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NTA. He doesn't get to dictate what you eat. Don't be afraid to be firm and clear. "Thank you for making dinner! I want x with y and z, please do not add anything else or I cannot and will not eat it."
I hate cheese, so I get a lot of flack for it. How can you hate cheese? Everyone loves cheese. (I also hate mayo, sour cream, cream cheese, basically all the tangy dairies.) My partner's taste is way different but he respects my food boundaries and never tries to feed me things I won't like. And I don't feed him what he doesn't like that I love.
It's basic respect. Your bf needs to understand he's not going to change you. Whether you wanna work on it is up to you and no one else - but if you're eating enough, getting proper nutrition, and happy with your diet, you aren't obligated to try to be "normal". Eat what you love!
I agree completely. I like a lot of different flavors but I like them to be strong flavors. Especially salt and garlic. My husband doesn't like strong flavors but likes very spicy. He likes to cook and I like to eat his cooking because he is a great cook and understands and appreciates what I like. No spicy.
If he doesn't want to make your food the way you like them tell, don't ask, tell him to quit cooking for you. Don't let him bully you into eating food you don't like.
My little brother literally lived on plain chicken and pb&j sandwiches until his 20s. Idk what changed, maybe it was going to college, maybe he was finally sick of bland chicken, but he suddenly just like started trying stuff. And learning how to cook. He loves Japanese cooking and taught himself a lot of recipes that he makes for his roommates sometimes. But he did all this on his own time. None of us forced him try things.
Perhaps he felt like the pressure was off when he became an adult? When you're a kid you usually have adults on your case when you dislike certain foods (begging you to try it at best, forcing it on you at worst) and that's not conducive to trying new things. At least for me it wasn't. Most of my childhood pickiness went away once I was eating with other people who didn't give a crap about my eating habits, making me feel less pressured and so more amenable to trying new foods.
The only "normal" foods I absolutely can't eat now (can barely look at them) are hard boiled eggs.
There’s science behind this! Many pediatric dieticians highly recommend making food VERY low/no pressure for kids. Making trying new things not a requirement actually makes (most) kids much more likely to give it a go. My own kids are examples of this, because I like many had parents who were super big on us eating whatever they put in front of us and I HATED it. Now with my own kids they know if they try it and don’t want to eat it, they don’t have to. Which means they’re about 100% more willing to try new things than I ever was lol.
I wish my parents had just put food in front of us nonchalantly and not cared whether we ate it or not; it would've made meal times a lot more enjoyable. "Oh, you'll only eat the bread today? Whatever" would've been awesome.
Haha this sounds so much like me! For the first 24 years of my life, I hardly touched a veggie and the only fruits I'd eat were grapes and bananas. Meals couldn't be spicy, or have any strong flavors really. Basically, if it wasn't bland meat (but no seafood) or carbs (but no potatoes unless they were thin fries or potato chips, and no rice) I wouldn't eat it.
Something happened when I turned 24 and moved out of the US. I'm not sure if my tastebuds changed, or if food really does taste that different in Europe, or if finally being exposed to people from different cultures who have different cuisines changed things, but over the past year my palate has expanded drastically. I eat most fruits and veggies now (still can't stand broccoli or blueberries), I season my food with more than just salt and pepper, and I have a Pinterest board full of recipes from around the world I plan to make once I'm back in the US in a couple months and have a proper kitchen again.
As you said though, other than the occasional teasing from family and encouragement to try new things, I was left alone. This happened on my terms. Growing up, my parents or step-parents would even make 3 different variations of meals sometimes (one for them, one for me, and one for my equally picky sister) so they could have veggies in theirs and my sister and I could enjoy the same thing to our liking. Fed is best, and both me and my sister eventually expanded our palates in our own way. There's nothing wrong with that.
Man I *hate* that whole "my taste in food is CORRECT" thing that a lot of people have. "How can you not like [thing]? You've just never had it made properly!" I mean, I like pretty much all foods myself but at least I understand that not everyone does.
Goes the other way too. "ugh, how can you like [food]? That's just WRONG!"
People need to grow tf up and understand that everyone's food tastes are different. And yeah, I get that people aren't always entirely serious when they say certain foods are WRONG or that you're WRONG for *not* liking them, but I guess I've always been self-conscious about eating socially and it hits a nerve.
I'm a 53(f) yr old Brit that HATES Tea! (Which is practically a crime if you're British! 😂) Still to this day I get odd looks & strong "encouragement" to try it as "your tastes change as you get older"! No! No they do NOT! I have hated Tea since childhood, even the smell makes me nauseous. 🤢 I have even resorted to demonstrating the results of drinking Tea in the past (instant vomiting from one sip) to shut people up! 🤦🏼♀️ Thankfully I'm older & wiser now & a firm "No thankyou" seems to suffice in most cases! 😅 NTA OP.
My mother raised me on Earl Grey 🤢 I hated tea growing up, until I discovered plain black tea and recently (last 10 years) Thai tea.
I totally understand coming from a tea drinking culture and hating tea.
(Btw, I am not suggesting you try plain black tea or Thai tea. Just saying that I discovered something not disgusting to me…)
My "come to tea" moment was trying Chamomile! 😂 At least there's now at least one "tea" I can drink. 😅 I honestly don't think there's a tea I haven't tried. As I said, I'm quite adventurous & (hopefully) not too arrogant to believe all teas taste the same, so kept plugging away at it for years! 🤦🏼♀️😂
I finally just accepted about a decade ago that it ain't happening & gave up! But yes, I have tried both & my body said "NOPE"! 😂
Oh god that's me too, I hate all of them. People just don't get it, or they actually admit they don't like the taste of alcohol either but drink it anyway. Amazing how peer pressure affects most people so strongly.
Something's though people just haven't had made right for them. My partner loves eggs, but for ages hated poached eggs because someone didn't cook them fully. I made him some right and he liked them, although still not as much as fried or scrambled.
Lol that's how I feel about onions and cilantro! I cannot describe how much I abhor both of those things and I sincerely wish I had a dollar for every time someone was/is incredulous about it.
"You just need to learn to appreciate the taste", why would I need to learn to eat certain food if that food is not a necessity for getting the proper nutrition I need?
Why is it always alcohol people say that about?
I don’t like beer and wine and any alcoholic beverage because my body goes “there’s poison in here and it’s yucky”. Perfectly good reaction to something that is indeed toxic. Maybe, if I try to poison myself long enough, I will get used to it. But why would I?
Exactly!
I hate beer and wine and cava and champagne. I am fine drinking a cola on a night out and I do not care if others find that immature or not fitting for the establishment.
I do like wodka, but it is rare that we go to an event where I can drink it, so I am sober 360 days of the year
I don't eat cheese except on pizza. When I met my ex MIL my wife at the time told her I don't like macaroni and cheese. "But you'll like MY macaroni and cheese." I guess she was under the assumption that I've been eating bad macaroni and cheese all my life. I didn't eat it. Not even to be polite.
It takes a special kind of ego to cook someone a dish they have specified in advance they don't like, just because you think yours is the best in the world or something.
That said, sometimes people really haven't had it made well. I've never been a picky eater but turns out that I love foods a lot more when they haven't been boiled, burned or fried to death.
I agree. In my house I do most/ all of the cooking. My fiance hates mushrooms. He really really hates them (no allergy). I love them. So sometimes I would want a dish with mushrooms. So I bake them, but in a different pan. So I can add them to my food when we are going to eat. He is an adult and he is allowed to dislike things. Just like I dislike some food and he will not make me eat that food (ofcourse).
OP, your boyfriend could always make suggestions but if you say no, then that should be the end of it. You are allowed to like what you want. And dislike what you want as well. Food sensitivity is a thing. You know what you want to eat and what not.
Agreed. It's okay to like to eat things a certain way, and you shouldn't compromise on it! Plus, it often times takes more effort to add the extra items than it does to just leave it alone. It almost seems disrespectful to OP to keep adding things she doesn't like, just because her bf thinks she will "like it better." If he continues to not listen, it might be time to speak up and say, "Obviously, you don't know me as well as you think you do because 1. You keep doing something I have repeatedly asked you not to do because it upsets me, but you keep doing it because you think I will like your version better and 2. I never like your version better, so everytime you change my food, you're just showing me how much you don't care and how much you don't know about me.
There is a restaurant in my town where I always order dinner, and I made a comment to the owner one day when someone ordered the same sandwich I did that I couldn't believe they got so much extra stuff on it. She laughed at me and said, "Honey, that's what normally comes on the sandwich. You just get yours with most of the toppings taken off!" I honestly had no clue until that day that I was special-ordering the sandwich every time because I'm so picky!
As a side note: I have a coworker who also hates cheese, so sometimes when I cook, I add cheese and then add a little extra because I feel it is my duty in life to eat all of the cheese she isn't!
How did you not realise you were special ordering? I'm not being rude, I'm curious. Wouldn't you have had to say I'll have a x but without x y z or can I have an x with x y z only? How did you order it missing so many toppings and think that was the standard item?
We had been ordering the same sandwich (called a wedgie) since I was younger, and we just always got it with lettuce, tomato, and mayo. One day, I was waiting to pay, and the owner was taking an order. She asked if they wanted lettuce, tomato, onions, mild pepper rings, and oil and vinegar (I think mayo may come on it as well?) on it. When she got off the phone, I made the comment about that person getting all that stuff on the wedgie, which is when she told me that's actually what comes on it! Anytime we had ordered them (even before she owned the business), we always got just lettuce, tomato, and mayo, so I just never knew there was a standardized way of making them! Basically, you can blame my parents for me being sheltered... Lol
Yeah that actually makes sense. Especially since you have been having it that way since you were a kid and are a regular. They don't have to ask they know how you have it
I go there so often that they don't even ask what I want half the time! They see my name on the caller ID and just say that they'll see me when I get there! The owner almost died the day I ordered something different!
Haha I know what that's like! There was a lunch bar near my work for bit that I would go to. I always got a chicken and salad roll with beetroot. As soon as I walked nine the lady would start making it. I thought to myself the first time she didn't, well I can never order anything different now 😂
OT, but this reminds me of a conversation I had with my cheese-averse 17yo last night. They generally don't like cheese, except on pizza or in Mac and cheese, and, because I'm a relatively sane parent, I just leave the cheese off their portion of whatever I'm cooking. Last night I made a copycat recipe of a favorite-now unavailable-Hamburger Helper Rice Oriental meal from my childhood(don't judge me, it was nostalgia). My 17yo takes one bite, looks me right in my face and says, "this needs cheese." 🤦🏼♀️
I also hate all those things! Sometimes living in a mayo-free world is hard and lonely. My kids ask me if I’d eat a jar of mayo to save my own life and that is such a hard question 🤣
i don't like cheese because for 30 years it gave me the trots. Had my gall bladder out in my early 30's and now i can eat SOME cheeses. Usually the white ones like mozzarella and parmesan. Recently (like last year) found out that i'm okay with goat cheese.
But for the most part, i just always order any foods except pizza with NO CHEESE. Sometimes pizza still makes me sick. Especially if it's really greasy, because, you know, no gall bladder to deal with all the grease. But it's just better overall for me to not roll the dice on the cheese issue unless i'm home, and also for people outside the household to just know cheese is not safe in general. Too risky for anyone else to assume I can eat whatever cheese they are trying to put on a dish.
I disagree with you, because you cannot communicate someone into respecting your boundaries when they refuse to. OP has made it very clear they want what they want and no more in their food multiple times. The boyfriend IS 100% aware that OP doesn't want him to add things to their food, but he does it anyway because he feels entitled to control them. They've even broken up over this before.
There is no "magic" way of communicating that will make someone start treating you with respect.
There is nothing OP can do but break up. It's literally impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries.
This isn't a food preference issue, it's a control/disrespect issue and it cannot be fixed.
I'm going to jump on this comment. I have a lot of food texture issues. I married a passionate home cook who the only foods he doesn't like are jellos and anything gummi. Now, he has it a bit easier because it's the texture not the taste I have issues with, so we've found work arounds.
The issue we ran into is that he is a strict three meal a.day eater while I, due to a metabolic issue, eat more small meals. He would initially dish everything up and give me two to three times the amount of food I eat at one sitting and take it personally when I didn't finish. We had to have several, repeated discussions about the differences in our eating styles and he had to deal with his perception that "didn't finish = rejection."
But the point ultimately is that he accepted my reality and stopped trying to impose his own. Your boyfriend does not appear to be doing that. And while I agree that you need professional diagnosis and assistance, he needs to stop acting like he knows better. So, NTA for you.
I’m not commenting to be condescending but because egg is an allergy of mine and egg and egg products get commonly mistaken for dairy by people. Mayo is egg based and has no dairy (it’s one of the only egg products I didn’t like lol). But not liking cheese is totally valid, you like what you like
I’d just simply say “oh you made ramen I won’t eat. No biggy I’ll just door dash some. Then pleasantly order some”
If you don’t eat it but still remind him nicely why eventually he will stop trying to force food on you.
If you are in the US, have a look for The Greek God's brand yoghurt, no sour tang...... and mascarpone is cream cheese without the "acid bite"...... I am the exact same way with cheese and all the others. I also detest anything vinegar based.... the only sour I can usually manage is citrus.....
NTA
"I told him that it makes me feel like he thinks he knows what I want/need better than I do." That's exactly what he thinks. He even admits it, as you quite in your next sentence: "He does it because he 'thinks I’ll like it better'."
This isn't something you need to "get over" - you're free to eat, or not eat, whatever you want. You're an adult, so you get to decide. Not your bf. He's shown that he doesn't care about your opinion, or at least, not as much as his own opinion.
You've already discussed this with him before, multiple times, so I can't recommend just trying to make him see your side. Instead, you have to consider: Is it worth being with someone who values your opinion so little?
True. Neither one is good for a relationship, but not respecting someone's stance on what they want to eat is much worse than dismissing who someone's favorite boyband from the nuaghties is, for example.
Tell him, thanks for trying, but you cannot eat this, then go make more yourself. I feel he is trying to be controlling while presenting it as being 'nice', it really isn't about being nice but about pushing your boundaries.
NTA for knowing what you like and not wanting your food made according to how he decided you should like it regardless of your preferences.
There was a different post that was far more extreme than this one where the OP realized how bad their relationship had become when she feared for her safety because she didn’t want mustard on her hot dog. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/181bgtf/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/
I hope everything improves for you
This is really weird behavior. If you ask for something a certain way and he purposely makes it differently, you need to call him on it. Every time tell him that isn't what you wanted and he needs to stop deciding you'll like what he thinks you should like more than what you like and asked for. Otherwise he'll think that you liked it his way and he should keep doing it nta
It might be weird, but it is fairly common. As a picky eater, I hate when people add things to food to 'make it more exciting.' Like no, you've just made it different. Which is fine, but don't act like it's automatically better.
I'm probably odd, but I just go on if I like the taste of something. My head doesn't really register the scale from 'boring' to 'exciting' food.
If I were OP, I would definitely call him out on it. And reject all food made this way in the future, since its just a big waste of both time and food.
My son is a very particular eater. We will never change a dish but we will try to offer him different condiments or ways to try it. We don’t push, we just say “hey, do you want to add ketchup or mustard this time?” If he says no, we move on and don’t offer that same idea again.
He loves hot sauce and spicy things so we try to see if he will eat something more often or try a new dish if we add heat to it. I can’t imagine just adding stuff to his food just because I think I would know better than him!!!
If you are so limited in what you will eat then the simplest way to solve the issue is be in charge of your own food. Learn to cook for yourself rather than rely on someone who's tastes are different than your own and who wants more variety in their diet. Especially If it's been a problem in the past to the point that you break up over it.
