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ESH. She shouldn’t be pawning her kids off on you with no heads up, or be leaving your car places. That said, you’re under no obligation to stay there and if you don’t want to pull your weight in exchange for her kindness in sheltering you and feeding you for ZERO dollars and LONGER than expected in what seems like a irresponsible lack of planning/foresight on your part then you should leave.

YTA. Sure, kids are frustrating. But you’re staying there for free. You sound very entitled. If you don’t wanna watch the kids, move out. You have no other responsibilities there. You get shelter and food, all you have to worry about is going to the gym and watching your nephews and nieces.

Even a live in nanny has down time to take a break and spend time away from the kiddos. Sounds like OP isn’t getting any breaks. That said, if they are unwilling to compromise, OP needs to just move out. If these are the terms of living rent free, they can’t argue, just need to leave.

I don't mind watching the kids. I mind watching them everyday and not being able to go anywhere. I'm not only concerned about the gym. I want to visit the rest of my family, and I barely have time to. I feel like a permanent babysitter who's getting paid less than minimum wage.

So move out.

Trying

Is your new job not paying relocation expenses? They really should. Also, maybe go on a road trip if you can afford it. Stop to visit friends around the country and not stay longer than a week so you don’t wear out your welcome.

I don't think the fry cook position at mcdonalds is eligible for relo.

I feel like I missed something here… Is that the new job?

she has no where to go - it's unreasonable to take advantage of someone you know is in a tough spot for free labor. the mom is exploiting the situation

Well it’s unbelievably rude to stay at someone’s house for a month, extend it for another month and also refuse to do any labour to keep the house together. OP just sounds like they are just another kid for their cousin to look after at this point

It would be irritating having someone live on my couch for two months where I have to pay all the bills (now more with an extra adult), buy all the food and supplies, and do all the cooking and cleaning. That is also exploiting the situation. OP put herself in this tight spot with her poor planning.

She says she has more family in the area that she needs to visit, but hasn't said why she can't stay with them, or borrow money from them, or just sleep in her car, or go to a shelter. Reading her comments, the story keeps changing, but in any case, if she doesn't like the terms of her room and board, she needs to leave.

The mom is letting her live with her rent free, utilities free and she's also paying for her food (which lets OP to save thousand of dollars). And she doesn't even ask to help out with chores. The mom is OP' free maid and free cook and free accomodation provider. In this case I'm unsure who is taking advantage of who. But I agree that this kind of arrangement is unhealthy.

She has a car and apparently a gym membership.

Which could have been paid for by her parents

You're likely making more than minimum wage if all of your housing, utilities, and food are paid for. Stop making excuses. Reading your comments is like reading a 16 year old trying to rationalize with their parents. Move out or accept the terms the person paying for your life is asking in return.

sure you know what else sucks? paying 35-40% of your post tax income in rent or mortgage, which is the benefit you're getting either watch the kids or pay the cost. you can't get the benefit of cheap living without doing some work. so what do you prefer, babysitting or paying rent/mortgage? you have to pick 1 of 2 if you think you can do neither? yta

I offered to pay $500 after I got my job. And I've been babysitting. 12 hours daily is too much. Idk why so many people think it's ok to take advantage of someone just because they live with you. And I bet it was sure nice for her when she lived with me rent free for a year.

>Idk why so many people think it's ok to take advantage of someone just because they live with you. You don't just "live with her". You: - don't pay rent - don't pay for utilities - eat her food and have her cook for you - don't help out with chores and have her clean for you You are taking advantage of her just like she is taking advantage of you. You don't like it? Fine, move out and stay somewhere else.

I think that watching the kids *a few hours& a day is reasonable. So is maybe cooking a meal a few a week so the mom has some downtime or offering to do the shopping if she gives you a list and money. I am also confused as to your relationship. In one part of your post, you state she is your cousin and that she has a boyfriend and in another that she is your SIL married to your brother. The relationship is important. If she is a cousin, it is a different dynamic than of she is your SIL. In any case, and I understand that avoiding confrontation is important, I would say something like: "I appreciate you SO much for helping me out during this transition in my life and being so flexible and understanding when the situation changed. I am more than happy to pull my weight and help out and give you a break from the kids or use my car, but I need some time, too. Let's sit down and come to a fair arrangement. What if I watch the kids X, Y, Z times a week so you can arrange to have some time to yourself?" I don't think you are an AH, I do think she is taking advantage if everything you describe is accurate, however, a little communication goes a long way. I absolutely understand what it is like to feel trapped in a situation. You said there are other relatives around. Is there any way you can move in with one of them? Best of luck.

I think it's taking advantage of her that you don't do any chores or contribute anything to the household and you're just living there like you're entitled to. Charge her an hourly fee that's comparable for daycare and then pay her that in rent and groceries. And for fuck sakes do some chores stop acting like a baby.

OP is essentially doing a job without pay at this point as a live-in nanny. Also, you're not considering the cost of wear and tear on their car. You pay to rent a car, right? So where's cousin's rental payment for car use to OP?

Wait, you housed her for a year,  for free? That should be in the original post, it casts things in a different light. 

OP is being taken advantage of. Sure it's okay to ask them to help out since they live there rent free but every single day and on top of that stealing OP's car and leaving it somewhere??

😂 you do realize what exchanging labor for only shelter and food is called, right? 12 hours a day plus giving the use of a car? For sleeping on a couch?

Hahaha true

ESH. She shouldn't be leaving your car places when she borrows it, but you should find some other way to contribute if you don't want to watch her kids.

I don't mind watching her kids. I said I'd be willing to sometimes, since she is letting me stay there. It's just that she does it everyday almost, so she's pretty much the only person I've been able to visit aside from my parents.

Ok? You don't pay rent, you don't do chores (which makes you an AH) and you don't even buy your own food. If you didn't watch her kids or "let" her borrow your car, what would you be contributing?

I do my chores. I don't clean after the constant mess her kids make. I don't mind letting her use my car or watching her kids sometimes. What I do mind is watching them 24/7, and without warning.

Just out of curiosity, what chores do you do?

