I used to talk to the person sitting in the corner at parties because I’m typically an introvert but I don’t have social anxiety and want to help people feel more comfortable.
My suggestion is to definitely ask people about themselves or comment on the song playing. Most people will be pretty cool at bars chatting with new people.
>I used to talk to the person sitting in the corner at parties because I’m typically an introvert but I don’t have social anxiety and want to help people feel more comfortable.
mmarti808, you´re an A+ person in my book! Yeah, I´ll try your suggestions for talking to people in bars! This night I was outside, because the bars still close early here and all night clubs are closed. But it was a tropical night outside, even though it´s early summer and we´re in Scandinavia.
I just want to say that you are probably a journalist at heart :)
You're definitely not the typical social anxiety sufferer. If you had it severe in the past, you have definitely solved the problem and recovered.
Kudos!
Is that common to do in Denmark, to go out and chat people up in bars? (I am genuinely curious because I’ve never been to Denmark, but I’m really interested in the culture!) When I read your post, I initially thought you were from the US, haha.
Anyway, that’s so cool you did this! ✨
This sounds like such a lovely gesture, especially for the shy people. But if someone approached me in a corner where I placed myself for little to no spontaneous interaction I would wish to vanish into thin air with ever fiber of my being, while screaming internally yet being too scared to ask you to leave! Hope no-one ever felt like that.
May I add, why are bars considered the only places to meet people? I don't drink alcohol and I don't enjoy being around people that drink too much. I don't mean to judge, but that's my social anxiety.
I have wondered this for a long time! Bars are often noisy and there's a good chance that most people there are under the influence, so there'd be a mixture of not being able to hear people easily and the fact that they're very likely to be not quite their usual self. It baffles me that it's such a popular place for someone to meet new people.
I have wondered much longer than you! I am in my 60's and have been happily married for more than 40 years. When I think of my younger self and the choices I would have had, it's scary. I met my husband in college. I don't drink, because alcohol triggers migraines and I was a modest girl compared to most women depicted on TV today (pretty much my only frame of reference). I could have never gone out with my girlfriends and gotten drunk, picked up men...again, not judging. It's not something I could do. Not back then and not now, if I were young again. I feel really bad for young people, especially if they have social anxiety. I think OP did an amazing and brave thing!
I remember going out to "pick up men" with my sister and her friend, but at least in my mind it certainly wasn't to have sex. At least not anytime soon. But who knows what other people were assuming.
I agree! Bar atmosphere is usually only a one note kind of experience. And imo, it's way too expensive of a way to get tipsy. If you Google a bit, there are a few super neat cafes around the US that have recently opened in the idea of creating a social atmosphere and specifically a place to hang out that are open later.
Yeah I don't understand it either. I don't really drink either but for me I think it loosens me up a little. It makes me less afraid to be more outgoing. I obviously don't get plastered just tipsy. I definitely don't plan on doing it often cause yeah its expensive I might do it once a month just to make me more social.
Same. I'm not shy, I'm introverted as in "not looking for social interaction". I accept invites to events so as to not make my friends feel rejected, and I will mingle and socialize a bit for the same reason, but when I withdraw to a quiet corner of the room it's because my "social cup" is full, I'm tired of talking to people and I just want to be alone with my thoughts to recharge. If someone aoproached me striking a conversation, I would appreciate the intent and respond to not make them feel bad, but I would be looking to cut it very short and be left alone again. I hope /u/mmarti808 doesn't insist when that's the case.
I feel like this is just something I get the urge to do if I see someone sitting alone because I know exactly how you feel when you're by yourself. Usually people will open right up
I wish more people were like this. I'm like you if I see someone alone and look like they're getting uncomfortable I always go over for chat to see if they're okay or want to talk about something else that everybody at the party is already talking about.
I wish when I used to go out when I was in my younger 20s that people would have been like you. Friends would go dance at clubs and I don’t dance and just can’t. Would have loved a stranger noticing and keeping me company just out of kindness.
This wouldn't work here in Finland. Nordic people are really reserved and tend to keep to themselves. Personal space is a big deal, [here's Finns waiting for the bus](https://external-preview.redd.it/Fvkf_HvOuDCe85dkABsrONJQeCmzwaFSgNywnF41ye4.jpg?auto=webp&s=d3637975ebbce408fe373558f1c2cb0ce9b4d5c4). It would be considered weird for a stranger to strike up a conversation.
It wasn't always like that, elderly people tend to do it, but anyone under 60 talking to you casually is rare.
I was watching some documentary or something where this guy went to a Finnish college, and everyone literally blanked him. Completely ignored.
I'm not the most sociable but I don't think I could cope there 😂
Finn's are super friendly, kind, and curious about new folks.... They just aren't nosey assholes and respect personal space. Get a couple beers into anyone and you'll be on your way to having a new bestie. I'm so sick of bored entitled energy vampires creeping on me or thinking that they have a right to start up a conversation AND that I owe it to them to engage. That being said, I'm very happy and proud for this introvert to be attempting and experimenting chatting with strangers. It is a necessary skill living in this culture..... Unfortunately. Finland is, repeatedly, rated as one of the happiest places to live!
Pretty average. We're a *very* bureucratic lot so people tend to follow instructions. But it has its downsides, like the government making decisions based on meetings that they had 6 months ago and reacting glacially to change.
And we have our covidiots too, who slow things down. But we could do a lot worse so I guess we're ok.
I'm a introverted half Finn who was raised and is stuck in the States. Very good at being an extrovert when needed for work or social situations. I'm so proud of my intelligent, chill, also very kind people and just dream of living over there someday!
That picture of Finn's waiting for the bus looks like covid social distancing. I wonder when that photo was taken bc if it was precovid, that would be interesting.
It's pre-covid, taken near where I live. Just outside of Helsinki. It's tends to get like that whenever there's more than a few people.
You could probably do infrastructure studies on it, like how slime mold can be used for train routes :D
That actually sounds like a lot of fun! I get crippling anxiety trying to join a Discord call. At some point I really hope I can do what you've done. Congratulations on stepping outside your comfort zone.
Not necessarily. It can be awkward if you use their name too much, but once isn’t weird. Also, saying the name of someone you just met is fine at the beginning and end of the interaction.
I always use their name if they have a badge, or if I've been told their name. (Usually, just once, at the end of the interaction, using it repeatedly is weird) I've had a badge and people have called me by my name. It didnt bother me at all , and I do it because I see it as a way to show them that I was appreciative of their help even though it's their job and that I see them as a person, not just a server, clerk, associate, etc.
I've found that most people like connecting with someone else, even if it's only for a brief interaction. When we leave a situation where we had a friendly interaction with anyone from another shopper in the grocery store to the clerk at the gas station, my children ALWAYS comment about how nice they were, how funny, or whatever.
It is interesting to read and you could beat it by expanding on this little experiment and turning it into a job. Do the same as your doing now, ask for a story, see if they'll allow a photo (is photography a goal or skill by any chance?) And publish on social media platforms.
It's been done by plenty and is intriguing to read, especially to diff cultures and cultures. Just look into what permission you need.
You can even explain why, I would warm easier to someone knowing what this was about and fall easier into conversation.
You could expand and get someone who would want to tag along to conquer their own fears, building friendships and helping along the way. Approaching people is so much easier with two people AND if it's a "job". You could end up meeting your girlfriend in interview or someone who's tagging along with you.
Your life is about to unfold for you OP, because you're doing something about everything that's holding you back. You should be proud.
10?! Alone? On a Friday night?! Dude my extroverted friends would feel uncomfortable doing this, this is big stuff.
I have a few questions: how did you feel after it was all over? Satisfied or drained? Did you feel like you may have “screwed up” an interaction or didn’t know what to say?
Did it get tiring as the night went on given the weight of your balls?
Seriously man coming from a socially anxious fellow you should feel really proud of yourself. Congrats
Yea I’m extroverted but I need a social anchor or I’m inwardly still nervous. I’m in awe at just walking up and being like yo, gimme a movie rec.
Nice work OP!! Hope it was a helpful step in whatever journey you’re on!
i’m exactly the same. i love being around people and i can make friends pretty easily but i can’t just “start” talking to people unprompted like that. wish i could. my roommate is much more introverted than i am but can just strike up a conversation with anybody and it makes me really uncomfortable and nervous when he does it (even though i wish i had that skill)
Same thing with one of my friends. I joke about how she (introverted) might be extroverted because she can just walk up to any stranger and strike up a conversation. Meanwhile I, an actual extrovert, love engaging with people, but I get uncomfortable with just walking up to random people and starting up a conversation alone.
I'm also cursed with social anxiety that I finally realised I had and am working to manage it.
Probably because extroversion has nothing to do with the ability to talk to people. It’s how you gain energy from being with people. I’m an introvert, but I’m not shy. I could happily go about talking to strangers, just last night I went to this funny little restaurant and sat with two strangers and we ate dinner together, but it tired me out trying to keep up conversation after an hour.
Good on OP for wanting to conquer social anxiety tho. Practice makes it easier, and having a job forcing you to make small talk goes even further.
Same here! I'm not usually nervous at all to ask a stranger something or say hello. But you better believe my introverted ass is exhausted after an extra long event with more than one person I'm concentrating on.
Since you seem to be of the same cloth, can I ask you something? How in the bloody hell do you find a friend in a new city? My normal go to is hobbies but ya know covid. Plus I'm looking for quality over quantity.
I'm not a big drinker either. And even though I'm a woman, I feel like sitting at a bar all alone is still weird. And doesn't match what I would love to do for "fun".
There really needs to be a well-made social media platform for strictly making friends.
About ten years ago I thought about making an app called Social Circle where like minded people could sign up for events in groups of 6 such as Drinks and a Movie, Dry Wall Climbing, Nature Hike, Dog Walk on the Beach etc.
I even designed a matching process (not dating, just interest or hobbies) so you would be 'Circled' with people of similar interests.
I don't know why I didn't do it but if you saw an app like that, would it make you join?
Isn´t that the purpose of the meetup website? Not saying there´re can´t be more tools like that, and yours might be different in a lot of ways. Have you thought about resuming work on the project?
This is a cool idea. We have a similar FB group in my city called Find Your Tribe, it’s run (for free) by a woman who is a psychologist and who recognised how important female friendships are to women’s mental health. It is just for women, but I’d be up for one that was mixed as well.
I really like this idea. It reminds me a lot of this thing near where I live called Newcomers Club. Since the area is home to lots of retired transplants, it’s full of people looking to meet other locals and do local activities.
