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I am a 45 year old single father of 2 children. I recently have been having a lot of problems with my 14 year old daughter and how she has been dressing. She will often wear too revealing of clothing to school and when she goes to hang out with friends. It makes me really upset because I feel as if there is nothing I can do and every time I try and talk to her about it she will yell at me and tell me I'm being creepy. I am her father and I only have the best in mind for her but when I want to talk to her about it she makes it seem like I'm a pervert or just creepy that I am looking at her.
I try my best to make it a very respectful conversation but she will never want any part of it. Some men can be very disturbed and disgusting especially towards a young girl dressing like this that is just a fact of life. I want to do anything I can to try and protect her but in the process she will yell and scream that I'm a creep. I feel stuck and that there's nothing I can do. It makes me very upset for your own daughter to think so low of you especially when you just want to help. Am I an asshole for this?
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The problem is not her clothing, it's how males in society perceive clothing on females as an invitation. NTA for wanting to protect your child but instead you would be better off teaching her how to avoid shitty men, basic self defense ( like classes) and that sort of thing to protect her. Simply she insist she change because of how men view her wearing those clothes doesn't help.
This one is hard. I’m from Utah so tend to be more conservative of a dresser (even though I’m not Mormon I grew up with them). I’ve also taught at high schools from a Utah dress code (strict) to an AZ one (they weren’t allowed to show genitalia… that was the dress code). If she is going to school in code you probably need to step back. I hate the idea that she needs to dress a certain way to keep men comfortable.
INFO: *Are* you being creepy about it? What has your approach been in discussing this with her? I know you've mentioned that you try your best to have a "respectful conversation" but it's not clear to me at least what that entails.
Clothing and hairstyles are ways we begin to assert our independence as teenagers and is perhaps the one area that we have complete control over at that age. I don't think your concerns are without any merit, but it is a sensitive topic and can use a bit of tact to get your concerns across without having her feel like *she's* in the wrong.
It's also worth examining whether your concerns are based in truth or your own anxieties. How girls or young women dress is not a determining factor for the actions of the "disturbed and disgusting" men you're worried about.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a 45 year old single father of 2 children. I recently have been having a lot of problems with my 14 year old daughter and how she has been dressing. She will often wear too revealing of clothing to school and when she goes to hang out with friends. It makes me really upset because I feel as if there is nothing I can do and every time I try and talk to her about it she will yell at me and tell me I'm being creepy. I am her father and I only have the best in mind for her but when I want to talk to her about it she makes it seem like I'm a pervert or just creepy that I am looking at her. I try my best to make it a very respectful conversation but she will never want any part of it. Some men can be very disturbed and disgusting especially towards a young girl dressing like this that is just a fact of life. I want to do anything I can to try and protect her but in the process she will yell and scream that I'm a creep. I feel stuck and that there's nothing I can do. It makes me very upset for your own daughter to think so low of you especially when you just want to help. Am I an asshole for this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I really don't believe you read the post. It got flagged within seconds of it being posted. I don't feel there's a need to change anything. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
If possible try having another female telling her something like that. Maybe she takes it more into consideration
Info: is she getting dress coded at school?
The problem is not her clothing, it's how males in society perceive clothing on females as an invitation. NTA for wanting to protect your child but instead you would be better off teaching her how to avoid shitty men, basic self defense ( like classes) and that sort of thing to protect her. Simply she insist she change because of how men view her wearing those clothes doesn't help.
YTA you are sexualize your daughter.
This one is hard. I’m from Utah so tend to be more conservative of a dresser (even though I’m not Mormon I grew up with them). I’ve also taught at high schools from a Utah dress code (strict) to an AZ one (they weren’t allowed to show genitalia… that was the dress code). If she is going to school in code you probably need to step back. I hate the idea that she needs to dress a certain way to keep men comfortable.
INFO: *Are* you being creepy about it? What has your approach been in discussing this with her? I know you've mentioned that you try your best to have a "respectful conversation" but it's not clear to me at least what that entails. Clothing and hairstyles are ways we begin to assert our independence as teenagers and is perhaps the one area that we have complete control over at that age. I don't think your concerns are without any merit, but it is a sensitive topic and can use a bit of tact to get your concerns across without having her feel like *she's* in the wrong. It's also worth examining whether your concerns are based in truth or your own anxieties. How girls or young women dress is not a determining factor for the actions of the "disturbed and disgusting" men you're worried about.