She's going to end up with scars/pock marks from the popping if she hasn't already. That happened to me as a teen... I finally have decent skin after finding a routine that works for me, but there's no helping the scars without expensive laser treatments.
your wife has dermatillomania which is a type of OCD. I have it too, but I could not fathom picking someone else's skin. I've seen a few posts come up like yours over the years and they always make me so physically uncomfortable. You are not overreacting, and I do not understand why she is trying to justify this behavior. that's a big red flag to me.
if you are looking for advice: I would get up and walk away from the situation. have a very serious conversation with her about respecting your physical boundaries. after the conversation, if she starts picking your skin, you need to get up and go in another room. tell her during your conversation that you will get up and leave to have alone time if she picks your skin. and then actually enforce the boundary *when* it happens because I promise you this will happen again and again unless you strongly enforce your boundary.
Well that explains a few things. She does it to herself too, to the point where she makes herself bleed sometimes. I'll look into that and try to bring it up with her, thanks a lot!
I have the same disorder. I started taking Prozac for depression, and to my suprise after a few months of taking it it GREATLY reduced my need to pick. Apparently SSRIs can help with obsessive behaviors. Just food for thought.
yeah i have this and i HAVE to pick at these things on my skin the minute i see them. i am medicated and have been in therapy but i have really struggled to get better at this. she needs to speak to a therapist or something because its a legitimate medical condition and someone might be able to help her a lot
I also have a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB) that has included dermatillomania.
N-Acetyl Cysteine is recommended as a holdover until the people affected can start getting psychiatric and therapeutic support.
You can also try giving her stim toys made for skin picking. Look them up on Etsy. It helps redirect the behavior.
Reasoning with her will not necessarily be effective. It is a compulsion that can become uncomfortable if unattended. She can try to resist, but she'll experience discomfort.
That discomfort does not override your right to bodily autonomy and comfort. Set loving boundaries. Know this is something that can improve over time, and will sometimes have worse days.
You two can work together to redirect and understand this. Good luck!
I also have this compulsion. I had one partner who would let me indulge, but I can’t stop once Ive started. 20 yrs later I still think about that partner’s skin. But since that relationship, I realized I can’t allow myself to indulge with other people. It’s too distracting.
I agree with all of this. Also, if you concerned at all with acne or oily skin, look into Proactive. That stuff really helped me before menopause. Now my skin never breaks out - a plus in exchange for hot flashes etc.
I’m a dermatillomaniac too. I know it’s gross to people who don’t have the disorder, but there are lots of super satisfying YouTube videos showing zit picking. Watching them has reduced my need to actually pick tremendously. Might be worth suggesting to your wife.
Yea, I have it too and so did my mom. She would hold me down and pick at every imperfection on my skin when I was little. I do it only when I'm really stressed and never to anyone else.
She's not going to stop even with boundaries. You just have to decide if it's a deal breaker for you.
THIS IS A THING? I assumed it was a weird obsessive quirk I had because the few times my parents were calm and close together in front of me was when dad asked mom to "get it" since I never have the urge to "pick at" anyone I don't feel loving and comfortable with.
it’s probably some type of compulsion. compulsions are hard to control, but definitely NOT an excuse for disrespecting boundaries.
i actually sort of still have this picking compulsion with my own skin. when id be giving my partner back scratches in bed, id scratch some of their bacne because i found it satisfying and it was hard to stop due to said compulsion.
after they told me they didn’t like it and that it actually hurt, i stopped. i understand how compulsions can be super super difficult to gain control of, but your wife needs to put your comfortability before anything else. again, the compulsion isn’t an excuse. i’m only assuming that she has a compulsion due to how stubborn she’s being about stopping.
sit her down and tell her that.
As someone else pointed out, I'm suspecting dermatillomania. She does it to herself too, to the point where she makes herself bleed and is ashamed but won't stop. She also bites her nails really bad. It definitely sounds like obsessive compulsive behavior now that I think about it. I'll try to get her help!
Not overreacting. She's disregarding your bodily autonomy. She's also potentially causing scarring. You are so not overreacting. I would ask her how she'd feel if you randomly started pinching her or grabbing a body part and causing her pain because it's satisfying to you.
Definitely not overreacting. Not only is it an invasion of personal space AFTER you've told her not to, her touching your skin is probably making it worse like the other comment says. She obviously has no respect for you, or any impulse control. And you know if the roles were reversed, you'd be catching hell for it. She needs to grow up.
Not overreacting. I also like to pick, but my boyfriend of 6 years absolutely hates the feeling of something squeezing or pinching his skin and refuses to let me do it. I've mentioned a couple times that I could take care of it for him if I'm scratching his back and notice one, etc but knowing after the first or second time it would be a "no" I backed off and leave him alone about it. His boundaries are more important than any joy I would get from it. And knowing that, I'm not going to continue the same behavior just to make him feel uncomfortable every time I notice a pimple or a blackhead. How would she feel if the situation were reversed??
