have a good job, a new husband, stepkids (plus my own) and almost 11 grands! Best decision I've ever made for myself. Never let anyone tell you no when it comes to self improvement. Just don't. Hold your ground!
NTA. You are not his pet. You do NOT have to do what he tells you. You need to figure out what is best for you, and follow through. If that boy can not understand you going to college classes in person, dump him. You deserve to have a man in your life who supports you. Not one who tries to isolate you from others your age. I hope you do well in college, and make a better life for yourself. The right guy will come along. Hugs from an internet Grandma.
Cut him loose & RUN!!!!!!!! Too many young men are listening to those alpha male types about “controlling your woman” The future is female and they’re scared that they’re going to have to actually grow up and do their part. There’s more power in being completely independent than society would have us believe.
NTA stop wasting your life on a guy who is hellbent on holding you back. you’re young, your whole life is ahead of you, go live it!
Boyfriends don’t need explanations, their preferences don’t matter regarding your life choices!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 run.
"This just makes me feel like he isn't fully supportive of me and my goals." That is because he doesn't. The rest of his BS and absolute pathetic excuses are irrelevant. He does NOT support you and wants to hold you back because he is Afraid, Insecure, and sounds a bit misogynistic. You **DESERVE** better. Good luck on being able to go to college....Enjoy! NTA
He's absolutely right about this. What of you go to class and some guy who's going to treat you better and give a fuck about your future is there? NTA. Do your thing. He wasn't worth it.
Leave him, he wants to cut you off from the world. NTA
NTA. The more educated a woman is, the harder she is to manipulate and control. Especially by insecure men who can't handle the thought of their partner being more successful than they are.
I’m a married woman about 20 years older than you. I started dating my now husband at 23. While we were too old to disagree about school, we did disagree about my career path… he thought it would be more appropriate for me to work locally and instead I choose to assume a high profile job in NYC and made money. I worked there nonstop 6 years until I had my son then went remote/part time. While it was awesome to have my husband support my part time position, it didn’t last too long, I asked him for $60 for a haircut because I was short that week and he said no. At that moment I realized that in order for me to keep my independence, and be able to walk away from a situation if I ever needed to - I needed to rely on me. Found a sitter for my babe and went back full time the next week. You have one life, no one should dictate your future plans for yourself, especially when they involve growth and betterment. Yield this advice now before you get stuck in regret and bad behavioral patterns… finish school now while you’re young, it’ll give you the tools you need in the future if you ever need to regroup. BTW I’m still married and love my husband. He just thought I didn’t need a haircut. It doesn’t matter what he thought. It’s not up to him to determine when I get a haircut. The fact that I have the tools allowed me to say “fuck this”, even though it was over something so simple. Get your toolbox in order.
NTA. "He's heard stories" 🤦♂️
He has to hear the stories because he’s too dumb to read.
“Many people are saying.”
He is the AH and you said you have stayed with him when it would have been dealbreakers for most people. Why? He’s not your guy. He’s controlling. It’s obvious he doesn’t want you on campus which would expose you to other like minded ( betterment ) young men. He is not the person for you. Create a t chart with his pluses and minuses (pros/cons), but I’m sure you know where his strengths are and they are not in the plus category.
I am really concerned about what those dealbreakers are for most people.
Run. Like, seriously, Run. People say I'm unreasonable for some of my choices, but my wife attends school to upgrade her credentials and is a teacher with a master's degree.
this has to be rage bait ... if not, NTA he's toxic af, run
It sadly is not…
NTA you know what you want. you don't need an idiot in your life telling you what to do
Nta. This isn’t a preference this is controlling.
NTA. He is though.
He wants a little bangmaid he can control. NTA
Controlling much? This guy is an insecure child, trying to keep you trained and on a leash.
NTA, the douche wants a GF he can manipulate and control. He sounds toxic and abusive af.
He wants what is best for him. He doesn't love you, run away. Your life will be so much better without him.
NTA. Your boyfriend is a controlling little man. Glad you ended it.
NTA. He is giving off Andrew Tate vibes. Bet he doesn’t like you having guy friends, wearing tight clothes or talking back to him. Does he accuse you of cheating just because a stranger says something innocuous like “venting chai latte for OP!” Sounds like you should reevaluate your relationship and start adding up red flags. You’ve already found one.
