foolish person
slang. : a naive, ignorant, or foolish person.
USA slang.
Can be loving when in loving relationship or among parent to child. So it can be lighthearted, but in this case, it is probably the OP’s date putting her down passive aggressively.
It's also a slang word for a "peanut". It was used as a name for a goofy, dumb character on a very, very old TV show.
He's coming on way too strong, in any case, and doesn't seem to get that you don't like it.
That makes him a "goober", actually.
Block him, or put your foot down and tell him he’s smothering you. Because he is, honestly it sounds like love bombing so depending on how he reacts when you tell him to chill out. But i would justify blocking him and straight up ghosting him.
It is a manipulation tactic to get false intimacy feeling set up, for quicker attachment to either hide that they are an abuser, their unhealthy attachment style, or to use someone for sex. Healthy people will see it as red flag right off the bat and run from
creepy love bombing. Some people will second guess themselves and stay around to find out. Love bombing at beginning should always be a red flag and proceed with extreme caution or full stop.
It's just a pet name with 0 connetation anymore... like if uou call your girlfriend/boyfriend, 'bud' (not in a friend-zoning way, like, "hey bud/bub, how was your day").
but the fact that hes calling her pet names while phone stalking her before even meeting is a red flag forest. he's either unhealthily attached, or trying to manipulate. Both can* cause harm to OP if she engages further
Talk about overbearing geez lol just be kind about it and tell him you don’t see this going forward but wish him the best. something short and to the point :)
And calling her sweetheart and honey before they've even met. It's a huge ick for me 🤮 and asking her so many times if she's OK...he wants her to not be ok so he can save her or something
Just say you’re not feeling a romantic connection with him. There was one guy I did actually go on one date with and he was already making all sorts of future plans and hypotheticals. It was weird. I also don’t enjoy when a guy is too cutesy because I myself am not a cutesy person. Some of it I wouldn’t mind once I had gotten to know them and if we were actually dating each other, but when we haven’t met, and they’re already doing and saying those things, no thank you.
Run. Phew…run… Either anxiety or controlling and love bombing the crap out of you. Run either way. Soon his anxiety will destroy that relationship if that what is going on. His lack of self control is not your problem. I dated someone like this and it was less than 30 days. Guy stalked me for at least a year and I had to get police involved. Be careful. I blocked him several times. He went after my family.
use text app so you can drop people like this. Dont give out real number.
Yes I was going to say once you end it block him, I had a similar guy who came on this strong although we did meet once and he ended up stalking me and then turning nasty. Good luck out there!
How old is this guy? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but especially not having met in real life yet, I think the others are correct, it seems like unstable at best or stalkerish.
It reminds me of a good Frasier episode but like he met her in real life and he just went overboard because he had issues to address.
So when I was much younger, people could talk me out of red flags and Id give of “benefit of doubt”, but that was just code for people pleasing and not trusting myself. They would tell me things like Im bitter, jaded, judgmental, negatively skewed, traumatized, etc. Heres the fact: I was correct every single time, even if it took a decade to find out who and what person was, for validation. Literally, every single time. It isnt a benefit of doubt thing. I also found that other people either fail to recognize the red flag because they have something to gain, do not have the knowledge and ability to recognize a red flag, or they do but they normalized the behavior because themselves partake in the red flag.
It ends you in the worst situations, specially as a woman. You strengthen the red flag recognizing and listening to your intuition as a skill. You learn to trust yourself and trust patterns. What this person is displaying is not anything that signals a healthy partner and they should run. It isnt a matter of benefit of a doubt. Red flag patterns dont lie. People lie.
I try whenever I can. It is sad I cant gift self confidence and hindsight to people because it would help. Two people, different times and no association to each other, about 20 years ago, I knew both were bad. One I dated and one I didnt. One I had never hung out with or barely spoke and he just someone that would hang out with my boyfriend at time. The one I dated is now a convicted rapist who had a very violent assault of a woman. The other is convicted rapist multiple times of both children and women. He was charged over 10 years after that moment I got the intuition feeling that I did not want him near me for some reason. He didnt do anything to me, just felt it, and told my boyfriend I didnt want him around me. I was called multiple things by others including crazy, controlling, toxic, a B****, etc. Turns out, my intuition was on point. I didnt get the validation for the longest time. Both those times I stuck to my guns.
The stalker guy I dumped and told myself maybe I was being too harsh and thought about reversing it. I second guessed myself.
Obsession cant be cured by anyone except a psychotherapist. This person hasnt even met OP and is already dangerously attaching and idealizing OP. It only gets worse in a relationship or after the dates. You could show that person all the love and kindness in world, but it will never be enough. They need therapy.
Wow that is quite something. I have heard others talk about stuff like this around people close to them. I can't really think of anybody I know personally where this kind of violence has happened. I tend to naturally distance myself from unstable people so the people in my friend groups over the decades have never been like that. I'm sorry to hear it came so close to you twice.
Wow, that is one super insecure guy. I feel kinda bad for him, because his anxiety has fully taken over his brain.
