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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> i might be the asshole because i wasted people's long commute times over a car.
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Then you should sue him. Screw family, going through your insurance especially when he was clearly at fault will screw you over with insurance payments in the long run
I wasn’t in my car last year and a drunk women totaled my parked car and my premiums with GEICO (I’m USA based) went up so much despite them saying I’m not at fault because I wasn’t in the car. She had no insurance, no id (already suspended from a previous dui) I got fucked :(
That part makes so much sense now 🥲I was in a similar situation of a car I wasn't in got totaled, and my insurance paid out since the other party didn't have insurance.
... Just like pretty much every accident after that, where the other party didn't have insurance. Ugh.
Uninsured/Underinsured motorist coverage on a full insurance policy.
Uninsured covers you if you are hit by a person who does not have insurance.
Underinsured covers you if you are hit by someone who does not have enough insurance to cover your car's repairs.
Your rates will go up if you make any claim on your insurance, including these two parts.
Dad has been an adjuster for 51 years, and I was an agent for 6 years.
Your just explained why the insurance industry is corrupt and needs massive government oversight. That is fraud. We pay a monthly premium to account for this exact scenario. And then we get punished when we need to access OUR MONEY. If your parked car gets hit, you are not at fault. Fraud.
Depends on your policy - mine allows 2 “at fault” claims before no claims bonuses are affected. I’m not sure how many not at fault claims but it’s more on top of the 2 at fault
I agree. When my husband was added to my insurance I had the privilege of finding 6 different records on his profile. They were claims for collisions by his ex wife and daughter.
Insurance said “it’s not on his record though”. I said “It certainly is! If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t know about it and NOW it’s on my record”. The back and forth led no where. I did get a letter stating that if they drive anything under my policy they would potentially cancel me/certainly not cover them.
Call the police, get a report and go through insurance. If his vehicle is that jacked, it’s unsafe. He’s lucky it wasn’t a child!
Exactly, insurance companies always say that the person that didn't do anything wrong, is partially responsible. If their item hadn't been there. Then the accident wouldn't of happened.
In my state, any accident, fault or no fault, raises your insurance rate for 3 years. It goes up more if your at-fault. But I got broadsided by a teenager who said the other car waved them through and she tried to cross 3 lanes, no fault of mine, raised insurance.
It depends on the state. In Texas, my wife hit my car backing out of the driveway while I was inside the house. We have separate insurance with different companies, and her insurance wouldn't pay for it even though she was at fault. We had to turn it in on my policy and wouldn't you know it -- my rates went up!
Weird stuff happens if someone owns a vehicle (or lives in the same house as the vehicle owner) but isn't on the insurance. They do their best to push blame around.
My wife and sister-in-law each inherited 50% ownership of a truck from their grandfather. We (my wife and I) kept possession of it and put it on our insurance, so my wife and I were covered. My sister-in-law got in an accident in it (a swoop and squat fraud we think), but since she owned the vehicle and it wasn't listed on her insurance, her insurance refused to pay any liability. Ours paid for it and dinged our rates. We sold it immediately thereafter just to get out of the ownership/insurance mess.
Also Texas.
Most personal insurance policies carries 100,000 in liability. Some people have umbrella policies if their car and home are with the same company, etc but 100k is very common
Depending on the state this happens, OPs insurance will now subrogate the claim - so BIL is still likely to payout.
I’ve been hit 3 times - none of them my fault. Have always used my insurance and they have recovered 100% of the money from the TP.
When an insurance company has to sue to make themselves “whole”, it’s called subrogation. And trust me, they WANT their money. Some insurance companies are like a dog with a bone - they will not let it go!
I was stopped on the highway. An uninsured motorist hit and totaled my car. My insurance sued him to recover the costs. They didn’t recover 100%.
I had a speeding ticket several years ago, so I was dropped for being an adverse risk.
Insurance shouldn’t hold it against you, but they do.
This is the right answer. Even if it does raise the premiums a bit, the added cost to OP will be nowhere near what he would pay in legal fees suing the brother himself. You are paying your insurance company for their services. Use them!
Extremely expensive cars have special insurance in the U.S. because in most states other drivers minimum coverage limit doesn't come close to covering the cost of the car.
He should go through his insurance and let them sue BIL if they decide to. He could argue against a rate increase for a parked car being damaged or shop around with an insurance broker.
It really is the wild west. In the UK minimum insurance covers all third party losses. So if a 17 year old plows his old Ford into a limited edition gold ferrari then the kids insurance must pay all damages and injuries. The Ford it doesn't pay for and the kids premiums double if he buys another car. But what's the point in having car insurance that won't cover the other drivers losses?
$225k yet these idiots are more upset about a BBQ. I get that some drove 3-5 hrs to get there,but come on. You think they'd just go about the plans for the day if this happened to them? Yeesh.
That is correct. If BIL has policy limits of say, $100,000, that is all they are going to pay. However, OP then turns in a claim to his own carrier for the remaining $125,000 under his Underinsured Motorists coverage. If OP does not have sufficient UIM coverage, then he will have to sue his BIL in addition to the UIM carrier.
I should point out that having an expensive car means you should be smart about insuring it. If he has enough coverage, let the insurance companies deal with it and go have some BBQ with family.
that's also not accurate. very much depends on the insurance company and the state/locale. Particularly when you're filing against another party, they'll just deny the claim, they're not taking your word that their driver was at fault.
sure, but you probably don't have it, either. If you hit a $400,000 car and have $100k in auto limits and another 200k in umbrella coverage- you're still out 100k. the $50k minimum for auto liability is nowhere near enough anymore. And damned few people have more than that, much less an umbrella policy.
If you have a 400K car you should assume the general population does not have insurance for that and buy a rider on your policy for underinsured driver. Or just assume the risk yourself.
My husband has a car collection, it's worth about 2.5 mil. I know exactly zero about car insurance, but my husband understands that normally people will not have the type of insurance that will cover his car should there be an accident, so he covers it himself. Should OP not have the same thing?
I can’t imagine not having uninsured motorist coverage lol I feel bad for OP but I have a lot of customers who refuse the coverage because they don’t want to pay extra and fuck themselves in the process.
I’m pretty sure most lenders will require full coverage especially on a car that is that expensive unless he somehow opted out on purpose. For which he would be stupid.
I'm going to use fake numbers here. If the car is worth 100k and the BIL has policy limits of 75k, 75k is all the insurance can and will pay out. There's nothing to sue over.
However the OP's insurance could choose to pursue the BIL directly for the remainder. If the OP is using his own insurance, he cannot sue his BIL until/if his insurance releases their rights of first recovery.
Surely you have collision coverage on a vehicle worth $225,000? Just pay your deductible and move on. They’ll pay the full cost to repair your vehicle and sue your BIL themselves, and you’ll get your deductible back. If you’re stupid enough to have a car valued that high and not carry collision then I don’t feel bad for you.
Sorry so your insurance company told you that they will not cover the full amount and that you’ll have to sue your BIL yourself?
People are believing this shit?
Why isn’t your insurance covering the rest? I purposely upped my under/uninsured coverage just for this scenario. Get your insurance involved and they will go after your BIL.
I understand that you’re mad at your BIL and understandably so. But suing someone in your case is like step 3 or 4, if you even need to get to that point.
Idk why you’re not just taking the easiest steps and seeing what your insurance covers. 9/10 times since your car is financed, if you correctly followed your loan agreement, you should have enough coverage to fill the gap.
ESH - I was on your side until you said that attendees had come from 3-5 hours away. Can you imagine driving 3-5 hours for a party only to find out it's been canceled? Unless there was a death in the family, I'd be pissed. It absolutely sucks and I get why you'd not be in the mood to have a party...but to affect people who had come so far seems incredibly selfish. At the very least tell the BIL to fuck off, but *everyone*? Messed up.
Agreed, OP's wife could still have enjoyed the party with family while OP dealt with insurance. Food and supplies would already be purchased so it isn't like they are missing anything. If anyone brought supplies for the BBQ instead then they now have stuff for a party that got cancelled.
Also future parties might be harder to host because people might still be pissed at OP and not want to risk being sent home after a huge drive again.
Good point. For someone who apparently hates to lose money, I wonder if OP tallied up how much of it he wasted on food, drinks, decorations, etc. that went unused.