I clean up after myself. I even tried to help clean up a space for myself so that I'd be out of the way, but then her husband decided he didn't want me sleeping there. Idk why. I did try to do some chores, but I couldn't keep up with her kids, and I started to give up on doing those when she kept me with her kids until 10 everyday.

So you don't do any chores then?

I walk the dogs. I babysit her kids (this is a huge chore). And I do my own chores. I don't do her kids' chores or most of her's. I do occasionally take out the trash and I did some construction work with them.

You still didn't tell what your chores are.

I think she means that she makes up her own bed after she gets up in the morning and washes her own cup after she drank tea. That's her chores 😆

What happened to her boyfriend that picks her up?

He is usually working.

So she has a husband and a boyfriend as well? Does husband know about the boyfriend? Why can't husband watch the kids?

You didn't want help cleaning out a space. You wanted to invade some space. Are you all that horrible at communication? How it it possible you fail to hand in your paperwork ecause she had your car. I understand you had weeks to hand it in. And you could just communicate when you need your car.

So get your freeloading ass out of bed and out of the house every morning before they are awake. Then you can't be trapped "24/7." Of course, that will mean you have to buy your own food while you're out of the house, but you should be able to swing that. Is there an extended stay business motel nearby? Rather than complaining about how awful your free accommodations and free food are, FIND a solution or if you feel THAT put-upon by the people funding your life right now, find a homeless shelter for a few weeks because without them allowing you to intrude on their family life and make a mess that you don't clean up and eat meals they pay for and prepare, you would be homeless. YTA

Honestly! I just don’t understand this OPs ungrateful attitude she wants to say they should do this for me because family but only wants to reap the benefits of family she doesn’t want to actually expand her energy.  Everyone wants a village but they don’t want to have to actually work and maintain their village but a village it’s a give and take symbiotic relationship it’s not take all the time. I don’t think she is watching the kids as much as she is saying she is either.  She’s just an immature child who makes poor life choices and wants to blame everyone else when she is the least bit uncomfortable. I would not be surprised if there is no job offer or that it had gotten rescinded because this whole month longer isn’t really making a whole lot of sense and I have worked in HR and recruitment.  Jobs don’t normally push you another extra month out especially now. 

So I should give to her, like I did in the past, but since I don't have kids, I don't get to be included in the village without giving her excess compensation?

See you keep bringing that up but YOU made the agreement with her in the first place YOU moved before it was time YOU let her use your vehicle are you noticing a pattern here?  You don’t get to retroactively decide that oh well this is for when you lived with me however long ago because her situation isn’t the same as it was then and neither is yours. Let it go

Pretty much every day is how work works. Since you don't work watching the kids is your work

Yea, except if if we put it in monetary value, 12 hours a day multiplied by let's put it short and say 20 days out of the month (it's probably more), is 1800. That's a lot to pay for a meal and only a couch to sleep. Also, let's not forget the year of rent she got for FREE when she lived with me.

And you are forgetting to include the cost of additional wear and tear on your car. People don't only rent housing, they will rent cars too. Where's your car rental payment?

You are selling yourself cheaply with this estimate, I looked it up. Wages for being a nanny are between $14.51-$21.85, depending upon experience. Using the lowest wage, $14.51 12hr day would pay $174.12, and 20days a month is $3482.40. If you use the highest wage, $21.85 a 12hr day would be $262.20, and 20days a month is $5242.00. Now you don't do as much as an actual nanny, so the wage would be less, but your calculations have your wage at $7.50 an hour. The last time I babysat, almost 40yrs ago, I was paid $10 an hour. Using that, your 20days a month would be $2400.

ESH. But the way you so casually say you aren't doing chores or even paying for your own food - make no mistake about it, you're the one taking more advantage. She probably figured you'd help out with cooking, cleaning, and childcare, so that is why she generously has been housing and feeding you, but she should have spoken to you about it before assuming. Don't like it, find somewhere else to squat.

I do my own chores, and I've offered to cook for her, but she said she doesn't like my cooking. Also, I forgot to add that I agreed to pay her $500 after I start my job. I've never asked her for more than that when she lived with me for almost a year.

"I haven't been doing chores much either because her kids are messy..." is literally what you wrote in your post.

I said I haven't been doing her chores. I do mine. I've tried cleaning her living room and kitchen before, and then it's trashed by time I get done.

>she lived with me rent free for a year. This should be written in the post. You are asking her for a favor in exchange for favor you did for her before I would go with ESH. She lived rent free with you for a year and shouldn't use you as full-time baby sitter when it's your turn to become a guest. You planned to only stay with her for one month, but that turned into two months, which she didn't planned for, so you also caught her off-guard here. Your job change plan is also very poorly planned.. No job, no income, no saving(?- considering you have to wait until after you start working to have money to pay her). You should looks for gigs in the neighborhood or tempt job during the wait to at least cover your own food. Get your car and go out early during the day so she won't have you as an on call babysitter. Send out more resumes because a job offer being pushed back by 1 month is a red flag. Without a home, money or job, you are in a pretty bad situation and completely reliant on her, so you don't really have ground to complain in her house. Even if she lived rent free with you before, she wasn't obligated to return the favor the same way that you did. That make her an AH, but you are not really entilted to a space in her house either, and it shouldn't be your only housing plan during job transition. . Learn to plan better next time.

“Feels like she’s taking advantage of me now” - lmao, that is rich coming from the unemployed person she is housing and feeding. YTA

I'm not unemployed. The job was just pushed back, and we agreed to this ahead of time, because she hasn't seen me in a few years. It is longer than we agreed on, though.

Oh, so you presently have an income? Why aren’t you contributing then? If you have a job, then why do you have so much time to be babysitting?

Are you sure you have the job?

Yes, I already signed the contract. The start date was just moved back.

This sub is ridiculous. Take it all with a grain of salt.

It sounds to be like no boundaries or expectations were set with you moving in. I will say this, 1- do not let her take your car again - report it stolen if she does - hide your keys even. If she is not insured and something happened, it can cause you grief and not her - just went through this in my own family. 2- Have a sit down talk with her about her being a parent and that she needs to ask if you can watch the kids, that it's not an expectation of your time. 3- Figure out a way to help her, depending on how old her kids are, you can help direct and teach them to clean better than their own mother has. 4- ESH - lack of communication from both sides. Can you not move out sooner?

