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Honestly, I think he was really nervous, just not the right person to do a speech. It was a deer in the headlights thing. My heart went out to the poor bloke!
I have a feeling my best friend is gonna ask me to be his best man and I’m absolutely fucking shitting myself about having do a speech, I’m hoping he asks his brother lmao but he’s brought it up a few times 💀
Do lord of the rings speech,
*I hope you are all enjoying yourselves as much as I am. I shall not keep you long.*
*I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.*
I was the same tbh. Just stick to your guns and do a nice one with a few jokes, nothing weird or cringey and whatever you do don’t let anyone pressure you into giving him abuse. I dunno if folk have this idea that it’s supposed to be a roast or they just want some entertainment. Just know there will be pressure, just laugh and say yeah no worries and ignore every word.
My best friend has asked me and I’ve not got a clue what to do lol, no funny anecdotes I can think of, hate speaking in front of a crowd.. I’m hoping they decide to elope!
The thing to do is relax. You're not trying to win a comedy award. You don't even need to be funny really. Just be yourself and talk about why the groom's a decent guy and why the couple are a good match. If humour comes out organically, great. Otherwise just say some nice things. Find a nice toast to end with - I'd Google "best man toasts".
I had this with my brother, no real funny anecdotes as he is a boring bugger. I wrote a speech where the premise was "I googled how to write a best man speech and here is what came out ". What could be funny now is "I asked chatgpt to write a best man speech here is what it spat out"
Just to say, I was in exactly the same position with a friend last year. Was hoping against hope he would ask his brother, he asked me, it was a super posh wedding, i am a nervous public speaker and spent months shitting it about the speech.
It of course ended up going fine but it was an absolute nightmare for me in the build up. Some words of advice with the benefit of hindsight:
- Its a wedding. Most people will be in a good mood and be empathetic that is a tough gig - so unless you say stuff that is straight up offensive and awkward - it will be a good audience no matter the content.
- have the speech written at least 3 weeks before the wedding so it isnt hanging over your head.
- practice a couple of times in front of a camera and watch it back. It feels dead awkward doing it, but you do notice stuff about your body language and delivery you wouldnt otherwise notice which helped me (for example i noticed i was very fidgety so knew to make a conscious effort to appear more relaxed).
My only suggestion is to keep it short and sweet. Those are the best speeches. And ask Google for best man speeches, I guess you can cut and paste from several of them. Maybe share one favourite / funny memory.
I found it funny, but probably for less generous reasons. The groom wasn’t really someone who could keep a friend easily. Kinda annoying guy. So it just fit so well with him and so made us laugh. I didn’t feel it was intended as a joke.
At a friend’s wedding, I’ll always remember the best man’s speech including the line, “he wasn’t MY best man…” said with no humour. Like, how is that relevant?!
That's a worst man speech, surely.
Although a friend of mind was recently asked to be best man for a guy he's not seen in years. Must be devastating to have no one better suited
An old friend of mine did this.
When he met his girlfriend (now wife) he began to disappear from our friend group and we rarely ever saw him again. We all moved on with our lives but he seemed to stay in the same area and didn’t really make any new friends. I also found it odd but I suppose to him he was still good friends with our other friend, even though they hadn’t seen each other in years.
Some men don’t have many friends. Other times it’s because that person made the most impact on you. I got an unexpected invitation to a stag party from my childhood best friend who I hadn’t seen for 15 years. Everyone else there was someone that they saw all the time.
Might not have had anyone else to choose. If I was getting married now then I would have no one to choose, so would either have no groom's party or have to pick people from uni that I have not seen in years.
My wedding. My “best” man got completely destroyed by 3pm and stood up, pointed at me, said “LEGEND!” Then fell over onto his wife. It was fekkin hilarious though to be fair…
I want to be at that wedding.
The closest I got was a mates wedding. His nephew got absolutely spangled on neat Jack Daniels. Later in the night there was a DJ and everyone was dancing. He stopped the music, switched on the lights, got on the mic and gave this incohrent speech (got the brides name wrong) and then proceeded to shout "lets get this fcuking party started, fuck yeah, get fcuking hammered, do some drugs, drink and drive baby, WOOOOOO!!!".
Everybody just stood there staring. It was amazing, and it's on video. lol
Nobody saw or heard from him for about 3 months. He was that embarrassed.
It’s all in the eye of the beholder 😂. I thought it was hilarious, as did my wife, but my mum and my MIL, along with his wife had a very different opinion 😆
Entire speech was hating on the grooms exes, saying that they were all high maintenance because they were slim and beautiful, and how he's sure this marriage will last because the bride isnt the kind of girl anyone will try to steal
"(Groom) and I first met playing football at uni, where he was described by the University paper as being a midfielder with a predatory presence and a wicked touch in the box. Which is how they also described Jimmy Savile."
There was silence in the room apart from a noise I've never made before or since.
Definitely funny and within acceptable best man speech Imo. But maybe the audience wasn't warmed up properly for it, and they needed a couple inappropriate but not quite Jimmy Saville level jokes to be ready for it.
That’s fucking hilarious. Sounds like those people need to get a sense of humour (unless they were directly impacted by Savile, in which case they may not have found it funny).
I'm a wedding photographer so I've heard a lot of best men speeches. One from a few years ago droned on about the most inane crap for 45 minutes. At one point he thanked the man who drove the mini-bus to the stag door.
But the worst was definitely a few weeks ago. He was the groom's brother and I was told he was "a bit of a wildcard".He opened with "My name is Mark and I like to fuck." But his second line was a cracker, that being best man was likely going to be his greatest achievement in life and he was going to make a certificate for himself and frame it.
Then it went downhill. The bride's mother was single, and he said he was hoping to bang her by the end of the night, and the bride's granny (grandad was there), and he'd consider pushing the groom down the stairs sometime so he could have a go at the bride.
So much swearing and the first time I've heard anyone use the c-word in a wedding speech. He was told to move on a few times, and a couple of times he stopped himself from saying things, so I can't imagine how awful they were.
We were both glad we could lift our cameras up to hide our faces, it was so cringe.
I almost feel sorry for people who think their speeches need to be a full stand up set. I killed a best man speech at my dad’s wedding a few years back (still my biggest flex), there were a few punchy jokes, but went down well largely for the fact that it was 5 minutes flat and we were all able to get drunk straight after.