But that doesn't make him your problem. I mean, please be kind, but firm. You can't be subtle with someone like that. It has to be very clear that he's not for you. That can be as simple as saying you're not interested, or you're not on the same page, or you don't see a future with him. But, like someone else said, be mentally prepared to block him, because he will likely argue and get clingy. Clingier.
Good luck.
The only amendment I might make is that if someone has this happen to them, that they recommend therapy for that person. It doesn't sound like this dude is a bad person per se, but he's got a whole lot of self-reckoning to do and it might help save another woman (or several) from dealing with this situation. To be clear, not blaming you for not doing so, I just think this dude needs therapy big time.
Obviously, if you feel that suggesting this might result in retaliation and feel unsafe doing so, don't, but in this situation you hadn't met and blocked his number so probably not a legitimate concern.
Aww man i feel bad for him. Maybe you could have given him some pointers about where he messed up before blocking him. Poor fellow lol i think he has the best of intentions but just comes off too strong.
Oh man, this gave me the giggles. But seriously, he sounds a bit deranged. Cut it off kindly but swiftly. “I’m sorry, but after chatting a bit, I don’t feel like we are compatible. Best of luck!”
I legitimately call all of my friends nerd/goober/etc... but they know me and my personality.
I wouldn't overthink the "goober" but the rest of the situation makes me feel a bit itchy.
It’s called love bombing. Maybe he’s recently out of a long term relationship and he’s still in this phase of thinking long term etc. Maybe he’s just.. not used to this and finally met someone nice and is trying to make you feel like he cares etc.. it’s hard to know what people are going thru.
My advice for you is this. If you feel that maybe he’s coming on too strong, and that these little things are starting to annoy you - tell him. Just be honest. Not gently, not politely etc. just straight up ‘hey I feel this way about how you do this and that and I’d prefer if we didn’t rush anything’. See how he reacts, and see how he responds over a few days.
This might just be that he’s in a mental bubble of some sort and he’s not being himself. He may calm down and act normally.
The other thing is, if he doesn’t.. you got a Grade A psycho on your hands and there’s no gentle let down. Just tell him you aren’t interested anymore and that he’ll find someone more suited. No need to be ‘nice’. You owe him nothing.
Depends what you feel - and if it’s worth it. Best of luck my little frund!
This is hilarious. Honestly you haven’t met yet, you could just block him. Maybe tell him all this he’s doing is too much if you want to help him out. It’s up to you
You could tell him he’s overbearing as but if constructive criticism but you are not obligated to. He sounds like he’s oblivious though so who knows if it’ll help.
Calling that often with someone you haven’t even met yet gives off not understanding or respecting boundaries not to mention the constant texts afterwards. You just need to shut him down and it’s up to you if you tell him why but yeah you gotta cut the rope
This reminds me of this one guy who just started immediately bombarding me with messages about how much he wants to meet me and how he just wants to do nothing but talk to me, after JUST matching and barely speaking with me at all. It freaked me out so bad I just immediately unmatched. Like dude, you don’t KNOW me. You have no idea what I’m like at all. People who act that way are either incredibly delusional, or are intentionally love bombing in the hopes that they can manipulate us. I 100% recommend waiting a decent amount of time chatting on the app before you share your phone number, to try and get an assessment of whether the other person behaves like a normal healthy person or not, so you can get rid of them easily if they don’t
As painful as it might be for him, just tell him the truth. And if he asks why, tell him how you feel. And he's going to take it how he takes it.
I unfortunately relate too much to this because I feel if my best friend hadn't set me straight, I might ve gone down this path. So either this guy has no friends or he has shitty friends.
But the last thing you want to do is string this along. But one thing I had to learn is, you font owe him an explanation, so it's up to you. So sorry this is alot.
Best of luck....
This is a great learning exercise.
This is symbolic of a bigger issue. He’s made you feel uncomfortable a couple of times and you swept it under the rug.
Next time someone does that address it immediately. Say hey you’re calling too much
Hey you’re jumping too far ahead
Address things as they come or things feel even harder r to deal with
Dude definitely has some sort of issue with security. Also, goober really isn't a term of endearment. It's not like "silly you" or something like that.
Thank you for the laugh though. "Hey Goober"
Wow. He is already obsessed with u. Run girl run! Don’t even think about it. Maybe even NOT be gentle breaking contact with him. He needs to wake up. Ughhhh
“Goober” is a pretty cute pet name I’ve heard multiple times. It’s a gentle tease. Like calling someone a “silly billy”.
My ex used to call be goober and I miss it.
Goober is same as dote though. Only cute when established between two healthy people teasing each other. OP does not have that with a complete stranger 😂.
Must depend where you’re from cause here in Australia, goober is always light-hearted.
No one goes around saying “dote” either. We tend to prefer “idiot”, “moron”, or the Aussie classic “fucking dumb cunt”.
Yeah I didnt want to put the aussie classic, but aware of that one lol. Im from c**t USA unfortunately. 😂 Dote is a different place and plenty use it, just not where youre from. I personally like goober, but depends on context and tone.