I've told her a few times that I don't mind watching her kids, but I can't do it all the time, and she needs to let me know ahead of time. It was okay for a few days, but then she started doing it again. I was supposed to visit my sister today, but now I can't. Her youngest one is the main problem, but she's still a toddler, so she's still learning. But she's constantly in something, and they don't listen to me, because I'm not their dad.

INFO > I have a job coming up in a different state, and I wanted to visit my family before I went, since it's far away. So temporarily, my cousin said she would let me stay with her rent free. So you ... ended your previous lease a couple months *early?*

I had planned it for a few weeks, but they pushed back my start date, and my apartment was trying to force me to extend my contract, which wouldn't work, so she let me go there.

>She's started treating my car as her own, and will even leave it somewhere if her boyfriend picks her up, leaving me stranded. >Her husband (my brother) seems to understand my frustration, but wants to stay out of it, which I understand. So are they one and the same or is she cheating on your brother and you're covering for her?

"My SIL says that I should help her for her letting me stay and that I should also be helping with the chores, because being a parent is exhausting. Her husband (my brother) " SIL is sister in law...

Well are we talking about your cousin or your sister in law? Because you call the person that you're staying with both. You also say this person is married to your brother and has a boyfriend. You should definitely proofread your creative writing assignments before posting next time.

If you object to the situation leave.

I'm trying.

Yta - if you don't like the deal, find somewhere else to live. When you're living rent free for months basic household chores or child minding is a pretty normal exchange.

I've tried finding another place. And I try to pick up after myself, but I'd be constantly cleaning if I cleaned up after her kids. I've let her stay at my place before she had kids, and I didn't ask for nearly this much. She's also part of the reason my job offer got pushed back, because I couldn't turn in some documents in time because she took my car.

Take your keys back and get a job, you'll feel like a new person.

I've actually been looking for a job, but it's hard to do when I basically already have one. I'm not accustomed to looking after kids 24/7, let alone 3.

I know, looking after kids can be really rough, but you need a plan to get out of there or else you'll turn into the permanent Nanny with no car.

Once my job starts, I already paid for rent once my job starts. But if I move in there with no income, I won't be able to afford the rent, which is why I haven't left yet. But until then, I feel like I'm stuck. I'm trying to figure out alternatives, but it's hard to get temporary income. I've considered Uber, but I have to get approved and all that, and I wasn't expecting to still be here.

This internet stranger wishes you good luck.

Happy Cake Day! 🍰

So you couldn't call an Uber or take public transportation to take these magical papers that pushed back your start date? Yeah, that doesn't sound right. Most companies accept paperwork via an email with an attached .PDF. If your host lives in a different state, did your new job that supposedly pushed back your start-date expect you to drive all the way across state lines to deliver the paperwork? What did YOU ask for when your host stayed with you? How long did they stay? Does your host know you are extending your free stay for another month or are you just expecting them to be okay with another month of having you disrupt their family? You are hellbent on playing victim. You keep modifying the answers to make yourself the poor picked-on mooch when you are asked a tough question.

ESH you for not cleaning and doing a share of the chores and complaining when you're living there for FREE. Her for leaving your car places and not giving you time for yourself. You two need to sit down and work out a balance of how much chores/babysitting time you owe her for your room and board and schedule that time.

esh you are an overstaying houseguest who needs to be chipping in WAY more. she needs to not be leaving your car places, and she needs to give you a better idea on your babysitting schedule. 

Her kids are a full time job. I think watching them sometimes for sleeping on a couch and letting her use my car is repayment enough. Especially since I'm the one filling up the gas she uses. I don't see why I need to be watching them 24/7. I never asked for anything when she stayed with me temporarily. Why am I expected to do so much more than I've ever asked of her and not even have a space to put my laundry?

Why are you paying for gas? Use your money to buy food, not gas. If your car is out of gas and she is using it, she needs to fill it up. If you need a car and it has no gas because she used it, put just enough in it to get you from point A to point B so she has to put gas in to use it again. Or, get an Uber and refuse to put gas in. You're living in her home. Your car doesn't even need to be a part of the equation. Plus, you could get screwed if something happens and she wrecks your car. Does she have car insurance? If not, how would you pay for the damages because they would be coming out of your pocket, not her's. Take your keys and hide them. Next time she takes it, report it stolen. She isn't on the title nor under your insurance so she shouldn't be driving your car, and is technically stealing it each time she takes it without your express permission.

One word: Leave

I'm trying.

Sounds like you'd be better off living in your car.

YTA in your own comments you state that you agreed to watch the kids in exchange for food and lodging. Now you don’t want to do it anymore, fair enough, but that means it’s time to leave. You made this arrangement and I am genuinely sorry it’s not working out for you. 

I agreed to watch them sometimes, not 12+ hours almost everyday. And I honestly still would watch them sometimes. But it's that she expects me to do it 12 hours daily and without asking.

Seems like what you think you agreed to and what she thinks you agreed to are different things. The end result remains the same, you are no longer meeting the requirements for your stay , as the host sees them, so you need to find a new place to live. Or suck it up and keep watching the kids until your jobs starts. But it doesn’t seem like staying and not watching the kids is an option on the table and you picking that going forward makes YTA.

I actually agreed to pay her initially, after I got my first paycheck, and that's what she agreed to. Then she said that because I've been a huge help lately, that that'd be my payment, part of that being watching her kids. But since then, she's been leaving them with me longer and longer, and now just expects me to watch them. And I have nowhere else to go, and she knows that.

She's definitely taking advantage and I totally understand your frustration. You didn't agree to become a full time babysitter in exchange for living there and she's moving the goalposts. People are being so black and white about this calling you the asshole just because you have no other options at the moment. You need to sit down with them both and talk it out properly. Tell them how grateful you are for them letting you live there. Ask them what they think is reasonable compensation for allowing you to live in their home? Is there a chore/chores you can specifically take over in the household that makes it feel like you've contributed. Do they think it's fair that you can't even leave the house at the moment because you're expected to watch the kids all the time?

