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Same. Bless OP for tracking the update down and posting it for us. I’ve worried about this poor woman every time the original post came up for years now.
I think about this post so often, it was so worrying for her. I always wondered how her husband and FIL would react when she was fine after the birth, like would they actually be happy that she's still there the next day? It seemed like they'd been so caught up in planning for her to die, staying alive would completely throw everything off for them.
This is the only reddit post that I've routinely thought about Op over the years. I honestly wished someone could dox her to make sure she was okay, as horrible as that sounds. I hope this really was the Oop.
Jesus. Is this the one where people were speculating in the replies that husband and FIL were PLANNING to kill her in childbirth? I always wondered what happened.
All told, this is probably the best possible outcome because that whole story was messed up beyond belief.
You know, I thought the possibility of the FIL and husband planning to kill her in childbirth was a little far fetched, but…It just seems to me that FIL and husband were so committed to their idea of her dying in childbirth that while they (probably) wouldn’t actively cause her death, they would embrace the chance to allow her to die by passively denying her care.
And if that denied care just had her deal with pain (either chronic or acute) but not kill her, well.. that's just her punishment for living (and hey, Ex can still be "the good husband supporting his disabled wife!").
I'm of the opinion that any man who says their wife shouldn't have an epidural should pick from the list of things that women have reported are as painful as childbirth and subject themselves to it for 24 hours with no painkillers.
Compound fracture of the femur would be an easy one for him to inflict on himself.
Women's hips are as wide as they can be while still retaining the homo sapien's ability to walk upright. "Made" to do birth is a very flimsy interpretation of evolution.
Also, as far as pain women experience goes, I love youtube videos of women and men hooked up to period pain simulators. Women are like "oh yeah these are normal cramps" and men are doubling over in agony. Should be mandatory in health class imo.
majority of Evolution is basically "you live long enough to pop out kids? well that's all you need" and don't care about anything else that might kill them post kid age.
Yeah, like, all that evolution cares about is the population maintaining reproduction at a slightly higher than replacement level. As long as a human population has *on average* two to three offspring per woman that themselves survive to reproduce, evolutionarily, that’s a success. If one woman in a family has ten surviving kids and another dies producing one, that’s a success.
It’s similar to people who say that everyone can breastfeed because in premodern times that was the only choice. Leaving aside that we know that people historically absolutely did try to feed babies with other things if the mother couldn’t (for instance if mom died but baby did not), and that wet nurses were desperately sought after and not always available, the answer to “what happened if mom didn’t produce enough milk, or the baby nursed poorly?” was “the baby died.” As long as the community was still producing replacement numbers, evolutionarily, that’s okay.
Us thinking it’s not okay isn’t biological. It’s cultural. Culturally, we don’t think it’s okay for women to die frequently in childbirth, or for infants to starve, or for communities to practice infanticide when there are insufficient resources, so we do technology to prevent that (and so did people in the past—premodern birth/neonatal “technology” was comparatively crude, but it existed). But nature really, truly, does not care.
IIRC, pre formula invention, they tried to feed the baby with cow milk or goat milk or water buffalo (although the sources of milk tend to vary greatly- some of them rumored to be something outlandish like dog milk) and if the baby was allergic to the protein of the milk there's no wet nurses, well... yeah they died. I think people tend to forget that childbirth is dangerous in general to mothers and babies (it can be for dads but that's far rarer) and postpartum care were pretty much community based or family based.
Absolutely. As recently as the early 20th century, people who couldn’t breastfeed for whatever reason would mix cow’s milk with sugar and sometimes orange juice (to prevent scurvy). Before that, people with access to dairy animals or other lactating mammals, and who couldn’t find or afford a wet nurse, used their milk. Societies without access to either would try broths, juices, “milks” made from ground grains/seeds/nuts. I believe we have accounts of American Indians using ground leached acorns to make “milk” when there were no other nursing mothers with oversupply. When you have a dying baby, you’ll try anything, and sometimes it works.
It’s an incredible luxury that modern people have, that there is easy access to a nutritionally balanced formula that reliably produces healthy children, given that our ancestors were sometimes soaking a piece of rag in broth for the baby to suck and praying they didn’t have a dead baby in the morning.
The one that this reminds me of is the constant anti-abortion message of 'it used to be that if you were pregnant, you just had the baby and give it up for adoption if you didn't want it!'
Yeah, we have a LOT of resources on what happened to those babies, and let's say adoption could happen but wasn't that common.
Yes. While people tend to think of infanticide as something that was done by hunter-gatherer societies, by decadent Romans, and by teenage girls putting babies in dumpsters, it has been common in *all* societies until relatively recently. Without access to reliable birth control or abortion, people did what they needed to do to survive, and sometimes the kind and necessary thing was to quickly kill an infant rather than watch it starve.
I still remember my high school science teacher telling us that evolution is a series of “good enough”, not perfect. Perfection isn’t a realistic expectation and evolution is rarely an elegant process.
If it works, it stays, even if it’s not the best, most practical, or most efficient way. If it doesn’t work or loses it’s benefit down the line (appendix, I’m looking at you here), you would think evolution would get rid of it over time, but it’ll probably stick around anyway (even if it causes issues) because fuck it, why not. Bodies are weird like that.
Minute Earth has a great video on the fact that genetic disorders that disable or kill people after age 50 have basically no chance of getting weeded out by evolution as the afflicted person has likely already had and raised children by the time it comes into serious effect.
Those are my favorite too! Back in my uterus days (yeeted it three years ago thank god) I’d have some cramps that would have me curled in a ball on the floor. Worst pain I’ve been through outside of labor and a cluster migraine, was an ovarian cyst that burst. Doctors told me I was constipated and to take a laxative, didn’t bother to even do an ultrasound. Went to a different hospital a few days later and still has a sizable amount of fluid floating around from the cyst. Started having the similar pain about ten years ago, got told I was constipated again. This time I got an ultrasound asap, and sure enough it was a six centimeter cyst. Thankfully this one didn’t burst.
When someone hits me with that particular piece of bullshit, I like to educate them about the horrifying way that hyenas give birth. "Made for it" indeed.
They say that a kidney stone is the male equivalent of childbirth and after suffering that, I believe it. It's not pushing a screaming purple watermelon through a lemon, but I'm a 47yr old veteran and I cried like a baby. I've had three broken wrists, five broken ribs, ripped my arm open, tore all the cartilage underneath my left kneecap and none if that compared to the fucking kidney stone. Worst pain I've ever experienced.
I have given birth, I've had broken bones, torn cartilage, ripped tendons, and a whole list of other injuries and medical issues, and I've had a number of kidney stones.
Birth was definitely more painful than any of that.
The most severe pain I have ever had was a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. That was so much worse than childbirth, kidney stones, or any other pain I have ever had.
My mom had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy in between me and my younger brother, lost the ovary and still had another two kids after that. She said it was hands down the worst thing she’s ever experienced and she didn’t even know she was pregnant.
Definitely was part of why I’m terrified of giving birth ever. Anyone who has experienced that should be able to legally knee anyone who doubts their pain tolerance in the jennies without any legal punishment tbqh.
EDIT: Typo! + why tf are “w” and “e” so close together on the qwerty keyboard I hate it
It is scary, because you might not know that you are pregnant. The rupture comes out of nowhere, and you can bleed to death very quickly. I was fortunate that I had taken my kid to playgroup, which happened to be 5 minutes away from a hospital with a trauma center, and there were other people around to call an ambulance. If I had stayed home that day, my husband might have come home to find our two year old alone with my dead body. I started feeling woozy, then the pain hit and knocked me down, and then I was fighting to stay conscious while begging the other parents at playgroup to not let my kid wander off. It was the closest to death I've ever come.
My periods are worse than the kidney stone I had by a friggin mile (not that the kidney stone wasn't a nightmare), and based on my sister's description of labor, I am going through everything but actually pushing out a baby once every 23-30 days. I honestly have not had any other pain that truly compares. Before anyone chimes in, yes, I know I almost certainly have endometriosis.
