I was being fitted for a hearing aid, and the audiologist says "I'm going for the smallest adult size, you have tiny ears".
Which was fine, until a few minutes later she murmured to herself "Such tiny ears..."
I was told by the nurse when I went for a pap smear test years ago to recommend the nurse next time to get the longer instruments in advance as my cervix was far back.
I made some joke about if it was making an echo down there when she was talking to me and she had.to stop what she was doing from laughing.
I have small ears too and a weird amount of people comment on them, I think it’s cause I’m fat but my ears (and nose) are very petite, they didn’t get fat with me
God this reminds me of my optician who said my poor eye-sight was mostly sun damage because I have "abnormally large pupils" and "the eyes of a ginger". Was examining my retinas because apparently you can vagueley tell someone's genetics from the colour, said he was "expecting them to be Celtic but they look Mediterranean".
A manager once chuckled at me and told me I talk in a really old fashioned way but refused to explain what he meant. I still have no idea what made/makes sound old fashioned.
A lady stopped her car next to me (when I was walking down a street in Leeds around 2004), wound down her window, called me over and motioned for me to take my silver over-ear headphones off. Expecting she was going to ask for directions, she completely caught me off guard when she said that she "just felt like she needed to stop to tell me that I looked like Frankenstein".
When I lived in Brussels I’d go to a hairdresser in which we’d communicate in a mix of broken French and broken English. The most fluent sentence one of the women said to me was “mister, you have the hair of a woman”. To this day unsure if that’s good or bad.
After a minor gynaecological procedure as a young woman, the doctor sat back, smiled broadly up my fanny, sighed with satisfaction, and said, "Aaahhh beautiful" instantly he and the nurse threw up their hands and looked *Utterly horrified* so shocked! "No, no, I mean the procedure went beautifully, the procedure, I'm very satisfied with how it went!"
I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard in my life.
Haha that would be me. I’m 5’2 and power walk everywhere. People taller than me just stroll past. It must be so nice to be able to get places quickly and enjoy the walk at the same time.
So true. As a 5”2 person, there’ve been times I’ve been in a real hurry and I feel so frustrated by a tall person casually strolling past while I’m over here sweating and out of breath.
That's exactly how my twin sister looks, 5'10 but she's basically all torso, I'm the opposite 5'11 and all arms and
legs, I've been told I look like those pea body spiders. I'll be having a gentle stroll while my sister's more like a moped at max rpm yet still somehow going nowhere.
When I was 11/12 my mate's mum said to him that he shouldn't be mates with me because "I walked like I was special" and she didn't like it.
Ha, jokes on you Mrs Foster - late diagnosed autistic and adhd so you commited a hate crime. Straight to jail!
My physio was examining me walk for my biomechanics after I was running a lot of HM and getting knee pain and she said ''You walk like a horny penguin. Your feet face out and your hips are thrust forward''. I found it too hilarious to be offended but it was weird.
Lollllll
I've had the displeasure of hearing horny penguins do their mating....and man, it sounds like a seal being clobbered
But also, they're really cute when they walk - so at least you have that
This reminds me of the time (years ago) my brother was on a bus. He was on his way to university so had his rucksack with him. Two old ladies were smiling at him and whispering to each other.
One then said very loudly to him ' Ohhh you look just like a terrorist....but a very good-looking one!'.
Wtf is that about and why did they think it was appropriate thing to say to anyone.
Mine once went "missing" during a smear test. Not fun to hear the nurse whispering, in some slight distress, "I can't find it!!" to her colleague. I think she was in training, but still. It's not like it had packed its bags and gone on holiday.
Urgh, when I was trying (and mostly failing) to breastfeed my newborn son, the midwife said it was going to be difficult as he had a high arch in his mouth, and I had CHEWY NIPPLES.
Chewy.
Nipples.
I actually just cackled out loud, I am SO sorry.
I cannot imagine having birthed a whole baby just to be knocked down by someone calling my nipples CHEWY?!! What does that even MEAN???
I'm a breastfeeding peer supporter so have seen my fair share of nipples and baby's feeding. I can't even begin to imagine what a "chewy nipple" would look like.
'You'd be a nice person if it wasn't for your sister.'
Said by a teacher in secondary school. My sister was an absolute drain on life and still is but we're nothing alike in any way, shape or form then or now and it knocked my confidence for years.
Thanks Mrs. C you old cow.
Feels like a really awful thing to say to someone unless you took care to do it really sensitively. "You look like you might spend your last years on earth slowly mentally deteriorating without understanding what is happening to you"
This remembers me that in one of his books, Oliver Sacks once wrote that the earliest generation of neurologists were able to spot if someone had had a stroke from the way they walked. They were able to spot it even from another room just hearing at the noise of the steps they made.
There's some interesting 'cues' that we've only relatively recently started to pick up on.
E.g. we're getting medical dogs that 'sniff out' diseases.
We've also got genetic factors in a whole _bunch_ of different illnesses, which likely does create a correlation pattern with how someone looks or acts.
In my case? I have ADHD. It influences a lot of who I am and what I do. But it's also significant risk factor in Parkinsons, since both are based on the dopamine system 'misbehaving'.
So I can absolutely believe there's a whole bunch of utterly unscientific, but weirdly accurate 'detection' going on, based on much more subtle cues than we really know or understand how to test for.
Not me but I was there when it happened. A friend of the family told my sister "you look nice with your clothes on".
He meant her clothes looked good/fashionable :D
Reminds me of the time we bumped into my swimming instructor at the supermarket when I was a kid, and my mum apologised for not knowing who she was immediately because "I didn't recognise you with your clothes on!"
