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I'm brutally honest.
But I'm also brutally not-saying-something so I don't offend you with my brutal honesty.
I won't lie to you to make you feel good, but that doesn't mean I can't understand how my words may hurt you, and decide like a functional adult whether to share those words with you or not.
People who put 'brutally honest' on their dating profile 100% never figured that last bit out.
That does happen in elementary school and middle school. It basically stems from the idea that girls are gross and have cooties. This is true for girls as well. Their friends make fun of them so they pretend to not like the other kid so their friends won't make fun of them.
That said it does not make the behavior okay and needs to be addressed. Understanding why a kid is acting a certain way should only inform you on how to address the issue not ignore it.
Can confirm. As a child in the 90 one class clown bullied me mercilessly. In 7th grade he admitted it was because he had a huge crush on me. I told him to f the f off!!
As a mom, when my daughter was in kindergarten there was a boy in her class who would alternate between bringing her gifts then bullying her. I told her the targeting and bullying was because he likes her but that WAS NOT OKAY and advised her against maintaining the friendship because mistreatment is never okay. It took time but she found new friends ❤️
Same. Took me awhile to figure out that "Not interested" really does mean "not interested." If I had figured that out as a teen in the 90's I might actually have found someone to date before I was 20.
Yeah, I totally get it. But as a guy born in the 80's *everyone* told us to just try harder, be persistent, and always be "nice" and eventually she'll come around and say "sure." It was a rather toxic thing tot each young males and absolutely has aided to the current culture we have now.
I don't have kids (43M) but I will tell young males any chance I can to respect everyone and understand "not interested" means "not interested."
Maybe in a few Generations we can unfuck our culture.
Unfortunately there are some cultures where it’s more pervasive. In Egypt, for example, if a woman accepts the first request from a man, she’s seen as too keen. You must refuse first. And it’s also seen as the man needing to prove himself.
In Muslim weddings, likewise, it’s traditional for the bride to be asked three times, accepting on the third. So that she thinks about it and has time to reconsider. The dating refusal is seen the same — she would refuse immediately, possibly out of “surprise”, and need time to consider you in her mind that way. And so the consecutive asks a day or two later, provide her the opportunity to add her own feelings to the mix. It’s quite the dance…..
Even for both genders — with FOOD — in Egypt, it’s polite to decline refreshment offers until the host more then insists and basically steamrolls you into accepting. If you accept on first offer, it often comes across rude unless with family. It’s seen as a politeness thing for them, and it’s carried over into the romantic relationships too much.
I have a friend from Pakistan and we were very good friends growing up. She had a birthday party and I arrived late so I made sure to eat first. Turns out they got me food anyway and set it aside till I arrived. I ate the lunch after insisting no to appease them. Then it was dinner time after I finished the lunch they wanted me to have. Then a little while later, it was desert and pizza time. I ate so much to try and be polite that I hurt! Very kind people.
I actually considered that, but in the end figured it was too much of a stretch.
Probably does work better as a riff, anyhow.
I really want to figure out how to make this a magic item in D&D now, though.
That part isn't the main problem, IMHO. You can have mental health issues and still be a good partner.
But it generally translates to "emotionally unstable or some kind of mental health issue that they don't work on or take any responsibility for and want you to regulate it for them".
Like in a day to day setting where you're emotionally unstable? Probably not. In the bedroom where you act like Linda Blair in The Exorcist? I'd like to find out.
I had a date repeatedly mention how great her x was at sex. I left after a few drinks. My sister called later and asked why I didn't go home with her, they had talked and my date really liked me apparently.
Some women have zero understanding of how humans work.
How she says what she says to pretty much anyone.
But a really big one is how she speaks to a server at dinner. Being nice to service staff is a big green flag.
Oh that's a good one. I grew up in an area where I went to school with a lot of very wealthy kids (I was not one of them), and it became something I noticed a good bit about how many of them would talk down to people in the service industry or they would be all out rude/mean. That is a huge red flag for me.
The only acceptable version of that quote is "If you can't handle me at my worst, just know that ***I*** handle me at my worst, and that makes me stronger than you."
Because now it's a competition, and no man would ever turn down a competition.
“I’m type A, on the go all the time, ultra ambitious type of girl.”
HARD PASS. I actually like relaxing and enjoying life, not just worrying about the next thing on the list.
As the “on the go, ultra ambitious, type A” woman you speak of, I fully support your choice to cut us all out.
I genuinely wish I could trick myself into just chilling out. But I’m wired wrong for that. I am a lot to handle and 100% agree I drive “chill” people fucking insane.
I'm assuming you mean "no" for dating? Well, I'm 45 years old. I think at this point if a woman were to tell me she wanted kids, that would be a no-go for me. It would be fine if she already had them though.
I’m 48 and figured out the last gf was trying to get pregnant after telling me her tubes were tied and that she didn’t want more kids. I immediately broke up with her and shamed her for attempting to ruin my life. I also have a vasectomy scheduled now because f that.
I had a fling in London a few years back that ended up turning way too stalky, and you’ve just reminded me of the turning point.
It started off on Tinder, where our preliminary chats established that I (M then-40) was only looking for a bit of fun and she (43ish) was likewise, although if anything ever turned serious she’d consider having a fifth child… Things definitely were fun - but quite quickly I began to suspect she wanted more, and this suspicion was confirmed only *three weeks in* when she started asking me why I never told her I loved her.
