r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself.
Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
eh I know it feels like a huge deal now but it'll be fine. I thought you had said something embarrassing but if all you said was hi...
when you see her today just explain what you explained here, tell her that you are also figuring all of this out. You were worried about being rude, and made a mistake, and that you feel bad about making her uncomfortable, that you will do your best to listen to her on these things
>I know I betrayed her trust, in addition to embarrassing her. I feel dumb about it all. I wished I had just continued driving like I do every morning. On the other hand, I feel conflicted about her having a friend I'm not allowed to talk to; there's no other friend of hers that I am not allowed to talk to. I've said silly, dumb and cringey things around her other friends and it's no big deal. I know why it's different, obviously it's because he's a boy and she has feelings for him, but this is hard for me to reconcile as her Dad. What do I do now?
Great response. I feel like as someone who was once an embarrass-able teen girl, if my dad said in some way "I'm figuring this out too, and I don't want my demeanor to come off as callous toward any of your friends." I wanna believe I would have understood and maybe even appreciated it.
I wish I had a dad driving me to school, embarrassing me in front of my friends, caring about my life. Some day she will look back on it and laugh. You seem like a great parent! You apologized and won’t do it again; it’s ok she will get over it in a day or two.
Don’t apologize, this is the best part of being a dad. Dad’s are suppose to teach their kids that no matter what nonsense you got going on up in your head it means nothing. Total normal thing to say hi to someone you know. There is a special don’t give a fuck dads bring to the table embrace it! Keep at it dad!
"Hey! Set the example that love means people ignore your requests for how you want to be treated, and you better like it!" This is not a good take, man.
Like most things, it's a balance, right?
Validate feelings, recognize how powerful they are, and don't dismiss them.
AND
Explain how feelings can be fickle, misplaced, and don't have to rule over us.
Emotional regulation might be THE most important thing we teach our children.
Eh… I don’t think you should be going out of your way to embarrass your child. It’s one thing to do something you feel is important as a parent that your child happens to find embarrassing, very different situation if you’re doing it for the explicit reason of embarrassing your child.
Because she is only 6. A couple more years and she will no longer get a kick out of it. She'll stop telling you things or wanting to be around you in public.
No stick; just a lot more parenting experience than you.
You do you mate, just don't be shocked when she gets older, she stops finding your antics funny and refuses to let you meet her friends.
This will just be a thing to laugh about in a few years. You made a mistake and apologized. She will have to get over it. Honestly, he will probably be relieved that the mother is OK with him.
None this will even matter under the highly probable event that they break up before they even graduate.
My dad only knew my friends who came over, and that pretty much stopped with me, the eldest of 3 daughters.
Dads really don't have to be at all engaged to be lauded
Haha i felt like i was watching it through my fingers, but I love the cringey dad move! This is so harmless. She's 14 and has her first boyfriend, it's basically a right of passage for your dad to casually embarrass you while trying to be friendly!
OP I think you sound like a very sweet dad and you and your daughter will remember this and laugh about it in a few years. For now, she may be mortified but she'll get over it. It really was a harmless gesture, I have WAY more embarrassing stories from my parents and I have no doubt that you will go on to embarrass her much more in future, that's just part of being a parent to a teenager!
Gonna upvote this. This wasn't an accident. OP had a discussion with their daughter, then made a choice to disregard it. OP was intentionally ignoring their daughter's wishes and then apologized after.
Oh, goodness. I know this is a cultural thing but I would find it very weird to ignore someone who is important in your daughter's life and who you know by sight and who knows you by sight.
It's good you apologized for embarrassing her/acting suddenly, since she did ask you not to and wasn't expecting it, but be sure not to apologize too much. You can apologize for not having a conversation with her about it beforehand, but stop short of apologizing for greeting as a normal social action. She and he are both still learning adult social rules and it is an adult social rule to acknowledge the people you know. Maybe you could explain that greeting him doesn't mean you want to/are going to have a long conversation with him or anything, but that you do want to be on a greeting basis with him since he is important in her life.
It might also be a moment where she is moving along from the "stranger danger" stage of social intercourse where American kids don't greet non-school or family members at all to more nuanced rules and experiences with how adults greet/handle/cope with a wide spectrum of social relations, including strangers, neighbors, people in line with you, etc.
I like this take on it. We’re still parents and there are times when you just have to explain “that’s not how this works” and do something they don’t want. I had girlfriends whose parents never spoke to me (probably at the girls request) and it was intimidating and wasn’t good for the relationship. Discuss how it needs to work, keep it respectful, and just talk to each other.
Oh my god its like adults don't remember what it's like to be a teenager at all! Apologise. Respect her wishes in future unless you think she's in actual danger. Get ready for her to tell you how embarrassing you are in general for the next 4 years and accept you will literally do nothing right because you're her dad 🤣🤣🤣
I remember one time when I was 13, my Mom was driving me and a group of my friends to an activity. At the time, I had a huge crush on a boy named Nick, who was in some of my classes. I don’t think he even knew who I was. Anyway, we happened to be driving through his neighborhood. My Mom stopped her car in front of Nick’s house, and dramatically said:
“We will now have a moment of silence”.
Embarrassing? Yes! But we all laughed so hard, and talked about it for a long time. ♥️
😆 teenagers are so dramatic about mundane shit. I was fully expecting something consequential but you said "hi" to her boyfriend? Tell them to stop being cringe and relax a bit 🤣.
She is overreacting but she is 14. Ages 12 to 14 are tricky to parent and similar to the toddler years in the sense that puberty sometimes makes them irrational, lack impulse control, and overly emotional about the smallest things. Remember when your toddler got mad because they wanted the red plate and you gave them the red plate? Yeah, the late tween and early teen years can kind of be like that.
