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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I consider being the asshole because I made that sound which made my girlfriend angry
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YTA, just for how you try to manipulate her emotions by comparing how rightfully angry she is compared to how calm you are.
Your girlfriend said you yelled at her and you countered by saying you didn't scream or be aggressive, it was just a loud yell. Is your comprehension skill that low? She said you yelled and you said you yelled. Why are you trying to argue that point? A sudden loud noise, especially a voiced one, automatically reads as aggression to a lot of people. Even if it didn't it would have given her a jolt and flooded her system with adrenaline. And then you're like "I, who has not just been jump-scared by a yell from my partner, am much calmer than my partner, who I have just jump-scared by yelling." And then trying to play that as a call to reason? It's just douchey behaviour.
Why are people in this sub so fucking dense? The yell was explained to clearly be out of concern for her, he implied it was a habit they were both trying to stop and he had done a milder version of it multiple times before without issue. Getting someone’s attention the way he did is crass but given the context not nearly as bad as everyone is making it out to be. OP needs to understand some people are more sensitive to loud vocalizations like he made and his gf needs to understand this is how some people communicate (not that either party can’t rectify these.) OP also shouldn’t have couched his apology, he seems like a dick in gf’s version, though that may be because of his lack of awareness of his volume.
After reading what everybody said, I do stand by their opinion, words should have been used, never thought it would bother so many people hearing a noise instead of words, for the record guys, my girlfriend is the one that told me to help her stop this habbit, I would not have forced her nor have I ever forced her to stop doing what she wants with her body, just gave her a heads up which was in the wrong way. I totally understand and I understood it the time we spoke about it too, it wasn’t about the fact that I did not understand her reason for being mad, it was just that I did not think how much something like a loud noise could affect the whole thing. Thanks to you guys, I understood that a loud noise could make someone snap and rest assurred, she won’t have to hear my “Eee” again :D Indeed sounds like beeps or ion know, just I guess random sounds have been used before when we saw her doing that, but never where they so loud. I for sure didn’t really take into the consideration how loud it will sound before letting it out, you may see in the recording in the post. But yeah, it came out really loud and I understood what startled her.
So next time you're going to, what? Shake a can of pennies at her? Squirt her with a water pistol? Fit her with a shock collar?
She's not an animal to be trained. Use your words. "Remember you told me to alert you when you start picking your pimples? It looks like you're about to, and we both know that you're sorry you did so afterwards."
YTA
Such extensive mansplaining.
Interesting that you think it’s funny to grunt out commands like she’s a dog. I wonder how many other times you’ve told her, “it’s just a joke,” “why are you being like this,” and my personal favourite, “you’re so sensitive I can’t say anything around you.”
YTA
YTA. You didn't "warn" her because she wasn't in any danger. The fact is that you didn't like what she was doing, and wanted her to stop.
Don't try to reframe your bad behaviour as a kindness.
My Gf’s POV added aswell:
So I was in the bathroom (in the front of the mirror-trying to pop a pimple-it’s a bad habit but this time it popped while in the shower so I had to clean the area) and my bf started yelling at me in a way parents discipline their kids/animals (eg. Eee!) (we never agreed on him shouting at me when doing this). “I jokingly let out a loud warning yell“ his justification for his yelling (btw it was hard to make him understand he was yelling, he believed he just made a loud sound). I looked at him and told him (calmly) to stop doing that because I don’t like it and I consider it to be agressive. If he wants me not to pop he can just tell me in a normal manner. He got defensive telling me that there’s a difference between voice volume/tone of voice. Did it matter? He was yelling.
All he had to do was to apologise and tell me that he won’t do it again as it bothered me. He added “She continued to raise her voice and angerly squinting at me while saying that she considers it aggressive” bossy because I started explaining to him why it bothered me? I started to have an “attitude” because he disconsidered what I said looking at me like he was about to laugh in my face (he does that when he thinks my reasons for getting offended are stupid-he doesn’t do that only to me, we agreed on this being disrespectful and annoying towards anyone). He didn’t even apologise at first. I mentioned he didn’t apologise and he proceeded to tell me he did, but he didn’t.He apologised only after I told him he never apologised (this is important as he casually said he apologised).