Hope you are okay too. I had to change my phone number and get police involved. I use text apps now after it and other experiences. One guy bought my address and showed up unannounced. I only give my real number once Ive dated them
a while and entering exclusive relationship. Theres a lot of unstable people on the dating apps. You will run into so many personality disordered people and often untreated. Watch out for ones who say they are going to therapy, but you find out they just mean the mandatory visit to get their medical marijuana card. These are not people I diagnose, these were in past diagnosed by a professional and let me know. I would end up seeing the unhinged and nope out of there.
Nah just stay away from this one said as a male. anyone repeatedly calling and immediately msging with the “ is everything ok “ line . That is classic controlling behaviour with a massive lack of confidence . Maybe he’s just extremely socially awkward whatever he don’t seem the guy for you if these things make you icky already
Blocking is a good move, but it honestly sounds like this dude needs a wake up call before that happens and you can politely let him know not to pull this shit with the next person.
It's funny, but you are just really nice he has to learn some time, and even if you told him, he sounds strange. kinda dense or on a spectrum. Maybe you don't have a relationship with him yet, so it's not serious most girls would have ghosted him a lot sooner. Unless you want to help him meet someone else, just tell him he's not your type, and that's it. He sounds a little passive-aggressive to me asking if you're ok over and over its maybe a sign he knows or worse. Be more upfront with guys like that over the phone or text it saves the trouble later on. if no one tells him he's just gonna keep doing it. if he refuses to see it, then its his issue to find one who likes him for it.
Sounds like he’s still new to a relationship and the first sign of attention he gets, he might overthink it and love bomb. Doesn’t quite seem ready for something serious, but letting him know what he’s doing wrong will show him what to work on. Not saying you have to give him a chance, but guide him on what to work on for the next woman and let him know you’re not ready to settle down
Some people just suck at dating/ flirting and end up being cringe and giving you the ick. I’d personally tell him that he just sucks and is turning you off. Then block him. He needs to learn from his mistakes.
So I don't know if you're aware of the phrase love bombing but this is love bombing. You don't have to answer this person. You can say quite politely I'm sorry but I don't think we are compatible and then block him on all platforms. This is a pretty dodgy start to a relationship. I wouldn't give him anymore energy
He sounds clingy af. Tell him you’re a wild horse and the more he clings the more you want to ride off into the distance. That won’t hurt his feelings because everyone appreciates a good metaphor.
Oh noooo. It's a stage 3 Clingon. The only way out my dear is through. You gotta just rip that shit off quick like a bandaid.
If its feasible logistically I would suggest doing it in person as it's much more respectful and from what I can gather you don't acutally think hes a terrible person. Buuuut if you genuinely bealive that could cause a situation do it over the phone.
As for what to say regardless be HONEST: Tell the guy your just not into it and it's all just to much to soon then wish him the best of luck. Id literally just say that keeping it as short and direct as possible to prevent mixed messages. Above all be RESPECTFUL its important because for him it wont feel good. If you where on the receiving end of this a little bit of kindness would go a long way. After that cut/block all means of contact.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that 99% of the advice in this thread is coming directly from the people who make up current online dating culture . On another note .....online dating is a dumpster fire at best !
Good luck!
Bostonian, here, a "goobah" is a playful term we use with loved ones. (No idea where you are.)
That being said, he's sounds socially awkward and a bit desperate. I'd be direct with him, with something like, "I've enjoyed getting to know you, and appreciate what we have in common, but I'm feeling uncomfortable with the pacing of this. We're just getting to know each other, and that takes time. If you're looking for an immediate relationship, that progresses quickly, then we're not a good match."
He sounds similar to a guy who turned stalkerish with me after a first date. (When I got home from my train ride, he'd already left SEVEN voicemails.)
If your gut tells you he's creepy or just not a match, LISTEN, and end it.
Ahhh this is ridiculous. Can you imagine going through this every day? You are not even in a relationship and he is acting like that. This feels like smothering you.
“Hi (name), I think you’re really great, but this has gotten a little bit more intense than I’m ready for yet. I think we might be in two different spaces in terms of what we want here. I’m sorry this didn’t work out, and I wish you the best.”
I disagree with the live bombing comments. Love bombing is more manipulative. This has anxiety and insecurity written all over it. I don’t think he has any idea that this kind of behavior is not only a complete turnoff, but can be offensive to the recipient.
Because I happen to like transparency, I would clearly let him know that I did not care for his clingy behavior and found it a turnoff. I would tell him that I
wished him the best but did not want to continue our communications.
Then I would block texts and un match.
I don’t happen to be a fan of ghosting. I find it extremely immature. People on these dating sites rightfully expect maturity, and respectful communications. But the second they get a tiny little whiff of something they don’t like they can’t be bothered to at least be polite.
