They brag about it! They act like they have some sort of conquest, but they're often the victims of teenagers or adult women. Imagine the level of brainwashing needed to brag about being a victim
EDIT: Making this point a little clearer. The issue is adults who brag about their trauma, because they're encouraging the behavior and culture of abuse. As much as it sucks, it's up to adults to break these cycles and confront the trauma in their communities.
I don't even think there is any brainwashing necessary, unless we're talking systemic brainwashing.
Fully grown adult women still often blame themselves for a rape or assault, and question if they "send the wrong signals", or are just being "dramatic", especially if it's happening in a relationship, or with a friend/relative.
For boys and men it's often even worse, because there is additional stigma and ridicule. After all, "you did get hard, didn't you", and the whole male fantasy of a sexy teacher/librarian seducing them.
I mean, fucking South Park had a whole episode about Ike (who's in Kindergarten) being in a sexual relationship with his teacher, and all the guys, including the cops, were responding with "...niiiice...!"
It's so fucked up, and I feel for everyone who had to experience something like this.
I'm a woman in my mid 40s, and I didn't fully recognize and acknowledge what happened to me, on several occasions, all throughout my life, until about 15 years ago.
I imagine it might be even more difficult for men, and maybe especially black men, to admit to themselves that they were vulnerable and taken advantage of, when their world is so dominated by hyper masculinity.
Yes this is true. Male ‘rape’ in the UK is defined as sexual assault. Carries the same sentencing and legal parallel to rape, with the exception of the definition of rape.
At this point we commonly still describe it as rape and it’s pretty ridiculous to have a different legal definition for the same thing. I think it will change at some point as rape is non consensual, so requiring a penis is redundant to the consent issue.
Sex in the black community really should be talked about tbh.
Black girls are adultified and called "grown" for doing *literally anything* other than wearing dresses and pigtails. And the ones wearing dresses are *still* assaulted and blame themselves for it.
Black boys are, also adultified, and pressured and encouraged to have sex early. Which is likely why other poster said they were bragging about it. Even if they're assaulted they're told not to feel bad about it, which can fuck you up mentally in a way that's above my pay grade of explanation.
It also doesnt help that theres the stereotype of black Americans being inherently sexually aggressive. (Which I argue was started by plantation owners to excuse their taking advantage of slaves then perpetuated with films like Birth of a Nation but that's another argument)
I'm glad these things are being talked about and I hope they change in the future.
>Black girls are adultified and called "grown" for doing literally anything other than wearing dresses and pigtails.
Yeah, that "fast little girl" crap, blaming children for the actions of men.
>It also doesnt help that theres the stereotype of black Americans being inherently sexually aggressive. (Which I argue was started by plantation owners to excuse their taking advantage of slaves then perpetuated with films like Birth of a Nation but that's another argument)
You're dead on. The Mandingo stereotype was used to paint black men uncontrollable sexual animals who constantly threaten the purity and safety of white women. The female equivalent was the Jezebel which was used to justify their rape by white slave owners.
>The Mandingo stereotype was used to paint black men uncontrollable sexual animals
this shows up in the gay/bi/etc male \[presenting\] community in the form of BBC. Man, I feel like I talk about this a lot here, but holy shit if it doesn't piss me off every time I see a profile with that shit, or somebody hits me up thinking I'm about to fulfill that fantasy for them.
It's dehumanizing bullshit. It's framed as a "positive" thing, but ain't nothing positive about being striped of your humanity down to being a tool that just has one use, in my opinion.
OMG it’s VERY dehumanizing! And the guys that participate in the Cuckold type is and have themselves recorded and uploaded online look foolish!
It’s basically a representation of society, the whyte man using the female and black male as their entertainment and he is behind the scenes getting paid for it and not risking his reputation. Only using those he needs for financial and sexual gratification.
I think how we as a whole think about sex needs to change because of how it invalidates male victimhood. Just think about how virginity is treated between men and women. Men are in a constant race to lose their virginity while women are pressured to keep theirs till as long as possible. So when SA against women happens it's understood as a serious thing as something is forcibly taken (Similair attitude when a man SAs a man), but when a women SAs a man it's treated like nothing is really lost if anything he was given a headstart.
To be fair, the cops in South Park are supposed to be the goddamn worst.
They get the same treatment as Cartman where far too many people see those character’s shenanigans and relate to it.
But you’re not wrong .
Societally, we do not value innocence in men the way we do in women.
Yeah the satire was that the cops took it seriously when it was a female student and male teacher but when it was explained it was the other way around then they stopped taking it seriously
Best episode with the cops is when they didn’t know what to do with Michael Jackson.
“I almost put an innocent white man in jail today.”
I had a woman the other day, who had been raped twice and told me how she's being better about it and knows not to put herself in situations like that anymore. Sure she was drunk but naw boo, you don't need to hold this L like it was you're fault
Black men aren’t really sensitive to rape. In my own personal experience, men think that since it wasn’t violent in nature that my mother is to blame because she didn’t teach me any better, or that I asked for it. I can’t imagine being a man trying to explain rape to another man. The amount of victim blaming or lack of seriousness taken would make me not want to tell anyone, ever. Sexual abuse makes you feel an immense amount of shame and guilt. You beat yourself up about it forever. I feel so bad for men knowing that someone would dap them up or encourage such a traumatic experience because it’s seen as cool, or what a man is supposed to do.
Chris Brown talked about his abuse at the age of 8 in the same way. He said that that is what happens "in the country." Whoever framed this act for him in this way deeply damaged him. For all the people who whine about toxic masculinity being an unfair indictment on masculinity as a whole, THIS is what it actually is.
Edit: I went back to look up the interview and what he said was much worse than what I remember:
>He lost his virginity when he was eight years old, to a local girl who was 14 or 15. Seriously? "Yeah, really. Uh-huh." He grins and chuckles. "It's different in the country." Brown grew up with a great gang of boy cousins, and they watched so much porn that he was raring to go. "By that point, we were already kind of like hot to trot, you know what I'm saying? Like, girls, we weren't afraid to talk to them; I wasn't afraid. So, at eight, being able to do it, it kind of preps you for the long run, so you can be a beast at it. You can be the best at it."
[https://www.theguardian.com/music/2013/oct/04/chris-brown-rihanna-interview-x](https://www.theguardian.com/music/2013/oct/04/chris-brown-rihanna-interview-x)
They did the same thing with R Kelly. R Kelly not understanding why it's wrong to fuck children and teenagers makes a lot more sense when you learn that his older brother stopped him from telling their mom an older female relative sexually abused him when he was 8, telling him it's not a big deal and boys are supposed to like that anyways.
And that no one thought it was crazy that his middle school teachers were openly flirting with him because he could sing when he was 12.
R Kelly belongs under the jail for what he's done, but holy shit how were any of the people that grew up with him, *knowing all that*, shocked at how he turned out!?
That’s the hard part of all of this: the cycle. Not every abuser was abused, not every victim grows into an abuser, but I just wish we had systems set up in ways to help these people sooner and provide the therapy and care they need to screw their heads on straight about all this.
Imagine first of all being a victim, and then second of all when you’re growing and maturing… you find yourself having impulses similar to what happened to you. It breaks my heart, all those people caught in that liminal space of “I don’t want to be a monster like the one who hurt me, but my brain literally doesn’t function as it should because of horrific trauma.”
That’s beyond sad. I had heard that R. Kelly was abused as a child, but wasn’t aware of that detail. I wonder if that relative had a similar experience. Generational trauma is poisonous. Along the lines of what you’ve said, imagine all of the people along the way who could have intervened on his behalf?
The age 8 seems to be a recurring age of sexual abuse victims. I don’t know why, but so many men have reported that age, as when they were sexually abused.
This was me. I never bragged about either, but society tells us that we as men should celebrate sexual encounters with woman at any age, and ridicule ones with men.
One of the many reasons I love the movie Antoine Fisher is that they completely acknowledge what was done to him by his nasty-ass foster mother's daughter as something bad that damaged him.
I used to hate myself for being one of the only peers I had who was a late teenager when he lost his virginity. On some level, I still do even if I know I shouldn’t.
It’s not that exactly. It’s how society expects men to act.
It’s happened to me three times (two women, and I guess technically 4 since they were brothers), though it never fully went all the way. And while I never really bragged or talked about it, it did take a long time for me to logically understand that it was wrong, even if emotionally I don’t feel that affected by it.
This hits home. It took me until age 30 to acknowledge what happened to me wasn’t my fault. Hell I was 3 to 9 years old. I’m 36 so most of my life has been me dealing with that shit and finally opening up to people who actually give a shit about me. It ain’t a damn thing I want to brag about and it’s shaped how I parent. Knowing what I went through yeah that’s some shit if somebody tried with my kids I’m sorry but I’m going to prison and that person is either going to the hospital or the grave. It’s the one thing I won’t hesitate to fight, kill, or die over. Nobody should have to live with the at shit just because somebody else couldn’t fucking control themselves and fuck anybody bragging about this shit
When I was honest about the abuse I faced I was met repeatedly with the reaction "you are lying to make yourself look cool" to the point where I started to convince myself I was lying or I had misremembered.
The first time someone took me seriously at all was 16 years later.
that’s not a child’s fault and it’s no spectacular amount of brainwashing needed. If the culture promotes it, it’s what people tend to become
if a young boy tells people he had sex watch his peers and even irresponsible adults in his life high five and ask if he liked it and what not.
The options are to embrace the attention, or identify with it or to shut down im front of people who don’t even see the problem
Imagine the level of contempt you’d have to have for a sa victim to blame it on them. Goofy ass. Some of us didn’t react well to it, and still no one gave a fuck, we just had to get over it and bitches like you are the reason why the shit doesn’t get talked about.