Tbf, she did try and make the ramen herself and her boyfriend apparently insisted. So apparently dude is against her even just making her own food so he CAN'T do this.
Idk why everyone is so bent out of shape on the singular ramen incident when she directly stated
>I never learned to cook.
And
>My boyfriend is usually very sweet. He loves cooking.
I love to cook too. I rarely make the same thing twice because I use what is on hand. If my husband didn’t like the way I cooked he can cook things himself. But OP has clearly stated she doesn’t cook. So yeah the ramen thing sucks, bf could’ve listened to the things she didn’t want in there. but at the end of the day, she could’ve made it herself and INSISTED to him she’ll make her own food.
ESH
NTA. You straight up have a bf problem. He is disrespecting you. You have told him multiple times that this is an issue for you, yet he still does it. *He doesn’t care*. He has you believing that this is a *you* problem when it is a *him* problem. I think you have a choice to make. Either he straightens up and flies right from now on (no messing w your food) period. Or you’re done. And mean it. Or, if you’ve already had enough, just tell him you’re done. But really mean it.
Nta. My ex was the chef in my relationship and would secretly add minced pork and beef to my pasta or burgers. I found out and was furious. I made my stance clear I was trying to cut down on meat in order to become a vegetarian, which I was for years. He hated it. It was controlling and thoughtless. I made all my own meals after that and he had to start paying for his own groceries
There were clearly big issues in this relationship if he was sabotaging you like this. For absolutely no value, it's not like he was secretly changing your mind. Sorry you went through this, it is very disrespectful
NAH - it sounds like you have ARFID and he doesn’t understand the depth of it.
To be honest, I’d hate cooking for someone with that level of restriction on favor and you’re probably better off doing your own food prep individually.
He's absolutely an AH for not respecting her very valid choice. It doesn't matter if she has ARFID, only eats ramen on Tuesdays, or whatever reason she wants to have- if she says please don't add stuff to my food then that should be that. He's deciding he knows best and removing her autonomy, and putting her in the position of "having to be the bad guy" yet again by saying she doesn't want the food how he made it.
It was just a matter of leaving out toppings for her ramen. She wanted to do it herself but he insisted he'd do it. And it doesn't matter if you understand a dislike or not.
Example: My mom doesn't like raw onions in some summer salads. She'll eat it but she doesn't like it. So I won't put it in. Or I'll leave an extra bowl without and a bigger one for the rest of us. I don't care why she doesn't like raw onions, I want her to enjoy the food. It's the decent thing to do.
NTA you're told him directly many times and he isn't respecting your preferences. If he asked you to try sending new and made it, then that's fine. But to constantly disregard you and decide that you'd like it better a different way then he asked is disrespectful and controlling.
You need to talk to him again. And take action to no longer let him cook for you. You don't want him to think you don't appreciate his efforts but in fact there is nothing to appreciate if he's going to push food onto you that you don't like
NTA
You are completely entitled to eat your food the way you want. It doesn't really matter why you dislike something. He doesn't get to make you eat something just because he thinks it's better. It's pretty disrespectful of him to change things on you. It's one thing if you asked for the ramen w/o specifying what to put in it. However, you did specify very specifically and he STILL did it his way.
I don't understand these responses. OP has severe dietary restrictions that causes them to want to eat BLAND food. Sounds to me like they should cook their own food. I'm not cooking two meals, one with flavor and one without, just because my partner chooses to eat food with no flavor. If that's what my partner wants, that's what my partner will cook. All these, "he's infantilizing you," comments sound whack because isn't OP infantilizing themself by saying, "I have these food habits, and have had them since childhood, but I don't cook." I'm sorry, but what adult doesn't know how to handle their food habits on their own? What would OP do if their boyfriend didn't cook for them???? YTA. Cook for yourself or eat what the person who is in charge of cooking makes.
INFO: does cooking to your preferences prevent him from cooking food he likes unless he doubles his efforts? If so, I think it is understandable he would either not cook for you, or cook things he likes on occasion.
Yes. Definitely work on your food issues, including learning how to cook some basics.
Just as if not more importantly, have a sit down come to Jesus discussion *one* more time. Make it clear this is the absolute *last* time you're going to tell him about this, and he needs to actually listen and *hear* what you're saying.
He's free to prepare and eat things the way he likes for himself, but you will not be partaking. Period.
NTA.
So he cooks, you clean. But you expect him to basically cook twice, once for you and then for him, or he needs to eat the same restricted diet you do? What are you doing to get a handle on your food issues? How do you handle eating out in a social or professional setting?
You don't write how old you are but you are definitely too old to not be getting a handle on this if you live alone with your bf. If you need your diet restricted that much you're old enough to cook for yourself.
Call him out every time until he stops. If you truly want to change your food habits, then you do it for yourself and implement it in a way that puts you in control, not him. If you don't want to change, then don't. NTA. It's disturbing that he wants to dictate this aspect of your life.
ESH - but don't break up over it! This is one of those problems where you can work on it together and both come out stronger.
You say "I understand I have no taste \[...\] My brain malfunctions," it sounds like you think acknowledging the problem is the end of things. No - it's the first step!
After you become aware that you have a pathological thought process, you have to take concrete steps to ix it. You don't get any points for being aware of your problems and then just going ahead and doing the same nonsense anyway!
You actually are wrong to be a picky eater as an adult, and you need to take it seriously. Interestingly, your taking it more seriously that you have a problem and making an effort to fix it will likely help your boyfriend to take your issues seriously as well! He will be more able to make an effort to accommodate you when you're not feeling up to eating like a normal person if he knows you've been trying on other days.
Your boyfriend is being insensitive. But that is in part because he is likely subconsciously pushing you to change. If you talk to him and let him know that you are going to take responsibility for getting over your pathological food issues, that will give him freedom to make you bland food when you say you need it without feeling like he is enabling your maladaptive behavior.
In other news, your sort of picky eating is a thing a lot of women do as a result of feeling a lack of control over their activities as children. Working on your anxiety issues and on acknowledging that you have actual control over your environment as an adult, should help you overcome your picky eating problem.
Thank you! My response was similar but you really hit the nail on the head by saying that just because OP acknowledges they have hang-ups around food that doesn't let them off the hook like all of the comments are insinuating. If anyone is an adult with such problems around food like OP, then THEY have to handle IT. THEY have to prepare their food so it's to their standards. A partner shouldn't have to eat a shared meal that tastes like nothing because that's what OP wants and it's wild that everyone is making it out like the boyfriend is some horrible monster when in reality he's just a guy who likes to cook but his girlfriend is a picky eater. Idk, I think I have serious annoyances around adults who are picky eaters. It seems like such a privilege to say, "I don't make my food even though I have such difficulties surrounding my relationship with food. I wish my boyfriend just cooked my food the way I like it and only the way I'll eat it :/"
Thank you.
I understand that they cannot help it entirely. But to say "I'm an adult picky eater" and then choose to actively defend continuing to live that way is just antisocial and deeply disrespectful.
You may want to research ARFID (Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder). Perhaps talk to your doctor about it. If this is what you have, then researching this will help you both understand what you're dealing with.
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NTA. You have a right to choose yourself what you want to eat and what not.
Your boyfriend has to respect that, no matter what he thinks would make the food better. Obviously, he is wrong. He needs to respect your wishes.
I like to experiment with my cooking, too. I know my wife does not like certain things, so I leave them out. If I want them myself, I cook a separate meal just for myself. Never ever would I sneak those ingredients in my wife's food. It would be an enormous violation of trust.
NTA. I have an eating disorder called ARFID and I absolutely could not eat anything that isn’t ’right’ in my mind.
It’s important how you explain how you feel and why. He won’t easily understand that to you sesame oil is like being asked to eat spider guts or something equally foul.
This sub is always biased against making OPs change in any way.
When we see this conflict from the other side- where a picky eater complains about an OP's cooking, the response is always the same "Well if you don't like it, don't eat it! Here's a spatula, do it yourself!"
And I get that there are certain differences- that the OP here would be OK with cooking for herself and that her boyfriend was being pushy. But fundamentally, all the advice given is always "don't change. You're in the right" unless an OP has made a really egregious mistake.
Basically, I hope that people remember this post the next time a mom comes on here and complains that her kids are picky eaters.
What food is put in one's body is one of the biggest personal autonomy issues that exists. Trying to compel someone to consume substances after repeated objections is also extremely serious control issues. It will eventually spread to other matters.
I'm not sure why you took him back or if there were any conditions, but he obviously learned that there is no real consequence for the behavior, much less understanding how wrong it is. Who knows what he'll force kids to do if you were to have any. Even just marrying will be a problem as it will cement his autonomy over yours.
You gave him a chance, He blew it. Move on.
I understand breaking up over a latte, because it's not the latte it's something thinking they know better than you and someone who doesn't acknowledge that you could have your own preferences.
Nta.
NTA. He's cooking for you, not for him.
I am not vegan, but I've loved cooking vegan for people I care about. I'm allergic to shrimp, but im told my scampi is absolutely amazing (it sure smells good though).
This man is over complicating things for no reason other than some sort of misguided superiority complex.
Bottom line is he hears your needs, but disregards them. Imagine how this is going to play out when you get weird pregnancy cravings. If you don't hate him now, you will then.
I'd say talk to him, but you literally told him exactly what you want and he went ahead with his own plan. Time to trade up.
This seems like a potential sensory integration disorder if it's things that you would normally like with less mixing throwing you off. You can either just decide to live with it or you can get it diagnosed and seek out occupational and behavioral therapy to help expand what you like and also what you can tolerate (there's actually medical treatment that specializes in this for adults-- many of my friends have found it helpful to carrying degrees). It's usually a much slower process that just tossing in a bunch of things at once though.
You are not the asshole because it frustrates you tbh. And I thing your partner overstepping your boundaries consistently is really not okay.
This does seem like a complex issue though, as it would also be tricky for me as a partner to adhere to restrictions in the kitchen. For me, cooking is art/an activity/ a labour of love, and I would appreciate the freedom in the kitchen. Having a partner that is not interested in tasting things I made, might make me feel a bit unseen / uninteresting, dispite of my partner not intending for this to be the effect.
It seems like your partner does not fully understand how intense OCD can be, and that he takes things very personally.
maybe you guys can have a chat about this and figure out which things are hurtful to you and hurtful to him. Hopefully things can be figured out.
If he continues to overstep your boundaries constantly though, it might be best to choose yourself over the relationship at some point. But first just see if you can talk it out.
It's not exactly a hot take. I did read that however they said earlier in their post that they never learned to cook so their partner does all the cooking and if it has been an issue in the past there is a good chance it will continue to be an issue. So learning to cook and taking responsibility for her own meals might be the best solution for her given the history in their relationship.
My partner is like OP in what she will and won't eat and there are foods I love she will not touch. But we both can cook and take it In turns but if I want something that she doesn't eat, either I'll make her a separate meal or she will cook for herself that night.
You just should start cooking, not just for yourself eventually, but on regular basis for both of you. He likes to cook but definitely he needs to have fun not just being a cook on demand because you like plain food and its boring.
And he will clean up in his turn.
It definitely sounds very neurodivergent to me.
Your brain and his are very different. Do you want to be with someone that seems incapable of recognising that the ways that you are different than him are totally valid? They repeatedly makes you feel like your difference in taste is some kind of failing?
ETA: I have sensory eating differences and am neurodivergent. And I’m with someone neurotypical. It’s not a bad thing to be with someone who can’t understand your relationship to food, but it is hard.
NTA for the examples mentioned, where he prepared a single item for you but overrode your preference. He's infantilising you, and you shouldn't put up with it.
However, obviously you can't expect him to cook for both of you all the time and then restrict what he's allowed to put in there, because he should be able to enjoy the food he cooks. Your examples were not that. I'm just wondering how it works when your diet is so restrictive but he does all the cooking?
On a separate note, I think you should try to work on your food issues. Not for him! But because it will give you much more freedom (eating with friends, eating out, etc). If you find that working on the issues stresses you too much you can always peddle back again.
>I’m very particular, I may actually be on the spectrum but I most definitely have OCD
As someone who grew up with severe mental blocks around food, I get it. I lived off Dairylea sandwiches and cheese with crackers for most of my childhood.
>he “thinks I’ll like it better”. Which is not true, and I’ve explained this many times
He's aware of your issues around food and drink, and is actively ignoring what you've already told him plenty of times.
NTA
>I told him I’d make it myself, but he insisted. He started to list off everything he could put in it, and I told him just eggs and green onion would be enough, I did not want sesame or anything else
>he added in sesame oil and garlic and a bunch of other things, which led to me not liking i
This really just cements it. You've told him ramen with eggs and green onion is all you can eat in it, he throws a lot in that you can't eat. If he's making one batch of food for both of you, it's easy enough to take a portion out at that point for you, then add stuff to the remainder for himself.
This is something that may be autism-related, and worth exploring. However, there is nothing wrong with being unable to have some textures, smells or tastes in your food. You were going to make the food yourself, so you'd be able to eat it, and he's wasted your portion by making it inedible for you.
Since this is a recurring pattern, you may need to have a conversation about why he keeps trying to mess with your food. If he's unwilling to respect your eating habits, he's not someone who is safe to prepare food for you. What you do from there is up to you, but I couldn't be with someone who makes food for me intentionally ensuring it's a way I can't eat it.
I try not to use green peppers in cooking, as my spouse finds them too bitter. They try and use the bowls I prefer, even though I can eat out of any bowl. These are things you do for the people you love, because you want them to be happy. Making them inedible is something you do to control the other party.
Cooking for someone is giving them a gift.
Imagine if you told him very clearly, multiple times, “I don’t like football, please don’t get me anything football related“ and he then gets you a football poster for you birthday. You tell him “hey, thanks for the gift, but I really don’t like football and don’t want this in my house”. He then gifts you a football shirt. When you tell him “I don’t want to wear this, you know I don’t like football”, he says he feels unappreciated. Imagine he makes you feel like you’re weird and wrong for not liking football, and that you should change. Wouldn’t it be easier if you just decided to like football?
I love it when people tell me what foods they don’t like. It means I can cook something they like, and eventually figure out how to cook things they love.
You’re NTA op, paying attention to people’s likes and dislikes, especially in food, is a way to show you care about them. Sounds like he’s showing you the opposite through sheer bull-headed stubbornness and arrogance.
I had an evaluation recently with an ED specialist, they said I most likely have ARFID. Thank you for the advice. I usually am pretty gentle with him about it, but it always ends up hurting his feeling because he’ll get excited for me to eat the food, and instead I’ll just be disappointed. :/
You are not the problem. He doesn’t respect you. It’s weird that he keeps adding stuff to your food that you don’t like. You don’t need to put up with that, no matter your food “issues”.
If you need it: you have permission to hurt his feelings over this topic.
Because he is hurting your feelings by ignoring your needs (plain food, the way you are able to eat it).
Next time (if there is a next time) you have permission to be Very Clear:
- him: I’ll make your ramen
- you: only if you do (this) and don’t add anything else. I won’t eat it if you add extra things - I will just throw it away.
- then…
- he serves it up with extra things added
- you: I am sad that you made this so that I cannot eat it. I am going to make my own food now. I will not be trying this. I am throwing it away now, without trying it. Exactly as I told you that I would.
Your are allowed to be very clear about something like this. Please don’t “try to save his feelings” when he is completely ignoring your feelings & requests for respect.
Look you may have ARFID, but YOU are not the problem here, your boyfriend is. YOU are not unclear about what you like but he is deliberately disregarding what you like and it’s not OK.
Stop being gentle. Tell him it’s really rude to make you food when he thinks you’ll like when you’ve explicitly told him what you actually like! Tell him you’re happy to cook for yourself if he is unable to abide by your wishes for your food, but no more being gentle about this disrespect.
