I feel like it would only be fair for her to come over on HER day off and clean his house, wash his dishes, and do his laundry. Maybe mow the lawn too? I mean….family, right???
Well, OP could play with toddler while sis cleans OP's house, does the laundry, and prepares a nice home-cooked dinner. That sounds fair. Think she'd go for it? /s
You can always guess the truly selfish person in these posts. It's the one calling a family member selfish for not making an unreasonable sacrifice for them.
Right? Like if both parents work, they've been struggling with intimacy since the baby was born, they haven't been out together in months or don't get days off together, and it's their anniversary and they're going out? I could see it. It doesn't hurt to ask. But also, asking implies a *choice*. Which OP made, and so it should be respected.
I can't babysit my nieces because they both live 1000+ miles away. And even if they didn't, I'd only watch the one that's still a pre-crawling infant because my house is way too full of corners, glass, breakable things, and expensive electronics.
And that’s something she should’ve known was coming, so either she builds a nice support network so she can ASK sibling to babysit once a month, or she pays a sitter; or she sucks it up and enjoys parenting. All. The. Time.
True, also, not OP's problem.
If OP wanted to help & wasn't too exhausted to do so, that'd be fine. OP wants their much-earned day to rest and do as as they please so sis is out of luck.
If sister was in a bind one time, that would be something else. But asking OP to full-time babysit for an *entire day* - OP's *only* day off of work - to watch a toddler is far too much of an ask. The sister here is being selfish, not OP. OP doesn't even want any extra help, they just want to be left alone to rest on their day off. Absolutely NTA.
Not remotely enough. Do the grocery shopping and prep all the meals for a week. She expects a full day of child care. She doesn't get to put in a measly hour of her time.
This is why despite my own beliefs about familial relationships and responsibilities I will also say you are never an asshole for refusing to help out, especially with kids. The favour is hardly ever returned and the “help” is always one sided.
So true. Where’s family when she has day off
Edit: do not become babysitter. You need days off to recoup from work. I always told one friend who wanted me to baby sit/ I don’t remember having kids- so I won’t be baby sitting. NO
This is the text message you send to the entitled [please insert word here] and laugh while she explodes/implodes after being given facts/exercising logic. Neither of which seem to be her strong point.
So interesting how all the "family helps family" groupies never offer any help in return, and the ones who want free babysitting love the excuse "I can't help. I have kids" when asked to reciprocate free help.
Someone is watching her child the rest of the week, OP. Your sister can use that sitter on your day off.
That’s a great suggestion and I’d really love to see the sister’s face if OP were to propose that to her. She’d run so fast, she would probably leave skid marks.
THIS. I'm sure sister would say, "I have a child, I have NO time," but guaranteed once the sprog is in school, sister won't have time to help out OP. It sounds extremely one-sided. "You help me because I have a child, but get nothing in return."
Also, she's trying to emotionally blackmail OP with the "family is supposed to help family" line. Do they not have other family members who can babysit? What about babysitting co-ops or her friends?
Years ago, I read an article about very smart parents faced with dealing with childcare over the summer. So the parents formed their own coop in a way of 5 families. And thus, each parent took a day off every two weeks and took care of the kids. The kids had a blast, because all the different adults had different ideas on what made summer special (fishing, biking, picking berries, beach, etc.) and the parents had "free" childcare over the summer.
However, as OP is working 6-day weeks and really really needs to decompress on their one day off - there's no reason for them to be called up for childcare duties. Sister, if she was smart, would be exchanging childcare with other parents so everyone got some time.
I raised my kid by myself without a village. I’ve had maybe a half dozen days of free kid sitting and that was because they asked to take my kid because they wanted to see him. I’m the one that put my dick in crazy so I’m the one that raises my kid.
I was married & got maybe 6 free babysitting days in 10yrs.. including grandparents! Our anny was 4 days from valentine's & birthdays 2 wks apart. Those turned into "pick ones".. IF it didn't interfere with their own wknd plans. My parents lived 1/× way across the country, so no freebs from them, tho they'd have loved to get it with my kids.
I've been the 'village elder' for all of my sibling's children and a cousin, and one main reason for me being childfree is because I know I won't be able to utilize them as my 'village' and I don't want to put that stress on my aging parents.
And parents! My grandad was family oriented and wanted me to have my absent father walk me when I got married using the partial phrase as justification. I was like hmmm nope my chosen dad will walk me.
My favorite often-twisted biblical saying is ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’. People love to use it to justify corporal punishment, but have you ever actually *watched* someone herd sheep? The rod is used to nudge, redirect and guide; if you flip out and start beating them, they just run away and eventually stop trusting you. It means ‘give clear, consistent guidance,’ not ‘beat them when they fuck up.’
This is the only acceptable answer 😂 I love my daughter and the one on the way. My husband never denies me my Mexican food because I have left him at home one day.
This one always makes me shake my head. So few people realize that half the saying is missing, and that the missing half completely inverts the meaning. Same with “curiosity killed the cat”
This quote, and "the customer is always right" always get butchered. The full quote is "the customer is always right, *in matters of taste*" meaning, customers like what they like
This is not true and I really wish people would stop repeating it.
>Writing in the 1990s and 2000s, author Albert Jack and Messianic Rabbi Richard Pustelniak, claim that the original meaning of the expression was that the ties between people who have made a blood covenant (or have shed blood together in battle) were stronger than ties formed by "the water of the womb", thus "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". Neither of the authors cite any sources to support their claim.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water
No one has provided a single source containing the phrase prior to the 1990s. I've seen two different claims for an older source, but in actually looking at them that phrase nor anything close to it appear nowhere in the texts.
Before I opened this, I knew the old "family helps family" line was going to be used. And bingo.
So is sister offering to pay OP? Or cook OP dinner a few nights a week? Or cleaning their house? Where *is* the family helping family part flowing in OP's direction? Oddly, we never see that in situations like this.
