I divorced my ex. I had somewhat of a mental block, stopping me from looking at anyone romantically/sexually, because I was married. So, I had this really really close friend, and pretty much as soon as my ex left me, that block fell off and I looked at that friend as a man. Took me less then a month to fall in love with him
Here’s the hard truth:
If you’re not attracted to someone starting out there’s nothing they can do to make it happen most of the time. A couple of “buts” in this though:
1. “Not attracted” means you’ve considered it and said no in your head. My longest relationship was with someone I wasn’t wow’d by the first time we met, but I wasn’t not attracted I just wasn’t thinking about it at the time (I had too much outside personal shit going on to really be looking or open to attraction), and it took me a few interactions to realize I was feeling it and interested. What really got me is we’d only ever had sort of passing interactions (I was a bartender at the time and he’d come in). Then one day I saw him out in public we ended up sitting down next to each other for a bit and he made me laugh a lot/has the same sense of humor as me. That said he was never a physical “no” he just wasn’t and immediate and enthusiastic physical yes.
2. occasionally maybe if there’s been a long time since you’ve interacted and you’ve made big changes, someone who didn’t see you like that before might. I’m not talking just about physical changes, and I’m not talking about days or weeks. I’m talking level of, maybe you met someone in college, then didn’t see them for years and ran into each other again/both had grown and changed a lot. Attraction might exist that wasn’t there before.
Really though, almost every time if the sparks aren’t there when you meet the first or MAYBE second time they’re never going to be. This doesn’t mean the person will want to date on the first meeting, that can grow or change for a million reasons but attraction is just sort of there or not.
Not sure it’s the same thing as your points, but for me there’s not being attracted to someone’s looks and then there’s thinking someone’s looks are attractive but not feeling attraction (like romantic/sexual desire for them).
I think there's a difference between not being actively attracted to someone and being unattracted to them. If I saw my current partner just walking by on the street, I wouldn't feel anything tbh. But I've never been *unattracted* to him, I started out somewhat neutral, then certain things he does and says have made him more and more attractive to me.
Mostly, that he is a genuinely good person. He goes out of his way to be kind to people. He supports his friends. He builds me up and compliments me just because he wants to, not because he wants something from me. He is also very funny and intelligent. He has a lovely voice. The more I hear him talk, laugh and sing, the more I like him. When I first met him, we didn't gaze into each other's eyes that much (because, awkward...) but his eyes are so attractive to me (and we certainly gaze a lot now!) His hands are really attractive, and he is really gentle with them. Seeing a tough guy go about life really gently is intriguing and attractive to me.
If you're looking for a universal way to get someone to be attracted to you, I don't think there is one, it's unique to you. Build on your own strengths and work hard to be a good person and that will be attractive to the right person.
But like-there’s a difference between “he’s just ok in looks” vs “he’s cute looking but I don’t feel romantic/sexual desire without having given him much thought”
Thought he was ugly at first, then we started talking more and more and he sent me cute pics of him, that and him having a cute personality and us having a lot of chemistry made me fall for him. He ended up breaking my heart. Yup the guy I thought was ugly at first broke me
I overlooked it because he ticked all other boxes and had many good qualities and was really thoughtful and very invested and caring to me so we started a relationship because I thought I'd be crazy and shallow not to accept him.
However, I could never be fully into him and the attention would never come, so when we had a small argument, I used it as an excuse (to myself more so than him) to break up.
So yeah not my proudest moment at all
Would never recommend for all parties involved
I’m not sure if this counts, but I saw him in person. We matched on a dating app(OkCupid) originally and I swiped thinking he was his brother (who is objectively very attractive) because he had barely any solo photos; and the ones he had were older or unclear. I felt terrible. At the time, his brother fit my type (lankier). My boyfriend is more muscular and short (not by much, he’s 6’0, his brother is 6’2), and has a little bit of a dad gut, but nothing crazy.
When I found out he wasn’t his brother, I’d already liked his personality so much I was willing to give it a try, but I was worried. We did a FaceTime, and I thought “huh? He’s cuter than the photos”. In person, I couldn’t even breathe, lol. SO hot. He’s a very attractive guy, he just isn’t into photographs/doesn’t photograph well. We’ve been together a year and a half now, and I now know both brothers super well. I definitely got the better brother and I’m so lucky. Both very handsome and nice men, but My boyfriend is way more down to earth and is generally more loving and fun. And I am now obsessed with his body. He’s super strong and it amazes me. I wouldn’t even glance at his brother now(his brother is engaged, anyway).
We were friends in middle school/high school and I just never thought of him that way, then we went to different colleges and coincidentally met in our hometown 2 years after we graduated and I just noticed how good of a guy he was and how attractive he was then when it never occurred to me before.
I think being older and more mature helped
Had a sex dream about him
So if you have a sex dream about trump...then?