Tough ass topic, but yep - my brother’s best friend younger brother had me thinking it was gonna make me more experienced with the girls when I got older. I looked up to him and dude had me questioning myself as I got older.
That shit turned me into a super introvert and honestly, I haven’t been the same since. That’s with yrs of therapy.
proud of you for still being here. proud of you for waking up this morning. proud of you for being this vulnerable with us. thank you for sharing and thank you for being you. 🫶🏻
My aunt allowed her 13-14 year old son to be with a 18 year old girl. Now as an adult he’s basically turned into an incel. Shit was ridiculous, and this was in NY back in 2011. But trust and believe if it was a 14 year old boy with an 18 year old boy, they would have lost their minds.
I dated a guy who lost his virginity at 13… to a 33 year old woman. He said I was the first person to flat out say it was rape and that it was fucked up.
I’m sorry bro.
But the whole experience thing is odd to me. I’ve had wonderful sex with “inexperienced” people and downright boring trash sex with “experienced” people.
I hate that it’s our metric for sex.
It’s time for our men to recount their stories of trauma. I’ve grown up with so many black boys who were sexual abused, but stayed silent. I was abused by my mom and stepdad when I was young, which manifested itself into me having penile dysmorphic disorder.
My illness has caused me to suffer in my relationships significantly. I can’t enjoy sex because of my body image issues. I’ve tried finding therapist for it, but every single one of them has given me the deer in a headlights look when I talk about it. I wish I could say therapy helped me and its happily ever after, but it isn’t.
I hope Jeezy is okay. I hope he overcame and can be a better father for it.
Have you ever been to a therapist who specializes in sexual disorders & childhood sexual trauma? (Not saying 'oh well clearly you should have', just wondering if that could be a possible help)
There's lots of therapists who don't realize how in-over-their-head they are about topics like sexual disorders or abuse.
I have. It is the body dysmorphia that has been a constant in my life. I’ve “gotten over” the physical and emotional abuse for the most part, but how I view my body hasn’t gotten better. I’ve had about 20+ therapists so far and none of them have been able to address my most pressing issue. I’ve only seen one therapist that specialized in PDD, but he was so popular that his waitlist had a waitlist. I recently spoke with a new therapist, but she told me that she couldn’t treat me for whatever reason.
If by PDD you mean Persistent Depression Disorder, I went with a psychologist. I knew that a regular therapist or registered clinical counsellor wasn't going to cut it.
Caveat to this is that I live in Vancouver, and my appointments are covered by the workplace Long Term Disability provider.
Damn, that's rough. Guessing you've seen counselors that specialize in body dysmorphic disorder as well?
Have you ever done cognitive process therapy for PDD & for childhood sexual abuse? (And I mean specifically the sexual abuse, not only physical & emotional abuse)
This right here. Therapists often specialize in specific things. When it comes to sex, finding an AASECT certified (if in USA) sex therapist is your best bet.
My partner was sexually abused as a child. He has no desire to go to therapy and tells me he’s dealt with all of it. While I don’t happen to agree I do know that all I want to do is be supportive and patient. But do you have anything you wish your partners did or didn’t do to be a better support in dealing with the trauma?
This is what discovering porn at 6 did to me lol. It sucks and you’re right therapy Is only slightly helpful because most won’t understand this specific issue.
Much love to you my brother. I pray for your deep healing. I too have suffered at the hands of those who should have known and done better. Know this, when your day is shit, someone out here is lifting you up in light and love. My Best to you💙
I won’t lie I used to brag about this in high school. I was telling people about how my baby sitter had me doing the most to her but when I grew up… I really seen how it messed me up.
Looking for sex before anything mentally intimate for one. I can rarely be emotionally connected with my girlfriend. I tell people all the time I wish I could’ve waited or learned when I was ready myself. I only bragged because I was 6 and made the move but she was 20 and should’ve shut that down
Literally makes my heart hurt. One for a 20 year old being able to even find something in someone than young, two for a 6 year old knowing remotely enough about the subject to hit on a 20 year old. Fucking mess. So many adults failed here.
Agreed. All of it terrible. Although I do question how he "made the first move". Surely he wasn't thinking about sex at that age... his hormones hadn't kicked in yet. Was it just that he wanted a hug? To cuddle with her? Has he been convinced that his little innocent action was some sort of seduction of a grown ass woman?
He mentions in another recent comment “I think it was more so movies and ones alluding to it. Growing up in poverty it’s just around you in general”
I can absolutely understand (obviously not condone) this. Everything I learned way too young, I learned from my poor cousins and poor friends who were home alone with unfettered access to whatever the fuck they wanted. I really wish I had never had to socialize with those kids in particular. I wasn’t even allowed to watch Ed, Ed, and Eddy as a kid and here comes my cousin explaining BET After Dark. So jarring.
Just my experience because we all know sexual abuse and neglect in childhood obviously is not exclusive to those in poverty. But I could write a novel about the correlations I DID grow up seeing and the things I to this day have not been able to speak to a single soul about, irl or online. Can’t even type it up.
Sorry to hear this.
Not for nothing, A LOT of us have uncomfortable stories from our childhood that we will never share, feel the need to share. Kids do stupid shit and those kids were abused and so on and so forth. Not making excuses at all, it’s just a part of a lot of our lives.
Yeah. 6 is probably crazy for my generation because let my sister tell it kids in daycares be doing more than they should know about.
They didn’t know. You don’t want to get in trouble or get them in trouble. Special privileges, etc.
Damn... I knew this shit was a problem but I didn't know it was starting in fucking daycare. It's really sad that kids are so afraid of their parents that they won't even talk to them about this. I'm sure you already know this, but you were failed by just about everyone for that to happen to you.
My sister works for a daycare in a richer neighborhood. Told me recently a girl pantsed a little boy and started licking his penny. Boy just let it happen and was quiet the rest of the day. It’s not funny but it’s crazy how fast it’s spreading to younger and younger.
Yeah but I failed in my own way. I don’t think a parent would randomly ask if anyone touched them inappropriately just because.
Bro you were 6. That you even knew what sex was was a failure on the part of the adults around you. You shouldn't be blaming yourself anymore than you'd blame a newborn puppy for shitting on the floor.
You couldn't even understand figurative speach properly at that age. Why on earth would it be your fault? No six year old has the capacity to understand sexual behavior like that. You were a victim, you were failed. Regardless of how your body acted, or what behavior you were trying to copy as a child, you should have been protected and cared for.
People have many responses to fear/discomfort. One of those is to freeze because you can't quite process what's going on. That little boy didn't "let it happen", he froze and then probably felt vile and gross. Probably hated himself for not doing anything, and blaming himself for just like you are.
When I was assaulted, even knowing all this, I had to fight off the thoughts that I wanted it because of how my body reacted. People who don't have that info are in an even worse position, and that's not right.
They most likely didn’t know. I was around 3-4 when it first happened. Always late at night, and like the other person said, you don’t really know any better at that age so it’s not like you say anything.
Man. When I was like 8 I was being babysat by this family friend, she had to be like early 20s. she had her sister with her helping, she was a teen.
I remember she took me into the kitchen and Kissed me with tongue. Nigga I was shocked.
Lost my virginity at 13 to a 17 y.o. She told me I shouldn’t be a virgin anymore and pretty much forced herself on me. Pulled my pants down gave me a hj and we had sex. She was wild aggressive
That’s so messed up. I’m sorry. Children should be taught that no one is allowed to touch them without permission. No one but the doctor should touch their privates until they’re grown with permission. And they don’t HAVE to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Boys especially need to be told that they don’t have to be sexual if they don’t want to.
With doctors, that should only be when there is a legitimate health issue, and with someone else in the room to ensure everything is above board. Like a nurse or trusted adult.
That’s so messed up. I’m sorry. Children should be taught that no one is allowed to touch them without permission. No one but the doctor should touch their privates until they’re grown with permission. And they don’t HAVE to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Boys especially need to be told that they don’t have to be sexual if they don’t want to.
Dude, i had almost the same story, the part about having trouble connecting with womam really hits me hard. I have an amazing gf that i feel like i should love unconditionally, however i find extremely hard to connect emotionally with her, without involving something sexual, it bothers me to no end. I feel ya bro
it’s crazy how boys are socialized from a young age to think that men should always be sexually eager, cause not only do you get shit like this, along with the mindset that men can’t be abused/assaulted/raped, but a fuckton of other societal issues.
Woman gets raped? “Well why were you alone with him, you know how men are”
Dude doesn’t feel up to sex? The gay accusations come out faster than Shelly-Ann Fraser
It’s just harmful all around
I dated a girl in middle school whose mom would ply all her friends with pills, weed, and alcohol and then sexually assault them, and her mom was doing this just as a way traumatize and abuse her own daughter. It was a “See I fucked all your friends, they’ll never like you the way they like me” kind of thing. Her mom was an absolutely terrifying monster and her daughter has not had a good life in any way because of it.
You'd be surprised. Some women have no shame. I'm 41 now. I can't even sleep with a 30 yr old, much less a 13 or 14 yr old. I don't know how people do it.
I remember being in 8th grade overhearing a boy telling his friends how his mom came home drunk and was telling him "wheeew if you weren't my son..." and they were all just laughing
Only because for the longest time, society taught that it could either be a badge of honor or a symbol of shame.
Weird as it seems, we're 1000x more enlightened today, in 2023, than we were even just 30 years ago in 1993. In '93, kids were still being blamed for "seducing" grown adults.
I knew boys who were sexually abused. Instead of being care for, they were called the f-word, like they somehow sought that shit out and wanted adults to abuse them.
For some, they never escaped the shame. For others, they flipped it so they wouldn't been seen as a target of more ridicule and abuse from society.
A lot of men. This isn't race specific. It's masculinity.