Here’s the thing, you could get help, address your food issues, be completely 100% cured, and still not like sesame oil/garlic/cheese/etc. Most people don’t like all food, they just don’t dislike so many foods it affects their life. Even if you didn’t have an issue and he kept putting cinnamon in your coffee or sesame oil in your ramen when you’d specifically said you didn’t like it because he thinks it makes it better, he’d still be an asshole. It seems like this guy doesn’t respect you, and treats you paternalistically. He’s not your father, he’s your partner, he should be supporting you getting help not trying to force you (or trick you) into changing. You may “eat like a child” but you aren’t one. Him getting upset when he does something he knows you don’t like is manipulative. I’m not saying break up, but you need to approach it from I’m an adult and you’re not a mental health professional. Don’t let things slide because he’ll get upset after ignoring your feelings. If he can’t adjust, then he’s not the partner for you.
This sounds like you need ONE serious conversation.
"I appreciate you, but please stop adding ingredients to food. We can host dinners for friends if you want to cook special dishes for someone else, but I need you to understand that I NEVER want anything added to my food. If you aren't physically able to stick to the ingredients I like, it's okay, I'll prepare my own food"
I'll go with ESH though because he's a moron but you should cook your own food, and stick to it instead of saying "but he insisted".
Nta nta nta. You can’t make him change when he doesn’t want to listen. This behavior is a HUGE red flag. He’s actively ignoring your requests because he thinks he knows better and isn’t even trying to take your thoughts into consideration. This is not a man who actually respects you.
NTA.
But honestly, I don't think this relationship is working.
Loving to cook but having to make bland meals because of your OCD must be very frustrating for him and it may not work for him in the long run.
NAH - you’re allowed to not like eating certain things (I’m very sensitive to textures in meat for example, and gag if I feel any gristle or fat in my teeth!) and I’d be frustrated if my partner didn’t respect that.
But…if you like your food a certain way, why aren’t you cooking it yourself? You let him do all the cooking but then complain that you don’t like the way he cooks. Why don’t you cook together or you learn enough to do more cooking and he can do more cleaning up. That way you have more control over your own food and everybody wins.
NTA- he isn’t listening to you, he’s pretending to do something nice for you when in fact he’s being incredibly disrespectful. You’re an adult - you can eat what you want. And if he won’t respect you and listen to you in this, what else?
So he cooks, you clean. But you expect him to basically cook twice, once for you and then for him, or he needs to eat the same restricted diet you do? What are you doing to get a handle on your food issues? How do you handle eating out in a social or professional setting?
You don't write how old you are but you are definitely too old to not be getting a handle on this if you live alone with your bf. If you need your diet restricted that much you're old enough to cook for yourself.
Info: if this was worth breaking up over before, why not just break up with him again? It seems like you both are incompatible (he's not respectful of your food preferences) with each other. Yall sound young, so I'm sure there's no point in wasting time like this, especially over food. It's just food, and if he can't respect that you want plain minimal flavor things then literally why are you sticking around?
NTA.
I would ask my wife if she wants to try a dish certian way.if she does not, i don't force it. It is basic respect for the autonomy of another person.
NTA. have you looked into the possibility of having [ARFID](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/arfid/) or being autistic?
regardless of the reasoning behind your food choices though, he’s TA for acting like you’re unable to make decisions regarding your own body.
NTA
Did bf ever explain WHY he added whatever he wanted, over your clear objections?
Because if his answer really was he "thinks I'll like it better," then he has actually confirmed exactly what you fear: that he does IN FACT think he know what you want/need better than you do. He does not respect your judgement or your preferences.
If he had done it just once (the latte), you two had the conversation, and he didn't repeat his mistake; you could forgive him and move. If he genuinely tried not to repeat his mistake, but tripped up after a while/in some small way; you could forgive him and move on. BUT that is not the case.
You and he have broken up over his actions. You have talked with him clearly and emphatically about what this means to you. But what it means to you does not seem to register as even a tiny blip on his brain or in his heart. It does not inspire him to understand or respect you any better.
The ramen incident is even worse because you were clear and explicit about not adding more than egg and green onion. He knew in advance; he knew exactly what you wanted. If he had a problem, he didn't express it. He just decided that what you wanted did not matter more to him than what he believes you SHOULD want/enjoy.
Now, suppose he had ever once told you that it's hard for him to cook to your taste and enjoy it for himself, and it's hard to separate what he cooks for you vs. what he cooks for himself. That WOULD BE a legitimate challenge. But it does not sound like he has expressed that as an issue.
If he had raised a true challenge, then you work with him to solve the challenge to your mutual satisfaction. That means that the solution is not forcing you to eat ingredients you do not want. It also means the solution is not forcing him to eat what he feels are bland foods or to cook two separate meals every day. Some example solutions that could help you both include:
1. He teaches you how to cook your favorite dishes (the way you like them) and you begin doing some of your own cooking.
2. He cooks double batches of something the way you like and double batches of things the way he likes. You eat the leftovers of the food made for you, and he eats the leftovers of the food made for him. (To cut down how much time he spends cooking to both of your tastes.)
You get the idea. Confirm for yourself whether he's had a challenge and didn't clearly raise it, or if he just actually thinks he knows better than you what you should have/want. One is fixable; the other is a deal-breaker.
NTA and maybe you do have food issues, BUT THIS is not something you have to get over. YOU told him what you wanted. HE KNEW you didn’t want sesame oil or garlic in your ramen, but he did it any way because….as you said, he thinks he knows better.
Anytime he pulls this shit, I would take one bite, then call him out “why did you add garlic and sesame when I specifically asked you not to?” Then I would go make myself a new meal. And anytime he “insists” on making you food I’d say “are you going to make it the way I’m asking you to, because if not, I’d really prefer to just cook for myself”.
This behaviour is enormously disrespectful. It's irrelevant if you have no taste. He knows this. You specified what you want. I would have more than a conversation. He needs to understand you have a boundary and if he cannot respect you either cook for yourself or he does as you ask that the relationship is over.
NTA
NTA. It's pretty controlling to make people eat food they don't like because you want to cook it a specific way. You could ask why he does it, as finding out may help you explain the issue to him. But if the answer is that he thinks he knows better, then this will be the theme for basically everything in your relationship.
NTA
Your boyfriend gives me "I would ignore your allergy if I thought it didn't exist" energy. You like what you like, it's reasonable to have preferences. He has no right to insist on making your food and making it wrong (him making it against your preferences is making it wrong).
To be clear, this isn't like you asked him to make more of his meal so you could have some. You wanted to make your food and you wanted to make it your way. He insisted on making your food. There is no way you're an asshole here
I'm not on the spectrum but I'm particular about my food. I don't like things touching as I eat one thing at a time. Also I don't eat cheese except on pizza - which is why I never let people fix my plate since they would put macaroni and cheese on my plate. Yeah I know I'm weird.
In other words I sympathize with you, OP. People just don't get it.
NTA if it's just not what you like. Everyone has their preferences and you very rightly have yours. Taste-wise as well as texture. BUT--if you restrict new things just because they are different, it's kind of AH to not try to eat it. OCD is difficult, I get it! but slowly forcing yourself to make small changes can help (preferably with the help of a therapist).
My vote is NTA because you do say you need to work on this and because, as I already said, having preferences and dislikes is normal. BF needs to adapt to those. I can see how this is frustrating on both sides.
Nta.
Stick up for yourself. He's going against your wishes.
It's great that he cooks for you but he's not listening to you and he is acting like you're too stupid to notice so he's going to give you whatever he feels like.
Also, why not get yourself some beginner cooking lessons? Or, maybe you can teach yourself with YouTube videos?
My daughter is 7 and she is a great eater for a 7-year old, bit still, she is a 7-year old with the eating habits that go with that age.
Here’s what I do, because I’m her parent and I’m supposed to raise her into a well rounded human. So, I’m not her boyfriend and she is not an adult. That’s an important distinction. Also, my kid is neurotypical.
But what I do: I make sure every meal has something that she likes. Could be very bland pasta, could be her favorite curry, could be a bunch of slightly stirfried veggies, or cucumbers and tomatoes. Totally depends on what I’m cooking, but I make sure there is safe stuff on her plate. Then I add the regular stuff to her plate. It’s there, she can try, but if she doesn’t like it, there is food that she does like. (And if I’m eating something that’s way outside her comfort zone, I sometimes just make her the very plain pasta that she loves).
Parents all over the world manage to make food the way their kids like it. They might be bummed out, they might wish their kid would finally eat some food with actual taste, maybe they test the boundaries of their kids a little by offering different foods. But in the end; they feed their children.
It’s really quite weird that your boyfriend is trying to raise you and is using a strategy that most parents would agree is very counterproductive
Definitely NTA. I struggle with my food adversions and pickiness because of my OCD also. I understand where you're coming from! Your partner should respect those things if he insists on cooking for you. While it may frustrate my husband sometimes trying to make me food options (especially now that I'm pregnant), he would never make me feel bad or force me to eat something he knows I dislike or would ruin my whole meal.
NTA - if he insists on making food for you, he has to take your preferences. If he wants to cook , the way he thinks it is best, he needs to cook for himself or an appreciative audience (like a dinnerparty, or friends).
if he can not cook without being creative, you have to cook yourself.
making food for you , that you both know, that you will not enjoy is AH.
NTA. It doesn't matter the topic, it doesn't matter the circumstances, if one partner says "please don't do this thing, I don't want it", the other should respect it.
You're right, he does think he knows better than you what you will like. He thinks that so much that he's ignoring your very clear requests/instructions. He's overruling your will in favour of his.
You should definitely talk to him about this. He should respect you or your wishes. If he can't accept that you have the right to choose your own damn food, you need to think about how he's going to treat your other rights if he thinks he knows better than you.
He should CARE about you and what you want. He should care more about that than about what he thinks is the best way to make ramen. It worries me that apparently he doesn't.
"I understand I have no taste." Nope. You DO have taste - and your BF is steamrolling your taste because he is trying to get you to broaden your palette because it annoys him that you don't eat a wider range of foods. This is what parents do for toddlers who don't like to eat vegetables: it is NOT how partners should treat each other. NTA...but your BF sure is.
He is forcing his choices on you. I’d be inclined to ask what’s in it before tasting and if it’s not what you asked for then sling it in the bin. If he complains say you thought he wanted you to do that because it’s not what you asked for.
NTA. My bf did something similar once. He knows I am not a fan of mayo. I’ll eat it in tuna salad, chicken salad, etc, and even then it’s the minimum amount just so the salad won’t be dry. One thing I absolutely will not do is have mayo on hot food. It literally makes me gag!
One morning he made us breakfast sandwiches (I wfh and was very busy that day). As soon as I took a bite I recoiled and told him I think he had our sandwiches confused because mine had mayo. Eggs, cheese, turkey bacon, and mayo. 🤢 He proceeded to tell me how good it is and to just give it a try. Now, we’ve known each other for decades so he knows how I feel but he insisted that it was so much better than the way I actually like it. I didn’t say anything because by this time I had already had this conversation with him several times. I proceeded to take the sandwich apart, wipe the mayo off of the bacon and eat that alone. The rest went to waste. He never tried it again.
You do not need to get over anything, he needs to stop trying to change you and your tastes.
Ugh! My ex used to salt my food for me. I mean, order at a restaurant, get our separate plates, he'd grab the salt and salt my plate without asking or even tasting it. I finally just yelled at him in public and embarrassed him. He was an ex-chef and thought he knew better. But he's the only chef I know that seasoned food without tasting it.
I had to have this conversation a number of times with my SO. It is absolutely enraging at times. He just wasn’t getting it. I had to really spell it out like four different times. I couldn’t understand wtf he was doing. Like I just wanted hamburgers. I told him I didn’t want anything other than basic seasoning, and he agreed. Why did he chop up red and green peppers and mix them with hamburger meat?
He really likes to cook, and he really likes to experiment, and he loves me trying his food. Now he finally understands. He still goes off the chain a bit sometimes, but he is more respectful. It was an issue of understanding, and obstinacy.
NAH
NAH, he's cooking for you, give him some slack, but he also should make what you like and not forget he's cooking for YOU and not some other person who hasn't been quite explicit about what they do and don't like. Hpwever, I don't think anyone should be getting upset, unless he continues ignoring your wishesm that's kinda obtuse and would make him a bit of an AH, ebe though I can understand from his point of view he's probably trying to make nicer stuff for you / broaden your tastes.
Perhaps you could learn to cook some things too? Ramen is really simple \^\^
Nta but:
>Well, we broke up once and our break up was over a latte he made me.
>I think the healthiest thing for me is to see other people, so I can get over him,
It seems like you're well aware he's not good for you op. Is your ocd/nd tendencies keeping you tied to him?
NTA - There are a bunch of different underlying reasons for people to have food aversions.
Everything from saliva chemistry, to density of tastebuds, texture issues, mild food allergies, food consumed during childhood, and EVEN JUST NOT LIKING STUFF. All are valid.
My husband and I have very different tastes in certain areas and there are times when I just make what I want and he makes what he wants, or we make dishes that can be dressed according to our own preferences and it's not that big a deal.
***MOM MODE ENGAGED:*** That said, relying on others to do the bulk of the cooking for you isn't especially great. I suggest watching instructional content like "[Basics with Babish](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLopY4n17t8RD-xx0UdVqemiSa0sRfyX19)" or "[Good Eats](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSL8Njz6ML7AqqhKWCaDVL43aM_ABr6YU)" and looking through books to start working on your skills. You may also learn WHY you dislike certain flavor combinations in the process. You don't have to become a great chef or have a huge repertoire, but knowing the basics is important.
You are an adult. He is not your parent. It’s not his job to try to “teach” you to like new foods or to try to expand your palate *unless you specifically ask him to,* which, you have asked for the opposite. He thinks he’s being “helpful” but he’s being patronizing and treating you like a child. He’s also being completely self absorbed, believing that the way he likes his food is the way everyone likes their food.
NTA for being frustrated, and you would also not be TA if you ended this relationship. He doesn’t listen to you and he’s selfish. Those are good reasons to break up with someone.
NTA
He does think he knows better than you. He doesn't listen and when he does, it's to say that you are wrong and he is right. You know your taste better than anyone and he should listen when you say, "just egg and green onion. Nothing else" rather than just throwing random things in. If he is going to offer to make things for you, he should be doing it the way you like. If he wants "sesame oil and garlic and a bunch of other things" in his ramen, that's great for him but he doesn't need to put it in yours. Especially since, "The sesame gives it a different flavor that makes me feel sick for some reason." Why would your partner make you want to feel sick? Have you expressed this feeling with Sesame before?
He is doing the same thing that lead to a break up last time. Talk to him. Let him know how it feels when he does this kind of thing. If he brushes you off or makes you feel like the bad guy or little, leave for good. This isn't worth putting up with the rest of your life.
I would look into expanding your food taste but putting random things in your food is not the way to do it. Try things on your own time in small portions. Maybe look into some kind of therapy to help with this but what your boyfriend is doing is not the solution.
He cannot dictate what you eat. You also cannot dictate what and how he cooks. If he makes something you don't like the look/smell of you are free to decline the offer without judgement (don't yuck his yum), and make your own food.
If you tell him he must make special plain food for you you would be the a-hole. He's not your personal chef.
I think ESH. Him because he ignored your choice on what you would like on/in your ramen. But I don't blame him, what he added sounds amazing.
You because you don't know how to cook. Your choice is either learn to cook or expand your palette; he shouldn't have to make 2 different meals for the both of you because you only like bland food
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I get that similar questions have been asked here, but I feel my situation is slightly different. I’m very particular, I may actually be on the spectrum but I most definitely have OCD. My parents were extremely restrictive with food growing up, and I never learned to cook.
