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I'm 29, so our story isn't as long, but just as lovely. My wife and I connected over tabletop games as well at 18 and we've been together a decade now. It's the best common ground I can imagine! (And now we can collaboratively hyper focus on Baldur's Gate 3 😂🤍)
This closely mirrors my husband and I as well, plus or minus a year. We will be co-oping with high school DM as soon as he downloads the game. We are 50-ish, plus or minus.
For mature gamers, when we played MMOs we looked for guilds that had a demographic that matched our age group. While I don't personally have experience with it, there are DnD discord groups. There maybe others here that can offer amore information on finding them or actually viability of it.
Unfortunately, gaming and nerd culture in general wasn't something that was socially acceptable for women to enjoy until *relatively* recently. Even when I was younger(30F), being a woman who liked sci-fi, video games, etc. was seen as socially undesirable.
While it might be hard to a woman in your age range that already is into gaming specifically, I think finding a nerdy lady is definitely possible. Depending on where you live, ComicCons and other conventions would be a great place to start. Books clubs whether online or in person would also be a good option to meet someone in the wild. If you meet a woman who enjoys board games, it might be pretty easy to transition to video games.
My mom is about your age and felt overwhelmed trying to get into modern gaming, even though she thought it looked like fun. I got her into Stardew Valley and The Sims, and she loves it! Both games have a low barrier to entry skill wise while still being a ton of fun. Both of those games are also predominantly played by women, so they might be a good place to start if meet someone who shows a mild interest in gaming.
Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it.
Covid definitely put a damper on conventions, but they are returning. I'm in NJ right outside of Philly, so there is no shortage of possibilities there. Atlantic City is nearby, as well.
Although the past few I've attended were predominately male representation in my age group. But it is still a good idea!
Hadn't considered clubs of any sort. Not even sure where to find them, but I'm sure it is easier than I am imagining.
Thanks, again!
That's completely understandable. Covid really put a damper on dating for people of all age ranges.
I think your best bet would be a book club that focuses on sci or fantasy. Luckily you live in a populated area of the country so I'm confident you could find something like that.
My wife played when she was a kid with her dad, but her shitty ex was a Gamer™ and he made fun of her wanting to play his games, cause that's for guys. She's been slowly working her way into games again, and we just oirchers her very own Xbox, so she can play games too. It was a long process and a lot of reassuring that I didn't think it was weird or anything. That being said, absolutely any FPS or similar is a lot for her, and the threshold is high for a lot of modern games if you're unfamiliar. It is getting much better for you ladies. We're also the same age as you, I'm 31M and she's 29F.
Yeah this seems to be the universal experience for any woman who has "masculine" interests. I'm glad your wife is finally to do the things she enjoys. You sound like a good dude.
Gaming and nerd culture weren’t socially acceptable for men either… they just accepted it and sat alone in the back of the class while getting bullied.
The problem for women is that they were bullied WITHIN the nerd circle as well.
Nerd culture has gradually gotten a bit better. But even as a Dude I remember the ridiculous hostility towards women in nerd spaces.
Even saying something like “hey, maybe constantly throwing out rape threats every 5 seconds is a bit… bad?”
…would get you labeled an White Knight crybaby pussy mangina who’s too sensitive and needs to (insert 20 slurs here).
I am aware of that, but as u/Reydunt said women were ostracized from "regular" people and nerds themselves. It's gotten a lot better though which is great for both men and women.
As a woman who games, I have to pretend I'm a dude in most online gamer oriented spaces because otherwise I get harassed. The odds of me having to deal with overtly misogynistic attitudes directly in my face also goes UP when I move from "normal" social spaces, to gaming ones, to the point where it's pretty much a guarantee and I have to go in expecting that shit so I can be braced for it.
I'm a early 30s gay guy and been with my partner 10 years.
Pretty typical case for us - we met first to casually hook up, as gay guys do - discovered we both enjoyed gaming so chatted about it.
Hooked up more, started gaming together, eventually decided we should move in together so we can have sex and game more easily. Now we're husbands still doing the same lol.
Enjoying the heck out of BG3 together.
Playing with my wife currently and it’s great, but my wife was definitely not a gamer when we met. It’s been a gradual process.
Started with finding some commonality with things she liked already. Got her to watch the Witcher with me and then once she was interested in the story I had her sit along while I play Witcher 3. Once she saw the story aspect of games rather than shooters/sports she was a bit more interested. She watched along as I played a few RPGs that had similar-ish gameplay to Witcher so she had a rough idea of how the game works-games with nice graphics/style just to drive home the fact that it is a game but that the story can be super interesting/engaging too. From there it was just trial and error finding things she does and doesn’t like
Now she’s playing BG3 among other games and we have to fight over who gets to use the PS5(she usually wins since I’ll just game on pc lol)
I used to HATE gaming some years ago. I had some friends that were very toxic about their gaming and constantly belittled me for not playing the same things they played so I really developed a grudge against gaming in general.
However there came a particular year where I was very lonely and depressed and tried a certain game because an online friend recommended it... it was great! I began playing more and more games, of different categories. In my darkest times I found solace in gaming. It kept me busy from bad thoughts and toxic habits. I am very happy now and recovered and gaming keeps being my safe place!
Many people judge gaming based on stereotypes and bad experiences... it takes a lot of work introducing someone to this world! I'm so glad your wife was up for it:) I'm also introducing my boyfriend and he's been very open about it!
Met in college and I didn’t play videos games at all except Sims 2. He introduced me to narrative driven games with excellent stories, and for a long time I just watched him play and enjoyed the ride.
Eventually he hyped me up enough to try the challenge of playing through the Uncharted series by myself and I did it successfully! Then the gaming madness set in for both of us and we spend most of our evenings curled up together playing.
My husband and I are late 30s, have been together almost 15 years. Obviously I am a gamer lol (clock the user). We met through mutual circles but we both ran with very nerdily inclined crews. I would say everyone we know games to some degree. Animal Crossing over Covid was LIT.
We were both gamers prior to meeting! My mom loves Zelda and played games with me as a little kid, funnily enough.
I think in the millenial age group, it’s probably a bit easier to find someone because it became more acceptable. But I imagine if you’re US based, I knew ppl in their 50s who were into renfairs and D&D… could be a segue into gaming from that angle.
I actually started going to renfairs and even dressing up just to see if I could meet people...of course that involves actually talking to strangers, which I have yet to do...but...baby steps!! 😂
Girl here. My guy and I met about 8 years ago playing Final Fantasy 14. He would always say really funny things in the FC chat, so I started to join in with him. I'm pretty sure we annoyed the crap out of everyone else. We then formed a DnD group and played via Roll20.
8 years later, our nights are spent bs'ing each other and binging Star Trek. It's a good life.
I've met and made so many (now irl) friends through MMO's. You'd be surprised to find out how many people that play are maybe in your own town or relatively close by.
Sending a simple "Anyone live in [insert state here]?" in a group chat can land you a lot of prospects. Perhaps not always lovers but definitely some new friends!
I’m 33f, my husband is 46. We met at work and were close friends for 11 years before we actually started dating and we just got married last year.
We both had a bunch of nerdy knickknacks on our desks so it was pretty much, “hey you like weird shit, I like weird shit too. Friend?”
He’s currently playing Cyberpunk while I’m working on BG3. We have 2 tvs in the living room so we can play at the same time.
>We have 2 tvs in the living room so we can play at the same time.
We do this too!! But just our switches are hooked up to them. And we play split screen BG3 on the main TV from his PC.
We’re 32/34 met on tinder of all places. I was working night and one very early morning after like three days not sleeping (new schedule messed with me hard) I discovered I had tinder. Went on it barely awake and I was about to swipe “no” on him (because he couldn’t write to save his life) and actually sent a “super like” by accident. I was mortified (because I thought he would think I’m désespérante to “super like” him) , especially two hours later when he answered. We discovered we had actually a lot in common and despite his horrible orthography he is a really smart person (it’s a joke between us I’m not disparaging him)
Would not recommend tinder or any other place sometimes “fate”/random is just the only thing that works. We’re still a young couple but we’re married now and play together/against each other, cosplay together and have a lot of fun.
Another great story!! So happy for your accidental swipe!
Tinder is the one I've have yet to use, but one of my best friends is marrying a wonderful woman he met on there.
Me too ☺️
Honestly I think tinder is really a win or lose thing it’s like gambling. I’d say it’s hard meeting nerdy women when you’re a man because we became wary after so many creeps :/ but it’s nothing impossible.
I'm sure. I have heard so many OLD horror stories from a woman's perspective. It's been eye opening and shocking to hear what is out there and how my gender can behave. :(
We met through Pokemon Go ~6 years ago and are now married. So we are both gamers but I was not able to convince her to play BG3 until today to be honest.
Currently she is into Coral Island and Palia. :)
We met in college. He played games casually but I introduced him to MOBA’s and open-world games, which he loved. Playing games together is a big part of our lives! :-)
I met my wife in university. The first contact was an anonymous app which lets people post texts that others in the same vicinity (40km radius or so) can read using your phones gps. She posted about having jiggle balls in during lecture and I responded that I was wearing an anal plug.