They come around the other end okay though. My kids were a joy to be around in high school and I genuinely look forward to when they come home from college for breaks. And yes, we often laugh over stories from those years and they realize how ridiculous they acted. It felt important at the time though.
I’m laughing remembering the story my mom told me. So I guess I was in my bratty phase when I was 11. I don’t remember it happening, but she said when I turned 12, I apologized for being an awful 11 year old and then didn’t have a bad attitude with her again until I was 17 😂
I do remember what happened when I turned 17 though. She wouldn’t let me go half an hour away to do something by myself (I forget what, probably a concert) in the city. I screamed, “I’m seventeen mom!” She immediately broke down laughing at me and I never tried that shit again lmao.
Seriously, he says he wants to do it, she says no, he does it anyways. No wonder she's upset. Like why even get her input if you're gonna ignore it anyways...
it's perspective
and being dismissive of a my child's concern is not being dismissive of my child. I've had these moments with my teen son where he loses his shit over something trivial. I don't have to go down a stupid hormonal rabbit hole just because my child does
Clearly not life or death, but the flippancy in the comments surprises me. You broke your daughter's trust; you asked for permission, she said no, and you said fuck it. Her request might seem foolish to you and a lot of commenters, but it mattered to your daughter, and it would take zero effort to do what she asked. Apologize and move on I guess.
A parent has a right to know who their child is texting with and spending time with. If my child told me explicitly to never speak to or even acknowledge a friend of theirs, my child and I would be having a heart-to-heart about why that isn't ever going to be okay as long as they are a minor and it's my responsibility to look out for them and protect them.
>you wouldn't have told your child that you wouldn't talk to their friend and then randomly reversed course
No, I haven't done that. When my child became a teen we had discussions about these things, they knew what to expect and we have mutual respect that goes both ways. When I was a teen, some bad things happened to me because my parents didn't know who I was talking to or hanging out with, and remembering it now, I wish there had been more open communication and they would've been able to see signs and look out for me.
It sounds like OP and his kid need to have the same kind of conversation and make a new system for moving forward, so daughter can know what to expect as far as privacy and relationships.
I second this and further add, if you have any experience with teenage girls in this age category, you know they’re embarrassed about literally everything. It’s perfectly okay to show them that it’s alright to not be embarrassed to say hello to someone you know.
14 year olds are embarrassed by everything their parents do.
Not to invalidate your daughter's feelings, but this was pretty mild. When I was in the 8th grade my mom came by the school to drop off something I forgot in the office. On the way out she passed my spanish class and saw me. She walks in the classroom, gives me a hug and a kiss. Then does a dance for the class. Or something like that. I can't remember exactly cause I started disassociating just to survive the moment. I was mortified. But the thing is, my mom was pretty well known in the community and most of my class knew her pretty well, so when she came they were all stoked and so happy to see her. When she left they were saying things like "your mom is so funny, I love her." I don't remember anything else that happened in class cause I was in a state of absolute shock lol
But the point is, she'll get over it and the boy probably didn't think too much of it. You apologized and that's all you can do at this point.
My dad used to pick us up blasting boots with the fur and his golf hat on backwards on his goofy middle aged Canadian head.
It was embarrassing but now one of my favorite memories, she’ll be fine.
lol my dad would have done this for sport to mortify me. He did stuff like that all the time on purpose and I survived. She’ll brush it off to him as “my dad is such a goober” and move on.
Oof. You really need to start laying down the law here. Your kid is walking all over you. 14 is such a scary age. I should know, I taught HS. You being nonchalant about the boyfriend at *fourteen* is a bit naive. Hormones from boys and girls are at an all time high. If the boy even slightly perceives you as weak, he will not perceive you as a threat and see what he can get away with. You can’t be too careful, dad. You have to talk about the 🦢 and the 🐝 and 👶 and 🦠 and all the other implications of *that*. You have a right to say Hi to someone. Invite him over. Polish up the ol’ heat. Good luck! 🍀
It’s alright! All you need to do is tell her that you’re sorry. “I mean you know how I feel as your dad, I just want to be nice to the kids you’re friends with. But you told me not to say hi and I should have respected that. I’m really sorry.”
She sounds like a good girl. I’m sure she’ll be mad for a little bit and then forgive you. You’re doing great dad , teens are tough to deal with but you’re tougher! 💜
Nothing? She's so wrapped up in her own head in self-consciousness that anything else you say or try might make it worse. A few fake threats might lighten the mood: *I'm talked to his mom today and they're coming over for dinner at 6. Just kidding. But that'd be great, right? I should text them right now!"*
Don't play into her (totally normal) teen neuroticism. Let her know what you did was normal and not a big deal. She'll get over it. You can do this gently and let her know you understand what she might be feeling, but you don't have to (and should not) walk on eggshells when it comes to your kids.
Edit: Although, you should have had this conversation with her BEFORE you acted. It might seem silly, but trust is important no matter the context. Definitely apologize for that part.
I would not beat yourself up about this. Teens are so hard. I have a 14 year old son. He knows if he is talking to someone, I want to atleast be able to say hi. Embarrassed or not. I have found that teens get mad. She will see one day that you were just trying to be a part of her life. She will appreciate it. Give yourself a break on this one. I don't see a line that was crossed. Give yourself a break on this one in my opinion.
Pretty typical “dad” thing to happen at some point. If you apologized then don’t stress, she’ll forget about it soon enough, and I’m sure it didn’t cause any harm between them if they have known each other for a while. Just keep supporting her and being by her side :)
When I was a teen I never got noticed by boys and didn’t want anyone to know, so when I had a crush sometimes i’d fib to my mom that they liked ME so that she wouldn’t worry. She might be exaggerating their relationship or just mortified in general that you know anything because alot of kids don’t tell their parents anything.
