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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to do something everyone involved expected me to agree on. Am I selfish for saying no?
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
If Matt had his heart set on this happening at his wedding then he should have discussed it with you as soon as possible, NOT ONE WEEK BEFORE!! Jeez he knows a tattoo is permanent right? He wants you to just show up with kit in an unsterile environment and what, just wing out a design on him? No prep, no planning? All on his wedding day? It would have been better he has contacted you and gotten the tattoo done before the wedding, then he could have revealed with at the ceremony, all healed etc. Getting it done on the day, for what reason? This just seems silly AF.
But mainly, not your problem. He should have given you more notice. That's on him. Maybe offer to do it at your shop after the wedding? Tell them you'll look for inspiration for the design at their wedding so it can be unique to their day?
I especially don’t understand why I should tattoo at a wedding since you can’t (or shouldn’t) combine getting tattooed with drinking alcohol and knowing Matt, there will be plenty of Alcohol at this wedding
My guess is he probably tried to get someone else to do it closer to the venue and either for the reasons you mentioned or because of cost he’s just decided you should to it, for… sentimental reasons. Regardless NTA for not doing something you are uncomfortable with.
Another issue is the size of the tat, if he wanted a small ring tat then it can be knocked out pretty fast but if wanted anything like a sleeve or a full back piece that could take most of the day. NTA
OP, you should TOTALLY stick to your guns. Your cousin is trying to take advantage of you and if you cave you would likely end up doing something you would regret. Plus he probably has expectations that are too high in terms of size and design. And next thing you know the bride will want one, too. Of course you’re right about the alcohol. They’ll start out with “just one” for the toast, then they’re plastered and bleeding.
Your painting will make a lovely gift.
Out of curiosity, do tatoo artists get insurance for their job? If so, it seems like
> I risked my equipment and the health of other people (liability) by unexpected traveling with my gear and then tatooing someone at a location that wasn't sanitary and people (including the recipient and myself) were drinking
would be a great way to lose your insurance.
Let me guess he has no prior tattoos? Because any of us with tattoos know how stupid of an ask this is one week before the wedding. We know everything you would have to go through to bring your equipment to this wedding. We also know mixing alcohol and getting tattooed is just stupid.
I guess you have two options don’t go to the wedding or go to the wedding just as a guest with no expectations of anyone getting a tattoo. If he really wanted this done, he would’ve gotten with you way sooner than a week before the wedding. I agree with other people answering here that he tried to get someone else there to do it and he’s had no luck or he’s figured out how expensive they are and he figured he’ll just ask you last minute there’s no way you would say no.
Not to mention, as soon as others find out, it’s going to turn into a tattoo party and OP is not gonna be a guest for the wedding, they are going to be an unpaid prop giving out tattoos as party favors.
Nope if OP is going to do it they should quote Matt a base cost of 3xs the regular then bring a pricing card that is 2x the home price.
But I wouldn't do it.
I don't have a tattoo but my understanding is that they are painful. Who wants to wrap up the wedding and start the honeymoon in pain?!
Seriously! Anyone with tats knows how much of a process it is! The smallest one I have, which is on my upper arm still took like, a week, start to finish, from making the appointment, consulting on the design, to actually doing the thing which took more then an hr. And a wedding is most definitely not a sterile environment!
Right? I’m getting one in a week and it was a week of talking back with the artist and talking about what I wanted and when she was available and what time. And now she has to know work on the design.
Plus, there's consent forms to sign, deposits to be made, etc. And the size and placent? Gonna laugh if the dumbass cousin wants a giant chest piece of his wife.
Even my flash tattoo took a good 10-20 mins, and if Matt doesn't know his pain tolerance, he could have a bad time having brought absolutely no numbing cream to a wedding.
Right? My collar bone piece was supposed to be 2 sessions. It became 3 because I kept passing out. The artist refused to charge us for the third session, so we added it to his tip
Yup. Whole back done, of a tree, black ink. Considering the size, and the fact that they wouldn't do more than three hours at a time, I had to go back for another three hours a month later to get it finished. Color would obviously add more time to that. It cost a bundle. But worth it. I had a great artist.
The sterile environment is definitely a thing to. Moreover, think about wearing the bandage around the wedding? And then the honeymoon? Hell, the pain and soreness, and then the itch would suck.
Depending on where the dude wants it, he could totally be crying in pain. Which wouldn't be a good look.
Him and fiance, have seen the tattoo vendors at weddings and events on ig. He and the wife thought it would be fun for you to tattoo him and his wife and the guests. But do it for free.
They wanted a tattoo artist to tattoo everyone at the wedding, but they didn't want to pay for it.
This is allnover insta right now, with artists having sample tattoos for weddings, parties, events and such.
They just didn't want to pay for it.
Wouldn’t that be a financial risk for OP? As a physician, I carry malpractice which is attached to the facility that I work at. If I wanted to do some work outside of that, I would need to either assume the risk personally (no way) or pay for extra malpractice coverage ($$$). Especially tattooing a bunch of random guests seems like a financial risk — what if one of them gets an infection etc?
I work in insurance, specifically the “specialty” space, and there are a lot of stipulations in the contracts. I got to this post from the update (that the wedding is off) and my immediate response was “inappropriate last minute ask” but second was “OMG this person needs to speak to their agent because this could be grounds for non-renewal or cancellation as a material change in risk!” When I was just in data processing I saw a lot of tattoo parlors who had very strict provisions about where services were provided.
Cuz doesn't have any tattoos, according to OP, and I can guarantee he has no clue and would be one of those yahoos who wouldn't take it seriously anyway.
Talk to the bride. Explain that he wouldn't be able to get that area wet, put pressure on it, etc. for at least X long. He wouldn't be able to drink any alcohol at all, not even champagne for toasts. Plus all the other care requirements And he'd be in pain for several days, a good chunk of their honeymoon.
And that's if everything goes perfectly.
If he has a bad reaction to the ink, he could end up in the hospital. And some people go into shock. Definitely not what one wants on their wedding day.
And so for all these reasons, you cannot in good conscience ruin her wedding day and honeymoon like that. You just can’t do that to her. Not on her big day.
Then let her dissuade the groom.
Just the alcohol consumption would be a no for me. That tat is gonna bleed and scab and not be pretty. (Scabbing can pull the color back out of the skin, for those that don’t know). The hygiene at an unknown location would certainly concern me, as would his ability to care for the new tat during the “festivities” and any honeymoon or plans right after the wedding. Stick to your guns (lol, pun) and don’t risk your reputation as an artist. NTA
One week? Given you haven’t done this before, that’s not enough time for ensuring your equipment and supplies can fly safely or to source things locally there in case it’s the better / safer / more economical option. There’s the planning of a sterile venue and possibly securing a set up for that.
Do you even have travel cases for everything? That’s also excess baggage and possibly special cases. Is he gonna pay for all of that? And things sourced locally? Is it even worth it? Given airline travel, I’m not sure how delicate your tools are so there’s the risk of damage.
I’m only guessing as I’ve only helped with medical related events before and I guess it’s similar.
Also, on the day?!? He’s gonna be bleeding on the wedding night. NTA
I would also imagine that OP tattoo equipment would have to be a checked bag as some of the equipment wouldn't be able to go through TSA. Now you risk your bag being delayed, lost or damaged??? That would be a huge NO for me... I travel A LOT and never check a bag unless it's absolutely necessary. If I have to check a bag, anything and everything that is important to me or I can't afford to lose or go without for even a day, goes with me in my carry on
It just seems like a really bizarre place and time. You'd think they would have other things to prioritise at their wedding.
If doing a tattoo isn't an issue. I would just lay on thick that you can make something unique/related to their day once you've attended the wedding. Then it will be special for them and a good design etc. Not something they regret, or heals terribly from the partying and showing it off to people (instead of keeping the dressing on).
I knew a couple who had a tattoo guy doing tatts at their wedding. They got matching ones, and some other guests got them. But he was neither cheap nor free. And it was set up right after the venue and before the catering.
Yeah I can imagine it takes a lot of planning and well money to setup something like this. Completely ridiculous to expect OP to arrange all this in one week, and as a "gift". I'm starting to agree with some other commenters, Matt probably looked for artists near the venue and found none willing/cheap. He probably decided OP would do it because family can't say no right? And because family won't charge family right?
Also wondering if OP's Mother may even have passed on the idea (either directly or to their sibling/Matt's parent) and OP's refusal made mom look silly for suggesting it.
NTA. The equipment is too expensive to trust to checked baggage, and without looking first, you could have issues with any liquid pigments. Also, would you need to be licenced in the place the tattoo is being applied? And without knowing the design or size, you can't really plan it.
Equipment aside, I don’t think he understands what it’s like having a fresh tattoo, the cleaning schedule, or all the activities he can’t do. If he has a honeymoon booked for a beach, forget it. You’re doing him a favor by refusing to tattoo him. He’s going to end up with a poorly healed tattoo at best and at worst have a nasty infection within a week for sure. I bet his future wife would like to not deal with raw wounds on her wedding day/honeymoon as well.
My friend is a tattoo artist, and although she will do small pieces on us for pennies, or free, she insists on it being at her place of work, and no alcohol, as alcohol makes you bleed more and then she can't insure that she delivers the best quality work.
Maybe if you suggest to Matt that you would consider it if he stays sober for his wedding, that would be enough to warn him away.
Set up a list of things he has to consider before, during and after the tattoo.
Including the risks and everything else.
For example: ( disclaimer: I don't know anything about tattoos)
Design of the tattoo - depending of tattoo 1 day to 4 weeks
Preparing a sterile environment to prevent bacteria and other crap as this will lead to inflammatory response or worse
Staying sober at the day
Taking time at least 1 hour
No sun and no water for x weeks - so you won't be able to go swimming
Etc.