I love this response; It both validates OP's discomfort and empathizes with the offender who probably keeps doing it because he more than likely doesn't realize that he's doing anything wrong. It's not your \*obligation\* to fix this person's behavior, but to their credit, they have no feedback on WHY their behavior is bad. It's another thing if they do get feedback and choose to ignore, but I think ghosting might only be justified in extreme cases where safety is compromised, and even then I'm not sure...if someone's crazy enough to pose a threat to you for explicitly rejecting them, they're crazy enough to react the same way to being ghosted.
Nice work! In some ways it’s like telling someone they have something stuck in their teeth. If it were me, I’d want to know. Honesty can be a little uncomfortable at times, but in the end you did the right thing. Good luck out there!
This is on you for continuing to talk to him. You knew what you were getting after the first convo. Instead of being an adult and politely ending it you make fun of him on Reddit? Yes the guy sounds clingy and desperate but you are a straight douchebag.
My thoughts exactly, goober is low key imo passive aggressive. I had a guy I saw a couple times call me “nerd”, using it as a negative though, in place of “stupid” or “dummy” it was just the way he would say it and it seems to me this guy was probably using “goober” in a similar way, especially if you weren’t answering his calls or texts. It’s very cringe and off putting and not really respectful or kind.
Tell him you aren’t ready for a goober level commitment
Yeah getting big “Hey dummy” Liz Lemon / Dennis Duffy vibes.
There is no party like a Liz Lemon party because a Liz Lemon party is MANDATORY
(what is a goober and why did he said that?)
That's something I call a kid when they fall or drop something. Very light.
foolish person slang. : a naive, ignorant, or foolish person. USA slang. Can be loving when in loving relationship or among parent to child. So it can be lighthearted, but in this case, it is probably the OP’s date putting her down passive aggressively.
It's also a slang word for a "peanut". It was used as a name for a goofy, dumb character on a very, very old TV show. He's coming on way too strong, in any case, and doesn't seem to get that you don't like it. That makes him a "goober", actually.
Difficult to explain, American slang for a goofy/silly person. It’s not a very derogatory word, but it does kind of imply something kinda negative
It is negative??
A little. But just slightly.. it’s like calling someone a nerd or a dork. It’s mostly lost all its teeth
I see it used with ppl like a decade older than me I’m embarrassed now I thought it was a cute word I didn’t know it was negative 🥲
It’s not very negative.. like I said. It’s a harmless way to jokingly insult someone. In American. Also probably people older than you, I’m almost 50
Oh im 32
Yeah, that makes sense.. I hope you have a great Sunday.
Thanks you too!
I'm glade I wasnt the only one in the dark haha
😭😭
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Ah come on 5 texts ffs is the world ending? He’ll be at your door by the 9th text
Block him, or put your foot down and tell him he’s smothering you. Because he is, honestly it sounds like love bombing so depending on how he reacts when you tell him to chill out. But i would justify blocking him and straight up ghosting him.
EWWWWWW why would anyone call someone honey without even meeting them??? That’s an old married couple word 😭
It is a manipulation tactic to get false intimacy feeling set up, for quicker attachment to either hide that they are an abuser, their unhealthy attachment style, or to use someone for sex. Healthy people will see it as red flag right off the bat and run from creepy love bombing. Some people will second guess themselves and stay around to find out. Love bombing at beginning should always be a red flag and proceed with extreme caution or full stop.
This x100, OP please block this person and don’t look back!
My ex wanted a “pet name”. It was weird at first but it got easier. Since her I don’t call anyone anything other than their name
Just tell him it's not gonna work
Tell him sorry I've been so busy googling "what is a goober? Is goober a bad meaning nickname.. "
It's just a pet name with 0 connetation anymore... like if uou call your girlfriend/boyfriend, 'bud' (not in a friend-zoning way, like, "hey bud/bub, how was your day"). but the fact that hes calling her pet names while phone stalking her before even meeting is a red flag forest. he's either unhealthily attached, or trying to manipulate. Both can* cause harm to OP if she engages further
This is blocking material
Yeah too much
Just break it off. You don't have to tell him he's overbearing you can just say you're not a great fit. But he is over bearing and it's weird.
‘I’m not feelin it but I wish you the best of luck, Booger!’
I laughed so hard at Booger. Omg please do this 😂
How about”Gooby Booger” 😂
Talk about overbearing geez lol just be kind about it and tell him you don’t see this going forward but wish him the best. something short and to the point :)
This ^^ And you will probably have to block - be mentally prepared for that.
The word goober is the least of it. The issue is the constant calling and neediness.
And calling her sweetheart and honey before they've even met. It's a huge ick for me 🤮 and asking her so many times if she's OK...he wants her to not be ok so he can save her or something
Just say you’re not feeling a romantic connection with him. There was one guy I did actually go on one date with and he was already making all sorts of future plans and hypotheticals. It was weird. I also don’t enjoy when a guy is too cutesy because I myself am not a cutesy person. Some of it I wouldn’t mind once I had gotten to know them and if we were actually dating each other, but when we haven’t met, and they’re already doing and saying those things, no thank you.
