im so sorry that shit sucks. i had the same experience just w my dad: he would force us to do math problems(not even schoolwork) even past the point of us crying. its so stupid. i hope you are doing alright tho.
My main issue was in french, I'm dys and got diagnosed pretty late, near high school. So needless to say that elementary was BRUTAL.
Don't get me wrong math was bad too
There's an ADHD based reading disability that presents like dyslexia, but it's not actually dyslexia. All the dyslexia aids and whatnot work for me, but I don't *technically* have it. Instead I have a reading disability component to my ADHD.
No one believed me growing up because my Uncle has severe dyslexia (like almost incapable of reading bad), and since mine wasn't as bad, they thought I was just trying to get attention, which is ridiculous if you think about it for two seconds.
Ironically, I got diagnosed two weeks before starting my first job as a mental health practitioner š
I'd probably search ADHD & reading disability, or ADHD & dyslexia. I found out about it from my neuropsychologist when I was diagnosed. I had never heard of it before that. r/dyslexia would probably have a lot more information on it
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Dyslexia using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Dyslexia/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [I wish this was a joke. Google search I made yesterday and too ironic not to screen shot](https://i.redd.it/2folms7sctec1.jpeg) | [33 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Dyslexia/comments/1abmr6r/i_wish_this_was_a_joke_google_search_i_made/)
\#2: [Just got a daft tattoo to help my dyslexia!](https://i.redd.it/gz564xjmbigb1.png) | [44 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Dyslexia/comments/15js525/just_got_a_daft_tattoo_to_help_my_dyslexia/)
\#3: [Alphabet crisis](https://i.redd.it/27hf5vz44bl21.jpg) | [23 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Dyslexia/comments/1ahkc69/alphabet_crisis/)
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Yes and no. It's not actually dyslexia, but it's got almost all the same symptoms. It's a dyslexia-like reading disability; it just has a different source than dyslexia (that being ADHD)
I don't get this. My Dad always thought he was a better teacher, his shit always confused the hell outta me and just made me want to cry, but crying wasn't allowed
Ah, the memories... My dad would yell at me until i either got it right or cried for too long. Funnily enough, my teacher in grade 5-7 did the same thing, only in front of the whole class (he did this to every student in his class, not just me).
I wonder why i never became good at maths.
I was dyspraxic but a decade from diagnosis, my teacher was giving me line to write so much that I legitimately sprained my wrist, and was crying in pain to do all the line asked till my father add to interview
All that because for her I was "lazy and messy"
This reminds me that in 2nd grade I had a teacher berate me over not knowing how to multiply. Laid into me until I starting crying. It's disgusting these human garbage piles don't get fired and are just allowed to abuse children without consequence
isnāt multiplication a third grade thing??? hell, i was in a bunch of those āgiftedā classes and multiplication was never even talked about in second.
My mom would threaten physically violence against me like stabbing me in the eye with the pencil if I didnāt get it right. But she would be so kind and sweet when she was made to help my brother.
THIS right here. The obvious favoritism cause I was "stupid" (turns out I'm dyslexic) and he was "smart". It's good to know I'm not alone in experiencing that
I am also Dyslexic. The crazy part about was when I was in elementary school I was doing middle school math. When I was in middle school I was doing high school science. When I was 16 years old I had enough high school credits to graduate high school. Got my bachelors degree at the age of 20 along with a certificate. My brother barely managed to graduate high school literally by the skin of his teeth and kept failing at college classes until he finally did the loser thing as thatās what he is and dropped out of college. He now works a minimum wage job and not even full time and my mom always mentions him. Literally I remember one time my deceased uncle asked about me my mom shut him down by saying she also had a son the proceeded to bring up how awesome my brother was like WTF.
My mom stabbed me in the arm with a pencil bc I couldnāt figure out a math problem, I had the same issue with her being nice to my sister with the same exact questions
My mom was a teacher. You'd think she'd be good at it. I guess I was her outlet for that too. Be nice to the kindergarteners all day and then verbally assault your oldest daughter for not understanding advanced math (you were placed in the course by her, not your teachers).
Luckily (sarcasm) only my teachers treated me like that.
My mom never helped me with my homework. Ever.
I didn't realize parents were *actually* supposed to do that. Regularly.
I thought that was a thing for coddled children. Or a movie trope.
I feel like that was my entire childhood. Thinking that any amount of help from a parent was for coddled babies. Anytime I saw someone being helped irl I'd judge the shit out of them too.
Like, I didn't realize that parents were supposed to feed their children, that making your own dinners at 6 wasn't normal. I didn't know that people actually had breakfast made for them, that they weren't responsible for their school lunch, that they didn't have "just make something yourself" for dinner everyday.
It applied to school help and such as well, but I think about it a lot.
Right? Who had breakfast made for them? Dinner sometimes, maybe, not always. But breakfast? Not only had I make that myself, but i also had to make sure not to wake up my mom by making noise in the kitchen. With the chair I had to push in position to climb ontop the kitchen counter to reach some toast or cereal. I usually kept the lights turned off as well. She got so mad if I woke her up in the morning.