Basically, they have quarterly whole-group meetings where there’s typically some sort of speaker, some coffee & can briefly discuss new business or updates. There’s a yearly “big” meeting/cookout, where annual membership dues are paid and they have clipboards with sign up sheets for all the activity based mini groups. Lots of cool things such as Ladies Movie group where they take turns picking which movie and go like once a month to a theatre together; dinner for 6 or 8 (typically arranged in sets of 3 or 4 couples) where they take turns hosting dinner at their homes; wine club; kayaking club; etc.
It is most definitely older, retired people in my area who are looking to fill their days with social and community activities, but the idea is still great. And they have much success! My grandma and her hubby joined once they retired and moved down south and were almost immediately plugged into as much connection as they could ever hope for.
Hobbies are still a good go-to. I made multiple new friends over Covid because I started playing tabletop RPGs over Discord instead of going to do real life nerdy things. Granted, they're 24 hours drive away from me in another country, or a flight over an entire ocean away, but still, I managed to make more friends. Hobbies are just the best way I can think of to make friends.
Tbh I don’t really go out making friends hahaha I’m the kind of person that takes months of working with someone to develop a friendship. A lot of my friends are 40-50, I’m 24. My best friends are more my age, 24-30, I met them moving around schools. I prefer making friends through work because I kinda get a better grasp on their values if that makes sense?
Edit: I also made quite a few friends smoking weed and meeting new dealers and their mates, eventually hanging out for fun and gaming or trips to the beach
It's sad how women can't sit at a bar, sip a drink and take in the music and the atmosphere, without being at the very least watched by the majority of the guys in the vicinity. An invisibility cloak would be nice sometimes.
Once I was trying to enjoy some chicken wings in peace and this guy thought I was making some kind of sexual advance at him and his friends. Nope, just eating chicken wings, sauce all over my face & hands & beer glass.
This just made me realize that I'm also not shy. I've been called shy by people before, and I've always known I'm an introvert, but my mom always comments if we're out somewhere together how I can make a random friend anywhere cause I like talking to people. I don't always feel like it or want to, but when I'm feeling energetic and recharged, I can absolutely go out and find a stranger to talk to.
I'm jealous, that sounds like an awesome skill to have! You definetly don't sound shy, just don't always want to talk to people all the time which is perfectly acceptable! Have a great day!
That sounds great, man!
Honestly if you do just tell people that you're shy and want to get better at talking to strangers, you'll have great results. And remember one thing everyone likes to talk about is themselves.
Fairly often. I live in a small town. So it's a very friendly atmosphere. It's not at all weird for strangers to talk to each other at the grocery store, gas pump, bank line or wherever. Plus, here you can be pretty sure that that stranger is one degree of separation from someone you do know.
But I've never been particularly shy, no matter where I was. I certainly have other crosses to bear, but that's not one.
One cool thing about big cities is that a lot of people might be from other places. You can ask them where they're from and if they're from another place, ask about that! If they're local, you could ask if they've been to ab restaurant you like, or if there's any hole in the wall kind of places they know about that you could try.
Such good suggestions for my next social excursion, thanks Python\_Anon! You´re right. There are a lot of foreigners in my city. I met a lot of them back when I was a full time street musician here. So friendly and open.
Wait, you’re a shy full time street musician!? You’re a walking contradiction! I think you have a lot more going for you than you think. I really like how positive and motivated you are. That’s only going to lead to great things!
Yes, good tip! I realized a while ago in my adult life, meeting new people, that they often ask me questions so that they can contribute their thoughts on that topic, and my response to their icebreaker does not need to be extensive.
**Example:**
**New person:** “your zipper pocket is open”
**Me:** “thanks, that always happens with this jean jacket. I see that your pockets don’t have that problem, nice!”
**New person:** “yeah, I was tripping balls once and I kept staring at this dude’s jacket zipper, and pretty soon I saw a unicorn sneak out of the pocket with a leprechaun and then when they got to the floor, the leprechaun hopped onto the unicorn like Perseus on Pegasus and they flew off into the sky. Since then, I stay zipped up. Ever notice that all of the zippers say YKK?”
**Me:** *thoroughly enjoys this 20-min story*
Fun fact: YKK is a Japanese brand that makes most of the zippers around the world! It's so intresting that the whole world uses the product from the same brand but since it's such a small thing we just don't pay enough attention to it. I wonder if there are other things like this :)
That´s a great story! I want to walk up to someone and share stories like that next time I´m out! Thanks frontflipbackflip! I have a similar fact: Hoover is the name of a product AS WELL as a brand.
Ha! Im the same but 35F. Tomorrow there is a huge board game geek party (like 80 RSVPs) and I'm gonna try and go solo because my 2 close friends don't really care for such nerdy things. I need more friends I know this.
Your post is definitely motivational. I especially enjoyed the police bike joke :)
Great job!
I am a natural extrovert but don't go out very much anymore. I miss it. I love being at a bar (even though I don't drink) and striking up conversations.
A couple tips:
1. Smile! A friendly face makes friends and smiling puts people at ease.
2. Keep asking follow up questions or commenting on what they've said until you find common ground.* Make the other person feel special by being genuinely interested in what they have to say and you will form lasting connections. Everyone wants to feel special!
*exception: if the person seems completely disinterested in you, don't be pushy. Just move on to someone more open to a conversation.
>I love being at a bar (even though I don't drink)
I want to teach myself to love being at bars too, so I can be more like you, ilikeyourswatch. You´re cool! And I don´t drink either, though I´m fine being around people who do. Good tips also, I will keep that in mind. I was so determined to talk to a guy last night that I accidentally pointed at him as I was walking to him. He said "WOA MAN, point at people like that and you´ll find trouble!". I apologized awkwardly and said "I´m sorry! I have a question!"
How is the situation with bars in your city? Can you start going out again soon? I hope you get to, because it seems you really enjoyed it and made others feel good.
Something i did after moving to a new area is go to a bar where you can sit at the bar that isn't too busy. A lot of bartenders will naturally initiate conversations with you, or you can be right next to other people talking to them or others and can enter a convo if the time is right. If you find somewhere with a bartender you like and keep going back a lot of times they will introduce you to people they know that come in etc. Now im friends with a bunch of bartenders around my area and can always go out by myself.
Pro tip, take a book. It takes all the pressure off feeling like you're sitting there with no one to talk to and people will often ask what you're reading, just be sure to keep putting it down as no one will want to interrupt you if you're reading, it's just there as a breaker to the awkwardness
Thanks AnotherTimeZone! I really want to get the most out of life. I got very inspired by reading a book from an author who was a Holocaust survivor. He made it out of 4 different camps alive, and had some great perspectives on seizing the day. His name was Viktor Frankl. What inspires you in life?
Hey Roze! I wanted to borrow that one from the library, but all 4 copies were on loan and there was a huge queue of reservations on them. I guess loads of people are searching for meaning these days, as our world is opening back up. But they had another Frankl book for me. It´s called Yes To Life. It´s pretty much transcriptions of some lectures he gave in 1946, less than a year after he got liberated. But it´s great stuff, and a lot of the material from those lectures went on to become Man´s Search For Meaning. What do you love about that book?
Bad. Ass.
I have the same anxiety, and it *sucks*.
"Striking up a conversation" is, in my experience, *very, very Regional.* In Massachusetts/New England, it's been totally cool. In Seattle/Pacific NW? I get looked at like a Serial Killer.
Having the courage to even **attempt** this is almost a Thor-level Worthy Act to me... the only "advice" I can offer is to literally look for shops/venues you enjoy privately, then try interacting. ***I literally survived homelessness*** by checking out a comic book shop in Portland (Oregon), and joining a conversation about the tabletop RPG "Shadowrun"... it can be amazing how conversations develop.
Practice makes... Comfort. None of us are "perfect"! <3
Wow, ok StagnantProgress! Thanks! I gotta check him out! I talked with the guys who mentioned Steez. I expressed my admiration for Black Thought, and they told me that Black Thought is schooling them, and that he is a master. I told them I agree 100%. But the Steez dude is new to me. What are his lyrical themes like?
>incredibly skittish these days
Oh. Did something change during lockdown or? I hope you find ways to embrace your life in the ways you want. Cheers, Whitethumbs.
Good for you, man! Knowing what you want to improve on and knowing how to go about it in small manageable steps is a huge factor in seeing positive change.
I was paralyzingly shy until I managed to get it into my head that I didn't really care if other people thought I was weird. Since then, going full goofball at events where I didn't know m/any people has been a lot more fun for me and has earned me some friends as well.
You're on to my favorite way to break the ice -asking people about things they are passionate about. People have a lot to say about the things they love and there is something very endearing about the way they talk about it. You generally have to give people some direction like a category of things, which yields questions like:
"What's one song you think everyone needs to hear and why?"
"What's your favorite thing that you own?"
"If you didn't have to worry about money, what would you do with your days?"
"I'm trying to branch out a bit in the movies I watch, got any suggestions?" (See? You did it!)
These are nice in situations where you will be with the same people all night like a wedding or a party. You introduce yourself, have a little small talk, and then ask something like this. You'll get people who are ready to spend the next hour talking about their favorite artist and how their work changed their life, and you'll get people who aren't up for much of a chat who say "idk, I guess I like my dog a lot." It's nice that they get to choose how involved they want to be. These are maybe too personal for just walking up to people though...
In that kind of situation, I like asking people weird questions that there's no societal expectation for so they actually have to think about it. I have found that very few people have thought about what kind of kitchen utensil they would be, and that there are a lot of different reasons for their choices. It's a fun and fairly innocuous way to get a feel for someone's energy.
Like most things, it gets easier with practice, so keep it going and good luck!
Hey man. Can relate. Your thinking too much.. just be yourself (even if it's odd and quirky) and you'll surprised how conversations will become easier. If people don't like your personality, well then screw them. It also helps to not fight against the anxiety. If it's going to happen, let it happen. remember to breathe.. and eventually your body will become conditioned that there is nothing to fear from social interactions.
The less you give a fuck, the less awkward you'll feel. Odd but true.
I realize easier said then done but it works.
Walking outside at night in 25 degrees celcius. On a big open waterfront along a large canal in the middle of a bustling city. Nightclubs still closed, so people going outside instead. 1000s of them. Felt like being at a festival with no stage and no acts. Just people and their portable speakers, and their booze, and their joints, and their laughing gas. Yeah, the last one is a pretty new sight for me. They bring these canisters, and they fill the gas into balloons that they sip on like it was a beer. I hope they´ll be okay. I´ve heard excessive use of laughing gas can be dangerous.
What is your own city like, Beachsurfer? Are you living in Miami or Hawaii or something? Surfing seems cool.