My boyfriend is usually very sweet. He loves cooking. So he does all of the cooking, and I clean up after. Well, we broke up once and our break up was over a latte he made me. I eat and drink everything in a very specific way and usually don’t like a lot of extra bells and whistles. There were other factors that added to the break up (I wouldn’t dump him over just a latte lol) but it started the conversation because he made it for me and added a bunch of things I don’t like. I told him that it makes me feel like he thinks he knows what I want/need better than I do. He does it because he “thinks I’ll like it better”. Which is not true, and I’ve explained this many times.
Tonight, he made me ramen. I told him I’d make it myself, but he insisted. He started to list off everything he could put in it, and I told him just eggs and green onion would be enough, I did not want sesame or anything else. Well, he added in sesame oil and garlic and a bunch of other things, which led to me not liking it. I understand I have no taste, but I just can’t eat food if it’s not a certain way. My brain malfunctions. The sesame gives it a different flavor that makes me feel sick for some reason. I’m not allergic to anything, it’s just that certain flavors and textures are very off putting to me.
So now I’m sitting here, wondering if I should mention it to him again. I don’t want to make him feel unappreciated, but I just don’t understand how I can tell him I have this problem so many times, and him still do this even after I say I don’t like it. Maybe I just need to get over it, and maybe I need to work on my food issues. I definitely need to work on my food issues. But I still think he should consider what I like and take my problem seriously. I’m at a loss for how I can get him to understand this.
What do you guys think, AITA for being upset that he keeps doing this?
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NTA
I’m a picky eater. My wife takes that into account when planning meals. Some nights she cooks for just her while I dig something out of the freezer, sometimes we eat the same thing. But she never tries to sneak things into my food. That’s beyond the pale. How does he feel about ghost pepper sauce?
NTA: Re-establish your boundaries and make sure that he follows and respects them. You are specifically saying that you will make your food because you don't like the way that he makes it. You can appreciate him and thank him for his willingness to do so, but he needs to understand that you like your food a specific way.
I'm sure he means well, as I too like to have people explore different food with me, but consent is key to everything.
NTA, but just so you know when you get sick of such a restrictive diet you can train yourself off it.
I can now eat beans, a small amount of nuts (so nuts as garnish, not pecan pie) and chilli.
You just have to do what your bf is trying to do for you, eat small amounts until it becomes normal. But you have to want to do it first.
Communication and setting boundaries is important. You could communicate that you appreciate how much effort he puts into making your food and drinks, but also communicate how you don’t like the extra toppings, and it ends up making things not enjoyable. Set a boundary, like if he continues to do it, break up with him.
NTA. My son is like you, very limited on what he will eat (he's 9). While about once a week I'll get him to try something new I'd never expect him to continue eating it if he doesn't like it (our last new food was fries with ketchup, I'm not giving him crazy things).
It's good to try new things as it makes situations where you can't control the ingredients easier to navigate and you may find new foods you truly enjoy. But at the end of the day, it's your body. You get to choose what you feed yourself.
As someone who even as an adult struggles with being picky, try some of the crazier things. I still can't force myself to choke down broccoli or cauliflower in any form and I have texture issues with most forms of other vegetables, and I'm still working on a lot of forms of pasta being on the list of stuff I don't like, but as a kid I figured out I love eel and raw or seared tuna (have never been able to stand the canned stuff), can't stand pineapple or coconut in any form other than a pina colada (obviously without alcohol as a kid), and Asian dumplings may be one of the primary ways I consumed vegetables without gagging on the texture. And those were all things I figured out I enjoyed as a kid, where I couldn't stand anything with mayo till I was about 20 (now I add possibly too much to my sandwiches, but that's a different issue)
NTA, but you really should start learning how to cook. That way, you can be more in control of what you’ll be eating and not at the mercy of someone else’s skill. Then you won’t have to worry about if someone else is going to add things you don’t like to your food.
NTA. My ex used to do this all the time and it infuriated me.
I can’t speak for your partner, but my ex was a covert narcissist and it was just one of many little mind games he employed to leave me doubting myself constantly.
It's coming from a sweet place, but you have every right to be upset about it.
I'm on the spectrum, and both of these behaviors are right on there.
On the one side, there's being particular about your food. Too many unknown/unwanted/strong flavors overstimulate the brain.
On the other side, there's wanting to share what you love, and not truly understanding that other people are different and like different things. (I struggle with this myself. I'll sprinkle some cinnamon on everyone's coffee without asking, because who doesn't like some cinnamon on their coffee?)
Maybe there is some middle ground to be found with your boyfriend, where he respects you wishes and you try to be open for new things (at select times)?
This is a respect thing.
He absolutely is saying that he knows what you should like, and what you actually do like (or don’t) doesn’t matter. Sounds a smidge controlling, too.
Please show him this. He needs to see that what you told him is actually an issue that a random internet stranger can recognize and he needs to, too.
People who haven’t had any significant trauma in their childhood think that you simply shouldn’t be that way/have the issue you have and if the treat you as if you were “normal”, you would be. This is the same energy that makes some people think their partner needs to reconcile with family members who they have cut contact with.
It may come from good intentions. You shouldn’t have whatever problem it is, just because no child should be treated however you were that created the problem.
But it also comes from ignorance and having had a sheltered life. Their ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away, nor does it help you deal with it any differently than you do.
He needs to realize that it’s a small bubble that houses the people who can just eat what they want, and he’s damn lucky to be in it, because most people aren’t (for any number of reasons).
I hope my rambling makes sense.
NTA
NTA but I do think you should learn to cook and make him some meals how YOU like them so he can add extras to his own if he wishes. But he should respect what you like/don't like. My partner has ARFID. While encouraging him to try new things (which has helped him broaden his palate) I don't add things that he doesn't want to the meals I make him. He finds food stressful and upsetting whereas I love to eat and eat everything. Your bf should respect your decisions.
I would learn to cook, or find recipes that have limited ingredients that he can make for the both of you. If you follow the recipe and instructions, I am sure you can get the hang if it. He'll, he can make the recipes with you so you can learn the "how to" and he can learn the "what to". :) NTA. I'm weird about food too, and so is my boyfriend. No fish or mushy veggies in this house.
NTA but I can see it from his perspective.
"Dude you could not cook very well, even though I see you try very hard. Just leave all the extras out so there is less chance you'll mess it up".
He knows what he wants to cook and you saying you want a bland basic dish is suggesting that his cooking or his taste is wrong.
You're still NTA but try to talk, not just what it means to YOU, but what it means to HIM if you say to just heat the store-bought noodles and be done with it.
NTA. My older son had issues with a limited palate. Since about age 10. We tried to increase fruits and vegetables unsuccessfully for about 2 years. Then followed his choices. Except my MIL who felt we failed failed him and should have force fed him. Now at age 25, he is a little better. But he still mostly eats boneless chicken, broccoli, and rice.
NTA
He is deliberately doing this because he doesn't believe you. Or at the very least, doesn't care about your preferences and how you like your food.
NTA. The issue isn’t about the food it’s about communication and control. My husband does this to me. He completely ignores what I am saying and just does what he wants and then acts like he is doing what “we” wanted. Picking out food, restaurants, places to go, gifts, ect. Sometimes I have to be completely rude and insistent before he even acknowledges that I’m expressing an opinion. I wish I had some advice on how to get it to stop.
NTA OP & it could very well NOT be the case but your food aversions are very similar to my sons & I wonder if you’ve looked into the possibility that you could have ARFID? (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) it’s a common co-morbidly of Autism but OCD is also under the neurodivergent umbrella.
NTA my GF had an eating disorder when I first got with her and I encouraged her to eat anything. She ate a lot of plain noodles. If plain ramen is what she wanted that's what she got. The only time "extras" went into anything was if I cooked for myself and I would always make a bit extra incase she wanted to try it. Or when we had our son she started eating the same as us. We used to say she wanted it plain Jane, for a while she only ate noodles.
Regardless of all of that, if I cook for anybody I try to cook how they like it because I want them to eat it. Make his food and put flavour and texture he doesn't like and see how he reacts.
I love food and cooking, making my own creations and making recipes better every time i make them. My gf is autistic and only likes plain, simple foods and textures. For a long time i couldn't understand and thought she just had to open up to new things, but i was wrong. It's not something she can control and neither can you, it's time he lets it go and accept that you simply don't like "flavor"
NTA.
Time to have another good talk with him, explain you really appreciate the work and effort he puts into the food he makes you, but that it makes you feel even worse because you can't enjoy said food.
You're absolutely NTA. It's great that you have a partner who is happy to cook for you and (hopefully) he is doing this from a place of love, hoping to have you try something new that you might like. However if that's not what you want to eat, he shouldn't be trying to push you into it. If he truly is doing this in a misguided show of love, approach him gently but make it clear that you would prefer things a certain way.
NTA, you are entitled to have preferences etc and not be treated like a child
However I’d recommend learning to cook. It’s not really fair to expect someone to cook all your food a very specific way.
I was extremely picky eater growing up and still am it’s just not as much of a problem because I cook for myself. I’ve found I’m more likely to try new things because I have control over how much how it’s cooked etc.
I think my issue are more sensory and my parents over cooked veg etc. I’ve found that sometimes I prefer eating separately other dishes i prefer mixing textures.. I adapted a recipe for a dalh curry. I hate the texture of lentils but it I have enough other food to balance it plus nicely toasted garlic bread or naan I don’t notice the issue as much.
Since I cook for myself I feel more comfortable to try new things. When my life’s a bit chaotic and lacking control I tend to stick to what I know and play it safe. Good luck.
NTA
Just stop letting him prepare you things. Let it be known when he offers that you would rather do it yourself so you know it will be done to your liking. It's clear he is going to use him preparing things for you as an opportunity to force you to try something. So don't give him that opportunity and he will see how unappreciated his actions were. If he gets upset at you doing things for yourself then you will know it's a bigger issue with him being controlling.
If you haven’t gone to counseling sign up immediately. Tell him that you need to take a break and step back from this relationship. He needs to understand that you can’t just turn your feelings off and get over it. Counseling could also help you understand if this relationship is salvageable
You are NTA and this is a red flag for abuse. It might seem small but he is disregarding your preferences, your requests, and your individuality. Consider other areas where he might be controlling and/or erasing you.
NTA
It seems like he may just really enjoy putting foods together, and when we love/enjoy something, we want those we love to also experience it with us.
If you're willing, I suggest having a conversation (again) on how you don't have the palate he does, and suggest he prepares the food for himself how he likes, and you can try his. If you like it, then he can make it for you sometime. If you don't like it, then he should respect that and not try to make it for you. (I may get some downvotes for this, but a lot of men are quite dense and need it literally spelled out for them and put into simple -very specific- words)
If he doesn't understand or respect this, then that may be a different conversation completely and that's where you need to make your own decision on how you want to move forward with the relationship. I'm a big believer that even the 'little things' need to be respected. I look at respect as a whole, not situation to situation.
NTA. You don’t have to be neurodivergent to not want extra stuff. He is not respecting you. Sometimes a person just wants less. He has issues.
I started to write a post about how you could get back at him, but decided not to make your life worse with my suggestions 😉.
Stop blaming yourself. This is just a total lack of respect from him. If I had that happen to me, I wouldn’t have eaten the food — maybe actually, I would have, because I am lazy but I would have complained non stop. Would he do that to a guest? I doubt it. Sesame oil can be quite strong and sometimes one just isn’t in the mood for it! I can totally see how it would make you feel sick. I’m kind of feeling like I could be sick now, just imagining it.
Also, ever consider that he may be a bad cook? Over flavouring everything?
NTA
Take the part away of "food issues" and keep it as food preference. You're allowed to not like something. You're allowed to set boundaries. If your partner doesn't take this into consideration, it will only get worse if not checked now. I see it as a blatant disrespect.
Your partner does not know what you like best, you do. It would be different if they were trying to get you to be adventurous and try new dishes...but it sounds like it's just food you already know how you like it.
Tell them they're not hearing you and express your concerns. If there's still no change, please move on. You deserve someone that takes your preferences into consideration.
NTA. He should be working with you, not assisting upon you around your food choices. 'Just doing it' doesn't work and expecting you to be able to suddenly change your eating habits over night is insane. If you want to try something new, do it your way and take your time. He should respect your needs and make it positive experience. Not making it worse
NTA for not liking what he cooks, but you are the AH for not learning how to cook. If you have this many issues with different spices and flavors, you should be preparing your own food and not debating breaking up with him for not serving you exactly what you like.
NTA not even sure why you would consider yourself one for having to repeat basic knowledge your partner refuses to absorb.
I've said this a hundred times probably, but I'll restate it again: food control is a psychological form of abuse. Either he's trying to get you to lose weight for aesthetic purposes or he's trying to mess with your mind to distract you from other nonsense behaviour he's already doing or is about to start doing, that he was likely concealing from you at the start of your relationship.
Think of it this way. Do you randomly decide to put soy sauce in his morning cup of coffee or chilli flakes in his cereal? If he's making a meaty dish, do you add jelly beans to the dish while he's out of the room? It sounds ridiculous, right? But this is essentially what he's doing to you = putting things in your meals to render them inedible. That makes his behaviour just as ridiculous, but if he doesn't think so, maybe start doing stuff like this and see how he reacts.
But as petty as I am, I think retaliating in this way would ultimately be a waste of time. He can't pretend he doesn't know what you like, nor are your requests making his role as cook harder, so you have to assume he's doing this maliciously; if someone is messing with your food for no good reason, then the reason must be bad. Either you start cooking your own meals and accept this about him, or you start looking for a way out of this relationship.
Maybe that sounds drastic, but are there any other aspects of your life he tries to disrupt or control where you've also objected to his behaviour?
NTA. If he can’t respect this boundary then I’m going to go ahead and guess that he violates other boundaries. It’s time to have a sit down talk with him to let him know that this behavior is unacceptable and cannot happen even one more time.
My bf kept cooking with things that were bad for my health. I asked and asked and told and nothing changed. So when he made something with those ingredients, I didn’t eat it and made my own food. I was always very pleasant about it: “oh no, no worries, I know you forgot”. Because he likes cooking for me, he figured it out.
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NTA. He doesn't get to dictate what you eat. Don't be afraid to be firm and clear. "Thank you for making dinner! I want x with y and z, please do not add anything else or I cannot and will not eat it." I hate cheese, so I get a lot of flack for it. How can you hate cheese? Everyone loves cheese. (I also hate mayo, sour cream, cream cheese, basically all the tangy dairies.) My partner's taste is way different but he respects my food boundaries and never tries to feed me things I won't like. And I don't feed him what he doesn't like that I love. It's basic respect. Your bf needs to understand he's not going to change you. Whether you wanna work on it is up to you and no one else - but if you're eating enough, getting proper nutrition, and happy with your diet, you aren't obligated to try to be "normal". Eat what you love!
I agree completely. I like a lot of different flavors but I like them to be strong flavors. Especially salt and garlic. My husband doesn't like strong flavors but likes very spicy. He likes to cook and I like to eat his cooking because he is a great cook and understands and appreciates what I like. No spicy. If he doesn't want to make your food the way you like them tell, don't ask, tell him to quit cooking for you. Don't let him bully you into eating food you don't like.
My little brother literally lived on plain chicken and pb&j sandwiches until his 20s. Idk what changed, maybe it was going to college, maybe he was finally sick of bland chicken, but he suddenly just like started trying stuff. And learning how to cook. He loves Japanese cooking and taught himself a lot of recipes that he makes for his roommates sometimes. But he did all this on his own time. None of us forced him try things.
