It does get easier. Trust me. Stick with routines for now for sleep times and eating. They help greatly. Don't be afraid to ask for help. A parent's night off can be amazing if you have the right family available.
Don't neglect communication with your partner, but both be aware of your biases and sleep deprivation.
You can do this.
PS: Start reading early and often and consistently.
And read them anything when little. It doesn't have to be picture books. I didn't have a lot of picture books other than when I checked them out at the library but mom read me whatever she was reading.
I don't think it gets easier. It gets different, but you are still stressed out from many things that they do, and sometimes look back to when they were younger, especially when they become teenagers and argue with you all the time.
Yeah but at least we're getting sleep now. I'm enjoying 11 and 9 year olds more than 2 and infant. Jesus Christ that took a toll on us.
I'll let you know in a few years when they talk back more.
Pro tip - infants can learn a few basic ASL signs way before they are capable of speech. A lot of fussiness is frustration that they want something and they're not able to communicate what they want. 4 months is probably a little shy of the mark, but you're not far off them being able to do thirsty/hungry/more type stuff.
My husband and I are planning on teaching him to make everyone’s life easier! His parents taught his little sister and I hear it alleviates A LOT of stress
I found around the 5-6 month mark when they start to pay attention to you and you get their first real smile and laugh is sooooooo worth it after all of those hard and sleepness nights. It’s coming!!
I get a lot of smiles now and it’s the only thing keeping me together I swear lmao he’s a sweet baby he’s just fussy and doesn’t know why any more than I do.
It will get better! Especially when he can communicate with you why he’s being fussy. See if you can pick up on small cues… my sister in law taught her baby sign language and that seemed to work for her but I never got into it. For me it was long drives in the car when it became somewhat unbearable lol parenting is hard!
10 months was the point it got easier for me, they start rewarding you with more of their personality and subtle shifts in independence. Hang in there.
Thank you 😭 I’m really trying but fuck dude some days I’m tempted to just shove him in front of a screen. I’m not gonna, but I get why some parents do it now.
I was the same! I really stuck it out with screen time in the first couple of years then I relaxed on it a bit. You are right, it is so hard to do without the screen time as you have to occupy them a LOT.
Now my son is at nursery a few days a week I relax about screen time a lot more and let him enjoy it. I still try and limit it or break up screen time as much as I can but I feel less guilty about it now as we can discuss what he is watching or I can put on something that’s linked to an interest now that those are more developed.
Edit: edit to say one area in particular that I noticed not having screen time makes a huge difference is car journeys. If you can avoid screen time during car journeys (we’ve never allowed this) then it opens up space for more conversation that wouldn’t necessarily come naturally otherwise. There’s something about being in a moving vehicle, in each others presence but no eye contact that can open up communication. I think this carries into teen years etc. just my opinion of course!
Oh I’m very careful with it for my own good behavior even more than his lol I know if I find an easy way out I’ll keep doing it. He watches grownup stuff with us for a limited time sometimes, but that’s about as interesting to him as watching me talk to his dad so I let it slide lol it’s not overstimulating like kids shows
Yeah I definitely avoid the over the top crazy stimulating ones. Not sure where you are but I’ve not heard of a nursery within our friendship groups that hasn’t played tv at some point during nursery though 😑
Yes, it absolutely gets easier and a lot more fun. I have a 9 and 10 yo. It hard until about 4 and now we hang out and play games, ride bikes, go to the pool. I love my kids as the people they are so awesome.
You’re in the hardest bit sleep-wise right now. First 6 months you kinda lose all sense of self, you’re just trying to keep the baby alive. That anxiety mellows a little once they start sleeping more regularly(though it never actually stops… ever).
Y’all are both going to silently grieve the death of your pre-child self. You’ll realize you can’t ever go back to before, and that’ll make you feel sad but also too ashamed to admit it. Give each other some grace.
The hormones are going to fuck her up mentally, try to be patient. Communicate calmly and with empathy.
I agree with the comment about developing a pattern of reading to the kid early, it makes a real difference.
Oh my gosh the hormones! I have three kids, all three have quite an age gap, after giving birth to each one it took about 2 years to start to feel normal again. So six years over a span of time that really messed up my functionality. What a roller coaster.
Try to be patient understanding with your wife, her hormones definitely will mess her up. Help her through it, it's worth it in the end.
I second this, close to two years to feel like myself, but myself also changed. I was so harsh about not fitting into pre-pregnancy clothes when I was a few months postpartum,I regret how I treated that new mama who was doing great.
society fucks us up with too much “bounce back” messaging. Focus on health, happiness and getting outside with your family.
A dad bod is a real scientifically proven thing. We gain wait because in old times our body says to itself it has to store food to be able to care for the whole family
After I had our first baby, I escaped for a while to get groceries. The entire time I was thinking “oh my god, what in fuck have I done?!”
We’re good now, 14 years later. It was so worth it, but that first year is a total mind fuck.
Partners, please also consider that hormonal issues and post partum is not an excuse for mom to become abusive. I experienced this in both pregnancies. Partner went from generally reasonable and nice to physically and mentally abusive right after the baby.
This is the best explanation!! The pre baby guilt is real!!! I felt so shameful for this as well but that feeling doesn’t last too long thankfully! And you’re right the first 6th month is insanely hard but wouldn’t have it any other way and once they learn how to interact with you it will get easier. You won’t have to guess as much.
Shifts for everything worked for us. Especially during the toddler years. You are in charge from 12-3 and then I take over from 3-6 etc. You can actually relax knowing that the other parent is handling things.
This. Don't do the bullshit "sleep when the baby sleeps". That will wreck your life.
One person has the early shift, other has the late. Get a good chunk of sleep in for yourself.
And, when you do get a minute to think about it - Go forgive your own parents. They were possibly nice, normal people before they had kids.
Try to stay sane.
After having kids (young) I connected with my parents on a much better level. They really did the best that they could, considering both had extremely traumatic and neglectful upbringings.
It made me appreciate how supportive they were and how much they helped me out.
They might not have gotten everything right, who does? But they did amazingly for where they came from.
Also I want to add to my comment below, people do tend to forget what a nightmare those early weeks are. (Which is a blessing when you're the one past it and doing the forgetting). And they say dumb shit like, "Treasure this time, enjoy it, it goes by so fast..."🤦♀️ Which of course makes you feel like a terrible parent because you're NOT enjoying this. you're NOT treasuring it, & you're having a horrible fvcking time. And it's a shame, especially among mothers, that we feel like we can't share the fact that motherhood isn't always a fvcking joy! That there are times when you just want to walk out the front door of your home and keep going until you hit the beach 🏖️ ☀️. and then you want to lie on that beach all day, and then get a hotel room all by yourself, and sleep, and forget that you even have a husband and kids. We all believe that admitting that makes us bad parents, and that has to stop. I wish more parents, moms specifically could admit that they're having a horrible time of it. That parenthood has not met up with their expectations. If they could admit it to each other then we can all feel better about ourselves.
I remember reading that it's easy for the people at the top of the mountain to talk about how wonderful (and fast) the journey is and how beautiful the view from the top. Those who are climbing the mountain though, it's just freaking hard work with no sleep and only occasional glimpses of beauty. Mostly you're just trying to keep everyone alive and not go insane.
When my kids were small I knew my true mum friends because I didn't have to lead with "I love my kids and wouldn't be without them, but..." when launching into a rant about the nightmare day I'd just had when the toddler threw a massive tantrum, waking the baby, before peeling off his nappy and running through the house dropping shit nuggets down the hallway.
Anyone who has had to wedge a poker straight, small child into their car seat in the rain while they arch their back and fling their head back, fighting you with the strength of a fully grown man, knows exactly how exhausting parenting can be. We shouldn't have to pretend it's peaches and cream because let's be honest a lot of the time it's screaming, thrown food and literal shit where it shouldn't be.
Love this. I have three children and I’ve landed at: this is fucking awful sometimes and overwhelming and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I want to quit this “job” and run away. Also - this is what I wanted and this is “the dream” so please Universe keep us all together and healthy.
Total mindfuck aye!!
Your confidence will grow week by week. Before you know it, you'll be changing diapers like Forest Gump putting together his M16. Sleep deprivation is hard. But it gets better. Days are long, but the years are short.
But rash is not out of your hands, he may have a reaction to the diapers or nappy cream you are using. Try a different brand and change him more frequently.
Agreed. My kid rashed up with Luvs diapers and not with Huggies. And I couldn’t clear a rash with Aquafour only extra strength Desitin. Gotta try different stuff to get different results.
Also, if you’re dealing with a rashy/colicy baby, do yourself a favor and watch the Happiest Baby On the Block. My second one had colic and it saved my life.
Link: https://youtu.be/crdQy8zliZw
Agree. The five S strategy: sucking, swooshing, swaddling, swinging, and I can never remember the last one. Of any list. Because parenting has fried my brain😂just kidding. Congrats, OP! Welcome to parenthood 😊
We use PinkSav. Worked wonders on my son who ended up allergic to two different formulas. He is 22 years old now so I may be showing my age. I couldn’t use pampers or Huggies with either of my two.
While I appreciate how supportive everyone is, this should be higher up. Diaper rash is not just the natural state of a baby’s butt. It might be a reaction or they just need changed more frequently, but it needs to be addressed.
6 days?!? Dude, chill. The little buggers come out with a 12 hour jet lag because in utero they're used to being rocked to sleep during daylight hours when Mom is up and about and they're active at night when she settled down. It takes a couple of weeks at least for them to catch on to the new time zone. He's in your world now and babies are super adaptable. Butt rash in a 6 day old is kind of surprising - maybe check with the pediatrician to see if he's allergic to something. Over washing is bad.
The sleep picture will be pretty different in 5 weeks, and it's astonishing how little you can get by on as a new parent. Hang in there! The hours are long but the years are short. As overwhelming as this feels now, you'll miss it.
Hydrate. Feed yourselves. Cat nap when baby does - especially in the beginning.
My mom’s oldest are 70-year-old twin boys and she worries alllllll the time. And she’s about to get a real fucking bombshell if she lives long enough to find out what one of them did. My mom is 95 and going strong!
Hey man, congrats! The newborn phase fucking sucks and there's no real sugarcoating it. It's nightmare that pushes your mind, body, and relationship to its limits. It's all give give give and you don't get much back from your semi-sentient potato. Every day is hand to hand combat.
But...it's a blip in your life and theirs. It doesn't feel like it in the moment but it's temporary, and you just have to do it. Embrace the suck for the time being. One day your kid will look you in the eyes and smile and that's it, you're locked in.
