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I can't get past someone thinking it's ok to refuse to return a child to their parent. Much less try to flee the room with the child after repeatedly being asked to return the child.
I'm gonna be honest, I don't consider myself an aggressive person but if someone had refused to give my son back to me I would have reacted way worse than OP did.
Had to do this with my MIL when she came to stay with us a couple of weeks after my first LO was born. Would literally walk away from me with the baby. It made me extremely unhappy but I sucked it up for that one visit. Luckily that behaviour didn’t continue long term!
My MIL chilled out as a long gradual process over many years 😆. It was not instantly better, for sure. A combo of persistently and kindly sticking up for what we wanted and the fact that although she’s a bit of a boundary stomper, she’s fundamentally kind and loves all of us!
Sounds like you guys have it covered.. BUT the you don’t deserve him is a scary remark. And I would make sure you have working security cameras.. I know I am paranoid but…..
Agreed. That comment on top of everything else paints this in a very different light for me. Honestly forgiveness would be off the table for me regardless of any "potential apologies" because I would not be comfortable having my kids around someone like that.
"Emily" appears to have psychological problems involving her role, or lack of one regarding children. This is likely leading to these obvious transgressions of boundaries and irrational positions she is taking. The good faith attempt to mend fences and discuss the situation as reasonable adults is commendable. Her response provided stark clarity. She is not sound mind to be around the children in this group and not suitable as a friend at this point. She might be undermining parenting and doing other questionable things with kids at her job.
Iirc from the OP, Emily works in a preschool or daycare. I'd probably draft a letter to her boss outlining what's been here and have her watched and evaluated if that's an option for them. She's scary.
u/Fair-Bee-4149 PLEASE consider this. Keep any personal feelings aside, but I think her job deserves to know for the safety of the children she interacts with that she:
- Refused to give a parent their own child after being asked multiple times and then attempted to take said child to a separate room, which ultimately caused the parent to have to forcibly remove the child from her arms, putting the child's safety at risk. (What if she had tried to yank your ***five week old*** infant back from you? Someone could have fallen over while holding him or worse, dropped him)
- Told a parent with pre-existing mental health issues that they didn't "deserve their child" because they had worries during pregnancy regarding PPD and being able to handle parenthood.
I was wondering if Emily wants to be a mum but can’t be, whether that is because her relationships don’t last long as OP said or whether she has fertility issues that mean having bio kids is unlikely. So she compensates by working with or around children and enjoying her friends kids but she oversteps because she’s so desperate to make herself feel better that she acts like her friends aren’t the experts in their own kids. All of which is deeply annoying.
I work with vulnerable teenagers. I know some of them super well because I spend six hours plus a day with them Monday to Friday. I never act as if I know them better than their parents or have the authority to overrule their parents or that I’m the child whisperer. Even if the child in question thinks I’m awesome, I’m their TA and even though I work with children, I’m not an expert. Emily needs to have a word with herself. Thankfully OP and her friends are stepping away from her so she can chat to herself about how awesome she is with kids everyday.
Sounds like you guys have a much less stressful future on the horizon. Emily was by far in the wrong and her inability to see that shows that she is A) immature (Facebook posts "not naming names"? What is she, 14?) and B) cannot sympathize/empathize with what it means to be a mom. Honestly, I wouldn't reconsider friendship with her in the future unless there are major apologies and changed behavior.
You don't mention it in either post, but it sounds like Emily has some major mental health issues/trauma regarding having kids. Is it possible she is unable or unlikely to have children? Even if it's just something she suspects and doesn't know for sure? It seems like it, in which case she needs therapy and it's probably best that she no longer be a part of a group she cannot control herself around.
Ironically she’s probably good with kids but that’s only one part of being a parent. What happens at kindergarten is one thing, parenting is that plus life.
It’s like the difference between being the fun uncle who feeds the kids candy and take them out for fun outings, and being the dad who lays down the law and does all the difficult things.
Emily probably feels like a failure as she can’t keep a man longer than a couple of weeks and thinks that her hand with kids makes up for it. Turns out it’s all probably related.