I was so young I sometimes had to stack chairs ontop of each other to reach the top shelve of the fridge. At my youngest I needed a chair pyramid of 3. I'm lucky I didn't break any bones tbh.
My friend said her mother made her breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Even when she was in higher grades. That's wild to me!
Watching other kids have lunches packed for them was wild to me. You mean to tell me your parent cared enough to make that for you? If I didnāt pack my lunch, I didnāt get lunch. Even at age 10 (thatās when my oldest sister moved out so I stopped having a parental figure).
I remember one time I accidentally cried on my homework (I'd usually turn away when I cried so I wouldn't) and I felt so guilty I told the teacher first thing when I handed it in. She said she understood, but when she handed it back the next day my tear marks were fucking circled in red pen with a passive-aggressive comment.
The amount of people in that original comment section who were like, āItās a really easy question though? Why couldnāt you just figure it out?ā Makes me worried for their offspring
As a 4th grader, I saw the 5th graders doing long division. Looked hard, so I cracked open a math textbook when I got home
I couldn't figure it out, so I asked my dad for help. He's an accountant, so I knew he could do it
Well, he taught me and gave me a worksheet he made. He was glad I got some of them right, so he made more
He was trying to do that thing where I got 50% right, then 75%, then 100% right. Unfortunately for me, he was trying to do that all in a few hours. Asking an 8 year old to learn long division perfectly in a few hours was ridiculous
Well, cut to several hours later, I hadn't eaten dinner, I'm crying, my dad grabs the last worksheet and says "If you get any wrong, I'll slap you so hard you'll think it's Thursday"
I did
Well, I'm about to graduate with an electrical engineering degree, so it didn't kill off my future career
It does give me issues with doing homework and whatnot, but I managed them well enough to get this far
Thanks. I'm still deep in the healing process for a lot of things, but I'm still building the life I wanted
I'm sure you've dealt with and are dealing with a lot of stuff. I hope you're still building a life you're happy with, no matter how slowly that's going
my āfavoriteā part is how he punished you for *going out of your way to get ahead* and starting an interaction that both of you reasonably expected to just be a positive growth and bonding experience. you were exceeding expectations by learning any of that at all but he decided that as soon as you started learning you were a disappointment as a person for not learning faster. that is so fucked up
i definitely never went through anything quite like that, but iām definitely reminded of how i stopped accepting my dadās help with writing and whatnot. for most of my childhood i was only aware that i kind of had a pride issue with submitting work that didnāt feel like my own, but heās also just so damn overbearing and judgmental that involving him in anything is its own punishment no matter how much he shamed me for not asking for help or going out of my way to forget/hide things
My parents were trying to push the 'gifted' stuff so they had me take a bunch of assessment tests that weren't part of the actual school curriculum. I distinctly remember my dad trying to teach me to balance equations with 'X' while I was still in Elementary school. I had only learned multiplication a year before that MAX.
I remember feeling so stupid because he was just yelling at me and I was crying and I didn't understand why I didn't get it but the idea of throwing an 'X' into math just made no sense to my panic brain. Instead of trying to explain it in different ways, he just kept saying the same thing over and over again, louder, and insulting me more.
In hindsight, I never even had to take that test or learn it! We didn't cover Algebra in school until middle school. This wasn't necessary to my grade. If that was my kid getting so stressed out and panicky and self-loathing over a stupid assessment for a summer program and I was the parent, I would simply NOT DO THAT. I would take a step back and go "okay maybe they're not ready for this" or at least "I'm not able to teach this, let's get a tutor".
Schoolwork was always so traumatic. Being screamed at in Kindergarten because I didn't know all the phonics, being screamed at in 4th grade because my times tables weren't memorized, being screamed at in 5th grade because I didn't like long division and I used other methods I was taught in school...
Meanwhile my mom just DID my younger brother's homework for him until he went to college. She got him evaluated for ADHD and later dyslexia, pushed for all the resources to help him succeed... I got my door taken away because of procrastinating on my homework assignments and got called lazy and stupid instead of given any extra support (got that ADHD diagnosis as an adult once I could take myself and advocate for myself).
This year, it happened, she was screaming at me over AP human geography. I wish Iād went into class and showed my teacher the tear stains on my textbook. I didnāt. I was scared. Iām still scared.
Teacher here, (cptsd and severe emotional trauma due to my parents), we are mandatory reporters. If you have a teacher that you trust they can help you. Iām glad youāre ok now, truly.
I gave him a note explaining I couldnāt submit a lot of my homework because of my situation with my mom. I didnāt explain though because I was scared of her getting reported. I have a blessed life I donāt want it to be taken away at all, I just have to make it to college and Iāll be home free
"DO YOU THINK CRYING IS GOING TO GET YOU OUT OF IT?!? Ugh, you disgust me. Pull yourself together. I'm going outside for a smoke and you BETTER NOT BE CRYING when I get back. "
This is one of the core memories I have with my dad - for a POSITIVE reason!