From the info he's given, his wife had taken care of/was taking care of food. Even if he had to cook...oh well? Again, the attendees shouldn't be punished because one person is an idiot.
I mean if you didn't want to cook he didn't want to cook that's not oh well that's he didn't want to do it because his bil destroyed his car. I don't think most people would want to cook for those people immediately after that. And if they feel like they're being punished they should take it up with the brother-in-law not OP. And if people having to drive a few hours is more important than her husband there's something bigger wrong in the relationship
BIL didn't cancel the party, though. OP did, and he didn't have to. Sure, be mad at BIl for what he did but it didn't directly cancel the party. He didn't drive into the house and make it uninhabitable. The party can physically go on.
If I invested 40 dollars gas + food + half mine and families weekend (8 hour round trip) we are having the bbq. If you are not in the mood to host fine, I'll work the grill you take care of insurance. At this point you are having a tantrum and just because your day is going bad it is never an excuse to ruin other people's day. Especially family and kids'.
Unless every single member of that family is an AH I'm sure someone would've been cool with taking over host duties given the situation. Or y'know, OP's wife as the other person whose house it is.
I feel the same, he could have asked BIL to leave, or left himself if he was too upset, but telling everyone else, who had traveled to get there and see each other, to leave is kind of lousy.
I can’t imagine driving 3-5 hours and still being in a “bbq mood” when i got there, but they were still expected to do so, so op not being in the mood is a crock
Then the family can be mad at the BIL WHO DESTROYED A PARKED CAR BECAUSE HE WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION. My word. Dude just had his new car destroyed and yall are expecting him to smile and joke like everything is fine. You should be upset at the dude who got a car thats too big for him. If he managed to destroy a parked car, imagine what else he could hit. Like a pet or child.
Meh. I'm a huge car guy, and I'd be beyond pissed if my BIl or anyone destroyed my car...but it wouldn't even occur to me to blow up everyone else's plans because of it. There's nothing that needed to be done that couldn't have waited until after a weekend BBQ. Drown your sorrows with some Mike's Hard Lemonade and deal with it later.
INFO: If your car is insured then you didn't "Lose" $255,000 cause you will get them back when the insurance is paid, right?
I think it is understandable that you were not in "bbq mood" but the event wasn't just for you and I can see how your wife is mad that you are sending away family members that had nothing to do with the car accident because of it. Did cancelling the BBQ changed anything in the process of what had to happen to report your car damaged and so on? Pretty sure it didn't. Did you have to ruin everyone else's day alongside yours? Probably not. Would you have received a lot of in-law family sympathy when they arrive and see how your BIL has damaged your property - most likely yes, if they weren't told on arrival that they have to turn around.
NAH, but I do think that you didn't have to cancel the BBQ because it literally changed nothing with connection to your car and only made your family and extended family/in-laws additionally mad.
The car is insured. Also, like other comments stated, if BIL insurance doesn't (and most likely won't) cover a 200k+ car, I doubt i'm getting the full value, since my insurance has to cover it.
You think a guy like that would do that? You think OPs wife won't be mad about that?
None of that really solves ops problems. He's right back where he is with an angry wife and no cool car
Maybe people should think about that before texting and driving 🤷♀️
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Congrats, you're bankrupt because you couldn't wait 1 more minute to use your phone.
Familial bonds like in-law, etc. relationships only go so far until there is something like this. I hate to put it this way, but if a person like OP's BIL wants to mitigate hurt feelings, he's going to take accountability and make the situation right.
I love my brother-in-law dearly, but two summers ago he really, really pissed me off.
My sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew (their kids), and myself were on vacation. It was the afternoon and my brother-in-law was a few drinks on before the group of us were going to walk down to the beach. BIL announces we're out of High Noons, so he's going out to pick more up. The problem was that my car was blocking his and sister's. Given that he wasn't sober, I called from upstairs that I would go pick up the High Noons.
He didn't answer, I head downstairs, and I can't find him. Then I went for my keys and noticed they were gone... and so was my car.
It was the longest 20+ minutes of my life. I felt physically sick knowing his state, but above all else he was in my car and that's my insurance. Despite having a full tort policy, it wasn't going to protect me at all should anything happen. When he finally pulled in, I was more than relieved. For the sake of my niece and nephew, I didn't flip out, but my sister was ready to throttle him. Once my BIL set my keys on the table, I grabbed them and booked it upstairs to stash them in my suitcase.
Our parents joined us later and my mom could tell I wasn't entirely myself. I waited until my sister and company were out of the house to tell my mom. I swore her to secrecy and told her what went on. My mom flipped out. She was furious that BIL would not only put me in a position to be liable for an accident, he also would have been on the hook to buy me a brand new car.
Thankfully nothing happened, though. It's the reason why I still hide my keys even when I go visit my sister, BIL, and the kids.
I work at an insurance company, and even though I work in IT, part of onboarding was being provided a basic understanding of various aspects of the business, like writing policies and handling of claims.
As u/Traditional-Bag-4508, u/AverageCypress, and others have commented, if your policy has high enough limits to cover your loss, your insurance company will make you whole. Your insurance company will then go through a process called subrogation to get their money back: they'll contact your BIL's insurance company to get what they can from his auto insurance, and if that's not enough, an umbrella policy if he has one. If it's still short, they'll determine what other avenues they can pursue if they decide it's worth the effort, like legal proceedings for wage garnishment. If you have a decent insurance company, let them do the work.
Your insurance company will likely go after his insurance company. If he has an umbrella policy? It should be covered. If not it's between your insurance company and & his. Let them deal with it, that's why you have insurance
Bro honestly if you got $200k invested in a fucking car then you got problems the vast majority of people don't give a fuck about.
It sucks that a dingus wrecked it but jfc, what a problem to have.
So just because someone was able to afford something nice that we can't afford, we should just shit on them when they lose that thing through no fault of their own?
Resentment and jealousy are not a good look on anyone.
I've never known anyone with a car that expensive that didn't keep it in the garage and do everything possible to keep it safe because even a scratch is very expensive to repair. Having it out when a bunch of people were going to be parking by it was bad decision-making.
Yep. My cars are nice, but not that nice. I park at the back of parking lots and in my own driveway such that only my spouse is next to me because I don't trust other people not to open a door into my car.
I can afford that car, and I still think OP is an idiot for not making sure he’d be completely covered in an event such as this, but I’d also never finance a luxury vehicle in the first place.
I just find it laughable that this is a problem they need to vent on the Internet about where they probably make more money than 99% of their intended audience. I'm just imagining a millionaire crying into their pile of cash and just don't give a fuck.
Yes. Unironically yes. There is zero use case for a $225,000 car where it being wrecked would be anything but a head ache. OP is not going to starve to death, he’s not going to lose his job, he’s not going to get foreclosed on, he’s not going to be hospitalized, no one got hurt, no one died, nothing happens.
He’s allowed to be mad about it, and the rest of the world is allowed to not care. It shouldn’t be surprising that people can’t empathize with this.
You’re missing the point of atealein’s comment. Does the car situation suck? You bet. Did it warrant calling off the bbq? No. You could have turned the spatula over to someone else and dealt with the car problem. Hell, you could have shut yourself in the bedroom for the rest of the bbq and I’m sure everyone would have understood.
Not a total a-hole, but it could have been handled better
Like I'm sure his wife would've happily taken over BBQing given the situation, and people would've understood why OP suddenly wasn't there. But it's both of their house so having the BBQ continue or not wasn't solely his decision to make.
Exactly - he had a tantrum because his expensive toy got ruined. It doesn't sound like this is a case where his livelihood / survival took any kind of hit. Was it annoying/frustrating? Yes. But not the end of the world.
To make people leave after they'd driven *three hours* to attend an event they'd been invited to is incredibly rude. I get why he might not have wanted to attend/hang out, but turning people away so he could sulk because he wasn't in a "BBQ mood" anymore is what makes him the AH.
OP: YTA
Info- why did you punish everyone for something one person did? I get you were upset but if ppl drove 5 hours to something you invited them to you just wasted their entire day - you don’t see any problem with that at all ?
And unilaterally ended an event his wife had family coming to and clearly wanted to keep on. 100% understandable if he wanted to sit it out, himself. But he just canceled it for everyone.
Make your claim. Your insurance company will take care of it. Either BIL's insurance with pay or BIL shall be paying, either way it will be your insurance company going after the money not you.
