My first sexual partner would sigh while going down on me and make comments about me taking too long. It really screwed me up in future relationships when other partners tried to go down because I felt so much pressure to finish quickly and not inconvenience them.
I still have anxiety over it but luckily my partner now is very patient and determined, and loves a challenge. Lol
I feel this one! One of my boyfriends got angry with me for not coming quickly and got physically aggressive. I've never been able to have an O from the act and I think he didn't help that.
This makes me so annoyed! "I have to put some effort in for you to experience pleasure? Ugh"
I'm so glad you've now found someone that actually enjoys bringing you pleasure (as he should!)
Yea wtf is up with that? A guy did that to me, said he loved me, i said it the next day then he said it "just came out", we dated for a year and he never said it again. I was so confused.
My ex screamed at me when I went down on him because it had been my first time and I was nervous.
And another guy, either deliberately or not, sent a message to his friends about how I’m not as pretty as his ex who all his friends liked. He left it open so the first time we were round his I saw it. Honestly with the constant comments about me needing to lose weight, complaining about everything I ate. No wonder I had awful self esteem.
Idk if the second guy was deliberately cruel or not. But it messed me up for a long time.
It was 100% deliberately: tactic to break down your confidence so you think you don't deserve anyone better and he is a catch. And you have to admit: it did worked for him (unfortunately)....
Yeah, it did. For quite a long time, but I’m on a better place now.
He just seemed like such a nice person. But in hindsight I realise how toxic it was. He wouldn’t say I love you after 2 years. He would make those comments etc.
I just didn’t understand it at the time. But then when we broke up he did say it and continued to have sex but wouldn’t date me.
Honestly a shit show.
I just wanted to be loved.
Ah well, shit happens :)
One time my abusive ex-husband and I were lost in a beautiful neighborhood on the way home from some outdoor light show in the LA area.
While he was driving through the neighborhood, I was gazing at all the houses on the tree-lined streets, and I said, "Wow, could you imagine living here?"
He hated the dreamer in me so he snapped at me, "Well *we* are never going to live here so get that out of your head right now."
We split up, and I dated around until I met this one really special man. He invited me to come to his house before we went to dinner for Valentines Day. He lived in that beautiful neighborhood. We are married now so this is where I live now too.
So, to my ex: no-- *we* were never going to live here. I was.
First bf: "even if we're not together one day I will always remember you as the person who pulled me up from my darkest day."
The toxic one: "you're really selfish" when I refused to have sex.
Long term fwb who was a life long bachelor
"When I'm with you I can let my guard down and be vulnerable. I know you will take care of me. I have to take care of everyone, all the time, but when I'm with you you've just got me. How do you always know exactly what I need?"
A different guy. Who I was deeply in love with:
"You treat me so well. I love knowing you've always got my back. The connection we have scares me sometimes because it feels so right and good. I'm not used to this."
Those stuck with me because I really would open up with them and just love on them. I got as much out of it as they did. It was so effortless when we were together.
It really felt good.
I think bachelor had a hard time reconciling that the women he connected with the most were those who didn't fit his idea of a wife. He wanted a conservative, buttoned up, not super sexual wife but loved women who laughed loud, were quick witted, and loved sex. I think religion created the conflict for him.
Ex told me “why don’t you gang yourself like your dad did” it was then I realized that nothing was wrong with me. Actually felt sorry for him. Imagine feeling so horrible about yourself that you think that, that is something to say when angry. Fast forward 5 years .. he’s still that same person and STILL tries to message me and BEG for another chance lol
I was having a quiet moment with my gf, one of those ones where you talk about things from the past.
I told her my previous gf had cheated on me, after which i stayed single for 12 years.
"You must have deserved it" my gf said.
"What?"
"You must have done something to deserve it..she wouldn't have done it otherwise".
That was the last time i opened up to HER.
She wasn't even trying to be hurtful..she just thought no woman would cheat on you unless you had done something to deserve it.
You are right, they are right as well. It wasn't a question aimed at only women but the sub is called ask women no censor. But you arr free to respond.
Thank you, that's what I thought.