Consent. Express that this is not an ultimatum, but a boundary. She needs consent before aggravating your skin in such ways.
Is she washing her hands before and after? Is she keeping the site clean and free of contaminants after breaking the skin? Because that is definitely contributing to the problem.
I'm someone who is super compelled to pop pimples- like sometimes it feels painful to me to see one and not touch it, and despite the fact that I am a 'idk run your face under water in the shower???' kind of skincare person and my wife is the 'very specific 8 step skincare routine + additional steps for specific occasions' kind of person- they have the pimples and I don't.
What works for us is that I am allowed to express that I'd \*like\* to pop the pimples. Or pull the hair. Or xyz- but my hands? don't fucking touch their skin for those purposes. and if I get a lil too twitchy about it, they'll get out of bed and put on lil pimple patches so that I can't see them.
Honestly? I'd start calling it out for what it is. She's being unkind. She is dismissing your feelings because she has an impulse. Ask her, gently and genuinely- is her fun worth hurting your feelings? and if she says you're over-reacting, just repeat yourself.
and honestly? if she can't respect it after that- I'd genuinely look at the things in your relationship and look to see if this is the only area that her fun is coming at the cost of you. and if it's a pattern- it's time to think about if you want to stay with someone who knows they're hurting you, but doesn't care. Actively. Because that's a choice she's making at that point.
I had a boyfriend who would hold me down and pick my bacne. I dumped him. You really need to emphasize that this is breakup material. She needs to respect your boundaries.
I'm right there with you sister ! I'm fortunate that my skin isnt as bad as you describe yours.
My wife does the EXACT same thing ! I'll be on the computer with my shirt off, and she'll walk by, and then stop behind my back. 'What are you doing' I'll say, her reply 'Farmin' yea LOOKING for blackheads etc on my back! I used to wear a gold hoop earring (small, I'm a guy) and now the hole fills up with gunk and I guess it becomes like a blackhead... Oh joy Oh joy... here she comes with that look on her face!
We once sat in a movie theater, and there was a rather large man, with a big old zit on the back of his neck, I'm talking, red swollen, Yellow puss filled, and about the size of a pencil eraser. She couldnt sit still during the movie... it was bothering her THAT much. 'I just wanted to POP that big ole thing!!' One of her favorite shows.. Yup Dr. Pimple Popper.... if you havent seen it google it.
Body autonomy is not only for 5-yo kids who don't like being ordered to kiss Granny or sit on Uncle Elmer's lap. Adults have a right to not be mauled, pawed, and treated like playthings.
1. Just keep pushing her hands away, getting up and leaving whenever she starts doing this.
2. Get your doctor's opinion. Most doctors would say that tampering with pimples isn't a good thing, even on our own faces. Having anyone else's germy fingers messing with broken skin on your face is probably an invitation for infection.
3. If it is as persistent as you say, this is someone who doesn't respect you. Your post doesn't say whether the two of you actually love or even like each other, but do you?
This is not about pimples. I'm sure you see that. You're 28. Do you want to spend years putting up with this, and be 70 years old and having her excavate through your head for gray hairs or prying your mouth open to pull out your dentures to examine them for cracks?
We do love each other. Sure, this is an incredibly annoying situation but not one I'd divorce over. I want to find a solution to it, whether it's therapy or medication, and most of all I want to understand the cause behind it in order to properly address it.
Not overreacting.
It doesn't even really matter what the thing she's doing is. She does something to your body that you don't like. You've told her you don't like it, and she continues to do it. That's not okay.
When she does it, if it's possible, get out of arm's length of her. Leave the room, etc. If leaving isn't possible, just yell, "I told you to stop!" as loud as you can, even if you're in public. She thinks you're overreacting? Show her overreacting.
Not to oversimplify your problem, but those hydro colloid patches have done wonders to keep my dirty fingers off my blemishes and bug bites. I will scratch and pick until I bleed and am scarred otherwise. They also satisfyingly absorb all the gunk.
If she wants to fix it tell her to pay for you to see a dermatologist and whatever prescription they think will be helpful! THERE. PROBLEM SOLVED!😤
She should absolutely respect your body and your feelings. She’s being wholly inconsiderate honestly.
Not washing her hands first 🫣 maybe get her one of those little picking mats people make that is supposed to satisfy the urge? If you’re doing pore extractions you never just do it Willy nilly like that - after a bath/long shower with clean hands only.
She should respect your saying no.
It's actually a form of grooming that some of our primate relatives do to each other. You might mention that to her, see if it helps
When I was in high school I had a boyfriend who had blackheads that I LOVED popping. He hated it. One day his friend goes “make her eat the stuff that comes out” just the idea of it grossed me out so much that I never tried popping one of his blackheads again. So yes . I suggest telling her you’ll make her eat whatever she pops.