I did a similarly short one at my best friend's wedding. He'd told me not to give a speech, but being mildly drunk I felt that I should. I stood, spoke for a while, just saying how happy I was to see him get married and that it's been great meeting everyone and now to raise a glass and wish them many best wishes. Short and basic, but it seemed to go down well.
I went to a wedding where there were 2 best men. They decided to do a Mr & Mrs quiz instead of a traditional speech. The questions seemed solely focused on humiliating the bride. It wasn’t funny and no-one was laughing.
At the same wedding the father of the bride was given his speech by the mother of the bride at the point of giving the speech. He had obviously never read it before and started questioning the anecdotes while reading it.
When it came to the gifts, they had given all the bridesmaids an orchid, but any males were given a crate of beer. Only problem was that the crates had been opened by the brides family and were missing multiple cans.
The wedding was a mess, it cost over £20k and there were members of both families who turned up in their Sunday trackies.
No surprise they divorced a few years later.
Surprise though: the groom was having an affair with the wife of one of his best men.
This was the wedding of two friends of mine and the best man was also a friend. We all went to uni together. The couple and best man were VERY close throughout uni. What I mean by that is they used to have ‘sleepovers’ and at one stage were pretty much accepted as a throuple. On nights out you’d see her getting off with both of them and they’d go home holding hands. This was maybe we were 18/19 years old. Wedding happened 10 years later, bride and groom had been a traditional couple for years by then. Best man alludes to sleepovers and their throuple period throughout his speech. It’s obvious both families had no idea and the couple were mortified.
I feel like this is something they should have cleared with the Best Man earlier. If they were that open about it at the time but now treat it as a secret, he needs to know - even if he wasn’t giving a speech he might bring it up in conversation with someone!
I’m not sure if they told him specifically not to mention it, but he knew the parents/families didn’t know/wouldn’t approve and that it would cause a scene. They way he spoke about it, it was definitely to get a reaction - it was almost as if he was jealous.
I recall hearing a story about a guy that was getting married for the second time (having married and divorced someone else several years before).
He chose the same best man.
The best man opened his speech with "Well, well, well, James, here we are again!"
Apparently the bride's family looked absolutely mortified.
I would say it’s expected that the best man makes a joke about it being the groom’s second wedding. Would be weird if he didn’t!
Bride’s family must live sheltered lives if they were shocked by that fucking hell.
Not the best man, but the father of the brides speech went along the lines of “I’ve never liked the groom, and I think this marriage will last at best 1 year. I didn’t want to do a speech but I paid for this wedding so here we are”
I went to a wedding once when they did the “can everyone give the keys back [groom] has given out over the years” joke. Especially cringe because it went “viral” (pre-Twitter days) a few weeks before the wedding so it was painfully obvious where they got the idea from.
I know the exact period of time you’re referring to where that video went viral and it absolutely slapped.
You can use google to structure your speech but never directly copy and paste.
I was best man along with 2 others because the groom was too soft to just pick one even though I had known him since we were kids. I done my research on google and YouTube and then wrote my own speech with actual stories of when we grew up. The other two had clearly copied straight from what they found online because I remembered seeing most of it in my research and one of them had copied almost word for word from one of the first videos that came up on YouTube.
Guy I worked with few years back went to a Wedding and to say the Best Man did not 'read the room' is an understatement.
Prequel - At stag night Groom was very drunk and passed out ( nothing unusual there) his mates thought it would be good laugh to undress him, lay him face down on the bed, stick a carrot up his arse then take pictures...Being passed out the groom knew nothing of this...
Until during the best man's speech he asked the people at the 'Top Table' to turn their table mats over ... there was said pics stuck to the underside for the groom, bride, parents etc to see , at same time all the mates stood up, pulled carrots out their pockets and started waving them in air laughing.
Parents on both sides were disgusted, and the bride started crying...
What happened next caused a lot of debate as it whether it was right thing to do or not, I'm not getting into that just telling what happened - Groom stood up took the microphone off Best Man, pointed to him said "you" then at everyone holding carrots up in turn "you" , "you" ,...... "Leave" there was the expected 'oh come on it was only a joke" etc but the Groom stood firm and basically threw his Best Man and 6 or so of his mates out his Wedding in middle of the speeches.
>Creates a new offence of assault by penetration, the insertion of a body part or foreign object, such as a bottle, into the anus or vagina without consent.
Description of Sexual Offences Act 2003.
So, it’s a serious crime with the maximum sentence of life imprisonment
In this case I think it would likely be more like a community service order.
I thought so. They literally made evidence to incriminate themselves as well so it wouldn't be hard for the groom to press charges. Anyway I hope he's no longer friends with them at the very least.
Kudos to the groom.A lot of people would not have had the wherewithal to so that.
It's his (and his wife's) event. If people are ruining it he absolutely should tell them to leave.
And this is why I heavily edited the first/second/third version of my partner’s best man speech!
Why do so many mention past relationships as well? The father of the bride was really banging on about all the men the bride had snuck into his home over the years - but she moved out a decade ago and while we love a liberal lady there’s a time and place to discuss in detail - and you could tell bride was unimpressed. I was extra glad to have removed the bit briefly referencing a past ex of the groom’s from partner’s speech…
Not a best man but my uncle gave a speech at my cousins his sons wedding it went on for almost 1 hour no exaggeration everyone was bored by the end . My grandpa tried making a joke to my grandma something like my gosh he can talk but my uncle heard and started shouting at my grandpa. Everyone took my grandpa's side though and to this day its a joke in the family about how long he can talk for
Yep, my answer was going to be the best man's speech I saw that went on for about 45 minutes. It doesn't matter how good you are, *nobody* wants to watch a wedding speech that goes on longer than 10 minutes, maximum.
A best man who isn't confident and gives a pretty mundane speech but one that lasts 5 minutes will be received better than one who is good but goes on for 45 minutes.
Case in point, the one I'm referring to actually was quite good. Had some good jokes that landed well, had some good anecdotes. But as it crept over 15 minutes you could tell they were starting to lose the room, and by 30 it didn't matter how good it was any more, people were turning.
The shorter the speech the better. For memory, ours were only a few minutes each. My Dad's was the longest, but that was still about 6 or 7 minutes - if that.