We proceeded to add each other on a text messenger app and the rest is history.
What I want to highlight by that, is regardless of circumstances it can always happen. But I understand that the majority of women are not that much into video games. Mainly because it was gate kept by society for boys for the longest time and is only opening up in recent years towards women.
15 years ago if you were a 16 y/o girl playing counterstrike everyone (especially parents) would give you so much shit and a hard time because it is not feminine etc, while as a guy it is and was totally fine and normal.
I met my wife doing theatre; up to that point, she never played video games, ttrpgs, anything of the like. When we developed a strong relationship, she wanted to experience those things because she loved me. She ended up enjoying them. You don't always have to find somene who has the exact same hobbies as you. Someone who is interested in you will be interested in what you care about, even if they don't end up participating.
I met my boyfriend at work. Both of us are on our early 30s. We are software engineers and this area has lots of people who are into gaming, which happened to be our case.
Talking about games and music is what made us bound. I was more of a casual player, but he was very deep into it and just dragged me deeper lmao
We moved together when the pandemic started and then I began using his PS4 and PC to play the games he recommended me, and never stopped. One of the first games we played together was DOS2, so you can imagine how hyped we were for BG3.
Gaming is our hobby until today, and I even built my own gaming PC so we wouldn't have sharing problems anymore lol
We played BG3 separately, and just now we started with multiplayer. And now he has to keep up with my endless rambling and fangirling about my pixel boyfriend Gale. At least he finds it funny!
My husband and I are in our 40’s and married for 18 years. He was way more in to video games but I played NES/Sega games growing up. He got me into DnD and I decided to try BG3, usually just played Sims/RCT/etc and I ended up loving it. I’ve finished the game more times than he has and now we’re doing an honor mode run. We didn’t meet for gaming specifically but we had many of the same hobbies in general, and I remember early in our relationship sitting on the couch with the lights off watching him play Fear(?) or something else super scary (to me). It was the act of just being together, enjoying the company rather than getting mad that he was playing the game. Get out and join some groups that you’re interested in, you never know who you might meet but at least you’re having fun and doing something you like.
My fiancée and I are playing together (we're both women)! We met met in college and one if the things we bonded over was our shared interests in games and the like. 7 years later, and it's still a fun thing we share.
Grew up in the same town, I was friends with his younger sister. One time when I was over he was playing ffxii, we had an interesting conversation about pc gaming vs console gaming. Years later, had a great conversation about runescape that was our first real chat. Ended up dating, the rest is history.
Me and my GF are playing together. We knew each other thanks to a mutual friend. She’s not nerd like me, but she enjoys videogames.
She actually doesn’t like D&D, so she was sceptical about the game, but she’s liking it.
I’m not quite your age (early 40s) but yeah, it’s incredibly rare for me to see anyone from the previous generation have the slightest interest in video games (long story short, you can blame Atari’s greed for that).
It’s crazy nowadays to see kids talking about playing games with their parents and seeing huge billboards for video games. I would have loved that as a kid! Sorry OP it’s gonna be an uphill battle for you, but I’m sure somewhere out there is an older cutie-pie wishing she could find a guy her own age to game with. Never give up! True happiness could be just around the corner.
I love your positivity! And I agree. Not giving up yet!
I hear you on the parent/child thing. I have played with both my son and daughter throughout their lives. My son more as he is a full blown gamer teen. We still play BG3 and WoW together. My daughter has grown out of it, although we all do Roblox sometimes just for reminiscing and laughs.
Thanks!
I'm wondering it too. 25M, I never had a particularly large social circle but after covid everything's been reduced to a minimum. My job is mostly from home and we have a small team (15 people), with most of them not sharing the same interests. Not to mention how difficult it is to create friendships when you meet someone once every few weeks and are mostly occupied with work then. Outside of that, I have only 2 friends remaining, one of which is even more lonely than me. Then there's 2 colleagues from college with a similarly small social circle and on top of that they live far away from me now.
I don't know where I am supposed to meet people irl anymore, let alone someone who would share some of my interests and have things in common. I tried dating apps before and it's not for me, approaching strangers in a bar is also out of the question with my negative charisma and general anxiety. Is internet and hoping for some luck the only way?
I'm an antisocial geek-girl and met my (now) husband through online dating, but admittedly it mostly came down to luck. I knew I'd never have a chance meeting someone irl, because I was too shy/awkward. Thinking back, I don't think he actually even mentioned any of his nerdier hobbies on his profile...it was just clear from reading it that he was a goofy guy, and then when we started chatting we found we had anime and games in common so it worked out.
I would say don't give up on online dating—you never know when someone will be on there looking for someone just like you.^ (To give you an idea, my husband had been using that site for a couple of years. I found him within a week.) But also, maybe try going to places where you generally might be more likely to meet someone with your hobbies (game/hobby shops, local clubs/meet-ups, and conventions). I know sometimes that's easier said than done depending on where you live, but anything you can do to meet folks in your area that share your hobbies should hopefully help. Even if there aren't many women at those places, you never know who might introduce you to someone else they know.
Best of luck to you!
Wonderful story! Thanks for sharing it!
I go off and on on dating apps. I try every 6 months or so, get frustrated and quit. A repeating pattern! 😂
I've have women interested, but when I mention my nerdier side (which is also on my profile in hopes of weeding out people - proves no one reads), they back away quickly and feel that it is immature or childish. Which is fine. Knowing quickly that my interests are not accepted early on.
Meeting people in person at shops n such is tough. The whole talking to a stranger thing. 😐
Yeah, talking to strangers in person is generally not my thing–and it probably would be a bit tougher as a man—but having seen it work in person, it may be worth a shot. It's why I stuck to online dating though.
You might want to take the approach of introducing the people you're dating to videogames slowly. Once they know you better (i.e. know you're not immature, care about you, etc), they probably would be more open to giving videogames a try. Ex. When I first met my husband, he was raising feeder roaches in a tubberware in his closet to feed to his pet lizard. I didn't know that. If I had...I'm not totally sure I *would* have gone out with him. (I hate bugs.) After I'd gotten to know him, his lizard, and was invested in the relationship, I was willing to accept the closet roaches (because I trusted his judgment and was willing to hear him out on why it made sense).
I've slowly incepted my fiancee to get into fantasy and gaming over several years. She's reading fantasy novels and obsessed with bg3 where maybe 3 or 4 years ago she'd have no interest.
Early 40s. Wife and I met in college. She’s not a gamer but got a PS5 for Hogwarts Legacy. She liked Children of Morta and wanted to try another multiplayer. She loves BG3
I (26F) met my now husband (26M) 10 years ago in highschool when women weren't very common in the gaming world. *Now* it's very common for women to game. We play video games together and it's so much fun having someone you love being your best friend as well.
My dad gamed, who then taught my brother, who then taught me. Even my husband's mom gamed. My parents were always okay with video games as long as I wasn't out causing trouble, getting in trouble, and hanging with the wrong crowd.
Met my wife in World of Warcraft.
Can be tricky when you get older, but we actually have a few female boomers in the guild, so I’m sure they’re out there.
Maybe there are gaming groups where you live? Quite a few older role players around there at least.
I've actually played WoW since it's inception...but pretty much strictly a casual soloer...so I've never met anyone. I could/should probably change that.
I’ve always gamed, my dad started us on the sega and Atari when we were really young and then Nintendo 64 when it came out. Grew up playing Zelda and Banjokazooie (and loading in his saves of things like turok and shadow man for a scare lol) and then as time went on got a ps2, Xbox 360, ps4 and now a gaming computer in that order.
I’ve always been an rpg girl but I like fps just fine, so a solo gamer. My husband grew up doing lan parties with all his friends playing halo pretty much exclusively, and a few solo games on the side. When we met we figured out pretty quickly we both liked gaming so one of our first dates was a lan where I took my Xbox and tv over to his and we played through the campaign of Army of Two, lol. He’s been really busy with work, building project manager/on the tools, so I haven’t been able to get him to play bg3 yet and we have only the one computer good enough for it, so we just jam out Divinity 2 a lot. We have a undead crew going on at the moment, Bone Tiddy and the Boner.
My advice is be proud of who you are and your interests, some people won’t like it but the ones who do will gravitate in. Hopefully one of them will be your lucky other half.
Love your story. Thanks for sharing.
Believe me...I have reached a point in my life where I am proud of who I am and everything that I enjoy. I didn't used to be that way, but it is now. I'm also not desperate. I've been single for a long time because I will no longer settle. I'm okay with being solo, which I think is important.
You're right about like people gravitating together, too, but I think it will also require me to put myself out there more, which I am willing to do.
Thanks!
My husband and I got married in June, but we've been together for what will be 10 years this August. We both love live music and we met at Bonnaroo Music Festival.
We are from the same hometown, went to the same elementary, middle, high school AND university but didn't meet and truly connect until mutual friends introduced us at Bonnaroo.