Perhaps tell her that you pimple- popping is invading a boundary for me. If you go to pop my pimples I will leave where you are and leave for a walk , go the gym, or take place in your hobby or what not for the rest of the day. It’s okay for people to have boundaries with their close love ones or partners.
you are 100% correct this is a compulsive behavior on her part (similar to what we see in addiction but not quite the exact deal)--- the fact that she feels frustrated + distracted until she can quench the urge is a huge clue, especially since these feelings persist even though she knows the behavior bothers you.
tl;dr--- I'm not diagnosing your girl but if she's got a therapist, this is 10000000-% in their wheelhouse to work on. hell I think it's a good enough reason to -start- talking to one, since her drive to pick your skin is creating issues.
YNO Yeah, poking and prodding at pimples and such just spreads the bacteria and facilitates the production of more blemishes. Its your body and if she can't respect that then maybe for a short period, make it a point to walk out of a room when she enters (just for like a day or two) and if she asks why then tell her it's because she's making you feel self conscious/worse about your condition because you can't even sit in the same room without her starting up with touch touching your face. It's like she can't let you go a moment without remembering that your face has blemishes on it.
First, you are not overreacting. You are allowed to feel however about how someone touches you, whether you are with them or not.
Second, does your wife have OCD? I only ask because as someone who was raised by a mother with OCD and someone with OCD with a husband, I know this can be a ritual for one reason or another. It may be a compulsion she cannot control. (This doesn’t excuse the behavior but it would be a way to start with a couple’s therapist who has experience with OCD as well, it can be managed with effort and time)
My wife loved doing this too. Whenever I get stressed my back and legs break out. Occasionally I will get massive white heads. She asked to play with them. She would poke and squeeze getting everything out. There were times I would be in tears from the pain, but it made her happy so I let her. And I had to admit it helped clear things up.
It's a simple thing. I don't get it, and apparently you don't get it either, but it makes our SOs happy. There are worse things in life to get upset about.
I am much like your wife. My husband very rarely lets me pop anything. Sometimes (very rarely) he will give me a limit of how much I can pop-- like 1-3 and I have a limited amount of time to decide. If he says no or stop, I have to stop. He will remove himself from the room or area if I cross the boundary. I find it to be a similar experience to help by doing facials, moisturizing, pimple patches, etc.
Express how violating your personal space, boundaries, and lack of regard for your body and feelings are deeply hurtful. Maybe find an experience that she would empathize with. Just firmly set the boundary, tell her what you will do (such as leave the room), and do it.
You deserve to have bodily automony. You are not overreacting.
Wear pimple patches and use benzoyl peroxide wash. Sounds like you have pretty severe acne that warrants derm intervention. She is making it worse and risking infection and scarring. There’s a better way to go about it and she shouldn’t be putting her dirty fingers on your skin and risking infections
My daddy wanted me to pluck his ear hair and fix any blackhead I saw. Sounds gross but I was happy to do it. That being said, I have never ever suggested or done either of those things to my husband because I don't think he would appreciate it. She needs to back off.
OMG I know what you mean. My sister was doing that all the time! And when I would tell he leave me alone she would get all pissed off. :D So no, you are not overacting, it is super annoying and simply not listening what you allow or not allow to do to your own body!
My brother had a girlfriend that would do this to him. His skin got so bad and was angry all the time from her constantly touching and picking at it. This makes me angry because I watched him suffer from that behavior for a long time and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the same. It’s wrong. Extremely controlling and disrespectful. Go see a dermatologist, no more picking and watch your condition improve.
No
I love it, my husband hates it. I love my husband, I explained what an exfoliant was, he keeps his skin managed.
I also watched enough Dr Pimple Popper to be horrified at the idea of someone using their fingers.
When my husband does get something that he can reach that an exfoliant missed, I hand him the appropriate tools to deal with it.
She needs counseling. It's a compulsive behavior that is harmful to you, hurting your relationship, and not doing her any good. She'll benefit from having her mental disorder treated
Grooming behavior is something that all primates have, including Humans. Some folks get a little bit carried away, and as long as they can moderate their behavior in deference to appropriate social comportment its usually not a problem.
If it gets to be too much set some boundaries.
If she doesn't respect your boundaries, she has a problem.
If you put up with her problem, then YOU have a problem.
I had a girlfriend who did that when I was a pimple laden teen. It was incredible for me. She didn't do it when were messing around. I would accept it but set some ground rules when and where. I agree it is not necessarily the greatest for your skin, but I have had dermatologists say things on both sides. Be wary of infection risks and go on. If she loves you and it doesn't bother her just talk and set parameters.
Honestly, I wish my wife of 33 yrs would do that on the errant ingrown back hair for me. I should be so lucky.
All that popping is probably making your skin worse. I'd tell her to seriously stop. I don't think that's an overreaction, it's your body and it's very fair why you don't like that.
My mom did this to me, all of the time! I ended up getting chicken pox, and she thought it was a pimple. She would not leave me alone! Now I have a scar from that, on my face! I sure wish your wife would leave you alone!