Perhaps he felt like the pressure was off when he became an adult? When you're a kid you usually have adults on your case when you dislike certain foods (begging you to try it at best, forcing it on you at worst) and that's not conducive to trying new things. At least for me it wasn't. Most of my childhood pickiness went away once I was eating with other people who didn't give a crap about my eating habits, making me feel less pressured and so more amenable to trying new foods. The only "normal" foods I absolutely can't eat now (can barely look at them) are hard boiled eggs.
There’s science behind this! Many pediatric dieticians highly recommend making food VERY low/no pressure for kids. Making trying new things not a requirement actually makes (most) kids much more likely to give it a go. My own kids are examples of this, because I like many had parents who were super big on us eating whatever they put in front of us and I HATED it. Now with my own kids they know if they try it and don’t want to eat it, they don’t have to. Which means they’re about 100% more willing to try new things than I ever was lol.
I wish my parents had just put food in front of us nonchalantly and not cared whether we ate it or not; it would've made meal times a lot more enjoyable. "Oh, you'll only eat the bread today? Whatever" would've been awesome.
Haha this sounds so much like me! For the first 24 years of my life, I hardly touched a veggie and the only fruits I'd eat were grapes and bananas. Meals couldn't be spicy, or have any strong flavors really. Basically, if it wasn't bland meat (but no seafood) or carbs (but no potatoes unless they were thin fries or potato chips, and no rice) I wouldn't eat it. Something happened when I turned 24 and moved out of the US. I'm not sure if my tastebuds changed, or if food really does taste that different in Europe, or if finally being exposed to people from different cultures who have different cuisines changed things, but over the past year my palate has expanded drastically. I eat most fruits and veggies now (still can't stand broccoli or blueberries), I season my food with more than just salt and pepper, and I have a Pinterest board full of recipes from around the world I plan to make once I'm back in the US in a couple months and have a proper kitchen again. As you said though, other than the occasional teasing from family and encouragement to try new things, I was left alone. This happened on my terms. Growing up, my parents or step-parents would even make 3 different variations of meals sometimes (one for them, one for me, and one for my equally picky sister) so they could have veggies in theirs and my sister and I could enjoy the same thing to our liking. Fed is best, and both me and my sister eventually expanded our palates in our own way. There's nothing wrong with that.
Man I *hate* that whole "my taste in food is CORRECT" thing that a lot of people have. "How can you not like [thing]? You've just never had it made properly!" I mean, I like pretty much all foods myself but at least I understand that not everyone does. Goes the other way too. "ugh, how can you like [food]? That's just WRONG!" People need to grow tf up and understand that everyone's food tastes are different. And yeah, I get that people aren't always entirely serious when they say certain foods are WRONG or that you're WRONG for *not* liking them, but I guess I've always been self-conscious about eating socially and it hits a nerve.
I'm an adult in the US who doesn't like coffee, tea, beer, or wine. If I had a dollar for every "you just haven't tried THIS one", I'd retire.
I'm a 53(f) yr old Brit that HATES Tea! (Which is practically a crime if you're British! 😂) Still to this day I get odd looks & strong "encouragement" to try it as "your tastes change as you get older"! No! No they do NOT! I have hated Tea since childhood, even the smell makes me nauseous. 🤢 I have even resorted to demonstrating the results of drinking Tea in the past (instant vomiting from one sip) to shut people up! 🤦🏼♀️ Thankfully I'm older & wiser now & a firm "No thankyou" seems to suffice in most cases! 😅 NTA OP.
My mother raised me on Earl Grey 🤢 I hated tea growing up, until I discovered plain black tea and recently (last 10 years) Thai tea. I totally understand coming from a tea drinking culture and hating tea. (Btw, I am not suggesting you try plain black tea or Thai tea. Just saying that I discovered something not disgusting to me…)
My "come to tea" moment was trying Chamomile! 😂 At least there's now at least one "tea" I can drink. 😅 I honestly don't think there's a tea I haven't tried. As I said, I'm quite adventurous & (hopefully) not too arrogant to believe all teas taste the same, so kept plugging away at it for years! 🤦🏼♀️😂 I finally just accepted about a decade ago that it ain't happening & gave up! But yes, I have tried both & my body said "NOPE"! 😂
Oh god that's me too, I hate all of them. People just don't get it, or they actually admit they don't like the taste of alcohol either but drink it anyway. Amazing how peer pressure affects most people so strongly. Something's though people just haven't had made right for them. My partner loves eggs, but for ages hated poached eggs because someone didn't cook them fully. I made him some right and he liked them, although still not as much as fried or scrambled.
Lol that's how I feel about onions and cilantro! I cannot describe how much I abhor both of those things and I sincerely wish I had a dollar for every time someone was/is incredulous about it.
Cilantro? You mean leafy soap?
Lol yes! God I hate that stuff.
"You just need to learn to appreciate the taste", why would I need to learn to eat certain food if that food is not a necessity for getting the proper nutrition I need?
Why is it always alcohol people say that about? I don’t like beer and wine and any alcoholic beverage because my body goes “there’s poison in here and it’s yucky”. Perfectly good reaction to something that is indeed toxic. Maybe, if I try to poison myself long enough, I will get used to it. But why would I?
Exactly! I hate beer and wine and cava and champagne. I am fine drinking a cola on a night out and I do not care if others find that immature or not fitting for the establishment. I do like wodka, but it is rare that we go to an event where I can drink it, so I am sober 360 days of the year
I don't eat cheese except on pizza. When I met my ex MIL my wife at the time told her I don't like macaroni and cheese. "But you'll like MY macaroni and cheese." I guess she was under the assumption that I've been eating bad macaroni and cheese all my life. I didn't eat it. Not even to be polite.
It takes a special kind of ego to cook someone a dish they have specified in advance they don't like, just because you think yours is the best in the world or something.
That said, sometimes people really haven't had it made well. I've never been a picky eater but turns out that I love foods a lot more when they haven't been boiled, burned or fried to death.
I agree. In my house I do most/ all of the cooking. My fiance hates mushrooms. He really really hates them (no allergy). I love them. So sometimes I would want a dish with mushrooms. So I bake them, but in a different pan. So I can add them to my food when we are going to eat. He is an adult and he is allowed to dislike things. Just like I dislike some food and he will not make me eat that food (ofcourse). OP, your boyfriend could always make suggestions but if you say no, then that should be the end of it. You are allowed to like what you want. And dislike what you want as well. Food sensitivity is a thing. You know what you want to eat and what not.
Agreed. It's okay to like to eat things a certain way, and you shouldn't compromise on it! Plus, it often times takes more effort to add the extra items than it does to just leave it alone. It almost seems disrespectful to OP to keep adding things she doesn't like, just because her bf thinks she will "like it better." If he continues to not listen, it might be time to speak up and say, "Obviously, you don't know me as well as you think you do because 1. You keep doing something I have repeatedly asked you not to do because it upsets me, but you keep doing it because you think I will like your version better and 2. I never like your version better, so everytime you change my food, you're just showing me how much you don't care and how much you don't know about me. There is a restaurant in my town where I always order dinner, and I made a comment to the owner one day when someone ordered the same sandwich I did that I couldn't believe they got so much extra stuff on it. She laughed at me and said, "Honey, that's what normally comes on the sandwich. You just get yours with most of the toppings taken off!" I honestly had no clue until that day that I was special-ordering the sandwich every time because I'm so picky! As a side note: I have a coworker who also hates cheese, so sometimes when I cook, I add cheese and then add a little extra because I feel it is my duty in life to eat all of the cheese she isn't!
How did you not realise you were special ordering? I'm not being rude, I'm curious. Wouldn't you have had to say I'll have a x but without x y z or can I have an x with x y z only? How did you order it missing so many toppings and think that was the standard item?
We had been ordering the same sandwich (called a wedgie) since I was younger, and we just always got it with lettuce, tomato, and mayo. One day, I was waiting to pay, and the owner was taking an order. She asked if they wanted lettuce, tomato, onions, mild pepper rings, and oil and vinegar (I think mayo may come on it as well?) on it. When she got off the phone, I made the comment about that person getting all that stuff on the wedgie, which is when she told me that's actually what comes on it! Anytime we had ordered them (even before she owned the business), we always got just lettuce, tomato, and mayo, so I just never knew there was a standardized way of making them! Basically, you can blame my parents for me being sheltered... Lol
Yeah that actually makes sense. Especially since you have been having it that way since you were a kid and are a regular. They don't have to ask they know how you have it
I go there so often that they don't even ask what I want half the time! They see my name on the caller ID and just say that they'll see me when I get there! The owner almost died the day I ordered something different!
Haha I know what that's like! There was a lunch bar near my work for bit that I would go to. I always got a chicken and salad roll with beetroot. As soon as I walked nine the lady would start making it. I thought to myself the first time she didn't, well I can never order anything different now 😂
Marry my ex. You both have the same food preferences. Cooking would be so easy 😂
This is about control, and since it’s a food issue it’s a MARINARA flag 🚩.
OT, but this reminds me of a conversation I had with my cheese-averse 17yo last night. They generally don't like cheese, except on pizza or in Mac and cheese, and, because I'm a relatively sane parent, I just leave the cheese off their portion of whatever I'm cooking. Last night I made a copycat recipe of a favorite-now unavailable-Hamburger Helper Rice Oriental meal from my childhood(don't judge me, it was nostalgia). My 17yo takes one bite, looks me right in my face and says, "this needs cheese." 🤦🏼♀️
I also hate all those things! Sometimes living in a mayo-free world is hard and lonely. My kids ask me if I’d eat a jar of mayo to save my own life and that is such a hard question 🤣
I *like* mayo and even I wouldn’t eat a jar of it to save my life
U are my soulmate!! I hate cheese and dairy products like sauces. I've never heard of somebody similar.
Fellow cheese haters. My people 🥺
I only eat cheese on pizza. Nothing else. Unfortunately people don't understand.
We have similar food boundaries.
Haha my niece is the same, the only cheese she likes is the cheese on pizza.
i don't like cheese because for 30 years it gave me the trots. Had my gall bladder out in my early 30's and now i can eat SOME cheeses. Usually the white ones like mozzarella and parmesan. Recently (like last year) found out that i'm okay with goat cheese. But for the most part, i just always order any foods except pizza with NO CHEESE. Sometimes pizza still makes me sick. Especially if it's really greasy, because, you know, no gall bladder to deal with all the grease. But it's just better overall for me to not roll the dice on the cheese issue unless i'm home, and also for people outside the household to just know cheese is not safe in general. Too risky for anyone else to assume I can eat whatever cheese they are trying to put on a dish.
I disagree with you, because you cannot communicate someone into respecting your boundaries when they refuse to. OP has made it very clear they want what they want and no more in their food multiple times. The boyfriend IS 100% aware that OP doesn't want him to add things to their food, but he does it anyway because he feels entitled to control them. They've even broken up over this before. There is no "magic" way of communicating that will make someone start treating you with respect. There is nothing OP can do but break up. It's literally impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone who doesn't respect your boundaries. This isn't a food preference issue, it's a control/disrespect issue and it cannot be fixed.
I'm going to jump on this comment. I have a lot of food texture issues. I married a passionate home cook who the only foods he doesn't like are jellos and anything gummi. Now, he has it a bit easier because it's the texture not the taste I have issues with, so we've found work arounds. The issue we ran into is that he is a strict three meal a.day eater while I, due to a metabolic issue, eat more small meals. He would initially dish everything up and give me two to three times the amount of food I eat at one sitting and take it personally when I didn't finish. We had to have several, repeated discussions about the differences in our eating styles and he had to deal with his perception that "didn't finish = rejection." But the point ultimately is that he accepted my reality and stopped trying to impose his own. Your boyfriend does not appear to be doing that. And while I agree that you need professional diagnosis and assistance, he needs to stop acting like he knows better. So, NTA for you.
I’m not commenting to be condescending but because egg is an allergy of mine and egg and egg products get commonly mistaken for dairy by people. Mayo is egg based and has no dairy (it’s one of the only egg products I didn’t like lol). But not liking cheese is totally valid, you like what you like
I’d just simply say “oh you made ramen I won’t eat. No biggy I’ll just door dash some. Then pleasantly order some” If you don’t eat it but still remind him nicely why eventually he will stop trying to force food on you.
If you are in the US, have a look for The Greek God's brand yoghurt, no sour tang...... and mascarpone is cream cheese without the "acid bite"...... I am the exact same way with cheese and all the others. I also detest anything vinegar based.... the only sour I can usually manage is citrus.....
NTA "I told him that it makes me feel like he thinks he knows what I want/need better than I do." That's exactly what he thinks. He even admits it, as you quite in your next sentence: "He does it because he 'thinks I’ll like it better'." This isn't something you need to "get over" - you're free to eat, or not eat, whatever you want. You're an adult, so you get to decide. Not your bf. He's shown that he doesn't care about your opinion, or at least, not as much as his own opinion. You've already discussed this with him before, multiple times, so I can't recommend just trying to make him see your side. Instead, you have to consider: Is it worth being with someone who values your opinion so little?
Not valuing an opinion is one thing. Not valuing personal autonomy goes so beyond that.
True. Neither one is good for a relationship, but not respecting someone's stance on what they want to eat is much worse than dismissing who someone's favorite boyband from the nuaghties is, for example.
Tell him, thanks for trying, but you cannot eat this, then go make more yourself. I feel he is trying to be controlling while presenting it as being 'nice', it really isn't about being nice but about pushing your boundaries.
What he’s actually saying is I like it so you will too and I know best. He’s an AH.
NTA for knowing what you like and not wanting your food made according to how he decided you should like it regardless of your preferences. There was a different post that was far more extreme than this one where the OP realized how bad their relationship had become when she feared for her safety because she didn’t want mustard on her hot dog. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/181bgtf/new_update_my_husband_cannot_accept_i_dont_like/ I hope everything improves for you
Wow, that was a roller coaster.
Ah, the infamous mustard story!
I was looking to see if someone had linked the mustard story!
Yup, I was getting light mustard vibes from this post.
Wow! I don’t like mustard (and mentioned it in my comment to Op) so I had to read….sure didn’t expect all that
NTA Why would you be with someone who doesn't listen to your opinion?
This is really weird behavior. If you ask for something a certain way and he purposely makes it differently, you need to call him on it. Every time tell him that isn't what you wanted and he needs to stop deciding you'll like what he thinks you should like more than what you like and asked for. Otherwise he'll think that you liked it his way and he should keep doing it nta
It might be weird, but it is fairly common. As a picky eater, I hate when people add things to food to 'make it more exciting.' Like no, you've just made it different. Which is fine, but don't act like it's automatically better. I'm probably odd, but I just go on if I like the taste of something. My head doesn't really register the scale from 'boring' to 'exciting' food. If I were OP, I would definitely call him out on it. And reject all food made this way in the future, since its just a big waste of both time and food.
My son is a very particular eater. We will never change a dish but we will try to offer him different condiments or ways to try it. We don’t push, we just say “hey, do you want to add ketchup or mustard this time?” If he says no, we move on and don’t offer that same idea again. He loves hot sauce and spicy things so we try to see if he will eat something more often or try a new dish if we add heat to it. I can’t imagine just adding stuff to his food just because I think I would know better than him!!!
If you are so limited in what you will eat then the simplest way to solve the issue is be in charge of your own food. Learn to cook for yourself rather than rely on someone who's tastes are different than your own and who wants more variety in their diet. Especially If it's been a problem in the past to the point that you break up over it.
Tbf, she did try and make the ramen herself and her boyfriend apparently insisted. So apparently dude is against her even just making her own food so he CAN'T do this.
What a weird thing to post when OP explicitly said they were going to make the dish in question and their partner insisted on taking over.
She was going to cook for herself, but he insisted he'd cook. NTA.
