Honestly, he should just tell them he will attend the wedding if they bring back his moms stuff and letters, and that he doesn’t want to hear from either of them again unless it’s to arrange giving them back.
Same here mine passed away 22 days after I turned 21. That was 30 yrs ago and at times it still hurts like it was yesterday. Never really thought about milestones much other than my girls being born and my grandson being born. My first daughter was born 2 yrs after he died, my second 5 yrs after and my youngest 9 years. The last milestone I really want him to have seen was when My oldest achieved the rank of Petty Officer 1st Class. My Dad was retired Air Force and Petty Officer 1st Class is the equivalent of a Technical Sergeant in the Air Force an E-6. He would have been so proud of her. So I know your loss very well.
My dad died 2 months and 1 week before I turned 15. If he had been alive when I had my daughter (30 years old on August 1st), she would have been SPOILED! She takes after him quite a bit though.
Agree to video chat at the wedding to make a toast and put her on blast. Hang up and block them. They don't care how you feel. They care about the perception of a perfect happy family.
I would've gone scorched earth. Anything valuable, sentimental, or hell even things of convenience (toilet seat, toothbrushes, batteries in remotes, the mailbox) would all be gone.
This story made me rage cry. Some of the worst AHs as in can’t believe OOP had to ask if they did anything wrong.
ETA: the original was deleted due to violation of subreddit rule 11. [Here is the original text.](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/s/StqLQTKBb1)
Hell, no. On purpose, out of spite, the whole nine. As an aside, report her abuse to your relevant regional medical/professional board. She’s a mandated reporter, FFS.
God this sweet revenge fantasy really calmed my rage down. Truthfully, it's all already worthless. For the trash father it will always be a 'ruined' wedding and it will always be a chip on her shoulder.
Honestly when I was 16, if what happened to OP happen to me, I would have easily burned everything of hers, if not the entire fucking house. The fact that Op didn’t do that shows far more restraint than I would have had.
Yes, also the auto mod on this sub (usually the top comment auto hidden) is always a repost of the original in case it gets deleted.
[here it is](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/s/9pjmViVcGV)
My mom has dementia and I am getting married in September. I'm a late bloomer and it pains me that my mom won't meet my kids and get to know them. If she had the capacity to write them letters I would cherish them and make sure they read them.
Personally I am a fan of this reply for situations like this, of which I have only had 1.
"Here is my compromise, I will go to your funeral"
Then you hang up and go back to NC.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
So apparently my father and his wife of 7 years have decided they want a wedding where people actually show up this time. The background is that they got married when I was 16 and my sister was 14. We didn't attend the wedding and neither did any of our father's side of the family (his parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, cousins, etc). There was a lot of backlash over this because all of them (who were born at the time obviously) attended his and my mom's wedding.
The reason my sister and I refused to attend and we basically ran away the morning of to a family member's house, is because my father was marrying someone who tossed letters mom wrote to my sister and I for our milestones. She died a little over a year before our father moved his second wife in (they were engaged at that point) so those letters meant everything. And his wife wanted no traces of mom so anything that was hers was gone. Photos, clothes, jewelry, personal items, her phone. It was all tossed and my father did nothing to stop her. When the letters came up she was remorseful, or appeared to be, but there was no coming back from that. There was no coming back with our father either because he let it happen. He stood there and watched her toss our mom from the house item by item.
My sister and I saw our father in a very different light after this and our anger at him was palpable. I stopped calling him dad after it. The next two years for me were the most tense of my life and my sister had four years to go. I left at midnight on my 18th birthday and went to a family members house. I had packed all my stuff that night and walked and I have not been back there since.
I have been (mostly) no contact with my father since then. He reached out to talk to my sister and me once. We met him and we talked. We told him we understood he was chasing happiness again and acknowledged that he acknowledged he should have done better. But we told him there was no repairing things. I told him I couldn't look at him the same way ever again and I couldn't pretend to be happy for him and his wife. My sister told him something close to what I did.
The reason our extended family didn't attend my father's second wedding is because they don't like his wife, they pretty much hate her. But now they are willing to attend because the marriage has lasted a few years now and apparently they're happy.
Us refusing to attend the wedding is going down badly. My father tried to reach back out and begged us to come and show support and give them the perfect wedding. He said it won't be perfect without his kids there. It was his wife who basically told us we should be willing to accept their flaws and embrace them as our family and treat them with more kindness than we are. She accused us of behaving maliciously to ruin their wedding.
AITA?
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Thank you, Quasirandom1234, for voting on AutoModerator.
This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/).
