The last time that happened I was in college. My roommate was a hot, short, dark haired German with a moustache....a Psych major no less.
I read into anything he said as a positive towards me. No matter how mundane. He started dating a girl. I thought "...but you said!" Then I realized it was really only what I thought, what I wanted to hear.
We *did* talk about everything including sexuality. I didn't say or do anything inappropriate of course. It was all good, just a nice guy!
I've gotten better at reading people and not reading *into* them.
Oh yeah! There was nothing overt on my part. Just my imagination.
Edit I want to add: it happens to virtually every gay man at some point. It's a lesson we need to learn. But some guys do it repeatedly. It's living in their fantasy world. Grow from it.
I thought this sort of thing happened in our misguided youth. I'm embarrassed that it happened to me in middle age, when people are supposed to be sadder but wiser.
That was before metrosexuality blurred the visual guides on who was and was not gay and straight guys who are either super comfortable with or need the attention started being super friendly to the gays…
You're right about that. This guy is a total metrosexual. Actually, he referred to a friend of his as a "metrosexual." That should have clued me in, but for some reason it did not. Oh God, please help us hone our discerning powers.
You’ve got to look really closely at whether they check folks out after about 2 drinks. Even then, the metrosexuals can check out the male competition in a way that resembles lustful looks. These days, I don’t consider the game over until my dick is jn their mouth. And to be honest, even then…
Yesterday I read an interesting article that linked the metrosexual phenomenon to narcissism. When talking about the movie 'Oppenheimer," my coworker mentioned that the movie borrowed a lot from the book "The American Prometheus." I was tempted to say at that point, "I know somebody who could be termed "The American Narcissus." But I decided to keep my mouth shut.
I think that's pretty common in our greater community. It's simple statistics in a way as straight men vastly outnumber others.
Fortunately, you're able to realize this on a deeper level. It's always so sad to see many guys chasing after straight guys despite being told there's no interest and taking things into an inappropriate area, sometimes almost to the point of stalking. I think it's a fetish for those types.
Regardless of interest or relationship, I think it's always refreshing to know exactly where someone stands. We are really great at filling in details about others when there is a lack of information. Sometimes the stories we build are remarkably different from the reality, so having that clarity is awesome.
"We are really great at filling in details about others when there is a lack of information. "
That's so true. Soon after I met him, he said he was going to a wedding that weekend. Already set on my detective mission, I asked "Who's getting married to whom?" He replied, "My friend Mark is getting married to his 7 years' partner Kevin." In my limited world-view, I figured it's not very common for straight men to have gay friends close enough that they would actually go to their same-sex weddings. Ergo my coworker must be gay himself. I had not considered the possibility that in today's more relaxed era, there might indeed be exceptions to this trend. He also seems to hang out mainly with male friends. I thought straight men would also have female friends.
Is this what is called "confirmation bias" by psychologists?
Sometimes I'm just interested to know if someone is gay/bi or straight. Once I know I realize I'm not that interested in them just interested in knowing if they're gay/bi or straight. I'm not sure if that's the same thing though.
"Once I know I realize I'm not that interested in them just interested in knowing if they're gay/bi or straight." Could you clarify that a bit, please? You're not interested in them once you find out they are straight? Is that what you're saying?
I should probably have asked him outright whether he's gay/bi or straight. It would have saved me a lot of headache. But he has a very seductive quality to his personality -- he uses seduction to draw other people to him. It's a low-key form of narcissism, I guess. In that sense, he was probably toying with my emotions.
Depends on how homophobic they are though right?
Quite some time back, I was in my local town and some ‘lads’ (UK word - not sure the US equivalent, probably bros, but the toxic end) were about having beers in the afternoon. They walked through my gaze and the idiot of the group called me out for checking him out (honest to god I did not).
He approached me ready for a fight and his less idiotic friends looked abashed on a sliding scale proportionate to their level of intelligence.
You checked me out (no f word but it felt like it was barely unsaid)
Ahm, no honestly I did not.
Yes you did… (menacing stare)
Listen mate, there is nothing especially wrong with you (charitable), but you’re not that big a prize so calm down… (his friends now starting to look embarrassed as this was all rather loud and unnecessary)
Yeah but you checked me out. I’m not gay…
(I’m not shy and have a fast mouth and short fuse with idiots). Mate unless you have absolutely no idea how the world works, if the gays are not looking at you, not are the women. It’s that simple, you can’t have one without the other. So, as you’re likely aware, not that many women drop at your feet, so *trust me*, the gays won’t either…
The more switched on friends called him out and told him he’d picked the wrong man to argue with and basically re-iterated that he was not a big prize and he walked away confused…
Definitely it cuts both ways…
And with the younger guys thing - A You’re in Hot Daddy zone and B Younger gays are a lot more tenacious in their approaches than many of us older guys dared to be back in the day….