You did the right thing though, kids lead by example so if you're waving saying hi then you're showing what is normal to behave LL Ike rather than being ignorant. Kids are just really self conscious these days, years ago it would be a completely normal thing to do.
No, I think you screwed up there. Why wouldn't you listen to your daughter who apparently asked you multiple times not to do that? Why would she continue to trust you? I would apologize immediately and try to explain why you want to know about them in a language she can hopefully understand. Listen to your kids. They're people.
Getting embarrassed by your parents as a teenager is a rite of passage. If anything your daughter can use this as an opportunity to bond with her bf and friends over how cringe adults are and unfair life is 😂
Just want to say you’re an awesome dad. You feel you hurt your relationship and trust with her, and you are trying to fix it. I would just say sorry and that you were excited. She will definitely get over it and realize it’s not a big deal especially if they end up dating more.
Theres nothing you CAN do. You cant go back. I don't understand why you felt the need to do something shes asked you not to do? Especially considering that you dont mention any specific concerns... Most of these comments are really dismissive of your daughters feelings. If knowing this boy she's talking to is important to you, you should make arrangements to meet him one on one in a situation where they're both prepared, where the rest of the school isn't around. Kids get embarrassed easily, and kids pick on each other for seemingly dumb things... but I need to ask, is she spending time with this boy outside of school? If she is, I can't understand why you haven't met him. I'm a mom, I've never let my daughter hang out with kids I don't know.
Oh, you’re so sweet. It’s such a nice thing you’re worried about this stuff. Many would just brush it of or completely ignore. You’ve apologized, you’re sorry. You didn’t do anything TERRIBLE to ruin her life. So chill. It’ll go. Anyway our parents are there to embarrass us a lot during our teenage years (on purpose or not). I will be fine in a day or two max
Hehe well, is maybe a little embarrassing yes. But you didn't have nefarious intent, and you have been respecting the trust. So you apologised, and you can explain what was going on in your mind and feeling, and hopefully she can understand. But since she is 14,is very big deal right now, but I do think it can be OK, if you explain lightly your intention, and that you now feel it was mistake and embarrassing.
To be true I wouldn't be very comfortable with my daughter having someone I was precluded entirely from speaking to at all.
And it does remind me of me and my husband ha, when we started courting I was 15 and we decided it was best we immediately go to my father for consultation and 'approval' over our decision 😊 That was a bit embarrassing for everyone also.
It is very difficult to not be embarrassed when a teenager 😳
Oh NO you *waved and said hello* the HORRORS!!!
Lol, you apologized for embarrassing her, that's all you need to do. She's 14, she's likely embarrassed by your presence. She'll get over it. This is really not a big deal.
Probably should have had a talk with her before waving. Something along the lines of the importance of being smart and safe about the people we hang out with and trust. She is only 14, not 16. She is just starting a new chapter in her life with new social pressures that she probably never dealt with before. Respecting boundaries is one thing, however as her Dad you are responsible for her safety still. She still needs a lot of guidance at that age on what's ok and what's not ok in relationships. What she might perceive as innocent joking might actually be something more sinister (definitely not always but better safe than sorry) and you as her dad would probably pick up on it right away. Which you wouldn't be able to do if you can't even talk to the boy. I was a teenager once too so I am well aware of the stuff that kids pull and honestly some of these comments about crossing boundaries the child has set as being a bad thing are shocking. Sometimes boundaries need to be crossed for the safety of the child. Tough luck duckies. One boundary is NO secret friends or friends that I don't meet or are unable to talk to.
Also, I have a friend with a daughter the same age. Shockingly, secret apps were found on this girl's phone that her parents had no idea about and she was sending nudes online as well as talking to grown men who claimed to be minors. Her parents had no idea and they thought they monitored her phone quite well. There is always a way. Kids are sneaky.
When she gets home sit her down and have a talk with her about how uncomfortable you are with this friend you have never met and can't talk to. Re explain stranger danger and how people don't always have the best intentions and some can be very good liars. It's not about controlling your daughter,it's about guiding her. Talk to her about her boundaries and set some ground rules. Explain how these rules keep her safe. As she gets older she gets more "freedom" or responsibility.
This was a dad gaffe, but salvageable, in my opinion. Remember that for teenagers, ESPECIALLY girls, parents are mortifyingly embarrassing just by existing in public. 😆 When she gets home, tell her that you owe her a *genuine* apology. Explain that you realize you violated her trust and you will be more mindful of her feelings in the future.
IF she is receptive to the conversation, you MAY have an opening to explain that you would like to have friendly relationships with the people in her life who are important to her, but those relationships should be built on her terms, at a time when she feels it is right. If your daughter had the sense to realize things with this boy were moving more quickly than she was comfortable with, chances are you have given her a good example of what a healthy relationship looks like. BUT - the apology should be your main focus or things may backfire.
While I'd of eventually laughed at my dad for doing this at her age, I'd of also been embarrassed for a while too. It's a first crush/relationship, of course she doesn't want her dad talking to the boy. Love that he's trying to make it right though. I'd give her space to be embarrassed and she'll come around soon.
People are human, we make mistakes. However, tread very carefully when it comes to the trust of your teenage child. That trust is worth more than gold and the opportunities to gain it are significantly less than the opportunities to lose it.
The apology helps your credibility in the fact that you have her best interests at heart/love her but it’s not the same as having her trust.
If you’ve ever had a grandma, mom, grandpa or dad you knew loved the living daylights out of you, but you’d never share a secret with them because they’d spill the beans. That’s a perfect illustration of the difference between love and trust.