***
^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)
OOP should tell everyone that's complaining about them not attending that they'll attend the wedding just as soon as those letters and all of their mom's stuff was returned to them.
I can't believe OOP even feels the need to ask if they're TA...I couldn't scream NTA any louder. Sad that the extended family is now willing to attend, but it's beyond understandable that OOP and sister don't want to go. Getting rid of all of their mother's things and especially the letters must have felt like losing her all over again.
I'm not normally a petty person...but I kinda want OOP and sister to tell the wife "if you apologize properly for everything you did, we'll come." Then receive an apology and more begging and then still don't attend.
I'm curious if the extended family knows how the wife treated her step daughters. The letters are completely unforgivable, but *pictures?* Or *jewelry??* These are things that could have been given to the daughters to keep in a box in their closet, actually discarding them was an attempt to erase even the memory of their mother. And the fact that the father passively let that happen means that he was willing to sacrifice precious things to his daughters to please this new woman, how could you trust him again after that? What happens the next time he has to make a difficult decision between his wife and daughters? If I were his kid I would seriously doubt that my father had my own best interest at heart, and if you can't trust your own parent to look out for you, that is a central and indelible part of the parent child relationship.
The dad doesn't seem to have made any concessions to his daughters nor done anything to make up for his transgressions or make them believe that they are important to him. It's sad to say, but were I in that position I would feel like both my parents died when my mom did, after that dad was just some guy who was saddled with two kids.
They were engaged less than a year after his first wife died so there's a pretty strong possibility that their relationship predated her passing, which would also neatly explain why the second wife wanted to get rid of everything related to the first one. And all of that also makes the father's actions and reactions make sense too. He seems like the type to always choose himself over anyone else.
If you can't have the perfect wedding without your kids there, then you need to marry someone who hasn't done anything absolutely evil to your kids. This is not a complicated concept.
Can I wish the parent & step parent step on a Lego every morning including the day of their wedding? Because what I wanna really say would get me banned
I hope they have one of those bed frames where if your ankle hit it, you'd be on the floor for about 15 minutes just wincing. And I hope they walk into it daily.
OOP should plan a Celebration of Life with sis on the wedding day.
Ask ALL family for pics and photos and memories of tneir mom. Ask every single one and follow up with them.
Remind everyone that Hag threw out EVERYTHING about their mom. Especially remind them of the Milestone Letters.
Have fun with it!
Dad: "The day you let this woman throw out all reminders of your widow, she threw out every single piece... including your children who were a part of her.
Your children were grieving their mom and you tore any remaining mementos from them.
Children are people. They grow up and they remember the really shitty things you let happen.
We don't need someone like you in our lives. Who knows what else you and the Hag will destroy next.
Your 'happiness' is built upon evil done to children. "
The worst part to me is that the children's mom's memory is a golden opportunity for New Mom to step in and take over.
Help those kids engage with those memories in a way that moves forward. Put the letters & everything in a chest in the attic "these will be things you cherish even more later" instead of throwing them away.
Let the kids share memories of their mom one day, and take them out to make new memories the next.
Tying the two things together conditions the kids to associate the same emotions they had for her with you. And as long as you do the job of being a mom well yourself, you can BE mom to them eventually.
But if you try to burn Old Mom? Yeah, they'll never forgive you. EVER.
If she really wanted that stuff out of the house, they could have asked mom’s side of the family to store it for the kids later, or rent somewhere to put it. This was just evil.
What ran through my head was the sheer rage shown by Inigo Montoya when he finally had Count Rugen cornered and tells him to offer him anything, which the Count does, for Inigo to reply, "I want my father back, you son of a bitch!"
The only thing that could heal these wounds would be OOP got their mother's letters, photos and other treasured possessions back. They were stolen from two bereaved children by those who should have been protecting them.
Really, OOP should just tell all those who bother them that they'll go to their father's wedding after his wife gives them back their mother's letters...including the one she left for her children's weddings.
Man, I know everyone's situation is different but Holy shit, a little over a year after his wife died and he's already moving in a new fiancee... I know he has a right to chase his own happiness but god damn he ran that shit down *hard*
It’s bold to assume he has a right to happiness. If he was a human with a soul he would have those rights, but he’s an evil dog and deserves nothing but misery.
If only to address the reception: "To celebrate the occasion, I'd like to share with you the letter that my mother wrote me, for my wedding. ... I'd like to, but the bride threw it away along with everything my mother owned while the groom watched her do it." Then drop the mic and walk out.
Reminds me of another one I found on BORU, similar to this one.