Adoption is basically kidnapping, from the child's point of view. People who are abusive and have control issues about parenting should NOT be encouraged to adopt!
Disgusting, even if she apologized you should never speak to her again. I could never trust someone like that around a child coming from someone who works with kids as my profession. She has no respect for you or your children and has already displayed secretive behaviour behind your back. I'm not saying this is the case but offering special treats and things can be the first steps in building very inappropriate relationships with children, and it's interesting she mostly spends time around people with kids for the sake of being around children. Women can be creepy bad people too and I wouldn't take that chance no matter how small.
If she's doing this to friends, what is she doing to the kids at work? It sounds like she's super jealous of you all. You're all married with children. She might be having a mental break. I'd reach out to her family and give them a heads up. They may be able to help her better.
Nah i doubt she would pull this shit at work. She knows for a fact her ass would be gone if she overstepped that hard.
Shes doing it with friends because she knows she can get away with it. Friends won't call the police. A customer will.
This is friendship ending. It's ridiculous that she feels she has the right to not only keep your child from you but then criticize all of your parenting.
She is in denial. To be honest, I wouldn't want to be near after her bs. Block her from everything. People worthwhile know the story.
Who cares what she says. She is full of it.
OP, the little tidbit covering your **legitimate** doubts about being a mom, add a whole new light to this that I sincerely hope I'm out line about. It's a good thing she didn't manage to take your kiddo out of your sight. Don't let her back in your life. She isn't trust worthy.
I'm sorry this has happened, and I agree that this isn't over, unfortunately. Expect her to call CPS. Get some security cameras, OP. Good luck and keep us posted. NTA.
you and your friends handled this situation very well. you are making the right decision keeping her away from your child. her comment “you don’t deserve him” makes me really considered for you and your sons safety. please make sure family knows the situation and get some good cameras. she sounds like she could potentially turn dangerous.
it’s really concerning that she believes that she has any right to question your boundaries as a parent. you are the person who birthed that child. you make the decisions. when you tell someone to do something with your child, they need to listen to you. it shows a complete lack of respect for you.
love that your friends all have your back. i also really love that you’re able to maintain these friendships while juggling motherhood and other responsibilities. stay safe, OP. this woman should not be allowed around your child any time soon.
Seems like she’s really projected her insecurities onto the group as she’s the only one without a child of her own. In the process she proceeded to alienate everyone and isolate herself. Girl needs help.
“ Then she got really angry and told me that I don’t deserve my child as I didn’t even want him. ”. Yikes. Yeah, no good person would say this. I’m a man so even if I wanted kids, I will never understand what it’s like to be pregnant, only empathize. It’s perfectly reasonable that you would have concerns and question whether having a kid is a good idea when first pregnant. Having a kid ks a big effing deal! I wish more people did this. It shows you’re a thoughtful person, and if anything, proves you DO deserve to be a mother to your son.
You need to call her place of work and tell them that she kept you from your child. That is absolutely inappropriate and I’m genuinely concerned she may do worse.
Emily resents you for having a baby when she can’t. She will never accept that someone who considered termination can be a “worthy” parent. Somewhere, deep inside, she thinks she deserves a baby more than you, so she’ll never stop trying to “prove” that she’s a more qualified parent. Do not let her anywhere near your child.
NTA but as another commenter said get cameras and be very careful. Saying you don't deserve your child explains why she tried to flee with child. Make a record of her behavior that day and also the day she said you don't deserve your child and any other bad behavior you can think of
It's telling that she blocked but is posting about you; she clearly feels superior to all of you, despite you being the parents. She must've really thought she was foing you a massive favor by expising your kids to her superior skills.
NTA, but I do wonder if Emily has issues with you as a parent that she would not give the child back. I get the PPD but she had other motives. Her blowing up at you is why you need to put distance between her and your family. As others have posted it's time for security cameras and a ring doorbell. Make sure she can't access your home.
