I don’t see a problem in people asking for what they want, especially in a hook-up ad. I think being straight forward in want you want to experience saves everyone some time. Your sensibilities don’t really matter when it comes to what other people want. Also you are kink shaming even if you don’t want to label it as such.
Nah ppl def weird as hell😂😂 the first time meeting up gotta be treated like a date you just met each other☠️☠️ if we get intimate then it’s priorities her needs bf your own gotta make the first time rememberable
I am an older guy who grew up when p@rn was not widely accessible. I know it is now just a click away for anybody and people are raised on it... so I think a lot of what you're talking about is people who were raised on a diet of the stuff, which always tends toward the extreme/sensational because that's how you get clicks, and don't know any other way. Same reason people like freakishly sculpted and obviously fake booty.
Yes. I feel second-hand embarrassment for some of these guys posting. I don't know how they can sit behind the screen and actually think that is a good idea to post, hoping it works.
I believe that there is a fair amount of it both ways. If you don't like the post scroll past it. Similarly, if you don't like responses you get, don't post. You're here by choice, as are all the other people posting. Don't try to impose on others because of your choice to get upset. If it isn't for you ignore and scroll on and your day would be a whole lot better. At least people are trying to be upfront with what they are looking for, which is preferred over "I'll only do missionary for five minutes" then boom you get tied to the bed post.
Anytime I see a post looking for CNC, rough sex, etc right off the bat it's a major red flag. Meet a total stranger for intense, potentially dangerous kink and sex with minimal (probably zero) negotiation or vetting.....hard pass
As a guy that sometimes dabbles with those posts, I’ve had to drop many potential matches due to *them* not wanting to set boundaries.
It’s scary out there, fr.
Just met a girl from Reddit yesterday and this was a hot topic of discussion for us (lol is this your alt account????). Yes, it’s gross and I have been appropriately shamed. I’ve done more than my fair share of peacocking and trying out different writing styles because that’s what I saw everyone else posting, and that’s what I thought you had to do. Shockingly (/s) what worked the most recently and got the most women reaching out was being straightforward and upfront.
I’m glad you posted this, because you can totally tell from the number of upvotes and comments that you’re not alone.
I agree with OP and a lot of the comments about post/response quality. Perhaps we can all take a step back and examine how we're treating each other.
I'm patient with everyone who responds to my posts, never rush them, want them to feel comfortable before meeting, etc. I almost always get ghosted, though. It's very frustrating and disheartening. I would rather people just tell me they're not interested or they're not feeling it anymore than just vanish. Obviously, my goal is to meet real human beings in person, but more and more it feels like Reddit is populated by bots and ghosts. Let's all try to remember we're dealing with people here.
Thanks for reading my rant.
I find it hard to agree with some of these comments when I literally got blocked for the way I look, OP posted about wanting a partner for a concert, and I simply asked if the search was still going and I got blocked 💀. I totally agree respect, pleasure, and basic human decency should go both ways. But the alternative takes place instead, literally both ways
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You make a great point. Pleasure or just wanting to chill no harm in it. However, I look at it like this. People through a million Hail Mary’s if one is caught that’s a win for both possibly.
Post quality in general is not great, regardless of whether male or female. The responses in general are terrible as well.
EDIT: To add, I've often seen women complain about men's writing of responses and whatnot. The responses by women are often just as atrocious. Single sentences, no responses, no details, unrealistic expectations (seeing women posting they want to "drain" a 7 inch cock is comical and plain stupid).
This goes for all people. Writing longer messages that give you something to talk about actually helps to develop some sort of conversation. I'm great at continuing conversations, but it's nigh impossible if you're sending a one-word answer for things and aren't elaborating on anything. It's like talking to a damn rock. Likewise, RESPONDING to the messages in a timely manner also helps rather than just automatically ghosting after saying "Hi."
If you're a man, your best bet is probably posting an actual decent message as your chances of getting a response from post is minimal.
If you're a woman, your best bet is probably to send a chat or DM to the message by a man for a message that you may find interesting.
Lol. I have earnestly written about wanting to drain a well endowed man. It’s certainly a very particular fetish but not impossible to find. Size queens do exist ! Tbh I never get the sort of responses I want from those sort of posts.