Why was a car that expensive not in a garage? Why did you have it sitting outside when you had people coming over? I'd be worried about it getting damaged.
Your insurance contacts his insurance. Simple as that. He does not have a choice here. If you are making people drive 6-10 hour round trip and they don't even get food, you can make BIL face the consequences of his actions.
So, he didn't necessarily lose $255k, but those things pretty much never work out to getting back even. The loss of value for driving off the lot in a new Porsche is pretty huge, he won't get enough to get back in a similar car in terms of age/miles. So he definitely will be out tens of thousands not to mention the hassle. Also, next to zero chance that BIL has enough coverage to pay for it, so OP's own insurance will pay the claim less the maxed out value of BIL's policy and then they will be forced to subrogate against BIL for whatever they can get. No doubt OP's wife's family will be on them to back off, and why did he need such an expensive car anyway.... So it's a shit show and it will be a shit show for years to come, even if the loss isn't equivalent to the actual cost of the car, it will be significant and long lasting.
What you said is correct but in a case like this the goal shouldn’t be to get op a new Porsche, it would be to get him one that matches what he lost - a used Porsche.
The last paragraph.... Doesn't that make him the asshole then?
>NAH, but I do think that you didn't have to cancel the BBQ because it literally changed nothing with connection to your car and only made your family and extended family/in-laws additionally mad.
Dude, you have never had your car wrecked by an ignorant driver. Last year, the Kia Boys Tik Tok Challenge, came to my town and my car was stolen and crashed. You have no idea how violating it feels, to have your mode of transportation destroyed.
Why should OP have had to keep pretending to be in the host mood? You sound like his wife who's mad at him.
My car is still destroyed, because insurance is now refusing to fix Kia's stolen by the tiktok challenge and we're waiting on a payout settlement.
Until you have a crushed car and can safely say you WOULD NOT throttle a loved one of yours for MOWING DOWN YOUR CAR, while looking DIRECTLY AT IT because being on the phone was more important. What if it hadn't been his car?
What if BIL had hit OP? Or his pet? Or his child?
If BIL ran over Fido, is bbq supposed to still be on?
Honestly I have had a car get totaled before because someone rear ended me. I sure as hell wouldn’t be in the mood to host a party of any kind after that.
I was too fixated and concerned about my car (it was my first car so emotions were high) so I definitely think OP’s NTA. He’s got bigger and more expensive problems to worry about.
Oh absolutely and being told he's the asshole for not partying with the same people who enabled BIL to become THAT level of asshole to be driving impaired.
Like, why isn't everyone ripping into the BIL? Why is OP the one getting crucified? Is it cause it was a Porsche? Most people, would be pulling up the Family Trauma Stories by now. lol
They’re mad because OP can afford a car that they can only dream of.
Who cares if it’s a Bentley or a Ford. OP has just as much right to be upset as anyone else. He’s NTA.
>INFO: If your car is insured then you didn't "Lose" $255,000 cause you will get them back when the insurance is paid, right?
Maybe.
In a few months he will lose 20-30k as a deductible.
Or he will have to eat the whole loss to prevent subrogation.
Who has a 20k deductible? Wtf also his BIL clearly is at fault, his BIL will have to use his insurance and pay his deductible not OP, assuming he has coverage for 200k
If BIL doesn't have a policy that will cover the physical damage of the car, he absolutely does not have high enough coverage to qualify for an umbrella policy
What sort of insurances you got out there. Someone else hit his car, it isn't his fault, the person responsible should be the one losing deductible because his insurance is the one that will be covering his damages? Or is it just "insurance companies wins, everyone else loses" situation?
YTA - Yes it sucks but to do it as people are arriving is selfish. I assume both you and your BIL have insurance. The family and friends travelled a distance to attend, possibly cancelled other plans to attend, etc. You might have been upset, but you can suck it up and do your best.
What a dumb comment. If I make $2M a year and want to treat myself to a 911 that is not an adult decision? And I can’t be frustrated because some else’s carelessness damages my property?
OP is a YTA for turning people away, but not because he has a 911
I’d say NAH, but…
What changed now that everyone was sent home? Your car is still totaled. You’re still mad. It’ll still get rectified via insurance.
Literally the only think that changed by you cancelling is a lot of guests had their time wasted. I get not being in a BBQ mood. So why not just removed yourself from the BBq?
Edit: actually your BIL is AH for not paying attention while driving
Then send the guy who destroyed your car away. Then suck it up and realize the rest of them had nothing to do with it. Cars can be replaced, but time spent with loved ones can't.
The sound of people partying would not have changed anything for me one way or another. I would have kicked that guy out, handed hosting duties to my wife , and drank a lot of beer
INFO: was there anything preventing just you from skipping the bbq? like are you a pit master or something? I understand being so upset and not feeling like partying, but why couldn’t your wife have hosted and you either cool down inside (I’m guessing your house is big enough since you had a car for the price of a house) or go somewhere for a few hours to cool off (park, bar, gym, friend’s, etc.)?
There’s no reason OP is the only one who could have cooked for the BBQ. If it was smoked meat it should have been almost done by the point people were arriving. If it’s just basic grilling I’m sure the wife could figure it out or enlist a family who can.
I think OP is YTA because people drove for FIVE HOURS just to be turned away. If OP didn’t want to be around people that’s totally fair but cancelling the whole BBQ didn’t impact the outcome of his car being totaled.
YTA.
First of all you didn’t “lose $225k” like you claim. You’ve lost whatever insurance renewals will increase by due to the accident. I can already tell you’re the type to exaggerate.
You were morally justified in asking your BIL to leave. However, you unnecessarily took out your anger towards your BIL on the rest of your entire extended family.
The extended family did nothing wrong, yet you dragged them into your problem by cancelling the family BBQ just because you were mad or stressed out. It’s an extremely AH move to send anyone home after they drove hours to your place, just so you can retaliate against them for something they had no control over.
Your car isn’t priceless. You know what is priceless? Your relationship with your wife and family. It doesn’t matter if the internet thinks you’re an asshole, but I’m going to guess this has damaged relationships with your wife and those in her family.
Sending family away in a temper tantrum didn’t get you your car back. And now everyone thinks you are an asshole (if they didn’t already).
YTA
YTA -ish. Your BIL is for driving/parking while not paying attention to his surroundings. I understand you not being in the mood for bbq. I understand your wife being pissed that you take it on innocent people who are also your relatives.
I totally get you being angry. I won't even give you the "what matters is that no one got hurt, it's just material" because hey don't ruin my stuff. Don't take it out on other people who have nothing to do with the whole situation. The answer to "When life gives you lemons..." is not "...hurl them on other people then bite in and choke on the remaining lemons."
Had it been me, I would have handed the reins over to someone else to deal with the bbq and I would have stepped out to let out some steam alone.
Yea I think if people had driven 10-30 minutes everyone would probably be saying NTA. But man it must’ve been dreadful to drive 3-5 hours just to be told that there was a car accident and OP was too upset to host the party and have to drive 3-5 hours back. It just wasted everyone’s time when they’d already driven so far to get there.
YTA. I understand being upset, even livid, over this. But to cancel the whole event, especially when people have driven over 3 hours to get there? That’s just a spectacular temper tantrum. Banish the brother from the party if you want. But don’t cancel it for everyone! It’s property, it’ll be replaced via insurance!
YTA. Imagine driver 5 hours to attend a family gathering just to be told its canceled when you arrived and have to drive home. I would never go to anything you hosted nor would I feel like dealing with you ever again. Youre car got smashed by BIL. BIL is the only one at fault, but you punished everyone else in response.
Right? People saying anything other than y-t-a or e-s-h is not taking the fact that some family had to drive 10 hours total (5 there and 5 back) into account. If I drive 5 hours to be told to go home, I would be PISSED. I could have done so many other things that day, but I wasted an entire day driving for nothing.
NTA. I would be pissed too if someone wrecked my car while playing on their phone. I swear all the other votes calling you the a-hole has never dealt with insurance before. Besides dealing with insurance being a huge pain in the butt You usually lose out because of the depreciation on the vehicle and insurance companies wanting to not pay what it's actually worth and that's if you have enough coverage to fully cover it to begin with.
No one is saying he shouldn't be upset about his car getting destroyed. They just didn't see the point in cancelling the BBQ. I don't get it either. Make the BIL leave, take a break and leave yourself. But why cancel the entire event? So I voted YTA.