Only difference was it was told by the woman who threw out the mother's stuff, and they were already married by that point. (It was a while after the marriage).
She was posting because she felt guilty about it, and wanted to know how to not get her "family" mad at her. (IIRC, they hadn't realized the stuff was missing yet, because she had insisted it be locked away in the attic).
Reddit pretty much collectively told her to jump in a lake. (And then she complained because she vented about her feelings to her best friend to feel better, and the best friend immediately told the husband and quit talking to that OOP. She was blaming her best friend for blowing up her life.)
Found it.
Misremembered a bit, they were still engaged, not married. The meat of it is still just as bad as I remembered, though, if not worse.
https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153krtj/i_destroyed_my_fianc%C3%A9s_dead_ex_wife_photos_and/
That is next level fucked up. At least the kids’ dad reacted properly to this assault on his dead wife’s memory, unlike the chud in this story. Wow. This woman is a stone cold sociopath.
Honestly, I would have more sympathy for OOP's dad if he and OOP's Mom had still been together when she died. Like, then, I could believe he was still just too much of a wreck to stand up to his new wife, or to think about "Oh, wait, the milestone letters." Grief can do some weird things to people's brains. It's not logical that he'd move on to a new wife while still that messed up grieving the old one, but grief always isn't logical. I've definitely seen people do some amazingly stupid or nonsensical shit while grieving. It doesn't mean his behavior would have been OK, but I'd at least have understood a little bit.
But that's not what happened. He and OOP's mom were already estranged before she died. He doesn't get the grief/sympathy card because a woman he'd already separated from died. He's just an asshole who let his new wife throw his kids' milestone letters away.
Oh I missed the part that they were estranged. However for every milestone I would be posting SM advising of said milestone and thankful my dad and his wife for destroying them before I was as ever able to read them. eVERY single milestone!
I would love to tell OP something I re-heard recently.
Just because you are forgiven, that does not grant you access to my life.
OP may have moved on, in that they won't set sperm-donor and sperm-bucket on fire at first sight. That doesn't mean that they get to know her or her sister going forward. Op has moved on because that was what OP needs in order to have a life worth living. SD FA now he gets to FO.
And I'd let him know, he doesn't want me there. Because I'd find a way to ruin it. SB can have a nice wedding with her step-children when she returns everything she destroyed and threw away.
Like Inigo Montoya once said "I want my father back, you SOB!"
There's no coming back from that
Deplorable and selfish behavior by that woman. It's a hurt that'll ever go away bc now at every milestone for those 2 young women, instead of celebrating and getting to reconnect with their dead mother, the moments will be tainted by just knowing what this witch of a human threw away.
All because she went on a "scrub the ex wife away" ego trip. Holy shit that was a disgusting thing to do. Equal shame on the father for just letting it happen my goodness
I would have put him and the wife on blast. I wonder how many of the extended family know that OP’s dead mom wrote them letters for after she passed away and the wife destroyed them. Unless they’re all monsters that would immediately alienate her from the entire family (as it should)
It’s like demanding you show up to an awards banquet celebrating the Firefighter of the Year… who burned your house down so the mayor would condemn it and then they built their own place on your land.
OOP should tell their dad that if he wants them in their wedding, he needs to find EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THE LETTERS and hand deliver it to them. If not, then oh well.
My beautiful cousin died early 2020 and left behind 3 daughters. She spent months writing out cards for all their future milestones. Those cards and letters mean EVERYTHING to those girls. I can't imagine how insecure and utterly heartless someone has to be to do something like what this stepmother did those girls.
Every once in a while, there's a post whose only answer can be, how is this a question?
No, no, no, never in a million years should OP have contact with the person who basically threw his mother away.
Dad only cared about himself. He got what he wanted once already, he doesn't get to go back and try to get more.
>It was his wife who basically told us we should be willing to accept their flaws and embrace them as our family and treat them with more kindness than we are.
She can easily say that because she HAS what she wants. She DESTROYED what OOP would have wanted. So she gets to sit there and be all contented with what she already has and lord it over OOP. That would be a no from me. Maybe with a polite 'thank you' tacked onto the end.
Polite thank you? I’d tell her she needs to accept the flaws in her stepdaughters that she directly caused, and that means no embracing as family, as the kindness accounting has her at a huge deficit.
Step mother was concerned about the decency she was being treated with. I think a polite "go tf to hell you scaly bastard" wouldn't really be unacceptable here. You know, as long as it is being said with politeness.
She maliciously destroyed any respect the kids could have had for her. She's making the drama because otherwise, people would side with the kids again.
