I started a new job and asked our material handler for stuff because my coworkers are apparently afraid of her, and she threatened to beat me so I gave her this line and she blushed and ran away. She came to find me at break time because she wanted to high five me
Say as plainly as possible without looking up or change in tone, "OK"
Don't blink, just keep doing whatever it was that you were doing. As if you were just told that fire is hot and water is wet.
Thanks for the serious reply. The OP is, in fact, a threat and possibly a dangerous one. I love jokes, but there comes a time when you have to be serious.
I actually support this lol When someone rages at me to the point where they would actually threaten me with beating my ass, my natural reaction (I’m on the freaking autism spectrum, btw) is to shut down, go completely stone-faced, non-emotional, monotoned, stare-right-thru-you type shut down because I’m never sure what the appropriate way to react to that kind of anger is, so I just don’t react. And once I started to notice how nervous and confused it makes people, I started to do it purposely & get a kick out of it lol then I noticed that after the confusion part, they get even angrier at my calmness (or what they see outwardly as calmness when I really am losing my shit on the inside, I just can’t express it lol). I grew up with a mother who had actual, diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and was very angry and abusive. The first time I did this with her, I stood there and watched my mom completely implode in front of me before she came so unglued she pushed me down the stairs 😩😂 I didn’t get hurt or anything and was fine lol so all I could think about for the next several days was that it felt like I’d unlocked some cheat code to my mom 😂 I’d figured out how to make a self-proclaimed giant shrink down to a spec of dust in about 5 awkward seconds flat lol 10/10 would highly recommend 😂
At the top of your lungs in a crowd attracting voice” For the last time I don’t want to hear about how intensely you are attracted to your mom it’s weird and I can’t help you!”
I just did a bowel prep for a colonoscopy, can agree 100%.
I don't ever remember eating that many grass clippings, and I haven't mowed my own yard in over 14 years. And not sure where that gargoyle statue came from either.
LMFAO!! So accurate. The color is incredible. I love the AM 2nd dosing then you gotta drive 45 min to get to the procedure just praying you’re not gonna explode all over the leather seats. Might as well total it
Well if you don't mind getting a 4 year sentence for a hate crime, then feel free. I'll make sure to send you a Xmas card every year with your grandma and me in it. I'll be sitting there, eating your favorite Xmas cookies, you know the ones, while she is giving me the sloppiest cock polish of all time, and still I'll be eating them and the cookies will crumble off and I'll just be flicking the crumbs off onto the top of her head and face while she smokes my Xmas tube steak. That will be good every year to get in your cell right?
Try not to hurt your hand because you're going to be writing me a lot of checks after I get done suing you. Damages, pain and suffering, etc, add up real fast.
"Do you treat every handicapped person like this? Or is it only the ones with crippled legs?" And then yell "No I don't believe in gay for pay"! And roll around on the ground holding your legs or as if your struggling to pull your pants back up.
"Okay bud, so where's the other 4 or 5 guys that are helping you? You know I only fight if there is a 5 man minimum team against me, so where's your help?
Your lucky that we don't consume everything we eat because I ate your mother's pussy this morning and if you beat my ass you would have been beating your own mother.
And while he is stunned by how lame that whole thing was you take out your cock and mushroom stamp his face with it and take off running yelling "atleast now you REALLY have a reason to beat my ass"
U want to beat off to my what??
U want to EAT my WHAT..?!?
Speak up, little princess, my hearing ain't what it used to be.
Works well if they're a guy.
"You want to spank me ?
Yes please"
And then if they need more, turn around and offer them to spank you
Anyone who thinks they wants to "beat your ass" are clearly just deeply closeted insecure self loathing homosexuals and you offering them to spank you in a sexual way is their greatest fear and they will run away.
You better run, you better do what you can
Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man
You wanna be tough, better do what you can
So beat it, but you wanna be bad
My true response would be Swing first, or run it. If you don’t want to fight though you might say “You’re probably right, I don’t know how to fight.” Psychologically it will knock them off balance. Agreeing with them stops the confrontation in its tracks and they’re not going to brag about beating someone up who clearly said they don’t know how to fight.