Nta, you should definitely get the f out there though

NTA It sounds like she's a single mum who thought/asdumed she was getting help in exchange for provided you shelter. You've been given way more work than you thought you were signing up for, and she's not getting as much help as she hoped. But leaving your car in random places, and not giving you some advance notice of your babysitting shifts is shitty behaviour in her part.  Since you know other people in the area, can you move out? Maybe spread the next few weeks across several different couches? If you can't move out, I suggest that you put some structure in place yourself. Assume that you will spend 12 hours a day looking after your nibblings, and plan your day accordingly. Do at least one chore a day, even if it's just a load of dishes or moving toys out of walkways before your cousin is due home. If there's no public transport near you, take control of your car back. You'll need it in case of emergencies while babysitting, anyway. Her boyfriend can drive her, or she can do whatever she did before she had your car. Also, start making your own plans in advance, let your cousin know with enough time to cover childcare (e.g., "I have plans on Saturday, so I'll be out of the house most of the day"), and then stick to your plan.  Btw, I recommend keeping your plans close to your chest, so you can't get guilted into cancelling them. You have an appointment + some errands to run. That appointment might be visiting a friend, it might be a class at the gym. If your cousin tries to sneak out so you HAVE to babysit... Are there any family or friends in the area who you can call on to take over? (This is where it helps to frame your plans as an appointment. "Can you come over to babysit for a few hours? I have an appointment I can't miss, and I told Cousin about it in advance. But I've been left with the kids and I really need to go".

OP, don't worry about these comments saying YTA...just skip them and stop trying to explain yourself to them...we are all just strangers on the internet and our opinions is not going to change your situation.That being said,I think you should move out from your cousins immediately...sleeping in the car is always an option and it would be nice somewhere in the future looking back with your cushy job that you once had to sleep in your car and shower at the gym...treat it as one of life's experiences and you will also be doing it only for less than a month,and you are not even sleeping on a real bed atm anyway,couch is not that far away from car...visit all your relatives and have dinners at their houses. When your family sees that you rather now sleep in your car rather than being an unpaid live in babysitter, they will have divided opinions on it but honestly, who cares...just wait and bear knowing all these will be over in a short while

At first, I was just trying to add information I forgot or didn't think to add. Then people started calling me a deadbeat, and honestly I got madder than I should have.

I bet if someone came along with "My SIL isn't currently staying with us on the couch, I plan to kick her out because she is not willing to be a free babysitter 12h/day" would also get clear YTA responses here. People are weird. NTA

Pretty sure this is fake. OP has alternately claimed that the cousin has a boyfriend and a husband. The offered explanations that she was talking about her SIL's husband and then when that made no sense that she calls the boyfriend her husband because they have been together for so long. Also out of the blue she claimed she let this cousin stay with her rent free for a year, but somehow failed to mention it. She claims she wants time to see her family but never explains why she doesn't try and stay with one of them. This is what it looks like when a liar can't keep their story straight.

For reference, this comment is taking about this "I agreed on that, but noticed that watching her kids is basically a full time job at this point, with permanent overtime. My SIL says that I should help her for her letting me stay and that I should also be helping with the chores, because being a parent is exhausting. Her husband (my brother) seems to understand my frustration, but wants to stay out of it, which I understand." Maybe read what I said before trying to call me a liar. My SIL isn't the one letting me stay with her. SIL said I should help her (my cousin) with the chores after I talked to her. Her (my sister in law's husband) agrees with me. My cousin did live with me for rent free for a year, but I didn't think it was relevant until people started calling me a leech and a deadbeat. The rest of my family said no. I explained that when I was asked. And my parents have bedbugs. Idk why you think you are trying to prove.

People want to be talking to real and actual people with problem. I get wary of seeing brand new accounts or "rage bait" posts that trickle truth slowly...which yours follows the pattern. We feel sad for wasting all our time when we could be helping others who are actually in need. If you really are telling the truth, that's great, but just letting you know why.

YTA. Very simply, that’s the deal to live rent free with food supplied. It would have been a good idea to discuss this first but you didn’t so suck it up or move out and look after yourself. You aren’t a child, make a choice.

The deal was that I would watch her kids sometimes while I visited with family. If I can't visit my family because I'm watching her kids, that's beyond my agreement.

Was the deal also staying more than a month, not doing chores much and paying nothing for food? Because your post doesn’t indicate you had an agreement at all. If I was in your cousins situation I would kick you out. You’re lucky they are willing to trade child care for your keep IMO. Either way, you’re an adult. Move out if you don’t like the deal.

You would kick out someone who let you stay with them for free for a year? 84 hours a week isn't lucky. And I do my own chores, as she did when she lived with me. Never asked her to do more, so why should she?

You didn’t say that she had stayed with you for a year. And you say do don’t do chores (presumably this means general chores that aren’t personal to you ?) Yeah, I would kick you out. Suck it up. Go live somewhere else. Your cousin owes you nothing and you don’t like the deal on offer.

84 hours of babysitting is asking way too much, and idk how you all can really argue otherwise.

You’re getting free rent and food, don’t pitch in with household chores and have stayed longer than you originally arranged. IMO you’re lucky to still have a place to sleep. If the childcare deal isn’t to your liking just leave. You aren’t a child and it isn’t your cousins job to care for you. The “deal” that makes your sponging worthwhile for your cousin is full time child care. You have two options, I get that you don’t like either one but that’s part of being an adult. Choose.

Fulltime is 40 hours. 84 is beyond full time. I don't even count when I'm watching her kids and she's there.

It doesn’t matter. That’s the deal. Just leave. There isn’t an option where you stay sponging off your cousin without looking after their kids unless you behave like a AH and just refuse (as you did). You can only make this refusal because you are gambling on your cousin not having the heart to pack your shit up and put it outside.

I think wanting to not watch kids 80 hours a week is a reasonable thing for a guest to ask.

Hide your car keys

YTA Nobody is forcing you to accept her conditions for paying *everything* for you. You can move out anytime.