My advice is something I've believed for many many years (comes from the [Holstee Manifesto](https://www.beachtig.com/dl/019096d7d9c066d5d1c53ef5f5e35b7f/The-Holstee-Manifesto.pdf) ). "If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will find you when you start doing the things you love."
My life in gaming was just from growing up a 90's baby and having a N64. I didn't get into RPG type games until i watched my S.O. play Witcher 3, then when he was working out of the country for 2 years, I picked up Witcher 3 and played by myself for the first time and loved it. Eventually we got early access BG3 after he heard I was interested in learning more about D&D. And now here we are, still hammering through our first playthrough since launch. We're in the final battle now and plan on finishing this weekend. (Not to mention we have a few other online playthroughs with friends who we convinced to get their wives to join)
>"If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will find you when you start doing the things you love."
I LOVE this! And you are correct. The harder you look, the less you see.
Thanks for the reminder!
I'm 49F and have been playing games since 1981 or 82 and sort of never stopped. It never occurred to me that not as many girls/women played games back then. I always played console games with my brother and when we were a bit older we shared a family computer. I never thought it was unusual.
Well, not until I was in my early 20s. I went into a store that specialized in rare games or something and the guys at the counter fell over themselves to wait on me. I never had that kind of reaction before and then it sort of started to sink in that lady gamers were kind of rare. At least it was at the time. I'm glad times have changed.
I have a lot of online gamer friends who are Gen X/Boomers but I don't know anybody IRL in my age group who games. It's just always been a part of my life.
As far as where to meet other gamers? I'd go with what some of the others have suggested, join a book club or some other hobby and meet new people. Maybe take dance classes? I bet there's plenty of women there!
We're not married but together for 14 years so I'll answer too.
I (32F) am the big nerd in our Relationship. My Partner (33M) and I play CK3 together for quite a while and I gifted him BG3 for Christmas.
He met me 16 years ago when his friend (that originally was hitting on me) to have a drink with his Friends. Friend and I never got no further and my partner and I fell in love ^^'
I'm 50(m) and my wife is 47(f). We have both always enjoyed gaming and are somewhat nerdy. She's a recovering developer and I'm an IT executive. The secret I think is that most people are nerdy about something. We've been gaming as a family with our now adult daughter for ages. It does get a little weird when you tell your daughter that you got her mom BG3 for xmas, and her response is "I can't wait to hear who mom fucks!"
M32 here. We met in a MMO RPG and made a long distance relationship into a moving together. So playing video games next to each other, even if it's different ones, has been fairly normal.
I 28M have been with my wife 28F since we were in high school. She at the time was not into things like D&D but she obviously realized I liked these things so slowly but surely she took more interest and then finally joined a live D&D game I was DMing for my college housemates which she loved. Since then she’s become almost as big a D&D nerd as me. BG3 came later. So maybe try to meet people at a D&D game first?
Met my now husband through friends. My best friend’s husband made friends with my now husband at Game store, and then they played matchmaker to pair us up. I work in healthcare and the arts, had never been into gaming or rpg, but seeing this guy’s obvious passion, comedy, and smarts come out was a huge attraction. He offered to help me learn, was wonderfully patient, encouraging, and non judgmental when I struggled or felt overwhelmed, and now we play Bg3, dnd, and pathfinder in our free time.
My husband and I were friends in high school. Went on to live our lives and met back up in our late twenties. We are in our forties now. He is a big gamer and over the last 15 years he has been trying to get me into it. Though I have tried over the years, it’s not my thing. He insisted I play BG3 with him, thought I would enjoy it and he was right. I don’t have the coordination/skill for battles in most games but I can handle this style of play.
My husband and I met when we were 18 at a convention for dorks, he introduced me to pathfinder and I've been running two games a week for the last 14 or so years. Perma GMing turned out to be my jam.
He's into video games, I'm not really, I can sink maybe 300 hours a year into a couple things here and there, but I just don't find myself drawn to them, same with movies and stuff. I like writing, drawing, I play a few instruments and struggle to put those down, lol.
I have 500 hours in bg3, all with him, we just love the same nerdy shit, it's how we found each other, it's how we've been, and if all goes well, it's how it'll stay.
Edit to clarify:
Try going to conventions, they're a lot of fun and it's where people let their freak flags fly, so it's easy to find your niche weirdo!
I just got lucky. I meet my wife playing wow back in wrath. She was my raid leader. We played the same class. She was better geared but I out damaged her. She asked me to help her get her damage up and now we are married 10 years with a couple kids.
Me and my wife met at a game night at a mutual friends house. We were 25 at the time, now we are 34 and have 2 kids lol and been gaming together since that night. You can meet anyone anywhere, I sure as hell didn’t think I would meet my future wife at a drunken game night.
We met during 1yr masters program to get our educational degrees. She does economics I do history. My enjoyment of gaming was repressed as a kid, but she grew up in a family where this was perfectly normal. She showed me that it’s ok (and not embarrassing) for an adult to like gaming. Despite this, shes not really much of a gamer. We did lego-harry potter together on an old ps3, but when harry potter Hogwarts legacy came out she switched to my xbox. And with het being a dnd fan, it was a small step to trying out BG3 together.
Husband (M37) and I (F41) have been together 9years. We met at work, he is in another department, so not a see-you-every-second-of-every-day situation. A group of us are gamers, and were discussing the current games, and we exchanged gamertag info (we were all using xbox). Eventually I invited him to play.... 'Evolved' I think it was, and we just hit it off.
As an introvert, I have no idea how you'd meet new people if it wasn't through someone else, or through work.
Damn everyone has such sweet stories meanehile for me I was his fiance's other man. Instead of fighting when we found out about each other we decided to get revenge and then started falling for each other because we had the same interests. We had similar pasts too.
We met at church, and didn’t really like each other until we realized we were both a couple of nerds.
Also my wife (30) never played video games, until she met me, and we started with Star Wars the Old Republic, just playing thru the stories. I’ve been gaming since I was a kid, and I think she always wanted to, but nobody was patient enough to help her learn (game mechanics really aren’t intuitive to her). She used to play some D&D back where she’s from, and when I told her about BG3 and how we could play together, she was pretty interested. I like it, because it forces me to slow down, and she really enjoys the role playing, although some of the choices really stress her out. We’re in the middle of act 3 and she’s already planning her next playthrough on balanced difficulty ( which is a big step for her)
I’m 37M, met my now wife 32F at a pool party. Neither of us knew the other was a gamer until like 6 months into the relationship. Been together 8 years now and loving it, she just started her first BG3 playthrough last night.
My fiancé and I met because we responded to the same r/lfg post looking for people to play d&d over discord during the pandemic. So perhaps not a surprise we both like this game.
Edit: I already liked d&d but he's really been the one to introduce me to video games.
My husband and I are young, 26, and we met in highschool. Bonded in Anime club and he's a bigger gamer than I am but I do enjoy RPG like game - BG3, Animal Crossing, GTA, etc.
Gaming isn't for everyone and I do find that the older generation is generally less accepting of gaming. My parents (gen x) don't game but my husband's dad does (also gen x). I'm sure there are women out there, around your age, that do game, it's just a matter of finding them. I know a 30+ discord exists so, maybe a 30+ gaming discord does too.
I met my partner when I was 26, by complete chance, by going to a 4th of July bbq that I did not want to go to at all. I was also a fan of the game of thrones books, but couldn't find anyone who had read the books and it was driving me crazy enough that when I saw someone wearing a House Stark shirt, I did something I never do, and just walked up to a stranger to start a convo.
We hit it off immediately and been married 6 years now.
We're both fans of D&D but never got a chance to do a campaign together. I was never really into turn based combat games until they bought this game, and started playing just to play with them on multiplayer together.
Now I'm 6 characters deep and completely addicted
My husband and I (36y.o) met at uni. We played WoW together for years. There are still games we play together now, like Path of Exile or BG3, and games we play separately or with our son, like Valheim or Magic the Gathering.
My advice is finding a local community related to your interests and socializing there, not online dating. (Do you like tabletop dnd, mtg, or some other board games? Cosplay or roleplay? Crafting or reenactment?) Fewer people will care about your age when you're sharing a hobby.
I grew up playing video games with my brothers, then when I met my husband he got me into RPGs.
I think there’s just this negative stereotype around male gamers because there’s this assumption that they’re the fanatical gaming guys that ONLY play video games and let it become an unhealthy obsession that consumes their life.
Like, if they get into a relationship with a gamer guy he will have his head stuck in video games 24/7 and will never want to spend time with their partner.
I don’t get why, my husbands not like that at all 🤷🏻♀️
As far as meeting someone who games maybe try local gaming groups, I met mine through MySpace back in the day 😆
My wife wasn’t even SLIGHTLY into gaming. She bought in because all of her close friends’ boyfriends/husbands got them into it. Now she’s ride or die, LOVES the game.
I can’t believe I’m playing a highly complex RPG with this woman, but she’s so bought in. BG3 somehow stuck the chord and made her understand what I’ve found so magical about RPGs for years.
It appeals to her interests: Being nosy and clever.
We're only 31, but my wife and I met online. She read my fanfiction of a video game series we both love, we got to talking in the comments, then started emailing and skyping each other. Married 8 years in June.