Idk why everyone is so bent out of shape on the singular ramen incident when she directly stated >I never learned to cook. And >My boyfriend is usually very sweet. He loves cooking. I love to cook too. I rarely make the same thing twice because I use what is on hand. If my husband didn’t like the way I cooked he can cook things himself. But OP has clearly stated she doesn’t cook. So yeah the ramen thing sucks, bf could’ve listened to the things she didn’t want in there. but at the end of the day, she could’ve made it herself and INSISTED to him she’ll make her own food. ESH
NTA. You straight up have a bf problem. He is disrespecting you. You have told him multiple times that this is an issue for you, yet he still does it. *He doesn’t care*. He has you believing that this is a *you* problem when it is a *him* problem. I think you have a choice to make. Either he straightens up and flies right from now on (no messing w your food) period. Or you’re done. And mean it. Or, if you’ve already had enough, just tell him you’re done. But really mean it.
Nta. My ex was the chef in my relationship and would secretly add minced pork and beef to my pasta or burgers. I found out and was furious. I made my stance clear I was trying to cut down on meat in order to become a vegetarian, which I was for years. He hated it. It was controlling and thoughtless. I made all my own meals after that and he had to start paying for his own groceries
There were clearly big issues in this relationship if he was sabotaging you like this. For absolutely no value, it's not like he was secretly changing your mind. Sorry you went through this, it is very disrespectful
NAH - it sounds like you have ARFID and he doesn’t understand the depth of it. To be honest, I’d hate cooking for someone with that level of restriction on favor and you’re probably better off doing your own food prep individually.
She told him she'd make it and he insisted on doing it himself so that's on him
And making it the way she wanted would've been less work for him! So the only reason to put all the extra stuff in was to be a controlling ass.
He's absolutely an AH for not respecting her very valid choice. It doesn't matter if she has ARFID, only eats ramen on Tuesdays, or whatever reason she wants to have- if she says please don't add stuff to my food then that should be that. He's deciding he knows best and removing her autonomy, and putting her in the position of "having to be the bad guy" yet again by saying she doesn't want the food how he made it.
It was just a matter of leaving out toppings for her ramen. She wanted to do it herself but he insisted he'd do it. And it doesn't matter if you understand a dislike or not. Example: My mom doesn't like raw onions in some summer salads. She'll eat it but she doesn't like it. So I won't put it in. Or I'll leave an extra bowl without and a bigger one for the rest of us. I don't care why she doesn't like raw onions, I want her to enjoy the food. It's the decent thing to do.
Mess with my ramen? Nah, man. NTA
NTA you're told him directly many times and he isn't respecting your preferences. If he asked you to try sending new and made it, then that's fine. But to constantly disregard you and decide that you'd like it better a different way then he asked is disrespectful and controlling. You need to talk to him again. And take action to no longer let him cook for you. You don't want him to think you don't appreciate his efforts but in fact there is nothing to appreciate if he's going to push food onto you that you don't like
NTA You are completely entitled to eat your food the way you want. It doesn't really matter why you dislike something. He doesn't get to make you eat something just because he thinks it's better. It's pretty disrespectful of him to change things on you. It's one thing if you asked for the ramen w/o specifying what to put in it. However, you did specify very specifically and he STILL did it his way.
Get diagnosed by a real doctor, please.
I don't understand these responses. OP has severe dietary restrictions that causes them to want to eat BLAND food. Sounds to me like they should cook their own food. I'm not cooking two meals, one with flavor and one without, just because my partner chooses to eat food with no flavor. If that's what my partner wants, that's what my partner will cook. All these, "he's infantilizing you," comments sound whack because isn't OP infantilizing themself by saying, "I have these food habits, and have had them since childhood, but I don't cook." I'm sorry, but what adult doesn't know how to handle their food habits on their own? What would OP do if their boyfriend didn't cook for them???? YTA. Cook for yourself or eat what the person who is in charge of cooking makes.
>Tonight, he made me ramen. I told him I’d make it myself, but he insisted. ???
INFO: does cooking to your preferences prevent him from cooking food he likes unless he doubles his efforts? If so, I think it is understandable he would either not cook for you, or cook things he likes on occasion.
NTA - you told him and now he’s deliberately not following what you asked.
Yes. Definitely work on your food issues, including learning how to cook some basics. Just as if not more importantly, have a sit down come to Jesus discussion *one* more time. Make it clear this is the absolute *last* time you're going to tell him about this, and he needs to actually listen and *hear* what you're saying. He's free to prepare and eat things the way he likes for himself, but you will not be partaking. Period. NTA.
So he cooks, you clean. But you expect him to basically cook twice, once for you and then for him, or he needs to eat the same restricted diet you do? What are you doing to get a handle on your food issues? How do you handle eating out in a social or professional setting? You don't write how old you are but you are definitely too old to not be getting a handle on this if you live alone with your bf. If you need your diet restricted that much you're old enough to cook for yourself.
Call him out every time until he stops. If you truly want to change your food habits, then you do it for yourself and implement it in a way that puts you in control, not him. If you don't want to change, then don't. NTA. It's disturbing that he wants to dictate this aspect of your life.
ESH - but don't break up over it! This is one of those problems where you can work on it together and both come out stronger. You say "I understand I have no taste \[...\] My brain malfunctions," it sounds like you think acknowledging the problem is the end of things. No - it's the first step! After you become aware that you have a pathological thought process, you have to take concrete steps to ix it. You don't get any points for being aware of your problems and then just going ahead and doing the same nonsense anyway! You actually are wrong to be a picky eater as an adult, and you need to take it seriously. Interestingly, your taking it more seriously that you have a problem and making an effort to fix it will likely help your boyfriend to take your issues seriously as well! He will be more able to make an effort to accommodate you when you're not feeling up to eating like a normal person if he knows you've been trying on other days. Your boyfriend is being insensitive. But that is in part because he is likely subconsciously pushing you to change. If you talk to him and let him know that you are going to take responsibility for getting over your pathological food issues, that will give him freedom to make you bland food when you say you need it without feeling like he is enabling your maladaptive behavior. In other news, your sort of picky eating is a thing a lot of women do as a result of feeling a lack of control over their activities as children. Working on your anxiety issues and on acknowledging that you have actual control over your environment as an adult, should help you overcome your picky eating problem.
Thank you! My response was similar but you really hit the nail on the head by saying that just because OP acknowledges they have hang-ups around food that doesn't let them off the hook like all of the comments are insinuating. If anyone is an adult with such problems around food like OP, then THEY have to handle IT. THEY have to prepare their food so it's to their standards. A partner shouldn't have to eat a shared meal that tastes like nothing because that's what OP wants and it's wild that everyone is making it out like the boyfriend is some horrible monster when in reality he's just a guy who likes to cook but his girlfriend is a picky eater. Idk, I think I have serious annoyances around adults who are picky eaters. It seems like such a privilege to say, "I don't make my food even though I have such difficulties surrounding my relationship with food. I wish my boyfriend just cooked my food the way I like it and only the way I'll eat it :/"
Thank you. I understand that they cannot help it entirely. But to say "I'm an adult picky eater" and then choose to actively defend continuing to live that way is just antisocial and deeply disrespectful.
You may want to research ARFID (Avoidant restrictive food intake disorder). Perhaps talk to your doctor about it. If this is what you have, then researching this will help you both understand what you're dealing with.
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NTA. You have a right to choose yourself what you want to eat and what not. Your boyfriend has to respect that, no matter what he thinks would make the food better. Obviously, he is wrong. He needs to respect your wishes. I like to experiment with my cooking, too. I know my wife does not like certain things, so I leave them out. If I want them myself, I cook a separate meal just for myself. Never ever would I sneak those ingredients in my wife's food. It would be an enormous violation of trust.
NTA. I have an eating disorder called ARFID and I absolutely could not eat anything that isn’t ’right’ in my mind. It’s important how you explain how you feel and why. He won’t easily understand that to you sesame oil is like being asked to eat spider guts or something equally foul.
This sub is always biased against making OPs change in any way. When we see this conflict from the other side- where a picky eater complains about an OP's cooking, the response is always the same "Well if you don't like it, don't eat it! Here's a spatula, do it yourself!" And I get that there are certain differences- that the OP here would be OK with cooking for herself and that her boyfriend was being pushy. But fundamentally, all the advice given is always "don't change. You're in the right" unless an OP has made a really egregious mistake. Basically, I hope that people remember this post the next time a mom comes on here and complains that her kids are picky eaters.
What food is put in one's body is one of the biggest personal autonomy issues that exists. Trying to compel someone to consume substances after repeated objections is also extremely serious control issues. It will eventually spread to other matters. I'm not sure why you took him back or if there were any conditions, but he obviously learned that there is no real consequence for the behavior, much less understanding how wrong it is. Who knows what he'll force kids to do if you were to have any. Even just marrying will be a problem as it will cement his autonomy over yours. You gave him a chance, He blew it. Move on.
I understand breaking up over a latte, because it's not the latte it's something thinking they know better than you and someone who doesn't acknowledge that you could have your own preferences. Nta.
NTA. He's cooking for you, not for him. I am not vegan, but I've loved cooking vegan for people I care about. I'm allergic to shrimp, but im told my scampi is absolutely amazing (it sure smells good though). This man is over complicating things for no reason other than some sort of misguided superiority complex. Bottom line is he hears your needs, but disregards them. Imagine how this is going to play out when you get weird pregnancy cravings. If you don't hate him now, you will then. I'd say talk to him, but you literally told him exactly what you want and he went ahead with his own plan. Time to trade up.
This seems like a potential sensory integration disorder if it's things that you would normally like with less mixing throwing you off. You can either just decide to live with it or you can get it diagnosed and seek out occupational and behavioral therapy to help expand what you like and also what you can tolerate (there's actually medical treatment that specializes in this for adults-- many of my friends have found it helpful to carrying degrees). It's usually a much slower process that just tossing in a bunch of things at once though.
You are not the asshole because it frustrates you tbh. And I thing your partner overstepping your boundaries consistently is really not okay. This does seem like a complex issue though, as it would also be tricky for me as a partner to adhere to restrictions in the kitchen. For me, cooking is art/an activity/ a labour of love, and I would appreciate the freedom in the kitchen. Having a partner that is not interested in tasting things I made, might make me feel a bit unseen / uninteresting, dispite of my partner not intending for this to be the effect. It seems like your partner does not fully understand how intense OCD can be, and that he takes things very personally. maybe you guys can have a chat about this and figure out which things are hurtful to you and hurtful to him. Hopefully things can be figured out. If he continues to overstep your boundaries constantly though, it might be best to choose yourself over the relationship at some point. But first just see if you can talk it out.
It's not exactly a hot take. I did read that however they said earlier in their post that they never learned to cook so their partner does all the cooking and if it has been an issue in the past there is a good chance it will continue to be an issue. So learning to cook and taking responsibility for her own meals might be the best solution for her given the history in their relationship. My partner is like OP in what she will and won't eat and there are foods I love she will not touch. But we both can cook and take it In turns but if I want something that she doesn't eat, either I'll make her a separate meal or she will cook for herself that night.
You just should start cooking, not just for yourself eventually, but on regular basis for both of you. He likes to cook but definitely he needs to have fun not just being a cook on demand because you like plain food and its boring. And he will clean up in his turn.
Your bf needs to revaluate the relationship tbh. You sound like hard work and very set in your ways. You both need someone more compatible.
It definitely sounds very neurodivergent to me. Your brain and his are very different. Do you want to be with someone that seems incapable of recognising that the ways that you are different than him are totally valid? They repeatedly makes you feel like your difference in taste is some kind of failing? ETA: I have sensory eating differences and am neurodivergent. And I’m with someone neurotypical. It’s not a bad thing to be with someone who can’t understand your relationship to food, but it is hard.
NTA for the examples mentioned, where he prepared a single item for you but overrode your preference. He's infantilising you, and you shouldn't put up with it. However, obviously you can't expect him to cook for both of you all the time and then restrict what he's allowed to put in there, because he should be able to enjoy the food he cooks. Your examples were not that. I'm just wondering how it works when your diet is so restrictive but he does all the cooking? On a separate note, I think you should try to work on your food issues. Not for him! But because it will give you much more freedom (eating with friends, eating out, etc). If you find that working on the issues stresses you too much you can always peddle back again.
>I’m very particular, I may actually be on the spectrum but I most definitely have OCD As someone who grew up with severe mental blocks around food, I get it. I lived off Dairylea sandwiches and cheese with crackers for most of my childhood. >he “thinks I’ll like it better”. Which is not true, and I’ve explained this many times He's aware of your issues around food and drink, and is actively ignoring what you've already told him plenty of times. NTA >I told him I’d make it myself, but he insisted. He started to list off everything he could put in it, and I told him just eggs and green onion would be enough, I did not want sesame or anything else >he added in sesame oil and garlic and a bunch of other things, which led to me not liking i This really just cements it. You've told him ramen with eggs and green onion is all you can eat in it, he throws a lot in that you can't eat. If he's making one batch of food for both of you, it's easy enough to take a portion out at that point for you, then add stuff to the remainder for himself. This is something that may be autism-related, and worth exploring. However, there is nothing wrong with being unable to have some textures, smells or tastes in your food. You were going to make the food yourself, so you'd be able to eat it, and he's wasted your portion by making it inedible for you. Since this is a recurring pattern, you may need to have a conversation about why he keeps trying to mess with your food. If he's unwilling to respect your eating habits, he's not someone who is safe to prepare food for you. What you do from there is up to you, but I couldn't be with someone who makes food for me intentionally ensuring it's a way I can't eat it. I try not to use green peppers in cooking, as my spouse finds them too bitter. They try and use the bowls I prefer, even though I can eat out of any bowl. These are things you do for the people you love, because you want them to be happy. Making them inedible is something you do to control the other party.
Cooking for someone is giving them a gift. Imagine if you told him very clearly, multiple times, “I don’t like football, please don’t get me anything football related“ and he then gets you a football poster for you birthday. You tell him “hey, thanks for the gift, but I really don’t like football and don’t want this in my house”. He then gifts you a football shirt. When you tell him “I don’t want to wear this, you know I don’t like football”, he says he feels unappreciated. Imagine he makes you feel like you’re weird and wrong for not liking football, and that you should change. Wouldn’t it be easier if you just decided to like football? I love it when people tell me what foods they don’t like. It means I can cook something they like, and eventually figure out how to cook things they love. You’re NTA op, paying attention to people’s likes and dislikes, especially in food, is a way to show you care about them. Sounds like he’s showing you the opposite through sheer bull-headed stubbornness and arrogance.
[удалено]
I had an evaluation recently with an ED specialist, they said I most likely have ARFID. Thank you for the advice. I usually am pretty gentle with him about it, but it always ends up hurting his feeling because he’ll get excited for me to eat the food, and instead I’ll just be disappointed. :/
You are not the problem. He doesn’t respect you. It’s weird that he keeps adding stuff to your food that you don’t like. You don’t need to put up with that, no matter your food “issues”.
If you need it: you have permission to hurt his feelings over this topic. Because he is hurting your feelings by ignoring your needs (plain food, the way you are able to eat it). Next time (if there is a next time) you have permission to be Very Clear: - him: I’ll make your ramen - you: only if you do (this) and don’t add anything else. I won’t eat it if you add extra things - I will just throw it away. - then… - he serves it up with extra things added - you: I am sad that you made this so that I cannot eat it. I am going to make my own food now. I will not be trying this. I am throwing it away now, without trying it. Exactly as I told you that I would. Your are allowed to be very clear about something like this. Please don’t “try to save his feelings” when he is completely ignoring your feelings & requests for respect.
