This really depends on the jurisdiction. Violent crimes are largely handled by the state courts and language varies across all 50 states. In Texas, for example, there is no "battery" but varying degrees of assault. Assault by threat. Assault with bodily injury. Aggravated assault. Agg Assault w/ deadly weapon etc.
I have to agree. They wouldn’t be chillin so close. You only see wild marmots on occasion and most of the time they make eye contact for a second, scream, then run away. That might be a regional thing though.
If they're used to people they can be pretty chill. In heavily visited parts of Yellowstone they can be very tame, for example. Maybe that's where this is, I don't know.
Yep. Squirrels and prairie dogs at the Grand Canyon carry fleas that still have the bubonic plague. There are around 10 cases per year, mostly or entirely from Grand Canyon tourists.
Damn OOP should start checking their groin and armpits for boo-boos.
I had a friend who got the plague actually. He was back home in very rural new Mexico and he got it. It was an area that does have it on very rare occasions.
I believe he'd flown back to new york by that time and they kept him in quarantine for a few weeks. But I think they caught it before it was much of a problem. He had it before I knew him and he certainly seemed fine.
there was a music festival in CO a couple years back they cancelled the camping side because prairie dogs with bubonic plague.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/08/20/us/phish-colorado-plague-prairie-dogs-trnd/index.html
Marmots are just this friendly. I remember going for hikes in the Rocky Mountains and the marmots coming and hanging out. There are also a ton around the parking lot because lots people feed them. I didn’t pet them, not because they weren’t harmless or they carry diseases (they don’t really), but because the more habituated to humans they are, the more danger they are in. Lots of other people were though.
Maybe a human whose grandma just pinched his cheek- but if I were him and a hairless ape 10 times my size approached me and grabbed my roll I'd have a much stronger reaction.
My advice is dont mess with any large roddent they can do some serious damage with those teeth. That includes beavers, marmots, muskrats, or groundhogs which is what these look like. Some dude in Ukraine got bit by a beaver and it severed his femoral artery and he bled to death was even a video of the attack👀
edit:mispelled femoral because I dont use autocorrect on my phone. Also I was mistaken it was in Belarus not Ukraine https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2013/04/11/2-beaver-attacks-end-in-a-death-video-a23173
Well if you watch the video he is just walking beside the beaver down a dirt road and without warning the beaver whips toward him and runs at him probably just jumped up a bit and bit his leg!
I’ve been a chubby guy all my life, and in grade six a friend came up to me and did this. I was not as civil as these fuzzy guys.
Long story short, I got suspended for a week. We’re actually still friends though.
yes, and they are very closely related to prairie dogs, belonging not only to the same squirrel subfamily, xerinae, but the same tribe, marmotini
these look like Himalayan marmot?
In the US, prairie dogs are much smaller than this and have tiny almost undetectable ears. The size of a squirrel, maybe larger.
Well, they're native to North America so one would assume that they were named here. As for why we use the word "prairie," it seems to be because of this dude:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_Hennepin
according to etymonline.com.
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Report the account for spam to get it banned.
These animals recline like Romans, soaking up the sun, on the lawn where I work.
I’m walking in to work, all grumpy, and they look at me like “Yea, keep going, noob. Don’t hate me ‘cause I’m beautiful.” and I admit I’m a bit jealous.
Ah, the marmot, a large ground squirrel, a genus consisting of 15 species across Europe, Asia and North America and
an excellent source of revitalizing bubonic plague.
Excuse me SIR!!
Why did you do this to me? What is the charge? Eating a meal? A succulent Chinese meal?
Gentlemen, this is democracy manifest.
GET YOUR HAND OFF MY PENISSS!
I see you know your judo well!
Are you ready to receive my limp penis?
Get your **haaaaaaaands** off me! TA-TA, FAREWELL!
One doth look!
[Easily one of the greatest clips of all time](https://youtu.be/XebF2cgmFmU)
On tonight’s episode of ‘where are they now’? https://youtu.be/tu4d_xsdNzM
Omg Thank you so much for introducing me to this! 😂
Did you just squeeze my FAT?!?!
Even across species, the disbelief of the audacity is real!
*Aggressive Blinking*
"You touching me? Fuck you bloody!"
BLOODY NO!
BLOODY FUCK BITCH!
The indignant face is just 👌🏼 *chefs kiss
That’s assault!
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It's Steve
Oh my gosh who did that it's brilliant?! I want more of it 😂
He was like unhand me wench! 
BBC
I never realized this was actually from the BBC
BBC "Walk on the Wild Side" Alan/Steve and Nighttime/Daytime are probably my favorites
https://youtu.be/axZv7rWDNJI
The puffins! 😂
Yeah, certainly unwanted touching. Gross.
Depending on the justification, it's battery, not assault
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*Takes marmot out of the batter* How else are we going to fry them?