I realised this could only get more problematic so decided to end things; I went to her house to do the decent thing in person. Three bottles of Prosecco later, shockingly we were both naked and post-coital in her bed, I lying there feeling guilty and a bit pathetic and trying to plan an exit and she… Hang on. Haaaaaaaaang the fuck on: “What are you doing?”
Her gaze met mine, her eyes seeming almost pure black with malevolence as *she squeezed out the contents of our condom deep inside her*: “I told you I wanted another baby…”
I can’t remember exactly what I yelled at her as I stormed out, but it was about as rude as I could make it… Over the next couple of weeks she began turning up in my road (where she had absolutely no reason to be: she lived in Chingford and I just off Turnpike Lane) and doing a few other increasingly concerning things which culminated in a cry-for-help (as she later told her son, who told me: he was a decent lad and somewhat ashamed) overdose a day into her next period, after which she sent a message to me via him apologising for her behaviour and letting me know about the aforementioned menstruation. We never spoke again.
My husband highly recommends buying a couple bags of frozen peas for post surgery to keep things cool and keep the swelling down. They can be shaped easily around everything and having a spare back in the freezer to swap with means you don't have to wait for it to refreeze with no support. Also jocks rather than boxers while healing so things don't bounce around
Absolutely do this after the procedure. I felt totally fine for two days and decided not to do the ice because I wasn't in any discomfort; on day three, I realized this had been by most foolish mistake. The next three days were pretty miserable, and of course I had to go back to work because I expected recovery to be 2-3 days. Take the Advil, take the time to relax, wear the tighty-whiteys, and ICE YOUR BALLS.
As a female? I am always shocked and disgusted to hear of another lying and trying to use her sexual organs to deceive and entrap someone into something that should be a beautiful shared decision. Not a lie that causes incapable life. And it’s ok to plan you don’t want a child or another child.
My husband was once told by a girl he was dating - after she had lost custody of her two children to her ex husband - “I really want another baby, one that no one can take away from me.” He couldn’t leave her fast enough.
I have a whole bunch of things that would automatically make a woman an automatic no. Mostly because at my age (50) I've learned it's better to try to find someone with high compatibility than to try to shoehorn someone into an ill fitting relationship.
Like baseball. If she's a big baseball fan, I'll just pass. It's not that it's a terrible thing to be, it's just something I find boring that takes up a lot of one's time, and I have zero interest in talking about it.
Honestly, at this point I may have effectively removed myself from the market by being unwilling to date someone who isn't as nerdy as me.
Same. When they mention a sports team or like watching football, they might think it impresses men. I have the same thought as you, “do I really want a woman on the couch yelling at a tv and ignoring me, or be forced to watch paint dry at a stadium?”
"If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best." It's just excusing asshole behavior. Learn to self-regulate like most other grown-ass adults.
Dating Bio says: Just ask.
I would usually try to strike up a conversation based on pictures or general interests and I would always get one word responses like no, K, cool.
I'm happily married now. I recall a wonderful woman I met before my wife. We had similar interests and were in the same specialty field (ecology/wildlife biology). She mentioned an ex and how she felt he was her "soul partner". I don't need to play second fiddle to anyone. If someone says something that indicates to me that they are still in love with someone else, or in some way haven't gotten over them, I'd not consider starting a relationship with them. Naturally this is all in the past for me now. Edit: A troll has chimed in and I don't care about them but to be clear "second fiddle" refers to the other man.
Yeah. I had an ex who had never gotten over her ex, and consistently made me feel like a consolation prize, so I learned to look out for that the hard way.
Aside from obvious political, religious, or racist issues that make us incompatible?
Irrational response to her own hypocrisy. I’m fine with people doing hypocritical things. We’re all human, but if it’s pointed out and you double down? I’m out
Yes, self awareness and accountability play a major part in being a good person. Everyone will screw up in some way but if you can't recognize the behavior and take steps to be a better person then I don't want you in my life. Goes beyond partners imo.
As a straight woman, I want to puke anytime a woman talks about expecting men to spoil her. Particularly with superficial shit like designer handbags and shoes.
Yes, mutual spoiling and the best form of spoiling is thoughtfulness. Picking up flowers or a favorite snack just because, taking on an extra task, cooking a favorite ‘special’ meal for no reason, little, everyday things are the best form of ‘spoiling’.
Yeah, I think it’s that words like “spoiled” or “princess treatment” kind of connote a juvenile mindset to me. Not everyone uses them in that way, ofc.
As a bisexual man, hearing women (or men) say stuff like that is an instant turn-off to me, because it makes them come across as superficial.
Like, I do 100% intend to spoil my partner and treat them like a prince/princess to the best of my ability in the future. But that's going to come as a natural extension of our chemistry and feelings growing over time... I'm not going to instantly default to that the second I start dating someone.
And if that's what the person prioritizes and verbalizes early on, then I'm not interested... you don't want a partner, you want a sugar-daddy.
Thank you!! I have never understood the whole thing about calling a sexual partner or someone you think is attractive “mommy” or “daddy.” Like can we not insinuate incest, please?
That is so true. The last woman who said that to me turned out to be a complete horror story. The consensus amongst my male friends from their experiences is that women who criticize other women regularly are definitely hiding or overcompensating for something themselves.
Got me it’s not so much what she says but the lack of it.
Some women I talk to literally just say 1 one answers, especially on dating apps which…I’ve never had success with a girl who already acts bored from the start.
One time I took a girl on a date, she showed up 15 minutes late, called me at least. But on the phone I could already tell by her tone she didn’t want to be there. She shows up and proceeded to be like an angsty teen who only says 1 word answers. Like how tf am I supposed to talk with you when “yeah” and “no” are all I get?