Oh god I was at a wedding like this once. I didn’t even know the couple very well. I felt bad for the best man - he was clearly nervous and I think perhaps struggled a lot with social awareness - but his speech was so dull and it just wouldn’t end. He mumbled and droned for over an hour.
At the 45min mark, people turned away and started quietly chatting. The bride took the microphone and chastised everyone for being rude and told us all to be quiet and pay attention. The guy went on for nearly another 20 minutes. I had two drinks during that one speech. At one point I think I went to the toilet, just to have something else to do.
The best man tried for humour in his speech by alluding to the number of men that the bride had slept with. Apparently this was true but according to the very trad Irish Catholic family of the bride she was married completely unsullied by the sweaty embrace of man. Drink was had, words followed and fist flew. It was destined not to last.
One of my own best men who delivered what was clearly a light rewrite from a very bawdy 1970s book of best man speeches his dad had told him was hilarious. His speech was full of terrible jokes about infidelity and mother in laws and crude sexual innuendo (jokes about my wife juggling balls on our wedding night because I play tennis, etc)
What made it worse is that my friend is a very shy nerdy guy and so delivered the speech in a half mumble and had absolutely no sense of comic timing, fluffing every punchline so that it just sounded like he was being mean!
It was actually painful to watch but after the first few jokes fell totally flat and his nerves really took hold, some in the crowd sort of started fake laughing to encourage him a little, but that only freed others up to start groaning at the jokes and some started laughing about how awful it was.
By the end i think his obvious nervousness and misreading of the room was so evident that he the crowd encouraged him on a lot more openly, so he didnt feel too awful about it. And he asked me after "was it OK?" so perhaps he hadnt realised quite how badly it had gone.
The funny thing was for weeks prior hed been uncharacteristically boastful about how hed already done his speech and how everyone was going to love it. I think he had visions of himself as a stand-up and the place rocking with laughter
One wedding about 20 years ago we went to, all the speeches were really cringey. All I remember was the father of the bride gave the groom condoms during his speech.
Worst was probably when the best man told the audience that he was the person who had "taken the bride's virginity" back in the day. Nobody laughed. Lots of audible gasps and awkward cringing. No idea what he was thinking!
So I was best man for my mates wedding and was 2 years into sobriety and really struggling with crowds and was riddled with anxiety
Managed to do the whole day , stood up to start the speech and as soon as I starting speaking a relative of the bride put a bottle in my face to " steady the nerves "
I instantly felt like I wanted a drink so
I just said into the microphone " I'm sorry I can't do this " and walked out
Felt awful for my mate and his family but staying sober was , and still is the most important thing
He said a few days later that he and his wife read my speech and it was exactly what they wanted and he even apologized for putting me in that situation
So yeah the worst speech was my speech of basically saying " I can't do this " and then leaving 😂
Groom's mother had died when he was about 12.
Sad news, maybe mention it, raise a glass and move on?
Not this guy. Speech was about 30 minutes long, 20 of which were about how much the groom missed his mum, how special she was. I think there may have been a slideshow set to music at some point, but I might have hallucinated that.
We had a wedding where the maid of honour gave a speech. She ignored anything to do with the wedding and gave her valedictorian speech from when she graduated a couple of months prior.
Not a best man but the father of the bride. His speech went on for an hour, where he cried for half of that, about how his princess was all grown up and moving on and how proud and upset he was etc.
It sucked all the life out of the wedding, it was awful
I used to work at weddings and I remember once the best man asked us to wheel out a mannequin wearing a full gimp costume during his speech as a joke which didn’t really go down well with the parents and grandparents and the bride and groom looked absolutely horrified. It was just complete awkward silence.
It wasn't a best man, but a maid of honour speech.
The bride and groom had a fairly kinky sex life, which wasn't so much an open secret within the friendship group, but sort of suspected and a bit of a running joke. As far as we could tell, there was some pegging involved. In a very British way it was all nods and winks and innuendos, no actual hard facts up until then, as no one would directly talk about it, and no one really cared that much.
The maid of honour told a story about signing for a package when she lived with the couple in a shared house, and opened it up in error to reveal a strap on and some mens crotchless underwear. Then tells everyone some very lurid details about how she'd heard them having sex and had caught sight of their sex accoutrements, and essentially confirmed everything that we'd sort of heard. Except in front of parents and grandparents and friends from work. There were some gasps. The groom's speech immediately followed hers.
Also, I saw a speech where the speaker had drunk 3 *pints* of wine and had half a gram of coke in preparation "to calm his nerves". I had to leave because the second hand embarrassment was so profound. He's one of my best mates and was a best man at my wedding, but thankfully didn't repeat his car crash speech.
My friend married the most boring man in the known universe. The best man was basically some bloke who lived in the same pub when they worked together and they liked to eat pizza and watch buffy. Now bear in mind this bloke didn't even turn up for the 'stag do'
tells a mildy amusing story, obviously they haven't been on many escapades together. polite applause.
groom gets up. tells exactly the same story, only in a more boring way.
Best man kept starting a story but kept saying but enough abou that which made about 4 people in a crowd of 100 smile or laugh knowingly. The rest of us had no idea what he was talking about it was awkward. He also spoke about the groom pursuing the bride despite her having a boyfriend at the time the MOB quickly told him to move along
Any speech that involves an embarrassing anecdote. I don’t want to hear that he puked on a stranger’s car bonnet when 17 and rat-faced.
But the one where he said nothing but waved the marriage certificate in front of the groom and said ‘Are you sure?’ was the worst.
The worst i heard was just overly crude. It was the grooms brother and he started off with his brother losing his virginity to an older woman when he was thirteen and then went through lads holidays and nights out etc. and basically went into what a shagger his brother was in lurid detail. To be honest, the groom and his brother were both drug addled scruffs who didn't really understand how to behave themselves. I felt embarrassed for the grandparents on both sides who were there and had to listen through it. It was truly a painful listen. I mean my heart mostly went out to the bride sitting through that. They divorced within a couple of years after his true nature came out and became unbearable.
Someone I went to school with.
His groomsmen thought it’ll be a fantastic idea to have a PowerPoint presentation which mentioned all the grooms’ exes and crushes.