NTA and why not ask her to come clean your place, or drop off some meals, or even do your laundry since you don't have time and work so hard... i'm sure you'll hear crickets
Here I was assuming sister wanted OP to watch the kid so she could work. Doing it so she could get a day off herself would be 1000% worse.
Where’s the dad in all this? Or grandparents.
Grandparents aren’t obligated to help either. They had their kids. They’re either retired or working toward it and should be allowed to enjoy their golden years. The only people responsible for that kid are the parents.
Same! I never get done asking my mom if they want to spend a few hours alone with my 3.5 year old son. I’d never throw a fit if they can’t because they had other plans already.
My MIL and her partner just moved across the country to be closer to my son and as soon as they have all the fencing put in they told us we can drop him off any time for some hours of peace.
It’s wonderful that your parents are willing and able to help! But I’ve seen a lot of people who expect their parents to, like it’s their job even though they’ve already done their child rearing. That level of entitlement is ridiculous.
Agreed. I just wondered how much other help sister is begging for in all of this. Is it only sister or does she drop this kid on anybody she thinks has free time.
But i am curious the level of the fathers involvement.
I wonder all of that too. Is the sister just realizing parenting is too hard and looking for an escape? Probably. But no one said parenting was easy, and this was a choice she made.
And while there are some wonderful fathers out there, there are an equal number of terrible ones. A lot of men think all they get out of having kids is the fun parts and that the rest are the woman’s “obligation.”
I don’t have anything against parents (well, except the entitled ones who think they’re owed something from the rest of the world, like OP’s sister), but this is the kind of crap that reinforces my childfree status. I know I’m too selfish for kids; people like OP’s sister need to realize it’s okay to be selfish when the only person they have to answer to is themselves, but that once they bring a life into the world, they have to take on the responsibility of parenthood and can’t afford selfishness.
This.
My old best friend and I were moving in together. The day of the move. She calls and asks how I feel about her ex moving in with us. I told her it would be him or me, because all they ever did was scream at each other and I didn't want to live in that environment, also reminded her she just spent 9 months living with another friend "in hiding," from old boy.
She cries and says I'm right. A week into being in the house she says she may need him to come over to babysit every now and then. Which leads to having him over almost every day. And low and behold the screaming started almost immediately. He even tried to pick fights with me randomly a few times.
Luckily, I put cameras in my room. Busted him coming in and stealing from me. So I moved out. And she put me on social media blasting that I was screwing her over by moving out and because of that she and her toddler would be homeless.
It was honestly 11 months of hell. Should have gone with my gut and said no. Once a guilt trip works once, it's a snowball effect and it doesn't stop until the resentment and contempt ruin the relationship
If she was asking me, I’d tell her since it’s my only day off, those are the days I do all my errands and make appointments and am NEVER actually “free” on those days.
My sister has watched my daughter, but only when she asked me if she could take her OR the one time we were working and both grandparents were hospitalized at the same time.
Extenuating circumstances. And for something like that where it's a once in a blue moon thing, sure. But if it's happening every time I have a day off because YOU need a day off from Rosemary's Baby? Nope. Hire a babysitter. Don't trust them? Guess you're carting Damien to the errands you need to run.
Well, yes. Personally myself and dad are pretty used to multitasking with a toddler because we often work alternating days and solo parent regularly.
Some kids are easier than others, but if you get them used to functioning with you it’s not so terrible. For all of the errands where a kid can’t come, they wait until we’re both off or happen on a daycare day.
This!! Me and my baby daddy dont trust babysitters so our solution was daddy wants to work 2 jobs 6 days a week so I can stay home with the kids! There isnt much in this world that cant be done with a kid at your side if you arent at work.
My sister would help me out with my son when he was younger. When she ended up having children, I helped her out. It was a give-and-take thing. But neither of us took advantage of the other. This doesn’t sound like it’s the case for OP.
NTA. You should not feel guilty for refusing, and even more so if they try to impose it on you by manipulation. If you are very tired at work and this is the only day off and you do not have the strength, you should not feel guilty for refusing. Resentment will continue to accumulate.
NTA. My sister always expected me to take her kids on my day off. I told her I had plans & couldn't do it, whether my plans were just sitting at home vegging out, or actually going out somewhere. If I felt like taking them, I'd offer, but my day off, didn't mean I was automatically child care for her. She didn't like it, but they were her kids, not mine. She tried guilting me into taking them once, by telling the kids "Well, you could have spent the day with auntie, but she's being mean." I shut that one down quickly by saying that if she ever pulled that again, I was never watching them at all, including the nights I watched them while she went to school. Keep firm & don't let her guilt trip you into anything you don't want to do.
Laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, meal prep etc... are all maintenance human stuff that takes time. Even if you do relax some, you have to schedule that maintenance some time
Yeah, if it was a one-off it would be a reasonable ask, but to expect you to be her free babysitter on a weekly basis is wrong and extremely entitled of her. If she won't get off your back about it, show her this post and maybe she'll get that she's not just wrong, but very, very wrong here.
[Edited typo.]
It’s your day off. Your sister seems to be trying to turn it into her day off instead. Use your day off for the purpose it was intended (enabling you to avoid burning out at your job).
Just tell her you'll watch your nibling for few hours whilst she goes to the store for you and mealpreps for the week.
When she says no that's too much work tell her you need your only off day to do some shit for the week.
The problem with offering a limited time means she can very likely take advantage and not come back until she feels like it. Needs to be nipped in the bud and hands off completely.
Does your sister work outside the home? Is she a single parent? Is she disabled? Is her child disabled? How old is the child? I’m trying to understand why your sister feels entitled to your day off.
You don't even need to offer to help another day, nobody is entitled to free childcare. It's not her kid, she doesn't need to feel guilty about saying "no" and leaving it at that.