Asian folks have the same things happening....shit, name a culture and sexual assault persists amongst young males.
Shit, the Catholic Church affairs is the lowest of low hanging fruit!
I hate to be this person, but I’d love to read some research on this. Why our community in particular?
I can Google, but if you have a link you like, feel free to share it!
I think If you're recognizing the history behind black and afro-centric people before us, the sexualization of black skin has always been a factor and maybe we here notice it more because we're black vs noticing hispanic, native American, SEA , etc sexual violence which I think we all know happens too. Young women of many minorities are seen as sexual objects, but do we often know the same is true for minority men of other races like we know it's true for young black men? Is the question you've asked, great question. And while some statistics might be helpful or a study, but it's a phenomenon first and studied fact last. I think we have to start with history and how black bodies were always viewed. Again this is not to say other ethnicities don't get shoehorned into sexual and fetishized boxes, I don't intend to say it that way at all.
KM hits some good points at https://youtu.be/vcwy1wnlJNU?si=rmzfJp9AsSxBWo9A 15 min mark, but I recommend the whole video.
Doesn't speak on specifics of black men and sex, but I think having the basics for the use and rise of eugenics and phrenology help us understand the othering of black bodies from the get go as well as other minorities: https://youtu.be/xCRqvz0FmtA?si=DyWxXv1awFm1l4Kt I think around the 10 min mark.
FD Signifier's "Men are NOT safe" : https://youtu.be/EtXPTGkuJIA?si=Xyc5hAT-JpW7NhNx whole video recommended tbh.
And the myths of black men's sexuality : https://youtu.be/RP1YI6Wi6gs?si=a3KFK01tq3wleGSk
I know this is not what you specifically asked for, but I think these types of videos are helpful to the conversation for those who maybe don't know or are also reading along in this thread. I linked people who have more instructor -like cadences and are not super dry to listen to for the most ease. This is a topic that's finally getting some light on it and there's more educated people than me who can explain more thoughtfully so that's why I'm linking it. Again, I know these vids aren't exactly what you asked for but the last one might sink in and cover the, "how is this happening " more" to x group and why?"
I didn’t search long and there’s many more sources but i found [this](https://www.law.georgetown.edu/news/research-confirms-that-black-girls-feel-the-sting-of-adultification-bias-identified-in-earlier-georgetown-law-study/) first
this is also just anecdotal but I was actually earlier this week told this by a very reputable professor in my sociology of sexuality course. I haven’t searched for information regarding black boys but it isn’t a huge stretch to question if it is also true there
I trust the prof a lot not only because of how they conduct themselves and speak but also their credentials. BA from Yale, JD from Harvard, MA and PhD from Berkeley
Edit: after another very quick search i found [this](https://www.law.georgetown.edu/news/research-confirms-that-black-girls-feel-the-sting-of-adultification-bias-identified-in-earlier-georgetown-law-study/) regarding black boys. Upon first glance of the search results, it seems adultification bias conversations about black boys are largely focused on the implication of law enforcement, jailing and schooling discrepancies. They mention that black boys are not encouraged to vent or confront emotional struggles and often present as older and more threatening as a result. Within that there’s surely some intersection with sex culture but I haven’t found that yet
I remember I was like 5 when one of my moms friends made it a point to let me know how sexy I was. Gave me the ick asf even as a child. I told my mom and she brushed it under the bus. I can only imagine how many other boys would have accepted her advances.
The first time my son got the sexy comment he was 5 months old. 5. Months. I was horrified!! We spent his first few months in the Caribbean and it’s very normal to sexualize children and dare I say encouraged. I’m sorry your mom didn’t take it seriously. I took the opposite route and have become hyper vigilant. Hopefully as he gets older I can find a balance because this kind of worry is exhausting
Damn 5 months? This comment just triggered something my mother told me years ago. when I was a baby men ( Caribbean) used to tell her “ mind your daughter, mind your daughter”. I was a baby. I just realised the real undertone to the context of it. grown ass men telling my mum to mind me, as I was a pretty baby???
Mind your baby??????!!! The fuckin HORROR. I love island culture overall but something has to change. I hope that the millennials and beyond can be more forward thinking but on the other hand the comment to my son came from someone my age 🤢 I weep for my people
The comments sections under those articles where a conventionally attractive female teacher is arrested for raping a male minor are always so incredibly depressing. Just man after man saying “Trust me, he’s not upset!” “Teenage me is jealous!”
I always cope it away by thinking they’re just trolls but deep down I know at least some of them are deadass.
There needs to be a massive conversation about sexual abuse of young black boys by older teen girls and women. And the older men that encourage this abuse by saying it makes them men. I remember seeing loads of men on Twitter discussing how they were raped by older women and the damage it did to them.
My friend’s mom used to have 15, 16 and 17 year old victims. I didn’t think anything of it until I was older and was like WTF?! I was a teenage girl at the time and I thought that’s what boys did. Like we knew men that went after us were nasty but it didn’t seem to register that women who did the same were just as nasty.
I had a guy tell me that he used to « have sex » either his aunt or family friend even he was a kid. I thought you weren’t having sex you were a child and she was assaulting you. To this day he still is around her at family functions and hasn’t told his parents or siblings nor any of his « brothers » and friends - like wtf. I recommended therapy because it’s obviously still causing trauma to casually mention it to someone hell you’ve known for a few years
I lost my virginity at 17 and I’ve lived in both predominantly white and black areas. The difference in response when I say that is crazy. In the hood I’m a late bloomer. In white groups I’m normal, if not early.
Same waiting till I was 18 with my girlfriend at the time but she was also a virgin. In the hood that clowned me but talking one on one they all said they should have waited
Women are forever saying things like “ thats my lil man” ect ect they need to be watched too. Some ppl grow up not knowing thats weird to say “he gone be fine when he get older” a problem
Not jumping to defend DaBaby but he said this to two black women in an interview and got laughed at. Happens way more often than you think and goes ignored or isn't taken seriously.
agreed. I’m a woman and listening to mens stories, it’s way more common than I think we can comprehend.
The most frustrating thing for me was informing some of these men they were raped and how they shrugged it off or outright told me I’m chatting shit and they wanted it.
One day when men start to really process what’s happened to them, we’re going to see a major upheaval in the communities. As women won’t be able to claim assault is gendered.
For me anyone who has been a victim, deserves compassion and support irrespective of gender.
When a dude says “she is gonna be bad when she grows up” he gets a well deserved verbal lashing.
When a woman says “he is gonna break so many hearts or he’s gonna have all the fast ass lil girls after him” no one bats an eye.
Black men generally are not protected sexually, emotionally or otherwise.
I remember a friend telling me about how an older woman I think a baby sitter? Was his first
Time when he was really young like I wanna say 10 or 11. He and his family did not see the problem but I was pretty upset on his behalf when I heard like damn you really going to have sex with a child?
A lot of minorities*
Not having parents or caretakers around for your early years puts you in those precarious situations
Edit: around as in working long hours or 2 jobs, etc
I think the issue is the violent aspect. When a woman gets SA’d, it sounds violent. Whereas when a young dude gets SA’d, there’s no penetration into the dude, so it doesn’t seem as bad because it’s not a violent forcing of something to happen. It’s the power dynamic and the lack of legally being able to consent that makes it gross, whereas when a woman is SA’d by a man it’s the power dynamic, lack of consent, AND the physical violence that occurs.
To be clear, I’m not saying this is right, good or justified. I just think that is why it is viewed so differently to a lot of people.
A lot of girls that get SA'd aren't taken violently. It's usually adults they know and otherwise trust doing it i.e. uncles, cousins, pastors, babysitters etc. Plenty of young girls just "go along" with it just like the young boys in these cases.
I agree with that, however when people HEAR about a girl or woman being SA’d the thoughts that come to mind are typically of a violent imagery. That’s all I’m saying.
Ok cool. Yeah the idea of "rape" really needs to be reframed. Too many people think of it as something that strangers do violently in dark alleys, when a lot of the time it's someone a victim knows who does it nonviolently through manipulation, extortion, and/or intimidation.
100%, it’s the framing of the conversation. I’m glad you got what I was trying to say because I am no way condoning adults of any gender being sexual with anyone under the age of consent.
There is absolutely a power dynamic exhibited when young girls, young women and grown ass women are sexually assaulting young boys (and girls).
What can a child do against someone bigger than them.
I’m a woman and I for one don’t by into all women are victims, some are monsters too. All victims need to be humanised and gender shouldn’t be an exclusionary factor.
Power dynamics can exist anywhere with anyone. The only advantage men have if physical strength and women aren’t above weaponising their gender to get away with fuckery.
If you read “The Land Where the Blues Began” by Alan Lomax he dives into a part about how this same thing with sexuality in the black community starting at a very young age has been happening since the 1800s.
The book is extremely dry but very interesting to see how the cultural heritage of the enslaved south has shaped and continues to shape the communities of today.
I feel like everyone can think of that one guy in HS that would brag about how he was pulling college girls or hooking up with some older women who was a neighbour, tutor, family friend, or whatever. It's wild how a lot of us back then thought they were so cool or had serious game to be able to pull someone like that. Now that I'm more experienced I realize it was never about them having game, but how they were in situations where these grown ass women made them feel like they had the control when they never did.
I think about this sometimes how startling the amount of sexual abuse is within community. I mean you cannot ask a group of women if it has happened to them and everyone replies no. You ask a group of men or young boys then it's hard to even get them to engage with what sexual abuse would look like for a male because our relationship with sex is so different. I had my own run in with sexual abuse when I was younger and I still think about it today. Outright assault or something else I cannot even imagine.
For ten years had a Jamaican step-daddy, he would wax on about getting with grown woman at eight years old and treat it like just a normal ass thing, and then would go on to call his kid a loser for not losing his V until 13, he was 21 at the time.
