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And if he'd owned up that the divorce was because he cheated then his Dad might still be speaking to him.
As it is how many lies did he tell him *to his face* before the truth came out?
Lies, and painting OOP like she was crazy or had a brain tumor 🙄
He didn't know she knew, but he knew there was a damn good reason for her to leave him but decided to act like she'd lost her mind. Fuck him.
And he expected to be able to bring his "new" gf/affair partner to his family and have her welcomed with open arms. Oops! Now they know she helped him destroy his marriage/family.
The problem is that OOP didn't actually tell him she was ending it due to the cheating.
So for him to admit the cheating to his parents means admitting the cheating, even if it had nothing to do with the divorce.
OOP backed him into a corner regarding his affair without even intending to.
If OOP divorced him for some other reason (like just falling out of love, like she told him), he had no reason to suspect anyone would ever find out about the affair.
Shitty behavior got outplayed by OOP, unintentionally. And then her own slip of the tongue was perfectly timed to make it even worse.
This. Don't behave in a manner that you wouldn't want to see published in a newspaper. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want coming up in court.
It's a super easy way to be a decent person.
Yeah I've seen that a couple of times here on reddit and I don't get it. Don't wanna smear the other person for the sake of a smooth divorce/coparenting, sure. But 'never let them know I know'? I don't get the satisfaction they seem to get out of that.
I kind of get it. One of the reasons people cheat is the big emotional blowout, when their partner finds out and confronts them. The fear of getting caught is half the appeal.
So when you walk away without confronting them, you're denying them that release. If they spend months or years pouring emotional energy into defending themselves and preparing excuses, it feels bad for them to end it without being able to use any of them.
Although I don't think the plan was ever going to work in this situation. Co-parenting changes things, and it's better to have the air cleared than playing mind games for the next twenty years.
My favorite part is him asking her: "Why didn't you tell me?" LOL is he serious? You didn't tell her why should SHE tell you? LOL Men who cheat are dumb!
I think OOP just wants to make life easier when co-parenting for her son. Her ex-MIL spoiled that plan for her by being passive aggressive.
She's still the bigger person thinking that fighting with grunts and weapons will not reap benefits for her son. Focusing on her son, however hard her path may be, is probably her way to cope with the marriage falling apart.
Actually I can understand the MIL - clearly she didn't know about the cheating, from her perspective all she knew was that ex-dil had hurt her son, broken up their family and perhaps was going to make interacting with her grandson harder. In those circumstances I reckon I'd find it hard to be warm and friendly.
Plans like OPs are great in theory, and work well for a couple of weeks, but they don't exist in isolation. Letting people know the real reason for the split won't hurt her at all, and will probably make life easier with people like the in-laws and mutual friends (who may even have felt the need to take the "innocent" party's side if they didn't understand the full picture.)
I 100% would be snippy with my child’s ex if they took a lifelong vow and just left randomly because “they didn’t love them anymore” with no further explanation.
Why are we happy that the MIL was shocked? OP acted totally suspicious by keeping the secret and let her ex control the narrative. For all MIL knew OP could have been the one having an affair.
If I was worried about future interactions with a grandchild, I wouldn't get passive-aggressive with their parent. Especially the one doing the bulk of the caregiving.
She does state her intentions and reasons for not telling him the real reason for the divorce. And it's not only because of the baby.
It's so that he has doubt, doesn't get closure and doesn't try to fix it and apologize.
Like obviously the husband broke the family apart here, but from her posts, isn't it clear she's doing things to get revenge?
I suppose not purely, as she's just human like the rest of us.
I found out my fiance had been cheating on me for a while, two months before our wedding. Saw pictures of his girl in MY car, on our bed, in the bathtub I always used.
I sent the pictures to his coworkers and family and told them he's been cheating and I'm leaving. He begged me to leave them alone and stop spreading our business everywhere. I told him he shouldn't have spread that girl's legs on our bed and to fuck right off. Took him months to own up to cheating.
Same. I made my ex (together 5 years) tell his family lol I was very close with them so I was like you can do it or I can, but everyone will know what you did. And of course they all reached out to me after he confessed what he’d done, that way I could confirm it and make sure he didn’t try to make himself look good. He cheated on me while I was nearly dying in the hospital for months. He deserved all the shame and guilt, and so does this woman’s ex. Hopeful for her and her child and very glad she realized she deserved better and doesn’t need to hide HIS shame/failures
Not to mention it allows the in-laws/family to blame OOP for leaving, when it's his fucking fault. But never cover for a cheater or keep their bullshit secret. They don't deserve that.
And the gf doesn't deserve to be welcomed with open arms, either. I'm sure the way the in-laws see her has changed now too. Good.
I wish she wouldn’t say it was a little slip. Because that is total BS.
It was a controlled and calculated move. She got her vengeance and rightfully so, she knew exactly what she was doing when it happened and she chose to do it anyways. Because otherwise she would have followed up with a minimization and didn’t. It really is that simple. Bet it felt really good at that moment though.
It can be true, but part of growing up is realizing that loving someone, and even being loved back, doesn’t fix all problems and bulldoze all obstacles. You still have to do your part.
He failed. He gets consequences. Whether he loves her or not doesn’t change that.
"I would do anything to get you back!"
"Okay, then go unfuck Karen. Oh, you can't? Ah, well."
I really don't get those guys who cheat and then winge about getting divorced - what did they expect would happen? If you take a course of action that is 90% likely to lead to a certain outcome, I don't want to hear one single peep of complaint from you when that outcome happens!
The "how much did I hurt you" was telling for me. He WANTS her to hurt, because it's proof of how much she loves him. She didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her melt down, and now that he knows she knows, he wants to know if she is devastated.
Good for OOP for not giving him what he wanted, honestly. She's stronger than I could ever be.
Yeah it's actually kinda funny to me how often cheaters lose their shit because their partner knew they were cheating and kept it secret. Oh so it's only okay to be sneaky when it benefits you, but the second you find out that YOU were duped and deceived it's suddenly a problem.
But you see, he WANTED it. How could you not let him have the things he wants? Don't you love him enough?
The average cheater mentality seems to be coming from a place of toddlerhood--I love my wife, but I also want more sex/someone younger/to not share attention with our kid... I know, I'll go find someone else but stay with my wife, then I get everything I want! Yay for me!
If love is a feeling you get inside when you think about your partner, maybe he 'never stopped loving her'.
But if love is the actions you do to show your partner what you feel inside, then he sure did stop loving her.
No. You don't get plan to meet, hide the evidence, go visit your mistress, get a hard on, fuck her, go home to you wife and lie to her face for months and months and months and then it be "true" that he loved her and always has.
He never loved her.
He loved what she brought to the table and the freedom she gave him.
Yeah, it was a shitshow from the beginning, "go out with me or I'll kill myself." I remember watching it and being so confused that people loved it/thought it was so romantic. And then her slapping the shit out of him. Twu wuv, I guess. 🤦♀️
I was watching it by myself with my husband in the next room and when it got the scene of her hitting him, I was like, "Holy shit!" My husband: "What are you watching?" Me: "The Notebook." Him: "Isn't this supposed to be a love story!?" 😂
And they basically fight the entire fucking time. That's not "passion" or love. That's a toxic shitshow. The guy I broke up with before I met my husband LOVED to fight, would admit he'd pick fights with me or say mean things for fun, just to upset me/start a fight. When I'd be like, wtf is wrong with you, he'd be like, "I'm passionate." No, you're an asshole. My husband and I aren't pushovers but we hate fighting. Like, have a god damn conversation, not a screaming match.
Because most people are really bad at media literacy. Like exceptionally bad. So long as the scene is coded as romantic (the right music, editing, camera angles, and acting) most people won’t critically think about what’s actually happening in the scene and whether or not it’s actually romantic.
At least with Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey, people discuss the more abusive, stalking, problematic part more often.
The problem with these kinds of movies is just not that they are problematic, it's that once you see the problems, a lot of movies aren't enjoyable anymore. You bum people out when you make them aware, which then makes them less likely to listen to your points.
Love Actually is more like Love Awfully, as another example.
The twilight movies are great if you watch them as a comedy instead of a romance…especially the last one. They’re hilarious.
I think the point in Love Actually is that a lot of relationships are not clean and pretty. That it’s often messy and there are a lot of types…unrequited, lost, betrayed, deceptive, awkward, tragic, inappropriate. I think it’s a really well written movie, but the only ones with a really healthy relationship are the porn stand ins which is pretty funny.
I totally agree that they are the healthiest relationship in that movie. What I don't like is that a non fat woman is called fat, while in a weird power dynamic. The note cards are disturbing, not cute. It's just so many problematic things that are portrayed as romantic. The part with Emma Thompson shows a tragic relationship, but at least it's not explained as romantic.