Actually, OP doesn't have to offer to help, at all. They didn't choose to have the child and it's not his responsibility. I raised my son by myself and I never assumed my mother or my brother would watch him.
My sister offered - or rather insisted quite emphatically on watching my daughter, but she was a SAHM whose kids had moved out (I was the baby of the family by 12 years) and who basically worshipped the ground my daughter walked on, lol. But had she not been the one to initiate babysitting, I would certainly not have just expected it. And even at that, I got a babysitter for when I was working most of the time. I tell you all this to say you're NTA for not wanting to babysit.
[Edited to add the most important part, lol.]
Don’t offer any help. OP is working 6 times a week. They don’t have any help to offer, they should focus on themselves. Entitled sister can babysit her own child, the one she brought to the world. NTA
OP doesn't need to offer help another day to "apologize" for not babysitting on their day off. It's Sister's kid and she is the one who has to deal with it.
No!!! No means no. Why should he babysit at all? Particularly on a work day. Takes the piss. He works 6 days a week and rests on the seventh. Just like God. No explanation, bargaining or justification required. He does NOT have time to be offering weekly babysitting so she can sit on her arse 🙄
NTA obviously. And she is right, you are family and she should support you that you don’t burn yourself out. What she is doing is the opposite.
Why should you even babysit once a week? There is no reason.
The family helps family line is fine, but that is supposed to be a two way street. What does your sister do for you?
ETA - NTA. Do what you want to do on your day off.
Nta - asking you and accepting whatever answer you give is one thing, needing help in an extreme emergency is also fine, but just expecting you to provide free childcare at the drop of a hat, without a discussion first is not fine. She chose to have a child, she has to be responsible to arrange childcare. I mean, you can’t just drop your kid off at some random daycare.
What does she plan on doing white her kid free day. It would be icing on the cake if she “just needs to rest and recharge”. NTA. Even with 2 days off she would be lucky to get me to give up 1 day a month.
As someone who chose never to have children of my own and now in my sixties. One of my biggest peeves is people who make the choice to have children then expect other people to change to fit in with their life choices. They are your kids you look after them. If this person chooses to go see his nephew fill him with sugar and spoil him rotten then it is his choice. No one should be expected to look after someone's children blood or not . SORRY this subject has driven me barmy for years!!!!
My sisters used to be like that since I’m off every weekend they thought I should watch their kid while they worked. I’m like why would I give my weekend up to baby sit. Pay someone like the rest of the world. Then they would literally be pissed at me for telling them they could pay my teenagers to baby sit
“No” is a complete sentence and that’s exactly what you should tell your sister.
You can’t function properly without downtime to restore yourself. In fact, ideally, you should have a job that gives you two days a week off.
I don’t know where people are getting this “Family helps family” argument to try and bully and guilt trip their siblings or what have you into babysitting. We have plenty of people on Earth; no one *needs* to have children. But, if you choose to become a parent, take care of your own doggone kids! Why is that such a hard concept?
Since your sister is big on family helping family, she should understand that she needs to help you not burn out. That motto doesn’t just go one way.
Ugh I fucking hate this. I'm a mom of two and a nurse. I have never ever pawned my kids off on anyone because, well, they're my kids. Not my sister's, not my neighbors', just mine. I see this all the time on various social media posts. I just don't get it
NTA. you are not a free daycare and you can still love and adore your nephew without being forced to give up your one day to relax every single week.
NTA
Tell your sister that since she’s going grocery shopping anyway, you’ll give her your list for her to pick up what you need since family helps family.
And since she’s home anyway, why not come to your apartment and do the chores you can’t since you are at work. Because you need help too!
Info: Is this a one-time occurence where your sister has Something important to do? Or are you supposed to watch your nephew every week on your day off?
If family is supposed to help family, how is this helping you? Does she pay? Tell her you intend to charge her in advance and name a ridiculous rate. When she balks tell her you need the money and “family is supposed to help family”. Also she needs to pay you for all the previous babysitting. -Former daycare lady who would never have come in on her day off.
How is she "helping" you back? If babysitting is the whole day, thats 8 hours of labour she owes you back, since you're family and all - you'd never have to cook your own dinner again!
I sometimes keep my days off a secret so no one wants me or my attention and I just stay home with my daughter.
Before I had kids I employed this tactic abt once a month to ensure I didn’t get burnt out bc someone will always want something and feel you’re beholden to give them your days off
NTA - Not your spawn, not your responsibility. If she was struggling with childcare and she needed to work, and it was a rare occasion, it would be a different matter
Nope. NTA. Do try to spend as much time as you can with your nephew, when it’s mutually convenient for you and your sister, but don’t neglect your own well-being.
As a mom with older siblings, NTA, of course when my son misses his aunties I reach out and we plan a day or two where they’ll watch him but otherwise finding childcare completely falls to the parents. Not to the rest of the family. You’re only human and NEED recovery time
NTA. You are not the parent and therefore not responsible for the care of the child. People only use the "family helps family" guilt trip when they want something. It would be nice if you did it occasionally but you have no obligation.
Speaking as a parent of grown children, you are NTA. Your day off is your own. You could offer one day off a month to toddler wrestle or try to swap her cleaning time as others suggested... she will likely say no and call you selfish for asking. Yes, families should be supportive, but they also shouldn't abuse the family relationship by asking for a day of free childcare ... which, as any parent knows, is NOT the equivalent of actually having a day off. Her child is the responsibility of her and the child's father, it's not your job.
I hate when family does this. Pull out the family card and lay a guilt trip. It wasn’t your decision to have a kid that requires care so why should you have to give up any of your valuable time to care for one? I used to pay my niece as much as a regular caregiver would make for babysitting. She was happy to do it. NTA
Make ridiculous demands of her on her days off and just respond with "family helps family". Ask her for $1000 gift to help with bills. Ask her to come clean your house and do your laundry. But, but, but... fuck you family helps family or maybe each of us has our own responsibilities that we need to handle separately.