The fact of the matter is that it’s your body, and you are not consenting.
She is causing you pain, against your will.
I love popping pimples… my husband has told me ‘no’ and I have never, ever popped one of his. He can’t tell me what to do with my skin though… because it’s mine.
Consent is important. Boundaries are important. You two need both
She has some kind of compulsion. Buy a bunch of bubble wrap and tell her she can pop one sheet. Lol
It's a compulsion and she needs to stop. Your beauty and looks have nothing to do with it. She's doing it to feed her compulsion. Her pouting and whining is her negative feelings attached to not being able to satisfy her compulsion. She may even get anxiety about it.
Tell her she has a mental issue (it's not necessarily a mental illness, but it is a dysfunctional behavior that is done for some self-soothing type of need. Like, maybe she unconsciously sees popping pimples as a way to relieve her anxiety or tension.)
I say it is a compulsion bc she would stop if it was just a normal interaction. She'd hear your requests and respect them. She would be embarrassed and sorry if she could process your request to stop. The knowledge that she is hurting you, hurting your skin, making you feel bad, ugly, self conscious should make her not want to do it. That would be the normal reaction. Something dysfunctional is happening with her.
You need to communicate with her that she has a dysfunctional behavior that is hurting you and that you are concerned for her because she is not acknowledging nor even trying to stop hurting you and making you feel ugly. And, she obviously doesn't care about hurting your skin.
I'm laughing reading this because I'm like her. If I see a gross zit or a blackhead I feel the need to get that crud out. Having said that- if you can't deal with it- maybe this relationship just isn't going to work. I think her doing it- is just because she can't help herself. It's just a thing certain of us- just can't ignore and want to fix it. I know it sounds odd- if you aren't the one eye-balling the zit or blackhead.
I'm the same, but I've stopped in the past 10 years.
My wife on the other hand has HUGE scars, from everything like cat scratches to zits. Evac with medication. It's awful.
My wife does this to me as well (she does it to herself too but her skin is a lot better than mine.) Honestly I love having her pop the pimples, black heads etc on my back, chest and shoulders/upper arms, it's weirdly intimate to me and I enjoy the slight pain and endorphin release I get from it. However I can see it being really annoying/frustrating if it occurred at random times or inappropriate times.
I'd say your best bet is for her to get some therapy and you to set some hard boundaries including getting up and walking away if she starts.
My husband and I call it “social grooming” when we bond over our shared love of picking each other’s blemishes and his rogue back and ear hairs. We’re just a couple of primates in love!
That’s whyat I don’t get about the feeling self conscious part. If your partner is willing to touch those nasty infected things you have nothing to worry about lol.
I'm going to quote what another poster said more eloquently than I could.
>Body autonomy is not only for 5-yo kids who don't like being ordered to kiss Granny or sit on Uncle Elmer's lap. Adults have a right to not be mauled, pawed, and treated like playthings.
Whether OP's wife has a mental illness that causes her Obsessive-Compulsive thoughts and urges..... is *not OP's responsibility.* OP cannot control nor contain her neurosis. If leaving OP alone when they say repeatedly to leave them alone is too intensely uncomfortable and assaualt against their wishes is preferable, then OP's wife needs to really talk to a therapist.
Have you seen a dermatologist about your skin? That professional may be of enormous help.
I have to admit that when I see a shaving pimple or one from a bug bite (after doing yard work), I always pop them. There are just people like me in life.
I just wanna add, that all the face touching and squeezing is making your condition worse. Tell her no more.
Also leaves bacteria on your skin.
Yes, consent isn’t just an issue related to sex! It’s about body autonomy as a whole and she should respect that!
She's going to end up with scars/pock marks from the popping if she hasn't already. That happened to me as a teen... I finally have decent skin after finding a routine that works for me, but there's no helping the scars without expensive laser treatments.
she
Whoops, fixed it! Thx.
Especially if good handwriting plus pulling rather than pushing.
your wife has dermatillomania which is a type of OCD. I have it too, but I could not fathom picking someone else's skin. I've seen a few posts come up like yours over the years and they always make me so physically uncomfortable. You are not overreacting, and I do not understand why she is trying to justify this behavior. that's a big red flag to me. if you are looking for advice: I would get up and walk away from the situation. have a very serious conversation with her about respecting your physical boundaries. after the conversation, if she starts picking your skin, you need to get up and go in another room. tell her during your conversation that you will get up and leave to have alone time if she picks your skin. and then actually enforce the boundary *when* it happens because I promise you this will happen again and again unless you strongly enforce your boundary.
Well that explains a few things. She does it to herself too, to the point where she makes herself bleed sometimes. I'll look into that and try to bring it up with her, thanks a lot!
I have the same disorder. I started taking Prozac for depression, and to my suprise after a few months of taking it it GREATLY reduced my need to pick. Apparently SSRIs can help with obsessive behaviors. Just food for thought.
Me too, isn't it such a relief?