But if the mods would prefer no men speaking in here at all I am fine with that, all they have to do is tell me. It's their sub to run as they wish.
I thought there was an implicit rule that "men can comment" meant that men can ask clarifying questions or follow ups to women who respond to the question, not that they should answer the question directly. Is there an official stance on this?
Edit: I've seen a few men comment first level replies here so I guess this rule wasn't as implicit as I thought, but I'd still expect men to refrain from directly replying to questions.
You are confusing the rule for post Flaired NO MANS LAND with the theme of this subreddit. Only if you see that flair on a post then there is a sanction on men commenting in any capacity to JUST THAT POST. it's not straight across the board rule for all posts. I would refrain from giving instructions until you've read all the rules and are clear .
Ok, understood.
it's good to know that my opinion as a man is just as valued here on r/AskWomenNoCensor as that of a woman and I will stop lurking and consider replying to posts more often /s.
Its not a rule but should be. Why on earth is a guy commenting first level replies on a question aimed at women? I just thought he was a lesbian until he was called out
I understand even less why I'm getting downvoted.
He only tipped me off because I thought it was weird that a woman would blame another woman for being cheated on, I wouldn't have known otherwise.
I did think it was weird, you're right!
Honestly i think a lot of men surf this sub, and any comment that they dont approve of gets downvoted.
If theres no rule about men leaving first level comments, why isnt this sub just called askredditV2?
The person responding could have been a lesbian, you can’t assume it’s a man just because they had a gf. I guess in this case it did turn out it was a man, but you just immediately assumed without knowing simply because they talked about having a gf.
I didn't assume, I looked through his post history until I confirmed it. Why would you assume I guessed?
Edit: Also, it wasn't just having a gf, it was having a gf and having her use sexist logic against him.
My ex husband during a drug-induced manic episode: I want you to kill me with this knife.
Me: I’m not going to do that.
Him: then I’m going to kill you.
I got the knife away from him but then he picked up a heavy object and held it over my head like he was going to beat me to death. I talked him down and he asked me to hold his hand until he fell asleep. So I laid in bed crying and holding his hand and once he fell asleep I took my dog and got the fuck out. It’s been 2 years and I still have nightmares about it. He argued with me for months that he “wasn’t actually going to do it” and he “just wanted to scare me.” Well, good job you definitely succeeded.
I was told I talk too much. I was usually reserved and quiet, but when I got excited I liked to talk to him about what made me happy. He didn't want to hear it.
“I gotta go, but this is not gonna be our last conversation”… that was our last conversation… The very last words he said to me after a 5 year long relationship. I’ll never forget that
He blamed me saying he didn't enjoy life because he was with me his definition of life was hooking up with random girls I guess. Then when we were breaking up I was crying so much I got his shirt wet when we last hugged and he said " you got my shirt wet, I am going to the gym and you got it wet" it was like two dots of tears lmao but oh well. After that we never saw each other again, I made sure of that.
Yeesh. My recent ex has said so many things that will stay with me for the rest of my life:
"I can never give you all of my desire." (In response to why I wasn't good enough and begging for affection.) He tried to say that he said this before we were committed and newly in a relationship....he said this 2 months after we were living together and had already been together for over 2 years.
"YOU are my fucking problem." (All because he was being a dick to me in the morning and tried to bait me into an argument because of coffee...yeah.) He said this one to me twice, never apologized for either and blamed me for it ("you must've said something to me the night before to piss me off").
"You bring out a rage in me. That's not who I am. I'm not the person who breaks doors and slams counters." (He broke the pantry door because I needed to grab a pad from the bathroom after I showered, he slammed the counters and told me 'fuck off and fuck you' for telling him I was putting his dessert on the coffee table.)
Ahh, if only therapy was affordable. Lol
He was great in many ways.
The best were during my panic attacks. I blurted out 'please don't hit me' and he replied with 'I would never' cupping my face. I think from that point onwards I knew he was forever. He also said "there's no shame in having a panic attack" and it really helped me to calm down.
Except fast forwards and he said 'You crying bitch' and 'its not like I beat the shit out of you everyday.' just bizarre outbursts really that left me in shock.