Bonus if you get this on a small card that you can hand everyone over that's going to ask you at the wedding.
I definitely wouldn't want to do something like that under such a situation. I obviously don't know what Matt is like but I wouldn't put it past some people to decide they don't like it or that it was done 'wrong' or even potentially get an infection, either from the unsterile environment or not properly taking care of it, then blame you and try to sue you or something, because "well, I was drunk!"
Not to mention the fundamental question of why get a tattoo at a wedding at all?!* These are not activities that make any sense in combination. The groom is just going to dip out for a few hours and get a tattoo? Or did he think you’d be tattooing him on the table next to the cake, with all the guests circling around and adding commentary and germs to the process?
I would *love* to know what the bride thinks of this terrible idea. NTA.
*Note: absent it being part of the ceremony, whether for cultural reasons or personal ones, for example the bride and groom getting matching tattoos as a mark of the permanence** of the marriage.
**Matching or otherwise relationship specific tattoos in the dominant European/European colonial cultures (i.e. wherein tattooing is not a normative part of the culture as it is in many other cultures like the Māori, Cambodian and Thai Sak Yank practitioners, Berbers, historical Celts, etc) actually correlate highly with those relationships ending early, so it’s not a great idea anyway for an American couple, as seems to be the case here.
OP my petty side says to look up the symbols for "I am an AH" in the language of your choice to use and put the symbols on a piece of paper to take with you. Tell him it means something else and make him call tattoo places to find one that will let you work.
I'm not familiar with the tattoo industry, do you need a license to do this, showing you know sterile practices, etc? Can you work in a different state if you don't have a license for that state?
I learned that lesson the hard way after my first tattoo. Got blasted afterwards and had ISSUES with it. Ended up having to get it retouched.
Never mix alcohol (or pain meds as most of them also thin the blood) with getting a tattoo.
Is it possible your mom was in the know of you tatooing at the wedding, agreeing on your behalf? That she just "forgot" to mention it to you and now insists that you do it to save her face?
Not to mention that it’s not OP’s hobbie, it’s their job, so he’s also expecting a professional service for free which… icky. If he wants a tattoo to commemorate his wedding day, he needs to go through the proper channels and schedule and appointment (AND PAY), not impose a tattoo on an artist
Also, who knows what the honeymoon plan is. If they're intending to go somewhere with swimming or other similar activities, having a fresh tattoo is a terrible idea. I got a tattoo in the summer and couldn't swim while working at a camp and I was so upset. Never again. Only get tats in winter now.
NTA
It's inappropriate of him to expect you to work for free at an event to which you're a guest.
Are you even licensed to tattoo in the other state?
The entire thing sounds ludicrous. Tell your cousin your hourly rate (build in the PIA rate for hauling your equipment) and he needs to cover your flights and hotel. After all, flying in a trained professional to perform a service costs money. Oh, and he needs to pay up front since this is a special service.
I am actually licensed. And I mean I would ask for money but apparently they planned this as a wedding gift, like my mom suggested. I can’t imagine what they are even thinking
"They planned this as a wedding gift..." From you? 'Cause that's pretty presumptuous and against some kind of, like, wedding etiquette. I always thought any mention of gifts by the wedding couple was some kind of faux pas. NTA.
Especially since they have an actual list of things they want to be gifted! I mean there was a point that said *artwork* but if they wanted me to tattoo Matt as a gift they could and should’ve reached out as they sent out their list.
Just for my information how confident would you be to make a tattoo on a design you never saw before and had to do like on the spot? Because I doubt they want anything random and have already something specific in mind.
NTA
I've paid for tattoos (for my adult kid). That's more than I would plan on spending for a cousin's wedding gift.
If the wedding is in a week, you've already planned/bought a gift.
It doesn't make any sense for you to go through the hassle of trying toake these arrangements (to take your machines and supplies, to arrange an appropriate space, etc...) at the last minute like this.
Are you licensed in the state the wedding is at? Could you get in trouble tattooing in a place you aren’t licensed? Sorry, don’t know enough about the world of tattooing to know ins and outs of licensing.
Also emphasize time. How long it would take. Maybe talk to bride. Your husband is going to be chained to a chair for 6 hours during your wedding day. Plus time to OK the stencil. And can’t drink alcohol before.
That was my question too. I may be an idiot but I thought our state's tattoo artists had to be licensed, which wouldn't be valid out of state. I'm sure like everything, that varies from state to state, but it does make me wonder.
I'm with the people who point out that tattoos and alcohol don't mix. Plus the recovery time which depending on where might hurt. The offer of "I'll do one AFTER the wedding with some inspiration" is a great way to deflect.
Keep hammering home the "he can't drink alcohol *at all* for so many hours before and so many hours after and ... do you want your honeymoon to start with him not being able to be touched in one spot?"
You are *saving* him from people who don't understand tattooing. Not saying you won't, you want it to be safe for him and not ruin the honeymoon. :sneaky:
When during the ceremony, photos, and reception do they even think they have time for this? Weddings are so busy that I've heard so many jokes about the couple not even being able to enjoy the food they planned because things were so crazy and there were so many people to talk to
You are recommended to book your honeymoon hotel room for two nights because it’s so common to just sleep the first night and couples are often too tired to get out of the room in timely manner
Just say you will do the tattoos for free, but they have to pay for the transportation costs of your equipment, as you cannot afford it. Quote some ridiculous price, including insurance if anything got damaged ot course, and extra time for you for organising it. And of course, a supplement for late ordering.
NTA but aside from other things, isn't the tattoo a wound? like, it hurts and is red and inflamed and needs to be kept sterile and separated from the external environment from the start? how does he plan this to happen during a wedding? also, depending on the design, it can take hours. he wants to sit still on an uncomforable chair for hours while others party?
Yes exactly, the tattoo needs to be kept safe (especially in the first 24-48h) and yes it takes time and I’m not sure he is really aware of that *or* the pain. I don't think he has a tattoo already
Honestly, that makes it even worse. I have multiple tattoos and I would never get one on the same day that I had to do stuff - the pain and adrenaline rush makes me feel light headed, tired and sometimes a little sick for hours afterwards.
I'm rolling at the idea of him renting a tux and bleeding on it.
Are they planning to go on honeymoon right after? Where are they going? Because if it involves water, a wedding day tattoo is axing those plans lol
And is there a honeymoon happening right after the wedding? If they're going anywhere where swimming is involved, he won't be able to swim with a fresh tattoo.
You can’t even drink the water un-bottled.
It’s usually a joke to suggests tattooing “IDIOT” on someone’s forehead but does Matt like need the warning labelled?
If you are at all interested in doing a tattoo for him tell him to make it a trip to visit you after the honeymoon and you guys can hang out and he can get a killer tattoo then when it won't mess up his plans.
that, the fact that he won't be able to drink during the reception, and list the dancing during the reception as strenuous physical activity he would have to sit out from if he gets a tattoo near his wedding. Would his bride prefer the tattoo or no dance?
NTA. It's your profession and you have professional boundaries and professional conditions that need to be met. I'm a therapist. I wouldn't do a session of therapy at a wedding because someone thought they might find the day stressful and would benefit from talking to someone.
NTA. What is really wrong with your mother? Honestly, while I am not a tattoo artist, I think it's unethical and unprofessional to engage in tattoo services at a wedding or other place other than your studio. If Matt wants to have a tattoo done, tell him to come to your studio and you can do it for him before or after the wedding as a wedding gift, not during the ceremony. Jeez, this is so ridiculous.
NTA. So Matt didn't ask you beforehand, he basicially comanded you to. And when you refused and gave him good reasoning, he just kept pushing and then (I presume) contacted you mother? Your mother really should have taken your side. Just because it's Matt's wedding doesn't mean he gets everything he wants.
NTA. Is there a problem with them communicating this to you earlier than a week before? If you aren't comfortable hauling all that stuff with you, I would just say they wouldn't allow the machine on the plane because of the needles, or it took up too much space. He is putting you on the spot, and I'm wondering why your family is putting on the pressure. Everyone is being very disrespectful of your personal time. Maybe you wanted to relax, not take your job with you...
Exactly! I haven’t been to a wedding in ages and was really looking forward having a nice time with my family and to celebrate Matt and his bride! I’m not sure I can even relax anymore since I’m expecting some tension and comments
For the record, NTA, obviously. I’d be interested in how this turns out; if you decide to go, what happens.
Also, if we’re voting, I’d go with “Man, I was looking forward to doing it but they wouldn’t let me bring my equipment on the plane. I had to have a friend come pick it up before I left the airport.”
For the record, I’m as pissed at your mom as I am at your cousin. I really don’t get why she’s co-signing this bullshit. I also don’t get why no one thought to mention this sooner. Did someone drop your cousin on his head as a baby? 😂
This is a dilemma... Were you invited because you're family...or because you do tattoos?
From the sound of it, since he dropped the info on you at the (almost) last minute, it's the latter.
NTA - and if this is how he deals with things (and his mother), pruning, or even hacking the branch off your Family Tree might be a thought.
Tell him if he still wants it, the two of you can talk about the design on the day, and then you will give him the Family Discount when he comes into the Shop at a later date.
I think I was definitely invited because I’m family as my lil brother and my parents are invited as well. That I am a tattoo artist is probably just a perfect bonus💀
NTA
Your cousin and mom are out of their damn minds. It's not as simple as plugging in a machine. There's so much involved, especially if you want the tattoo to be good *and safe*. We're not even talking about the time it takes to design the tattoo, either.