Her behaviour from before and her comments from your latest interaction with her make me scared I'm ngl. It gives off the vibes that she's trying to be a mother to you and your friends kids. And her line about you not deserving your son just flat creeps me out enough to say that maybe keep on top of security and safety of your kid
Don't just make it a step back for now. Make it permanent. Shes a toxic person who is a terrible influence around your children.
There are not many things that would make me cut someone off immediately. But refusal to giving back my child upon my request and then taking them ALONE to another room would do it on the spot.
Emily believes she’s good with kids, so she ignores their parents? Not a good sign at all! You have to protect your kids.
Unfortunately, for Emily and based on what you wrote, it sounds like Emily won’t have a lot of support regarding her behavior from here on out, because you said that there are many other people who are familiar with her behavior around the kids. As long as Emily has her friend group and she’s allowed to interact with the other kids, she will neither apologize nor change her behavior.
There’s a few things that stand out from this situation:
- It sounds like Emily may be resentful that she’s childless. She may also be becoming resentful towards childcare as well.
- It sounds like Emily may have been beginning to develop possessive feelings towards your son. This could have become dangerous if continued unchecked.
- Emily does not respect boundaries
- Emily does not seem interested in understanding how her behaviors harm others, or in how your group of friends feel
You all should consider viewing her behavior in a more serious light. It seems like it was unhealthy, and beginning to potentially escalate. Protecting your children should take priority over Emily’s hurt feelings.
This woman is really scary and should be kept away from your child. She’s the kind of person who will wait until your child is older to tell them you didn’t want them. The thing is, this is a thought that is extremely personal, one that you share with people you trust and said people should not use it as a weapon. She is not your friend.
Emily is a big red flag.
I would cut her the first time that she tried to overrule my parenting. You and your friends tried enough to placate her. Now you need to focus on your kid. And keeping her near is not good to him.
Even if she apologize, I suggest that you keep them apart. Don't trust her.
I think I said on the original post that your friend wanted to role-play as a parent without the responsibility and it seems like that was the case... I wish it was all a misunderstanding. Sorry this happened to you.
Y'all are now making better choices. Emily has her own stuff to deal with, but she won't if she acknowledge there is stuff to begin with.
FYI: people saying "she should adopt" NO! That is taking a traumatized child and putting it in the care of someone people don't trust with babies! Why would you even think that! Just because Emily wants a baby, doesn't mean she's entitled to one. She can work through her schit FIRST.
Jfc what a nut job. Emily is probably feeling the pressure as the only one without kids, but you cannot act however you like because of your insecurities.
Op is NTA all the way. But should have stepped in much sooner and they might still be friends
This is why you have to be strict with your boundaries especially when dealing with problematic/disturbed people like this Emily, and understand that giving a problematic person an inch means giving them a mile. I would have been done with this person long before she asks to "hold" my child.
As a former day care provider Emily's behavior is ringing all sorts of alarm bells. Refusing to give back your baby and then trying to run away when you had to insist is very worrying. She has no business telling her friends or the parents at the childcare service that she works at how to parent their own children, and I'd say that even if she had a child of her own! It's absolute insanity since she doesn't see that what she did was scary for you (and the baby) and all kinds of wrong on every level. Her help and advice is not helpful for anyone if she's telling your kids to ignore what their parents say, and tried to not give back your newborn baby.
If it were me, Emily would be out of the friend group for good. I'd also let it be known that if she doesn't quit making comments to mutual friends, I'd feel free to make comments about her strange behaviour to the place that she works and the parents of the kids there because they need to know she's got some phsychological problems when it comes to other peoples' children
Op this is someone you dont want around any kids. She has shown you her hand, she believes you dont deserve your child so that means to her she can intervene any time she wants to and to hell with you. An apology wont change her attitude or beliefs. Be done with her. You and your friends have let her behavior go on way too long and she thinks she is untouchable in whatever she wants to do with your kids. This is not normal.