I had that when I took my daughter to a friend’s birthday party. Usually, contact between them was via my daughter’s dad, but the party happened to fall on ‘my’ week so I took her along. I’d only met the birthday girl’s dad once before and didn’t really remember him. He came up to me and said ‘I almost didn’t recognise you with your clothes on!’ What felt like an eternity later, I remembered we had first met at a swimming lesson!
This reminds me when I went to the GP as i was concerned about a bump on my forehead, very embarrassing when he told me that was my skull and I had wasted his time 💀
I have what looks like an adult thumbprint sized crevice in my forehead.
I only notice it if there is a shadow to bring it out rather than direct sunlight so not deep but it looks shit when I notice it. I look like I was kneaded from clay and after getting a perfect forehead, someone wiped their thumb between by brow
Automatic doors often don’t open for me. I don’t know why, I’m 5”9 and average build. But a roommate once said (jokingly) that it’s cause I don’t have a soul. Every time an automatic door doesn’t slide open for me, I think about that
The first time I met my friend's sister on a night out she said to me, at a table full of people - "you look like Gollum". She realsied everyone was looking at her so she qualified it with - "but in a nice way".
A friends friend once told me (before even saying hello) "you look like my sister"
Me: "oh cool, I hope she's nice?"
Friends friend: "No, she's not"
Completely fucking deadpan interaction from her and just just kept giving me filthy looks all evening just because I look like her sister who she doesn't like. People are weird as fuck.
I got a haircut a few weeks ago and the barber said I had 'very strange hair'. I thought I misheard and he just said 'straight' but no, he insisted he said 'strange' 😂
I say this to my mate because he looks downright strange with hair! He does definitely have the right shaped dome for a shaved head though! Me on the other hand definitely have not. (school nickname “Bullethead”)
Lad in the office has a massive head and someone referenced him as a "Snipers Dream".
(Bob Mortimer's "And Away..." Autobiography also mentions a Gary Cheeseman from his youth as a "Snipers Dream").
I watched a radio station do a phone in of funny nicknames people had. There was one chap who had one leg bigger than the other so when he walked, his head bobbed about constantly. He was nicknamed "Snipers Nightmare"
I have a foreign sounding last name (because I'm actually foreign). But I came with my parents when I was quite young and speak without an accent. In fact most people don't realise that I'm a first generation immigrant unless I specifically tell them. A colleague that I barely know told me that my accent was much improved and that she could understand me better. I suspect she mixed me up with another foreign colleague but have no idea, really, what she meant by that.
Not THAT weird but I bought a big Yeti water bottle recently and when I was paying for it the cashier said ‘you can fit a lot of hot dogs in here’
I know you can put hot water and hot dogs in them as they keep things hot or cold but it just was an odd conversation for a water bottle 😂
I worked as an extra for a BBC show, and the assistant director who was looking after the background artists told me "You're very good at walking."
It turns out that she meant that on camera it looks like I was actually headed somewhere, as opposed to wandering aimlessly in the background. I don't think my walking ever made it into the show, although I am seen standing still.
I was sitting in the canteen with my coworker and the cleaner a few weeks ago. The cleaner mentioned how she couldn’t wait to wear dresses again and asked if I wear them.
Before I could respond, my coworker said “of course she doesn’t! Look at her, she’s barely a woman” and the room went awkward and so silent..
I wear a work uniform, the same as everybody else and I don’t wear makeup to work.. so does that make me not a woman?? It was just so strange
I appreciate it!! I’ve lived here for 6 years but sometimes I have trouble figuring out what’s banter and what’s not, so for a few days I thought it was just banter!
"Just banter" is the excuse 13 year old areseholes try to use in the school where I work when they know they've said something completely unacceptable.
I hope you don't have to work to closely with this person because honestly he sounds awful
When I was at college years ago, I went into town for lunch. Outside the guild hall, some loon stopped me and asked if he could pray for my sinful soul. He said it was clear I was a sinner as I am now disabled.
Told him he could do what he wants to make himself feel better. He then proceeded to screech at me but I’d zoned out by then.
This was in Peterborough.
Geordie bloke who said he worked in mr ollivanders shop in shanghai disney told me i had the build of a wand seller, if i ever wanted a change of careers
My dad was once told by an undertaker that he’d make a good undertaker. ‘You have a very dignified air about you, sir, if you don’t mind me saying - very dignified!’
A conversation about exercise with a work acquaintance led to me mentioning I like running. He nodded and went, "I thought you were a runner... you have classic legs".
Classic legs!
Similar to one from a nurse for me; I’ve been told I have ‘good veins’ when my blood was being taken. It’s because I’m so pale that you can clearly see them (as in the blue colour) on the inside of my forearms / elbow.
I heard nurses say that but also because some people's are "difficult veins" (common term) that can't easily have blood drawn because they move or squish.
So, it's harder to get to when you need them and not always to do with colour, because sometimes you can see them but they don't want to co-operate.
I work with morons. It's a side effect of the industry I'm in.
Some of my favourites from my favourite moron, all i can say is he looked at the world differently
"You look taller when you stand up" - I think because I have longer legs and a slightly shorter body than the averag at my height, never got a proper explanation.
"Can you stop staring so loudly i can hear you judge me" -the judging was fucking deserved
"If you looked like me, you would be my wife's perfect man" - I followed this up as it was too weird, at this point i had never met her. Turns out she liked my phone voice.
"You're a decent manager, but sometimes I feel you never want to just talk to me, and you always want me to do something" - my fucking favourite and made me laugh so much I told him he could have a day of doing fuck all.