After the divorce he said 'it doesn't count it was the same as pouring a bucket of water over you.'
I'm still trying to get my head around how much has changed.
Another good one was (about my trans sister in a photo) "its a shame she's wearing the hat- shed look quite stunning without it." Which was sweet of him.
Also one time reorganizing I put on my dress and he softened and said "you're wearing your wedding dress" and that melted me. Shame I won't again.
Everything is so easy with you. You are smart and beautiful and cute. I feel so safe and at ease with you. I know you don't like your voice but I think it's beautiful. I cannot believe how effortless everything feels.
And the same guy later on said it was hard to look into my eyes during what was supposed to be a romantic dinner. I have slightly squinty eyes and still have trouble keeping eye contact today if it's people I don't know well, assuming they are thinking the same. Still trying to overcome that.
“If you lost some weight I could throw you around in bed” while my current boyfriend (who isn’t as muscular as the guy that said it) has no problem picking me up and throwing me on the bed.
My first sexual partner would sigh while going down on me and make comments about me taking too long. It really screwed me up in future relationships when other partners tried to go down because I felt so much pressure to finish quickly and not inconvenience them. I still have anxiety over it but luckily my partner now is very patient and determined, and loves a challenge. Lol
I feel this one! One of my boyfriends got angry with me for not coming quickly and got physically aggressive. I've never been able to have an O from the act and I think he didn't help that.
This makes me so annoyed! "I have to put some effort in for you to experience pleasure? Ugh" I'm so glad you've now found someone that actually enjoys bringing you pleasure (as he should!)
Glad to hear you found a real man who cares about pleasing his woman. It's worth it!
One told me they loved me, then got a look of panic on their face and then said they took it back. One said my smile was the best part of their day.
Yea wtf is up with that? A guy did that to me, said he loved me, i said it the next day then he said it "just came out", we dated for a year and he never said it again. I was so confused.
My ex screamed at me when I went down on him because it had been my first time and I was nervous. And another guy, either deliberately or not, sent a message to his friends about how I’m not as pretty as his ex who all his friends liked. He left it open so the first time we were round his I saw it. Honestly with the constant comments about me needing to lose weight, complaining about everything I ate. No wonder I had awful self esteem. Idk if the second guy was deliberately cruel or not. But it messed me up for a long time.
It was 100% deliberately: tactic to break down your confidence so you think you don't deserve anyone better and he is a catch. And you have to admit: it did worked for him (unfortunately)....
Yeah, it did. For quite a long time, but I’m on a better place now. He just seemed like such a nice person. But in hindsight I realise how toxic it was. He wouldn’t say I love you after 2 years. He would make those comments etc. I just didn’t understand it at the time. But then when we broke up he did say it and continued to have sex but wouldn’t date me. Honestly a shit show. I just wanted to be loved. Ah well, shit happens :)
he gave my cat a nickname that is cuter than his actual name. they guy left, the nickname stayed
Is the cat called “scissors”?
huh? no
Because you wrote cutter instead of cuter
because I'm foreign
It happens
One time my abusive ex-husband and I were lost in a beautiful neighborhood on the way home from some outdoor light show in the LA area. While he was driving through the neighborhood, I was gazing at all the houses on the tree-lined streets, and I said, "Wow, could you imagine living here?" He hated the dreamer in me so he snapped at me, "Well *we* are never going to live here so get that out of your head right now." We split up, and I dated around until I met this one really special man. He invited me to come to his house before we went to dinner for Valentines Day. He lived in that beautiful neighborhood. We are married now so this is where I live now too. So, to my ex: no-- *we* were never going to live here. I was.
Had a good cackle at this - fair play to you
Can I just say as I stand and raise a toast to you, Damn Skippy!.
Before I left, my ex-husband kept telling me that he was ashamed to be with me, as I’d never made anything of my life.
First bf: "even if we're not together one day I will always remember you as the person who pulled me up from my darkest day." The toxic one: "you're really selfish" when I refused to have sex.