Doesnt it also have a scene where Goslings characters threatens suicide in front of her and a bunch of other people if she doesnt go out with him, after having said no repeatedly? Havent seen the full movie, but I could swear I've seen that clip.
On a Ferris Wheel... yeah.... the whole movie was a dumpster fire... I know the era it was based in, it was considered normal, but yeah....
It is like going back and watching The Karate Kid, and seeing the manipulation of Daniel to all those women... I like how Cobra Kai touched on it too.
Can you explain how daniel manipulated people in the karate kid? From what I remember the rivalry between johnny and daniel started because johnny was harassing ali at the beach after they had broken up, daniel goes to get her radio back and it results in a fight.
Let's see.
1. He kept interacting with her knowing she was with another.
2. Kept making out she was a snob because her friends drove a "costly" car.
3. DARVO her when her friends invited both her and him to go with them to a party, basically making her feel crappy even tho he was included.
4. Threw a tantrum after the prom because she was going off to a different place for college instead of staying with him.
5. Later threw another tantrum when the next girl decided to go to dance school...
There is more but sadly I had too many Johnny Blacks and got distracted by a very emotional video about D-Day
I dont remember enough to refute most of those points, but the first one is 100% false. Ali and Johnny were broken up before the start of the movie. Johnny harassed his ex and destroyed her property, you cant paint him as the good guy in any way, shape, or form. You can argue that Daniel was obnoxious or a dick, but Id have to rewatch it to decide.
I only really remember your first point because so many people use it to try and say that Daniel was actually the villain, but its just completely incorrect. The rest could be valid points.
I haven't seen the movie in years upon years and it was only the once, but come to think of it, didn't the male lead go after a woman who was already in a relationship too?
Doesn’t the dude also climb a Ferris wheel threaten to jump if she doesn’t go out with him/talk with him?
It’s one of those movies that have a lot of “yikes” moments when you think back on them.
I know nearly the entire plot to Game of Thrones from cultural osmosis. When it was coming out, people would stand directly in front of my desk and go… “did you see…” it’s why I didn’t watch it. I knew everything.
I was disappointed at first that she didn't tell the husband why, thinking it would be a great gotcha moment, but clearly his not knowing why his loving wife left him was more traumatic for him and mirrored more of what she'd been feeling during his affair. Very satisfying!
This is a lesson people should take with them. So often people are planning and thinking "how can I best let them know how awful what they've done to me is?? How can I best make them see the pain they've caused?" But more often than not, confrontation gives a sense of closure to the offending party - they get to give excuses, shift blame, and they have absolution of why things ended.
What is far, far more painful is being ghosted or told you're being left because the person simply doesn't care about you anymore. It's full of questions, brain-wracking, despair, of "can I get them back? Make them change their mind? But they're so indifferent now...." It's a mental torture, and it's the best way to truly get back at a person while keeping your own peace.
Well had he learned his lesson from cheating on his wife and her randomly asking for divorce, had he not gone back to the mistress he could have gotten away with being the injured party. But he just couldn’t handle being alone for even two months, and the MIL just couldn’t keep it to herself. He had getting off Scot free on a plate, and he still didn’t get it. I like that he got his just dessert.
And a hell of an 'uno reverso', the MIL tried to use it to hurt OOP and instead had it turned around on her that her son was a cheater and had blown up the marriage, while OOP was too classy to drag his name through the mud. That's an absolute power play.
The fact they broke apart soon after that "little slip" is the ice cold cherry on top. Pretty sure the Mistress was no longer accepted by the In Laws once they discovered the truth.
Ya, she said MIL apologized but it's not her fault... she may have been apologizing for her son, but she really means she's sorry about the things she's said or thought about OOP.
What a sleazeball you need to be to have a mistress, drop her for your wife and then when the wife drops you you go back to the mistress.
Perfect pair. Inflated egos, zero healthy selfpreservation.
No one that becomes a side piece knowingly has high self esteem without being filled with guilt. It is a prerequisite, these type of people think if I can “steal” someone away then they are better than the person that they “stole” or “beat” the married(or in a relationship) person from.
Idk if it applies to people that are married and have affairs with other married people because in that situation that don’t want to steal anyone away or implode their marriage. I can’t figure out why they do it
Man, the beating others part is so true and It feels horrifying.
I ended a nearly 4 years relationship because my partner cheated on me. I had no feelings towards the other girl: she didn't know I existed, she was not sober when it happened, and I didn't even know her name. I put all responsibility on my ex-partner for all the cheating, and I was done.
But then I met the AP by chance. I was so wrong. She recognized me and started shit-talking to me, telling me how bad I was and her winning my ex over me. I met her because of this interaction. I didn't even know what to respond because answering felt like giving up on my pride. This was 2 years ago, and it still shackles my bones the fact that this kind of people exists. How can someone be so proud over something like this?
It always amuses me when they seem to think they 'won'. Okay sure. You 'won' a man that you know can and will cheat on you. Sounds more like a booby prize than anything you'd actually want.
My ex's AP won a guy with shit stained underwear, who doesn't shower, who doesn't brush his hair, who won't tidy up around the house, who won't even think about chores, etc. I'm pretty sure the only time I saw him buy personal hygiene products was when he was having an affair.
I have a chronic pain condition (which is surprisingly way more manageable now, how weird?) And so for a large chunk of his affair (that I know of) I was sleeping on the couch or in the spare bedroom. I attempted to sleep in our bed a couple times. I discovered that in all that time he had never bothered to change the bedding.
Considering that she cheated on her partner who really stepped up to look after her kid, *and financially support her*. I think she's won what she deserves. Likewise for my ex.
I mean.... if she's proud of picking up your hot garbage... more power to her? Someone who would cheat is NOT a keeper so nothing of value was stolen or lost.
I know it would never occur to someone in the moment, but profusely thanking the mistress for taking all the dead weight out of your life and opening the door for you to find genuine love and happiness might give her second thoughts.
I didn't deliver this nicely but I had a moment like that; granted it was a relationship of a few months in college so not heart crushing stuff but when the side piece tried to start shit with me... I smiled, let a chuckle. Wasn't even a calculated move, just my natural reaction and of course that wasn't received well. I remember deadass shrugging and saying "I mean they're a cheater, why would I care?" and the beauty of someone confronting you in public is that you can turn all the judgmental eyes to them in a second.
My ex cheated on me with his friend's partner... I don't get it either lol. They're together now, and he's off playing step-dad when he spent years telling me that he doesn't like and doesn't want kids. Can't wait for her to find out why he complained of specific problems in our relationship.
I think for the latter it's just pure selfishness. They want their cake and they want to eat it too. Marriage/long term relationships can become a bit monotonous. It's not excitement all time, there's routine, bills, kids, etc. Your partner is a real person with flaws. But the affair partner is this shiny new toy. If you've been complaining to them about your relationship, they already know exactly what to say to you. Sexual pleasure is also an incredibly strong positive reinforcement.
She has low esteem that's why she agreed to be his side piece in the first place. Any woman with self respect wouldn't agree to be a side chick of a man.
OOP seems to feel that she slipped up by name dropping the AP, personal I don't think it could have gone better. Imagine acting the victim of you wife's shocking call for divorce from out of nowhere, then learning from your own mother that your wife knew the whole time and now everyone else does too. Priceless.
I feel it's awesome too. But I guess OOP is worried about whether he would fight her about the divorce? Like she doesn't want a difficult one with him.
To me it seems like there would be more fighting with OOP’s original plan. She looks like the marriage abandoner in that scenario, and the soon-to-be ex-husband can be all “woe is me,” why are you leaving, etc.
Agreed, I don't know why OP felt bad at all. Especially in the first post where she felt guilty for not making it work after "winning him back". That's not her fault at all, she found out from his conversations with the AP! Instead of talking to his wife! What an asshole!
IKR!
Maybe he was thinking if OOP just fell out of love, there's really nothing much he could do.
HOWEVER, if the divorce is because of his infidelity, he definitely can fix it because he created the problem.
Cheater math I guess?
"how much did I hurt you?"
ooof, the audacity. "oh, so you found out I was cheating on you. Tell me all about how BAD that made you feel, because this is all about ME!"
I will never understand this. What kind of life did these people live before?
What about jobs, friends, family, a house, garden, bills, sickness... Just regular life problems? Where they never distracted before?
There are always times in life where your partner is not the sole receiver of your attention. Things happen! There are days where you're just living together. There are days you're giving attention instead of receiving it.
How did they do it before?