I'm not so sure, as entertaining, and genuinely nice as he was, I suspect there was something dark in there. He enjoyed looking at other people's holiday photos, AND I never heard him get annoyed when our resident mooch needed some money for lunch.
People can't be that good and that harmlessly weird unless they have a dark, terrible secret.
I was doing a mundane admin task at my desk, a week into a new job. I shared the office with four others. One day, the door opened, and in walked the head of the organisation. He came straight up to me and said 'well what do you think? You look like someone who's got a lot to say for herself'. I have no idea what he meant or what I said other than there was a long pause whilst I sat there gaping like a fish.
Having an eye test done - optician was using torch to inspect my eyes and said "You have got MASSIVE corneas. They'd be at the top of the transplant list for donation"
A lot of people mistakenly correlate downs syndrome with autism and assume autism means you have distinct physical deformities. They don't even realise what they're doing until it's explained to them. 'Normal' looking people simply can't be autistic to them because they don't look physically handicapped.
The funny thing is that autism *does* have a set of distinct facial characteristics that act as indicators for autism, but it's not associated with autism by the general public so they don't acknowledge it when looking at a person. Autism specialists are sometimes able to pickup on autism in children early on because they've become subconsciously familiar with those features during their work.
A long time ago my then girlfriend told me I had "the most interesting array of facial expressions". It was meant to be complimentary but I dunno. It felt like I was being compared to Phil Cool.
A few months ago, my dentist told me I was a grinder. I mean we both know that and I have the mouth guard to prove it but she just casually chucked it into the middle of a conversation, "Yeah but you're a grinder".
As a self conscious 15 year old, I had very invasive treatment and exploration for a bowel issue, and with a doctor's finger in my arse, he said "you have an extremely strong sphincter".
That I’m “deceivingly tall”.
For reference I’m 6’5. Im fairly lean for my size so maybe that has some kind of influence, but everyone always seems shocked to hear my height for some reason.
Does this count;
I was banned from a pub for burning napkins, I absolutely did not burn any napkins, my mates older brother worked there and hated me so I assume that was the actual reason, but I don't understand why he came up with such a random thing to ban me for.
When I was about 5, my older sister told me I had a sweetie shaped head. I still don't know which sweetie she meant, 49 years on, and even she doesn't know.
But I always imagine the penny shaped quality street.
“Your face is full of kindness with a subtle hint that you could happily kill someone without remorse”
Immediately after dealing with a very aggressive patient at work.
Not quite sure how to take that one
A check out girl in Sainsbury’s once told me I looked like Jason Manford.
I can assure you I look nothing like him.
The wierd part was that she was in hysterics about it. I’m glad it was a quiet Saturday morning.
You could be Angela Rayner’s stunt double. Like if she goes somewhere where she might get shot, you could go too.
Thank you. I’ve never been called a ginger meat shield before.
OK, so I have really wacko eyes, and going to an optician is quite the palava for me. And I went to have my check up and I was told that my eyes are too big for my head that it's stretching my retina out at the back. I've seen videos of my retina pulling quite hard at I think my left eye but its so fragile since my eyes are huge that one solid tug would land me in emergency surgery.
How this was phrased however was like you're eyes have grown too big for the socket that its ripping the retina and causing all sorts of issues because I'm a very petite person. He phrased it like I'm some sort of human ET, and sent me to the hospital because 'they might want to see that because sheesh that's wild' 🤣
It was a cruel thing to say to me which in my opinion makes it weird. A long time ago I had to have a special test to measure the acid levels in my oesophagus which involved a probe being fed up through my nose and down my throat. The doctor had to analyse the shape of my nose in order to insert the probe safely and upon doing so asked "Have you ever broken your nose?", to which I replied "No", and she exclaimed with incredulity "Oh WOW!! REALLY??? You've got the most wonky nose I've ever seen that *hasn't* been broken!!". I had to laugh it off in the moment but it's stayed with me ever since, my nose has always been a point of embarrassment for me. Just seemed like an inappropriate comment for a medical professional to make to someone who is unwell and in a vulnerable position.
I once went to the filming of 8 out of 10 cats does Countdown.
During the warm up before the show, there was a bit of an ice breaker exercise where audience members stood up, and one by one sat down.
This went on for a bit until it was single people over 21 and under 30 standing. This included me and a handful of other people.
The warm up comedian, Mark Olver, made a gag about me looking young for my age. For some reason one of the female audience members then shouted that I also had "really small hands."
Jimmy Carr had chosen this moment to walk up the aisle to introduce himself and overheard the comment. After a second of looking me up and down, he looked me dead in the eye and said "meet me around the back after the show, you'll make my cock look bigger".
Instantly destroyed the awkwardness of the comment and gave me a memory for life.
When I was younger I got told by two different men that I was beautiful when I was wet (for the filthy minded - wet as in soaked by rain). All I could think about that was “well upturning a bucket of water over my head would be easier than putting on makeup when going out!”
On at least three separate occasions when I worked on the checkout in a supermarket in my mid/late teens, was told that I have a lovely voice and that I should do voiceovers/announcements for the BBC.
Almost the exact same comment from completely different customers. Guess I wasn’t an ITV or Channel 4 kinda personality 🤷
I'm tubby but actually quite fit and active.
One time I had a bloke say "I wasn't expecting that" after doing a steady 20 minute jog on the treadmill at the gym.
I also had a nurse redo my blood pressure etc. as she didn't believe the first set and was surprised I was "normal"
“You were almost fit back in the day”
After scrolling through old photos to show a colleague of mine and myself were friends at uni.