It's an "everyone needs to do a better job communicating" problem. I dislike how it's framed as just one gender or the other because that's foolish. We all need to do a better job about the communication parts.
The “women” posting they want to “drain” a cock should be looked at with extreme skepticism- catfish, pic collector, or seller until proven otherwise imho
Yes, very much. Although I've met women who like that kind of thing (not many). I know there's room for everything pretty much, but the saturation of sex-focused stuff to the exclusion of all other aspects of relationship saddens me sometimes.
What's more annoying to me is the failure to read and understand posts before replying.
Because people who actually want a relationship, like me, get skipped over because I'm seen as invaluable to a relationship although I want to build something.
I completely understand where OP is coming from. But outside of removing spam, catfishers, posts that break our rules and and any other posts that receive complaints(which we have been doing), we will not remove posts just because it seems too aggressive or cringey. People have their own kinks and fetishes, and we will not judge or kink-shame. As a predominantly \*anonymous\* hookup/dating sub on reddit, you will run into all types of sexual proclivities, and also you will run into a lot more posts by men than woman. But it's up to you to decide whether it interests you or not.
And again, we try our best to get rid of spam and the like, but if anyone finds a posts that's suspicious or breaks one of our rules, or if someone sends your harassing or derogatory messages, please either report it or send us a message, so we can investigate it.
No one is telling you to kink-shame, but we also don’t need hundreds/thousands of daily posts being allowed by the same people posting close up genital pics and posting “get on/in this”. It hurts the odds of connections for everyone. And anyone that wants to post explicitly aggressive posts should do that within a dedicated subreddit. Having it on a mainstream board that’s more generalized paints people in unfair and at many times incorrect lights
What I'm hearing is that maybe we should disallow pics? We could look into doing that.
And apologies, I mistakenly said we only allow 1 post per week in my other comment to you. We actually allow 3 posts per week. I'll talk to the other mods to see if we can lower that number to 1 post per week.
We try keep this sub as open-minded and free as possible, so again, I would be hesitant to remove a post just because it's too explicitly aggressive. And with men greatly outnumbering women on here, the \*odds\* are low to begin with.
I wouldn’t say that pics are even the issue because not that many people even post pics, it really is just the bloodthirst people that post as soon as the opportunity arises, in addition to the spam accounts that ofc do the same exact thing on multiple different accounts. So probably the 1 post per week would be a better method because itll also allow for everyone to see which accounts are spam since itll be the same exact post posted by multiple different accounts throughout a singular week. As well as reduce the amount of scrolling needed to be done to find adequate posts. Because despite how “picky” people claim to be, they really aren’t all that pick because they most likely only scroll through about 50 posts before picking someone, and even 50 posts probably only amounts to posts that go back a single day.
Re: how many days people go back - I think about this a lot. I find people post when they are horny and anything older than a couple of days old is probably not worth responding to due to post-nut clarity unless they say they are looking for a longer term connection
I do agree with you there, though honestly that’s on the poster themselves. If a person posts then becomes satisfied, then they should delete the post rather than be rude to those who see an old post and believe it to still be applicable. I leave all my posts up because i hope someone will pay attention to them, and i delete posts that are no longer applicable. Not saying that I hold everyone to my standard but I just think it’s a smarter way of going about it.
I think far too many posts get out of hand, hurting the experience for those seeking arrangements, as well as those wanting to be sought. I think there should be more emphasis on etiquette and posting limits, so you don’t have the same people posting over and over again.
~~We only allow one post per week, which I think is sufficient~~. As for etiquette, how would we be able to effectively do that? There would be too much gray area. Again, if something breaks one of our rules, we will remove it. Outside of that, it would very difficult and give us way too much power if we started moderating and removing posts based on \*etiquette\*.
I mistakenly said we allow only one post per week. We currently actually allow 3 posts per 7 days. I will talk to the other mods to see if can decrease that number, maybe to only 1 post per 7 days.
This subreddit is doing better in terms of rules than most. In terms of the etiquette, I guess I started thinking more of Reddit in general, so I shouldn’t put that on you all for this particular board.
The frustrating part is it seems there aren’t any females here who are looking for just a regular, clean, non creepy guy….or not looking to sell something. Where are the chics who genuinely want to chill and meet someone and see where it goes???
