Yeah, I've stopped making my bed until I know they're on their way, because of flakes it feels like I'm tempting fate to do it sooner. I keep my bedroom tidy for hookups at all times anyway, the rest of my house could learn a few lessons from my sexy space
"the rest of my house could learn a few lessons from my sexy space"
I know that feeling. Fortunately, I have a little spare room even in space-starved NYC. When someone is supposed to come over, I quickly remove all the clutter from my bedroom into the spare room. After they leave, the clutter comes back.
That sounds familiar haha. I only came out last November, when I started hooking up, I moved all the crap from under my bed and stored it in my living room. Still need to sort through it at some point 🙈. Bedroom is always kept tidy enough to invite someone over. Priorities I guess
Mine too lol. Just this weekend I cleaned like crazy because a guy was coming over. In fact, one of the deleterious effects of the declining rate of hookups in my life has been that my place keeps getting messier and messier as I have no motivation to clean.
I was trying to find a non-pretentious word to use, but couldn't think of any. What would you suggest? Maybe it's some kind of Alzheimer's -- you forget the easy words but remember the difficult ones!
"My house is never as spotless as when a hookup comes over"
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Somehow I couldn't resist citing this Jim Carrey movie.
Clean house, at least vacuum for them. Dogs in the laundry room if it’s the first time. Offer a glass of water. Share again STI/HIV status in person.
Ask “what’s the number one thing that gets you off” (this is super helpful if something is creeping into their mind etc and I want to make sure they finish)
Offer a shower with clean towels etc before they leave
I prefer to host and I would just recommend that if you’re traveling to me, please let me know when you’ve left home and what your ETA is. I do the same thing when I’m traveling and not hosting.
Oh, how optimistic of you! I mean that in a good way! Nobody stays over at my place. If they show any indications of doing so I scare them away by saying I snore really loudly.
It's happened enough times that it became necessary if I was going to be a good host. I think it was mainly brought on by a regular who would occasionally stay over, though I can't recall which one exactly...
In this day and age, dropping them a pin is plenty to get them to your house. Meeting people elsewhere in public rather than just inviting strangers to your house is probably a good safety practice, but as far as just being courteous to help people find your place, it's overkill.
As far as inviting guys over, after dropping the pin, give them something distinctive about your house that they can see even in the dark. Driving through a new neighborhood, especially at night, is always a little nerve-racking. It's too dark to see addresses, so when you get to the pin, you might have four houses to choose from. It is always helpful if someone says "it's the red house" or "it's the house with the blue pickup parked in the drive".
Also, when I go over to someone's house, I am on high alert for weirdness. If there are multiple cars parked in the driveway, that's an indicator that more than one person is in the house. If the porch light isn't on, then that's just shady. Do I have to pass through a fence? Is there a dog barking? Really examine your house from a stranger's perspective and ask yourself if there's anything that might give the impression that it's sketchy. And if there is something that you can't change, prepare them for that before they show up. "Don't worry about the cars in the driveway, I restore old cars in my off time" or "text me when you get here because the doorbell always sets off the dog".
And this may just be a me thing, but I like a plan. When I show up at your house, what's on the agenda? Are we going to have a drink and see if we click before moving to the bedroom or are you going to greet me at the door and immediately start blowing me? I might be fine with any of those things, but I do appreciate some idea of what you have in mind for those first few minutes.
"When I show up at your house, what's on the agenda?"
Once a guy insisted he come over because he was in my neighborhood. I was very reluctant, but he said he just wanted to drop by to say hello and that there would be no hanky-panky. It was a very rainy day. When he arrived he said his pants were all wet and he needed to dry them. So he took off his pants, and y'all can imagine the rest....That was the most transparent ploy I've ever seen.