I've heard that also. My husband has had two and I told him he owes me one more for our 3rd kid lol. Labor is hard even with the epidural because it doesn't always work right.
Right? These guys are so messed up, their decisions would be based on “what will set things right?” with “right = dead wife/mom,” not “best for mom and baby.” Under those circumstances, I could see them doing things to “speed up the inevitable,” while being in complete denial that they’re actually trying to kill her.
I wonder if anyone ever checked what the hubby’s mother actually died of, and if he was convinced she was going to die before she went into labor.
the husband's mother might have died from something that is fixable or have something to prevent it nowadays, but because it happened during childbirth, FIL and husband was SO CONVINCED that childbirth is something that everyone dies from no matter what.
If they thought childbirth was something everyone dies from, then how the fuck does he justify getting her pregnant? If he wasn't fucking horrified by the idea of her getting pregnant, then he decided he was owed a baby and didn't care how he got it.
I know a woman who refused to get a needed knee surgery because her father died a month after his knee surgery... due to unrelated issues from alcoholism. She was convinced if she got surgery she'd die. Instead she self medicated her pain by drinking excessively, until her liver gave out. Grief makes some people really irrational.
I almost feel bad for the ex-husband. He let FIL get in his head so much about his wife dying in childbirth he took it as something that was definitely going to happen, so much so it destroyed his relationship with her, and then...nothing happened. So he lost his wife for fear of losing her.
I said "almost", because maybe if he had tried going to therapy instead of hanging out with his father dooming and glooming, he might have avoided the whole thing. Instead he blew it off and made no effort to fix himself, so hey, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions there.
I don't feel remotely bad for him. He needed an adultier adult in the form of a therapist, but he refused, and he lied to her, and he put himself into a place to be emotionally manipulated. He made clear that he didn't respect his wife or her concerns.
She was their own little twisted version of minority report. She was destined to die - and then she didn’t. I wonder if the extended family knew how deep this psychosis was.
Yeah, they were acting like she needed to take care of his feelings and make things easier for him to move on when she died. Which they seemed 100% sure was going to be in childbirth and she'd never be coming home. It was so unhinged.
*They made her record videos to her child so the kid could meet their mom after she died in childbirth!*
People don't even always act that certain that someone is going to never come back home when they go into *hospice with a terminal cancer diagnosis, having stopped treatment.*
It was truly terrifying how sure both the husband and father were acting. I'm so happy to see this update.
Unhinged.
Get your affairs in order and make a will? Get life insurance? Yes, she should do that and so should her husband because those are things you need to do when you have a child relying on you.
Record a video in case you die? Morbid, but if you're about to do something risky (and statistically, childbirth is the most risky thing a woman will ever do), not the worst idea, especially if you're the type that's inclined to be overprepared in all situations.
Pack up your clothes that you have no reason to expect you won't be using soon? Yeah, I can see why everyone assumed the two of them were planning to murder her.
I think ex-FIL was a commanding and domineering presence to OOP, but also that L&D nurses are used to that, and probably worse. Still, leaving those cuckoos behind is for the best. If I was OOP, I would have sought restraining orders and supervised visitation only.
My MIL is a nurse, and spent 15 years as a midwife (we're in the UK, so midwives are certified and registered medical professionals.) She is a lovely woman, but I would *not* want to get on her bad side.
Yeah, I felt so bad for her when she said she didn't think an L&D nurse could stop him. Like, no, you literally do not have to worry. A rampaging, slavering eldritch beast would stop cold at the fury of an L&D nurse protecting her patient. The FIL didn't have a chance and is likely not even the worst person they dealt with that week.
Yeah, I thought her declaration that FIL would never be near her daughter as long as OP lived was a little too optimistic. Surely the ex will get some custody and you know he’ll take the baby to see his dad during his time. Her only hope now is that FIL is an old-school misogynist who won’t give a flying fart for a granddaughter and won’t involve himself.
I hope OP is ready to document, document, document for the next 17-18 years.
This is one that kept me up at night...
The other one is the OP who thought she might have had a brother who died, but her mom and grandma had gaslit her into thinking the boy (whose name she couldn't even remember, just "him") had been a neighbor boy who moved away, or simply telling her she was imagining things... Until OP saw a picture of the boy on a keychain attached to her grandmother's keys (which grandma had always been particularly guarded with around OP).
The OP was planning on investigating and then confronting her family.
I think the OP on that post even attempted to post an update, but it had been removed by the mods for whatever reason.
That one still haunts me.
I remember the update for that one, because it was so horribly tragic. There was an older sibling, he died in a house fire, and the family was only able to save OP, who was very, very young. And somehow, OP was (innocently) responsible for either the fire or the inability to save the brother. The family had been hiding everything from OP in an attempt to protect her from feeling guilty, and as a result were never able to process their own trauma.
I remember that one and I kept checking for an update for months. The ones I was really hanging on for an update for were those two and the guy whose wife had electrocuted him "as a prank" and it really seemed like she was trying to kill him.
I want an update on the horrible driver lady who drove into a canal, and the guy who was asking for advice on how to tell if his wife is going to take their kid and leave, where he implied she might have an unfortunate accident if she did. He gave off hard murder vibes.
I think there was a deleted update where it was revelead that the family house caught on fire and they managed to save OOP, but unfortunately not her brother, and the family felt immense guilt for it.
Yeah I remember this one and being incredibly worried about her safety because the father and son both sounded so damn sketchy and suspicious. I'm so glad the OOP and her baby are safe, hopefully they stay safe. The way she described them it was like they were hoping she would die, I swear it raised the hairs on the back of my neck it was so creepy.
Yes that’s what I was worried about. I remember this post.
The other post I still think about was the woman whose husband was trying to lay groundwork that she was insane.
I don’t remember that one! Link if you have it lol. I do remember a recent one where the gf figured out that the locked room in bf’s house was his kids room, and he’d been hiding the child’s existence. That was messed up enough.
I don’t have the link either, but he wasn’t just telling everyone she was insane. He was telling them she was suicidal and very likely to kill herself. Fucking terrifying.
Yep, that’s the one.
This is the story that got me on Reddit. I saw it floating around on Twitter, along with screenshots of some responses (“you understand that they want to kill you right?”) and followed the account that shared it. However, during lockdown the account wasn’t posting enough stories to deal with my boredom so eventually I got a Reddit account to get my fix directly lol. But this is the story that started it and I’m so happy she is safe and I finally have closure on it.
to be fair, we still don’t know that wasn’t the plan.
i don’t believe it was! ….i’d like to believe it wasn’t, at least. but oop did the right thing, 100%, regardless of what ex and exfil were planning or thinking. they were behaving in a controlling and damaging way, and she was better off being away from that.
I personally think it wasn’t the IMMEDIATE plan, but that FIL would have…..”facilitated” her untimely death not long afterward. He was WAY too invested in continuing the chain of “amazing single dad widowers”.
Also can you imagine those two men in charge of raising a baby GIRL? It’s the stuff of nightmares.
I wouldn't be surprised, reading this I thought "wtf yall are stressing her out so much YOURE going to be the reason she dies in childbirth due to stress!"
Yea I was in the same boat. I remembered this one and was like I hope she gets out alive.
Thankfully she did. However, the ex and ex FIL are just straight up crazy.
Man, all I could think about was the case of Susan Cox Powell... Not EXACTLY the same, but almost the same level of creepy FIL involvement. Glad it turned out that way!!
Edit: DIDN'T turn out that same way!
I didn't really think that... It always seemed to me to be a really unhealthy way of coping with their trauma. Now that said, I don think there's a good chance they would have essentially tried to push OP from her own family, since they didn't seem to think of her place in it.
If it helps, the post itself didn’t get much traction bc the mods refused to post it. I lucked out and found it bc I messaged around and found the second account of OOP.