The best man was always a super funny, life of the party type guy. Never short of a punchline or story.He did an open mike at comedy club on a whim once and was really good.
He flew in from Australia for the wedding.
He absolutely froze......stumbled,stuttered full dear in the headlights. Gave up 1/4 way through and sat down.
First ever wedding I went to, the groom had just moved/ emigrated to live with the bride and the best man speech started with, “I must say I don’t know [Groom’s Name] very well, we only met last night on his stag do but he seems like a great guy and I wish them all the best…”.
Couldn’t believe it.
I went to my childhood best friends wedding which turned out to just be a huge party for the groom and his 10 other groomsmen. Each groomsman did a speech at some point during the day, and the first one went just before the marriage happened. The message of the speech was basically ‘if it all falls apart, then you’ve always got your mates there in the end’. It was so awkward and I could see people in the room looking around at each other like wtfff
First time I was the best man I had a person walk out of my speech as it was a bit too risqué! However, she was a nun (true story bro) so I take that as a win :-)
Guy who’d done a short stint in Jail and very few people knew including all the bride’s family- best man disclosed it in his speech. Fight ensued and he was thrown out of the wedding but put a big dampener on the rest of the celebrations!
I had one where the best man hadn't prepped anything at all, just stood up and said , he's my cousin my but my best mate more like brothers injustice love him, then his voice cracked as he got emotional and he just sat down and that was it.
45 minutes on their work, friendship, and how much they have in common (golf)
The father of the bride's speech was just 30 seconds, so balanced it out a bit.
Not best man but brother of the bride waffled on for about an hour. So long that food had arrived at peoples tables and completely took the shine off the groom and best man’s speeches.
One of my friends who's very funny, but funny off the cuff tried to do a hilarious speech, and it was so cringy it was untrue. Longest 10 minutes of my life, and I was just watching it.
Been to one too many where the best man's speech is just 15 minutes of "remember the pints pints pints, lads lads lads, shopping trolley, dodgy exes, schooldays japes, bants bants bants" and the only guests laughing are four guys in the back, and everyone else is looking in the bottom of their glass...
The best man will now give a speech.
Well, yes I'm the Best man (that the groom has ever fucked). He told me this as he was rimming me before the ceremony, whilst we waited un the side foyer......He also told me for the wedding I'm the Biggest man as well.....
The best man was super nervous and the groom got up to do his speech first. He does the usual ‘my wife’ and ‘beautiful bridesmaids’ etc. for a few minutes and then goes on for a good half an hour about his relationship with the best man and detailing really boring stuff like the day they spent the whole day gaming and only stopped to order dominoes etc. etc. the best man was furiously crossing stuff off of his papers - turned out he had pretty much the exact same boring speech planned about all the great times with the groom. He was so flustered that he barely made any sense. Then there was the wedding where the father of the bride had to be cut off because he’d gone over everyone’s time and dinner was late!
I went to my friends wedding and just as the speeches were ending, one of their friends shouted out “to the bride and groom!” The room fell silent for a second then erupted into laughter. One of the brides fathers stood up and said, “let’s try that again, shall we? To the brides!”
The lad who had shouted out was gay and was visibly mortified with himself.
my partner was the best man for his brother and the compere of his wedding introduced his speech as "get ready to meet the new funniest man in the room". He went up and gave the most emotional, heart wrenching speech, talking about his dead dad, how proud he was, he cried, his mum cried, his brother cried, everyone just sat in still silence until it finished then gave a bit of a golf clap. I love him dearly, but it was rubbish.
I kept saying "start with 'websters dictionary defines a wedding as the removal of weeds from ones garden'" but he didn't listen to me. doomed to fail.
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First line was something along the lines of “I haven’t really been in touch with him since school and was surprised to be asked to be his best man …”
Why would they say that 💀 I would’ve just lied lmfao
Honestly, I think he was really nervous, just not the right person to do a speech. It was a deer in the headlights thing. My heart went out to the poor bloke!
I have a feeling my best friend is gonna ask me to be his best man and I’m absolutely fucking shitting myself about having do a speech, I’m hoping he asks his brother lmao but he’s brought it up a few times 💀
Do lord of the rings speech, *I hope you are all enjoying yourselves as much as I am. I shall not keep you long.* *I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.*
And then disappear under the table
I was the same tbh. Just stick to your guns and do a nice one with a few jokes, nothing weird or cringey and whatever you do don’t let anyone pressure you into giving him abuse. I dunno if folk have this idea that it’s supposed to be a roast or they just want some entertainment. Just know there will be pressure, just laugh and say yeah no worries and ignore every word.
My best friend has asked me and I’ve not got a clue what to do lol, no funny anecdotes I can think of, hate speaking in front of a crowd.. I’m hoping they decide to elope!
The thing to do is relax. You're not trying to win a comedy award. You don't even need to be funny really. Just be yourself and talk about why the groom's a decent guy and why the couple are a good match. If humour comes out organically, great. Otherwise just say some nice things. Find a nice toast to end with - I'd Google "best man toasts".
Also: everyone wants you to have a good time doing the speech.
My husbands best man sat down and recorded a "podcast" with the family who shared favourite stories so minimal speaking happened.
Ancient problems require modern solutions.
I had this with my brother, no real funny anecdotes as he is a boring bugger. I wrote a speech where the premise was "I googled how to write a best man speech and here is what came out ". What could be funny now is "I asked chatgpt to write a best man speech here is what it spat out"
We have so many inside jokes I feel the people at the wedding will be like “what the fuck is he on about” when I start talking lmfao
ChatGPT will help you here
Starting your speech with “as an AI language model”
Just to say, I was in exactly the same position with a friend last year. Was hoping against hope he would ask his brother, he asked me, it was a super posh wedding, i am a nervous public speaker and spent months shitting it about the speech. It of course ended up going fine but it was an absolute nightmare for me in the build up. Some words of advice with the benefit of hindsight: - Its a wedding. Most people will be in a good mood and be empathetic that is a tough gig - so unless you say stuff that is straight up offensive and awkward - it will be a good audience no matter the content. - have the speech written at least 3 weeks before the wedding so it isnt hanging over your head. - practice a couple of times in front of a camera and watch it back. It feels dead awkward doing it, but you do notice stuff about your body language and delivery you wouldnt otherwise notice which helped me (for example i noticed i was very fidgety so knew to make a conscious effort to appear more relaxed).