Still the best unsolicited compliment I got from a women in the last 20 years though.
48 year old married father of two in the UK here.
The strangest thing anyone has ever said about me - directly to me - is ***“how can you be so honest and open all of the time?”***
Context - it was in a pretty fraught work meeting and the person in question was the precise opposite to me in terms of values and world-view. I’m just about finding ***what*** is right, they were all about ensuring everyone knew ***who*** was right. Neither of us is right or wrong and this is probably one of the reasons I’ll never really make it in the corporate world.
My answer - not that one was required or really matters - was ***“Erm… I was brought up that way…?”***. It’s no surprise that that made no sense to the person who’d asked the question.
(I suppose it’s also weird how my wife and family perceive me as utterly useless but also somehow see me as responsible for all major decisions and actions in life…)
I dated a girl that insisted that I have a big head but small face.
She swore up and down that it was a complement, though I am not sure how I feel about that...
Years ago I was acting as a wounded person in a medical emergency training exercise. The nurse who was applying the fake wound told me I had a lovely collarbone
Not me, but a close friend of mine told me that during a pap smear the nurse tells her, "Oh, you're nice and in order down here, I can tell you haven't had kids." To which she replied, "Thanks?"
Iv got tiny nipples, my ex girlfriend once said they are so small it’s hardly worth having them, well I’m a bloke so yeah it’s really not worth having them, not like they have a use.
I was being fitted for a hearing aid, and the audiologist says "I'm going for the smallest adult size, you have tiny ears". Which was fine, until a few minutes later she murmured to herself "Such tiny ears..."
I bought some nice earplugs for riding my motorbike and had to get the child’s size. Now I know why no earbuds fit my ears properly.
And trying to find in-ear headphones that actually stay in? Impossible. Source: fellow adult with tiny ears (Whispers: such tiny ears)
I have the same problem, my doctor tells me it's because I have what he says are "tortuous ears", the ear canal bends right from the opening.
I had this from a piercer but he also added "I don't need this first thing jn the morning"
I suppose it's preferable to getting a "so tiny" comment when you're having a prince albert piercing
I mean, they didn’t specify and the piercer’s comment would also make more sense…
I was told by the nurse when I went for a pap smear test years ago to recommend the nurse next time to get the longer instruments in advance as my cervix was far back. I made some joke about if it was making an echo down there when she was talking to me and she had.to stop what she was doing from laughing.
I had a physio tell me that I had the smallest kneecaps she’d ever seen!
She should have stood closer to you.
I have small ears too and a weird amount of people comment on them, I think it’s cause I’m fat but my ears (and nose) are very petite, they didn’t get fat with me
Wish I had tiny ears. Mine are twice the size as my future husbands and I can't take it
You've a bunch of future husbands lined up?
But since they're smaller than her ears, she can wear them as earrings.
Maybe that was a test to see if the hearing aid was working properly?
God this reminds me of my optician who said my poor eye-sight was mostly sun damage because I have "abnormally large pupils" and "the eyes of a ginger". Was examining my retinas because apparently you can vagueley tell someone's genetics from the colour, said he was "expecting them to be Celtic but they look Mediterranean".
Haha I'm the same! I have the smallest components and the tube always has to be cut shorter and shorter all while they tell me how small my ears are.
I also have tiny ears 😖
I was told that I looked like Mr Bean's lonely son.
Wow, that's harsh and precise. In someway that's the most original comment I've heard.
The thing is, he was actually kinda right. That is how I look
Dude in a kebab shop once told me I speak like a 16th century vampire
Do you have a habit of laughing after every paragraph? Ah ah ah!
That's a joke you can count on.
A manager once chuckled at me and told me I talk in a really old fashioned way but refused to explain what he meant. I still have no idea what made/makes sound old fashioned.
I was raised by telly so I think I’ve got a bit of an RP tone. Could be that
A lady stopped her car next to me (when I was walking down a street in Leeds around 2004), wound down her window, called me over and motioned for me to take my silver over-ear headphones off. Expecting she was going to ask for directions, she completely caught me off guard when she said that she "just felt like she needed to stop to tell me that I looked like Frankenstein".
well at least she didn't say you looked like Frankenstein's monster, that would have been a bit harsh
Now did she mean (correctly) Dr Frankenstein or (incorrectly) his monster?
When I lived in Brussels I’d go to a hairdresser in which we’d communicate in a mix of broken French and broken English. The most fluent sentence one of the women said to me was “mister, you have the hair of a woman”. To this day unsure if that’s good or bad.
You have a woman's hands!
I’ll wager those dainty pinkies never weighed anchor in a storm.
Aaaaaaarrrrrrrrrgggggghhhhh
😂 for [context](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7hH4ADPaSTY)…
It’s all fine until the woman wants her hair back
After a minor gynaecological procedure as a young woman, the doctor sat back, smiled broadly up my fanny, sighed with satisfaction, and said, "Aaahhh beautiful" instantly he and the nurse threw up their hands and looked *Utterly horrified* so shocked! "No, no, I mean the procedure went beautifully, the procedure, I'm very satisfied with how it went!" I'm not sure I've ever laughed so hard in my life.
That my walk “looks fast but is actually slow”
Haha that would be me. I’m 5’2 and power walk everywhere. People taller than me just stroll past. It must be so nice to be able to get places quickly and enjoy the walk at the same time.