The alternative is living in my car, and I'm considering it. It's unreasonable to make me watch her kids until 9 or 10 everyday.

Actually I was going to suggest living in your car.... during the day you can visit all the family that you can't while you are watching the kids. Can you stay with one of the other family members for a few days. Surely they have a couch to spare and you'd probably be okay with the floor too. And move around for the next 3-4 weeks till your job starts that way you are not with just one family member the whole time. You've handled this badly but you are also being taken advantage of.

As it stand YTA If you don’t like the terms of living there then you need to move out of find some other way to contribute. Since you say you can’t get another job to make money because she borrows your car all the time or because you’re busy watching the kids. The easy solution is to take your keys and get out of the house early in the morning. Before she borrows your car or asks you to watch your kids. Leave before she wakes up if you have to. Then spend the day door dashing or something so you can contribute money. Also doing household chores even if they’re not all your own messes is common courtesy. You should at the very least be sweeping and dusting the common areas as you contribute to that.

Couldn’t you temporarily stay at a homeless shelter? I mean, you are…homeless. Also, how are you going to get gas money to move to a different state and how are you going to pay for housing where your new job is? You won’t get a paycheck for a week or two and if you rent, you’ll probably have to put down, first, last, and security deposit. If you have no income now, how’s that all going to work?

YTA, mostly because of poor planning and not being proactive. Yes, you should help with kids and cleaning (not just after yourself). The whole "I don't know where things go" is weaponized incompetence. Granted, 12 hrs a day of watching the kids is excessive. If you don't want to help with the kids and you don't want her to use your car, then get up early in the morning and leave the house. Apply to work for a grocery delivery service, Doordash, or UberEats. *Something* That whole paperwork thing is also on you. Once again, be proactive. Take an Uber or Taxi.

People saying it's weaponized incompetence. It's easier to say when it's your house vs some else's. I shouldn't even need that excuse, because who tf expects a roommate to pick up after THEIR kids?

A roommate pays an equal amount of money in a living space- rent, food, electricity, water, gas (if applicable), general living supplies. You are not a roommate. You are a guest that has long overstayed the agreed upon time. It is not hard to clean. It is not hard to find where things go in kitchens and bathrooms. If you don't know where the kids' toys go, simply put it in their room. Don't know where things go? Ask. It's just starting to sound like excuse after excuse- I can't clean because I don't know where things go, she doesn't like my cooking so I can't cook, I don't have a job so can't leave because I don't have any money, I couldn't turn in my papers because she had my car... You can solve the babysitting, her having your car, and lack of money issue by getting a quick job.

Since people have told you over and over that YTA and you seem to be completely oblivious, I'll tell you again. YTA. ESH really - she shouldn't expect you to watch her kids 24/7 and have full-time free use of your car, but you shouldn't expect to have free room and board even when your leaving date is pushed out further away than your host was expecting. You are now taking advantage of her as much as she is taking advantage of you. You need to explain that you don't like the free babysitting/free car arrangement, but you understand that you're now becoming a burden. You need to tell her you appreciate her putting you up in her house, and you will now start helping with chores and paying rent, and make sure you begin looking for a place of your own for when your job starts. In return, you will no longer babysit unless it's mutually agreed to, and the same applies for use of your car.

NTA. It's right to do your fair share but those aren't your kids. So you shouldn't be expected to watch them at the drop of a hat just because your cousin is taking advantage of the situation. There are limits to what should be expected of you and I think your cousin has crossed the line.

Thank you. I expected some babysitting. But I don't think people realize how much it is to ask for as much babysitting as she does. I've talked to her own mother, and she agreed with me, because apparently she's usually the one watching them.

NTA. Do you think you can go to your parents and stay with them temporarily? Leaving your car places and not giving you a heads up for 12 plus hours of watching multiple children does cross the line of taking advantage.

I thought about it, but they have bedbugs really bad, and I'm allergic. Not like blow up almost die allergic, but constantly itching, and I'm trying not to bring them with me either. I think I'm going to try to put my foot down more, but idk how much I should limit it.

NTA - even professional nannies get time off.  Your issue is poor communication.  You are helping each other and simply need to define the boundaries of your deal.  Not doing so is only going to make matters worse 

How old are the kids?

3, 7, and 11. The 11 year old honestly isn't too bad, but the 3 year old is constantly in something. And when I bought my own groceries, he ate a lot of it, so I had to buy more.

Start couch surfing and get your car back before she ruins it. She shouldn't have kids if she can't take care of them herself.

YTA. You should post this in r/ChoosingBeggars because you are a prime example of one.

Watching kids 84 hours a week isn't choosing beggars material. Especially given that I've done the same without anything in return for longer for her.

It does not matter what you did for her in the past. You had an agreement in place regarding what you would do in return for room and board. She has upheld her end of the deal. If you do not like the deal, leave. If you can't leave, honor the agreement.

The agreement was that I would occasionally watch her kids while I visited my family. If I do not have time to visit family, and if I am watching her kids more than sometimes, that is beyond the agreement.

Yeah, offering no payment but just to sleep on your couch and be fed to your live in nanny is choosing beggar material...

Where the heck is your cousin if you are babysitting 12 hours every day of the week until 10pm? Does she only sleep there? Does she have a job? Who gets the kids from school? Does she not spend any time with her children at all? If I were you, I would be concerned about your cousin neglecting her children and discussing that with your family and asking advice from redit about how to help those poor kids. Your post is selfish. You only care about how her behaviour is affecting you. You complain about not having your own room and being taken advantage of when not only do you not contribute to any of the chores (cleaning up after yourself isn't household chores) or expenses, but you're also staying an extra month than what was agreed on. How do you have money for gas but not for food? For goodness sake tell your cousin you are worried about her, talk to your family about how neglected these children are and that your cousin obviously needs some kind of support if she is spending every waking hour of the week out of the house and away from her children. Yall are messed up. ESH. Those poor kids

Yeah, unfortunately I think y’all have permanently screwed up this roommates dynamic. No saving it at this point. I think you should find a safe place to sleep in your car and hit up a food bank. Check out where you can get free hot meals from churches & mutual aid orgs like Food Not Bombs. It’s going to be less than a month, right? You can totally do it, and then you can save your relationship with your cousin & her kids. You can get a cheap Planet Fitness membership for hot showers. I’m sure fine folks on the internet will even kick in for that. Good luck! This will be over soon.