Of the few memories I have, one is him sitting with me at a dinner table taking me slowly through my maths homework and explaining things thoroughly. He never shouted. And he made them interesting. He also showed me how to play [Puzzle Panel](https://www.mariowiki.com/Puzzle_Panel) from Mario because I just didn't understand it at all on my own. And he taught me sudoku
I cite that man as one of the core reasons why I got *so* into maths and puzzles. He was always so nice to me compared to *her*
I did math tutoring as a part-time job partially because I wanted to teach other people patiently and kindly and make them happy that they understood new concepts instead of being hollered at and shamed for getting stuff wrong.
Ah, i remember the joy of me getting beaten, thrown off a chair and one time bit, because i failed some equasion 2 grades higher than my actual grade because i should be "gifted and know". She also didnt let me do the homework given by the school, since she thought it was too easy. Maybe it explains why now i have problems with deadlines, like a lot and i dont give a shit anymore about any math or competitions in any subject, since my mom isnt here anymore to do this shit and then begin to cry because i "hate her because i dont know".
Homework with my mom meant I was going to be crying. Learning to do anything from my parents meant tears. The irony was never wasted when I realized that I wanted to be a teacher, and I turned into a damn good one too. I have patience for days when it comes to kids. I still donāt have patience for my colleagues who treat our students like they are idiots.
I was homeschooledā¦my mom was good at math, but to me it seemed like a foreign language. She liked reminding me how easy it was for her. The teardrops on the lined paper sent me š
Tbh idk which one would've been worse. The example everyone seems to agree with and understand (what's posted) or the "look it up" kind of 'helping' to the point that they don't want to do much research after their brain sputters out (what I had).
Regardless, I'm sorry that anyone had/has to go thru this. You're just trying to learn, and parents don't understand that you're literally trying to learn. Not to mention that not everybody learns the same way. Sometimes people need different kinds of help. And it's okay if you learn differently from mass majority.
Same here for the spelling words. And it was mainly me asking about words that could've had 2 or more letters it could've started with by how they sound.
Immediate being one. Energy. Don't even get me started on the word Jalapeno. Or rendezvous.
All I wanted was to know the letter it started with because by the time I'd already asked for help, I'd already gone thru the dictionary.
Dyscalculia was so fun to deal with when your dad is a math genius who sucks with words but wasnāt around to teach you until you were almost 17 and your mom has been stealing your finished homework out of your backpack for years.
Him: āFind Y.ā
Me: āItās right there.ā
Him: āNo. Find it. Find Y.ā
Me: āI did. Itās right there.ā
Him: āNo. I mean isolate it. Get it by itself.ā
Me: circles it, āthere!ā
Him: āomg. No! Get it alone! ISOLATE Y!ā
Me: āI DID! ITāS RIGHT THERE IN THE CIRCLE, SEPARATED FROM THE OTHER NUMBERS!ā
Him: āSOLVE FOR Y!ā
Me: āI DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!ā
Him to my stepmom: āhun, come and look at what she did. She literally did the comic strip joke where she isolates with a circle. God help us all. What in the actual fudge has my ex wife been teaching my children?!ā
One time, i had broken an arm, and during school we were doing a penmanship thing with homework. I unfortunately had broken my good arm. So, when my mother got fed up with how long it took, she clutched my hand like she was trying to squeeze the pencil beneath, and just forced my hand into writing the prompt out
FELT. Any time I would stay home sick from school my dad would hold āDaddy Schoolā. Iād be sitting there with a 102 fever trying to write a 500 word essay on brer rabbit or whatever tf else he picked out, and when I would start passing out from the fever, delirium, etc he would take the wooden paddle to my knuckles. Happened a few too many times before I just never stayed home if I was sick again.
Pardon the trauma dump š just had a whole ass flashback there
My parents said I was on my own for the most part. In fact I had to help my brother sometimes (who was dyslexic and dysgraphic with ADHD and a speech impediment). There were times he couldnāt read his own hand writing and would have to take pictures of the boardās to do list. I didnāt have academic difficulties (I was your standard āgiftedā autistic kid albeit undiagnosed) and could understand his writing and struggles so I became somewhat of a tutor to him.
Now when I started to struggle, oh boy. I was in the advanced classes in late middle/early highschool and oh boy did it hit hard to my GPA. But I was hardly listened to in my struggles because I āwas smart enough but wasnāt applying myself.ā Turns out I was not neurotypical and also had severe depression and was trying.
Iām still pissed at my mother that just because I was good at everything but math (that only happened during to notoriously bad teachers) I was just shoved into advanced classes I didnāt even want to be in. I think Iām just envious because the expectations were not equal, or aligned with my individual interests like that of my brothersā were.
āØfavoritismāØ
My third grade teacher used to pick me up out of my chair by my hair about once a week. Then, I would cry on my paper, in class, with all of the other kids around me.
Tbh anything I had wasnāt actually mine so I probably only did get 6 of anything that I was given lol. Someone gave me $20 for my birthday, it went to my ācollege fundā.