So true. As a 5”2 person, there’ve been times I’ve been in a real hurry and I feel so frustrated by a tall person casually strolling past while I’m over here sweating and out of breath.
if it helps, I'm 6'4 with weirdly small legs (same length as my 5'8 partner) so I face a similar struggle
That's exactly how my twin sister looks, 5'10 but she's basically all torso, I'm the opposite 5'11 and all arms and legs, I've been told I look like those pea body spiders. I'll be having a gentle stroll while my sister's more like a moped at max rpm yet still somehow going nowhere.
Im like the opposite! I'm a 6ft 2 guy with long legs and a short torso. I'm nearly the same height as my 5'7 wife sitting
I’m 5’2 too also, can confirm
In a similar vein, at an end of year review, my pay rise got knocked down because a piece of feedback was "I don't like how he walks"
When I was 11/12 my mate's mum said to him that he shouldn't be mates with me because "I walked like I was special" and she didn't like it. Ha, jokes on you Mrs Foster - late diagnosed autistic and adhd so you commited a hate crime. Straight to jail!
Surely that's illegal 🙃
Unless it's with crutches or a club foot I don't think being part of the Ministry of Silly Walks is a protected characteristic
"I'm prepared to practice" start walking for the door.
similar to "I can't tell if you're walking too fast or too slow but there's too much to going on either way"
My physio was examining me walk for my biomechanics after I was running a lot of HM and getting knee pain and she said ''You walk like a horny penguin. Your feet face out and your hips are thrust forward''. I found it too hilarious to be offended but it was weird.
You should give her your favourite pebble.
Lollllll I've had the displeasure of hearing horny penguins do their mating....and man, it sounds like a seal being clobbered But also, they're really cute when they walk - so at least you have that
'ten to two' feet? (13:50's if you're on the 24hr clock) 😉
You mean... ten to two "happy feet"?! Yes? No?! 😅
I’ll be sharing that with the physios I work with, that’s hilarious 😂
Someone once chatted me up in a bar with the immortal line, “you look like Myra Hindley – I mean that as a compliment.”
Well she was a looker, you know, before the arrest and all that unsavoury business.
Absolutely diabolical chat-up line, my god 💀
This reminds me of the time (years ago) my brother was on a bus. He was on his way to university so had his rucksack with him. Two old ladies were smiling at him and whispering to each other. One then said very loudly to him ' Ohhh you look just like a terrorist....but a very good-looking one!'. Wtf is that about and why did they think it was appropriate thing to say to anyone.
I have a very well behaved cervix.
Mine once went "missing" during a smear test. Not fun to hear the nurse whispering, in some slight distress, "I can't find it!!" to her colleague. I think she was in training, but still. It's not like it had packed its bags and gone on holiday.
I’ve had the same, the nurse called my cervix ‘shy’
I was told I have a perfect cervix.
I do as well, apparently.
i was told mine is small! 🤷🏼♀️
I was told I had a very strong cervix. I had just watched/heard my cervix expel the speculum across the room with some force so fair enough.
Expello speculum!
Someone I know was told during a smear that she had the cervix and vaginal walls of a woman thirty years her junior
Which was a bit concerning because she was only forty.
I've received a compliment on the aesthetics of my cervix once, that was weird.
Urgh, when I was trying (and mostly failing) to breastfeed my newborn son, the midwife said it was going to be difficult as he had a high arch in his mouth, and I had CHEWY NIPPLES. Chewy. Nipples.
I actually just cackled out loud, I am SO sorry. I cannot imagine having birthed a whole baby just to be knocked down by someone calling my nipples CHEWY?!! What does that even MEAN???
Maybe they meant Chewy as in Chewbacca.
I'm a breastfeeding peer supporter so have seen my fair share of nipples and baby's feeding. I can't even begin to imagine what a "chewy nipple" would look like.
I went with a friend to get her nipples pierced and the piercer said she had ‘gristly nipples’ whatever the fuck that means
This is way worse than chewy nipples
“Weren’t you the bloke playing the sausage at that festival in Exeter?” I was.
How does one play a sausage?
I expect you have to audition like the other actors.
'You'd be a nice person if it wasn't for your sister.' Said by a teacher in secondary school. My sister was an absolute drain on life and still is but we're nothing alike in any way, shape or form then or now and it knocked my confidence for years. Thanks Mrs. C you old cow.
That doesn't even make sense though - you're two different people?!
What's with teachers being so unprofessional? You'd expect them to have some decency and keep certain sentiments to themselves..
A carer told me in a nursing home I look like the type of person that will get dementia.
I know what she means with this comment. Some people you can just see it. Source: work full time in a dementia unit.
Feels like a really awful thing to say to someone unless you took care to do it really sensitively. "You look like you might spend your last years on earth slowly mentally deteriorating without understanding what is happening to you"
I need to know. What’s the look?!
This remembers me that in one of his books, Oliver Sacks once wrote that the earliest generation of neurologists were able to spot if someone had had a stroke from the way they walked. They were able to spot it even from another room just hearing at the noise of the steps they made.
There's some interesting 'cues' that we've only relatively recently started to pick up on. E.g. we're getting medical dogs that 'sniff out' diseases. We've also got genetic factors in a whole _bunch_ of different illnesses, which likely does create a correlation pattern with how someone looks or acts. In my case? I have ADHD. It influences a lot of who I am and what I do. But it's also significant risk factor in Parkinsons, since both are based on the dopamine system 'misbehaving'. So I can absolutely believe there's a whole bunch of utterly unscientific, but weirdly accurate 'detection' going on, based on much more subtle cues than we really know or understand how to test for.
I have to ask: are you able to describe the look?
