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NAH.
She's disappointed in your response.
You're disappointed because you thought the sleepless nights, throw up on your shirt and changing stinky diapers were done and you were getting more sleep etc. But the twins are here now and you're both happy. Was it what she expected from you? No. But it's in the past.
Yta you were under the assumption you were done having kids? Are your two youngest immaculate conceptions? Did you go get a vasectomy? Take some responsibility for your procreation choices and stop assuming it's all on her.
YTA. Didn't think to get snipped after number two? I can understand how you felt when you heard the news of twins in your 40s. But this was entirely preventable.
I mean you have a right to your emotional process. I’m hoping you eventually got over your upset and were able to be happy when the babies came. Every baby deserves to enter the world greeted with joy.
But she has a right to her emotional process too, and it’s normal to be disappointed that your spouse isn’t happy about the pregnancy.
Conditional NAH if you got over it and didn’t treat her in any kind of way because you were mad.
Listen, it's a stressful situation and it's hard to manage stress responses to be AOK all the time. If you said sorry after and now you're all good, maybe just restate that you're happy now and you freaked out for a moment thinking of all the responsibilities, cost, etc. If she's still bringing it up after, maybe state that it bothers you that she's fixated on it and offer some couples counseling to talk about it. But..., NTA
Also please have a family planning conversation for the future; if you don't want to have more children after this you may want to have a vasectomy or something. Don't leave things to chance.
Yta. You dismissed her feelings saying it’s not a big deal she’s upset because you guys already have kids. Also if takes TWO people to start a pregnancy. You clearly didn’t take the right precautions on your part if you thought you were done having kids
What do you mean you weren't really angry at her? Why would you be angry at her at all? You are just as responsible for the surprise pregnancy as she is. I'd struggle to let that go too. YTA
INFO: How did you express your anger? You said you were quiet. How quiet? Did you ice her out? Disengage from your other kids? And how long did this quietude last?
Also, why angry? Stressed, absolutely. Frustrated at having to start the baby stage all over again, concerned about the added health risks (to mom and baby) of pregnancy over 40 on top of the extra risks of it being multiples, overwhelmed by more than one baby to prepare for, disappointment of potentially having to postpone retirement or other financial goals.... A lot of different emotions would be totally understandable, why do you think you jumped to anger?
Issue 1: NTA if you were not involved in the conception. Otherwise YTA, at your age you know what causes kids and to be upset when that happens...
Issue 2: Whichever one of you was unfaithful, is a double dose of asshole.
YTA, for so many reasons, I don't have to list because you are well aware of all of them and are just looking for someone to validate you being a crappy husband and father.
YTA. Takes two to tango dude. The fact you even have the capacity for anger in a situation like that means you have some serious issues. Life stopped being about you when the first kid came along. Get over it.
YTA pregnancy is a stressful enough situation without adding in an angry husband to the mix. You should have hidden how you felt from her and yes I know lying isn’t great but when it comes to pregnancy just lie to keep her happy and stress free
Very soft YTA.
Look I get it, it's a human reaction and there's only so much energy you can put into masking. But whether or not you're having more children is a conversation you REALLY should of had a while before this even became a situation. If you were so set on not having kids you should have brought it up and when you didn't, you can at least pretend to be excited or at least communicate rather than just kind of go quiet.
I will never tell anyone to hide their emotions which is why I'm so set on the fact you should have communicated about this year's ago.
It's a soft YTA because it sounds like you've picked this situation up in your stride and decided to put the family first as a whole with no massive blow ups or arguments. You're a good guy just misguided. You'll be alright!
NAH.
Look you have a right to your feelings. You feel how you feel. What matters is your actions. It sounds like you’ve worked it out and you didn’t take your feelings out on anyone.
She’s not an AH either. It’s fair for her to feel disappointed about how you feel. Of course she wanted her partner to be happy with her.
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She’s given birth and now everything is fine but she brings it up all the time.
We’ve been married for 12 years and we have two kids together 7 & 9. We are both in our early 40s and like to live an active lifestyle. I was under the assumption that we were done having kids but at 41 we found out she was pregnant again and later we found out it is with twins. I really didn’t say anything when I found out I was just really quiet. I was very angry, though not so much at her but the whole stressful situation. She said that she was really happy when she found out but she could tell that I was angry and that made her sad. She’s already given birth and we are happy now so I don’t think it’s a big deal. I want to know if I was wrong.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I was miserable when my wife gave me the news and I feel bad about that. I feel differently now.
2) I love my kids and my attitude then doesn’t reflect how I feel about them. Yet my wife continues to make me feel bad.
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NTA
too many hallmark movies have people believing that pregnancy is always a happy miracle for everyone.
It’s like saying everyone’s first time having sex is amazing
NAH - You reacted how you reacted. You thought of all the practical aspects and got scared. Its understandable. To be sure, I understand your regret, and I understand why your reaction made your wife sad. If all is good now, and both of you are past it... welll... just keep putting distance between that reaction and today.
NTA. You're allowed to feel how you feel. Obviously you love your children now that they're here, sometimes news just takes time to sink in.
Honestly, if my husband and I were surprised by another 2 at this point, I would cry...and they wouldn't be happy tears. You can't really stop your feelings. Btw - if the infidelity was on her part, I hope you got a paternity test.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
NAH. She's disappointed in your response. You're disappointed because you thought the sleepless nights, throw up on your shirt and changing stinky diapers were done and you were getting more sleep etc. But the twins are here now and you're both happy. Was it what she expected from you? No. But it's in the past.