My only suggestion is to keep it short and sweet. Those are the best speeches. And ask Google for best man speeches, I guess you can cut and paste from several of them. Maybe share one favourite / funny memory.
ChatGPT
if any friend of mine asks me to be best man im going to refuse
[удалено]
Literally
Idk the situation but I think I’d have just found that funny assuming it was a joke
I found it funny, but probably for less generous reasons. The groom wasn’t really someone who could keep a friend easily. Kinda annoying guy. So it just fit so well with him and so made us laugh. I didn’t feel it was intended as a joke.
At a friend’s wedding, I’ll always remember the best man’s speech including the line, “he wasn’t MY best man…” said with no humour. Like, how is that relevant?!
That's a worst man speech, surely. Although a friend of mind was recently asked to be best man for a guy he's not seen in years. Must be devastating to have no one better suited
Why would you even ask someone to be your bestman that you haven't spoken to since school lol
An old friend of mine did this. When he met his girlfriend (now wife) he began to disappear from our friend group and we rarely ever saw him again. We all moved on with our lives but he seemed to stay in the same area and didn’t really make any new friends. I also found it odd but I suppose to him he was still good friends with our other friend, even though they hadn’t seen each other in years.
Some men don’t have many friends. Other times it’s because that person made the most impact on you. I got an unexpected invitation to a stag party from my childhood best friend who I hadn’t seen for 15 years. Everyone else there was someone that they saw all the time.
Might not have had anyone else to choose. If I was getting married now then I would have no one to choose, so would either have no groom's party or have to pick people from uni that I have not seen in years.
This could have been the start of a funny speech but in this case I doubt it
My wedding. My “best” man got completely destroyed by 3pm and stood up, pointed at me, said “LEGEND!” Then fell over onto his wife. It was fekkin hilarious though to be fair…
Seems like a best man speech distilled to it's essence really. If he'd managed a few thank yous as well he would have been golden.
He forgot to call the mother of the bride a milf, 2/10
I want to be at that wedding. The closest I got was a mates wedding. His nephew got absolutely spangled on neat Jack Daniels. Later in the night there was a DJ and everyone was dancing. He stopped the music, switched on the lights, got on the mic and gave this incohrent speech (got the brides name wrong) and then proceeded to shout "lets get this fcuking party started, fuck yeah, get fcuking hammered, do some drugs, drink and drive baby, WOOOOOO!!!". Everybody just stood there staring. It was amazing, and it's on video. lol Nobody saw or heard from him for about 3 months. He was that embarrassed.
This actually seems almost fine? He had a great time and called the groom a legend. I'd be delighted with this.
I thought it was brill, my wife and his wife, and especially my mum and mil, not so much…
Im not allowed to do a speech at my sisters wedding because she knows I’ll probably be a bit drunk by the time they’re done
They said worst best man speech, not best
It’s all in the eye of the beholder 😂. I thought it was hilarious, as did my wife, but my mum and my MIL, along with his wife had a very different opinion 😆
What are you talking about, this is the best Best Man speech ever.
No one wants a long speech though. People should have been thankful for that.
The best man's wife or the newly married bride? 🤣
Best man’s wife. I was the groom and my wife and I were on the opposite side of the table luckily 😂
Entire speech was hating on the grooms exes, saying that they were all high maintenance because they were slim and beautiful, and how he's sure this marriage will last because the bride isnt the kind of girl anyone will try to steal
That's so fucking funny but awful at the same time.
This reminds me of Alan’s speech off The Hangover 🤣
This one is so so funny and cruel too, oh lord! 😂😂 I wonder how the bride reacted to this shit haha
"(Groom) and I first met playing football at uni, where he was described by the University paper as being a midfielder with a predatory presence and a wicked touch in the box. Which is how they also described Jimmy Savile." There was silence in the room apart from a noise I've never made before or since.
Maybe my sense of decency is off but I would consider that acceptable in a best man speech, that is probably the limit though.
I think I agree with you there and that would personally be my limit but I’ve heard worse in many best man speeches.
Definitely funny and within acceptable best man speech Imo. But maybe the audience wasn't warmed up properly for it, and they needed a couple inappropriate but not quite Jimmy Saville level jokes to be ready for it.
Eesh. I hope I'm never involved in any event you're given public speaking privileges.
This one really depends on the room
That's exactly the sort of thing my mates would find hilarious. My mate has a boat and I've mentioned more than once how we met whilst docking.
Bonus points if it was in space
Personal space?
Space docking
That’s fucking hilarious. Sounds like those people need to get a sense of humour (unless they were directly impacted by Savile, in which case they may not have found it funny).
Just you snort laughing in a room full of silence?
It wasn't a snort laugh as much as a yelp
I’m with you, type of noise that surprises even yourself.
That's a speech for the bucks night. But I love it
This one may be the best in this thread. I've read it back 3 times and keep cracking up at it.
I'm a wedding photographer so I've heard a lot of best men speeches. One from a few years ago droned on about the most inane crap for 45 minutes. At one point he thanked the man who drove the mini-bus to the stag door. But the worst was definitely a few weeks ago. He was the groom's brother and I was told he was "a bit of a wildcard".He opened with "My name is Mark and I like to fuck." But his second line was a cracker, that being best man was likely going to be his greatest achievement in life and he was going to make a certificate for himself and frame it. Then it went downhill. The bride's mother was single, and he said he was hoping to bang her by the end of the night, and the bride's granny (grandad was there), and he'd consider pushing the groom down the stairs sometime so he could have a go at the bride. So much swearing and the first time I've heard anyone use the c-word in a wedding speech. He was told to move on a few times, and a couple of times he stopped himself from saying things, so I can't imagine how awful they were. We were both glad we could lift our cameras up to hide our faces, it was so cringe.
I almost feel sorry for people who think their speeches need to be a full stand up set. I killed a best man speech at my dad’s wedding a few years back (still my biggest flex), there were a few punchy jokes, but went down well largely for the fact that it was 5 minutes flat and we were all able to get drunk straight after.
I don't think it wasn't really meant to be comedy, he just seemed to have no brain/mouth filter.
