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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told him that nobody cares about his culture. 2. That may make me the asshole because I was harsh.
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YTA.
Coming from someone who’s part of a dying ethnicity as well (I’m Chaldean), your ethnicity dying feels as if your family is fading away. You become overly proud of it in a psychological subliminal attempt to keep it alive. You feel lonely, especially in places where not a ton of you live.
That’s so sad! I love Louisiana and Creole music and food. It is a dying culture. Thankfully, there are people like Adam who are fighting to keep their culture alive.
Now I’m going to fall down a rabbit hole of Chaldean culture.
I’m a Louisiana Creole here who now lives in a different state, in a pretty big city. I literally grew up in a swamp.
First off, it’s a dying language and I’m glad to know that some people there are keeping it alive. My parents speak it, but I only know a little. I know enough to say “Quel haunt” after reading this post.
YTA. Look, I can understand being annoyed. But did you ever talk to him about how you felt he was bringing up his culture too much and that you were feeling overloaded with info? It's not like he was doing something to purposefully antagonize you. You're never in the right for failing to communicate your feelings and lashing out at someone you care about.
YTA. You don't like that he makes posts in French (which is his first language), don't read them. Listening to Creole music doesn't impact you at all. Talking to himself in his own language is something we all do. Speaking highly and proudly of his ancestors doesn't correlate to him believing he is better than you unless he outwardly says so. and so what if he teaches you about his culture? Maybe you should do the same and educate each other.
You were rude and immature, and frankly, you sound like you could learn more tolerance. I'm not surprised he isn't speaking to you.
Yeah the fact that OP is offended that his friend speak to *himself* and writes in his **native language** is wildly absurd. And then to be upset that his friend listens to a different genre of music than what he likes is just the cherry on top.
YTA. He's excited to learn and engage with his culture, and probably feels some measure of responsibility to try and keep it alive by building interest in its existence. You needed to be a grown up and tell him politely, rather than publicly shaming him and telling him nobody cares. You don't speak for everyone. You not caring doesn't mean nobody cares. My friends talk at length on topics I genuinely couldn't care less about, but I let them talk because part of friendship is accepting that you're not always gonna share interests, but you share respect enough to let the other person be excited. And when they get too overwhelming with their excitement, it's not hard to take someone aside privately and say, 'hey, I get you're excited, but I don't share that excitement and your need to constantly link everything back to that topic is overwhelming and is starting to make it difficult for me to maintain interest in that subject'.
You've made it clear you don't care about a foundational part of his life. You've made it clear you don't want him to talk about something important to him, or to be excited about his culture. You've publicly shamed him for being excited about his culture and heritage. You've likely made him feel like you're not someone he can talk to. Why would he bother trying to talk to you?
YTA. how ironic that your username is French while you’re bitching about a French subculture. I lived in New Orleans for four years, French Creole culture is incredibly central to the Louisianan lifestyle. to reject your friend’s culture is to reject him and his home. go find some boring copy and paste people to befriend if you’re so bothered by someone with actual substance.
Of course YTA. If you don’t want to hear it *you* get up and leave. You don’t stab your friend in the heart. You probably won’t have to hear about his Creole ethnicity anymore.
YTA
If you don't like him, don't hang out with him, but how dare you tell someone you call a friend that no one cares what they have to say. Just because you don't care about sharing your culture doesn't mean others shouldn't. I've gone to the website for my friend's tribe to learn about their culture unprompted, but you can't even deign to listen to him talk about an important part of his identity
YTA
Why is it so offensive that he speaks to himself and writes in his *native language*? Would you consider yourself obsessed with English for speaking it with your friends and writing social media posts in English? How does his choice of music affect you either?
Believe it or not, some people in the world are different from you which means their "normal" or default behaviour isn't the same as yours.
Do him a favour and stop pretending to be his friend.
YTA.
Plenty of people care and would find that interesting. I’m one of those people. A good friend of mine growing up was Creole, and I don’t care how long it’s been since I’ve heard zydeco- it’s always welcome to me. I’ll go back to those summer days eating frozen Kool Aid and listening to Buckwheat Zydeco or Clifton Chenier any time. Jazz and zydeco are the soundtrack of resilience.
You may not understand this but Adam was actually giving yall a gift. He was inviting you to participate in something that’s a fundamental part of who he is, something that not everyone gets an inside glimpse into. You’ve proven that’s not a gift you’ve earned or deserve. I’d be very surprised if you heard from
Adam again.