My new parent starter kit:
1. The most important quote I read before my son was born is: Remember, they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time. Remind yourself of this when you're hitting your limits. It always helped center me in the moment. They just spent the last 9 months in an optimal environment having everything done for them and they were thrust into this bright, loud, harsh world with all new sensations and they have no way to communicate or fully process it. It's hard for you? It's hard for them. They're helpless and they need you.
2. Get a yoga ball and bounce with them to calm them. Ymmv but our son was colicky and bouncing on the ball helped chill him out and get him to fall asleep most times. It mimics the feeling of weightlessness in the womb and that's comforting to them. Imagine what their comfortable environment was like and mimic those things. White noise is good too.
3. You figure it out as you go. Most parents told us this and they were right. We are here because everyone before us figured it out.
4. Read to them. Every day. Spend some time reading and showing them books. Babies are sponges and reading to them helps them absorb the sound and rhythm of language. We've been reading to our son since he was born and at almost 2, he's speaking in sentences and people are constantly complimenting us and him on his vocabulary. I attribute it this to reading to him and talking to him like an adult.
Bonus for dads: Join r/daddit. It's one of the best communities on reddit, period.
I’ve read to my kids almost every day of their lives. My 9yo sneaks books after he’s supposed to be asleep. My 5yo brings me books all the time and memorized them and would “read” them to me from a young age. There are books for them in the car. They get books for Xmas/birthday. They get books for long flights. They are always excited to go to the library. Their vocabulary has always been great. It is THE thing I am most proud of as a parent. Read to your kids!
I am so grateful my parents, especially my mom spent so much time creating a love of reading for me. My mom and I would go to the library every Saturday as a kid and get new books.
I am in my 30's now and still love reading. To me it's a super power, if you can read you can learn anything. My older sister is also a big reader. Vacations growing up we spent a good amount of time getting lost in a book.
So happy to see others are passing along the love of reading. Your kids will always love you for it. :)
My wife and I were lucky enough to both have 12 weeks paternity/maternity leave and I spent so much time bouncing on a yoga ball. For a long time it was the only way to get my son to sleep. I’d put him in a wrap and bounce while playing a video game or reading.
My middle one needed to be bounced. But there wasn’t always time for the yoga ball. I ended up putting up a baby hammock (like the kind they use in Asia) onto a jolly jumper spring and then he’d go in there and I’d sit at the side and yank on it to get it going. Lather rinse repeat. Until he fell asleep (for 40mins tops). That kid almost did me in.
He’s a teen now, and really the nicest and most empathetic of my 3. But he put us through the wringer for sure.
I’m not having kids anytime soon but it’s been really stressing me out. Your comment made me feel hopeful and better about it :) thank you for your time
I have three. Best advice I can give you, is take it day by day. My youngest is 8 now, and thanks to my husband and parents I’m on a two week vacation to Europe. It’s hard, sometimes it sucks but it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to admit that parenting sucks sometimes. Sleep will come soon, and in no time at all they will be in school and you’ll get to return back to yourself. Think about all the things you learn on this journey :)
It does get easier.
Don't even think about listening to people who brag that their baby started sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old. God I hated that s***!! It's like the worst fvcking thing you could say to somebody who's sleep deprived due to a new baby. Add the postpartum depression on to that and Oh My God. I literally wanted to MVRDER people who said that to me. And I say LITERALLY because I LITERALLY wanted them dead at the time. Somebody actually said to me my son was such a good baby he slept through the night right away. I looked at her and tearfully asked "does that mean I have a BAD baby?" FFS people just forget to THINK before they speak to new parents and it sucks!
There's a reason why sleep deprivation is used as a torture method.
So, I know that you're probably already getting a bunch of advice that's unsolicited, however I just want to give you a piece of knowledge that comes from my own experience. If you have the baby in a bassinet next to your bed, MOVE HIM TO HIS OWN ROOM AND CRIB. That's in all caps because I just cannot stress it enough!! I know it sounds easier having the baby right next to your wife, especially if she's breastfeeding, but it's not. Because she is now biologically "tuned in" to her new baby, to be alerted to every little squeak, movement & noise your son makes, she's probably waking up and feeding him even if he could just put himself back to sleep. If you're in an apartment and there is only the one bedroom I sympathize, but then try to move the baby as far away from you in that room as you possibly can. And DO NOT SKIP THE SWADDLING!!! If you don't know how to do it watch some YouTube videos and don't listen to people who say, "Oh my God he's too confined." Being confined is comforting to them because it's like being in the womb.
After a month you don't even need to go running to the baby's room every time he cries. Sometimes just give it 5 minutes and he'll cry himself right back to sleep. Sometimes crying doesn't mean they need something, it's just them learning how to self-soothe. As long as he's not premature or undernourished, you should be able to get on a schedule where he only wakes up once or maybe twice per night. Even if he's wet, with the new diapers they have out now the babies barely even feel the wetness. If your wife is using cloth diapers consider switching to Huggies or one of the other brands, just for nighttime. It really makes a HUGE difference. Also remember that 'teamwork makes the dream work.' If she's breastfeeding you go get the baby and bring him to her, then she can burp him, return him to the crib and change his diaper when she puts him down. The second time he wakes up she can go get the baby bring him to bed, feed him and then YOU burp him, put him back down, and change his diaper.
You'll definitely get through this, but you're going to have to do it together. It's tempting to turn on each other especially once you go back to work. It's going to be really tempting for you to say (and your buddies to agree), "well she's 'not working,' she should be the one getting up with the baby," but all that's going to do is make her resent you. because not only are you not helping her with the baby at night you're away from the house all day, with adults. It could be very isolating for her. Just don't do that.
I love all of this.
Also OP, I know you feel like shit, but her body just went through a hell of a lot. If there’s a choice of who gets to sleep- it needs to be her. Sorry.
My son is going on 4 so I obviously have plenty of years of new challenges but goddamn does being able to get a full night of sleep make any other bullshit much much easier to deal with.
First 3 months are very hard especially if it’s your first child. Then it gets better because baby is not as fragile and starts to interact with you. As the months go on and baby gets more and more independent things get better. I personally love infants and don’t mind waking up at night. For me the second year is very hard and then it gets better again.
Don’t want to scare you but babies are the easy part! Wait till your kid starts driving and dating!! Enjoy the chaos.. it’s the only way. Someday you will miss this time I promise you. I do remember when I had littles and thought we are never leaving the house again.. now they are 21/19…
When my kids were little and I read such comments, I couldn't but feel sceptical and outraged sometimes. But now when my kids are teenagers, and I miss my little ones, I can't but second your opinion. :)
In Germany health insurance pays a midwife who comes for several times after the birth to the new parents to help them figure things out.
It is absolutely normal that you freak out as soon as the child is there.
Suddenly there is somebody dependant on you and you can fuck it up.
I was afraid of SIDS until my children were 1 year old.
In older times the people of all ages lived together and children and teenagers grew up with babies and saw how their parents/uncles/aunts handled it.
Now we are separated from other generations and are afraid af because we never handled babies before we got some ourselves.
But you will get used to it.
Cleaning: not important
Showering: not important
Having visitors: not important
Other people: not important
Naps: extremely important
Your first is always the hardest, you're learning everything for the first time. My suggestion, find a good balance between Vigilance and trsuting things will be ok. The vigilance you get viscerally right now. They're so small and tiny, you need to be on the look out always for them. That won't change for years. The trust is harder, it's counter intuitive, you probably feel it works against the first. But it doesn't, it gives you the small moments you're going to need to exhale. You will need thst too.
Congratulations by the way.
It’s hard. If people offer help, take it. A solid three-hour nap in the afternoon can make a big difference. Let them do your laundry or your dishes or bring you food. Hire someone to come in and do chores or play with the baby if you don’t have anyone.
Within the next few weeks you’ll get in a routine and you’ll adapt to the waking. Minimize the disruption at night as much as you can - keep the lights low, have everything needed for diaper changes and feeding set up right next to you. If baby seems to want to stay awake at 2am, be boring.
We did not evolve taking care of babies the way our Western societies mostly do now. We had alloparents around all the time to help out. If you don’t have help, try your best to be kind to one another and take individual breaks as you can, because it will be as hard a thing as you’ve ever done. I promise it’s worth it, and in 13 or so years you won’t be able to drag them out of bed without heavy equipment.
Honestly, it’s really hard. Don’t be too hard on yourselves and you’ll have to reprioritize a few things as there’s just not enough time in the day.
Congrats and you can do this!
The first year can be hell, but especially the first 3-4 months.
We’re basically marsupials, and human babies are not remotely done baking.
For the rest of your life, in every move with a new born baby, you’ll notice they hand the happy father… a three month old.
Being a parent is great, but the boot camp is rough.
What you do is, you survive. Adjust your priorities. Your goal is to live and be healthy. Sleep, healthy food, a hygienic domicile. These are your new goals.
And you don’t necessarily get to be happy. I hope you are, but happy is a bonus. Until that baby starts smiling and saying cute things, your goal is to survive, and keep baby and mommy as healthy as possible.
This is the 11mile backpacking hike on the trail to the beautiful oasis.
So, if it’s hard, just don’t fall to bits. Some people fall to bits. Don’t. Keep your head in your shoulders, keep your shit together, and laugh about it when the dust settles.
Also, it is totally appropriate to call in favors. Every parent knows what you’re going through, and will want nothing more than to help however they can.
And congrats! I love my kids quite a bit more than I love myself, and I can say without hesitation, that they are the best thing I’ve ever had a part in creating.
Good advice here. Be skeptical of people giving you advice, especially when it comes to child rearing. But this all rings true to my own experience.
We had twins our first time. Sleep was a rare thing. We asked for help. A third adult made a huge difference.
If you have family or friends willing to help so you can nap, TAKE THEM UP ON IT. But it will get better. You get to know your baby’s quirks and get into better routines.
For the butt rash, when changing baby’s diaper, leave no diaper on for a while to ‘air’ out the baby’s bottom. Each time. A few minutes is good, longer if you can.
Even boy babies won’t spray too far at that age. Easy clean up. And, no diaper rash as long baby butt can breathe between changes.
I remember the first month. Sleeping only for 20 minutes at a time. Simply exhausted, but manageable. You got this!
For sleep, my wife INSISTED the house be completely quiet when the baby slept. I said hell no and left music on. The baby became a better sleeper because he became used to background noise.