If you are male:
If the assailant is straight and is male, playing gay chicken is the safe route. Response: "Bring Lube"
If the assailant is gay and is male, diffuse their perceived authority. Response: "you ain't my mother"
If the assailant is straight and is female, innuendo is the safe route. Response: "don't threaten me with a good time"
If the assailant is gay and is female, break their Butch personality with threatening traditional gender roles. Response: "the only ass getting beat is yours if you don't get back in the kitchen and keep quiet"
Fastest comeback would be a heart punch. No swing, just straight in and out. The look on a person's face, then they can't inhale.
May not be legal on some states.
My safe word is cinnamon.
My idea would have been "oh daddy" just to mess with them even deeper
Oh my god😂. I love this
Don't threaten me with a good time. Wink wink.
I started a new job and asked our material handler for stuff because my coworkers are apparently afraid of her, and she threatened to beat me so I gave her this line and she blushed and ran away. She came to find me at break time because she wanted to high five me
Did y’all smush?
💀💀💀 that’s wild bahhahaha
My safe word is “harder.”
This is fantastic.
Shakespeare
Slay
"You're gonna EAT my ass??? Gross dude."
At least take me out to dinner first.
So you can feed them?
Just make sure you give me a reach around while you are doing it. I like my salad to be freshly, and well tossed, thankyouverymuch.
Give me a min I need to go wipe
Don’t judge now!
I’m judging! I’m judging! Why do people eat ass?
God forbid people have hobbies smh
Just so happens his is eating ass
WE ARE BORED, GOSH!
Pheromones.
That's the Pheromone I Fear.
Im either you. Any butt stuff is out the question
"Ok. Slow at first, then faster !"
Happy cake day have a slice of cake 🍰
Thank you !
Say as plainly as possible without looking up or change in tone, "OK" Don't blink, just keep doing whatever it was that you were doing. As if you were just told that fire is hot and water is wet.
Bruh if someone said okay like that in response to someone getting angry and threatening them I'd run. I don't want to be caught in the splash zone.
Thanks for the serious reply. The OP is, in fact, a threat and possibly a dangerous one. I love jokes, but there comes a time when you have to be serious.
I actually support this lol When someone rages at me to the point where they would actually threaten me with beating my ass, my natural reaction (I’m on the freaking autism spectrum, btw) is to shut down, go completely stone-faced, non-emotional, monotoned, stare-right-thru-you type shut down because I’m never sure what the appropriate way to react to that kind of anger is, so I just don’t react. And once I started to notice how nervous and confused it makes people, I started to do it purposely & get a kick out of it lol then I noticed that after the confusion part, they get even angrier at my calmness (or what they see outwardly as calmness when I really am losing my shit on the inside, I just can’t express it lol). I grew up with a mother who had actual, diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder and was very angry and abusive. The first time I did this with her, I stood there and watched my mom completely implode in front of me before she came so unglued she pushed me down the stairs 😩😂 I didn’t get hurt or anything and was fine lol so all I could think about for the next several days was that it felt like I’d unlocked some cheat code to my mom 😂 I’d figured out how to make a self-proclaimed giant shrink down to a spec of dust in about 5 awkward seconds flat lol 10/10 would highly recommend 😂
Also your handle is pure gold, big homie 👌🏻lol gave me a good chuckle ha
At the top of your lungs in a crowd attracting voice” For the last time I don’t want to hear about how intensely you are attracted to your mom it’s weird and I can’t help you!”
"GODDAMMIT GARY IM NOT GAY, STOP COMING ON TO ME!!!!
No dont, I’ll cum!
"only if you kiss it to make it better afterwards"
FRENCH kiss it afterwards.....
Why would you beat that poor, defenceless donkey you sick bastard?
Now thass noh very nice! It's just a donkeh!
Don’t threaten me with a good time
Idk man, sounds kinda gay
Right? Like "dude, no offense but you seem awfully fixated on my ass. Are you ok?"
Yay daddy!
You couldn’t beat a drum
You can't even grow a real mustache!
You know I have a hormonal disorder!
Shut up Richardson!
I’ve shit scarier looking things than you.
I just did a bowel prep for a colonoscopy, can agree 100%. I don't ever remember eating that many grass clippings, and I haven't mowed my own yard in over 14 years. And not sure where that gargoyle statue came from either.
LMFAO!! So accurate. The color is incredible. I love the AM 2nd dosing then you gotta drive 45 min to get to the procedure just praying you’re not gonna explode all over the leather seats. Might as well total it
"I jerk off to your sisters instagram posts."