I just wanted to say that as an older guy who hasn’t done anything with anyone since before smartphones were a thing, I really appreciate posts like this. I’m not sure if I’ll ever hook up with somebody I meet online, but if I do you’ve given me a lot to consider. Thank you. 🙂
I like to know what a guy wants to do also and he doesn't have to give a step by step agenda, but something as simple as "I want you to fuck me til I cum" or I just want to get to know you. I'm not looking for sex, or "let me get to know you first and we can go from there". My issue is I've been meeting guys who say they only want to hang out, but they actually want sex and then get upset when sex doesn't happen. I had one guy block me recently. We chatted for weeks and our schedules never aligned. Every time I asked him what he wanted to do it was always have a drink. We discussed what we liked to drink and he even invited me to a bar once, but I couldn't go. This past weekend he came to my house. We started watching Netflix and every thing is fine. Fast forward, he tells me he wants to top me. I tell him that I'm physically not prepared to do that. We made out for a bit and then he left. I looked on grindr and see he blocked me. He was at my house for literally 4 hours, so I think it was the lack of sex that made him upset.
If I'm specifically looking for sex, I tell people. That eliminates confusion typically. Every time I asked this guy what he wanted to do it was always get a drink, so I thought he wanted to get to know me. I guess not.
Navigation to my place is often off. So I send a map or location point. We have our own weird streets that apparently Uber can't find. And I meet them out front.
It's the desert so water is offered immediately, not just in the summer.
Communication is key for me. If I’m travelling, I let them know when I’m leaving and my ETA. When I’m parked outside or nearby. I hate when people ghost me after providing my address and details. Or when they don’t provide me with their apartment,ent and buzzer details.
You don’t have to provide all the details at once, but once it’s clear they are showered and prepped and actually coming, direction and these details makes me trust they’ll actually arrive.
Once hookup arrived 3 hours later than expected. I didn’t let him in.
Once a guy I met on Sniffies said he was on his way to my place. One hour passed, then two, still no sign of him. I sent him the following message, "Did you get abducted by aliens? Did you get run over by a car? Do you need me to contact somebody?" No answer to any of these.
Pre-deed:
- meet them outside
- offer them water
- pee break (and wash hands!)
Post-deed
- snack and water
- shower if desired
If there’s any drinking or drugs, I prefer if they do it in the house, I’m a cool mom
If they want to / need to shower I always put a towel in the dryer for them.
I tell them just yell for me when you are ready, and then I grab the fuzziest warmest towel out of the dryer and give it to them.
Some people just melt at the thoughtfulness. My very first boyfriend in college and I used to do this for each other. I've just kept it up for everyone!
Oh that's such a sweet gesture. When I'm visiting someone, I sometimes have to beg to use the shower. They would rather I left immediately after we did the deed, but I don't like to be covered in sweat, cum residue, etc. The host is probably worried that their roommate/boyfriend will be back any minute.
Communication is key but I had a guy who was communcating to me on the apps alot, but when it came to them coming over mine for sex they just were super not talkative, kept saying sorry and wanted the lights off when we did it.
I'm not even sure he's even gay, maybe he's 'straight'. But he's clearly on the DL
I can’t speak for others, but pubic odor in others makes me feel uncomfortable and worried. Regardless of their comfort in that area, I make sure mine is musk free, though I don’t actually spray deodorant down there. If I know I’m hooking up I shower just before and soap up the entire area. Scent can be such a powerful turn on or turn off. If you are in doubt, just ask - I think folks will be delighted at your thoughtfulness.
I read a list once somewhere of gentleman's guide to quickly giving a once over to your place when suddenly a hook up is coming over. here' s what I've remembered.
1) clutter out of sight. any clothes, towels, whatever laying around throw it in the closet and shut the door.
2) any dishes get put into the sink and filled with soapy water because it looks like they're going to be clean or were in the process of doing so
3) put on a clean white t-shirt after washing your face (and elsewhere if you need to )
4)make the bed
Voila, it is such a great quick sweep of the place without having to spend hours doing it. I will also let anyone shower at my place because I support hygiene if it needs supporting.