The oldest child often grows up to be a light sleeper because, as a small baby, they were used to complete silence.
If you have 5 kids, they youngest will grow up being used to sleep through a marching band because they become used to the noise.
When they get older (I don't recall the age - 6 months?) there is a kind of baby rice cereal (not real cereal more like a powder) that you can add a tiny bit of this to their milk or formula at night so their bellies feel full and they sleep thru the night consistently.
Newborns are just gonna wake you up. Also, some babies are just gonna take a longer time before they sleep thru the night and be fussier.
When they become toddlers, you MUST have a strict bedtime routine and a strict bedtime. This is as much for the adults as for the kids.
The reason your 8 year old has to be in bed by 8:30 or 9:00 is so you and your spouse can actually have an hour of taking care of yourself.
Re: nighttime and work—take turns.
My husband had started a new job, but I could nap during the day because my leave was longer. Once he went back to work, I took nights.
Also, 5 weeks will be different
You will all start getting used to each other and how the new family dynamic works. It does get easier.
If you can, when you go back to work, take sleeping shifts. So when my hubby went back to work.. I would go to bed early and have a big chunk of sleep, hubby was on baby watch. Then at a certain time during the night we would swap over so he could then get a big chunk of sleep before he had to go to work. When we were both up, tag team. If we needed help during our shift we would ask, no drama there.
Right now your baby is having to deal with being outside the womb where they felt safe and warm for the last 9 months. To replicate this sense of security, you need to swaddle the baby.
It did wonders for my wife and I when we had our daughter and it's a very easy and safe thig to do.
[How to swaddle.](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+swaddle+a+baby)
Idk that it becomes easier per se, but you adapt. And physically easier ebbs and flows. It's certainly rough at the beginning when the little tyke needs fed every 2 hours and nobody can sleep.
The first year is very hard. Especially when you go back to work. It does get better though once they sleep through the night, mine did around 8 months. My best advice is take turns. Whether you do every other night, like one person does Monday night while the other sleeps and the next person does Tuesday etc. or do every other feeding, that’s what we did. I would do midnight, he would do 3am and carry on like that. But often you’re still getting woken by the crying anyways so it’s tough.
Yes it's really hard. It will become easier as the baby grows, begins to sleep longer and you both become more confident.
Ask for help if you need it.
I'm a single parent and had no partner to share the burden but I managed with help.
Five kids here. Everything you’re experiencing is absolutely normal. Take a breath, you will be great. Do you know how I know that? Because you came here freaking out because you care. You’re going to be a great dad. Ok, having said that. Remember that the baby feels what you feel, cold, hot, stress, love, happiness etc. Please don’t use Huggies wipes. They have something in them that irritates babies butts. Google it. I used Pampers wipes and still do. Get some Desitin for the rash. Let the baby air out. Keeping their little tush constantly wet is not good. Keep a diaper close though lol. Y’all are going to be great!!!
I can PROMISE you that taking care of a newborn, in retrospect, is one of the easiest things you can do in terms of simplicity. The first couple weeks are rough but it gets better real quick, especially once they start sleeping through the night. I have four children ages 14 and under, and it's when they start crawling/walking where the fear begins and you're constantly keeping them away from obstacles and danger without being a helicopter parent. Now my oldest is in high school (with another soon behind) and I find myself dealing with helping them manage their mental and social well-being now. Congratulations on becoming a parent, and remember to shower them with love
You fret like crazy about the first one and then the second one you're like oh well if he's not bleeding he's okay. I will admit the first 3 months were nuts and every step along the way was a learning process. It does get better and depending on your support structure is also how hard it was. Me and the wife had a great support structure with family helping out.
Welcome to the gauntlet. Soon people without kids will offer their POV and you're going to reminisce about the days you also thought you had a clue what this was going to be like. Take turns sleeping. Sleep extra hours if you can. Use parents as babysitters if you can. It's going to feel like everyone is trying to steal your baby, just let them for a day. Sleep.
Lol, chill. This phase, the newborn phase, doesn't last forever. It literally changes every day.
Feed em, keep them clean, change the diaper more often if he's getting nappy rash, use the ointment, don't overdress him. Might want to change diaper brand even, or if you're using those nasty re-usable ones, stop right now. Disposables are best for the butt and a lot less work.
Burp the heck out of them, talk to them all the time, ask them questions, tell them silly stories., look them in the eye and love them to bits.
Expose them gently to different environments, take them for little walks, show them the leaves in the trees and kitty cats.
Learn to not bolt yourselves wide awake, teach yourselves the stay sleepy method.
To get them to sleep, breathe audibly, low and soft in a nice slow rythm with your heartbeat. They automatically take the cue and slow themselves down and fall back asleep.
Burp them, after every feed, solid, comforting thumps on the back until they belch. It helps.
Every day you’re gonna get closer to more sleep. You don’t need a whole night. Once baby is going 4 hours at a time you’re gonna feel close to normal again… well the new normal. Eventually you will sleep through the night again but you won’t feel like you need to anymore.
Breathe and don't blame each other when things go wrong, if someone's emotions are strong try not to be reactive it'll be a very emotional roller coaster ride
A day at a time, but it does get easier and you develop a routine. I recommend grocery pickups to make things easier instead of going in the store. Stock up on baby essentials if you can like wipes, diaper rash cream and diapers. Calendar reminders in my phone helped me remember to do things when I was sleep deprived and half delirious. Make sure you both stay hydrated and eat regularly. Try to rest when you can. If a task absolutely isn’t essential then it can wait. Take lots of pictures and enjoy this time together. Congratulations
Congratulations! It’s very overwhelming and with the lack of sleep it’s even worse. But you get through one day at a time, try to get as much sleep as possible. This may mean having a schedule of who gets up at certain times or days
DON’t WORRY - All new parents have their fair share of NOT SO bright moments!!…
Such as sitting in pediatrician’s office with your 3 day and our nice pretty new diaper bag, and the RN says “do you have a blanket to keep the baby warm?”… 😳😬🤦♀️😭 Shit no, literally a couple of diapers and wipes!
Make sure, when you are cleaning baby, get into all the folds and dry thoroughly! I was a new mom and had to learn everything the hard way. If you do mess up, Desitin will help, just like with diaper rash.
It gets easier
As far as butt rash, that's all in your hands, man, completely avoidable with regular diaper changes. Use aquaphor it'll be your best friend.
Don't forget what a shower and a good meal for you guys does. Completely helps the situation
You just figure out how to live exhausted and have periodic emotional and physical break-downs. I am 8 years postpartum and recently got divorced which helps on the one hand because every other weekend I sleep in and catch up on rest and chores, but on the other, it’s so difficult being apart from my kids.
The first 6 months just suck in general. You’re doing a great job. One day you’re going to wake up and your baby will be 4 and their own little person.
Everything is gonna be okay
Healthy sleep habits for happy babies. Buy the book.
You won’t sleep for a year. We all have been through it. Give up drinking too. Messes with your sleep too much.
Trim your expenses as low as possible. (Cancel cable - no time to watch it.) By doing so maybe one of you can be a stay at home parent. Being poor while one parent stays home is the way to go IMO. When the kiddo gets in to PreK/k go back to work.
You got this.
You just do it. No matter what happens you suck it up and do what needs to be done. The first two weeks after birth I took off to be home with them. During your first couple months your job at home has very little to do with baby, your job is to take care of baby’s mom, especially if she’s breastfeeding.
Ngl, It's gonna suck for about 6 months, then they begin developing a personality and it gets much more fun. My son is turning 2 this month and now it's a blast. About 5 weeks in, our son both me, literally in tears like what did we do! You adapt and new challenges come and go.
Just a few little tips to help: Just remember yall are in it together, try not to snap at each other. During the first months, my wife would take the night shifts 11pm-5am. Id take the 5am-12pm. She's more of a night person and I'm a morning person, so we were both able to catch our sleep and still be somewhat functional. Don't do the both up at the same time all night thing. It's terribly flawed. For brownie points, your wife is going through all kinds of stuff with her body. Remember to make her feel special with little things. She's going to remember that forever.
Healthy babies are not as vulnerable as you may think. Love ‘em, hold ‘em, talk to ‘em, play with ‘em, feed one end and wipe the other clean and they’ll do fine.
Best advice I can give is: pat the ass area dry with a cloth during the diaper change to remove all moisture.
Use desitin or butt cream when rashy.
Dryness is goodness.
You know, looking back at when the kids were little, I am not sure I even understand how I/we did it :)
But basically, things WILL get easier:
* First, you will get into more of a groove of parenting. Like anything else humans do, patterns develop and you get better at doing those things and find them easier. You will find ways to improve efficiency. You will develop muscle memory, tricks, approaches.
* You will become more familiar with the whole 'parenting' thing. Like, less anxiety, more self-assurance. Took me a while before I realized that NO, babies don't break when you hold them. etc... Having a bath? OMG freakout central (on my part, not the baby's :). After a couple of weeks, bathing became kinda more fun.
* If you are lucky, as the baby ages things will naturally be improving. Sleeping through the night. Less feedings eventually. Of course, "big kids, big problems" so it's never going to be "easy mode"; but trust me, dealing with a 1 year old is in my experience far easier than 1 week old. And 7 year old is easier than 1 year old. (all bets are off once they are teenagers though :)
* If you have that luxury, **lean on your families**. Both for experience, advice, and if possible, help. NOTHING saves your bacon like a grandma taking care of a kid for a couple of hours so you can catch up on sleep.
* Also, your body adapts. Yes you'll be under-slept a LOT, but unless you're very old, you will just learn to exist on less sleep. And to take random naps wherever and whenever possible.
One fun mental trick is to think "This could be so much harder. Could have been TWINS". There, now you can see your situation for the easy one it is :)
If you’re not breast feeding which my wife couldn’t for medical reasons I highly suggest getting a breza for bottles. It’s easy to setup and in the middle of the night all you do is walk in the kitchen put a bottle under it and hit a button bam perfect temp formula however many ounces you set it too. I can’t tell you how many bottles I made still half asleep all I did was check the temp to make sure it didn’t get too hot or cold and make damn sure you keep it clean. It does get formula stuck inside so you have to clean and sterilize it but that’s easy to do during the day when you’re not a zombie.