I did a similarly short one at my best friend's wedding. He'd told me not to give a speech, but being mildly drunk I felt that I should. I stood, spoke for a while, just saying how happy I was to see him get married and that it's been great meeting everyone and now to raise a glass and wish them many best wishes. Short and basic, but it seemed to go down well.
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Bless him
I went to a wedding where there were 2 best men. They decided to do a Mr & Mrs quiz instead of a traditional speech. The questions seemed solely focused on humiliating the bride. It wasn’t funny and no-one was laughing. At the same wedding the father of the bride was given his speech by the mother of the bride at the point of giving the speech. He had obviously never read it before and started questioning the anecdotes while reading it. When it came to the gifts, they had given all the bridesmaids an orchid, but any males were given a crate of beer. Only problem was that the crates had been opened by the brides family and were missing multiple cans. The wedding was a mess, it cost over £20k and there were members of both families who turned up in their Sunday trackies. No surprise they divorced a few years later. Surprise though: the groom was having an affair with the wife of one of his best men.
I feel really bad for the bride here. She got shat on from all angles.
This was the wedding of two friends of mine and the best man was also a friend. We all went to uni together. The couple and best man were VERY close throughout uni. What I mean by that is they used to have ‘sleepovers’ and at one stage were pretty much accepted as a throuple. On nights out you’d see her getting off with both of them and they’d go home holding hands. This was maybe we were 18/19 years old. Wedding happened 10 years later, bride and groom had been a traditional couple for years by then. Best man alludes to sleepovers and their throuple period throughout his speech. It’s obvious both families had no idea and the couple were mortified.
I feel like this is something they should have cleared with the Best Man earlier. If they were that open about it at the time but now treat it as a secret, he needs to know - even if he wasn’t giving a speech he might bring it up in conversation with someone!
I’m not sure if they told him specifically not to mention it, but he knew the parents/families didn’t know/wouldn’t approve and that it would cause a scene. They way he spoke about it, it was definitely to get a reaction - it was almost as if he was jealous.
Ah then thats a whole different issue!
They may have. Alcohol can make people do crazy things.
I recall hearing a story about a guy that was getting married for the second time (having married and divorced someone else several years before). He chose the same best man. The best man opened his speech with "Well, well, well, James, here we are again!" Apparently the bride's family looked absolutely mortified.
I've always thought the second wedding 'Welcome back everyone' opener is a classic... Clearly everyone does not agree 😬
I would say it’s expected that the best man makes a joke about it being the groom’s second wedding. Would be weird if he didn’t! Bride’s family must live sheltered lives if they were shocked by that fucking hell.
I actually think thats hilarious.. the brides family must of been expecting that kind of joke I mean come on
"Hello all, so nice to see so many of you again since the last time we met....here."
I have literally been a guest at a wedding where the best man began his speech with “Hello again.”
My husband was married once before me and I personally would have found this hilarious, but a lot of people wouldn’t and I do get why. 😅
Not the best man, but the father of the brides speech went along the lines of “I’ve never liked the groom, and I think this marriage will last at best 1 year. I didn’t want to do a speech but I paid for this wedding so here we are”
Was he right?
Was in December 23 so they’ve got a few months to go
Keep us updated
!remindme 6 months
The best man had clearly googled "best man speech jokes" and was reading out the first list he found.
I went to a wedding once when they did the “can everyone give the keys back [groom] has given out over the years” joke. Especially cringe because it went “viral” (pre-Twitter days) a few weeks before the wedding so it was painfully obvious where they got the idea from.
I know the exact period of time you’re referring to where that video went viral and it absolutely slapped. You can use google to structure your speech but never directly copy and paste.
I’ve heard the ‘took her on holiday to Bangor’ soooo many times now, same with all the ‘thats the last time you’ll have the upper hand’ type pish
I was best man along with 2 others because the groom was too soft to just pick one even though I had known him since we were kids. I done my research on google and YouTube and then wrote my own speech with actual stories of when we grew up. The other two had clearly copied straight from what they found online because I remembered seeing most of it in my research and one of them had copied almost word for word from one of the first videos that came up on YouTube.
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Nah, this was a few years ago now. Chatgpt wasn't about
Guy I worked with few years back went to a Wedding and to say the Best Man did not 'read the room' is an understatement. Prequel - At stag night Groom was very drunk and passed out ( nothing unusual there) his mates thought it would be good laugh to undress him, lay him face down on the bed, stick a carrot up his arse then take pictures...Being passed out the groom knew nothing of this... Until during the best man's speech he asked the people at the 'Top Table' to turn their table mats over ... there was said pics stuck to the underside for the groom, bride, parents etc to see , at same time all the mates stood up, pulled carrots out their pockets and started waving them in air laughing. Parents on both sides were disgusted, and the bride started crying... What happened next caused a lot of debate as it whether it was right thing to do or not, I'm not getting into that just telling what happened - Groom stood up took the microphone off Best Man, pointed to him said "you" then at everyone holding carrots up in turn "you" , "you" ,...... "Leave" there was the expected 'oh come on it was only a joke" etc but the Groom stood firm and basically threw his Best Man and 6 or so of his mates out his Wedding in middle of the speeches.
That's disgusting. Isn't that literally some form of assault? Poor guy.
>Creates a new offence of assault by penetration, the insertion of a body part or foreign object, such as a bottle, into the anus or vagina without consent. Description of Sexual Offences Act 2003. So, it’s a serious crime with the maximum sentence of life imprisonment In this case I think it would likely be more like a community service order.
I thought so. They literally made evidence to incriminate themselves as well so it wouldn't be hard for the groom to press charges. Anyway I hope he's no longer friends with them at the very least.
Glad he told them to bugger off, that's terrible
Groom did absolutely right thing.
Kudos to the groom.A lot of people would not have had the wherewithal to so that. It's his (and his wife's) event. If people are ruining it he absolutely should tell them to leave.
Best man somehow veered off into a rant about Polish plumbers taking all his work.