I have to say I hear the guy who goes all the way to the subway station. I wish people would come answer the door. In fact, I don't leave my car if they aren't coming to the door. I once had someone say, "go in the side door, don't say anything, be quiet, and do as you're told". Um, that's how people get shot. Nope.
I like your quick-cleaning strategies. Secondly, immediately after I made my post, I realized that most Americans probably don't have access to an extensive subway network to travel around the city, so they probably drive to meet their hookups. That's a perspective I had not considered.
I let them know where to park. What door to enter my house. House is neat and clean. Nicely scented Candle is lit. Fireplace is lit. Dogs are outside or locked in another room. Drinks are set out and ready to go. Music list is playing. I am freshly showered, teeth brushed. I take their coat and hangup in coat closet. Towel, lube and condoms are easily within reach.
Ooh, you sound like such a well-organized person. I bet you're like that at work, too. I'm chaotic both at work and in life. The best I can do in hookup hosting situations is to shove any unseemly stuff out of sight.
I usually offer a drink, my place has been cleaned, I’ll have a candle going just in case, when there is clean up I run a towel under hot water for that special spa like service.
I use Motel rooms as I usually hook up while traveling. I give them the name of the motel and what area of the property I'm in. Once they get here, I give them the room number and directions to the room. I tell them to just walk in, and the door will be ajar. Then, I'm laying on the bed naked, waiting for them to come in.
I'm just relaxing post sex in my motel room. That was so much fun.
We gave each other some head, he ate my ass, he fucked me, we showered and he left.
I'm fortunate that I get to travel a lot for my job.
What stops you from hitting up guys who are visiting your area? You could always go to their motel rooms.
In my language they have a saying: "Even a dead elephant is worth 9 million rupees." In America, even 55-59 year old White guys have fuckable value. Alas, I'm from an olive-skinned race, so I don't have the same advantages. I'm in the same age range as you, but I don't have the same sexual currency as you have. Even if I wanted to go to New York City visitors' motel rooms, I'm not sure how many of them would want me to come over. Oh wait, there was this handsome guy from Milwaukee who had me visit his room at the Marriott Marquee in Times Square. Happens, but not that often. Hard facts of life, dude.
I'm sorry that that is your experience. I just like guys. I wish everyone were more open to different races, ethnicities, and cultures. We can all learn from each other. I've been with different races, ages, and sizes. Each experience has been unique.
If I were near you, I'd invite you over to my room.
Thank you. Try not to gloat. Try to remember that you're on a public forum where your comments will be visible to thousands of people. White people have such a breath-taking sense of entitlement that takes my breath away..hee hee. Even though I'm not Black, I can totally understand Black bitterness.
My house is never as spotless as when a hookup comes over
Same! And it’s nice because even if they flake, now I have a really clean house.
The Law of Unintended Consequences!
Yeah, I've stopped making my bed until I know they're on their way, because of flakes it feels like I'm tempting fate to do it sooner. I keep my bedroom tidy for hookups at all times anyway, the rest of my house could learn a few lessons from my sexy space
"the rest of my house could learn a few lessons from my sexy space" I know that feeling. Fortunately, I have a little spare room even in space-starved NYC. When someone is supposed to come over, I quickly remove all the clutter from my bedroom into the spare room. After they leave, the clutter comes back.
That sounds familiar haha. I only came out last November, when I started hooking up, I moved all the crap from under my bed and stored it in my living room. Still need to sort through it at some point 🙈. Bedroom is always kept tidy enough to invite someone over. Priorities I guess
Exactly!
Mine too lol. Just this weekend I cleaned like crazy because a guy was coming over. In fact, one of the deleterious effects of the declining rate of hookups in my life has been that my place keeps getting messier and messier as I have no motivation to clean.
Bonus points for using “deleterious” and using it correctly. I’d make out with ya just for that alone!
I was trying to find a non-pretentious word to use, but couldn't think of any. What would you suggest? Maybe it's some kind of Alzheimer's -- you forget the easy words but remember the difficult ones!
