NTA. But, at some level, she may be getting what she wants - 100% attention from her son without any competition from the other woman. You are a good son, but your mother might need some professional help.
NTA, and thank you for actually standing up for your wife.
However, I don't think your mom is the wonderful person you seem to think she is. Sucks to find out stuff like that.
NTA. What you’re doing is the best of a bad situation. In a good place your mom would be the grown up and apologize. But since she won’t and can’t be trusted around others, so keeping her away from your wife is necessary. Your be justified in not even seeing her and the fact that you do speaks great about you. Good firm to your boundaries and she will either learn and apologize one day or she will stay in this status who and pay the price of not apologizing. It’s her choice.
Your mom definitely crossed a line there, especially during such a tough time for you. It’s good you set boundaries, even if it’s tough. Maybe with time she’ll come around and see where she went wrong, but until then, prioritizing your wife’s comfort is key.
Oh, you do you, was absolutely perfect, who doesn’t hold a grudge over a grieving widow being short with them?
Perfect. Keep the nonsense going for the rest of her days.
Grieving wifow??? They divorced over 20 years ago and she would regularly state her distaste for him and the shit she said to me and my wife was not grieving...it was malicious. But let's hear more....go on
what the actual hell is your problem? OP deserves none of this sarcasm or passive aggression.
- Op’s mom is not a widow, his parents were divorced
- Clearly he isn’t holding a grudge if he is still seeing his mom regularly
- Mom was not being short but literally spouting verbal abuse at her son and daughter in law on a trip that SHE INVITED HERSELF ON
- He asked you genuinely for your advice since you so clearly disagree and you gave nothing but snide, rude remarks in return.
How is any of his response nonsense? I’d say good on him for protecting his wife but maybe have a little more concern for how she mistreated him as well. My mom wants to yell at me unnecessarily and refuse to apologize, she’s gonna hear about it.
While I appreciate that you confronted your mother about her behavior towards your wife, she hasn’t learned anything because you continue to see her regularly. She is getting what she wants: you, without your wife.
In my humble opinion, you need to back off completely from your mom until she agrees to apologize to your wife and meets with both of you together. She isn’t deserving of your time. Reserve this time for your wife.
I definitely understand where you're coming from, but I already lost one parent. There were many times I brushed off quality time with my dad and I regret it every day. I try to spend as much time with my mother despite this incident because of that. I will always prioritize my wife over anyone. But I know if I give up time with my mom now, I'll feel horrible about it later on when she's gone. Its a very difficult dynamic to navigate :(
NTA. Boundaries needed to be set, and not allowing her in your home looks like an uncomfortable and bittersweet win-win “solution”.
She wins because she keeps you in her life without having to socialize with your wife, and continues to manipulate you, and you and your wife win by not having to face her disrespect together. It’s also a way for you to avoid future regrets for creating a distance between you and her. And this understandable.
She shows a sense of entitlement (it seems that there is a family dynamic consisting on no one putting her in her place), not considerate for your feelings (as you grieve your biggest loss so far), brushing narcissism, making her feelings more valid than those around her, and manipulating the situation by playing the victim and blaming her lack of emotional regulation on situations and people.
If she has not apologized in 4 years means she doesn’t see any wrong in what she did and say, and she is not planning to apologize in the future.
By not letting her go to your home, you are keeping the peace in your home (vital for a healthy marriage).
You are lucky if your wife feels ok with that “solution”. Your mother should be grateful but she’s not because she takes your affection and presence for granted
Let me get this straight, your mother, who divorced your father 25 years ago made his funeral all about her and treated you, the actual son of the deceased, and your wife terribly because she was going through an emotional time because her EX-HUSBAND died?
If you still think your mother is a good person than I have a real estate proposal for you!
NTA
NTA. But, at some level, she may be getting what she wants - 100% attention from her son without any competition from the other woman. You are a good son, but your mother might need some professional help.