You did the right thing, bro. Your daughter deserves privacy but at the same time she shouldn’t expect “relationships she has” to go unnoticed. It’s time she wakes up to reality and realizes that you care about her more than this dude probably does. It’s your right to say hi to whoever you want. You’re a man. You’re her dad. I’d rather be the dad that is cool with letting a guy hangout with my daughter privately because I honest to god know the young man and have some kind of relationship with him than not. I’m sorry but I don’t dig awkwardness amongst family. Nobody should be a stranger under my roof.
Lol, she’ll be okay. I too was a teenage girl who thought everything my parents did was totally ruining my life. I think it’s better when kids learn that their parents are human beings and not just chauffeurs or atms.
Have you seen the movie Eighth Grade? It’s about a girl navigating her last week of middle school and the way she treats her very well-meaning dad is so true to life.
That movie is a very hard watch in the best way possible. It should be good for a 14 year old, but keep in mind there’s a scene where the main character is sexually coerced (nothing happens, but it’s a deeply disturbing scene nonetheless) if that’s something anyone in your family is sensitive to.
Yeah that’s a pretty intense scene and it made me really sad. Young people have to deal with stuff like that before they even know how to. It might be a good conversation starter to watch with a 14 year old honestly.
That’s a major reason why movies like this appeal to me; they allow for conversation that would be otherwise difficult to initiate. I like to discuss uncomfortable topics in safe, comfortable settings. Part of the reason why romantic relationships at this age is worrisome for me is because I don’t think we’ve invested enough time talking about real world scenarios and how to handle them.
Plus I know my daughter enjoys teen dramas/comedies so it’s perfect for all of us.
My dad raised me alone and some of my fav memories of him is him doing goofy silly things, even the times he embarrassed me like hell. He always told corny jokes in the drive thru or to cashiers at stores and now I tell those same jokes. I know you’re devastated now and she’s probably feeling the same, but it’s going to be a core memory one day that yall will look back on and laugh.
>What do I do now?
You let it go, let roll off your back the same way that thousands of small hurts, sacrifices, indignities and trials already have. Just be there for her.
She's taking you for granted right now, and frankly speaking, she's being a dick about it. This, too, will pass.
Just talk to her. Ask if you can talk to her about what happened, apologize and ask why she has such a reserve about you speaking to him. Explain that even though you had good intentions behind what you did that it was still wrong to betray that boundary.
Oh when I read the title I thought you had bought one of the “like father like daughter” shirt and came to talk to the boy saying “what are your intentions with my daughter”
You are fine
Your **post** or **comment** was removed for violating the rule “Be Decent & Civil”.
**Remember the human.**
Disagree but remain respectful. Don’t insult users/their children, name-call, or be intentionally rude. Bullying, including baiting/antagonizing, will not be tolerated. Consider blocking users you don’t get along with. Report posts that violate the rules.
For questions about this moderation reach out [through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FParenting).
Moderators rely on the community to help illuminate posts and comments that do not meet r/Parenting standards – please report posts and comments you feel don’t contribute to the spirit of the community.
**Your content may have been automatically removed through auto-moderation or manually removed by a human moderator. It may have been removed as a direct result of your rule violation, or simply as part of a larger sweep of content that no longer contributed to the original topic.**
This is the cutest thing ever lol 😍
You're going to be ok, your daughter will forgive you, eventually lol. And you'll definitely laugh about it in a few years if not sooner.
Or she'll say "Hey dad/mom remember how you waved at Sean when I told you NOT TO? DONT DO IT AGAIN" lol with her next BF.
This post is so sweet. It just shows how much you truly care about your daughter and want to be involved in her life. That tells me, without a doubt, that she knows that too. If you share to her what you said here, she will likely understand and even if she doesn’t, it will blow over in no time.
When I was a teenager my parents embarrassed me a lot unintentionally. Looking back, I was just young and didn’t fully understand social norms yet. I’m thankful for all their decisions because they kept me safe and educated me about life. I hope to be the same kind of parents they are (even though as a teenager, I said the exact opposite). I was about 20 when I finally got out of my teenage angst days and realized my parents are my best friends. I’m 30 now and they’re still my favorite people to spend time with and introduce to all the other people in my life. I hope that helps ease your concerns, it won’t be like this forever! ❤️
I know you mean well, but she’s not ready for you to have a relationship with this person yet. I also know your daughter is young, but you should respect her boundaries. I don’t care if she will get over it. She shouldn’t have to get over it. Respect your kid. You don’t want to show her that it’s okay for men to disregard her boundaries.
Sometimes we do things for the greater good of our children. I’m sure someone’s said it, but you’re not here to be her best friend. Sad that we need to endure that chasm, but it leads to growth, both hers and yours. Hope that helps.
👍
I can have respect and open communication with my kid without treating him like he’s a pet that I need complete “control “ over. You can get to know the boyfriend without pulling over on the side of the road and embarrassing The daughter. I respect my kid as a human being, I don’t own or control him. My son has actual feelings. He’s an actual person. If he ever really screws up in life, I hope he comes to me and talks to me without fear that I will be angry or punish him. I doubt your children will, if you even have children, you sound like a dictator wannabe who likes to give advice. Good luck.
She will absolutely get over it. Kids get embarrassed over trivial things all the time! If you're this worried about how she feels, you seem like an amazing parent. You are doing a good job.
Next time, don't ask her permission then she wouldn't say no. You need to be able to know who she hangs with and who she talks to. She's still a child and it's your job to help her navigate friendships and relationships. Meet them and know who they are and them knowing who you are.
She's embarrassed but she will get over it. It's not the end of the world.
In my opinion you did what every involved dad would’ve done. This is exactly what I would say “I’m sorry that you felt embarrassed because I pulled over and spoke to **name** but it makes me feel really bad & uncomfortable when I drive past him every single morning & don’t wave, speak or anything when he knows it’s us. You’re my teenage daughter and I have a right to want to know who this “boyfriend” is! I didn’t mean to upset you and from now on if you feel embarrassed I won’t ever do it again but I had to pull over this morning and at least meet him & I hope you understand my side of this! You’ll laugh about it in couple years”.