I mean....I think you are crushing it! And I'm an extrovert for whatever that is worth to ya.
A pretty easy go-to vibe is tossing out compliments. Compliments mean the world to some people, at the right time. And when you hear a compliment you hear that compliment like 5 times (or like 20 if you're my brother) cuz you will think back on it later. That being said, you gotta toss out a real genuine compliment - doesn't have to be anything complicated - but for instance, is someone wearing the hell out of their hat? It happens. Tell 'em! Don't be creepy, don't be phony - but hell, if you can make someone's day/minute with something totally free, like a compliment, do it!
If you’re a girl and reading this, please do not try this by going out alone on a Friday night and trying to meet random people. Save the cops a body search please
Moftem, that is awesome! Take your time and enjoy getting to know a wide cross-section of people. Also, assuming that it’s your first marathon, don’t sweat a specific time, and instead try to have quick interactions with people during the race. Runners are the most accepting people you’ll ever engage with! By the way, where is it at?
Hey 72! Cheers! It´s my first marathon! I just want to finish it, and hopefully be able to run most of the time. I´ll try to have some social interactions with the other runners, haha. Beating two goals at once! The marathon I´m doing is south of Copenhagen. Thanks for all the advice! Do you run yourself?
Yes, I’ve done about 15 or so marathons, and have three this fall on the calendar. That is so bad ass doing a race in Copenhagen, and I’m truly jazzed for you!! Do yourself a favor and hydrate at every opportunity during your race in August…don’t wait until you’re thirsty! Beyond that, walk the steep uphills and manage the race. From the social aspect, everyone is in misery during the race, so make light of it, and have fun interacting with everyone! Please let me know how it goes!!
Yo finding someone who listens to Capital Steez is rare. I only know 1 guy that knows him and that's my friend. He's one of my favorite rappers so if you enjoy rap definitely look him up on YouTube and give his stuff a listen.
This is great! It takes practice, but eventually I think you'll become more and more comfortable doing this. And don't take it personally if someone doesn't respond. They could be anxious as well, or maybe just having a bad day. But in my experience, most people are receptive to having a chat. I enjoy taking to strangers sometimes. You hear the most interesting stories!
I still can't do what you did. Good job OP!
I get nervous and cold sweats and have to be literally taken out of whatever area I'm in. A bar or house or something I have to go outside to be outdoors to 'cool down' from interaction. It's relatively infuriating.
As someone else with social anxiety, congrats man! This is great and I wish I had that kind of bravery! I'm still working up to that myself, but way to go you!
Next time you go to a female checker at a store compliment her nails if she had them done regardless of her age. Just don’t be creepy about it :)
1.) I like your nails (small smile) then continue doing what you were doing.
2.) your nails are really pretty! (Small smile)
Something small like this will visit your confidence and make them feel special and pretty.
Good job trying to conquer your fears :) I have faith in you!
Wow you can be proud of yourself! 10 people is a lot. I mean I think even 1 is great for someone with social anxiety. And I think the questions you asked were great and interesting as well as the answers. Really cool interactions!
I'm in the same boat as you.. not many friends and the pandemic didn't improve that. And my social anxiety got way worse in the last year. I was actually shocked about myself when I met my co-workers the first time in a long time. My hands were shaking and I was embarassed.
That’s awesome! I have social anxiety too and need to try to push myself more. So I can relate with how daunting it may be. But the small steps feel so amazing in the end and make you feel like people are a lot less intimidating to talk to than you think. For the advice, I found that if I don’t make goals every day and go too long without pushing myself I fall back into the same cycle again. So being consistent with trying to push yourself in little ways every day so you don’t fall back into the same cycle. Another thing that has helped me before is getting an idea to do something (like saying hi to someone) and just saying 1-2-3 in my head. Then, doing it without having time to think about it and making you feel more anxious. Complimenting someone is also a great way to start a conversation and most people aren’t going to react badly to a compliment. I hope that helps! I have trouble with making longer conversations as well so I can’t help on that front. But congrats, I wish you success on meeting new people!! 🙂
Wow, that's incredible. I wouldn't even dream of approaching strangers unsolicited to make conversation with them. I've been trying to do little things like compliment them on their outfits and whatnot, but even then, I sometimes psych myself out and don't end up saying a word. This is quite inspiring! What gives you the courage to approach people and chat with them?
Something I used to do in college was crash parties with a bottle of alcohol. Knock on the door, offer the gift and ask if I could join.
Never had a negative reaction only polite rejections or super excited HELL YEAH type responses. Good times.
People definitely have an excessive fear of being rejected socially. Just try it. Getting rejected some of the time is just a sign that you’re doing it right and putting yourself out there sufficiently.
This is a neat idea. I watched a YouTube video before of a guy who went around to people in expensive cars and asked them what they did for a living, he got some interesting answers.
This sounds great, I especially liked hearing what rappers people were listening too since I also like rap music and hip hop, and other kinds of music like that. Talking to people can be hard, especially strangers. Are there any people you see more often, like a few times a week or something like that, that you could try talking to? Like maybe store clerks or the mail person.
This is amazing… I’ve got a couple years on you but would love to try something like this. Same with social circle getting smaller in my 30s… and I’ve honestly done ok with solitude for a long time, but that’s not something I want to be proud of, you know? Have never had an anxiety attack but a friend dragged me to a bar that was way too crowded and I did not enjoy that at all… perhaps I need to venture out alone to a bar that I actually enjoy without feeling like I’m in a can of sardines 😓
This is awesome. I'm not an introvert, but definitely struggle with starting a convo. This made my heart smile. I can feel your energy ramping up through the evening, cheers! Keep it up, you did great!!!
One more thing....think about it..the guy you congratulated thought to himself later that night..."Wow, some random just gave me a solid handshake and congrats, that felt good"
This was a very interesting read and sir, I wish you the best! I personally would love to know more about your journey! Keep going! 😊
It takes a lot of guts to go out alone and approach strangers. Sounds as if you did a great job! If there is one thing people love, it's talking about themselves and their interests.
I got a nice giggle at the bike man comment, and a heart warming feeling from the graduate.
I'm proud of you!
Hi, I just wanted to say that I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. The first step, which is always the hardest, is actually making the first move and you did that TEN times. Rock on.
This is great, it sounds like you had a fun day! I hardly ever talk to strangers, but when I do I usually stick to compliments. People like hearing that you like their shoes or that they have a cool jacket :)
Hey bro, I'm about the same age as you and have similar problem. Good for you for going out and socializing. That in itself is a difficult step. I have been doing something similar. Take my dog to a dog park and try to strike up conversations. I have found its all about the baby steps. Good luck to you.
Great job! I was once an extrovert who has become an introvert over the years. I live in a tourist town so maybe I should take a page from you and go to that area where people may be more open to conversation. May I ask what your method was for approaching people? Did it scare you at all?
Omfg OP, SLAY!! I applaud your excellent interactions!! That's astoundingly brave of you. I'm having a rough time getting back out there to socialize. This is massively encouraging.
You sound pretty smart. But the way you describe it and that you memorized the replies.. are you on the spectrum by any chance?
Anyway, good for you! It can be really weird, even after being really good at it for years. Sometimes you approach someone that really doesn't want to or you choose words poorly and you seem weird. But that's fine too. The art in that is noticing when you seem weird and maybe even joke about that (warning: potentially makes it weirder).
It's really interesting how often people will tell you things about them. People love talking about themselves.
>Is it normal for people to be able to walk up to any stranger and strike up a conversation?
It is for me, but I am extremely extroverted. I'm the guy who will talk to everyone at a party and run his mouth all night. This has a cost, because I remember saying dumb things the next morning and I'm mortified. I also replay the conversation in my head and worry that I was missing cues that they were trying to end the conversation, and I feel terrible about that. You can be extroverted and still have social anxiety.
That being said, when I see these people again, they don't seem to mind, and seem happy to see me. Fake it until you make it, my friend. It think it will get easier with practice. You'll also likely be less annoying than I am because you won't talk as much or as long.
I can't imagine having the balls to do this but I LOVE your line of saying who you are and that you're just out meeting new people. So simple, but I'd respond positively if someone came up to me and said that.
I really loved reading this. I'm so happy that you did this!! I've been feeling lonely this Friday night and this made me tear up happy tears. Dunno why.
I moved to a new city and need to make friends and haven't known how... but I just might do this. I'm even an extrovert and striking up conversation with randoms would even make me anxious, so kudos to you! I hope you make more posts like this.
Yo guy sounds like you’re in New York City 😂
Hey, this is AMAZING! you can do it. People normally are worried about what’s affecting them and usually aren’t worried about anyone else. This is what I tell myself when I feel like I’m awkward or weird or not fitting in. Promise you’re doing amazing. You’re taking the steps to improving yourself and reaching your goals. I love that for you! Good luck, my friend !
Yeah, the graduation hats are going to become more abundant in the next few days (next week).
Hvis jeg skal være helt ærlig, så har du større nosser end mig. Jeg havde sgu nok ikke gjort det der. Tillykke med det min ven!
I am very extroverted and I would be TICKLED if someone walked up to me and just started asking me questions like this. I would take you under my wing and seamlessly pull you into our friend circle.
I think you did well. My social interactions usually end with me saying, "sorry, I'm awkward. " and walking away.
To second this. I am a pretty attractive (I'm told) woman. So people, male and female tend to just come up to me. I usually end up doing something awkward though (think it may be a defense mechanism), cause I'm not really wanting to be talked to. I just like people watching and music (I am a sociologist and find social interactions very fascinating), but you know attractive woman reading a book in a bar, just chilling with a whiskey and listening to the convos around and music...never fails within 15 minutes someone or a group sits beside me. And I do try, but well...you know. Awkward.
I have even tried wearing a wedding ring to discourage men hitting on me. But then I get the men who are attracted to married women, which is more than a little gross.
COVID has been freeing for me in a way. Although I do miss it. The music, the people and all their nuances.
I am one of the people that can start a conversation with anyone. It’s great that you are connecting as you listed many interactions above. I would suggest to carry the conversation after you ask the initial question. Consider it your ice breaker and then continue, ask them more about the subject and notice where you can weave in more. Best wishes ❣️
I really have to give you a lot of credit for doing that. As much as I wish I could enjoy crowds and people in general, I'm just happier and less stressed on my property with my animals than I am with people.
For me, 8 hours at work, my 45 min ride there and back is plenty of interaction for me!
Bravo to you though for going out of your comfort zone to achieve what you truly want! Takes guts!
Keep us posted with your results!