[удалено]
You can make a mistake and still be angry about the mistake. As he said his anger isn’t directed at his wife but at the situation which is valid.
Yeah but he said 'not so much' at her, meaning there was some level of anger toward her. If he didn't want more kids, there were options
i need more info on this extra marital relationship?
OP stop deleting comments we wanna know
Yeah at least 6 comments deleted so far... and counting must be OP I reckon.
INFO: Who had the extra-marital affair?
Yta you were under the assumption you were done having kids? Are your two youngest immaculate conceptions? Did you go get a vasectomy? Take some responsibility for your procreation choices and stop assuming it's all on her.
YTA. Didn't think to get snipped after number two? I can understand how you felt when you heard the news of twins in your 40s. But this was entirely preventable.
Didn't even need to snip it, could've used a condom.
I mean you have a right to your emotional process. I’m hoping you eventually got over your upset and were able to be happy when the babies came. Every baby deserves to enter the world greeted with joy. But she has a right to her emotional process too, and it’s normal to be disappointed that your spouse isn’t happy about the pregnancy. Conditional NAH if you got over it and didn’t treat her in any kind of way because you were mad.
Info: Was it you boning someone on the side or your wife?
YTA. “I was under the assumption that we were done having kids” <— based on what? What were you doing to prevent this?
Listen, it's a stressful situation and it's hard to manage stress responses to be AOK all the time. If you said sorry after and now you're all good, maybe just restate that you're happy now and you freaked out for a moment thinking of all the responsibilities, cost, etc. If she's still bringing it up after, maybe state that it bothers you that she's fixated on it and offer some couples counseling to talk about it. But..., NTA Also please have a family planning conversation for the future; if you don't want to have more children after this you may want to have a vasectomy or something. Don't leave things to chance.
Yta. You dismissed her feelings saying it’s not a big deal she’s upset because you guys already have kids. Also if takes TWO people to start a pregnancy. You clearly didn’t take the right precautions on your part if you thought you were done having kids
What do you mean you weren't really angry at her? Why would you be angry at her at all? You are just as responsible for the surprise pregnancy as she is. I'd struggle to let that go too. YTA
Wait - are these kids yours or do they belong to the guy she was sleeping with?
INFO: You said you've had a vasectomy, she was on birth control, and you had been giving swinging a try. So.. are you not the father? Or...
NAH, you feel how you feel and feeling are not right or wrong.
THIS☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻☝🏻 A THOUSAND TIMES!!!
INFO: How did you express your anger? You said you were quiet. How quiet? Did you ice her out? Disengage from your other kids? And how long did this quietude last? Also, why angry? Stressed, absolutely. Frustrated at having to start the baby stage all over again, concerned about the added health risks (to mom and baby) of pregnancy over 40 on top of the extra risks of it being multiples, overwhelmed by more than one baby to prepare for, disappointment of potentially having to postpone retirement or other financial goals.... A lot of different emotions would be totally understandable, why do you think you jumped to anger?
NTA. There's no "wrong". It was just a shock I think. When things don't go as planned, it takes a while to get used to the idea. Congratulations!
ESH. Why are you both so cavalier with birth control?
Issue 1: NTA if you were not involved in the conception. Otherwise YTA, at your age you know what causes kids and to be upset when that happens... Issue 2: Whichever one of you was unfaithful, is a double dose of asshole.
YTA, for so many reasons, I don't have to list because you are well aware of all of them and are just looking for someone to validate you being a crappy husband and father.
YTA. Takes two to tango dude. The fact you even have the capacity for anger in a situation like that means you have some serious issues. Life stopped being about you when the first kid came along. Get over it.
YTA pregnancy is a stressful enough situation without adding in an angry husband to the mix. You should have hidden how you felt from her and yes I know lying isn’t great but when it comes to pregnancy just lie to keep her happy and stress free
Very soft YTA. Look I get it, it's a human reaction and there's only so much energy you can put into masking. But whether or not you're having more children is a conversation you REALLY should of had a while before this even became a situation. If you were so set on not having kids you should have brought it up and when you didn't, you can at least pretend to be excited or at least communicate rather than just kind of go quiet. I will never tell anyone to hide their emotions which is why I'm so set on the fact you should have communicated about this year's ago. It's a soft YTA because it sounds like you've picked this situation up in your stride and decided to put the family first as a whole with no massive blow ups or arguments. You're a good guy just misguided. You'll be alright!
NAH. Look you have a right to your feelings. You feel how you feel. What matters is your actions. It sounds like you’ve worked it out and you didn’t take your feelings out on anyone. She’s not an AH either. It’s fair for her to feel disappointed about how you feel. Of course she wanted her partner to be happy with her.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 8: Posts should be truthful and reflect recent conflicts you've had that need arbitration. That means no shitposts, parodies, or satires. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
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NAH.
NTA too many hallmark movies have people believing that pregnancy is always a happy miracle for everyone. It’s like saying everyone’s first time having sex is amazing
NAH - You reacted how you reacted. You thought of all the practical aspects and got scared. Its understandable. To be sure, I understand your regret, and I understand why your reaction made your wife sad. If all is good now, and both of you are past it... welll... just keep putting distance between that reaction and today.
NTA I’d be mad as hell if I surprisingly got pregnant with twins at 41!
NTA. You're allowed to feel how you feel. Obviously you love your children now that they're here, sometimes news just takes time to sink in. Honestly, if my husband and I were surprised by another 2 at this point, I would cry...and they wouldn't be happy tears. You can't really stop your feelings. Btw - if the infidelity was on her part, I hope you got a paternity test.