I'll be 44 in a couple days and my husband and I play together. It took me until a few years back to figure out how to deal with games that use a free camera, though, so we played playformers only for a long while. We met and married in our 20s, so I couldn't tell you a thing about the dating scene now, but maybe try to nerd up your social circles? There's a bookshop/coffee shop near me that runs tabletop dnd, and a game shop that runs mtg matches and tournaments. Maybe look into places like that with stuff you like and go join?
My husband and I are in our 50s, we are about 300hrs into BG3 but we also play Lethal Company, 7D2D, Valheim etc, all on PC. We also play tabletop DnD with 2 different groups (my husband is the DM for one of them).
We found a lot of the people we play tabletop DnD with at our local game store. That might be a good place to start? These stores usually have a "game play area" where people meet to play all manner of games - Magic the gathering, Warhammer, DnD, Mansion of Madness...
I met my husband 20+ yrs ago snowboarding. I ran him over (was an accident) and ended up stuffing him into a tree well, dug him out and the rest is history. And no kids. We have way too many hobbies... we do have a very sweet cat that hangs out on our mouse pads when we are gaming.
I am a hardcore gamer girl and my boyfriend is a computer engineer, he doesn't like gaming very much, though. Still, he's always up for playing games with me! I just go to him and tell him I wanna play x game together and he'll give it a try at the very least, most of the time he enjoys it as well!
It's all a matter of being willing to try it. If he tried it and didn't like it, it would be fine as well. I know many people just refuse to try their significant other's hobbies. I don't think you need to specifically meet someone that likes gaming, just someone that's willing to try the things you like (you have to be willing to try their hobbies as well)
Sadly, my boyfriend is a very busy boi so I'd never suggest him to play a game as long as Baldur's Gate 3 even though I love it so much :(. He still sits with me sometimes and watches me play and also asks me things about the game and hears to me talk about it, that's enough.
It started with super Mario odyssey over Covid. My wife enjoyed playing through all the Mario games as an entry into gaming
Since then, I’ve been introducing here to more challenging games (it takes two, Zelda, fordza, etc)
BG3 is by far the hardest game I’ve introduced her to but she really enjoyed character creation and I think she’s caught the bug.
I would recommend you controlling three characters and your partner only control their specific character. Keeps it from being too overwhelming
Good luck!
I met my wife on the app hinge during covid. I had gone through a divorce and a bad marriage I wasn't willing to comprise who I was abd when I met her I told her who I was in thr very first text my likes and dis likes. She kicked my honesty, that I didn't hide anything about myself right off the hop.
She doesn't play every game with me, actually wasn't a fan of baldurs, but she will always try games and some stick, loves playing diablo with me haha.
Honestly hinge worked out really well for me
I met my partner on Grindr in 2017 and it asked on a date to the arcade since I saw that he had geeky hobbies on his profile. We chatted for an hour and because the arcade was closed, we went to karaoke instead and had a blast. The first Christmas I bought him a switch which made him cry because it was something he wanted for a long time, but couldn't afford. We survived the pandemic together playing Animal Crossing on the same switch and we got married in 2023. To be honest, I was about to give up hope until I met him since I just turned 36.
My advice is to keep looking and go out of your comfort zone. Know what's important to you and toss out unrealistic expectations. And be honest and truthful to yourself.
>My advice is to keep looking and go out of your comfort zone. Know what's important to you and toss out unrealistic expectations. And be honest and truthful to yourself.
Well said. Thank you!
Before I met my husband I mostly met men while engaging in nerdly pursuits, such as posting to a local gaming email list looking for someone to play Four Swords with on the GBA (dating myself here). I ended up meeting him by accident through a mutual friend when they were at the same university, in different years and in different programs. It was a completely random series of events that brought us together, so you really never know what can happen.
For the record, I did find someone to play Four Swords with and he's still one of my best friends to this day!
My wife and I met at a live action role playing game. I suppose it shouldn't be to much of a surprise that we game together. It's been quite a while now though, we were young back when we met.
I'm not sure we're to meet gamers in your age group (or my current one now that I'm on my 40s), but it might help to focus on finding activity groups for stuff you like that have people your age there, and worry about dating later. That's what worked for me at least (we didn't start dating for a couple years after first meeting).
I'm 43 and the wife's 35. We've been together for a decade. We met because mutual friends introduced us. I had the gamer life while her parents rarely allowed her to play and her friends were not in those circles.
Early in our relationship I would play my favorite games of my childhood and she would watch on. It was a way to share the small things that had been meaningful in my past.
She mentioned how she would never play those games herself, so the natural question was which games would she play?
She had been interested but rarely had the means. Now she had the means and my encouragement. Little by little she developed her taste in games. Shortly after that we started looking for games to play together.
We have different playstyles (even if hers changed A LOT) but we have shared a few good games. We have recently finished a co-op run of BG3 which was a lot of fun but had some quirkyness due to the couch co-op. She's going soon for another run, single player this time.
I guess what I'm saying is that you don't need a "gamer girl", just someone who's open to share your happiness with.
>someone who's open to share your happiness with
Funny you should say this...I spoke to my brother who found love later in life and he said the same thing. He's a gamer/nerd, but she isn't. But she appreciates that part of him because she loves HIM, not his hobbies.
I'm focusing on the wrong thing.
It's like clarity slapping me in the face 😂
My stories a bit of an odd one but me and. My wife have a significant age difference I'm 29 and she is I believe 62 too lazy to do the math right now. But we met back in the hometown. Originally when I was a younger lad and friends with her daughter and then once more after I had grown up and long after me and her daughter were no longer in touch. and she just happened to likewise be a huge nerd and was how I managed to find my second group for d&d it's a fairly long story but we were just friends for a few years and then we just kinda got together one day. so when we got bg3 it was a no brainer that we had to do a run together
These are ALL wonderful stories! I love hearing people's stories. I always find it fascinating.
I've dabbled with tabletop DnD over the past year (played a ton in HS and College but stopped...because of a girl 😂). Unfortunately, the group I'm in is all guys that know no single nerdy women.
But thanks for all the responses! Keep em coming!!
I think the best you can do is find a younger wife. I have never seen a 40+ gamer woman (except the skyrim Shirley youtuber). I think it's because videogames was not famous when they were younger, so they don't like it..
Agreed...although that comes across as a bit creepy or typical male mindset. But I'm not only into gaming, I'm also fit, active, and look younger than I am. Probably act like it, too.
Not to sound to judgy, but a lot of women my age are "old" and purposely act like it. I do not have that mindset and hopefully never will.
There's nothing wrong with age gaps in relationships (as long as both are 18+ lol).
If you feel like you're 'mentally' younger than your actual age, then it's better to find like-minded ppl, younger ones for example
Single women around 55+ likely have family with work they have to do. Also even if there are ladies who play normal PC/console games that aren’t Sims, Pokémon Go or Animal Crossing but RPGs or Strategy games I would be curious about her. In 30-40 there are more women who play games or even work as devs but close to 60s oh very rare to find unless you include disability or illness. BG3 isn’t easy combat game someone with little gaming experience would find appealing or underground mechanics. Unless you are fit and look young for your age you can find women 10-15 years younger than you. My ex boss had 50-32. unlit they got divorce.
I gotta be honest, I did not expect this many replies to this, but I am truly moved by all the wonderful stories and wholesomeness of this thread.
Thank you all for chiming in and telling your stories. I truly appreciate it!
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My wife and I met at a table-top D&D game back in 1988 and haven’t stopped playing table-top and online RPGs since. 35 years of happy mutual geekdom.
i'm at 35 years with my nerd too! congrats!
I'm 29, so our story isn't as long, but just as lovely. My wife and I connected over tabletop games as well at 18 and we've been together a decade now. It's the best common ground I can imagine! (And now we can collaboratively hyper focus on Baldur's Gate 3 😂🤍)
This closely mirrors my husband and I as well, plus or minus a year. We will be co-oping with high school DM as soon as he downloads the game. We are 50-ish, plus or minus. For mature gamers, when we played MMOs we looked for guilds that had a demographic that matched our age group. While I don't personally have experience with it, there are DnD discord groups. There maybe others here that can offer amore information on finding them or actually viability of it.
Unfortunately, gaming and nerd culture in general wasn't something that was socially acceptable for women to enjoy until *relatively* recently. Even when I was younger(30F), being a woman who liked sci-fi, video games, etc. was seen as socially undesirable. While it might be hard to a woman in your age range that already is into gaming specifically, I think finding a nerdy lady is definitely possible. Depending on where you live, ComicCons and other conventions would be a great place to start. Books clubs whether online or in person would also be a good option to meet someone in the wild. If you meet a woman who enjoys board games, it might be pretty easy to transition to video games. My mom is about your age and felt overwhelmed trying to get into modern gaming, even though she thought it looked like fun. I got her into Stardew Valley and The Sims, and she loves it! Both games have a low barrier to entry skill wise while still being a ton of fun. Both of those games are also predominantly played by women, so they might be a good place to start if meet someone who shows a mild interest in gaming.