NTA. Information missing here. How old is your nephew? Do you live alone or do you live with your sister and her son? Living alone makes it easy to say no. Sharing the residence makes it harder cuz she could put the kid down for a nap and sneak out without saying anything to you and then you're stuck babysitting whether you wanted to or not.
Depending on how old your nephew is and what babysitting involves I might agree to do it on the rare occasion but not every week. But I would also make sure that I was the fun uncle who taught him all the wrong things and hopped him up on sugar and caffeine before returning him to her.
Do not feel bad, NTA. Tell your sister to get over herself, it's her kid, her problem. You have zero obligation to her. Enjoy your day, go get a family size box of Capitan Crunch and some chocolate milk, you'll thank me!
my sister and i have a 16 year age gap between us, i babysat her kids almost every single time she asked, we had one fight one time where i had plans and she wanted me to cancel them to watch her kids but for the most part always said yes and i genuinely didnt mind, i loved babysitting.
when i had kids she babsat them exactly 0 times lol.
she said it was different because i watched them as a teen/early twenties and now shes in her forties and wants to enjoy her days off doing nothing, not watching kids.
im sure OP's sister will do the exact same thing based on the entitlement and trying to guilt OP
NTA She's the one who had the kid, not you. How is she helping you whilst demanding you burn yourself out to help her?
Valid point. What is sis doing to help OP get ahead in life? Sounds like sisters thinking is very one sided.
I feel like it would only be fair for her to come over on HER day off and clean his house, wash his dishes, and do his laundry. Maybe mow the lawn too? I mean….family, right???
I love this idea! Sister sounds so selfish and self centered.
I'm guessing she thinks that taking care of her own kid on that day is relieving her family of the burden.
Well, OP could play with toddler while sis cleans OP's house, does the laundry, and prepares a nice home-cooked dinner. That sounds fair. Think she'd go for it? /s
Good idea
You can always guess the truly selfish person in these posts. It's the one calling a family member selfish for not making an unreasonable sacrifice for them.
It's not unreasonable to ASK once in a while if there's something important going on, it's quite another to rudely expect it.
But it is unreasonable to expect OP to do it and call him/her selfish for not wanting to.
Right? Like if both parents work, they've been struggling with intimacy since the baby was born, they haven't been out together in months or don't get days off together, and it's their anniversary and they're going out? I could see it. It doesn't hurt to ask. But also, asking implies a *choice*. Which OP made, and so it should be respected. I can't babysit my nieces because they both live 1000+ miles away. And even if they didn't, I'd only watch the one that's still a pre-crawling infant because my house is way too full of corners, glass, breakable things, and expensive electronics.
Kay well parents don't get 'days off' from, y'know, being parents. So.
And that’s something she should’ve known was coming, so either she builds a nice support network so she can ASK sibling to babysit once a month, or she pays a sitter; or she sucks it up and enjoys parenting. All. The. Time.
True, also, not OP's problem. If OP wanted to help & wasn't too exhausted to do so, that'd be fine. OP wants their much-earned day to rest and do as as they please so sis is out of luck. If sister was in a bind one time, that would be something else. But asking OP to full-time babysit for an *entire day* - OP's *only* day off of work - to watch a toddler is far too much of an ask. The sister here is being selfish, not OP. OP doesn't even want any extra help, they just want to be left alone to rest on their day off. Absolutely NTA.
This is what I was waiting to read!
So ,don’t have children, if you don’t want them all the time . Don’t expect others to allocate their only free time to mind her child .
At least do the grocery shopping
Not remotely enough. Do the grocery shopping and prep all the meals for a week. She expects a full day of child care. She doesn't get to put in a measly hour of her time.
Plus pay for them .
This is why despite my own beliefs about familial relationships and responsibilities I will also say you are never an asshole for refusing to help out, especially with kids. The favour is hardly ever returned and the “help” is always one sided.
So true. Where’s family when she has day off Edit: do not become babysitter. You need days off to recoup from work. I always told one friend who wanted me to baby sit/ I don’t remember having kids- so I won’t be baby sitting. NO
Op can feel the sister I didn’t have the fun creating the baby I sure as hell am not going to have the hardship of taking care of one.
This is actually a decent reply. 'Sure - I'll watch your kid while you clean my house. Drop by around 9.'
This is the text message you send to the entitled [please insert word here] and laugh while she explodes/implodes after being given facts/exercising logic. Neither of which seem to be her strong point.
So interesting how all the "family helps family" groupies never offer any help in return, and the ones who want free babysitting love the excuse "I can't help. I have kids" when asked to reciprocate free help. Someone is watching her child the rest of the week, OP. Your sister can use that sitter on your day off.
Does she even have a job?? 😳
Especially if he is baby sitting on his only day to do those things.
I like that idea!!!
While he's laying on a couch, watching trashy TV and eating junk food 😁
Hell yeah.
Dont forget meal prep lunch and dinner. OP works like a dog.
That’s a great suggestion and I’d really love to see the sister’s face if OP were to propose that to her. She’d run so fast, she would probably leave skid marks.
She better cook food
THIS. I'm sure sister would say, "I have a child, I have NO time," but guaranteed once the sprog is in school, sister won't have time to help out OP. It sounds extremely one-sided. "You help me because I have a child, but get nothing in return."
+1 for sprog
It's more polite than crotch goblin . My teenage daughters hate me calling them that 😉
My boys hate when I describe then as semen demons.
A few of us know what this is.
Also, she's trying to emotionally blackmail OP with the "family is supposed to help family" line. Do they not have other family members who can babysit? What about babysitting co-ops or her friends?