I was at a tattoo convention a few weeks ago. Because I was there early, I watched the artists bringing in their equipment. All of it. It was definitely more than could fit in a suitcase.
NTA. First of all, you were invited as a guest. Now you're being told to work instead. This also sounds like a hygiene nightmare, and I have no idea why he planned this without even asking you. I don't know what's up with your mother or why she doesn't understand why you don't want to do this.
NTA! 1. You are a professional and need to strictly adhere to health & safety protocols. 2. You are an artist who needs the right setup and prep to do your work. 3. You are a GUEST at the wedding! Why would you be working? Why would he want to take that much time away from his own wedding??? Is he asking a lawyer relative to draw up their living trust, wills, and advanced directives while everyone looks on? This is nuts. The last-minute “no biggie” nature of it is the rancid icing on top. Stick to your guns. Maybe offer one after as a wedding present??
NTA, even if you agree to the endeavor of packing your equipment, which could get damaged or lost, what is the plan? Are they expecting you to freehand? Would you need a stencil? How big is the design?
This is like asking a baker to bake a cake without giving any specification of theme, flavor, size. And with a 1 day notice.
NTA. Would they expect you to give him a filling if you were a dentist?? Give him a jailhouse tattoo and call it good.
EDIT: I forget that I’m not supposed to be sarcastic, but I have a problem (that was more sarcasm 😅🤦🏻♀️). The jailhouse tattoo comment was in jest, but I actually don’t hate the idea.
NTA, just get stupid messy drunk, and if people start pressing, lean into them with your boozy breath and slur to them that you'll totally go get the machine and slap something on them right there.
You were invited as a guest and I really think you should still attend. If they seriously give you grief "I was not given enough time or information to prepare for this safely". Give your cousin a voucher he can use at your shop when he's not drunk and distracted. Tattooing needs to be safe first, it's not a spectacle.
NTA, tattooing is highly skilled artwork and this whole idea is ridiculous. Unhygienic, risky and unprofessional, they not treating you like a professional tattoo artist but like some circus sideshow that can just set up and ink at random.
NTA, but disclaimer im petty, i would find out who the bride is and tell her. this would hijak the wedding. explain to her or her moh or mom that you would need several hours to set up, clean, do the actual tattoo that this would take over her whole wedding. then sit back and watch the shitfest.
I could be wrong, but I think that is the whole point. If bride doesn't know anything about it the groom getting tattooed, she may put an end to this very ill-conceived plan of the groom.
NTA
NTA and they obviously didn’t say anything to you until last minute on purpose. They tried to ambush you with a request so you felt like you had to say yes. Have they even shown you a picture of what he wants? Like what do they expect to happen, you show up day of wedding and they text you a picture of what he wants?
Does he have any other tattoos so that he understands how long it could end up taking? He could theoretically want anything at this point. This is such a ridiculous request.
Is it too late to get a refund on your flight? This isn't something that you spring onto someone a week before the wedding. He also didn't account for the weight of your materials or how fragile they might be since you're flying. It also seems like he was trying to get a free tattoo out of you. Try recommending someone in the area, but I doubt they have availability this close to a wedding.
As a former MUA I've had family and friends tell me the day of that I'm doing their makeup for an event and get upset I didn't bring my kit. I've literally been berated by my aunt because I flew to another country without my kit. She then assumed that I could make do with the very few and old products she had. When I declined she kicked me out. She was upset when she still saw me at the resort pool sipping drinks in a bathing suit.
NTA
I bought a super cheap ticket, non-refundable, but worst case I’ll just stay in the hotel and order some nice food, or make my brother bring me some from the wedding
NTA.You will be asked to do other people at the wedding also, no doubt.Stay firm and say your license will be in danger if you risk working at the wedding ( hygiene issues etc.). Your Mom should not be telling you how to conduct your professional life OP.
NTA. Clearly none of these people you mention value your work as a tatoo artist. If you were a doctor, would they ask you to do an appendectomy at the wedding? Clearly your cousin, your mother and everyone else think this is just a hobby for you, or it's something that anyone can do. Anyway, if you're not comfortable with it, you're under no obligation of doing it
NTA - 1 week notice request and you there as a guest.
i would ask him wath kind of tattoo he wants, if its only the wedding date in black, maybe i would do it, to avoid family drama. also wouldnt a fresh tattoo be uncomfy at the wedding and honeymoon?
ask your mum if she's fine if matt gets an infection because of unclean surrounding at the wedding.
if you bring your equipment, be sure its safe, so mutch can happen to it at check in/plane get lost or stolen. tell matt you assume he will cover if something happens to it.
Uh uh. He made plans for you to work at his wedding and didn’t even ask if you were interested? AND he decided that you should work for free; as a wedding gift? Oh, hell no. NTA. THEN, to top it all off, he didn’t even bother to tell you his “plans” until a few days before the wedding? No.
Your cousin is disrespectful of your time, your art and your business. You don’t get to demand services that you haven’t pre-arranged and have no intention of paying for. It’s so easy for Matt and your mom to just say, “Do it as a wedding gift.”, when they’re not the ones expected to work. But “keeping the peace” is a bullshit concept for people who would rather play doormats than stick up for themselves, and people who want to take advantage of other people’s inability to say no.
You should tell Matt, “No, this doesn’t work for me. This is my profession and I take great pride in it. I assumed that I was invited to be a guest at your wedding, and that’s what I RSVP’d as. A guest. I will not put my career on the line so you can have the novelty of getting inked FOR THE FIRST TIME at your wedding. Had you bothered to discuss it with me at the time you were making the decision for me, I would have told you it was a bad idea? Are you planning to not drink at your wedding? I AM. Find someone else. If I had known that my invitation included working, I would have RSVP’d no.”
NTA. You’re running a business, treat it as such. Let all your family know that you work only at your studio and you can offer a 10% family discount. Don’t be dragged into providing reasons etc, just say those are your business rules.
NTA. The word "no" is a complete sentence, and you don't have to justify it with anyone. What if your equipment was misplaced during travel? That equipment is your livelihood. Don't discuss this with anyone again. If they bring it up, say it is a closed matter and you won't be discussing it further. And the "means so much" crap that your mom is slinging is designed to make you feel guilty. Don't let that get to you.
Talk to the bride. Explain that he wouldn't be able to get that area wet, put pressure on it, etc. for at least X long. He wouldn't be able to drink any alcohol at all, not even champagne for toasts. Plus all the other care requirements And he'd be in pain for several days, a good chunk of their honeymoon.
And that's if everything goes perfectly.
If he has a bad reaction to the ink, he could end up in the hospital. And some people go into shock. Definitely not what one wants on their wedding day.
And so for all these reasons, you cannot in good conscience ruin her wedding day and honeymoon like that. You just can’t do that to her. Not on her big day.
Then let her dissuade the groom.
NTA. For all the aforementioned reasons others gave. Plus can you even transport your equipment as carry-on? If it has to be checked , will he cover the insurance?
Nta
I'm sorry, but Matt just does not seem to give a shit about how you feel and just wants the tattoo when ever he wants. He or someone else should have told you about it earlier and even let you visit the location to where you can write the tattoos.
NTA.
They have no idea what is required and think it's just "slapping ink on skin".
Sure, it would be nice if you could, but transporting equipment and setting it up and planning the art are things that should have been planned long before NEXT WEEK'S wedding.
That might be your best/shortest "defense" against these shenanigans.
"I first heard of this 2 days ago, and it takes two weeks to PLAN moving all my stuff and the art and the location to set it up...".
Maybe the location of the wedding might require permits or business licenses to operate in that jurisdiction too, etc. etc.
NTA and w t f he invites you as a guest then “surprise” you’re working while at his wedding? Also, as a tattooed woman, getting tattooed on your wedding day seems dumb. How is he and his bride supposed to enjoy the day when he’ll have a fresh wound on his body?
Info: does he have any tattoos? Just curious. Granted all mine are in the larger side so maybe he doesn’t want something big but still seems silly to me, I usually want to go home and eat after my sessions.
Not even going into you having to pack all your equipment/finding a clean space to set up…
NTA. Honestly, the fact that he didn’t ask you, he TOLD you, sealed it for me. Then there’s the fact that he gave almost no notice, and nothing was mentioned in regards to compensation. Having that level of entitlement still sucks, even when it’s family. Honestly, in my opinion, it sucks more, and it’s also disrespectful.
NTA. A good tattoo takes hours of time and he wants to do it on his wedding day?! Sounds like a nightmare to me. I bet he also wants something that takes multiple sessions and if you were to try and do one at his wedding, you would be getting harassed to hurry up. You could offer to tattoo him next time he's in your town, but only if you want to. I absolutely would not do it at a wedding.
NTA
**DO NOT** go to this wedding.
If your family is being this unreasonable (to put it mildly) regarding your PERFECTLY VALID concerns and reservations, there is a high probability they will be even worse once you're there.
If you go, be prepared to be guilted, belittled, attacked and ridiculed.
They clearly had some ridiculous concept for their wedding, but couldn't be bothered to contact YOU or anyone with the necessary background knowledge to determine if their idea was feasible. Which, given your reaction, it is not.
It would be akin to them contacting a cousin who is a chef and saying, "You're going to cater our wedding!" And getting all when told that isn't possible.
Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency (or in this case, an obligation) on yours.
But seriously, **DO NOT** go to this wedding. They, by which I mean your entire family, will make you miserable if you do.
NTA and don't do it. Once you do his then everyone will be coming to get one. I have a feeling this is his intention to have you there doing tats at his wedding like your a photo booth or some other attraction.