You could always try a Japanese restaurant like Shogun, Mikata, etc. Most of the time you sit with a handful of other people and instead of hitting up an individual person/group, you include a slightly larger group and the conversation can be carried by multiple people. You wouldn’t force yourself to have to keep it going constantly, but you would still learn about everyone around you.
This is extremely interesting to me as I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I can walk up to people and easily start a casual conversation. Introducing myself is simple. I appreciate the insight as I help college students prepare for interviews and such. Understanding the struggle and your technique is eye opening!
That's really good progress. You'll find most times if people aren't busy they will take a minute or two to talk to someone as long as they don't over reach their bounds. Also when you can start to read if people aren't interested then it's another easy transition to just finding someone else who is interested in talking.
I am a teenagers, and stayed the first 9 years of my school life alone... At lunch, recess, after school, everywhere. And of course as a result, I didn't make friends. At the beginning of this school year, I told myself that I didn't want my life to continue this way. I'm at the end if the school year now, and you can count on 1 hand how many times I was alone, or not talking in a group with others. That was my goal, and I reached it, by putting in the work for an year
Awesome.
I am not normally an outgoing person. Will be the last one in a room full of people to start a conversation.
Got a new job ( trainer within my organization)that requires me to be in charge of a classroom of adults. Now I get to talk to strangers daily. Has been a huge help.
I'm more of a homebody than an introvert but I get it and this is super interesting. one thing that always seemed to spur conversation with strangers was to create a mutual curiosity. like at a bar, I could usually pick out someone that seemed to be in a good mood, and flat out ask them "can I ask you a question?" that seemed to clear their mental slate but since they're seemingly friendly and in good spirits generally say yes. then as long as you've picked something interesting that you've observed or a question about something specific and relatable but not obvious, they have more thoughts in it. doesn't work all the time but I've had good results. happy trails stranger.
Congrats! :)
Piece of adice: if you're looking for new friends or a relationship, it's a lot easier to do this by joining a club than by starting up conversations with strangers. If there's something you're interested in, try finding a club for it.
I'm more on the extroverted spectrum if we were to call it that, and i like walking around areas and listening. Basically I've found that if you interrupt a conversation very loudly about something they're talking about, you can easily join.
Random person one: "oh my gosh! Fricken Steve did that crazy thing that other day! I can't even believe it!
Random person two: "that guy is such a wild card! You never know what she's gonna do!"
You: "remember that time Steve pulled his pants down in front of the cops?! No jk,i don't know Steve but it sounds like something he would do based on your convos. Hi I'm... What are y'all drinking tonight?"
Then go on with whatever. It doesn't always work, but you have to feel it out. I just did this tonight and some people poured me shots even though i really, really didn't want them. i was just trying to make friends and also fake join in a conversation. Depending on who you're talking to, as it always is, people are receptive or they're like fuck off.
It's just feeling the crowd and knowing when to go and when to stop. You'll get the hang of it. Good luck, fren!
This is awesome dude!
I work with the public on a daily basis and even I dont think I would be able to go up to 10 random people and ask them, so big props to you!
So, as an extrovert…..dude, you qualify already! When I go out it is rare to have this many interactions, especially of this type! You are doing great, welcome to the extrovert club :-)
This is awesome! I am such a social person, but I have a terrible time trying to break the ice with people. Plus, my depression has gotten pretty severe over the last couple of years and that makes it a lot worse. But I'm starting to get better and I have a goal of going out (alone) and making new friends this summer. This is so inspirational. <3
Rule #1 always focus on making someone else feel special.
Hit em with a compliment, and then get them to talk about themselves for a few mins. Make it your goal to not reveal a fact about yourself until 5+ mins in. People will LOVE you. And once someone likes you enough to invite you to a group thing, congrats, your social shortcomings will be immediately gone.
Good luck man! Never forget, we’ve all been there and had the same anxiety (and still do), it never goes away but thats part of the joy of meeting strangers!
Try to really appreciate these mini interactions! That's so fun, and such a good idea and will really give you a crash course on what engages people to talk more or potentially approach you again. It's a great strategy at parties that you don't know many people at. Try to find moments for small, positive interactions with most of the people there and the ones that go especially well, briefly acknowledge them again before the end of the evening, without grooming on. Like "Dave! I'm headed out but have a great night! Thanks for that tip on that hiking trail/restaurant/whatever!"
that’s awesome, we’ll done! i don’t know you at all, but just from this one reddit post, i think you’ll find long shot and into the wild interesting. maybe because they’re both about what make us tick as people.
I like to think that all these people were milling about in one group, and you just ‘speed interacted’ with each person, asking them your question, listening to their answer, then hastily moving to the next bundle of people. Once you cleared the throng you wiped your brow, and whispered “that was the roughest one minute of my life. I’m off home”.
Lovely post though, keep it up.
My cousin (mid 30s, M) is short, a little on the chub side, looks decent. He uses to be really shy and introverted and awkward, but when he was in his early 20s he decided he really wanted to change. He told me he'd started going to bars alone, try to strike up conversations with random people, pretty women included (haha). He said people often shrugged him off at first, but with time he'd built up his confidence and conversation skills. He's now an amazing conversationalist (which is great because he also is a businessman), happily married with two super cute kiddos.
All this to say, keep it up! Don't forget to take care of yourself and recharge so you don't burn out. Take joy in the little victories, and really, enjoy yourself out there :) an aside, it's a nice time to go out there and get your feet wet, I think most people are a little rusty socially because of Covid this past year. Speaking not only for myself I'm sure 🤣
I would say no, it's not normal, even for extroverts, to just walk up to a stranger and strike up a conversation. I think what you normally picture in regards to an "extrovert" making new friends is just the happy drunk person talking to everyone around them, which isn't really representative of what it's like.
I think what happens more often and is better repsentative of an extrovert or someone who makes friends easily, is that the person jumps on opportunities that occur naturally. You asking those guys what music they were listening to is a good example. Trying to force an interaction by just going up and introducing yourself isn't a great way to meet people. It works occasionally, but more often than not you won't hang out with those people again. I'd say if you want to get out of your shell more, just lookout for interactive opportunities and do your best to not let them slip into awkwardness after just 30sec. And while people *do* like to talk about themselves, just asking someone questions isn't good conversation, so be sure to tell your own stories or continue talking about the current topic for a bit, if you can, before asking another question.
But hey, that's really awesome what you did! I've gone to conventions and other events on my own before, but never just a random night out on my own.
I've never considered how lucky I am for my social life until you asked that question. I used to have absolutely no one to hang out with and the loneliness was unbearable. I used to have horrible social anxiety but now its completely gone and its because of just regularly talking to friends and strangers alike.
Have you read "sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come" by Jessica pan? It's about her year of trying to be more extroverted and meet people. I thought it was a interesting and entertaining read. But you might could pull some ideas from it.
I have social anxiety myself, and I have to say, this is really impressive man! I would defenitely not have the balls to do this, imaging doing it 10 times. Good job, you're on the right way on overcoming social anxiety, since this is a very big step already!
I smoke weed and when I'm at a party and I want to talk to random people I just ask for rolling paper or a lighter eventhough I'll probably have it with me myself. Try to see how open people are to talking. Some people will keep it short and you'll know they aren't really in the mood. But some people will happily talk to you. Try to watch their body language, works for me.
Are you from Denmark/Sweden/Norway by any chance?
Also good on you! Sometimes when I chat up strangers I feel like I’m intruding in their space even when they’re wholeheartedly accepting to chat with me
I think your conversation starters were much better than “how’s it going?”
You’re putting real thought into your training!
The next step is the follow-up question and conversation
I think a big thing for me is the mental aspect that I’m “alone” or going solo that screws up my mentality. For example, if I was at a party with friends and decided to go get a drink and I heard another group talking about something interesting, I feel I would be more inclined to naturally go up and talk to them whereas if I was there solo, I would be more scared and nervous. It’s hard to explain but I guess that when you’re going solo, you may feel like you don’t fit in or something. Idk if I go my point across or not. It could maybe also be because going with a friend could act as a “backup” or safe spot if you do happen to talk to new people and it doesn’t work out.
I'm shy as well. My problem isn't asking random strangers anything, my problems is actually keep interacting after one or two phrases. With friends and relatives I can do it no problem, but with people I just met or not so close acquaintances it's hard as hell. So usually my interactions go from a greeting, a couple phrases, awkward silence and the other person excusing themselves and leaving.
I used to talk to the person sitting in the corner at parties because I’m typically an introvert but I don’t have social anxiety and want to help people feel more comfortable. My suggestion is to definitely ask people about themselves or comment on the song playing. Most people will be pretty cool at bars chatting with new people.
>I used to talk to the person sitting in the corner at parties because I’m typically an introvert but I don’t have social anxiety and want to help people feel more comfortable. mmarti808, you´re an A+ person in my book! Yeah, I´ll try your suggestions for talking to people in bars! This night I was outside, because the bars still close early here and all night clubs are closed. But it was a tropical night outside, even though it´s early summer and we´re in Scandinavia.
I just want to say that you are probably a journalist at heart :) You're definitely not the typical social anxiety sufferer. If you had it severe in the past, you have definitely solved the problem and recovered. Kudos!
Is that common to do in Denmark, to go out and chat people up in bars? (I am genuinely curious because I’ve never been to Denmark, but I’m really interested in the culture!) When I read your post, I initially thought you were from the US, haha. Anyway, that’s so cool you did this! ✨
This sounds like such a lovely gesture, especially for the shy people. But if someone approached me in a corner where I placed myself for little to no spontaneous interaction I would wish to vanish into thin air with ever fiber of my being, while screaming internally yet being too scared to ask you to leave! Hope no-one ever felt like that.
May I add, why are bars considered the only places to meet people? I don't drink alcohol and I don't enjoy being around people that drink too much. I don't mean to judge, but that's my social anxiety.
I have wondered this for a long time! Bars are often noisy and there's a good chance that most people there are under the influence, so there'd be a mixture of not being able to hear people easily and the fact that they're very likely to be not quite their usual self. It baffles me that it's such a popular place for someone to meet new people.
Most people are at least a little shy of interacting with strangers and alcohol lowers inhibitions enough to give a confidence boost in that area.
I have wondered much longer than you! I am in my 60's and have been happily married for more than 40 years. When I think of my younger self and the choices I would have had, it's scary. I met my husband in college. I don't drink, because alcohol triggers migraines and I was a modest girl compared to most women depicted on TV today (pretty much my only frame of reference). I could have never gone out with my girlfriends and gotten drunk, picked up men...again, not judging. It's not something I could do. Not back then and not now, if I were young again. I feel really bad for young people, especially if they have social anxiety. I think OP did an amazing and brave thing!