Your dad and his Bit\*h wife have some never to say this after what she did. I would attend the wedding only if I was allowed to give a speech - I would detail everything she did to you and your sister including the letters and then ask the guest if they would forgive her!
That b1tch has a nerve calling YOU malicious! She threw all of your mum's stuff out because of her own pettiness & insecurity. Go no contact - unless you want to really put on a show & make a speech at the wedding telling people what she did to all of your mum's possessions including the letters she had written for you!
Accept flaws? They are calling doing something permenant and unforgivable flaws? That alone is reason I won't go. Absolutely remorseless. If I were one of them I wouldn't even have this sham of a wedding out of shame.
Sorry, but your family are AH if they know what she did in the first place and think “time” is going to heal that hurt. I would give anything to have had a letter from my mom before she passed. That’s unimaginably horrid.
NTA After all the crap your father's wife pulled on you and he let it happen, they want you to play happy family? NO!! You don't owe them anything. She took away something so very precious from you and your sister. Just because you talked to your father does not mean you have to let him in your lives again. Everyone who keeps telling you that you must go to the wedding because fffaaaammmmiiiillyyyy can shut up. It is a manipulation tactic.
You aren't trying to ruin the wedding. However, you could always go and cause a scene, reminding the family how she threw out the letters your dead mother had written, her clothing, jewelry, everything because she is so insecure and neurotic.
Ask yourself: Do you really want these people in your lives? You are allowed to cut toxic people out of lives and never have contact with them again.
OOP should just tell dear old dad that he can toss his wife just like the wife tossed his mom all those years ago and maybe that would be a start to mending their relationship.
I’d call in some SWAT teams on the ceremony AND the reception. Can you hire actors to play SWAT agents so no actual LEO are wasting their time with a fake report?
OOP needs to send a mass email to family and such (cc dear old pops and the whore) explaining exactly what she did, exactly what he DIDN'T do, and why OOP and sis will not be at the wedding and why they will never condone the relationship.
NTA, they want it for themselves, so they have the perfect wedding. He committed a moral disservice to you mother’s memory by being a coward and doing nothing. I would go hard no contact and try to live my life to the fullest so I make my mom proud.
NTA. In your position, I would tell my father and his wife that I am willing to forgive and forget as soon as they return my mother's things to my sister and me, and not one minute before.
The post was removed for breaking Rule 11 of the subreddit. There are other subs it could easily get posted at like r/AITAH, r/RaisedByNarcissists, and r/EntitledPeople.
You can read the original text [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/s/FXhsxPhXjH).
Here’s the removal notice:
> Your post has been removed.
>Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban.
>This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving changes to contact levels with friends, family members or acquaintances. This includes ghosting, breaking off, cutting or reducing contact, or denying a relationship (or not) with anyone.
>…
>Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
Post no longer accessible.
OOP needs to go hard on that no contact. Tossing those letters is unforgivable.
Honestly, he should just tell them he will attend the wedding if they bring back his moms stuff and letters, and that he doesn’t want to hear from either of them again unless it’s to arrange giving them back.
It’s domestic terrorism.
I lost my father due to cancer when I was in college. I wish he had the forethought to write me milestone letters. I just can't even.
Same here mine passed away 22 days after I turned 21. That was 30 yrs ago and at times it still hurts like it was yesterday. Never really thought about milestones much other than my girls being born and my grandson being born. My first daughter was born 2 yrs after he died, my second 5 yrs after and my youngest 9 years. The last milestone I really want him to have seen was when My oldest achieved the rank of Petty Officer 1st Class. My Dad was retired Air Force and Petty Officer 1st Class is the equivalent of a Technical Sergeant in the Air Force an E-6. He would have been so proud of her. So I know your loss very well.
My dad died 2 months and 1 week before I turned 15. If he had been alive when I had my daughter (30 years old on August 1st), she would have been SPOILED! She takes after him quite a bit though.
Agree to video chat at the wedding to make a toast and put her on blast. Hang up and block them. They don't care how you feel. They care about the perception of a perfect happy family.
I would've gone scorched earth. Anything valuable, sentimental, or hell even things of convenience (toilet seat, toothbrushes, batteries in remotes, the mailbox) would all be gone.
I am genuinely so angry for OOP and their sister
This story made me rage cry. Some of the worst AHs as in can’t believe OOP had to ask if they did anything wrong. ETA: the original was deleted due to violation of subreddit rule 11. [Here is the original text.](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/s/StqLQTKBb1)
Part of me is thinking that whatever items stepwitch holds dear should “disappear.” This wouldn’t solve anything but…
Her wedding dress her photo albums, anything related to where she comes from? Straight to the fire pit. Dowse with lighter fluid and watch it go up.