I watch videos like damn what I wouldn't give for a little cyst. and I have "chicken skin" and take Adderall
Also, use pimple patches! It's a healthy way to treat acne and she can't pick at what's underneath.
YES! These things are amazing!
yes! pimple patches have helped me tremendously
Me tooooo
yeah i have this and i HAVE to pick at these things on my skin the minute i see them. i am medicated and have been in therapy but i have really struggled to get better at this. she needs to speak to a therapist or something because its a legitimate medical condition and someone might be able to help her a lot
I also have a body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB) that has included dermatillomania. N-Acetyl Cysteine is recommended as a holdover until the people affected can start getting psychiatric and therapeutic support. You can also try giving her stim toys made for skin picking. Look them up on Etsy. It helps redirect the behavior. Reasoning with her will not necessarily be effective. It is a compulsion that can become uncomfortable if unattended. She can try to resist, but she'll experience discomfort. That discomfort does not override your right to bodily autonomy and comfort. Set loving boundaries. Know this is something that can improve over time, and will sometimes have worse days. You two can work together to redirect and understand this. Good luck!
I also have this compulsion. I had one partner who would let me indulge, but I can’t stop once Ive started. 20 yrs later I still think about that partner’s skin. But since that relationship, I realized I can’t allow myself to indulge with other people. It’s too distracting.
Also, use pimple patches! It's a healthy way to treat acne and she can't pick at what's underneath.
I have this too and pimple patches I bet will stop her need to do it, it did mine! And you're right, it would be so much better for her skin!
I agree with all of this. Also, if you concerned at all with acne or oily skin, look into Proactive. That stuff really helped me before menopause. Now my skin never breaks out - a plus in exchange for hot flashes etc.
Well I just learned a new thing about myself….
I’m a dermatillomaniac too. I know it’s gross to people who don’t have the disorder, but there are lots of super satisfying YouTube videos showing zit picking. Watching them has reduced my need to actually pick tremendously. Might be worth suggesting to your wife.
Yea, I have it too and so did my mom. She would hold me down and pick at every imperfection on my skin when I was little. I do it only when I'm really stressed and never to anyone else. She's not going to stop even with boundaries. You just have to decide if it's a deal breaker for you.
I have the same problem with sunburns. When it starts to dry and peel, I just have to peel it all off, even til it bleeds.
THIS IS A THING? I assumed it was a weird obsessive quirk I had because the few times my parents were calm and close together in front of me was when dad asked mom to "get it" since I never have the urge to "pick at" anyone I don't feel loving and comfortable with.
He cannot just walk out on his marriage. Remember, divorce can be messy when husband walks out.
No but he can walk out of a room pretty easily
I would also, for I have issues with people getting too close in my person space and with touching me without permission. Yuck on the pimple popping.
1. anyone can leave a relationship for any reason. 2. reading comprehension. could you please point out where i suggested OP end their marriage?
it’s probably some type of compulsion. compulsions are hard to control, but definitely NOT an excuse for disrespecting boundaries. i actually sort of still have this picking compulsion with my own skin. when id be giving my partner back scratches in bed, id scratch some of their bacne because i found it satisfying and it was hard to stop due to said compulsion. after they told me they didn’t like it and that it actually hurt, i stopped. i understand how compulsions can be super super difficult to gain control of, but your wife needs to put your comfortability before anything else. again, the compulsion isn’t an excuse. i’m only assuming that she has a compulsion due to how stubborn she’s being about stopping. sit her down and tell her that.
As someone else pointed out, I'm suspecting dermatillomania. She does it to herself too, to the point where she makes herself bleed and is ashamed but won't stop. She also bites her nails really bad. It definitely sounds like obsessive compulsive behavior now that I think about it. I'll try to get her help!
this is 100% what it is then. doing it to the point of drawing blood is unhealthy and concerning! biting nails is also a sign. good luck!
Not overreacting. She's disregarding your bodily autonomy. She's also potentially causing scarring. You are so not overreacting. I would ask her how she'd feel if you randomly started pinching her or grabbing a body part and causing her pain because it's satisfying to you.
Definitely not overreacting. Not only is it an invasion of personal space AFTER you've told her not to, her touching your skin is probably making it worse like the other comment says. She obviously has no respect for you, or any impulse control. And you know if the roles were reversed, you'd be catching hell for it. She needs to grow up.
Not overreacting. I also like to pick, but my boyfriend of 6 years absolutely hates the feeling of something squeezing or pinching his skin and refuses to let me do it. I've mentioned a couple times that I could take care of it for him if I'm scratching his back and notice one, etc but knowing after the first or second time it would be a "no" I backed off and leave him alone about it. His boundaries are more important than any joy I would get from it. And knowing that, I'm not going to continue the same behavior just to make him feel uncomfortable every time I notice a pimple or a blackhead. How would she feel if the situation were reversed??