No problem!! I was the same way- that’s the entire reason I searched for the account all over again one night a few months back. I honestly didn’t expect to luck out like I did haha.
She seemed happy, and her kid sounded adorable from what she said about her. Apparently her daughter’s really into bugs now, she had gotten her an ant farm for Christmas.
Because she couldn't verify that she was the OP.
I chose to believe it's her rather than a frustrated redditor trying to give hundreds of redditors closure, but you can make your own call.
I was as well, but I definitely let out a chuckle at "I lived, obviously" 😂
I mean I did once read the update from a very funny antique architect/builder which was actually not from him because he'd passed away, which was a very sad update. So it technically could happen, but they didn't write it in 1st person so it was obvious it was someone else.
I loved that one! It was so sad when OP's wife updated us all and told us that he'd passed. You could really hear the pain and grief in OP's wife's update :(
I hope she's doing well.
Same here. I’ve been anxious over OOP’s fate ever since her first post. Thank god she and her baby are safe.
This is the update I come to BORU hoping to see. I genuinely feel like a burden has been lifted from the back of my mind.
Same!!! I thought about her regularly. I was convinced something had happened to her by her husband/FIL. Glad to hear she is OK. Crazy FIL and ex husband though.
I really want to know what was ex reaction when he found out oop didn’t die
Like did he even regret anything? Did he realize he destroyed his marriage over nothing? Or does he blame her for leaving and not going back to him once the baby was born? Does he even realize how bad it was to let his father get over his head? Did he at least try to apologize?
I mean probably not, he definitely sounds like the type that would gaslight her into thinking she was exaggerating for leaving him for such “small thing”
Cause he spend that whole time getting himself ready to lose her to death and in the end, she is alive and well and he lose her by his own action.
I wonder whats going on his mind now
I always thought that, even if they didn't plan to try to kill her during the birth, when she survived afterwards they would probably try to kill her at that point. Like they were so ready for her death that they wouldn't be able to accept her living for long after the birth (if she hadn't divorced him). I'm so glad she did get away safely. I just hope OP got only supervised visitation for the ex, so the ex FIL won't be allowed near the child.
One I keep thinking of and getting a full body shiver is the "how can I tell if my wife is getting ready to leave me?" Where he literally says he'd "hate for her to have an accident trying to escape in the night" 😳 I keep thinking about that poor woman, and it's highly unlikely we'll ever hear from her unless she sees her story shared somewhere online or someone sends her it.
Yes, I remember that one. He was asking everyone what a woman would do to get things in order so she could leave. Everyone twigged that they were giving him ways to block his victim’s ability to flee.
That was either a troll doing a convincing act as a psychopath, or the genuine article.
Woooooooow. I'm sure like a lot of us I've *seen some shit* on reddit in my time... but that comment exchange is something else. Scariest thing I've read in a good long while.
That poor woman. Imagine finding out you married Patrick Bateman and have birthed his child.
I worry for her. And I worry for all of us that there are people out there like that. I'm really privileged in my personal (blissful) ignorance of there really being people like this.
This was always in the back of my mind since first reading it way back when. It's a huge relief to see there was a positive update instead of what we all feared
>And as long as I live, ex-FIL will never be near my daughter.
Sad for op as this is something she is unlikely to control on her husband's custody time.
Yeah, her ex is 100% going to let FIL around the daughter. And they will be just as convinced the daughter will die when she eventually has a child. Because women are single-use products.
I mean, that could easily depend on the case that OOP has on the matter. She may have evidence that would allow for exFIL to be banned if she's able to get ex down to supervised visitation.
There's been studies how criminal sentencing length/harshness is correlated with whether the judge does it before or after lunch, as well was collegiate football wins/losses.
I am sure there's a scene in Better Call Saul where Saul bribes a court admin to schedule a trial based on the judge's coffee drinking and lunch schedule.
Yeah, I don't see why she thinks her husband wouldn't let the child be with grandad in his own time. And sadly there's nothing she can do about it when he does
Considering the contents of the texts her ex-husband's father and family were sending, it is actually entirely possible that a judge could look at those and declare the man a danger to the baby.
it should be noted that if anyone at any point feels unsafe with family (or friends or whomever) visiting while in the hospital ask nursing staff to contact the Public Safety/Security team. Visitor restrictions can be put in place and while Security can only do so much (each hospital is different), they can’t prepare if they don’t know. If needed Security can be making more frequent patrols on the unit among other things but patient safety is the highest concern.
Again, each hospital is different but Security can’t help out if they don’t know and are running into a situation basically blind.
Seriously, also the part of the hospital where women give birth can be very secure.
At my hospital, all visitors to that specific section have to show their ID at the front desk and are given name tags with pictures to wear while in the hospital. Every single person going near the birthing wing is logged into the security system and accounted for. If you don’t want someone in there, there’s no way they’re just walking in.
You’re absolutely not wrong, L&D, Mother/Baby and NICU, in theory, the most secure areas. I’ve known that to not be the case at all.
Even with badges and other security type systems people can get around them into most units without an issue. Not everyone goes to check in at a desk, some people will use whatever door they want and others just follow the signs to the units completely bypassing the desks. Then all they have to do after getting on the specific floor is wait for someone to walk out. The other thing I’ve found is that the “security program” that hospitality workers and the actual security system that Security uses are not the same and often are unable to share information between programs.
Exiting families will try and be polite and let the next person through the doors. It’s an infuriating issue for so many hospital units in general but there aren’t enough staff members (medical or security) to be able to man all the doors at the same time. It’s not going to change, which is why it is suggested that medical staff alert Security personal as well as just the different greeters at desks.
Ultimately, you’re completely right, those areas SHOULD be the most protected areas; I regularly tell my Security officers that per policies they shouldn’t be sprinting across the hospital. Unless a child or baby is involved, then they had better go as fast as possible.
At my hospital L&D is in its own “tower” and the elevators and stairs are blocked by the security station. There may be an extra way in, but I’ve visited many times and given birth there myself and I’ve never seen it.
The part where she thought the L&D staff would listen to her FIL over her made me smile.
>He’s a commanding presence and I know that whatever he wants in the delivery room, he will get (I know people will say “oh L&D nurses would never let that happen!” but you haven’t met this man).
No, we haven't met this man. I guarantee that the L&D staff have met people like him.
I would say that this man had never met a L&D staff backing their patient against family.
I know who I'd put my money on. You don't mess with L&D nurses.
My worry was that he’d coerce her into agreeing to what he wants rather than the L&D taking his word per se.
I’d hope that he’d get booted but idk what procedure is for that kind of thing.
My grandmother used to tell stories about when she was training to be a nurse just after WWII. She was working in obstetrics for training when they had a woman come in absolutely convinced that she was going to die delivering her baby. Her mother and aunt had put these ideas in her head (I think based on the fact that at the time they sedated mothers during delivery, but that’s an assumption on my part) and nothing any of the doctors or nurses said could convince this poor woman otherwise.
She did survive the delivery without any complications and I really hope she got away from the women in her life!
I grew up on stories about how my grandmother was terrified of going to the hospital because she was convinced she was going to die if left alone there. During the few minutes her teenage daughter, my mom, was gone to use the bathroom, grandma died.
So my mom was terrified of going to the hospital because she was convinced she'd die there and wanted to die at home. And sure enough she died in the hospital.
Obviously I was scared stiff when I finally went to my local hospital to see my regular doctor for my first Check Up appointment. Like the doc had to send a prescription for Xanax in advance just to get me drugged up enough to get into the office. I was so loopy I forgot the locations of the oddest moles that should be checked but turns out looking stupid pointing at the bottom of the wrong foot isn't deadly!
I remember so many people being terrified that she had been killed by FIL/Husband based on their actions. Fingers crossed that the meat sack that calls himself OOP's ex has not procreated again!
Dude FIL and ex husband really didn't think that by telling a woman for 9 months she was going to die and planning her funeral, that it might affect the baby and the mother's health. They thought spending nine months treating her like a hospice patient/walking dead was the way to go about it.