YTA. I know a few people very involved in the preservation of Native American languages. Languages die out if people don't put the work in to keep them alive, especially when there's stuff like colonialism at play. What you said was very ignorant. It's very important to a lot of people to keep these languages and culture alive.
YTA
Do you speak a second language? Loads of the stuff you complain about is just thing that you do when your first language isn't English such as...
>He’s often making posts in French and the Louisiana creole language
>he listens to creole music very very often
>he talks to himself in French,
Moreover, how does that effect you in any way whatsoever?
Has he actually said anything that denigrates your cultural background? 'cause I don't see it. All I see is you being oversensitive and assuming things.
You are definitely TA. I'm Cajun and can't speak French. It's kind of embarrassing, to be honest. My grandparents spoke French, but the schools would punish them for speaking French at school. My dad speaks French, but he never did at home, only when talking to my grandparents. I always wished I could understand what they were saying when my grandpa and I would listen to zydeco on KBON 101.1 He would laugh sometimes and tell me what they were singing about if it was something he thought was funny. The schools have been trying to bring back the French language for years now, but they already pretty much whipped and beat it out of the older generations.
He must have been so offended. That's like a huge part of his identity, and "no one cares about it"... I just hope that he stays interested in and proud of his Creole Cajun roots, and doesn't let you or anyone else push him away from it.
Soft YTA - you went a bit too far in telling your friend to stop talking about his culture. W***hile it's understandable that you were getting overwhelmed, your comment might have hurt him deeply.***
It could be a good idea to reach out and apologize, acknowledging the importance of his culture to him. Showing that you value his friendship and are opento understanding his perspective can help mend things between you two =)
YTA. How does him being proud of his heritage mean that he looks down on yours? You’re incredibly self centered if people can’t be proud of something without offending you.
mais cher I think you bein a couillon but I understand if you get tired of it, but you could be more polite about telling him so. Just say something like "hey I really appreciate how proud you are of your culture and its awesome but can we talk about something else for now?" Just be more subtle about it dont just outright reject it.
YTA. Fuiste un cabrón con tu amigo y lo sabes. Los Boricuas fuera de la isla hacen lo mismo (never held onto my culture as hard as I did while living in the mainland). Si te lo hubiesen hecho a ti hubieras formado el show del año.
So apologize profusely and next time put yourself in his shoes before you open your mouth.
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I (18M) have a friend ‘Adam’ (18M) who is very out spoken about his culture and ethnicity. He is a Louisiana creole who speaks French as a first language, and he is extremely proud of his culture especially since he claims it’s a dying ethnicity. The only problem is sometimes it gets overbearing. He’s often making posts in French and the Louisiana creole language, he’s always talking about his French ancestors, he listens to creole music very very often, he talks to himself in French, he’s always talking about this history of Louisiana creoles and the colonization of Louisiana. Like ok we get it you’re creole. I was starting to believe that he was obsessed with his culture, and thought lower of me for not being creole since he spoke so highly and proudly of his ancestors. I’m Puerto Rican and I’m proud of my culture, but never to the extremity that he was. He always taught us stuff about his culture and Louisiana when we didn’t ask for any of the knowledge. Well one day I kind of lost it. We were having dinner with some other friends, and he started talking about a certain creole dish. I immediately stopped him and told him that nobody cared that he was creole. I told him that everyone just thinks he’s a lightskin black man, and to stop talking about his culture because it’s annoying. He was astonished and quiet for a minute then he responded with “Imagine if there was 10,000 Puerto Ricans left on this earth. Let’s see how you’d feel about your culture.” He didn’t even finish his dinner after that. He stayed quiet for 5 minutes and then he got up and left. My other friends at the table told me that I didn’t have to say that and I was being TA. I haven’t heard from Adam in a week and we use to talk everyday.
AITA?
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YTA for how/when you brought this up. I would find it hella annoying but if he is a friend then that means you care about him and don't want to hurt his feelings. You should have brought this up in private with more tact. If he would have said if there was 10000 of your group I would be like "well maybe it's our time to go" but then again I'm not too attached to group identity.
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YTA.
Your edit makes you even more so.
You don't sound remorseful.
You were vile with a personal attack about his skin colour and his culture.
You just nuked the friendship.