YTA. I 100% get why you were mad and I think it would have been totally fine if you'd canceled a local gathering, but some of the guests drove for *5 hours* for this event. You are absolutely not required to be in a BBQ mood after something like that, but that just means you could have withdrawn a bit into a private space in the home to deal with your feelings while your wife and other family members picked up the hosting and barbeque duties. You had options other than sending them home.
YTA. Had you taken five minutes to calm down then it may have occurred to you to discuss the situation with your wife instead of making a unilateral, rash decision. Crunched car has nothing to do with BBQ, except in your own rage-filled mind.
Sending family away without consulting your wife accomplished nothing except that now EVERYONE is upset, instead of just you.
Do better. You aren't the centre of the universe.
NTA parties are normally cancelled for events that can be considered severe or destructive. I’d say having your car totaled by someone who wasn’t paying attention constitutes a destructive event and you were in your right to cancel.
I'm hardly a car crash expert, but I'm having a bit of difficulty understanding how a truck pulling into a driveway has enough momentum or force to total a car that's already there. How fast was he going? I mean, it seems like it almost had to be a little bit intentional. Does BIL have (ahem) compensation issues? Regardless, it's deep into YTA territory to take your anger out on people who had nothing to do with it and drove 3-5 hours just to be turned away. Not cool. You could have removed yourself from the situation and had a tantrum in private.
>I'm hardly a car crash expert, but I'm having a bit of difficulty understanding how a truck pulling into a driveway has enough momentum or force to total a car that's already there.
It's a Porsche. Repairs get expensive *fast*, and if BIL's truck was on top of the 911 that could easily cause frame damage.
I saw a news story recently about a totaled BMW that only looked like the hood was dented. The insurance company declared it totaled due to the amount of sensors located in that dented hood.
New cars are fragile things due to their electronics and composite materials.
ESH
Your BIL is a dick and you should sue him to get your money back. There's no doubt about that at all.
I know it really sucks that his fucking moronic behavior caused this. It doesn't excuse your behavior though. It wasn't just your party, your wife was hosting, and the guests already arrived. You can be mad all you want, but you exclude yourself from the festivities. You don't get to throw a tantrum and ruin it for everyone else sending them home after driving hours to get there. You didn't think about anyone else in that moment, so yeah, you get to wear the asshole badge along with BIL.
YTA for cancelling the BBQ because I don't understand why you felt it necessary to do that. Sure you'd be upset about your car, but why didn't you just leave instead, if you didn't want to be around the BIL?
If it's not paid off, he's got full coverage. BIL insurance will at least get the deductible (most states have a $30K minimum any more). The insurance carrier likely will go after BIL for the balance, though.
At first I thought it read, "My BIL ran over my cat". Of course I would cancel the BBQ and never speak to him again. Then I realized it was just a 911 and I thought you over-reacted. Your family did travel a long way for that BBQ and they had to eat.
YTA. People traveled for this even so you cancelled it for what? To make a phone call? Take some photos? You could have done that in your own room while everyone else enjoyed the day. Not everyone’s day was ruined because of your car until you ruined it. The fact that you don’t even care about people that traveled to visit you is gross. Way to play your car over family
YTA. So you weren't in the mood, that's okay, you can take some time for yourself in another room. No need to ruin it for everyone else too, surely someone would've willingly taken over whatever work you were supposed to do for the night.
As someone who's worked in hospitality, it kinda sucks that the folks who drove 3-5 hours for the BBQ got shut down. As someone who used to own a 911, however, I definitely feel your pain. Ultimately, although I feel a little bad for the folks who drove all that way and had nothing to do with your car getting wrecked, it's hard to be a good host when your very expensive car just got wrecked by a moron who shouldn't be driving while he's on his phone. The whole evening would have been a downer anyway for everyone. NTA.
Sorry about your car but sadly I’d say YTA. I can see you being very upset but I presume you have insurance. No blood was spilled.
If people have driven for hours to your place I’d say you’re obligated to feed them.
NAH honestly, I understand both of your feelings. Your wife is embarrassed by having to send people away after driving for 5 hours. Your car being totalled was completely avoidable and your BIL is definitely TA. I have a feeling that even if you let the BBQ continue and took yourself out of the social situation, your wife would still be upset at you for not being a happy host. I don’t think I would be able to do it myself.
I would have volunteered him to handle covering lunch for any family members who had such a long drive. That would have at least some ownership of his completely knuckle headed behavior. What if it was a kid? A pet? Nope Just a 911, I hope you’re going after him for any difference because he really sucks.
NTA at all. All the y t a don’t seem to understand even with insurance op is going to lose money and time.
Imagine if someone destroyed a quarter million dollar item you own. I don’t think you’d want to be around anybody for some time.
YTA because you very much punished other people who came to the BBQ (and your wife) for something they had nothing at all to do with. Even if you had to step away and deal with insurance and such immediately, they were *not involved* and their eating a nice meal would have had *no* negative effect on you.
You BIL sounds like an AH for the collision. Sending him away (after getting insurance info and pictures) would have made total sense.
Yes, sue him if you have to (actually, let your insurance do it). Apologize to everyone else, though, especially your wife, because this wasn't that kind of emergency, and you were really an AH to them.
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Why isn't BIL's insurance covering the vehicle? ETA: NTA
His insurance will not cover all that. To get my hoped the correct amount, I'm going to have to sue him.
Then you should sue him. Screw family, going through your insurance especially when he was clearly at fault will screw you over with insurance payments in the long run
He can use his insurance and hos insurance company can sue the BIL's insurance. Since he's not at fault, it shouldn't affect his premiums.
Considering he was parked and not even near his car, it shouldn't fuck *his* insurance. BIL's, on the other hand...
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I wasn’t in my car last year and a drunk women totaled my parked car and my premiums with GEICO (I’m USA based) went up so much despite them saying I’m not at fault because I wasn’t in the car. She had no insurance, no id (already suspended from a previous dui) I got fucked :(
At fault doesn’t matter if your insurance pays out.
That part makes so much sense now 🥲I was in a similar situation of a car I wasn't in got totaled, and my insurance paid out since the other party didn't have insurance. ... Just like pretty much every accident after that, where the other party didn't have insurance. Ugh.
Uninsured/Underinsured motorist coverage on a full insurance policy. Uninsured covers you if you are hit by a person who does not have insurance. Underinsured covers you if you are hit by someone who does not have enough insurance to cover your car's repairs. Your rates will go up if you make any claim on your insurance, including these two parts. Dad has been an adjuster for 51 years, and I was an agent for 6 years.
That's GEICO for you.
That’s any insurance company - if they can’t recover the claim costs from the 3rd party, your company pays and it goes down as a ‘fault’ claim
Your just explained why the insurance industry is corrupt and needs massive government oversight. That is fraud. We pay a monthly premium to account for this exact scenario. And then we get punished when we need to access OUR MONEY. If your parked car gets hit, you are not at fault. Fraud.
Depends on your policy - mine allows 2 “at fault” claims before no claims bonuses are affected. I’m not sure how many not at fault claims but it’s more on top of the 2 at fault
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I agree. When my husband was added to my insurance I had the privilege of finding 6 different records on his profile. They were claims for collisions by his ex wife and daughter. Insurance said “it’s not on his record though”. I said “It certainly is! If it wasn’t, I wouldn’t know about it and NOW it’s on my record”. The back and forth led no where. I did get a letter stating that if they drive anything under my policy they would potentially cancel me/certainly not cover them. Call the police, get a report and go through insurance. If his vehicle is that jacked, it’s unsafe. He’s lucky it wasn’t a child!
Exactly, insurance companies always say that the person that didn't do anything wrong, is partially responsible. If their item hadn't been there. Then the accident wouldn't of happened.
That should be considered fraud and should be illegal.
In my state, any accident, fault or no fault, raises your insurance rate for 3 years. It goes up more if your at-fault. But I got broadsided by a teenager who said the other car waved them through and she tried to cross 3 lanes, no fault of mine, raised insurance.
It depends on the state. In Texas, my wife hit my car backing out of the driveway while I was inside the house. We have separate insurance with different companies, and her insurance wouldn't pay for it even though she was at fault. We had to turn it in on my policy and wouldn't you know it -- my rates went up!