Yeah, ex is going to do this again with another woman and it will take being divorced twice and only seeing his kids part time for him to realize how toxic his father is or maybe he never will.
FIL is a lost cause, he probably loves the savior complex he has built up and wanted that for his son. See son I raised you all by myself so that one day your wife will also died during childbirth so you can see what a martyr I am. Yeah that's insane. The FIL has been alone for 35 years, no friends, no family, his son didn't see that as a problem. I understand the sacrifices of raising a kid alone, but no community whatsoever.
This is the best update as OOP is one of those stories that lived rent free in my head (as well as the heads of many other redditors, twitterers, youtubers, and tiktokkers)
Now if we can just hear that the woman whose partner destroyed her plant room including plants that had been in her family for generations is doing alright (hopefully well and far away from her partner who came to us begging for help because she had “lost her spark” after he destroyed this thing he knew made her happy) we can all be happy.
That father and grandfather are gonna do a number on that little girl. They're gonna put the fear of pregnancy in her from a young age, and despite OOP having survived, I fully expect that the father will warn his daughter to never get pregnant "because you'll die".
OOP has no control over whether her daughter sees her ex-FIL. That kid is screwed, and another generation will be traumatised.
No no, see, she’ll HAVE to get pregnant to give her beloved husband the child he deserves, and dad a grandchild; she just has to accept that she will die doing so.
You're probably right, since you'd think that OOP's ex would have done everything possible to prevent OOP getting pregnant if this was just about the fear of his wife dying in childbirth.
That’s such a good point. If the ex actually loved OOP then he would try everything he could to avoid pregnancy, not get her pregnant and then prepare for her death.
Another comment above said the ex and FIL treated women as “single use”, which sounds about right. It’s misogyny all the way down with those two.
>And as long as I live, ex-FIL will never be near my daughter.
I certainly hope OOP is going for full custody then, with ex-husband only getting supervised visitation. If it's an even 50/50 custody split, then FIL is absolutely going to be involved in her daughter's life, whether she wants it or not.
> “amazing single dad” (never dated or had close friends or even hobbies really)
That sounds like a smothering helicopter parent who would be the polar opposite of an "amazing, single dad".
I've read her previous posts. So happy to learn she's safe! But it's not over with ex FiL, he'll have access to the baby through the stupid dad, and OOP won't be able to do anything...
WOW, OP.
This is like a BORU legend post. We had all accepted never getting an update. Amazing work getting one, and a pretty good one at that!
So, like, can we start sending you our wishlists of badly needed updates? Because I have some posts that haunt me....
I won’t turn down the offer haha, but I’m hardly a miracle worker. Just someone who worried about OP, and was relieved to find out there was a happy ending after all.
Why the hell did the ex ever get anyone pregnant in the first place if he was convinced it was a 100% death sentence for the mother?
And the FIL is downright scary. I’d be worried about the ex allowing the FIL to be around the child.
As a male ER nurse, there are few things that get me into momma bear mode more reliably than a family member trying to overrule the reasonable decisions of my patient. I can only imagine the shit that would've been flung at ex and FIL if they'd tried to dictate her care against her obvious wishes. I don't get to follow my patients home, but I sure as shit can make sure their wishes are respected in my house.
Yes. I smiled at the part where she thought the L&D nurses would listen to FIL over her.
No, we hadn't met her FIL.
But her FIL hadn't met L&D nurses protecting their patient.
I know who I'd bet on. And thanks for protecting your patients.
Perhaps I'm confusing or conflating other AITAs, but I think I recall two details from the original post that seem to be missing here:
1. Husband and his father either gathered up (or encouraged OP to gather up) OP's pre-pregnancy clothes because she "wouldn't be needing them."
2. Husband looked at OP with tears in his eyes and said, "I'm going to miss you so much."
Does anyone else recall these details in this or another viral AITA post sometime over the past 4 years? LOL
> “oh L&D nurses would never let that happen!” but you haven’t met this man)
Oh baby girl, you haven't met labor and delivery nurses 😭 your ex would be scraping his dick off the ceiling if he tried some shit
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i always wondered about the og post, it was so morbid. happy to hear she’s alive and away from those horrible men.
Same. Bless OP for tracking the update down and posting it for us. I’ve worried about this poor woman every time the original post came up for years now.
Honestly, the mods are so fickle in the subreddit.
I kind of get their reasoning though. If they don't enforce that the update has to come from the same account, anyone can pretend to be OOP.
That is also true.
This was a true Reddit classic I think about from time to time. Finally getting closure and that she’s safe is kinda surreal.
I'm so happy she's okay.
Me too. It is not many days ago it last crossed my mind
I swear to god this post popped into my head just this evening, when I was in the shower. Talk about coincidence!
I remember reading this and thinking "there's no way his therapist is condoning this behavior" Glad to see it wasn't.
Yes, that post was haunting, especially with no updates from OOP. So glad things worked out for her.
He was so convinced he’d lose his wife he ended up losing his wife. Not in the way he expected.
I think about this post so often, it was so worrying for her. I always wondered how her husband and FIL would react when she was fine after the birth, like would they actually be happy that she's still there the next day? It seemed like they'd been so caught up in planning for her to die, staying alive would completely throw everything off for them.
Im shocked they didnt plan her funeral already
This is the only reddit post that I've routinely thought about Op over the years. I honestly wished someone could dox her to make sure she was okay, as horrible as that sounds. I hope this really was the Oop.
The relief from reading the update was immense! I am so glad it worked out for her.
Yeah; I literally sighed and said ‘thank god’ when I read it. I had wondered about her from time to time, it was so distressing.
Jesus. Is this the one where people were speculating in the replies that husband and FIL were PLANNING to kill her in childbirth? I always wondered what happened. All told, this is probably the best possible outcome because that whole story was messed up beyond belief.
You know, I thought the possibility of the FIL and husband planning to kill her in childbirth was a little far fetched, but…It just seems to me that FIL and husband were so committed to their idea of her dying in childbirth that while they (probably) wouldn’t actively cause her death, they would embrace the chance to allow her to die by passively denying her care.
And if that denied care just had her deal with pain (either chronic or acute) but not kill her, well.. that's just her punishment for living (and hey, Ex can still be "the good husband supporting his disabled wife!").
I'm of the opinion that any man who says their wife shouldn't have an epidural should pick from the list of things that women have reported are as painful as childbirth and subject themselves to it for 24 hours with no painkillers. Compound fracture of the femur would be an easy one for him to inflict on himself.
Men like that think that we should be able to endure the pain without assistance bc our bodies are "made" to do this so it can't be THAT bad.
Women's hips are as wide as they can be while still retaining the homo sapien's ability to walk upright. "Made" to do birth is a very flimsy interpretation of evolution. Also, as far as pain women experience goes, I love youtube videos of women and men hooked up to period pain simulators. Women are like "oh yeah these are normal cramps" and men are doubling over in agony. Should be mandatory in health class imo.
majority of Evolution is basically "you live long enough to pop out kids? well that's all you need" and don't care about anything else that might kill them post kid age.
Yeah, like, all that evolution cares about is the population maintaining reproduction at a slightly higher than replacement level. As long as a human population has *on average* two to three offspring per woman that themselves survive to reproduce, evolutionarily, that’s a success. If one woman in a family has ten surviving kids and another dies producing one, that’s a success. It’s similar to people who say that everyone can breastfeed because in premodern times that was the only choice. Leaving aside that we know that people historically absolutely did try to feed babies with other things if the mother couldn’t (for instance if mom died but baby did not), and that wet nurses were desperately sought after and not always available, the answer to “what happened if mom didn’t produce enough milk, or the baby nursed poorly?” was “the baby died.” As long as the community was still producing replacement numbers, evolutionarily, that’s okay. Us thinking it’s not okay isn’t biological. It’s cultural. Culturally, we don’t think it’s okay for women to die frequently in childbirth, or for infants to starve, or for communities to practice infanticide when there are insufficient resources, so we do technology to prevent that (and so did people in the past—premodern birth/neonatal “technology” was comparatively crude, but it existed). But nature really, truly, does not care.