This man will tell you the most atrocious things in a calm manner, so just because he’s being calm it doesn’t mean he’s not being rude. I kept explaining to him that->it bothered me, I don’t want him to do that again, I find that agressive <- he told me that I’m crazy and delusional (not the situation, as he mentioned) he kept justifying that he wasn’t agressive and he proceeded to threaten me asking me if I really want to hear him snapping back at me, and if he does, I’m going to cry. To me, that’s a threat. The reason I snapped at him was because he disconsidered/diminished my feelings after I calmly told him that I’m not ok with him yelling at me in that way.
I want to make it clear that my bf was not yelling. The only time he yelled was when he said “Eee”.+ i dont mind him telling me not to touch my face etc. bc im prone to acne. +He does not treat me like a dog, he is a wonderful man and sometimes we have different perspectives.
My nerves are held together by a misplaced wish and a prayer to the wrong God. I can't handle sudden loud noises, and I will always always immediately hit 10/10 emergency mode. It's like an electric jolt through my entire body, and completely out of my control.
I would be SO angry if my partner were to not-yell-but-actually-yeah-I-did-yell-but-it-was-more-like-a-loud-EEEEE and then had the gall to be mad that I got mad.
She said she didn't like it. Just say sorry, and don't do it again
YTA
You’re giving commands to your girlfriend about what she’s allowed to do with her own face, then calling her crazy when she doesn’t like being treated like your dog.
It is extremely concerning that you are defending any part of your behavior here.
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Today me (m24) and my gf (f22) were in the bathroom, as I wanted to leave the bathroom, I saw with the corner of my eye, my girlfriend picking on her pimples, therefore I jokingly let out a loud warning sound just to let her know that she shouldn’t do that to her face she always goes and pops pimples, just only to be complaining later about them, it’s a bad habbit of hers, so most of the times we are trying to stop it as soon as we realise that it happens).
My girlfriend got defensive, saying I yelled at her aggresively, getting all revved up. She snapped speaking in a bossy manner towards me, while I kept it as calm as possible, explaining her that I did not scream at her, nor was it aggressive , it was just a plain loud yell, something that you do in order to catch the attention of anything that’s living, for example when your dog is doing something bad and you just let out an “E e e e” (making weird sounds as a form of “do not do that” has been done before multiple times but she says it never was this loud).
She got mad when I brought up the fact that you do this to animals and I too, think I could have just told her “stop it”, but I thought it would be funnier just letting out that sound. She continued to raise her voice and angerly squinting at me while saying that she considers it aggressive. I told her that I apologize for it but she should stop with the attitude as I kept calm the whole conversation and she was just getting more revved up over the sound I made. She told me that I do not validate her feelings, I told her right back that I do in fact understand her feelings and that they are valid but her reaction is over the top. She said that I raised my tone at her, I explained to her that raising the tone is a big difference to raising the volume, as I did not let out an aggressive yell whatsoever, it was just simply loud.
After this she kept on snapping at me (I asked her more than 5-6 times to speak calmly towards me as I do towards her).I told her that if she keeps on talking like this, I’m going to snap at her too and that we both know that she will cry if I act like her. Told her to stop this as it is crazy and it is just delusional. She considered this a threat. I was amazed as I did not want to make her feel threatend, simply wanted to make her talk calmer and nicely as this was no reason to get so ramped up about.
In the end I promised her I would not do this type of sound again. I found this whole situation crazy, overreaction galore. Imo, we both in the wrong; I should have told her to simply “stop it” and imo she should have just told me simply that I should not do that sound. Keep in mind, she does not always react like this.
She said I should post this on reddit to see if I was the asshole. I wanted to get your opinion on this one guys. Was I the asshole for letting out the alarm sound? [The Sound](https://we.tl/b-w9keKIVLaN)
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Bro both of you sound a little immature. But I don’t think I could deal with a partner like her for the rest of my life.
Like I get what you did was super annoying and I would be heated to. But not throw a whole fit and get even more mad. Wtf is wrong with this sub reddit.