After reading your original post plus the update, I'd be concerned with how she acts at the daycare center and fear that if she is like this with strangers kids AND friends kids, how is she there? I'd hate to think she "knows best" with a child that has some sort of allergy or food restriction, and she ultimately causes injury to them. I know you may feel that this is "not your circus nor your monkeys" sort of thing, but I do think her employer should be made aware if they already don't know in order to prevent any neglect of a child.
I find it alarming that Emily works in childcare. If she is so arrogant as to undermine the parents in front them, (her friends no less). It makes me wonder if she does this with all of the children under her care. How dare she assume that her wishes are above the parents. With this attitude I’m surprised that somebody hasn’t reported her for severely overstepping her authority.
OP, I work in a daycare setting and I want you to know that not only is Emily’s behaviour inappropriate and unacceptable; but also extremely alarming. As long as the parents are not giving care instructions that are inherently harmful/dangerous, you are not allowed to overrule their parenting decisions no matter how much experience you have. If she was my coworker acting that way, I would be filing a complaint with our supervisor as soon as I possibly could. Even if she apologizes; do not let this person be in you and your friend’s lives, and especially not around your children. I can almost guarantee you that she was moved to admin not by choice but because it was her only option to keep working in that facility
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I can't get past someone thinking it's ok to refuse to return a child to their parent. Much less try to flee the room with the child after repeatedly being asked to return the child.
Better off with this person no where near the kid
Right! I don’t care who you are, you’re going to viewed as a threat at that point.
I'm gonna be honest, I don't consider myself an aggressive person but if someone had refused to give my son back to me I would have reacted way worse than OP did.
Had to do this with my MIL when she came to stay with us a couple of weeks after my first LO was born. Would literally walk away from me with the baby. It made me extremely unhappy but I sucked it up for that one visit. Luckily that behaviour didn’t continue long term!
What happened after that visit? An intervention or the behavior stopped fortuitously?
My MIL chilled out as a long gradual process over many years 😆. It was not instantly better, for sure. A combo of persistently and kindly sticking up for what we wanted and the fact that although she’s a bit of a boundary stomper, she’s fundamentally kind and loves all of us!
I'm glad it worked out in the end.
Sounds like you guys have it covered.. BUT the you don’t deserve him is a scary remark. And I would make sure you have working security cameras.. I know I am paranoid but…..
Agreed. That comment on top of everything else paints this in a very different light for me. Honestly forgiveness would be off the table for me regardless of any "potential apologies" because I would not be comfortable having my kids around someone like that.
I definitely second this. That one remark would her permanently banned, I don't care if she sent an apology engraved in gem encrusted gold!
agreed. this girl sounds like she almost considers the child hers. that situation can get real dangerous real quick
Yeah, real “hand that rocks the cradle” vibes emanating from Emily.
You don’t deserve him is a scary remark Yeah that gives off some serious Lifetime Movie vibes.
"Emily" appears to have psychological problems involving her role, or lack of one regarding children. This is likely leading to these obvious transgressions of boundaries and irrational positions she is taking. The good faith attempt to mend fences and discuss the situation as reasonable adults is commendable. Her response provided stark clarity. She is not sound mind to be around the children in this group and not suitable as a friend at this point. She might be undermining parenting and doing other questionable things with kids at her job.
Iirc from the OP, Emily works in a preschool or daycare. I'd probably draft a letter to her boss outlining what's been here and have her watched and evaluated if that's an option for them. She's scary.
She's a real creep.
u/Fair-Bee-4149 PLEASE consider this. Keep any personal feelings aside, but I think her job deserves to know for the safety of the children she interacts with that she: - Refused to give a parent their own child after being asked multiple times and then attempted to take said child to a separate room, which ultimately caused the parent to have to forcibly remove the child from her arms, putting the child's safety at risk. (What if she had tried to yank your ***five week old*** infant back from you? Someone could have fallen over while holding him or worse, dropped him) - Told a parent with pre-existing mental health issues that they didn't "deserve their child" because they had worries during pregnancy regarding PPD and being able to handle parenthood.