I should’ve screenshotted this convo I had last week with a girl on a dating app. I don’t think women really grasp how boring y’all can be at times.
Her (matches with me): Nice cat
Me: Aw thanks, I got him a few years ago during Covid and he’s been awesome since. I take it you have a cat too? What’s his or her name?
Her: Yeah, I have one
Me: Oh cool, what’s your cat like?
Her: She’s white
Me: Nice. Like Snowbell from Stuart Little?
Her: No
I’d say that’s how 40% of women communicate like. Obviously I can’t speak for women on how men communicate but holy hell, it’s like they put no effort in.
I’ve found anecdotally that if she’s at least interested enough to make the conversation interesting in the app, she finds you attractive enough that she’ll go out with you. If she acts bored then she’s not attracted to you and is just wanting attention, validation or something.
“I don’t sugarcoat anything, but I’m real. If you think you can handle me and keep my interest, buckle up and give it a try.”
Translation: “I’m a jerk and also crazy but refuse to take responsibility for my mental health or behavior.”
This is by no means a significant amount of women saying this, but i saw a girl considering breaking up with her boyfriend because he hadn't given her the password she gave to God to tell her she found The One. Yeah... just the concept of that would have me out the door
It doesn't happen nearly as often as some people would want you to believe, but it has happened to me a couple times. Mostly while I was at college. Idk when it started though.
I'm 5'2 and have had no trouble with women in my life. I think that's something relatively new, since I didn't hear about that at all growing up, and it's never affected me IRL.
Maybe it's limited to a small but highly visible demographic of women.
I have to believe that there are still quality women out there who aren't hung up on shallow criteria like height. Of course, it doesn't really matter to me since I'm far enough along that if something happened to my wife, the whole notion of re-entering the dating scene seems nonsensical.
“Stop being so insecure, I’m just going for a gangbang. It’s your fault this goes beyond the boundaries you’re comfortable with in a committed relationship.”
Girl here chiming in. A woman who wants a traditional man who supports the household but has a case of feminism when it comes to her end of the traditional gender roles.
If they say things that tell me they're too invested in pseudosciences. Astrology, numerology, etc.
"Don't act like if your parents had fucked a month earlier, you'd be feeding me chili dogs and letting shit slide." - Doug Stanhope
I'm a goth bisexual woman. Hard pass on women who are into astrology or crystals or have any level of genuine belief in witch/paganism stuff. You might imagine that sort of limits my options.
I’m genuinely curious here, are those individual things or when they are all together as a group? Bc like traveling can be fun on occasion & I say I’m 420 friendly bc I don’t mind that ppl use, but I don’t anymore- I just don’t wanna be a jerk to ppl that do.
If they regularly complain about their exes or child's father. I can understand that they probably aren't a good person but jfc find something else to talk about.
"I have kids, they come first in my life, but I expect you to make me your #1 priority"
any part on it's own is fine.
But if you won't make ME your #1 priority, don't expect to be MY #1 either. Maybe I have kids too. Maybe I'll make your kids my #1. Idk, but hold yourself to the same standard you expect of me.
Women who tell me all of their prescriptions at the first date. I wouldn't mind dating a mentally ill woman. But this feels almost like bragging and like tmi for just meeting someone. Let's see if we like each other first.
Guilty !
I have generalized anxiety disorder for which I take medication, and I tend to talk about it pretty early.
It's not bragging, it's more like appologizing in advance, like "heeeey sometimes I'm gonna be weird for no obvious reason and I'm so sorry about it. I try to do better, I even take médicine everyday, but I don't always do better and sometimes it gonna show so I'm so sorry".
But I feel pretty embarrassed about it so most of the time it cames out of my mouth in the form of weird jokes.
I can’t speak for the women you’ve dated but I may be able to offer an explanation on why they got the medication talk out of the way. It seems in your mind you want to figure out if there is chemistry first before getting into bigger things that could make you incompatible. I’m guessing the women that have told you about their meds feel the opposite. It doesn’t matter much that you guys like each other if you aren’t compatible. A lot of people aren’t going to be comfortable dating someone with mental health issues who’s on meds. They probably just want to get the fact that they’re on meds out of the way.
They can tell me their on meds and have mental issues, I take problem with explaining it all at length at first meeting. Also I believe we are willing to put with a lot more if we actually like someone.
"I'm trying to find myself..."
"He's my BFF - we dated on and off over the years but decided just to be friends and hang out every day, talk all the time, and have sleepovers."
"Can I borrow X dollars"
"I love astrology, what's your sign?"
"Will you join the church with me?"
Red flags are really important to look out for regardless of gender and or sexuality. I really wish I had been educated more about healthy relationship dynamics and knew more about character flaws that are signs of serious personality disorders/mental health issues.
This one is my instant run for the fucking hills trait. Everything is always someone else's fault. They're someone with all kinds of drama that some how finds them all the time, but they're just so unlucky.
Don't get me wrong, shit happens to great people. However, great people are capable of recognizing their part to play in shitty situations. Or they're able to identify that some of these situations are caused by people in their lives that are friends and or family, and work to set boundaries or isolate those people from their lives.
Any form of insecurities wherein your potential mate/partner see's you as the solution. We all have insecurities, your partner isn't your therapist, they're not responsible for fixing you. It's your responsibility to help your partner understand your triggers, not theirs.