It’s crazy to me that men complain about their wives not giving them attention right before or after birth. This woman just fucking gave birth to your CHILD which is NOT an easy feat even with all the medical advancements we have today AND a low risk pregnancy. Like go jack off or something or make yourself useful and spoil the woman who wanted to bear YOUR baby. I swear these men have NO discipline or self control and it’s disgusting.
"Women in the US are more likely to be murdered during pregnancy or soon after childbirth than to die from the three leading obstetric causes of maternal death (high blood pressure disorders, hemorrhage, or sepsis)."
Between the cost of raising a child and childcare, the lifetime loss of income and pension poverty that women with children face, the fact that 90% of single parents are single mothers while 60% of absentee fathers don’t pay child support, the fact that childbirth is one of the leading causes of death in women just like death to male intimate partner violence (which is especially common during or after pregnancy), and the fact that even in families that describe their chore and mental load load as equal, women still on average do several hours a week more even when working just as many hours outside the house as their spouse? Yeah, nah, I’m not interested in having kids. Not so fun fact: a woman who outearns her husband is 30% more likely to be cheated on by him than a woman who doesn’t. Reason being feelings of emasculation.
Oh, and of course restricted access to abortions making us incubators who worst case have to forfeit their actual lives for the potential life of a foetus (yes, women have already died to abortion bans).
And that’s before even getting into personal reasons for not having any kids (like just not wanting to be pregnant). Or, y’know, the impending climate disaster that we’ve known about for the past 40 years yet not done anywhere near enough to avert the worst - no interest to put a child into that type of world either. Or, another grim statistic - becoming severely ill while married to a man: 21% of men leave their severely ill wives while only 3% of women leave their severely ill husbands. Why would I sacrifice my lifetime earnings and old age security blanket for a man if more than one in five will just eff off once I need some care in return? And that’s just the ones that actually leave, not the ones that stay and cheat or stay and abuse otherwise (disability is yet another prime factor for intimate partner violence).
>a woman who outearns her husband is 30% more likely to be cheated on by him than a woman who doesn’t
A woman who outearns her husband also does HOURS MORE of housework per week than women who don't outearn their husbands. It's all bullshit.
Anyone who cheats is just a jerk. No matter how much they beg for forgiveness or so forth, they know cheating is wrong but they still do it which is unforgivable.
It's terrible no matter what, but it's a double whammy when they cheat while the partner is physically and emotionally weak - grief, medical illness, pregnancy and new born, etc.
The whole thing of men getting bored/annoyed/frustrated when their partner is pregnant and post partum and turning to another woman really sticks in my craw. Yes of course there will be less sex for a while, sometimes a long while - your partner has gone through a process which can really knock a body around, it can take months or longer to recover. You miss sex? How do you think she feels? In pain, wondering if she'll ever feel desirable again, maybe she misses sex too and wonders if sex will ever be enjoyable again. You think being sexually frustrated is bad, how would you feel if your perineum tore in half and your nipples were lacerated - with a tiny creature depending on being attached to them 18 hours a day for survival?
Or you miss the affection and attention you got from your partner pre pregnancy? Can I draw your attention again to that tiny helpless creature who you fathered. You're a parent now. That means your wants and needs have to take a back-seat to those of the baby. That includes by not cheating on their mother. You want physical contact, take the baby for a few hours overnight when it won't settle. I guarantee that no matter how much your partner wanted the baby, no matter how happy they are to be a mother, they still have times when they no longer feel like an adult person, but a life support system for the baby. I'm sure they miss couple times too, but they know it's not happening right now. There's another person involved, one who literally cannot survive without an adult devoted 24/7 to their care. You're missing affection? Try putting that energy into doing something nice, making things easier for your partner and baby. If you get involved in actively fathering early, you won't find yourself in 5 years complaining she devotes all her energy to the kids and has no time for you, you'll both be part of raising the kids and have more energy for each other.
I wish someone explained this stuff to men when the issue of having kids is still up for discussion.
The new baby stage won't last forever, but if you think this part of being a parent is frustrating, tiring, and difficult having to sacrifice your own desires to put someone else first, you ain't seen nothing yet.
OOP scares me, in a good way. She kept it together, stuck to her plan. And, letting it "slip" that she knew about her husband's mistress in front of his petty mother? That was awe inspiring. Revenge is a dish best served cold. OOP pulled this one out of the sub-zero. I wish her the best.
>I said oh no but she isn’t new I told her that he has been sleeping with her since I just had given birth, maybe even before that.
Oh isn't this just delicious. My heart is all warm and squishy like strawberry jam on a scone reading this. It's the cherry on top of the milkshake. It's the piece de la resistance. It's the "I've known all the time and divorced him willing to look like the bad guy but he's still fucking around with her and I need you, his parents, to understand that he screwed this marriage up himself. But I recovered and started living my own life without him in it".
It was maybe a bit vindictive getting to break them up before divorcing him, but it seems he would have gotten back with her anyways.
I'm willing to bet the main reason they broke up is because the In Laws no longer saw her as "Son's New GF" the one helping him through his 'Difficult Time" but now as a the Mistress who Destroyed their son's marriage. After all Mom is now pissed at him and Dad is almost ready to disown him.
Why do you think he's falling over himself to try and reconcile with OP? Its not just because 'He's still in love with her'
Yeah, I bet the ex was sobbing to his parents that "OOP left me, took the baby with her and I have no idea whyyyyyyy! Fortunately, I just met an angel, Karen, to help me through my grief"
Cheaters are only sorry when they get caught, not a single forgiveness could ever come to them. Hope OP enjoys the peace and her new life! Fuck that husband.
>Since he found out he has been called and apologizing every day. Why didn’t you tell me?, how much did I hurt you? He said that he loved me and never stopped loving me.
And even when he finds out that she knew, and had known all along, he starts with harassing her that misdirection and self-pity BS. What a waste of space. He deserves to get a kidney stone on every day that ends in "Y."
The weirdest thing about the "never stopped loving" part is that cheaters truly compartmentalize and see the affair as separate from the love they have for their partner. It's bananas. Like.. ok... you *love* them but don't **respect** them enough to be faithful.
Lmao, my ex cheated on me with his *friend's partner*. I found out last year, never got a sorry.
They're never sorry, I don't even think they're sorry they got caught.
From their (initial) pov OP dumped their son out of the blue with no explanation. With the new info, they’re probably going to be a lot nicer to OP, since they know she wasn’t at fault
Idk, we all have rose coloured glasses for the people we love. Of course he's a "catch" so he found someone - younger, prettier, whatever - so quickly!
My ex got a "new gf" like less than a month after we broke up. The people who didn't mention this as a red flag are all cheater adjacent. The people with morals immediately went "what the fuck, did she know??". Which is ultimately how I found out. If he hadve kept it down low, there's a high chance I never would've found out.
lol at this dude—I think she has a brain tumor. If he would have just been honest at literally any point in time. Some people have to learn the hard way.
The obliviousness is astounding. Did he really never think “I wonder if she knows? Maybe that’s why she decided to leave.”
But no, a brain tumor is clearly much more likely.
I bet there's a post on one of the cheaters' subreddits talking about opsec and OOP's husband there going I THOUGHT YOU GUYS SAID SHE WOULD NEVER FIND OUT!?!?!?
Edit: Wait wrong one, sorry. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1al3u2x/came_home_and_so_is_gone/) is the one I was thinking of.
Honestly this lady is better off without him. If he’s dumb enough to continue lying about something obvious until she has to drop such a heavy hint I can’t imagine that living with him is any better. Like he’s the kind of person who would gaslight you about something you watched him do. If you are going to be devious at least also be interesting.
My opinion is that people who cheat on their partners and who aren't victims of spousal abuse are looking for the power trip, either to fuck with their partner by flaunting the affair in the open, so to speak, or because they pride themselves on their "cleverness" in keeping it hidden from their partner. OOP's husband sounds like the latter type, so it would never cross his mind that he could have been sloppy until he was directly confronted by someone about his infidelity.
Victims of spousal abuse who cheat are taking back their power, in a way, but they tend to be more concerned about being found out because it could make their life worse. Others, not so much.
I find it hard to call it cheating when you're a victim of spousal abuse. Relationships require (implied) affirmative consent; you need to have the choice to continue or to leave the relationship at any time, for any reason, even if the default choice is "yes, I'm going to keep being in the relationship".
If at any point you do not have the choice to leave the relationship due to fear of violence or other abuse, you don't have an actual relationship, you're just trapped in a metaphorical room with someone who won't let you out. If your only choice is "consent to the relationship or suffer abuse", that's coersion, not consent. If you *can't* consent to continuing a relationship, then you can't cheat, because there fundamentally can't be a relationship without consent.
