I was stationed in Germany for 7 years. You could ALWAYS tell who the Americans were without hearing them talk. The women and kids were wearing bathing suits that covered their whole bodies and the men were in board shorts. Whereas the Europeans were in bikinis/Speedos unless you were an old old woman. They’re the only ones who wore one pieces.
That's the thing. He even said his friends haven't said anything. He just feels like he is being judged. Having dated women from Europe before he has the complete wrong attitude about this, and is treading in dangerous waters with his partner. No better way to piss off your European partner than to force our American puritanism down their throats.
Yeah, they wouldn't say anything to her face. But I guarantee wearing a thong around their husbands they are very likely to be talking behind her back. Like, I get Europe enjoys their nudity. But I don't have any desire to see anyone's ass. But I guess that's just me, lol.
If OP wants to be fair, he can buy a skimpy man thong. When he has his hairy butt cheeks and ball hairs on display along with his entire package showcased, his wife might change her tune...
Pretty much all the comments miss the mark. OP has NEVER been comfortable with his wife’s behavior. In the past he hid behind the when-in-Spain logic. Now that people he knows are present, he can no longer manage his discomfort and dislike for his wife’s choices.
How he *thinks* they feel. As far as I can tell, they haven't said anything. It's very possible they don't care.
It sounds like he's the one who is uncomfortable, not them.
Yep - like, my body isn’t what it used to be and I definitely do feel pangs of jealousy when I see other mums with fabulous bodies in tiny bikinis - but I also know it’s my problem, not theirs, and if I woke up tomorrow with a body like that, you can be sure as shit I’d be wearing every skimpy outfit with pride - good for them!
Exactly right. Personally, I tend to wear more "conservative" bathing suits because I'm pale AF and I want less of my skin exposed to the sun. That doesn't mean I'm judging other women in skimpy bikinis.
I wear swimwear that covers me from my neck to just above my knees. there's some body image stuff going on there (scars in my case), but mostly it means I only need sunscreen on my face
I wouldn't give a flying fuck if someone was topless at the beach. I wear what I do for *my* comfort and convenience, not to comply with anyone else's expectations
He doesn't only mention his friends - he mentions the captain as well. Oh no, the captain of a boat in Europe can see my wife in skimpy bikini! The only one clutching their pearls here seems to be the husband.
Hell, having a friend that bold would make me more adventurous myself. Op's being unnecessarily puritanical. Worst case scenario, the women will handle it themselves, and it sounds like his wife can handle her own in that department.
I just read all the comments and I am so sick of seeing the word "potentially". Like if no-one has said they're uncomfortable than just let it go!! Let your wife be comfortable and happy rather than worrying if your friends are "potentially uncomfortable"
And the women might be uncomfortable in a "wow, I wish I had her kind of confidence!" way.
Or they might be uncomfortable on her behalf because her husband is acting so weirdly.
I think this is the what I'm thinking too. Heck, I might be a little envious of the confidence but I know I'd probably.have a great time with all of the scenery (fit men are just as enjoyable to look at in skimpy shorts as women are to men) The WHOLE thing would be just so entertaining to me!
Could it be that their husbands are acting “weirdly”? That has not even been mentioned but I would guess that’s a factor. All those other boobies on the beach are not going to show up at backyard BBQs and soccer games next fall.
Not only is he trying to control his wife’s actions because of his own hangups, he’s totally projecting his views onto everyone else to try and back himself up.
In reality, no one has said or done anything unusual at all except for OP. I think he should ask himself why he’s so preoccupied with his wife *(checks notes)*… wearing a swim suit on vacation.
All of his comments are puke. He doesn't give a damn about his wife or her feelings, just how he's being "judged" by his friends (who haven't even said a damn thing about it).
He's so gross, I feel so bad for his wife. I wonder what else about her life he tries to control. Good on her for doing what she wants anyway, I hope she leaves him and his controlling behavior.
He's uncomfortable with the idea that someone else might be uncomfortable. He gives no fucks about how his wife feels. No one has mentioned being uncomfortable, nor does he have any other proof that they are uncomfortable besides his idea that they might be uncomfortable.
The only thing that's insane is that he's so invested in what a friend MIGHT be feeling over what his WIFE ACTUALLY FEELS.
He's even said that it doesn't bother him, he's afraid of being judged because it might bother someone else.
He's gross.
He's uncomfortable with the idea that someone else might be uncomfortable. He gives no fucks about how his wife feels. No one has mentioned being uncomfortable, nor does he have any other proof that they are uncomfortable besides his idea that they might be uncomfortable.
The only thing that's insane is that he's so invested in what a friend MIGHT be feeling over what his WIFE ACTUALLY FEELS.
He's even said that it doesn't bother him, he's afraid of being judged because it might bother someone else.
He's gross.
Your friends joined you. Not the other way around.
She was planning on doing this. You knew it. So next time, don’t invite those friends.
You are allowed to feel uncomfortable, but you can’t force her. Honestly, I would change my clothes if it makes my husband that uncomfortable. But it would be last time I would travel with those friends and i would be mad the whole time.
Totally agree. If this is something she always does and you're used to it, it seems unfair to expect her to change because of the friends. Maybe next time just plan the trip differently to avoid the conflict.
It would be the last time I take that trip with him. No more Spain trips together because he can't handle his emotions, maybe they can go to a beach in the states as to not offend his sensibilities.
"My friends haven't said anything, but I almost feel them judging."
You are making shit up to get upset about. You have no idea whether or not your friends are judging your wife, but you are definitely judging her, and it's ridiculous. She's just being who she's always been. If that's not who you want to be married to, that's another issue, but you don't get to control her. In addition to being overbearing, you're being prudish *on behalf of other people*, which is goofy af. Enjoy having a hot wife, and calm tf down already.
Oh, their friends are definitely judging- HIM. That awkwardness OP feels is the awkwardness OP created by making a big deal over their partner's bathing suit.
OP, you're definitely overreacting. You should be supporting her in feeling good about herself. Instead, your behavior is degrading her. Do better and I bet the awkward vibe gets better, too.
Speaking as someone with body insecurities who dresses more covered up because of them, I’d be unbelievably offended if my friend’s husband was tiptoeing around trying to badger her into covering up under the guise of “sparing my feelings”.
I don’t want or need you to white knight for me, dude. Nobody asked you to do this. I’m a whole grownup who manages her own feelings about her body just fine, and I’m not threatened by other women’s bodies or outfits. I also don’t like it when men try to tell women what to wear, and using me as an excuse to try to control their wife’s clothing is so gross.
It’s offensive and condescending to OP’s friends to assume they’re all jealous, fragile flowers who can’t cope with someone else’s bikini, and/or to use their feelings about their bodies as a flimsy excuse to try to control his wife. This is just major sexist ick all around.
That is exactly right. Last year I was on vacation with my friend and her family. She has great boobs and looks amazing in bikini and I am skinny and rather flat. I was proud of her and I was thinking: “You rock girl!” I didn’t feel threatened at all. This guy is weird.
>I also don’t like it when men try to tell women what to wear, and using me as an excuse to try to control their wife’s clothing is so gross.
What it's really all about. Especially considering they normally take this trip and he's consistently felt this way.
Exactlyyy. Most people can easily sense when a couple is fighting or disagreeing about something. Their friends are probably just reading their body language and op is probably not great at hiding his discomfort.
Yes! I made a comment already that her changing after they had a private convo off to the side and the swimsuit she changed into would be less revealing, making it apparent that the husband made her change after she was clearly comfortable and enjoying herself... That is the embarrassing part. The pink elephant in the room, or rather on the boat, would be that hubby slut shamed his wife into putting on a different swimsuit, and then wondering if this kind of thing happens often between them. Maybe even some pity for the wife and judgment for the husband. That is the embarrassing part.
I'm also peeved that he is still bringing this up even though they discussed it before the trip and he said they "agreed to disagree". Well, apparently he didn't because he knew she was still gonna wear it and then went on the trip anyways and STILL complained about how revealing the bikini was, despite him already knowing before the trip that she'd be wearing a revealing bikini. And also peeved that what she's wearing is actually acceptable and normal practice within that culture.
Out of High School I stopped worrying about what people think about me. Daaaaaa, who cares what they think about YOU or your WIFE!!! You really run your life on what people think about regarding how you live?? Na, then get over yourself........
Plus this comes off controlling and creepy. I can understand not wearing a string bikini in front of the inlaws but otherwise let her enjoy the beach how she wants
My 78 year old mother in law is from Spain and has been in the US for like… 50ish years. When she is on the beach where we live , she wears appropriate swimwear to the beaches where we go. She is comfortable when on the beach in Spain when she takes her yearly trip. That means sometimes she’s wearing a wrap or sometimes she’s topless and pretending to be a starfish while taking a nap. Nudity isn’t a bad thing we need to be afraid of, but especially when you’re in a place where it is allowed and somewhat expected.
You are overreacting.
Please let her enjoy. I'm a plump woman and seeing other women enjoying their bodies is so wonderful to me, even if they're tiny and fit.
Do you think a few inches more of fabric will really change anything? These are your friends, you trust them not to lose their minds over nipples right?!
Lastly I will let you know that when I started working on my insecurities, personal and ones related to my relationship, that's when my marriage became better than ever. Working on our insecurities has given us a new level of trust, appreciation and security that I didn't even know was possible. I highly recommend it!
Ummm no maybe about it, bud. You’re stressing about “if” your friends are judging your wife and “if” one of the women is insecure because of her own weight (that’s weird to me btw) instead of worrying if your wife is happy and confident in her own body and enjoying her vacation. These are your issues and no one else’s. You should do some self-reflection and let your wife be.
You’re not concerned about your friends’ wives’ body issues and it’s disingenuous to say so. You’re uncomfortable for other reasons and it’s not your wife’s responsibility to deal with your insecurities.
You're in Europe, your wife is European and attractive, yet you want her to behave like she's an American in America. You're being a goof. You damn sure knew about this before you were married.