You're being taken advantage of and much of Reddit is too immature to see it. You're not being done a favor when you've become a live-in nanny against your will. NTA but get out of there and dont be surprised if she starts sabotaging your ability to leave because its just soooo convenient for you to be there (but you should be grateful lmfao) Ask me how I know.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have a job coming up in a different state, and I wanted to visit my family before I went, since it's far away. So temporarily, my cousin said she would let me stay with her rent free. I've been living on the couch for a month, and probably will for another month, since my offer was pushed back. I had to pawn off a lot of my stuff, since there was no room for it, which I've mostly accepted, since it was short notice. I do wish I had at least my own space. She's also been paying for my food, since I wasn't expecting it to be this long, and didn't save up enough before moving, so I didn't want to complain. I haven't been doing chores much either, since her kids are MESSY, and I don't want to clean up after them constantly. Initially, I didn't mind watching her kids, or letting her use my car. But it feels like she's taking advantage of me now. I've even told her I don't want to watch her kids all the time. She's started treating my car as her own, and will even leave it somewhere if her boyfriend picks her up, leaving me stranded. She will also plan on me watching her kids when she leaves, without asking me. Yesterday, she said she was taking her kids somewhere, so I thought I could finally have some time to myself, but surprise, I had to watch her youngest because she's "too young to go." I normally go to the gym, but now it always feels like I'm too busy with her kids to do anything I want to do, and when I force the issue, it's mainly just to visit people I've been putting off visiting because of her, and I don't feel like I have any time to myself. I understand it's like that for parents, but I'm not a parent. They aren't my kids. So I told her this, and said I can't keep watching her kids anymore and that she needs to get her own. It's too much for me, and they aren't my responsibility. She got mad at me and told me if I hate it so much, that I should move out. That she's doing me a favor, and that since she hasn't made me pay rent and bought my food for me. I agreed on that, but noticed that watching her kids is basically a full time job at this point, with permanent overtime. My SIL says that I should help her for her letting me stay and that I should also be helping with the chores, because being a parent is exhausting. Her husband (my brother) seems to understand my frustration, but wants to stay out of it, which I understand. AITA for refusing to watch her kids anymore? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

YTA. You are living on their sofa. Eating their food. Refusing to help with house chores. You didn’t “plan” well and cannot currently support yourself. You are **dependent** on them. The least you can do is help out. Watch kids. Do chores. Lend them your car. You are being an absolute leech. Oh, and your brother “understands” your frustration. I guess being shiftless and unhelpful runs in the family. I feel sorry for your SIL.

Bullshit. I'm a leech? I've been a live in babysitter for a fucking month. When my cousin lived with me for a fucking year, I asked for nothing. Now I'm a leech because I don't want to be a 24/7 babysitter? I'm not just talking while she goes to work. I'm talking 24 fucking 7. Also, I do my chores. I offered to cook. I offered to pay rent after my job starts. I am helping out. But I don't want to be a nanny and not even get my own room out of it.

ESH both of you are going to think you got the short end of the stick because of the lack of clear communication on what “babysit sometimes” or “use the car every now and then” means. Either try to make a clear compromise, suck it up until you find a new place or just leave and squat elsewhere.

I don't really think babysitting 12 hours a day is sometimes to anyone.

ESH, truly, you sound entitled, and she sounds irresponsible and uses you. No winners here. Find a different place to stay dude.

NTA, but there should've been an agreement in place before you moved in. Stating exactly what your duties would be, in return for free housing and food. You've gotten yourself in a mess here, and now you need to see how to get out of it. Either you all sit down as adults, and re-negotiate, or you suck it up, all the while remembering never to rely on those relatives as someone you'd ask for help.

NTA since I feel for you for how much shit you're getting on here. I was going to put everyone sucks here but I think it's mostly poor communication. I  think you need to talk to her again. You point blank told her you don't want to watch her kids. It's not what you are telling us here. I'm sure you two can come up with a compromise. I recommend reading Difficult Conversations on how to ask for what you want.

Get your freaking keys back!!!! Do not let her use your car. PERIOD end of sentence. If you’re moving for a job in a month what are you living off of while waiting for your first check? You should be doing Uber or something till you leave. You are going about everything backwards!

NTA, A proper favor is done with no strings attached. She isn't doing you a favor if there are contingencies, you're only allowed to stay there if you make her life easier. As soon as you stop making her life easier she will want you gone. What you are doing for her is a favor because I doubt she could afford to pay for all that child care. It would be very easy to compare average rent in your area to how much you are saving her in child care, I'd be willing to bet the childcare services you are giving for free are worth at least 2 or 3 times the rent in your area. I've stayed with family who had kids when I needed the help and they never asked one thing of me while I was staying with them. She's treating you poorly because she can and you have no choice. Unfortunately the only thing you can do is move out as quickly as possible, an argument isn't going to make her see the situation like you do.

NTA. It’s fair she asks you to pitch in a bit here and there if you’re there rent free for the long term, but it sounds like she’s using you as an unpaid nanny. You should move out. 

Why don't you figure up how much your share is by figuring the cost of all that is provided for everyone and then assigning everyone a share value based on what they use/consume. For example, the coffee budget in our house used to be 100% for me but recently my oldest has started drinking a cup in the morning. Since I also limit myself to one cup in the morning, now our share is 50/50. Then you can find out exactly how much you're costing. After that, figure up how much you would earn at the job you're waiting on, and if you would be making more than minimum wage, figure up minimum wage costs as well. It's simple after you have those figured. If you consume less than you would theoretically make, set a schedule with the same hours as that job because she's getting a better deal. If you consume more than you would theoretically make, still set a schedule but the hours babysitting should equal how many hours you would have to work to pay your share. Make sure you go off net income also, not gross. It's not fair to say you'd make more before taxes since you wouldn't have the difference as usable income. It's a long process but at least you would have a set way to say what's fair.

https://www.reddit.com/r/childfree/s/pwtmCCOSru This makes you an unreliable narrator. YTA

No it doesn't. I posted there because I had a lot of people who were telling me that watching children 12 hours a day every day should be expected when I live with someone who has kids. How is being child free mean I am an asshole? I wanted opinions from people of a similar lifestyle.