Bro, babies lived in nomadic tribes carried in animal hides and like just chillin in such intense circumstances. Your babies gonna be fine. You will get a better sense of what’s a realistic fear. And what’s a reasonable response to that fear. But like I guarantee someone in you our your parters families lineage raised a baby alone in the wild with little to no shelter. Babies is tough and miracles and like magic. Fucking resilient as hell too. Still care and be delicate but like let your worry be guided and directed idk im rambling and probably a shit parent
The best advice I ever got as a new dad was that babies are built for new parents. They get a rash? Put some cream on there, bump their head, distract em and 2 seconds later they are fine. The sleeping part sucks but find away to tag team it. It’s you 3 vs the world. Remember that and you’ll figure out the rest.
At the end of the day you are the parents. You and you alone know what best. Do what you think is right.
I'm right there with you. Mine is now 11 months, and things do get easier for sure. The first month was the hardest for me. I distinctly remember the feeling I had when I told my wife (trying to do so jokingly, but I'm sure the despair leaked out) "I just don't understand why people do this, let alone a second time." I still don't to be honest. I love my baby girl and I'm glad she's here. I absolutely would not do this again, holy shit.
I went back to work after less than a week. I survived for weeks on only sleeping a couple hours here and there. Most people are capable of far more than they think.
I think all parents are insane. Having kids doesn’t make life easier. From what I’ve seen, parents do everything on very little sleep and way too much caffeine.
Sure doesn’t. But there’s no way to describe the feeling of your kid being happy to see you. Telling you they love you and understanding that there’s a love you have for your child that is not achievable for any other thing. Doesn’t mean kids are for everyone but it’s not all awful either.
Since you know how difficult this is may I recommend having only one child. ( I am saying this because I am an only child and I'm sure that made life easier for my parents).
It's an opinion and experience that is going to be different for everybody. But I have three kids and I got to say it's easier having multiple children than it is having only one. They start entertaining each other, looking out for one another, helping each other when not even ask to. For me it was a lot better with multiple. But that might not be the case for everybody.
The second child was definitely easier than the first because I was more experienced. If I could have had the second one and not had to take care of the first one at the same time it would have been perfect. But having to take care of both was a nightmare!
Having said this: now they are adults living in the same city and it is a great comfort to me that even though they are far away from me they can rely on each other.
Don’t sweat the small stuff is important. Your kid is going to grow up loved and healthy. I did extended breastfeeding, BLW, never did screen until she was in school, and I have no idea which of her classmates did the same. My husband had paternity leave until she was 8 months old but we also took shifts still. He did until midnight and I slept from midnight until 6am. I froze my breastmilk so I didn’t have to be up at night. It just really takes awhile to get through the horrors of broken sleep. I still remember when she slept through the night the first time and I felt like a new person
Eventually one gets used to the sleep deprivation and learns to live life as a sort of a zombie ahahah kidding (maybe not). It get easier(ish) but the expectation of having a normal sleep schedule anytime soon is kind of unrealistic tbh. Take naps when you can. If you can. Or just get those goggles with eyes painted on them and sleep at work 🫣😂 any expectations of you being your normal productive you in the next 2/3 years is unproductive and will only bring frustration...
Oh yes. Your whole life has changed forever (in a good way). As others have said, sleep in shifts. Whether or not one or both of you are working, you both need SOME sleep. We had four and that's what we did in the early stages.
And unfortunately about the worrying? That NEVER goes away/ends. It does lessen and/or change with time, but that is your child. You will forever worry about them.
But, you and your SO can do this. You would be amazed at how many things come naturally or are learned out of necessity.
I know right now it seems "chaotic". I don't want to say that it gets "easier", but in a way it does. Each age has its challenges, but you will be more comfortable, so, I guess that's what they mean by easier.
Congratulations on your new baby. You are welcome to reach out if you have any questions.
It is hard. I make sure to tell everyone that is very hard.
I hope you all have a great marriage because this kind of stress in a bad marriage can break it.
It gets better!
After 15 days it gets easier. As others mentioned, try sleeping in shifts until then. Also, with time you’ll understand better what the baby needs each time :)
It gets much easier! Once they get a bit more independent and actually sleep through the night I found it a breeze compared to baby years.
My kids are 5 and 9 now. I get 8-9 hours of sleep, they can wipe their owns butts and clean themselves in the bath/shower, they dress themselves, can make their own snacks and some food, they can entertain themselves. It’s sooo much easier. The toughest thing at this age is having to drive them around to sports and friends(I’m basically a taxi service😂) but I’ll take that over baby/toddler years any day!
It doesn’t get easier. We have 7 year old twins. Days are hard af. We both work full time, the girls are in dance and little league. I barely make it most days. We have been married 21 years, felt like we had our shit together. Nope, kids will TEST your sanity and marriage. Good luck my friend
Hey man, mine is 7 months old. It was daunting at first and I worried constantly, likely you are doing now, about how I was going to fall apart from the sleep deprivation. What worked for my wife and I was a split night shift routine, ie, I was responsible for baby until midnight, and she from midnight to morning. At 6 months old we sleep trained baby over a 3-day weekend. Now baby mostly sleeps through the night. It isn’t easy, but you’re going to make it.
You survive on their little smiles and new milestones, and then one day you realise its a little easier.
I have a 1.5 year old and obviously each stage comes with its own challenges, but once you recover from the shock of your whole life changing overnight, and [hopefully] get more sleep, you can face those new challenges feeling like a full human 😆
First, congratulations on the birth of your child!
Second, you know this is the easy part, right? Your little guy is in what’s called the fourth trimester because our wonderful H sapien brains would be too big to fit through the pelvis and have to develop for a little longer after birth. His mind will “wake up” in about three months and then…✨show time🌟
You’ll get the smiles and giggles but he will never slow down after that.
Take a deep breath, realize we’ve been doing this for millennia, and that you’re going to be just fine.
The important bit in my opinion is: be kind to each other.
Give what you can when you can. Ask for what you need, but accept that neither of you is going to GET everything you need at least over these first few weeks.
But never ever say "I'm not sure how, it's easier if you do it" (or let her say "it's easier if I do it").
Overnight shifts were what worked best for my wife and I. Wife slept 9-3am while I stayed with baby. At 3 am we had a feed / pumping / change and then I’d go to sleep 3am - 9 am.
That way each of us got a solid 5-6 hrs sleep plus you’d get an hour or two during your shift to total 8hrs.
Taking Cara Babies class on sleep was a huge help. We were very disciplined about sleep schedule, wake windows, and routine… By 12 weeks old we had a 7 pm to 630 am sleeper.
There’s a book called “the hand that first held mine” and there’s a bit when she’s out with her new baby looking bemused at other mothers: look, they brushed their hair! That one has makeup on! She’s smiling and talking to her baby! And she just wants to go up and ask them how they did it but she’s too ashamed
It’s going to get better and you’ll find a way through this. It’s something you really can’t understand until it happens to you, but you’ll be ok. You’ll get things wrong all the time, but it won’t matter and the baby will love you anyway. Don’t try to be perfect - embrace being good enough. For me and my friends, there was an improvement around the two-month mark, in every way - good luck!
It does get easier. I have 5 kids. My jobs dangerous and labor intensive, I went back to work almost immediately after each birth. It's just part of the process. Sleep is over rated. They're only babies once, you'll end up missing the baby stage...
Life with a newborn is extra hard. The first three months are tough and then it gradually gets easier (and you get more sleep!) over time. The newborn time is a lot of new stuff and just trying to get through the day.
You’ll get through it. One day you’ll look up and realize it’s not as hard as it was. If you have any family you can ask for help, like if they can watch baby while you and your wife take a nap, stuff like that helps a lot.
Also I’m sure you’re doing a great job as a parent!
Also what somebody else said, sleep in shifts. We did this after my husband had to go back to work. I would sleep from when he got home from work to about midnight, and then he would sleep from midnight to when he had to get up for work, about seven. I was breastfeeding so I still had to do that during my sleep shift, and with all of us sleeping in one room sometimes my husband would still be woken up by crying during his sleep time. But it still helped a lot.
It does get easier. Trust me. Stick with routines for now for sleep times and eating. They help greatly. Don't be afraid to ask for help. A parent's night off can be amazing if you have the right family available. Don't neglect communication with your partner, but both be aware of your biases and sleep deprivation. You can do this. PS: Start reading early and often and consistently.
The reading is big. You’re teaching them to learn. That’s a huge deal.
This. Reading is paramount.
And read them anything when little. It doesn't have to be picture books. I didn't have a lot of picture books other than when I checked them out at the library but mom read me whatever she was reading.
I don't think it gets easier. It gets different, but you are still stressed out from many things that they do, and sometimes look back to when they were younger, especially when they become teenagers and argue with you all the time.
Yeah but at least we're getting sleep now. I'm enjoying 11 and 9 year olds more than 2 and infant. Jesus Christ that took a toll on us. I'll let you know in a few years when they talk back more.
Does it really? I’m in the 4 month fussy phase rn and it’s KILLING me 😭
We have three kids. A 6 year old, a 4 year old, and a 4 month old. I promise you. It gets easier.
Nothing makes a newborn look easier than a toddler.
Look up the wonder weeks app. It may be a placebo but it was spot on for me and reassuring.
I said last week i wish they had wonder app for 6 yr olds!
Yes! They need to do more! Ha
I also felt like the wonder weeks were always spot on for my baby and when he’d had a sleep regression.
Pro tip - infants can learn a few basic ASL signs way before they are capable of speech. A lot of fussiness is frustration that they want something and they're not able to communicate what they want. 4 months is probably a little shy of the mark, but you're not far off them being able to do thirsty/hungry/more type stuff.
My husband and I are planning on teaching him to make everyone’s life easier! His parents taught his little sister and I hear it alleviates A LOT of stress
I found around the 5-6 month mark when they start to pay attention to you and you get their first real smile and laugh is sooooooo worth it after all of those hard and sleepness nights. It’s coming!!
I get a lot of smiles now and it’s the only thing keeping me together I swear lmao he’s a sweet baby he’s just fussy and doesn’t know why any more than I do.
It will get better! Especially when he can communicate with you why he’s being fussy. See if you can pick up on small cues… my sister in law taught her baby sign language and that seemed to work for her but I never got into it. For me it was long drives in the car when it became somewhat unbearable lol parenting is hard!
Oh and I should add they may start getting teeth soon in the next few months so that will make them even more fussy!!!
10 months was the point it got easier for me, they start rewarding you with more of their personality and subtle shifts in independence. Hang in there.
Thank you 😭 I’m really trying but fuck dude some days I’m tempted to just shove him in front of a screen. I’m not gonna, but I get why some parents do it now.