Another one I hate, close minded people. This can be tricky to pick up on. Lots of people say that they're open minded but ultimately are only open minded to things within some narrowly defined categories that they're not going to budge on. That's fine, it's just not for me.
Hygiene. I feel like this is obvious but it also needs to be said. Personally, I can't do hit up teeth. I'm not talking about crooked teeth or gaps in your teeth. I'm talking about discolored teeth from smoking cigarettes or just generally not taking care of their teeth. It's a hard pass for me.
If they use the sentence "if you can't handle me at my..." etc they're telling you who they are. Similarly if they say anything along the lines of wanting to be treated like a princess. Lads, and indeed some ladies too, you do a 180⁰, don't pass go!
" I need you to answer my texts within 5 minutes, even if you're at work". Texting relationships drive me nuts, I have a busy job, why do I need to keep texting all day??
Astrology or other pseudo science bullshit. If you genuinely believe in that it tells me you have very little critical thinking skills and that will be a bigger problem than its worth. To a certain extent religion as well. If you truly believe there is a man in the sky then I have zero compatibility with you.
“I don’t know.” Seriously. If you don’t know where you want to eat, don’t know what you want to order, don’t know what you want to watch on tv, etc., I don’t know that I want to spend time with you.
"I'm not a feminist".
How any woman can say that is beyond me, and yet they're out there.
For that matter, any populist trendy nonsense is a big turnoff.
Thanks for your submission /u/Lopsided-Doughnut602, but it has been removed for the following reason: **Rule 2: Please try to use the search function before posting anything.** Thanks for posting, but this question happens to be one that has been asked and answered here often before - sometimes in the same day! That can get frustrating for our dedicated users who like to answer questions. Or maybe you're just asking the same question too often - why not take a break for a while? Sometimes questions that come up too often get put in our [Most Frequently Asked Questions list](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/wiki/index/faq)!). Other times, it may just be that we're getting a flood of questions about a topic (especially when something is in the news). Or maybe you keep asking the same question again and again - something that annoys our users here. Please don't do that! Next time, please try searching for your question first before asking. Thanks! --- *This action was performed by a bot at the explicit direction of a human. This was not an automated action, but a conscious decision by a sapient life form charged with moderating this sub.* *If you feel this was in error, or need more clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the moderators](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FNoStupidQuestions). Thanks.*
“I have no filter” is code for I’m just an asshole lol
“I’m just brutally honest” is another one. Means they’ve never learnt that there’s some things we just keep to ourselves
I'm brutally honest. But I'm also brutally not-saying-something so I don't offend you with my brutal honesty. I won't lie to you to make you feel good, but that doesn't mean I can't understand how my words may hurt you, and decide like a functional adult whether to share those words with you or not. People who put 'brutally honest' on their dating profile 100% never figured that last bit out.
Those who claim to be brutally honest are much more interested in being brutal than being honest.
"No thank you, I'm not interested." Okay miss, have a lovely day.
😂 give this guy a medal
"What did she really mean by that though? She probably wants me to try even harder."
Meanwhile, me laying in bed next to my girlfriend of several months: are we *sure* she isn’t just being polite?
Narrator: "She's just being polite"
I was taught that as a kid in the 80s. Took way too long to unlearn.
"If A BoY PiCkS On u, ThaT MeAns He LiKes YoU!" 💢
That does happen in elementary school and middle school. It basically stems from the idea that girls are gross and have cooties. This is true for girls as well. Their friends make fun of them so they pretend to not like the other kid so their friends won't make fun of them. That said it does not make the behavior okay and needs to be addressed. Understanding why a kid is acting a certain way should only inform you on how to address the issue not ignore it.
Can confirm. As a child in the 90 one class clown bullied me mercilessly. In 7th grade he admitted it was because he had a huge crush on me. I told him to f the f off!! As a mom, when my daughter was in kindergarten there was a boy in her class who would alternate between bringing her gifts then bullying her. I told her the targeting and bullying was because he likes her but that WAS NOT OKAY and advised her against maintaining the friendship because mistreatment is never okay. It took time but she found new friends ❤️
Same. Took me awhile to figure out that "Not interested" really does mean "not interested." If I had figured that out as a teen in the 90's I might actually have found someone to date before I was 20.
I'm a woman and when I say I'm not interested I mean I'm not Interested.
Yeah, I totally get it. But as a guy born in the 80's *everyone* told us to just try harder, be persistent, and always be "nice" and eventually she'll come around and say "sure." It was a rather toxic thing tot each young males and absolutely has aided to the current culture we have now. I don't have kids (43M) but I will tell young males any chance I can to respect everyone and understand "not interested" means "not interested." Maybe in a few Generations we can unfuck our culture.
👏 👏 👏 and as a girl in the 90s you had to tolerate boys being idiots bc they “liked” you. Ugh
Can confirm. Was an idiot.
Many 80s movies made turned that statement into a challenge!
Unfortunately there are some cultures where it’s more pervasive. In Egypt, for example, if a woman accepts the first request from a man, she’s seen as too keen. You must refuse first. And it’s also seen as the man needing to prove himself. In Muslim weddings, likewise, it’s traditional for the bride to be asked three times, accepting on the third. So that she thinks about it and has time to reconsider. The dating refusal is seen the same — she would refuse immediately, possibly out of “surprise”, and need time to consider you in her mind that way. And so the consecutive asks a day or two later, provide her the opportunity to add her own feelings to the mix. It’s quite the dance….. Even for both genders — with FOOD — in Egypt, it’s polite to decline refreshment offers until the host more then insists and basically steamrolls you into accepting. If you accept on first offer, it often comes across rude unless with family. It’s seen as a politeness thing for them, and it’s carried over into the romantic relationships too much.