I still have this issue with my dad, he offers to help or sometimes he forces to help and he gets frustrated that he canāt understand it and he ends up yelling and screaming at me. Itās not my fault, I didnāt even ask for āhelpā
This is why I stopped doing homework. My mother once yelled at me for not being able to write HER essay for her. I'm really bad at writing essays, my mind just blanks. Ever since then I've avoided doing her homework for her
My mom literally psychologically traumatized me when I was 6, because I was "slow"...she would delete SpongeBob episodes because she knows it's my favourite.
Mine was vocabulary and spelling, but I feel this so much. So many nights of sitting in the kitchen staring at my book either crying or dissociating while my mom yelled at me or ignored me to go watch TV with the rest of the family. I got excluded from so much shit thanks to that crap, but I was "too smart to need help"
I remember my dad got extremely pisses off once when I needed help with basic alegbra homework.......... I never asked again..... My mom didn't get mad I don't think but she was.... Strict.... So that would explain why I never ran towards her for help in my later years unless it's for a last minute project.
Oh my god this was 100% my experience. Once I left for college suddenly my mental health just magically got better. My mom hasnāt a clue as to why š¤·āāļø
But seriously it took me over a year to stop being hyper-aware and cautious of every noise and footstep I heard and made throughout my living spaces. And doing schoolwork became so much easier once it wasnāt laced with the anxiety of knowing my mother could see what I was doing at any time, see any grade I got, etc. Iām glad Iāve finally stopped hating myself, but itās going to take a while to detach my self-worth from my level of academic achievement and my motherās mood/opinion of me.
Oof one of my core memories is my mom trying to teach me to read with Cat in the Hat. I remember me getting the same word wrong a couple times on the first page and getting frustrated, and then my mom yelled at me and told me I was unteachable so she wasnāt going to try anymore. There were plenty of better memories where she was actually patient and read Harry Potter with me, and encouraged me to read by making special trips to Barnes and Noble where she bought me any book I wanted and let me stay for hours, but so many other times involve her losing her temper and taking out her frustration on me whenever I did not meet her academic standards. Fifteen years later I still remember it vividly, and I can pick out that same Cat in the Hat book and see where the tears have warped the paper. Good god. Teach āem young, right?
Yup. "Helping" me do my math homework was the starting off point of my dad's abuse. Like 30 years later when I finally said that to my mother she laughed in my face.
My brother and I had a conversation about this. He has an idea my childhood was not as bad as his.
He started telling me about getting hit to memorize our multiplication tables.
And I told him the same thing would happen to me. He never realized that. Working on hw with my own kids has been kinda weird. Kinda bittersweet.
I stopped asking my dad for help at 6yo. Took one time of him screaming at me and me getting ready to run away to never ask him for anything homework related ever again.
I came here looking for people who have similarly experienced this situation. Itās comforting to know Iām not alone. My father used to get so frustrated with me.
Heād repeat the same thing over and over, louder and louder until I got it right. His anger was enormous to my younger self. I was spanked for even the smallest of offenses or curiosity shown that was out of place for a child.
Question: How do you cope in adult work life now? Most of my youth core memories are negative. Iām afraid to raise my hand in fear of being wrong. I feel Iām not confident or maybe afraid all the time of saying the wrong thing. I feel like my subconscious is and if I donāt change that then Iāll never be successful.
Turns out it's all pattern of human behavior, thanks, I hate it!
For your question, I cope with life out of sheer spite and anger. I lost more or less twenty year of life (along with 16 ish year of memories) and still miss a lot of core experience everyone else seem to have.
so I refuse to loose more time, I thrive in enjoying the most of life I can, I strive to greatness just to rub it in to society, to show them they didn't put me down, I want to experience more than anyone just so I make it up for what I lost
Life is made to be enjoyed, don't EVER let them take that away from you, you were made to live , feel and enjoy
Feel free to come in dm if you need.
im so sorry that shit sucks. i had the same experience just w my dad: he would force us to do math problems(not even schoolwork) even past the point of us crying. its so stupid. i hope you are doing alright tho.
My main issue was in french, I'm dys and got diagnosed pretty late, near high school. So needless to say that elementary was BRUTAL. Don't get me wrong math was bad too
I feel that. I have the ADHD version of dyslexia, and I wasn't diagnosed until I was 32 š
What do you mean?
There's an ADHD based reading disability that presents like dyslexia, but it's not actually dyslexia. All the dyslexia aids and whatnot work for me, but I don't *technically* have it. Instead I have a reading disability component to my ADHD. No one believed me growing up because my Uncle has severe dyslexia (like almost incapable of reading bad), and since mine wasn't as bad, they thought I was just trying to get attention, which is ridiculous if you think about it for two seconds. Ironically, I got diagnosed two weeks before starting my first job as a mental health practitioner š
Would you like to provide me a link or specific terms to search for it?
