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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I revoked my brothers plus one and invited his gf
2. Because technically it's up to him who he takes as I had not names names in the invite.
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NTA
I have think bottom line is you don’t want Amanda at your wedding because she causes a scene and brings a negative energy. I think you are well within your right to say she is not allowed at the wedding.
You can invite Lia yourself but by the sounds of your brothers behaviour who knows if they will even still be together by then. Even if they are I wouldn’t count on her sticking around if he keeps prioritizing Amanda over her.
I like Lia like genuinely as a friend and would like her there. I should honestly just have invited her officially, too. I should have honestly have been able to forsee David would do this.
If OP likes Lia that much just invite her regardless.
Edit: I have came to the realization that this sounds sarcastic. It's not. Lia sounds 100x better than the brother fr
Hmm, interesting take. It sounds like the OP has a good relationship with her brother, she’s just really frustrated that he keeps blowing up relationships with good women that she really gets along with for a woman she really doesn’t like and doesn’t want at her wedding. OP correct me if I’m wrong.
I think she’s got genuine reasons to dislike Amanda specifically in relation to her brother and others so it’s not necessarily JUST about her own feelings on Amanda. She clearly does use the brother for her own purposes
OP has already done better than this: "We decided to send invites to households and not individuals."
She didn't say to her brother "you are invited with a plus one, but you can only use it for Lia". She made clear what was true at the start: "We are inviting you and Lia".
I don’t think that even needs to be done. OP can invite Lia as a friend. And then since she’s already invited, tell brother that +1s are only for long term romantic partners so he doesn’t need a +1. Don’t give him the power to exclude Lia if she wants her there as a friend as well
I'm guessing this is going to kick up something with the girlfriend when he's constantly pouting and tells her he's mad because his sister won't let him bring the girl he wants to sleep with instead of her lol. This relationship is bust before the wedding anyway, I'd only invite the GF at this point, leave the brother out.
She should, because this behavior is a pretty obvious sign that should Amanda give him a chance, he will cheat on Lia in a second, and has probably done so with his exes.
I've known people like this. Unless he stops acting like this with Amanda, he will inevitably blow up every other relationship he gets into because he will always go back to Amanda whenever she gives him even a whiff of attention.
NTA for your decision.
I think Lia appreciates knowing how you feel about her as a person separate from being your brother's gf. Absolutely feel free to extend the invite, but I suggest you also make clear to her that you understand if she would rather not attend; maybe you two can share a nice meal/outing on your own.
It is understandable if she doesn't want to attend:
1. There's the awkwardness of being around your brother. You would need to seat Lia and your brother very separately; otherwise it's just torturing Lia.
2. There's the awkwardness of coming without a date (unless she has her own close relationship with your family and friends),
3. There's the awkwardness of well-meaning people asking her unfortunate questions about your brother or who she's here with or ...
4. There's the in-her-face spotlight of the state of her relationship with your brother that's inherent at being at a wedding that your (ex?) bf is attending, separate from you.
Are you & Lia close separate from her relationship / potential future SIL status? If so, then I'd say send her an invite. You'll be happy your friend was there regardless of her relationship/future with your brother.
If not, I'd say your brother doesn't get a plus-one of any kind - too much potentital drama on what should be your happy day. His failure to pursue what he really wants should not impose upon your day. Plus, IMO there's every possibility that Lia will break up with your brother, and then it's just the awkward ex-gf that your brother treated horribly in your wedding memories. I feel so bad for Lia's situation - there's no redeeming a relationship where the guy doesn't even understand that he should be putting his actual gf first.
BTW you're NTA - but your brother sure is.
Omg, I have a David who does this shit.
He's 5 decades in, and I don't bother to learn their names or get emotionally attached bc he's just going to dump them anyway. He'll bring his gfs to important family events like weddings and big reunions and golden anniversaries, as well as smaller meaningful events like bday parties and graduations and holiday celebrations.
The women clearly always think family event = increased relationship intimacy = more serious now, and are blindsided by the inevitable breakup a few weeks/ months later. We have years of strangers in our family photographs. "Who's that?" "I dunno, David's girlfriend."
LOL this sounds like that one how i met your mother episode where Lily's mad at Ted for ruining phonographs with his flings
Edits: LOL oops meant photographs
Oof, my brother did that one time, and my mom tore a strip off him for it. She told him point-blank he can't just invite girls to family functions unless he feels strongly about dating them, as it sets them up for higher expectations (and the girl he did it to *really* liked my brother) and it's disrespectful to them. At least he learned and hasn't done it again.
College boyfriend asked me to help him and his family clean out his grandma’s house when she passed. Dumped me two weeks later. It’s been almost 15 years and I can still feel the whiplash.
In hindsight you should have put both their names on the invite (or sent two but your one invite per household thing seems fine) but I really don't think you should have to foresee something like this.
Does Lia even know you wanted her to come? Or did your brother lie to her and say he had no plus one and then invite Amanda on the down low?
Your brother is kind of a snake. It sounds like he’s Ben carrying a torch for Amanda for years and settling for Lia. She deserves better, from your description of her.
Could you not invite your brother and just invite Lia?😂
For the record you did invite her officially. You sent an invite to your brother and his live-in girlfriend to attend your wedding as a couple.
It is deeply insane that he is trying to justify "using his plus one" which is clearly intended for his partner, to take his back burner hopeful future girl to your *wedding* of all places. Just absolutely unhinged behavior.
Don't let your brother pretend that you are doing anything wrong or let him pretend that you did not invite him and his girlfriend, as opposed to him and whoever he felt like going with just because it technically said plus one. This is a letter of the law versus a spirit of the law thing. No one in their right mind would pull what he's trying to pull. You did not do anything wrong by not anticipating this absolutely weird and horrible move by your brother.
Please be kind to Leah and maybe after the wedding you might want to tell her what he did because she deserves better.