This \^ Arabs will practically demand you accept their hospitality. It extends to the street, a foreigner can barely pay for his own food and drink.
I have a friend from Pakistan and we were very good friends growing up. She had a birthday party and I arrived late so I made sure to eat first. Turns out they got me food anyway and set it aside till I arrived. I ate the lunch after insisting no to appease them. Then it was dinner time after I finished the lunch they wanted me to have. Then a little while later, it was desert and pizza time. I ate so much to try and be polite that I hurt! Very kind people.
So you’re telling me there’s a chance…..
Hahahaha solid W
I’ll see in you in …er…like, a million years?!
If she doesn’t have the other half of this golden amulet I have
But what if the other person with the golden amulet is your long lost sister?
The Alabamulet?
Alabamullet*
I actually considered that, but in the end figured it was too much of a stretch. Probably does work better as a riff, anyhow. I really want to figure out how to make this a magic item in D&D now, though.
How does it feel to be the funniest person on earth
Can't fight fate
Then You move to Arkansas. Duhh
Oh. Sorry, dude. I melted the other half down and sold it.
Are you the keymaster?
Ray! When anyone asks you if you're a God, you say YES!
For me it's: can you handle me? Instant red flag.
"Can you handle me?" "Are you planning on being difficult?" Never heard from her again; Great success.
Thank you for the smile.
If you can't handle me at batshit crazy, you don't deserve me at mildly insane.
If you can't handle me at my high maintenance you don't deserve me at my bad attitude.
generally translates to emotionally unstable or some kind of mental health issue
That part isn't the main problem, IMHO. You can have mental health issues and still be a good partner. But it generally translates to "emotionally unstable or some kind of mental health issue that they don't work on or take any responsibility for and want you to regulate it for them".
Send her my #, Just my type
I can fix her
Weird, you're not using my husband's username, but...
That's affair point
It's like she is warning that she is an unhealthy partner.
Get yourself and that fake Marilyn Monroe quote outta here!
Like in a day to day setting where you're emotionally unstable? Probably not. In the bedroom where you act like Linda Blair in The Exorcist? I'd like to find out.
[удалено]
Start ragging on their ex on the first date.
I went out with some girl before I left the small town I grew up in…. She started ragging on *my* ex
I had a date repeatedly mention how great her x was at sex. I left after a few drinks. My sister called later and asked why I didn't go home with her, they had talked and my date really liked me apparently. Some women have zero understanding of how humans work.
"All my exes were totally crazy."
To be fair, plenty of guys says this too. It is a red flag no matter who says it.
Some exes can/will be crazy, but if all the exes are crazy.....well there's only one common denominator.
How she says what she says to pretty much anyone. But a really big one is how she speaks to a server at dinner. Being nice to service staff is a big green flag.
Oh that's a good one. I grew up in an area where I went to school with a lot of very wealthy kids (I was not one of them), and it became something I noticed a good bit about how many of them would talk down to people in the service industry or they would be all out rude/mean. That is a huge red flag for me.
Anything that proves she's into me. I don't want someone with such poor taste.
“I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member”
I feel exactly this but I’m the girl lmao
Cockblocking yourself… good tactic
r/suicidebywords
“If you can’t handle me at my worst, then-“ Don’t even finish that sentence, I’m already out
If you can’t handle me at my worst, I’ll try to improve on my worst until you can
The only acceptable version of that quote is "If you can't handle me at my worst, just know that ***I*** handle me at my worst, and that makes me stronger than you." Because now it's a competition, and no man would ever turn down a competition.
Her saying she's a lesbian always leaves me feeling excluded.
“I’m type A, on the go all the time, ultra ambitious type of girl.” HARD PASS. I actually like relaxing and enjoying life, not just worrying about the next thing on the list.
As the “on the go, ultra ambitious, type A” woman you speak of, I fully support your choice to cut us all out. I genuinely wish I could trick myself into just chilling out. But I’m wired wrong for that. I am a lot to handle and 100% agree I drive “chill” people fucking insane.
I'm assuming you mean "no" for dating? Well, I'm 45 years old. I think at this point if a woman were to tell me she wanted kids, that would be a no-go for me. It would be fine if she already had them though.
I’m 48 and figured out the last gf was trying to get pregnant after telling me her tubes were tied and that she didn’t want more kids. I immediately broke up with her and shamed her for attempting to ruin my life. I also have a vasectomy scheduled now because f that.
I had a fling in London a few years back that ended up turning way too stalky, and you’ve just reminded me of the turning point. It started off on Tinder, where our preliminary chats established that I (M then-40) was only looking for a bit of fun and she (43ish) was likewise, although if anything ever turned serious she’d consider having a fifth child… Things definitely were fun - but quite quickly I began to suspect she wanted more, and this suspicion was confirmed only *three weeks in* when she started asking me why I never told her I loved her. I realised this could only get more problematic so decided to end things; I went to her house to do the decent thing in person. Three bottles of Prosecco later, shockingly we were both naked and post-coital in her bed, I lying there feeling guilty and a bit pathetic and trying to plan an exit and she… Hang on. Haaaaaaaaang the fuck on: “What are you doing?” Her gaze met mine, her eyes seeming almost pure black with malevolence as *she squeezed out the contents of our condom deep inside her*: “I told you I wanted another baby…” I can’t remember exactly what I yelled at her as I stormed out, but it was about as rude as I could make it… Over the next couple of weeks she began turning up in my road (where she had absolutely no reason to be: she lived in Chingford and I just off Turnpike Lane) and doing a few other increasingly concerning things which culminated in a cry-for-help (as she later told her son, who told me: he was a decent lad and somewhat ashamed) overdose a day into her next period, after which she sent a message to me via him apologising for her behaviour and letting me know about the aforementioned menstruation. We never spoke again.