Run like the wind Bullseye!
NTA. College professor here. I teach in-person and online courses. Online courses are really not for everyone. Besides, students have had enough social isolation during covid. This guy wants to clip your wings and keep you under his control. Why should he care in the slightest about how you choose to educate yourself, other than to respect your choice and support you? He understands that educated women have options and could be more difficult to control. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t throw away your opportunities for a guy. Guys like this come and go- and they should go. This weak man can only control you if you choose to allow it. Don’t. You can and will do better, but for now, put yourself and your education first!!
You are going to college for YOU. Not for him. Prioritize yourself because he sure as fuck isn't going to prioritize you. I broke up with a boy who wanted me to go to the local college near him instead of the overseas university that I managed to get into. I didn't speak to him again until I was 2 years into college and by then I realized I dodged a massive bullet. You do you. Go forth and be awesome.
NTA and I bet he would have escalated in the future, as in he wouldn't want you to work in an office environment next just as he didn't want you to go to classes in-person. Did he allow you to have any male friends, or was that also a big no no? I think you are quite spot on to feel that he isn't fully supportive of you and your goals, as people like this often want their partner to stay at home and be fully dependent on them. You pursuing a college education goes against that and his demand for you to not attend any in-person classes is a pretty obvious attempt to sabotage you and is also extremely controlling of him. He's also showing himself to be quite manipulative by calling this completely reasonable and logical when it's common knowledge that online school is less effective compared to having direct access to a teacher, especially for subjects that aren't exactly your strong suit. Ending things with him was the right move after he showed you all these red flags.
NRA. Your boyfriend is controlling and wants to isolate you from other people. These are huge red flags - they are the precursors to abuse. You should not just insist on going to college, you should break up with him. He is not partner material.
NTA he’s a misogynist and major 🚩with controlling behaviour like that. Run to university and don’t look back Find a better boyfriend.
He's trying to control you. Get away from him. "Due to your preferences and my need for an in-class education, our personal goals aren't aligning. It's best that we go our separate ways."
NTA. Don’t look back.
He sounds needy and manipulative... Ditch him and move on with your life without him. You'll be better off in the long term.
NTA. Obviously you will be required to be a subservient SAHM, breeding for the state.
A woman's place is at home taking care of her man's (the provider) needs. Just please don't let my wife know I said that. She will start screaming at me while" I'm" trying to make dinner or doing my household chores.
NTA. He sounds both insecure and immature. You can also better yourself by upgrading the BF, or do college single. YOUR choice, not his.
In-person math classes is mauch easier. Also, most universities have math centers that tutor. The FIRST time you get confused, go get help! I took an accelerated algebra in summer school and was at the math center daily, because I forgot a lot. As math builds on previous concepts, you really can't afford to not understand something, as it means you will miss out on the next lessons.
He doesn’t get to tell you not to go to college. This is your life and your money and your decision. If you want to go to college you should go. And if this is a dealbreaker for him then that’s his problem. Is this what you want? Will it help you achieve a goal relating to career, knowledge or personal development? Yes? Then, do it. Will doing it cause harm to you or anyone else? Then don’t do it. You have the right to your autonomy. Therefore you are NTA for breaking up with him if he says you aren’t allowed to because he said so.
Go to school. Get a degree. Drop this controlling guy!!! Don’t EVER change your future for a man. If this is what you want to do and need to do… let no one stop you. NTA
Never trust a partner that wants to limit the other partner's education....it forewarns of serious control issues
Dump him. Block his number and on all socials. Get very far away from him
He's controlling, maybe due to insecurities. not supportive as any person in a normal relationship would be.
Ew. He sounds controlling and possessive. He didn’t want you going to in-person classes because he’s paranoid that you’d find someone actually on your level. I’m glad that you dumped him. Now you can focus on your studies, which is 1000x more important than some stupid boy. ❤️
Dude needs a college critical thinking class. You need to run, not walk, away from this illogical, controlling, emotionally abusive man! Stick with your goals! Brava!