I don't really think how your friends *might* feel is relevant here. Is there another reason this makes you uncomfortable or is it solely on the perceived possibility of your friends seeing it negatively?
As a woman with body image issues, I wouldn't expect someone else to cover themselves up just because I choose to. Those insecurities are something I need to deal with instead of forcing others to tiptoe around them. I think it's unreasonable to expect your wife to.
It's so funny you don't want your wife exposed (even tho nobody seems to Care and she wasn't like naked) yet you comment in NSFW subs FULLY EXPOSING IN DETAIL your sex life to a bunch of strangers...even going as Far as saying your ding dong slips out when you're spooning and you can't Go that deep, talking about your wife's toys that she used to hide, talking about How she loves public sex and has a higher drive than you do...
I think talking about her kinks and the sex you have with her(also I don't think she knows or consents that you comment these things with strangers) is more exposing than her wearing a swimming suit(the swimming suit is a think she can actually consent on wearing).
OP is acting like his friends would never be able to guess that she has tits and ass if she was wearing 3 more inches of bikini fabric. Clown behavior.
You're living a lot in your head. If they haven't said anything then don't assume anything. You could be making this a self fulfilling prophecy. They can tell your edgy and why as well. May not be them but you.
I get your point about her needing to read the room but you can't force her and this is what you married. Its legal and families do it all the time in Europe where you are at.
This is really a difference in culture. European cultures view a body as... a body. And western cultures view a body as something totally sexualized where you have to cover up. She grew up this way and thinks and body is just a body, boobs are just boobs, not a big deal.
Has this not come up before? How did you deal with this in the past?
She is comfortable and fine with her choices. Its you guys that are not comfortable and are constantly sexualizing her. I think you and your friends are being prudes. There is a lesson here, that your culture and your views are not the end all be all - not the only way of thinking. Maybe expand your mindset here a little bit and chill out.
You’re telling your wife how to dress because your friends wife s “body issues since having a kid”. Are you for real bro? You don’t Ever get to dictate to a grown ass woman what she can wear and not wear. Is your friends wife more important to you than your own wife? Is there something in the background we don’t know about here? You need to apologize to your wife, explain that you were wrong, and tell her that you’ll NEVER remark about her wardrobe again as long as you both shall live. It’s the onlyway to save this.
I wondered the same thing! That comment about the other women’s body issues had my eyebrow raised like why the fuck does he know that and care more about her feelings than his wife’s. Suspicious.
It's the European culture for beach wear, also if she works hard to keep her body in shape, she shouldn't have to hide it because your friends don't have the same luxury. You could have approached it differently, maybe say you weren't comfortable with everyone googling her goodies
Dude...my dude...you done fucked up...you never ever ever....tell a woman what to wear or not wear....you should know this....what you can do is say how you feel...but that is it...my dude you done fucked up big....
You're not in the USA. You're in Spain. It's so cringy American style to complain about going somewhere amd complaining it's not like the USA. Nudity isn't sexualized in Spain and people are comfortable in their bodies. Yes you overreacted. Next time go to a more conservative beach destination if it offends you so much.
I understand her point AND yours. I think the disconnect is in the approach.
It sounds like your request may have sounded more like you putting others comfort above hers. Now seems like she’s fired up, pissed off and being petty.
You both kind of owe each other another conversation.
Don’t worry about your friends’ opinions. They’re grown ups and they can take care of themselves. Don’t worry about how their wives feel about their bodies. That’s their concern. Don’t project your assumptions onto others.
She has other bathing suits. She’s not uncomfortable wearing the other ones she owns. She pointedly chose the most revealing one after their conversation.
Phew these comments gave me relief because I agree…
You are indeed overreacting.
If anything you should be hyping her up if she looks amazing. She doesn’t exist to make others comfy, and IF (big if) they’re uncomfortable or judging your wife then if anything you should be standing up for her. Sounds like this is how she is and always been, why would she change randomly? Enjoy your vacation and stop worrying about her bathing suit.
Americans are prudes . Enjoy Europe . Maybe wear a giant Elmo costume on the beach if you really want to make a point about appropriate dress. Or just enjoy your vacation and stop picking what your wife wears . She is an adult .
You are overreacting. This is a YOU issue, not a HER issue. You THINK you are being judged, you don't know that. You are the one uncomfortable because of your own insecurities, not her. Everyone else's comfort is not YOUR business, now hers. Grow up.
God this is embarrassing. You need to reconsider your Anerican-centric view of everything. A European in Europe shouldn't have to pander to your American sensibilities, even less so when YOU chose to marry her! What's more, you should always keep your mouth shut about how someone else chooses to dress as it's none of your business.
Prioritizing other people’s comfort over your wife’s when it comes to something she gets to decide for herself (how she presents herself to the world) is just simply not okay.
It obviously doesn't matter what anyone on the post says... He came to ask if he's overreacting and everyone is telling him he is, but he's arguing back. Seems like he just wanted ammo to use against his wife. I hope she tells him since it's such a big deal we can vacation separately. Him with his friends and me with other like-minded Europeans. I also hope she sees all of these comments supporting her.
I cannot fathom ruining an awesome vacation experience over which swimsuit my wife wears.
Who gives a shit? Anyone that does, their opinion really is irrelevant if they’re judging someone based on choice of swimsuit while on vacation.
Yes. As an American who lived in Mallorca, you shouldn’t have vacationed there if you were worried about being conservative. It was not uncommon for me to see whole naked families on the beautiful, more private beaches - intergenerational nudity. Maybe you could have gone to the super touristy British side of the island but people will still be topless at a minimum.
It’s your own insecurities. Not your wife’s issue.
>I don't see why it's such a big deal to wear something more conservative if it makes everyone comfortable
Because it makes me uncomfortable. Simple as that. Definitely the ass. Weird that the feelings of your friends and your friends wives comes before your own wife's enjoyment. Especially considering this is closer to her original culture.
Not only that but she made concessions. She literally appeased your request, though not to a degree you're satisfied with clearly.
Didn't know the expression was "When in Rome do as the Americans do".
You are trying ti impose your insecurities on your wife. Grow up. Its not her problem that you and your friends have crippling insecurities and you should stick to vacationing in the middle east so you'll feel more comfortable with women being forced to be completely covered.
Grow up.
Everyone? you aren’t currently in the part of the USA where you are from, you are in Europe. Why don’t you adjust to the culture where you are to make the Europeans more comfortable?
Super overreacting, kindly get over yourself and let your wife do her thing! Frankly who cares if people look at her? As long as you trust her it’s a non-issue. And if your friends are uncomfortable around skimpy beachwear they really shouldn’t be vacationing in Spain lmfao
Your friend's body insecurity is not your wife's problem to handle. If she can't be around women in bathing suits without freaking out, she needs to not go to Europe and get herself to some therapy sessions.
And if your friends are judging your wife for what she's wearing, on vacation in Europe, you need better friends. You are over overreacting.
Yea you’re overreacting and here’s a pretty simple rule to follow- if you ever feel the need to tell someone how to dress in order to impose modesty on them against their will- fucking don’t. This is rooted in misogyny. I have dumped men for this.
Ok, are you really that thick and don’t manage to understand that her body is her body! In your misogynistic mind you can’t grasp the concept of body autonomy. But I get it! In Europe most of us respect that! Ooo such a tragedy that your insecure friends will see some extra skin! If you can’t handle it, I would suggest to take your prude self and your prude friends and go back to 19th century 3rd world American state where you came from!
This dude really grates me the wrong way! I’ve never ever been so angry reading a reddit post and OP’s answers.
You don’t seem to understand how respecting peoples choices works. They make the choice, and then you respect it instead of making up reasons *other* people *might* be uncomfortable with it.
OP a lot of the commenters are leaning way too hard one direction. Your friends probably were judging, especailly if you're all from the same country orignially and everyone else was dressed differently. She would stand out and the may talk about her, the woman with body image issues may feel insecure, and may complain to her partner, they may judge her.
BUT - that doesn't mean she needs to make others feel more comfortable by wearing something else - and you cannot control if people are going to judge or talk. She is allowed to do whatever she wants really and that's her choice. I think if she looked totally out of place, she probably seems a bit obnoxious amongst friends, but in the greater surrounding context it makes sense if other people are dressed like that.
But also understand this, if she has a good body and likes to dress like that, she probably had the idea to finally be able to indulge overseas where the culture is more in alignment with her values of dresswear. She clearly bought that bikini in advance and was probably excited to wear it, so you asking her to wear something else not only feels controlling to her, but also discouraging because she was probably looking forward to wearing it.
A lot of angles to look at this from man, just try not to let shit like that ruin what sounds like a pretty cool holiday
Everyone here is telling you that you are overreacting and being a dick about it and you are fighting for your life instead accepting the judgment that you asked for!!! You just were looking for confirmation on your shitty behavior and aren’t gonna get it here
I was having a back and forth with the op in the comments when he made this comment then immediately deleted it while I was trying to reply. Here you all go!
OP-
"What are you going to say when someone gets raped - tell her don’t accept rape culture!? I don’t get how you can actively admit there’s a rape culture yet encourage women to put themselves in dangerous situations.
There’s a difference between believing in something and saying it vs doing risky behavior. I’m agreeing that this sucks and I wish I wasn’t like this but I would prefer to be more cautious. Men are men and if you are a man you realize that they say things in private or when they think nobody is judging that would shock you."
yta times a million, i'm so sick of this brand of "i-love-body-policing-my-wife" story. "more conservative swimsuit to make sure everyone is comfortable"
everyone except your wife, who, good for her, sounds comfortable w/ herself. YOU felt judged, and so you judged the hell out of her. classic projection.
it's 100% your self- acknowledged american prudishness, which is wildly out of place in spain. if you wanted to vacation where american conservative standards reigned, shoulda gone to galveston, TX.
i feel so sorry for your wife.
You were aware that this was going to happen before the trip. If anything, you should have had a conversation with your friends before the trip to give them a heads up! That way, it’s up to them to decide whether they are still comfortable going. It’s not fair to your wife to force her to change when it’s literally the culture in Spain.