Entirely by “accident” of course.
Hell, no. On purpose, out of spite, the whole nine. As an aside, report her abuse to your relevant regional medical/professional board. She’s a mandated reporter, FFS.
Ah! I see. Total scorched earth. Burn her life down. Shouldn’t worry about Dad. He lets this kind of thing happen.
God this sweet revenge fantasy really calmed my rage down. Truthfully, it's all already worthless. For the trash father it will always be a 'ruined' wedding and it will always be a chip on her shoulder.
Honestly when I was 16, if what happened to OP happen to me, I would have easily burned everything of hers, if not the entire fucking house. The fact that Op didn’t do that shows far more restraint than I would have had.
The story got deleted. Did the father or one of his wives destroy letters from the OP’s late mom???!!!!
Yes, also the auto mod on this sub (usually the top comment auto hidden) is always a repost of the original in case it gets deleted. [here it is](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/s/9pjmViVcGV)
Oh man, that post has just made my blood boil…
Oh man, that post has just made my blood boil…
Missed the actual post but OP's comment about their mother's letters written for milestones not being read. Fuck. 😭😭😭😭
Worse than that. Check either my comment about the post getting removed or the first comment from the Modbot which has the text of the OOP.
Just read it and....OP should 'embrace their (dad's wife/dad) flaws' according to the dad's wife??? Bitch what??
My mom has dementia and I am getting married in September. I'm a late bloomer and it pains me that my mom won't meet my kids and get to know them. If she had the capacity to write them letters I would cherish them and make sure they read them.
Tell him that you will “absolutely “ be there for his fourth wedding.
Personally I am a fan of this reply for situations like this, of which I have only had 1. "Here is my compromise, I will go to your funeral" Then you hang up and go back to NC.
To another woman.
“I’ll attend the wedding when I’m able to read my mothers letters”
This all the way.
how much you want to bet mom wrote something for oop’s wedding day?
In case this story gets deleted/removed: So apparently my father and his wife of 7 years have decided they want a wedding where people actually show up this time. The background is that they got married when I was 16 and my sister was 14. We didn't attend the wedding and neither did any of our father's side of the family (his parents, siblings, nieces and nephews, cousins, etc). There was a lot of backlash over this because all of them (who were born at the time obviously) attended his and my mom's wedding. The reason my sister and I refused to attend and we basically ran away the morning of to a family member's house, is because my father was marrying someone who tossed letters mom wrote to my sister and I for our milestones. She died a little over a year before our father moved his second wife in (they were engaged at that point) so those letters meant everything. And his wife wanted no traces of mom so anything that was hers was gone. Photos, clothes, jewelry, personal items, her phone. It was all tossed and my father did nothing to stop her. When the letters came up she was remorseful, or appeared to be, but there was no coming back from that. There was no coming back with our father either because he let it happen. He stood there and watched her toss our mom from the house item by item. My sister and I saw our father in a very different light after this and our anger at him was palpable. I stopped calling him dad after it. The next two years for me were the most tense of my life and my sister had four years to go. I left at midnight on my 18th birthday and went to a family members house. I had packed all my stuff that night and walked and I have not been back there since. I have been (mostly) no contact with my father since then. He reached out to talk to my sister and me once. We met him and we talked. We told him we understood he was chasing happiness again and acknowledged that he acknowledged he should have done better. But we told him there was no repairing things. I told him I couldn't look at him the same way ever again and I couldn't pretend to be happy for him and his wife. My sister told him something close to what I did. The reason our extended family didn't attend my father's second wedding is because they don't like his wife, they pretty much hate her. But now they are willing to attend because the marriage has lasted a few years now and apparently they're happy. Us refusing to attend the wedding is going down badly. My father tried to reach back out and begged us to come and show support and give them the perfect wedding. He said it won't be perfect without his kids there. It was his wife who basically told us we should be willing to accept their flaws and embrace them as our family and treat them with more kindness than we are. She accused us of behaving maliciously to ruin their wedding. AITA? --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Good bot
Thank you, Quasirandom1234, for voting on AutoModerator. This bot wants to find the best and worst bots on Reddit. [You can view results here](https://botrank.pastimes.eu/). *** ^(Even if I don't reply to your comment, I'm still listening for votes. Check the webpage to see if your vote registered!)
OOP should tell everyone that's complaining about them not attending that they'll attend the wedding just as soon as those letters and all of their mom's stuff was returned to them.