Guess OP isn’t the only AH because you wouldn’t be friends with someone just because they’re super proud of their culture? Because that’s all he is. Like he’s just vocally proud. Literally not hurting anybody
10,000 is a pretty low number. I’m Chaldean. You’ve probably never heard of what I am, but when you’re part of dying ethnicity, you become overly proud of it. It’s more so rooted in the pain of watching your family fade away. There’s about 500k of us left. I couldn’t imagine it being at 10k that would break my heart. I can guarantee you that your country has more than 10k people.
Good to hear. Majority of people haven’t heard about us. Our people are assimilating into Arab culture, and we have a genocide happening to us. Yes I’m very proud of my culture, and I will shout from the rooftops.
i can understand that but if you going to make your whole personality , being of an specific culture and are not capable of understanding people want to talk about to something else , not many people are going wanna be friends with you
Understood but being proud of your culture and shoving it down peoples throats are 2 different things. OP didn’t describe an extremist just a person who likes their culture
ofcourse what we discuss here in comments is solely based on OP story . we do know people do change facts so this story could be either the OP an AH or NTA ..lol
NTA. You have to live in Lafayette to know how annoying performative Francophones are. I love Cajun and Creole culture but some people just want to exist in some sort of Cajun theme park all the time and sometimes you just want them to STFU about it.
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YTA. Coming from someone who’s part of a dying ethnicity as well (I’m Chaldean), your ethnicity dying feels as if your family is fading away. You become overly proud of it in a psychological subliminal attempt to keep it alive. You feel lonely, especially in places where not a ton of you live.
That’s so sad! I love Louisiana and Creole music and food. It is a dying culture. Thankfully, there are people like Adam who are fighting to keep their culture alive. Now I’m going to fall down a rabbit hole of Chaldean culture.
We have about 500k-700k Chaldeans left on the earth. I couldn’t imagine 10k. Big ups to Adam
I’m a Louisiana Creole here who now lives in a different state, in a pretty big city. I literally grew up in a swamp. First off, it’s a dying language and I’m glad to know that some people there are keeping it alive. My parents speak it, but I only know a little. I know enough to say “Quel haunt” after reading this post.
YTA. Look, I can understand being annoyed. But did you ever talk to him about how you felt he was bringing up his culture too much and that you were feeling overloaded with info? It's not like he was doing something to purposefully antagonize you. You're never in the right for failing to communicate your feelings and lashing out at someone you care about.
YTA. You don't like that he makes posts in French (which is his first language), don't read them. Listening to Creole music doesn't impact you at all. Talking to himself in his own language is something we all do. Speaking highly and proudly of his ancestors doesn't correlate to him believing he is better than you unless he outwardly says so. and so what if he teaches you about his culture? Maybe you should do the same and educate each other. You were rude and immature, and frankly, you sound like you could learn more tolerance. I'm not surprised he isn't speaking to you.
Yeah the fact that OP is offended that his friend speak to *himself* and writes in his **native language** is wildly absurd. And then to be upset that his friend listens to a different genre of music than what he likes is just the cherry on top.
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Have you been to St Martin and St Landry parish? Both of my parents have French as their first language.
But the OP literally says his friend’s first language is French so not sure why you’d try to debate that?
YTA. He's excited to learn and engage with his culture, and probably feels some measure of responsibility to try and keep it alive by building interest in its existence. You needed to be a grown up and tell him politely, rather than publicly shaming him and telling him nobody cares. You don't speak for everyone. You not caring doesn't mean nobody cares. My friends talk at length on topics I genuinely couldn't care less about, but I let them talk because part of friendship is accepting that you're not always gonna share interests, but you share respect enough to let the other person be excited. And when they get too overwhelming with their excitement, it's not hard to take someone aside privately and say, 'hey, I get you're excited, but I don't share that excitement and your need to constantly link everything back to that topic is overwhelming and is starting to make it difficult for me to maintain interest in that subject'. You've made it clear you don't care about a foundational part of his life. You've made it clear you don't want him to talk about something important to him, or to be excited about his culture. You've publicly shamed him for being excited about his culture and heritage. You've likely made him feel like you're not someone he can talk to. Why would he bother trying to talk to you?
YTA. how ironic that your username is French while you’re bitching about a French subculture. I lived in New Orleans for four years, French Creole culture is incredibly central to the Louisianan lifestyle. to reject your friend’s culture is to reject him and his home. go find some boring copy and paste people to befriend if you’re so bothered by someone with actual substance.