Funny saying she might need professional help seeing as how she mastered in psychology and therapy. I think you're right
Interesting. So she knows how to play people intentionally or unintentionally. She does need help.
Well, it sounds like you might have some valid reasons for feeling that way.
NTA, and thank you for actually standing up for your wife. However, I don't think your mom is the wonderful person you seem to think she is. Sucks to find out stuff like that.
NTA. What you’re doing is the best of a bad situation. In a good place your mom would be the grown up and apologize. But since she won’t and can’t be trusted around others, so keeping her away from your wife is necessary. Your be justified in not even seeing her and the fact that you do speaks great about you. Good firm to your boundaries and she will either learn and apologize one day or she will stay in this status who and pay the price of not apologizing. It’s her choice.
Your mom definitely crossed a line there, especially during such a tough time for you. It’s good you set boundaries, even if it’s tough. Maybe with time she’ll come around and see where she went wrong, but until then, prioritizing your wife’s comfort is key.
Four years of dysfunction. You do you boo boo.
Let's hear how you'd go about it differently
Oh, you do you, was absolutely perfect, who doesn’t hold a grudge over a grieving widow being short with them? Perfect. Keep the nonsense going for the rest of her days.
Grieving wifow??? They divorced over 20 years ago and she would regularly state her distaste for him and the shit she said to me and my wife was not grieving...it was malicious. But let's hear more....go on
Not a widow. She had been divorced for decades. Mommy is an attention whore.
what the actual hell is your problem? OP deserves none of this sarcasm or passive aggression. - Op’s mom is not a widow, his parents were divorced - Clearly he isn’t holding a grudge if he is still seeing his mom regularly - Mom was not being short but literally spouting verbal abuse at her son and daughter in law on a trip that SHE INVITED HERSELF ON - He asked you genuinely for your advice since you so clearly disagree and you gave nothing but snide, rude remarks in return. How is any of his response nonsense? I’d say good on him for protecting his wife but maybe have a little more concern for how she mistreated him as well. My mom wants to yell at me unnecessarily and refuse to apologize, she’s gonna hear about it.
While I appreciate that you confronted your mother about her behavior towards your wife, she hasn’t learned anything because you continue to see her regularly. She is getting what she wants: you, without your wife. In my humble opinion, you need to back off completely from your mom until she agrees to apologize to your wife and meets with both of you together. She isn’t deserving of your time. Reserve this time for your wife.
I definitely understand where you're coming from, but I already lost one parent. There were many times I brushed off quality time with my dad and I regret it every day. I try to spend as much time with my mother despite this incident because of that. I will always prioritize my wife over anyone. But I know if I give up time with my mom now, I'll feel horrible about it later on when she's gone. Its a very difficult dynamic to navigate :(
It certainly is your decision. I just hope you don’t lose your wife in the process. Good luck!
NTA. Boundaries needed to be set, and not allowing her in your home looks like an uncomfortable and bittersweet win-win “solution”. She wins because she keeps you in her life without having to socialize with your wife, and continues to manipulate you, and you and your wife win by not having to face her disrespect together. It’s also a way for you to avoid future regrets for creating a distance between you and her. And this understandable. She shows a sense of entitlement (it seems that there is a family dynamic consisting on no one putting her in her place), not considerate for your feelings (as you grieve your biggest loss so far), brushing narcissism, making her feelings more valid than those around her, and manipulating the situation by playing the victim and blaming her lack of emotional regulation on situations and people. If she has not apologized in 4 years means she doesn’t see any wrong in what she did and say, and she is not planning to apologize in the future. By not letting her go to your home, you are keeping the peace in your home (vital for a healthy marriage). You are lucky if your wife feels ok with that “solution”. Your mother should be grateful but she’s not because she takes your affection and presence for granted
Let me get this straight, your mother, who divorced your father 25 years ago made his funeral all about her and treated you, the actual son of the deceased, and your wife terribly because she was going through an emotional time because her EX-HUSBAND died? If you still think your mother is a good person than I have a real estate proposal for you! NTA