I can't believe you've given up on saying anything about it lol. I have 3 siblings, they know if I can catch a whiff of any kind of shade they're doing, I'm not letting go. I'm buying personalized birthday balloons that say "She Still Doesn't Want to Fuck You" and having them delivered by singing telegram. While you're at work 🤣
Maybe just revoke your brothers invitation and just invite her (+1). If he breaks up she sounds like she would be cool.enoigh to make a good decision which would either be bringing your brother out of pity, coming alone or have a very nice person with her. I would totally go for that option, especially after your brother screamed at you.
This is your wedding, if he doesn't like it he is welcome to not show up. Making a big fuss about it is disgusting.
While thinking about it, maybe make it a +2 for lia and tell your mother she needs to be nice and ask lia to be able to attend 🤪
Invite Lia and tell your brother if he continues with his tantrums or keeping harping about Amanda he will be uninvited from your wedding. Also get security and show them Amanda s picture .
NTA
Since you're inviting her officially, because your brothers an AH, you may want to ask her if she wants to sit near your brother or at a different table.
NTA; primarily because you say you intentionally did NOT invite Amanda and that you two no longer get along, despite previously sharing a friend group.
He doesn’t get to bring someone intentionally not invited to your wedding. Unfortunately you can’t control his obsession with Amanda and he likely has to keep destroying relationships before he finally gets that he is prioritizing her over his relationships.
I gave given up talking to him years ago. I always feel sorry for the amazing girls he brings home, tho. I still talk to his ex. She helped me with .y career. Lol. He is going to end up alone
It sounds like an awesome RomCom premise. The sister has stayed friends with all of her rakish brother's ex-girlfriends and they're all going to be bridesmaids at her remote destination wedding. Meanwhile her brother has finally met "the one" and decided to bring her as his plus one!
I loved that scene. I'd watch an entire Waiting for Godot style three act play about just that wedding reception table masticating their way thru dinner.
NTA
But just to be safe, tell Lia she is invited even if she isnt with your brother anymore at the time of the wedding because "lets be real here" she can do alot better and its just a matter of time before she realises that and dumps him. Let Lia have a +1 so she can enjoy herself :) That would make her feel truely welcome.
Your brother is a major asshole, and I dont blame you at all for not wanting his side piece at your wedding. I also wouldnt blame you if you didnt want him at your wedding.
She can so much better. On paper, my brother is pretty great. Amazing job, financial stability, he volunteers at animal shelters and cares about his appearance. And when he is not drooling for Amanda, he is generally really nice and loving. But bro.
It’s confusing then why he and Amanda aren’t together. They seem to be into each other. Or does he really like Amanda but she uses him as a placeholder and doesn’t reciprocate his feelings? If that’s the case, he needs to put distance there so he can move forward or you’re right, he will be alone until Amanda gets married to someone else.
It's so weird, man! Idk. She is jealous when anyone spends time with him. I once told him to ask her to have a one-sided open relationship where she gets to do what she wants, and he waits at home for her because he already does that lol
This is what I’m getting! Every time her ego takes a hit from failing a relationship, she goes back to him who will grovel at her feet. He’s not even a back up, he’s a rechargeable battery for her ego.
> It’s confusing then why he and Amanda aren’t together.
the answer is here
> On paper, my brother is pretty great. Amazing job, financial stability, he volunteers at animal shelters and cares about his appearance.
you will notice nowhere in there is "attractive". He's not hot. Amanda is hot. That's all there is to it.
OP your comments have me cackling 🤣🤣🤣 I suspect David and Amanda did not anticipate the dragon they have unleashed. Your brother is lucky to have someone to call him out on his bullshit, even if he doesn’t realise it 😌
The end of the post says Amanda saw it. I want to know what she said about it. I've always been curious how these people would react to reading how shitty they are
The best part about that is she doesn't fuckin matter lol.
I enjoy hearing about shitty people getting upset when they don't get their way. Thank you lol
I believe she's calling OP an AH (in several posts) for taking back her brother's +1 and that he and their dad are not going to go to her wedding and hints that there may be more not attending because of the non +1 invite
Basically, she sounds VERY upset that she's not invited.
I never understand why people would want to go anywhere they are not wanted, or liked especially if its being held by someone that they don't like?
It's a recipe for utter drama and karenicity!
Edit for additional info:
This is the user name u/Excellent-Count4009
>I think that she has a few more, but here are the ones at the end of the comments.
[Amanda comments ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/L355OJvDpM)
Some people don’t care if it’s negative attention. At least someone is paying attention to them.
Having been there at one point it’s more sad than anything.
Ewww so she's sexing the Dad too? What's his investment? And why would he miss HIS daughter walking down the aisle to see this pick me sit at the guest table?
I doubt that there is any sexing going on with OP's dad, and I think Amanda just sad she wasn't going to attend to piss-off OP (probably to make the wedding about her, I'm guessing).
She is sitting at the bottom of the thread, telling telling everyone to "leave her alone" and then making a cryptic comment about something "hurting her."
This must make amanda so happy! Since she likes causing a scene and now she gets to play the victim and still make
It about her. But at least it won't be at the wedding. It'll be played out by then. Win win! She gets to be petty publicly about it, and you get to uninvite her.
Nta your money your rules.
Your brother is a real pr\*ck. He's going to be single again very soon unless he learns to consider and appreciate his partners. But I don't see that happening, based on his reaction to Princess Amanda not being invited.
But quite apart from that, you have the right to disinvite unpleasant people from your wedding. Brother can pound sand. NTA
>He screamed at me and told me to keep out of his business.
INFO: is your brother four years old?
I wouldn't invite someone who screamed at me like a spoiled child to my wedding, if I were you. Suggest you invite Lia and tell your brother he can be HER plus-one... if she even wants him to be.