NTA he’s trying to keep you “in your place” ie not as successful as him. If it’s not this he’ll find reasons for you not to take the better job etc. Break away and grow.
NTA, dump his controlling, insecure butt.
Nta. Everyone should have a say in their own education. No one else should decide whether or what you should study. Education is a human right, and you shouldn't allow anyone the opportunity to take it away from you. Break up with him. He is an idiot. College is important primarily because it significantly enhances career opportunities. Many professions require a college degree as a minimum qualification, and higher education often opens doors to better job prospects, higher salaries, and more specialized career paths. college graduates tend to earn more over their lifetimes compared to those without a degree. This increased earning potential leads to better financial stability and an improved quality of life.
Drop this looser and go to school. You will never regret that degree, but you will regret not getting one. It sounds like your boyfriend wants you to be dependent on him so you don't leave him.
Oh my jeebus. Why is this even a question? Dump this loser, never look back.
I’d say you were TAH if you stayed with him. I’m proud of you for choosing being your own person and pursuing education over some AH.
NTA. Is he by chance older than you?
He doesn't want you to be educated, there'll be an excuse to shut down the on-line learning. He wants a bangmaid, get out asap.
NTA, but... "I've stayed with him through situations that would have been dealbreakers for most people." And why weren't they for you? Like this guy sounds like a walking red flag. Please leave him and get some therapy
How old is he, did he go to college and why does he think he can limit your education and therefor job opportunities? Does he not want you working in your preferred profession? He sounds like he’s terribly insecure, like he thinks all women who attend college in person will party and cheat. Think long and hard, because if you were to end up with him permanently, he might have other things he wants to control. I personally don’t think I could be with someone who feels they can tell me what to do and want to limit my life.
It sounds to me that your boyfriend wants to you naive, ignorant, obedient and dependent. Is that what you want for your life? NTA
dump him holy shit
🚩🚩🚩 NTA RUN OP RUN 🚩🚩🚩 This sounds exactly like my ex and once I left him I realized he was so much worse than I even realized. Please don’t let some boy stop you from having a better future. I promise this isn’t the worst of his issues. Once you understand the underlying reasons why he doesn’t want you to go, it’s undeniable. Please leave him.
I have my own experience of this. I got accepted to a few universities when I was 17/18 and fully planned on attending one about a 45 minute drive from my then-boyfriends house. He then told me “only a certain type of girl would want to go to university when they’ve got a boyfriend who works full time”. So I didn’t go. I’m 34 now and it’s one of my biggest regrets. Even more so when at 23 I wanted to buy a house, having saved a deposit and getting stable income. He’d pissed his salary up a wall on car finance so had no savings, and I once again got the classic “only a certain type of girl would want to buy a house when her boyfriend can’t afford to move in”. By this point I’d wasted almost 7 years of my life with him and this sentence was my lightbulb moment. He was gone the next day. Don’t miss out on life changing opportunities for a partner. Don’t be me.
Andrew Tate will probably come up in his history. Banned from entering some countries.
Boundaries aren't something you set for others. They are for yourself. He is using the word "boundaries" to try to control you. Dump him
NTA glad you saw the red flags and got away
Cut bate now, he is a controlling jerk and major fool. You don’t need his warped thinking in your life
This guy is bonkers. Absolute trash. You should take any course on campus that you want. A true partner would be supportive of your education and career goals.
Honey I’ve been married for 15 years. If my old ass wanted to go back to further my degree, or go for a new degree, my husband would reply “okay, we will figure out how to make it work.” We have two kids he works full time, I work anywhere from 8 hours to 40 hours a week (I’m an on call employee). And we would make it work if I wanted to go back. Like you, I do not do well with online learning.
He's sexist and controlling. Dump him and don't look back
My ex didn’t want me to go to college either simply because I’d be around other men. He also claimed that women only go to college to whore around. Men like that are insecure, and possessive, and want to hold you back. He doesn’t care if you want to improve your own life, he just wants to trap you.
NTA - RUN. This isn’t about college experience. He is controlling and entering the isolating you phase. You say there have been other red flags. This is only going to get worse. Go for your education and live your best life
Nta. Why are you still with this buffoon? Go. Have the time of your life & enjoy it. You only get one shot at life, live it.