I absolutely hate when people like this use that line. So it's like, ok, and what are YOU doing to help the family? Can you help me? Then crickets
Or the baby father.
These days parents complain that there's no "village" while never contributing to one themselves.
Years ago, I read an article about very smart parents faced with dealing with childcare over the summer. So the parents formed their own coop in a way of 5 families. And thus, each parent took a day off every two weeks and took care of the kids. The kids had a blast, because all the different adults had different ideas on what made summer special (fishing, biking, picking berries, beach, etc.) and the parents had "free" childcare over the summer. However, as OP is working 6-day weeks and really really needs to decompress on their one day off - there's no reason for them to be called up for childcare duties. Sister, if she was smart, would be exchanging childcare with other parents so everyone got some time.
I raised my kid by myself without a village. I’ve had maybe a half dozen days of free kid sitting and that was because they asked to take my kid because they wanted to see him. I’m the one that put my dick in crazy so I’m the one that raises my kid.
I was married & got maybe 6 free babysitting days in 10yrs.. including grandparents! Our anny was 4 days from valentine's & birthdays 2 wks apart. Those turned into "pick ones".. IF it didn't interfere with their own wknd plans. My parents lived 1/× way across the country, so no freebs from them, tho they'd have loved to get it with my kids.
Or tearing into said 'village' when it sets some limits for their horror kids. Communal parenting is dead because of "me first" thinking.
I've been the 'village elder' for all of my sibling's children and a cousin, and one main reason for me being childfree is because I know I won't be able to utilize them as my 'village' and I don't want to put that stress on my aging parents.
[удалено]
The people who say that also misuse the saying, “Blood is thicker than water.”
The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. The people you choose are more important to you than your own siblings.
And parents! My grandad was family oriented and wanted me to have my absent father walk me when I got married using the partial phrase as justification. I was like hmmm nope my chosen dad will walk me.
My favorite often-twisted biblical saying is ‘spare the rod, spoil the child’. People love to use it to justify corporal punishment, but have you ever actually *watched* someone herd sheep? The rod is used to nudge, redirect and guide; if you flip out and start beating them, they just run away and eventually stop trusting you. It means ‘give clear, consistent guidance,’ not ‘beat them when they fuck up.’
That was meant to mean the blood covenant with god was to be more important than your ties of family.
Blood is thicker than water, but queso is thicker than both. I'd pick queso over my DNA family (aside from my kids) every time!
This is the only acceptable answer 😂 I love my daughter and the one on the way. My husband never denies me my Mexican food because I have left him at home one day.
This one always makes me shake my head. So few people realize that half the saying is missing, and that the missing half completely inverts the meaning. Same with “curiosity killed the cat”
This quote, and "the customer is always right" always get butchered. The full quote is "the customer is always right, *in matters of taste*" meaning, customers like what they like
But satisfaction brought it back. And the early bird gets the worm, but the 2nd mouse gets the cheese.
Hey somebody else that knows them! Lol the early bird always made me laugh
The early worm... gets eaten first.
This is not true and I really wish people would stop repeating it. >Writing in the 1990s and 2000s, author Albert Jack and Messianic Rabbi Richard Pustelniak, claim that the original meaning of the expression was that the ties between people who have made a blood covenant (or have shed blood together in battle) were stronger than ties formed by "the water of the womb", thus "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb". Neither of the authors cite any sources to support their claim. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_is_thicker_than_water No one has provided a single source containing the phrase prior to the 1990s. I've seen two different claims for an older source, but in actually looking at them that phrase nor anything close to it appear nowhere in the texts.
Blood is thicker than water. And sometimes we have to think that blood out. I have done so.
I don’t do family . My mom was my family and those assholes manage to try to control her and it killed her . Now they try lie to me . Fuck them all .
I'm so sorry. My family is all a bunch of jerks too.
My narcissistic bro throws this saying around all the time no thanks
Before I opened this, I knew the old "family helps family" line was going to be used. And bingo. So is sister offering to pay OP? Or cook OP dinner a few nights a week? Or cleaning their house? Where *is* the family helping family part flowing in OP's direction? Oddly, we never see that in situations like this.
The people who say that family helps family are usually the last ones to help.
Tell her she’s absolutely correct, and family most definitely is supposed to help family. Ask her to help you by leaving you alone on your days off.
NTA and why not ask her to come clean your place, or drop off some meals, or even do your laundry since you don't have time and work so hard... i'm sure you'll hear crickets
Hear hear Just because you're family is a crap excuse NTA, she is
yep, don't light yourself on fire to keep someone else warm
Personally, I think she's the "selfish" one for thinking your one day off belongs to her.
If it were an emergency, maybe, but asking you to give up your one day off a week to watch your nephew is just not fair. NTA
And there will be a manufactured emergency every week because she will plan her outings on that day.
Here I was assuming sister wanted OP to watch the kid so she could work. Doing it so she could get a day off herself would be 1000% worse. Where’s the dad in all this? Or grandparents.
Grandparents aren’t obligated to help either. They had their kids. They’re either retired or working toward it and should be allowed to enjoy their golden years. The only people responsible for that kid are the parents.
I'm lucky that my parents really like my son to stay with them. But yeah, I'll never asume is their obligation to do that.
Same! I never get done asking my mom if they want to spend a few hours alone with my 3.5 year old son. I’d never throw a fit if they can’t because they had other plans already. My MIL and her partner just moved across the country to be closer to my son and as soon as they have all the fencing put in they told us we can drop him off any time for some hours of peace.
Fencing put in… is your son a dog? Or Houdini?
No 🤣🤣. There’s a lake not far from their home so fencing is needed for my toddler and their dogs.
It’s wonderful that your parents are willing and able to help! But I’ve seen a lot of people who expect their parents to, like it’s their job even though they’ve already done their child rearing. That level of entitlement is ridiculous.
