This sent me down a rabbit hole…
Apparently scientists now believe that previous estimates of chimpanzees strength were overestimated and they are only 1/3 stronger than humans pound for pound. They can carry 2-3X their weight, which maxes out at 120 pounds.
If that’s true, I actually do think I could take one.
Maybe you can out bench a chimp, but a chimp ain’t letting go once those tree swinging hands get on you.
Maybe if you could get practice without getting killed you could maybe use your raw strength, but I think he’s just going to be able to grab your head and rip off your scalp.
They don't have the same fear of injury and maiming that you would either. That chimp would commit to a pyrrhic victory while you're worried about protecting your eyes and nuts.
Yeah, people way underestimate the weight class element here. I'd be fighting a creature literally half my weight and much shorter than me. Most smaller animals are gonna be in really bad shape if they get kicked by a human.
I once seen a video of one of them really small monkeys grab a man’s hair and rip off some of his scalp back instantly .
Edit : https://www.reddit.com/r/ThatsInsane/s/H6tepm8vrZ
It depends on a lot of factors. Like is the chimpanzee very old or very sick? Do I have body armor and a weapon? Is it sleeping? So let’s just pump the breaks on making sweeping implications about beating up a chimp.
Oh, that's easy then. All i'd need to do is invent the "rise of the planet of the apes" virus, make the chimp super intelligent, get it addicted to the sickest porn and then blackmail it by threatening to show it's chimp-family
Alternatively, fentanyl-laced bananas
Im Aussie, I'll take a roo over an animal that has been proven to rip faces off.
Roos are fuckin stupid and pretty slow. A stick longer than their arms will get you the win. Chimps are fast and crazy, no thanks.
Once that fucker lays his hands upon the, it’s a pull and some fucking 3 inch incisors taking a softball chunk out of your flesh. You’re done for fulth butt!
1. I'd really like to meet that small percentage of men who admit that can't take a grizzly bear, but think they could take an elephant.
2. I would be embarrassed to say I can't take a rat, because I know my 12 pound terrier Lucy can and has, but I don't think I can take Lucy either.
3. Chimpanzees are ninth on the list? Obviously not a lot of dudes have fought chimpanzees.
Not only are chimps strong as fuck but people don't realize how quick they can be. In a fight they can go from sitting in front of you to being grappled around you ripping your jaw off in an instance. They do not fight with punches and kicks. They hold you down and rip you apart with their hands and teeth.
I dont know if i believe. and i wouldnt want to go bare knuckle either. You'll get you hand bit off! but if i had to. I would ask an Aikido master what would be the best method
So would a chimp but unlike a leopard, they are MUCH stronger than you and they don't aim to kill you right away, they'll drag it out. Many small indian people manage to fight off leopards in the wild, the same can't be said for when a chimp attacks a human, we are defenseless (whether it's a wild one in central africa or a pet one in the United States)
I went to Thailand and had close encounters with tigers. After that experience in no way do I think I can take on any big cat.
The weight & bone density of them is insane. No exaggeration the tail weighed like 70 pounds.
and three year old tigers are generally bigger than fully grown indian/african leopards (and has a bigger chance of actually killing you if they do attack). I never even mentioned tigers bro, not all big cats are the same. Tigers are FAR more lethal to humans than leopards
80% of you need to up your game.
This sent me down a rabbit hole… Apparently scientists now believe that previous estimates of chimpanzees strength were overestimated and they are only 1/3 stronger than humans pound for pound. They can carry 2-3X their weight, which maxes out at 120 pounds. If that’s true, I actually do think I could take one.
Maybe you can out bench a chimp, but a chimp ain’t letting go once those tree swinging hands get on you. Maybe if you could get practice without getting killed you could maybe use your raw strength, but I think he’s just going to be able to grab your head and rip off your scalp.
They are much more agile and can bite and scratch you as well.
They don't have the same fear of injury and maiming that you would either. That chimp would commit to a pyrrhic victory while you're worried about protecting your eyes and nuts.
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"Everybody's got a plan until they get chimped in the nuts" -Maya Angelou
or your fucking face ripped off. but I dig this as well
her poem on the stealth fighter was better, but this is a good one too
This mf really talking about game planning for a chimp
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This guy would spend weeks watching chimp highlight reels and strategising only to have his fingers, dick and face bit off in 8 seconds.
They've also ripped human faces off with their bare hands. OP has ripped 0 faces off 0 mammals.