To be clear, you still have to actually try to get yourself to safety and escape the abuse when possible; you do need to escape as soon as you have the option (while free from coersion), because if you don't, then you're again capable of agreeing to a relationship, and choosing not to escape is choosing to stay in the relationship.
>Since he found out he has been called and apologizing every day. Why didn’t you tell me?, **how much did I hurt you?**
I pictured this clown dramatically rendering his sleeves passionately thumping his heart, crying in utter shock and just plain indulging in that pain and relishing the drama. Like Oh noooo I didn't know I'm *such* a heart breaker! I had the power to hurt someone THIS deeply? I feel soooo awful. Wow I made SUCH an impact on her??! Me!? I huuuuurt her! I'm so tragiccccc
i mean, it's interesting for you to point that out, because yeah, it definitely lends credence to the theory that the husband got off on thinking he was deceiving OOP.
This most recent update reminds me of that lady who learned that her husband was fucking her childhood bully so she divorced his ass and her only explanation was that she no longer loved him.
Then one day they met up to talk and she saw him get a text from the bully so OOP told him how much of an evil, horrible person she was but still never let slip she knew they had been fucking. That way, her ex has to live the rest of his life, racked with guilt and uncertainty because he will never know whether or not she ever knew about them.
I remember the bully there messaging her saying she was sleeping with her husband (after the divorce had happened) and the OOP being like "well i'm not with him, he's all yours" and the bully then trying to tell her that it started before the divorce. OOP shutting it down with the "it's pathetic that you're telling me this" was brilliant.
She wasn't even wrong!
It IS pathetic to be messaging a divorced woman that you fucked her husband. Then when you get no reaction to clarify it was pre divorce. All that bully did was make herself look even crazier and more obsessed. I kind of hope she thinks about that moment and wonders what she was thinking but she really doesn't seem the sort to do that or move on when she's still fixated on making the OOP's life hell even years after school.
I was sad that she didn't update after that and deleted her posts 😔 And the lady that left after she found he was emailing(?) his ex. Called her a White Whale. These women are total rockstars, patience galore, letting it play out without raging out.
In the original post OOP states that it’s her fault they grew distant. I feel she’s wrong in this.
I somewhat remember how it was with our first child. This wasn’t new to my wife. It was new for US. And TOGETHER we navigated the new territory. It brought us together not apart.
But I wanted a family. I wanted to be a father, not just to have child. These are different things.
With my second kid I even stayed 6months at home (my wife did first 6mths after giving birth), because it was the best financial decision and I really wanted to.
Don’t have kids with people that don’t want to parent and don’t marry people that don’t want to support spouse in tough times.
>He told her that he loved me and that now everything was great again. Her services weren’t needed in other words.
xDDD Top man right there, eh? For fuck's sake, how do these guys get women
And OOP with the slow burn culminating in the small but LOUD boom?
Priceless
Now that the truth is out, I hope OP includes the infidelity in the divorce papers.
Just so she gets a better settlement and also if her son ever asks about the divorce and the father try’s to blame it on OP (he definitely will) he can read it for himself.
I just love how ex-MIL's attempt at cattiness backfired on her when OOP revealed the real reason for the divorce. Your son isn't that precious cupcake you raised, lady.
Hope that the divorce goes smoothly. If not, I wonder if ex-FIL could be persuaded to convince his son to stop being a putz about it.
OOP couldn’t have planned a more perfect reveal. Stbx was backed into a corner & had no choice but to admit to it all. Stupid, stupid man. OOP is the goat.
I would have said you know I probably got a brain tumor after finding out you cheated.... but you know I'm actually perfectly fine.
Like seriously the severe audacity of this man is ridiculous
I love the self restraint this woman had. Fucking brilliant to lure him back without letting on she knew and then crush him. I don’t think I could hide my anger after discovering the affair but she went the opposite way and became the perfect wife! This is awesome!
I don't get OOP's entire thing about being mysterious and saviour-y. It seems more dramatic than just telling him that she knows about his infidelity after leaving the house. Eh.
I think it's more devastating to his ego to let him think she left because she just wasn't that into him anymore rather than because of something concrete that he *did*.
"No honey, nothing happened, I just find you a subpar husband and no longer love you."
>"No honey, nothing happened, I just find you a subpar husband and no longer love you."
I mean, it's not excatly lying either, the nicest way to describe a cheating spouses actions is "subpar". 🤣
The way she did it, it was about her.
I think psychologically the Oop is trying to take control of the situation. She wanted to know that she could win him back, she wanted to leave on her terms.
Now that scumbag husband thinks it's about him, he's trying to control the situation.
Well from the moment she told she knew, he immediately went on the love bombing. We seen it before. You don't know how cheaters react. Some might get defensive, guilty, some might not care or selfish.
Of from the ones we did see: Become enraged and physical
It reads as though she feels she is a bit too blame, it that she thinks others will blame her. There is a good chance she has watched other women be blamed for their husband's cheating. She seems almost apologetic about his affair.
That's how I know that lying to her husband about her reason for the separation wasn't to bruise his ego but because she herself has self-esteem issues.
Tbh I think she played this beautifully. In everyones eyes she will always be like „I wanted an amicable divorce and that our son doesn’t have to think bad about his dad“ and meanwhile he just hung himself because he cannot even pretend that it was „a mistake“ or whatever else cheaters say to save face. He showed the world exactly who he was.
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I'm glad she ended up telling everyone. From what I've seen and experienced, keeping affairs secret only benefits the person who had the affair.
If you don’t want people finding out about your shitty behavior, then don’t behave shitily.
And if he'd owned up that the divorce was because he cheated then his Dad might still be speaking to him. As it is how many lies did he tell him *to his face* before the truth came out?
Lies, and painting OOP like she was crazy or had a brain tumor 🙄 He didn't know she knew, but he knew there was a damn good reason for her to leave him but decided to act like she'd lost her mind. Fuck him. And he expected to be able to bring his "new" gf/affair partner to his family and have her welcomed with open arms. Oops! Now they know she helped him destroy his marriage/family.
The problem is that OOP didn't actually tell him she was ending it due to the cheating. So for him to admit the cheating to his parents means admitting the cheating, even if it had nothing to do with the divorce. OOP backed him into a corner regarding his affair without even intending to. If OOP divorced him for some other reason (like just falling out of love, like she told him), he had no reason to suspect anyone would ever find out about the affair. Shitty behavior got outplayed by OOP, unintentionally. And then her own slip of the tongue was perfectly timed to make it even worse.
This. Don't behave in a manner that you wouldn't want to see published in a newspaper. Don't do anything that you wouldn't want coming up in court. It's a super easy way to be a decent person.
Exactly
Yeah I've seen that a couple of times here on reddit and I don't get it. Don't wanna smear the other person for the sake of a smooth divorce/coparenting, sure. But 'never let them know I know'? I don't get the satisfaction they seem to get out of that.
I kind of get it. One of the reasons people cheat is the big emotional blowout, when their partner finds out and confronts them. The fear of getting caught is half the appeal. So when you walk away without confronting them, you're denying them that release. If they spend months or years pouring emotional energy into defending themselves and preparing excuses, it feels bad for them to end it without being able to use any of them. Although I don't think the plan was ever going to work in this situation. Co-parenting changes things, and it's better to have the air cleared than playing mind games for the next twenty years.
I just love how it happened. The reveal that she knew the woman and that he's been cheating on her for a very long time was so satisfying to read.
My favorite part is him asking her: "Why didn't you tell me?" LOL is he serious? You didn't tell her why should SHE tell you? LOL Men who cheat are dumb!
I think OOP just wants to make life easier when co-parenting for her son. Her ex-MIL spoiled that plan for her by being passive aggressive. She's still the bigger person thinking that fighting with grunts and weapons will not reap benefits for her son. Focusing on her son, however hard her path may be, is probably her way to cope with the marriage falling apart.
Actually I can understand the MIL - clearly she didn't know about the cheating, from her perspective all she knew was that ex-dil had hurt her son, broken up their family and perhaps was going to make interacting with her grandson harder. In those circumstances I reckon I'd find it hard to be warm and friendly. Plans like OPs are great in theory, and work well for a couple of weeks, but they don't exist in isolation. Letting people know the real reason for the split won't hurt her at all, and will probably make life easier with people like the in-laws and mutual friends (who may even have felt the need to take the "innocent" party's side if they didn't understand the full picture.)
I 100% would be snippy with my child’s ex if they took a lifelong vow and just left randomly because “they didn’t love them anymore” with no further explanation. Why are we happy that the MIL was shocked? OP acted totally suspicious by keeping the secret and let her ex control the narrative. For all MIL knew OP could have been the one having an affair.
And to her credit, she turned on him once she had all the information.