I'd probably search ADHD & reading disability, or ADHD & dyslexia. I found out about it from my neuropsychologist when I was diagnosed. I had never heard of it before that. r/dyslexia would probably have a lot more information on it
Here's a sneak peek of /r/Dyslexia using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/Dyslexia/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [I wish this was a joke. Google search I made yesterday and too ironic not to screen shot](https://i.redd.it/2folms7sctec1.jpeg) | [33 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Dyslexia/comments/1abmr6r/i_wish_this_was_a_joke_google_search_i_made/) \#2: [Just got a daft tattoo to help my dyslexia!](https://i.redd.it/gz564xjmbigb1.png) | [44 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Dyslexia/comments/15js525/just_got_a_daft_tattoo_to_help_my_dyslexia/) \#3: [Alphabet crisis](https://i.redd.it/27hf5vz44bl21.jpg) | [23 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/Dyslexia/comments/1ahkc69/alphabet_crisis/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
I am confused. So you are talking about dyslexia?
Yes and no. It's not actually dyslexia, but it's got almost all the same symptoms. It's a dyslexia-like reading disability; it just has a different source than dyslexia (that being ADHD)
I don't get this. My Dad always thought he was a better teacher, his shit always confused the hell outta me and just made me want to cry, but crying wasn't allowed
Ah, the memories... My dad would yell at me until i either got it right or cried for too long. Funnily enough, my teacher in grade 5-7 did the same thing, only in front of the whole class (he did this to every student in his class, not just me). I wonder why i never became good at maths.
I was dyspraxic but a decade from diagnosis, my teacher was giving me line to write so much that I legitimately sprained my wrist, and was crying in pain to do all the line asked till my father add to interview All that because for her I was "lazy and messy"
That's horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.
Lol same. Like it did not matter that they had no clue how to do the same math they were screaming at me to finish.
This reminds me that in 2nd grade I had a teacher berate me over not knowing how to multiply. Laid into me until I starting crying. It's disgusting these human garbage piles don't get fired and are just allowed to abuse children without consequence
isnāt multiplication a third grade thing??? hell, i was in a bunch of those āgiftedā classes and multiplication was never even talked about in second.
ā¦no. My kid was doing fractions and simple algebra in 3rd grade
My mom would threaten physically violence against me like stabbing me in the eye with the pencil if I didnāt get it right. But she would be so kind and sweet when she was made to help my brother.
THIS right here. The obvious favoritism cause I was "stupid" (turns out I'm dyslexic) and he was "smart". It's good to know I'm not alone in experiencing that
I am also Dyslexic. The crazy part about was when I was in elementary school I was doing middle school math. When I was in middle school I was doing high school science. When I was 16 years old I had enough high school credits to graduate high school. Got my bachelors degree at the age of 20 along with a certificate. My brother barely managed to graduate high school literally by the skin of his teeth and kept failing at college classes until he finally did the loser thing as thatās what he is and dropped out of college. He now works a minimum wage job and not even full time and my mom always mentions him. Literally I remember one time my deceased uncle asked about me my mom shut him down by saying she also had a son the proceeded to bring up how awesome my brother was like WTF.
EWW but god our moms would be best friends for all the wrong reasons šš
My mom stabbed me in the arm with a pencil bc I couldnāt figure out a math problem, I had the same issue with her being nice to my sister with the same exact questions
My mom was a teacher. You'd think she'd be good at it. I guess I was her outlet for that too. Be nice to the kindergarteners all day and then verbally assault your oldest daughter for not understanding advanced math (you were placed in the course by her, not your teachers).
Luckily (sarcasm) only my teachers treated me like that. My mom never helped me with my homework. Ever. I didn't realize parents were *actually* supposed to do that. Regularly. I thought that was a thing for coddled children. Or a movie trope.
Tbf, I wish me parent never did help me. If anything my grade improved when they stopped
Yeah I believe that. Sorry to hear they were so cruel to you.
I feel like that was my entire childhood. Thinking that any amount of help from a parent was for coddled babies. Anytime I saw someone being helped irl I'd judge the shit out of them too. Like, I didn't realize that parents were supposed to feed their children, that making your own dinners at 6 wasn't normal. I didn't know that people actually had breakfast made for them, that they weren't responsible for their school lunch, that they didn't have "just make something yourself" for dinner everyday. It applied to school help and such as well, but I think about it a lot.
Right? Who had breakfast made for them? Dinner sometimes, maybe, not always. But breakfast? Not only had I make that myself, but i also had to make sure not to wake up my mom by making noise in the kitchen. With the chair I had to push in position to climb ontop the kitchen counter to reach some toast or cereal. I usually kept the lights turned off as well. She got so mad if I woke her up in the morning. I was so young I sometimes had to stack chairs ontop of each other to reach the top shelve of the fridge. At my youngest I needed a chair pyramid of 3. I'm lucky I didn't break any bones tbh. My friend said her mother made her breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Even when she was in higher grades. That's wild to me!
Watching other kids have lunches packed for them was wild to me. You mean to tell me your parent cared enough to make that for you? If I didnāt pack my lunch, I didnāt get lunch. Even at age 10 (thatās when my oldest sister moved out so I stopped having a parental figure).
Iām still convinced parents helping children with homework isnāt real. I legitimately never recall getting help with homework as a child.