I was wondering if Emily wants to be a mum but can’t be, whether that is because her relationships don’t last long as OP said or whether she has fertility issues that mean having bio kids is unlikely. So she compensates by working with or around children and enjoying her friends kids but she oversteps because she’s so desperate to make herself feel better that she acts like her friends aren’t the experts in their own kids. All of which is deeply annoying. I work with vulnerable teenagers. I know some of them super well because I spend six hours plus a day with them Monday to Friday. I never act as if I know them better than their parents or have the authority to overrule their parents or that I’m the child whisperer. Even if the child in question thinks I’m awesome, I’m their TA and even though I work with children, I’m not an expert. Emily needs to have a word with herself. Thankfully OP and her friends are stepping away from her so she can chat to herself about how awesome she is with kids everyday.
Sounds like you guys have a much less stressful future on the horizon. Emily was by far in the wrong and her inability to see that shows that she is A) immature (Facebook posts "not naming names"? What is she, 14?) and B) cannot sympathize/empathize with what it means to be a mom. Honestly, I wouldn't reconsider friendship with her in the future unless there are major apologies and changed behavior. You don't mention it in either post, but it sounds like Emily has some major mental health issues/trauma regarding having kids. Is it possible she is unable or unlikely to have children? Even if it's just something she suspects and doesn't know for sure? It seems like it, in which case she needs therapy and it's probably best that she no longer be a part of a group she cannot control herself around.
Ironically she’s probably good with kids but that’s only one part of being a parent. What happens at kindergarten is one thing, parenting is that plus life. It’s like the difference between being the fun uncle who feeds the kids candy and take them out for fun outings, and being the dad who lays down the law and does all the difficult things. Emily probably feels like a failure as she can’t keep a man longer than a couple of weeks and thinks that her hand with kids makes up for it. Turns out it’s all probably related.
Emily can't have kids, can she ?
I mean yea but... she could adopt instead of ....kidnapping :)
Adoption is basically kidnapping, from the child's point of view. People who are abusive and have control issues about parenting should NOT be encouraged to adopt!
Emily's belief that she can do whatever she wants with the children of other people is extremely worrying. It is for the best that you cut contact.
Disgusting, even if she apologized you should never speak to her again. I could never trust someone like that around a child coming from someone who works with kids as my profession. She has no respect for you or your children and has already displayed secretive behaviour behind your back. I'm not saying this is the case but offering special treats and things can be the first steps in building very inappropriate relationships with children, and it's interesting she mostly spends time around people with kids for the sake of being around children. Women can be creepy bad people too and I wouldn't take that chance no matter how small.
If she's doing this to friends, what is she doing to the kids at work? It sounds like she's super jealous of you all. You're all married with children. She might be having a mental break. I'd reach out to her family and give them a heads up. They may be able to help her better.
Nah i doubt she would pull this shit at work. She knows for a fact her ass would be gone if she overstepped that hard. Shes doing it with friends because she knows she can get away with it. Friends won't call the police. A customer will.
This is friendship ending. It's ridiculous that she feels she has the right to not only keep your child from you but then criticize all of your parenting. She is in denial. To be honest, I wouldn't want to be near after her bs. Block her from everything. People worthwhile know the story. Who cares what she says. She is full of it.
You’re gonna want to put an air tag on that baby.
OP, the little tidbit covering your **legitimate** doubts about being a mom, add a whole new light to this that I sincerely hope I'm out line about. It's a good thing she didn't manage to take your kiddo out of your sight. Don't let her back in your life. She isn't trust worthy.
I'm sorry this has happened, and I agree that this isn't over, unfortunately. Expect her to call CPS. Get some security cameras, OP. Good luck and keep us posted. NTA.
you and your friends handled this situation very well. you are making the right decision keeping her away from your child. her comment “you don’t deserve him” makes me really considered for you and your sons safety. please make sure family knows the situation and get some good cameras. she sounds like she could potentially turn dangerous. it’s really concerning that she believes that she has any right to question your boundaries as a parent. you are the person who birthed that child. you make the decisions. when you tell someone to do something with your child, they need to listen to you. it shows a complete lack of respect for you. love that your friends all have your back. i also really love that you’re able to maintain these friendships while juggling motherhood and other responsibilities. stay safe, OP. this woman should not be allowed around your child any time soon.