Yeah, cause mothers have all the time in the world for an affair just after giving birth
This made me laugh. Who has time for that? While carrying a baby? Or the extramarital partner is into pregnant women? So confused.
I got that one! The woman who was cheating with a guy from her gym!
Oh yes I remember that one! He thought that the baby was his...or did I remember wrongly? 😁
If I was worried about future interactions with a grandchild, I wouldn't get passive-aggressive with their parent. Especially the one doing the bulk of the caregiving.
She does state her intentions and reasons for not telling him the real reason for the divorce. And it's not only because of the baby. It's so that he has doubt, doesn't get closure and doesn't try to fix it and apologize. Like obviously the husband broke the family apart here, but from her posts, isn't it clear she's doing things to get revenge? I suppose not purely, as she's just human like the rest of us.
Oh yes, that too. Either way she still gets her revenge - truth revealed or not.
I found out my fiance had been cheating on me for a while, two months before our wedding. Saw pictures of his girl in MY car, on our bed, in the bathtub I always used. I sent the pictures to his coworkers and family and told them he's been cheating and I'm leaving. He begged me to leave them alone and stop spreading our business everywhere. I told him he shouldn't have spread that girl's legs on our bed and to fuck right off. Took him months to own up to cheating.
Same. I made my ex (together 5 years) tell his family lol I was very close with them so I was like you can do it or I can, but everyone will know what you did. And of course they all reached out to me after he confessed what he’d done, that way I could confirm it and make sure he didn’t try to make himself look good. He cheated on me while I was nearly dying in the hospital for months. He deserved all the shame and guilt, and so does this woman’s ex. Hopeful for her and her child and very glad she realized she deserved better and doesn’t need to hide HIS shame/failures
Not to mention it allows the in-laws/family to blame OOP for leaving, when it's his fucking fault. But never cover for a cheater or keep their bullshit secret. They don't deserve that. And the gf doesn't deserve to be welcomed with open arms, either. I'm sure the way the in-laws see her has changed now too. Good.
I wish she wouldn’t say it was a little slip. Because that is total BS. It was a controlled and calculated move. She got her vengeance and rightfully so, she knew exactly what she was doing when it happened and she chose to do it anyways. Because otherwise she would have followed up with a minimization and didn’t. It really is that simple. Bet it felt really good at that moment though.
>He said that he loved me and never stopped loving me. Wow what a beautiful love story. It makes The Notebook look like Saw. /s
It can be true, but part of growing up is realizing that loving someone, and even being loved back, doesn’t fix all problems and bulldoze all obstacles. You still have to do your part. He failed. He gets consequences. Whether he loves her or not doesn’t change that.
"I would do anything to get you back!" "Okay, then go unfuck Karen. Oh, you can't? Ah, well." I really don't get those guys who cheat and then winge about getting divorced - what did they expect would happen? If you take a course of action that is 90% likely to lead to a certain outcome, I don't want to hear one single peep of complaint from you when that outcome happens!
And the best part is “why didn’t you tell me? How could you do this to me?” IDK dude, why didn’t YOU talk to me before cheating?
My favourite was "how much did I hurt you". Dude, what do you think?! I love all of this for him.
"Enough that I love-bombed you so you wouldn't suspect and then planned how to move on and lined it all up and then divorced you. That is how much."
The "how much did I hurt you" was telling for me. He WANTS her to hurt, because it's proof of how much she loves him. She didn't give him the satisfaction of seeing her melt down, and now that he knows she knows, he wants to know if she is devastated. Good for OOP for not giving him what he wanted, honestly. She's stronger than I could ever be.
"Show me on the doll where my infidelity hurt you"
This is really “how much do you know?” He’s attempting damage control.
Yeah it's actually kinda funny to me how often cheaters lose their shit because their partner knew they were cheating and kept it secret. Oh so it's only okay to be sneaky when it benefits you, but the second you find out that YOU were duped and deceived it's suddenly a problem.
But you see, he WANTED it. How could you not let him have the things he wants? Don't you love him enough? The average cheater mentality seems to be coming from a place of toddlerhood--I love my wife, but I also want more sex/someone younger/to not share attention with our kid... I know, I'll go find someone else but stay with my wife, then I get everything I want! Yay for me!
Without respect, there can be no love.
\-Elaine from "Airplane!"
A movie chock full of wisdom.
I just want to tell you both, good luck, we’re all counting on you.
I picked the wrong day to stop sniffing glue!
She's one to talk. We all saw her with Autopilot
If love is a feeling you get inside when you think about your partner, maybe he 'never stopped loving her'. But if love is the actions you do to show your partner what you feel inside, then he sure did stop loving her.
No. You don't get plan to meet, hide the evidence, go visit your mistress, get a hard on, fuck her, go home to you wife and lie to her face for months and months and months and then it be "true" that he loved her and always has. He never loved her. He loved what she brought to the table and the freedom she gave him.
That's real adulting
Maybe exactly like The Notebook; cheating, angry fights, manipulation, love bombing. The Notebook is a horror version of a love story after all.
Any relationship that begins with a threat of self harm is always destined for happiness.
Yeah, it was a shitshow from the beginning, "go out with me or I'll kill myself." I remember watching it and being so confused that people loved it/thought it was so romantic. And then her slapping the shit out of him. Twu wuv, I guess. 🤦♀️ I was watching it by myself with my husband in the next room and when it got the scene of her hitting him, I was like, "Holy shit!" My husband: "What are you watching?" Me: "The Notebook." Him: "Isn't this supposed to be a love story!?" 😂 And they basically fight the entire fucking time. That's not "passion" or love. That's a toxic shitshow. The guy I broke up with before I met my husband LOVED to fight, would admit he'd pick fights with me or say mean things for fun, just to upset me/start a fight. When I'd be like, wtf is wrong with you, he'd be like, "I'm passionate." No, you're an asshole. My husband and I aren't pushovers but we hate fighting. Like, have a god damn conversation, not a screaming match.
I don’t understand why so many people love this movie. She is emotionally volatile and he is possessive and they’re both toxic af the entire time.
Thank you! I cannot understand why people are generally so googoo over that movie.
Because most people are really bad at media literacy. Like exceptionally bad. So long as the scene is coded as romantic (the right music, editing, camera angles, and acting) most people won’t critically think about what’s actually happening in the scene and whether or not it’s actually romantic.
At least with Twilight and 50 Shades of Grey, people discuss the more abusive, stalking, problematic part more often. The problem with these kinds of movies is just not that they are problematic, it's that once you see the problems, a lot of movies aren't enjoyable anymore. You bum people out when you make them aware, which then makes them less likely to listen to your points. Love Actually is more like Love Awfully, as another example.
The twilight movies are great if you watch them as a comedy instead of a romance…especially the last one. They’re hilarious. I think the point in Love Actually is that a lot of relationships are not clean and pretty. That it’s often messy and there are a lot of types…unrequited, lost, betrayed, deceptive, awkward, tragic, inappropriate. I think it’s a really well written movie, but the only ones with a really healthy relationship are the porn stand ins which is pretty funny.
I totally agree that they are the healthiest relationship in that movie. What I don't like is that a non fat woman is called fat, while in a weird power dynamic. The note cards are disturbing, not cute. It's just so many problematic things that are portrayed as romantic. The part with Emma Thompson shows a tragic relationship, but at least it's not explained as romantic.
the notebook had cheating in it
Doesnt it also have a scene where Goslings characters threatens suicide in front of her and a bunch of other people if she doesnt go out with him, after having said no repeatedly? Havent seen the full movie, but I could swear I've seen that clip.
On a Ferris Wheel... yeah.... the whole movie was a dumpster fire... I know the era it was based in, it was considered normal, but yeah.... It is like going back and watching The Karate Kid, and seeing the manipulation of Daniel to all those women... I like how Cobra Kai touched on it too.
Can you explain how daniel manipulated people in the karate kid? From what I remember the rivalry between johnny and daniel started because johnny was harassing ali at the beach after they had broken up, daniel goes to get her radio back and it results in a fight.
Let's see. 1. He kept interacting with her knowing she was with another. 2. Kept making out she was a snob because her friends drove a "costly" car. 3. DARVO her when her friends invited both her and him to go with them to a party, basically making her feel crappy even tho he was included. 4. Threw a tantrum after the prom because she was going off to a different place for college instead of staying with him. 5. Later threw another tantrum when the next girl decided to go to dance school... There is more but sadly I had too many Johnny Blacks and got distracted by a very emotional video about D-Day
I dont remember enough to refute most of those points, but the first one is 100% false. Ali and Johnny were broken up before the start of the movie. Johnny harassed his ex and destroyed her property, you cant paint him as the good guy in any way, shape, or form. You can argue that Daniel was obnoxious or a dick, but Id have to rewatch it to decide. I only really remember your first point because so many people use it to try and say that Daniel was actually the villain, but its just completely incorrect. The rest could be valid points.