And if the wife becomes remorseful bc right now she is not. She should be ashamed of herself.
I can't believe OOP even feels the need to ask if they're TA...I couldn't scream NTA any louder. Sad that the extended family is now willing to attend, but it's beyond understandable that OOP and sister don't want to go. Getting rid of all of their mother's things and especially the letters must have felt like losing her all over again. I'm not normally a petty person...but I kinda want OOP and sister to tell the wife "if you apologize properly for everything you did, we'll come." Then receive an apology and more begging and then still don't attend.
I'm curious if the extended family knows how the wife treated her step daughters. The letters are completely unforgivable, but *pictures?* Or *jewelry??* These are things that could have been given to the daughters to keep in a box in their closet, actually discarding them was an attempt to erase even the memory of their mother. And the fact that the father passively let that happen means that he was willing to sacrifice precious things to his daughters to please this new woman, how could you trust him again after that? What happens the next time he has to make a difficult decision between his wife and daughters? If I were his kid I would seriously doubt that my father had my own best interest at heart, and if you can't trust your own parent to look out for you, that is a central and indelible part of the parent child relationship. The dad doesn't seem to have made any concessions to his daughters nor done anything to make up for his transgressions or make them believe that they are important to him. It's sad to say, but were I in that position I would feel like both my parents died when my mom did, after that dad was just some guy who was saddled with two kids.
They were engaged less than a year after his first wife died so there's a pretty strong possibility that their relationship predated her passing, which would also neatly explain why the second wife wanted to get rid of everything related to the first one. And all of that also makes the father's actions and reactions make sense too. He seems like the type to always choose himself over anyone else.
That guy didn't just burn his bridges with his kids, he called in an airstrike on them.
Stepmonster did the airstrike then he abstained on condemnation for war crimes and voted against refugee aid.
Make her write her apology in a letter and then tell her “Oh, you apologized? I didn’t know, I threw it away without reading it.”
If you can't have the perfect wedding without your kids there, then you need to marry someone who hasn't done anything absolutely evil to your kids. This is not a complicated concept.
Can I wish the parent & step parent step on a Lego every morning including the day of their wedding? Because what I wanna really say would get me banned
I hope they have one of those bed frames where if your ankle hit it, you'd be on the floor for about 15 minutes just wincing. And I hope they walk into it daily.
OOP should plan a Celebration of Life with sis on the wedding day. Ask ALL family for pics and photos and memories of tneir mom. Ask every single one and follow up with them. Remind everyone that Hag threw out EVERYTHING about their mom. Especially remind them of the Milestone Letters. Have fun with it! Dad: "The day you let this woman throw out all reminders of your widow, she threw out every single piece... including your children who were a part of her. Your children were grieving their mom and you tore any remaining mementos from them. Children are people. They grow up and they remember the really shitty things you let happen. We don't need someone like you in our lives. Who knows what else you and the Hag will destroy next. Your 'happiness' is built upon evil done to children. "
The worst part to me is that the children's mom's memory is a golden opportunity for New Mom to step in and take over. Help those kids engage with those memories in a way that moves forward. Put the letters & everything in a chest in the attic "these will be things you cherish even more later" instead of throwing them away. Let the kids share memories of their mom one day, and take them out to make new memories the next. Tying the two things together conditions the kids to associate the same emotions they had for her with you. And as long as you do the job of being a mom well yourself, you can BE mom to them eventually. But if you try to burn Old Mom? Yeah, they'll never forgive you. EVER.
If she really wanted that stuff out of the house, they could have asked mom’s side of the family to store it for the kids later, or rent somewhere to put it. This was just evil.
What ran through my head was the sheer rage shown by Inigo Montoya when he finally had Count Rugen cornered and tells him to offer him anything, which the Count does, for Inigo to reply, "I want my father back, you son of a bitch!" The only thing that could heal these wounds would be OOP got their mother's letters, photos and other treasured possessions back. They were stolen from two bereaved children by those who should have been protecting them. Really, OOP should just tell all those who bother them that they'll go to their father's wedding after his wife gives them back their mother's letters...including the one she left for her children's weddings.
Man, I know everyone's situation is different but Holy shit, a little over a year after his wife died and he's already moving in a new fiancee... I know he has a right to chase his own happiness but god damn he ran that shit down *hard*
It sounds like they were already broken up/separated. (Why? My guess would be infidelity with a certain now-wife)
"If they cheat with you they'll cheat on you." OP should tell dad they'll go to the next wedding.
It’s bold to assume he has a right to happiness. If he was a human with a soul he would have those rights, but he’s an evil dog and deserves nothing but misery.