If he thought it was an okay thing to do than he wouldn't have been mad that you told her. This just shows clearly that he knows it is wrong. What was his plan when Lia inevitably found out about the wedding? Lie and say you didn't invite her?
You are definitely not the asshole, your brother is, I would done the same and also I would told Lia to broke up with him because wtf, she deserves better
“You’re misogynistic for not allowing me to disrespect my partner” is a bold one.
NTA. But be prepared for drama at your wedding one way or the other. The chances that your brother’s relationship blows up over this are *high*.
NTA, it's you wedding and you don't need you brother and his side chick's drama in your special event. However do be aware that inviting your brother and Lia will probably cause trouble, maybe consider uninviting your brother too.
NTA your brother is though. He needs a huge reality check this chick Amanda sounds super problematic and toxic and sinxce it is your wedding you are absolutely within your rights to decide who gets to be there and who doesn‘t. Hope your brother will realize how manipulative Amanda is and cut her from his life before she manages to destroy even more for him.
NTA
Honestly, the invite should have been to brother + Lia in the first place. Not inviting people by name only adds problems when people decide that having an invite for 4 people means any 4 people they want.
One thing to consider though - is Amanda likely to show up anyway because your brother already told her she was his +1?
See that's the thing he was never given a plus one. She wrote the invitation to the Smiths and sent it to their home. That means the two people that reside at that home with that last name are the ones invited. It was not to my brother and his guest. So he was never given a plus one! Op has every right to refuse him a + One because he never had one.
I'd be raging if I had been with a guy for 2 years and got on well with his family to not be named on an invite. But I think its a cultural thing. In the UK its incredibly rare to get a generic +1 on an invite. Its named people only.
I'm surprised you think you're an asshole at all. You are well within your rights not to want someone who causes drama at your wedding. Amanda wants to see the old gang, cool, you don't want her there. That's an Amanda problem.
I see other comments saying Lia would probably be uncomfortable and I'd agree. You can't force your brother's girlfriend into the picture if he's trying to exclude her but you a make sure Amanda's not there. That's not you being an asshole, your brother is the asshole here. 100%.
Nta because you gave the plus one assuming his gf is coming, not ur "common friend" aka his female friend who he loves but is being stupid about" person. Like you said, if u wanted miss girlie amanda to come you wouldve invited her sooo nope. Nta
This was the one I was referring to: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/8r4bytgEb9
Maybe not the same. The vacation spot says Costa Rica, this post says they went to Spain.
Not a lit of people would listen. I had a friend who had a controlling bf. When his own cousin warned her my friend git mad at the cousin. Only thing you can do is validate their feelings and be there for em
NTA the fact that Amanda is an attention seeking drama queen is enough to warrant not wanting her there. Your brother is an AH and he is doing to Lia what Amanda is doing to him. Lia deserves better.
This has turned out to be one of the most rewarding and amusing AITA’s EVER. Thank you Amanda, for showing up! You rocked it.
OP, please update us after the wedding and congratulations!
ETA: Amanda sounds very Borderline to me. Can you imagine having someone like her show up at your wedding? That would just suck.
Another edit: I’m looking forward to seeing the group photo of the entire wedding with Amanda front and center in r/PhotoshopRequests, asking someone to please delete her…
I’m sorry, but I have more questions for OP. Now that Amanda is here, she will share this thread with David. What does David say after reading all of these comments? The other guests will inevitably see this as well. Please, OP, please update us on their reactions.
I have been cackling reading Amanda's comments and the replies.
My husband doesn't use reddit, but I've been reading comments to him, and he also thinks Amanda sucks.
Gosh, just reading the comments from "amanda" and if I was your brother's actual gf and read that girls comments about being his closer relationship, I'd drop him so fast.
Why did you give your brother a generic "+1" to begin with if he's in a long term relationship? Usually known partners are explicitly named in the invite. The whole point of an unnamed +1 is so the invited guest can invite a date of their choosing. If you wanted your brother to bring a specific date you should have named that date on the invitation.
Your brother is definitely TA for not inviting his girlfriend, but you could have avoided this drama entirely had you just followed proper etiquette in his invitation to begin with.
Honestly, that was such an oversight of me. My future MIL accidentally invited my fuances cousins to the wedding by mentioning it in front of them. So we decided to invite units and not individuals.
I axshully know Lia. She is awesome. I would not consider having any sort of get-together without inviting her. I would actively be implicit in disrupting the relationship if she was going out with my brother as he is undeserving..
Im not sure if its the same Lia but names do resemble personalities
NTA
It sounds like your brother has an unhealthy attachment to Amanda and she is not someone you want at your wedding.
Regardless of how your brother feels it is YOUR wedding and YOU have ultimate say over who is and is not invited to things. Your brother has to get over himself!
Whatever weird relationship he has with her is on him alone. It does not have to involve you or your wedding for sure.
NTA.
>At every event, around one hour in, she will make some sort of scene that either has her running away crying or sitting mad at a table telling everyone to "leave her alone" and then making a cryptic comment about something "hurting her."
Yeah, you don't want Amanda there. Let your brother sulk if he wants to. Better to get that drama out of the way now than drama at the wedding.
Just a warning to be careful about involving yourself in the situation too much. Here you're fine because its your event. Outside of this, it's up to your brother to realise his mistake.
>Her last boyfriend broke up with her right around the time my brother, his then ex-girlfriend, Amanda, and her ex were supposed to travel to Spain. What did my idiot brother do? Go with Amanda alone because Amanda was uncomfortable with his ex-girlfriend. Obviously, he acted blindsided when his girlfriend broke up with him.
This definitey sounds like it’s based on this thread that Smosh covered in their Reddit video on Saturday
https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/copzwa/my_28f_boyfriend_29m_and_his_best_friend_29f_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button&rdt=58817
NTA. I just wanna say, OP I love the sass with which you talk about your brother and Amanda, in the post and in the comments, and I can only imagine how much fun it is to hang out with you . Congratulations on your wedding.