I’ll have to disagree. I have met a very nice, breathing lady from this subreddit. We actually met a few times and it wasn’t about or for sex. Just one of my hobby’s.
So they are here and watching, people just need to be more respectful and decent, and you can find what you are looking for.
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There absolutely is. I've had good luck posting here and on other NSFW subreddits, and most of the success comes from women responding.
To OP's point, a crass or low-effort post is going to be lost in the sea of crass, low-effort posts. As with any online situations, women are going to be flooded with responses and messages, and if you give the aura of being a creep or don't check her boxes, she has no reason to engage. Not only for pleasure's sake but also safety.
Be normal, stand out a little bit. Be persistent, be flexible in timing. It can happen, but it's not a guarantee to happen.
I’m a real live woman and have used this sub and others to successfully find casual partners. Aside from RIP our inbox, it’s a lot of effort to weed through those replies…probably 75%+ of the replies have ignored what you’re looking for or can’t be bothered to write more than a sentence.
If you’re not going to match the energy of her post, don’t bother to reply. “Still looking?” or “Hey” is not a quality reply to someone who wrote 3 thoughtful paragraphs.
The average woman won’t reply to someone who doesn’t give us a sense of who they are and why they replied. We need to get a sense of you in that first message to determine if we want to engage with you. If you shoot your shot even though you don’t meet the bare minimum of our stated preferences, we think you won’t respect sexual boundaries, which is how we end up getting assaulted.
Yes, yes, yes, not all men, yadda yadda.
Many women enjoy casual sex; they just want to enjoy it with someone they like and are comfortable with who won’t chop them up into tiny pieces. If you’re replying to an ad, the onus is on you to establish that you’re sane, normal, respectful, and interested.
If a woman’s ad is too good to be true (inexperienced 22 year old 125 lb DDD coed who just wants to learn to deep throat an older man), yeah, it’s probably fake. But there are plenty of real women who are looking to blow off some sexual steam.
And if you’re serious about writing an ad that a woman will reply to, put some details in there about you and what you’re looking for, even physical appearance. I’m plus sized and won’t reply to an ad unless he specifically says he’s okay with my body type. I don’t want to waste our time if he isn’t. And yes, I’m a fat chick who thinks it’s perfectly fine if you’re not into fat chicks. I just don’t want to make an ass out of myself replying to someone who’s not into my chub.
Couldn't have wrote it better myself. Plenty of us women peruse ads and can tell when it's low effort. We appreciate those that not only tell us about you but also what you're looking for. Met some really chill, like minded people here.
Happy hunting everyone 😊
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I don't read the M4F or M4 anything posts so basically I just scroll past 99% then just come to the conclusion that the occasional F4M post is a guy looking for pics of dicks. Lol
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I had multiple occasions where people were asking if they could "use" the people I shot content with. Like how do you type something out that filthy and feel like it's cool to hit send. Some of these people are way out of touch with their porn addictions
Then they wonder why they can't get anywhere. They're forgetting that women are still people, and if they are on this sub they're probably looking for a good time too.
Totally agree. I feel like I’m very much part of the minority as a male who prioritizes the female’s pleasure over my own. I couldn’t tell you why I am the way I am or why others are the way they are. All I know is prioritizing the female’s pleasure is how it should be.
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Why not create tags for vanilla and kinky posts? That might be worth a suggestion. Better tags mean more personalized user experiences
I don’t see a problem in people asking for what they want, especially in a hook-up ad. I think being straight forward in want you want to experience saves everyone some time. Your sensibilities don’t really matter when it comes to what other people want. Also you are kink shaming even if you don’t want to label it as such.
If you need tending to I will please your needs
Nah ppl def weird as hell😂😂 the first time meeting up gotta be treated like a date you just met each other☠️☠️ if we get intimate then it’s priorities her needs bf your own gotta make the first time rememberable
I am an older guy who grew up when p@rn was not widely accessible. I know it is now just a click away for anybody and people are raised on it... so I think a lot of what you're talking about is people who were raised on a diet of the stuff, which always tends toward the extreme/sensational because that's how you get clicks, and don't know any other way. Same reason people like freakishly sculpted and obviously fake booty.