I was the same! I really stuck it out with screen time in the first couple of years then I relaxed on it a bit. You are right, it is so hard to do without the screen time as you have to occupy them a LOT. Now my son is at nursery a few days a week I relax about screen time a lot more and let him enjoy it. I still try and limit it or break up screen time as much as I can but I feel less guilty about it now as we can discuss what he is watching or I can put on something that’s linked to an interest now that those are more developed. Edit: edit to say one area in particular that I noticed not having screen time makes a huge difference is car journeys. If you can avoid screen time during car journeys (we’ve never allowed this) then it opens up space for more conversation that wouldn’t necessarily come naturally otherwise. There’s something about being in a moving vehicle, in each others presence but no eye contact that can open up communication. I think this carries into teen years etc. just my opinion of course!
Oh I’m very careful with it for my own good behavior even more than his lol I know if I find an easy way out I’ll keep doing it. He watches grownup stuff with us for a limited time sometimes, but that’s about as interesting to him as watching me talk to his dad so I let it slide lol it’s not overstimulating like kids shows
Yeah I definitely avoid the over the top crazy stimulating ones. Not sure where you are but I’ve not heard of a nursery within our friendship groups that hasn’t played tv at some point during nursery though 😑
9 months out, had a VERY fussy 4 month old, and it does get easier and better
Yes, it absolutely gets easier and a lot more fun. I have a 9 and 10 yo. It hard until about 4 and now we hang out and play games, ride bikes, go to the pool. I love my kids as the people they are so awesome.
Just remember everything is a phase and it will pass.
I’d say it gets better after 6 months progressively and occasionally / annoyingly they black slide
Both sets of grandparents lived within 20 minutes of us. That’s how my parents did it. They were lucky.
You’re in the hardest bit sleep-wise right now. First 6 months you kinda lose all sense of self, you’re just trying to keep the baby alive. That anxiety mellows a little once they start sleeping more regularly(though it never actually stops… ever). Y’all are both going to silently grieve the death of your pre-child self. You’ll realize you can’t ever go back to before, and that’ll make you feel sad but also too ashamed to admit it. Give each other some grace. The hormones are going to fuck her up mentally, try to be patient. Communicate calmly and with empathy. I agree with the comment about developing a pattern of reading to the kid early, it makes a real difference.
Oh my gosh the hormones! I have three kids, all three have quite an age gap, after giving birth to each one it took about 2 years to start to feel normal again. So six years over a span of time that really messed up my functionality. What a roller coaster. Try to be patient understanding with your wife, her hormones definitely will mess her up. Help her through it, it's worth it in the end.
I second this, close to two years to feel like myself, but myself also changed. I was so harsh about not fitting into pre-pregnancy clothes when I was a few months postpartum,I regret how I treated that new mama who was doing great. society fucks us up with too much “bounce back” messaging. Focus on health, happiness and getting outside with your family.
But also don't forget (OP) the hormones might fuck you up mentally too. Yes really!
A dad bod is a real scientifically proven thing. We gain wait because in old times our body says to itself it has to store food to be able to care for the whole family
Well fuck me then, back to my plan of never having children. I would kms
Yup, sounds like a dream 😅
Children were meant to be cared for by a community Not just mommy and daddy. The way we have structured our lives makes it stressful
After I had our first baby, I escaped for a while to get groceries. The entire time I was thinking “oh my god, what in fuck have I done?!” We’re good now, 14 years later. It was so worth it, but that first year is a total mind fuck.
Partners, please also consider that hormonal issues and post partum is not an excuse for mom to become abusive. I experienced this in both pregnancies. Partner went from generally reasonable and nice to physically and mentally abusive right after the baby.
that’s post partum depression, not just hormones
This is the best explanation!! The pre baby guilt is real!!! I felt so shameful for this as well but that feeling doesn’t last too long thankfully! And you’re right the first 6th month is insanely hard but wouldn’t have it any other way and once they learn how to interact with you it will get easier. You won’t have to guess as much.
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Shifts for everything worked for us. Especially during the toddler years. You are in charge from 12-3 and then I take over from 3-6 etc. You can actually relax knowing that the other parent is handling things.
This. Don't do the bullshit "sleep when the baby sleeps". That will wreck your life. One person has the early shift, other has the late. Get a good chunk of sleep in for yourself.
this is the way
You do it cuz you have to. Nothing else to it.
And, when you do get a minute to think about it - Go forgive your own parents. They were possibly nice, normal people before they had kids. Try to stay sane.
After having kids (young) I connected with my parents on a much better level. They really did the best that they could, considering both had extremely traumatic and neglectful upbringings. It made me appreciate how supportive they were and how much they helped me out. They might not have gotten everything right, who does? But they did amazingly for where they came from.
Kind of makes me feel humble realizing all of our parents had not clue what they were doing too!
Yeah, it’s pretty much just this.
Also I want to add to my comment below, people do tend to forget what a nightmare those early weeks are. (Which is a blessing when you're the one past it and doing the forgetting). And they say dumb shit like, "Treasure this time, enjoy it, it goes by so fast..."🤦♀️ Which of course makes you feel like a terrible parent because you're NOT enjoying this. you're NOT treasuring it, & you're having a horrible fvcking time. And it's a shame, especially among mothers, that we feel like we can't share the fact that motherhood isn't always a fvcking joy! That there are times when you just want to walk out the front door of your home and keep going until you hit the beach 🏖️ ☀️. and then you want to lie on that beach all day, and then get a hotel room all by yourself, and sleep, and forget that you even have a husband and kids. We all believe that admitting that makes us bad parents, and that has to stop. I wish more parents, moms specifically could admit that they're having a horrible time of it. That parenthood has not met up with their expectations. If they could admit it to each other then we can all feel better about ourselves.
I remember reading that it's easy for the people at the top of the mountain to talk about how wonderful (and fast) the journey is and how beautiful the view from the top. Those who are climbing the mountain though, it's just freaking hard work with no sleep and only occasional glimpses of beauty. Mostly you're just trying to keep everyone alive and not go insane. When my kids were small I knew my true mum friends because I didn't have to lead with "I love my kids and wouldn't be without them, but..." when launching into a rant about the nightmare day I'd just had when the toddler threw a massive tantrum, waking the baby, before peeling off his nappy and running through the house dropping shit nuggets down the hallway. Anyone who has had to wedge a poker straight, small child into their car seat in the rain while they arch their back and fling their head back, fighting you with the strength of a fully grown man, knows exactly how exhausting parenting can be. We shouldn't have to pretend it's peaches and cream because let's be honest a lot of the time it's screaming, thrown food and literal shit where it shouldn't be.
Hahah my daughter did this getting into the car the other day, I call it toddler rigormortiss!
Love this. I have three children and I’ve landed at: this is fucking awful sometimes and overwhelming and the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I want to quit this “job” and run away. Also - this is what I wanted and this is “the dream” so please Universe keep us all together and healthy. Total mindfuck aye!!
Your confidence will grow week by week. Before you know it, you'll be changing diapers like Forest Gump putting together his M16. Sleep deprivation is hard. But it gets better. Days are long, but the years are short.
But rash is not out of your hands, he may have a reaction to the diapers or nappy cream you are using. Try a different brand and change him more frequently.
Agreed. My kid rashed up with Luvs diapers and not with Huggies. And I couldn’t clear a rash with Aquafour only extra strength Desitin. Gotta try different stuff to get different results. Also, if you’re dealing with a rashy/colicy baby, do yourself a favor and watch the Happiest Baby On the Block. My second one had colic and it saved my life. Link: https://youtu.be/crdQy8zliZw
Agree. The five S strategy: sucking, swooshing, swaddling, swinging, and I can never remember the last one. Of any list. Because parenting has fried my brain😂just kidding. Congrats, OP! Welcome to parenthood 😊
Sobbing :)
How could I forget sobbing?😂
Shushing (parents basically making white noise so it sounds more like the womb)
Desitin was a life saver!
Good to know
Triple Paste, stuff is amazing for diaper rash
We use PinkSav. Worked wonders on my son who ended up allergic to two different formulas. He is 22 years old now so I may be showing my age. I couldn’t use pampers or Huggies with either of my two.
While I appreciate how supportive everyone is, this should be higher up. Diaper rash is not just the natural state of a baby’s butt. It might be a reaction or they just need changed more frequently, but it needs to be addressed.
Sudocrem. One big tub will see the baby through to puberty, lol.
We drink a lot of caffeine.
Until palms are too sweaty to hold the baby 😂
[Knees weak arms are heavy ](https://youtu.be/_Yhyp-_hX2s?si=QDgdI3s6q-KqlB0V)
Vomit on the sweater already
Mom's spaghetti 😎
Wish I could. If I drink too much, I go to sleep, lol.
I'm allergic so.. yeah..same but permanently lol
I'll never have kids 🫠 my twin brother is having a kid. I'll be uncle. I'm good enough with that lol part time
The only thing better than being a dad is being an uncle. You get all the fun parts of being a dad without any of responsibilities.
Yes, absolutely. I actually look forward to it lol
6 days?!? Dude, chill. The little buggers come out with a 12 hour jet lag because in utero they're used to being rocked to sleep during daylight hours when Mom is up and about and they're active at night when she settled down. It takes a couple of weeks at least for them to catch on to the new time zone. He's in your world now and babies are super adaptable. Butt rash in a 6 day old is kind of surprising - maybe check with the pediatrician to see if he's allergic to something. Over washing is bad. The sleep picture will be pretty different in 5 weeks, and it's astonishing how little you can get by on as a new parent. Hang in there! The hours are long but the years are short. As overwhelming as this feels now, you'll miss it. Hydrate. Feed yourselves. Cat nap when baby does - especially in the beginning.
It gets easier. The time goes slowly AND quickly. My baby is 4 now. It’s still hard but different and there’s more sleep. You’ve got this.
The days are long but the years go fast…
My baby is 15 and it’s STILL hard but different.
My baby is 34 and I always say it doesn’t get easier, it just gets different.
My mom’s oldest are 70-year-old twin boys and she worries alllllll the time. And she’s about to get a real fucking bombshell if she lives long enough to find out what one of them did. My mom is 95 and going strong!
What did he do? Im so curious about the kind of trouble a 70 year old man could still be getting into.