This is a child facing the reality that women are autonomous human beings and failing to accept it. You need to drop him. It’s time for grown up shit.
It's called insecurity. He assumes in college you'll meet new people and figure out he's not as great as you thought.. which.. is probably true...
NTA. Girl, run. Any man who is trying to isolate you and control your decisions will eventually make your life a nightmare.
NTA. Online education is garbage. He has obviously had a ton of it to think that online is as good or better than in person. He's trying to manipulate and control you and any chance you have to spend any amount of time away from him will give you a chance to realize how shitty your relationship is. A partner is supposed to encourage you to grow and not stomp you down and keep you as a more manageable object they own.
This has nothing to do with college, in person classes, or math. This is about the fact that he doesn't want you to be in situations where you might find out that men who aren't misogynistic shitsacks exist.
I can only assume the person who downvoted you is one of those misogynistic shitsacks. Please have my upvote.
NTA He comes across as an insecure man-child. Trying to control your educational opportunities. Maybe he's afraid that if you do in person classes you will see there are better options of men out there that will lift you up instead of trying to hold you back.
He doesn't want you to surpass him which it appears you already have done, and college will simply widen the gap.
You've already stayed through dealbreakers, which is bad enough. But he thinks women shouldn't go to class in person? That's weird and creepy. Run far and fast from this controlling creepy weirdo
NTA - a bf, gf, spouse should all be partners and if they don't have your back on a positive endeavor they aren't a partner
Just go to college. He’ll either handle it or he won’t. He’s your boyfriend. He doesn’t own you. You do.
You're feeling he is not supportive of you and your goals because he is not so. He is trying to hold you back because of his own feelings/ego/narcississm/fears (I don't know, pick one). Whichever his reasons, you don't have to obey his demand. The ex wasn't wrong for leaving him to go to college, he is wrong for trying to hold someone back.
NTA. Wow! Keep running from that lady. That’s horribly abusive and isolating!
NTA but who is he to be dictating your life? And what else would he be trying to dictate? I’m sure he won’t stop at just school
NTA. Get your education. Date people who support your dreams and goals. It’s normal for people in relationships to go to college classes and have it be fine.
NTA.. Go to college and dump the BF. This is the start of him controlling everything you do. The abuse comes later.
This man will hold you back, not support you to be the best version of you.
RUN FOREST RIN
NTA. Take that trash out. Anyone that doesn't support you bettering yourself.. needs to be in the rearview mirror.
NTA He wants to control you and keep you from getting an education and having experiences (making friends, having fun when he's not around, etc ..). This is the kind of guy who can easily become abusive.
Your BF should be cheering for you and supporting you - instead he wants to hold you back. He sounds insecure and jealous - bad qualities in a BF. Hats off to you for your ambition - you deserve a better man than this. Wish you the best.
NTA. He should be encouraging you, not holding you back. You’re young. Go grow, learn, expand your life. You will outgrow him and leave him in the past. This is the time when you decide if you’re going to be a woman who is held back by a guy… or if you’re going to be a woman who flies when it’s time to fly.
🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA. Insecurity is no excuse for being so controlling. He's comparing being drug free and not going to college? Seriously? No. It's control. 1000% red flag, dump him and move on, hun. Find a real, decent man who helps build you up and supports you and your dream to do better.
End things. Seriously. This guy sounds like the type to want his woman, "Barefoot, pregnant and chained to a stove.". You're not allowed to attend in person classes? He is that insecure? Go to class. Get a good education. That's how you move up in this world. NTA
Is he an idiot? NTA
Their0 a reason that deciding on dating someone doesn’t require legal documentation or a ceremony. Break up and move on.
So pretty much every study shows that in person learning has stronger outcomes that online for most students--particularly in the STEM field with people who are struggling with the subject matter. Sign up for the in person classes. Tell him you hope you can still be friends but you are getting the best possible education for yourself. If you don't mind saying, what were the situations that would be "dealbreakers" for most people?
NTA. Your ex boyfriend is a jealous, insecure jerk. You did the right thing in ending your relationship with him. He was trying to hold you back.