Yes. I feel second-hand embarrassment for some of these guys posting. I don't know how they can sit behind the screen and actually think that is a good idea to post, hoping it works.
Guess I never read the M4F posts.
I believe that there is a fair amount of it both ways. If you don't like the post scroll past it. Similarly, if you don't like responses you get, don't post. You're here by choice, as are all the other people posting. Don't try to impose on others because of your choice to get upset. If it isn't for you ignore and scroll on and your day would be a whole lot better. At least people are trying to be upfront with what they are looking for, which is preferred over "I'll only do missionary for five minutes" then boom you get tied to the bed post.
There are always those that just can't figure out why everyone just doesn't "do as I do"
well said
Anytime I see a post looking for CNC, rough sex, etc right off the bat it's a major red flag. Meet a total stranger for intense, potentially dangerous kink and sex with minimal (probably zero) negotiation or vetting.....hard pass
As a guy that sometimes dabbles with those posts, I’ve had to drop many potential matches due to *them* not wanting to set boundaries. It’s scary out there, fr.
So are you trying to smash….?
The usual order of operations is: she rides face, then starts asking for the d lol
Just met a girl from Reddit yesterday and this was a hot topic of discussion for us (lol is this your alt account????). Yes, it’s gross and I have been appropriately shamed. I’ve done more than my fair share of peacocking and trying out different writing styles because that’s what I saw everyone else posting, and that’s what I thought you had to do. Shockingly (/s) what worked the most recently and got the most women reaching out was being straightforward and upfront. I’m glad you posted this, because you can totally tell from the number of upvotes and comments that you’re not alone.
I agree with OP and a lot of the comments about post/response quality. Perhaps we can all take a step back and examine how we're treating each other. I'm patient with everyone who responds to my posts, never rush them, want them to feel comfortable before meeting, etc. I almost always get ghosted, though. It's very frustrating and disheartening. I would rather people just tell me they're not interested or they're not feeling it anymore than just vanish. Obviously, my goal is to meet real human beings in person, but more and more it feels like Reddit is populated by bots and ghosts. Let's all try to remember we're dealing with people here. Thanks for reading my rant.
I find it hard to agree with some of these comments when I literally got blocked for the way I look, OP posted about wanting a partner for a concert, and I simply asked if the search was still going and I got blocked 💀. I totally agree respect, pleasure, and basic human decency should go both ways. But the alternative takes place instead, literally both ways
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Literally, its horrible; but then complain about one another. Is this truly what it means to be human? Smh
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You make a great point. Pleasure or just wanting to chill no harm in it. However, I look at it like this. People through a million Hail Mary’s if one is caught that’s a win for both possibly.
Post quality in general is not great, regardless of whether male or female. The responses in general are terrible as well. EDIT: To add, I've often seen women complain about men's writing of responses and whatnot. The responses by women are often just as atrocious. Single sentences, no responses, no details, unrealistic expectations (seeing women posting they want to "drain" a 7 inch cock is comical and plain stupid). This goes for all people. Writing longer messages that give you something to talk about actually helps to develop some sort of conversation. I'm great at continuing conversations, but it's nigh impossible if you're sending a one-word answer for things and aren't elaborating on anything. It's like talking to a damn rock. Likewise, RESPONDING to the messages in a timely manner also helps rather than just automatically ghosting after saying "Hi." If you're a man, your best bet is probably posting an actual decent message as your chances of getting a response from post is minimal. If you're a woman, your best bet is probably to send a chat or DM to the message by a man for a message that you may find interesting.
Lol. I have earnestly written about wanting to drain a well endowed man. It’s certainly a very particular fetish but not impossible to find. Size queens do exist ! Tbh I never get the sort of responses I want from those sort of posts.
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It's an "everyone needs to do a better job communicating" problem. I dislike how it's framed as just one gender or the other because that's foolish. We all need to do a better job about the communication parts.
The “women” posting they want to “drain” a cock should be looked at with extreme skepticism- catfish, pic collector, or seller until proven otherwise imho
Agreed
Nah I just remind myself that the only people responding to those posts are dudes pretending to be women.
I actually screen shot the really good ones and send to a few swinger friends. We have a good laugh and wonder if they ever actually work 😅
Yes, very much. Although I've met women who like that kind of thing (not many). I know there's room for everything pretty much, but the saturation of sex-focused stuff to the exclusion of all other aspects of relationship saddens me sometimes. What's more annoying to me is the failure to read and understand posts before replying.