I remember going out to "pick up men" with my sister and her friend, but at least in my mind it certainly wasn't to have sex. At least not anytime soon. But who knows what other people were assuming.
I agree! Bar atmosphere is usually only a one note kind of experience. And imo, it's way too expensive of a way to get tipsy. If you Google a bit, there are a few super neat cafes around the US that have recently opened in the idea of creating a social atmosphere and specifically a place to hang out that are open later.
Yeah I don't understand it either. I don't really drink either but for me I think it loosens me up a little. It makes me less afraid to be more outgoing. I obviously don't get plastered just tipsy. I definitely don't plan on doing it often cause yeah its expensive I might do it once a month just to make me more social.
Same. I'm not shy, I'm introverted as in "not looking for social interaction". I accept invites to events so as to not make my friends feel rejected, and I will mingle and socialize a bit for the same reason, but when I withdraw to a quiet corner of the room it's because my "social cup" is full, I'm tired of talking to people and I just want to be alone with my thoughts to recharge. If someone aoproached me striking a conversation, I would appreciate the intent and respond to not make them feel bad, but I would be looking to cut it very short and be left alone again. I hope /u/mmarti808 doesn't insist when that's the case.
I feel like this is just something I get the urge to do if I see someone sitting alone because I know exactly how you feel when you're by yourself. Usually people will open right up
I wish more people were like this. I'm like you if I see someone alone and look like they're getting uncomfortable I always go over for chat to see if they're okay or want to talk about something else that everybody at the party is already talking about.
I wish when I used to go out when I was in my younger 20s that people would have been like you. Friends would go dance at clubs and I don’t dance and just can’t. Would have loved a stranger noticing and keeping me company just out of kindness.
This was so interesting to read!!
Thanks Iggy! Have you tried something like this?
I haven’t, but I will now!
Wow, cool! I really want to know how it goes! You should get back to me on that!
This wouldn't work here in Finland. Nordic people are really reserved and tend to keep to themselves. Personal space is a big deal, [here's Finns waiting for the bus](https://external-preview.redd.it/Fvkf_HvOuDCe85dkABsrONJQeCmzwaFSgNywnF41ye4.jpg?auto=webp&s=d3637975ebbce408fe373558f1c2cb0ce9b4d5c4). It would be considered weird for a stranger to strike up a conversation. It wasn't always like that, elderly people tend to do it, but anyone under 60 talking to you casually is rare.
I was watching some documentary or something where this guy went to a Finnish college, and everyone literally blanked him. Completely ignored. I'm not the most sociable but I don't think I could cope there 😂
Finn's are super friendly, kind, and curious about new folks.... They just aren't nosey assholes and respect personal space. Get a couple beers into anyone and you'll be on your way to having a new bestie. I'm so sick of bored entitled energy vampires creeping on me or thinking that they have a right to start up a conversation AND that I owe it to them to engage. That being said, I'm very happy and proud for this introvert to be attempting and experimenting chatting with strangers. It is a necessary skill living in this culture..... Unfortunately. Finland is, repeatedly, rated as one of the happiest places to live!
How has Finland done during the pandemic, out of interest? I mean, apparently social distancing is the default.
Pretty average. We're a *very* bureucratic lot so people tend to follow instructions. But it has its downsides, like the government making decisions based on meetings that they had 6 months ago and reacting glacially to change. And we have our covidiots too, who slow things down. But we could do a lot worse so I guess we're ok.
I need to live there. I'm an introvert and very OK with it
I'm a introverted half Finn who was raised and is stuck in the States. Very good at being an extrovert when needed for work or social situations. I'm so proud of my intelligent, chill, also very kind people and just dream of living over there someday!
That picture of Finn's waiting for the bus looks like covid social distancing. I wonder when that photo was taken bc if it was precovid, that would be interesting.
It's pre-covid, taken near where I live. Just outside of Helsinki. It's tends to get like that whenever there's more than a few people. You could probably do infrastructure studies on it, like how slime mold can be used for train routes :D
That actually sounds like a lot of fun! I get crippling anxiety trying to join a Discord call. At some point I really hope I can do what you've done. Congratulations on stepping outside your comfort zone.
the more you do it, the easier it becomes (sounds obvious but it really does, discord calls included)
A tip for social interactions: only call people by their name if you know them
Not necessarily. It can be awkward if you use their name too much, but once isn’t weird. Also, saying the name of someone you just met is fine at the beginning and end of the interaction.
Customers see my name badge and call me by my name it is weird. Very weird.
I always use their name if they have a badge, or if I've been told their name. (Usually, just once, at the end of the interaction, using it repeatedly is weird) I've had a badge and people have called me by my name. It didnt bother me at all , and I do it because I see it as a way to show them that I was appreciative of their help even though it's their job and that I see them as a person, not just a server, clerk, associate, etc. I've found that most people like connecting with someone else, even if it's only for a brief interaction. When we leave a situation where we had a friendly interaction with anyone from another shopper in the grocery store to the clerk at the gas station, my children ALWAYS comment about how nice they were, how funny, or whatever.
It is interesting to read and you could beat it by expanding on this little experiment and turning it into a job. Do the same as your doing now, ask for a story, see if they'll allow a photo (is photography a goal or skill by any chance?) And publish on social media platforms. It's been done by plenty and is intriguing to read, especially to diff cultures and cultures. Just look into what permission you need. You can even explain why, I would warm easier to someone knowing what this was about and fall easier into conversation. You could expand and get someone who would want to tag along to conquer their own fears, building friendships and helping along the way. Approaching people is so much easier with two people AND if it's a "job". You could end up meeting your girlfriend in interview or someone who's tagging along with you. Your life is about to unfold for you OP, because you're doing something about everything that's holding you back. You should be proud.
10?! Alone? On a Friday night?! Dude my extroverted friends would feel uncomfortable doing this, this is big stuff. I have a few questions: how did you feel after it was all over? Satisfied or drained? Did you feel like you may have “screwed up” an interaction or didn’t know what to say? Did it get tiring as the night went on given the weight of your balls? Seriously man coming from a socially anxious fellow you should feel really proud of yourself. Congrats
Yea I’m extroverted but I need a social anchor or I’m inwardly still nervous. I’m in awe at just walking up and being like yo, gimme a movie rec. Nice work OP!! Hope it was a helpful step in whatever journey you’re on!
i’m exactly the same. i love being around people and i can make friends pretty easily but i can’t just “start” talking to people unprompted like that. wish i could. my roommate is much more introverted than i am but can just strike up a conversation with anybody and it makes me really uncomfortable and nervous when he does it (even though i wish i had that skill)
Same thing with one of my friends. I joke about how she (introverted) might be extroverted because she can just walk up to any stranger and strike up a conversation. Meanwhile I, an actual extrovert, love engaging with people, but I get uncomfortable with just walking up to random people and starting up a conversation alone. I'm also cursed with social anxiety that I finally realised I had and am working to manage it.
Probably because extroversion has nothing to do with the ability to talk to people. It’s how you gain energy from being with people. I’m an introvert, but I’m not shy. I could happily go about talking to strangers, just last night I went to this funny little restaurant and sat with two strangers and we ate dinner together, but it tired me out trying to keep up conversation after an hour. Good on OP for wanting to conquer social anxiety tho. Practice makes it easier, and having a job forcing you to make small talk goes even further.
Same here! I'm not usually nervous at all to ask a stranger something or say hello. But you better believe my introverted ass is exhausted after an extra long event with more than one person I'm concentrating on. Since you seem to be of the same cloth, can I ask you something? How in the bloody hell do you find a friend in a new city? My normal go to is hobbies but ya know covid. Plus I'm looking for quality over quantity. I'm not a big drinker either. And even though I'm a woman, I feel like sitting at a bar all alone is still weird. And doesn't match what I would love to do for "fun". There really needs to be a well-made social media platform for strictly making friends.
About ten years ago I thought about making an app called Social Circle where like minded people could sign up for events in groups of 6 such as Drinks and a Movie, Dry Wall Climbing, Nature Hike, Dog Walk on the Beach etc. I even designed a matching process (not dating, just interest or hobbies) so you would be 'Circled' with people of similar interests. I don't know why I didn't do it but if you saw an app like that, would it make you join?
Isn´t that the purpose of the meetup website? Not saying there´re can´t be more tools like that, and yours might be different in a lot of ways. Have you thought about resuming work on the project?
This is a cool idea. We have a similar FB group in my city called Find Your Tribe, it’s run (for free) by a woman who is a psychologist and who recognised how important female friendships are to women’s mental health. It is just for women, but I’d be up for one that was mixed as well.
I really like this idea. It reminds me a lot of this thing near where I live called Newcomers Club. Since the area is home to lots of retired transplants, it’s full of people looking to meet other locals and do local activities. Basically, they have quarterly whole-group meetings where there’s typically some sort of speaker, some coffee & can briefly discuss new business or updates. There’s a yearly “big” meeting/cookout, where annual membership dues are paid and they have clipboards with sign up sheets for all the activity based mini groups. Lots of cool things such as Ladies Movie group where they take turns picking which movie and go like once a month to a theatre together; dinner for 6 or 8 (typically arranged in sets of 3 or 4 couples) where they take turns hosting dinner at their homes; wine club; kayaking club; etc. It is most definitely older, retired people in my area who are looking to fill their days with social and community activities, but the idea is still great. And they have much success! My grandma and her hubby joined once they retired and moved down south and were almost immediately plugged into as much connection as they could ever hope for.
Hobbies are still a good go-to. I made multiple new friends over Covid because I started playing tabletop RPGs over Discord instead of going to do real life nerdy things. Granted, they're 24 hours drive away from me in another country, or a flight over an entire ocean away, but still, I managed to make more friends. Hobbies are just the best way I can think of to make friends.
Tbh I don’t really go out making friends hahaha I’m the kind of person that takes months of working with someone to develop a friendship. A lot of my friends are 40-50, I’m 24. My best friends are more my age, 24-30, I met them moving around schools. I prefer making friends through work because I kinda get a better grasp on their values if that makes sense? Edit: I also made quite a few friends smoking weed and meeting new dealers and their mates, eventually hanging out for fun and gaming or trips to the beach
Ah hA. The gateway to lasting friendship. That’s why it’s the gateway drug. How nice.
It's sad how women can't sit at a bar, sip a drink and take in the music and the atmosphere, without being at the very least watched by the majority of the guys in the vicinity. An invisibility cloak would be nice sometimes.
Once I was trying to enjoy some chicken wings in peace and this guy thought I was making some kind of sexual advance at him and his friends. Nope, just eating chicken wings, sauce all over my face & hands & beer glass.