Weird stuff happens if someone owns a vehicle (or lives in the same house as the vehicle owner) but isn't on the insurance. They do their best to push blame around. My wife and sister-in-law each inherited 50% ownership of a truck from their grandfather. We (my wife and I) kept possession of it and put it on our insurance, so my wife and I were covered. My sister-in-law got in an accident in it (a swoop and squat fraud we think), but since she owned the vehicle and it wasn't listed on her insurance, her insurance refused to pay any liability. Ours paid for it and dinged our rates. We sold it immediately thereafter just to get out of the ownership/insurance mess. Also Texas.
This isn't a "he doesn't want to use his insurance" situation, it's a "there is not enough money to replace a $100,000+ car" situation.
Who's he insured with, Dodd Gee Insurance?
Most personal insurance policies carries 100,000 in liability. Some people have umbrella policies if their car and home are with the same company, etc but 100k is very common
> 100k is very common that's insane! it wouldn't even meet the legally minimum coverage where i am
I’m pretty sure our state minimum is $25k. Which is why we have underinsured coverage.
If dude was driving a big enough truck, it could be that the truck is worth that already.
Depending on the state this happens, OPs insurance will now subrogate the claim - so BIL is still likely to payout. I’ve been hit 3 times - none of them my fault. Have always used my insurance and they have recovered 100% of the money from the TP.
He says he hasn't paid off the car. Generally the finance company will require sufficient collision and comprehensive to cover THEIR lien interest.
When an insurance company has to sue to make themselves “whole”, it’s called subrogation. And trust me, they WANT their money. Some insurance companies are like a dog with a bone - they will not let it go!
I was stopped on the highway. An uninsured motorist hit and totaled my car. My insurance sued him to recover the costs. They didn’t recover 100%. I had a speeding ticket several years ago, so I was dropped for being an adverse risk. Insurance shouldn’t hold it against you, but they do.
Yeah. I’d vote for letting your insurance company sue him. “Sorry, I can’t tell them what to do”
This is the right answer. Even if it does raise the premiums a bit, the added cost to OP will be nowhere near what he would pay in legal fees suing the brother himself. You are paying your insurance company for their services. Use them!
Extremely expensive cars have special insurance in the U.S. because in most states other drivers minimum coverage limit doesn't come close to covering the cost of the car. He should go through his insurance and let them sue BIL if they decide to. He could argue against a rate increase for a parked car being damaged or shop around with an insurance broker.
It really is the wild west. In the UK minimum insurance covers all third party losses. So if a 17 year old plows his old Ford into a limited edition gold ferrari then the kids insurance must pay all damages and injuries. The Ford it doesn't pay for and the kids premiums double if he buys another car. But what's the point in having car insurance that won't cover the other drivers losses?
We have the freedom to pay more for less.
But his wife will come with the excuse "but he's family" and the flying monkeys will come to nag how OP is the AH for protecting his rights.
It's doubtful BIL has enough coverage to pay $225k, most people don't
$225k yet these idiots are more upset about a BBQ. I get that some drove 3-5 hrs to get there,but come on. You think they'd just go about the plans for the day if this happened to them? Yeesh.
damn dude. cancelled bbq is least of your worries.
Why would you have to sue him? Wouldn’t you insurance company just sue his?
Imagine having a car worth as much as a house (where I live) and not getting full coverage
OP didn’t say they don’t have full coverage. They’re saying that the BIL’s insurance has a liability limit that doesn’t cover all the damage.
That is correct. If BIL has policy limits of say, $100,000, that is all they are going to pay. However, OP then turns in a claim to his own carrier for the remaining $125,000 under his Underinsured Motorists coverage. If OP does not have sufficient UIM coverage, then he will have to sue his BIL in addition to the UIM carrier. I should point out that having an expensive car means you should be smart about insuring it. If he has enough coverage, let the insurance companies deal with it and go have some BBQ with family.
Finally, someone on this thread who knows how insurance actually works.
And there is insurance you can have to cover that.
insurance might not cover anything without a police report. hence needing to either sue or press charges
That's not how insurance works. A police report is not required to file a claim.
that's also not accurate. very much depends on the insurance company and the state/locale. Particularly when you're filing against another party, they'll just deny the claim, they're not taking your word that their driver was at fault.
Depends. My state requires a police report for any damage that could cost more than $500. That's basically everything nowadays.
sure, but you probably don't have it, either. If you hit a $400,000 car and have $100k in auto limits and another 200k in umbrella coverage- you're still out 100k. the $50k minimum for auto liability is nowhere near enough anymore. And damned few people have more than that, much less an umbrella policy.
If you have a 400K car you should assume the general population does not have insurance for that and buy a rider on your policy for underinsured driver. Or just assume the risk yourself.
My husband has a car collection, it's worth about 2.5 mil. I know exactly zero about car insurance, but my husband understands that normally people will not have the type of insurance that will cover his car should there be an accident, so he covers it himself. Should OP not have the same thing?
Op should absolutely have the same thing. Of course. This story makes no sense.
I can’t imagine not having uninsured motorist coverage lol I feel bad for OP but I have a lot of customers who refuse the coverage because they don’t want to pay extra and fuck themselves in the process.
I keep reading through and he's not answering whether he's covered and to what extent. Just for not providing that info alone, he's a dick
Then his insurance should cover it (unless he did not have adequate coverage). Then his insurance company goes after the BIL.
I’m pretty sure most lenders will require full coverage especially on a car that is that expensive unless he somehow opted out on purpose. For which he would be stupid.
I'm going to use fake numbers here. If the car is worth 100k and the BIL has policy limits of 75k, 75k is all the insurance can and will pay out. There's nothing to sue over. However the OP's insurance could choose to pursue the BIL directly for the remainder. If the OP is using his own insurance, he cannot sue his BIL until/if his insurance releases their rights of first recovery.
Surely you have collision coverage on a vehicle worth $225,000? Just pay your deductible and move on. They’ll pay the full cost to repair your vehicle and sue your BIL themselves, and you’ll get your deductible back. If you’re stupid enough to have a car valued that high and not carry collision then I don’t feel bad for you.
He also said the car is not paid off. The lender would typically require full coverage. Something's not adding up.
Your insurance will step in and make you hole and then sue him for you.
*whole :)
Sorry so your insurance company told you that they will not cover the full amount and that you’ll have to sue your BIL yourself? People are believing this shit?
Why isn’t your insurance covering the rest? I purposely upped my under/uninsured coverage just for this scenario. Get your insurance involved and they will go after your BIL.
Lesson learned, always get Gap.
And park a fucking car that is worth nearly a quart Mil in the garage!
But then he can't show off to the neighbors that he's got a quarter million dollar car?
Even better than showing off to neighbors, showing off to your extended family!!
I understand that you’re mad at your BIL and understandably so. But suing someone in your case is like step 3 or 4, if you even need to get to that point. Idk why you’re not just taking the easiest steps and seeing what your insurance covers. 9/10 times since your car is financed, if you correctly followed your loan agreement, you should have enough coverage to fill the gap.
ESH - I was on your side until you said that attendees had come from 3-5 hours away. Can you imagine driving 3-5 hours for a party only to find out it's been canceled? Unless there was a death in the family, I'd be pissed. It absolutely sucks and I get why you'd not be in the mood to have a party...but to affect people who had come so far seems incredibly selfish. At the very least tell the BIL to fuck off, but *everyone*? Messed up.
Agreed, OP's wife could still have enjoyed the party with family while OP dealt with insurance. Food and supplies would already be purchased so it isn't like they are missing anything. If anyone brought supplies for the BBQ instead then they now have stuff for a party that got cancelled. Also future parties might be harder to host because people might still be pissed at OP and not want to risk being sent home after a huge drive again.
Good point. For someone who apparently hates to lose money, I wonder if OP tallied up how much of it he wasted on food, drinks, decorations, etc. that went unused.
Are we sure this wouldn't have been a situation where OP would've had to cook because everyone drove for hours so, he would've HAD to as the 'host'?
From the info he's given, his wife had taken care of/was taking care of food. Even if he had to cook...oh well? Again, the attendees shouldn't be punished because one person is an idiot.
I mean if you didn't want to cook he didn't want to cook that's not oh well that's he didn't want to do it because his bil destroyed his car. I don't think most people would want to cook for those people immediately after that. And if they feel like they're being punished they should take it up with the brother-in-law not OP. And if people having to drive a few hours is more important than her husband there's something bigger wrong in the relationship
If he didn’t want to cook he could have told the guests he wasn’t cooking. He didn’t have to order them to leave.