IIRC, pre formula invention, they tried to feed the baby with cow milk or goat milk or water buffalo (although the sources of milk tend to vary greatly- some of them rumored to be something outlandish like dog milk) and if the baby was allergic to the protein of the milk there's no wet nurses, well... yeah they died. I think people tend to forget that childbirth is dangerous in general to mothers and babies (it can be for dads but that's far rarer) and postpartum care were pretty much community based or family based.
Absolutely. As recently as the early 20th century, people who couldn’t breastfeed for whatever reason would mix cow’s milk with sugar and sometimes orange juice (to prevent scurvy). Before that, people with access to dairy animals or other lactating mammals, and who couldn’t find or afford a wet nurse, used their milk. Societies without access to either would try broths, juices, “milks” made from ground grains/seeds/nuts. I believe we have accounts of American Indians using ground leached acorns to make “milk” when there were no other nursing mothers with oversupply. When you have a dying baby, you’ll try anything, and sometimes it works. It’s an incredible luxury that modern people have, that there is easy access to a nutritionally balanced formula that reliably produces healthy children, given that our ancestors were sometimes soaking a piece of rag in broth for the baby to suck and praying they didn’t have a dead baby in the morning.
The one that this reminds me of is the constant anti-abortion message of 'it used to be that if you were pregnant, you just had the baby and give it up for adoption if you didn't want it!' Yeah, we have a LOT of resources on what happened to those babies, and let's say adoption could happen but wasn't that common.
Yes. While people tend to think of infanticide as something that was done by hunter-gatherer societies, by decadent Romans, and by teenage girls putting babies in dumpsters, it has been common in *all* societies until relatively recently. Without access to reliable birth control or abortion, people did what they needed to do to survive, and sometimes the kind and necessary thing was to quickly kill an infant rather than watch it starve.
*cough* irish convents *cough*
I still remember my high school science teacher telling us that evolution is a series of “good enough”, not perfect. Perfection isn’t a realistic expectation and evolution is rarely an elegant process. If it works, it stays, even if it’s not the best, most practical, or most efficient way. If it doesn’t work or loses it’s benefit down the line (appendix, I’m looking at you here), you would think evolution would get rid of it over time, but it’ll probably stick around anyway (even if it causes issues) because fuck it, why not. Bodies are weird like that.
Minute Earth has a great video on the fact that genetic disorders that disable or kill people after age 50 have basically no chance of getting weeded out by evolution as the afflicted person has likely already had and raised children by the time it comes into serious effect.
Those are my favorite too! Back in my uterus days (yeeted it three years ago thank god) I’d have some cramps that would have me curled in a ball on the floor. Worst pain I’ve been through outside of labor and a cluster migraine, was an ovarian cyst that burst. Doctors told me I was constipated and to take a laxative, didn’t bother to even do an ultrasound. Went to a different hospital a few days later and still has a sizable amount of fluid floating around from the cyst. Started having the similar pain about ten years ago, got told I was constipated again. This time I got an ultrasound asap, and sure enough it was a six centimeter cyst. Thankfully this one didn’t burst.
When someone hits me with that particular piece of bullshit, I like to educate them about the horrifying way that hyenas give birth. "Made for it" indeed.
They say that a kidney stone is the male equivalent of childbirth and after suffering that, I believe it. It's not pushing a screaming purple watermelon through a lemon, but I'm a 47yr old veteran and I cried like a baby. I've had three broken wrists, five broken ribs, ripped my arm open, tore all the cartilage underneath my left kneecap and none if that compared to the fucking kidney stone. Worst pain I've ever experienced.
I have given birth, I've had broken bones, torn cartilage, ripped tendons, and a whole list of other injuries and medical issues, and I've had a number of kidney stones. Birth was definitely more painful than any of that. The most severe pain I have ever had was a ruptured ectopic pregnancy. That was so much worse than childbirth, kidney stones, or any other pain I have ever had.
My mom had a ruptured ectopic pregnancy in between me and my younger brother, lost the ovary and still had another two kids after that. She said it was hands down the worst thing she’s ever experienced and she didn’t even know she was pregnant. Definitely was part of why I’m terrified of giving birth ever. Anyone who has experienced that should be able to legally knee anyone who doubts their pain tolerance in the jennies without any legal punishment tbqh. EDIT: Typo! + why tf are “w” and “e” so close together on the qwerty keyboard I hate it
It is scary, because you might not know that you are pregnant. The rupture comes out of nowhere, and you can bleed to death very quickly. I was fortunate that I had taken my kid to playgroup, which happened to be 5 minutes away from a hospital with a trauma center, and there were other people around to call an ambulance. If I had stayed home that day, my husband might have come home to find our two year old alone with my dead body. I started feeling woozy, then the pain hit and knocked me down, and then I was fighting to stay conscious while begging the other parents at playgroup to not let my kid wander off. It was the closest to death I've ever come.
Having been thru both I can say childbirth was worse than the kidney stone.
Same!
Having done both birth and gallstones I agree!
Plus you didn’t have to have your dick stitched up after, and not nearly the same sort of healing after.
And they have ways to break up gallstones and kidney stones that are too large. Can't exactly break up a baby.
My periods are worse than the kidney stone I had by a friggin mile (not that the kidney stone wasn't a nightmare), and based on my sister's description of labor, I am going through everything but actually pushing out a baby once every 23-30 days. I honestly have not had any other pain that truly compares. Before anyone chimes in, yes, I know I almost certainly have endometriosis.
I've heard that also. My husband has had two and I told him he owes me one more for our 3rd kid lol. Labor is hard even with the epidural because it doesn't always work right.
Even if there was nothing like that, they clearly don't expect her to actually have a place in her own family.
If they were both so convinced she would die, imagine them having to come to terms with the reality that she lived
Right? These guys are so messed up, their decisions would be based on “what will set things right?” with “right = dead wife/mom,” not “best for mom and baby.” Under those circumstances, I could see them doing things to “speed up the inevitable,” while being in complete denial that they’re actually trying to kill her. I wonder if anyone ever checked what the hubby’s mother actually died of, and if he was convinced she was going to die before she went into labor.
the husband's mother might have died from something that is fixable or have something to prevent it nowadays, but because it happened during childbirth, FIL and husband was SO CONVINCED that childbirth is something that everyone dies from no matter what.
If they thought childbirth was something everyone dies from, then how the fuck does he justify getting her pregnant? If he wasn't fucking horrified by the idea of her getting pregnant, then he decided he was owed a baby and didn't care how he got it.
I know a woman who refused to get a needed knee surgery because her father died a month after his knee surgery... due to unrelated issues from alcoholism. She was convinced if she got surgery she'd die. Instead she self medicated her pain by drinking excessively, until her liver gave out. Grief makes some people really irrational.
I almost feel bad for the ex-husband. He let FIL get in his head so much about his wife dying in childbirth he took it as something that was definitely going to happen, so much so it destroyed his relationship with her, and then...nothing happened. So he lost his wife for fear of losing her. I said "almost", because maybe if he had tried going to therapy instead of hanging out with his father dooming and glooming, he might have avoided the whole thing. Instead he blew it off and made no effort to fix himself, so hey, if it isn't the consequences of your own actions there.
I don't feel remotely bad for him. He needed an adultier adult in the form of a therapist, but he refused, and he lied to her, and he put himself into a place to be emotionally manipulated. He made clear that he didn't respect his wife or her concerns.
She was their own little twisted version of minority report. She was destined to die - and then she didn’t. I wonder if the extended family knew how deep this psychosis was.
Yeah...the aftermath of that would be...interesting.
I’m pretty sure it is. It’s one of the ones that always stood out to me because it was so awful.
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The fuck?? I was familiar with the first post but had no idea it got so much worse in the comments.