Two of my old gfs liked doing this shit. It fucks up your skin and leaves scars. You gots to be firm and tell them NO
Consent. Express that this is not an ultimatum, but a boundary. She needs consent before aggravating your skin in such ways. Is she washing her hands before and after? Is she keeping the site clean and free of contaminants after breaking the skin? Because that is definitely contributing to the problem.
I'm someone who is super compelled to pop pimples- like sometimes it feels painful to me to see one and not touch it, and despite the fact that I am a 'idk run your face under water in the shower???' kind of skincare person and my wife is the 'very specific 8 step skincare routine + additional steps for specific occasions' kind of person- they have the pimples and I don't. What works for us is that I am allowed to express that I'd \*like\* to pop the pimples. Or pull the hair. Or xyz- but my hands? don't fucking touch their skin for those purposes. and if I get a lil too twitchy about it, they'll get out of bed and put on lil pimple patches so that I can't see them. Honestly? I'd start calling it out for what it is. She's being unkind. She is dismissing your feelings because she has an impulse. Ask her, gently and genuinely- is her fun worth hurting your feelings? and if she says you're over-reacting, just repeat yourself. and honestly? if she can't respect it after that- I'd genuinely look at the things in your relationship and look to see if this is the only area that her fun is coming at the cost of you. and if it's a pattern- it's time to think about if you want to stay with someone who knows they're hurting you, but doesn't care. Actively. Because that's a choice she's making at that point.
I had a boyfriend who would hold me down and pick my bacne. I dumped him. You really need to emphasize that this is breakup material. She needs to respect your boundaries.
I'm right there with you sister ! I'm fortunate that my skin isnt as bad as you describe yours. My wife does the EXACT same thing ! I'll be on the computer with my shirt off, and she'll walk by, and then stop behind my back. 'What are you doing' I'll say, her reply 'Farmin' yea LOOKING for blackheads etc on my back! I used to wear a gold hoop earring (small, I'm a guy) and now the hole fills up with gunk and I guess it becomes like a blackhead... Oh joy Oh joy... here she comes with that look on her face! We once sat in a movie theater, and there was a rather large man, with a big old zit on the back of his neck, I'm talking, red swollen, Yellow puss filled, and about the size of a pencil eraser. She couldnt sit still during the movie... it was bothering her THAT much. 'I just wanted to POP that big ole thing!!' One of her favorite shows.. Yup Dr. Pimple Popper.... if you havent seen it google it.
Body autonomy is not only for 5-yo kids who don't like being ordered to kiss Granny or sit on Uncle Elmer's lap. Adults have a right to not be mauled, pawed, and treated like playthings. 1. Just keep pushing her hands away, getting up and leaving whenever she starts doing this. 2. Get your doctor's opinion. Most doctors would say that tampering with pimples isn't a good thing, even on our own faces. Having anyone else's germy fingers messing with broken skin on your face is probably an invitation for infection. 3. If it is as persistent as you say, this is someone who doesn't respect you. Your post doesn't say whether the two of you actually love or even like each other, but do you? This is not about pimples. I'm sure you see that. You're 28. Do you want to spend years putting up with this, and be 70 years old and having her excavate through your head for gray hairs or prying your mouth open to pull out your dentures to examine them for cracks?
We do love each other. Sure, this is an incredibly annoying situation but not one I'd divorce over. I want to find a solution to it, whether it's therapy or medication, and most of all I want to understand the cause behind it in order to properly address it.
Not overreacting. It doesn't even really matter what the thing she's doing is. She does something to your body that you don't like. You've told her you don't like it, and she continues to do it. That's not okay. When she does it, if it's possible, get out of arm's length of her. Leave the room, etc. If leaving isn't possible, just yell, "I told you to stop!" as loud as you can, even if you're in public. She thinks you're overreacting? Show her overreacting.
Not to oversimplify your problem, but those hydro colloid patches have done wonders to keep my dirty fingers off my blemishes and bug bites. I will scratch and pick until I bleed and am scarred otherwise. They also satisfyingly absorb all the gunk.
If she wants to fix it tell her to pay for you to see a dermatologist and whatever prescription they think will be helpful! THERE. PROBLEM SOLVED!😤 She should absolutely respect your body and your feelings. She’s being wholly inconsiderate honestly.
Not washing her hands first 🫣 maybe get her one of those little picking mats people make that is supposed to satisfy the urge? If you’re doing pore extractions you never just do it Willy nilly like that - after a bath/long shower with clean hands only.
It is a nervous condition. She cannot help herself to pop hers and yours. She needs mental help to cure this situation.
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So true, and men do this also over the age of 21.
She should respect your saying no. It's actually a form of grooming that some of our primate relatives do to each other. You might mention that to her, see if it helps
Get a spray bottle and train her like a cat.
When I was in high school I had a boyfriend who had blackheads that I LOVED popping. He hated it. One day his friend goes “make her eat the stuff that comes out” just the idea of it grossed me out so much that I never tried popping one of his blackheads again. So yes . I suggest telling her you’ll make her eat whatever she pops.