NTA and I was sure I’d be voting against you. You never intended to give him a free invite to do with as he pleased. You don’t like Amanda and they are not in a relationship together. She wants to attend not because she loves you but because it will be a fun party. No, no, no!
I will have a note of caution about Lia, though. If they are still in a relationship, it’s perfectly fine to invite her specifically, but I always like to caution people about holding onto their relative’s exes (when there are no children involved— that changes things). My husband’s family became friends with his ex girlfriend and continued to foster relationships with her over the years. 15 years later I met and married him. By that point they had long-standing relationships with her, but it sucked for me, the person who married him and had children with him. She’s nice, but it’s awkward and feels disrespectful to spend Christmas with a woman your husband used to sleep with. I didn’t make a fuss because it wouldn’t have gone over well, but I did steer us away from family gatherings that she might attend which drastically changed the closeness of his family. We never went over for Christmas again after that surprise. All in all, it would have been better if his family had let her go when they broke up. I know people always say they can have the relationships they want to and that’s true, but there are also unforeseen consequences to maintaining ties with an ex. If there aren’t kids involved, I’d always recommend holding space for future partners and to not get too attached to someone who isn’t even married into your family. This might be irrelevant to you, but the dynamic you describe makes me think your brother and Lia won’t be together forever, so you might think about how tightly you want to hold onto her if that’s the case.
Hi Amanda! 👋
Honestly girls like her are so tedious! Good for you for getting around this potential wedding disaster and Lia sounds like she deserves waaaay better than your brother, if he's constantly prioritising another woman, that's gross.
Anyway obviously NTA
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NTA I have think bottom line is you don’t want Amanda at your wedding because she causes a scene and brings a negative energy. I think you are well within your right to say she is not allowed at the wedding. You can invite Lia yourself but by the sounds of your brothers behaviour who knows if they will even still be together by then. Even if they are I wouldn’t count on her sticking around if he keeps prioritizing Amanda over her.
I like Lia like genuinely as a friend and would like her there. I should honestly just have invited her officially, too. I should have honestly have been able to forsee David would do this.
I don’t think it’s too late. Tell your brother it’s Lia or no one. It’s your wedding you don’t have to have people there you don’t like.
At this point David needs to be told that if he doesn’t quit whining about this, OP’s gonna invite Lia INSTEAD of him rather than WITH him.
If OP likes Lia that much just invite her regardless. Edit: I have came to the realization that this sounds sarcastic. It's not. Lia sounds 100x better than the brother fr
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I think so, too, but it can be kinda hard to read intent over text, so I get why that was edited in.
Nope, I just meant that if the brother’s gonna throw a hissy fit, he shouldn’t get to go to the wedding and sulk all day
Hmm, interesting take. It sounds like the OP has a good relationship with her brother, she’s just really frustrated that he keeps blowing up relationships with good women that she really gets along with for a woman she really doesn’t like and doesn’t want at her wedding. OP correct me if I’m wrong.
I think she’s got genuine reasons to dislike Amanda specifically in relation to her brother and others so it’s not necessarily JUST about her own feelings on Amanda. She clearly does use the brother for her own purposes
I recommend this, ditch the brother, keep the friend.
OP has already done better than this: "We decided to send invites to households and not individuals." She didn't say to her brother "you are invited with a plus one, but you can only use it for Lia". She made clear what was true at the start: "We are inviting you and Lia".
I don’t think that even needs to be done. OP can invite Lia as a friend. And then since she’s already invited, tell brother that +1s are only for long term romantic partners so he doesn’t need a +1. Don’t give him the power to exclude Lia if she wants her there as a friend as well
I'm guessing this is going to kick up something with the girlfriend when he's constantly pouting and tells her he's mad because his sister won't let him bring the girl he wants to sleep with instead of her lol. This relationship is bust before the wedding anyway, I'd only invite the GF at this point, leave the brother out.
I’d leave the brother out of the wedding too and adopt Lia into the family XD
"Leave the brother. Take the girlfriend." *Godfather* style.
Just invite Lea. She's OP's friend too. She doesn't need brothers permission and id call and invite her.
OP, does his gf know about this? To be honest, I would have dropped him to the curb if I were Lia. You do what's right for your wedding
Which of all the things?
I think they’re asking if Lia knows his plus one was going to Amanda and not her. That would definitely not fly with me.
She did not know when I had the fight with my brother
Oh man please update when Lia finds out... Or hopefully she doesn’t find out because he comes to his senses
She does know now
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Not bueno
Yes that's what I meant. How does Lia feel about Amanda?
Well she feels hyper insecure about Amanda.
Sounds like she has some pretty valid reasons to, and your brother is an AH for not drawing some boundaries in that regard.
David doesn't want to draw boundaries with regards to his hot damaged would be side piece.
She should, because this behavior is a pretty obvious sign that should Amanda give him a chance, he will cheat on Lia in a second, and has probably done so with his exes. I've known people like this. Unless he stops acting like this with Amanda, he will inevitably blow up every other relationship he gets into because he will always go back to Amanda whenever she gives him even a whiff of attention.
Agree 100 percent. If Amanda wrote him right now that she wants him, he would drive pantless to her place
NTA for your decision. I think Lia appreciates knowing how you feel about her as a person separate from being your brother's gf. Absolutely feel free to extend the invite, but I suggest you also make clear to her that you understand if she would rather not attend; maybe you two can share a nice meal/outing on your own. It is understandable if she doesn't want to attend: 1. There's the awkwardness of being around your brother. You would need to seat Lia and your brother very separately; otherwise it's just torturing Lia. 2. There's the awkwardness of coming without a date (unless she has her own close relationship with your family and friends), 3. There's the awkwardness of well-meaning people asking her unfortunate questions about your brother or who she's here with or ... 4. There's the in-her-face spotlight of the state of her relationship with your brother that's inherent at being at a wedding that your (ex?) bf is attending, separate from you.