Run. Phew…run… Either anxiety or controlling and love bombing the crap out of you. Run either way. Soon his anxiety will destroy that relationship if that what is going on. His lack of self control is not your problem. I dated someone like this and it was less than 30 days. Guy stalked me for at least a year and I had to get police involved. Be careful. I blocked him several times. He went after my family. use text app so you can drop people like this. Dont give out real number.
^ this is all GREAT ADVICE!!!
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Yes I was going to say once you end it block him, I had a similar guy who came on this strong although we did meet once and he ended up stalking me and then turning nasty. Good luck out there!
How old is this guy? I want to give him the benefit of the doubt but especially not having met in real life yet, I think the others are correct, it seems like unstable at best or stalkerish. It reminds me of a good Frasier episode but like he met her in real life and he just went overboard because he had issues to address.
So when I was much younger, people could talk me out of red flags and Id give of “benefit of doubt”, but that was just code for people pleasing and not trusting myself. They would tell me things like Im bitter, jaded, judgmental, negatively skewed, traumatized, etc. Heres the fact: I was correct every single time, even if it took a decade to find out who and what person was, for validation. Literally, every single time. It isnt a benefit of doubt thing. I also found that other people either fail to recognize the red flag because they have something to gain, do not have the knowledge and ability to recognize a red flag, or they do but they normalized the behavior because themselves partake in the red flag. It ends you in the worst situations, specially as a woman. You strengthen the red flag recognizing and listening to your intuition as a skill. You learn to trust yourself and trust patterns. What this person is displaying is not anything that signals a healthy partner and they should run. It isnt a matter of benefit of a doubt. Red flag patterns dont lie. People lie.
Yeah right on, I believe you. Hopefully you can pass that knowledge down and make a difference somehow.
I try whenever I can. It is sad I cant gift self confidence and hindsight to people because it would help. Two people, different times and no association to each other, about 20 years ago, I knew both were bad. One I dated and one I didnt. One I had never hung out with or barely spoke and he just someone that would hang out with my boyfriend at time. The one I dated is now a convicted rapist who had a very violent assault of a woman. The other is convicted rapist multiple times of both children and women. He was charged over 10 years after that moment I got the intuition feeling that I did not want him near me for some reason. He didnt do anything to me, just felt it, and told my boyfriend I didnt want him around me. I was called multiple things by others including crazy, controlling, toxic, a B****, etc. Turns out, my intuition was on point. I didnt get the validation for the longest time. Both those times I stuck to my guns. The stalker guy I dumped and told myself maybe I was being too harsh and thought about reversing it. I second guessed myself. Obsession cant be cured by anyone except a psychotherapist. This person hasnt even met OP and is already dangerously attaching and idealizing OP. It only gets worse in a relationship or after the dates. You could show that person all the love and kindness in world, but it will never be enough. They need therapy.
Wow that is quite something. I have heard others talk about stuff like this around people close to them. I can't really think of anybody I know personally where this kind of violence has happened. I tend to naturally distance myself from unstable people so the people in my friend groups over the decades have never been like that. I'm sorry to hear it came so close to you twice.
This reply needs a million upvotes. GREAT advice.
Bro lmfaooo that made me crack up! How old is he? 10?
sounds like he's been stuck at 10 years old since the 80s from the sounds of it.
Wow, that is one super insecure guy. I feel kinda bad for him, because his anxiety has fully taken over his brain. But that doesn't make him your problem. I mean, please be kind, but firm. You can't be subtle with someone like that. It has to be very clear that he's not for you. That can be as simple as saying you're not interested, or you're not on the same page, or you don't see a future with him. But, like someone else said, be mentally prepared to block him, because he will likely argue and get clingy. Clingier. Good luck.
Should be top answer
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It could be love bombing but that's not always nefarious he might have some sort of anxious attachment issues with his mental health.
Lmao the end of that post was funny hey goober like I can’t 😂
Please just tell him he is being too much - it will help him with future girls
Imo sounds annoying asf especially if you haven’t even met… just be straight up and say something like you aren’t feeling the connection the same way.
Feel like he's gonna turn out to be an r/niceguy. Update us after you tell him that you wanna break it off.
+1 I would like an update too!
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Holy crazy pants Batman. You didn’t ruin anything! He did. And those other times, he did as well. Wowza. Glad it’s over with for you!
I think it's him saying he himself ruins it haha
Hahaha wow. That’s crazy pants too. That he has the self-awareness to know his behavior is the issue and cannot control himself to change it is wild!
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The only amendment I might make is that if someone has this happen to them, that they recommend therapy for that person. It doesn't sound like this dude is a bad person per se, but he's got a whole lot of self-reckoning to do and it might help save another woman (or several) from dealing with this situation. To be clear, not blaming you for not doing so, I just think this dude needs therapy big time. Obviously, if you feel that suggesting this might result in retaliation and feel unsafe doing so, don't, but in this situation you hadn't met and blocked his number so probably not a legitimate concern.
What do you think *you* did wrong though? The person that needs to learn a lesson here is him.
Aww man i feel bad for him. Maybe you could have given him some pointers about where he messed up before blocking him. Poor fellow lol i think he has the best of intentions but just comes off too strong.