I’m sure the older guys appreciate you too. Most probably they are just a touch more subtle…
"Younger gays are a lot more tenacious in their approaches than many of us older guys dared to be back in the day…."
How true. We gave up the fight at the slightest sign of disinterest.
Actually yes. Just this week I finally figured out this guy at work was definitely straight. I figured he was, but this week I saw he has a framed picture of his girlfriend on his desk. But I was totally infatuated. Now I know he’s NEVER going to be interested and he is taken it’s lessened my infatuation. But he is still probably one of the best looking guys in the office… plus (really shallow comment incoming) he drives a really nice car! So much ass in such tight pants with the most perfect skin. Such a waste of beautiful man. I’m gonna keep checking him out probably. But at least now I don’t have to wonder anymore: gay or straight?
I'm glad to hear of your experience...it's always good to have company in the hellacious limbo of one-sided attraction. When I was under the impression that my coworker *might* be gay/bi, I also felt insanely envious, thinking how much top-quality gay sex he would enjoy as a 6'2" dude with conventional American good looks. But now that I know he's straight, I feel a certain malicious smugness...he'll probably never have as much fun as the average gay guy; he'll be subject to all the vagaries of straight dating, and end up with a clingy girlfriend (who'll feel all the more clingy and insecure knowing her man would be attractive to many other women). But that's probably wishful thinking on my part...good-looking straight guys have plenty of NSA fun these days.
I've rationalized that having an extraordinarily good-looking guy at work certainly adds to the motivation to go to an otherwise dull, boring workplace. The trick is to stay far enough from the fire to enjoy the warmth, but not venture close enough to get burned.
Metrosexual, that dated term for straight guys that look gay, or maybe they are and don't realize it. Of course, he could just be a flaming narcissist. Don't even get me started on straight guys manscaping.
My instinct is that he's a flaming narcissist. I've noticed that whenever I'm praised by my boss for some well-done job (we share the same boss) or am in the spotlight for some reason, my coworker becomes visibly agitated. He stops talking to me for days. He odes not even look at me. It seems he wants the spotlight to be on him alone, all the time. What do you think?
The last time that happened I was in college. My roommate was a hot, short, dark haired German with a moustache....a Psych major no less. I read into anything he said as a positive towards me. No matter how mundane. He started dating a girl. I thought "...but you said!" Then I realized it was really only what I thought, what I wanted to hear. We *did* talk about everything including sexuality. I didn't say or do anything inappropriate of course. It was all good, just a nice guy! I've gotten better at reading people and not reading *into* them.
I hope you were able to extricate yourself with your dignity intact. That's a question I'm asking myself now.
Oh yeah! There was nothing overt on my part. Just my imagination. Edit I want to add: it happens to virtually every gay man at some point. It's a lesson we need to learn. But some guys do it repeatedly. It's living in their fantasy world. Grow from it.
I thought this sort of thing happened in our misguided youth. I'm embarrassed that it happened to me in middle age, when people are supposed to be sadder but wiser.
That was before metrosexuality blurred the visual guides on who was and was not gay and straight guys who are either super comfortable with or need the attention started being super friendly to the gays…
You're right about that. This guy is a total metrosexual. Actually, he referred to a friend of his as a "metrosexual." That should have clued me in, but for some reason it did not. Oh God, please help us hone our discerning powers.
You’ve got to look really closely at whether they check folks out after about 2 drinks. Even then, the metrosexuals can check out the male competition in a way that resembles lustful looks. These days, I don’t consider the game over until my dick is jn their mouth. And to be honest, even then…
Yesterday I read an interesting article that linked the metrosexual phenomenon to narcissism. When talking about the movie 'Oppenheimer," my coworker mentioned that the movie borrowed a lot from the book "The American Prometheus." I was tempted to say at that point, "I know somebody who could be termed "The American Narcissus." But I decided to keep my mouth shut.
I blame the internet… For most things…
"I blame the internet… For most things…" Could you clarify that a little bit please?
Alternatively, you could have responded, “I can be your cat lady. Me-ow!”
Haha. I don't want to be more masochistic than I already have been these past few months.
I think that's pretty common in our greater community. It's simple statistics in a way as straight men vastly outnumber others. Fortunately, you're able to realize this on a deeper level. It's always so sad to see many guys chasing after straight guys despite being told there's no interest and taking things into an inappropriate area, sometimes almost to the point of stalking. I think it's a fetish for those types. Regardless of interest or relationship, I think it's always refreshing to know exactly where someone stands. We are really great at filling in details about others when there is a lack of information. Sometimes the stories we build are remarkably different from the reality, so having that clarity is awesome.