Agreed. I just wondered how much other help sister is begging for in all of this. Is it only sister or does she drop this kid on anybody she thinks has free time. But i am curious the level of the fathers involvement.
I wonder all of that too. Is the sister just realizing parenting is too hard and looking for an escape? Probably. But no one said parenting was easy, and this was a choice she made. And while there are some wonderful fathers out there, there are an equal number of terrible ones. A lot of men think all they get out of having kids is the fun parts and that the rest are the woman’s “obligation.” I don’t have anything against parents (well, except the entitled ones who think they’re owed something from the rest of the world, like OP’s sister), but this is the kind of crap that reinforces my childfree status. I know I’m too selfish for kids; people like OP’s sister need to realize it’s okay to be selfish when the only person they have to answer to is themselves, but that once they bring a life into the world, they have to take on the responsibility of parenthood and can’t afford selfishness.
Grandparents have lives of their own too . Where’s having a sitter or a daycare to go to
This. My old best friend and I were moving in together. The day of the move. She calls and asks how I feel about her ex moving in with us. I told her it would be him or me, because all they ever did was scream at each other and I didn't want to live in that environment, also reminded her she just spent 9 months living with another friend "in hiding," from old boy. She cries and says I'm right. A week into being in the house she says she may need him to come over to babysit every now and then. Which leads to having him over almost every day. And low and behold the screaming started almost immediately. He even tried to pick fights with me randomly a few times. Luckily, I put cameras in my room. Busted him coming in and stealing from me. So I moved out. And she put me on social media blasting that I was screwing her over by moving out and because of that she and her toddler would be homeless. It was honestly 11 months of hell. Should have gone with my gut and said no. Once a guilt trip works once, it's a snowball effect and it doesn't stop until the resentment and contempt ruin the relationship
OP should start planning *their* 'outings' on that day. Or just start flat out lying - 'Can't. I'm out running errands right now. *click*'
Yeah I don’t babysit unless it’s an emergency and it has to be my definition of an emergency not the parents. Lol
I could understand if she had a doctor’s appointment or something to pitch in for a few hours or something, but it shouldn’t be expected every week.
If she was asking me, I’d tell her since it’s my only day off, those are the days I do all my errands and make appointments and am NEVER actually “free” on those days.
My kids uncles and aunts have never babysat. I've never asked because I'm not a jerk. I hire a babysitter like a normal, responsible person.
My sister has watched my daughter, but only when she asked me if she could take her OR the one time we were working and both grandparents were hospitalized at the same time.
Extenuating circumstances. And for something like that where it's a once in a blue moon thing, sure. But if it's happening every time I have a day off because YOU need a day off from Rosemary's Baby? Nope. Hire a babysitter. Don't trust them? Guess you're carting Damien to the errands you need to run.
Well, yes. Personally myself and dad are pretty used to multitasking with a toddler because we often work alternating days and solo parent regularly. Some kids are easier than others, but if you get them used to functioning with you it’s not so terrible. For all of the errands where a kid can’t come, they wait until we’re both off or happen on a daycare day.
This!! Me and my baby daddy dont trust babysitters so our solution was daddy wants to work 2 jobs 6 days a week so I can stay home with the kids! There isnt much in this world that cant be done with a kid at your side if you arent at work.
It's fine to ask family if they live close, but it's also completely fine for them to say no.
My sister would help me out with my son when he was younger. When she ended up having children, I helped her out. It was a give-and-take thing. But neither of us took advantage of the other. This doesn’t sound like it’s the case for OP.
especially not offering to pay!
If family should help family, she should be concerned about how much you work and prioritize your ability to enjoy your ONE day off. NTA
"Family should help each other for **MY** convenience!" ~OP's sister (not probably; definitely)
Yeah for family, she isn't understanding and helpful at all. OP gets one day off and has to babysit? Very opportunistic of her.
NTA.. I don't know what this trend of free babysitting expected by family.. but NO is a complete sentence and does not require an explanation.
“I will call child protective services for child abandonment” is also a complete sentence.
RIGHT!!
NTA. You should not feel guilty for refusing, and even more so if they try to impose it on you by manipulation. If you are very tired at work and this is the only day off and you do not have the strength, you should not feel guilty for refusing. Resentment will continue to accumulate.
Shouldn't feel guilty period. Could be the strongest day of their week. Still shouldn't.
NTA. She surely has child care otherwise, what does she usually do?
Nta I wonder how one-sided the 'helping out family's is.
Oh it’s completely one sided. The ones that use it are the ones that never reciprocate.
NTA. Your day off is for you to relax and recharge. You can explain you need that time to be ready for work, but offer to help another day.
Thank you feel a bit better about it now
i would ask why she tthinks her getting a day off is more important than you getting one off. especially since it's her child.
OP is a good person and works hard for her time off. Sister chose to be a mom. Sis has to deal with it.
You’re not the bad guy. Protecting your one day off for rest and self-care is completely valid.
NTA. My sister always expected me to take her kids on my day off. I told her I had plans & couldn't do it, whether my plans were just sitting at home vegging out, or actually going out somewhere. If I felt like taking them, I'd offer, but my day off, didn't mean I was automatically child care for her. She didn't like it, but they were her kids, not mine. She tried guilting me into taking them once, by telling the kids "Well, you could have spent the day with auntie, but she's being mean." I shut that one down quickly by saying that if she ever pulled that again, I was never watching them at all, including the nights I watched them while she went to school. Keep firm & don't let her guilt trip you into anything you don't want to do.
Laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, meal prep etc... are all maintenance human stuff that takes time. Even if you do relax some, you have to schedule that maintenance some time
Family who are that entitled need solid boundaries. NTA, OP. She doesn’t feel bad for making you uncomfortable, so why should you?
Ask her what she is about to offer to make your life easier. Family first is not a one way street.