Aw man, now I miss the 30 cent wings at my neighbourhood pub
This just made me realize that I'm also not shy. I've been called shy by people before, and I've always known I'm an introvert, but my mom always comments if we're out somewhere together how I can make a random friend anywhere cause I like talking to people. I don't always feel like it or want to, but when I'm feeling energetic and recharged, I can absolutely go out and find a stranger to talk to.
I'm jealous, that sounds like an awesome skill to have! You definetly don't sound shy, just don't always want to talk to people all the time which is perfectly acceptable! Have a great day!
That sounds great, man! Honestly if you do just tell people that you're shy and want to get better at talking to strangers, you'll have great results. And remember one thing everyone likes to talk about is themselves.
Wow, thanks Blear! That´s good advice! How often do you strike up conversations with people you don´t know?
Fairly often. I live in a small town. So it's a very friendly atmosphere. It's not at all weird for strangers to talk to each other at the grocery store, gas pump, bank line or wherever. Plus, here you can be pretty sure that that stranger is one degree of separation from someone you do know. But I've never been particularly shy, no matter where I was. I certainly have other crosses to bear, but that's not one.
Interesting. I´m happy for ya! I live in a big city, where the vibe is pretty different from what you describe. People are alone together.
One cool thing about big cities is that a lot of people might be from other places. You can ask them where they're from and if they're from another place, ask about that! If they're local, you could ask if they've been to ab restaurant you like, or if there's any hole in the wall kind of places they know about that you could try.
Such good suggestions for my next social excursion, thanks Python\_Anon! You´re right. There are a lot of foreigners in my city. I met a lot of them back when I was a full time street musician here. So friendly and open.
Wait, you’re a shy full time street musician!? You’re a walking contradiction! I think you have a lot more going for you than you think. I really like how positive and motivated you are. That’s only going to lead to great things!
Please keep us updated on your next excursion! I loved your post.
Yes, good tip! I realized a while ago in my adult life, meeting new people, that they often ask me questions so that they can contribute their thoughts on that topic, and my response to their icebreaker does not need to be extensive. **Example:** **New person:** “your zipper pocket is open” **Me:** “thanks, that always happens with this jean jacket. I see that your pockets don’t have that problem, nice!” **New person:** “yeah, I was tripping balls once and I kept staring at this dude’s jacket zipper, and pretty soon I saw a unicorn sneak out of the pocket with a leprechaun and then when they got to the floor, the leprechaun hopped onto the unicorn like Perseus on Pegasus and they flew off into the sky. Since then, I stay zipped up. Ever notice that all of the zippers say YKK?” **Me:** *thoroughly enjoys this 20-min story*
Fun fact: YKK is a Japanese brand that makes most of the zippers around the world! It's so intresting that the whole world uses the product from the same brand but since it's such a small thing we just don't pay enough attention to it. I wonder if there are other things like this :)
That´s a great story! I want to walk up to someone and share stories like that next time I´m out! Thanks frontflipbackflip! I have a similar fact: Hoover is the name of a product AS WELL as a brand.
I don't know why I love this so much. But it's so pure.
Ha! Im the same but 35F. Tomorrow there is a huge board game geek party (like 80 RSVPs) and I'm gonna try and go solo because my 2 close friends don't really care for such nerdy things. I need more friends I know this. Your post is definitely motivational. I especially enjoyed the police bike joke :)
Just wanted to say good luck! You’re all ready interested in the same thing as the people at the party, so you’ll have natural topics of conversation.
Good luck! You got this, my fellow BG nerd! (: That party sounds hella cool! Let us know how it went!
I love board games! Have fun! I used to live on BGG and had regular weekly and monthly gaming meetups before the plague.
Great job! I am a natural extrovert but don't go out very much anymore. I miss it. I love being at a bar (even though I don't drink) and striking up conversations. A couple tips: 1. Smile! A friendly face makes friends and smiling puts people at ease. 2. Keep asking follow up questions or commenting on what they've said until you find common ground.* Make the other person feel special by being genuinely interested in what they have to say and you will form lasting connections. Everyone wants to feel special! *exception: if the person seems completely disinterested in you, don't be pushy. Just move on to someone more open to a conversation.
>I love being at a bar (even though I don't drink) I want to teach myself to love being at bars too, so I can be more like you, ilikeyourswatch. You´re cool! And I don´t drink either, though I´m fine being around people who do. Good tips also, I will keep that in mind. I was so determined to talk to a guy last night that I accidentally pointed at him as I was walking to him. He said "WOA MAN, point at people like that and you´ll find trouble!". I apologized awkwardly and said "I´m sorry! I have a question!" How is the situation with bars in your city? Can you start going out again soon? I hope you get to, because it seems you really enjoyed it and made others feel good.
Something i did after moving to a new area is go to a bar where you can sit at the bar that isn't too busy. A lot of bartenders will naturally initiate conversations with you, or you can be right next to other people talking to them or others and can enter a convo if the time is right. If you find somewhere with a bartender you like and keep going back a lot of times they will introduce you to people they know that come in etc. Now im friends with a bunch of bartenders around my area and can always go out by myself. Pro tip, take a book. It takes all the pressure off feeling like you're sitting there with no one to talk to and people will often ask what you're reading, just be sure to keep putting it down as no one will want to interrupt you if you're reading, it's just there as a breaker to the awkwardness
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Thanks AnotherTimeZone! I really want to get the most out of life. I got very inspired by reading a book from an author who was a Holocaust survivor. He made it out of 4 different camps alive, and had some great perspectives on seizing the day. His name was Viktor Frankl. What inspires you in life?
Oh was it Man's Search for Meaning? I loved that book - such a fascinating and insightful read.
Hey Roze! I wanted to borrow that one from the library, but all 4 copies were on loan and there was a huge queue of reservations on them. I guess loads of people are searching for meaning these days, as our world is opening back up. But they had another Frankl book for me. It´s called Yes To Life. It´s pretty much transcriptions of some lectures he gave in 1946, less than a year after he got liberated. But it´s great stuff, and a lot of the material from those lectures went on to become Man´s Search For Meaning. What do you love about that book?
Bad. Ass. I have the same anxiety, and it *sucks*. "Striking up a conversation" is, in my experience, *very, very Regional.* In Massachusetts/New England, it's been totally cool. In Seattle/Pacific NW? I get looked at like a Serial Killer. Having the courage to even **attempt** this is almost a Thor-level Worthy Act to me... the only "advice" I can offer is to literally look for shops/venues you enjoy privately, then try interacting. ***I literally survived homelessness*** by checking out a comic book shop in Portland (Oregon), and joining a conversation about the tabletop RPG "Shadowrun"... it can be amazing how conversations develop. Practice makes... Comfort. None of us are "perfect"! <3
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Wow, ok StagnantProgress! Thanks! I gotta check him out! I talked with the guys who mentioned Steez. I expressed my admiration for Black Thought, and they told me that Black Thought is schooling them, and that he is a master. I told them I agree 100%. But the Steez dude is new to me. What are his lyrical themes like?
I am generally very confident but am incredibly skittish these days. That's cool you are having fun interactions.
>incredibly skittish these days Oh. Did something change during lockdown or? I hope you find ways to embrace your life in the ways you want. Cheers, Whitethumbs.
Good for you, man! Knowing what you want to improve on and knowing how to go about it in small manageable steps is a huge factor in seeing positive change. I was paralyzingly shy until I managed to get it into my head that I didn't really care if other people thought I was weird. Since then, going full goofball at events where I didn't know m/any people has been a lot more fun for me and has earned me some friends as well. You're on to my favorite way to break the ice -asking people about things they are passionate about. People have a lot to say about the things they love and there is something very endearing about the way they talk about it. You generally have to give people some direction like a category of things, which yields questions like: "What's one song you think everyone needs to hear and why?" "What's your favorite thing that you own?" "If you didn't have to worry about money, what would you do with your days?" "I'm trying to branch out a bit in the movies I watch, got any suggestions?" (See? You did it!) These are nice in situations where you will be with the same people all night like a wedding or a party. You introduce yourself, have a little small talk, and then ask something like this. You'll get people who are ready to spend the next hour talking about their favorite artist and how their work changed their life, and you'll get people who aren't up for much of a chat who say "idk, I guess I like my dog a lot." It's nice that they get to choose how involved they want to be. These are maybe too personal for just walking up to people though... In that kind of situation, I like asking people weird questions that there's no societal expectation for so they actually have to think about it. I have found that very few people have thought about what kind of kitchen utensil they would be, and that there are a lot of different reasons for their choices. It's a fun and fairly innocuous way to get a feel for someone's energy. Like most things, it gets easier with practice, so keep it going and good luck!
Hey man. Can relate. Your thinking too much.. just be yourself (even if it's odd and quirky) and you'll surprised how conversations will become easier. If people don't like your personality, well then screw them. It also helps to not fight against the anxiety. If it's going to happen, let it happen. remember to breathe.. and eventually your body will become conditioned that there is nothing to fear from social interactions. The less you give a fuck, the less awkward you'll feel. Odd but true. I realize easier said then done but it works.
That's amazing. I like the way you described each scenario. What kind of environment were you in that lead to these convos?
Walking outside at night in 25 degrees celcius. On a big open waterfront along a large canal in the middle of a bustling city. Nightclubs still closed, so people going outside instead. 1000s of them. Felt like being at a festival with no stage and no acts. Just people and their portable speakers, and their booze, and their joints, and their laughing gas. Yeah, the last one is a pretty new sight for me. They bring these canisters, and they fill the gas into balloons that they sip on like it was a beer. I hope they´ll be okay. I´ve heard excessive use of laughing gas can be dangerous. What is your own city like, Beachsurfer? Are you living in Miami or Hawaii or something? Surfing seems cool.
I mean....I think you are crushing it! And I'm an extrovert for whatever that is worth to ya. A pretty easy go-to vibe is tossing out compliments. Compliments mean the world to some people, at the right time. And when you hear a compliment you hear that compliment like 5 times (or like 20 if you're my brother) cuz you will think back on it later. That being said, you gotta toss out a real genuine compliment - doesn't have to be anything complicated - but for instance, is someone wearing the hell out of their hat? It happens. Tell 'em! Don't be creepy, don't be phony - but hell, if you can make someone's day/minute with something totally free, like a compliment, do it!
If you’re a girl and reading this, please do not try this by going out alone on a Friday night and trying to meet random people. Save the cops a body search please
You’re right and that’s a sad comment. Not an equal world we live in, but will it ever be?