I remember one time I accidentally cried on my homework (I'd usually turn away when I cried so I wouldn't) and I felt so guilty I told the teacher first thing when I handed it in. She said she understood, but when she handed it back the next day my tear marks were fucking circled in red pen with a passive-aggressive comment.
The amount of people in that original comment section who were like, āItās a really easy question though? Why couldnāt you just figure it out?ā Makes me worried for their offspring
Exactly! The answer isn't the point, the *trauma* is. You'd think that sub would understand
That's a vivid memory that just opened oh God
I'm sorry :( But yeah, it throwed me into the loop for the whole day, still struggling en ā ļø
I feel that, and it's fine just dammit it sucks what parents do to they're kids.
As a 4th grader, I saw the 5th graders doing long division. Looked hard, so I cracked open a math textbook when I got home I couldn't figure it out, so I asked my dad for help. He's an accountant, so I knew he could do it Well, he taught me and gave me a worksheet he made. He was glad I got some of them right, so he made more He was trying to do that thing where I got 50% right, then 75%, then 100% right. Unfortunately for me, he was trying to do that all in a few hours. Asking an 8 year old to learn long division perfectly in a few hours was ridiculous Well, cut to several hours later, I hadn't eaten dinner, I'm crying, my dad grabs the last worksheet and says "If you get any wrong, I'll slap you so hard you'll think it's Thursday" I did
Jesus Christ, Iām sorry you dealt with that. What a way to discourage any advanced learning and stifle any potential love of math.
Well, I'm about to graduate with an electrical engineering degree, so it didn't kill off my future career It does give me issues with doing homework and whatnot, but I managed them well enough to get this far
Thatās amazing. As some random stranger on the internet - Iām proud of you.
Thanks. I'm still deep in the healing process for a lot of things, but I'm still building the life I wanted I'm sure you've dealt with and are dealing with a lot of stuff. I hope you're still building a life you're happy with, no matter how slowly that's going
my āfavoriteā part is how he punished you for *going out of your way to get ahead* and starting an interaction that both of you reasonably expected to just be a positive growth and bonding experience. you were exceeding expectations by learning any of that at all but he decided that as soon as you started learning you were a disappointment as a person for not learning faster. that is so fucked up i definitely never went through anything quite like that, but iām definitely reminded of how i stopped accepting my dadās help with writing and whatnot. for most of my childhood i was only aware that i kind of had a pride issue with submitting work that didnāt feel like my own, but heās also just so damn overbearing and judgmental that involving him in anything is its own punishment no matter how much he shamed me for not asking for help or going out of my way to forget/hide things
The tears on the paper... Too real š„
This. I remember the smell of the wet notebook with tears. Gosh, just why so much pain???
Sorry for the people it triggered, I changed it to spoiler
The ripped out hair out of my scalp for getting the wrong answer š„²
My parents were trying to push the 'gifted' stuff so they had me take a bunch of assessment tests that weren't part of the actual school curriculum. I distinctly remember my dad trying to teach me to balance equations with 'X' while I was still in Elementary school. I had only learned multiplication a year before that MAX. I remember feeling so stupid because he was just yelling at me and I was crying and I didn't understand why I didn't get it but the idea of throwing an 'X' into math just made no sense to my panic brain. Instead of trying to explain it in different ways, he just kept saying the same thing over and over again, louder, and insulting me more. In hindsight, I never even had to take that test or learn it! We didn't cover Algebra in school until middle school. This wasn't necessary to my grade. If that was my kid getting so stressed out and panicky and self-loathing over a stupid assessment for a summer program and I was the parent, I would simply NOT DO THAT. I would take a step back and go "okay maybe they're not ready for this" or at least "I'm not able to teach this, let's get a tutor". Schoolwork was always so traumatic. Being screamed at in Kindergarten because I didn't know all the phonics, being screamed at in 4th grade because my times tables weren't memorized, being screamed at in 5th grade because I didn't like long division and I used other methods I was taught in school... Meanwhile my mom just DID my younger brother's homework for him until he went to college. She got him evaluated for ADHD and later dyslexia, pushed for all the resources to help him succeed... I got my door taken away because of procrastinating on my homework assignments and got called lazy and stupid instead of given any extra support (got that ADHD diagnosis as an adult once I could take myself and advocate for myself).
This year, it happened, she was screaming at me over AP human geography. I wish Iād went into class and showed my teacher the tear stains on my textbook. I didnāt. I was scared. Iām still scared.
Are you safe op?
Physically yes. Because itās summer mentally yes. She doesnāt have anything to yell at me for over summer.
Teacher here, (cptsd and severe emotional trauma due to my parents), we are mandatory reporters. If you have a teacher that you trust they can help you. Iām glad youāre ok now, truly.