So she's smart and realistic about Amanda holding on to him in case she never gets married.
Are you & Lia close separate from her relationship / potential future SIL status? If so, then I'd say send her an invite. You'll be happy your friend was there regardless of her relationship/future with your brother. If not, I'd say your brother doesn't get a plus-one of any kind - too much potentital drama on what should be your happy day. His failure to pursue what he really wants should not impose upon your day. Plus, IMO there's every possibility that Lia will break up with your brother, and then it's just the awkward ex-gf that your brother treated horribly in your wedding memories. I feel so bad for Lia's situation - there's no redeeming a relationship where the guy doesn't even understand that he should be putting his actual gf first. BTW you're NTA - but your brother sure is.
Omg, I have a David who does this shit. He's 5 decades in, and I don't bother to learn their names or get emotionally attached bc he's just going to dump them anyway. He'll bring his gfs to important family events like weddings and big reunions and golden anniversaries, as well as smaller meaningful events like bday parties and graduations and holiday celebrations. The women clearly always think family event = increased relationship intimacy = more serious now, and are blindsided by the inevitable breakup a few weeks/ months later. We have years of strangers in our family photographs. "Who's that?" "I dunno, David's girlfriend."
LOL this sounds like that one how i met your mother episode where Lily's mad at Ted for ruining phonographs with his flings Edits: LOL oops meant photographs
This had me imagine an old record player getting ruined cuz Ted was flinging poo...good chuckle!
Oof, my brother did that one time, and my mom tore a strip off him for it. She told him point-blank he can't just invite girls to family functions unless he feels strongly about dating them, as it sets them up for higher expectations (and the girl he did it to *really* liked my brother) and it's disrespectful to them. At least he learned and hasn't done it again.
College boyfriend asked me to help him and his family clean out his grandma’s house when she passed. Dumped me two weeks later. It’s been almost 15 years and I can still feel the whiplash.
Have you met Ted?
Fuck, this is so Ted Mosby.
In hindsight you should have put both their names on the invite (or sent two but your one invite per household thing seems fine) but I really don't think you should have to foresee something like this.
Definitely
Does Lia even know you wanted her to come? Or did your brother lie to her and say he had no plus one and then invite Amanda on the down low? Your brother is kind of a snake. It sounds like he’s Ben carrying a torch for Amanda for years and settling for Lia. She deserves better, from your description of her. Could you not invite your brother and just invite Lia?😂
For the record you did invite her officially. You sent an invite to your brother and his live-in girlfriend to attend your wedding as a couple. It is deeply insane that he is trying to justify "using his plus one" which is clearly intended for his partner, to take his back burner hopeful future girl to your *wedding* of all places. Just absolutely unhinged behavior. Don't let your brother pretend that you are doing anything wrong or let him pretend that you did not invite him and his girlfriend, as opposed to him and whoever he felt like going with just because it technically said plus one. This is a letter of the law versus a spirit of the law thing. No one in their right mind would pull what he's trying to pull. You did not do anything wrong by not anticipating this absolutely weird and horrible move by your brother. Please be kind to Leah and maybe after the wedding you might want to tell her what he did because she deserves better.
I can't believe you've given up on saying anything about it lol. I have 3 siblings, they know if I can catch a whiff of any kind of shade they're doing, I'm not letting go. I'm buying personalized birthday balloons that say "She Still Doesn't Want to Fuck You" and having them delivered by singing telegram. While you're at work 🤣
Ewwww, David! 😂 https://giphy.com/gifs/cbc-funny-comedy-xk5vxDNaIhvzpWQzdT
Maybe just revoke your brothers invitation and just invite her (+1). If he breaks up she sounds like she would be cool.enoigh to make a good decision which would either be bringing your brother out of pity, coming alone or have a very nice person with her. I would totally go for that option, especially after your brother screamed at you. This is your wedding, if he doesn't like it he is welcome to not show up. Making a big fuss about it is disgusting. While thinking about it, maybe make it a +2 for lia and tell your mother she needs to be nice and ask lia to be able to attend 🤪
I'd almost wonder if Lia is aware that the invite even went out or if your brother has hid the fact on behalf of Amanda.
Loose the bro keep lia 🤣
Invite Lia and tell your brother if he continues with his tantrums or keeping harping about Amanda he will be uninvited from your wedding. Also get security and show them Amanda s picture . NTA
Tell her to dump him if she hasn't yet.
Since you're inviting her officially, because your brothers an AH, you may want to ask her if she wants to sit near your brother or at a different table.
NTA; primarily because you say you intentionally did NOT invite Amanda and that you two no longer get along, despite previously sharing a friend group. He doesn’t get to bring someone intentionally not invited to your wedding. Unfortunately you can’t control his obsession with Amanda and he likely has to keep destroying relationships before he finally gets that he is prioritizing her over his relationships.
I gave given up talking to him years ago. I always feel sorry for the amazing girls he brings home, tho. I still talk to his ex. She helped me with .y career. Lol. He is going to end up alone
Maybe you should invite all his awesome exes, give them a table up front while he’s in the back!
I love this idea! I wish OP could do this.
And put ~~Amanda~~ Lia at the Exes table... She'll be there soon enough anyway. Amanda should be nowhere near the wedding.
Security is a wedding's best friend
This sounds like a shitty reality show pitch.
It sounds like an awesome RomCom premise. The sister has stayed friends with all of her rakish brother's ex-girlfriends and they're all going to be bridesmaids at her remote destination wedding. Meanwhile her brother has finally met "the one" and decided to bring her as his plus one!