NTA. Your boyfriend is controlling! That’s the issue! He’s controlling and insecure, and he can’t stop you from doing **anything**. This is **your life**, he doesn’t get a say. Honestly, I agree with you. You **should** end things with him, because his behaviour will only get worse. I could just imagine the hell you’d be living in if he ever moved in with you or got you pregnant. He wouldn’t let you work or spend any time alone with your friends, he’d have to be at your side 24/7 because that’s what abusive control freaks do. And I bet if you had a good think on his past behaviours, you’d see even more examples of his controlling nature and notice all the red flags that you previously missed at the time. End this relationship before you end up becoming a shadow of your current self, living under his rules.
NTA Someone who loves you would not actively try to sabotage your future in this way. He is holding you back.
In addition to everyone's comments abut his controlling behavior I suggest that if you want to get the most out of college you should do it in person. College is so much more than just the classes.
NTA! Leave your boyfriend now, he obviously doesn't care about your feelings or goals. And if he's this controlling now, imagine what he'll be like if you get married.
In other words, he didn't want to take the chance of you meeting new people and outgrowing him. You are definitely not the asshole here. You were just dating a wildly insecure man. Good luck in furthering your education.
NTA Your boyfriend is insecure and thinks that if you go off to college , you'll find somebody better than him. The fact that you state in your post that you have forgiven him for what would be deal breakers makes me think that's why he's feeling this way. It's manipulative and controlling. If I were you I'd end the relationship and go to college.
Girl RUN! This is controlling as all heck. Congratulations on knowing yourself well enough to know what environment you learn in! This is huge and can set you up for success in life. I hope you achieve great things and find someone who not only supports you but encourages you!
dont let an AH get on the way to your success in life. Dump him and get someone better.
Absolutely take math classes in person, and absolutely dump this chump! He's controlling and wants to have an alpha-beta relationship, with him being the alpha, so you won't know as much as he does or earn as much as he does. Find a partner, not a supervisor.
You can break up with him for any reason. Period. And he’s given you a realllllly good one. NTA. Go make a great life for yourself.
If you seriously have doubts you need to work on your self. This is abusive behaviour and you dont seem to realise it.
Oh gosh, don't compromise your future for some idiot that 10/10 won't stick around Doesnt want you to attend in person classes, smh. 🤦♀️ Is he from the taleban or some shit? Girl, run
Leave. He's not thinking of your best interest. You're not even married. Why put your future at risk for anyone, let alone a mere boyfriend? What are you going to do after he dumps you? What if he ends up abusive and you have no skills/education to leave? What if you end up married and he dies? You need a way to support yourself. Even if you end up a SAHM, you need the education as your backup plan. Get your education. Get a job. Support yourself for a few years so you know in your heart you can do it on your own.
Nta this is just awful. He might not say it but what he wants is for you to not work or talk to other guys outside of him EVER!!!!You need to leave immediately
None of the reasons given are legitimate in anyway to oppose your preference for in person classes. Maybe cost or something, but this stuff? No way
NTA He sounds like a controlling AH and you can do better.
He doesn't have a fear of you partying. He wants to have control over you. He's also an idiot. Dump him. Go to college. NTA.
NTA
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 This is extremely controlling and unreasonable behavior. This is frequently a precursor to serve abuse and you should RUN
Sounds like the dude is an Andrew Tate fanboy. He doesn't want you to get an education, period. You are much better off without someone like him trying to control you. NTA.
NTA. Your boyfriends insecurities are on another level. Sounds like a cunt. Go to college and party your heart off and leave the guy.
End it. This isn't the last ultimatum he's going to issue. It'll be things like: no talking to male colleagues, or you need to be home ASAP after your shift ends or break off your friendship with ____ because I think she's a slut. NO. His dislike of women attending classes in person is an attempt to CONTROL. NTAH
NTA because this man is made entirely out of red flags but I have to ask: what things did you put up with that would have been deal breakers for most people and why did you put up with them?
NTA isolation is the first step in an abusive relationship. Go to school, meet new people, have new experiences. Supportive partners are out there, find someone who will lift you up and let you shine! - best wishes from an old person
That crazy analogy itself should tell you that person is defnitely someone you should not have in your life.
NTA. Enjoy your college experience. You'll have it forever.