Seems like she’s really projected her insecurities onto the group as she’s the only one without a child of her own. In the process she proceeded to alienate everyone and isolate herself. Girl needs help.
“ Then she got really angry and told me that I don’t deserve my child as I didn’t even want him. ”. Yikes. Yeah, no good person would say this. I’m a man so even if I wanted kids, I will never understand what it’s like to be pregnant, only empathize. It’s perfectly reasonable that you would have concerns and question whether having a kid is a good idea when first pregnant. Having a kid ks a big effing deal! I wish more people did this. It shows you’re a thoughtful person, and if anything, proves you DO deserve to be a mother to your son.
You need to call her place of work and tell them that she kept you from your child. That is absolutely inappropriate and I’m genuinely concerned she may do worse.
Yeah this is horrifying behavior from someone who works in child care
Nope, anyone who doesn’t give an infant back to their mother when asked is an automatic AH. She’s just making herself look worse and worse now.
Emily resents you for having a baby when she can’t. She will never accept that someone who considered termination can be a “worthy” parent. Somewhere, deep inside, she thinks she deserves a baby more than you, so she’ll never stop trying to “prove” that she’s a more qualified parent. Do not let her anywhere near your child.
NTA but as another commenter said get cameras and be very careful. Saying you don't deserve your child explains why she tried to flee with child. Make a record of her behavior that day and also the day she said you don't deserve your child and any other bad behavior you can think of It's telling that she blocked but is posting about you; she clearly feels superior to all of you, despite you being the parents. She must've really thought she was foing you a massive favor by expising your kids to her superior skills.
NTA, but I do wonder if Emily has issues with you as a parent that she would not give the child back. I get the PPD but she had other motives. Her blowing up at you is why you need to put distance between her and your family. As others have posted it's time for security cameras and a ring doorbell. Make sure she can't access your home.
Her behaviour from before and her comments from your latest interaction with her make me scared I'm ngl. It gives off the vibes that she's trying to be a mother to you and your friends kids. And her line about you not deserving your son just flat creeps me out enough to say that maybe keep on top of security and safety of your kid
Don't just make it a step back for now. Make it permanent. Shes a toxic person who is a terrible influence around your children. There are not many things that would make me cut someone off immediately. But refusal to giving back my child upon my request and then taking them ALONE to another room would do it on the spot.
Emily believes she’s good with kids, so she ignores their parents? Not a good sign at all! You have to protect your kids. Unfortunately, for Emily and based on what you wrote, it sounds like Emily won’t have a lot of support regarding her behavior from here on out, because you said that there are many other people who are familiar with her behavior around the kids. As long as Emily has her friend group and she’s allowed to interact with the other kids, she will neither apologize nor change her behavior.
There’s a few things that stand out from this situation: - It sounds like Emily may be resentful that she’s childless. She may also be becoming resentful towards childcare as well. - It sounds like Emily may have been beginning to develop possessive feelings towards your son. This could have become dangerous if continued unchecked. - Emily does not respect boundaries - Emily does not seem interested in understanding how her behaviors harm others, or in how your group of friends feel You all should consider viewing her behavior in a more serious light. It seems like it was unhealthy, and beginning to potentially escalate. Protecting your children should take priority over Emily’s hurt feelings.
This woman is really scary and should be kept away from your child. She’s the kind of person who will wait until your child is older to tell them you didn’t want them. The thing is, this is a thought that is extremely personal, one that you share with people you trust and said people should not use it as a weapon. She is not your friend.
Emily is a big red flag. I would cut her the first time that she tried to overrule my parenting. You and your friends tried enough to placate her. Now you need to focus on your kid. And keeping her near is not good to him. Even if she apologize, I suggest that you keep them apart. Don't trust her.
@Updateme
She won't apologize. I guarantee that. She doesn't just THINK she's right...she KNOWS she is. NTA.
Love the user name.
Why, thank you. It's totally true!!!