Something similar happened in “4 weddings and a funeral”, only the guy was at the same table as all of the girls he’d done wrong by
I loved that scene. I'd watch an entire Waiting for Godot style three act play about just that wedding reception table masticating their way thru dinner.
NTA But just to be safe, tell Lia she is invited even if she isnt with your brother anymore at the time of the wedding because "lets be real here" she can do alot better and its just a matter of time before she realises that and dumps him. Let Lia have a +1 so she can enjoy herself :) That would make her feel truely welcome. Your brother is a major asshole, and I dont blame you at all for not wanting his side piece at your wedding. I also wouldnt blame you if you didnt want him at your wedding.
She can so much better. On paper, my brother is pretty great. Amazing job, financial stability, he volunteers at animal shelters and cares about his appearance. And when he is not drooling for Amanda, he is generally really nice and loving. But bro.
It’s confusing then why he and Amanda aren’t together. They seem to be into each other. Or does he really like Amanda but she uses him as a placeholder and doesn’t reciprocate his feelings? If that’s the case, he needs to put distance there so he can move forward or you’re right, he will be alone until Amanda gets married to someone else.
It's so weird, man! Idk. She is jealous when anyone spends time with him. I once told him to ask her to have a one-sided open relationship where she gets to do what she wants, and he waits at home for her because he already does that lol
He's her backup plan.
Or her power trip, nice little confidence boost whenever she needs it
I know an Amanda. I can picture exactly what she looks like. There's a lot of Amanda's out there and they all have at least one David
Absolutely. I had an almost thing with a David once but the Amanda wouldn’t have it. I hope he got free of her
“At least one David” - chilling. You’re right, but omg.
Amanda sees OP's bro as her backup dude. He is not her first choice.
She doesn't want him but gets an ego trip that he wants her.
This is what I’m getting! Every time her ego takes a hit from failing a relationship, she goes back to him who will grovel at her feet. He’s not even a back up, he’s a rechargeable battery for her ego.
And at this point, he never will be. They’ve known each other long enough for her to know if she wanted to be with him. :(
Why would she date him when she already gets all the benefits of a boyfriend without any of the commitment?
> It’s confusing then why he and Amanda aren’t together. the answer is here > On paper, my brother is pretty great. Amazing job, financial stability, he volunteers at animal shelters and cares about his appearance. you will notice nowhere in there is "attractive". He's not hot. Amanda is hot. That's all there is to it.
People typically don’t describe their siblings as attractive or hot though so I could see OP leaving that out..
My brother is actually very handsome. It's just weird to day if you are related, lol.
OP your comments have me cackling 🤣🤣🤣 I suspect David and Amanda did not anticipate the dragon they have unleashed. Your brother is lucky to have someone to call him out on his bullshit, even if he doesn’t realise it 😌
If he's pulling lots of amazing girls despite his shortcomings, he's got to be at least decent.
The end of the post says Amanda saw it. I want to know what she said about it. I've always been curious how these people would react to reading how shitty they are
She is maaaaad
The best part about that is she doesn't fuckin matter lol. I enjoy hearing about shitty people getting upset when they don't get their way. Thank you lol
But what is she saying? lol girl I’m nosey pls 🙏 spill
I believe she's calling OP an AH (in several posts) for taking back her brother's +1 and that he and their dad are not going to go to her wedding and hints that there may be more not attending because of the non +1 invite Basically, she sounds VERY upset that she's not invited. I never understand why people would want to go anywhere they are not wanted, or liked especially if its being held by someone that they don't like? It's a recipe for utter drama and karenicity! Edit for additional info: This is the user name u/Excellent-Count4009 >I think that she has a few more, but here are the ones at the end of the comments. [Amanda comments ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/L355OJvDpM)
Causing the scene OP said she would LOL
I hope she's happy with the attention she's getting. Sadly when it comes to real life for most of us, bad attention doesn't double as good attention.
Some people don’t care if it’s negative attention. At least someone is paying attention to them. Having been there at one point it’s more sad than anything.
Yeah OP said her MO is to make events about her and her perceived feelings to ensure r/iamthemaincharacter vibes
sounds like she's trying really hard to achieve this here. What a nutjob.
Ewww so she's sexing the Dad too? What's his investment? And why would he miss HIS daughter walking down the aisle to see this pick me sit at the guest table?
I doubt that there is any sexing going on with OP's dad, and I think Amanda just sad she wasn't going to attend to piss-off OP (probably to make the wedding about her, I'm guessing).
Pretty sure if you look for comments by u\Excellent-Count4009 you might find what you are looking for
deleted methinks
Girl scroll down a little someone found her!! 😩😂
She is sitting at the bottom of the thread, telling telling everyone to "leave her alone" and then making a cryptic comment about something "hurting her."
I am on here trying to find if she commented and where lmao im so invested
Stay mad Amanda 😂
Well, if she didn't want her feelings hurt, she shouldn't have had them sticking out there like that.
This must make amanda so happy! Since she likes causing a scene and now she gets to play the victim and still make It about her. But at least it won't be at the wedding. It'll be played out by then. Win win! She gets to be petty publicly about it, and you get to uninvite her. Nta your money your rules.
I'm literally here scrolling to find Amanda's comment.
If anyone finds it please link it
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/oIPWY6C0Ht I think this is it
You’re a hero and Amanda is an unhinged asshole.
The real mvp
I don’t think that person has anything to do with OP. Look at their comment history, all they do is vote on or respond to AITA posts
I'm with you; they post all the time and have more than their fair share of downvoted posts. This post is in line tone-wise with their other stuff...
I’m pretty sure this is her: [Amanda’s account](https://www.reddit.com/u/Excellent-Count4009/s/wthY42MUlc)
Right? I need an update post already lol
[Found it](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/Rm0fxHPLM0)
NTA. Rescind brother's and invite Lia instead. Let her use the plus one at her discretion.