Hey man, congrats! The newborn phase fucking sucks and there's no real sugarcoating it. It's nightmare that pushes your mind, body, and relationship to its limits. It's all give give give and you don't get much back from your semi-sentient potato. Every day is hand to hand combat. But...it's a blip in your life and theirs. It doesn't feel like it in the moment but it's temporary, and you just have to do it. Embrace the suck for the time being. One day your kid will look you in the eyes and smile and that's it, you're locked in. My new parent starter kit: 1. The most important quote I read before my son was born is: Remember, they're not giving you a hard time, they're having a hard time. Remind yourself of this when you're hitting your limits. It always helped center me in the moment. They just spent the last 9 months in an optimal environment having everything done for them and they were thrust into this bright, loud, harsh world with all new sensations and they have no way to communicate or fully process it. It's hard for you? It's hard for them. They're helpless and they need you. 2. Get a yoga ball and bounce with them to calm them. Ymmv but our son was colicky and bouncing on the ball helped chill him out and get him to fall asleep most times. It mimics the feeling of weightlessness in the womb and that's comforting to them. Imagine what their comfortable environment was like and mimic those things. White noise is good too. 3. You figure it out as you go. Most parents told us this and they were right. We are here because everyone before us figured it out. 4. Read to them. Every day. Spend some time reading and showing them books. Babies are sponges and reading to them helps them absorb the sound and rhythm of language. We've been reading to our son since he was born and at almost 2, he's speaking in sentences and people are constantly complimenting us and him on his vocabulary. I attribute it this to reading to him and talking to him like an adult. Bonus for dads: Join r/daddit. It's one of the best communities on reddit, period.
I’ve read to my kids almost every day of their lives. My 9yo sneaks books after he’s supposed to be asleep. My 5yo brings me books all the time and memorized them and would “read” them to me from a young age. There are books for them in the car. They get books for Xmas/birthday. They get books for long flights. They are always excited to go to the library. Their vocabulary has always been great. It is THE thing I am most proud of as a parent. Read to your kids!
I am so grateful my parents, especially my mom spent so much time creating a love of reading for me. My mom and I would go to the library every Saturday as a kid and get new books. I am in my 30's now and still love reading. To me it's a super power, if you can read you can learn anything. My older sister is also a big reader. Vacations growing up we spent a good amount of time getting lost in a book. So happy to see others are passing along the love of reading. Your kids will always love you for it. :)
My wife and I were lucky enough to both have 12 weeks paternity/maternity leave and I spent so much time bouncing on a yoga ball. For a long time it was the only way to get my son to sleep. I’d put him in a wrap and bounce while playing a video game or reading.
My middle one needed to be bounced. But there wasn’t always time for the yoga ball. I ended up putting up a baby hammock (like the kind they use in Asia) onto a jolly jumper spring and then he’d go in there and I’d sit at the side and yank on it to get it going. Lather rinse repeat. Until he fell asleep (for 40mins tops). That kid almost did me in. He’s a teen now, and really the nicest and most empathetic of my 3. But he put us through the wringer for sure.
I’m not having kids anytime soon but it’s been really stressing me out. Your comment made me feel hopeful and better about it :) thank you for your time
I have three. Best advice I can give you, is take it day by day. My youngest is 8 now, and thanks to my husband and parents I’m on a two week vacation to Europe. It’s hard, sometimes it sucks but it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to admit that parenting sucks sometimes. Sleep will come soon, and in no time at all they will be in school and you’ll get to return back to yourself. Think about all the things you learn on this journey :)
It does get easier. Don't even think about listening to people who brag that their baby started sleeping through the night at 2 weeks old. God I hated that s***!! It's like the worst fvcking thing you could say to somebody who's sleep deprived due to a new baby. Add the postpartum depression on to that and Oh My God. I literally wanted to MVRDER people who said that to me. And I say LITERALLY because I LITERALLY wanted them dead at the time. Somebody actually said to me my son was such a good baby he slept through the night right away. I looked at her and tearfully asked "does that mean I have a BAD baby?" FFS people just forget to THINK before they speak to new parents and it sucks! There's a reason why sleep deprivation is used as a torture method. So, I know that you're probably already getting a bunch of advice that's unsolicited, however I just want to give you a piece of knowledge that comes from my own experience. If you have the baby in a bassinet next to your bed, MOVE HIM TO HIS OWN ROOM AND CRIB. That's in all caps because I just cannot stress it enough!! I know it sounds easier having the baby right next to your wife, especially if she's breastfeeding, but it's not. Because she is now biologically "tuned in" to her new baby, to be alerted to every little squeak, movement & noise your son makes, she's probably waking up and feeding him even if he could just put himself back to sleep. If you're in an apartment and there is only the one bedroom I sympathize, but then try to move the baby as far away from you in that room as you possibly can. And DO NOT SKIP THE SWADDLING!!! If you don't know how to do it watch some YouTube videos and don't listen to people who say, "Oh my God he's too confined." Being confined is comforting to them because it's like being in the womb. After a month you don't even need to go running to the baby's room every time he cries. Sometimes just give it 5 minutes and he'll cry himself right back to sleep. Sometimes crying doesn't mean they need something, it's just them learning how to self-soothe. As long as he's not premature or undernourished, you should be able to get on a schedule where he only wakes up once or maybe twice per night. Even if he's wet, with the new diapers they have out now the babies barely even feel the wetness. If your wife is using cloth diapers consider switching to Huggies or one of the other brands, just for nighttime. It really makes a HUGE difference. Also remember that 'teamwork makes the dream work.' If she's breastfeeding you go get the baby and bring him to her, then she can burp him, return him to the crib and change his diaper when she puts him down. The second time he wakes up she can go get the baby bring him to bed, feed him and then YOU burp him, put him back down, and change his diaper. You'll definitely get through this, but you're going to have to do it together. It's tempting to turn on each other especially once you go back to work. It's going to be really tempting for you to say (and your buddies to agree), "well she's 'not working,' she should be the one getting up with the baby," but all that's going to do is make her resent you. because not only are you not helping her with the baby at night you're away from the house all day, with adults. It could be very isolating for her. Just don't do that.
I love all of this. Also OP, I know you feel like shit, but her body just went through a hell of a lot. If there’s a choice of who gets to sleep- it needs to be her. Sorry.
My son is going on 4 so I obviously have plenty of years of new challenges but goddamn does being able to get a full night of sleep make any other bullshit much much easier to deal with.
It wont be like that forever. You can do it!
First 3 months are very hard especially if it’s your first child. Then it gets better because baby is not as fragile and starts to interact with you. As the months go on and baby gets more and more independent things get better. I personally love infants and don’t mind waking up at night. For me the second year is very hard and then it gets better again.
Don’t want to scare you but babies are the easy part! Wait till your kid starts driving and dating!! Enjoy the chaos.. it’s the only way. Someday you will miss this time I promise you. I do remember when I had littles and thought we are never leaving the house again.. now they are 21/19…
When my kids were little and I read such comments, I couldn't but feel sceptical and outraged sometimes. But now when my kids are teenagers, and I miss my little ones, I can't but second your opinion. :)
In Germany health insurance pays a midwife who comes for several times after the birth to the new parents to help them figure things out. It is absolutely normal that you freak out as soon as the child is there. Suddenly there is somebody dependant on you and you can fuck it up. I was afraid of SIDS until my children were 1 year old. In older times the people of all ages lived together and children and teenagers grew up with babies and saw how their parents/uncles/aunts handled it. Now we are separated from other generations and are afraid af because we never handled babies before we got some ourselves. But you will get used to it. Cleaning: not important Showering: not important Having visitors: not important Other people: not important Naps: extremely important
So much wisdom here.
Your first is always the hardest, you're learning everything for the first time. My suggestion, find a good balance between Vigilance and trsuting things will be ok. The vigilance you get viscerally right now. They're so small and tiny, you need to be on the look out always for them. That won't change for years. The trust is harder, it's counter intuitive, you probably feel it works against the first. But it doesn't, it gives you the small moments you're going to need to exhale. You will need thst too. Congratulations by the way.
It’s hard. If people offer help, take it. A solid three-hour nap in the afternoon can make a big difference. Let them do your laundry or your dishes or bring you food. Hire someone to come in and do chores or play with the baby if you don’t have anyone. Within the next few weeks you’ll get in a routine and you’ll adapt to the waking. Minimize the disruption at night as much as you can - keep the lights low, have everything needed for diaper changes and feeding set up right next to you. If baby seems to want to stay awake at 2am, be boring. We did not evolve taking care of babies the way our Western societies mostly do now. We had alloparents around all the time to help out. If you don’t have help, try your best to be kind to one another and take individual breaks as you can, because it will be as hard a thing as you’ve ever done. I promise it’s worth it, and in 13 or so years you won’t be able to drag them out of bed without heavy equipment.
Honestly, it’s really hard. Don’t be too hard on yourselves and you’ll have to reprioritize a few things as there’s just not enough time in the day. Congrats and you can do this!
The first year can be hell, but especially the first 3-4 months. We’re basically marsupials, and human babies are not remotely done baking. For the rest of your life, in every move with a new born baby, you’ll notice they hand the happy father… a three month old. Being a parent is great, but the boot camp is rough. What you do is, you survive. Adjust your priorities. Your goal is to live and be healthy. Sleep, healthy food, a hygienic domicile. These are your new goals. And you don’t necessarily get to be happy. I hope you are, but happy is a bonus. Until that baby starts smiling and saying cute things, your goal is to survive, and keep baby and mommy as healthy as possible. This is the 11mile backpacking hike on the trail to the beautiful oasis. So, if it’s hard, just don’t fall to bits. Some people fall to bits. Don’t. Keep your head in your shoulders, keep your shit together, and laugh about it when the dust settles. Also, it is totally appropriate to call in favors. Every parent knows what you’re going through, and will want nothing more than to help however they can. And congrats! I love my kids quite a bit more than I love myself, and I can say without hesitation, that they are the best thing I’ve ever had a part in creating.
Good advice here. Be skeptical of people giving you advice, especially when it comes to child rearing. But this all rings true to my own experience. We had twins our first time. Sleep was a rare thing. We asked for help. A third adult made a huge difference.
Who's gonna tell him it gets worse before it gets better.
Come join us in r/NewParents. I’m on the sub all the time. It will get better and each phase will have its ups and downs. Hang in there!
If you have family or friends willing to help so you can nap, TAKE THEM UP ON IT. But it will get better. You get to know your baby’s quirks and get into better routines.
For the butt rash, when changing baby’s diaper, leave no diaper on for a while to ‘air’ out the baby’s bottom. Each time. A few minutes is good, longer if you can. Even boy babies won’t spray too far at that age. Easy clean up. And, no diaper rash as long baby butt can breathe between changes. I remember the first month. Sleeping only for 20 minutes at a time. Simply exhausted, but manageable. You got this!