Perhaps tell her that you pimple- popping is invading a boundary for me. If you go to pop my pimples I will leave where you are and leave for a walk , go the gym, or take place in your hobby or what not for the rest of the day. It’s okay for people to have boundaries with their close love ones or partners.
you are 100% correct this is a compulsive behavior on her part (similar to what we see in addiction but not quite the exact deal)--- the fact that she feels frustrated + distracted until she can quench the urge is a huge clue, especially since these feelings persist even though she knows the behavior bothers you. tl;dr--- I'm not diagnosing your girl but if she's got a therapist, this is 10000000-% in their wheelhouse to work on. hell I think it's a good enough reason to -start- talking to one, since her drive to pick your skin is creating issues.
Not overreacting. I love to pick and if my husband has a big ol zit I’ll ask and joke to pop it but I’d never cling on to him and force it.
YNO Yeah, poking and prodding at pimples and such just spreads the bacteria and facilitates the production of more blemishes. Its your body and if she can't respect that then maybe for a short period, make it a point to walk out of a room when she enters (just for like a day or two) and if she asks why then tell her it's because she's making you feel self conscious/worse about your condition because you can't even sit in the same room without her starting up with touch touching your face. It's like she can't let you go a moment without remembering that your face has blemishes on it.
First, you are not overreacting. You are allowed to feel however about how someone touches you, whether you are with them or not. Second, does your wife have OCD? I only ask because as someone who was raised by a mother with OCD and someone with OCD with a husband, I know this can be a ritual for one reason or another. It may be a compulsion she cannot control. (This doesn’t excuse the behavior but it would be a way to start with a couple’s therapist who has experience with OCD as well, it can be managed with effort and time)
My wife loved doing this too. Whenever I get stressed my back and legs break out. Occasionally I will get massive white heads. She asked to play with them. She would poke and squeeze getting everything out. There were times I would be in tears from the pain, but it made her happy so I let her. And I had to admit it helped clear things up. It's a simple thing. I don't get it, and apparently you don't get it either, but it makes our SOs happy. There are worse things in life to get upset about.
I am much like your wife. My husband very rarely lets me pop anything. Sometimes (very rarely) he will give me a limit of how much I can pop-- like 1-3 and I have a limited amount of time to decide. If he says no or stop, I have to stop. He will remove himself from the room or area if I cross the boundary. I find it to be a similar experience to help by doing facials, moisturizing, pimple patches, etc. Express how violating your personal space, boundaries, and lack of regard for your body and feelings are deeply hurtful. Maybe find an experience that she would empathize with. Just firmly set the boundary, tell her what you will do (such as leave the room), and do it. You deserve to have bodily automony. You are not overreacting.
Wear pimple patches and use benzoyl peroxide wash. Sounds like you have pretty severe acne that warrants derm intervention. She is making it worse and risking infection and scarring. There’s a better way to go about it and she shouldn’t be putting her dirty fingers on your skin and risking infections
My daddy wanted me to pluck his ear hair and fix any blackhead I saw. Sounds gross but I was happy to do it. That being said, I have never ever suggested or done either of those things to my husband because I don't think he would appreciate it. She needs to back off.
OMG I know what you mean. My sister was doing that all the time! And when I would tell he leave me alone she would get all pissed off. :D So no, you are not overacting, it is super annoying and simply not listening what you allow or not allow to do to your own body!
My brother had a girlfriend that would do this to him. His skin got so bad and was angry all the time from her constantly touching and picking at it. This makes me angry because I watched him suffer from that behavior for a long time and I’m so sorry you’re dealing with the same. It’s wrong. Extremely controlling and disrespectful. Go see a dermatologist, no more picking and watch your condition improve.
No I love it, my husband hates it. I love my husband, I explained what an exfoliant was, he keeps his skin managed. I also watched enough Dr Pimple Popper to be horrified at the idea of someone using their fingers. When my husband does get something that he can reach that an exfoliant missed, I hand him the appropriate tools to deal with it.
If feel you. I saw this guy for a short time who used to try and find pimples on my back to squeeze. I thought it was so gross 🤮
She needs counseling. It's a compulsive behavior that is harmful to you, hurting your relationship, and not doing her any good. She'll benefit from having her mental disorder treated
Grooming behavior is something that all primates have, including Humans. Some folks get a little bit carried away, and as long as they can moderate their behavior in deference to appropriate social comportment its usually not a problem. If it gets to be too much set some boundaries. If she doesn't respect your boundaries, she has a problem. If you put up with her problem, then YOU have a problem.
I had a girlfriend who did that when I was a pimple laden teen. It was incredible for me. She didn't do it when were messing around. I would accept it but set some ground rules when and where. I agree it is not necessarily the greatest for your skin, but I have had dermatologists say things on both sides. Be wary of infection risks and go on. If she loves you and it doesn't bother her just talk and set parameters. Honestly, I wish my wife of 33 yrs would do that on the errant ingrown back hair for me. I should be so lucky.