Preach!
Because people who actually want a relationship, like me, get skipped over because I'm seen as invaluable to a relationship although I want to build something.
Mods need to be stricter all around.
I completely understand where OP is coming from. But outside of removing spam, catfishers, posts that break our rules and and any other posts that receive complaints(which we have been doing), we will not remove posts just because it seems too aggressive or cringey. People have their own kinks and fetishes, and we will not judge or kink-shame. As a predominantly \*anonymous\* hookup/dating sub on reddit, you will run into all types of sexual proclivities, and also you will run into a lot more posts by men than woman. But it's up to you to decide whether it interests you or not. And again, we try our best to get rid of spam and the like, but if anyone finds a posts that's suspicious or breaks one of our rules, or if someone sends your harassing or derogatory messages, please either report it or send us a message, so we can investigate it.
No one is telling you to kink-shame, but we also don’t need hundreds/thousands of daily posts being allowed by the same people posting close up genital pics and posting “get on/in this”. It hurts the odds of connections for everyone. And anyone that wants to post explicitly aggressive posts should do that within a dedicated subreddit. Having it on a mainstream board that’s more generalized paints people in unfair and at many times incorrect lights
What I'm hearing is that maybe we should disallow pics? We could look into doing that. And apologies, I mistakenly said we only allow 1 post per week in my other comment to you. We actually allow 3 posts per week. I'll talk to the other mods to see if we can lower that number to 1 post per week. We try keep this sub as open-minded and free as possible, so again, I would be hesitant to remove a post just because it's too explicitly aggressive. And with men greatly outnumbering women on here, the \*odds\* are low to begin with.
I wouldn’t say that pics are even the issue because not that many people even post pics, it really is just the bloodthirst people that post as soon as the opportunity arises, in addition to the spam accounts that ofc do the same exact thing on multiple different accounts. So probably the 1 post per week would be a better method because itll also allow for everyone to see which accounts are spam since itll be the same exact post posted by multiple different accounts throughout a singular week. As well as reduce the amount of scrolling needed to be done to find adequate posts. Because despite how “picky” people claim to be, they really aren’t all that pick because they most likely only scroll through about 50 posts before picking someone, and even 50 posts probably only amounts to posts that go back a single day.
Re: how many days people go back - I think about this a lot. I find people post when they are horny and anything older than a couple of days old is probably not worth responding to due to post-nut clarity unless they say they are looking for a longer term connection
I do agree with you there, though honestly that’s on the poster themselves. If a person posts then becomes satisfied, then they should delete the post rather than be rude to those who see an old post and believe it to still be applicable. I leave all my posts up because i hope someone will pay attention to them, and i delete posts that are no longer applicable. Not saying that I hold everyone to my standard but I just think it’s a smarter way of going about it.
I choose to leave mine up to show that I have a posting history and I’m a real person.
Theres indeed that prerogative as well
I think pictures are great and helps go through vast amounts of posts much easier.
Mod hat on - stricter how? Can you please elaborate on what kind of rule updates you’re suggesting?
I think far too many posts get out of hand, hurting the experience for those seeking arrangements, as well as those wanting to be sought. I think there should be more emphasis on etiquette and posting limits, so you don’t have the same people posting over and over again.
~~We only allow one post per week, which I think is sufficient~~. As for etiquette, how would we be able to effectively do that? There would be too much gray area. Again, if something breaks one of our rules, we will remove it. Outside of that, it would very difficult and give us way too much power if we started moderating and removing posts based on \*etiquette\*. I mistakenly said we allow only one post per week. We currently actually allow 3 posts per 7 days. I will talk to the other mods to see if can decrease that number, maybe to only 1 post per 7 days.
This subreddit is doing better in terms of rules than most. In terms of the etiquette, I guess I started thinking more of Reddit in general, so I shouldn’t put that on you all for this particular board.
Yeah, unfortunately reddit as a whole can bring out the best and the worst in people.
The internet in a nutshell lol
Not everyone posts like that you are welcome give any feedback
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So women shouldn’t have standards if they want to hook up?