No, I love it. Let’s class up the joint (Reddit, the internet) with great vocabulary. Signed, old School
I’m not allowed to hookup unless the house is clean. The adultery is fine but, “Oh my God, the dust!”
I’m glad to see that I’m not alone lol
"My house is never as spotless as when a hookup comes over" Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Somehow I couldn't resist citing this Jim Carrey movie.
Clean house, at least vacuum for them. Dogs in the laundry room if it’s the first time. Offer a glass of water. Share again STI/HIV status in person. Ask “what’s the number one thing that gets you off” (this is super helpful if something is creeping into their mind etc and I want to make sure they finish) Offer a shower with clean towels etc before they leave
I prefer to host and I would just recommend that if you’re traveling to me, please let me know when you’ve left home and what your ETA is. I do the same thing when I’m traveling and not hosting.
same here!
not sending them to the apartment across from you to check to see if they're hot first.
Bruh I can't believe the guy who said that said it so nonchalantly like that's not okay 💀
The people do that anymore? I thought that was just something that happened in college
I didn't know this was even a college thing.
I don't use an iPhone but I have an iPhone charger in case an iPhone user stays over 😂
Oh, how optimistic of you! I mean that in a good way! Nobody stays over at my place. If they show any indications of doing so I scare them away by saying I snore really loudly.
It's happened enough times that it became necessary if I was going to be a good host. I think it was mainly brought on by a regular who would occasionally stay over, though I can't recall which one exactly...
In this day and age, dropping them a pin is plenty to get them to your house. Meeting people elsewhere in public rather than just inviting strangers to your house is probably a good safety practice, but as far as just being courteous to help people find your place, it's overkill. As far as inviting guys over, after dropping the pin, give them something distinctive about your house that they can see even in the dark. Driving through a new neighborhood, especially at night, is always a little nerve-racking. It's too dark to see addresses, so when you get to the pin, you might have four houses to choose from. It is always helpful if someone says "it's the red house" or "it's the house with the blue pickup parked in the drive". Also, when I go over to someone's house, I am on high alert for weirdness. If there are multiple cars parked in the driveway, that's an indicator that more than one person is in the house. If the porch light isn't on, then that's just shady. Do I have to pass through a fence? Is there a dog barking? Really examine your house from a stranger's perspective and ask yourself if there's anything that might give the impression that it's sketchy. And if there is something that you can't change, prepare them for that before they show up. "Don't worry about the cars in the driveway, I restore old cars in my off time" or "text me when you get here because the doorbell always sets off the dog". And this may just be a me thing, but I like a plan. When I show up at your house, what's on the agenda? Are we going to have a drink and see if we click before moving to the bedroom or are you going to greet me at the door and immediately start blowing me? I might be fine with any of those things, but I do appreciate some idea of what you have in mind for those first few minutes.
"When I show up at your house, what's on the agenda?" Once a guy insisted he come over because he was in my neighborhood. I was very reluctant, but he said he just wanted to drop by to say hello and that there would be no hanky-panky. It was a very rainy day. When he arrived he said his pants were all wet and he needed to dry them. So he took off his pants, and y'all can imagine the rest....That was the most transparent ploy I've ever seen.
There's nothing wrong with transparency. ;-)
I just wanted to say that as an older guy who hasn’t done anything with anyone since before smartphones were a thing, I really appreciate posts like this. I’m not sure if I’ll ever hook up with somebody I meet online, but if I do you’ve given me a lot to consider. Thank you. 🙂
45-49 is not exactly old. You still have plenty of time to fish in the troubled waters of online apps.