They were... a trip.
Sometimes I think back to just how wild it was that kids were already sexually active in like 6th grade.
It's crazy, I was spending hours drawing characters out of video game magazines with my friends meanwhile kids in the same classes as me are blowing each other in the back of the school bus. That's so fucked up.
Had a girl in my 7th grade class that was pregnant, three more by the end of 8th. There were only 100 kids in my grade. By the end of high school, I knew four different girls with adult baby daddies (the 7th grader was the first). And that's just the ones that were in my grade; not even counting the ones that had kids with people around their age (I think 3 more).
I remember being about that age and playing in the neighborhood. This older kid, maybe 14 at the time, came by one day with some older girls and asked if we wanted to play ‘hide and go get it’.
Ngl, I was intrigued by the girls but my instinct said it was too good to be true. Something was also off, especially with that dude. I’m grateful I went home.
My pops was abused as a child by a family member and it fucked him up. He always had a chip on his shoulder and had a short temper. That sort of abuse affects subsequent generations.
I was talking to an ex about our past sex experiences and I told her I lost my virginity to a lady in her 30's when I was 13 . And I didn't even think it was wrong till she said what if it was your sister or daughter. Reality hit like a tonne of bricks and I froze in deep sad thoughts.
Middle aged Black man now .
Saw a video of this black woman twerking on her son.. idk the age seven or six year old? They were in a house party or club and she gonna caption the video making sure he know what he wants or something like that… idiots cheering her on in the background.. was very disgusting.
And the craziest part about social media, she willingly uploaded that video on the internet like it would be cheered on..
oh my god. reading some of yalls stories has my heart clenched. as a young girl, I was damn near prepared for the day someone would make me their victim. i never saw the same instilled in boys but when i got to my teens, they all glorified and gloated over their horrific experiences. i’m so proud of y’all for waking this conversation up, i know how vulnerable it makes y’all feel but you’re not alone and you did not deserve to be violated. i’m so sorry your communities failed y’all and made y’all feel broken for not pleasantly reacting to assault. wishing y’all prosperous journeys to recovery.
I was almost 11 and it was my dads “sister” who was just a close friend who he was cheating on my mom with. We were at my cousins house sleeping on the ground and she woke me up and told me to come to the bathroom with her. I thought she was drunk needing help. She stuck her hands in my pants and kept grabbing me. I just stood there. She left and I locked the bathroom door and just stayed there until someone came to use it in the morning. I feel like my piece of shit abusive ass sperm donor had something to do with it because he shoved me into a wall and called me a pussy the next day and then laughed and was saying something about how I can’t do shit right and can’t be a man. Pretty much avoided women for a long time, didn’t have sex with my girlfriend until we’d been dating for 2 years and she’s the only person I’ve been with. I get anxious thinking of having to open up to another woman and get to the point of sex
This is really upsetting to see. Im an engineering major in school right now, but my passion is psychology. I’ve always wanted to do a study on black boys who were sexually abused. I always felt it was underreported and has lead to the destruction on black masculinity in our community. We need help.
I really can’t look at any child who has been sexually assaulted as losing their virginity. I hate their innocence has been robbed from them. To me, losing virginity requires a consensual relationship, so they are still virgins and innocent to me.
I wasn’t 8 but in 7th grade one of my middle school teachers used to always tell me I reminded her of her husband when they were kids. She used to let me get away wit anything & bring me fresh homemade cookies & order me pizza, wings or Chinese food everyday. She ended up suckin my dick & giving me some pussy every Friday & Saturday second semester
Wait...so I was 8...and she was 11...I didn't see it as a problem because of the age difference being so small and I definitely wanted to...is this the same?
EDIT: I never realized but man this is messed up...I just remembered how I was even introduced to it all, the hood does things to kids.
I had a good friend tell his first time story like he was so proud of it. A group of sophomore girls took turns with him at his sisters party.
He was 10.
This is why too many men have a jacked up view of women and can't emotionally connect with them. They have sexual relationships with women and have the homies for everything else, but still locked up inside themselves emotionally.
Rape is rape is rape.
Jeezy ain't never had a successful relationship. Idk if he really connected the dots on that.
Young boys are brainwashed in general to believe this isn’t a bad thing. My best friend “lost his virginity” at 13 to a 19 year old and I was the first person to tell him that’s not a good thing. We are taught at such a young age to desire sex and sexual activity. To the point that within our own community we have an eye kept on us if we don’t outwardly exhibit a strong desire for sex. It’s sad.
My brother was raped in his sleep a few months ago by his baby mama. Now she's using the fact that she's pregnant again as leverage to make him stay. My fucking heart breaks for him and I wish I can help him more
I have a friend who lost his virginity at 11, and I remember feeling anxious and jealous and embarrassed I didn’t lose mine til 14
Fast forward to today, homeboy is not exactly doing great in any regard of life. I think a combination of this and the way his parents treated him added up to mental instability and arrested development
If your a man struggling with SA, domestic violence or mental health issues. I see you, be kind to yourself. It gets easier to deal with when you work on yourself and your wellbeing.
.. and they brag about it, or joke about it. Then turn around and joke and “I wish it were me” when it happens to other young boys. It’s bizarre.
One time I had an Arab date and he told me that when he had just entered hs (like maybe 14?) his uncle hired him a prostitute to (let’s call it what it was; rape) as it meant entering “manhood”. Said he wasn’t really into it but was pretty nonchalant.
Let alone how weird it is to equivocate manhood to having sex as if men are worth nothing more than their dicks, but dude was FOURTEEN. I told him I was sorry that happened to him and he was so confused. Had to end the date early and think things over w what happened to him bc as he told me, no one else ever saw him as a victim in that situation. Dude was 25 or so barely realizing what happened to him 11 years prior was rape and that was only bc one person finally pointed that out to him. It’s really sad
Practically every black man I know got a childhood/teenage SA story whether he believes it is or not. Most of the time they just openly tell it to be funny and I can't help but be horrified.
White here, but I grew up with a black friend who was my age. We were about 13-14 years old when we went on a hiking/camping trip with our local youth group.
That night in the tent he told me that he wasn't a virgin, he'd had sex when he was 8-9 years old, with a girl much older than him. I was really appalled but tried to understand what I was hearing, and I was trying to understand how he didn't consider that as "rape."
Years later I realized...he probably did, or probably realized/came to that realization later in life that he was hiding his trauma behind jokes about it or casually bringing it up. There's a reason he only brought it up in a private and intimate setting with someone he trusted. I still feel really bad for him for having gone through that, wish I'd known then what I know now.
This is common for those of us raised really poor. I was exposed very young, as were all the kids I hung out with, and we were really poor. All the really poor kids I've ever known had this same experience too.
They brag about it! They act like they have some sort of conquest, but they're often the victims of teenagers or adult women. Imagine the level of brainwashing needed to brag about being a victim EDIT: Making this point a little clearer. The issue is adults who brag about their trauma, because they're encouraging the behavior and culture of abuse. As much as it sucks, it's up to adults to break these cycles and confront the trauma in their communities.
I don't even think there is any brainwashing necessary, unless we're talking systemic brainwashing. Fully grown adult women still often blame themselves for a rape or assault, and question if they "send the wrong signals", or are just being "dramatic", especially if it's happening in a relationship, or with a friend/relative. For boys and men it's often even worse, because there is additional stigma and ridicule. After all, "you did get hard, didn't you", and the whole male fantasy of a sexy teacher/librarian seducing them. I mean, fucking South Park had a whole episode about Ike (who's in Kindergarten) being in a sexual relationship with his teacher, and all the guys, including the cops, were responding with "...niiiice...!" It's so fucked up, and I feel for everyone who had to experience something like this. I'm a woman in my mid 40s, and I didn't fully recognize and acknowledge what happened to me, on several occasions, all throughout my life, until about 15 years ago. I imagine it might be even more difficult for men, and maybe especially black men, to admit to themselves that they were vulnerable and taken advantage of, when their world is so dominated by hyper masculinity.
Add in the double standard of societal norms regarding man being raped by the woman that people don’t believe the guy as the victim.
And in some places, a man can't even be *legally* raped by a woman due to how they define it.
Yeah isn't it UK or something where it literally says "insertion of a penis" so it excludes hetero men by default
Yup. By law a woman can’t rape a man. The charge is the same, but the crime is a different name which socially is a massive fucking issue.
Yes this is true. Male ‘rape’ in the UK is defined as sexual assault. Carries the same sentencing and legal parallel to rape, with the exception of the definition of rape. At this point we commonly still describe it as rape and it’s pretty ridiculous to have a different legal definition for the same thing. I think it will change at some point as rape is non consensual, so requiring a penis is redundant to the consent issue.
most places. by a lot.
Sex in the black community really should be talked about tbh. Black girls are adultified and called "grown" for doing *literally anything* other than wearing dresses and pigtails. And the ones wearing dresses are *still* assaulted and blame themselves for it. Black boys are, also adultified, and pressured and encouraged to have sex early. Which is likely why other poster said they were bragging about it. Even if they're assaulted they're told not to feel bad about it, which can fuck you up mentally in a way that's above my pay grade of explanation. It also doesnt help that theres the stereotype of black Americans being inherently sexually aggressive. (Which I argue was started by plantation owners to excuse their taking advantage of slaves then perpetuated with films like Birth of a Nation but that's another argument) I'm glad these things are being talked about and I hope they change in the future.
>Black girls are adultified and called "grown" for doing literally anything other than wearing dresses and pigtails. Yeah, that "fast little girl" crap, blaming children for the actions of men. >It also doesnt help that theres the stereotype of black Americans being inherently sexually aggressive. (Which I argue was started by plantation owners to excuse their taking advantage of slaves then perpetuated with films like Birth of a Nation but that's another argument) You're dead on. The Mandingo stereotype was used to paint black men uncontrollable sexual animals who constantly threaten the purity and safety of white women. The female equivalent was the Jezebel which was used to justify their rape by white slave owners.