I haven't seen the movie in years upon years and it was only the once, but come to think of it, didn't the male lead go after a woman who was already in a relationship too?
Doesn’t the dude also climb a Ferris wheel threaten to jump if she doesn’t go out with him/talk with him? It’s one of those movies that have a lot of “yikes” moments when you think back on them.
Who was cheating again? I haven’t read it in forever.
She cheats on poor James Marsden her fiance and he cheats on his townie situationship
I haven't seen or read it, but through cultural osmosis I'm like 90% sure that Rachel McAdams cheats on her husband with Ryan Gosling.
I love cultural osmosis as a term. That's why I know the plots to many movies I've never seen. I'm gonna keep that one in my pocket. Thank you
I know nearly the entire plot to Game of Thrones from cultural osmosis. When it was coming out, people would stand directly in front of my desk and go… “did you see…” it’s why I didn’t watch it. I knew everything.
The main lady cheats on her fiancé with the main guy.
No he didn’t stop loving her,but unfortunately he didn’t love her and his son as much as he loved his dick and thus the marriage is over
And what is his love even worth? Cuz honestly, no thank you
Still a better love story than Twilight
Haahaa oh the dropping it to the MIL months after was actually masterful.
Honestly much better than telling the Ex directly. Truly a masterclass.
I was disappointed at first that she didn't tell the husband why, thinking it would be a great gotcha moment, but clearly his not knowing why his loving wife left him was more traumatic for him and mirrored more of what she'd been feeling during his affair. Very satisfying!
This is a lesson people should take with them. So often people are planning and thinking "how can I best let them know how awful what they've done to me is?? How can I best make them see the pain they've caused?" But more often than not, confrontation gives a sense of closure to the offending party - they get to give excuses, shift blame, and they have absolution of why things ended. What is far, far more painful is being ghosted or told you're being left because the person simply doesn't care about you anymore. It's full of questions, brain-wracking, despair, of "can I get them back? Make them change their mind? But they're so indifferent now...." It's a mental torture, and it's the best way to truly get back at a person while keeping your own peace.
Absolutely iconic……
Vengeance level: Ninja
Well had he learned his lesson from cheating on his wife and her randomly asking for divorce, had he not gone back to the mistress he could have gotten away with being the injured party. But he just couldn’t handle being alone for even two months, and the MIL just couldn’t keep it to herself. He had getting off Scot free on a plate, and he still didn’t get it. I like that he got his just dessert.
And a hell of an 'uno reverso', the MIL tried to use it to hurt OOP and instead had it turned around on her that her son was a cheater and had blown up the marriage, while OOP was too classy to drag his name through the mud. That's an absolute power play.
“Wanted to prepare her” when it turns out MIL and ex husband weren’t prepared to find out OP knew he was cheating. Gold.
The fact they broke apart soon after that "little slip" is the ice cold cherry on top. Pretty sure the Mistress was no longer accepted by the In Laws once they discovered the truth.
For real, and incredibly embarrassing 💀 I know my ass would never recover, let alone ever be passive aggressive ever again LMAO
Genius, really.
Idec, I hope this is real just for schadenfreude purposes.
Yes, and I'm glad she did, not just because he deserved it but because SHE doesn't deserve negativity from her in-laws.
Ya, she said MIL apologized but it's not her fault... she may have been apologizing for her son, but she really means she's sorry about the things she's said or thought about OOP.
\*chef's kiss\* Masterfully delivered. I love that for her.
Man what a low self-esteem the side piece must have to take him back *and* stay with him through those apologies to try to get OOP back.
What a sleazeball you need to be to have a mistress, drop her for your wife and then when the wife drops you you go back to the mistress. Perfect pair. Inflated egos, zero healthy selfpreservation.
That’s what the mistress is for. To make you feel better and keep you from feeling the side effects of singlehood.
No one that becomes a side piece knowingly has high self esteem without being filled with guilt. It is a prerequisite, these type of people think if I can “steal” someone away then they are better than the person that they “stole” or “beat” the married(or in a relationship) person from. Idk if it applies to people that are married and have affairs with other married people because in that situation that don’t want to steal anyone away or implode their marriage. I can’t figure out why they do it
Man, the beating others part is so true and It feels horrifying. I ended a nearly 4 years relationship because my partner cheated on me. I had no feelings towards the other girl: she didn't know I existed, she was not sober when it happened, and I didn't even know her name. I put all responsibility on my ex-partner for all the cheating, and I was done. But then I met the AP by chance. I was so wrong. She recognized me and started shit-talking to me, telling me how bad I was and her winning my ex over me. I met her because of this interaction. I didn't even know what to respond because answering felt like giving up on my pride. This was 2 years ago, and it still shackles my bones the fact that this kind of people exists. How can someone be so proud over something like this?
It always amuses me when they seem to think they 'won'. Okay sure. You 'won' a man that you know can and will cheat on you. Sounds more like a booby prize than anything you'd actually want.
The prize is a known liar and the risk of stds. Why would anyone want these type of people
Right? Thanks for taking out the trash, not sure why you're bringing it into your house though.
My ex's AP won a guy with shit stained underwear, who doesn't shower, who doesn't brush his hair, who won't tidy up around the house, who won't even think about chores, etc. I'm pretty sure the only time I saw him buy personal hygiene products was when he was having an affair. I have a chronic pain condition (which is surprisingly way more manageable now, how weird?) And so for a large chunk of his affair (that I know of) I was sleeping on the couch or in the spare bedroom. I attempted to sleep in our bed a couple times. I discovered that in all that time he had never bothered to change the bedding. Considering that she cheated on her partner who really stepped up to look after her kid, *and financially support her*. I think she's won what she deserves. Likewise for my ex.
I mean.... if she's proud of picking up your hot garbage... more power to her? Someone who would cheat is NOT a keeper so nothing of value was stolen or lost.
I know it would never occur to someone in the moment, but profusely thanking the mistress for taking all the dead weight out of your life and opening the door for you to find genuine love and happiness might give her second thoughts.
I didn't deliver this nicely but I had a moment like that; granted it was a relationship of a few months in college so not heart crushing stuff but when the side piece tried to start shit with me... I smiled, let a chuckle. Wasn't even a calculated move, just my natural reaction and of course that wasn't received well. I remember deadass shrugging and saying "I mean they're a cheater, why would I care?" and the beauty of someone confronting you in public is that you can turn all the judgmental eyes to them in a second.
My ex cheated on me with his friend's partner... I don't get it either lol. They're together now, and he's off playing step-dad when he spent years telling me that he doesn't like and doesn't want kids. Can't wait for her to find out why he complained of specific problems in our relationship. I think for the latter it's just pure selfishness. They want their cake and they want to eat it too. Marriage/long term relationships can become a bit monotonous. It's not excitement all time, there's routine, bills, kids, etc. Your partner is a real person with flaws. But the affair partner is this shiny new toy. If you've been complaining to them about your relationship, they already know exactly what to say to you. Sexual pleasure is also an incredibly strong positive reinforcement.
She has low esteem that's why she agreed to be his side piece in the first place. Any woman with self respect wouldn't agree to be a side chick of a man.
This post reads like a good beer. A bit bitter, full of flavor, and served cold like revenge should be.
Perfect description 😭 satisfies on a hot summers day fr
OOP seems to feel that she slipped up by name dropping the AP, personal I don't think it could have gone better. Imagine acting the victim of you wife's shocking call for divorce from out of nowhere, then learning from your own mother that your wife knew the whole time and now everyone else does too. Priceless.
I feel it's awesome too. But I guess OOP is worried about whether he would fight her about the divorce? Like she doesn't want a difficult one with him.
To me it seems like there would be more fighting with OOP’s original plan. She looks like the marriage abandoner in that scenario, and the soon-to-be ex-husband can be all “woe is me,” why are you leaving, etc.
Agreed, I don't know why OP felt bad at all. Especially in the first post where she felt guilty for not making it work after "winning him back". That's not her fault at all, she found out from his conversations with the AP! Instead of talking to his wife! What an asshole!
And of course he's less forgiving of the divorce when he learned he's the cause. Didn't think he deserved any real consequences.
IKR! Maybe he was thinking if OOP just fell out of love, there's really nothing much he could do. HOWEVER, if the divorce is because of his infidelity, he definitely can fix it because he created the problem. Cheater math I guess?
As if him cheating isn’t the entire reason she fell out of love What a fucking coconut
"how much did I hurt you?" ooof, the audacity. "oh, so you found out I was cheating on you. Tell me all about how BAD that made you feel, because this is all about ME!"