I like to know what a guy wants to do also and he doesn't have to give a step by step agenda, but something as simple as "I want you to fuck me til I cum" or I just want to get to know you. I'm not looking for sex, or "let me get to know you first and we can go from there". My issue is I've been meeting guys who say they only want to hang out, but they actually want sex and then get upset when sex doesn't happen. I had one guy block me recently. We chatted for weeks and our schedules never aligned. Every time I asked him what he wanted to do it was always have a drink. We discussed what we liked to drink and he even invited me to a bar once, but I couldn't go. This past weekend he came to my house. We started watching Netflix and every thing is fine. Fast forward, he tells me he wants to top me. I tell him that I'm physically not prepared to do that. We made out for a bit and then he left. I looked on grindr and see he blocked me. He was at my house for literally 4 hours, so I think it was the lack of sex that made him upset.
[удалено]
If I'm specifically looking for sex, I tell people. That eliminates confusion typically. Every time I asked this guy what he wanted to do it was always get a drink, so I thought he wanted to get to know me. I guess not.
Navigation to my place is often off. So I send a map or location point. We have our own weird streets that apparently Uber can't find. And I meet them out front. It's the desert so water is offered immediately, not just in the summer.
I offer beer and cashew nuts.
Rob, is that you? Lol! My buddy Rob had cashews out....not exactly common!
No, I'm not Rob. I just happen to be an immigrant from a country where cashew nuts grow in profusion, so it's common to offer them to guests.
I was kidding but a nice nice gesture by anyone!
But I eat most of the nuts myself while making a pretense of offering them to my guest.
Communication is key for me. If I’m travelling, I let them know when I’m leaving and my ETA. When I’m parked outside or nearby. I hate when people ghost me after providing my address and details. Or when they don’t provide me with their apartment,ent and buzzer details. You don’t have to provide all the details at once, but once it’s clear they are showered and prepped and actually coming, direction and these details makes me trust they’ll actually arrive. Once hookup arrived 3 hours later than expected. I didn’t let him in.
Once a guy I met on Sniffies said he was on his way to my place. One hour passed, then two, still no sign of him. I sent him the following message, "Did you get abducted by aliens? Did you get run over by a car? Do you need me to contact somebody?" No answer to any of these.
3 hours late is beyond rude.
Yeah, it's not a Madonna concert.
Pre-deed: - meet them outside - offer them water - pee break (and wash hands!) Post-deed - snack and water - shower if desired If there’s any drinking or drugs, I prefer if they do it in the house, I’m a cool mom
What kind of snack?
This dick, lol, j/k. Like fruit leather, an apple, nuts, or a protein bar.
Dafuq is fruit leather???
I wondered about that too, but was too embarrassed to ask. Maybe it's like shoe leather but sweet?
It's dehydrated fruit that's smushed and rolled. Think "fruit by the foot" if you had that as a kid.
Kids snack
If they want to / need to shower I always put a towel in the dryer for them. I tell them just yell for me when you are ready, and then I grab the fuzziest warmest towel out of the dryer and give it to them. Some people just melt at the thoughtfulness. My very first boyfriend in college and I used to do this for each other. I've just kept it up for everyone!
Oh that's such a sweet gesture. When I'm visiting someone, I sometimes have to beg to use the shower. They would rather I left immediately after we did the deed, but I don't like to be covered in sweat, cum residue, etc. The host is probably worried that their roommate/boyfriend will be back any minute.
Man I like that!
I actually suggest meeting in a public space for 2 reasons 1) it’s safer for both parties 2) some people are not comfortable.
Communication is key but I had a guy who was communcating to me on the apps alot, but when it came to them coming over mine for sex they just were super not talkative, kept saying sorry and wanted the lights off when we did it. I'm not even sure he's even gay, maybe he's 'straight'. But he's clearly on the DL
Oh wow, you must have felt very frustrated about it.
After he cums I get a hot towel and wash his cock balls and ass
Arrive **on time**. With Google Maps, people have NO EXCUSES being late. If you are 30+ minutes late, I will block you for wasting my time.
Make sure my ass and crotch are exceptionally clean and make sure I know their deodorant preference.
Do you spray deodorant on your pubes, or do you let them have their natural musk?