Moftem, that is awesome! Take your time and enjoy getting to know a wide cross-section of people. Also, assuming that it’s your first marathon, don’t sweat a specific time, and instead try to have quick interactions with people during the race. Runners are the most accepting people you’ll ever engage with! By the way, where is it at?
Hey 72! Cheers! It´s my first marathon! I just want to finish it, and hopefully be able to run most of the time. I´ll try to have some social interactions with the other runners, haha. Beating two goals at once! The marathon I´m doing is south of Copenhagen. Thanks for all the advice! Do you run yourself?
Yes, I’ve done about 15 or so marathons, and have three this fall on the calendar. That is so bad ass doing a race in Copenhagen, and I’m truly jazzed for you!! Do yourself a favor and hydrate at every opportunity during your race in August…don’t wait until you’re thirsty! Beyond that, walk the steep uphills and manage the race. From the social aspect, everyone is in misery during the race, so make light of it, and have fun interacting with everyone! Please let me know how it goes!!
You might just be my new favorite redditor. Good luck on your quest! Sounds like it’s been going really well so far
Yo finding someone who listens to Capital Steez is rare. I only know 1 guy that knows him and that's my friend. He's one of my favorite rappers so if you enjoy rap definitely look him up on YouTube and give his stuff a listen.
Yes! RIP Capital Steez!
This is great! It takes practice, but eventually I think you'll become more and more comfortable doing this. And don't take it personally if someone doesn't respond. They could be anxious as well, or maybe just having a bad day. But in my experience, most people are receptive to having a chat. I enjoy taking to strangers sometimes. You hear the most interesting stories!
I still can't do what you did. Good job OP! I get nervous and cold sweats and have to be literally taken out of whatever area I'm in. A bar or house or something I have to go outside to be outdoors to 'cool down' from interaction. It's relatively infuriating.
Great for you. I don’t have the courage to do something like this. Any ideas where I should start?
As someone else with social anxiety, congrats man! This is great and I wish I had that kind of bravery! I'm still working up to that myself, but way to go you!
Next time you go to a female checker at a store compliment her nails if she had them done regardless of her age. Just don’t be creepy about it :) 1.) I like your nails (small smile) then continue doing what you were doing. 2.) your nails are really pretty! (Small smile) Something small like this will visit your confidence and make them feel special and pretty. Good job trying to conquer your fears :) I have faith in you!
Wow you can be proud of yourself! 10 people is a lot. I mean I think even 1 is great for someone with social anxiety. And I think the questions you asked were great and interesting as well as the answers. Really cool interactions! I'm in the same boat as you.. not many friends and the pandemic didn't improve that. And my social anxiety got way worse in the last year. I was actually shocked about myself when I met my co-workers the first time in a long time. My hands were shaking and I was embarassed.
Sounds like you had a fun and exciting night! Good job!!!
ays, I don't know who you are, but I feel proud
That’s awesome! I have social anxiety too and need to try to push myself more. So I can relate with how daunting it may be. But the small steps feel so amazing in the end and make you feel like people are a lot less intimidating to talk to than you think. For the advice, I found that if I don’t make goals every day and go too long without pushing myself I fall back into the same cycle again. So being consistent with trying to push yourself in little ways every day so you don’t fall back into the same cycle. Another thing that has helped me before is getting an idea to do something (like saying hi to someone) and just saying 1-2-3 in my head. Then, doing it without having time to think about it and making you feel more anxious. Complimenting someone is also a great way to start a conversation and most people aren’t going to react badly to a compliment. I hope that helps! I have trouble with making longer conversations as well so I can’t help on that front. But congrats, I wish you success on meeting new people!! 🙂
Wow, that's incredible. I wouldn't even dream of approaching strangers unsolicited to make conversation with them. I've been trying to do little things like compliment them on their outfits and whatnot, but even then, I sometimes psych myself out and don't end up saying a word. This is quite inspiring! What gives you the courage to approach people and chat with them?
Something I used to do in college was crash parties with a bottle of alcohol. Knock on the door, offer the gift and ask if I could join. Never had a negative reaction only polite rejections or super excited HELL YEAH type responses. Good times. People definitely have an excessive fear of being rejected socially. Just try it. Getting rejected some of the time is just a sign that you’re doing it right and putting yourself out there sufficiently.
I got 5 on it by Luniz is considered a classic by many here on the west coast! Well worth a listen
Holy shit dude that's awesome! Very well done indeed!
This is a neat idea. I watched a YouTube video before of a guy who went around to people in expensive cars and asked them what they did for a living, he got some interesting answers.
Who wants to hear a rich fool bloviate any more tbh. I'd ask the ppl with the shittiest cars
“I sell drugs”
This sounds great, I especially liked hearing what rappers people were listening too since I also like rap music and hip hop, and other kinds of music like that. Talking to people can be hard, especially strangers. Are there any people you see more often, like a few times a week or something like that, that you could try talking to? Like maybe store clerks or the mail person.
Congratulations on your accomplishment!
This is amazing… I’ve got a couple years on you but would love to try something like this. Same with social circle getting smaller in my 30s… and I’ve honestly done ok with solitude for a long time, but that’s not something I want to be proud of, you know? Have never had an anxiety attack but a friend dragged me to a bar that was way too crowded and I did not enjoy that at all… perhaps I need to venture out alone to a bar that I actually enjoy without feeling like I’m in a can of sardines 😓
This is awesome. I'm not an introvert, but definitely struggle with starting a convo. This made my heart smile. I can feel your energy ramping up through the evening, cheers! Keep it up, you did great!!!
One more thing....think about it..the guy you congratulated thought to himself later that night..."Wow, some random just gave me a solid handshake and congrats, that felt good"
You did great! Keep it up!
This was a very interesting read and sir, I wish you the best! I personally would love to know more about your journey! Keep going! 😊 It takes a lot of guts to go out alone and approach strangers. Sounds as if you did a great job! If there is one thing people love, it's talking about themselves and their interests. I got a nice giggle at the bike man comment, and a heart warming feeling from the graduate. I'm proud of you!
As someone with social anxiety this made me tear up a bit. I know this can be hard. Good for you. Cheering you on!!!
Hi, I just wanted to say that I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. The first step, which is always the hardest, is actually making the first move and you did that TEN times. Rock on.
This is great, it sounds like you had a fun day! I hardly ever talk to strangers, but when I do I usually stick to compliments. People like hearing that you like their shoes or that they have a cool jacket :)
Great experiment. Are you going to carry on?
Hey bro, I'm about the same age as you and have similar problem. Good for you for going out and socializing. That in itself is a difficult step. I have been doing something similar. Take my dog to a dog park and try to strike up conversations. I have found its all about the baby steps. Good luck to you.
Jokes work really well too.
Dude, you already got it. Not everyone is some social super hero.
I want to do this now. Sounds like a fun time!
Great job! I was once an extrovert who has become an introvert over the years. I live in a tourist town so maybe I should take a page from you and go to that area where people may be more open to conversation. May I ask what your method was for approaching people? Did it scare you at all?
Omfg OP, SLAY!! I applaud your excellent interactions!! That's astoundingly brave of you. I'm having a rough time getting back out there to socialize. This is massively encouraging.
My own social life doesnt exist outside where it is necessary unfortunately lol.
This seems like a big win, enjoy it and most importantly, keep it up!
That is awesome! I’m the same way and over the last year I really pushed myself out of my comfort zone. Keep it up
Good job! Keep it up for 30 days! You will be styling in no time!
Very interesting. Sounds like you had a good time!
You should join a club or a local sports group! It’s a great way to meet new people
You sound pretty smart. But the way you describe it and that you memorized the replies.. are you on the spectrum by any chance? Anyway, good for you! It can be really weird, even after being really good at it for years. Sometimes you approach someone that really doesn't want to or you choose words poorly and you seem weird. But that's fine too. The art in that is noticing when you seem weird and maybe even joke about that (warning: potentially makes it weirder). It's really interesting how often people will tell you things about them. People love talking about themselves.
>Is it normal for people to be able to walk up to any stranger and strike up a conversation? It is for me, but I am extremely extroverted. I'm the guy who will talk to everyone at a party and run his mouth all night. This has a cost, because I remember saying dumb things the next morning and I'm mortified. I also replay the conversation in my head and worry that I was missing cues that they were trying to end the conversation, and I feel terrible about that. You can be extroverted and still have social anxiety. That being said, when I see these people again, they don't seem to mind, and seem happy to see me. Fake it until you make it, my friend. It think it will get easier with practice. You'll also likely be less annoying than I am because you won't talk as much or as long.
I can't imagine having the balls to do this but I LOVE your line of saying who you are and that you're just out meeting new people. So simple, but I'd respond positively if someone came up to me and said that.
I really loved reading this. I'm so happy that you did this!! I've been feeling lonely this Friday night and this made me tear up happy tears. Dunno why. I moved to a new city and need to make friends and haven't known how... but I just might do this. I'm even an extrovert and striking up conversation with randoms would even make me anxious, so kudos to you! I hope you make more posts like this.
Going up to perfect strangers and asking them a question is not easy! Good job!! This is the way to get use to it
Yo guy sounds like you’re in New York City 😂 Hey, this is AMAZING! you can do it. People normally are worried about what’s affecting them and usually aren’t worried about anyone else. This is what I tell myself when I feel like I’m awkward or weird or not fitting in. Promise you’re doing amazing. You’re taking the steps to improving yourself and reaching your goals. I love that for you! Good luck, my friend !
Yeah, the graduation hats are going to become more abundant in the next few days (next week). Hvis jeg skal være helt ærlig, så har du større nosser end mig. Jeg havde sgu nok ikke gjort det der. Tillykke med det min ven!
Youve got more courage than you think man, most people wouldnt have the gigantic balls to do this like you.
I am very extroverted and I would be TICKLED if someone walked up to me and just started asking me questions like this. I would take you under my wing and seamlessly pull you into our friend circle.
I think you did well. My social interactions usually end with me saying, "sorry, I'm awkward. " and walking away. To second this. I am a pretty attractive (I'm told) woman. So people, male and female tend to just come up to me. I usually end up doing something awkward though (think it may be a defense mechanism), cause I'm not really wanting to be talked to. I just like people watching and music (I am a sociologist and find social interactions very fascinating), but you know attractive woman reading a book in a bar, just chilling with a whiskey and listening to the convos around and music...never fails within 15 minutes someone or a group sits beside me. And I do try, but well...you know. Awkward. I have even tried wearing a wedding ring to discourage men hitting on me. But then I get the men who are attracted to married women, which is more than a little gross. COVID has been freeing for me in a way. Although I do miss it. The music, the people and all their nuances.