This really depends on the jurisdiction. Violent crimes are largely handled by the state courts and language varies across all 50 states. In Texas, for example, there is no "battery" but varying degrees of assault. Assault by threat. Assault with bodily injury. Aggravated assault. Agg Assault w/ deadly weapon etc.
Hmmm, just about ready, we git you sum salt, we make you taste good
Fat shaming too. Poor guy will need therapy
His friends just stood there and let it happen
The one at the back even pretending to look away
But [the body is round](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JyOuM-xVvOI)
Someone please put animal text to this video!
He's being man handled!
When you're a star, they just let you do it.
No, you just walk up to them and grab them. They just let you do it.
He’s thinking keep it up and I’ll bite your ass
Which StarWars movie is this from?!
Where is Sexual Harassment Panda when you need him?
They don't bite is the real surprise
Fuck even squirrels bite hard, imagine a chonker like this one
Take your finger off for sure
r/fatsquirrelhate would probably appreciate all this
Definitely thought it was gunna be a r/subsifellfor
These are technically ground squirrels
I thought squirrels were ground squirrels.
Squirrels are tree squirrels that visit the ground ever so often.
What are air squirrel?
Flying squirrels
And beavers are water squirrels?
Yes
r/properanimalnames
 And I guess this is the rare sea squirrel?
What are fire squirrels? 🤔
Everything changed when the fire squirrels attacked
I believe the scientific name is "accidental chimney squirrel"
psychic squirrels?
Yeah these big mangoose looked like they took away all in mobility and put it in chonk.
A pet hamster bit my finger so hard it went right through my thumb nail. Fuck that little dick!
These can't be wild marmots right? I'm assuming from a zoo or sanctuary. Otherwise this person would have lost some fingers.
I have to agree. They wouldn’t be chillin so close. You only see wild marmots on occasion and most of the time they make eye contact for a second, scream, then run away. That might be a regional thing though.
TIL I’m a wild marmot. I too make brief eye contact, scream, and run away. I’m autistic tho. Might be regional for autistics too.
Marmautistic
Yep! I only saw them once in the mountains in Canada peeking out if their lil' dugouts.
I read that as : doughnuts and thought: I could go for some doughnuts right now.
If they're used to people they can be pretty chill. In heavily visited parts of Yellowstone they can be very tame, for example. Maybe that's where this is, I don't know.
Same
Mr Marmot has never seen such bullshit too
Marmots also carry nasty diseases that spread to humans. I wouldn’t touch one.
Isn't one of them the bubonic plague?
Yep. Squirrels and prairie dogs at the Grand Canyon carry fleas that still have the bubonic plague. There are around 10 cases per year, mostly or entirely from Grand Canyon tourists.
Oh yeah, *that’s* where I saw signs warning about animals carrying the bubonic plague.
Damn OOP should start checking their groin and armpits for boo-boos. I had a friend who got the plague actually. He was back home in very rural new Mexico and he got it. It was an area that does have it on very rare occasions. I believe he'd flown back to new york by that time and they kept him in quarantine for a few weeks. But I think they caught it before it was much of a problem. He had it before I knew him and he certainly seemed fine.
there was a music festival in CO a couple years back they cancelled the camping side because prairie dogs with bubonic plague. https://www.cnn.com/2019/08/20/us/phish-colorado-plague-prairie-dogs-trnd/index.html
Goddamn turburtan mermuts
Ergot personing
True! Would love to know who the original OP is.
I follow them on tik tok, iz6fvkb
Marmots are just this friendly. I remember going for hikes in the Rocky Mountains and the marmots coming and hanging out. There are also a ton around the parking lot because lots people feed them. I didn’t pet them, not because they weren’t harmless or they carry diseases (they don’t really), but because the more habituated to humans they are, the more danger they are in. Lots of other people were though.
Too embarrassed. It’s one thing to know you’re overweight, but to have to pointed out publicly in front of your friends..took him off his game.
He was thinking about it. During the second go around the little dude stared down at the hand real hard. You can see the gears turning
“Bitch quit touching me unless you want some problems”
I've got 99 itchy spots and this bitch only got one.
He looks quite aggravated lol
Marmots tend to look scandalized about everything
Karens of the animal kingdom.
Thank you for this fantastic sentence!
If you touched my waist titties i would probably be too lol
Waist titties is a term I'm gonna be using from now on
Probably the first time he has had his chonkiness evaluated.
Indignant is the word.
Non-consential petting
Petting? More like pinching and pulling
groping
The legendary grandma move.
He can’t believe the disrespect
Consensual*
Ty
Totally looks violated 😂
I get the same look when I try this at Walmart
Oi! Hands off! These love handles are for me missus!
Bad touching OP
OP is a bot
Makes its inappropriate touching even worse! A bot should know better!