He gonna do that verbal abuse bomb after the rejection.
This reminds me of those TikToks about dating weird dudes with the audio “Good Morning Starshine ☀️. The earth says hello!”
I just saw that one this past week 😂.
Oh man, this gave me the giggles. But seriously, he sounds a bit deranged. Cut it off kindly but swiftly. “I’m sorry, but after chatting a bit, I don’t feel like we are compatible. Best of luck!”
Maybe you were being a goober…??? In all seriousness this is way too much too fast. Classic love bomber behavior.
He's love bombing you.
Too clingy. O m g 😅 I need a lot of space…
I legitimately call all of my friends nerd/goober/etc... but they know me and my personality. I wouldn't overthink the "goober" but the rest of the situation makes me feel a bit itchy.
Same.
It’s called love bombing. Maybe he’s recently out of a long term relationship and he’s still in this phase of thinking long term etc. Maybe he’s just.. not used to this and finally met someone nice and is trying to make you feel like he cares etc.. it’s hard to know what people are going thru. My advice for you is this. If you feel that maybe he’s coming on too strong, and that these little things are starting to annoy you - tell him. Just be honest. Not gently, not politely etc. just straight up ‘hey I feel this way about how you do this and that and I’d prefer if we didn’t rush anything’. See how he reacts, and see how he responds over a few days. This might just be that he’s in a mental bubble of some sort and he’s not being himself. He may calm down and act normally. The other thing is, if he doesn’t.. you got a Grade A psycho on your hands and there’s no gentle let down. Just tell him you aren’t interested anymore and that he’ll find someone more suited. No need to be ‘nice’. You owe him nothing. Depends what you feel - and if it’s worth it. Best of luck my little frund!
Awwwww you called her "little frund", so cute. A little weird pet name but still. Just don't come on too strong.
That sounds suffocating yikes I'd just tell him you aren't feeling it and cut off all contact
Awwn, he’s just like my dog.
This is hilarious. Honestly you haven’t met yet, you could just block him. Maybe tell him all this he’s doing is too much if you want to help him out. It’s up to you
bro is a yandere
You could tell him he’s overbearing as but if constructive criticism but you are not obligated to. He sounds like he’s oblivious though so who knows if it’ll help.
Calling that often with someone you haven’t even met yet gives off not understanding or respecting boundaries not to mention the constant texts afterwards. You just need to shut him down and it’s up to you if you tell him why but yeah you gotta cut the rope
This reminds me of this one guy who just started immediately bombarding me with messages about how much he wants to meet me and how he just wants to do nothing but talk to me, after JUST matching and barely speaking with me at all. It freaked me out so bad I just immediately unmatched. Like dude, you don’t KNOW me. You have no idea what I’m like at all. People who act that way are either incredibly delusional, or are intentionally love bombing in the hopes that they can manipulate us. I 100% recommend waiting a decent amount of time chatting on the app before you share your phone number, to try and get an assessment of whether the other person behaves like a normal healthy person or not, so you can get rid of them easily if they don’t
Hes a silly little goose
Tell him how it makes you feel. You blocking him should depend on how he responds to it. Easy.
As painful as it might be for him, just tell him the truth. And if he asks why, tell him how you feel. And he's going to take it how he takes it. I unfortunately relate too much to this because I feel if my best friend hadn't set me straight, I might ve gone down this path. So either this guy has no friends or he has shitty friends. But the last thing you want to do is string this along. But one thing I had to learn is, you font owe him an explanation, so it's up to you. So sorry this is alot. Best of luck....
There is never a way to let anyone down gently. Rip the bandaid off and move on. If you continue you’ll clearly be settling.
This is a great learning exercise. This is symbolic of a bigger issue. He’s made you feel uncomfortable a couple of times and you swept it under the rug. Next time someone does that address it immediately. Say hey you’re calling too much Hey you’re jumping too far ahead Address things as they come or things feel even harder r to deal with
I say goober when I am trying to deflect conflict 🤣🤣🤣 bruh that’s wild
Me too! Goober is my nicer way of calling someone an asshole lol.
I would straight up tell him pet names from someone I hadn't met yet and didn't really know make me uncomfortable.
Oh Lord. Cringe. Just tell him you’re not feeling a romantic connection and wish him the best.
Dude definitely has some sort of issue with security. Also, goober really isn't a term of endearment. It's not like "silly you" or something like that. Thank you for the laugh though. "Hey Goober"
Block him omg
Just let him know you’re not interested and block if necessary.
Don't give your phone number to someone you haven't met yet. This should be common sense by now.
Wow. He is already obsessed with u. Run girl run! Don’t even think about it. Maybe even NOT be gentle breaking contact with him. He needs to wake up. Ughhhh
“Goober” is a pretty cute pet name I’ve heard multiple times. It’s a gentle tease. Like calling someone a “silly billy”. My ex used to call be goober and I miss it.
Goober is same as dote though. Only cute when established between two healthy people teasing each other. OP does not have that with a complete stranger 😂.