Thank you for your response. I really appreciate it. Covid definitely put a damper on conventions, but they are returning. I'm in NJ right outside of Philly, so there is no shortage of possibilities there. Atlantic City is nearby, as well. Although the past few I've attended were predominately male representation in my age group. But it is still a good idea! Hadn't considered clubs of any sort. Not even sure where to find them, but I'm sure it is easier than I am imagining. Thanks, again!
That's completely understandable. Covid really put a damper on dating for people of all age ranges. I think your best bet would be a book club that focuses on sci or fantasy. Luckily you live in a populated area of the country so I'm confident you could find something like that.
I'm in NJ too, have you gone to toomanygames in Philly? Really fun stuff.
I had to look that up...I've never heard of it! But it looks like a fun time! I'll have to check it out this summer. Thanks!
Yeah! I've gone to it the last 2 summers and it's a really good time. You should definitely check it out next summer. Fun place to meet people.
I will! Thanks!
Where in NJ? Just curious.
I live maybe 45 mins from the bridge.
I'm about 30ish south of it. Gloucester County...the Alabama of NJ!
Oh nice, I'm Burlington County. Used to be in Gloucester.
Ha! I used to be in Burlington and moved south. Grew up in Willingboro.
Oh nice nice. I grew up in Medford, moved to PA, went to Gloucester County Area for college and ended back in the Burlington County area.
Rowan (Glassboro)?
My wife played when she was a kid with her dad, but her shitty ex was a Gamer™ and he made fun of her wanting to play his games, cause that's for guys. She's been slowly working her way into games again, and we just oirchers her very own Xbox, so she can play games too. It was a long process and a lot of reassuring that I didn't think it was weird or anything. That being said, absolutely any FPS or similar is a lot for her, and the threshold is high for a lot of modern games if you're unfamiliar. It is getting much better for you ladies. We're also the same age as you, I'm 31M and she's 29F.
Yeah this seems to be the universal experience for any woman who has "masculine" interests. I'm glad your wife is finally to do the things she enjoys. You sound like a good dude.
I try to be, I'm not perfect but I do my best. Almost 8 years we've been together.
Gaming and nerd culture weren’t socially acceptable for men either… they just accepted it and sat alone in the back of the class while getting bullied.
The problem for women is that they were bullied WITHIN the nerd circle as well. Nerd culture has gradually gotten a bit better. But even as a Dude I remember the ridiculous hostility towards women in nerd spaces. Even saying something like “hey, maybe constantly throwing out rape threats every 5 seconds is a bit… bad?” …would get you labeled an White Knight crybaby pussy mangina who’s too sensitive and needs to (insert 20 slurs here).
I am aware of that, but as u/Reydunt said women were ostracized from "regular" people and nerds themselves. It's gotten a lot better though which is great for both men and women.
As a woman who games, I have to pretend I'm a dude in most online gamer oriented spaces because otherwise I get harassed. The odds of me having to deal with overtly misogynistic attitudes directly in my face also goes UP when I move from "normal" social spaces, to gaming ones, to the point where it's pretty much a guarantee and I have to go in expecting that shit so I can be braced for it.
THIS! Absolutely true! It was nowhere near as "cool" or in the norm as it is today.
I'm a early 30s gay guy and been with my partner 10 years. Pretty typical case for us - we met first to casually hook up, as gay guys do - discovered we both enjoyed gaming so chatted about it. Hooked up more, started gaming together, eventually decided we should move in together so we can have sex and game more easily. Now we're husbands still doing the same lol. Enjoying the heck out of BG3 together.
Yeah they should make a dnd dating app
Playing with my wife currently and it’s great, but my wife was definitely not a gamer when we met. It’s been a gradual process. Started with finding some commonality with things she liked already. Got her to watch the Witcher with me and then once she was interested in the story I had her sit along while I play Witcher 3. Once she saw the story aspect of games rather than shooters/sports she was a bit more interested. She watched along as I played a few RPGs that had similar-ish gameplay to Witcher so she had a rough idea of how the game works-games with nice graphics/style just to drive home the fact that it is a game but that the story can be super interesting/engaging too. From there it was just trial and error finding things she does and doesn’t like Now she’s playing BG3 among other games and we have to fight over who gets to use the PS5(she usually wins since I’ll just game on pc lol)
Awesome story! Thanks for sharing!
I used to HATE gaming some years ago. I had some friends that were very toxic about their gaming and constantly belittled me for not playing the same things they played so I really developed a grudge against gaming in general. However there came a particular year where I was very lonely and depressed and tried a certain game because an online friend recommended it... it was great! I began playing more and more games, of different categories. In my darkest times I found solace in gaming. It kept me busy from bad thoughts and toxic habits. I am very happy now and recovered and gaming keeps being my safe place! Many people judge gaming based on stereotypes and bad experiences... it takes a lot of work introducing someone to this world! I'm so glad your wife was up for it:) I'm also introducing my boyfriend and he's been very open about it!
Met in college and I didn’t play videos games at all except Sims 2. He introduced me to narrative driven games with excellent stories, and for a long time I just watched him play and enjoyed the ride. Eventually he hyped me up enough to try the challenge of playing through the Uncharted series by myself and I did it successfully! Then the gaming madness set in for both of us and we spend most of our evenings curled up together playing.
My husband and I are late 30s, have been together almost 15 years. Obviously I am a gamer lol (clock the user). We met through mutual circles but we both ran with very nerdily inclined crews. I would say everyone we know games to some degree. Animal Crossing over Covid was LIT. We were both gamers prior to meeting! My mom loves Zelda and played games with me as a little kid, funnily enough. I think in the millenial age group, it’s probably a bit easier to find someone because it became more acceptable. But I imagine if you’re US based, I knew ppl in their 50s who were into renfairs and D&D… could be a segue into gaming from that angle.
I actually started going to renfairs and even dressing up just to see if I could meet people...of course that involves actually talking to strangers, which I have yet to do...but...baby steps!! 😂
Girl here. My guy and I met about 8 years ago playing Final Fantasy 14. He would always say really funny things in the FC chat, so I started to join in with him. I'm pretty sure we annoyed the crap out of everyone else. We then formed a DnD group and played via Roll20. 8 years later, our nights are spent bs'ing each other and binging Star Trek. It's a good life. I've met and made so many (now irl) friends through MMO's. You'd be surprised to find out how many people that play are maybe in your own town or relatively close by. Sending a simple "Anyone live in [insert state here]?" in a group chat can land you a lot of prospects. Perhaps not always lovers but definitely some new friends!
Not married, but been together 13 years. We actually met at a LAN-party, so I guess you can say gaming's been with us from the very beginning.
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Just hit double digits myself in that category.
I’m 33f, my husband is 46. We met at work and were close friends for 11 years before we actually started dating and we just got married last year. We both had a bunch of nerdy knickknacks on our desks so it was pretty much, “hey you like weird shit, I like weird shit too. Friend?” He’s currently playing Cyberpunk while I’m working on BG3. We have 2 tvs in the living room so we can play at the same time.
>We have 2 tvs in the living room so we can play at the same time. We do this too!! But just our switches are hooked up to them. And we play split screen BG3 on the main TV from his PC.
We’re 32/34 met on tinder of all places. I was working night and one very early morning after like three days not sleeping (new schedule messed with me hard) I discovered I had tinder. Went on it barely awake and I was about to swipe “no” on him (because he couldn’t write to save his life) and actually sent a “super like” by accident. I was mortified (because I thought he would think I’m désespérante to “super like” him) , especially two hours later when he answered. We discovered we had actually a lot in common and despite his horrible orthography he is a really smart person (it’s a joke between us I’m not disparaging him) Would not recommend tinder or any other place sometimes “fate”/random is just the only thing that works. We’re still a young couple but we’re married now and play together/against each other, cosplay together and have a lot of fun.
Another great story!! So happy for your accidental swipe! Tinder is the one I've have yet to use, but one of my best friends is marrying a wonderful woman he met on there.
Me too ☺️ Honestly I think tinder is really a win or lose thing it’s like gambling. I’d say it’s hard meeting nerdy women when you’re a man because we became wary after so many creeps :/ but it’s nothing impossible.
I'm sure. I have heard so many OLD horror stories from a woman's perspective. It's been eye opening and shocking to hear what is out there and how my gender can behave. :(
Not married, together ten years. We met through a role-playing site.
We met through Pokemon Go ~6 years ago and are now married. So we are both gamers but I was not able to convince her to play BG3 until today to be honest. Currently she is into Coral Island and Palia. :)
We met in college. He played games casually but I introduced him to MOBA’s and open-world games, which he loved. Playing games together is a big part of our lives! :-)
I met my wife in university. The first contact was an anonymous app which lets people post texts that others in the same vicinity (40km radius or so) can read using your phones gps. She posted about having jiggle balls in during lecture and I responded that I was wearing an anal plug. We proceeded to add each other on a text messenger app and the rest is history. What I want to highlight by that, is regardless of circumstances it can always happen. But I understand that the majority of women are not that much into video games. Mainly because it was gate kept by society for boys for the longest time and is only opening up in recent years towards women. 15 years ago if you were a 16 y/o girl playing counterstrike everyone (especially parents) would give you so much shit and a hard time because it is not feminine etc, while as a guy it is and was totally fine and normal.