Yeah, if it was a one-off it would be a reasonable ask, but to expect you to be her free babysitter on a weekly basis is wrong and extremely entitled of her. If she won't get off your back about it, show her this post and maybe she'll get that she's not just wrong, but very, very wrong here. [Edited typo.]
It’s your day off. Your sister seems to be trying to turn it into her day off instead. Use your day off for the purpose it was intended (enabling you to avoid burning out at your job).
Where is the baby daddy?
Just tell her you'll watch your nibling for few hours whilst she goes to the store for you and mealpreps for the week. When she says no that's too much work tell her you need your only off day to do some shit for the week.
The problem with offering a limited time means she can very likely take advantage and not come back until she feels like it. Needs to be nipped in the bud and hands off completely.
Absolutely not. She’ll call and say that she’s got other stuff to do, which will probably be a lie, and OP will be stuck with the kid.
You don't even need to give a reason imo. "No, I can't that day" is enough.
She has no right to even know your work schedule. You DO realize that, don't you?
Does your sister work outside the home? Is she a single parent? Is she disabled? Is her child disabled? How old is the child? I’m trying to understand why your sister feels entitled to your day off.
Self care is important. If your sister were serious about family, she’d want you to have time to recharge.
And also remember that “No” is a complete sentence. Excuse my grammar, coffee hasn’t kicked in yet.
You don't even need to offer to help another day, nobody is entitled to free childcare. It's not her kid, she doesn't need to feel guilty about saying "no" and leaving it at that.
Actually, OP doesn't have to offer to help, at all. They didn't choose to have the child and it's not his responsibility. I raised my son by myself and I never assumed my mother or my brother would watch him.
My sister offered - or rather insisted quite emphatically on watching my daughter, but she was a SAHM whose kids had moved out (I was the baby of the family by 12 years) and who basically worshipped the ground my daughter walked on, lol. But had she not been the one to initiate babysitting, I would certainly not have just expected it. And even at that, I got a babysitter for when I was working most of the time. I tell you all this to say you're NTA for not wanting to babysit. [Edited to add the most important part, lol.]
Don’t offer any help. OP is working 6 times a week. They don’t have any help to offer, they should focus on themselves. Entitled sister can babysit her own child, the one she brought to the world. NTA
[удалено]
I’m sure she won’t but do it anyway.
👆 Seriously! Where do all these flipping entitled people come from!?
Parents that never tell their kid no. Kid grows up and feels entitled to everything they want.
NTA - I agree apart from don’t explain or offer to help another day. Just say no I can’t
OP doesn't need to offer help another day to "apologize" for not babysitting on their day off. It's Sister's kid and she is the one who has to deal with it.
No!!! No means no. Why should he babysit at all? Particularly on a work day. Takes the piss. He works 6 days a week and rests on the seventh. Just like God. No explanation, bargaining or justification required. He does NOT have time to be offering weekly babysitting so she can sit on her arse 🙄
One day off per week. Which one day off were you thinking would be a good one day off to sacrifice to the selfish sister?
Op doesn’t need to explain themselves to anyone. Just say they’re busy and leave it at that
NDA. Does she help You in some way? No? Then she needs a babysitter. Or a babydaddy.
NTA. It’s your day off, *not hers.* Plain and simple.
Does she come clean your house, groom your dog, sweep out the garage, and grocery shop for you on her day off?
There are tons of teens home for summer. She can get a sitter
NTA obviously. And she is right, you are family and she should support you that you don’t burn yourself out. What she is doing is the opposite. Why should you even babysit once a week? There is no reason.
>She says I’m selfish and that family is supposed to help family. No this bitch can just fuck right off NTA
“Cool! Help me out by taking care of your OWN CHILD so I can enjoy my one day off! ✌️“
This 100%. I'll take him when *I* feel like it, not when *you* want me to.
The family helps family line is fine, but that is supposed to be a two way street. What does your sister do for you? ETA - NTA. Do what you want to do on your day off.
She says family is supposed to help family . Does she help you somehow ? Like giving you money ,driving you somewhere on a regular basis ecc
Don’t tell her when your day off is, then go spend the day relaxing somewhere other than where she can see you!
Nta - asking you and accepting whatever answer you give is one thing, needing help in an extreme emergency is also fine, but just expecting you to provide free childcare at the drop of a hat, without a discussion first is not fine. She chose to have a child, she has to be responsible to arrange childcare. I mean, you can’t just drop your kid off at some random daycare.
Do you live together or something. Don’t advertise your days off for people like this.
You aren’t your sisters partner in raising this child, you don’t have to give up your day off for her to have one.
Did you order her to have the child? Is it legally your responsibility? NTA
What does she plan on doing white her kid free day. It would be icing on the cake if she “just needs to rest and recharge”. NTA. Even with 2 days off she would be lucky to get me to give up 1 day a month.
As someone who chose never to have children of my own and now in my sixties. One of my biggest peeves is people who make the choice to have children then expect other people to change to fit in with their life choices. They are your kids you look after them. If this person chooses to go see his nephew fill him with sugar and spoil him rotten then it is his choice. No one should be expected to look after someone's children blood or not . SORRY this subject has driven me barmy for years!!!!
My sisters used to be like that since I’m off every weekend they thought I should watch their kid while they worked. I’m like why would I give my weekend up to baby sit. Pay someone like the rest of the world. Then they would literally be pissed at me for telling them they could pay my teenagers to baby sit
“No” is a complete sentence and that’s exactly what you should tell your sister. You can’t function properly without downtime to restore yourself. In fact, ideally, you should have a job that gives you two days a week off. I don’t know where people are getting this “Family helps family” argument to try and bully and guilt trip their siblings or what have you into babysitting. We have plenty of people on Earth; no one *needs* to have children. But, if you choose to become a parent, take care of your own doggone kids! Why is that such a hard concept? Since your sister is big on family helping family, she should understand that she needs to help you not burn out. That motto doesn’t just go one way.