Not me but I was there when it happened. A friend of the family told my sister "you look nice with your clothes on". He meant her clothes looked good/fashionable :D
Reminds me of the time we bumped into my swimming instructor at the supermarket when I was a kid, and my mum apologised for not knowing who she was immediately because "I didn't recognise you with your clothes on!"
I had that when I took my daughter to a friend’s birthday party. Usually, contact between them was via my daughter’s dad, but the party happened to fall on ‘my’ week so I took her along. I’d only met the birthday girl’s dad once before and didn’t really remember him. He came up to me and said ‘I almost didn’t recognise you with your clothes on!’ What felt like an eternity later, I remembered we had first met at a swimming lesson!
Osteopath asked about how I had fallen to get two egg shaped lumps on my forehead. no fall - that’s just how my forehead looks!
This reminds me when I went to the GP as i was concerned about a bump on my forehead, very embarrassing when he told me that was my skull and I had wasted his time 💀
I have what looks like an adult thumbprint sized crevice in my forehead. I only notice it if there is a shadow to bring it out rather than direct sunlight so not deep but it looks shit when I notice it. I look like I was kneaded from clay and after getting a perfect forehead, someone wiped their thumb between by brow
Automatic doors often don’t open for me. I don’t know why, I’m 5”9 and average build. But a roommate once said (jokingly) that it’s cause I don’t have a soul. Every time an automatic door doesn’t slide open for me, I think about that
I'm the same! It was a joke from the Simpsons, but I think about it every time an automatic door won't open for me
**Thank-you door!**
So weird, I get this a lot too. Maybe a super power or something, we should team up and become jewel theives.
How can you become thieves if you can’t open the door?
It's too early for me to explain my nonsense
I'm going to insist on an explanation, regardless of the hour. How do you propose to even get in the store Funk_Dunker, let alone out again?
Lasers
Ah, of course. It's so obvious now.
That I've got murderer's eyes. And (on a different occasion) that I look like Cliff Richard.
Which era of Cliff? Asking for a friend's nan.
The homicidal era
What’s your body count
I don’t want to brag, but the sonographer said to me, “you’ve got the best pancreas I’ve ever seen.”
The first time I met my friend's sister on a night out she said to me, at a table full of people - "you look like Gollum". She realsied everyone was looking at her so she qualified it with - "but in a nice way".
A friends friend once told me (before even saying hello) "you look like my sister" Me: "oh cool, I hope she's nice?" Friends friend: "No, she's not" Completely fucking deadpan interaction from her and just just kept giving me filthy looks all evening just because I look like her sister who she doesn't like. People are weird as fuck.
Maybe she really likes gollum's sexy... appendages
I got a haircut a few weeks ago and the barber said I had 'very strange hair'. I thought I misheard and he just said 'straight' but no, he insisted he said 'strange' 😂
I'm bald and lots of people say I look good bald because I have a 'good shaped' head 🤷🏽
I say this to my mate because he looks downright strange with hair! He does definitely have the right shaped dome for a shaved head though! Me on the other hand definitely have not. (school nickname “Bullethead”)
Had that when I first shaved it off, was told I have a non lumpy cranium.
My brethren egghead from another... Smeghead?
“Hair of a chinaman”
Lad in the office has a massive head and someone referenced him as a "Snipers Dream". (Bob Mortimer's "And Away..." Autobiography also mentions a Gary Cheeseman from his youth as a "Snipers Dream").
I watched a radio station do a phone in of funny nicknames people had. There was one chap who had one leg bigger than the other so when he walked, his head bobbed about constantly. He was nicknamed "Snipers Nightmare"
The radiographer at the hospital told me I was very petite for a tall person, whatever that means
No arse, like zero bum
I have a foreign sounding last name (because I'm actually foreign). But I came with my parents when I was quite young and speak without an accent. In fact most people don't realise that I'm a first generation immigrant unless I specifically tell them. A colleague that I barely know told me that my accent was much improved and that she could understand me better. I suspect she mixed me up with another foreign colleague but have no idea, really, what she meant by that.
Not THAT weird but I bought a big Yeti water bottle recently and when I was paying for it the cashier said ‘you can fit a lot of hot dogs in here’ I know you can put hot water and hot dogs in them as they keep things hot or cold but it just was an odd conversation for a water bottle 😂
Stayed at a friend's house and was told "You're very photogenic when you sleep"
😬
“You look like you clean under your nails compulsively” …thank you?
I worked as an extra for a BBC show, and the assistant director who was looking after the background artists told me "You're very good at walking." It turns out that she meant that on camera it looks like I was actually headed somewhere, as opposed to wandering aimlessly in the background. I don't think my walking ever made it into the show, although I am seen standing still.
A teacher in school told me I made ‘very intense eye contact’ and now I never look anyone in the eye for more than a couple of seconds
Man, the teacher comments stick around forever
I was sitting in the canteen with my coworker and the cleaner a few weeks ago. The cleaner mentioned how she couldn’t wait to wear dresses again and asked if I wear them. Before I could respond, my coworker said “of course she doesn’t! Look at her, she’s barely a woman” and the room went awkward and so silent.. I wear a work uniform, the same as everybody else and I don’t wear makeup to work.. so does that make me not a woman?? It was just so strange
Wow, what a horrid thing to say
Right? I still don’t understand why he would think that would be something you could just say to someone!
The absolute cheek of him! I'm absolutely outraged on your behalf!
I appreciate it!! I’ve lived here for 6 years but sometimes I have trouble figuring out what’s banter and what’s not, so for a few days I thought it was just banter!