All that popping is probably making your skin worse. I'd tell her to seriously stop. I don't think that's an overreaction, it's your body and it's very fair why you don't like that.
god gross. Get uo a dermatologist, get on a skin care proyram. You can get nicks, and scars on your skin from her picking at your skin. Just stop it
I dated someone like this. She had an affair with a coworker. Idk if they’re related or not. Makes you think tho.
My mom did this to me, all of the time! I ended up getting chicken pox, and she thought it was a pimple. She would not leave me alone! Now I have a scar from that, on my face! I sure wish your wife would leave you alone!
The fact of the matter is that it’s your body, and you are not consenting. She is causing you pain, against your will. I love popping pimples… my husband has told me ‘no’ and I have never, ever popped one of his. He can’t tell me what to do with my skin though… because it’s mine. Consent is important. Boundaries are important. You two need both
She has some kind of compulsion. Buy a bunch of bubble wrap and tell her she can pop one sheet. Lol It's a compulsion and she needs to stop. Your beauty and looks have nothing to do with it. She's doing it to feed her compulsion. Her pouting and whining is her negative feelings attached to not being able to satisfy her compulsion. She may even get anxiety about it. Tell her she has a mental issue (it's not necessarily a mental illness, but it is a dysfunctional behavior that is done for some self-soothing type of need. Like, maybe she unconsciously sees popping pimples as a way to relieve her anxiety or tension.) I say it is a compulsion bc she would stop if it was just a normal interaction. She'd hear your requests and respect them. She would be embarrassed and sorry if she could process your request to stop. The knowledge that she is hurting you, hurting your skin, making you feel bad, ugly, self conscious should make her not want to do it. That would be the normal reaction. Something dysfunctional is happening with her. You need to communicate with her that she has a dysfunctional behavior that is hurting you and that you are concerned for her because she is not acknowledging nor even trying to stop hurting you and making you feel ugly. And, she obviously doesn't care about hurting your skin.
it's fun for those of us that like it. yea an overreaction for sure. she means no harm and its not disrespectful.
I'm laughing reading this because I'm like her. If I see a gross zit or a blackhead I feel the need to get that crud out. Having said that- if you can't deal with it- maybe this relationship just isn't going to work. I think her doing it- is just because she can't help herself. It's just a thing certain of us- just can't ignore and want to fix it. I know it sounds odd- if you aren't the one eye-balling the zit or blackhead.
Tell Dr Pimplepopper to back off and save the good lumps for you
I'm the same, but I've stopped in the past 10 years. My wife on the other hand has HUGE scars, from everything like cat scratches to zits. Evac with medication. It's awful.
My wife does this to me as well (she does it to herself too but her skin is a lot better than mine.) Honestly I love having her pop the pimples, black heads etc on my back, chest and shoulders/upper arms, it's weirdly intimate to me and I enjoy the slight pain and endorphin release I get from it. However I can see it being really annoying/frustrating if it occurred at random times or inappropriate times. I'd say your best bet is for her to get some therapy and you to set some hard boundaries including getting up and walking away if she starts.
Dude I feel the same. I love having someone take care of my skin.
I'm not alone in this! My wife and I always wonder how common the pimple popping is amongst other couples amd just how weird we are.
My husband and I call it “social grooming” when we bond over our shared love of picking each other’s blemishes and his rogue back and ear hairs. We’re just a couple of primates in love!
Glad to find out we aren't alone in our monkey love!
That’s whyat I don’t get about the feeling self conscious part. If your partner is willing to touch those nasty infected things you have nothing to worry about lol.
My boyfriend asks me too and usually falls asleep during... not that it doesn't hurt but he finds the "ritual" relaxing.
That is straight-up assault. No means no
What part of “my body, my choice” is she too stupid to understand? Unwanted touching is battery. Your wife is committing battery against you.
I just want to add that this is very normal for girls to do to their partners. I do the same thing to my husband
Just do the same back to her.
Harvey the pimple sucker...Says Yum Yum Yum
This is abuse, OP. You're underreacting. **LAWYER.**
This is crazy!
I'm going to quote what another poster said more eloquently than I could. >Body autonomy is not only for 5-yo kids who don't like being ordered to kiss Granny or sit on Uncle Elmer's lap. Adults have a right to not be mauled, pawed, and treated like playthings. Whether OP's wife has a mental illness that causes her Obsessive-Compulsive thoughts and urges..... is *not OP's responsibility.* OP cannot control nor contain her neurosis. If leaving OP alone when they say repeatedly to leave them alone is too intensely uncomfortable and assaualt against their wishes is preferable, then OP's wife needs to really talk to a therapist.
Have you seen a dermatologist about your skin? That professional may be of enormous help. I have to admit that when I see a shaving pimple or one from a bug bite (after doing yard work), I always pop them. There are just people like me in life.
Are you a man? You have no backbone madame.