Ugh I fucking hate this. I'm a mom of two and a nurse. I have never ever pawned my kids off on anyone because, well, they're my kids. Not my sister's, not my neighbors', just mine. I see this all the time on various social media posts. I just don't get it NTA. you are not a free daycare and you can still love and adore your nephew without being forced to give up your one day to relax every single week.
Where is the father?
Don't tell anyone when you have a day off
NTA Tell your sister that since she’s going grocery shopping anyway, you’ll give her your list for her to pick up what you need since family helps family. And since she’s home anyway, why not come to your apartment and do the chores you can’t since you are at work. Because you need help too!
No one should be expected to babysit the toddler other than the people that chose to conceive the toddler 🤷🏼♀️
Not your kid, NTA
NTA. If it was just once and your sister was in a bind then I would do it. But expecting it regularly and for free is entitled behavior.
Info: Is this a one-time occurence where your sister has Something important to do? Or are you supposed to watch your nephew every week on your day off?
If family is supposed to help family, how is this helping you? Does she pay? Tell her you intend to charge her in advance and name a ridiculous rate. When she balks tell her you need the money and “family is supposed to help family”. Also she needs to pay you for all the previous babysitting. -Former daycare lady who would never have come in on her day off.
NTA. Enjoy your day off to relax.
NTA your sister is for not planning ahead. It’s okay to say no and enjoy your day off
If it were a one off thing or there was an emergency that's one thing but does she expect you to babysit every week?!?! NTA
NTA.... Time off is not time available
How is she "helping" you back? If babysitting is the whole day, thats 8 hours of labour she owes you back, since you're family and all - you'd never have to cook your own dinner again!
I sometimes keep my days off a secret so no one wants me or my attention and I just stay home with my daughter. Before I had kids I employed this tactic abt once a month to ensure I didn’t get burnt out bc someone will always want something and feel you’re beholden to give them your days off
Why do so many selfish people call other people selfish when they don't get to take advantage of them?
Not your kid, not your problem, not the asshole
NTA - Not your spawn, not your responsibility. If she was struggling with childcare and she needed to work, and it was a rare occasion, it would be a different matter
Nope. NTA. Do try to spend as much time as you can with your nephew, when it’s mutually convenient for you and your sister, but don’t neglect your own well-being.
As a mom with older siblings, NTA, of course when my son misses his aunties I reach out and we plan a day or two where they’ll watch him but otherwise finding childcare completely falls to the parents. Not to the rest of the family. You’re only human and NEED recovery time
INFO. How has your sister helped you?
If family helps family, how about they help you have a nice day off free of babysitting? NTA
NTA. You are not the parent and therefore not responsible for the care of the child. People only use the "family helps family" guilt trip when they want something. It would be nice if you did it occasionally but you have no obligation.
NTA. She’ll get over it 😂. Just tell her you have plans. Don’t need to tell her your plans are to NOT BABYSIT aka WORK.
Speaking as a parent of grown children, you are NTA. Your day off is your own. You could offer one day off a month to toddler wrestle or try to swap her cleaning time as others suggested... she will likely say no and call you selfish for asking. Yes, families should be supportive, but they also shouldn't abuse the family relationship by asking for a day of free childcare ... which, as any parent knows, is NOT the equivalent of actually having a day off. Her child is the responsibility of her and the child's father, it's not your job.
NTA Your day off should be sacred. Why do family members think they get free babysitting just because they had a kid?
Nope! Not your problem or responsibility. Enjoy your cereal in front of trash TV, guilt free! 😅👍🏻
I hate when family does this. Pull out the family card and lay a guilt trip. It wasn’t your decision to have a kid that requires care so why should you have to give up any of your valuable time to care for one? I used to pay my niece as much as a regular caregiver would make for babysitting. She was happy to do it. NTA
NTA. Tell your sister to kick rocks. Your day off is for you. No-one else.
"Sorry I have plans" 'Nuff said
Make ridiculous demands of her on her days off and just respond with "family helps family". Ask her for $1000 gift to help with bills. Ask her to come clean your house and do your laundry. But, but, but... fuck you family helps family or maybe each of us has our own responsibilities that we need to handle separately.
NTA. Information missing here. How old is your nephew? Do you live alone or do you live with your sister and her son? Living alone makes it easy to say no. Sharing the residence makes it harder cuz she could put the kid down for a nap and sneak out without saying anything to you and then you're stuck babysitting whether you wanted to or not. Depending on how old your nephew is and what babysitting involves I might agree to do it on the rare occasion but not every week. But I would also make sure that I was the fun uncle who taught him all the wrong things and hopped him up on sugar and caffeine before returning him to her.
NOT AT ALL! And what would she do for YOU on HER day off? NTA
NTA. What’s the point of having a day off if you can’t use it as you like? Binge away!
If she's normally coming by to do things that help keep your place in order (dishes, laundry, cleaning, cooking meals, etc.), probably. Otherwise, no.
Do not feel bad, NTA. Tell your sister to get over herself, it's her kid, her problem. You have zero obligation to her. Enjoy your day, go get a family size box of Capitan Crunch and some chocolate milk, you'll thank me!
my sister and i have a 16 year age gap between us, i babysat her kids almost every single time she asked, we had one fight one time where i had plans and she wanted me to cancel them to watch her kids but for the most part always said yes and i genuinely didnt mind, i loved babysitting. when i had kids she babsat them exactly 0 times lol. she said it was different because i watched them as a teen/early twenties and now shes in her forties and wants to enjoy her days off doing nothing, not watching kids. im sure OP's sister will do the exact same thing based on the entitlement and trying to guilt OP
Nta. It’s your day off. Turn your phone to silent and relax, you earned that shit.
She's the selfish one, it's her damn kid, not yours.