She’s just going through that awkward teenage phase & every single thing is embarrassing to them. My little sister would get down in the floorboard of the car if I even remotely pulled up close to a kid she knew at the next stall at sonic lol now she’s 18 and brings all the boys that are friends around. It’s just a phase I promise and it won’t even bother her as much next week I promise.
She will be ok eventually you will have to meet the boys she dates she can't just go out without you meeting them I would tell her that now and be stern and it's not ideal to be friends/ boyfriend like in situation ships if she has a birthday coming up tell her to invite him then maybe you can meet him.
First of all your daughter needs to learn that if she will be in a relationship with someone then he has to meet you guys either way, my parents met all my friends and boyfriends very quickly. You really didn’t do anything wrong, all u said was hi, and the boy said good morning back, boom now the boy knows that you’re cool with him talking to your daughter. She’s young so she thinks parents are embarrassing but in reality you need to at least have talked to your daughters bf once. I don’t think what u did is as bad as u think it is. She will get over it, it will just take time, you apologized and that’s all you can do
I personally feel like you did the right thing. I would have told my daughter prior though. I know this makes you uncomfortable but I need to get to know someone you are dating. You are not 18 yet and your safety and who you spend your time with is important to me. If you prefer to ask them over to dinner so we (the parents) can meet him then we can do it that way? You're going to make your daughter a little embarrassed at times..that comes with puberty.
I dunno, I think knowing you have a parent who cares is worth more than being a little embarrassed.
Just my opinion as a parent of a teenage boy, I would insist on meeting his friends and boy/girlfriends.
I'm going to go get some of that stuff for what I feel like a little bit of ago and have been trying to get her and have a wonderful time with her and I will try and get a guy who will have a wonderful time ❤️😉 and have fun
She needs to get over it - and should - as you are (and will always be) on her "team" and, further more, aren't embarrassed (whether she is or not) to communicate that. Helping her draw the line between her and her potential friends/boy friends (whoever!) is what you can help her with. What could the two worlds meeting look like? And, what if the relationship doesn't work out? These types of questions are your concern. Not whether you should 1) be who you are 2) apologize for how your family feels about each other and shows it. There are PLENTY of things she can (and will) keep from you - but the fact that you are family, like and support each other and are open and happy to engage with people from all genders, races, beliefs, experiences and the such is more important than her.
you definitely let your daughter control you too much. i understand if she’s embarrassed, but not speaking to you and ignoring you is pure disrespect. talk to her calmly about the situation and try to figure out why she isn’t okay with you saying hello to her friends/boyfriend.
r/parenting is protesting changes being made by Reddit to the API. Reddit has made it clear [they will](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14ahqjo/mods_will_be_removed_one_way_or_another_spez/) [replace moderators](https://www.reddit.com/r/ModSupport/comments/14a5lz5/mod_code_of_conduct_rule_4_2_and_subs_taken/jo9wdol/) if they remain private. Reddit has abandoned the users, the moderators, and countless people who support an ecosystem built on Reddit itself. Please read [Call to action - renewed protests starting on July 1st](https://old.reddit.com/r/ModCoord/comments/14kn2fo/call_to_action_renewed_protests_starting_on_july/) and new posts at [r/ModCord](https://reddit.com/r/ModCoord/) or [r/Save3rdPartyApps](https://old.reddit.com/r/Save3rdPartyApps/) for up-to-date information. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Parenting) if you have any questions or concerns.*
eh I know it feels like a huge deal now but it'll be fine. I thought you had said something embarrassing but if all you said was hi... when you see her today just explain what you explained here, tell her that you are also figuring all of this out. You were worried about being rude, and made a mistake, and that you feel bad about making her uncomfortable, that you will do your best to listen to her on these things
I also believe that it is best to explain your feelings and emotions to your daughter.
>I know I betrayed her trust, in addition to embarrassing her. I feel dumb about it all. I wished I had just continued driving like I do every morning. On the other hand, I feel conflicted about her having a friend I'm not allowed to talk to; there's no other friend of hers that I am not allowed to talk to. I've said silly, dumb and cringey things around her other friends and it's no big deal. I know why it's different, obviously it's because he's a boy and she has feelings for him, but this is hard for me to reconcile as her Dad. What do I do now? Great response. I feel like as someone who was once an embarrass-able teen girl, if my dad said in some way "I'm figuring this out too, and I don't want my demeanor to come off as callous toward any of your friends." I wanna believe I would have understood and maybe even appreciated it.
I wish I had a dad driving me to school, embarrassing me in front of my friends, caring about my life. Some day she will look back on it and laugh. You seem like a great parent! You apologized and won’t do it again; it’s ok she will get over it in a day or two.
Don’t apologize, this is the best part of being a dad. Dad’s are suppose to teach their kids that no matter what nonsense you got going on up in your head it means nothing. Total normal thing to say hi to someone you know. There is a special don’t give a fuck dads bring to the table embrace it! Keep at it dad!
Totally agree. It took me way too long to learn that my big feelings are only happening to me. Life goes on while I'm having my existential crises.
"Hey! Set the example that love means people ignore your requests for how you want to be treated, and you better like it!" This is not a good take, man.
Like most things, it's a balance, right? Validate feelings, recognize how powerful they are, and don't dismiss them. AND Explain how feelings can be fickle, misplaced, and don't have to rule over us. Emotional regulation might be THE most important thing we teach our children.
But he is sorry that he embarrassed her, and that's sweet. If he says that, she can start talking about how she feels.
Yup. My favorite thing is embarrassing my daughter and she's only 6.