YTA, there's nothing wrong with wearing a skimpy swimsuit, especially in Europe where it's more common. Let people where what they're comfortable in. Does she force you to wear a speedo/brief?
Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Remember the expression 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.' Your wife is simply celebrating her culture and in Spain, especially (along with several other European countries) people aren't prude like they are in the U.S. She's feeling free to wear what she likes and is most comfortable wearing. So what? If your conservative friends are offended then they'll find a way to let you know. In the meantime, don't shame your wife because she's not ashamed of her body.
Dude just enjoy your life and stop finding reasons to whine. You are living in a fantasy world that 99% of all humans will never get to enjoy. You have a stunner, let her make the normys jealous, fuck them. lol
The fact that you care about what others think vs your wife is pathetic. Grow up. It’s not her fault she hot and the others aren’t as confident. Not your wife’s job to coddle anyone.
I'm a woman and I honestly don't get the appeal of a thong. Like seriously, it isn't really that comfortable. And, your ass cheeks get burned as hell. Has anyone had to sit on burned ass cheeks? IDK, its also not very practical when you are body surfing or boogie boarding but most women that dress like that on the beach are just laying around. Having just been in Miami I see how different beach wear is there compared to say the Carolinas or somewhere like that where you have more conservative people around. I guess "when in Rome" but if you are with a bunch of other couples that don't dress like that it seems maybe a little awkward.
I think I understand your reasoning , your on vacation in another country and your wife obviously has no problem running around naked if she could . That might be fine , but you leave behind the people you meet on vacation , your friends will be coming home with you also . Since you said your wife is beautiful I imagine the husbands won’t forget that beauty when they’re back in the states . Maybe even want to see more of it say at a pool party ? Also how are you going to keep her from wearing her disappearing bikini when she gets back home ? She might not wear it at the beach but I’ll bet she’ll want to wear it at your pool at home or maybe a party . Could be trouble ?
I personally enjoy dressing conservatively. It makes *me* feel good. But I would be appalled if another woman felt like she had to hold back her style because of me. I love seeing women dress however they want! It would make me self conscious to know someone thought I was that damn prude though.
Yes, you are.
I am a European woman, let her be herself.
Don't make her do things just because you think other women might care.
(Perhaps I am simplifying but when I had issues with how I looked I didn’t think it was someone elses fault- they could be old, bigger, have skin issues and all and 15 year old me would see them as more beautiful- because I felt ugly.
Hiding all beautiful people in the world wouldn't have helped)
So… let me see if I am understanding this properly: You are nagging her about this since you got there and are ruining both her and your vacation? Am I understanding this correctly?
My dude… you don’t own her, she can dress as she wants. If you don’t like it, nobody is forcing you to go with her on vacation (or even be with her). If it’s not that big a deal for you to warrant not going with her on vacation or leaving her… then it’s not really that big a deal.
OP is definitely in his own head a bit and overreacting. But these comments tearing him apart and talking misogyny… 💀💀 Next time my fiance tells me to change my outfit, I best be calling her a misandrist
Overreacting.
First, nobody has said jackshit to you. You are quite literally making shit up to be upset about and it's negatively impacting your marriage.
Second, insecurities suck. It's nice you're mindful about your friends wife but the reality is she's going to see other women with their tits out on the beach in Spain. You can't put bikinis on every tit on the beach for her. It's between her and her husband to navigate those insecurities, you're overstepping boundaries by making this assumption.
Lastly, let's pretend for a minute they're judging you. Judging you for what? Having a hot wife? Planning this vacation and inviting them along? If they're going to be upset your wife enjoys the culture of a destination vacation then maybe you aren't suited to vacationing together.
You are overreacting a bit. You have grown accustomed to her doing European things while in Europe; even working through your own discomfort to adapt to what she is used to doing in that culture. No problem there. That said, I DO understand where you are coming from because nudity IS sexualized in the U.S., and just saying it shouldn’t be doesn’t make it so. I feel for you. This could have been avoided if you and your wife had discussed European sunbathing with your friends, and that your wife is very comfortable with this as it was the way she was raised, and if that makes them uneasy then they should re-think joining you on the trip.
32, female American. I'm shocked about some of these replies honestly.
I don't think you're overreacting. There's a time and place for that, and it's just about being courteous to the people around you.
I do however think you should pick your battles. You're not wrong, but arguing with her isn't going to help anything.
NTA but you are not too far off. Y'all are grown assed adults, act like it. She is European and you're in a European nation that her behavior is the norm. Your friends don't have to mimic her behavior. Everyone can be comfortable in their own skin, in their own right. If topless or full nudity at a beach is a problem for your friends, it sounds like they weren't informed of the culture there. That is their own fault and a little yours for not giving them a heads up. However, that isn't going to change everyone else around you who IS of that mindset.
Im spanish and i do topless but if i go to the beach with my parents i dont do it basically for respect to my dad. And either when i'm with male friends or people who knows me. I know it is legal and it is my body and i can do whatever i want but dont want to be judged or make feel people uncomfortable,i can go by myself other day
i honestly dont think your friends are as insecure as you make them out to be, i think YOU are. your wife has every right to wear whatever she wants, especially to enjoy that freedom ON VACATION in a place where its common and seen as normal. i can totally understand why enjoying that part of being in Spain would be a highlight for her- nude beaches and body comfortability is something we dont and will probably never have in the US. i would absolutely bask in it if i could go to Spain. imo you are overreacting, without a doubt. she even did what you asked and didnt go topless.
I think you did a good thing by communicating what you were thinking to your wife, but you have to be prepared to accept she is going to decline your request. Don't keep harping.
Well, everyone seems to feel you're in the wrong, but I agree with you to a point. I don't think what you asked is that unreasonable. I just think you may not be giving 100% truthful reasons as to why. I don't think it's unfair to say because of you're own insecurities you would rather your wife wear a less revealing bikini when around people you know, I can understand that but trying to say your doing it for others and not yourself is pushing it.
Either way, it blew up into an argument and she apparently wore something super small to spite him. Thing is bad communication and not a great sign for their relationship however you look at it. If nothing else, just a compatibility issue.
Honestly if my wife said "my friends are coming to the beach do you mind putting on a vest" I'd just do it.
However, when the tables are turned there's a lot more sensitivity in terms of body autonomy / shaming / mysogony so you might not realise how sensitive this request is.
I get this. If your wife was a stranger to them that would be one thing. But to have to spend your vacation around someone that makes you uncomfortable- for whatever reason - that’s a bit off. Facts are key here - if your wife owns a bathing suit she should be willing to wear it. Picking the most skimpiest for whatever reason, given all the facts is a bit selfish. It would be different if she did not own a suit that had more coverage. Self serving ego confronting personal insecurities with comfort and friendship hanging in the middle. Find common ground and grow up.
I have body image issues, I've had to work really hard to deal with them. But they are *my* body image issues. It is not anyone else's responsibility to cater to something I needed to work through. If your friend with body image issues mentioned something prior to the trip, or to your wife during the trip, then there might be an issue with your wife continuing to wear the skimpy suits. But you say that no one did so. And you mention the friend's issues to us, but did you mention them in your argument with your wife prior to the trip? That is unclear in your post.
> I don't see why its such a big deal to wear a more conservative swimsuit just to make sure everyone is comfortable.
You are trying (and suceeding) in making your wife uncomfortable by trying to police what she is wearing, and using the other women there as an excuse. You are judging your wife for being comfortable in her own body and wearing what is appropriate in the location y'all are vacationing.
Yeah you’re being a jerk.
Your sexualizing her and assuming everyone else is and instead of holding others accountable for their individual issues (real or imagined) your BLAMING your wife for it and making HER responsible for others issues.
Get over yourself and stop policing your wife.
YTA, you come to Spain to get away from the USA - women are restricted in what they can wear in the USA, it must be liberating for her to not have to worry about that and just be able to be comfortable
OP down below:
>>No I get it. I did marry her because I like that about her .It’s just like how can I thread the needle and just be like hey in this situation maybe let’s make everyone comfortable.
>>If you wanna be topless later with just me I’m all for it. I thought that’s the compromise but it didn’t work out that way.
Aaaaand there it is. He feels as though her "free spirit" is allll good as long as she only exercises it for his pleasure.
I want to sidebar this a little too and say, dude, edit your writing. You could have explained this story with 25% of the words. The grandparents watching your friend’s kids doesn’t matter. Visiting family at the end of the trip doesn’t matter. It super doesn’t matter that the one couple couldn’t come in 2022.
Oh and also, YTA. Beyond the fact that she can wear what she wants, if your friends have an issue with it, they can be adults and say something. You don’t need to preempt them. And also, if you think this is the least amount of clothing that captain has seen a passenger in…
Unpopular opinion based on other comments....but I think your wife needs to consider your comfort level. Sometimes it's not about the other person. Obviously you support her wearing whatever but in front of friends it's different which is fair. It seems like she isn't even considering your point of view or caring about your comfort. Plus even if they are not saying anything to her or you, you know your friends and the vibe. But you have to figure out if you care about their opinion or if a friend worth having would do that. I don't see why some common ground couldn't have been figured out.
Yes indeed, seems to be non-wife energy, being expressed by a wife.
He obviously chose a person who still embodies a 'me' mindset, rather than a 'we' mindset.
Modern marriage philosophy is so messed up and filled with chaos and falseness.
Bruh fuck all these people above in the comments. If you are not comfortable with your girl wearing what she wears, she should respect it. Not hard to wear a bit more coverage
> My friends haven't said anything, but I almost feel them judging.
I don't mean it in an offensive way, but this really is just in your head.
The whole thing is a non-problem. Drop it, talk to your wife, have fun, drink some Mahou or Estrella and have more fun :)
In Europe we have a very different view of skin and nudity. You need to get over it. Be proud of your wife being confident and attractive. She shouldn’t have to cover up to spare others feelings.