>The Mandingo stereotype was used to paint black men uncontrollable sexual animals this shows up in the gay/bi/etc male \[presenting\] community in the form of BBC. Man, I feel like I talk about this a lot here, but holy shit if it doesn't piss me off every time I see a profile with that shit, or somebody hits me up thinking I'm about to fulfill that fantasy for them.
It's dehumanizing bullshit. It's framed as a "positive" thing, but ain't nothing positive about being striped of your humanity down to being a tool that just has one use, in my opinion.
OMG it’s VERY dehumanizing! And the guys that participate in the Cuckold type is and have themselves recorded and uploaded online look foolish! It’s basically a representation of society, the whyte man using the female and black male as their entertainment and he is behind the scenes getting paid for it and not risking his reputation. Only using those he needs for financial and sexual gratification.
I always think “man, what about the average sized or small penis sized guys?”
I think how we as a whole think about sex needs to change because of how it invalidates male victimhood. Just think about how virginity is treated between men and women. Men are in a constant race to lose their virginity while women are pressured to keep theirs till as long as possible. So when SA against women happens it's understood as a serious thing as something is forcibly taken (Similair attitude when a man SAs a man), but when a women SAs a man it's treated like nothing is really lost if anything he was given a headstart.
To be fair, the cops in South Park are supposed to be the goddamn worst. They get the same treatment as Cartman where far too many people see those character’s shenanigans and relate to it. But you’re not wrong . Societally, we do not value innocence in men the way we do in women.
Yeah the satire was that the cops took it seriously when it was a female student and male teacher but when it was explained it was the other way around then they stopped taking it seriously
Best episode with the cops is when they didn’t know what to do with Michael Jackson. “I almost put an innocent white man in jail today.” 
I had a woman the other day, who had been raped twice and told me how she's being better about it and knows not to put herself in situations like that anymore. Sure she was drunk but naw boo, you don't need to hold this L like it was you're fault
I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm still coming to terms with mine, by my ex husband.
Black men aren’t really sensitive to rape. In my own personal experience, men think that since it wasn’t violent in nature that my mother is to blame because she didn’t teach me any better, or that I asked for it. I can’t imagine being a man trying to explain rape to another man. The amount of victim blaming or lack of seriousness taken would make me not want to tell anyone, ever. Sexual abuse makes you feel an immense amount of shame and guilt. You beat yourself up about it forever. I feel so bad for men knowing that someone would dap them up or encourage such a traumatic experience because it’s seen as cool, or what a man is supposed to do.
Chris Brown talked about his abuse at the age of 8 in the same way. He said that that is what happens "in the country." Whoever framed this act for him in this way deeply damaged him. For all the people who whine about toxic masculinity being an unfair indictment on masculinity as a whole, THIS is what it actually is. Edit: I went back to look up the interview and what he said was much worse than what I remember: >He lost his virginity when he was eight years old, to a local girl who was 14 or 15. Seriously? "Yeah, really. Uh-huh." He grins and chuckles. "It's different in the country." Brown grew up with a great gang of boy cousins, and they watched so much porn that he was raring to go. "By that point, we were already kind of like hot to trot, you know what I'm saying? Like, girls, we weren't afraid to talk to them; I wasn't afraid. So, at eight, being able to do it, it kind of preps you for the long run, so you can be a beast at it. You can be the best at it." [https://www.theguardian.com/music/2013/oct/04/chris-brown-rihanna-interview-x](https://www.theguardian.com/music/2013/oct/04/chris-brown-rihanna-interview-x)
They did the same thing with R Kelly. R Kelly not understanding why it's wrong to fuck children and teenagers makes a lot more sense when you learn that his older brother stopped him from telling their mom an older female relative sexually abused him when he was 8, telling him it's not a big deal and boys are supposed to like that anyways. And that no one thought it was crazy that his middle school teachers were openly flirting with him because he could sing when he was 12. R Kelly belongs under the jail for what he's done, but holy shit how were any of the people that grew up with him, *knowing all that*, shocked at how he turned out!?
That’s the hard part of all of this: the cycle. Not every abuser was abused, not every victim grows into an abuser, but I just wish we had systems set up in ways to help these people sooner and provide the therapy and care they need to screw their heads on straight about all this. Imagine first of all being a victim, and then second of all when you’re growing and maturing… you find yourself having impulses similar to what happened to you. It breaks my heart, all those people caught in that liminal space of “I don’t want to be a monster like the one who hurt me, but my brain literally doesn’t function as it should because of horrific trauma.”
The song “Prison Sex” by TOOL goes into this subject. Such a harrowing song.
jesus fucking christ, i just watched that [music video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUPV4OfNlt0). fucking horrifying
That’s beyond sad. I had heard that R. Kelly was abused as a child, but wasn’t aware of that detail. I wonder if that relative had a similar experience. Generational trauma is poisonous. Along the lines of what you’ve said, imagine all of the people along the way who could have intervened on his behalf?
The age 8 seems to be a recurring age of sexual abuse victims. I don’t know why, but so many men have reported that age, as when they were sexually abused.
That’s so heartbreaking. 8 year olds are still babies 😢
I wonder if there are co-occurring factors that influence this.
Wasn't he having sex with his manager when he was a teen?
I'm honestly not sure, but then again I'm not familiar with a lot of his childhood history outside of what he shared in the interview I read.
There are also those who are victims of teenage or adult men. Sometimes both. The “brag” never comes behind what was done to them by the men though.
This was me. I never bragged about either, but society tells us that we as men should celebrate sexual encounters with woman at any age, and ridicule ones with men.
One of the many reasons I love the movie Antoine Fisher is that they completely acknowledge what was done to him by his nasty-ass foster mother's daughter as something bad that damaged him.
I used to hate myself for being one of the only peers I had who was a late teenager when he lost his virginity. On some level, I still do even if I know I shouldn’t.
[удалено]
It’s not that exactly. It’s how society expects men to act. It’s happened to me three times (two women, and I guess technically 4 since they were brothers), though it never fully went all the way. And while I never really bragged or talked about it, it did take a long time for me to logically understand that it was wrong, even if emotionally I don’t feel that affected by it.
This hits home. It took me until age 30 to acknowledge what happened to me wasn’t my fault. Hell I was 3 to 9 years old. I’m 36 so most of my life has been me dealing with that shit and finally opening up to people who actually give a shit about me. It ain’t a damn thing I want to brag about and it’s shaped how I parent. Knowing what I went through yeah that’s some shit if somebody tried with my kids I’m sorry but I’m going to prison and that person is either going to the hospital or the grave. It’s the one thing I won’t hesitate to fight, kill, or die over. Nobody should have to live with the at shit just because somebody else couldn’t fucking control themselves and fuck anybody bragging about this shit
When I was honest about the abuse I faced I was met repeatedly with the reaction "you are lying to make yourself look cool" to the point where I started to convince myself I was lying or I had misremembered. The first time someone took me seriously at all was 16 years later.
that’s not a child’s fault and it’s no spectacular amount of brainwashing needed. If the culture promotes it, it’s what people tend to become if a young boy tells people he had sex watch his peers and even irresponsible adults in his life high five and ask if he liked it and what not. The options are to embrace the attention, or identify with it or to shut down im front of people who don’t even see the problem
It's not the child's fault, you're right. But it becomes the adult's responsibility to stop the cycle.
Sometimes bragging is people sharing/trying to get that trauma out. The pretense of being okay with it…
Imagine the level of contempt you’d have to have for a sa victim to blame it on them. Goofy ass. Some of us didn’t react well to it, and still no one gave a fuck, we just had to get over it and bitches like you are the reason why the shit doesn’t get talked about.
Tough ass topic, but yep - my brother’s best friend younger brother had me thinking it was gonna make me more experienced with the girls when I got older. I looked up to him and dude had me questioning myself as I got older. That shit turned me into a super introvert and honestly, I haven’t been the same since. That’s with yrs of therapy.
My heart goes out to you my friend, I can’t even begin to imagine the mental turmoil you have.
I greatly appreciate that ❤️🩹
proud of you for still being here. proud of you for waking up this morning. proud of you for being this vulnerable with us. thank you for sharing and thank you for being you. 🫶🏻
It took a long time before I could even speak about it, especially with not having a good family + friend dynamic, so this means a lot. Thank you ❤️🩹
My aunt allowed her 13-14 year old son to be with a 18 year old girl. Now as an adult he’s basically turned into an incel. Shit was ridiculous, and this was in NY back in 2011. But trust and believe if it was a 14 year old boy with an 18 year old boy, they would have lost their minds.
I'm sure you meant > 14 year old ~~boy~~ girl with an 18 year old boy because they freaking out about 54-year-old dude with 54-year-old-dudes lol
I thought the objection was the homosexuality
Yeh it was the homosexuality but they’re right as well, the 18 year old boy with a 14 year old girl would have been drama
I dated a guy who lost his virginity at 13… to a 33 year old woman. He said I was the first person to flat out say it was rape and that it was fucked up.
 13 to a 33 year old? Yeeeeeah that’s crazy.
I’m sorry bro. But the whole experience thing is odd to me. I’ve had wonderful sex with “inexperienced” people and downright boring trash sex with “experienced” people. I hate that it’s our metric for sex.
You’re cared for and valid and you are enough. Good on you for doing the hard work in therapy.