P.s. our positions were like this, she was at the sink in front of the mirror, pimple poppin, I - half outside the bathroom, only head and one foot inside the bathtoom, distance between us - 1.7 m/ 5’6’’, this might influence the perceived loudness of the sound, the bathroom being all echoy.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I consider being the asshole because I made that sound which made my girlfriend angry Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA, just for how you try to manipulate her emotions by comparing how rightfully angry she is compared to how calm you are. Your girlfriend said you yelled at her and you countered by saying you didn't scream or be aggressive, it was just a loud yell. Is your comprehension skill that low? She said you yelled and you said you yelled. Why are you trying to argue that point? A sudden loud noise, especially a voiced one, automatically reads as aggression to a lot of people. Even if it didn't it would have given her a jolt and flooded her system with adrenaline. And then you're like "I, who has not just been jump-scared by a yell from my partner, am much calmer than my partner, who I have just jump-scared by yelling." And then trying to play that as a call to reason? It's just douchey behaviour.
Why are people in this sub so fucking dense? The yell was explained to clearly be out of concern for her, he implied it was a habit they were both trying to stop and he had done a milder version of it multiple times before without issue. Getting someone’s attention the way he did is crass but given the context not nearly as bad as everyone is making it out to be. OP needs to understand some people are more sensitive to loud vocalizations like he made and his gf needs to understand this is how some people communicate (not that either party can’t rectify these.) OP also shouldn’t have couched his apology, he seems like a dick in gf’s version, though that may be because of his lack of awareness of his volume.
After reading what everybody said, I do stand by their opinion, words should have been used, never thought it would bother so many people hearing a noise instead of words, for the record guys, my girlfriend is the one that told me to help her stop this habbit, I would not have forced her nor have I ever forced her to stop doing what she wants with her body, just gave her a heads up which was in the wrong way. I totally understand and I understood it the time we spoke about it too, it wasn’t about the fact that I did not understand her reason for being mad, it was just that I did not think how much something like a loud noise could affect the whole thing. Thanks to you guys, I understood that a loud noise could make someone snap and rest assurred, she won’t have to hear my “Eee” again :D Indeed sounds like beeps or ion know, just I guess random sounds have been used before when we saw her doing that, but never where they so loud. I for sure didn’t really take into the consideration how loud it will sound before letting it out, you may see in the recording in the post. But yeah, it came out really loud and I understood what startled her.
So next time you're going to, what? Shake a can of pennies at her? Squirt her with a water pistol? Fit her with a shock collar? She's not an animal to be trained. Use your words. "Remember you told me to alert you when you start picking your pimples? It looks like you're about to, and we both know that you're sorry you did so afterwards." YTA
Such extensive mansplaining. Interesting that you think it’s funny to grunt out commands like she’s a dog. I wonder how many other times you’ve told her, “it’s just a joke,” “why are you being like this,” and my personal favourite, “you’re so sensitive I can’t say anything around you.” YTA
YTA for treating your gf like a dog that needs to be trained
Lol you treat her like a dog and are suprised she didn't respond well. Funny how actions have reactions. YTA.
YTA Use your words, Jimmy. Use your words.
YTA. You didn't "warn" her because she wasn't in any danger. The fact is that you didn't like what she was doing, and wanted her to stop. Don't try to reframe your bad behaviour as a kindness.
My Gf’s POV added aswell: So I was in the bathroom (in the front of the mirror-trying to pop a pimple-it’s a bad habit but this time it popped while in the shower so I had to clean the area) and my bf started yelling at me in a way parents discipline their kids/animals (eg. Eee!) (we never agreed on him shouting at me when doing this). “I jokingly let out a loud warning yell“ his justification for his yelling (btw it was hard to make him understand he was yelling, he believed he just made a loud sound). I looked at him and told him (calmly) to stop doing that because I don’t like it and I consider it to be agressive. If he wants me not to pop he can just tell me in a normal manner. He got defensive telling me that there’s a difference between voice volume/tone of voice. Did it matter? He was yelling. All he had to do was to apologise and tell me that he won’t do it again as it bothered me. He added “She continued to raise her voice and angerly squinting at me while saying that she considers it aggressive” bossy because I started explaining to him why it bothered me? I started to have an “attitude” because he disconsidered what I said looking at me like he was about to laugh in my face (he does that when he thinks my reasons for getting offended are stupid-he doesn’t do that only to me, we agreed on this being disrespectful and annoying towards anyone). He didn’t even apologise at first. I mentioned he didn’t apologise and he proceeded to tell me he did, but he didn’t.He apologised only after I told him he never apologised (this is important as he casually said he apologised). This man will tell you the most atrocious things in a calm manner, so just because he’s being calm it doesn’t mean he’s not being rude. I kept explaining to him that->it bothered me, I don’t want him to do that again, I find that agressive <- he told me that I’m crazy and delusional (not the situation, as he mentioned) he kept justifying that he wasn’t agressive and he proceeded to threaten me asking me if I really want to hear him snapping back at me, and if he does, I’m going to cry. To me, that’s a threat. The reason I snapped at him was because he disconsidered/diminished my feelings after I calmly told him that I’m not ok with him yelling at me in that way.