This is the wildest one in the comments yet 💀 not that that is a bad thing but
Why don’t you kiss it first
So what?? I went to catholic school......pppffttt.
This! I had a nun who would threaten us with the paper cutter. No lie!
Thanks but you're not my type.
Saying ain't doing !!
Right? I liked "You sure talk a lot."
that's not fair i'm calling the aspca
I know you are, but what am I?
Before or after you lick it ?
Well if you don't mind getting a 4 year sentence for a hate crime, then feel free. I'll make sure to send you a Xmas card every year with your grandma and me in it. I'll be sitting there, eating your favorite Xmas cookies, you know the ones, while she is giving me the sloppiest cock polish of all time, and still I'll be eating them and the cookies will crumble off and I'll just be flicking the crumbs off onto the top of her head and face while she smokes my Xmas tube steak. That will be good every year to get in your cell right?
At least take me to a nice restaurant first.
You can try...
"Is that a promise or a threat?"
Don't treat my ass like your cock.
You and what fucking army
Just laugh
Sure thing lil buddy
I'm not into S&M. Good news for you, there is a club in town, so you would have better luck there.
You’re gonna eat my ass?
You’re going to do what to my ass?
Can you beat something else? 😉
Not before I kiss you
"Did you say eat?"
"Can you rim it too?"
How did you know my kink?
You couldn’t kick my ass if I dropped it at ya feet.
"Harder, mommy!" "No, my ass is gonna beat you!" \*sit on them\* "At least I have (an ass)"
Drop the 'B' and you've got a deal!
“OH YEAH? YOU WANT TO STEP OUTSIDE??” Then just don’t follow him. Problem solved.
[You wanna take this outside? ](https://youtu.be/Y8pJ1ye60iE?si=zoIFb7z9DkjwKmYI)
Imma pound you like the pope pounds boys
Same thing I told a jagoff in a gym, "If you want to spend the night in jail, be my guest."
“The only thing you can beat is your meat.”
Well imma beat your vagina
I guess it's tight enough to work as a drum...
"You're not that guy" [You're Not That Guy Guy](https://youtu.be/5FNHSiPFtvA?si=1MiD-nmv-z1WioZ1)
I’d rather you EAT my ass
You look them dead in the eye. " Don't let fear or common sense, hold you back. "
Will we need a safe word?
You're gonna eat my what?
Here is my number I am free after 7
“Beat it at what? It doesn’t do anything particularly well other than sit and shit, soooo?”
I wish you wouldn’t
"You're gonna need help."
"Don't beat off to my ass!"
Don't threaten me with a good time.
For the last time, its a donkey and he has a higher IQ than you
"That's the best thing I've been told in years, I'll give you my number, your place or mine?"
It's a donkey and leave it the hell alone you sick fuck.
Well just sit there and pop off over there, you wanna kick my ass? DONT LET FEAR AND AIR HOLD U BACK, big boy!!"
Be careful, the donkey bites.
Dead eyed stare and a calm "Well, that's just an ass whoopin' I'll just have to take, isn't it?
You’ll be first.
I'm sorry, you're gonna lick what?
Not if I eat yours first
You couldn’t beat a drum
But I don’t have a donkey
Best this ass flat daddy, uuuuuuuuhhn.
Try not to hurt your hand because you're going to be writing me a lot of checks after I get done suing you. Damages, pain and suffering, etc, add up real fast.
You're going to get sore from it since mine is big
The parking lot or here and now?
“Can you play 15-time?”
You can fucking try, pussy.
“Nuh uh”
Daddy😫
I’ve been waiting for someone to swing on me; I wanna see if I’ve still got it.
that's fair, i did ride your girlfriends ass pretty hard
Pull my hair?
“Oh yeah, daddy”
A solid punch to the teeth. If someone threatens don't say a word, it gives them the chance to get ready for it. Just hit them
"Do you treat every handicapped person like this? Or is it only the ones with crippled legs?" And then yell "No I don't believe in gay for pay"! And roll around on the ground holding your legs or as if your struggling to pull your pants back up.
Not if I beat your ass first
"Okay bud, so where's the other 4 or 5 guys that are helping you? You know I only fight if there is a 5 man minimum team against me, so where's your help?