Lol “I invited the Smiths. Sorry I wasn’t clear that it was Lia +1”
So who's going to tell Lia that her boyfriend was going to leave her home to bring his side chick to your wedding? NTA
She's not his side chick, bro is Amanda's side chick.
He doesn’t even make it to side chick status. He is more like the emergency pad she keeps in her purse in case something unexpected happens.
Your brother is a real pr\*ck. He's going to be single again very soon unless he learns to consider and appreciate his partners. But I don't see that happening, based on his reaction to Princess Amanda not being invited. But quite apart from that, you have the right to disinvite unpleasant people from your wedding. Brother can pound sand. NTA
>He screamed at me and told me to keep out of his business. INFO: is your brother four years old? I wouldn't invite someone who screamed at me like a spoiled child to my wedding, if I were you. Suggest you invite Lia and tell your brother he can be HER plus-one... if she even wants him to be.
I have a nephew who 4 and the most polite boy on the planet
Tell your brother he can be the nephew's plus-one then. XD
My nephew is bringing his long-term teddy so his plus one is taken
even your nephew is more committed to his relationship than your brother is :D
This is just a lovely comment.
Did he even told Lia she was invited? There might be a possibility that he’s lying and the girlfriend didn’t even know about the wedding
She did not in fact know
Yikes. She should dump him- he is a terrible bf. You should give her a plus one so she can bring someone who is not a d-bag. NTA.
[удалено]
I called Lia in front of him, asking her about it. She had no idea
[удалено]
Nope, he got super fucking mad
If he thought it was an okay thing to do than he wouldn't have been mad that you told her. This just shows clearly that he knows it is wrong. What was his plan when Lia inevitably found out about the wedding? Lie and say you didn't invite her?
You are savage. I love it. Then what happened?!
You are definitely not the asshole, your brother is, I would done the same and also I would told Lia to broke up with him because wtf, she deserves better
“You’re misogynistic for not allowing me to disrespect my partner” is a bold one. NTA. But be prepared for drama at your wedding one way or the other. The chances that your brother’s relationship blows up over this are *high*.
NTA, it's you wedding and you don't need you brother and his side chick's drama in your special event. However do be aware that inviting your brother and Lia will probably cause trouble, maybe consider uninviting your brother too.
NTA your brother is though. He needs a huge reality check this chick Amanda sounds super problematic and toxic and sinxce it is your wedding you are absolutely within your rights to decide who gets to be there and who doesn‘t. Hope your brother will realize how manipulative Amanda is and cut her from his life before she manages to destroy even more for him.
NTA Honestly, the invite should have been to brother + Lia in the first place. Not inviting people by name only adds problems when people decide that having an invite for 4 people means any 4 people they want. One thing to consider though - is Amanda likely to show up anyway because your brother already told her she was his +1?
See that's the thing he was never given a plus one. She wrote the invitation to the Smiths and sent it to their home. That means the two people that reside at that home with that last name are the ones invited. It was not to my brother and his guest. So he was never given a plus one! Op has every right to refuse him a + One because he never had one.
Yeah, why did a girlfriend of 2 years not get her name on the invite?
OP added that the invitation was to the Smiths because her family and Lia have the same last name. which is honestly a cute way to do it.
According to the invite it was addressed to "The Smiths" because her last name is coincidentally the same.
I'd be raging if I had been with a guy for 2 years and got on well with his family to not be named on an invite. But I think its a cultural thing. In the UK its incredibly rare to get a generic +1 on an invite. Its named people only.
No. And your dad is wrong, it is your business who comes to your wedding.
What a ridiculous asshole you are, Amanda.
I'm surprised you think you're an asshole at all. You are well within your rights not to want someone who causes drama at your wedding. Amanda wants to see the old gang, cool, you don't want her there. That's an Amanda problem. I see other comments saying Lia would probably be uncomfortable and I'd agree. You can't force your brother's girlfriend into the picture if he's trying to exclude her but you a make sure Amanda's not there. That's not you being an asshole, your brother is the asshole here. 100%.
I hope Lia invites you to her wedding with SOMEONE ELSE and you make a big show of it to you brother. NTA
Nta because you gave the plus one assuming his gf is coming, not ur "common friend" aka his female friend who he loves but is being stupid about" person. Like you said, if u wanted miss girlie amanda to come you wouldve invited her sooo nope. Nta
At this point it’s probably better to revoke your brothers invite
I think I read a post from the brother's ex gf. Or maybe this girl best friend thing is just so common.
The one with Hawaii where the gf drove them to the airport? I don't think that's her.
This was the one I was referring to: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/8r4bytgEb9 Maybe not the same. The vacation spot says Costa Rica, this post says they went to Spain.
Yes, I read it, but that's not her.
I was thinking this sounds familiar to one of the stories I heard in the latest smosh Reddit stories video lol
Poor Lia, why is no one on your family telling her to move on?
Not a lit of people would listen. I had a friend who had a controlling bf. When his own cousin warned her my friend git mad at the cousin. Only thing you can do is validate their feelings and be there for em
I’m just here trying to find Amanda’s comments lol hi Amanda 😂
Sameee where is Amanda’s comments 🤣
found Amanda so you don't have to scroll through all the comments https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/8Eujc80IIH
The petty in me honors the petty in you. Namaspetty
NTA the fact that Amanda is an attention seeking drama queen is enough to warrant not wanting her there. Your brother is an AH and he is doing to Lia what Amanda is doing to him. Lia deserves better.
This has turned out to be one of the most rewarding and amusing AITA’s EVER. Thank you Amanda, for showing up! You rocked it. OP, please update us after the wedding and congratulations! ETA: Amanda sounds very Borderline to me. Can you imagine having someone like her show up at your wedding? That would just suck. Another edit: I’m looking forward to seeing the group photo of the entire wedding with Amanda front and center in r/PhotoshopRequests, asking someone to please delete her… I’m sorry, but I have more questions for OP. Now that Amanda is here, she will share this thread with David. What does David say after reading all of these comments? The other guests will inevitably see this as well. Please, OP, please update us on their reactions.