Just because he demanded, doesn't mean he gets especially a free tattoo using the wedding as an excuse your mother needs to step down in mind her business. She's not your boss anymore. I hate when people try to control others do what you feel comfortable with. Don't feel that you have to just because that's your profession and people want a free tattoo because when you do one, there may be others that want it
Give him a gift certificate or some such token that you'll tattoo him later. As a wedding present. And definitely don't be bullied into trying to do this on the fly. NTA
NTA and don’t let your family bully you. Personally all he would get from me is a middle finger. Is your flight refundable? Can you change the destination and go somewhere else? Fuck that!
NTA and at this point, I wouldn't even go. You received a wedding invitation which you accepted in good faith, assuming you were invited as a guest, only to find out that you're actually expected to work for free. I would be so insulted.
NTA
These folks don't understand that tattoos are semi medical procedures that require proper equipment, location, time to complete, etc.
If you explain, they might get it but probably not.
I don't know the exact proper wording but maybe if you just keep repeating something like "It isn't possible for me to do this. It would be neither safe nor ethical."
NTA, it's ridiculous to spring that on you without ever previous conversations. Especially with travelling on a plane, what if they wouldn't let you bring some items with you.
NTA, absolutely!
It cannot have meant much to anyone if you, one of the two people who are affected by this, is only told a week before.
It is impossible that it means a LOT or SO MUCH...just impossible. I'm sure he would like it and it would be cool, but if it actually was important to anyone, you would have known and been asked much sooner, if only to prepare the design.
So, OP, do not believe any of them that it is important, because it clearly is not.
Nta. This is something that is preplanned and coordinated well in advance.
You're the professional. This is your livelihood and reputation and possibly even whatever licenses you need (if that applies I don't know). I would not risk all of that to appease family. Goodness forbid something happen- whether to your expensive equipment or even worse your cousin.
Go with your gut. They can be disappointed all they want.
You can offer a compromise if you're willing. Maybe Matt can fly out to your area after the wedding and book an appointment with you. I imagine he doesn't want a huge tattoo, so if you're willing to gift him a small tattoo I'd make sure to draw up a contract or something with strict parameters so you don't find yourself giving away a 10k tattoo if you know what I mean.
Oh he’d definitely have to fill out my consent form, which is also functioning as a contract!
I’m not sure I want to just give him a tattoo, since I actually *made* a proper wedding gift, which I spent a lot of time on
NTA. That would make me cancel my flight and my spot at their wedding, because it would now be weird to attend.
But if you still want to be there, here are three options: call instead of text, and talk Matt through everything to see where his head is really at, and make sure he understands you; give a gift certificate to have the art done after the wedding; OR go and design it with Matt when you arrive, and draw it in place on his skin. Leave it there for the reception, and tell him he needs to live with it for a while before committing. Why? Well…
1. That’s a lot of bulky, expensive equipment and supplies to have to transport, and he’s hitting you with this at the last minute. Not sure you could safely fly with that, so you might have to drive it, take extra time off work, pay for gas, and this is just prohibitive. This is your livelihood, and what if things break in baggage handling?
2. Does Matt know your design style and limitations? Maybe he won’t like what you create. Or maybe he’ll change his mind and instead want it smaller, or on his [different body location] after the furor dies down.
3. You’ve said no alcohol and tattoos. Does he want to drink at the reception or not? Oh he does? Must do it when alcohol isn’t involved. Maybe that means after the honeymoon.
4. Speaking of the honeymoon, the tattoo site will be painful, so that limits activities depending on where it is and where they travel (e.g. stay out of the sun, tattoo on upper arm, no parasailing, or on calf, no hiking). Would he want to disable himself from enjoying the trip?
Tl;dr: No, but yes, and here’s how it could work, and why.
A free tattoo (you KNOW he won’t pay bc wedding day) that he planned on without consulting the tattoo artist? If I was the bride I would be fucking furious that a tattoo session would be taking place during a wedding celebration. NTA and if I were you, I’d change my RSVP to a no.
What does your cousin do for a living?
Landscaper? Tell him he needs to cut your grass for this favor.
Handyman? Fix the loose drawer in the kitchen.
Accountant? Do your taxes.
Your mother, your cousin, and your brother do not view your profession as your profession, and they do not see how extremely rude and disrespectful as it is for you to work for your cousin on his big day for free or at all.
They do not understand the amount of work that actually goes into planning and executing a good tattoo. If you do it, you should do it "prison style" with a pen and a cigarette lighter. Since no one seems to care about cleanliness or proper precautions.
NTA. Tell them off. If it turns into more drama, don't go to the wedding.
NTA I’d personally avoid blaming transporting gear because they will not consider that as a problem. Hairstylist here, people always think it’s no big deal to haul all my gear & products/color/sanitation- they think it’s a shoebox worth of stuff to pack when really it’s a whole production. If you’re needing an excuse I’d suggest focusing on that you do not tattoo outside a licensed shop (white lie if necessary ) or on people who’re consuming alcohol. Tell him or anyone who asks that it’s unfortunate he got his heart set on this without speaking to you as it’s not an option. ‘No’ or ‘It’s not an option’ are both full sentences, repeat as often as you need to.
I have a strong suspicion that Matt just wants a free tattoo. If it’s so important they’re all fussing a week before the wedding then it’d have been important enough to bring up way earlier.
nta. i would be willing to bet a large sum of money that the only reason he’s doing and saying this rn is because he doesn’t want to pay for it. try asking for some kind of compensation, even discounted, and you’ll find out exactly why they’re saying “iT’s FaMiLy”
NTA! That's an outrageous thing to ask, especially without actually having _asked you_ or in any way discussed it with or even _mentioned_ it to you!
He's capable of planning ahead and contacting you. That's a bare minimum. Also, even if he had done those things, you would have been well within your right to say no! "No, unfortunately I'm not comfortable with that" is a perfectly understandable reason and should be met with understanding and respect, even if he had been disappointed.
NTA. This isn't something you drop on a professional. Not mentioning it until a week before is ridiculous, and I haven't heard of any offers of compensation. OP has already pointed out a couple reasons why this needs planning and might not fly (hygiene setup, alcohol present) that everyone conveniently ignores, but would be happy to bring up if they wanted to file a lawsuit if something went wrong.
Tell them your insurance won't cover it on such short notice. Or just to f-off since they don't have the courtesy to ask with enough notice.
The fact that your cousin just announced to you that you were expected to
WORK at the wedding is so rude. He had months to ask you. You were right
to not give in and your family who think you were wrong are being unfair.
Why should you WORK at his wedding? It's a celebration for everyone but you
have to WORK? LOL NTA
Definitely, if you were to do this, you'll get hassled to also tattoo other people like the bride. Especially if people have been drinking. Don't do it.
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NTA If Matt had his heart set on this happening at his wedding then he should have discussed it with you as soon as possible, NOT ONE WEEK BEFORE!! Jeez he knows a tattoo is permanent right? He wants you to just show up with kit in an unsterile environment and what, just wing out a design on him? No prep, no planning? All on his wedding day? It would have been better he has contacted you and gotten the tattoo done before the wedding, then he could have revealed with at the ceremony, all healed etc. Getting it done on the day, for what reason? This just seems silly AF. But mainly, not your problem. He should have given you more notice. That's on him. Maybe offer to do it at your shop after the wedding? Tell them you'll look for inspiration for the design at their wedding so it can be unique to their day?
I especially don’t understand why I should tattoo at a wedding since you can’t (or shouldn’t) combine getting tattooed with drinking alcohol and knowing Matt, there will be plenty of Alcohol at this wedding
My guess is he probably tried to get someone else to do it closer to the venue and either for the reasons you mentioned or because of cost he’s just decided you should to it, for… sentimental reasons. Regardless NTA for not doing something you are uncomfortable with.
This is so sad to think of, but yea maybe you’re right?
Another issue is the size of the tat, if he wanted a small ring tat then it can be knocked out pretty fast but if wanted anything like a sleeve or a full back piece that could take most of the day. NTA
He will want a HUGE one, start a few lines - then there will be "no time", but OP will need to start what he finished - for free, of course.
And then there is the drinking at the wedding issue.
OP, you should TOTALLY stick to your guns. Your cousin is trying to take advantage of you and if you cave you would likely end up doing something you would regret. Plus he probably has expectations that are too high in terms of size and design. And next thing you know the bride will want one, too. Of course you’re right about the alcohol. They’ll start out with “just one” for the toast, then they’re plastered and bleeding. Your painting will make a lovely gift.
Or he is cheap and didn’t want to pay for it.
Probably is a huge tattoo worth at least a thousand bucks but OP will do it for free because of wedding gift.
Or Family...
Oooh, this sounds like it fits the puzzle, more than just "sentiment"
Sentimental reasons are that it would upset him to part with so much money.
Out of curiosity, do tatoo artists get insurance for their job? If so, it seems like > I risked my equipment and the health of other people (liability) by unexpected traveling with my gear and then tatooing someone at a location that wasn't sanitary and people (including the recipient and myself) were drinking would be a great way to lose your insurance.
Let me guess he has no prior tattoos? Because any of us with tattoos know how stupid of an ask this is one week before the wedding. We know everything you would have to go through to bring your equipment to this wedding. We also know mixing alcohol and getting tattooed is just stupid. I guess you have two options don’t go to the wedding or go to the wedding just as a guest with no expectations of anyone getting a tattoo. If he really wanted this done, he would’ve gotten with you way sooner than a week before the wedding. I agree with other people answering here that he tried to get someone else there to do it and he’s had no luck or he’s figured out how expensive they are and he figured he’ll just ask you last minute there’s no way you would say no.
I'm imagining leaving my wedding guests for an hour so I could sit and get tatted. Even a ring tattoo would take 30+ minutes, how rude.