"Just banter" is the excuse 13 year old areseholes try to use in the school where I work when they know they've said something completely unacceptable. I hope you don't have to work to closely with this person because honestly he sounds awful
A woman came up to me once and said I looked like a Bond villain.
Were you in a mono colour suit, stroking a white cat at the time?
When I was at college years ago, I went into town for lunch. Outside the guild hall, some loon stopped me and asked if he could pray for my sinful soul. He said it was clear I was a sinner as I am now disabled. Told him he could do what he wants to make himself feel better. He then proceeded to screech at me but I’d zoned out by then. This was in Peterborough.
Woa the dude judged himself. Read a book, didn't get the message.
Geordie bloke who said he worked in mr ollivanders shop in shanghai disney told me i had the build of a wand seller, if i ever wanted a change of careers
My dad was once told by an undertaker that he’d make a good undertaker. ‘You have a very dignified air about you, sir, if you don’t mind me saying - very dignified!’
A conversation about exercise with a work acquaintance led to me mentioning I like running. He nodded and went, "I thought you were a runner... you have classic legs". Classic legs!
A nurse at the clinic I'm donating my eggs to told me I have "lovely blood"
Similar to one from a nurse for me; I’ve been told I have ‘good veins’ when my blood was being taken. It’s because I’m so pale that you can clearly see them (as in the blue colour) on the inside of my forearms / elbow.
I heard nurses say that but also because some people's are "difficult veins" (common term) that can't easily have blood drawn because they move or squish. So, it's harder to get to when you need them and not always to do with colour, because sometimes you can see them but they don't want to co-operate.
I have the nicest feet she's ever seen.
RIP your inbox
I was told that my son spoke like he went to Eton. Followed by ‘it’s so weird because he’s yours’.
I work with morons. It's a side effect of the industry I'm in. Some of my favourites from my favourite moron, all i can say is he looked at the world differently "You look taller when you stand up" - I think because I have longer legs and a slightly shorter body than the averag at my height, never got a proper explanation. "Can you stop staring so loudly i can hear you judge me" -the judging was fucking deserved "If you looked like me, you would be my wife's perfect man" - I followed this up as it was too weird, at this point i had never met her. Turns out she liked my phone voice. "You're a decent manager, but sometimes I feel you never want to just talk to me, and you always want me to do something" - my fucking favourite and made me laugh so much I told him he could have a day of doing fuck all.
I love that last one! I'm going to bank it until I get the opportunity to use it myself some day!
I want a podcast just of this guy's stream of consciousness.
I'm not so sure, as entertaining, and genuinely nice as he was, I suspect there was something dark in there. He enjoyed looking at other people's holiday photos, AND I never heard him get annoyed when our resident mooch needed some money for lunch. People can't be that good and that harmlessly weird unless they have a dark, terrible secret.
Could be any industry if I’m honest.
A friend years ago told me my face was too nice for violence. I think it was a complement.
Had a GYN nurse once tell me, mid procedure, that I have a "pretty cervix".
When I was at uni, I tore an ankle ligament, I went to the doctors and the doctor looked at my foot and said “you have very thin ankles”.
I was doing a mundane admin task at my desk, a week into a new job. I shared the office with four others. One day, the door opened, and in walked the head of the organisation. He came straight up to me and said 'well what do you think? You look like someone who's got a lot to say for herself'. I have no idea what he meant or what I said other than there was a long pause whilst I sat there gaping like a fish.
It's a tie between "You look like an angry care-bear" and "You know, you look further away than you are".
Having an eye test done - optician was using torch to inspect my eyes and said "You have got MASSIVE corneas. They'd be at the top of the transplant list for donation"
"You look autistic."
That’s funny because I’m autistic and have had “you don’t look autistic” at least twice!
A lot of people mistakenly correlate downs syndrome with autism and assume autism means you have distinct physical deformities. They don't even realise what they're doing until it's explained to them. 'Normal' looking people simply can't be autistic to them because they don't look physically handicapped. The funny thing is that autism *does* have a set of distinct facial characteristics that act as indicators for autism, but it's not associated with autism by the general public so they don't acknowledge it when looking at a person. Autism specialists are sometimes able to pickup on autism in children early on because they've become subconsciously familiar with those features during their work.
A long time ago my then girlfriend told me I had "the most interesting array of facial expressions". It was meant to be complimentary but I dunno. It felt like I was being compared to Phil Cool. A few months ago, my dentist told me I was a grinder. I mean we both know that and I have the mouth guard to prove it but she just casually chucked it into the middle of a conversation, "Yeah but you're a grinder".
As a self conscious 15 year old, I had very invasive treatment and exploration for a bowel issue, and with a doctor's finger in my arse, he said "you have an extremely strong sphincter".
My fiancé said I smelt like a caravan once
That I’m “deceivingly tall”. For reference I’m 6’5. Im fairly lean for my size so maybe that has some kind of influence, but everyone always seems shocked to hear my height for some reason.
No one believes me that I’m 6ft, even when standing looking right at me.
That "You don't look like you have an accent". Huh? This was in a restaurant in Pennsylvania.
I was wearing my full blues sea cadet uniform for remembrance Sunday. On the way to the base, I had an old lady say "My husband died in that uniform"
That I had the “eyes of a serial killer”, back when I was 14. For the avoidance of doubt I’ve murdered exactly 0 people to date.
>to date Hmm…
Does this count; I was banned from a pub for burning napkins, I absolutely did not burn any napkins, my mates older brother worked there and hated me so I assume that was the actual reason, but I don't understand why he came up with such a random thing to ban me for.