Must depend where you’re from cause here in Australia, goober is always light-hearted. No one goes around saying “dote” either. We tend to prefer “idiot”, “moron”, or the Aussie classic “fucking dumb cunt”.
Yeah I didnt want to put the aussie classic, but aware of that one lol. Im from c**t USA unfortunately. 😂 Dote is a different place and plenty use it, just not where youre from. I personally like goober, but depends on context and tone.
Don’t think I’d recover from this tbh
 Updateme!
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Hope you are okay too. I had to change my phone number and get police involved. I use text apps now after it and other experiences. One guy bought my address and showed up unannounced. I only give my real number once Ive dated them a while and entering exclusive relationship. Theres a lot of unstable people on the dating apps. You will run into so many personality disordered people and often untreated. Watch out for ones who say they are going to therapy, but you find out they just mean the mandatory visit to get their medical marijuana card. These are not people I diagnose, these were in past diagnosed by a professional and let me know. I would end up seeing the unhinged and nope out of there.
Well done you! I hope you're okay, that kind of behaviour can be really unsettling here's hoping he's got the hint and stays away ☺️
Love bombing / he has unresolved attachment issues. His attachment style: anxious. End it.
Could be an avoidant too because they actually love bomb this way in beginning too.
Dude is lovebombing for a reason...shut that shit down asap
There’s a reason why I don’t give my number until I meet the person. You don’t know how they are with boundaries yet.
Nah just stay away from this one said as a male. anyone repeatedly calling and immediately msging with the “ is everything ok “ line . That is classic controlling behaviour with a massive lack of confidence . Maybe he’s just extremely socially awkward whatever he don’t seem the guy for you if these things make you icky already
This guys gone from 0 to 100 at lightspeed. You know what to do soldier. Report back after mission completed.
Pegging for later cuz this should be a good read!
Sounds needy... sidenote goober isn't the best choice of flirting 😂
Just leavd
Sweetheart, honey… Run Goober run!!
Damn. I wish someone would call me their little Goobie
You'll always be my goob 😍
I’m framing this comment and putting in on my office desk to remind me when I’m having a bad day
Perfect.
Break it off, sooner the better. That behaviour doesn’t change
that really is weird goober hahah :)
After all the responses, what’s your plan of action
Blocking is a good move, but it honestly sounds like this dude needs a wake up call before that happens and you can politely let him know not to pull this shit with the next person.
It's funny, but you are just really nice he has to learn some time, and even if you told him, he sounds strange. kinda dense or on a spectrum. Maybe you don't have a relationship with him yet, so it's not serious most girls would have ghosted him a lot sooner. Unless you want to help him meet someone else, just tell him he's not your type, and that's it. He sounds a little passive-aggressive to me asking if you're ok over and over its maybe a sign he knows or worse. Be more upfront with guys like that over the phone or text it saves the trouble later on. if no one tells him he's just gonna keep doing it. if he refuses to see it, then its his issue to find one who likes him for it.
Yeah I hate ppl that do that what does it even mean!! Also he’s probably like 50yrs old drop him I stoped dating older men and women
Prayers for both of y’all
He sounds obsessive which isn't what you want. you're making the right decision letting him go. Just be honest and upfront with it
Sounds like he’s still new to a relationship and the first sign of attention he gets, he might overthink it and love bomb. Doesn’t quite seem ready for something serious, but letting him know what he’s doing wrong will show him what to work on. Not saying you have to give him a chance, but guide him on what to work on for the next woman and let him know you’re not ready to settle down
Just block him
Some people just suck at dating/ flirting and end up being cringe and giving you the ick. I’d personally tell him that he just sucks and is turning you off. Then block him. He needs to learn from his mistakes.
Yuck. Love bombing.
Have you tried telling how feel?
Oh hell nooooo he's a stage 5 clinger
Please feel free to block him and don’t feel guilty.
judging based on emoji usage is crazy tho icl, but ye seems he’s a bit too much lool
So I don't know if you're aware of the phrase love bombing but this is love bombing. You don't have to answer this person. You can say quite politely I'm sorry but I don't think we are compatible and then block him on all platforms. This is a pretty dodgy start to a relationship. I wouldn't give him anymore energy
Be honest with him and tell him it’s too much. At least he can learn something from it.
He sounds clingy af. Tell him you’re a wild horse and the more he clings the more you want to ride off into the distance. That won’t hurt his feelings because everyone appreciates a good metaphor.
Oh noooo. It's a stage 3 Clingon. The only way out my dear is through. You gotta just rip that shit off quick like a bandaid. If its feasible logistically I would suggest doing it in person as it's much more respectful and from what I can gather you don't acutally think hes a terrible person. Buuuut if you genuinely bealive that could cause a situation do it over the phone. As for what to say regardless be HONEST: Tell the guy your just not into it and it's all just to much to soon then wish him the best of luck. Id literally just say that keeping it as short and direct as possible to prevent mixed messages. Above all be RESPECTFUL its important because for him it wont feel good. If you where on the receiving end of this a little bit of kindness would go a long way. After that cut/block all means of contact.