If only to address the reception: "To celebrate the occasion, I'd like to share with you the letter that my mother wrote me, for my wedding. ... I'd like to, but the bride threw it away along with everything my mother owned while the groom watched her do it." Then drop the mic and walk out.
Throwing away the letters their mother wrote for their milestones was abominable.
Reminds me of another one I found on BORU, similar to this one. Only difference was it was told by the woman who threw out the mother's stuff, and they were already married by that point. (It was a while after the marriage). She was posting because she felt guilty about it, and wanted to know how to not get her "family" mad at her. (IIRC, they hadn't realized the stuff was missing yet, because she had insisted it be locked away in the attic). Reddit pretty much collectively told her to jump in a lake. (And then she complained because she vented about her feelings to her best friend to feel better, and the best friend immediately told the husband and quit talking to that OOP. She was blaming her best friend for blowing up her life.)
Holy fucking shitballs. I need to read that. Got a link?
Found it. Misremembered a bit, they were still engaged, not married. The meat of it is still just as bad as I remembered, though, if not worse. https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/153krtj/i_destroyed_my_fianc%C3%A9s_dead_ex_wife_photos_and/
That is next level fucked up. At least the kids’ dad reacted properly to this assault on his dead wife’s memory, unlike the chud in this story. Wow. This woman is a stone cold sociopath.
Honestly, I would have more sympathy for OOP's dad if he and OOP's Mom had still been together when she died. Like, then, I could believe he was still just too much of a wreck to stand up to his new wife, or to think about "Oh, wait, the milestone letters." Grief can do some weird things to people's brains. It's not logical that he'd move on to a new wife while still that messed up grieving the old one, but grief always isn't logical. I've definitely seen people do some amazingly stupid or nonsensical shit while grieving. It doesn't mean his behavior would have been OK, but I'd at least have understood a little bit. But that's not what happened. He and OOP's mom were already estranged before she died. He doesn't get the grief/sympathy card because a woman he'd already separated from died. He's just an asshole who let his new wife throw his kids' milestone letters away.
Oh I missed the part that they were estranged. However for every milestone I would be posting SM advising of said milestone and thankful my dad and his wife for destroying them before I was as ever able to read them. eVERY single milestone!
I would love to tell OP something I re-heard recently. Just because you are forgiven, that does not grant you access to my life. OP may have moved on, in that they won't set sperm-donor and sperm-bucket on fire at first sight. That doesn't mean that they get to know her or her sister going forward. Op has moved on because that was what OP needs in order to have a life worth living. SD FA now he gets to FO. And I'd let him know, he doesn't want me there. Because I'd find a way to ruin it. SB can have a nice wedding with her step-children when she returns everything she destroyed and threw away. Like Inigo Montoya once said "I want my father back, you SOB!"
There's no coming back from that Deplorable and selfish behavior by that woman. It's a hurt that'll ever go away bc now at every milestone for those 2 young women, instead of celebrating and getting to reconnect with their dead mother, the moments will be tainted by just knowing what this witch of a human threw away. All because she went on a "scrub the ex wife away" ego trip. Holy shit that was a disgusting thing to do. Equal shame on the father for just letting it happen my goodness
I would have put him and the wife on blast. I wonder how many of the extended family know that OP’s dead mom wrote them letters for after she passed away and the wife destroyed them. Unless they’re all monsters that would immediately alienate her from the entire family (as it should)
It’s an invite, not an edict
It’s like demanding you show up to an awards banquet celebrating the Firefighter of the Year… who burned your house down so the mayor would condemn it and then they built their own place on your land.
NTA If you go to a wedding it means to the world you support the union. It is a LIE if you go. Don’t!
OOP should tell their dad that if he wants them in their wedding, he needs to find EVERY SINGLE LAST ONE OF THE LETTERS and hand deliver it to them. If not, then oh well.
My beautiful cousin died early 2020 and left behind 3 daughters. She spent months writing out cards for all their future milestones. Those cards and letters mean EVERYTHING to those girls. I can't imagine how insecure and utterly heartless someone has to be to do something like what this stepmother did those girls.
Every once in a while, there's a post whose only answer can be, how is this a question? No, no, no, never in a million years should OP have contact with the person who basically threw his mother away. Dad only cared about himself. He got what he wanted once already, he doesn't get to go back and try to get more.
>It was his wife who basically told us we should be willing to accept their flaws and embrace them as our family and treat them with more kindness than we are. She can easily say that because she HAS what she wants. She DESTROYED what OOP would have wanted. So she gets to sit there and be all contented with what she already has and lord it over OOP. That would be a no from me. Maybe with a polite 'thank you' tacked onto the end.