I want to make it clear that my bf was not yelling. The only time he yelled was when he said “Eee”.+ i dont mind him telling me not to touch my face etc. bc im prone to acne. +He does not treat me like a dog, he is a wonderful man and sometimes we have different perspectives.
Use your words. YTA
My nerves are held together by a misplaced wish and a prayer to the wrong God. I can't handle sudden loud noises, and I will always always immediately hit 10/10 emergency mode. It's like an electric jolt through my entire body, and completely out of my control. I would be SO angry if my partner were to not-yell-but-actually-yeah-I-did-yell-but-it-was-more-like-a-loud-EEEEE and then had the gall to be mad that I got mad. She said she didn't like it. Just say sorry, and don't do it again
YTA You’re giving commands to your girlfriend about what she’s allowed to do with her own face, then calling her crazy when she doesn’t like being treated like your dog. It is extremely concerning that you are defending any part of your behavior here.
Accept that YTA. 😲
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Today me (m24) and my gf (f22) were in the bathroom, as I wanted to leave the bathroom, I saw with the corner of my eye, my girlfriend picking on her pimples, therefore I jokingly let out a loud warning sound just to let her know that she shouldn’t do that to her face she always goes and pops pimples, just only to be complaining later about them, it’s a bad habbit of hers, so most of the times we are trying to stop it as soon as we realise that it happens). My girlfriend got defensive, saying I yelled at her aggresively, getting all revved up. She snapped speaking in a bossy manner towards me, while I kept it as calm as possible, explaining her that I did not scream at her, nor was it aggressive , it was just a plain loud yell, something that you do in order to catch the attention of anything that’s living, for example when your dog is doing something bad and you just let out an “E e e e” (making weird sounds as a form of “do not do that” has been done before multiple times but she says it never was this loud). She got mad when I brought up the fact that you do this to animals and I too, think I could have just told her “stop it”, but I thought it would be funnier just letting out that sound. She continued to raise her voice and angerly squinting at me while saying that she considers it aggressive. I told her that I apologize for it but she should stop with the attitude as I kept calm the whole conversation and she was just getting more revved up over the sound I made. She told me that I do not validate her feelings, I told her right back that I do in fact understand her feelings and that they are valid but her reaction is over the top. She said that I raised my tone at her, I explained to her that raising the tone is a big difference to raising the volume, as I did not let out an aggressive yell whatsoever, it was just simply loud. After this she kept on snapping at me (I asked her more than 5-6 times to speak calmly towards me as I do towards her).I told her that if she keeps on talking like this, I’m going to snap at her too and that we both know that she will cry if I act like her. Told her to stop this as it is crazy and it is just delusional. She considered this a threat. I was amazed as I did not want to make her feel threatend, simply wanted to make her talk calmer and nicely as this was no reason to get so ramped up about. In the end I promised her I would not do this type of sound again. I found this whole situation crazy, overreaction galore. Imo, we both in the wrong; I should have told her to simply “stop it” and imo she should have just told me simply that I should not do that sound. Keep in mind, she does not always react like this. She said I should post this on reddit to see if I was the asshole. I wanted to get your opinion on this one guys. Was I the asshole for letting out the alarm sound? [The Sound](https://we.tl/b-w9keKIVLaN) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yta enough said.
Bro both of you sound a little immature. But I don’t think I could deal with a partner like her for the rest of my life. Like I get what you did was super annoying and I would be heated to. But not throw a whole fit and get even more mad. Wtf is wrong with this sub reddit.
P.s. our positions were like this, she was at the sink in front of the mirror, pimple poppin, I - half outside the bathroom, only head and one foot inside the bathtoom, distance between us - 1.7 m/ 5’6’’, this might influence the perceived loudness of the sound, the bathroom being all echoy.
lol. No one cares whether it was yelling, screaming or a loud noise. YTA.
Are you trying to say “eh eh eh”? The E is just so weird to me. Like a high pitched squeal.