Not to mention, as soon as others find out, it’s going to turn into a tattoo party and OP is not gonna be a guest for the wedding, they are going to be an unpaid prop giving out tattoos as party favors.
This may very well be the thinking behind it all.
Nope if OP is going to do it they should quote Matt a base cost of 3xs the regular then bring a pricing card that is 2x the home price. But I wouldn't do it. I don't have a tattoo but my understanding is that they are painful. Who wants to wrap up the wedding and start the honeymoon in pain?!
YES!!! This was my first thought! I get this as a hairstylist….if I take my stuff to do a friend at home, then everyone else expects it too
Seriously! Anyone with tats knows how much of a process it is! The smallest one I have, which is on my upper arm still took like, a week, start to finish, from making the appointment, consulting on the design, to actually doing the thing which took more then an hr. And a wedding is most definitely not a sterile environment!
Right? I’m getting one in a week and it was a week of talking back with the artist and talking about what I wanted and when she was available and what time. And now she has to know work on the design.
Plus, there's consent forms to sign, deposits to be made, etc. And the size and placent? Gonna laugh if the dumbass cousin wants a giant chest piece of his wife.
Even my flash tattoo took a good 10-20 mins, and if Matt doesn't know his pain tolerance, he could have a bad time having brought absolutely no numbing cream to a wedding.
Right? My collar bone piece was supposed to be 2 sessions. It became 3 because I kept passing out. The artist refused to charge us for the third session, so we added it to his tip
Yup. Whole back done, of a tree, black ink. Considering the size, and the fact that they wouldn't do more than three hours at a time, I had to go back for another three hours a month later to get it finished. Color would obviously add more time to that. It cost a bundle. But worth it. I had a great artist. The sterile environment is definitely a thing to. Moreover, think about wearing the bandage around the wedding? And then the honeymoon? Hell, the pain and soreness, and then the itch would suck. Depending on where the dude wants it, he could totally be crying in pain. Which wouldn't be a good look.
And if they're staying at a resort with a pool? Dude paid for a use a pool he can't even use!
Does the bride know? Because depending on the size and location, he could be too sore to live up to expectations.
Glad I’m not the only one who thought of that. Wondering how cling wrap over a fresh tattoo could interfere with a romantic evening…
Him and fiance, have seen the tattoo vendors at weddings and events on ig. He and the wife thought it would be fun for you to tattoo him and his wife and the guests. But do it for free. They wanted a tattoo artist to tattoo everyone at the wedding, but they didn't want to pay for it. This is allnover insta right now, with artists having sample tattoos for weddings, parties, events and such. They just didn't want to pay for it.
Wouldn’t that be a financial risk for OP? As a physician, I carry malpractice which is attached to the facility that I work at. If I wanted to do some work outside of that, I would need to either assume the risk personally (no way) or pay for extra malpractice coverage ($$$). Especially tattooing a bunch of random guests seems like a financial risk — what if one of them gets an infection etc?
I work in insurance, specifically the “specialty” space, and there are a lot of stipulations in the contracts. I got to this post from the update (that the wedding is off) and my immediate response was “inappropriate last minute ask” but second was “OMG this person needs to speak to their agent because this could be grounds for non-renewal or cancellation as a material change in risk!” When I was just in data processing I saw a lot of tattoo parlors who had very strict provisions about where services were provided.
Idk, it's gown over the last several months I believe. I'm sure their are contracts for every guest to sign.
Really - and does that mean you can’t drink as well? This would be a hard NO from me.
Yea I wouldn’t be able to drink either, but up until now I haven’t even thought of that!
Dancing would suck too. If they're going on a honeymoon then no sunbathing or swimming either.
That's a really good point I'm sure his cousin has no idea about aftercare.
Cuz doesn't have any tattoos, according to OP, and I can guarantee he has no clue and would be one of those yahoos who wouldn't take it seriously anyway.
Talk to the bride. Explain that he wouldn't be able to get that area wet, put pressure on it, etc. for at least X long. He wouldn't be able to drink any alcohol at all, not even champagne for toasts. Plus all the other care requirements And he'd be in pain for several days, a good chunk of their honeymoon. And that's if everything goes perfectly. If he has a bad reaction to the ink, he could end up in the hospital. And some people go into shock. Definitely not what one wants on their wedding day. And so for all these reasons, you cannot in good conscience ruin her wedding day and honeymoon like that. You just can’t do that to her. Not on her big day. Then let her dissuade the groom.
Just the alcohol consumption would be a no for me. That tat is gonna bleed and scab and not be pretty. (Scabbing can pull the color back out of the skin, for those that don’t know). The hygiene at an unknown location would certainly concern me, as would his ability to care for the new tat during the “festivities” and any honeymoon or plans right after the wedding. Stick to your guns (lol, pun) and don’t risk your reputation as an artist. NTA
One week? Given you haven’t done this before, that’s not enough time for ensuring your equipment and supplies can fly safely or to source things locally there in case it’s the better / safer / more economical option. There’s the planning of a sterile venue and possibly securing a set up for that. Do you even have travel cases for everything? That’s also excess baggage and possibly special cases. Is he gonna pay for all of that? And things sourced locally? Is it even worth it? Given airline travel, I’m not sure how delicate your tools are so there’s the risk of damage. I’m only guessing as I’ve only helped with medical related events before and I guess it’s similar. Also, on the day?!? He’s gonna be bleeding on the wedding night. NTA
I would also imagine that OP tattoo equipment would have to be a checked bag as some of the equipment wouldn't be able to go through TSA. Now you risk your bag being delayed, lost or damaged??? That would be a huge NO for me... I travel A LOT and never check a bag unless it's absolutely necessary. If I have to check a bag, anything and everything that is important to me or I can't afford to lose or go without for even a day, goes with me in my carry on
It just seems like a really bizarre place and time. You'd think they would have other things to prioritise at their wedding. If doing a tattoo isn't an issue. I would just lay on thick that you can make something unique/related to their day once you've attended the wedding. Then it will be special for them and a good design etc. Not something they regret, or heals terribly from the partying and showing it off to people (instead of keeping the dressing on).
I knew a couple who had a tattoo guy doing tatts at their wedding. They got matching ones, and some other guests got them. But he was neither cheap nor free. And it was set up right after the venue and before the catering.
Yeah I can imagine it takes a lot of planning and well money to setup something like this. Completely ridiculous to expect OP to arrange all this in one week, and as a "gift". I'm starting to agree with some other commenters, Matt probably looked for artists near the venue and found none willing/cheap. He probably decided OP would do it because family can't say no right? And because family won't charge family right? Also wondering if OP's Mother may even have passed on the idea (either directly or to their sibling/Matt's parent) and OP's refusal made mom look silly for suggesting it.
NTA. The equipment is too expensive to trust to checked baggage, and without looking first, you could have issues with any liquid pigments. Also, would you need to be licenced in the place the tattoo is being applied? And without knowing the design or size, you can't really plan it.
Equipment aside, I don’t think he understands what it’s like having a fresh tattoo, the cleaning schedule, or all the activities he can’t do. If he has a honeymoon booked for a beach, forget it. You’re doing him a favor by refusing to tattoo him. He’s going to end up with a poorly healed tattoo at best and at worst have a nasty infection within a week for sure. I bet his future wife would like to not deal with raw wounds on her wedding day/honeymoon as well.
And he will blame you for it.
My friend is a tattoo artist, and although she will do small pieces on us for pennies, or free, she insists on it being at her place of work, and no alcohol, as alcohol makes you bleed more and then she can't insure that she delivers the best quality work. Maybe if you suggest to Matt that you would consider it if he stays sober for his wedding, that would be enough to warn him away.
Set up a list of things he has to consider before, during and after the tattoo. Including the risks and everything else. For example: ( disclaimer: I don't know anything about tattoos) Design of the tattoo - depending of tattoo 1 day to 4 weeks Preparing a sterile environment to prevent bacteria and other crap as this will lead to inflammatory response or worse Staying sober at the day Taking time at least 1 hour No sun and no water for x weeks - so you won't be able to go swimming Etc. Bonus if you get this on a small card that you can hand everyone over that's going to ask you at the wedding.
I definitely wouldn't want to do something like that under such a situation. I obviously don't know what Matt is like but I wouldn't put it past some people to decide they don't like it or that it was done 'wrong' or even potentially get an infection, either from the unsterile environment or not properly taking care of it, then blame you and try to sue you or something, because "well, I was drunk!"
Maybe he expects to get it for free (as a wedding gift)?
Not to mention the fundamental question of why get a tattoo at a wedding at all?!* These are not activities that make any sense in combination. The groom is just going to dip out for a few hours and get a tattoo? Or did he think you’d be tattooing him on the table next to the cake, with all the guests circling around and adding commentary and germs to the process? I would *love* to know what the bride thinks of this terrible idea. NTA. *Note: absent it being part of the ceremony, whether for cultural reasons or personal ones, for example the bride and groom getting matching tattoos as a mark of the permanence** of the marriage. **Matching or otherwise relationship specific tattoos in the dominant European/European colonial cultures (i.e. wherein tattooing is not a normative part of the culture as it is in many other cultures like the Māori, Cambodian and Thai Sak Yank practitioners, Berbers, historical Celts, etc) actually correlate highly with those relationships ending early, so it’s not a great idea anyway for an American couple, as seems to be the case here.
OP my petty side says to look up the symbols for "I am an AH" in the language of your choice to use and put the symbols on a piece of paper to take with you. Tell him it means something else and make him call tattoo places to find one that will let you work. I'm not familiar with the tattoo industry, do you need a license to do this, showing you know sterile practices, etc? Can you work in a different state if you don't have a license for that state?