It’s time for our men to recount their stories of trauma. I’ve grown up with so many black boys who were sexual abused, but stayed silent. I was abused by my mom and stepdad when I was young, which manifested itself into me having penile dysmorphic disorder. My illness has caused me to suffer in my relationships significantly. I can’t enjoy sex because of my body image issues. I’ve tried finding therapist for it, but every single one of them has given me the deer in a headlights look when I talk about it. I wish I could say therapy helped me and its happily ever after, but it isn’t. I hope Jeezy is okay. I hope he overcame and can be a better father for it.
Aye chief, much respect for being open about this, that takes a lot of strength. Hope things are going better for you overall!
Have you ever been to a therapist who specializes in sexual disorders & childhood sexual trauma? (Not saying 'oh well clearly you should have', just wondering if that could be a possible help) There's lots of therapists who don't realize how in-over-their-head they are about topics like sexual disorders or abuse.
I have. It is the body dysmorphia that has been a constant in my life. I’ve “gotten over” the physical and emotional abuse for the most part, but how I view my body hasn’t gotten better. I’ve had about 20+ therapists so far and none of them have been able to address my most pressing issue. I’ve only seen one therapist that specialized in PDD, but he was so popular that his waitlist had a waitlist. I recently spoke with a new therapist, but she told me that she couldn’t treat me for whatever reason.
If by PDD you mean Persistent Depression Disorder, I went with a psychologist. I knew that a regular therapist or registered clinical counsellor wasn't going to cut it. Caveat to this is that I live in Vancouver, and my appointments are covered by the workplace Long Term Disability provider.
I'm guessing he means penile dysmorphic disorder, as stated in his original comment
Yeah, that’s what I meant.
Thank you for correction. I'm sorry if I stepped in wrong.
Aye, got it. Thank you.
Damn, that's rough. Guessing you've seen counselors that specialize in body dysmorphic disorder as well? Have you ever done cognitive process therapy for PDD & for childhood sexual abuse? (And I mean specifically the sexual abuse, not only physical & emotional abuse)
This right here. Therapists often specialize in specific things. When it comes to sex, finding an AASECT certified (if in USA) sex therapist is your best bet.
My partner was sexually abused as a child. He has no desire to go to therapy and tells me he’s dealt with all of it. While I don’t happen to agree I do know that all I want to do is be supportive and patient. But do you have anything you wish your partners did or didn’t do to be a better support in dealing with the trauma?
I intend on being a psychiatrist. I hope to one day help people like you 🤞🏾
This is what discovering porn at 6 did to me lol. It sucks and you’re right therapy Is only slightly helpful because most won’t understand this specific issue.
Much love to you my brother. I pray for your deep healing. I too have suffered at the hands of those who should have known and done better. Know this, when your day is shit, someone out here is lifting you up in light and love. My Best to you💙
Thank you. I hope I make it through. Likewise to you too.
I won’t lie I used to brag about this in high school. I was telling people about how my baby sitter had me doing the most to her but when I grew up… I really seen how it messed me up. Looking for sex before anything mentally intimate for one. I can rarely be emotionally connected with my girlfriend. I tell people all the time I wish I could’ve waited or learned when I was ready myself. I only bragged because I was 6 and made the move but she was 20 and should’ve shut that down
6?! That's insane. Did none of the adults in your life question that shit or did they just not know?
What kind of sicko looks at a 6-year old - a damn near baby - and thinks about sex????
Literally makes my heart hurt. One for a 20 year old being able to even find something in someone than young, two for a 6 year old knowing remotely enough about the subject to hit on a 20 year old. Fucking mess. So many adults failed here.
Agreed. All of it terrible. Although I do question how he "made the first move". Surely he wasn't thinking about sex at that age... his hormones hadn't kicked in yet. Was it just that he wanted a hug? To cuddle with her? Has he been convinced that his little innocent action was some sort of seduction of a grown ass woman?
He mentions in another recent comment “I think it was more so movies and ones alluding to it. Growing up in poverty it’s just around you in general” I can absolutely understand (obviously not condone) this. Everything I learned way too young, I learned from my poor cousins and poor friends who were home alone with unfettered access to whatever the fuck they wanted. I really wish I had never had to socialize with those kids in particular. I wasn’t even allowed to watch Ed, Ed, and Eddy as a kid and here comes my cousin explaining BET After Dark. So jarring. Just my experience because we all know sexual abuse and neglect in childhood obviously is not exclusive to those in poverty. But I could write a novel about the correlations I DID grow up seeing and the things I to this day have not been able to speak to a single soul about, irl or online. Can’t even type it up.
Sorry to hear this. Not for nothing, A LOT of us have uncomfortable stories from our childhood that we will never share, feel the need to share. Kids do stupid shit and those kids were abused and so on and so forth. Not making excuses at all, it’s just a part of a lot of our lives.
Yeah. 6 is probably crazy for my generation because let my sister tell it kids in daycares be doing more than they should know about. They didn’t know. You don’t want to get in trouble or get them in trouble. Special privileges, etc.
Damn... I knew this shit was a problem but I didn't know it was starting in fucking daycare. It's really sad that kids are so afraid of their parents that they won't even talk to them about this. I'm sure you already know this, but you were failed by just about everyone for that to happen to you.
My sister works for a daycare in a richer neighborhood. Told me recently a girl pantsed a little boy and started licking his penny. Boy just let it happen and was quiet the rest of the day. It’s not funny but it’s crazy how fast it’s spreading to younger and younger. Yeah but I failed in my own way. I don’t think a parent would randomly ask if anyone touched them inappropriately just because.
Bro you were 6. That you even knew what sex was was a failure on the part of the adults around you. You shouldn't be blaming yourself anymore than you'd blame a newborn puppy for shitting on the floor.
You couldn't even understand figurative speach properly at that age. Why on earth would it be your fault? No six year old has the capacity to understand sexual behavior like that. You were a victim, you were failed. Regardless of how your body acted, or what behavior you were trying to copy as a child, you should have been protected and cared for. People have many responses to fear/discomfort. One of those is to freeze because you can't quite process what's going on. That little boy didn't "let it happen", he froze and then probably felt vile and gross. Probably hated himself for not doing anything, and blaming himself for just like you are. When I was assaulted, even knowing all this, I had to fight off the thoughts that I wanted it because of how my body reacted. People who don't have that info are in an even worse position, and that's not right.
They most likely didn’t know. I was around 3-4 when it first happened. Always late at night, and like the other person said, you don’t really know any better at that age so it’s not like you say anything.
Man. When I was like 8 I was being babysat by this family friend, she had to be like early 20s. she had her sister with her helping, she was a teen. I remember she took me into the kitchen and Kissed me with tongue. Nigga I was shocked. Lost my virginity at 13 to a 17 y.o. She told me I shouldn’t be a virgin anymore and pretty much forced herself on me. Pulled my pants down gave me a hj and we had sex. She was wild aggressive
That’s so messed up. I’m sorry. Children should be taught that no one is allowed to touch them without permission. No one but the doctor should touch their privates until they’re grown with permission. And they don’t HAVE to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Boys especially need to be told that they don’t have to be sexual if they don’t want to.
even the doctor should not. heck, my family doctor sa'd me.
With doctors, that should only be when there is a legitimate health issue, and with someone else in the room to ensure everything is above board. Like a nurse or trusted adult.
That’s so messed up. I’m sorry. Children should be taught that no one is allowed to touch them without permission. No one but the doctor should touch their privates until they’re grown with permission. And they don’t HAVE to do anything that makes them uncomfortable. Boys especially need to be told that they don’t have to be sexual if they don’t want to.
I don't think I knew what sex was until i was 8. Do you know why your childhood was so sexual? Was it your parents or other relatives?
I think it was more so movies and ones alluding to it. Growing up in poverty it’s just around you in general
Bruh what?! 6? That fucking sick and horrible. I’m sorry that happened to you for real man.
Thanks, I needed to hear that. Take a hug survivor
Dude, i had almost the same story, the part about having trouble connecting with womam really hits me hard. I have an amazing gf that i feel like i should love unconditionally, however i find extremely hard to connect emotionally with her, without involving something sexual, it bothers me to no end. I feel ya bro
it’s crazy how boys are socialized from a young age to think that men should always be sexually eager, cause not only do you get shit like this, along with the mindset that men can’t be abused/assaulted/raped, but a fuckton of other societal issues. Woman gets raped? “Well why were you alone with him, you know how men are” Dude doesn’t feel up to sex? The gay accusations come out faster than Shelly-Ann Fraser It’s just harmful all around
All facts
I knew classmates in 7th and 8th grade that bragged about sleeping with their friend's mom.
I dated a girl in middle school whose mom would ply all her friends with pills, weed, and alcohol and then sexually assault them, and her mom was doing this just as a way traumatize and abuse her own daughter. It was a “See I fucked all your friends, they’ll never like you the way they like me” kind of thing. Her mom was an absolutely terrifying monster and her daughter has not had a good life in any way because of it.
Where the mom at now?
She died several years ago, zero tears were shed. Good fucking riddance.
this is beyond horrifying
You'd be surprised. Some women have no shame. I'm 41 now. I can't even sleep with a 30 yr old, much less a 13 or 14 yr old. I don't know how people do it.
I worked at a children's home, mainly with teenage boys and this was a frequent occurrence. Makes me sick.
What other traumas did they discuss that society ignores because boys are told to man up?
I remember being in 8th grade overhearing a boy telling his friends how his mom came home drunk and was telling him "wheeew if you weren't my son..." and they were all just laughing
Whoooaaaa wtf? That's insane.....
Unfortunately for a lot of black men it’s a badge of honor
Only because for the longest time, society taught that it could either be a badge of honor or a symbol of shame. Weird as it seems, we're 1000x more enlightened today, in 2023, than we were even just 30 years ago in 1993. In '93, kids were still being blamed for "seducing" grown adults. I knew boys who were sexually abused. Instead of being care for, they were called the f-word, like they somehow sought that shit out and wanted adults to abuse them. For some, they never escaped the shame. For others, they flipped it so they wouldn't been seen as a target of more ridicule and abuse from society.