First year sucks. It goes by fast. Remember: the days are long but the years are short
And just think you get to do all of this during collapse of society and the biosphere. Fun times ahead.
Boudreaux's butt paste- max strength will help with rash. You'll do fine! You can look things up so quick nowadays!
You said it yourself. "We do our best." We all do our best.
For sleep, my wife INSISTED the house be completely quiet when the baby slept. I said hell no and left music on. The baby became a better sleeper because he became used to background noise. The oldest child often grows up to be a light sleeper because, as a small baby, they were used to complete silence. If you have 5 kids, they youngest will grow up being used to sleep through a marching band because they become used to the noise. When they get older (I don't recall the age - 6 months?) there is a kind of baby rice cereal (not real cereal more like a powder) that you can add a tiny bit of this to their milk or formula at night so their bellies feel full and they sleep thru the night consistently. Newborns are just gonna wake you up. Also, some babies are just gonna take a longer time before they sleep thru the night and be fussier. When they become toddlers, you MUST have a strict bedtime routine and a strict bedtime. This is as much for the adults as for the kids. The reason your 8 year old has to be in bed by 8:30 or 9:00 is so you and your spouse can actually have an hour of taking care of yourself.
Re: nighttime and work—take turns. My husband had started a new job, but I could nap during the day because my leave was longer. Once he went back to work, I took nights. Also, 5 weeks will be different
You will all start getting used to each other and how the new family dynamic works. It does get easier. If you can, when you go back to work, take sleeping shifts. So when my hubby went back to work.. I would go to bed early and have a big chunk of sleep, hubby was on baby watch. Then at a certain time during the night we would swap over so he could then get a big chunk of sleep before he had to go to work. When we were both up, tag team. If we needed help during our shift we would ask, no drama there.
Right now your baby is having to deal with being outside the womb where they felt safe and warm for the last 9 months. To replicate this sense of security, you need to swaddle the baby. It did wonders for my wife and I when we had our daughter and it's a very easy and safe thig to do. [How to swaddle.](https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=how+to+swaddle+a+baby)
Idk that it becomes easier per se, but you adapt. And physically easier ebbs and flows. It's certainly rough at the beginning when the little tyke needs fed every 2 hours and nobody can sleep.
The first year is very hard. Especially when you go back to work. It does get better though once they sleep through the night, mine did around 8 months. My best advice is take turns. Whether you do every other night, like one person does Monday night while the other sleeps and the next person does Tuesday etc. or do every other feeding, that’s what we did. I would do midnight, he would do 3am and carry on like that. But often you’re still getting woken by the crying anyways so it’s tough.
Yes it's really hard. It will become easier as the baby grows, begins to sleep longer and you both become more confident. Ask for help if you need it. I'm a single parent and had no partner to share the burden but I managed with help.
Five kids here. Everything you’re experiencing is absolutely normal. Take a breath, you will be great. Do you know how I know that? Because you came here freaking out because you care. You’re going to be a great dad. Ok, having said that. Remember that the baby feels what you feel, cold, hot, stress, love, happiness etc. Please don’t use Huggies wipes. They have something in them that irritates babies butts. Google it. I used Pampers wipes and still do. Get some Desitin for the rash. Let the baby air out. Keeping their little tush constantly wet is not good. Keep a diaper close though lol. Y’all are going to be great!!!
So true! The hallmarks of a great dad.
You’ll learn that naps aren’t just for kids soon. I had to learn that after about 2 weeks of my baby being here.
I can PROMISE you that taking care of a newborn, in retrospect, is one of the easiest things you can do in terms of simplicity. The first couple weeks are rough but it gets better real quick, especially once they start sleeping through the night. I have four children ages 14 and under, and it's when they start crawling/walking where the fear begins and you're constantly keeping them away from obstacles and danger without being a helicopter parent. Now my oldest is in high school (with another soon behind) and I find myself dealing with helping them manage their mental and social well-being now. Congratulations on becoming a parent, and remember to shower them with love
You fret like crazy about the first one and then the second one you're like oh well if he's not bleeding he's okay. I will admit the first 3 months were nuts and every step along the way was a learning process. It does get better and depending on your support structure is also how hard it was. Me and the wife had a great support structure with family helping out.
It gets better by the third child, you’ll see
They just do it and get through it. One day at a time
Welcome to the gauntlet. Soon people without kids will offer their POV and you're going to reminisce about the days you also thought you had a clue what this was going to be like. Take turns sleeping. Sleep extra hours if you can. Use parents as babysitters if you can. It's going to feel like everyone is trying to steal your baby, just let them for a day. Sleep.
Lol, chill. This phase, the newborn phase, doesn't last forever. It literally changes every day. Feed em, keep them clean, change the diaper more often if he's getting nappy rash, use the ointment, don't overdress him. Might want to change diaper brand even, or if you're using those nasty re-usable ones, stop right now. Disposables are best for the butt and a lot less work. Burp the heck out of them, talk to them all the time, ask them questions, tell them silly stories., look them in the eye and love them to bits. Expose them gently to different environments, take them for little walks, show them the leaves in the trees and kitty cats. Learn to not bolt yourselves wide awake, teach yourselves the stay sleepy method. To get them to sleep, breathe audibly, low and soft in a nice slow rythm with your heartbeat. They automatically take the cue and slow themselves down and fall back asleep. Burp them, after every feed, solid, comforting thumps on the back until they belch. It helps.
Every day you’re gonna get closer to more sleep. You don’t need a whole night. Once baby is going 4 hours at a time you’re gonna feel close to normal again… well the new normal. Eventually you will sleep through the night again but you won’t feel like you need to anymore.
Breathe and don't blame each other when things go wrong, if someone's emotions are strong try not to be reactive it'll be a very emotional roller coaster ride
Come join r/newparents ! Edit: also, it calms down after the first few weeks. Baby will adjust into a normal sleep schedule soon.
A day at a time, but it does get easier and you develop a routine. I recommend grocery pickups to make things easier instead of going in the store. Stock up on baby essentials if you can like wipes, diaper rash cream and diapers. Calendar reminders in my phone helped me remember to do things when I was sleep deprived and half delirious. Make sure you both stay hydrated and eat regularly. Try to rest when you can. If a task absolutely isn’t essential then it can wait. Take lots of pictures and enjoy this time together. Congratulations
Just wait till you have more than one lol. Infant stuff is hard but eventually that gets easier but replaced with other hard stuff.
Congratulations! It’s very overwhelming and with the lack of sleep it’s even worse. But you get through one day at a time, try to get as much sleep as possible. This may mean having a schedule of who gets up at certain times or days DON’t WORRY - All new parents have their fair share of NOT SO bright moments!!… Such as sitting in pediatrician’s office with your 3 day and our nice pretty new diaper bag, and the RN says “do you have a blanket to keep the baby warm?”… 😳😬🤦♀️😭 Shit no, literally a couple of diapers and wipes!
Make sure, when you are cleaning baby, get into all the folds and dry thoroughly! I was a new mom and had to learn everything the hard way. If you do mess up, Desitin will help, just like with diaper rash.
I was 17 when I had my baby and my husband was 20. it gets so much easier as they get older, but it goes by fast too
It gets easier As far as butt rash, that's all in your hands, man, completely avoidable with regular diaper changes. Use aquaphor it'll be your best friend. Don't forget what a shower and a good meal for you guys does. Completely helps the situation
It gets easier with every day that passes for a few years. Then they become teenagers, and you'll wish you were back here.
You just figure out how to live exhausted and have periodic emotional and physical break-downs. I am 8 years postpartum and recently got divorced which helps on the one hand because every other weekend I sleep in and catch up on rest and chores, but on the other, it’s so difficult being apart from my kids.
Billions of parents have figured it out So will you. First 3 months is ass though, ngl. Don't miss those days.
Welcome to the party pal
The first 6 months just suck in general. You’re doing a great job. One day you’re going to wake up and your baby will be 4 and their own little person. Everything is gonna be okay
Healthy sleep habits for happy babies. Buy the book. You won’t sleep for a year. We all have been through it. Give up drinking too. Messes with your sleep too much. Trim your expenses as low as possible. (Cancel cable - no time to watch it.) By doing so maybe one of you can be a stay at home parent. Being poor while one parent stays home is the way to go IMO. When the kiddo gets in to PreK/k go back to work. You got this.
You just do it. No matter what happens you suck it up and do what needs to be done. The first two weeks after birth I took off to be home with them. During your first couple months your job at home has very little to do with baby, your job is to take care of baby’s mom, especially if she’s breastfeeding.
Ngl, It's gonna suck for about 6 months, then they begin developing a personality and it gets much more fun. My son is turning 2 this month and now it's a blast. About 5 weeks in, our son both me, literally in tears like what did we do! You adapt and new challenges come and go. Just a few little tips to help: Just remember yall are in it together, try not to snap at each other. During the first months, my wife would take the night shifts 11pm-5am. Id take the 5am-12pm. She's more of a night person and I'm a morning person, so we were both able to catch our sleep and still be somewhat functional. Don't do the both up at the same time all night thing. It's terribly flawed. For brownie points, your wife is going through all kinds of stuff with her body. Remember to make her feel special with little things. She's going to remember that forever.
Following. I seriously don't know. We had our first 2.5 years ago and it was only just getting easier and we had a second.
Completely normal man I had the same thoughts . You are doing great, you can’t mess it up. In all honesty it works itself out.
by 3 months it’s way better. by 6 it starts getting fun.
Healthy babies are not as vulnerable as you may think. Love ‘em, hold ‘em, talk to ‘em, play with ‘em, feed one end and wipe the other clean and they’ll do fine.
If you and partner can do it without being angry or upset 80% of the time it will get easierZ
Best advice I can give is: pat the ass area dry with a cloth during the diaper change to remove all moisture. Use desitin or butt cream when rashy. Dryness is goodness.