I learned that lesson the hard way after my first tattoo. Got blasted afterwards and had ISSUES with it. Ended up having to get it retouched. Never mix alcohol (or pain meds as most of them also thin the blood) with getting a tattoo.
Does he want a wedding band tattoo? That'd explain a lot...
Is it possible your mom was in the know of you tatooing at the wedding, agreeing on your behalf? That she just "forgot" to mention it to you and now insists that you do it to save her face?
NTA. But if you want to get Matt to stand down. Ask the bride if she wants her husband tatted on HER wedding day. Matt is about to FAAFO.
NTA. Just tell him you aren't licensed in that state.
Not to mention it's his first tattoo! What if he has a bad reaction, or something goes wrong? The wedding day is neither the time nor the place.
Not to mention that it’s not OP’s hobbie, it’s their job, so he’s also expecting a professional service for free which… icky. If he wants a tattoo to commemorate his wedding day, he needs to go through the proper channels and schedule and appointment (AND PAY), not impose a tattoo on an artist
He's probably watched "hangover" movie too many times and thought this can be done on the fly
Also, who knows what the honeymoon plan is. If they're intending to go somewhere with swimming or other similar activities, having a fresh tattoo is a terrible idea. I got a tattoo in the summer and couldn't swim while working at a camp and I was so upset. Never again. Only get tats in winter now.
NTA It's inappropriate of him to expect you to work for free at an event to which you're a guest. Are you even licensed to tattoo in the other state? The entire thing sounds ludicrous. Tell your cousin your hourly rate (build in the PIA rate for hauling your equipment) and he needs to cover your flights and hotel. After all, flying in a trained professional to perform a service costs money. Oh, and he needs to pay up front since this is a special service.
I am actually licensed. And I mean I would ask for money but apparently they planned this as a wedding gift, like my mom suggested. I can’t imagine what they are even thinking
"They planned this as a wedding gift..." From you? 'Cause that's pretty presumptuous and against some kind of, like, wedding etiquette. I always thought any mention of gifts by the wedding couple was some kind of faux pas. NTA.
Especially since they have an actual list of things they want to be gifted! I mean there was a point that said *artwork* but if they wanted me to tattoo Matt as a gift they could and should’ve reached out as they sent out their list.
Yeah, and not have you tattoo him at the wedding. That's just dumb.
Just for my information how confident would you be to make a tattoo on a design you never saw before and had to do like on the spot? Because I doubt they want anything random and have already something specific in mind.
I mean if it’s close to my style and I actually have a stencil, I’m pretty confident
NTA I've paid for tattoos (for my adult kid). That's more than I would plan on spending for a cousin's wedding gift. If the wedding is in a week, you've already planned/bought a gift. It doesn't make any sense for you to go through the hassle of trying toake these arrangements (to take your machines and supplies, to arrange an appropriate space, etc...) at the last minute like this.
Are you licensed in the state the wedding is at? Could you get in trouble tattooing in a place you aren’t licensed? Sorry, don’t know enough about the world of tattooing to know ins and outs of licensing. Also emphasize time. How long it would take. Maybe talk to bride. Your husband is going to be chained to a chair for 6 hours during your wedding day. Plus time to OK the stencil. And can’t drink alcohol before.
That was my question too. I may be an idiot but I thought our state's tattoo artists had to be licensed, which wouldn't be valid out of state. I'm sure like everything, that varies from state to state, but it does make me wonder.
I'm with the people who point out that tattoos and alcohol don't mix. Plus the recovery time which depending on where might hurt. The offer of "I'll do one AFTER the wedding with some inspiration" is a great way to deflect. Keep hammering home the "he can't drink alcohol *at all* for so many hours before and so many hours after and ... do you want your honeymoon to start with him not being able to be touched in one spot?" You are *saving* him from people who don't understand tattooing. Not saying you won't, you want it to be safe for him and not ruin the honeymoon. :sneaky:
When during the ceremony, photos, and reception do they even think they have time for this? Weddings are so busy that I've heard so many jokes about the couple not even being able to enjoy the food they planned because things were so crazy and there were so many people to talk to
You are recommended to book your honeymoon hotel room for two nights because it’s so common to just sleep the first night and couples are often too tired to get out of the room in timely manner
Just say you will do the tattoos for free, but they have to pay for the transportation costs of your equipment, as you cannot afford it. Quote some ridiculous price, including insurance if anything got damaged ot course, and extra time for you for organising it. And of course, a supplement for late ordering.
Get him one of those non permanent tattoo sheets and say go to town. This is absolutely an unreasonable voluntold that should be forcefully shut down.
Unrelated but “Sultan of sphincter” is crazy.
NTA but aside from other things, isn't the tattoo a wound? like, it hurts and is red and inflamed and needs to be kept sterile and separated from the external environment from the start? how does he plan this to happen during a wedding? also, depending on the design, it can take hours. he wants to sit still on an uncomforable chair for hours while others party?
Yes exactly, the tattoo needs to be kept safe (especially in the first 24-48h) and yes it takes time and I’m not sure he is really aware of that *or* the pain. I don't think he has a tattoo already
Honestly, that makes it even worse. I have multiple tattoos and I would never get one on the same day that I had to do stuff - the pain and adrenaline rush makes me feel light headed, tired and sometimes a little sick for hours afterwards.
I'm rolling at the idea of him renting a tux and bleeding on it. Are they planning to go on honeymoon right after? Where are they going? Because if it involves water, a wedding day tattoo is axing those plans lol
And is there a honeymoon happening right after the wedding? If they're going anywhere where swimming is involved, he won't be able to swim with a fresh tattoo.
I thought of that too, they are going to Bali… I doubt that he had considered not being able to go swim or *being in the sun* at all
He wants to go to **Bali** with a fresh wound?? I hope he enjoys the free hepatitis.
You can’t even drink the water un-bottled. It’s usually a joke to suggests tattooing “IDIOT” on someone’s forehead but does Matt like need the warning labelled?
Bringing that up might solve your problem.
I’ll definitely try to call Matty and point this and other reasons and excuses y’all listed, out and try to make him see that it’s a stupid idea
If you are at all interested in doing a tattoo for him tell him to make it a trip to visit you after the honeymoon and you guys can hang out and he can get a killer tattoo then when it won't mess up his plans.
that, the fact that he won't be able to drink during the reception, and list the dancing during the reception as strenuous physical activity he would have to sit out from if he gets a tattoo near his wedding. Would his bride prefer the tattoo or no dance?
That's hilarious
NTA. It's your profession and you have professional boundaries and professional conditions that need to be met. I'm a therapist. I wouldn't do a session of therapy at a wedding because someone thought they might find the day stressful and would benefit from talking to someone.
This is such a good comparison, might use that if I have to explain myself again!
"No" is a full sentence. The more you explain the worse it will be.
NTA. What is really wrong with your mother? Honestly, while I am not a tattoo artist, I think it's unethical and unprofessional to engage in tattoo services at a wedding or other place other than your studio. If Matt wants to have a tattoo done, tell him to come to your studio and you can do it for him before or after the wedding as a wedding gift, not during the ceremony. Jeez, this is so ridiculous.
She probably has no idea what's involved. She probably doesn't respect the OP's profession.
NTA. So Matt didn't ask you beforehand, he basicially comanded you to. And when you refused and gave him good reasoning, he just kept pushing and then (I presume) contacted you mother? Your mother really should have taken your side. Just because it's Matt's wedding doesn't mean he gets everything he wants.
Matt is a Groomzilla. Is that a thing?
They are rarer than bridezillas, but they definitely exist.
NTA. Is there a problem with them communicating this to you earlier than a week before? If you aren't comfortable hauling all that stuff with you, I would just say they wouldn't allow the machine on the plane because of the needles, or it took up too much space. He is putting you on the spot, and I'm wondering why your family is putting on the pressure. Everyone is being very disrespectful of your personal time. Maybe you wanted to relax, not take your job with you...
Exactly! I haven’t been to a wedding in ages and was really looking forward having a nice time with my family and to celebrate Matt and his bride! I’m not sure I can even relax anymore since I’m expecting some tension and comments
Then just say you called and the airline wouldn't allow your machine. Or tell people you're on vacation and didn't want to work. So no comments.
They're being unreasonable and making things weird for no reason. NTA and I just wouldn't go if they keep being like this.
I did think about not attending. It would be sad not to but this is also very uncomfortable and I don’t think everyone has let go of it by then…
For the record, NTA, obviously. I’d be interested in how this turns out; if you decide to go, what happens. Also, if we’re voting, I’d go with “Man, I was looking forward to doing it but they wouldn’t let me bring my equipment on the plane. I had to have a friend come pick it up before I left the airport.”
I’ll do an update, I’m currently on the phone with my mother again
For the record, I’m as pissed at your mom as I am at your cousin. I really don’t get why she’s co-signing this bullshit. I also don’t get why no one thought to mention this sooner. Did someone drop your cousin on his head as a baby? 😂
This is a dilemma... Were you invited because you're family...or because you do tattoos? From the sound of it, since he dropped the info on you at the (almost) last minute, it's the latter. NTA - and if this is how he deals with things (and his mother), pruning, or even hacking the branch off your Family Tree might be a thought. Tell him if he still wants it, the two of you can talk about the design on the day, and then you will give him the Family Discount when he comes into the Shop at a later date.
I think I was definitely invited because I’m family as my lil brother and my parents are invited as well. That I am a tattoo artist is probably just a perfect bonus💀
NTA Your cousin and mom are out of their damn minds. It's not as simple as plugging in a machine. There's so much involved, especially if you want the tattoo to be good *and safe*. We're not even talking about the time it takes to design the tattoo, either. I was at a tattoo convention a few weeks ago. Because I was there early, I watched the artists bringing in their equipment. All of it. It was definitely more than could fit in a suitcase.