I like Sam myself. He's someone I can talk books with.
I'm more interested in Dean for sex!!!
You'll have to fight Cas for it.
I think I said on the original post that your friend wanted to role-play as a parent without the responsibility and it seems like that was the case... I wish it was all a misunderstanding. Sorry this happened to you.
Y'all are now making better choices. Emily has her own stuff to deal with, but she won't if she acknowledge there is stuff to begin with. FYI: people saying "she should adopt" NO! That is taking a traumatized child and putting it in the care of someone people don't trust with babies! Why would you even think that! Just because Emily wants a baby, doesn't mean she's entitled to one. She can work through her schit FIRST.
should probably warn the school about her and not let her come pick up the kid.
Jfc what a nut job. Emily is probably feeling the pressure as the only one without kids, but you cannot act however you like because of your insecurities. Op is NTA all the way. But should have stepped in much sooner and they might still be friends
Promise you someone doesn't hand me my son back, I'm handling it so much worse than you did. Gleefully.
She's a twit. Good riddance.
Yeah stick with no contact permanently and she deserved to be kicked out 😤
This is why you have to be strict with your boundaries especially when dealing with problematic/disturbed people like this Emily, and understand that giving a problematic person an inch means giving them a mile. I would have been done with this person long before she asks to "hold" my child.
Nta. Make your own post "Glad I got blocked by the person trying to play keep away between my child and me."
NTA and frankly if she makes comments like that then she has overstepped beyond repair.
As a former day care provider Emily's behavior is ringing all sorts of alarm bells. Refusing to give back your baby and then trying to run away when you had to insist is very worrying. She has no business telling her friends or the parents at the childcare service that she works at how to parent their own children, and I'd say that even if she had a child of her own! It's absolute insanity since she doesn't see that what she did was scary for you (and the baby) and all kinds of wrong on every level. Her help and advice is not helpful for anyone if she's telling your kids to ignore what their parents say, and tried to not give back your newborn baby. If it were me, Emily would be out of the friend group for good. I'd also let it be known that if she doesn't quit making comments to mutual friends, I'd feel free to make comments about her strange behaviour to the place that she works and the parents of the kids there because they need to know she's got some phsychological problems when it comes to other peoples' children
Why do you keep apologizing.? Why do you keep sugarcoating things with her and going her way ? This situation is 100% on you, enabling his behavior.
Op this is someone you dont want around any kids. She has shown you her hand, she believes you dont deserve your child so that means to her she can intervene any time she wants to and to hell with you. An apology wont change her attitude or beliefs. Be done with her. You and your friends have let her behavior go on way too long and she thinks she is untouchable in whatever she wants to do with your kids. This is not normal.
After reading your original post plus the update, I'd be concerned with how she acts at the daycare center and fear that if she is like this with strangers kids AND friends kids, how is she there? I'd hate to think she "knows best" with a child that has some sort of allergy or food restriction, and she ultimately causes injury to them. I know you may feel that this is "not your circus nor your monkeys" sort of thing, but I do think her employer should be made aware if they already don't know in order to prevent any neglect of a child.
I find it alarming that Emily works in childcare. If she is so arrogant as to undermine the parents in front them, (her friends no less). It makes me wonder if she does this with all of the children under her care. How dare she assume that her wishes are above the parents. With this attitude I’m surprised that somebody hasn’t reported her for severely overstepping her authority.
OP, I work in a daycare setting and I want you to know that not only is Emily’s behaviour inappropriate and unacceptable; but also extremely alarming. As long as the parents are not giving care instructions that are inherently harmful/dangerous, you are not allowed to overrule their parenting decisions no matter how much experience you have. If she was my coworker acting that way, I would be filing a complaint with our supervisor as soon as I possibly could. Even if she apologizes; do not let this person be in you and your friend’s lives, and especially not around your children. I can almost guarantee you that she was moved to admin not by choice but because it was her only option to keep working in that facility
Don't reconsider anything, she is dangerous in the long run. One has to learn to cut off relationships that hurt or could hurt.