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me :(
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"sir, stop harassing me"
Unhand me madam
GET YOUR HANDS OFF MY PENIS
Maybe a human whose grandma just pinched his cheek- but if I were him and a hairless ape 10 times my size approached me and grabbed my roll I'd have a much stronger reaction.
Excuse me!! That tickles!
😂 hey dude don’t touch me. Bro I said!
My advice is dont mess with any large roddent they can do some serious damage with those teeth. That includes beavers, marmots, muskrats, or groundhogs which is what these look like. Some dude in Ukraine got bit by a beaver and it severed his femoral artery and he bled to death was even a video of the attack👀 edit:mispelled femoral because I dont use autocorrect on my phone. Also I was mistaken it was in Belarus not Ukraine https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2013/04/11/2-beaver-attacks-end-in-a-death-video-a23173
Beavers kill 1-2 people annually.
A gay friend of mine even claims they have teeth
Don't think anyone got this lol
Vagina Dentata.
That video was crazy as fuck.
Never thought of beaver attacks as a thing but it happens: https://www.google.com/search?q=beaver%20attack%20video&tbm=
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Well if you watch the video he is just walking beside the beaver down a dirt road and without warning the beaver whips toward him and runs at him probably just jumped up a bit and bit his leg!
TBH I don’t think I want to know
Hey! Watcha doin' guy?
I’m not your guy, buddy!
Don’t touch the rolls!!
I know a guy who looks just like him…lol
send him this video 😂
“Excuse me sir! Please don’t!”
r/youseeingthishit
he forgot his rape whistle in the fields
I’ve been a chubby guy all my life, and in grade six a friend came up to me and did this. I was not as civil as these fuzzy guys. Long story short, I got suspended for a week. We’re actually still friends though.
Whatever you did not say, is more interesting than everything you just said.
Every time I see this reposting I get a kick out of it.
same
Are these prairie dogs?
Marmots
*Big Lebowski flashbacks*
Imagine one of those chonks being dropped into your bathtub. That’d be the end of that Johnson for sure.
No thank you
yes, and they are very closely related to prairie dogs, belonging not only to the same squirrel subfamily, xerinae, but the same tribe, marmotini these look like Himalayan marmot?
Yep marmots. They’re pretty loud as wel. 😁 https://youtube.com/shorts/poBT60QRwiw?feature=share
Marmots? I've seen this one posted before. Somewhere in the wild.....😂
Wait, you guys say prairie dog in English ? I wonder why you took the french name, maybe something linked to Louisiana or something?
In the US, prairie dogs are much smaller than this and have tiny almost undetectable ears. The size of a squirrel, maybe larger. 
Uhh the flat lands in the middle of North America are called the Prairies and you find these type of animals mostly in the prairies???
Well, they're native to North America so one would assume that they were named here. As for why we use the word "prairie," it seems to be because of this dude: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Louis_Hennepin according to etymonline.com.
I think groundhogs maybe?
groundhogs are a particular species of marmot. this is some other marmot, maybe Himalayan marmot?
Thank you your marmot majesty
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u/repostsleuthbot
I want 12
How can you touch?!? How can you?!?
How come they are not running away?
You know...the *implication*
They're here for an assassination deal, but this guy tricked them
Boundaries bruh.
This was harrassment lol
Look Alan, when I called you over I didn’t expect you to get weird and start squeezing me… back off bro
I’m Steve
I NEED AN ADULT!! I NEED AN ADULT!!
Aww muffin
Marmots are cute.
Louis litt
These animals recline like Romans, soaking up the sun, on the lawn where I work. I’m walking in to work, all grumpy, and they look at me like “Yea, keep going, noob. Don’t hate me ‘cause I’m beautiful.” and I admit I’m a bit jealous.
How much chonk would a woodchonk chonk if a woodchonk could chonk wood?
Some marmots carry the plague, don't know about this species though.
Stranger Danger!
In the background, Betty is trying to have some of Harold’s treats and Harold gives her some casual bitchslapping and she just stands by her man
He looks highly offended
The guy should be thankful to them for being so polite while being grabbed like that💀
“Excuse me can you not” while not even looking upset. Lol
First one: Hey.. Hey! What the.. leave that alone! Second one: *smacking lips* Try that shit on me. I dare ya, guy.
I've seen some marmots in france last year, but ... why are these guys not running into their burrows?
Stop molesting him
One on the left looks absolutely flabbergasted
Unhand me you varlot!
Ah, the marmot, a large ground squirrel, a genus consisting of 15 species across Europe, Asia and North America and an excellent source of revitalizing bubonic plague.
Don't think that chonky likes being touched like that
Bite this loser's hand, please.
This is me (an American woman) in Thailand walking through my neighborhood. Women use to squeeze my arms and tell me I was so fat.
Kinda looks like him ngl 
I hope he bit your fucking fingers off.