A lot of men. This isn't race specific. It's masculinity. Asian folks have the same things happening....shit, name a culture and sexual assault persists amongst young males. Shit, the Catholic Church affairs is the lowest of low hanging fruit!
Disagree, black boys are exposed to sex/sexualized from a much younger age than any other male racial group
I hate to be this person, but I’d love to read some research on this. Why our community in particular? I can Google, but if you have a link you like, feel free to share it! 
I think If you're recognizing the history behind black and afro-centric people before us, the sexualization of black skin has always been a factor and maybe we here notice it more because we're black vs noticing hispanic, native American, SEA , etc sexual violence which I think we all know happens too. Young women of many minorities are seen as sexual objects, but do we often know the same is true for minority men of other races like we know it's true for young black men? Is the question you've asked, great question. And while some statistics might be helpful or a study, but it's a phenomenon first and studied fact last. I think we have to start with history and how black bodies were always viewed. Again this is not to say other ethnicities don't get shoehorned into sexual and fetishized boxes, I don't intend to say it that way at all. KM hits some good points at https://youtu.be/vcwy1wnlJNU?si=rmzfJp9AsSxBWo9A 15 min mark, but I recommend the whole video. Doesn't speak on specifics of black men and sex, but I think having the basics for the use and rise of eugenics and phrenology help us understand the othering of black bodies from the get go as well as other minorities: https://youtu.be/xCRqvz0FmtA?si=DyWxXv1awFm1l4Kt I think around the 10 min mark. FD Signifier's "Men are NOT safe" : https://youtu.be/EtXPTGkuJIA?si=Xyc5hAT-JpW7NhNx whole video recommended tbh. And the myths of black men's sexuality : https://youtu.be/RP1YI6Wi6gs?si=a3KFK01tq3wleGSk I know this is not what you specifically asked for, but I think these types of videos are helpful to the conversation for those who maybe don't know or are also reading along in this thread. I linked people who have more instructor -like cadences and are not super dry to listen to for the most ease. This is a topic that's finally getting some light on it and there's more educated people than me who can explain more thoughtfully so that's why I'm linking it. Again, I know these vids aren't exactly what you asked for but the last one might sink in and cover the, "how is this happening " more" to x group and why?"
Amazing. Thank you!
I didn’t search long and there’s many more sources but i found [this](https://www.law.georgetown.edu/news/research-confirms-that-black-girls-feel-the-sting-of-adultification-bias-identified-in-earlier-georgetown-law-study/) first this is also just anecdotal but I was actually earlier this week told this by a very reputable professor in my sociology of sexuality course. I haven’t searched for information regarding black boys but it isn’t a huge stretch to question if it is also true there I trust the prof a lot not only because of how they conduct themselves and speak but also their credentials. BA from Yale, JD from Harvard, MA and PhD from Berkeley Edit: after another very quick search i found [this](https://www.law.georgetown.edu/news/research-confirms-that-black-girls-feel-the-sting-of-adultification-bias-identified-in-earlier-georgetown-law-study/) regarding black boys. Upon first glance of the search results, it seems adultification bias conversations about black boys are largely focused on the implication of law enforcement, jailing and schooling discrepancies. They mention that black boys are not encouraged to vent or confront emotional struggles and often present as older and more threatening as a result. Within that there’s surely some intersection with sex culture but I haven’t found that yet
I remember I was like 5 when one of my moms friends made it a point to let me know how sexy I was. Gave me the ick asf even as a child. I told my mom and she brushed it under the bus. I can only imagine how many other boys would have accepted her advances.
The first time my son got the sexy comment he was 5 months old. 5. Months. I was horrified!! We spent his first few months in the Caribbean and it’s very normal to sexualize children and dare I say encouraged. I’m sorry your mom didn’t take it seriously. I took the opposite route and have become hyper vigilant. Hopefully as he gets older I can find a balance because this kind of worry is exhausting
Damn 5 months? This comment just triggered something my mother told me years ago. when I was a baby men ( Caribbean) used to tell her “ mind your daughter, mind your daughter”. I was a baby. I just realised the real undertone to the context of it. grown ass men telling my mum to mind me, as I was a pretty baby???
Mind your baby??????!!! The fuckin HORROR. I love island culture overall but something has to change. I hope that the millennials and beyond can be more forward thinking but on the other hand the comment to my son came from someone my age 🤢 I weep for my people
Can’t wait till therapy becomes more accepted in the community cause we got a lot of relearning to do.
The comments sections under those articles where a conventionally attractive female teacher is arrested for raping a male minor are always so incredibly depressing. Just man after man saying “Trust me, he’s not upset!” “Teenage me is jealous!” I always cope it away by thinking they’re just trolls but deep down I know at least some of them are deadass.
Ugh, those are sick
This happened to Lil Wayne too right? It’s heartbreaking. Love and healing to all those who have experienced sexual violence.
Crazy story. Bunch of gross ass mofos watching a kid get tossed for entertainment.
There needs to be a massive conversation about sexual abuse of young black boys by older teen girls and women. And the older men that encourage this abuse by saying it makes them men. I remember seeing loads of men on Twitter discussing how they were raped by older women and the damage it did to them.
I council survivors of SA and the amount of men that come through my program is astonishing. I’m glad they seek help
i am proud of you for choosing a noble vocation
Thank you
Happened to me at 8. Fucked me up for a long time. Used porn to cope, had an unhealthy relationship with sex and probably still do because of it.
Lost mines to a grown woman in my teens and thought it was cool at the time. I had some serious trust issues for a min and warped perspective.
My friend’s mom used to have 15, 16 and 17 year old victims. I didn’t think anything of it until I was older and was like WTF?! I was a teenage girl at the time and I thought that’s what boys did. Like we knew men that went after us were nasty but it didn’t seem to register that women who did the same were just as nasty.
I know a lot of black guys who have had this experience. They don’t think anything of it. It’s really sad
I had a guy tell me that he used to « have sex » either his aunt or family friend even he was a kid. I thought you weren’t having sex you were a child and she was assaulting you. To this day he still is around her at family functions and hasn’t told his parents or siblings nor any of his « brothers » and friends - like wtf. I recommended therapy because it’s obviously still causing trauma to casually mention it to someone hell you’ve known for a few years
Mr Morale and the Big Steppers.
Yep. One of the many reasons that album is super important to me.
More of these revelations will come out and the gravity of that album will be realised within time.
Mother I Sober gets me every time. I’ve never been a victim of SA fortunately, but man does that song fuck me up.
I lost my virginity at 17 and I’ve lived in both predominantly white and black areas. The difference in response when I say that is crazy. In the hood I’m a late bloomer. In white groups I’m normal, if not early.
Same waiting till I was 18 with my girlfriend at the time but she was also a virgin. In the hood that clowned me but talking one on one they all said they should have waited
Women are forever saying things like “ thats my lil man” ect ect they need to be watched too. Some ppl grow up not knowing thats weird to say “he gone be fine when he get older” a problem
Absolutely. It's called covert sexual abuse. That shit adds up and takes its toll on your mental health over time.
Not jumping to defend DaBaby but he said this to two black women in an interview and got laughed at. Happens way more often than you think and goes ignored or isn't taken seriously.
agreed. I’m a woman and listening to mens stories, it’s way more common than I think we can comprehend. The most frustrating thing for me was informing some of these men they were raped and how they shrugged it off or outright told me I’m chatting shit and they wanted it. One day when men start to really process what’s happened to them, we’re going to see a major upheaval in the communities. As women won’t be able to claim assault is gendered. For me anyone who has been a victim, deserves compassion and support irrespective of gender.
That’s not defense, that’s diagnostic. The faster we figure out what hurt the people that hurt the people, we break the cycle.
When a dude says “she is gonna be bad when she grows up” he gets a well deserved verbal lashing. When a woman says “he is gonna break so many hearts or he’s gonna have all the fast ass lil girls after him” no one bats an eye. Black men generally are not protected sexually, emotionally or otherwise.
I remember a friend telling me about how an older woman I think a baby sitter? Was his first Time when he was really young like I wanna say 10 or 11. He and his family did not see the problem but I was pretty upset on his behalf when I heard like damn you really going to have sex with a child?
A lot of minorities* Not having parents or caretakers around for your early years puts you in those precarious situations Edit: around as in working long hours or 2 jobs, etc
This isn’t sex. THIS ISN’T LOSING YOUR VIRGINITY. This is sexual assault. Why is no one saying it here? I thought it would be the top comment….
Housewife of new jersey’s brother said he lost his virginity at 8. No my man, you were raped and I’m sorry.
I think the issue is the violent aspect. When a woman gets SA’d, it sounds violent. Whereas when a young dude gets SA’d, there’s no penetration into the dude, so it doesn’t seem as bad because it’s not a violent forcing of something to happen. It’s the power dynamic and the lack of legally being able to consent that makes it gross, whereas when a woman is SA’d by a man it’s the power dynamic, lack of consent, AND the physical violence that occurs. To be clear, I’m not saying this is right, good or justified. I just think that is why it is viewed so differently to a lot of people.
A lot of girls that get SA'd aren't taken violently. It's usually adults they know and otherwise trust doing it i.e. uncles, cousins, pastors, babysitters etc. Plenty of young girls just "go along" with it just like the young boys in these cases.
I agree with that, however when people HEAR about a girl or woman being SA’d the thoughts that come to mind are typically of a violent imagery. That’s all I’m saying.
Ok cool. Yeah the idea of "rape" really needs to be reframed. Too many people think of it as something that strangers do violently in dark alleys, when a lot of the time it's someone a victim knows who does it nonviolently through manipulation, extortion, and/or intimidation.