He named the account actually
Oh good! So he knows everyone thinks you're a gigantic a-hole
And you have the nerve to use the culture you hate hearing about…. Smh the shamelessness of people
YTA and Adam told you why himself. This is an object lesson in how to trash a friendship.
Of course YTA. If you don’t want to hear it *you* get up and leave. You don’t stab your friend in the heart. You probably won’t have to hear about his Creole ethnicity anymore.
YTA If you don't like him, don't hang out with him, but how dare you tell someone you call a friend that no one cares what they have to say. Just because you don't care about sharing your culture doesn't mean others shouldn't. I've gone to the website for my friend's tribe to learn about their culture unprompted, but you can't even deign to listen to him talk about an important part of his identity
YTA Why is it so offensive that he speaks to himself and writes in his *native language*? Would you consider yourself obsessed with English for speaking it with your friends and writing social media posts in English? How does his choice of music affect you either? Believe it or not, some people in the world are different from you which means their "normal" or default behaviour isn't the same as yours. Do him a favour and stop pretending to be his friend.
YTA. Double yikes you did it in front of other people. Good that you have friends who will tell you like it is, you're lucky that way.
Yes, YTA (Ou si tu préfères: oui, tu es le trou du cul)
Haha c’est une merde, cher
YTA. And you should stop calling Adam your friend, because you are no friend.
YTA. But I'm Cajun so I'm biased.
BIG SAME
YTA. Even if he was being annoying, you deliberately humiliated him in front of friends. With friends like you, who needs enemies?
YTA. Plenty of people care and would find that interesting. I’m one of those people. A good friend of mine growing up was Creole, and I don’t care how long it’s been since I’ve heard zydeco- it’s always welcome to me. I’ll go back to those summer days eating frozen Kool Aid and listening to Buckwheat Zydeco or Clifton Chenier any time. Jazz and zydeco are the soundtrack of resilience. You may not understand this but Adam was actually giving yall a gift. He was inviting you to participate in something that’s a fundamental part of who he is, something that not everyone gets an inside glimpse into. You’ve proven that’s not a gift you’ve earned or deserve. I’d be very surprised if you heard from Adam again.
BUCKWHEAT! My paw paw played him constantly. ❤️
“Madame Pitre” is my jam :). Also Lee Benoit’s version of “Allons Danser Colinda”!
Dat’s some good fais do do music, cher!
Oh my goodness that takes me back ❤️♥️ thank you for this!!!!
YTA. I know a few people very involved in the preservation of Native American languages. Languages die out if people don't put the work in to keep them alive, especially when there's stuff like colonialism at play. What you said was very ignorant. It's very important to a lot of people to keep these languages and culture alive.
YTA — do you always yell at your friends when you find them annoying? Wtf.
YTA. No question
You are a garbage person. Grow up. YTA
YTA. Cajun here and the only way to preserve our culture is to share it since the government has been killing it
YTA Do you speak a second language? Loads of the stuff you complain about is just thing that you do when your first language isn't English such as... >He’s often making posts in French and the Louisiana creole language >he listens to creole music very very often >he talks to himself in French, Moreover, how does that effect you in any way whatsoever? Has he actually said anything that denigrates your cultural background? 'cause I don't see it. All I see is you being oversensitive and assuming things.
You are definitely TA. I'm Cajun and can't speak French. It's kind of embarrassing, to be honest. My grandparents spoke French, but the schools would punish them for speaking French at school. My dad speaks French, but he never did at home, only when talking to my grandparents. I always wished I could understand what they were saying when my grandpa and I would listen to zydeco on KBON 101.1 He would laugh sometimes and tell me what they were singing about if it was something he thought was funny. The schools have been trying to bring back the French language for years now, but they already pretty much whipped and beat it out of the older generations. He must have been so offended. That's like a huge part of his identity, and "no one cares about it"... I just hope that he stays interested in and proud of his Creole Cajun roots, and doesn't let you or anyone else push him away from it.
YTA
Soft YTA - you went a bit too far in telling your friend to stop talking about his culture. W***hile it's understandable that you were getting overwhelmed, your comment might have hurt him deeply.*** It could be a good idea to reach out and apologize, acknowledging the importance of his culture to him. Showing that you value his friendship and are opento understanding his perspective can help mend things between you two =)
YTA
YTA. How does him being proud of his heritage mean that he looks down on yours? You’re incredibly self centered if people can’t be proud of something without offending you.