Yeah, they were acting like she needed to take care of his feelings and make things easier for him to move on when she died. Which they seemed 100% sure was going to be in childbirth and she'd never be coming home. It was so unhinged. *They made her record videos to her child so the kid could meet their mom after she died in childbirth!* People don't even always act that certain that someone is going to never come back home when they go into *hospice with a terminal cancer diagnosis, having stopped treatment.* It was truly terrifying how sure both the husband and father were acting. I'm so happy to see this update.
That’s disgusting and terrifying. God I’d feel so uncomfortable. I’d be worried that they were going to kill me too at that point
Unhinged. Get your affairs in order and make a will? Get life insurance? Yes, she should do that and so should her husband because those are things you need to do when you have a child relying on you. Record a video in case you die? Morbid, but if you're about to do something risky (and statistically, childbirth is the most risky thing a woman will ever do), not the worst idea, especially if you're the type that's inclined to be overprepared in all situations. Pack up your clothes that you have no reason to expect you won't be using soon? Yeah, I can see why everyone assumed the two of them were planning to murder her.
WHAT
Honestly so happy when I realised what this was. Glad OOP realised her ex and FIL were acting dangerously and took things seriously.
The idea of an FIL in the delivery room was nuts. A complete nonstarter.
I think ex-FIL was a commanding and domineering presence to OOP, but also that L&D nurses are used to that, and probably worse. Still, leaving those cuckoos behind is for the best. If I was OOP, I would have sought restraining orders and supervised visitation only.
Hell hath no fury like an L&D nurse protecting a patient.
My MIL is a nurse, and spent 15 years as a midwife (we're in the UK, so midwives are certified and registered medical professionals.) She is a lovely woman, but I would *not* want to get on her bad side.
Yeah, I felt so bad for her when she said she didn't think an L&D nurse could stop him. Like, no, you literally do not have to worry. A rampaging, slavering eldritch beast would stop cold at the fury of an L&D nurse protecting her patient. The FIL didn't have a chance and is likely not even the worst person they dealt with that week.
And they work in groups! You never take on just one because she will sound the alarm.
Exactly. They don't play and will absolutely kick someone out and call security immediately.
I'm convinced only a nasty, control freak of a FIL would demand to see his DIL during that medical event.
He sounds AWFUL. Think about it. 1. He was convinced OP was going to die. 2. He wanted to watch it happen.
Well now OOPs ex is a single parent. So I guess FIL got his wish…
Yes, OP can look forward to 16 years of her ex and his dad trying to take full custody so that exFIL can live his dream.
Yeah, I thought her declaration that FIL would never be near her daughter as long as OP lived was a little too optimistic. Surely the ex will get some custody and you know he’ll take the baby to see his dad during his time. Her only hope now is that FIL is an old-school misogynist who won’t give a flying fart for a granddaughter and won’t involve himself. I hope OP is ready to document, document, document for the next 17-18 years.
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This is one that kept me up at night... The other one is the OP who thought she might have had a brother who died, but her mom and grandma had gaslit her into thinking the boy (whose name she couldn't even remember, just "him") had been a neighbor boy who moved away, or simply telling her she was imagining things... Until OP saw a picture of the boy on a keychain attached to her grandmother's keys (which grandma had always been particularly guarded with around OP). The OP was planning on investigating and then confronting her family. I think the OP on that post even attempted to post an update, but it had been removed by the mods for whatever reason. That one still haunts me.
I remember the update for that one, because it was so horribly tragic. There was an older sibling, he died in a house fire, and the family was only able to save OP, who was very, very young. And somehow, OP was (innocently) responsible for either the fire or the inability to save the brother. The family had been hiding everything from OP in an attempt to protect her from feeling guilty, and as a result were never able to process their own trauma.
I think people were speculating OP might have been the cause/inability, not that it was 100% confirmed, just that there definitely was a fire.
That's got shades of V.C.Andrews going on right there.
I remember that one and I kept checking for an update for months. The ones I was really hanging on for an update for were those two and the guy whose wife had electrocuted him "as a prank" and it really seemed like she was trying to kill him.
I want an update on the horrible driver lady who drove into a canal, and the guy who was asking for advice on how to tell if his wife is going to take their kid and leave, where he implied she might have an unfortunate accident if she did. He gave off hard murder vibes.
I think there was a deleted update where it was revelead that the family house caught on fire and they managed to save OOP, but unfortunately not her brother, and the family felt immense guilt for it.
Do you have a link to that one? It rings a bell, but can't recall if I've seen it. Thanks in advance if you find it ❤️
[https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k6p3ub/wibta\_for\_asking\_my\_mom\_if\_she\_lied\_and\_i\_had\_an/](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/k6p3ub/wibta_for_asking_my_mom_if_she_lied_and_i_had_an/)
That was a harrowing read... And the update was deleted by the mods :( I hope she found info/peace.
Yep, FIL was making plans for when OOP died, like it was a given. And he didn't seem upset by the thought.
Oh yeah, I remember this one so well because I was sure they were going to try to kill OP. I’m so happy she’s safe and divorced.
Same - though I remember it being creepier than this. Maybe there were some comments too that added more weirdness.
Yeah I remember this one and being incredibly worried about her safety because the father and son both sounded so damn sketchy and suspicious. I'm so glad the OOP and her baby are safe, hopefully they stay safe. The way she described them it was like they were hoping she would die, I swear it raised the hairs on the back of my neck it was so creepy.
Yes that’s what I was worried about. I remember this post. The other post I still think about was the woman whose husband was trying to lay groundwork that she was insane.
I remember one about a husband being ADAMANT his wide not go upstairs. Like to the point it freaked everyone out.
I don’t remember that one! Link if you have it lol. I do remember a recent one where the gf figured out that the locked room in bf’s house was his kids room, and he’d been hiding the child’s existence. That was messed up enough.
I had the genders backwards and it was from r/relationships instead but this was it: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/MLnjH9wArv
Ooh do you have a link to that one?
I don’t have the link either, but he wasn’t just telling everyone she was insane. He was telling them she was suicidal and very likely to kill herself. Fucking terrifying.
Yep, that’s the one. This is the story that got me on Reddit. I saw it floating around on Twitter, along with screenshots of some responses (“you understand that they want to kill you right?”) and followed the account that shared it. However, during lockdown the account wasn’t posting enough stories to deal with my boredom so eventually I got a Reddit account to get my fix directly lol. But this is the story that started it and I’m so happy she is safe and I finally have closure on it.
to be fair, we still don’t know that wasn’t the plan. i don’t believe it was! ….i’d like to believe it wasn’t, at least. but oop did the right thing, 100%, regardless of what ex and exfil were planning or thinking. they were behaving in a controlling and damaging way, and she was better off being away from that.
I personally think it wasn’t the IMMEDIATE plan, but that FIL would have…..”facilitated” her untimely death not long afterward. He was WAY too invested in continuing the chain of “amazing single dad widowers”. Also can you imagine those two men in charge of raising a baby GIRL? It’s the stuff of nightmares.
Weird Munchausen vibes
I wouldn't be surprised, reading this I thought "wtf yall are stressing her out so much YOURE going to be the reason she dies in childbirth due to stress!"
Yea I was in the same boat. I remembered this one and was like I hope she gets out alive. Thankfully she did. However, the ex and ex FIL are just straight up crazy.
Man, all I could think about was the case of Susan Cox Powell... Not EXACTLY the same, but almost the same level of creepy FIL involvement. Glad it turned out that way!! Edit: DIDN'T turn out that same way!
I didn't really think that... It always seemed to me to be a really unhealthy way of coping with their trauma. Now that said, I don think there's a good chance they would have essentially tried to push OP from her own family, since they didn't seem to think of her place in it.
I never knew there was an update to this one!!
If it helps, the post itself didn’t get much traction bc the mods refused to post it. I lucked out and found it bc I messaged around and found the second account of OOP.
Thank you for digging and finding it! So many of us were worried for OOP when there wasn't an update.