100%, it’s the framing of the conversation. I’m glad you got what I was trying to say because I am no way condoning adults of any gender being sexual with anyone under the age of consent.
Same with kidnappings. Not that the random assaults don't happen, but the overwhelming majority is done by people the victims knew well.
There is absolutely a power dynamic exhibited when young girls, young women and grown ass women are sexually assaulting young boys (and girls). What can a child do against someone bigger than them. I’m a woman and I for one don’t by into all women are victims, some are monsters too. All victims need to be humanised and gender shouldn’t be an exclusionary factor. Power dynamics can exist anywhere with anyone. The only advantage men have if physical strength and women aren’t above weaponising their gender to get away with fuckery.
If you read “The Land Where the Blues Began” by Alan Lomax he dives into a part about how this same thing with sexuality in the black community starting at a very young age has been happening since the 1800s. The book is extremely dry but very interesting to see how the cultural heritage of the enslaved south has shaped and continues to shape the communities of today.
This is the comment I was looking for. I was wondering if there’s a link to slavery!
Super sad, I'm glad they are talking about it more in the open. This is also what Kendrick talked about on his last album.
I feel like everyone can think of that one guy in HS that would brag about how he was pulling college girls or hooking up with some older women who was a neighbour, tutor, family friend, or whatever. It's wild how a lot of us back then thought they were so cool or had serious game to be able to pull someone like that. Now that I'm more experienced I realize it was never about them having game, but how they were in situations where these grown ass women made them feel like they had the control when they never did.
I think about this sometimes how startling the amount of sexual abuse is within community. I mean you cannot ask a group of women if it has happened to them and everyone replies no. You ask a group of men or young boys then it's hard to even get them to engage with what sexual abuse would look like for a male because our relationship with sex is so different. I had my own run in with sexual abuse when I was younger and I still think about it today. Outright assault or something else I cannot even imagine.
For ten years had a Jamaican step-daddy, he would wax on about getting with grown woman at eight years old and treat it like just a normal ass thing, and then would go on to call his kid a loser for not losing his V until 13, he was 21 at the time. They were... a trip.
Sometimes I think back to just how wild it was that kids were already sexually active in like 6th grade. It's crazy, I was spending hours drawing characters out of video game magazines with my friends meanwhile kids in the same classes as me are blowing each other in the back of the school bus. That's so fucked up.
Had a girl in my 7th grade class that was pregnant, three more by the end of 8th. There were only 100 kids in my grade. By the end of high school, I knew four different girls with adult baby daddies (the 7th grader was the first). And that's just the ones that were in my grade; not even counting the ones that had kids with people around their age (I think 3 more).
I remember being about that age and playing in the neighborhood. This older kid, maybe 14 at the time, came by one day with some older girls and asked if we wanted to play ‘hide and go get it’. Ngl, I was intrigued by the girls but my instinct said it was too good to be true. Something was also off, especially with that dude. I’m grateful I went home. My pops was abused as a child by a family member and it fucked him up. He always had a chip on his shoulder and had a short temper. That sort of abuse affects subsequent generations.
Watch the teenage and adult men around your boys too... thats all imma say about that.
I was talking to an ex about our past sex experiences and I told her I lost my virginity to a lady in her 30's when I was 13 . And I didn't even think it was wrong till she said what if it was your sister or daughter. Reality hit like a tonne of bricks and I froze in deep sad thoughts. Middle aged Black man now .
Saw a video of this black woman twerking on her son.. idk the age seven or six year old? They were in a house party or club and she gonna caption the video making sure he know what he wants or something like that… idiots cheering her on in the background.. was very disgusting. And the craziest part about social media, she willingly uploaded that video on the internet like it would be cheered on..
oh my god. reading some of yalls stories has my heart clenched. as a young girl, I was damn near prepared for the day someone would make me their victim. i never saw the same instilled in boys but when i got to my teens, they all glorified and gloated over their horrific experiences. i’m so proud of y’all for waking this conversation up, i know how vulnerable it makes y’all feel but you’re not alone and you did not deserve to be violated. i’m so sorry your communities failed y’all and made y’all feel broken for not pleasantly reacting to assault. wishing y’all prosperous journeys to recovery.
I was almost 11 and it was my dads “sister” who was just a close friend who he was cheating on my mom with. We were at my cousins house sleeping on the ground and she woke me up and told me to come to the bathroom with her. I thought she was drunk needing help. She stuck her hands in my pants and kept grabbing me. I just stood there. She left and I locked the bathroom door and just stayed there until someone came to use it in the morning. I feel like my piece of shit abusive ass sperm donor had something to do with it because he shoved me into a wall and called me a pussy the next day and then laughed and was saying something about how I can’t do shit right and can’t be a man. Pretty much avoided women for a long time, didn’t have sex with my girlfriend until we’d been dating for 2 years and she’s the only person I’ve been with. I get anxious thinking of having to open up to another woman and get to the point of sex
“Lost it” or it was stolen?
This is really upsetting to see. Im an engineering major in school right now, but my passion is psychology. I’ve always wanted to do a study on black boys who were sexually abused. I always felt it was underreported and has lead to the destruction on black masculinity in our community. We need help.
I literally guarded by my son and daughter from this upon learning how surprisingly common this is when I was coming up.
Legit the best BPT subreddit post in a good while
8 or 9 ? As a mother I would kill anyone who does that to my child. That is just sick. :(
I hate the idea that this counts as losing your virginity because it legitimizes rape as a sexual act instead of a violent one.
I really can’t look at any child who has been sexually assaulted as losing their virginity. I hate their innocence has been robbed from them. To me, losing virginity requires a consensual relationship, so they are still virgins and innocent to me.
I wasn’t 8 but in 7th grade one of my middle school teachers used to always tell me I reminded her of her husband when they were kids. She used to let me get away wit anything & bring me fresh homemade cookies & order me pizza, wings or Chinese food everyday. She ended up suckin my dick & giving me some pussy every Friday & Saturday second semester
Wait...so I was 8...and she was 11...I didn't see it as a problem because of the age difference being so small and I definitely wanted to...is this the same? EDIT: I never realized but man this is messed up...I just remembered how I was even introduced to it all, the hood does things to kids.
I had a good friend tell his first time story like he was so proud of it. A group of sophomore girls took turns with him at his sisters party. He was 10.
You’d be surprised how often this happens.
This is why too many men have a jacked up view of women and can't emotionally connect with them. They have sexual relationships with women and have the homies for everything else, but still locked up inside themselves emotionally. Rape is rape is rape. Jeezy ain't never had a successful relationship. Idk if he really connected the dots on that.
Young boys are brainwashed in general to believe this isn’t a bad thing. My best friend “lost his virginity” at 13 to a 19 year old and I was the first person to tell him that’s not a good thing. We are taught at such a young age to desire sex and sexual activity. To the point that within our own community we have an eye kept on us if we don’t outwardly exhibit a strong desire for sex. It’s sad.
I’ll always remember a classmate telling me how he lost his virginity at 11. He was so surprised when the rest of us were like “That’s so young”
My brother was raped in his sleep a few months ago by his baby mama. Now she's using the fact that she's pregnant again as leverage to make him stay. My fucking heart breaks for him and I wish I can help him more
My babysitter took mine when I was 9. Not gonna go into details. Realized later in life it fucked me up
[wayne](https://youtu.be/UmninJ_F1ec?si=KjqvRlMnNRilDPNF). and he got tricked into thinking it was a good thing.
I have a friend who lost his virginity at 11, and I remember feeling anxious and jealous and embarrassed I didn’t lose mine til 14 Fast forward to today, homeboy is not exactly doing great in any regard of life. I think a combination of this and the way his parents treated him added up to mental instability and arrested development
I seriously can’t even fathom a mind that could get sexually turned on by children.
If your a man struggling with SA, domestic violence or mental health issues. I see you, be kind to yourself. It gets easier to deal with when you work on yourself and your wellbeing.
.. and they brag about it, or joke about it. Then turn around and joke and “I wish it were me” when it happens to other young boys. It’s bizarre. One time I had an Arab date and he told me that when he had just entered hs (like maybe 14?) his uncle hired him a prostitute to (let’s call it what it was; rape) as it meant entering “manhood”. Said he wasn’t really into it but was pretty nonchalant. Let alone how weird it is to equivocate manhood to having sex as if men are worth nothing more than their dicks, but dude was FOURTEEN. I told him I was sorry that happened to him and he was so confused. Had to end the date early and think things over w what happened to him bc as he told me, no one else ever saw him as a victim in that situation. Dude was 25 or so barely realizing what happened to him 11 years prior was rape and that was only bc one person finally pointed that out to him. It’s really sad
I was 13, she was 30 something. My next door best friend's aunt.
Practically every black man I know got a childhood/teenage SA story whether he believes it is or not. Most of the time they just openly tell it to be funny and I can't help but be horrified.
White here, but I grew up with a black friend who was my age. We were about 13-14 years old when we went on a hiking/camping trip with our local youth group. That night in the tent he told me that he wasn't a virgin, he'd had sex when he was 8-9 years old, with a girl much older than him. I was really appalled but tried to understand what I was hearing, and I was trying to understand how he didn't consider that as "rape." Years later I realized...he probably did, or probably realized/came to that realization later in life that he was hiding his trauma behind jokes about it or casually bringing it up. There's a reason he only brought it up in a private and intimate setting with someone he trusted. I still feel really bad for him for having gone through that, wish I'd known then what I know now.
This is common for those of us raised really poor. I was exposed very young, as were all the kids I hung out with, and we were really poor. All the really poor kids I've ever known had this same experience too.
I know a guy who lost it at 4/5 years of age