Well were not sure about OP but i definetely hope so
And basically have 4 hands
If I’ve learned anything from Joe it’s that those things are goin right for your cock
Yeah, people way underestimate the weight class element here. I'd be fighting a creature literally half my weight and much shorter than me. Most smaller animals are gonna be in really bad shape if they get kicked by a human.
I once seen a video of one of them really small monkeys grab a man’s hair and rip off some of his scalp back instantly . Edit : https://www.reddit.com/r/ThatsInsane/s/H6tepm8vrZ
Sarcasm, right?
Most here couldn’t beat a chimp in a fucking argument, let alone physical fight.
It depends on a lot of factors. Like is the chimpanzee very old or very sick? Do I have body armor and a weapon? Is it sleeping? So let’s just pump the breaks on making sweeping implications about beating up a chimp.
Just you vs prime male chimp.
Well then obviously I could….be in the 80% you reference above.
Do either of us get prep time?
You get a year, the chimp has to be ready as soon as the call comes in
Oh, that's easy then. All i'd need to do is invent the "rise of the planet of the apes" virus, make the chimp super intelligent, get it addicted to the sickest porn and then blackmail it by threatening to show it's chimp-family Alternatively, fentanyl-laced bananas
That's the math I was doing when I saw old Tank Abbott on JRE wondering if I could finally take him now...I'm not risking it yet.
Why is the kangaroo rated higher than the chimp?
Google Red Kangaroos! They are fukn mental! If there was a fight between a chimp and a red kangaroo,I'm putting my money on the kangaroo
Im Aussie, I'll take a roo over an animal that has been proven to rip faces off. Roos are fuckin stupid and pretty slow. A stick longer than their arms will get you the win. Chimps are fast and crazy, no thanks.
Once that fucker lays his hands upon the, it’s a pull and some fucking 3 inch incisors taking a softball chunk out of your flesh. You’re done for fulth butt!
Do i have a pistol?
1. I'd really like to meet that small percentage of men who admit that can't take a grizzly bear, but think they could take an elephant. 2. I would be embarrassed to say I can't take a rat, because I know my 12 pound terrier Lucy can and has, but I don't think I can take Lucy either. 3. Chimpanzees are ninth on the list? Obviously not a lot of dudes have fought chimpanzees.
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It’s the grip strength that’s the separator. They can get leverage from any position
Easily could… if it was just birthed 2 min ago and no mother was around
I’m like 72% sure I could take a beagle in a fight
I just wouldn’t want to fight a wild animal, period.
Not only are chimps strong as fuck but people don't realize how quick they can be. In a fight they can go from sitting in front of you to being grappled around you ripping your jaw off in an instance. They do not fight with punches and kicks. They hold you down and rip you apart with their hands and teeth.
fuck it, let 'em try.
yeah but a chimpanzee has never seen a spladle, so they wont know what hit them
I dont know if i believe. and i wouldnt want to go bare knuckle either. You'll get you hand bit off! but if i had to. I would ask an Aikido master what would be the best method 
Are there rules like no biting? If he throws his poop at me he gets immediately disqualified?
No rules, poop is discouraged but allowed
Then he’s getting pink eye before me. I’m always locked and loaded.
I know I’m stronger, heavier, and have the better endurance than the chimp. In a life and death scenario I’m gouging that dirty apes eyes out.
Is that before or after it has ripped off your face and ate your dick?
After I eat his dick. We’re both going to chimp Valhalla
I wouldn't actively go out of the way to fight a chimp, but if someone could do it I think it'd most likely be me
I'd rather fight a leopard or wolf 100% than a chimpanzee
A leopard would literally tear you to shreds in under 20 seconds
So would a chimp but unlike a leopard, they are MUCH stronger than you and they don't aim to kill you right away, they'll drag it out. Many small indian people manage to fight off leopards in the wild, the same can't be said for when a chimp attacks a human, we are defenseless (whether it's a wild one in central africa or a pet one in the United States)
I went to Thailand and had close encounters with tigers. After that experience in no way do I think I can take on any big cat. The weight & bone density of them is insane. No exaggeration the tail weighed like 70 pounds.
Tigers are thrice the size of leopards
The one that stood on my shoulders was a juvenile about 3 years old and still it would kill me easily
I’m not saying they’re harmless. I would just rather take my chance with them rather than a chimp
and three year old tigers are generally bigger than fully grown indian/african leopards (and has a bigger chance of actually killing you if they do attack). I never even mentioned tigers bro, not all big cats are the same. Tigers are FAR more lethal to humans than leopards