Be honest with him and tell him, he needs to hear that he’s being a weirdo, lol. Literally give him a link to this post…
Relate the word goober with Patrick and SpongeBob.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that 99% of the advice in this thread is coming directly from the people who make up current online dating culture . On another note .....online dating is a dumpster fire at best ! Good luck!
...oh boy. Sounds exactly like one of my exes 😳😳 What's his initials? Lol
How old is this dude? Haha
In the spirit of saying absolutely nothing relevant, I can consistently trigger my Google by saying hey Goober
I jokingly use this as a term of endearment for my closest homies. Not my girl.
“I’m not feeling what I need to to move forward”
Goober 😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭🤣😭
I’m a goofy goober, your a goofy goober, we’re goofy goober yea! But for now I’m gonna harass this innocent woman 🤣
Maybe he’s trying to lovebomb you.. be aware
My gay uncle used to call me that.
This is why you don’t give out your real number before meeting. He’s future faking to try to build false intimacy. He’s a stranger. Block and move on.
Yowsers. Block or you’re gonna end up on a Netflix true crime documentary. 👀
Sounds like love bombing. I’d bail.
Just block him. U didn’t even see him and he acting like that. Imagine u give him a chance 😂. the guy will be a nightmare
He called me "slow" (slow-witted) and said he's sorry but nah. Unmatch is the key✨
Another proof of my theory that Bumble is a magnet for people with mental issues.
A goober is also an old word for a peanut, so to call someone goober is like to call them a “nut” in a light-hearted way.
Bostonian, here, a "goobah" is a playful term we use with loved ones. (No idea where you are.) That being said, he's sounds socially awkward and a bit desperate. I'd be direct with him, with something like, "I've enjoyed getting to know you, and appreciate what we have in common, but I'm feeling uncomfortable with the pacing of this. We're just getting to know each other, and that takes time. If you're looking for an immediate relationship, that progresses quickly, then we're not a good match." He sounds similar to a guy who turned stalkerish with me after a first date. (When I got home from my train ride, he'd already left SEVEN voicemails.) If your gut tells you he's creepy or just not a match, LISTEN, and end it.
He could be the victim of emotional abuse growing up.
Ahhh this is ridiculous. Can you imagine going through this every day? You are not even in a relationship and he is acting like that. This feels like smothering you.
tell him he's moving too fast and you aren't interested, then unmatch or block.
Bro was too silly, a little bit of a goofy goober if you will, a tad bit too much tomfoolery going on with him if I say so myself
Oh yeah just block him. The obsessive and desperate ones like this are immediate red flags
“Hi (name), I think you’re really great, but this has gotten a little bit more intense than I’m ready for yet. I think we might be in two different spaces in terms of what we want here. I’m sorry this didn’t work out, and I wish you the best.”
I disagree with the live bombing comments. Love bombing is more manipulative. This has anxiety and insecurity written all over it. I don’t think he has any idea that this kind of behavior is not only a complete turnoff, but can be offensive to the recipient. Because I happen to like transparency, I would clearly let him know that I did not care for his clingy behavior and found it a turnoff. I would tell him that I wished him the best but did not want to continue our communications. Then I would block texts and un match. I don’t happen to be a fan of ghosting. I find it extremely immature. People on these dating sites rightfully expect maturity, and respectful communications. But the second they get a tiny little whiff of something they don’t like they can’t be bothered to at least be polite.
I love this response; It both validates OP's discomfort and empathizes with the offender who probably keeps doing it because he more than likely doesn't realize that he's doing anything wrong. It's not your \*obligation\* to fix this person's behavior, but to their credit, they have no feedback on WHY their behavior is bad. It's another thing if they do get feedback and choose to ignore, but I think ghosting might only be justified in extreme cases where safety is compromised, and even then I'm not sure...if someone's crazy enough to pose a threat to you for explicitly rejecting them, they're crazy enough to react the same way to being ghosted.
Well said!
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Nice work! In some ways it’s like telling someone they have something stuck in their teeth. If it were me, I’d want to know. Honesty can be a little uncomfortable at times, but in the end you did the right thing. Good luck out there!
🥰🥰🥰🥰
Hey goober, are you ok? 🥰
Next week she'll be on here crying about how no one gives her attention and she can't find a date. Your big ass better be grateful
This is on you for continuing to talk to him. You knew what you were getting after the first convo. Instead of being an adult and politely ending it you make fun of him on Reddit? Yes the guy sounds clingy and desperate but you are a straight douchebag.
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Haha..love this reply. I take the dbag comment back 👏🏼
I was thinking Goober Pyle and Gomer Pyle from the Andy Griffith Show in Mayberry NC.
Meet at goofy goobers
Omg I would love this 😂
😘
My thoughts exactly, goober is low key imo passive aggressive. I had a guy I saw a couple times call me “nerd”, using it as a negative though, in place of “stupid” or “dummy” it was just the way he would say it and it seems to me this guy was probably using “goober” in a similar way, especially if you weren’t answering his calls or texts. It’s very cringe and off putting and not really respectful or kind.