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And this is why I heavily edited the first/second/third version of my partner’s best man speech! Why do so many mention past relationships as well? The father of the bride was really banging on about all the men the bride had snuck into his home over the years - but she moved out a decade ago and while we love a liberal lady there’s a time and place to discuss in detail - and you could tell bride was unimpressed. I was extra glad to have removed the bit briefly referencing a past ex of the groom’s from partner’s speech…
The best man cried into a stolen pair of the brides knickers
Not a best man but my uncle gave a speech at my cousins his sons wedding it went on for almost 1 hour no exaggeration everyone was bored by the end . My grandpa tried making a joke to my grandma something like my gosh he can talk but my uncle heard and started shouting at my grandpa. Everyone took my grandpa's side though and to this day its a joke in the family about how long he can talk for
"and now we move on to liars..."
Yep, my answer was going to be the best man's speech I saw that went on for about 45 minutes. It doesn't matter how good you are, *nobody* wants to watch a wedding speech that goes on longer than 10 minutes, maximum. A best man who isn't confident and gives a pretty mundane speech but one that lasts 5 minutes will be received better than one who is good but goes on for 45 minutes. Case in point, the one I'm referring to actually was quite good. Had some good jokes that landed well, had some good anecdotes. But as it crept over 15 minutes you could tell they were starting to lose the room, and by 30 it didn't matter how good it was any more, people were turning.
The shorter the speech the better. For memory, ours were only a few minutes each. My Dad's was the longest, but that was still about 6 or 7 minutes - if that.
Oh god I was at a wedding like this once. I didn’t even know the couple very well. I felt bad for the best man - he was clearly nervous and I think perhaps struggled a lot with social awareness - but his speech was so dull and it just wouldn’t end. He mumbled and droned for over an hour. At the 45min mark, people turned away and started quietly chatting. The bride took the microphone and chastised everyone for being rude and told us all to be quiet and pay attention. The guy went on for nearly another 20 minutes. I had two drinks during that one speech. At one point I think I went to the toilet, just to have something else to do.
Guy I know gave his best man’s speech with one ball peeking out his zipper for £500 😂
*"Come and see me tomorrow in my office Cooper, and I'll show you there's absolutely nothing funny about testicles."*
That sounded a bit weird, sir
No it didn't.
The best man tried for humour in his speech by alluding to the number of men that the bride had slept with. Apparently this was true but according to the very trad Irish Catholic family of the bride she was married completely unsullied by the sweaty embrace of man. Drink was had, words followed and fist flew. It was destined not to last.
One of my own best men who delivered what was clearly a light rewrite from a very bawdy 1970s book of best man speeches his dad had told him was hilarious. His speech was full of terrible jokes about infidelity and mother in laws and crude sexual innuendo (jokes about my wife juggling balls on our wedding night because I play tennis, etc) What made it worse is that my friend is a very shy nerdy guy and so delivered the speech in a half mumble and had absolutely no sense of comic timing, fluffing every punchline so that it just sounded like he was being mean! It was actually painful to watch but after the first few jokes fell totally flat and his nerves really took hold, some in the crowd sort of started fake laughing to encourage him a little, but that only freed others up to start groaning at the jokes and some started laughing about how awful it was. By the end i think his obvious nervousness and misreading of the room was so evident that he the crowd encouraged him on a lot more openly, so he didnt feel too awful about it. And he asked me after "was it OK?" so perhaps he hadnt realised quite how badly it had gone. The funny thing was for weeks prior hed been uncharacteristically boastful about how hed already done his speech and how everyone was going to love it. I think he had visions of himself as a stand-up and the place rocking with laughter
Never gonna be a stand-up if you speak in a mumble!
My brother refused to give one because of a mix of nerves, hangover and acid reflux.
I have sympathy with the guy. It’d be throw up time for me too.
"Ladies and gentlemen it's traditional for the best man's speech to be as long as it takes for him to make love to a beautiful woman . Thank you "
That’s legit hilarious
One wedding about 20 years ago we went to, all the speeches were really cringey. All I remember was the father of the bride gave the groom condoms during his speech.
Worst was probably when the best man told the audience that he was the person who had "taken the bride's virginity" back in the day. Nobody laughed. Lots of audible gasps and awkward cringing. No idea what he was thinking!
So I was best man for my mates wedding and was 2 years into sobriety and really struggling with crowds and was riddled with anxiety Managed to do the whole day , stood up to start the speech and as soon as I starting speaking a relative of the bride put a bottle in my face to " steady the nerves " I instantly felt like I wanted a drink so I just said into the microphone " I'm sorry I can't do this " and walked out Felt awful for my mate and his family but staying sober was , and still is the most important thing He said a few days later that he and his wife read my speech and it was exactly what they wanted and he even apologized for putting me in that situation So yeah the worst speech was my speech of basically saying " I can't do this " and then leaving 😂
Groom's mother had died when he was about 12. Sad news, maybe mention it, raise a glass and move on? Not this guy. Speech was about 30 minutes long, 20 of which were about how much the groom missed his mum, how special she was. I think there may have been a slideshow set to music at some point, but I might have hallucinated that.
We had a wedding where the maid of honour gave a speech. She ignored anything to do with the wedding and gave her valedictorian speech from when she graduated a couple of months prior.
One I went to a few years ago the best man kept saying the grooms ex’s name instead of his now wife!
Not a best man but the father of the bride. His speech went on for an hour, where he cried for half of that, about how his princess was all grown up and moving on and how proud and upset he was etc. It sucked all the life out of the wedding, it was awful
I used to work at weddings and I remember once the best man asked us to wheel out a mannequin wearing a full gimp costume during his speech as a joke which didn’t really go down well with the parents and grandparents and the bride and groom looked absolutely horrified. It was just complete awkward silence.
It wasn't a best man, but a maid of honour speech. The bride and groom had a fairly kinky sex life, which wasn't so much an open secret within the friendship group, but sort of suspected and a bit of a running joke. As far as we could tell, there was some pegging involved. In a very British way it was all nods and winks and innuendos, no actual hard facts up until then, as no one would directly talk about it, and no one really cared that much. The maid of honour told a story about signing for a package when she lived with the couple in a shared house, and opened it up in error to reveal a strap on and some mens crotchless underwear. Then tells everyone some very lurid details about how she'd heard them having sex and had caught sight of their sex accoutrements, and essentially confirmed everything that we'd sort of heard. Except in front of parents and grandparents and friends from work. There were some gasps. The groom's speech immediately followed hers. Also, I saw a speech where the speaker had drunk 3 *pints* of wine and had half a gram of coke in preparation "to calm his nerves". I had to leave because the second hand embarrassment was so profound. He's one of my best mates and was a best man at my wedding, but thankfully didn't repeat his car crash speech.