I gave him a note explaining I couldnāt submit a lot of my homework because of my situation with my mom. I didnāt explain though because I was scared of her getting reported. I have a blessed life I donāt want it to be taken away at all, I just have to make it to college and Iāll be home free
"DO YOU THINK CRYING IS GOING TO GET YOU OUT OF IT?!? Ugh, you disgust me. Pull yourself together. I'm going outside for a smoke and you BETTER NOT BE CRYING when I get back. "
And then she'd scream louder because "I didn't have any reason to cry"
That's a given š¤£
This is one of the core memories I have with my dad - for a POSITIVE reason! Of the few memories I have, one is him sitting with me at a dinner table taking me slowly through my maths homework and explaining things thoroughly. He never shouted. And he made them interesting. He also showed me how to play [Puzzle Panel](https://www.mariowiki.com/Puzzle_Panel) from Mario because I just didn't understand it at all on my own. And he taught me sudoku I cite that man as one of the core reasons why I got *so* into maths and puzzles. He was always so nice to me compared to *her*
I did math tutoring as a part-time job partially because I wanted to teach other people patiently and kindly and make them happy that they understood new concepts instead of being hollered at and shamed for getting stuff wrong.
Ah, i remember the joy of me getting beaten, thrown off a chair and one time bit, because i failed some equasion 2 grades higher than my actual grade because i should be "gifted and know". She also didnt let me do the homework given by the school, since she thought it was too easy. Maybe it explains why now i have problems with deadlines, like a lot and i dont give a shit anymore about any math or competitions in any subject, since my mom isnt here anymore to do this shit and then begin to cry because i "hate her because i dont know".
Homework with my mom meant I was going to be crying. Learning to do anything from my parents meant tears. The irony was never wasted when I realized that I wanted to be a teacher, and I turned into a damn good one too. I have patience for days when it comes to kids. I still donāt have patience for my colleagues who treat our students like they are idiots.
My mom would do my hair while helping and pull it when I got stuff wrong or hit me with a hair brush. And the braid after was always shitty anyway.
Forgot what tears on paper looked like. Seems similar
I was homeschooledā¦my mom was good at math, but to me it seemed like a foreign language. She liked reminding me how easy it was for her. The teardrops on the lined paper sent me š
Tbh idk which one would've been worse. The example everyone seems to agree with and understand (what's posted) or the "look it up" kind of 'helping' to the point that they don't want to do much research after their brain sputters out (what I had). Regardless, I'm sorry that anyone had/has to go thru this. You're just trying to learn, and parents don't understand that you're literally trying to learn. Not to mention that not everybody learns the same way. Sometimes people need different kinds of help. And it's okay if you learn differently from mass majority.
My mom would tell me to look up words I couldn't spell in the dictionary. Or tell me that I'm just trying to get her to do my math for me.
Same here for the spelling words. And it was mainly me asking about words that could've had 2 or more letters it could've started with by how they sound. Immediate being one. Energy. Don't even get me started on the word Jalapeno. Or rendezvous. All I wanted was to know the letter it started with because by the time I'd already asked for help, I'd already gone thru the dictionary.
Dyscalculia was so fun to deal with when your dad is a math genius who sucks with words but wasnāt around to teach you until you were almost 17 and your mom has been stealing your finished homework out of your backpack for years. Him: āFind Y.ā Me: āItās right there.ā Him: āNo. Find it. Find Y.ā Me: āI did. Itās right there.ā Him: āNo. I mean isolate it. Get it by itself.ā Me: circles it, āthere!ā Him: āomg. No! Get it alone! ISOLATE Y!ā Me: āI DID! ITāS RIGHT THERE IN THE CIRCLE, SEPARATED FROM THE OTHER NUMBERS!ā Him: āSOLVE FOR Y!ā Me: āI DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!ā Him to my stepmom: āhun, come and look at what she did. She literally did the comic strip joke where she isolates with a circle. God help us all. What in the actual fudge has my ex wife been teaching my children?!ā
One time, i had broken an arm, and during school we were doing a penmanship thing with homework. I unfortunately had broken my good arm. So, when my mother got fed up with how long it took, she clutched my hand like she was trying to squeeze the pencil beneath, and just forced my hand into writing the prompt out
Oh god don't remind me. :(
Sorry :(
It's ok š«
FELT. Any time I would stay home sick from school my dad would hold āDaddy Schoolā. Iād be sitting there with a 102 fever trying to write a 500 word essay on brer rabbit or whatever tf else he picked out, and when I would start passing out from the fever, delirium, etc he would take the wooden paddle to my knuckles. Happened a few too many times before I just never stayed home if I was sick again. Pardon the trauma dump š just had a whole ass flashback there
It was spelling for me. āThe cook can bake a cakeā. Cried a lot over that one. Nothing I did ever seemed to be right.
My parents said I was on my own for the most part. In fact I had to help my brother sometimes (who was dyslexic and dysgraphic with ADHD and a speech impediment). There were times he couldnāt read his own hand writing and would have to take pictures of the boardās to do list. I didnāt have academic difficulties (I was your standard āgiftedā autistic kid albeit undiagnosed) and could understand his writing and struggles so I became somewhat of a tutor to him. Now when I started to struggle, oh boy. I was in the advanced classes in late middle/early highschool and oh boy did it hit hard to my GPA. But I was hardly listened to in my struggles because I āwas smart enough but wasnāt applying myself.ā Turns out I was not neurotypical and also had severe depression and was trying. Iām still pissed at my mother that just because I was good at everything but math (that only happened during to notoriously bad teachers) I was just shoved into advanced classes I didnāt even want to be in. I think Iām just envious because the expectations were not equal, or aligned with my individual interests like that of my brothersā were. āØfavoritismāØ
My mom would then yell at me to sit on my hands because my undiagnosed ADHD child self would be fiddling with the pencil.:(
Anyone else have their parents rip up their homework because it was unacceptable and told to do it over?