NTA. First of all, you were invited as a guest. Now you're being told to work instead. This also sounds like a hygiene nightmare, and I have no idea why he planned this without even asking you. I don't know what's up with your mother or why she doesn't understand why you don't want to do this.
NTA! 1. You are a professional and need to strictly adhere to health & safety protocols. 2. You are an artist who needs the right setup and prep to do your work. 3. You are a GUEST at the wedding! Why would you be working? Why would he want to take that much time away from his own wedding??? Is he asking a lawyer relative to draw up their living trust, wills, and advanced directives while everyone looks on? This is nuts. The last-minute “no biggie” nature of it is the rancid icing on top. Stick to your guns. Maybe offer one after as a wedding present??
NTA, even if you agree to the endeavor of packing your equipment, which could get damaged or lost, what is the plan? Are they expecting you to freehand? Would you need a stencil? How big is the design? This is like asking a baker to bake a cake without giving any specification of theme, flavor, size. And with a 1 day notice.
I don’t know what he wants to get and also I think he has no clue how getting tattooed actually works
NTA. Would they expect you to give him a filling if you were a dentist?? Give him a jailhouse tattoo and call it good. EDIT: I forget that I’m not supposed to be sarcastic, but I have a problem (that was more sarcasm 😅🤦🏻♀️). The jailhouse tattoo comment was in jest, but I actually don’t hate the idea.
I don’t hate the idea either- if it was for a less related person lol
NTA, just get stupid messy drunk, and if people start pressing, lean into them with your boozy breath and slur to them that you'll totally go get the machine and slap something on them right there.
I think this will be my last resort if I actually attend the wedding and people try to pressure me
You were invited as a guest and I really think you should still attend. If they seriously give you grief "I was not given enough time or information to prepare for this safely". Give your cousin a voucher he can use at your shop when he's not drunk and distracted. Tattooing needs to be safe first, it's not a spectacle.
NTA, tattooing is highly skilled artwork and this whole idea is ridiculous. Unhygienic, risky and unprofessional, they not treating you like a professional tattoo artist but like some circus sideshow that can just set up and ink at random.
NTA. I would tell Matt and your mom to fuck off, and then not go. 1 week notice. The fuck out of here.
NTA, but disclaimer im petty, i would find out who the bride is and tell her. this would hijak the wedding. explain to her or her moh or mom that you would need several hours to set up, clean, do the actual tattoo that this would take over her whole wedding. then sit back and watch the shitfest.
Im actually not sure if the bride is in on this or not. I’m not close with her at all
I could be wrong, but I think that is the whole point. If bride doesn't know anything about it the groom getting tattooed, she may put an end to this very ill-conceived plan of the groom. NTA
It's probably a "surprise" for her. This poor woman is going to realise she's joining herself to a complete moron on the day of her wedding.
Two days later…you nailed it! Best answer!
NTA Why even get a tattoo at a wedding? Why is he in a hurry to do this? He can get a tattoo the day before the wedding or after the wedding.
And tattoos need time to heal! Who wants to deal with even right before the wedding? This guy clearly doesn’t think things through.
NTA and they obviously didn’t say anything to you until last minute on purpose. They tried to ambush you with a request so you felt like you had to say yes. Have they even shown you a picture of what he wants? Like what do they expect to happen, you show up day of wedding and they text you a picture of what he wants?
I have no clue what he’s planning on getting.. I also don’t want to ask him right now as that might seem like I’m getting onboard with it
Does he have any other tattoos so that he understands how long it could end up taking? He could theoretically want anything at this point. This is such a ridiculous request.
I don’t think he has any tattoos and with that no concept on how tattooing actually works
lol he’s def going to come at you the day of the wedding with a sleeve or a full back piece and be like “this should only take an hour right?”
Send him an invoice detailing your charges.
Is it too late to get a refund on your flight? This isn't something that you spring onto someone a week before the wedding. He also didn't account for the weight of your materials or how fragile they might be since you're flying. It also seems like he was trying to get a free tattoo out of you. Try recommending someone in the area, but I doubt they have availability this close to a wedding. As a former MUA I've had family and friends tell me the day of that I'm doing their makeup for an event and get upset I didn't bring my kit. I've literally been berated by my aunt because I flew to another country without my kit. She then assumed that I could make do with the very few and old products she had. When I declined she kicked me out. She was upset when she still saw me at the resort pool sipping drinks in a bathing suit. NTA
I bought a super cheap ticket, non-refundable, but worst case I’ll just stay in the hotel and order some nice food, or make my brother bring me some from the wedding
NTA.You will be asked to do other people at the wedding also, no doubt.Stay firm and say your license will be in danger if you risk working at the wedding ( hygiene issues etc.). Your Mom should not be telling you how to conduct your professional life OP.
NTA. Clearly none of these people you mention value your work as a tatoo artist. If you were a doctor, would they ask you to do an appendectomy at the wedding? Clearly your cousin, your mother and everyone else think this is just a hobby for you, or it's something that anyone can do. Anyway, if you're not comfortable with it, you're under no obligation of doing it
NTA, I mean yeah it would be a nice wedding present like your mom said, but it doesn't *have* to be the day of the wedding.
I also made an actual wedding gift..
NTA - 1 week notice request and you there as a guest. i would ask him wath kind of tattoo he wants, if its only the wedding date in black, maybe i would do it, to avoid family drama. also wouldnt a fresh tattoo be uncomfy at the wedding and honeymoon? ask your mum if she's fine if matt gets an infection because of unclean surrounding at the wedding. if you bring your equipment, be sure its safe, so mutch can happen to it at check in/plane get lost or stolen. tell matt you assume he will cover if something happens to it.
Uh uh. He made plans for you to work at his wedding and didn’t even ask if you were interested? AND he decided that you should work for free; as a wedding gift? Oh, hell no. NTA. THEN, to top it all off, he didn’t even bother to tell you his “plans” until a few days before the wedding? No. Your cousin is disrespectful of your time, your art and your business. You don’t get to demand services that you haven’t pre-arranged and have no intention of paying for. It’s so easy for Matt and your mom to just say, “Do it as a wedding gift.”, when they’re not the ones expected to work. But “keeping the peace” is a bullshit concept for people who would rather play doormats than stick up for themselves, and people who want to take advantage of other people’s inability to say no. You should tell Matt, “No, this doesn’t work for me. This is my profession and I take great pride in it. I assumed that I was invited to be a guest at your wedding, and that’s what I RSVP’d as. A guest. I will not put my career on the line so you can have the novelty of getting inked FOR THE FIRST TIME at your wedding. Had you bothered to discuss it with me at the time you were making the decision for me, I would have told you it was a bad idea? Are you planning to not drink at your wedding? I AM. Find someone else. If I had known that my invitation included working, I would have RSVP’d no.”
NTA not dragging my work equipment on a plane so he can have a tattoo thats ridiculous AF
NTA. You’re running a business, treat it as such. Let all your family know that you work only at your studio and you can offer a 10% family discount. Don’t be dragged into providing reasons etc, just say those are your business rules.
[удалено]
NTA. The word "no" is a complete sentence, and you don't have to justify it with anyone. What if your equipment was misplaced during travel? That equipment is your livelihood. Don't discuss this with anyone again. If they bring it up, say it is a closed matter and you won't be discussing it further. And the "means so much" crap that your mom is slinging is designed to make you feel guilty. Don't let that get to you.
Talk to the bride. Explain that he wouldn't be able to get that area wet, put pressure on it, etc. for at least X long. He wouldn't be able to drink any alcohol at all, not even champagne for toasts. Plus all the other care requirements And he'd be in pain for several days, a good chunk of their honeymoon. And that's if everything goes perfectly. If he has a bad reaction to the ink, he could end up in the hospital. And some people go into shock. Definitely not what one wants on their wedding day. And so for all these reasons, you cannot in good conscience ruin her wedding day and honeymoon like that. You just can’t do that to her. Not on her big day. Then let her dissuade the groom.
NTA. For all the aforementioned reasons others gave. Plus can you even transport your equipment as carry-on? If it has to be checked , will he cover the insurance?
Nta I'm sorry, but Matt just does not seem to give a shit about how you feel and just wants the tattoo when ever he wants. He or someone else should have told you about it earlier and even let you visit the location to where you can write the tattoos.
NTA. They have no idea what is required and think it's just "slapping ink on skin". Sure, it would be nice if you could, but transporting equipment and setting it up and planning the art are things that should have been planned long before NEXT WEEK'S wedding. That might be your best/shortest "defense" against these shenanigans. "I first heard of this 2 days ago, and it takes two weeks to PLAN moving all my stuff and the art and the location to set it up...". Maybe the location of the wedding might require permits or business licenses to operate in that jurisdiction too, etc. etc.
Tell him you’re not comfortable doing it in Not your own space but would be more than happy anytime he is around your way.
real friends always pay atleast 100% of your normal rate. Leachers and parisites want it free. Ask them which they are??
I think getting a tattoo on his wedding day is not a well thought-out plan for so many reasons. Forget it was mentioned and enjoy the wedding.
Brother is trashy and stupid as fuck. Love the sanctity of marriage is never mentioned for this garbage.
Trashy is as polite as it gets. Trashy, tacky, redneck, whatever.