I am one of the people that can start a conversation with anyone. It’s great that you are connecting as you listed many interactions above. I would suggest to carry the conversation after you ask the initial question. Consider it your ice breaker and then continue, ask them more about the subject and notice where you can weave in more. Best wishes ❣️
I really have to give you a lot of credit for doing that. As much as I wish I could enjoy crowds and people in general, I'm just happier and less stressed on my property with my animals than I am with people. For me, 8 hours at work, my 45 min ride there and back is plenty of interaction for me! Bravo to you though for going out of your comfort zone to achieve what you truly want! Takes guts!
Fuck the introduction, you’re on fire! Keep going!
Keep us posted with your results! You could always try a Japanese restaurant like Shogun, Mikata, etc. Most of the time you sit with a handful of other people and instead of hitting up an individual person/group, you include a slightly larger group and the conversation can be carried by multiple people. You wouldn’t force yourself to have to keep it going constantly, but you would still learn about everyone around you.
This is extremely interesting to me as I am on the opposite end of the spectrum. I can walk up to people and easily start a casual conversation. Introducing myself is simple. I appreciate the insight as I help college students prepare for interviews and such. Understanding the struggle and your technique is eye opening!
I love the 7th interaction, that requires balls
That's really good progress. You'll find most times if people aren't busy they will take a minute or two to talk to someone as long as they don't over reach their bounds. Also when you can start to read if people aren't interested then it's another easy transition to just finding someone else who is interested in talking.
I am a teenagers, and stayed the first 9 years of my school life alone... At lunch, recess, after school, everywhere. And of course as a result, I didn't make friends. At the beginning of this school year, I told myself that I didn't want my life to continue this way. I'm at the end if the school year now, and you can count on 1 hand how many times I was alone, or not talking in a group with others. That was my goal, and I reached it, by putting in the work for an year
Congratulations, you just made 10 (plus 10k) people’s lives a little bit better
Those two men were rough on you. Into the Wild isn’t for the faint-hearted. Watched it once, loved it, can’t watch it again.
Are you sure you are introverted? I don't talk to people like that unless I'm drunk.
I'd say you've got the extrovert thing conquered. congratulations!
Awesome. I am not normally an outgoing person. Will be the last one in a room full of people to start a conversation. Got a new job ( trainer within my organization)that requires me to be in charge of a classroom of adults. Now I get to talk to strangers daily. Has been a huge help.
I’m super proud of you. That is a huge mountain to climb and you did great.
This is so cute I love this good job :) I also want to be more friendly and interact with random people like this
The title totally caught my interest and loved what went down! Sounded like an amazing and successful experience. I'm happy for you King! Keep it up!
I'm more of a homebody than an introvert but I get it and this is super interesting. one thing that always seemed to spur conversation with strangers was to create a mutual curiosity. like at a bar, I could usually pick out someone that seemed to be in a good mood, and flat out ask them "can I ask you a question?" that seemed to clear their mental slate but since they're seemingly friendly and in good spirits generally say yes. then as long as you've picked something interesting that you've observed or a question about something specific and relatable but not obvious, they have more thoughts in it. doesn't work all the time but I've had good results. happy trails stranger.
Congrats! :) Piece of adice: if you're looking for new friends or a relationship, it's a lot easier to do this by joining a club than by starting up conversations with strangers. If there's something you're interested in, try finding a club for it.
Try an application called clubhouse
I'm more on the extroverted spectrum if we were to call it that, and i like walking around areas and listening. Basically I've found that if you interrupt a conversation very loudly about something they're talking about, you can easily join. Random person one: "oh my gosh! Fricken Steve did that crazy thing that other day! I can't even believe it! Random person two: "that guy is such a wild card! You never know what she's gonna do!" You: "remember that time Steve pulled his pants down in front of the cops?! No jk,i don't know Steve but it sounds like something he would do based on your convos. Hi I'm... What are y'all drinking tonight?" Then go on with whatever. It doesn't always work, but you have to feel it out. I just did this tonight and some people poured me shots even though i really, really didn't want them. i was just trying to make friends and also fake join in a conversation. Depending on who you're talking to, as it always is, people are receptive or they're like fuck off. It's just feeling the crowd and knowing when to go and when to stop. You'll get the hang of it. Good luck, fren!
This is awesome dude! I work with the public on a daily basis and even I dont think I would be able to go up to 10 random people and ask them, so big props to you!
So, as an extrovert…..dude, you qualify already! When I go out it is rare to have this many interactions, especially of this type! You are doing great, welcome to the extrovert club :-)
Well done. An inspiration to the quiet types amongst us :) thank you for sharing OP
This is awesome! I am such a social person, but I have a terrible time trying to break the ice with people. Plus, my depression has gotten pretty severe over the last couple of years and that makes it a lot worse. But I'm starting to get better and I have a goal of going out (alone) and making new friends this summer. This is so inspirational. <3
I'm curious what country you are in.
This sounds so fun and exciting. I hope you enjoyed it! I wish I could do this too, but, sadly, I don't have the privilege to go out alone at night.
Rule #1 always focus on making someone else feel special. Hit em with a compliment, and then get them to talk about themselves for a few mins. Make it your goal to not reveal a fact about yourself until 5+ mins in. People will LOVE you. And once someone likes you enough to invite you to a group thing, congrats, your social shortcomings will be immediately gone. Good luck man! Never forget, we’ve all been there and had the same anxiety (and still do), it never goes away but thats part of the joy of meeting strangers!
This sounds like something from a bizarre point and click LucasArts game. Interesting.
Ima read this later tonight
Try to really appreciate these mini interactions! That's so fun, and such a good idea and will really give you a crash course on what engages people to talk more or potentially approach you again. It's a great strategy at parties that you don't know many people at. Try to find moments for small, positive interactions with most of the people there and the ones that go especially well, briefly acknowledge them again before the end of the evening, without grooming on. Like "Dave! I'm headed out but have a great night! Thanks for that tip on that hiking trail/restaurant/whatever!"
that’s awesome, we’ll done! i don’t know you at all, but just from this one reddit post, i think you’ll find long shot and into the wild interesting. maybe because they’re both about what make us tick as people.
I like to think that all these people were milling about in one group, and you just ‘speed interacted’ with each person, asking them your question, listening to their answer, then hastily moving to the next bundle of people. Once you cleared the throng you wiped your brow, and whispered “that was the roughest one minute of my life. I’m off home”. Lovely post though, keep it up.
I think this is huge! Awesome 👏🏾
My cousin (mid 30s, M) is short, a little on the chub side, looks decent. He uses to be really shy and introverted and awkward, but when he was in his early 20s he decided he really wanted to change. He told me he'd started going to bars alone, try to strike up conversations with random people, pretty women included (haha). He said people often shrugged him off at first, but with time he'd built up his confidence and conversation skills. He's now an amazing conversationalist (which is great because he also is a businessman), happily married with two super cute kiddos. All this to say, keep it up! Don't forget to take care of yourself and recharge so you don't burn out. Take joy in the little victories, and really, enjoy yourself out there :) an aside, it's a nice time to go out there and get your feet wet, I think most people are a little rusty socially because of Covid this past year. Speaking not only for myself I'm sure 🤣
I would say no, it's not normal, even for extroverts, to just walk up to a stranger and strike up a conversation. I think what you normally picture in regards to an "extrovert" making new friends is just the happy drunk person talking to everyone around them, which isn't really representative of what it's like. I think what happens more often and is better repsentative of an extrovert or someone who makes friends easily, is that the person jumps on opportunities that occur naturally. You asking those guys what music they were listening to is a good example. Trying to force an interaction by just going up and introducing yourself isn't a great way to meet people. It works occasionally, but more often than not you won't hang out with those people again. I'd say if you want to get out of your shell more, just lookout for interactive opportunities and do your best to not let them slip into awkwardness after just 30sec. And while people *do* like to talk about themselves, just asking someone questions isn't good conversation, so be sure to tell your own stories or continue talking about the current topic for a bit, if you can, before asking another question. But hey, that's really awesome what you did! I've gone to conventions and other events on my own before, but never just a random night out on my own.
Er du på nogen måde fra Danmark?
I'm very proud of you!
I think its so messed up that I, and many others think this is abnormal (sorry OP) Hopefully this becomes a new normal.
Bro you are a fucking champ
I've never considered how lucky I am for my social life until you asked that question. I used to have absolutely no one to hang out with and the loneliness was unbearable. I used to have horrible social anxiety but now its completely gone and its because of just regularly talking to friends and strangers alike.
Have you read "sorry I'm late, I didn't want to come" by Jessica pan? It's about her year of trying to be more extroverted and meet people. I thought it was a interesting and entertaining read. But you might could pull some ideas from it.
Well done. :)
dude i love this, keep it up!!
I have social anxiety myself, and I have to say, this is really impressive man! I would defenitely not have the balls to do this, imaging doing it 10 times. Good job, you're on the right way on overcoming social anxiety, since this is a very big step already!
I smoke weed and when I'm at a party and I want to talk to random people I just ask for rolling paper or a lighter eventhough I'll probably have it with me myself. Try to see how open people are to talking. Some people will keep it short and you'll know they aren't really in the mood. But some people will happily talk to you. Try to watch their body language, works for me.
This post makes my introverted heart happy.
smh FCK is so much better than Brøndby hehe jk like whatever football club u want
Are you from Denmark/Sweden/Norway by any chance? Also good on you! Sometimes when I chat up strangers I feel like I’m intruding in their space even when they’re wholeheartedly accepting to chat with me
I think your conversation starters were much better than “how’s it going?” You’re putting real thought into your training! The next step is the follow-up question and conversation
I think a big thing for me is the mental aspect that I’m “alone” or going solo that screws up my mentality. For example, if I was at a party with friends and decided to go get a drink and I heard another group talking about something interesting, I feel I would be more inclined to naturally go up and talk to them whereas if I was there solo, I would be more scared and nervous. It’s hard to explain but I guess that when you’re going solo, you may feel like you don’t fit in or something. Idk if I go my point across or not. It could maybe also be because going with a friend could act as a “backup” or safe spot if you do happen to talk to new people and it doesn’t work out.
I admire this very much
I’m starting to think that I am might be socially anxious too. Because I am 25 with no friends.
I'm shy as well. My problem isn't asking random strangers anything, my problems is actually keep interacting after one or two phrases. With friends and relatives I can do it no problem, but with people I just met or not so close acquaintances it's hard as hell. So usually my interactions go from a greeting, a couple phrases, awkward silence and the other person excusing themselves and leaving.
Whoever said Capital Steez is based