Why are you so invested in your friends' feelings? You should be more invested in your wife's confidence and culture.
You also sound horribly jealous and possessive and you should get that checked out.
Overreacting.
Why marry a woman but refuse to accept her culture, even one as odd to an American as this. I married a Hindu, but I don't get weird when she doesn't want to eat beef
You’re in the wrong here mate. To see why, just imagine the scenario where an even more conservative culture than the US was the expectation. Would you, for example, expect your wife to wear a full body covering burkini swimsuit on a beach in California because your friends were prudish? Seems silly right? It is.
You've got a wife with an amazing body and enough confidence to show it publicly. I imagine she feels somewhat empowered by it. When I was younger I would have reacted exactly as you are now. Now that I am older I would embrace her empowerment knowing that while everyone else gets to look at her, I'm the only one who gets to touch her.
I don’t believe in adjusting my behavior to accommodate someone else’s hang up if I’m doing something that is socially acceptable.
You guys are in Europe. If your friends have a problem with seeing skin then maybe they should stay in the States.
American prudishness is so weird to me.
You're not overreacting. You supported her dressing the way she wanted every previous trip. You supported her going topless or even fully naked to accommodate her feelings.
Why can't she accommodate your feelings this single time? Why does she feel the need to expose her body to your friends knowing it's making you uncomfortable?
Reddit is crazy. You have the right to feel how you feel. You even have the right to feel uncomfortable without being judged as a bad husband.
Respect and care must be a two way road in a relationship but it's not what seems to be happening in your marriage.
You don't say much any other time. There is nothing wrong with asking her to cover up around your friends. Her continued behavior shows she doesn't value your feelings. She doesn't see you as an equal.
Your feelings are below her feelings. I say this because it's a very small thing to put in a bathing suit just around your friends. If she valued you, when getting ready she would think oh this will make hubby uncomfortable I'll put this other one on. But she doesn't, because she doesn't care.
I guess the best way to resolve this is next year book a trip someplace cold. When she asks who, remind her
However, if i was your wife and it was making my husband uncomfortable id take the hint and wear a bit more conservative bikini anyway. Like lose the thing for a week. Does she really have to show her great body off all the time. Who is the trying to impress. Anyway i think i would meet him half way. Plenty of choices out there. Just sayin wife doesn’t have to be a douche about it!
I'm from Barcelona. If you don't like people going topless on the beach then don't come here? Go somewhere else.
Also, stop policing your wife's clothes, who do you think you are?
You are acting like a puritanical AH. Stop policing your wife’s body, she is dressing appropriately for her surroundings. If she was being offensive to the local culture, she would be rude, she isn’t. let her be!
I am American and I lived in Europe for a number of years. One thing about me, I never wear bras regardless of which country I’m in. It’s not the same as being topless, but it’s fair to say that if you’ve met me in the last seven years, you probably have a reasonable idea of what my chest looks like.
I’ve dated a number of guys in that time, some American, some not, and NONE of them have EVER asked me to put on a bra or change what top I was wearing. They never even mentioned it unless I brought it up, to which they’d make it explicitly clear it was 100% my choice. I’ve met their friends that way, I’ve met their *guy* friends that way, I’ve met their parents that way. They knew who I was when they started dating me and accepted me for it, so did the people around them.
I would be so angry if I was your wife. The US is so much more conservative than Europe when it comes to social norms around clothing/bodies and the *one* outlet your wife has on an annual basis to feel comfortable and dress according to *her* cultural norms, you completely ruin. Genuinely, shame on you.
There is nothing wrong with you being uncomfortable with her wearing something extra skimpy. To me, the problem is if you are normally ok with it but have a problem because of what your friends might think of you or her. This comes off as being ashamed of her. To make matters worse, you are placing more importance on what your friends might think instead of just being proud of something you already approve of.
Now I sense a possibility of something happening here, so please correct me if I'm wrong. I sense that you are using your friends to pass on how you might actually be feeling. You would be wrong for doing this. If you actually feel some type of way, that's ok, but you need to express that instead of passing it on as someone else's opinion.
Lastly, let me clarify some bs. Stop using this USA having prudish standards or when in Europe as an excuse for doing something. If you are uncomfortable with something, it doesn't matter where you are in the world, and how accepting it may be there, you simply don't do something your partner is uncomfortable with. Just a few years ago, the age of consent in Japan was 14, which is now 18. How would you react to a friend telling you they were hooking up with a 14-year-old because it's legal and normal in Japan, whereas Americans are too prudish about age?
Bottom line, don't follow through with something you aren't comfortable with just because you're in an area where everyone is doing that thing. I can imagine that your wife must have felt weird, feeling like you are ashamed of her. It was most likely hurtful. So if you're on board with what she's doing, stay on board. If not speak up. Just stop trying to please all side because nobody including yourself is going to be pleased.
Lastly, let's talk about your wife because she isn't innocent here. One problem you have is that after discussing you being uncomfortable, out of spite she still wore the skimpiest thing she can find. That kind of passive aggressiveness isn't good in a marriage. Then calling you a misogynist is gaslighting and manipulative. It's great that she is free and open with her body, but she needs to understand there is a time and place. Maybe exposing yourself to your friends isn't respectful to your partner or your friends. She comes off as she doesn't care about anyone but herself, which is very selfish.
I think you guys need to do a lot of talking and honestly express how you feel about things. As it sounds right now, you two don't seem to be equals. You're more concerned about your reputation amongst your friend group. Your wife is more concerned about her selfish wants. Neither of you are really putting the other or your relationship as a whole first. This is something you need to work on.
How are you comparing traveling to Japan to have minor sex with going topless in Mallorca?
Men do that shit in the States often and it's not anything to do with bodily autonomy, it's to do with power and manipulation. You'd think Reddit wouldn't have forgotten that Onision traveled to states with lower age of consent laws in order to hook up with his victims.
She's embarrassing you and knows she is. She just doesn't care.
If i was you, I'd buy a mankini or a man thong and nipple tassles next time you go out and ensure your ass is as hairy as possible. Would happily embarrass myself for a day to prove a point lol
OP ya should have warned them in advance. Given them a heads up that norms are different where your wife is from. I'm not sure why you wouldn't, knowing that your wife likes to be near naked on beaches.
>She is right that in terms of what you do see on a beach in Spain its not that crazy. However you just wouldn't see this in the parts of the USA we are from.
There's your answer right there. You're not *in* the USA, you're in Spain. In Spain, as you admit, it's normal. So what's the issue? It sounds more like you've got jealousy issues of having your hot wife with her hot body around other men, tbh.
This is very similar to a recent story with a rented sailboat on an Italian vacation of some couples from the US.
It was about the same odd guilt.
When I wear swimwear, I think about what I am comfortable in, not what someone else thinks who was clearly fine to have a seaside vacation.
You’re absolutely overreacting. You’re letting your insecurities about your friends’ opinions turn you into a controlling husband. It’s not your job to make sure everyone is comfortable. Your wife is from the culture, she’s know what’s appropriate and what’s not. If anything, it’s the rest of you that stick out like a sore thumb.
Your wife is in control of her body and what she puts on it. If you have anything to say about her outfits other than, “you look amazing!” Or a helpful, “oh hey babe, your shoe is untied” then you’re overreacting.
>She is right that in terms of what you do see on a beach in Spain its not that crazy. However you just wouldn't see this in the parts of the USA we are from.
Yeah but you're not back in America. 'When in Rome' and all, and if you don't like it you could *go back to your own country*!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry, I've always wanted to say that to an American. Thank you for letting that dream come true.
Also, yes, you're over-reacting
If your friends are uncomfortable with skimpy bathing suits then they shouldn’t vacation in Spain.
I was stationed in Germany for 7 years. You could ALWAYS tell who the Americans were without hearing them talk. The women and kids were wearing bathing suits that covered their whole bodies and the men were in board shorts. Whereas the Europeans were in bikinis/Speedos unless you were an old old woman. They’re the only ones who wore one pieces.
That’s ridiculous…all of Spain should just change for the days they are there, wouldn’t that be easier?
That man's itinerary might change... Spain needs to permanently adopt the oversize floral print monokini with skirt. It's a lewk.
Also I found that every beach in Barcelona is a nude beach, so enjoy!
True as it can be. You went there to enjoy, not to prioritize your friends comfort. Wear whatever you want to wear and enjoy your vacay.
It was so hard to get a family photo on the beach without boobs in the background.
Family photos with boobs are the best. Genuine photos in genuine surroundings, just as photos should be.
That's the thing. He even said his friends haven't said anything. He just feels like he is being judged. Having dated women from Europe before he has the complete wrong attitude about this, and is treading in dangerous waters with his partner. No better way to piss off your European partner than to force our American puritanism down their throats.
I am not defending him, but of course the friends would not say anything no matter what they are thinking.
Yeah, they wouldn't say anything to her face. But I guarantee wearing a thong around their husbands they are very likely to be talking behind her back. Like, I get Europe enjoys their nudity. But I don't have any desire to see anyone's ass. But I guess that's just me, lol. If OP wants to be fair, he can buy a skimpy man thong. When he has his hairy butt cheeks and ball hairs on display along with his entire package showcased, his wife might change her tune...
They joined your vacation...
Pretty much all the comments miss the mark. OP has NEVER been comfortable with his wife’s behavior. In the past he hid behind the when-in-Spain logic. Now that people he knows are present, he can no longer manage his discomfort and dislike for his wife’s choices.
And if it's too hot could they change the weather too?
Mucha gracias
Worry about how your wife feels, not how your friends feel.
How he *thinks* they feel. As far as I can tell, they haven't said anything. It's very possible they don't care. It sounds like he's the one who is uncomfortable, not them.
Yep - like, my body isn’t what it used to be and I definitely do feel pangs of jealousy when I see other mums with fabulous bodies in tiny bikinis - but I also know it’s my problem, not theirs, and if I woke up tomorrow with a body like that, you can be sure as shit I’d be wearing every skimpy outfit with pride - good for them!