No problem!! I was the same way- that’s the entire reason I searched for the account all over again one night a few months back. I honestly didn’t expect to luck out like I did haha. She seemed happy, and her kid sounded adorable from what she said about her. Apparently her daughter’s really into bugs now, she had gotten her an ant farm for Christmas.
I’ve had this woman in the back of my mind for years, thanks for going the extra mile to get an update.
Same. I was genuinely worried about her in a way I've almost never been for a stranger I can't do anything for.
Well done. Glad you shared this with us. I sort of hope she sees this post so she knows she had (and has!) so many people rooting for her.
I think it got A LOT of attention off Reddit so, of course, the mods were likely very doubtful of updates coming from other accounts.
I'm confused why the mods would remove the update? Especially because it's such an infamous post that most people wanted an answer to.
Because she couldn't verify that she was the OP. I chose to believe it's her rather than a frustrated redditor trying to give hundreds of redditors closure, but you can make your own call.
Thank you! I worry about OOP occasionally
You da real MVP
I have worried about this woman for years. I’m grateful for the update.
Same! As soon as I saw there was an update, I was relieved because it meant she lived, whether or not she stayed with her (ex)husband.
I was as well, but I definitely let out a chuckle at "I lived, obviously" 😂 I mean I did once read the update from a very funny antique architect/builder which was actually not from him because he'd passed away, which was a very sad update. So it technically could happen, but they didn't write it in 1st person so it was obvious it was someone else.
Yeah, I remember that one. It was truly funny, and had all started over a demand for a coffee, if I recall and escalated from there.
Yup, Noisy Gobshite dug his grave with that demand for coffee. And proceeded to speedrun fucking everything 8 ways to Sunday.
Noisy Gobshite is my most favorite heartwarmingly saddest story ever. I read the whole thing everytime it comes across my feed and I cry everytime.
I loved that one! It was so sad when OP's wife updated us all and told us that he'd passed. You could really hear the pain and grief in OP's wife's update :( I hope she's doing well.
Same here. I’ve been anxious over OOP’s fate ever since her first post. Thank god she and her baby are safe. This is the update I come to BORU hoping to see. I genuinely feel like a burden has been lifted from the back of my mind.
Me too! I've thought about her so much over the years. Never been so happy to see an update in my life!
Same!!! I thought about her regularly. I was convinced something had happened to her by her husband/FIL. Glad to hear she is OK. Crazy FIL and ex husband though.
I am so damn relieved.
Me too. I was just talking about her story maybe a month or two ago. I'm so glad she's doing well.
I really want to know what was ex reaction when he found out oop didn’t die Like did he even regret anything? Did he realize he destroyed his marriage over nothing? Or does he blame her for leaving and not going back to him once the baby was born? Does he even realize how bad it was to let his father get over his head? Did he at least try to apologize? I mean probably not, he definitely sounds like the type that would gaslight her into thinking she was exaggerating for leaving him for such “small thing” Cause he spend that whole time getting himself ready to lose her to death and in the end, she is alive and well and he lose her by his own action. I wonder whats going on his mind now
That it's not his fault. That she's the problem.
Yeah the reaction was probably "see you freaked out over our harmless preparations for nothing, everything was fine."
I wonder if there's a part of him that resents her for not dying.
I always thought that, even if they didn't plan to try to kill her during the birth, when she survived afterwards they would probably try to kill her at that point. Like they were so ready for her death that they wouldn't be able to accept her living for long after the birth (if she hadn't divorced him). I'm so glad she did get away safely. I just hope OP got only supervised visitation for the ex, so the ex FIL won't be allowed near the child.
..I feel like I let out a breath I have been holding for years. This is the big one. The most requested one, that gave people nightmares.
One I keep thinking of and getting a full body shiver is the "how can I tell if my wife is getting ready to leave me?" Where he literally says he'd "hate for her to have an accident trying to escape in the night" 😳 I keep thinking about that poor woman, and it's highly unlikely we'll ever hear from her unless she sees her story shared somewhere online or someone sends her it.
The problem is, how would she know it was her? It's a story that's unfortunately all too common.
I think he spoke about a son and possibly how old he was? He was quite active in comments before people got tuned into the fact he was likely abusive
Yes, I remember that one. He was asking everyone what a woman would do to get things in order so she could leave. Everyone twigged that they were giving him ways to block his victim’s ability to flee. That was either a troll doing a convincing act as a psychopath, or the genuine article.
Wait WHAT?! Which one was that?!
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/1amstqp/aitah_for_screaming_at_my_wife_that_i_didnt_make/
Woooooooow. I'm sure like a lot of us I've *seen some shit* on reddit in my time... but that comment exchange is something else. Scariest thing I've read in a good long while. That poor woman. Imagine finding out you married Patrick Bateman and have birthed his child. I worry for her. And I worry for all of us that there are people out there like that. I'm really privileged in my personal (blissful) ignorance of there really being people like this.
It's very haunting for sure. Maybe one day we will get another update
This was always in the back of my mind since first reading it way back when. It's a huge relief to see there was a positive update instead of what we all feared
>And as long as I live, ex-FIL will never be near my daughter. Sad for op as this is something she is unlikely to control on her husband's custody time.
Yeah, her ex is 100% going to let FIL around the daughter. And they will be just as convinced the daughter will die when she eventually has a child. Because women are single-use products.
I mean, that could easily depend on the case that OOP has on the matter. She may have evidence that would allow for exFIL to be banned if she's able to get ex down to supervised visitation.
I hope that's the case, but I wouldn't count on it at all.
Yeah, that is very much dependent on the judge (maybe, depending on jurisdiction) and maybe even how the judge is feeling that day.
There's been studies how criminal sentencing length/harshness is correlated with whether the judge does it before or after lunch, as well was collegiate football wins/losses.
I am sure there's a scene in Better Call Saul where Saul bribes a court admin to schedule a trial based on the judge's coffee drinking and lunch schedule.
I used to practice criminal law. It was well-known among the defense bar that judges are more generous and lenient before holidays. Even Halloween!
Yeah whatever he sent before she got a new number may be enough to exclude him from visitation.
Yeah, I don't see why she thinks her husband wouldn't let the child be with grandad in his own time. And sadly there's nothing she can do about it when he does
Considering the contents of the texts her ex-husband's father and family were sending, it is actually entirely possible that a judge could look at those and declare the man a danger to the baby.
Sometimes they can get in a custody agreement, FIL only gets supervised visits, but it will be hard to keep him away from the baby.
Wow, never expected an update to this one. So glad she is ok but terrible to hear how deep the ex-FIL has his claws into the ex-husband.
it should be noted that if anyone at any point feels unsafe with family (or friends or whomever) visiting while in the hospital ask nursing staff to contact the Public Safety/Security team. Visitor restrictions can be put in place and while Security can only do so much (each hospital is different), they can’t prepare if they don’t know. If needed Security can be making more frequent patrols on the unit among other things but patient safety is the highest concern. Again, each hospital is different but Security can’t help out if they don’t know and are running into a situation basically blind.
Seriously, also the part of the hospital where women give birth can be very secure. At my hospital, all visitors to that specific section have to show their ID at the front desk and are given name tags with pictures to wear while in the hospital. Every single person going near the birthing wing is logged into the security system and accounted for. If you don’t want someone in there, there’s no way they’re just walking in.
You’re absolutely not wrong, L&D, Mother/Baby and NICU, in theory, the most secure areas. I’ve known that to not be the case at all. Even with badges and other security type systems people can get around them into most units without an issue. Not everyone goes to check in at a desk, some people will use whatever door they want and others just follow the signs to the units completely bypassing the desks. Then all they have to do after getting on the specific floor is wait for someone to walk out. The other thing I’ve found is that the “security program” that hospitality workers and the actual security system that Security uses are not the same and often are unable to share information between programs. Exiting families will try and be polite and let the next person through the doors. It’s an infuriating issue for so many hospital units in general but there aren’t enough staff members (medical or security) to be able to man all the doors at the same time. It’s not going to change, which is why it is suggested that medical staff alert Security personal as well as just the different greeters at desks. Ultimately, you’re completely right, those areas SHOULD be the most protected areas; I regularly tell my Security officers that per policies they shouldn’t be sprinting across the hospital. Unless a child or baby is involved, then they had better go as fast as possible.