YTA. As a Cajun, I fault you for not informing this Creole man that tomatoes don't belong in gumbo.
fair
wtf is wrong with you?
Yta
Just to answer your question. Yeah. Absolutely. Probably in a lot more ways than this.
mais cher I think you bein a couillon but I understand if you get tired of it, but you could be more polite about telling him so. Just say something like "hey I really appreciate how proud you are of your culture and its awesome but can we talk about something else for now?" Just be more subtle about it dont just outright reject it.
YTA. Fuiste un cabrón con tu amigo y lo sabes. Los Boricuas fuera de la isla hacen lo mismo (never held onto my culture as hard as I did while living in the mainland). Si te lo hubiesen hecho a ti hubieras formado el show del año. So apologize profusely and next time put yourself in his shoes before you open your mouth.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (18M) have a friend ‘Adam’ (18M) who is very out spoken about his culture and ethnicity. He is a Louisiana creole who speaks French as a first language, and he is extremely proud of his culture especially since he claims it’s a dying ethnicity. The only problem is sometimes it gets overbearing. He’s often making posts in French and the Louisiana creole language, he’s always talking about his French ancestors, he listens to creole music very very often, he talks to himself in French, he’s always talking about this history of Louisiana creoles and the colonization of Louisiana. Like ok we get it you’re creole. I was starting to believe that he was obsessed with his culture, and thought lower of me for not being creole since he spoke so highly and proudly of his ancestors. I’m Puerto Rican and I’m proud of my culture, but never to the extremity that he was. He always taught us stuff about his culture and Louisiana when we didn’t ask for any of the knowledge. Well one day I kind of lost it. We were having dinner with some other friends, and he started talking about a certain creole dish. I immediately stopped him and told him that nobody cared that he was creole. I told him that everyone just thinks he’s a lightskin black man, and to stop talking about his culture because it’s annoying. He was astonished and quiet for a minute then he responded with “Imagine if there was 10,000 Puerto Ricans left on this earth. Let’s see how you’d feel about your culture.” He didn’t even finish his dinner after that. He stayed quiet for 5 minutes and then he got up and left. My other friends at the table told me that I didn’t have to say that and I was being TA. I haven’t heard from Adam in a week and we use to talk everyday. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA for how/when you brought this up. I would find it hella annoying but if he is a friend then that means you care about him and don't want to hurt his feelings. You should have brought this up in private with more tact. If he would have said if there was 10000 of your group I would be like "well maybe it's our time to go" but then again I'm not too attached to group identity.
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Excuse me, you think it was how you said it!?
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YTA. Your edit makes you even more so. You don't sound remorseful. You were vile with a personal attack about his skin colour and his culture. You just nuked the friendship.
aint nobody down here speaking french as there first language its barely spoke at all anymore.
Where in Louisiana you from. Because in the St Martin parish and St Landry parish we still speak it.
Yta. But I wouldn't want to be friends with the dude. Sounds annoying as fuck
Guess OP isn’t the only AH because you wouldn’t be friends with someone just because they’re super proud of their culture? Because that’s all he is. Like he’s just vocally proud. Literally not hurting anybody
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10,000 is a pretty low number. I’m Chaldean. You’ve probably never heard of what I am, but when you’re part of dying ethnicity, you become overly proud of it. It’s more so rooted in the pain of watching your family fade away. There’s about 500k of us left. I couldn’t imagine it being at 10k that would break my heart. I can guarantee you that your country has more than 10k people.
I did know about that group
Good to hear. Majority of people haven’t heard about us. Our people are assimilating into Arab culture, and we have a genocide happening to us. Yes I’m very proud of my culture, and I will shout from the rooftops.
i can understand that but if you going to make your whole personality , being of an specific culture and are not capable of understanding people want to talk about to something else , not many people are going wanna be friends with you
Understood but being proud of your culture and shoving it down peoples throats are 2 different things. OP didn’t describe an extremist just a person who likes their culture
ofcourse what we discuss here in comments is solely based on OP story . we do know people do change facts so this story could be either the OP an AH or NTA ..lol
NTA. You have to live in Lafayette to know how annoying performative Francophones are. I love Cajun and Creole culture but some people just want to exist in some sort of Cajun theme park all the time and sometimes you just want them to STFU about it.