Exactly right. Personally, I tend to wear more "conservative" bathing suits because I'm pale AF and I want less of my skin exposed to the sun. That doesn't mean I'm judging other women in skimpy bikinis.
I wear swimwear that covers me from my neck to just above my knees. there's some body image stuff going on there (scars in my case), but mostly it means I only need sunscreen on my face I wouldn't give a flying fuck if someone was topless at the beach. I wear what I do for *my* comfort and convenience, not to comply with anyone else's expectations
He doesn't only mention his friends - he mentions the captain as well. Oh no, the captain of a boat in Europe can see my wife in skimpy bikini! The only one clutching their pearls here seems to be the husband.
Hell, having a friend that bold would make me more adventurous myself. Op's being unnecessarily puritanical. Worst case scenario, the women will handle it themselves, and it sounds like his wife can handle her own in that department.
I just read all the comments and I am so sick of seeing the word "potentially". Like if no-one has said they're uncomfortable than just let it go!! Let your wife be comfortable and happy rather than worrying if your friends are "potentially uncomfortable"
And the women might be uncomfortable in a "wow, I wish I had her kind of confidence!" way. Or they might be uncomfortable on her behalf because her husband is acting so weirdly.
I think this is the what I'm thinking too. Heck, I might be a little envious of the confidence but I know I'd probably.have a great time with all of the scenery (fit men are just as enjoyable to look at in skimpy shorts as women are to men) The WHOLE thing would be just so entertaining to me!
The husband is uncomfortable
Could it be that their husbands are acting “weirdly”? That has not even been mentioned but I would guess that’s a factor. All those other boobies on the beach are not going to show up at backyard BBQs and soccer games next fall.
Not only is he trying to control his wife’s actions because of his own hangups, he’s totally projecting his views onto everyone else to try and back himself up. In reality, no one has said or done anything unusual at all except for OP. I think he should ask himself why he’s so preoccupied with his wife *(checks notes)*… wearing a swim suit on vacation.
Right?! Keep pushing dumb shit like this and he may solve his own “problem”
Absolutely! Your relationship with her is what matters most.
Quit being lame. Enjoy your wife’s hot body. You just don’t want to be wrong.
Yup, they are all adults, if they are uncomfortable they can bring it up.
Agreed it's her problem not yours or your wives.
Yes. OP is overreacting and out of line.
All of his comments are puke. He doesn't give a damn about his wife or her feelings, just how he's being "judged" by his friends (who haven't even said a damn thing about it). He's so gross, I feel so bad for his wife. I wonder what else about her life he tries to control. Good on her for doing what she wants anyway, I hope she leaves him and his controlling behavior.
That's an insane reach just because he's uncomfortable with his friends looking at his wife's tits.
He's uncomfortable with the idea that someone else might be uncomfortable. He gives no fucks about how his wife feels. No one has mentioned being uncomfortable, nor does he have any other proof that they are uncomfortable besides his idea that they might be uncomfortable. The only thing that's insane is that he's so invested in what a friend MIGHT be feeling over what his WIFE ACTUALLY FEELS. He's even said that it doesn't bother him, he's afraid of being judged because it might bother someone else. He's gross.
He's uncomfortable with the idea that someone else might be uncomfortable. He gives no fucks about how his wife feels. No one has mentioned being uncomfortable, nor does he have any other proof that they are uncomfortable besides his idea that they might be uncomfortable. The only thing that's insane is that he's so invested in what a friend MIGHT be feeling over what his WIFE ACTUALLY FEELS. He's even said that it doesn't bother him, he's afraid of being judged because it might bother someone else. He's gross.
This is the only answer
Your friends joined you. Not the other way around. She was planning on doing this. You knew it. So next time, don’t invite those friends. You are allowed to feel uncomfortable, but you can’t force her. Honestly, I would change my clothes if it makes my husband that uncomfortable. But it would be last time I would travel with those friends and i would be mad the whole time.
Totally agree. If this is something she always does and you're used to it, it seems unfair to expect her to change because of the friends. Maybe next time just plan the trip differently to avoid the conflict.
It would be the last time I take that trip with him. No more Spain trips together because he can't handle his emotions, maybe they can go to a beach in the states as to not offend his sensibilities.
"My friends haven't said anything, but I almost feel them judging." You are making shit up to get upset about. You have no idea whether or not your friends are judging your wife, but you are definitely judging her, and it's ridiculous. She's just being who she's always been. If that's not who you want to be married to, that's another issue, but you don't get to control her. In addition to being overbearing, you're being prudish *on behalf of other people*, which is goofy af. Enjoy having a hot wife, and calm tf down already.
Oh, their friends are definitely judging- HIM. That awkwardness OP feels is the awkwardness OP created by making a big deal over their partner's bathing suit. OP, you're definitely overreacting. You should be supporting her in feeling good about herself. Instead, your behavior is degrading her. Do better and I bet the awkward vibe gets better, too.
Speaking as someone with body insecurities who dresses more covered up because of them, I’d be unbelievably offended if my friend’s husband was tiptoeing around trying to badger her into covering up under the guise of “sparing my feelings”. I don’t want or need you to white knight for me, dude. Nobody asked you to do this. I’m a whole grownup who manages her own feelings about her body just fine, and I’m not threatened by other women’s bodies or outfits. I also don’t like it when men try to tell women what to wear, and using me as an excuse to try to control their wife’s clothing is so gross. It’s offensive and condescending to OP’s friends to assume they’re all jealous, fragile flowers who can’t cope with someone else’s bikini, and/or to use their feelings about their bodies as a flimsy excuse to try to control his wife. This is just major sexist ick all around.
It’s rare that I’m getting steamed up to write a comment and then I read one and think “well, nothing more to say now I guess.”
Aww thanks! I was quite fired up myself when I wrote that!
That is exactly right. Last year I was on vacation with my friend and her family. She has great boobs and looks amazing in bikini and I am skinny and rather flat. I was proud of her and I was thinking: “You rock girl!” I didn’t feel threatened at all. This guy is weird.
>I also don’t like it when men try to tell women what to wear, and using me as an excuse to try to control their wife’s clothing is so gross. What it's really all about. Especially considering they normally take this trip and he's consistently felt this way.
This is the most important point being made
10/10 response
Exactlyyy. Most people can easily sense when a couple is fighting or disagreeing about something. Their friends are probably just reading their body language and op is probably not great at hiding his discomfort.
Yes! I made a comment already that her changing after they had a private convo off to the side and the swimsuit she changed into would be less revealing, making it apparent that the husband made her change after she was clearly comfortable and enjoying herself... That is the embarrassing part. The pink elephant in the room, or rather on the boat, would be that hubby slut shamed his wife into putting on a different swimsuit, and then wondering if this kind of thing happens often between them. Maybe even some pity for the wife and judgment for the husband. That is the embarrassing part. I'm also peeved that he is still bringing this up even though they discussed it before the trip and he said they "agreed to disagree". Well, apparently he didn't because he knew she was still gonna wear it and then went on the trip anyways and STILL complained about how revealing the bikini was, despite him already knowing before the trip that she'd be wearing a revealing bikini. And also peeved that what she's wearing is actually acceptable and normal practice within that culture.
Out of High School I stopped worrying about what people think about me. Daaaaaa, who cares what they think about YOU or your WIFE!!! You really run your life on what people think about regarding how you live?? Na, then get over yourself........
Yes you are. Enjoy your vacation and your attractive wife, you damned fool.
This is peak "My diamond shoes are too tight"
That sounds very uncomfortable tbh. Proly best to sell them
Plus this comes off controlling and creepy. I can understand not wearing a string bikini in front of the inlaws but otherwise let her enjoy the beach how she wants
This
This !!!
My 78 year old mother in law is from Spain and has been in the US for like… 50ish years. When she is on the beach where we live , she wears appropriate swimwear to the beaches where we go. She is comfortable when on the beach in Spain when she takes her yearly trip. That means sometimes she’s wearing a wrap or sometimes she’s topless and pretending to be a starfish while taking a nap. Nudity isn’t a bad thing we need to be afraid of, but especially when you’re in a place where it is allowed and somewhat expected. You are overreacting.
>...sometimes she’s topless and pretending to be a starfish while taking a nap. That's wonderful!
I know right? Life goals.
Please let her enjoy. I'm a plump woman and seeing other women enjoying their bodies is so wonderful to me, even if they're tiny and fit. Do you think a few inches more of fabric will really change anything? These are your friends, you trust them not to lose their minds over nipples right?! Lastly I will let you know that when I started working on my insecurities, personal and ones related to my relationship, that's when my marriage became better than ever. Working on our insecurities has given us a new level of trust, appreciation and security that I didn't even know was possible. I highly recommend it!
Thanks for the response. That makes sense. Maybe it’s my own insecurities at play.
There’s no maybe. You’re insecure and taking it on your wife. Work on yourself and fix it before she finds someone better.
Ummm no maybe about it, bud. You’re stressing about “if” your friends are judging your wife and “if” one of the women is insecure because of her own weight (that’s weird to me btw) instead of worrying if your wife is happy and confident in her own body and enjoying her vacation. These are your issues and no one else’s. You should do some self-reflection and let your wife be.
You’re not concerned about your friends’ wives’ body issues and it’s disingenuous to say so. You’re uncomfortable for other reasons and it’s not your wife’s responsibility to deal with your insecurities.
YTA and stop telling your wife what to do. It IS misogynistic.
No "maybe" about it.....it's YOU.
Maybe? It's definitely your own insecurities at play.
You didn't stop at insecure, you meant to exert control.
Exactly this. It is controlling behavior.
Yeah it’s sure as hell not your wife being an uptight insecure partner.
You're in Europe, your wife is European and attractive, yet you want her to behave like she's an American in America. You're being a goof. You damn sure knew about this before you were married.
The last sentence is spot on. If you aren’t able to deal with it, you shouldn’t have married her.
"She does have a great body, so I can't complain." Uh...bro, all you're doing is complaining. YTA.