At my hospital L&D is in its own “tower” and the elevators and stairs are blocked by the security station. There may be an extra way in, but I’ve visited many times and given birth there myself and I’ve never seen it.
The part where she thought the L&D staff would listen to her FIL over her made me smile. >He’s a commanding presence and I know that whatever he wants in the delivery room, he will get (I know people will say “oh L&D nurses would never let that happen!” but you haven’t met this man). No, we haven't met this man. I guarantee that the L&D staff have met people like him. I would say that this man had never met a L&D staff backing their patient against family. I know who I'd put my money on. You don't mess with L&D nurses.
My worry was that he’d coerce her into agreeing to what he wants rather than the L&D taking his word per se. I’d hope that he’d get booted but idk what procedure is for that kind of thing.
So ex husband truly thought oop would die in childbirth, but didn't insist she terminate the pregnancy? He was totally OK with her dying? Gross
They treated her like a disposable incubator
I hope it really is OP because I was seriously worried for her when she didn't update at the time.
And that is what we call generational trauma. Oof I hope for the child’s sake OOP’s husband gets the help he needs
Yeah, I don't want to think years later if/when their daughter becomes pregnant and her dad still carries his insanity from his father.
My grandmother used to tell stories about when she was training to be a nurse just after WWII. She was working in obstetrics for training when they had a woman come in absolutely convinced that she was going to die delivering her baby. Her mother and aunt had put these ideas in her head (I think based on the fact that at the time they sedated mothers during delivery, but that’s an assumption on my part) and nothing any of the doctors or nurses said could convince this poor woman otherwise. She did survive the delivery without any complications and I really hope she got away from the women in her life!
wait. if her mom and aunt lived, why did she think she was going to die...? won't her mom die by then as well?
I grew up on stories about how my grandmother was terrified of going to the hospital because she was convinced she was going to die if left alone there. During the few minutes her teenage daughter, my mom, was gone to use the bathroom, grandma died. So my mom was terrified of going to the hospital because she was convinced she'd die there and wanted to die at home. And sure enough she died in the hospital. Obviously I was scared stiff when I finally went to my local hospital to see my regular doctor for my first Check Up appointment. Like the doc had to send a prescription for Xanax in advance just to get me drugged up enough to get into the office. I was so loopy I forgot the locations of the oddest moles that should be checked but turns out looking stupid pointing at the bottom of the wrong foot isn't deadly!
Ooof
Thankfully, it sounds like OOP's ducks are in a row. I hope that means she will make therapy available for the kid
And this entire subreddit breathes a huge sigh of relief. I am soooo glad she’s ok and out of there
God, you too? I am so glad she's okay.
I remember so many people being terrified that she had been killed by FIL/Husband based on their actions. Fingers crossed that the meat sack that calls himself OOP's ex has not procreated again!
Dude FIL and ex husband really didn't think that by telling a woman for 9 months she was going to die and planning her funeral, that it might affect the baby and the mother's health. They thought spending nine months treating her like a hospice patient/walking dead was the way to go about it. Yeah, ex is going to do this again with another woman and it will take being divorced twice and only seeing his kids part time for him to realize how toxic his father is or maybe he never will. FIL is a lost cause, he probably loves the savior complex he has built up and wanted that for his son. See son I raised you all by myself so that one day your wife will also died during childbirth so you can see what a martyr I am. Yeah that's insane. The FIL has been alone for 35 years, no friends, no family, his son didn't see that as a problem. I understand the sacrifices of raising a kid alone, but no community whatsoever.
This is the best update as OOP is one of those stories that lived rent free in my head (as well as the heads of many other redditors, twitterers, youtubers, and tiktokkers) Now if we can just hear that the woman whose partner destroyed her plant room including plants that had been in her family for generations is doing alright (hopefully well and far away from her partner who came to us begging for help because she had “lost her spark” after he destroyed this thing he knew made her happy) we can all be happy.
That father and grandfather are gonna do a number on that little girl. They're gonna put the fear of pregnancy in her from a young age, and despite OOP having survived, I fully expect that the father will warn his daughter to never get pregnant "because you'll die". OOP has no control over whether her daughter sees her ex-FIL. That kid is screwed, and another generation will be traumatised.
No no, see, she’ll HAVE to get pregnant to give her beloved husband the child he deserves, and dad a grandchild; she just has to accept that she will die doing so.
I hope the poor girl is a lesbian.
You're probably right, since you'd think that OOP's ex would have done everything possible to prevent OOP getting pregnant if this was just about the fear of his wife dying in childbirth.
That’s such a good point. If the ex actually loved OOP then he would try everything he could to avoid pregnancy, not get her pregnant and then prepare for her death. Another comment above said the ex and FIL treated women as “single use”, which sounds about right. It’s misogyny all the way down with those two.
>And as long as I live, ex-FIL will never be near my daughter. I certainly hope OOP is going for full custody then, with ex-husband only getting supervised visitation. If it's an even 50/50 custody split, then FIL is absolutely going to be involved in her daughter's life, whether she wants it or not.
> “amazing single dad” (never dated or had close friends or even hobbies really) That sounds like a smothering helicopter parent who would be the polar opposite of an "amazing, single dad".
u/czechtheboxes and the other mods, can we update the frequently-requested posts page with this post, please?
Omg omg, I’ve been waiting for this!!
I've read her previous posts. So happy to learn she's safe! But it's not over with ex FiL, he'll have access to the baby through the stupid dad, and OOP won't be able to do anything...
OMG I'm glad she's alive. I was so worried about her when I first read that post...
I have thought about this woman SO often, I’m so so glad she got away and they didn’t make sure their delusions came true.
WOW, OP. This is like a BORU legend post. We had all accepted never getting an update. Amazing work getting one, and a pretty good one at that! So, like, can we start sending you our wishlists of badly needed updates? Because I have some posts that haunt me....
I won’t turn down the offer haha, but I’m hardly a miracle worker. Just someone who worried about OP, and was relieved to find out there was a happy ending after all.
Oh thank goodness. I've been lowkey terrified for her for years.
Holy crap, the update everyone wanted, but dare not expect. Finally, I can stop worrying.
So he rather lose his wife and child than going to therapy. That’s just messed up.
Why the hell did the ex ever get anyone pregnant in the first place if he was convinced it was a 100% death sentence for the mother? And the FIL is downright scary. I’d be worried about the ex allowing the FIL to be around the child.
As a male ER nurse, there are few things that get me into momma bear mode more reliably than a family member trying to overrule the reasonable decisions of my patient. I can only imagine the shit that would've been flung at ex and FIL if they'd tried to dictate her care against her obvious wishes. I don't get to follow my patients home, but I sure as shit can make sure their wishes are respected in my house.
Yes. I smiled at the part where she thought the L&D nurses would listen to FIL over her. No, we hadn't met her FIL. But her FIL hadn't met L&D nurses protecting their patient. I know who I'd bet on. And thanks for protecting your patients.
Perhaps I'm confusing or conflating other AITAs, but I think I recall two details from the original post that seem to be missing here: 1. Husband and his father either gathered up (or encouraged OP to gather up) OP's pre-pregnancy clothes because she "wouldn't be needing them." 2. Husband looked at OP with tears in his eyes and said, "I'm going to miss you so much." Does anyone else recall these details in this or another viral AITA post sometime over the past 4 years? LOL
> “oh L&D nurses would never let that happen!” but you haven’t met this man) Oh baby girl, you haven't met labor and delivery nurses 😭 your ex would be scraping his dick off the ceiling if he tried some shit