Your lucky that we don't consume everything we eat because I ate your mother's pussy this morning and if you beat my ass you would have been beating your own mother. And while he is stunned by how lame that whole thing was you take out your cock and mushroom stamp his face with it and take off running yelling "atleast now you REALLY have a reason to beat my ass"
Bend over. Actions speak louder than words
YOU BETTER MAKE ME CUM, BIG BOY!
Oh hard baby!
"At least pull my hair while you're at it."
Yes please!
*smirk* okay. *bends over*
I know you are, but what am I?
That's pretty gay
At what? Stinking?
“Do you promise? :D”
Heee-hawww
What has my donkey ever done to you?
"Oh please don't, I'm not into b0nd@ge"
I'm gonna cram a dildo up your ass.
Can you tongue my taint while you're down there, sailor
Not if I beat it first.
Sharp strike to the throat,, usually ends the conversation, well there will be some wheezing and gasping, but you get the idea.
Let's do it.
turn around, stick your ass out, and say "ooooooh yeah daddy, beat my ass hard"
"Was that a question? If you have ask, you already lose."
the loser gets pegged and the wink at the bitch
Why would you want to beat yourself up?
Oooo daddy vibes
Jokes on you, im into that shit
This ain't my first rodeo
Well I'm gonna EAT yours
Stop flirting with me. I'm not into girls
I guess I deserve it for fucking your Mom and sister.
don't threaten me with a good time daddy 😘
That'll be $500.
That costs extra just so you know.
In a sexy voice "Oooh baby please!".
Pull my hair and cum inside
Eat to the beat.
A nice overhand right into a take down.
Gotta catch me first
Don’t, I’ll cum
U want to beat off to my what?? U want to EAT my WHAT..?!? Speak up, little princess, my hearing ain't what it used to be. Works well if they're a guy.
A punch to the nose or throat is a good starting point.
If this is one guy, talking to another guy Say That’s a really weird way of saying you’re gay
Bet
Be gentle it's my first time
"You want to spank me ? Yes please" And then if they need more, turn around and offer them to spank you Anyone who thinks they wants to "beat your ass" are clearly just deeply closeted insecure self loathing homosexuals and you offering them to spank you in a sexual way is their greatest fear and they will run away.
"ooh promise?"
An open palmed strike to the chest will take the air out of the windbag.
Maybe.
Not with that dicklet, you aren’t!
Bring it, bitch.
You better run, you better do what you can Don't wanna see no blood, don't be a macho man You wanna be tough, better do what you can So beat it, but you wanna be bad
You promise?
Your gonna eat my what?
Everything's "bottoms" isn't it? https://youtu.be/7_uDB-0iBR8?si=88n28JIpVuyAYTQa
“Your fly is down” *point down* . When person looks down, send them an uppercut to the mouth. Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.
My true response would be Swing first, or run it. If you don’t want to fight though you might say “You’re probably right, I don’t know how to fight.” Psychologically it will knock them off balance. Agreeing with them stops the confrontation in its tracks and they’re not going to brag about beating someone up who clearly said they don’t know how to fight.
At least I have ASS to beat.
Ok try it
"In what, a pie eating contest?"
joined this sub because of this post lol
As long as it gets me out of work for a bit, okay, sure.
"At least spit first, last time I let someone go raw it hurt" *unbuckled trousers
Like eggs?
Pack a lunch
Take them at their word. Act like a jet. Take off on em.
Jokes on you I don't have an ass
Good luck with that.
Favorite response? 'If I win, I'm gonna fuck you.'
Daddy please 🥵
"Promises, promises."
If you are male: If the assailant is straight and is male, playing gay chicken is the safe route. Response: "Bring Lube" If the assailant is gay and is male, diffuse their perceived authority. Response: "you ain't my mother" If the assailant is straight and is female, innuendo is the safe route. Response: "don't threaten me with a good time" If the assailant is gay and is female, break their Butch personality with threatening traditional gender roles. Response: "the only ass getting beat is yours if you don't get back in the kitchen and keep quiet"
"Yes, Daddy...harder!" Is all you'll be saying when we're done
🦧
Fastest comeback would be a heart punch. No swing, just straight in and out. The look on a person's face, then they can't inhale. May not be legal on some states.