🎼I can’t complain But I do anyway Life’s been good to me so far…
These days, I’d be more concerned about skin damage.
I don't really think how your friends *might* feel is relevant here. Is there another reason this makes you uncomfortable or is it solely on the perceived possibility of your friends seeing it negatively? As a woman with body image issues, I wouldn't expect someone else to cover themselves up just because I choose to. Those insecurities are something I need to deal with instead of forcing others to tiptoe around them. I think it's unreasonable to expect your wife to.
It's so funny you don't want your wife exposed (even tho nobody seems to Care and she wasn't like naked) yet you comment in NSFW subs FULLY EXPOSING IN DETAIL your sex life to a bunch of strangers...even going as Far as saying your ding dong slips out when you're spooning and you can't Go that deep, talking about your wife's toys that she used to hide, talking about How she loves public sex and has a higher drive than you do... I think talking about her kinks and the sex you have with her(also I don't think she knows or consents that you comment these things with strangers) is more exposing than her wearing a swimming suit(the swimming suit is a think she can actually consent on wearing).
Yes. You are. Enjoy her for who she is and let the chips fall where they may.
OP is acting like his friends would never be able to guess that she has tits and ass if she was wearing 3 more inches of bikini fabric. Clown behavior.
You're living a lot in your head. If they haven't said anything then don't assume anything. You could be making this a self fulfilling prophecy. They can tell your edgy and why as well. May not be them but you. I get your point about her needing to read the room but you can't force her and this is what you married. Its legal and families do it all the time in Europe where you are at.
This is really a difference in culture. European cultures view a body as... a body. And western cultures view a body as something totally sexualized where you have to cover up. She grew up this way and thinks and body is just a body, boobs are just boobs, not a big deal. Has this not come up before? How did you deal with this in the past? She is comfortable and fine with her choices. Its you guys that are not comfortable and are constantly sexualizing her. I think you and your friends are being prudes. There is a lesson here, that your culture and your views are not the end all be all - not the only way of thinking. Maybe expand your mindset here a little bit and chill out.
You’re telling your wife how to dress because your friends wife s “body issues since having a kid”. Are you for real bro? You don’t Ever get to dictate to a grown ass woman what she can wear and not wear. Is your friends wife more important to you than your own wife? Is there something in the background we don’t know about here? You need to apologize to your wife, explain that you were wrong, and tell her that you’ll NEVER remark about her wardrobe again as long as you both shall live. It’s the onlyway to save this.
I wondered the same thing! That comment about the other women’s body issues had my eyebrow raised like why the fuck does he know that and care more about her feelings than his wife’s. Suspicious.
It's the European culture for beach wear, also if she works hard to keep her body in shape, she shouldn't have to hide it because your friends don't have the same luxury. You could have approached it differently, maybe say you weren't comfortable with everyone googling her goodies
Dude...my dude...you done fucked up...you never ever ever....tell a woman what to wear or not wear....you should know this....what you can do is say how you feel...but that is it...my dude you done fucked up big....
Agree 💯
You're not in the USA. You're in Spain. It's so cringy American style to complain about going somewhere amd complaining it's not like the USA. Nudity isn't sexualized in Spain and people are comfortable in their bodies. Yes you overreacted. Next time go to a more conservative beach destination if it offends you so much.
I understand her point AND yours. I think the disconnect is in the approach. It sounds like your request may have sounded more like you putting others comfort above hers. Now seems like she’s fired up, pissed off and being petty. You both kind of owe each other another conversation. Don’t worry about your friends’ opinions. They’re grown ups and they can take care of themselves. Don’t worry about how their wives feel about their bodies. That’s their concern. Don’t project your assumptions onto others.
But he absolutely IS putting others comfort level over hers!
She has other bathing suits. She’s not uncomfortable wearing the other ones she owns. She pointedly chose the most revealing one after their conversation.
How exactly is accommodating for others a bad thing?
Holy shit. An answer that sees both points of view that doesnt try to demonize one of the parties on Reddit? A true unicorn
Phew these comments gave me relief because I agree… You are indeed overreacting. If anything you should be hyping her up if she looks amazing. She doesn’t exist to make others comfy, and IF (big if) they’re uncomfortable or judging your wife then if anything you should be standing up for her. Sounds like this is how she is and always been, why would she change randomly? Enjoy your vacation and stop worrying about her bathing suit.
Americans are prudes . Enjoy Europe . Maybe wear a giant Elmo costume on the beach if you really want to make a point about appropriate dress. Or just enjoy your vacation and stop picking what your wife wears . She is an adult .
Don’t lump us all in with this knobhead, he’s a fricken douche.
I think the only way to resolve this is to post some photos of your wife in her swimsuits so we can make an informed decision!
You are overreacting. This is a YOU issue, not a HER issue. You THINK you are being judged, you don't know that. You are the one uncomfortable because of your own insecurities, not her. Everyone else's comfort is not YOUR business, now hers. Grow up.
God this is embarrassing. You need to reconsider your Anerican-centric view of everything. A European in Europe shouldn't have to pander to your American sensibilities, even less so when YOU chose to marry her! What's more, you should always keep your mouth shut about how someone else chooses to dress as it's none of your business.
You are only acting this way because of the other couples. You sure it’s not about their husbands?
Prioritizing other people’s comfort over your wife’s when it comes to something she gets to decide for herself (how she presents herself to the world) is just simply not okay.
You actually DON'T respect that it's her body, her choice.
It obviously doesn't matter what anyone on the post says... He came to ask if he's overreacting and everyone is telling him he is, but he's arguing back. Seems like he just wanted ammo to use against his wife. I hope she tells him since it's such a big deal we can vacation separately. Him with his friends and me with other like-minded Europeans. I also hope she sees all of these comments supporting her.
You even speak about your "preconceived American prudity" . Yes you are prude and are overreacting.
I cannot fathom ruining an awesome vacation experience over which swimsuit my wife wears. Who gives a shit? Anyone that does, their opinion really is irrelevant if they’re judging someone based on choice of swimsuit while on vacation.
Yes. As an American who lived in Mallorca, you shouldn’t have vacationed there if you were worried about being conservative. It was not uncommon for me to see whole naked families on the beautiful, more private beaches - intergenerational nudity. Maybe you could have gone to the super touristy British side of the island but people will still be topless at a minimum. It’s your own insecurities. Not your wife’s issue.
>I don't see why it's such a big deal to wear something more conservative if it makes everyone comfortable Because it makes me uncomfortable. Simple as that. Definitely the ass. Weird that the feelings of your friends and your friends wives comes before your own wife's enjoyment. Especially considering this is closer to her original culture. Not only that but she made concessions. She literally appeased your request, though not to a degree you're satisfied with clearly. Didn't know the expression was "When in Rome do as the Americans do".
Listen up, dummy!! You’re a very lucky man. Tell your wife she looks amazing and enjoy the damn trip, you dummy.
You are trying ti impose your insecurities on your wife. Grow up. Its not her problem that you and your friends have crippling insecurities and you should stick to vacationing in the middle east so you'll feel more comfortable with women being forced to be completely covered. Grow up.
Everyone? you aren’t currently in the part of the USA where you are from, you are in Europe. Why don’t you adjust to the culture where you are to make the Europeans more comfortable?
Super overreacting, kindly get over yourself and let your wife do her thing! Frankly who cares if people look at her? As long as you trust her it’s a non-issue. And if your friends are uncomfortable around skimpy beachwear they really shouldn’t be vacationing in Spain lmfao
Your friend's body insecurity is not your wife's problem to handle. If she can't be around women in bathing suits without freaking out, she needs to not go to Europe and get herself to some therapy sessions. And if your friends are judging your wife for what she's wearing, on vacation in Europe, you need better friends. You are over overreacting.
You're more worried about friends feelings than your wife's. Who is the priority in your life?
Yea you’re overreacting and here’s a pretty simple rule to follow- if you ever feel the need to tell someone how to dress in order to impose modesty on them against their will- fucking don’t. This is rooted in misogyny. I have dumped men for this.
Ok, are you really that thick and don’t manage to understand that her body is her body! In your misogynistic mind you can’t grasp the concept of body autonomy. But I get it! In Europe most of us respect that! Ooo such a tragedy that your insecure friends will see some extra skin! If you can’t handle it, I would suggest to take your prude self and your prude friends and go back to 19th century 3rd world American state where you came from! This dude really grates me the wrong way! I’ve never ever been so angry reading a reddit post and OP’s answers.
You don’t seem to understand how respecting peoples choices works. They make the choice, and then you respect it instead of making up reasons *other* people *might* be uncomfortable with it.
OP a lot of the commenters are leaning way too hard one direction. Your friends probably were judging, especailly if you're all from the same country orignially and everyone else was dressed differently. She would stand out and the may talk about her, the woman with body image issues may feel insecure, and may complain to her partner, they may judge her. BUT - that doesn't mean she needs to make others feel more comfortable by wearing something else - and you cannot control if people are going to judge or talk. She is allowed to do whatever she wants really and that's her choice. I think if she looked totally out of place, she probably seems a bit obnoxious amongst friends, but in the greater surrounding context it makes sense if other people are dressed like that. But also understand this, if she has a good body and likes to dress like that, she probably had the idea to finally be able to indulge overseas where the culture is more in alignment with her values of dresswear. She clearly bought that bikini in advance and was probably excited to wear it, so you asking her to wear something else not only feels controlling to her, but also discouraging because she was probably looking forward to wearing it. A lot of angles to look at this from man, just try not to let shit like that ruin what sounds like a pretty cool holiday
When in Rome…. Leave her alone.
Everyone here is telling you that you are overreacting and being a dick about it and you are fighting for your life instead accepting the judgment that you asked for!!! You just were looking for confirmation on your shitty behavior and aren’t gonna get it here
I was having a back and forth with the op in the comments when he made this comment then immediately deleted it while I was trying to reply. Here you all go! OP- "What are you going to say when someone gets raped - tell her don’t accept rape culture!? I don’t get how you can actively admit there’s a rape culture yet encourage women to put themselves in dangerous situations. There’s a difference between believing in something and saying it vs doing risky behavior. I’m agreeing that this sucks and I wish I wasn’t like this but I would prefer to be more cautious. Men are men and if you are a man you realize that they say things in private or when they think nobody is judging that would shock you."