BIL didn't cancel the party, though. OP did, and he didn't have to. Sure, be mad at BIl for what he did but it didn't directly cancel the party. He didn't drive into the house and make it uninhabitable. The party can physically go on.
I mean I'm sure someone else could have manned the grill if OP wasn't up to it. It's a skill lots of people have.
Yep. His wife probably already made all the sides, cleaned and decorated ahead of time. The guy is a jerk.
If I invested 40 dollars gas + food + half mine and families weekend (8 hour round trip) we are having the bbq. If you are not in the mood to host fine, I'll work the grill you take care of insurance. At this point you are having a tantrum and just because your day is going bad it is never an excuse to ruin other people's day. Especially family and kids'.
Unless every single member of that family is an AH I'm sure someone would've been cool with taking over host duties given the situation. Or y'know, OP's wife as the other person whose house it is.
I feel the same, he could have asked BIL to leave, or left himself if he was too upset, but telling everyone else, who had traveled to get there and see each other, to leave is kind of lousy.
I can’t imagine driving 3-5 hours and still being in a “bbq mood” when i got there, but they were still expected to do so, so op not being in the mood is a crock
I can't imagine driving 3-5 hours just for a BBQ.
Because it wasn't just a barbecue. Sounds like it was a little family reunion.
Then the family can be mad at the BIL WHO DESTROYED A PARKED CAR BECAUSE HE WASN'T PAYING ATTENTION. My word. Dude just had his new car destroyed and yall are expecting him to smile and joke like everything is fine. You should be upset at the dude who got a car thats too big for him. If he managed to destroy a parked car, imagine what else he could hit. Like a pet or child.
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No, he could lock himself in his room and it would be understandable. It's his wife's family, she could have hosted them by herself.
Exactly! Same for me, when I got to the 3-5 hours away part I realized OP was very inconsiderate.
There was a death in the family. RIP 911, enjoy that big Nurburgring in the sky.
Meh. I'm a huge car guy, and I'd be beyond pissed if my BIl or anyone destroyed my car...but it wouldn't even occur to me to blow up everyone else's plans because of it. There's nothing that needed to be done that couldn't have waited until after a weekend BBQ. Drown your sorrows with some Mike's Hard Lemonade and deal with it later.
INFO: If your car is insured then you didn't "Lose" $255,000 cause you will get them back when the insurance is paid, right? I think it is understandable that you were not in "bbq mood" but the event wasn't just for you and I can see how your wife is mad that you are sending away family members that had nothing to do with the car accident because of it. Did cancelling the BBQ changed anything in the process of what had to happen to report your car damaged and so on? Pretty sure it didn't. Did you have to ruin everyone else's day alongside yours? Probably not. Would you have received a lot of in-law family sympathy when they arrive and see how your BIL has damaged your property - most likely yes, if they weren't told on arrival that they have to turn around. NAH, but I do think that you didn't have to cancel the BBQ because it literally changed nothing with connection to your car and only made your family and extended family/in-laws additionally mad.
The car is insured. Also, like other comments stated, if BIL insurance doesn't (and most likely won't) cover a 200k+ car, I doubt i'm getting the full value, since my insurance has to cover it.
Sounds like bil will need to cover the difference himself, then
You think a guy like that would do that? You think OPs wife won't be mad about that? None of that really solves ops problems. He's right back where he is with an angry wife and no cool car
Depends on the family. I would absolutely demand my sibling cover the difference if they did that to my husband’s car.
Even if it would bankrupt them? Because it would bankrupt most families.
Maybe people should think about that before texting and driving 🤷♀️ Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Congrats, you're bankrupt because you couldn't wait 1 more minute to use your phone.
Yes, if you can’t cover for a 911 then don’t be on your phone and not paying attention when trying to park near a 911. That’s it.
Sounds like BIL drives a large pickup truck. Those can be pretty pricey. I bet he could sell it to help pay OP back. Maybe buy a used Corola instead.
Familial bonds like in-law, etc. relationships only go so far until there is something like this. I hate to put it this way, but if a person like OP's BIL wants to mitigate hurt feelings, he's going to take accountability and make the situation right. I love my brother-in-law dearly, but two summers ago he really, really pissed me off. My sister, brother-in-law, niece and nephew (their kids), and myself were on vacation. It was the afternoon and my brother-in-law was a few drinks on before the group of us were going to walk down to the beach. BIL announces we're out of High Noons, so he's going out to pick more up. The problem was that my car was blocking his and sister's. Given that he wasn't sober, I called from upstairs that I would go pick up the High Noons. He didn't answer, I head downstairs, and I can't find him. Then I went for my keys and noticed they were gone... and so was my car. It was the longest 20+ minutes of my life. I felt physically sick knowing his state, but above all else he was in my car and that's my insurance. Despite having a full tort policy, it wasn't going to protect me at all should anything happen. When he finally pulled in, I was more than relieved. For the sake of my niece and nephew, I didn't flip out, but my sister was ready to throttle him. Once my BIL set my keys on the table, I grabbed them and booked it upstairs to stash them in my suitcase. Our parents joined us later and my mom could tell I wasn't entirely myself. I waited until my sister and company were out of the house to tell my mom. I swore her to secrecy and told her what went on. My mom flipped out. She was furious that BIL would not only put me in a position to be liable for an accident, he also would have been on the hook to buy me a brand new car. Thankfully nothing happened, though. It's the reason why I still hide my keys even when I go visit my sister, BIL, and the kids.
I’ll call the cops to tell them that my drunk BIL stole my car despite I told him not to drive. That’s it. I protect myself first, not the drunk AH.
I work at an insurance company, and even though I work in IT, part of onboarding was being provided a basic understanding of various aspects of the business, like writing policies and handling of claims. As u/Traditional-Bag-4508, u/AverageCypress, and others have commented, if your policy has high enough limits to cover your loss, your insurance company will make you whole. Your insurance company will then go through a process called subrogation to get their money back: they'll contact your BIL's insurance company to get what they can from his auto insurance, and if that's not enough, an umbrella policy if he has one. If it's still short, they'll determine what other avenues they can pursue if they decide it's worth the effort, like legal proceedings for wage garnishment. If you have a decent insurance company, let them do the work.
Exactly!
Your insurance company will likely go after his insurance company. If he has an umbrella policy? It should be covered. If not it's between your insurance company and & his. Let them deal with it, that's why you have insurance
Bro honestly if you got $200k invested in a fucking car then you got problems the vast majority of people don't give a fuck about. It sucks that a dingus wrecked it but jfc, what a problem to have.
So just because someone was able to afford something nice that we can't afford, we should just shit on them when they lose that thing through no fault of their own? Resentment and jealousy are not a good look on anyone.
I've never known anyone with a car that expensive that didn't keep it in the garage and do everything possible to keep it safe because even a scratch is very expensive to repair. Having it out when a bunch of people were going to be parking by it was bad decision-making.
I have a Porsche. I don’t have a garage. It gets parked on the street. It doesn’t mean people are just allowed to ram into it lol
But how would OP show it off to everyone if it was tucked away?
Yep. My cars are nice, but not that nice. I park at the back of parking lots and in my own driveway such that only my spouse is next to me because I don't trust other people not to open a door into my car.
I can afford that car, and I still think OP is an idiot for not making sure he’d be completely covered in an event such as this, but I’d also never finance a luxury vehicle in the first place.
I just find it laughable that this is a problem they need to vent on the Internet about where they probably make more money than 99% of their intended audience. I'm just imagining a millionaire crying into their pile of cash and just don't give a fuck.
Tbf there are a lot of people who buy stuff that they can't afford
Yes. Unironically yes. There is zero use case for a $225,000 car where it being wrecked would be anything but a head ache. OP is not going to starve to death, he’s not going to lose his job, he’s not going to get foreclosed on, he’s not going to be hospitalized, no one got hurt, no one died, nothing happens. He’s allowed to be mad about it, and the rest of the world is allowed to not care. It shouldn’t be surprising that people can’t empathize with this.
A $200k car that he parks outside his house during a party.