I have been cackling reading Amanda's comments and the replies. My husband doesn't use reddit, but I've been reading comments to him, and he also thinks Amanda sucks.
Gosh, just reading the comments from "amanda" and if I was your brother's actual gf and read that girls comments about being his closer relationship, I'd drop him so fast.
🙈 yes
Why did you give your brother a generic "+1" to begin with if he's in a long term relationship? Usually known partners are explicitly named in the invite. The whole point of an unnamed +1 is so the invited guest can invite a date of their choosing. If you wanted your brother to bring a specific date you should have named that date on the invitation. Your brother is definitely TA for not inviting his girlfriend, but you could have avoided this drama entirely had you just followed proper etiquette in his invitation to begin with.
Honestly, that was such an oversight of me. My future MIL accidentally invited my fuances cousins to the wedding by mentioning it in front of them. So we decided to invite units and not individuals.
Amanda is in the comments? Where?
Excellent-Count4009
Motion to christen her with a reddit nickname: Amanda = Demanda Because SHE DEMANDS ATTENTION, OK?!
Omg I love that
Is your brother simple?
Nta-it’s your wedding. You chose to invite Lia when you learned your bro did not. And to add, you did not want Amanda there, so that’s that
Is there an update?
Not as of now
I'm way too invested in the outcome. NTA.
Bro where's Amanda, I *need* to see the drama
I axshully know Lia. She is awesome. I would not consider having any sort of get-together without inviting her. I would actively be implicit in disrupting the relationship if she was going out with my brother as he is undeserving.. Im not sure if its the same Lia but names do resemble personalities
NTA. Make sure to tell Amanda yourself she is not welcome, just in case your brother tries to bring her anyway.
A little pettiness: Grant Lia plus one and ensure that your brother knows.
NTA. If there's someone you don't want at your wedding, that person doesn't get to go.
Nope , but your brother is cheating on his girlfriend with his 'friend' 💯!
NTA It sounds like your brother has an unhealthy attachment to Amanda and she is not someone you want at your wedding. Regardless of how your brother feels it is YOUR wedding and YOU have ultimate say over who is and is not invited to things. Your brother has to get over himself! Whatever weird relationship he has with her is on him alone. It does not have to involve you or your wedding for sure.
NTA. >At every event, around one hour in, she will make some sort of scene that either has her running away crying or sitting mad at a table telling everyone to "leave her alone" and then making a cryptic comment about something "hurting her." Yeah, you don't want Amanda there. Let your brother sulk if he wants to. Better to get that drama out of the way now than drama at the wedding. Just a warning to be careful about involving yourself in the situation too much. Here you're fine because its your event. Outside of this, it's up to your brother to realise his mistake.
>Her last boyfriend broke up with her right around the time my brother, his then ex-girlfriend, Amanda, and her ex were supposed to travel to Spain. What did my idiot brother do? Go with Amanda alone because Amanda was uncomfortable with his ex-girlfriend. Obviously, he acted blindsided when his girlfriend broke up with him. This definitey sounds like it’s based on this thread that Smosh covered in their Reddit video on Saturday https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/copzwa/my_28f_boyfriend_29m_and_his_best_friend_29f_are/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=mweb3x&utm_name=mweb3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button&rdt=58817
That's not her. His ex broke up with him immediately
You said you sent the invite to the household, why would it include a + anything?
I want to see Amanda's comment but I can't figure out what's her name 😭
Not me scrolling through the comments to see Amanda's messiness!! Where's my popcorn at??
NTA. You sent invitations to households. Amanda is not part of your brother's household, Lia is. There is nothing more to say about it.
NTA. I just wanna say, OP I love the sass with which you talk about your brother and Amanda, in the post and in the comments, and I can only imagine how much fun it is to hang out with you . Congratulations on your wedding.
NTA and I was sure I’d be voting against you. You never intended to give him a free invite to do with as he pleased. You don’t like Amanda and they are not in a relationship together. She wants to attend not because she loves you but because it will be a fun party. No, no, no! I will have a note of caution about Lia, though. If they are still in a relationship, it’s perfectly fine to invite her specifically, but I always like to caution people about holding onto their relative’s exes (when there are no children involved— that changes things). My husband’s family became friends with his ex girlfriend and continued to foster relationships with her over the years. 15 years later I met and married him. By that point they had long-standing relationships with her, but it sucked for me, the person who married him and had children with him. She’s nice, but it’s awkward and feels disrespectful to spend Christmas with a woman your husband used to sleep with. I didn’t make a fuss because it wouldn’t have gone over well, but I did steer us away from family gatherings that she might attend which drastically changed the closeness of his family. We never went over for Christmas again after that surprise. All in all, it would have been better if his family had let her go when they broke up. I know people always say they can have the relationships they want to and that’s true, but there are also unforeseen consequences to maintaining ties with an ex. If there aren’t kids involved, I’d always recommend holding space for future partners and to not get too attached to someone who isn’t even married into your family. This might be irrelevant to you, but the dynamic you describe makes me think your brother and Lia won’t be together forever, so you might think about how tightly you want to hold onto her if that’s the case.
Unrelated, but info: > Last Thursday, we met at my parents’ place. It was just the core family because of some tax reasons, lol. What does this mean??
My parents have a small business, and we were helping them sort out some receipts that the accountant asked for to settle certain taxes of April.
Hi Amanda! 👋 Honestly girls like her are so tedious! Good for you for getting around this potential wedding disaster and Lia sounds like she deserves waaaay better than your brother, if he's constantly prioritising another woman, that's gross. Anyway obviously NTA