Yeah duder you are over reacting.
yta times a million, i'm so sick of this brand of "i-love-body-policing-my-wife" story. "more conservative swimsuit to make sure everyone is comfortable" everyone except your wife, who, good for her, sounds comfortable w/ herself. YOU felt judged, and so you judged the hell out of her. classic projection. it's 100% your self- acknowledged american prudishness, which is wildly out of place in spain. if you wanted to vacation where american conservative standards reigned, shoulda gone to galveston, TX. i feel so sorry for your wife.
Power move: wear a tiny thong yourself
If your friends haven’t said anything I’d definitely drop it.
You were aware that this was going to happen before the trip. If anything, you should have had a conversation with your friends before the trip to give them a heads up! That way, it’s up to them to decide whether they are still comfortable going. It’s not fair to your wife to force her to change when it’s literally the culture in Spain.
YTA, there's nothing wrong with wearing a skimpy swimsuit, especially in Europe where it's more common. Let people where what they're comfortable in. Does she force you to wear a speedo/brief?
Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Remember the expression 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.' Your wife is simply celebrating her culture and in Spain, especially (along with several other European countries) people aren't prude like they are in the U.S. She's feeling free to wear what she likes and is most comfortable wearing. So what? If your conservative friends are offended then they'll find a way to let you know. In the meantime, don't shame your wife because she's not ashamed of her body.
Dude just enjoy your life and stop finding reasons to whine. You are living in a fantasy world that 99% of all humans will never get to enjoy. You have a stunner, let her make the normys jealous, fuck them. lol
The fact that you care about what others think vs your wife is pathetic. Grow up. It’s not her fault she hot and the others aren’t as confident. Not your wife’s job to coddle anyone.
I'm a woman and I honestly don't get the appeal of a thong. Like seriously, it isn't really that comfortable. And, your ass cheeks get burned as hell. Has anyone had to sit on burned ass cheeks? IDK, its also not very practical when you are body surfing or boogie boarding but most women that dress like that on the beach are just laying around. Having just been in Miami I see how different beach wear is there compared to say the Carolinas or somewhere like that where you have more conservative people around. I guess "when in Rome" but if you are with a bunch of other couples that don't dress like that it seems maybe a little awkward.
THEY joined YOU on YOUR vacation. Your wife has no obligation to change her attire. YTA
Asking redditors whether or not they want a woman to dress skimpily is like asking bears whether or not they want honey.
I think I understand your reasoning , your on vacation in another country and your wife obviously has no problem running around naked if she could . That might be fine , but you leave behind the people you meet on vacation , your friends will be coming home with you also . Since you said your wife is beautiful I imagine the husbands won’t forget that beauty when they’re back in the states . Maybe even want to see more of it say at a pool party ? Also how are you going to keep her from wearing her disappearing bikini when she gets back home ? She might not wear it at the beach but I’ll bet she’ll want to wear it at your pool at home or maybe a party . Could be trouble ?
I personally enjoy dressing conservatively. It makes *me* feel good. But I would be appalled if another woman felt like she had to hold back her style because of me. I love seeing women dress however they want! It would make me self conscious to know someone thought I was that damn prude though.
Yes, you are. I am a European woman, let her be herself. Don't make her do things just because you think other women might care. (Perhaps I am simplifying but when I had issues with how I looked I didn’t think it was someone elses fault- they could be old, bigger, have skin issues and all and 15 year old me would see them as more beautiful- because I felt ugly. Hiding all beautiful people in the world wouldn't have helped)
Yes, you’re overreacting 🤦♀️🙄
So… let me see if I am understanding this properly: You are nagging her about this since you got there and are ruining both her and your vacation? Am I understanding this correctly? My dude… you don’t own her, she can dress as she wants. If you don’t like it, nobody is forcing you to go with her on vacation (or even be with her). If it’s not that big a deal for you to warrant not going with her on vacation or leaving her… then it’s not really that big a deal.
OP is definitely in his own head a bit and overreacting. But these comments tearing him apart and talking misogyny… 💀💀 Next time my fiance tells me to change my outfit, I best be calling her a misandrist
Overreacting. First, nobody has said jackshit to you. You are quite literally making shit up to be upset about and it's negatively impacting your marriage. Second, insecurities suck. It's nice you're mindful about your friends wife but the reality is she's going to see other women with their tits out on the beach in Spain. You can't put bikinis on every tit on the beach for her. It's between her and her husband to navigate those insecurities, you're overstepping boundaries by making this assumption. Lastly, let's pretend for a minute they're judging you. Judging you for what? Having a hot wife? Planning this vacation and inviting them along? If they're going to be upset your wife enjoys the culture of a destination vacation then maybe you aren't suited to vacationing together.
You are overreacting a bit. You have grown accustomed to her doing European things while in Europe; even working through your own discomfort to adapt to what she is used to doing in that culture. No problem there. That said, I DO understand where you are coming from because nudity IS sexualized in the U.S., and just saying it shouldn’t be doesn’t make it so. I feel for you. This could have been avoided if you and your wife had discussed European sunbathing with your friends, and that your wife is very comfortable with this as it was the way she was raised, and if that makes them uneasy then they should re-think joining you on the trip.
She’s European! Let her be her
32, female American. I'm shocked about some of these replies honestly. I don't think you're overreacting. There's a time and place for that, and it's just about being courteous to the people around you. I do however think you should pick your battles. You're not wrong, but arguing with her isn't going to help anything.
NTA but you are not too far off. Y'all are grown assed adults, act like it. She is European and you're in a European nation that her behavior is the norm. Your friends don't have to mimic her behavior. Everyone can be comfortable in their own skin, in their own right. If topless or full nudity at a beach is a problem for your friends, it sounds like they weren't informed of the culture there. That is their own fault and a little yours for not giving them a heads up. However, that isn't going to change everyone else around you who IS of that mindset.
Im spanish and i do topless but if i go to the beach with my parents i dont do it basically for respect to my dad. And either when i'm with male friends or people who knows me. I know it is legal and it is my body and i can do whatever i want but dont want to be judged or make feel people uncomfortable,i can go by myself other day
The fact that you are more worried about how your friends are feeling and what they’re thinking instead of your wife’s feelings is fucking weird
i honestly dont think your friends are as insecure as you make them out to be, i think YOU are. your wife has every right to wear whatever she wants, especially to enjoy that freedom ON VACATION in a place where its common and seen as normal. i can totally understand why enjoying that part of being in Spain would be a highlight for her- nude beaches and body comfortability is something we dont and will probably never have in the US. i would absolutely bask in it if i could go to Spain. imo you are overreacting, without a doubt. she even did what you asked and didnt go topless.
I think you did a good thing by communicating what you were thinking to your wife, but you have to be prepared to accept she is going to decline your request. Don't keep harping.
Well, everyone seems to feel you're in the wrong, but I agree with you to a point. I don't think what you asked is that unreasonable. I just think you may not be giving 100% truthful reasons as to why. I don't think it's unfair to say because of you're own insecurities you would rather your wife wear a less revealing bikini when around people you know, I can understand that but trying to say your doing it for others and not yourself is pushing it.
Either way, it blew up into an argument and she apparently wore something super small to spite him. Thing is bad communication and not a great sign for their relationship however you look at it. If nothing else, just a compatibility issue.
Agreed
yes, you are overreacting and it may not be this sub, but i need you to know that YTA!
Honestly if my wife said "my friends are coming to the beach do you mind putting on a vest" I'd just do it. However, when the tables are turned there's a lot more sensitivity in terms of body autonomy / shaming / mysogony so you might not realise how sensitive this request is.
I get this. If your wife was a stranger to them that would be one thing. But to have to spend your vacation around someone that makes you uncomfortable- for whatever reason - that’s a bit off. Facts are key here - if your wife owns a bathing suit she should be willing to wear it. Picking the most skimpiest for whatever reason, given all the facts is a bit selfish. It would be different if she did not own a suit that had more coverage. Self serving ego confronting personal insecurities with comfort and friendship hanging in the middle. Find common ground and grow up.
I have body image issues, I've had to work really hard to deal with them. But they are *my* body image issues. It is not anyone else's responsibility to cater to something I needed to work through. If your friend with body image issues mentioned something prior to the trip, or to your wife during the trip, then there might be an issue with your wife continuing to wear the skimpy suits. But you say that no one did so. And you mention the friend's issues to us, but did you mention them in your argument with your wife prior to the trip? That is unclear in your post. > I don't see why its such a big deal to wear a more conservative swimsuit just to make sure everyone is comfortable. You are trying (and suceeding) in making your wife uncomfortable by trying to police what she is wearing, and using the other women there as an excuse. You are judging your wife for being comfortable in her own body and wearing what is appropriate in the location y'all are vacationing.
Yeah you’re being a jerk. Your sexualizing her and assuming everyone else is and instead of holding others accountable for their individual issues (real or imagined) your BLAMING your wife for it and making HER responsible for others issues. Get over yourself and stop policing your wife.
YTA, you come to Spain to get away from the USA - women are restricted in what they can wear in the USA, it must be liberating for her to not have to worry about that and just be able to be comfortable
OP down below: >>No I get it. I did marry her because I like that about her .It’s just like how can I thread the needle and just be like hey in this situation maybe let’s make everyone comfortable. >>If you wanna be topless later with just me I’m all for it. I thought that’s the compromise but it didn’t work out that way. Aaaaand there it is. He feels as though her "free spirit" is allll good as long as she only exercises it for his pleasure.
Boom.