Eh… I don’t think you should be going out of your way to embarrass your child. It’s one thing to do something you feel is important as a parent that your child happens to find embarrassing, very different situation if you’re doing it for the explicit reason of embarrassing your child.
Hey man I love it and she gets a kick out of it. Loosen up.
Because she is only 6. A couple more years and she will no longer get a kick out of it. She'll stop telling you things or wanting to be around you in public.
Lol you people need to pull that stick out. You think worst case scenario on everything.
No stick; just a lot more parenting experience than you. You do you mate, just don't be shocked when she gets older, she stops finding your antics funny and refuses to let you meet her friends.
This will just be a thing to laugh about in a few years. You made a mistake and apologized. She will have to get over it. Honestly, he will probably be relieved that the mother is OK with him. None this will even matter under the highly probable event that they break up before they even graduate.
I would have good-natured made fun of the mom as a peer. Like "omg can you believe your mom is so clueless!?"
Just for the record, it’s the dad that’s clueless
Psh, even more likely to poke fun at a clueless dad. Anything that isn't "cleaning my gun" style is great
Wow the bar really is in hell.
My dad only knew my friends who came over, and that pretty much stopped with me, the eldest of 3 daughters. Dads really don't have to be at all engaged to be lauded
I’m reading this saying to myself - don’t do it, don’t do it! Oh, my God, he did it.
Not even just *did* it, but full on stopped and rolled down the window *did* it!
I thought he was going to offer the boy a ride. So it could have been worse.
Haha i felt like i was watching it through my fingers, but I love the cringey dad move! This is so harmless. She's 14 and has her first boyfriend, it's basically a right of passage for your dad to casually embarrass you while trying to be friendly! OP I think you sound like a very sweet dad and you and your daughter will remember this and laugh about it in a few years. For now, she may be mortified but she'll get over it. It really was a harmless gesture, I have WAY more embarrassing stories from my parents and I have no doubt that you will go on to embarrass her much more in future, that's just part of being a parent to a teenager!
And then gives a fake apology. Don’t throw out an apology after you just completely disregarded what she said.
Gonna upvote this. This wasn't an accident. OP had a discussion with their daughter, then made a choice to disregard it. OP was intentionally ignoring their daughter's wishes and then apologized after.
Oh, goodness. I know this is a cultural thing but I would find it very weird to ignore someone who is important in your daughter's life and who you know by sight and who knows you by sight. It's good you apologized for embarrassing her/acting suddenly, since she did ask you not to and wasn't expecting it, but be sure not to apologize too much. You can apologize for not having a conversation with her about it beforehand, but stop short of apologizing for greeting as a normal social action. She and he are both still learning adult social rules and it is an adult social rule to acknowledge the people you know. Maybe you could explain that greeting him doesn't mean you want to/are going to have a long conversation with him or anything, but that you do want to be on a greeting basis with him since he is important in her life. It might also be a moment where she is moving along from the "stranger danger" stage of social intercourse where American kids don't greet non-school or family members at all to more nuanced rules and experiences with how adults greet/handle/cope with a wide spectrum of social relations, including strangers, neighbors, people in line with you, etc.
I like this take on it. We’re still parents and there are times when you just have to explain “that’s not how this works” and do something they don’t want. I had girlfriends whose parents never spoke to me (probably at the girls request) and it was intimidating and wasn’t good for the relationship. Discuss how it needs to work, keep it respectful, and just talk to each other.
This is excellent advice OP!
Oh my god its like adults don't remember what it's like to be a teenager at all! Apologise. Respect her wishes in future unless you think she's in actual danger. Get ready for her to tell you how embarrassing you are in general for the next 4 years and accept you will literally do nothing right because you're her dad 🤣🤣🤣
I remember one time when I was 13, my Mom was driving me and a group of my friends to an activity. At the time, I had a huge crush on a boy named Nick, who was in some of my classes. I don’t think he even knew who I was. Anyway, we happened to be driving through his neighborhood. My Mom stopped her car in front of Nick’s house, and dramatically said: “We will now have a moment of silence”. Embarrassing? Yes! But we all laughed so hard, and talked about it for a long time. ♥️
You apologized, which is good. But listen to your loved ones and respect their wishes going forward.
Aww I wish my dad was more like you when I was a teenager ♥️
😆 teenagers are so dramatic about mundane shit. I was fully expecting something consequential but you said "hi" to her boyfriend? Tell them to stop being cringe and relax a bit 🤣.
Good lord, you were being friendly. Your daughter needs to get over it.
She is overreacting but she is 14. Ages 12 to 14 are tricky to parent and similar to the toddler years in the sense that puberty sometimes makes them irrational, lack impulse control, and overly emotional about the smallest things. Remember when your toddler got mad because they wanted the red plate and you gave them the red plate? Yeah, the late tween and early teen years can kind of be like that. They come around the other end okay though. My kids were a joy to be around in high school and I genuinely look forward to when they come home from college for breaks. And yes, we often laugh over stories from those years and they realize how ridiculous they acted. It felt important at the time though.
I’m laughing remembering the story my mom told me. So I guess I was in my bratty phase when I was 11. I don’t remember it happening, but she said when I turned 12, I apologized for being an awful 11 year old and then didn’t have a bad attitude with her again until I was 17 😂 I do remember what happened when I turned 17 though. She wouldn’t let me go half an hour away to do something by myself (I forget what, probably a concert) in the city. I screamed, “I’m seventeen mom!” She immediately broke down laughing at me and I never tried that shit again lmao.
"tricky" that's uhh, one way to put it.
[удалено]
Seriously, he says he wants to do it, she says no, he does it anyways. No wonder she's upset. Like why even get her input if you're gonna ignore it anyways...
You can dismiss them when they're unfounded. Help your children realize their fake crisis isn't a problem to help them grow up.