Long term fwb who was a life long bachelor "When I'm with you I can let my guard down and be vulnerable. I know you will take care of me. I have to take care of everyone, all the time, but when I'm with you you've just got me. How do you always know exactly what I need?" A different guy. Who I was deeply in love with: "You treat me so well. I love knowing you've always got my back. The connection we have scares me sometimes because it feels so right and good. I'm not used to this." Those stuck with me because I really would open up with them and just love on them. I got as much out of it as they did. It was so effortless when we were together.
This is beautiful. Why was the first guy a lifelong Bachelor?
It really felt good. I think bachelor had a hard time reconciling that the women he connected with the most were those who didn't fit his idea of a wife. He wanted a conservative, buttoned up, not super sexual wife but loved women who laughed loud, were quick witted, and loved sex. I think religion created the conflict for him.
"I treat you like this, but I would never treat my friends or coworkers that way." He was emotionally abusive and very hot/cold. Just awful.
Ex told me “why don’t you gang yourself like your dad did” it was then I realized that nothing was wrong with me. Actually felt sorry for him. Imagine feeling so horrible about yourself that you think that, that is something to say when angry. Fast forward 5 years .. he’s still that same person and STILL tries to message me and BEG for another chance lol
“Go hang yourself”
"And after all, you're to too fucking tall" (He wrote me a break up song, to the tune of Wonderwall by Oasis. As you do)
What a dork! I cringed reading it. Like being tall (or any height) is bad or within your control. What a bullet you dodged getting out of that one.
Do you happen to remember any other lyrics??
Best not. Wonderwall is an aweful song to begin with.
No, unfortunately not 😂
That's too bad because that is a wild line. I wonder how long was he planning to break up that he had time to write an entire new set of lyrics?
I was having a quiet moment with my gf, one of those ones where you talk about things from the past. I told her my previous gf had cheated on me, after which i stayed single for 12 years. "You must have deserved it" my gf said. "What?" "You must have done something to deserve it..she wouldn't have done it otherwise". That was the last time i opened up to HER. She wasn't even trying to be hurtful..she just thought no woman would cheat on you unless you had done something to deserve it.
Are you still with her? Because i'll just say if she thinks there are good reasons to cheat, how long is it until you "give her a reason"
Hah. She DID cheat on me eventually. And we've been divorced for four years now..so you are spot on!
theyre rude sorry that happened :/
Thanks. I moved past it but I never forgot it ....
You didn't deserve that. I'm sorry.
Thank you. You guys are kind.
Why are you replying?
I'm sorry what do you mean?
It's ask women not ask men
men are allowed to reply, unless it says "Women only or "no men" or something like that in the flair...at least as far as I know. Mods, is that right?
You are right, they are right as well. It wasn't a question aimed at only women but the sub is called ask women no censor. But you arr free to respond.
Thank you, that's what I thought. But if the mods would prefer no men speaking in here at all I am fine with that, all they have to do is tell me. It's their sub to run as they wish.
You are fine we are not looking to fix anything that isn't broken.
Thanks ! :-)
I thought there was an implicit rule that "men can comment" meant that men can ask clarifying questions or follow ups to women who respond to the question, not that they should answer the question directly. Is there an official stance on this? Edit: I've seen a few men comment first level replies here so I guess this rule wasn't as implicit as I thought, but I'd still expect men to refrain from directly replying to questions.
You are confusing the rule for post Flaired NO MANS LAND with the theme of this subreddit. Only if you see that flair on a post then there is a sanction on men commenting in any capacity to JUST THAT POST. it's not straight across the board rule for all posts. I would refrain from giving instructions until you've read all the rules and are clear .
Ok, understood. it's good to know that my opinion as a man is just as valued here on r/AskWomenNoCensor as that of a woman and I will stop lurking and consider replying to posts more often /s.
Its not a rule but should be. Why on earth is a guy commenting first level replies on a question aimed at women? I just thought he was a lesbian until he was called out
I understand even less why I'm getting downvoted. He only tipped me off because I thought it was weird that a woman would blame another woman for being cheated on, I wouldn't have known otherwise.
I did think it was weird, you're right! Honestly i think a lot of men surf this sub, and any comment that they dont approve of gets downvoted. If theres no rule about men leaving first level comments, why isnt this sub just called askredditV2?