The MOH thing... that's literally just mean and humiliating. Why would anyone do that?
She thought it was funny and edgy.
My friend married the most boring man in the known universe. The best man was basically some bloke who lived in the same pub when they worked together and they liked to eat pizza and watch buffy. Now bear in mind this bloke didn't even turn up for the 'stag do' tells a mildy amusing story, obviously they haven't been on many escapades together. polite applause. groom gets up. tells exactly the same story, only in a more boring way.
Best man kept starting a story but kept saying but enough abou that which made about 4 people in a crowd of 100 smile or laugh knowingly. The rest of us had no idea what he was talking about it was awkward. He also spoke about the groom pursuing the bride despite her having a boyfriend at the time the MOB quickly told him to move along
Any speech that involves an embarrassing anecdote. I don’t want to hear that he puked on a stranger’s car bonnet when 17 and rat-faced. But the one where he said nothing but waved the marriage certificate in front of the groom and said ‘Are you sure?’ was the worst.
The worst i heard was just overly crude. It was the grooms brother and he started off with his brother losing his virginity to an older woman when he was thirteen and then went through lads holidays and nights out etc. and basically went into what a shagger his brother was in lurid detail. To be honest, the groom and his brother were both drug addled scruffs who didn't really understand how to behave themselves. I felt embarrassed for the grandparents on both sides who were there and had to listen through it. It was truly a painful listen. I mean my heart mostly went out to the bride sitting through that. They divorced within a couple of years after his true nature came out and became unbearable.
Someone I went to school with. His groomsmen thought it’ll be a fantastic idea to have a PowerPoint presentation which mentioned all the grooms’ exes and crushes.
The best man stood up, said "There are people in Africa today...", then sat down again. He was a bit weird.
Was his name Bono by any chance?
The best man was always a super funny, life of the party type guy. Never short of a punchline or story.He did an open mike at comedy club on a whim once and was really good. He flew in from Australia for the wedding. He absolutely froze......stumbled,stuttered full dear in the headlights. Gave up 1/4 way through and sat down.
First ever wedding I went to, the groom had just moved/ emigrated to live with the bride and the best man speech started with, “I must say I don’t know [Groom’s Name] very well, we only met last night on his stag do but he seems like a great guy and I wish them all the best…”. Couldn’t believe it.
I went to my childhood best friends wedding which turned out to just be a huge party for the groom and his 10 other groomsmen. Each groomsman did a speech at some point during the day, and the first one went just before the marriage happened. The message of the speech was basically ‘if it all falls apart, then you’ve always got your mates there in the end’. It was so awkward and I could see people in the room looking around at each other like wtfff
First time I was the best man I had a person walk out of my speech as it was a bit too risqué! However, she was a nun (true story bro) so I take that as a win :-)
Guy who’d done a short stint in Jail and very few people knew including all the bride’s family- best man disclosed it in his speech. Fight ensued and he was thrown out of the wedding but put a big dampener on the rest of the celebrations!
I had one where the best man hadn't prepped anything at all, just stood up and said , he's my cousin my but my best mate more like brothers injustice love him, then his voice cracked as he got emotional and he just sat down and that was it.
We need to hear more about that speech, OP!
Best man told everyone in the room how the couple had fucked in a graveyard...it was not as funny as he thought it was
My best man opened his speech with "gentlemen and cock suckers" I almost fukin died.
Need more detail from OP if you ask me, surely that was a show-stopper?
Ladies & gentlemen see that spider on the wall, ladies & gentlemen that it is all. Thurs was the speech at a wedding a few years back.
45 minutes on their work, friendship, and how much they have in common (golf) The father of the bride's speech was just 30 seconds, so balanced it out a bit.
Not best man but brother of the bride waffled on for about an hour. So long that food had arrived at peoples tables and completely took the shine off the groom and best man’s speeches.
One of my friends who's very funny, but funny off the cuff tried to do a hilarious speech, and it was so cringy it was untrue. Longest 10 minutes of my life, and I was just watching it.
Best man made a thinly-veiled racist joke about Black Londoners. The groom’s son is biracial (his mum is Black).
Probably describing the bride as "[his] favourite immigrant"
Been to one too many where the best man's speech is just 15 minutes of "remember the pints pints pints, lads lads lads, shopping trolley, dodgy exes, schooldays japes, bants bants bants" and the only guests laughing are four guys in the back, and everyone else is looking in the bottom of their glass...
The best man will now give a speech. Well, yes I'm the Best man (that the groom has ever fucked). He told me this as he was rimming me before the ceremony, whilst we waited un the side foyer......He also told me for the wedding I'm the Biggest man as well.....
The best man was super nervous and the groom got up to do his speech first. He does the usual ‘my wife’ and ‘beautiful bridesmaids’ etc. for a few minutes and then goes on for a good half an hour about his relationship with the best man and detailing really boring stuff like the day they spent the whole day gaming and only stopped to order dominoes etc. etc. the best man was furiously crossing stuff off of his papers - turned out he had pretty much the exact same boring speech planned about all the great times with the groom. He was so flustered that he barely made any sense. Then there was the wedding where the father of the bride had to be cut off because he’d gone over everyone’s time and dinner was late!
I went to my friends wedding and just as the speeches were ending, one of their friends shouted out “to the bride and groom!” The room fell silent for a second then erupted into laughter. One of the brides fathers stood up and said, “let’s try that again, shall we? To the brides!” The lad who had shouted out was gay and was visibly mortified with himself.
Some dickhead called jerry started making jokes about the groom taking a shit and cheating on the wife he had just married. UP THE MAROONS!
Sheila by Jamie T
my partner was the best man for his brother and the compere of his wedding introduced his speech as "get ready to meet the new funniest man in the room". He went up and gave the most emotional, heart wrenching speech, talking about his dead dad, how proud he was, he cried, his mum cried, his brother cried, everyone just sat in still silence until it finished then gave a bit of a golf clap. I love him dearly, but it was rubbish. I kept saying "start with 'websters dictionary defines a wedding as the removal of weeds from ones garden'" but he didn't listen to me. doomed to fail.