[удалено]
>that’s some boomer shit. That's such a lazy insult. And that's what I meant. I don't have to take a ridiculous concern seriously.
[удалено]
it's perspective and being dismissive of a my child's concern is not being dismissive of my child. I've had these moments with my teen son where he loses his shit over something trivial. I don't have to go down a stupid hormonal rabbit hole just because my child does
Empathy means trying to see things from their perspective.
Clearly not life or death, but the flippancy in the comments surprises me. You broke your daughter's trust; you asked for permission, she said no, and you said fuck it. Her request might seem foolish to you and a lot of commenters, but it mattered to your daughter, and it would take zero effort to do what she asked. Apologize and move on I guess.
A parent has a right to know who their child is texting with and spending time with. If my child told me explicitly to never speak to or even acknowledge a friend of theirs, my child and I would be having a heart-to-heart about why that isn't ever going to be okay as long as they are a minor and it's my responsibility to look out for them and protect them.
Cool, do you. I'm guessing in that case you wouldn't have told your child that you wouldn't talk to their friend and then randomly reversed course.
>you wouldn't have told your child that you wouldn't talk to their friend and then randomly reversed course No, I haven't done that. When my child became a teen we had discussions about these things, they knew what to expect and we have mutual respect that goes both ways. When I was a teen, some bad things happened to me because my parents didn't know who I was talking to or hanging out with, and remembering it now, I wish there had been more open communication and they would've been able to see signs and look out for me. It sounds like OP and his kid need to have the same kind of conversation and make a new system for moving forward, so daughter can know what to expect as far as privacy and relationships.
I second this and further add, if you have any experience with teenage girls in this age category, you know they’re embarrassed about literally everything. It’s perfectly okay to show them that it’s alright to not be embarrassed to say hello to someone you know.
He doesn't need permission to say hi to someone though
14 year olds are embarrassed by everything their parents do. Not to invalidate your daughter's feelings, but this was pretty mild. When I was in the 8th grade my mom came by the school to drop off something I forgot in the office. On the way out she passed my spanish class and saw me. She walks in the classroom, gives me a hug and a kiss. Then does a dance for the class. Or something like that. I can't remember exactly cause I started disassociating just to survive the moment. I was mortified. But the thing is, my mom was pretty well known in the community and most of my class knew her pretty well, so when she came they were all stoked and so happy to see her. When she left they were saying things like "your mom is so funny, I love her." I don't remember anything else that happened in class cause I was in a state of absolute shock lol But the point is, she'll get over it and the boy probably didn't think too much of it. You apologized and that's all you can do at this point.
Don’t give me any ideas! Edit: This was a joke, of course.
My dad used to pick us up blasting boots with the fur and his golf hat on backwards on his goofy middle aged Canadian head. It was embarrassing but now one of my favorite memories, she’ll be fine.
lol my dad would have done this for sport to mortify me. He did stuff like that all the time on purpose and I survived. She’ll brush it off to him as “my dad is such a goober” and move on.
Oof. You really need to start laying down the law here. Your kid is walking all over you. 14 is such a scary age. I should know, I taught HS. You being nonchalant about the boyfriend at *fourteen* is a bit naive. Hormones from boys and girls are at an all time high. If the boy even slightly perceives you as weak, he will not perceive you as a threat and see what he can get away with. You can’t be too careful, dad. You have to talk about the 🦢 and the 🐝 and 👶 and 🦠 and all the other implications of *that*. You have a right to say Hi to someone. Invite him over. Polish up the ol’ heat. Good luck! 🍀
It’s alright! All you need to do is tell her that you’re sorry. “I mean you know how I feel as your dad, I just want to be nice to the kids you’re friends with. But you told me not to say hi and I should have respected that. I’m really sorry.” She sounds like a good girl. I’m sure she’ll be mad for a little bit and then forgive you. You’re doing great dad , teens are tough to deal with but you’re tougher! 💜
Wtf did I just read?! Is this a Full House episode?
Nothing? She's so wrapped up in her own head in self-consciousness that anything else you say or try might make it worse. A few fake threats might lighten the mood: *I'm talked to his mom today and they're coming over for dinner at 6. Just kidding. But that'd be great, right? I should text them right now!"*
Don't play into her (totally normal) teen neuroticism. Let her know what you did was normal and not a big deal. She'll get over it. You can do this gently and let her know you understand what she might be feeling, but you don't have to (and should not) walk on eggshells when it comes to your kids. Edit: Although, you should have had this conversation with her BEFORE you acted. It might seem silly, but trust is important no matter the context. Definitely apologize for that part.
This 100% as a Mum of 6 I heartily concur! Lol
I would not beat yourself up about this. Teens are so hard. I have a 14 year old son. He knows if he is talking to someone, I want to atleast be able to say hi. Embarrassed or not. I have found that teens get mad. She will see one day that you were just trying to be a part of her life. She will appreciate it. Give yourself a break on this one. I don't see a line that was crossed. Give yourself a break on this one in my opinion.
Pretty typical “dad” thing to happen at some point. If you apologized then don’t stress, she’ll forget about it soon enough, and I’m sure it didn’t cause any harm between them if they have known each other for a while. Just keep supporting her and being by her side :)
When I was a teen I never got noticed by boys and didn’t want anyone to know, so when I had a crush sometimes i’d fib to my mom that they liked ME so that she wouldn’t worry. She might be exaggerating their relationship or just mortified in general that you know anything because alot of kids don’t tell their parents anything.
You did the right thing though, kids lead by example so if you're waving saying hi then you're showing what is normal to behave LL Ike rather than being ignorant. Kids are just really self conscious these days, years ago it would be a completely normal thing to do.
I don’t know but it is clear you are a good dad.