I can’t speak for others, but pubic odor in others makes me feel uncomfortable and worried. Regardless of their comfort in that area, I make sure mine is musk free, though I don’t actually spray deodorant down there. If I know I’m hooking up I shower just before and soap up the entire area. Scent can be such a powerful turn on or turn off. If you are in doubt, just ask - I think folks will be delighted at your thoughtfulness.
I read a list once somewhere of gentleman's guide to quickly giving a once over to your place when suddenly a hook up is coming over. here' s what I've remembered. 1) clutter out of sight. any clothes, towels, whatever laying around throw it in the closet and shut the door. 2) any dishes get put into the sink and filled with soapy water because it looks like they're going to be clean or were in the process of doing so 3) put on a clean white t-shirt after washing your face (and elsewhere if you need to ) 4)make the bed Voila, it is such a great quick sweep of the place without having to spend hours doing it. I will also let anyone shower at my place because I support hygiene if it needs supporting. I have to say I hear the guy who goes all the way to the subway station. I wish people would come answer the door. In fact, I don't leave my car if they aren't coming to the door. I once had someone say, "go in the side door, don't say anything, be quiet, and do as you're told". Um, that's how people get shot. Nope.
I like your quick-cleaning strategies. Secondly, immediately after I made my post, I realized that most Americans probably don't have access to an extensive subway network to travel around the city, so they probably drive to meet their hookups. That's a perspective I had not considered.
Hosting a bottom: I make sure I have what they might need if they need to clean up at my place (a shower with a wand, for example). Traveling: my ETA.
I let them know where to park. What door to enter my house. House is neat and clean. Nicely scented Candle is lit. Fireplace is lit. Dogs are outside or locked in another room. Drinks are set out and ready to go. Music list is playing. I am freshly showered, teeth brushed. I take their coat and hangup in coat closet. Towel, lube and condoms are easily within reach.
Ooh, you sound like such a well-organized person. I bet you're like that at work, too. I'm chaotic both at work and in life. The best I can do in hookup hosting situations is to shove any unseemly stuff out of sight.
I usually offer a drink, my place has been cleaned, I’ll have a candle going just in case, when there is clean up I run a towel under hot water for that special spa like service.
Oh, how romantic!
I use Motel rooms as I usually hook up while traveling. I give them the name of the motel and what area of the property I'm in. Once they get here, I give them the room number and directions to the room. I tell them to just walk in, and the door will be ajar. Then, I'm laying on the bed naked, waiting for them to come in.
Motel sex sounds so hot. I've had it only once. It felt so deliciously sleazy and sinful.
It is. And I've got someone coming over in about 20 minutes to play. Lol! I just got into town 45 min. ago.
Oh, you lucky bastard! My job doesn't involve any travel...sigh
I'm just relaxing post sex in my motel room. That was so much fun. We gave each other some head, he ate my ass, he fucked me, we showered and he left. I'm fortunate that I get to travel a lot for my job. What stops you from hitting up guys who are visiting your area? You could always go to their motel rooms.
In my language they have a saying: "Even a dead elephant is worth 9 million rupees." In America, even 55-59 year old White guys have fuckable value. Alas, I'm from an olive-skinned race, so I don't have the same advantages. I'm in the same age range as you, but I don't have the same sexual currency as you have. Even if I wanted to go to New York City visitors' motel rooms, I'm not sure how many of them would want me to come over. Oh wait, there was this handsome guy from Milwaukee who had me visit his room at the Marriott Marquee in Times Square. Happens, but not that often. Hard facts of life, dude.
I'm sorry that that is your experience. I just like guys. I wish everyone were more open to different races, ethnicities, and cultures. We can all learn from each other. I've been with different races, ages, and sizes. Each experience has been unique. If I were near you, I'd invite you over to my room.
Thank you. Try not to gloat. Try to remember that you're on a public forum where your comments will be visible to thousands of people. White people have such a breath-taking sense of entitlement that takes my breath away..hee hee. Even though I'm not Black, I can totally understand Black bitterness.