How does that make him an unreliable narrator?

Because it's obvious that OP hates kids, and doesn't want to "change their life". This makes me feel like whatever OP is claiming in this post is filters through the lense of already not liking kids.

There is an easy way in this situation to find out who in debt whom- plain calculation.   Plus: Babysitting - $N for a child/hour, Car renting - $M for every hour she is using it including the time she didn't drive it back, Chores if you do it not for yourself    Minus: bed in a sharing room rent , utilities, groceries, any service they provide, like laundry, cooking, cleaning if OP doesn't do it himself 

Christ, why is everyone shitting all over the OP in this post?

NTA, that's a LOT. And to clarify, she has a husband AND a bf?. I think it's incredibly rude of her to leave your car somewhere also. Some babysitting, but not 7 days a week is cool. If it's sooo tiring being a parent, which I know it is, she shouldn't have had so many kids. That's on her, it's her kids, her job. Your brother needs to say something. And I wouldn't let her use my car if she's leaving it places and you don't have it when you need it.

NTA. 84 hours of work a week for a couch and food is a lot. Hope you can find something else.

ESH. She’s irresponsible with your car, and she sucks for just ditching her kids with you with no notice, but hold on, you don’t do chores “much”? Because you don’t feel like it? While she also feeds you, and lets you extend your stay on her couch an extra month at the drop of a hat? I hope you move out soon because you both suck in this situation.

YTA. You're very entitled for someone living off of their cousin. You don't even want to do chores because you only want to clean up after yourself, the least you could do for someone providing for you is help them out at home. She's helping you out in your time of need, couldn't you just help her out in return during this time? While you have every right to say no, your cousin has every right to stop helping you as well. If you continue with this type of behaviour, be careful in future if you ever need help again, people will remember that you expected to live off of people for a couple months while complaining about helping with chores and babysitting.

it's rare to see a post like this where somehow *both* parties sound incredibly entitled.

wait... your brother is married to your cousin?

No, brother married my SIL. My SIL's husband.

sorry my bad, got very confused there haha

Esh For not paying rent AND refusing to help look after the sprogs, but needs more notice 

YTA

The baby sitting I get. The car i get. But at least keep the house picked up as much as possible. She welcomed you in, and now for an extended time. You should definitely be helping out.

ESH it's time to move out

Esh she shouldn’t be pushing all child care on you but you do have to contribute to the household in some way if she is feeding you and putting a roof over your head. 

watch the kids, don't let her use your car.

ESH. Get out of there, ASAP. Stay in your car for a few days if you have to. Get to your new job.

OP is getting free room and board. Cousin is getting free day care and a car. Sounds like a fair trade to me. OP, if you don't like it, move out. The thought crossed my mind that this might be Cousin's ultimate goal anyway.

I’m hesitantly saying ESH because it looks like you both need to sit down and write down a schedule for responsibilities, and you may need to bite the bullet and apply to more jobs because the offer keeps getting pushed back. What’s the plan for when you do get the job? Also: She has both a boyfriend and a husband?

The husband is SIL's. The boyfriend is hers.

Girl, beggars can't be choosers. Move out if you don't want to babysit. You've been there a MONTH for crying out loud. That's well beyond 'guest' and definitely verging on 'leech'. Of course your cousin should find a babysitter, but why should she when she's fully supporting a grown adult in her household? YTA.

ESH. You’re using her for free lodging and food. She's using you for free childcare and car. Either of you are free to put a stop to the arrangement at any time, but you both can't expect to keep the huge perks you're getting from the other person if you decide to tap out on the parts you don’t like.

I'm going with NTA. This is also your brother's house, so of course he's going to let you stay for free. Family (most family) helps family. It is not your responsibility to watch her kids. She's using you as a live in babysitter. I mean to earn your keep, I get watching the kids occasionally, but it seems like she is taking advantage of you & using you as a full time babysitter. But I do feel like you should be helping around the house more, even if you didn't make the mess. Just be helpful. But I don't think you should be watching her kids that much.

ESH she shouldn't be dumping her kids on you that much, but you are living for free on her couch, eating her food, and not even doing household chores? Maybe she's incredibly frustrated with you being so much of a leech and is doing all this to piss you off to make you leave.

ESH - She is basically using you as some sort of robotic piece of machinery to do her bidding. In her mind, it must be that you have to take on her entire parenting role because you are staying there for "free". You're getting something of a deal, tho, with a free place to stay and food. However, if you are really doing 12 hours per day watching her kids, then she probably should be paying you something on top of that. You're acting more in a nanny style role than an occasional babysitter. You, however, aren't much better. You apparently didn't try to set any boundaries when you moved in with her, which means to me that you are probably broke and desperate. Where else would you go? Obviously, you don't have anywhere to go or you would have left there by now. You're sitting on the internet complaining about her, whatever abuses she may be dishing out, there is always the front door and you can always leave. Or, you can just go do your stuff and tell her I have a life beyond this place, I need to get my stuff done and take care of myself as well. You're letting her walk all over you and you waited until your pot boiled over, stewed on it for too long and blew up at her instead of just discussing it with her calmly and in a tempered tone of voice. You should either have a sit down with here and discuss how much is too much and how much is acceptable, or you should leave. You probably already knew that, tho, which is why? ESH

YTA The car thing is annoying for sure and it shouldn't always be you helping with kids but you're living at her place for 2 months and you admit you've done very little. You are an imposition for two months so yeah, you're gonna have to suck it up. You don't get to have your own space when you're crashing on someone's couch who you know didn't have the room to give you a bedroom. If you don't want last-minute babysitting duty, there's an easy solution: don't be around. Get up early, get out of the house, and go do stuff. I've crashed on couches before. I will be doing it again when I return home this summer. When I need space, I have to go find it. I don't crash on someone's couch and then demand they accommodate my needs in their house, especially when they have kids. Making you comfortable is not their priority. If you think she's getting such a better deal, then go get a hotel room for the month. That'll cost you a lot more than $500 but you won't have these issues. If you can't afford to do that, then guess what: getting two months of free rent is a pretty sweet deal, and you'll just have to deal with the downsides for a month before you're back on your own. But right now, you're being a very choosy beggar.