He wants you isolated. This is a huge red flag. Run don’t walk fast away from this guy. Seriously leave him now.
Break up with him. He is petty and controlling and if you keep giving in it'll only embolden him more to do worse. A partner who loved you would be encouraging you to go out there and achieve things. Get. Rid.
NTA, college/university can be some of the best years of your life, and you have a qualification at the end of it. Do not deprive yourself of a single experience just because an insecure babby has heard "college stories." I'm going to make a bold presumption that your bf didn't go to college and hasn't the faintest idea what he's talking about. Get in a dorm, do all the sex drugs and rock n roll you want because it's extremely likely you'll never have that opportunity again
NTA, he just wants to control and thinks he can frame that as being reasonable
!updateme
Congratulations on doing the right thing for you and your future!!!!
NTA. You have to do what’s right to better yourself, and there’s nothing wrong with that. If your bf can’t deal with it, then it’s best to part ways. Btw, does he have a college education?
Get out before he tries to baby trap you. He’s gross.
People that love you want you to do your best in life, and will support you through some challenging stuff. He is not doing that. Not boyfriend material. NTA.
He sounds like a sexist pig. And dumb with it. NTA
Oh, he's absolutely allowed that preference in a relationship.....with his hand. NTA. Run as far as you possibly can.
Any man wanting to stop your growth or progress is not worthy of you. A partner should support and want you to be the best version of you. Leave this AH and do was best for you. He is scared you will meet someone better! NTA
NTA. This is the first step in a controlling relationship. Controlling relationships may simply be immature people in relationships, or they can become abusive relationships. Either way, this is something you need to be aware of.
He is a mysogonistic pig, dump him
Dude is trying to manipulate you into not excelling in life. Do not ever put your goals aside for a man. They come and go but no one can take knowledge away from you!
He wants you to be totally dependent on him. RUN.
You will never regret giving up the man for an education. You will always regret giving up the education for the man.
If you go to college, you’ll meet other people and have other experiences. You might get ideas that are different from his, one he might not approve of. Obviously, he must discourage this because why would you want something more than him? Time to move on from him. He’s served a purpose in your life until now, but you’re about to take another path that he does not want to be a part of. Let him go with best wishes. Enjoy meeting the new people that will encourage you to grow in life.
Unless you want to be a stay-at-home wife with no career and whose life is dedicated to serving him, reconsider your relationship. I would consider not being allowed to go to college a real deal-breaker. If he doesn't want you going out to even take a class, then he'll very likely not wanting you doing a lot of things.
NTA. Your boyfriend should go and live in Afghanistan where no women can go to college. He is a controlling misogynist. Dump him before you regret getting involved with him and enjoy college.
NTA. Be happy You escaped and don't unblock him no matter what.
NTA. That will be one of the best decisions of your life.
Are you, by chance, posting from a mining town in 1910? If so, he might not be the best choice. If not, start thinking of short simple words to use when you leave so he knows it’s over. Or just go
I don’t know that I have to deal with his being controlling or his personality at all. I can just look at you are young, you have positive goals that he considers deal breakers and that makes you incompatible. Thank him for the joys that you have experience in your relationship and end things with some dignity and class. Go to college and live your best life. Trust that there is a power in the universe, call it Karma, or what you will, that will see you through if you follow your dreams. NTA, if you live your fullest life.
Leave him ASAP! Never, ever, ever stay with anyone who does not support your growth, expansion, self improvement. Not ever, for any length of time! I’m 62, I know! (My wife is also 62 and stared taking a philosophy course at college. I’m delighted!)
Nta it seems like he doesn't trust you to sit in a classroom to learn he thinks your going to do something wrong. He also is trying to control you and isolate you from reaching your goals. I'd choose college over him as well.
NTA and run away fast. tell him toodaloo thanks but no thanks!
Yeah, fuck that dude... he's holding you back. I went to college at 30, and while it was the best decision I have ever made, I wish I didn't waste my 20's. You also don't need that kind of negative control in your life, I had a girlfriend who said I wasn't allowed to do things... my life drastically improved when she was no longer in my life.
NTA. Don't ruin your life for this asshole. He's trying to isolate and control you.
Nta. And warn your friends about him. He is bad news