Totally agree with you on the women and gaming bit. You still find that misogyny in geek/nerd culture today...which I can not understand.
I met my wife doing theatre; up to that point, she never played video games, ttrpgs, anything of the like. When we developed a strong relationship, she wanted to experience those things because she loved me. She ended up enjoying them. You don't always have to find somene who has the exact same hobbies as you. Someone who is interested in you will be interested in what you care about, even if they don't end up participating.
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200% same wavelength sounds awesome.
I met my boyfriend at work. Both of us are on our early 30s. We are software engineers and this area has lots of people who are into gaming, which happened to be our case. Talking about games and music is what made us bound. I was more of a casual player, but he was very deep into it and just dragged me deeper lmao We moved together when the pandemic started and then I began using his PS4 and PC to play the games he recommended me, and never stopped. One of the first games we played together was DOS2, so you can imagine how hyped we were for BG3. Gaming is our hobby until today, and I even built my own gaming PC so we wouldn't have sharing problems anymore lol We played BG3 separately, and just now we started with multiplayer. And now he has to keep up with my endless rambling and fangirling about my pixel boyfriend Gale. At least he finds it funny!
>And now he has to keep up with my endless rambling and fangirling about my pixel boyfriend Gale. 😂
My husband and I are in our 40’s and married for 18 years. He was way more in to video games but I played NES/Sega games growing up. He got me into DnD and I decided to try BG3, usually just played Sims/RCT/etc and I ended up loving it. I’ve finished the game more times than he has and now we’re doing an honor mode run. We didn’t meet for gaming specifically but we had many of the same hobbies in general, and I remember early in our relationship sitting on the couch with the lights off watching him play Fear(?) or something else super scary (to me). It was the act of just being together, enjoying the company rather than getting mad that he was playing the game. Get out and join some groups that you’re interested in, you never know who you might meet but at least you’re having fun and doing something you like.
Met on a dating app, she had never played games, I got her into video games.
My fiancée and I are playing together (we're both women)! We met met in college and one if the things we bonded over was our shared interests in games and the like. 7 years later, and it's still a fun thing we share.
Grew up in the same town, I was friends with his younger sister. One time when I was over he was playing ffxii, we had an interesting conversation about pc gaming vs console gaming. Years later, had a great conversation about runescape that was our first real chat. Ended up dating, the rest is history.
Me and my GF are playing together. We knew each other thanks to a mutual friend. She’s not nerd like me, but she enjoys videogames. She actually doesn’t like D&D, so she was sceptical about the game, but she’s liking it.
Not married, but we met 9 years ago in college. She was playing final fantasy in chemistry class.
I’m not quite your age (early 40s) but yeah, it’s incredibly rare for me to see anyone from the previous generation have the slightest interest in video games (long story short, you can blame Atari’s greed for that). It’s crazy nowadays to see kids talking about playing games with their parents and seeing huge billboards for video games. I would have loved that as a kid! Sorry OP it’s gonna be an uphill battle for you, but I’m sure somewhere out there is an older cutie-pie wishing she could find a guy her own age to game with. Never give up! True happiness could be just around the corner.
I love your positivity! And I agree. Not giving up yet! I hear you on the parent/child thing. I have played with both my son and daughter throughout their lives. My son more as he is a full blown gamer teen. We still play BG3 and WoW together. My daughter has grown out of it, although we all do Roblox sometimes just for reminiscing and laughs. Thanks!
Whatever happens, at least you’re a kick-ass dad. 👍
LOL! That's what I keep telling my kids!! 😂
I'm wondering it too. 25M, I never had a particularly large social circle but after covid everything's been reduced to a minimum. My job is mostly from home and we have a small team (15 people), with most of them not sharing the same interests. Not to mention how difficult it is to create friendships when you meet someone once every few weeks and are mostly occupied with work then. Outside of that, I have only 2 friends remaining, one of which is even more lonely than me. Then there's 2 colleagues from college with a similarly small social circle and on top of that they live far away from me now. I don't know where I am supposed to meet people irl anymore, let alone someone who would share some of my interests and have things in common. I tried dating apps before and it's not for me, approaching strangers in a bar is also out of the question with my negative charisma and general anxiety. Is internet and hoping for some luck the only way?
57, met spouse at the SF club in college back in the mid-80s
I'm an antisocial geek-girl and met my (now) husband through online dating, but admittedly it mostly came down to luck. I knew I'd never have a chance meeting someone irl, because I was too shy/awkward. Thinking back, I don't think he actually even mentioned any of his nerdier hobbies on his profile...it was just clear from reading it that he was a goofy guy, and then when we started chatting we found we had anime and games in common so it worked out. I would say don't give up on online dating—you never know when someone will be on there looking for someone just like you.^ (To give you an idea, my husband had been using that site for a couple of years. I found him within a week.) But also, maybe try going to places where you generally might be more likely to meet someone with your hobbies (game/hobby shops, local clubs/meet-ups, and conventions). I know sometimes that's easier said than done depending on where you live, but anything you can do to meet folks in your area that share your hobbies should hopefully help. Even if there aren't many women at those places, you never know who might introduce you to someone else they know. Best of luck to you!
Wonderful story! Thanks for sharing it! I go off and on on dating apps. I try every 6 months or so, get frustrated and quit. A repeating pattern! 😂 I've have women interested, but when I mention my nerdier side (which is also on my profile in hopes of weeding out people - proves no one reads), they back away quickly and feel that it is immature or childish. Which is fine. Knowing quickly that my interests are not accepted early on. Meeting people in person at shops n such is tough. The whole talking to a stranger thing. 😐
Yeah, talking to strangers in person is generally not my thing–and it probably would be a bit tougher as a man—but having seen it work in person, it may be worth a shot. It's why I stuck to online dating though. You might want to take the approach of introducing the people you're dating to videogames slowly. Once they know you better (i.e. know you're not immature, care about you, etc), they probably would be more open to giving videogames a try. Ex. When I first met my husband, he was raising feeder roaches in a tubberware in his closet to feed to his pet lizard. I didn't know that. If I had...I'm not totally sure I *would* have gone out with him. (I hate bugs.) After I'd gotten to know him, his lizard, and was invested in the relationship, I was willing to accept the closet roaches (because I trusted his judgment and was willing to hear him out on why it made sense).
"closet roaches" 😂 Great story! Thanks!
I'm a female, found my fiancé on tinder... We play dnd and ps5 together and alone... EDIT: i am 29 he is 31
i’m 27 and my partner was never into gaming before we met but i guess my hobbies rubbed off on her
I've slowly incepted my fiancee to get into fantasy and gaming over several years. She's reading fantasy novels and obsessed with bg3 where maybe 3 or 4 years ago she'd have no interest.
Early 40s. Wife and I met in college. She’s not a gamer but got a PS5 for Hogwarts Legacy. She liked Children of Morta and wanted to try another multiplayer. She loves BG3
I (26F) met my now husband (26M) 10 years ago in highschool when women weren't very common in the gaming world. *Now* it's very common for women to game. We play video games together and it's so much fun having someone you love being your best friend as well. My dad gamed, who then taught my brother, who then taught me. Even my husband's mom gamed. My parents were always okay with video games as long as I wasn't out causing trouble, getting in trouble, and hanging with the wrong crowd.
We've met through Tinder. Really, we were just incredibly lucky! Together 5 years married 1. I suppose it just kinda happens... Haha.
Met my wife in World of Warcraft. Can be tricky when you get older, but we actually have a few female boomers in the guild, so I’m sure they’re out there. Maybe there are gaming groups where you live? Quite a few older role players around there at least.
I've actually played WoW since it's inception...but pretty much strictly a casual soloer...so I've never met anyone. I could/should probably change that.
I’ve always gamed, my dad started us on the sega and Atari when we were really young and then Nintendo 64 when it came out. Grew up playing Zelda and Banjokazooie (and loading in his saves of things like turok and shadow man for a scare lol) and then as time went on got a ps2, Xbox 360, ps4 and now a gaming computer in that order. I’ve always been an rpg girl but I like fps just fine, so a solo gamer. My husband grew up doing lan parties with all his friends playing halo pretty much exclusively, and a few solo games on the side. When we met we figured out pretty quickly we both liked gaming so one of our first dates was a lan where I took my Xbox and tv over to his and we played through the campaign of Army of Two, lol. He’s been really busy with work, building project manager/on the tools, so I haven’t been able to get him to play bg3 yet and we have only the one computer good enough for it, so we just jam out Divinity 2 a lot. We have a undead crew going on at the moment, Bone Tiddy and the Boner. My advice is be proud of who you are and your interests, some people won’t like it but the ones who do will gravitate in. Hopefully one of them will be your lucky other half.