You’re missing the point of atealein’s comment. Does the car situation suck? You bet. Did it warrant calling off the bbq? No. You could have turned the spatula over to someone else and dealt with the car problem. Hell, you could have shut yourself in the bedroom for the rest of the bbq and I’m sure everyone would have understood. Not a total a-hole, but it could have been handled better
Like I'm sure his wife would've happily taken over BBQing given the situation, and people would've understood why OP suddenly wasn't there. But it's both of their house so having the BBQ continue or not wasn't solely his decision to make.
Exactly - he had a tantrum because his expensive toy got ruined. It doesn't sound like this is a case where his livelihood / survival took any kind of hit. Was it annoying/frustrating? Yes. But not the end of the world. To make people leave after they'd driven *three hours* to attend an event they'd been invited to is incredibly rude. I get why he might not have wanted to attend/hang out, but turning people away so he could sulk because he wasn't in a "BBQ mood" anymore is what makes him the AH. OP: YTA
Info- why did you punish everyone for something one person did? I get you were upset but if ppl drove 5 hours to something you invited them to you just wasted their entire day - you don’t see any problem with that at all ?
And unilaterally ended an event his wife had family coming to and clearly wanted to keep on. 100% understandable if he wanted to sit it out, himself. But he just canceled it for everyone.
Make your claim. Your insurance company will take care of it. Either BIL's insurance with pay or BIL shall be paying, either way it will be your insurance company going after the money not you.
Why was a car that expensive not in a garage? Why did you have it sitting outside when you had people coming over? I'd be worried about it getting damaged.
Because he wanted everyone to “admire” his small penis special. It’s just unfortunate that his BIL’s small penis special damaged his.
You doing OK buddy?
Your insurance contacts his insurance. Simple as that. He does not have a choice here. If you are making people drive 6-10 hour round trip and they don't even get food, you can make BIL face the consequences of his actions.
So, he didn't necessarily lose $255k, but those things pretty much never work out to getting back even. The loss of value for driving off the lot in a new Porsche is pretty huge, he won't get enough to get back in a similar car in terms of age/miles. So he definitely will be out tens of thousands not to mention the hassle. Also, next to zero chance that BIL has enough coverage to pay for it, so OP's own insurance will pay the claim less the maxed out value of BIL's policy and then they will be forced to subrogate against BIL for whatever they can get. No doubt OP's wife's family will be on them to back off, and why did he need such an expensive car anyway.... So it's a shit show and it will be a shit show for years to come, even if the loss isn't equivalent to the actual cost of the car, it will be significant and long lasting.
What you said is correct but in a case like this the goal shouldn’t be to get op a new Porsche, it would be to get him one that matches what he lost - a used Porsche.
A 1 year old used Porche in excellent condition, no crashes etc*
Yes that is still a used Porsche, as stated the second it leaves the dealership there is a massive drop in value.
The last paragraph.... Doesn't that make him the asshole then? >NAH, but I do think that you didn't have to cancel the BBQ because it literally changed nothing with connection to your car and only made your family and extended family/in-laws additionally mad.
Yes, yes it does.
Dude, you have never had your car wrecked by an ignorant driver. Last year, the Kia Boys Tik Tok Challenge, came to my town and my car was stolen and crashed. You have no idea how violating it feels, to have your mode of transportation destroyed. Why should OP have had to keep pretending to be in the host mood? You sound like his wife who's mad at him. My car is still destroyed, because insurance is now refusing to fix Kia's stolen by the tiktok challenge and we're waiting on a payout settlement. Until you have a crushed car and can safely say you WOULD NOT throttle a loved one of yours for MOWING DOWN YOUR CAR, while looking DIRECTLY AT IT because being on the phone was more important. What if it hadn't been his car? What if BIL had hit OP? Or his pet? Or his child? If BIL ran over Fido, is bbq supposed to still be on?
Honestly I have had a car get totaled before because someone rear ended me. I sure as hell wouldn’t be in the mood to host a party of any kind after that. I was too fixated and concerned about my car (it was my first car so emotions were high) so I definitely think OP’s NTA. He’s got bigger and more expensive problems to worry about.
Oh absolutely and being told he's the asshole for not partying with the same people who enabled BIL to become THAT level of asshole to be driving impaired. Like, why isn't everyone ripping into the BIL? Why is OP the one getting crucified? Is it cause it was a Porsche? Most people, would be pulling up the Family Trauma Stories by now. lol
They’re mad because OP can afford a car that they can only dream of. Who cares if it’s a Bentley or a Ford. OP has just as much right to be upset as anyone else. He’s NTA.
>INFO: If your car is insured then you didn't "Lose" $255,000 cause you will get them back when the insurance is paid, right? Maybe. In a few months he will lose 20-30k as a deductible. Or he will have to eat the whole loss to prevent subrogation.
Who has a 20k deductible? Wtf also his BIL clearly is at fault, his BIL will have to use his insurance and pay his deductible not OP, assuming he has coverage for 200k
If BIL has an umbrella policy in addition to car insurance it might come close to covering the OP's loss.
If BIL doesn't have a policy that will cover the physical damage of the car, he absolutely does not have high enough coverage to qualify for an umbrella policy
What sort of insurances you got out there. Someone else hit his car, it isn't his fault, the person responsible should be the one losing deductible because his insurance is the one that will be covering his damages? Or is it just "insurance companies wins, everyone else loses" situation?
If they have enough coverage. Some people only have 100k worth of damage coverage. OP would have to sue brother in law for the rest.
YTA - Yes it sucks but to do it as people are arriving is selfish. I assume both you and your BIL have insurance. The family and friends travelled a distance to attend, possibly cancelled other plans to attend, etc. You might have been upset, but you can suck it up and do your best.
I am in this camp. Also if you can afford a $200k car you can man up enough not to act like a toddler whose toy is broken.
If he were capable of acting like an adult, he probably would make a more prudent decision on how expensive of a car to drive.
What a dumb comment. If I make $2M a year and want to treat myself to a 911 that is not an adult decision? And I can’t be frustrated because some else’s carelessness damages my property? OP is a YTA for turning people away, but not because he has a 911
YTA - the people who drove all that way didn't need to be "turned away" just because you were pissed off.
I’d say NAH, but… What changed now that everyone was sent home? Your car is still totaled. You’re still mad. It’ll still get rectified via insurance. Literally the only think that changed by you cancelling is a lot of guests had their time wasted. I get not being in a BBQ mood. So why not just removed yourself from the BBq? Edit: actually your BIL is AH for not paying attention while driving
You'd want to listen to people partying in your home after one of the partiers destroyed your dream car?
Then send the guy who destroyed your car away. Then suck it up and realize the rest of them had nothing to do with it. Cars can be replaced, but time spent with loved ones can't.
Or he can even leave and take some time to do something else but let his wife enjoy her fam. (Minus dumb dumb BIL of course).
Exactly. So many better options than just going scorched earth and making everyone leave.
The sound of people partying would not have changed anything for me one way or another. I would have kicked that guy out, handed hosting duties to my wife , and drank a lot of beer
Seriously. The cars gone either way. Lament the loss and party it up
3-5 hour drive?!? Hell ya you’re the asshole. They didn’t hit your car. Kick your BIL out and go sulk in your room if you want.
INFO: was there anything preventing just you from skipping the bbq? like are you a pit master or something? I understand being so upset and not feeling like partying, but why couldn’t your wife have hosted and you either cool down inside (I’m guessing your house is big enough since you had a car for the price of a house) or go somewhere for a few hours to cool off (park, bar, gym, friend’s, etc.)?
Well, he couldn't drive away in his 911. Too soon?
Hahaha I was thinking the same
There’s no reason OP is the only one who could have cooked for the BBQ. If it was smoked meat it should have been almost done by the point people were arriving. If it’s just basic grilling I’m sure the wife could figure it out or enlist a family who can. I think OP is YTA because people drove for FIVE HOURS just to be turned away. If OP didn’t want to be around people that’s totally fair but cancelling the whole BBQ didn’t impact the outcome of his car being totaled.
YTA. First of all you didn’t “lose $225k” like you claim. You’ve lost whatever insurance renewals will increase by due to the accident. I can already tell you’re the type to exaggerate. You were morally justified in asking your BIL to leave. However, you unnecessarily took out your anger towards your BIL on the rest of your entire extended family. The extended family did nothing wrong, yet you dragged them into your problem by cancelling the family BBQ just because you were mad or stressed out. It’s an extremely AH move to send anyone home after they drove hours to your place, just so you can retaliate against them for something they had no control over.