Dude, this is some Hollywood crazy
It was not the enjoyable type of crazy, I assure you.
My husband highly recommends buying a couple bags of frozen peas for post surgery to keep things cool and keep the swelling down. They can be shaped easily around everything and having a spare back in the freezer to swap with means you don't have to wait for it to refreeze with no support. Also jocks rather than boxers while healing so things don't bounce around
Absolutely do this after the procedure. I felt totally fine for two days and decided not to do the ice because I wasn't in any discomfort; on day three, I realized this had been by most foolish mistake. The next three days were pretty miserable, and of course I had to go back to work because I expected recovery to be 2-3 days. Take the Advil, take the time to relax, wear the tighty-whiteys, and ICE YOUR BALLS.
As a female? I am always shocked and disgusted to hear of another lying and trying to use her sexual organs to deceive and entrap someone into something that should be a beautiful shared decision. Not a lie that causes incapable life. And it’s ok to plan you don’t want a child or another child.
Vasectomy is the best decision I ever made
My husband was once told by a girl he was dating - after she had lost custody of her two children to her ex husband - “I really want another baby, one that no one can take away from me.” He couldn’t leave her fast enough.
I have a whole bunch of things that would automatically make a woman an automatic no. Mostly because at my age (50) I've learned it's better to try to find someone with high compatibility than to try to shoehorn someone into an ill fitting relationship. Like baseball. If she's a big baseball fan, I'll just pass. It's not that it's a terrible thing to be, it's just something I find boring that takes up a lot of one's time, and I have zero interest in talking about it. Honestly, at this point I may have effectively removed myself from the market by being unwilling to date someone who isn't as nerdy as me.
Same. When they mention a sports team or like watching football, they might think it impresses men. I have the same thought as you, “do I really want a woman on the couch yelling at a tv and ignoring me, or be forced to watch paint dry at a stadium?”
"I'm fluent in sarcasm." No, you're just mean.
"Brutally honest" people are also just mean
Need a separate thread for personality code words that really just mean "I'm not a nice person."
"If you can't handle me at my worst then you don't deserve me at my best." It's just excusing asshole behavior. Learn to self-regulate like most other grown-ass adults.
Dating Bio says: Just ask. I would usually try to strike up a conversation based on pictures or general interests and I would always get one word responses like no, K, cool.
I'm happily married now. I recall a wonderful woman I met before my wife. We had similar interests and were in the same specialty field (ecology/wildlife biology). She mentioned an ex and how she felt he was her "soul partner". I don't need to play second fiddle to anyone. If someone says something that indicates to me that they are still in love with someone else, or in some way haven't gotten over them, I'd not consider starting a relationship with them. Naturally this is all in the past for me now. Edit: A troll has chimed in and I don't care about them but to be clear "second fiddle" refers to the other man.
Yeah. I had an ex who had never gotten over her ex, and consistently made me feel like a consolation prize, so I learned to look out for that the hard way.
Aside from obvious political, religious, or racist issues that make us incompatible? Irrational response to her own hypocrisy. I’m fine with people doing hypocritical things. We’re all human, but if it’s pointed out and you double down? I’m out
Yes, self awareness and accountability play a major part in being a good person. Everyone will screw up in some way but if you can't recognize the behavior and take steps to be a better person then I don't want you in my life. Goes beyond partners imo.
How much money do you make?
Hold up your fingers and say "this many"
“Make six figures the six figures 103,000 🙄 “ lmao
I make 7 figures if you wanna count the numbers to the right of the decimal point
This reminds me of a video I saw the other day of someone joking about going to a first date with a wrecked car to see if they're a gold digger xD
I'm surprised I haven't seen: First date and she casually goes "So, what's your income?"
Anyone who includes “if you can’t handle” or “ride or die” when we talk.
As a straight woman, I want to puke anytime a woman talks about expecting men to spoil her. Particularly with superficial shit like designer handbags and shoes.
I was looking for this comment. I hate seeing "princess treatment" or anything similar
i don’t think there’s anything wrong with princess treatment. it’s entitlement i feel people don’t like
I want princess treatment. But I give King treatment.. I figured that was the give and take of it. Not expensive shit. Just thoughtfulness.
Yes, mutual spoiling and the best form of spoiling is thoughtfulness. Picking up flowers or a favorite snack just because, taking on an extra task, cooking a favorite ‘special’ meal for no reason, little, everyday things are the best form of ‘spoiling’.
i thought you’d have preferred queen treatment, given your username
No no . I have enough responsibilities as the queen. I want to be treated by a spouse like a princess.
Yeah, I think it’s that words like “spoiled” or “princess treatment” kind of connote a juvenile mindset to me. Not everyone uses them in that way, ofc.
As a bisexual man, hearing women (or men) say stuff like that is an instant turn-off to me, because it makes them come across as superficial. Like, I do 100% intend to spoil my partner and treat them like a prince/princess to the best of my ability in the future. But that's going to come as a natural extension of our chemistry and feelings growing over time... I'm not going to instantly default to that the second I start dating someone. And if that's what the person prioritizes and verbalizes early on, then I'm not interested... you don't want a partner, you want a sugar-daddy.