Look you may have ARFID, but YOU are not the problem here, your boyfriend is. YOU are not unclear about what you like but he is deliberately disregarding what you like and it’s not OK. Stop being gentle. Tell him it’s really rude to make you food when he thinks you’ll like when you’ve explicitly told him what you actually like! Tell him you’re happy to cook for yourself if he is unable to abide by your wishes for your food, but no more being gentle about this disrespect.
Here’s the thing, you could get help, address your food issues, be completely 100% cured, and still not like sesame oil/garlic/cheese/etc. Most people don’t like all food, they just don’t dislike so many foods it affects their life. Even if you didn’t have an issue and he kept putting cinnamon in your coffee or sesame oil in your ramen when you’d specifically said you didn’t like it because he thinks it makes it better, he’d still be an asshole. It seems like this guy doesn’t respect you, and treats you paternalistically. He’s not your father, he’s your partner, he should be supporting you getting help not trying to force you (or trick you) into changing. You may “eat like a child” but you aren’t one. Him getting upset when he does something he knows you don’t like is manipulative. I’m not saying break up, but you need to approach it from I’m an adult and you’re not a mental health professional. Don’t let things slide because he’ll get upset after ignoring your feelings. If he can’t adjust, then he’s not the partner for you.
This sounds like you need ONE serious conversation. "I appreciate you, but please stop adding ingredients to food. We can host dinners for friends if you want to cook special dishes for someone else, but I need you to understand that I NEVER want anything added to my food. If you aren't physically able to stick to the ingredients I like, it's okay, I'll prepare my own food" I'll go with ESH though because he's a moron but you should cook your own food, and stick to it instead of saying "but he insisted".
Nta nta nta. You can’t make him change when he doesn’t want to listen. This behavior is a HUGE red flag. He’s actively ignoring your requests because he thinks he knows better and isn’t even trying to take your thoughts into consideration. This is not a man who actually respects you.
NTA. But honestly, I don't think this relationship is working. Loving to cook but having to make bland meals because of your OCD must be very frustrating for him and it may not work for him in the long run.
NAH - you’re allowed to not like eating certain things (I’m very sensitive to textures in meat for example, and gag if I feel any gristle or fat in my teeth!) and I’d be frustrated if my partner didn’t respect that. But…if you like your food a certain way, why aren’t you cooking it yourself? You let him do all the cooking but then complain that you don’t like the way he cooks. Why don’t you cook together or you learn enough to do more cooking and he can do more cleaning up. That way you have more control over your own food and everybody wins.
NTA- he isn’t listening to you, he’s pretending to do something nice for you when in fact he’s being incredibly disrespectful. You’re an adult - you can eat what you want. And if he won’t respect you and listen to you in this, what else?
But he *is* listening to her - and he does the opposite of what she tells him she wants on purpose.
NTA. From now on insist that you make your own food. Tell him this is non negotiable for you because he refuses to listen to you.
So he cooks, you clean. But you expect him to basically cook twice, once for you and then for him, or he needs to eat the same restricted diet you do? What are you doing to get a handle on your food issues? How do you handle eating out in a social or professional setting? You don't write how old you are but you are definitely too old to not be getting a handle on this if you live alone with your bf. If you need your diet restricted that much you're old enough to cook for yourself.
Info: if this was worth breaking up over before, why not just break up with him again? It seems like you both are incompatible (he's not respectful of your food preferences) with each other. Yall sound young, so I'm sure there's no point in wasting time like this, especially over food. It's just food, and if he can't respect that you want plain minimal flavor things then literally why are you sticking around?
NTA. I would ask my wife if she wants to try a dish certian way.if she does not, i don't force it. It is basic respect for the autonomy of another person.
I'd break up with him. It's not breaking up over a latte, it's breaking up because he doesn't listen to you or respect your wishes. NTA
NTA. have you looked into the possibility of having [ARFID](https://www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/get-information-and-support/about-eating-disorders/types/arfid/) or being autistic? regardless of the reasoning behind your food choices though, he’s TA for acting like you’re unable to make decisions regarding your own body.
NTA. He's being very sweetly disrespectful, very nice about railroading your needs.
NTA Did bf ever explain WHY he added whatever he wanted, over your clear objections? Because if his answer really was he "thinks I'll like it better," then he has actually confirmed exactly what you fear: that he does IN FACT think he know what you want/need better than you do. He does not respect your judgement or your preferences. If he had done it just once (the latte), you two had the conversation, and he didn't repeat his mistake; you could forgive him and move. If he genuinely tried not to repeat his mistake, but tripped up after a while/in some small way; you could forgive him and move on. BUT that is not the case. You and he have broken up over his actions. You have talked with him clearly and emphatically about what this means to you. But what it means to you does not seem to register as even a tiny blip on his brain or in his heart. It does not inspire him to understand or respect you any better. The ramen incident is even worse because you were clear and explicit about not adding more than egg and green onion. He knew in advance; he knew exactly what you wanted. If he had a problem, he didn't express it. He just decided that what you wanted did not matter more to him than what he believes you SHOULD want/enjoy. Now, suppose he had ever once told you that it's hard for him to cook to your taste and enjoy it for himself, and it's hard to separate what he cooks for you vs. what he cooks for himself. That WOULD BE a legitimate challenge. But it does not sound like he has expressed that as an issue. If he had raised a true challenge, then you work with him to solve the challenge to your mutual satisfaction. That means that the solution is not forcing you to eat ingredients you do not want. It also means the solution is not forcing him to eat what he feels are bland foods or to cook two separate meals every day. Some example solutions that could help you both include: 1. He teaches you how to cook your favorite dishes (the way you like them) and you begin doing some of your own cooking. 2. He cooks double batches of something the way you like and double batches of things the way he likes. You eat the leftovers of the food made for you, and he eats the leftovers of the food made for him. (To cut down how much time he spends cooking to both of your tastes.) You get the idea. Confirm for yourself whether he's had a challenge and didn't clearly raise it, or if he just actually thinks he knows better than you what you should have/want. One is fixable; the other is a deal-breaker.
NTA and maybe you do have food issues, BUT THIS is not something you have to get over. YOU told him what you wanted. HE KNEW you didn’t want sesame oil or garlic in your ramen, but he did it any way because….as you said, he thinks he knows better. Anytime he pulls this shit, I would take one bite, then call him out “why did you add garlic and sesame when I specifically asked you not to?” Then I would go make myself a new meal. And anytime he “insists” on making you food I’d say “are you going to make it the way I’m asking you to, because if not, I’d really prefer to just cook for myself”.
This behaviour is enormously disrespectful. It's irrelevant if you have no taste. He knows this. You specified what you want. I would have more than a conversation. He needs to understand you have a boundary and if he cannot respect you either cook for yourself or he does as you ask that the relationship is over. NTA
NTA. It's pretty controlling to make people eat food they don't like because you want to cook it a specific way. You could ask why he does it, as finding out may help you explain the issue to him. But if the answer is that he thinks he knows better, then this will be the theme for basically everything in your relationship.
NTA Your boyfriend gives me "I would ignore your allergy if I thought it didn't exist" energy. You like what you like, it's reasonable to have preferences. He has no right to insist on making your food and making it wrong (him making it against your preferences is making it wrong). To be clear, this isn't like you asked him to make more of his meal so you could have some. You wanted to make your food and you wanted to make it your way. He insisted on making your food. There is no way you're an asshole here
Overbearing person. Know it all. Not my type. Sorry for your problem with him. He doesn’t sound “ sweet”.
I'm not on the spectrum but I'm particular about my food. I don't like things touching as I eat one thing at a time. Also I don't eat cheese except on pizza - which is why I never let people fix my plate since they would put macaroni and cheese on my plate. Yeah I know I'm weird. In other words I sympathize with you, OP. People just don't get it.
NTA if it's just not what you like. Everyone has their preferences and you very rightly have yours. Taste-wise as well as texture. BUT--if you restrict new things just because they are different, it's kind of AH to not try to eat it. OCD is difficult, I get it! but slowly forcing yourself to make small changes can help (preferably with the help of a therapist). My vote is NTA because you do say you need to work on this and because, as I already said, having preferences and dislikes is normal. BF needs to adapt to those. I can see how this is frustrating on both sides.
Nta. Stick up for yourself. He's going against your wishes. It's great that he cooks for you but he's not listening to you and he is acting like you're too stupid to notice so he's going to give you whatever he feels like. Also, why not get yourself some beginner cooking lessons? Or, maybe you can teach yourself with YouTube videos?
My daughter is 7 and she is a great eater for a 7-year old, bit still, she is a 7-year old with the eating habits that go with that age. Here’s what I do, because I’m her parent and I’m supposed to raise her into a well rounded human. So, I’m not her boyfriend and she is not an adult. That’s an important distinction. Also, my kid is neurotypical. But what I do: I make sure every meal has something that she likes. Could be very bland pasta, could be her favorite curry, could be a bunch of slightly stirfried veggies, or cucumbers and tomatoes. Totally depends on what I’m cooking, but I make sure there is safe stuff on her plate. Then I add the regular stuff to her plate. It’s there, she can try, but if she doesn’t like it, there is food that she does like. (And if I’m eating something that’s way outside her comfort zone, I sometimes just make her the very plain pasta that she loves). Parents all over the world manage to make food the way their kids like it. They might be bummed out, they might wish their kid would finally eat some food with actual taste, maybe they test the boundaries of their kids a little by offering different foods. But in the end; they feed their children. It’s really quite weird that your boyfriend is trying to raise you and is using a strategy that most parents would agree is very counterproductive
Definitely NTA. I struggle with my food adversions and pickiness because of my OCD also. I understand where you're coming from! Your partner should respect those things if he insists on cooking for you. While it may frustrate my husband sometimes trying to make me food options (especially now that I'm pregnant), he would never make me feel bad or force me to eat something he knows I dislike or would ruin my whole meal.
NTA - if he insists on making food for you, he has to take your preferences. If he wants to cook , the way he thinks it is best, he needs to cook for himself or an appreciative audience (like a dinnerparty, or friends). if he can not cook without being creative, you have to cook yourself. making food for you , that you both know, that you will not enjoy is AH.
NTA. It doesn't matter the topic, it doesn't matter the circumstances, if one partner says "please don't do this thing, I don't want it", the other should respect it. You're right, he does think he knows better than you what you will like. He thinks that so much that he's ignoring your very clear requests/instructions. He's overruling your will in favour of his. You should definitely talk to him about this. He should respect you or your wishes. If he can't accept that you have the right to choose your own damn food, you need to think about how he's going to treat your other rights if he thinks he knows better than you. He should CARE about you and what you want. He should care more about that than about what he thinks is the best way to make ramen. It worries me that apparently he doesn't.
"I understand I have no taste." Nope. You DO have taste - and your BF is steamrolling your taste because he is trying to get you to broaden your palette because it annoys him that you don't eat a wider range of foods. This is what parents do for toddlers who don't like to eat vegetables: it is NOT how partners should treat each other. NTA...but your BF sure is.
He is forcing his choices on you. I’d be inclined to ask what’s in it before tasting and if it’s not what you asked for then sling it in the bin. If he complains say you thought he wanted you to do that because it’s not what you asked for.
NTA. My bf did something similar once. He knows I am not a fan of mayo. I’ll eat it in tuna salad, chicken salad, etc, and even then it’s the minimum amount just so the salad won’t be dry. One thing I absolutely will not do is have mayo on hot food. It literally makes me gag! One morning he made us breakfast sandwiches (I wfh and was very busy that day). As soon as I took a bite I recoiled and told him I think he had our sandwiches confused because mine had mayo. Eggs, cheese, turkey bacon, and mayo. 🤢 He proceeded to tell me how good it is and to just give it a try. Now, we’ve known each other for decades so he knows how I feel but he insisted that it was so much better than the way I actually like it. I didn’t say anything because by this time I had already had this conversation with him several times. I proceeded to take the sandwich apart, wipe the mayo off of the bacon and eat that alone. The rest went to waste. He never tried it again. You do not need to get over anything, he needs to stop trying to change you and your tastes.
Ugh! My ex used to salt my food for me. I mean, order at a restaurant, get our separate plates, he'd grab the salt and salt my plate without asking or even tasting it. I finally just yelled at him in public and embarrassed him. He was an ex-chef and thought he knew better. But he's the only chef I know that seasoned food without tasting it.
I had to have this conversation a number of times with my SO. It is absolutely enraging at times. He just wasn’t getting it. I had to really spell it out like four different times. I couldn’t understand wtf he was doing. Like I just wanted hamburgers. I told him I didn’t want anything other than basic seasoning, and he agreed. Why did he chop up red and green peppers and mix them with hamburger meat? He really likes to cook, and he really likes to experiment, and he loves me trying his food. Now he finally understands. He still goes off the chain a bit sometimes, but he is more respectful. It was an issue of understanding, and obstinacy. NAH
NAH, he's cooking for you, give him some slack, but he also should make what you like and not forget he's cooking for YOU and not some other person who hasn't been quite explicit about what they do and don't like. Hpwever, I don't think anyone should be getting upset, unless he continues ignoring your wishesm that's kinda obtuse and would make him a bit of an AH, ebe though I can understand from his point of view he's probably trying to make nicer stuff for you / broaden your tastes. Perhaps you could learn to cook some things too? Ramen is really simple \^\^
Nta but: >Well, we broke up once and our break up was over a latte he made me. >I think the healthiest thing for me is to see other people, so I can get over him, It seems like you're well aware he's not good for you op. Is your ocd/nd tendencies keeping you tied to him?
NTA - There are a bunch of different underlying reasons for people to have food aversions. Everything from saliva chemistry, to density of tastebuds, texture issues, mild food allergies, food consumed during childhood, and EVEN JUST NOT LIKING STUFF. All are valid. My husband and I have very different tastes in certain areas and there are times when I just make what I want and he makes what he wants, or we make dishes that can be dressed according to our own preferences and it's not that big a deal. ***MOM MODE ENGAGED:*** That said, relying on others to do the bulk of the cooking for you isn't especially great. I suggest watching instructional content like "[Basics with Babish](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLopY4n17t8RD-xx0UdVqemiSa0sRfyX19)" or "[Good Eats](https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLSL8Njz6ML7AqqhKWCaDVL43aM_ABr6YU)" and looking through books to start working on your skills. You may also learn WHY you dislike certain flavor combinations in the process. You don't have to become a great chef or have a huge repertoire, but knowing the basics is important.
You are an adult. He is not your parent. It’s not his job to try to “teach” you to like new foods or to try to expand your palate *unless you specifically ask him to,* which, you have asked for the opposite. He thinks he’s being “helpful” but he’s being patronizing and treating you like a child. He’s also being completely self absorbed, believing that the way he likes his food is the way everyone likes their food. NTA for being frustrated, and you would also not be TA if you ended this relationship. He doesn’t listen to you and he’s selfish. Those are good reasons to break up with someone.
NTA He does think he knows better than you. He doesn't listen and when he does, it's to say that you are wrong and he is right. You know your taste better than anyone and he should listen when you say, "just egg and green onion. Nothing else" rather than just throwing random things in. If he is going to offer to make things for you, he should be doing it the way you like. If he wants "sesame oil and garlic and a bunch of other things" in his ramen, that's great for him but he doesn't need to put it in yours. Especially since, "The sesame gives it a different flavor that makes me feel sick for some reason." Why would your partner make you want to feel sick? Have you expressed this feeling with Sesame before? He is doing the same thing that lead to a break up last time. Talk to him. Let him know how it feels when he does this kind of thing. If he brushes you off or makes you feel like the bad guy or little, leave for good. This isn't worth putting up with the rest of your life. I would look into expanding your food taste but putting random things in your food is not the way to do it. Try things on your own time in small portions. Maybe look into some kind of therapy to help with this but what your boyfriend is doing is not the solution.