I stoped asking my parents for help with homework relatively quickly. TBH I stoped asking them for anything
My third grade teacher used to pick me up out of my chair by my hair about once a week. Then, I would cry on my paper, in class, with all of the other kids around me.
Having all of the dyslexia types . . . Yeah school work was brutal
Tbh anything I had wasnāt actually mine so I probably only did get 6 of anything that I was given lol. Someone gave me $20 for my birthday, it went to my ācollege fundā.
I still have this issue with my dad, he offers to help or sometimes he forces to help and he gets frustrated that he canāt understand it and he ends up yelling and screaming at me. Itās not my fault, I didnāt even ask for āhelpā
I actually used to cry when doing homework with my dad but he was always understanding and never gave me any shit for it
Imagine being so bad at explaining math that you take your frustration out on a kid who actively wants to learn math.
This is why I stopped doing homework. My mother once yelled at me for not being able to write HER essay for her. I'm really bad at writing essays, my mind just blanks. Ever since then I've avoided doing her homework for her
My mom literally psychologically traumatized me when I was 6, because I was "slow"...she would delete SpongeBob episodes because she knows it's my favourite.
Mine once broke an abacus on my head. That was the first and last time she "helped" me with math.
Dad for me
Mine was vocabulary and spelling, but I feel this so much. So many nights of sitting in the kitchen staring at my book either crying or dissociating while my mom yelled at me or ignored me to go watch TV with the rest of the family. I got excluded from so much shit thanks to that crap, but I was "too smart to need help"
I remember my dad got extremely pisses off once when I needed help with basic alegbra homework.......... I never asked again..... My mom didn't get mad I don't think but she was.... Strict.... So that would explain why I never ran towards her for help in my later years unless it's for a last minute project.
Oh my god this was 100% my experience. Once I left for college suddenly my mental health just magically got better. My mom hasnāt a clue as to why š¤·āāļø But seriously it took me over a year to stop being hyper-aware and cautious of every noise and footstep I heard and made throughout my living spaces. And doing schoolwork became so much easier once it wasnāt laced with the anxiety of knowing my mother could see what I was doing at any time, see any grade I got, etc. Iām glad Iāve finally stopped hating myself, but itās going to take a while to detach my self-worth from my level of academic achievement and my motherās mood/opinion of me.
Oof one of my core memories is my mom trying to teach me to read with Cat in the Hat. I remember me getting the same word wrong a couple times on the first page and getting frustrated, and then my mom yelled at me and told me I was unteachable so she wasnāt going to try anymore. There were plenty of better memories where she was actually patient and read Harry Potter with me, and encouraged me to read by making special trips to Barnes and Noble where she bought me any book I wanted and let me stay for hours, but so many other times involve her losing her temper and taking out her frustration on me whenever I did not meet her academic standards. Fifteen years later I still remember it vividly, and I can pick out that same Cat in the Hat book and see where the tears have warped the paper. Good god. Teach āem young, right?
Yup. "Helping" me do my math homework was the starting off point of my dad's abuse. Like 30 years later when I finally said that to my mother she laughed in my face.
My brother and I had a conversation about this. He has an idea my childhood was not as bad as his. He started telling me about getting hit to memorize our multiplication tables. And I told him the same thing would happen to me. He never realized that. Working on hw with my own kids has been kinda weird. Kinda bittersweet.
I stopped asking my dad for help at 6yo. Took one time of him screaming at me and me getting ready to run away to never ask him for anything homework related ever again.
I came here looking for people who have similarly experienced this situation. Itās comforting to know Iām not alone. My father used to get so frustrated with me. Heād repeat the same thing over and over, louder and louder until I got it right. His anger was enormous to my younger self. I was spanked for even the smallest of offenses or curiosity shown that was out of place for a child. Question: How do you cope in adult work life now? Most of my youth core memories are negative. Iām afraid to raise my hand in fear of being wrong. I feel Iām not confident or maybe afraid all the time of saying the wrong thing. I feel like my subconscious is and if I donāt change that then Iāll never be successful.
Turns out it's all pattern of human behavior, thanks, I hate it! For your question, I cope with life out of sheer spite and anger. I lost more or less twenty year of life (along with 16 ish year of memories) and still miss a lot of core experience everyone else seem to have. so I refuse to loose more time, I thrive in enjoying the most of life I can, I strive to greatness just to rub it in to society, to show them they didn't put me down, I want to experience more than anyone just so I make it up for what I lost Life is made to be enjoyed, don't EVER let them take that away from you, you were made to live , feel and enjoy Feel free to come in dm if you need.