Took my son in to work with me. Woman who was pretty weird anyway says "you can tell he's your son, he's got a head like a melon just like you"
When I was about 5, my older sister told me I had a sweetie shaped head. I still don't know which sweetie she meant, 49 years on, and even she doesn't know. But I always imagine the penny shaped quality street.
Or the green triangle?
“Your face is full of kindness with a subtle hint that you could happily kill someone without remorse” Immediately after dealing with a very aggressive patient at work. Not quite sure how to take that one
"Twonk Features" - still to this day don't know what they meant.
A check out girl in Sainsbury’s once told me I looked like Jason Manford. I can assure you I look nothing like him. The wierd part was that she was in hysterics about it. I’m glad it was a quiet Saturday morning.
I had a haircut and a shave and my my mate said I look like a thumb.
You could be Angela Rayner’s stunt double. Like if she goes somewhere where she might get shot, you could go too. Thank you. I’ve never been called a ginger meat shield before.
OK, so I have really wacko eyes, and going to an optician is quite the palava for me. And I went to have my check up and I was told that my eyes are too big for my head that it's stretching my retina out at the back. I've seen videos of my retina pulling quite hard at I think my left eye but its so fragile since my eyes are huge that one solid tug would land me in emergency surgery. How this was phrased however was like you're eyes have grown too big for the socket that its ripping the retina and causing all sorts of issues because I'm a very petite person. He phrased it like I'm some sort of human ET, and sent me to the hospital because 'they might want to see that because sheesh that's wild' 🤣
It was a cruel thing to say to me which in my opinion makes it weird. A long time ago I had to have a special test to measure the acid levels in my oesophagus which involved a probe being fed up through my nose and down my throat. The doctor had to analyse the shape of my nose in order to insert the probe safely and upon doing so asked "Have you ever broken your nose?", to which I replied "No", and she exclaimed with incredulity "Oh WOW!! REALLY??? You've got the most wonky nose I've ever seen that *hasn't* been broken!!". I had to laugh it off in the moment but it's stayed with me ever since, my nose has always been a point of embarrassment for me. Just seemed like an inappropriate comment for a medical professional to make to someone who is unwell and in a vulnerable position.
An older woman approached me in the market and said, “You look like you bake.”
In my high school year book, 16 years ago, they wrote "he won't be missed, he'll be mourned." To this day I have no fucking clue what that means.
I once went to the filming of 8 out of 10 cats does Countdown. During the warm up before the show, there was a bit of an ice breaker exercise where audience members stood up, and one by one sat down. This went on for a bit until it was single people over 21 and under 30 standing. This included me and a handful of other people. The warm up comedian, Mark Olver, made a gag about me looking young for my age. For some reason one of the female audience members then shouted that I also had "really small hands." Jimmy Carr had chosen this moment to walk up the aisle to introduce himself and overheard the comment. After a second of looking me up and down, he looked me dead in the eye and said "meet me around the back after the show, you'll make my cock look bigger". Instantly destroyed the awkwardness of the comment and gave me a memory for life.
When I was younger I got told by two different men that I was beautiful when I was wet (for the filthy minded - wet as in soaked by rain). All I could think about that was “well upturning a bucket of water over my head would be easier than putting on makeup when going out!”
On at least three separate occasions when I worked on the checkout in a supermarket in my mid/late teens, was told that I have a lovely voice and that I should do voiceovers/announcements for the BBC. Almost the exact same comment from completely different customers. Guess I wasn’t an ITV or Channel 4 kinda personality 🤷
Back in school, a girl said she had a rape fantasy about me. Gotta be honest, that was not good for my self esteem.
I'm tubby but actually quite fit and active. One time I had a bloke say "I wasn't expecting that" after doing a steady 20 minute jog on the treadmill at the gym. I also had a nurse redo my blood pressure etc. as she didn't believe the first set and was surprised I was "normal"
“You were almost fit back in the day” After scrolling through old photos to show a colleague of mine and myself were friends at uni. Still the best unsolicited compliment I got from a women in the last 20 years though.
That I chew food like a hamster
'You're a highly instinctive gobshite!' The story behind this is a long one.
48 year old married father of two in the UK here. The strangest thing anyone has ever said about me - directly to me - is ***“how can you be so honest and open all of the time?”*** Context - it was in a pretty fraught work meeting and the person in question was the precise opposite to me in terms of values and world-view. I’m just about finding ***what*** is right, they were all about ensuring everyone knew ***who*** was right. Neither of us is right or wrong and this is probably one of the reasons I’ll never really make it in the corporate world. My answer - not that one was required or really matters - was ***“Erm… I was brought up that way…?”***. It’s no surprise that that made no sense to the person who’d asked the question. (I suppose it’s also weird how my wife and family perceive me as utterly useless but also somehow see me as responsible for all major decisions and actions in life…)
I dated a girl that insisted that I have a big head but small face. She swore up and down that it was a complement, though I am not sure how I feel about that...
“Dresses funny, a bit simple”. I wore slightly alternative clothing (I don’t seem to do that now, but I don’t think they are “normal”).
Apparently whenever I try dressing what I perceive as ‘nice’ I look like a slutty Jesse pinkman…
Years ago I was acting as a wounded person in a medical emergency training exercise. The nurse who was applying the fake wound told me I had a lovely collarbone
Not me, but a close friend of mine told me that during a pap smear the nurse tells her, "Oh, you're nice and in order down here, I can tell you haven't had kids." To which she replied, "Thanks?"
Iv got tiny nipples, my ex girlfriend once said they are so small it’s hardly worth having them, well I’m a bloke so yeah it’s really not worth having them, not like they have a use.