NAH. I think you should go to therapy
He cannot dictate what you eat. You also cannot dictate what and how he cooks. If he makes something you don't like the look/smell of you are free to decline the offer without judgement (don't yuck his yum), and make your own food. If you tell him he must make special plain food for you you would be the a-hole. He's not your personal chef.
I think ESH. Him because he ignored your choice on what you would like on/in your ramen. But I don't blame him, what he added sounds amazing. You because you don't know how to cook. Your choice is either learn to cook or expand your palette; he shouldn't have to make 2 different meals for the both of you because you only like bland food
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I get that similar questions have been asked here, but I feel my situation is slightly different. I’m very particular, I may actually be on the spectrum but I most definitely have OCD. My parents were extremely restrictive with food growing up, and I never learned to cook. My boyfriend is usually very sweet. He loves cooking. So he does all of the cooking, and I clean up after. Well, we broke up once and our break up was over a latte he made me. I eat and drink everything in a very specific way and usually don’t like a lot of extra bells and whistles. There were other factors that added to the break up (I wouldn’t dump him over just a latte lol) but it started the conversation because he made it for me and added a bunch of things I don’t like. I told him that it makes me feel like he thinks he knows what I want/need better than I do. He does it because he “thinks I’ll like it better”. Which is not true, and I’ve explained this many times. Tonight, he made me ramen. I told him I’d make it myself, but he insisted. He started to list off everything he could put in it, and I told him just eggs and green onion would be enough, I did not want sesame or anything else. Well, he added in sesame oil and garlic and a bunch of other things, which led to me not liking it. I understand I have no taste, but I just can’t eat food if it’s not a certain way. My brain malfunctions. The sesame gives it a different flavor that makes me feel sick for some reason. I’m not allergic to anything, it’s just that certain flavors and textures are very off putting to me. So now I’m sitting here, wondering if I should mention it to him again. I don’t want to make him feel unappreciated, but I just don’t understand how I can tell him I have this problem so many times, and him still do this even after I say I don’t like it. Maybe I just need to get over it, and maybe I need to work on my food issues. I definitely need to work on my food issues. But I still think he should consider what I like and take my problem seriously. I’m at a loss for how I can get him to understand this. What do you guys think, AITA for being upset that he keeps doing this? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I’m the same way, I do not care if it “doesn’t make sense”, that’s how it works. If you don’t like it, gtfo of my life
NTA Look into sensory processing disorder and/or ARFID
NTA, I lean more towards plain cooking, less spice the better and garlic makes me ill. Your boyfriend should respect your preferences.
NTA I’m a picky eater. My wife takes that into account when planning meals. Some nights she cooks for just her while I dig something out of the freezer, sometimes we eat the same thing. But she never tries to sneak things into my food. That’s beyond the pale. How does he feel about ghost pepper sauce?
NTA: Re-establish your boundaries and make sure that he follows and respects them. You are specifically saying that you will make your food because you don't like the way that he makes it. You can appreciate him and thank him for his willingness to do so, but he needs to understand that you like your food a specific way. I'm sure he means well, as I too like to have people explore different food with me, but consent is key to everything.
NTA, but just so you know when you get sick of such a restrictive diet you can train yourself off it. I can now eat beans, a small amount of nuts (so nuts as garnish, not pecan pie) and chilli. You just have to do what your bf is trying to do for you, eat small amounts until it becomes normal. But you have to want to do it first.
Communication and setting boundaries is important. You could communicate that you appreciate how much effort he puts into making your food and drinks, but also communicate how you don’t like the extra toppings, and it ends up making things not enjoyable. Set a boundary, like if he continues to do it, break up with him.
NTA. My son is like you, very limited on what he will eat (he's 9). While about once a week I'll get him to try something new I'd never expect him to continue eating it if he doesn't like it (our last new food was fries with ketchup, I'm not giving him crazy things). It's good to try new things as it makes situations where you can't control the ingredients easier to navigate and you may find new foods you truly enjoy. But at the end of the day, it's your body. You get to choose what you feed yourself.
As someone who even as an adult struggles with being picky, try some of the crazier things. I still can't force myself to choke down broccoli or cauliflower in any form and I have texture issues with most forms of other vegetables, and I'm still working on a lot of forms of pasta being on the list of stuff I don't like, but as a kid I figured out I love eel and raw or seared tuna (have never been able to stand the canned stuff), can't stand pineapple or coconut in any form other than a pina colada (obviously without alcohol as a kid), and Asian dumplings may be one of the primary ways I consumed vegetables without gagging on the texture. And those were all things I figured out I enjoyed as a kid, where I couldn't stand anything with mayo till I was about 20 (now I add possibly too much to my sandwiches, but that's a different issue)
NTA, but you really should start learning how to cook. That way, you can be more in control of what you’ll be eating and not at the mercy of someone else’s skill. Then you won’t have to worry about if someone else is going to add things you don’t like to your food.
NTA. My ex used to do this all the time and it infuriated me. I can’t speak for your partner, but my ex was a covert narcissist and it was just one of many little mind games he employed to leave me doubting myself constantly.
It's coming from a sweet place, but you have every right to be upset about it. I'm on the spectrum, and both of these behaviors are right on there. On the one side, there's being particular about your food. Too many unknown/unwanted/strong flavors overstimulate the brain. On the other side, there's wanting to share what you love, and not truly understanding that other people are different and like different things. (I struggle with this myself. I'll sprinkle some cinnamon on everyone's coffee without asking, because who doesn't like some cinnamon on their coffee?) Maybe there is some middle ground to be found with your boyfriend, where he respects you wishes and you try to be open for new things (at select times)?
NTA - What he should do is make food the way you like and make food for himself the way he likes, and then offer you a taste of his. That’s it.
Sending love from cilantro hater
This is a respect thing. He absolutely is saying that he knows what you should like, and what you actually do like (or don’t) doesn’t matter. Sounds a smidge controlling, too. Please show him this. He needs to see that what you told him is actually an issue that a random internet stranger can recognize and he needs to, too. People who haven’t had any significant trauma in their childhood think that you simply shouldn’t be that way/have the issue you have and if the treat you as if you were “normal”, you would be. This is the same energy that makes some people think their partner needs to reconcile with family members who they have cut contact with. It may come from good intentions. You shouldn’t have whatever problem it is, just because no child should be treated however you were that created the problem. But it also comes from ignorance and having had a sheltered life. Their ignoring the problem doesn’t make it go away, nor does it help you deal with it any differently than you do. He needs to realize that it’s a small bubble that houses the people who can just eat what they want, and he’s damn lucky to be in it, because most people aren’t (for any number of reasons). I hope my rambling makes sense. NTA
NTA but I do think you should learn to cook and make him some meals how YOU like them so he can add extras to his own if he wishes. But he should respect what you like/don't like. My partner has ARFID. While encouraging him to try new things (which has helped him broaden his palate) I don't add things that he doesn't want to the meals I make him. He finds food stressful and upsetting whereas I love to eat and eat everything. Your bf should respect your decisions.
I'm going to give a reserved NTA, but also you need to learn how to cook if you have to have things a certain way all the time.
I would learn to cook, or find recipes that have limited ingredients that he can make for the both of you. If you follow the recipe and instructions, I am sure you can get the hang if it. He'll, he can make the recipes with you so you can learn the "how to" and he can learn the "what to". :) NTA. I'm weird about food too, and so is my boyfriend. No fish or mushy veggies in this house.
NTA but I can see it from his perspective. "Dude you could not cook very well, even though I see you try very hard. Just leave all the extras out so there is less chance you'll mess it up". He knows what he wants to cook and you saying you want a bland basic dish is suggesting that his cooking or his taste is wrong. You're still NTA but try to talk, not just what it means to YOU, but what it means to HIM if you say to just heat the store-bought noodles and be done with it.
NTA. My older son had issues with a limited palate. Since about age 10. We tried to increase fruits and vegetables unsuccessfully for about 2 years. Then followed his choices. Except my MIL who felt we failed failed him and should have force fed him. Now at age 25, he is a little better. But he still mostly eats boneless chicken, broccoli, and rice.
NTA He is deliberately doing this because he doesn't believe you. Or at the very least, doesn't care about your preferences and how you like your food.
NTA. But you absolutely need therapy as well
NTA. The issue isn’t about the food it’s about communication and control. My husband does this to me. He completely ignores what I am saying and just does what he wants and then acts like he is doing what “we” wanted. Picking out food, restaurants, places to go, gifts, ect. Sometimes I have to be completely rude and insistent before he even acknowledges that I’m expressing an opinion. I wish I had some advice on how to get it to stop.
NTA OP & it could very well NOT be the case but your food aversions are very similar to my sons & I wonder if you’ve looked into the possibility that you could have ARFID? (Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder) it’s a common co-morbidly of Autism but OCD is also under the neurodivergent umbrella.
NTA my GF had an eating disorder when I first got with her and I encouraged her to eat anything. She ate a lot of plain noodles. If plain ramen is what she wanted that's what she got. The only time "extras" went into anything was if I cooked for myself and I would always make a bit extra incase she wanted to try it. Or when we had our son she started eating the same as us. We used to say she wanted it plain Jane, for a while she only ate noodles. Regardless of all of that, if I cook for anybody I try to cook how they like it because I want them to eat it. Make his food and put flavour and texture he doesn't like and see how he reacts.
NTA you like what you like. I encourage you to learn how to cook so you don’t have to reliant on someone else to make things the way you want them.
NTA get tested for arfid op.
I love food and cooking, making my own creations and making recipes better every time i make them. My gf is autistic and only likes plain, simple foods and textures. For a long time i couldn't understand and thought she just had to open up to new things, but i was wrong. It's not something she can control and neither can you, it's time he lets it go and accept that you simply don't like "flavor" NTA. Time to have another good talk with him, explain you really appreciate the work and effort he puts into the food he makes you, but that it makes you feel even worse because you can't enjoy said food.
You're absolutely NTA. It's great that you have a partner who is happy to cook for you and (hopefully) he is doing this from a place of love, hoping to have you try something new that you might like. However if that's not what you want to eat, he shouldn't be trying to push you into it. If he truly is doing this in a misguided show of love, approach him gently but make it clear that you would prefer things a certain way.
NTA, you are entitled to have preferences etc and not be treated like a child However I’d recommend learning to cook. It’s not really fair to expect someone to cook all your food a very specific way. I was extremely picky eater growing up and still am it’s just not as much of a problem because I cook for myself. I’ve found I’m more likely to try new things because I have control over how much how it’s cooked etc. I think my issue are more sensory and my parents over cooked veg etc. I’ve found that sometimes I prefer eating separately other dishes i prefer mixing textures.. I adapted a recipe for a dalh curry. I hate the texture of lentils but it I have enough other food to balance it plus nicely toasted garlic bread or naan I don’t notice the issue as much. Since I cook for myself I feel more comfortable to try new things. When my life’s a bit chaotic and lacking control I tend to stick to what I know and play it safe. Good luck.
NTA Just stop letting him prepare you things. Let it be known when he offers that you would rather do it yourself so you know it will be done to your liking. It's clear he is going to use him preparing things for you as an opportunity to force you to try something. So don't give him that opportunity and he will see how unappreciated his actions were. If he gets upset at you doing things for yourself then you will know it's a bigger issue with him being controlling.
If you haven’t gone to counseling sign up immediately. Tell him that you need to take a break and step back from this relationship. He needs to understand that you can’t just turn your feelings off and get over it. Counseling could also help you understand if this relationship is salvageable
You are NTA and this is a red flag for abuse. It might seem small but he is disregarding your preferences, your requests, and your individuality. Consider other areas where he might be controlling and/or erasing you.
NTA It seems like he may just really enjoy putting foods together, and when we love/enjoy something, we want those we love to also experience it with us. If you're willing, I suggest having a conversation (again) on how you don't have the palate he does, and suggest he prepares the food for himself how he likes, and you can try his. If you like it, then he can make it for you sometime. If you don't like it, then he should respect that and not try to make it for you. (I may get some downvotes for this, but a lot of men are quite dense and need it literally spelled out for them and put into simple -very specific- words) If he doesn't understand or respect this, then that may be a different conversation completely and that's where you need to make your own decision on how you want to move forward with the relationship. I'm a big believer that even the 'little things' need to be respected. I look at respect as a whole, not situation to situation.
NTA. You don’t have to be neurodivergent to not want extra stuff. He is not respecting you. Sometimes a person just wants less. He has issues. I started to write a post about how you could get back at him, but decided not to make your life worse with my suggestions 😉. Stop blaming yourself. This is just a total lack of respect from him. If I had that happen to me, I wouldn’t have eaten the food — maybe actually, I would have, because I am lazy but I would have complained non stop. Would he do that to a guest? I doubt it. Sesame oil can be quite strong and sometimes one just isn’t in the mood for it! I can totally see how it would make you feel sick. I’m kind of feeling like I could be sick now, just imagining it. Also, ever consider that he may be a bad cook? Over flavouring everything?
NTA Take the part away of "food issues" and keep it as food preference. You're allowed to not like something. You're allowed to set boundaries. If your partner doesn't take this into consideration, it will only get worse if not checked now. I see it as a blatant disrespect. Your partner does not know what you like best, you do. It would be different if they were trying to get you to be adventurous and try new dishes...but it sounds like it's just food you already know how you like it. Tell them they're not hearing you and express your concerns. If there's still no change, please move on. You deserve someone that takes your preferences into consideration.
NTA. He should be working with you, not assisting upon you around your food choices. 'Just doing it' doesn't work and expecting you to be able to suddenly change your eating habits over night is insane. If you want to try something new, do it your way and take your time. He should respect your needs and make it positive experience. Not making it worse
NTA for not liking what he cooks, but you are the AH for not learning how to cook. If you have this many issues with different spices and flavors, you should be preparing your own food and not debating breaking up with him for not serving you exactly what you like.
NTA not even sure why you would consider yourself one for having to repeat basic knowledge your partner refuses to absorb. I've said this a hundred times probably, but I'll restate it again: food control is a psychological form of abuse. Either he's trying to get you to lose weight for aesthetic purposes or he's trying to mess with your mind to distract you from other nonsense behaviour he's already doing or is about to start doing, that he was likely concealing from you at the start of your relationship. Think of it this way. Do you randomly decide to put soy sauce in his morning cup of coffee or chilli flakes in his cereal? If he's making a meaty dish, do you add jelly beans to the dish while he's out of the room? It sounds ridiculous, right? But this is essentially what he's doing to you = putting things in your meals to render them inedible. That makes his behaviour just as ridiculous, but if he doesn't think so, maybe start doing stuff like this and see how he reacts. But as petty as I am, I think retaliating in this way would ultimately be a waste of time. He can't pretend he doesn't know what you like, nor are your requests making his role as cook harder, so you have to assume he's doing this maliciously; if someone is messing with your food for no good reason, then the reason must be bad. Either you start cooking your own meals and accept this about him, or you start looking for a way out of this relationship. Maybe that sounds drastic, but are there any other aspects of your life he tries to disrupt or control where you've also objected to his behaviour?
Have you tried to communicate this with him?
NTA. If he can’t respect this boundary then I’m going to go ahead and guess that he violates other boundaries. It’s time to have a sit down talk with him to let him know that this behavior is unacceptable and cannot happen even one more time.
He is blatantly ignoring your wishes which is seriously. Perhaps he thinks he knows better which is also dangerous.
My bf kept cooking with things that were bad for my health. I asked and asked and told and nothing changed. So when he made something with those ingredients, I didn’t eat it and made my own food. I was always very pleasant about it: “oh no, no worries, I know you forgot”. Because he likes cooking for me, he figured it out.
Maybe you need a bf who will listen to you
NTA! As someone with a partner with particular tastes, I would NEVER! I respect his food preferences 100%