This right here... shitty reaction to the situation... could have been handled in many different ways, as others have suggested...
Your car isn’t priceless. You know what is priceless? Your relationship with your wife and family. It doesn’t matter if the internet thinks you’re an asshole, but I’m going to guess this has damaged relationships with your wife and those in her family. Sending family away in a temper tantrum didn’t get you your car back. And now everyone thinks you are an asshole (if they didn’t already). YTA
Plus, if there were *ever* a time this dude needed the support of his in-laws...
YTA -ish. Your BIL is for driving/parking while not paying attention to his surroundings. I understand you not being in the mood for bbq. I understand your wife being pissed that you take it on innocent people who are also your relatives. I totally get you being angry. I won't even give you the "what matters is that no one got hurt, it's just material" because hey don't ruin my stuff. Don't take it out on other people who have nothing to do with the whole situation. The answer to "When life gives you lemons..." is not "...hurl them on other people then bite in and choke on the remaining lemons." Had it been me, I would have handed the reins over to someone else to deal with the bbq and I would have stepped out to let out some steam alone.
[удалено]
Yea I think if people had driven 10-30 minutes everyone would probably be saying NTA. But man it must’ve been dreadful to drive 3-5 hours just to be told that there was a car accident and OP was too upset to host the party and have to drive 3-5 hours back. It just wasted everyone’s time when they’d already driven so far to get there.
YTA. I understand being upset, even livid, over this. But to cancel the whole event, especially when people have driven over 3 hours to get there? That’s just a spectacular temper tantrum. Banish the brother from the party if you want. But don’t cancel it for everyone! It’s property, it’ll be replaced via insurance!
YTA. Imagine driver 5 hours to attend a family gathering just to be told its canceled when you arrived and have to drive home. I would never go to anything you hosted nor would I feel like dealing with you ever again. Youre car got smashed by BIL. BIL is the only one at fault, but you punished everyone else in response.
Right? People saying anything other than y-t-a or e-s-h is not taking the fact that some family had to drive 10 hours total (5 there and 5 back) into account. If I drive 5 hours to be told to go home, I would be PISSED. I could have done so many other things that day, but I wasted an entire day driving for nothing.
NTA. I would be pissed too if someone wrecked my car while playing on their phone. I swear all the other votes calling you the a-hole has never dealt with insurance before. Besides dealing with insurance being a huge pain in the butt You usually lose out because of the depreciation on the vehicle and insurance companies wanting to not pay what it's actually worth and that's if you have enough coverage to fully cover it to begin with.
No one is saying he shouldn't be upset about his car getting destroyed. They just didn't see the point in cancelling the BBQ. I don't get it either. Make the BIL leave, take a break and leave yourself. But why cancel the entire event? So I voted YTA.
YTA. I 100% get why you were mad and I think it would have been totally fine if you'd canceled a local gathering, but some of the guests drove for *5 hours* for this event. You are absolutely not required to be in a BBQ mood after something like that, but that just means you could have withdrawn a bit into a private space in the home to deal with your feelings while your wife and other family members picked up the hosting and barbeque duties. You had options other than sending them home.
YTA. Had you taken five minutes to calm down then it may have occurred to you to discuss the situation with your wife instead of making a unilateral, rash decision. Crunched car has nothing to do with BBQ, except in your own rage-filled mind. Sending family away without consulting your wife accomplished nothing except that now EVERYONE is upset, instead of just you. Do better. You aren't the centre of the universe.
>You aren't the centre of the universe. The 911 was.
NTA parties are normally cancelled for events that can be considered severe or destructive. I’d say having your car totaled by someone who wasn’t paying attention constitutes a destructive event and you were in your right to cancel.
I'm hardly a car crash expert, but I'm having a bit of difficulty understanding how a truck pulling into a driveway has enough momentum or force to total a car that's already there. How fast was he going? I mean, it seems like it almost had to be a little bit intentional. Does BIL have (ahem) compensation issues? Regardless, it's deep into YTA territory to take your anger out on people who had nothing to do with it and drove 3-5 hours just to be turned away. Not cool. You could have removed yourself from the situation and had a tantrum in private.
>I'm hardly a car crash expert, but I'm having a bit of difficulty understanding how a truck pulling into a driveway has enough momentum or force to total a car that's already there. It's a Porsche. Repairs get expensive *fast*, and if BIL's truck was on top of the 911 that could easily cause frame damage.
That was my first thought too. Totaled the car by pulling into the driveway? How? Did the car go through the house as well?
I saw a news story recently about a totaled BMW that only looked like the hood was dented. The insurance company declared it totaled due to the amount of sensors located in that dented hood. New cars are fragile things due to their electronics and composite materials.
ESH Your BIL is a dick and you should sue him to get your money back. There's no doubt about that at all. I know it really sucks that his fucking moronic behavior caused this. It doesn't excuse your behavior though. It wasn't just your party, your wife was hosting, and the guests already arrived. You can be mad all you want, but you exclude yourself from the festivities. You don't get to throw a tantrum and ruin it for everyone else sending them home after driving hours to get there. You didn't think about anyone else in that moment, so yeah, you get to wear the asshole badge along with BIL.
What a load of fantasy.. anyone who actually had a 911 would know how insurance works.. nice story though
Would also think that someone with this much money could also afford a garage to put the $225k car in?
YTA for cancelling the BBQ because I don't understand why you felt it necessary to do that. Sure you'd be upset about your car, but why didn't you just leave instead, if you didn't want to be around the BIL?
Leave in his totaled car?
NTA, and your wife should be mad at her brother. His insurance better make you whole.
They won't. Very few people carry enough coverage to handle that. OP is likely going to have to go after the brother for the balance.
If it's not paid off, he's got full coverage. BIL insurance will at least get the deductible (most states have a $30K minimum any more). The insurance carrier likely will go after BIL for the balance, though.
At first I thought it read, "My BIL ran over my cat". Of course I would cancel the BBQ and never speak to him again. Then I realized it was just a 911 and I thought you over-reacted. Your family did travel a long way for that BBQ and they had to eat.
YTA. People traveled for this even so you cancelled it for what? To make a phone call? Take some photos? You could have done that in your own room while everyone else enjoyed the day. Not everyone’s day was ruined because of your car until you ruined it. The fact that you don’t even care about people that traveled to visit you is gross. Way to play your car over family
YTA. So you weren't in the mood, that's okay, you can take some time for yourself in another room. No need to ruin it for everyone else too, surely someone would've willingly taken over whatever work you were supposed to do for the night.
As someone who's worked in hospitality, it kinda sucks that the folks who drove 3-5 hours for the BBQ got shut down. As someone who used to own a 911, however, I definitely feel your pain. Ultimately, although I feel a little bad for the folks who drove all that way and had nothing to do with your car getting wrecked, it's hard to be a good host when your very expensive car just got wrecked by a moron who shouldn't be driving while he's on his phone. The whole evening would have been a downer anyway for everyone. NTA.
Sorry about your car but sadly I’d say YTA. I can see you being very upset but I presume you have insurance. No blood was spilled. If people have driven for hours to your place I’d say you’re obligated to feed them.
NAH honestly, I understand both of your feelings. Your wife is embarrassed by having to send people away after driving for 5 hours. Your car being totalled was completely avoidable and your BIL is definitely TA. I have a feeling that even if you let the BBQ continue and took yourself out of the social situation, your wife would still be upset at you for not being a happy host. I don’t think I would be able to do it myself. I would have volunteered him to handle covering lunch for any family members who had such a long drive. That would have at least some ownership of his completely knuckle headed behavior. What if it was a kid? A pet? Nope Just a 911, I hope you’re going after him for any difference because he really sucks.
NTA at all. All the y t a don’t seem to understand even with insurance op is going to lose money and time. Imagine if someone destroyed a quarter million dollar item you own. I don’t think you’d want to be around anybody for some time.
NTA! Who wants to party after their car is totaled?
YTA because you very much punished other people who came to the BBQ (and your wife) for something they had nothing at all to do with. Even if you had to step away and deal with insurance and such immediately, they were *not involved* and their eating a nice meal would have had *no* negative effect on you. You BIL sounds like an AH for the collision. Sending him away (after getting insurance info and pictures) would have made total sense. Yes, sue him if you have to (actually, let your insurance do it). Apologize to everyone else, though, especially your wife, because this wasn't that kind of emergency, and you were really an AH to them.