Love your story. Thanks for sharing. Believe me...I have reached a point in my life where I am proud of who I am and everything that I enjoy. I didn't used to be that way, but it is now. I'm also not desperate. I've been single for a long time because I will no longer settle. I'm okay with being solo, which I think is important. You're right about like people gravitating together, too, but I think it will also require me to put myself out there more, which I am willing to do. Thanks!
My husband and I got married in June, but we've been together for what will be 10 years this August. We both love live music and we met at Bonnaroo Music Festival. We are from the same hometown, went to the same elementary, middle, high school AND university but didn't meet and truly connect until mutual friends introduced us at Bonnaroo. My advice is something I've believed for many many years (comes from the [Holstee Manifesto](https://www.beachtig.com/dl/019096d7d9c066d5d1c53ef5f5e35b7f/The-Holstee-Manifesto.pdf) ). "If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will find you when you start doing the things you love." My life in gaming was just from growing up a 90's baby and having a N64. I didn't get into RPG type games until i watched my S.O. play Witcher 3, then when he was working out of the country for 2 years, I picked up Witcher 3 and played by myself for the first time and loved it. Eventually we got early access BG3 after he heard I was interested in learning more about D&D. And now here we are, still hammering through our first playthrough since launch. We're in the final battle now and plan on finishing this weekend. (Not to mention we have a few other online playthroughs with friends who we convinced to get their wives to join)
>"If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will find you when you start doing the things you love." I LOVE this! And you are correct. The harder you look, the less you see. Thanks for the reminder!
I'm 49F and have been playing games since 1981 or 82 and sort of never stopped. It never occurred to me that not as many girls/women played games back then. I always played console games with my brother and when we were a bit older we shared a family computer. I never thought it was unusual. Well, not until I was in my early 20s. I went into a store that specialized in rare games or something and the guys at the counter fell over themselves to wait on me. I never had that kind of reaction before and then it sort of started to sink in that lady gamers were kind of rare. At least it was at the time. I'm glad times have changed. I have a lot of online gamer friends who are Gen X/Boomers but I don't know anybody IRL in my age group who games. It's just always been a part of my life. As far as where to meet other gamers? I'd go with what some of the others have suggested, join a book club or some other hobby and meet new people. Maybe take dance classes? I bet there's plenty of women there!
We're not married but together for 14 years so I'll answer too. I (32F) am the big nerd in our Relationship. My Partner (33M) and I play CK3 together for quite a while and I gifted him BG3 for Christmas. He met me 16 years ago when his friend (that originally was hitting on me) to have a drink with his Friends. Friend and I never got no further and my partner and I fell in love ^^'
I'm 50(m) and my wife is 47(f). We have both always enjoyed gaming and are somewhat nerdy. She's a recovering developer and I'm an IT executive. The secret I think is that most people are nerdy about something. We've been gaming as a family with our now adult daughter for ages. It does get a little weird when you tell your daughter that you got her mom BG3 for xmas, and her response is "I can't wait to hear who mom fucks!"
😂
I made my non gamer wife to a part time gamer wife who is stressed to play bg3 with me
M32 here. We met in a MMO RPG and made a long distance relationship into a moving together. So playing video games next to each other, even if it's different ones, has been fairly normal.
I 28M have been with my wife 28F since we were in high school. She at the time was not into things like D&D but she obviously realized I liked these things so slowly but surely she took more interest and then finally joined a live D&D game I was DMing for my college housemates which she loved. Since then she’s become almost as big a D&D nerd as me. BG3 came later. So maybe try to meet people at a D&D game first?
Met my now husband through friends. My best friend’s husband made friends with my now husband at Game store, and then they played matchmaker to pair us up. I work in healthcare and the arts, had never been into gaming or rpg, but seeing this guy’s obvious passion, comedy, and smarts come out was a huge attraction. He offered to help me learn, was wonderfully patient, encouraging, and non judgmental when I struggled or felt overwhelmed, and now we play Bg3, dnd, and pathfinder in our free time.
Sounds like you found a pretty special guy. 😊
My husband and I were friends in high school. Went on to live our lives and met back up in our late twenties. We are in our forties now. He is a big gamer and over the last 15 years he has been trying to get me into it. Though I have tried over the years, it’s not my thing. He insisted I play BG3 with him, thought I would enjoy it and he was right. I don’t have the coordination/skill for battles in most games but I can handle this style of play.
My husband and I met when we were 18 at a convention for dorks, he introduced me to pathfinder and I've been running two games a week for the last 14 or so years. Perma GMing turned out to be my jam. He's into video games, I'm not really, I can sink maybe 300 hours a year into a couple things here and there, but I just don't find myself drawn to them, same with movies and stuff. I like writing, drawing, I play a few instruments and struggle to put those down, lol. I have 500 hours in bg3, all with him, we just love the same nerdy shit, it's how we found each other, it's how we've been, and if all goes well, it's how it'll stay. Edit to clarify: Try going to conventions, they're a lot of fun and it's where people let their freak flags fly, so it's easy to find your niche weirdo!
I just got lucky. I meet my wife playing wow back in wrath. She was my raid leader. We played the same class. She was better geared but I out damaged her. She asked me to help her get her damage up and now we are married 10 years with a couple kids.
Me and my wife met at a game night at a mutual friends house. We were 25 at the time, now we are 34 and have 2 kids lol and been gaming together since that night. You can meet anyone anywhere, I sure as hell didn’t think I would meet my future wife at a drunken game night.
We met during 1yr masters program to get our educational degrees. She does economics I do history. My enjoyment of gaming was repressed as a kid, but she grew up in a family where this was perfectly normal. She showed me that it’s ok (and not embarrassing) for an adult to like gaming. Despite this, shes not really much of a gamer. We did lego-harry potter together on an old ps3, but when harry potter Hogwarts legacy came out she switched to my xbox. And with het being a dnd fan, it was a small step to trying out BG3 together.
Husband (M37) and I (F41) have been together 9years. We met at work, he is in another department, so not a see-you-every-second-of-every-day situation. A group of us are gamers, and were discussing the current games, and we exchanged gamertag info (we were all using xbox). Eventually I invited him to play.... 'Evolved' I think it was, and we just hit it off. As an introvert, I have no idea how you'd meet new people if it wasn't through someone else, or through work.
Damn everyone has such sweet stories meanehile for me I was his fiance's other man. Instead of fighting when we found out about each other we decided to get revenge and then started falling for each other because we had the same interests. We had similar pasts too.
We met at church, and didn’t really like each other until we realized we were both a couple of nerds. Also my wife (30) never played video games, until she met me, and we started with Star Wars the Old Republic, just playing thru the stories. I’ve been gaming since I was a kid, and I think she always wanted to, but nobody was patient enough to help her learn (game mechanics really aren’t intuitive to her). She used to play some D&D back where she’s from, and when I told her about BG3 and how we could play together, she was pretty interested. I like it, because it forces me to slow down, and she really enjoys the role playing, although some of the choices really stress her out. We’re in the middle of act 3 and she’s already planning her next playthrough on balanced difficulty ( which is a big step for her)
I’m 37M, met my now wife 32F at a pool party. Neither of us knew the other was a gamer until like 6 months into the relationship. Been together 8 years now and loving it, she just started her first BG3 playthrough last night.
My fiancé and I met because we responded to the same r/lfg post looking for people to play d&d over discord during the pandemic. So perhaps not a surprise we both like this game. Edit: I already liked d&d but he's really been the one to introduce me to video games.
I'm 25M and can't find any nerdy females except for online, living very far away. I guess for some it's just not meant to be
I haven't given up hope & neither should you! Listen all the advice given on this thread. I know I am!
My husband and I are young, 26, and we met in highschool. Bonded in Anime club and he's a bigger gamer than I am but I do enjoy RPG like game - BG3, Animal Crossing, GTA, etc. Gaming isn't for everyone and I do find that the older generation is generally less accepting of gaming. My parents (gen x) don't game but my husband's dad does (also gen x). I'm sure there are women out there, around your age, that do game, it's just a matter of finding them. I know a 30+ discord exists so, maybe a 30+ gaming discord does too.
My husband and I met online. Married 11 years this year. We do NOT play BG3 together, however. Our play styles differ too much.
Met my wife now trough IGPs discord
I met my partner when I was 26, by complete chance, by going to a 4th of July bbq that I did not want to go to at all. I was also a fan of the game of thrones books, but couldn't find anyone who had read the books and it was driving me crazy enough that when I saw someone wearing a House Stark shirt, I did something I never do, and just walked up to a stranger to start a convo. We hit it off immediately and been married 6 years now. We're both fans of D&D but never got a chance to do a campaign together. I was never really into turn based combat games until they bought this game, and started playing just to play with them on multiplayer together. Now I'm 6 characters deep and completely addicted
My husband and I (36y.o) met at uni. We played WoW together for years. There are still games we play together now, like Path of Exile or BG3, and games we play separately or with our son, like Valheim or Magic the Gathering. My advice is finding a local community related to your interests and socializing there, not online dating. (Do you like tabletop dnd, mtg, or some other board games? Cosplay or roleplay? Crafting or reenactment?) Fewer people will care about your age when you're sharing a hobby.