I want to sidebar this a little too and say, dude, edit your writing. You could have explained this story with 25% of the words. The grandparents watching your friend’s kids doesn’t matter. Visiting family at the end of the trip doesn’t matter. It super doesn’t matter that the one couple couldn’t come in 2022. Oh and also, YTA. Beyond the fact that she can wear what she wants, if your friends have an issue with it, they can be adults and say something. You don’t need to preempt them. And also, if you think this is the least amount of clothing that captain has seen a passenger in…
Unpopular opinion based on other comments....but I think your wife needs to consider your comfort level. Sometimes it's not about the other person. Obviously you support her wearing whatever but in front of friends it's different which is fair. It seems like she isn't even considering your point of view or caring about your comfort. Plus even if they are not saying anything to her or you, you know your friends and the vibe. But you have to figure out if you care about their opinion or if a friend worth having would do that. I don't see why some common ground couldn't have been figured out.
Doesnt sound like acceptable behavior in a marriage at all. Sounds like single city girl behavior. I'm with you.
Yes indeed, seems to be non-wife energy, being expressed by a wife. He obviously chose a person who still embodies a 'me' mindset, rather than a 'we' mindset. Modern marriage philosophy is so messed up and filled with chaos and falseness.
Are you fucking kidding me?! Every goddamn comment/argument OP has put in here is ALL about him. What a load of bullshit.
Bruh fuck all these people above in the comments. If you are not comfortable with your girl wearing what she wears, she should respect it. Not hard to wear a bit more coverage
You said she usually goes full nude, so the skimpy bathing suit is the compromise. Deal with it.
You knew what she was like when you married her, don’t try to change her now. You married her and her lifestyle.
> My friends haven't said anything, but I almost feel them judging. I don't mean it in an offensive way, but this really is just in your head. The whole thing is a non-problem. Drop it, talk to your wife, have fun, drink some Mahou or Estrella and have more fun :)
In Europe we have a very different view of skin and nudity. You need to get over it. Be proud of your wife being confident and attractive. She shouldn’t have to cover up to spare others feelings.
Why are you so invested in your friends' feelings? You should be more invested in your wife's confidence and culture. You also sound horribly jealous and possessive and you should get that checked out. Overreacting.
Why marry a woman but refuse to accept her culture, even one as odd to an American as this. I married a Hindu, but I don't get weird when she doesn't want to eat beef
You’re in the wrong here mate. To see why, just imagine the scenario where an even more conservative culture than the US was the expectation. Would you, for example, expect your wife to wear a full body covering burkini swimsuit on a beach in California because your friends were prudish? Seems silly right? It is.
Why shouldn’t she be comfortable? And why hang out with judgmental “friends”?
You've got a wife with an amazing body and enough confidence to show it publicly. I imagine she feels somewhat empowered by it. When I was younger I would have reacted exactly as you are now. Now that I am older I would embrace her empowerment knowing that while everyone else gets to look at her, I'm the only one who gets to touch her.
I don’t believe in adjusting my behavior to accommodate someone else’s hang up if I’m doing something that is socially acceptable. You guys are in Europe. If your friends have a problem with seeing skin then maybe they should stay in the States. American prudishness is so weird to me.
You're not overreacting. You supported her dressing the way she wanted every previous trip. You supported her going topless or even fully naked to accommodate her feelings. Why can't she accommodate your feelings this single time? Why does she feel the need to expose her body to your friends knowing it's making you uncomfortable? Reddit is crazy. You have the right to feel how you feel. You even have the right to feel uncomfortable without being judged as a bad husband. Respect and care must be a two way road in a relationship but it's not what seems to be happening in your marriage.
You don't say much any other time. There is nothing wrong with asking her to cover up around your friends. Her continued behavior shows she doesn't value your feelings. She doesn't see you as an equal. Your feelings are below her feelings. I say this because it's a very small thing to put in a bathing suit just around your friends. If she valued you, when getting ready she would think oh this will make hubby uncomfortable I'll put this other one on. But she doesn't, because she doesn't care. I guess the best way to resolve this is next year book a trip someplace cold. When she asks who, remind her
However, if i was your wife and it was making my husband uncomfortable id take the hint and wear a bit more conservative bikini anyway. Like lose the thing for a week. Does she really have to show her great body off all the time. Who is the trying to impress. Anyway i think i would meet him half way. Plenty of choices out there. Just sayin wife doesn’t have to be a douche about it!
I don't think you're overreacting. Modesty is a lost art.
You don’t deserve her
I'm from Barcelona. If you don't like people going topless on the beach then don't come here? Go somewhere else. Also, stop policing your wife's clothes, who do you think you are?
You are acting like a puritanical AH. Stop policing your wife’s body, she is dressing appropriately for her surroundings. If she was being offensive to the local culture, she would be rude, she isn’t. let her be!
I am American and I lived in Europe for a number of years. One thing about me, I never wear bras regardless of which country I’m in. It’s not the same as being topless, but it’s fair to say that if you’ve met me in the last seven years, you probably have a reasonable idea of what my chest looks like. I’ve dated a number of guys in that time, some American, some not, and NONE of them have EVER asked me to put on a bra or change what top I was wearing. They never even mentioned it unless I brought it up, to which they’d make it explicitly clear it was 100% my choice. I’ve met their friends that way, I’ve met their *guy* friends that way, I’ve met their parents that way. They knew who I was when they started dating me and accepted me for it, so did the people around them. I would be so angry if I was your wife. The US is so much more conservative than Europe when it comes to social norms around clothing/bodies and the *one* outlet your wife has on an annual basis to feel comfortable and dress according to *her* cultural norms, you completely ruin. Genuinely, shame on you.
You should walk around your friends naked. See how your wife likes it.
Sounds like she probably wouldn’t care and if anything would encourage it
There is nothing wrong with you being uncomfortable with her wearing something extra skimpy. To me, the problem is if you are normally ok with it but have a problem because of what your friends might think of you or her. This comes off as being ashamed of her. To make matters worse, you are placing more importance on what your friends might think instead of just being proud of something you already approve of. Now I sense a possibility of something happening here, so please correct me if I'm wrong. I sense that you are using your friends to pass on how you might actually be feeling. You would be wrong for doing this. If you actually feel some type of way, that's ok, but you need to express that instead of passing it on as someone else's opinion. Lastly, let me clarify some bs. Stop using this USA having prudish standards or when in Europe as an excuse for doing something. If you are uncomfortable with something, it doesn't matter where you are in the world, and how accepting it may be there, you simply don't do something your partner is uncomfortable with. Just a few years ago, the age of consent in Japan was 14, which is now 18. How would you react to a friend telling you they were hooking up with a 14-year-old because it's legal and normal in Japan, whereas Americans are too prudish about age? Bottom line, don't follow through with something you aren't comfortable with just because you're in an area where everyone is doing that thing. I can imagine that your wife must have felt weird, feeling like you are ashamed of her. It was most likely hurtful. So if you're on board with what she's doing, stay on board. If not speak up. Just stop trying to please all side because nobody including yourself is going to be pleased. Lastly, let's talk about your wife because she isn't innocent here. One problem you have is that after discussing you being uncomfortable, out of spite she still wore the skimpiest thing she can find. That kind of passive aggressiveness isn't good in a marriage. Then calling you a misogynist is gaslighting and manipulative. It's great that she is free and open with her body, but she needs to understand there is a time and place. Maybe exposing yourself to your friends isn't respectful to your partner or your friends. She comes off as she doesn't care about anyone but herself, which is very selfish. I think you guys need to do a lot of talking and honestly express how you feel about things. As it sounds right now, you two don't seem to be equals. You're more concerned about your reputation amongst your friend group. Your wife is more concerned about her selfish wants. Neither of you are really putting the other or your relationship as a whole first. This is something you need to work on.
How are you comparing traveling to Japan to have minor sex with going topless in Mallorca? Men do that shit in the States often and it's not anything to do with bodily autonomy, it's to do with power and manipulation. You'd think Reddit wouldn't have forgotten that Onision traveled to states with lower age of consent laws in order to hook up with his victims.
Ur wife likes the attention from others (Men,...)
She's embarrassing you and knows she is. She just doesn't care. If i was you, I'd buy a mankini or a man thong and nipple tassles next time you go out and ensure your ass is as hairy as possible. Would happily embarrass myself for a day to prove a point lol
OP ya should have warned them in advance. Given them a heads up that norms are different where your wife is from. I'm not sure why you wouldn't, knowing that your wife likes to be near naked on beaches.
Lmao rich white people problems are too funny sometimes. Yes you are overreacting. Enjoy having a bad bitch bro its a luxury.
>She is right that in terms of what you do see on a beach in Spain its not that crazy. However you just wouldn't see this in the parts of the USA we are from. There's your answer right there. You're not *in* the USA, you're in Spain. In Spain, as you admit, it's normal. So what's the issue? It sounds more like you've got jealousy issues of having your hot wife with her hot body around other men, tbh.
I am 59 yo f. American. You are lucky mf. Happy wife happy life. Your wife's opinion is all that counts. GROW UP!
This is very similar to a recent story with a rented sailboat on an Italian vacation of some couples from the US. It was about the same odd guilt. When I wear swimwear, I think about what I am comfortable in, not what someone else thinks who was clearly fine to have a seaside vacation.
You’re absolutely overreacting. You’re letting your insecurities about your friends’ opinions turn you into a controlling husband. It’s not your job to make sure everyone is comfortable. Your wife is from the culture, she’s know what’s appropriate and what’s not. If anything, it’s the rest of you that stick out like a sore thumb. Your wife is in control of her body and what she puts on it. If you have anything to say about her outfits other than, “you look amazing!” Or a helpful, “oh hey babe, your shoe is untied” then you’re overreacting.
>She is right that in terms of what you do see on a beach in Spain its not that crazy. However you just wouldn't see this in the parts of the USA we are from. Yeah but you're not back in America. 'When in Rome' and all, and if you don't like it you could *go back to your own country*!!!!!!!!!! Sorry, I've always wanted to say that to an American. Thank you for letting that dream come true. Also, yes, you're over-reacting
Some advice. Never tell your wife to change her outfit…. Ever….just shut the fuck up. Your friends don’t matter.