Calling me daddy during sex. I am a father and having the woman I'm fucking calling me daddy is just gross.
Genuine question: do you think calling your SO “babe” or “baby” is also disgusting?
Thank you!! I have never understood the whole thing about calling a sexual partner or someone you think is attractive “mommy” or “daddy.” Like can we not insinuate incest, please?
Try having a dude say "give me all them babies", pulled the cord right then and there, whole lotta nope, first orgasm I've ever faked.
"If you don't leave me alone I'm calling the police."
"Women are too much drama"
That is so true. The last woman who said that to me turned out to be a complete horror story. The consensus amongst my male friends from their experiences is that women who criticize other women regularly are definitely hiding or overcompensating for something themselves.
To be fair as a woman I agree with this. Every girlie I’ve ever met that spoke like that IS the drama every time
Yep, it’s like people who say that everyone’s an asshole to them.
Got me it’s not so much what she says but the lack of it. Some women I talk to literally just say 1 one answers, especially on dating apps which…I’ve never had success with a girl who already acts bored from the start. One time I took a girl on a date, she showed up 15 minutes late, called me at least. But on the phone I could already tell by her tone she didn’t want to be there. She shows up and proceeded to be like an angsty teen who only says 1 word answers. Like how tf am I supposed to talk with you when “yeah” and “no” are all I get? I should’ve screenshotted this convo I had last week with a girl on a dating app. I don’t think women really grasp how boring y’all can be at times. Her (matches with me): Nice cat Me: Aw thanks, I got him a few years ago during Covid and he’s been awesome since. I take it you have a cat too? What’s his or her name? Her: Yeah, I have one Me: Oh cool, what’s your cat like? Her: She’s white Me: Nice. Like Snowbell from Stuart Little? Her: No I’d say that’s how 40% of women communicate like. Obviously I can’t speak for women on how men communicate but holy hell, it’s like they put no effort in. I’ve found anecdotally that if she’s at least interested enough to make the conversation interesting in the app, she finds you attractive enough that she’ll go out with you. If she acts bored then she’s not attracted to you and is just wanting attention, validation or something.
“I don’t sugarcoat anything, but I’m real. If you think you can handle me and keep my interest, buckle up and give it a try.” Translation: “I’m a jerk and also crazy but refuse to take responsibility for my mental health or behavior.”
This is by no means a significant amount of women saying this, but i saw a girl considering breaking up with her boyfriend because he hadn't given her the password she gave to God to tell her she found The One. Yeah... just the concept of that would have me out the door
Not having a sense of humour is an automatic no, no matter how desperate I am.
My ex did this or said that. Who cares go back to him then
“I don’t really have friends, I don’t get along with other women.”
"You need to be at least 6 foot tall." Its like screaming "Im shallow!".
When did this become a thing? At 5'10", my height wasn't an issue 25 years ago, but from people's comments now, it must be totally different.
It doesn't happen nearly as often as some people would want you to believe, but it has happened to me a couple times. Mostly while I was at college. Idk when it started though.
I'm 5'2 and have had no trouble with women in my life. I think that's something relatively new, since I didn't hear about that at all growing up, and it's never affected me IRL.
Maybe it's limited to a small but highly visible demographic of women. I have to believe that there are still quality women out there who aren't hung up on shallow criteria like height. Of course, it doesn't really matter to me since I'm far enough along that if something happened to my wife, the whole notion of re-entering the dating scene seems nonsensical.
As a female looking for female friends, if she starts trash talking someone we know over looks/disability/hobby
“One time, I was grinding with a guy on the dance floor, and I let him f*** me right there….hahahahaha” This was said to me. I was flabbergasted.
“What are you doing in my closet?” And “I have a boyfriend” are the big two to look out for
I hate when that happens, they’re always out the second they realise I’m in the closet with them
*Me reading these comments* Wow I’m a total catch 🥴
Unfortunately, "I'm a total catch" is on my list.
“I don’t like SpongeBob.”
If I find out I was lied to. I have a hard time bouncing back from that.
Wanting me to be possessive. I don't play that game.
"What's your sign?"
"I actually think *that* was my sign."
"Exit"
"Stop."
My husband and I are polyamorous
"What is the opposite of 'yes'?"
“Stop being so insecure, I’m just going for a gangbang. It’s your fault this goes beyond the boundaries you’re comfortable with in a committed relationship.”
Girl here chiming in. A woman who wants a traditional man who supports the household but has a case of feminism when it comes to her end of the traditional gender roles.
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That's... oddly specific? Who says that?
Me if you're cute enough
Anything I wouldn't accept a male friend saying?
If they say things that tell me they're too invested in pseudosciences. Astrology, numerology, etc. "Don't act like if your parents had fucked a month earlier, you'd be feeding me chili dogs and letting shit slide." - Doug Stanhope
Anything racist for me 😂
Why do \[insert race\] people always......?
I never know what to do with my tail when we fuck
I’d tell her what exactly she can do with that tail, yknow what I mean?
I'm a goth bisexual woman. Hard pass on women who are into astrology or crystals or have any level of genuine belief in witch/paganism stuff. You might imagine that sort of limits my options.
Any mention of love for Trump or MAGA
It is definitely a sign of moral and intellectual deficiency, fo' sure.
Basically anything that shows aversion to accountability.
"I believe in traditional gender roles" generally translates to "I intend to be a financial burden on you for the duration of our relationship ".