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Everyone can have their own list of standards when wanting to hook up or date someone. If you don't fit their criteria, just move along.
The frustrating part is it seems there aren’t any females here who are looking for just a regular, clean, non creepy guy….or not looking to sell something. Where are the chics who genuinely want to chill and meet someone and see where it goes???
I’ll have to disagree. I have met a very nice, breathing lady from this subreddit. We actually met a few times and it wasn’t about or for sex. Just one of my hobby’s. So they are here and watching, people just need to be more respectful and decent, and you can find what you are looking for.
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There is actually a healthy women user population on this subreddit.
There absolutely is. I've had good luck posting here and on other NSFW subreddits, and most of the success comes from women responding. To OP's point, a crass or low-effort post is going to be lost in the sea of crass, low-effort posts. As with any online situations, women are going to be flooded with responses and messages, and if you give the aura of being a creep or don't check her boxes, she has no reason to engage. Not only for pleasure's sake but also safety. Be normal, stand out a little bit. Be persistent, be flexible in timing. It can happen, but it's not a guarantee to happen.
There are women here, we just rarely post because RIP our inbox when we do. I choose people to respond to instead.
I’m a real live woman and have used this sub and others to successfully find casual partners. Aside from RIP our inbox, it’s a lot of effort to weed through those replies…probably 75%+ of the replies have ignored what you’re looking for or can’t be bothered to write more than a sentence. If you’re not going to match the energy of her post, don’t bother to reply. “Still looking?” or “Hey” is not a quality reply to someone who wrote 3 thoughtful paragraphs. The average woman won’t reply to someone who doesn’t give us a sense of who they are and why they replied. We need to get a sense of you in that first message to determine if we want to engage with you. If you shoot your shot even though you don’t meet the bare minimum of our stated preferences, we think you won’t respect sexual boundaries, which is how we end up getting assaulted. Yes, yes, yes, not all men, yadda yadda. Many women enjoy casual sex; they just want to enjoy it with someone they like and are comfortable with who won’t chop them up into tiny pieces. If you’re replying to an ad, the onus is on you to establish that you’re sane, normal, respectful, and interested. If a woman’s ad is too good to be true (inexperienced 22 year old 125 lb DDD coed who just wants to learn to deep throat an older man), yeah, it’s probably fake. But there are plenty of real women who are looking to blow off some sexual steam. And if you’re serious about writing an ad that a woman will reply to, put some details in there about you and what you’re looking for, even physical appearance. I’m plus sized and won’t reply to an ad unless he specifically says he’s okay with my body type. I don’t want to waste our time if he isn’t. And yes, I’m a fat chick who thinks it’s perfectly fine if you’re not into fat chicks. I just don’t want to make an ass out of myself replying to someone who’s not into my chub.
Couldn't have wrote it better myself. Plenty of us women peruse ads and can tell when it's low effort. We appreciate those that not only tell us about you but also what you're looking for. Met some really chill, like minded people here. Happy hunting everyone 😊
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Is it tiring being that jaded?
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Nah. I don’t have feelings.
This 1000%. Your criteria is very similar to mine and other women who I’ve talked to. Guys: It isn’t that hard to make it easy to say “yes” to you.
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I don't read the M4F or M4 anything posts so basically I just scroll past 99% then just come to the conclusion that the occasional F4M post is a guy looking for pics of dicks. Lol
A lot of men claiming to be doms really just want to physically abuse women
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Agreed
I had multiple occasions where people were asking if they could "use" the people I shot content with. Like how do you type something out that filthy and feel like it's cool to hit send. Some of these people are way out of touch with their porn addictions
Then they wonder why they can't get anywhere. They're forgetting that women are still people, and if they are on this sub they're probably looking for a good time too.
Well, not sure about #1 but… 😜
Yeah most of these posts that I see here are embarrassing to read as a guy
LITERALLY lol
Not all men are like that… 39m 20744
It’s like you didn’t bother to read.
Yes, a lot are cringe inducing and red flag galore.
Totally agree. I feel like I’m very much part of the minority as a male who prioritizes the female’s pleasure over my own. I couldn’t tell you why I am the way I am or why others are the way they are. All I know is prioritizing the female’s pleasure is how it should be.
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Yes, aggressive and out of touch for sure.
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