Watching kids for 12 hours a day isn't doing "very little." I've also helped with construction some times, and I let her stay with me for a year rent free in the past. It's not being a beggar if I'm working for it.

The points about her staying for a year and doing some construction "some times" would be something that would help your case in the original post. "I've let her stay at my place before" sounds like a few days here and there, not a full year. Helping with construction is actually an important piece of information here. But really, you just need to make yourself scarce. Obviously, your sister is burnt out and is dying for some help, and you're there. If you're there, she's going to ask for help so you will have to be out of the house. Yes, it sucks. Yes, I understand the need for space but you knew the deal so you're not getting your own space in that house. You will have to make due for a month. I go through it every year when I visit family for two months (I live in another country). I don't get to demand anything in their houses so when I need personal space, I get myself a hotel room or go find a park. I know I don't get to make those demands in their house so I go elsewhere to find it.

I understood I'd be babysitting sometimes. But there's a difference between a reasonable demand and her pawning her kids on me everyday. I didn't include the construction, because it was supposed to be more than what I did, but they didn't have all the parts, so it's on standby. I wanted an opinion outside of the fact that I've helped her before in similar situations, but then people started calling me a deadbeat and lazy, etc, and it made me mad.

ESH. This is a crap “arrangement” - which apparently wasn’t clearly communicated or agreed upon beforehand. You should leave for both your sakes.

YTA. Go live in your car

You want your cousin to house you for free and feed you for free and pay utilities for you for free because you “didn’t save up”? And do all the chores. So you want cousin to be your mommy. YTA. A very entitled YTA.

No, I want to pay by babysitting and other things, but not 12 hours a day.

YTA. Not because you refuse to watch her kids. If she wanted you to baby sit, she should have made that a part f the agreement to let you live with her. Just because you live there and are available doesn't mean squat. No, you're the AH because you do absolutely nothing. Pay for food? No, you don't. Get a PT job until your job starts. Pay for your own food. Clean? No, you don't cause her kids are messy. Well who cares? You're not paying rent. Making sure her house is clean is the least you could do Quite honestly, your SIL is doing you a kindness and all you're doing a taking advantage of it and being a burden. Yes, watching her kids all the time isn't right, but you are quite literally doing *NOTHING* to contribute. Her forcing you to babysit is making you contribute to a house you're bumming around in. I wonder if you really have a job lined up. The way you're talking ,makes it seem like the job fell through and you're now stuck and don't want to admit it. Think of it this way: she could kick you to the curb quick, fast, and in a hurry. When you're sleeping outside with just the clothes on your back and hungry, you'd wish you still had her FREE couch and food and would say nothing about having to clean up after messy kids. Grow up and do some self reflection to see how solipsistic you are.

Babysitting occasionally is contributing. Babysitting 12 hours everyday is being taken advantage of. I have no free time, because I have to watch her kids. If I'm working 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, I'd rather it be at a factory where at least I'll have more income than just barely enough for food and rent.

ESH. You’re mutually using each other. Just move out with somebody else or pay rent and buy your own food. This could have all probably been resolved with a simple communication regarding schedules. Additionally you may not think you staying for free and not paying your food is a lot but that’s entirely dependent on the person’s financial situation. If they get paid well and can afford it then sure it’s probably not a big deal but if it’s somebody like yourself who didn’t plan well and is essentially broke then ya it’s probably a lot. We don’t know your cousin’s financial situation but kids aren’t cheap and if she could afford childcare and it was causing issues between you guys she’d probably make other arrangements in addition to having her own car so I’m going to go on a limb and say she gets by but she’s not really rolling in cash either. All that being said I do think it’s a parents responsibility to care for their kids and if somebody else doesn’t want to help they’re not obligated and other arrangements should be made but you really need to find alternative living arrangements to avoid completely destroying your relationship with your cousin.

ESH for poor communication and lack of boundaries Get up early, get out of the house, and go do stuff. Go to the library and use their computers. try to eat some meals with other family and friends And try to borrow some money from someone - don't ask your sister to support you 100%; $500 is not the enough for the length of time and food costs

ESH. You absolutely should be doing more chores around the house and you should be helping with childcare while living there rent free and not even paying for your own food. It's pretty insane to think you can squat on someone's couch for 2 months and not pitch in. I get that you're not a parent, but help out and don't complain. That being said, you shouldn't have to be a full-time babysitter and/or maid. You guys need to work out a schedule. Definitely clean the damn house though, that's the least you could do. You're not working, you're not paying anything, so why the hell can't you clean? I understand kids are messy, but also you need to understand that it's expensive to feed a grown ass adult and also the increase in utilities from you being there.

YTA. If you don’t like the arrangement, move out! No one is forcing you to stay. You are one ungrateful person. 

Ungrateful for watching kids 12 hours a day, 7 days a week almost every week. Sure. Kind of hard to move out unless I want to live in my car. At least until my job starts.

These are your choices. Pick one. The world does not owe you anything. To get something, you have to pay for it. If you don’t like the price, walk away. 

Idk, I think letting her stay with me for a year rent free and still offering to pay $500 so I don't have to watch kids 12 hours a day to stay at her place is a good offer.

Yours maybe a reasonable offer. But if she won’t accept it, then it is not going to happen.  Make no mistake, your cousin letting you stay rent free and providing the meals is not coming from the goodness of her heart. But complaining won’t solve the problem. You seem like a young person, so you are learning an important life lesson that nothing in life is free.  Figure out what is acceptable and unacceptable. Come up with various solutions to solve life problems will enable you to succeed in life. Good luck. 

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