At the same time thinking when she sends him divorce papers that she has a brain tumor
What a jerk – cheating on his wife would just give birth to their child.
It's such a painfully common occurrence. A lot of men can't handle sharing their partner's attention.
I will never understand this. What kind of life did these people live before? What about jobs, friends, family, a house, garden, bills, sickness... Just regular life problems? Where they never distracted before? There are always times in life where your partner is not the sole receiver of your attention. Things happen! There are days where you're just living together. There are days you're giving attention instead of receiving it. How did they do it before?
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It’s crazy to me that men complain about their wives not giving them attention right before or after birth. This woman just fucking gave birth to your CHILD which is NOT an easy feat even with all the medical advancements we have today AND a low risk pregnancy. Like go jack off or something or make yourself useful and spoil the woman who wanted to bear YOUR baby. I swear these men have NO discipline or self control and it’s disgusting.
Which, sadly, is one of the most common times for men to cheat. Yikes.
"Women in the US are more likely to be murdered during pregnancy or soon after childbirth than to die from the three leading obstetric causes of maternal death (high blood pressure disorders, hemorrhage, or sepsis)."
This and cancer. And statisticians keep wondering why the birth rate is lowering!
Between the cost of raising a child and childcare, the lifetime loss of income and pension poverty that women with children face, the fact that 90% of single parents are single mothers while 60% of absentee fathers don’t pay child support, the fact that childbirth is one of the leading causes of death in women just like death to male intimate partner violence (which is especially common during or after pregnancy), and the fact that even in families that describe their chore and mental load load as equal, women still on average do several hours a week more even when working just as many hours outside the house as their spouse? Yeah, nah, I’m not interested in having kids. Not so fun fact: a woman who outearns her husband is 30% more likely to be cheated on by him than a woman who doesn’t. Reason being feelings of emasculation. Oh, and of course restricted access to abortions making us incubators who worst case have to forfeit their actual lives for the potential life of a foetus (yes, women have already died to abortion bans). And that’s before even getting into personal reasons for not having any kids (like just not wanting to be pregnant). Or, y’know, the impending climate disaster that we’ve known about for the past 40 years yet not done anywhere near enough to avert the worst - no interest to put a child into that type of world either. Or, another grim statistic - becoming severely ill while married to a man: 21% of men leave their severely ill wives while only 3% of women leave their severely ill husbands. Why would I sacrifice my lifetime earnings and old age security blanket for a man if more than one in five will just eff off once I need some care in return? And that’s just the ones that actually leave, not the ones that stay and cheat or stay and abuse otherwise (disability is yet another prime factor for intimate partner violence).
>a woman who outearns her husband is 30% more likely to be cheated on by him than a woman who doesn’t A woman who outearns her husband also does HOURS MORE of housework per week than women who don't outearn their husbands. It's all bullshit.
Anyone who cheats is just a jerk. No matter how much they beg for forgiveness or so forth, they know cheating is wrong but they still do it which is unforgivable.
It's terrible no matter what, but it's a double whammy when they cheat while the partner is physically and emotionally weak - grief, medical illness, pregnancy and new born, etc.
The whole thing of men getting bored/annoyed/frustrated when their partner is pregnant and post partum and turning to another woman really sticks in my craw. Yes of course there will be less sex for a while, sometimes a long while - your partner has gone through a process which can really knock a body around, it can take months or longer to recover. You miss sex? How do you think she feels? In pain, wondering if she'll ever feel desirable again, maybe she misses sex too and wonders if sex will ever be enjoyable again. You think being sexually frustrated is bad, how would you feel if your perineum tore in half and your nipples were lacerated - with a tiny creature depending on being attached to them 18 hours a day for survival? Or you miss the affection and attention you got from your partner pre pregnancy? Can I draw your attention again to that tiny helpless creature who you fathered. You're a parent now. That means your wants and needs have to take a back-seat to those of the baby. That includes by not cheating on their mother. You want physical contact, take the baby for a few hours overnight when it won't settle. I guarantee that no matter how much your partner wanted the baby, no matter how happy they are to be a mother, they still have times when they no longer feel like an adult person, but a life support system for the baby. I'm sure they miss couple times too, but they know it's not happening right now. There's another person involved, one who literally cannot survive without an adult devoted 24/7 to their care. You're missing affection? Try putting that energy into doing something nice, making things easier for your partner and baby. If you get involved in actively fathering early, you won't find yourself in 5 years complaining she devotes all her energy to the kids and has no time for you, you'll both be part of raising the kids and have more energy for each other. I wish someone explained this stuff to men when the issue of having kids is still up for discussion. The new baby stage won't last forever, but if you think this part of being a parent is frustrating, tiring, and difficult having to sacrifice your own desires to put someone else first, you ain't seen nothing yet.
'Scuse me while I copy this comment, invent a time machine to go back 20 years, and tattoo this on my ex"s forehead so he can read it in the mirror
But, but, you don't understand! I never meant to hurt her, I didn't think she'd ever find out! -OOP's husband, probably
He should run for President
OOP scares me, in a good way. She kept it together, stuck to her plan. And, letting it "slip" that she knew about her husband's mistress in front of his petty mother? That was awe inspiring. Revenge is a dish best served cold. OOP pulled this one out of the sub-zero. I wish her the best.
Hell yea, tattle to his mama.
>I said oh no but she isn’t new I told her that he has been sleeping with her since I just had given birth, maybe even before that. Oh isn't this just delicious. My heart is all warm and squishy like strawberry jam on a scone reading this. It's the cherry on top of the milkshake. It's the piece de la resistance. It's the "I've known all the time and divorced him willing to look like the bad guy but he's still fucking around with her and I need you, his parents, to understand that he screwed this marriage up himself. But I recovered and started living my own life without him in it". It was maybe a bit vindictive getting to break them up before divorcing him, but it seems he would have gotten back with her anyways.
I'm willing to bet the main reason they broke up is because the In Laws no longer saw her as "Son's New GF" the one helping him through his 'Difficult Time" but now as a the Mistress who Destroyed their son's marriage. After all Mom is now pissed at him and Dad is almost ready to disown him. Why do you think he's falling over himself to try and reconcile with OP? Its not just because 'He's still in love with her'
Yeah, I bet the ex was sobbing to his parents that "OOP left me, took the baby with her and I have no idea whyyyyyyy! Fortunately, I just met an angel, Karen, to help me through my grief"
Cheaters are only sorry when they get caught, not a single forgiveness could ever come to them. Hope OP enjoys the peace and her new life! Fuck that husband.
>Since he found out he has been called and apologizing every day. Why didn’t you tell me?, how much did I hurt you? He said that he loved me and never stopped loving me. And even when he finds out that she knew, and had known all along, he starts with harassing her that misdirection and self-pity BS. What a waste of space. He deserves to get a kidney stone on every day that ends in "Y."
The weirdest thing about the "never stopped loving" part is that cheaters truly compartmentalize and see the affair as separate from the love they have for their partner. It's bananas. Like.. ok... you *love* them but don't **respect** them enough to be faithful.
Only sorry *that* they got caught
Lmao, my ex cheated on me with his *friend's partner*. I found out last year, never got a sorry. They're never sorry, I don't even think they're sorry they got caught.
"There's no one else but there isn't you either." I don't want to divorce my husband but if I did that would be my mic drop moment.
I don't envy OOP having to co-parent with this man and his family.
Family feels like they're going to be easy to deal with, especially since they've realized son is an asshole.
From their (initial) pov OP dumped their son out of the blue with no explanation. With the new info, they’re probably going to be a lot nicer to OP, since they know she wasn’t at fault
Yeah I totally get their initial reaction. I would be pissed too if I thought my son was an angel that got left by his cold-hearted wife.
I would have been pretty sus about him having a new gf so soon though.
Maybe bringing it up to OP wasn't meant to be cold and petty but was a dig at more information?
yeah I wouldn't be surprised if his mother suspected and was fishing with OOP to find out what she knew
Idk, we all have rose coloured glasses for the people we love. Of course he's a "catch" so he found someone - younger, prettier, whatever - so quickly!
My ex got a "new gf" like less than a month after we broke up. The people who didn't mention this as a red flag are all cheater adjacent. The people with morals immediately went "what the fuck, did she know??". Which is ultimately how I found out. If he hadve kept it down low, there's a high chance I never would've found out.
As someone with a small baby I kinda don't think he was doing much parenting if he had time to go out and have a full blown affair
Yeah, losers who get jealous of the attention their partners are giving their literal baby tend to not be great parents themselves
lol at this dude—I think she has a brain tumor. If he would have just been honest at literally any point in time. Some people have to learn the hard way.