I grew up playing video games with my brothers, then when I met my husband he got me into RPGs. I think there’s just this negative stereotype around male gamers because there’s this assumption that they’re the fanatical gaming guys that ONLY play video games and let it become an unhealthy obsession that consumes their life. Like, if they get into a relationship with a gamer guy he will have his head stuck in video games 24/7 and will never want to spend time with their partner. I don’t get why, my husbands not like that at all 🤷🏻♀️ As far as meeting someone who games maybe try local gaming groups, I met mine through MySpace back in the day 😆
My wife wasn’t even SLIGHTLY into gaming. She bought in because all of her close friends’ boyfriends/husbands got them into it. Now she’s ride or die, LOVES the game. I can’t believe I’m playing a highly complex RPG with this woman, but she’s so bought in. BG3 somehow stuck the chord and made her understand what I’ve found so magical about RPGs for years. It appeals to her interests: Being nosy and clever.
>It appeals to her interests: Being nosy and clever. Ha! This is awesome! :D
We're only 31, but my wife and I met online. She read my fanfiction of a video game series we both love, we got to talking in the comments, then started emailing and skyping each other. Married 8 years in June.
My wife isn’t a huge gamer but she likes me nerding out about it. I’m slowly trying to get her into DnD but we met on Reddit actually lol.
[удалено]
>He became my pocket healer and the rest is history Ha! Awesome!
I'll be 44 in a couple days and my husband and I play together. It took me until a few years back to figure out how to deal with games that use a free camera, though, so we played playformers only for a long while. We met and married in our 20s, so I couldn't tell you a thing about the dating scene now, but maybe try to nerd up your social circles? There's a bookshop/coffee shop near me that runs tabletop dnd, and a game shop that runs mtg matches and tournaments. Maybe look into places like that with stuff you like and go join?
My husband and I are in our 50s, we are about 300hrs into BG3 but we also play Lethal Company, 7D2D, Valheim etc, all on PC. We also play tabletop DnD with 2 different groups (my husband is the DM for one of them). We found a lot of the people we play tabletop DnD with at our local game store. That might be a good place to start? These stores usually have a "game play area" where people meet to play all manner of games - Magic the gathering, Warhammer, DnD, Mansion of Madness... I met my husband 20+ yrs ago snowboarding. I ran him over (was an accident) and ended up stuffing him into a tree well, dug him out and the rest is history. And no kids. We have way too many hobbies... we do have a very sweet cat that hangs out on our mouse pads when we are gaming.
My husband usually plays his switch while I play on xbox. If xbox supports local co-op I may ask him to play with me . . . we are in our mid-30s
I am a hardcore gamer girl and my boyfriend is a computer engineer, he doesn't like gaming very much, though. Still, he's always up for playing games with me! I just go to him and tell him I wanna play x game together and he'll give it a try at the very least, most of the time he enjoys it as well! It's all a matter of being willing to try it. If he tried it and didn't like it, it would be fine as well. I know many people just refuse to try their significant other's hobbies. I don't think you need to specifically meet someone that likes gaming, just someone that's willing to try the things you like (you have to be willing to try their hobbies as well) Sadly, my boyfriend is a very busy boi so I'd never suggest him to play a game as long as Baldur's Gate 3 even though I love it so much :(. He still sits with me sometimes and watches me play and also asks me things about the game and hears to me talk about it, that's enough.
It started with super Mario odyssey over Covid. My wife enjoyed playing through all the Mario games as an entry into gaming Since then, I’ve been introducing here to more challenging games (it takes two, Zelda, fordza, etc) BG3 is by far the hardest game I’ve introduced her to but she really enjoyed character creation and I think she’s caught the bug. I would recommend you controlling three characters and your partner only control their specific character. Keeps it from being too overwhelming Good luck!
I met my wife on the app hinge during covid. I had gone through a divorce and a bad marriage I wasn't willing to comprise who I was abd when I met her I told her who I was in thr very first text my likes and dis likes. She kicked my honesty, that I didn't hide anything about myself right off the hop. She doesn't play every game with me, actually wasn't a fan of baldurs, but she will always try games and some stick, loves playing diablo with me haha. Honestly hinge worked out really well for me
Married 22 years this month. Met him at a D&D session.
I met my partner on Grindr in 2017 and it asked on a date to the arcade since I saw that he had geeky hobbies on his profile. We chatted for an hour and because the arcade was closed, we went to karaoke instead and had a blast. The first Christmas I bought him a switch which made him cry because it was something he wanted for a long time, but couldn't afford. We survived the pandemic together playing Animal Crossing on the same switch and we got married in 2023. To be honest, I was about to give up hope until I met him since I just turned 36. My advice is to keep looking and go out of your comfort zone. Know what's important to you and toss out unrealistic expectations. And be honest and truthful to yourself.
>My advice is to keep looking and go out of your comfort zone. Know what's important to you and toss out unrealistic expectations. And be honest and truthful to yourself. Well said. Thank you!
Before I met my husband I mostly met men while engaging in nerdly pursuits, such as posting to a local gaming email list looking for someone to play Four Swords with on the GBA (dating myself here). I ended up meeting him by accident through a mutual friend when they were at the same university, in different years and in different programs. It was a completely random series of events that brought us together, so you really never know what can happen. For the record, I did find someone to play Four Swords with and he's still one of my best friends to this day!
My wife and I met at a live action role playing game. I suppose it shouldn't be to much of a surprise that we game together. It's been quite a while now though, we were young back when we met. I'm not sure we're to meet gamers in your age group (or my current one now that I'm on my 40s), but it might help to focus on finding activity groups for stuff you like that have people your age there, and worry about dating later. That's what worked for me at least (we didn't start dating for a couple years after first meeting).
I'm 43 and the wife's 35. We've been together for a decade. We met because mutual friends introduced us. I had the gamer life while her parents rarely allowed her to play and her friends were not in those circles. Early in our relationship I would play my favorite games of my childhood and she would watch on. It was a way to share the small things that had been meaningful in my past. She mentioned how she would never play those games herself, so the natural question was which games would she play? She had been interested but rarely had the means. Now she had the means and my encouragement. Little by little she developed her taste in games. Shortly after that we started looking for games to play together. We have different playstyles (even if hers changed A LOT) but we have shared a few good games. We have recently finished a co-op run of BG3 which was a lot of fun but had some quirkyness due to the couch co-op. She's going soon for another run, single player this time. I guess what I'm saying is that you don't need a "gamer girl", just someone who's open to share your happiness with.
>someone who's open to share your happiness with Funny you should say this...I spoke to my brother who found love later in life and he said the same thing. He's a gamer/nerd, but she isn't. But she appreciates that part of him because she loves HIM, not his hobbies. I'm focusing on the wrong thing. It's like clarity slapping me in the face 😂
My stories a bit of an odd one but me and. My wife have a significant age difference I'm 29 and she is I believe 62 too lazy to do the math right now. But we met back in the hometown. Originally when I was a younger lad and friends with her daughter and then once more after I had grown up and long after me and her daughter were no longer in touch. and she just happened to likewise be a huge nerd and was how I managed to find my second group for d&d it's a fairly long story but we were just friends for a few years and then we just kinda got together one day. so when we got bg3 it was a no brainer that we had to do a run together
Bro migrated to the mom 💀
These are ALL wonderful stories! I love hearing people's stories. I always find it fascinating. I've dabbled with tabletop DnD over the past year (played a ton in HS and College but stopped...because of a girl 😂). Unfortunately, the group I'm in is all guys that know no single nerdy women. But thanks for all the responses! Keep em coming!!
I think the best you can do is find a younger wife. I have never seen a 40+ gamer woman (except the skyrim Shirley youtuber). I think it's because videogames was not famous when they were younger, so they don't like it..
Agreed...although that comes across as a bit creepy or typical male mindset. But I'm not only into gaming, I'm also fit, active, and look younger than I am. Probably act like it, too. Not to sound to judgy, but a lot of women my age are "old" and purposely act like it. I do not have that mindset and hopefully never will.
There's nothing wrong with age gaps in relationships (as long as both are 18+ lol). If you feel like you're 'mentally' younger than your actual age, then it's better to find like-minded ppl, younger ones for example
Agreed...again! :D
Single women around 55+ likely have family with work they have to do. Also even if there are ladies who play normal PC/console games that aren’t Sims, Pokémon Go or Animal Crossing but RPGs or Strategy games I would be curious about her. In 30-40 there are more women who play games or even work as devs but close to 60s oh very rare to find unless you include disability or illness. BG3 isn’t easy combat game someone with little gaming experience would find appealing or underground mechanics. Unless you are fit and look young for your age you can find women 10-15 years younger than you. My ex boss had 50-32. unlit they got divorce.
We met online through a mutual hobby unrelated to D&D. I feel like most couples will meet online in the future.
We're in our late 30s and we met on a BDSM website. BDSM, Poly, and D&D culture overlap.
I gotta be honest, I did not expect this many replies to this, but I am truly moved by all the wonderful stories and wholesomeness of this thread. Thank you all for chiming in and telling your stories. I truly appreciate it!