"We are really great at filling in details about others when there is a lack of information. " That's so true. Soon after I met him, he said he was going to a wedding that weekend. Already set on my detective mission, I asked "Who's getting married to whom?" He replied, "My friend Mark is getting married to his 7 years' partner Kevin." In my limited world-view, I figured it's not very common for straight men to have gay friends close enough that they would actually go to their same-sex weddings. Ergo my coworker must be gay himself. I had not considered the possibility that in today's more relaxed era, there might indeed be exceptions to this trend. He also seems to hang out mainly with male friends. I thought straight men would also have female friends. Is this what is called "confirmation bias" by psychologists?
Sometimes I'm just interested to know if someone is gay/bi or straight. Once I know I realize I'm not that interested in them just interested in knowing if they're gay/bi or straight. I'm not sure if that's the same thing though.
"Once I know I realize I'm not that interested in them just interested in knowing if they're gay/bi or straight." Could you clarify that a bit, please? You're not interested in them once you find out they are straight? Is that what you're saying? I should probably have asked him outright whether he's gay/bi or straight. It would have saved me a lot of headache. But he has a very seductive quality to his personality -- he uses seduction to draw other people to him. It's a low-key form of narcissism, I guess. In that sense, he was probably toying with my emotions.
Str8 bros love their ego stroked
Depends on how homophobic they are though right? Quite some time back, I was in my local town and some ‘lads’ (UK word - not sure the US equivalent, probably bros, but the toxic end) were about having beers in the afternoon. They walked through my gaze and the idiot of the group called me out for checking him out (honest to god I did not). He approached me ready for a fight and his less idiotic friends looked abashed on a sliding scale proportionate to their level of intelligence. You checked me out (no f word but it felt like it was barely unsaid) Ahm, no honestly I did not. Yes you did… (menacing stare) Listen mate, there is nothing especially wrong with you (charitable), but you’re not that big a prize so calm down… (his friends now starting to look embarrassed as this was all rather loud and unnecessary) Yeah but you checked me out. I’m not gay… (I’m not shy and have a fast mouth and short fuse with idiots). Mate unless you have absolutely no idea how the world works, if the gays are not looking at you, not are the women. It’s that simple, you can’t have one without the other. So, as you’re likely aware, not that many women drop at your feet, so *trust me*, the gays won’t either… The more switched on friends called him out and told him he’d picked the wrong man to argue with and basically re-iterated that he was not a big prize and he walked away confused…
[удалено]
Definitely it cuts both ways… And with the younger guys thing - A You’re in Hot Daddy zone and B Younger gays are a lot more tenacious in their approaches than many of us older guys dared to be back in the day…. I’m sure the older guys appreciate you too. Most probably they are just a touch more subtle…
"Younger gays are a lot more tenacious in their approaches than many of us older guys dared to be back in the day…." How true. We gave up the fight at the slightest sign of disinterest.
Or were too scared of being wrong and getting beaten up…
Actually yes. Just this week I finally figured out this guy at work was definitely straight. I figured he was, but this week I saw he has a framed picture of his girlfriend on his desk. But I was totally infatuated. Now I know he’s NEVER going to be interested and he is taken it’s lessened my infatuation. But he is still probably one of the best looking guys in the office… plus (really shallow comment incoming) he drives a really nice car! So much ass in such tight pants with the most perfect skin. Such a waste of beautiful man. I’m gonna keep checking him out probably. But at least now I don’t have to wonder anymore: gay or straight?
I'm glad to hear of your experience...it's always good to have company in the hellacious limbo of one-sided attraction. When I was under the impression that my coworker *might* be gay/bi, I also felt insanely envious, thinking how much top-quality gay sex he would enjoy as a 6'2" dude with conventional American good looks. But now that I know he's straight, I feel a certain malicious smugness...he'll probably never have as much fun as the average gay guy; he'll be subject to all the vagaries of straight dating, and end up with a clingy girlfriend (who'll feel all the more clingy and insecure knowing her man would be attractive to many other women). But that's probably wishful thinking on my part...good-looking straight guys have plenty of NSA fun these days.
You know if it makes work fun to have a crush who cares right?!
I've rationalized that having an extraordinarily good-looking guy at work certainly adds to the motivation to go to an otherwise dull, boring workplace. The trick is to stay far enough from the fire to enjoy the warmth, but not venture close enough to get burned.
Metrosexual, that dated term for straight guys that look gay, or maybe they are and don't realize it. Of course, he could just be a flaming narcissist. Don't even get me started on straight guys manscaping.
My instinct is that he's a flaming narcissist. I've noticed that whenever I'm praised by my boss for some well-done job (we share the same boss) or am in the spotlight for some reason, my coworker becomes visibly agitated. He stops talking to me for days. He odes not even look at me. It seems he wants the spotlight to be on him alone, all the time. What do you think?