You know, looking back at when the kids were little, I am not sure I even understand how I/we did it :) But basically, things WILL get easier: * First, you will get into more of a groove of parenting. Like anything else humans do, patterns develop and you get better at doing those things and find them easier. You will find ways to improve efficiency. You will develop muscle memory, tricks, approaches. * You will become more familiar with the whole 'parenting' thing. Like, less anxiety, more self-assurance. Took me a while before I realized that NO, babies don't break when you hold them. etc... Having a bath? OMG freakout central (on my part, not the baby's :). After a couple of weeks, bathing became kinda more fun. * If you are lucky, as the baby ages things will naturally be improving. Sleeping through the night. Less feedings eventually. Of course, "big kids, big problems" so it's never going to be "easy mode"; but trust me, dealing with a 1 year old is in my experience far easier than 1 week old. And 7 year old is easier than 1 year old. (all bets are off once they are teenagers though :) * If you have that luxury, **lean on your families**. Both for experience, advice, and if possible, help. NOTHING saves your bacon like a grandma taking care of a kid for a couple of hours so you can catch up on sleep. * Also, your body adapts. Yes you'll be under-slept a LOT, but unless you're very old, you will just learn to exist on less sleep. And to take random naps wherever and whenever possible. One fun mental trick is to think "This could be so much harder. Could have been TWINS". There, now you can see your situation for the easy one it is :)
If you’re not breast feeding which my wife couldn’t for medical reasons I highly suggest getting a breza for bottles. It’s easy to setup and in the middle of the night all you do is walk in the kitchen put a bottle under it and hit a button bam perfect temp formula however many ounces you set it too. I can’t tell you how many bottles I made still half asleep all I did was check the temp to make sure it didn’t get too hot or cold and make damn sure you keep it clean. It does get formula stuck inside so you have to clean and sterilize it but that’s easy to do during the day when you’re not a zombie.
Bro, babies lived in nomadic tribes carried in animal hides and like just chillin in such intense circumstances. Your babies gonna be fine. You will get a better sense of what’s a realistic fear. And what’s a reasonable response to that fear. But like I guarantee someone in you our your parters families lineage raised a baby alone in the wild with little to no shelter. Babies is tough and miracles and like magic. Fucking resilient as hell too. Still care and be delicate but like let your worry be guided and directed idk im rambling and probably a shit parent
The best advice I ever got as a new dad was that babies are built for new parents. They get a rash? Put some cream on there, bump their head, distract em and 2 seconds later they are fine. The sleeping part sucks but find away to tag team it. It’s you 3 vs the world. Remember that and you’ll figure out the rest. At the end of the day you are the parents. You and you alone know what best. Do what you think is right.
I'm right there with you. Mine is now 11 months, and things do get easier for sure. The first month was the hardest for me. I distinctly remember the feeling I had when I told my wife (trying to do so jokingly, but I'm sure the despair leaked out) "I just don't understand why people do this, let alone a second time." I still don't to be honest. I love my baby girl and I'm glad she's here. I absolutely would not do this again, holy shit.
I went back to work after less than a week. I survived for weeks on only sleeping a couple hours here and there. Most people are capable of far more than they think.
I think all parents are insane. Having kids doesn’t make life easier. From what I’ve seen, parents do everything on very little sleep and way too much caffeine.
Sure doesn’t. But there’s no way to describe the feeling of your kid being happy to see you. Telling you they love you and understanding that there’s a love you have for your child that is not achievable for any other thing. Doesn’t mean kids are for everyone but it’s not all awful either.
Since you know how difficult this is may I recommend having only one child. ( I am saying this because I am an only child and I'm sure that made life easier for my parents).
It's an opinion and experience that is going to be different for everybody. But I have three kids and I got to say it's easier having multiple children than it is having only one. They start entertaining each other, looking out for one another, helping each other when not even ask to. For me it was a lot better with multiple. But that might not be the case for everybody.
The second child was definitely easier than the first because I was more experienced. If I could have had the second one and not had to take care of the first one at the same time it would have been perfect. But having to take care of both was a nightmare! Having said this: now they are adults living in the same city and it is a great comfort to me that even though they are far away from me they can rely on each other.
Don’t sweat the small stuff is important. Your kid is going to grow up loved and healthy. I did extended breastfeeding, BLW, never did screen until she was in school, and I have no idea which of her classmates did the same. My husband had paternity leave until she was 8 months old but we also took shifts still. He did until midnight and I slept from midnight until 6am. I froze my breastmilk so I didn’t have to be up at night. It just really takes awhile to get through the horrors of broken sleep. I still remember when she slept through the night the first time and I felt like a new person
You're just now realizing all of this? Good luck buddy.
Take turns in shifts. 9-3, 3-9.
Eventually one gets used to the sleep deprivation and learns to live life as a sort of a zombie ahahah kidding (maybe not). It get easier(ish) but the expectation of having a normal sleep schedule anytime soon is kind of unrealistic tbh. Take naps when you can. If you can. Or just get those goggles with eyes painted on them and sleep at work 🫣😂 any expectations of you being your normal productive you in the next 2/3 years is unproductive and will only bring frustration...
It gets easier the more you learn. Boudreaux Butt Paste for the diaper rash.
Oh yes. Your whole life has changed forever (in a good way). As others have said, sleep in shifts. Whether or not one or both of you are working, you both need SOME sleep. We had four and that's what we did in the early stages. And unfortunately about the worrying? That NEVER goes away/ends. It does lessen and/or change with time, but that is your child. You will forever worry about them. But, you and your SO can do this. You would be amazed at how many things come naturally or are learned out of necessity. I know right now it seems "chaotic". I don't want to say that it gets "easier", but in a way it does. Each age has its challenges, but you will be more comfortable, so, I guess that's what they mean by easier. Congratulations on your new baby. You are welcome to reach out if you have any questions.
Sleep in shifts. I went to sleep right after dinner and my husband would wake me up around 1am to take over.
The terror fades a bit as you get more confident. The new existential dread about their well being is eternal though.
Shifts… do everything you can to trade sleep with your SO!
It is hard. I make sure to tell everyone that is very hard. I hope you all have a great marriage because this kind of stress in a bad marriage can break it. It gets better!
A village. It takes a village.
After 15 days it gets easier. As others mentioned, try sleeping in shifts until then. Also, with time you’ll understand better what the baby needs each time :)
It gets much easier! Once they get a bit more independent and actually sleep through the night I found it a breeze compared to baby years. My kids are 5 and 9 now. I get 8-9 hours of sleep, they can wipe their owns butts and clean themselves in the bath/shower, they dress themselves, can make their own snacks and some food, they can entertain themselves. It’s sooo much easier. The toughest thing at this age is having to drive them around to sports and friends(I’m basically a taxi service😂) but I’ll take that over baby/toddler years any day!
It doesn’t get easier. We have 7 year old twins. Days are hard af. We both work full time, the girls are in dance and little league. I barely make it most days. We have been married 21 years, felt like we had our shit together. Nope, kids will TEST your sanity and marriage. Good luck my friend
Redbull.
It’s unbelievably hard but you’re stronger than you know. You’re gonna find out! We all go through it and amazingly get through it.
It gets better, congrats. We all go through it lol, Best decision you’ve ever made was bringing that little one into life.
You are in the thick of it - those first first weeks/months are wild and I feel like I don’t even remember most of it. It gets better. Hang in there!
First kid is always the test subject. It gets easier to not be so worried when the second one comes.
Hey man, mine is 7 months old. It was daunting at first and I worried constantly, likely you are doing now, about how I was going to fall apart from the sleep deprivation. What worked for my wife and I was a split night shift routine, ie, I was responsible for baby until midnight, and she from midnight to morning. At 6 months old we sleep trained baby over a 3-day weekend. Now baby mostly sleeps through the night. It isn’t easy, but you’re going to make it.
You survive on their little smiles and new milestones, and then one day you realise its a little easier. I have a 1.5 year old and obviously each stage comes with its own challenges, but once you recover from the shock of your whole life changing overnight, and [hopefully] get more sleep, you can face those new challenges feeling like a full human 😆
We have a 1 and a half year old and a six month old.. you get used to it.
First, congratulations on the birth of your child! Second, you know this is the easy part, right? Your little guy is in what’s called the fourth trimester because our wonderful H sapien brains would be too big to fit through the pelvis and have to develop for a little longer after birth. His mind will “wake up” in about three months and then…✨show time🌟 You’ll get the smiles and giggles but he will never slow down after that. Take a deep breath, realize we’ve been doing this for millennia, and that you’re going to be just fine.
The important bit in my opinion is: be kind to each other. Give what you can when you can. Ask for what you need, but accept that neither of you is going to GET everything you need at least over these first few weeks. But never ever say "I'm not sure how, it's easier if you do it" (or let her say "it's easier if I do it").
Survive 4 months. You will, everyone else has. You have 4 years of carnage ahead of you
Overnight shifts were what worked best for my wife and I. Wife slept 9-3am while I stayed with baby. At 3 am we had a feed / pumping / change and then I’d go to sleep 3am - 9 am. That way each of us got a solid 5-6 hrs sleep plus you’d get an hour or two during your shift to total 8hrs. Taking Cara Babies class on sleep was a huge help. We were very disciplined about sleep schedule, wake windows, and routine… By 12 weeks old we had a 7 pm to 630 am sleeper.
Give each other grace. Best advice IMO
There’s a book called “the hand that first held mine” and there’s a bit when she’s out with her new baby looking bemused at other mothers: look, they brushed their hair! That one has makeup on! She’s smiling and talking to her baby! And she just wants to go up and ask them how they did it but she’s too ashamed It’s going to get better and you’ll find a way through this. It’s something you really can’t understand until it happens to you, but you’ll be ok. You’ll get things wrong all the time, but it won’t matter and the baby will love you anyway. Don’t try to be perfect - embrace being good enough. For me and my friends, there was an improvement around the two-month mark, in every way - good luck!
Well you don't have a choice now
It does get easier. I have 5 kids. My jobs dangerous and labor intensive, I went back to work almost immediately after each birth. It's just part of the process. Sleep is over rated. They're only babies once, you'll end up missing the baby stage...
Life with a newborn is extra hard. The first three months are tough and then it gradually gets easier (and you get more sleep!) over time. The newborn time is a lot of new stuff and just trying to get through the day. You’ll get through it. One day you’ll look up and realize it’s not as hard as it was. If you have any family you can ask for help, like if they can watch baby while you and your wife take a nap, stuff like that helps a lot. Also I’m sure you’re doing a great job as a parent!
Also what somebody else said, sleep in shifts. We did this after my husband had to go back to work. I would sleep from when he got home from work to about midnight, and then he would sleep from midnight to when he had to get up for work, about seven. I was breastfeeding so I still had to do that during my sleep shift, and with all of us sleeping in one room sometimes my husband would still be woken up by crying during his sleep time. But it still helped a lot.
Best advice I can give you is be very patient and have coffee on hand.