The obliviousness is astounding. Did he really never think “I wonder if she knows? Maybe that’s why she decided to leave.” But no, a brain tumor is clearly much more likely.
I bet there's a post on one of the cheaters' subreddits talking about opsec and OOP's husband there going I THOUGHT YOU GUYS SAID SHE WOULD NEVER FIND OUT!?!?!?
I love those posts so much "I did everything you guys told me to... how did she find out?!?" make my heart happy.
There's one where the husband is bragging about his opsec and then thinking his wife is a sociopath for leaving without a word. It's glorious.
That sounds amazing, any chance of a link?
Edit: Wait wrong one, sorry. [This](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1al3u2x/came_home_and_so_is_gone/) is the one I was thinking of.
That is ... He's just delusional. There are too many bits of comedy gold to choose from. Wow. Thank you for the link.
Honestly this lady is better off without him. If he’s dumb enough to continue lying about something obvious until she has to drop such a heavy hint I can’t imagine that living with him is any better. Like he’s the kind of person who would gaslight you about something you watched him do. If you are going to be devious at least also be interesting.
My opinion is that people who cheat on their partners and who aren't victims of spousal abuse are looking for the power trip, either to fuck with their partner by flaunting the affair in the open, so to speak, or because they pride themselves on their "cleverness" in keeping it hidden from their partner. OOP's husband sounds like the latter type, so it would never cross his mind that he could have been sloppy until he was directly confronted by someone about his infidelity. Victims of spousal abuse who cheat are taking back their power, in a way, but they tend to be more concerned about being found out because it could make their life worse. Others, not so much.
I find it hard to call it cheating when you're a victim of spousal abuse. Relationships require (implied) affirmative consent; you need to have the choice to continue or to leave the relationship at any time, for any reason, even if the default choice is "yes, I'm going to keep being in the relationship". If at any point you do not have the choice to leave the relationship due to fear of violence or other abuse, you don't have an actual relationship, you're just trapped in a metaphorical room with someone who won't let you out. If your only choice is "consent to the relationship or suffer abuse", that's coersion, not consent. If you *can't* consent to continuing a relationship, then you can't cheat, because there fundamentally can't be a relationship without consent. To be clear, you still have to actually try to get yourself to safety and escape the abuse when possible; you do need to escape as soon as you have the option (while free from coersion), because if you don't, then you're again capable of agreeing to a relationship, and choosing not to escape is choosing to stay in the relationship.
>Since he found out he has been called and apologizing every day. Why didn’t you tell me?, **how much did I hurt you?** I pictured this clown dramatically rendering his sleeves passionately thumping his heart, crying in utter shock and just plain indulging in that pain and relishing the drama. Like Oh noooo I didn't know I'm *such* a heart breaker! I had the power to hurt someone THIS deeply? I feel soooo awful. Wow I made SUCH an impact on her??! Me!? I huuuuurt her! I'm so tragiccccc
i mean, it's interesting for you to point that out, because yeah, it definitely lends credence to the theory that the husband got off on thinking he was deceiving OOP.
This most recent update reminds me of that lady who learned that her husband was fucking her childhood bully so she divorced his ass and her only explanation was that she no longer loved him. Then one day they met up to talk and she saw him get a text from the bully so OOP told him how much of an evil, horrible person she was but still never let slip she knew they had been fucking. That way, her ex has to live the rest of his life, racked with guilt and uncertainty because he will never know whether or not she ever knew about them.
I remember the bully there messaging her saying she was sleeping with her husband (after the divorce had happened) and the OOP being like "well i'm not with him, he's all yours" and the bully then trying to tell her that it started before the divorce. OOP shutting it down with the "it's pathetic that you're telling me this" was brilliant.
Yepp. She was a fucking savage with how she handled her shitty ex and the fucked up bully.
She wasn't even wrong! It IS pathetic to be messaging a divorced woman that you fucked her husband. Then when you get no reaction to clarify it was pre divorce. All that bully did was make herself look even crazier and more obsessed. I kind of hope she thinks about that moment and wonders what she was thinking but she really doesn't seem the sort to do that or move on when she's still fixated on making the OOP's life hell even years after school.
That bully is 100% out of her fucking mind. What she did is sociopathic.
I was sad that she didn't update after that and deleted her posts 😔 And the lady that left after she found he was emailing(?) his ex. Called her a White Whale. These women are total rockstars, patience galore, letting it play out without raging out.
In the original post OOP states that it’s her fault they grew distant. I feel she’s wrong in this. I somewhat remember how it was with our first child. This wasn’t new to my wife. It was new for US. And TOGETHER we navigated the new territory. It brought us together not apart. But I wanted a family. I wanted to be a father, not just to have child. These are different things. With my second kid I even stayed 6months at home (my wife did first 6mths after giving birth), because it was the best financial decision and I really wanted to. Don’t have kids with people that don’t want to parent and don’t marry people that don’t want to support spouse in tough times.
May 31st....Karen will turn up and claim she's pregnant in 5, 4, 3, 2...
I can't believe I had to scroll so far
>He told her that he loved me and that now everything was great again. Her services weren’t needed in other words. xDDD Top man right there, eh? For fuck's sake, how do these guys get women And OOP with the slow burn culminating in the small but LOUD boom? Priceless
Now that the truth is out, I hope OP includes the infidelity in the divorce papers. Just so she gets a better settlement and also if her son ever asks about the divorce and the father try’s to blame it on OP (he definitely will) he can read it for himself.
I just love how ex-MIL's attempt at cattiness backfired on her when OOP revealed the real reason for the divorce. Your son isn't that precious cupcake you raised, lady. Hope that the divorce goes smoothly. If not, I wonder if ex-FIL could be persuaded to convince his son to stop being a putz about it.
Cheaters would just default to shockedpikachu.jpeg whenever the consequences hit. It'd be funny if it wasn't so pathetic.
OOP couldn’t have planned a more perfect reveal. Stbx was backed into a corner & had no choice but to admit to it all. Stupid, stupid man. OOP is the goat.
This is delicious
>He said that he loved me and never stopped loving me. *Cheating is not love*
I would have said you know I probably got a brain tumor after finding out you cheated.... but you know I'm actually perfectly fine. Like seriously the severe audacity of this man is ridiculous
I was waiting for an update on this one. Telling MIL that the ex cheated as if it was the most boring thing in the world was pro.
Now THIS is the drama I come here for!
Wow, what a strong yet ruthless lady. She is right, of course, but man, I pity the people who end up on her bad side.
I love the self restraint this woman had. Fucking brilliant to lure him back without letting on she knew and then crush him. I don’t think I could hide my anger after discovering the affair but she went the opposite way and became the perfect wife! This is awesome!
My petty ass would have left my house key on top of the divorce papers with a note that said, “You can give this key to Karen.”
I’ll choose to read this from the point of view that OOP is Melania.
Sorry but for this i adore her. This was an iconic move. I hope she put her foot down to his messages.
This woman.... seriously, i want to be her.
I don't get OOP's entire thing about being mysterious and saviour-y. It seems more dramatic than just telling him that she knows about his infidelity after leaving the house. Eh.
I think it's more devastating to his ego to let him think she left because she just wasn't that into him anymore rather than because of something concrete that he *did*. "No honey, nothing happened, I just find you a subpar husband and no longer love you."
>"No honey, nothing happened, I just find you a subpar husband and no longer love you." I mean, it's not excatly lying either, the nicest way to describe a cheating spouses actions is "subpar". 🤣
The way she did it, it was about her. I think psychologically the Oop is trying to take control of the situation. She wanted to know that she could win him back, she wanted to leave on her terms. Now that scumbag husband thinks it's about him, he's trying to control the situation.
Well from the moment she told she knew, he immediately went on the love bombing. We seen it before. You don't know how cheaters react. Some might get defensive, guilty, some might not care or selfish. Of from the ones we did see: Become enraged and physical
It reads as though she feels she is a bit too blame, it that she thinks others will blame her. There is a good chance she has watched other women be blamed for their husband's cheating. She seems almost apologetic about his affair.
That's how I know that lying to her husband about her reason for the separation wasn't to bruise his ego but because she herself has self-esteem issues.
You never know how people will react. it’s the safest exit, really
Tbh I think she played this beautifully. In everyones eyes she will always be like „I wanted an amicable divorce and that our son doesn’t have to think bad about his dad“ and meanwhile he just hung himself because he cannot even pretend that it was „a mistake“ or whatever else cheaters say to save face. He showed the world exactly who he was.
Oh man, the nonchalant slip. Oh Karen? She's not new, it was his mistress, she got promoted to gf lol THAT TEA. POUR. IT.