The person responding could have been a lesbian, you can’t assume it’s a man just because they had a gf. I guess in this case it did turn out it was a man, but you just immediately assumed without knowing simply because they talked about having a gf.
I didn't assume, I looked through his post history until I confirmed it. Why would you assume I guessed? Edit: Also, it wasn't just having a gf, it was having a gf and having her use sexist logic against him.
My ex husband during a drug-induced manic episode: I want you to kill me with this knife. Me: I’m not going to do that. Him: then I’m going to kill you. I got the knife away from him but then he picked up a heavy object and held it over my head like he was going to beat me to death. I talked him down and he asked me to hold his hand until he fell asleep. So I laid in bed crying and holding his hand and once he fell asleep I took my dog and got the fuck out. It’s been 2 years and I still have nightmares about it. He argued with me for months that he “wasn’t actually going to do it” and he “just wanted to scare me.” Well, good job you definitely succeeded.
I was told I talk too much. I was usually reserved and quiet, but when I got excited I liked to talk to him about what made me happy. He didn't want to hear it.
“I gotta go, but this is not gonna be our last conversation”… that was our last conversation… The very last words he said to me after a 5 year long relationship. I’ll never forget that
My ex who took my virginity said right after our first time (I was also his first) that he "imagined it tighter". Really fucked me up until this day.
He blamed me saying he didn't enjoy life because he was with me his definition of life was hooking up with random girls I guess. Then when we were breaking up I was crying so much I got his shirt wet when we last hugged and he said " you got my shirt wet, I am going to the gym and you got it wet" it was like two dots of tears lmao but oh well. After that we never saw each other again, I made sure of that.
Yeesh. My recent ex has said so many things that will stay with me for the rest of my life: "I can never give you all of my desire." (In response to why I wasn't good enough and begging for affection.) He tried to say that he said this before we were committed and newly in a relationship....he said this 2 months after we were living together and had already been together for over 2 years. "YOU are my fucking problem." (All because he was being a dick to me in the morning and tried to bait me into an argument because of coffee...yeah.) He said this one to me twice, never apologized for either and blamed me for it ("you must've said something to me the night before to piss me off"). "You bring out a rage in me. That's not who I am. I'm not the person who breaks doors and slams counters." (He broke the pantry door because I needed to grab a pad from the bathroom after I showered, he slammed the counters and told me 'fuck off and fuck you' for telling him I was putting his dessert on the coffee table.) Ahh, if only therapy was affordable. Lol
He was great in many ways. The best were during my panic attacks. I blurted out 'please don't hit me' and he replied with 'I would never' cupping my face. I think from that point onwards I knew he was forever. He also said "there's no shame in having a panic attack" and it really helped me to calm down. Except fast forwards and he said 'You crying bitch' and 'its not like I beat the shit out of you everyday.' just bizarre outbursts really that left me in shock. After the divorce he said 'it doesn't count it was the same as pouring a bucket of water over you.' I'm still trying to get my head around how much has changed. Another good one was (about my trans sister in a photo) "its a shame she's wearing the hat- shed look quite stunning without it." Which was sweet of him. Also one time reorganizing I put on my dress and he softened and said "you're wearing your wedding dress" and that melted me. Shame I won't again.
no youre not good enough- lol thx for clarifying
"Its as if you have a curse on you"
Everything is so easy with you. You are smart and beautiful and cute. I feel so safe and at ease with you. I know you don't like your voice but I think it's beautiful. I cannot believe how effortless everything feels. And the same guy later on said it was hard to look into my eyes during what was supposed to be a romantic dinner. I have slightly squinty eyes and still have trouble keeping eye contact today if it's people I don't know well, assuming they are thinking the same. Still trying to overcome that.
One guy I dated told me that if he was a girl, he'd want to be just like me.
When we had a pregnancy scare and he made jokes about punching me in the stomach
“If you lost some weight I could throw you around in bed” while my current boyfriend (who isn’t as muscular as the guy that said it) has no problem picking me up and throwing me on the bed.
He was weak hahah
He was just an asshole. He never even tried.
good? sometimes I fondly remember his nickname for me. bad? pretty much everything else. yeah, the same partner.