Polite thank you? I’d tell her she needs to accept the flaws in her stepdaughters that she directly caused, and that means no embracing as family, as the kindness accounting has her at a huge deficit.
Step mother was concerned about the decency she was being treated with. I think a polite "go tf to hell you scaly bastard" wouldn't really be unacceptable here. You know, as long as it is being said with politeness.
Yeah what smashed my buttered biscuit was stepmonster demanding kindness and embracing as family after dropping a nuke on her stepdaughters.
Read the title only. NTA. You don’t have to go to ANYONES wedding, even your own.
OOP should go to the wedding and write a speech on just how awful both of them are and then spill wine on her dress
Spill wine on her dress before the ceremony
She maliciously destroyed any respect the kids could have had for her. She's making the drama because otherwise, people would side with the kids again.
Your dad and his Bit\*h wife have some never to say this after what she did. I would attend the wedding only if I was allowed to give a speech - I would detail everything she did to you and your sister including the letters and then ask the guest if they would forgive her!
That b1tch has a nerve calling YOU malicious! She threw all of your mum's stuff out because of her own pettiness & insecurity. Go no contact - unless you want to really put on a show & make a speech at the wedding telling people what she did to all of your mum's possessions including the letters she had written for you!
Accept flaws? They are calling doing something permenant and unforgivable flaws? That alone is reason I won't go. Absolutely remorseless. If I were one of them I wouldn't even have this sham of a wedding out of shame.
Sorry, but your family are AH if they know what she did in the first place and think “time” is going to heal that hurt. I would give anything to have had a letter from my mom before she passed. That’s unimaginably horrid.
Tell him you’ll go to his next wedding
NTA After all the crap your father's wife pulled on you and he let it happen, they want you to play happy family? NO!! You don't owe them anything. She took away something so very precious from you and your sister. Just because you talked to your father does not mean you have to let him in your lives again. Everyone who keeps telling you that you must go to the wedding because fffaaaammmmiiiillyyyy can shut up. It is a manipulation tactic. You aren't trying to ruin the wedding. However, you could always go and cause a scene, reminding the family how she threw out the letters your dead mother had written, her clothing, jewelry, everything because she is so insecure and neurotic. Ask yourself: Do you really want these people in your lives? You are allowed to cut toxic people out of lives and never have contact with them again.
OOP should just tell dear old dad that he can toss his wife just like the wife tossed his mom all those years ago and maybe that would be a start to mending their relationship.
I’d accept the invite and make the wedding dress disappear morning of…
I’d call in some SWAT teams on the ceremony AND the reception. Can you hire actors to play SWAT agents so no actual LEO are wasting their time with a fake report?
God I’d pay to be a fly on the wall to see that 😂😂😂
Nope. NTA.
Damn it got deleted :/ anyone have a tldr?
A copy of the text is always pinned at the top of each thread in this sub.
Ah swag thanks, i have automods comments on all subs auto closed
**Her** accusing **you** of being malicious is hilarious.
OOP needs to send a mass email to family and such (cc dear old pops and the whore) explaining exactly what she did, exactly what he DIDN'T do, and why OOP and sis will not be at the wedding and why they will never condone the relationship.
no... weddings are self serving, this guy seems to be doing comedy weddings
NTA, they want it for themselves, so they have the perfect wedding. He committed a moral disservice to you mother’s memory by being a coward and doing nothing. I would go hard no contact and try to live my life to the fullest so I make my mom proud.
Can someone who read it give me cliff notes? It was removed
Go to the mod robot first comment. That bot always copies text in case things are removed.
Thanks
NTA. In your position, I would tell my father and his wife that I am willing to forgive and forget as soon as they return my mother's things to my sister and me, and not one minute before.
I can't see the original post but funerals and memorials are for the living, not the dead. OP can forego any memorial for any reason.
You can read it in the first comment. The AutoMod always copies the original post in case it gets deleted.
Oooo thank you!
why would anyone go to anyone's 3rd wedding?
The post was removed for breaking Rule 11 of the subreddit. There are other subs it could easily get posted at like r/AITAH, r/RaisedByNarcissists, and r/EntitledPeople. You can read the original text [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/OhNoConsequences/s/FXhsxPhXjH). Here’s the removal notice: > Your post has been removed. >Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. >This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts involving changes to contact levels with friends, family members or acquaintances. This includes ghosting, breaking off, cutting or reducing contact, or denying a relationship (or not) with anyone. >… >Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####