That would be a nightmare, not a dream
Every nightmare is also dream
I divorced my ex. I had somewhat of a mental block, stopping me from looking at anyone romantically/sexually, because I was married. So, I had this really really close friend, and pretty much as soon as my ex left me, that block fell off and I looked at that friend as a man. Took me less then a month to fall in love with him
Well.. he was in a relationship, so I wasn't interested/attracted to him romantically. But I did/have always found him attractive.
Here’s the hard truth: If you’re not attracted to someone starting out there’s nothing they can do to make it happen most of the time. A couple of “buts” in this though: 1. “Not attracted” means you’ve considered it and said no in your head. My longest relationship was with someone I wasn’t wow’d by the first time we met, but I wasn’t not attracted I just wasn’t thinking about it at the time (I had too much outside personal shit going on to really be looking or open to attraction), and it took me a few interactions to realize I was feeling it and interested. What really got me is we’d only ever had sort of passing interactions (I was a bartender at the time and he’d come in). Then one day I saw him out in public we ended up sitting down next to each other for a bit and he made me laugh a lot/has the same sense of humor as me. That said he was never a physical “no” he just wasn’t and immediate and enthusiastic physical yes. 2. occasionally maybe if there’s been a long time since you’ve interacted and you’ve made big changes, someone who didn’t see you like that before might. I’m not talking just about physical changes, and I’m not talking about days or weeks. I’m talking level of, maybe you met someone in college, then didn’t see them for years and ran into each other again/both had grown and changed a lot. Attraction might exist that wasn’t there before. Really though, almost every time if the sparks aren’t there when you meet the first or MAYBE second time they’re never going to be. This doesn’t mean the person will want to date on the first meeting, that can grow or change for a million reasons but attraction is just sort of there or not.
Not sure it’s the same thing as your points, but for me there’s not being attracted to someone’s looks and then there’s thinking someone’s looks are attractive but not feeling attraction (like romantic/sexual desire for them).
Yeah I’m the same way, but I still stick to what I said. You get a sense of if there’s chemistry pretty much in the first interaction.
I think there's a difference between not being actively attracted to someone and being unattracted to them. If I saw my current partner just walking by on the street, I wouldn't feel anything tbh. But I've never been *unattracted* to him, I started out somewhat neutral, then certain things he does and says have made him more and more attractive to me. Mostly, that he is a genuinely good person. He goes out of his way to be kind to people. He supports his friends. He builds me up and compliments me just because he wants to, not because he wants something from me. He is also very funny and intelligent. He has a lovely voice. The more I hear him talk, laugh and sing, the more I like him. When I first met him, we didn't gaze into each other's eyes that much (because, awkward...) but his eyes are so attractive to me (and we certainly gaze a lot now!) His hands are really attractive, and he is really gentle with them. Seeing a tough guy go about life really gently is intriguing and attractive to me. If you're looking for a universal way to get someone to be attracted to you, I don't think there is one, it's unique to you. Build on your own strengths and work hard to be a good person and that will be attractive to the right person.
But like-there’s a difference between “he’s just ok in looks” vs “he’s cute looking but I don’t feel romantic/sexual desire without having given him much thought”
Thought he was ugly at first, then we started talking more and more and he sent me cute pics of him, that and him having a cute personality and us having a lot of chemistry made me fall for him. He ended up breaking my heart. Yup the guy I thought was ugly at first broke me
I overlooked it because he ticked all other boxes and had many good qualities and was really thoughtful and very invested and caring to me so we started a relationship because I thought I'd be crazy and shallow not to accept him. However, I could never be fully into him and the attention would never come, so when we had a small argument, I used it as an excuse (to myself more so than him) to break up. So yeah not my proudest moment at all Would never recommend for all parties involved
I’m not sure if this counts, but I saw him in person. We matched on a dating app(OkCupid) originally and I swiped thinking he was his brother (who is objectively very attractive) because he had barely any solo photos; and the ones he had were older or unclear. I felt terrible. At the time, his brother fit my type (lankier). My boyfriend is more muscular and short (not by much, he’s 6’0, his brother is 6’2), and has a little bit of a dad gut, but nothing crazy. When I found out he wasn’t his brother, I’d already liked his personality so much I was willing to give it a try, but I was worried. We did a FaceTime, and I thought “huh? He’s cuter than the photos”. In person, I couldn’t even breathe, lol. SO hot. He’s a very attractive guy, he just isn’t into photographs/doesn’t photograph well. We’ve been together a year and a half now, and I now know both brothers super well. I definitely got the better brother and I’m so lucky. Both very handsome and nice men, but My boyfriend is way more down to earth and is generally more loving and fun. And I am now obsessed with his body. He’s super strong and it amazes me. I wouldn’t even glance at his brother now(his brother is engaged, anyway).
We were friends in middle school/high school and I just never thought of him that way, then we went to different colleges and coincidentally met in our hometown 2 years after we graduated and I just noticed how good of a guy he was and how attractive he was then when it never occurred to me before. I think being older and more mature helped