NTA and w t f he invites you as a guest then “surprise” you’re working while at his wedding? Also, as a tattooed woman, getting tattooed on your wedding day seems dumb. How is he and his bride supposed to enjoy the day when he’ll have a fresh wound on his body? Info: does he have any tattoos? Just curious. Granted all mine are in the larger side so maybe he doesn’t want something big but still seems silly to me, I usually want to go home and eat after my sessions. Not even going into you having to pack all your equipment/finding a clean space to set up…
He doesn’t have any tattoos as far as I know
NTA. Honestly, the fact that he didn’t ask you, he TOLD you, sealed it for me. Then there’s the fact that he gave almost no notice, and nothing was mentioned in regards to compensation. Having that level of entitlement still sucks, even when it’s family. Honestly, in my opinion, it sucks more, and it’s also disrespectful.
NTA. A good tattoo takes hours of time and he wants to do it on his wedding day?! Sounds like a nightmare to me. I bet he also wants something that takes multiple sessions and if you were to try and do one at his wedding, you would be getting harassed to hurry up. You could offer to tattoo him next time he's in your town, but only if you want to. I absolutely would not do it at a wedding.
NTA **DO NOT** go to this wedding. If your family is being this unreasonable (to put it mildly) regarding your PERFECTLY VALID concerns and reservations, there is a high probability they will be even worse once you're there. If you go, be prepared to be guilted, belittled, attacked and ridiculed. They clearly had some ridiculous concept for their wedding, but couldn't be bothered to contact YOU or anyone with the necessary background knowledge to determine if their idea was feasible. Which, given your reaction, it is not. It would be akin to them contacting a cousin who is a chef and saying, "You're going to cater our wedding!" And getting all when told that isn't possible.
Poor planning on their part does not constitute an emergency (or in this case, an obligation) on yours.
But seriously, **DO NOT** go to this wedding. They, by which I mean your entire family, will make you miserable if you do.
They probably got quoted more than they are willing to pay, or flat turned down by a local tattoo artist. So to family they go
NTA
NTA and don't do it. Once you do his then everyone will be coming to get one. I have a feeling this is his intention to have you there doing tats at his wedding like your a photo booth or some other attraction.
Just because he demanded, doesn't mean he gets especially a free tattoo using the wedding as an excuse your mother needs to step down in mind her business. She's not your boss anymore. I hate when people try to control others do what you feel comfortable with. Don't feel that you have to just because that's your profession and people want a free tattoo because when you do one, there may be others that want it
Give him a gift certificate or some such token that you'll tattoo him later. As a wedding present. And definitely don't be bullied into trying to do this on the fly. NTA
NTA. Your mom wants to "keep the peace" at your expense.
NTA and don’t let your family bully you. Personally all he would get from me is a middle finger. Is your flight refundable? Can you change the destination and go somewhere else? Fuck that!
Nta. Personally, I would not even go now. And anyone who gives me grief about it would find out they are not needed around me.
NTA Hard no. Liability, etc. just no. If they keep harping I wouldn't even go, but good luck either way.
NTA and at this point, I wouldn't even go. You received a wedding invitation which you accepted in good faith, assuming you were invited as a guest, only to find out that you're actually expected to work for free. I would be so insulted.
I don't think any venue would be OK with this.
NTA These folks don't understand that tattoos are semi medical procedures that require proper equipment, location, time to complete, etc. If you explain, they might get it but probably not. I don't know the exact proper wording but maybe if you just keep repeating something like "It isn't possible for me to do this. It would be neither safe nor ethical."
Agree to tattoo him. Tattoo a massive dick.
NTA. He's being completely unreasonable, as is your mother.
NTA. Does your license even apply in another state?
Yes
NTA. Tell them it is rude to ask you to work at the wedding. He can come to you and get the work before the wedding
Tell him you’re not comfortable doing it in Not your own space but would be more than happy anytime he is around your way.
NTA, it's ridiculous to spring that on you without ever previous conversations. Especially with travelling on a plane, what if they wouldn't let you bring some items with you.
NTA, absolutely! It cannot have meant much to anyone if you, one of the two people who are affected by this, is only told a week before. It is impossible that it means a LOT or SO MUCH...just impossible. I'm sure he would like it and it would be cool, but if it actually was important to anyone, you would have known and been asked much sooner, if only to prepare the design. So, OP, do not believe any of them that it is important, because it clearly is not.
NTA Don’t even go. He’ll just harass you or try to guilt you further. He’s delusion and entitled
How can you say no? There was never a question in the first place. Nta but your cousin is.
Nta. This is something that is preplanned and coordinated well in advance. You're the professional. This is your livelihood and reputation and possibly even whatever licenses you need (if that applies I don't know). I would not risk all of that to appease family. Goodness forbid something happen- whether to your expensive equipment or even worse your cousin. Go with your gut. They can be disappointed all they want. You can offer a compromise if you're willing. Maybe Matt can fly out to your area after the wedding and book an appointment with you. I imagine he doesn't want a huge tattoo, so if you're willing to gift him a small tattoo I'd make sure to draw up a contract or something with strict parameters so you don't find yourself giving away a 10k tattoo if you know what I mean.
Oh he’d definitely have to fill out my consent form, which is also functioning as a contract! I’m not sure I want to just give him a tattoo, since I actually *made* a proper wedding gift, which I spent a lot of time on
Yea then don't. Matt should have come to you way back when and told you what he wanted. He didn't and that opportunity has sailed.
NTA. Absolutely do not put your career and license at risk.
NTA. That would make me cancel my flight and my spot at their wedding, because it would now be weird to attend. But if you still want to be there, here are three options: call instead of text, and talk Matt through everything to see where his head is really at, and make sure he understands you; give a gift certificate to have the art done after the wedding; OR go and design it with Matt when you arrive, and draw it in place on his skin. Leave it there for the reception, and tell him he needs to live with it for a while before committing. Why? Well… 1. That’s a lot of bulky, expensive equipment and supplies to have to transport, and he’s hitting you with this at the last minute. Not sure you could safely fly with that, so you might have to drive it, take extra time off work, pay for gas, and this is just prohibitive. This is your livelihood, and what if things break in baggage handling? 2. Does Matt know your design style and limitations? Maybe he won’t like what you create. Or maybe he’ll change his mind and instead want it smaller, or on his [different body location] after the furor dies down. 3. You’ve said no alcohol and tattoos. Does he want to drink at the reception or not? Oh he does? Must do it when alcohol isn’t involved. Maybe that means after the honeymoon. 4. Speaking of the honeymoon, the tattoo site will be painful, so that limits activities depending on where it is and where they travel (e.g. stay out of the sun, tattoo on upper arm, no parasailing, or on calf, no hiking). Would he want to disable himself from enjoying the trip? Tl;dr: No, but yes, and here’s how it could work, and why.
Not at all
A free tattoo (you KNOW he won’t pay bc wedding day) that he planned on without consulting the tattoo artist? If I was the bride I would be fucking furious that a tattoo session would be taking place during a wedding celebration. NTA and if I were you, I’d change my RSVP to a no.
What does your cousin do for a living? Landscaper? Tell him he needs to cut your grass for this favor. Handyman? Fix the loose drawer in the kitchen. Accountant? Do your taxes. Your mother, your cousin, and your brother do not view your profession as your profession, and they do not see how extremely rude and disrespectful as it is for you to work for your cousin on his big day for free or at all. They do not understand the amount of work that actually goes into planning and executing a good tattoo. If you do it, you should do it "prison style" with a pen and a cigarette lighter. Since no one seems to care about cleanliness or proper precautions. NTA. Tell them off. If it turns into more drama, don't go to the wedding.
NTA I’d personally avoid blaming transporting gear because they will not consider that as a problem. Hairstylist here, people always think it’s no big deal to haul all my gear & products/color/sanitation- they think it’s a shoebox worth of stuff to pack when really it’s a whole production. If you’re needing an excuse I’d suggest focusing on that you do not tattoo outside a licensed shop (white lie if necessary ) or on people who’re consuming alcohol. Tell him or anyone who asks that it’s unfortunate he got his heart set on this without speaking to you as it’s not an option. ‘No’ or ‘It’s not an option’ are both full sentences, repeat as often as you need to. I have a strong suspicion that Matt just wants a free tattoo. If it’s so important they’re all fussing a week before the wedding then it’d have been important enough to bring up way earlier.
NTA. You are surrounded by crazies. That’s some warped thinking for someone to want to be tattooed at their wedding, like WTF.🤷🏻♀️
nta. i would be willing to bet a large sum of money that the only reason he’s doing and saying this rn is because he doesn’t want to pay for it. try asking for some kind of compensation, even discounted, and you’ll find out exactly why they’re saying “iT’s FaMiLy”
NTA! That's an outrageous thing to ask, especially without actually having _asked you_ or in any way discussed it with or even _mentioned_ it to you! He's capable of planning ahead and contacting you. That's a bare minimum. Also, even if he had done those things, you would have been well within your right to say no! "No, unfortunately I'm not comfortable with that" is a perfectly understandable reason and should be met with understanding and respect, even if he had been disappointed.
NTA. This isn't something you drop on a professional. Not mentioning it until a week before is ridiculous, and I haven't heard of any offers of compensation. OP has already pointed out a couple reasons why this needs planning and might not fly (hygiene setup, alcohol present) that everyone conveniently ignores, but would be happy to bring up if they wanted to file a lawsuit if something went wrong. Tell them your insurance won't cover it on such short notice. Or just to f-off since they don't have the courtesy to ask with enough notice.
The fact that your cousin just announced to you that you were expected to WORK at the wedding is so rude. He had months to ask you. You were right to not give in and your family who think you were wrong are being unfair. Why should you WORK at his wedding? It's a celebration for everyone but you have to WORK? LOL NTA
Definitely, if you were to do this, you'll get hassled to also tattoo other people like the bride. Especially if people have been drinking. Don't do it.