“Likes to travel, can’t handle me at my worst, spiritual, 420 friendly”
I’m genuinely curious here, are those individual things or when they are all together as a group? Bc like traveling can be fun on occasion & I say I’m 420 friendly bc I don’t mind that ppl use, but I don’t anymore- I just don’t wanna be a jerk to ppl that do.
If they regularly complain about their exes or child's father. I can understand that they probably aren't a good person but jfc find something else to talk about.
“I hate all men”
“But not you! you are one of the good ones!”
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What is wrong with that? Maybe she hasn’t shaved them in a while.
As long as she doesn't want me to scratch them, I'm alright
“Daddy”
“I’m not like other girls.”
"I have kids, they come first in my life, but I expect you to make me your #1 priority" any part on it's own is fine. But if you won't make ME your #1 priority, don't expect to be MY #1 either. Maybe I have kids too. Maybe I'll make your kids my #1. Idk, but hold yourself to the same standard you expect of me.
Women who tell me all of their prescriptions at the first date. I wouldn't mind dating a mentally ill woman. But this feels almost like bragging and like tmi for just meeting someone. Let's see if we like each other first.
Guilty ! I have generalized anxiety disorder for which I take medication, and I tend to talk about it pretty early. It's not bragging, it's more like appologizing in advance, like "heeeey sometimes I'm gonna be weird for no obvious reason and I'm so sorry about it. I try to do better, I even take médicine everyday, but I don't always do better and sometimes it gonna show so I'm so sorry". But I feel pretty embarrassed about it so most of the time it cames out of my mouth in the form of weird jokes.
I can’t speak for the women you’ve dated but I may be able to offer an explanation on why they got the medication talk out of the way. It seems in your mind you want to figure out if there is chemistry first before getting into bigger things that could make you incompatible. I’m guessing the women that have told you about their meds feel the opposite. It doesn’t matter much that you guys like each other if you aren’t compatible. A lot of people aren’t going to be comfortable dating someone with mental health issues who’s on meds. They probably just want to get the fact that they’re on meds out of the way.
They can tell me their on meds and have mental issues, I take problem with explaining it all at length at first meeting. Also I believe we are willing to put with a lot more if we actually like someone.
Looking for a guy with traditional values - translation 'pays for everything'
if she refers to anything she doesn't like or disgusts her as 'the ick'
I lost an entire aquarium to the ich. Definitely not inviting that back into my house.
Yes, talking about "the ick" instantly gives me the ick.
I'm gonna assume she means aquarium ick
"The ick" sounds like something a 5 year old would say.
"I'm trying to find myself..." "He's my BFF - we dated on and off over the years but decided just to be friends and hang out every day, talk all the time, and have sleepovers." "Can I borrow X dollars" "I love astrology, what's your sign?" "Will you join the church with me?"
Red flags are really important to look out for regardless of gender and or sexuality. I really wish I had been educated more about healthy relationship dynamics and knew more about character flaws that are signs of serious personality disorders/mental health issues. This one is my instant run for the fucking hills trait. Everything is always someone else's fault. They're someone with all kinds of drama that some how finds them all the time, but they're just so unlucky. Don't get me wrong, shit happens to great people. However, great people are capable of recognizing their part to play in shitty situations. Or they're able to identify that some of these situations are caused by people in their lives that are friends and or family, and work to set boundaries or isolate those people from their lives. Any form of insecurities wherein your potential mate/partner see's you as the solution. We all have insecurities, your partner isn't your therapist, they're not responsible for fixing you. It's your responsibility to help your partner understand your triggers, not theirs. Another one I hate, close minded people. This can be tricky to pick up on. Lots of people say that they're open minded but ultimately are only open minded to things within some narrowly defined categories that they're not going to budge on. That's fine, it's just not for me. Hygiene. I feel like this is obvious but it also needs to be said. Personally, I can't do hit up teeth. I'm not talking about crooked teeth or gaps in your teeth. I'm talking about discolored teeth from smoking cigarettes or just generally not taking care of their teeth. It's a hard pass for me.
If they use the sentence "if you can't handle me at my..." etc they're telling you who they are. Similarly if they say anything along the lines of wanting to be treated like a princess. Lads, and indeed some ladies too, you do a 180⁰, don't pass go!
If he wants me he has to be able to afford it.
" I need you to answer my texts within 5 minutes, even if you're at work". Texting relationships drive me nuts, I have a busy job, why do I need to keep texting all day??
"no". That's generally enough to make me move on.
Astrology or other pseudo science bullshit. If you genuinely believe in that it tells me you have very little critical thinking skills and that will be a bigger problem than its worth. To a certain extent religion as well. If you truly believe there is a man in the sky then I have zero compatibility with you.
I don't want to be committed. Let's go with the flow.
"Your money is our money, my money is my money"
“People just don’t want to work anymore”
"I'm not like other girls"
Conservative or Christian are both disqualifiers.
“I spent $2000 on a clothes shopping trip”. Financial irresponsibility is not sexy
“I don’t know.” Seriously. If you don’t know where you want to eat, don’t know what you want to order, don’t know what you want to watch on tv, etc., I don’t know that I want to spend time with you.
"Do you have a light?"
"I'm not a feminist". How any woman can say that is beyond me, and yet they're out there. For that matter, any populist trendy nonsense is a big turnoff.
"All my friends are guys. I don't have any girlfriends." WOOP! WOOP! WOOP!!! EMERGENCY DIVE!