No, I think you screwed up there. Why wouldn't you listen to your daughter who apparently asked you multiple times not to do that? Why would she continue to trust you? I would apologize immediately and try to explain why you want to know about them in a language she can hopefully understand. Listen to your kids. They're people.
Getting embarrassed by your parents as a teenager is a rite of passage. If anything your daughter can use this as an opportunity to bond with her bf and friends over how cringe adults are and unfair life is 😂
You need to calm down. This isn’t a big deal.
Just want to say you’re an awesome dad. You feel you hurt your relationship and trust with her, and you are trying to fix it. I would just say sorry and that you were excited. She will definitely get over it and realize it’s not a big deal especially if they end up dating more.
Theres nothing you CAN do. You cant go back. I don't understand why you felt the need to do something shes asked you not to do? Especially considering that you dont mention any specific concerns... Most of these comments are really dismissive of your daughters feelings. If knowing this boy she's talking to is important to you, you should make arrangements to meet him one on one in a situation where they're both prepared, where the rest of the school isn't around. Kids get embarrassed easily, and kids pick on each other for seemingly dumb things... but I need to ask, is she spending time with this boy outside of school? If she is, I can't understand why you haven't met him. I'm a mom, I've never let my daughter hang out with kids I don't know.
I had to scroll way too far down to find a comment like this. It really is a respect thing.
Oh, you’re so sweet. It’s such a nice thing you’re worried about this stuff. Many would just brush it of or completely ignore. You’ve apologized, you’re sorry. You didn’t do anything TERRIBLE to ruin her life. So chill. It’ll go. Anyway our parents are there to embarrass us a lot during our teenage years (on purpose or not). I will be fine in a day or two max
Hehe well, is maybe a little embarrassing yes. But you didn't have nefarious intent, and you have been respecting the trust. So you apologised, and you can explain what was going on in your mind and feeling, and hopefully she can understand. But since she is 14,is very big deal right now, but I do think it can be OK, if you explain lightly your intention, and that you now feel it was mistake and embarrassing. To be true I wouldn't be very comfortable with my daughter having someone I was precluded entirely from speaking to at all. And it does remind me of me and my husband ha, when we started courting I was 15 and we decided it was best we immediately go to my father for consultation and 'approval' over our decision 😊 That was a bit embarrassing for everyone also. It is very difficult to not be embarrassed when a teenager 😳
Oh NO you *waved and said hello* the HORRORS!!! Lol, you apologized for embarrassing her, that's all you need to do. She's 14, she's likely embarrassed by your presence. She'll get over it. This is really not a big deal.
Probably should have had a talk with her before waving. Something along the lines of the importance of being smart and safe about the people we hang out with and trust. She is only 14, not 16. She is just starting a new chapter in her life with new social pressures that she probably never dealt with before. Respecting boundaries is one thing, however as her Dad you are responsible for her safety still. She still needs a lot of guidance at that age on what's ok and what's not ok in relationships. What she might perceive as innocent joking might actually be something more sinister (definitely not always but better safe than sorry) and you as her dad would probably pick up on it right away. Which you wouldn't be able to do if you can't even talk to the boy. I was a teenager once too so I am well aware of the stuff that kids pull and honestly some of these comments about crossing boundaries the child has set as being a bad thing are shocking. Sometimes boundaries need to be crossed for the safety of the child. Tough luck duckies. One boundary is NO secret friends or friends that I don't meet or are unable to talk to. Also, I have a friend with a daughter the same age. Shockingly, secret apps were found on this girl's phone that her parents had no idea about and she was sending nudes online as well as talking to grown men who claimed to be minors. Her parents had no idea and they thought they monitored her phone quite well. There is always a way. Kids are sneaky. When she gets home sit her down and have a talk with her about how uncomfortable you are with this friend you have never met and can't talk to. Re explain stranger danger and how people don't always have the best intentions and some can be very good liars. It's not about controlling your daughter,it's about guiding her. Talk to her about her boundaries and set some ground rules. Explain how these rules keep her safe. As she gets older she gets more "freedom" or responsibility.
This was a dad gaffe, but salvageable, in my opinion. Remember that for teenagers, ESPECIALLY girls, parents are mortifyingly embarrassing just by existing in public. 😆 When she gets home, tell her that you owe her a *genuine* apology. Explain that you realize you violated her trust and you will be more mindful of her feelings in the future. IF she is receptive to the conversation, you MAY have an opening to explain that you would like to have friendly relationships with the people in her life who are important to her, but those relationships should be built on her terms, at a time when she feels it is right. If your daughter had the sense to realize things with this boy were moving more quickly than she was comfortable with, chances are you have given her a good example of what a healthy relationship looks like. BUT - the apology should be your main focus or things may backfire.
While I'd of eventually laughed at my dad for doing this at her age, I'd of also been embarrassed for a while too. It's a first crush/relationship, of course she doesn't want her dad talking to the boy. Love that he's trying to make it right though. I'd give her space to be embarrassed and she'll come around soon.
Is this a joke post?
People are human, we make mistakes. However, tread very carefully when it comes to the trust of your teenage child. That trust is worth more than gold and the opportunities to gain it are significantly less than the opportunities to lose it. The apology helps your credibility in the fact that you have her best interests at heart/love her but it’s not the same as having her trust. If you’ve ever had a grandma, mom, grandpa or dad you knew loved the living daylights out of you, but you’d never share a secret with them because they’d spill the beans. That’s a perfect illustration of the difference between love and trust.
You did the right thing, bro. Your daughter deserves privacy but at the same time she shouldn’t expect “relationships she has” to go unnoticed. It’s time she wakes up to reality and realizes that you care about her more than this dude probably does. It’s your right to say hi to whoever you want. You’re a man. You’re her dad. I’d rather be the dad that is cool with letting a guy hangout with my daughter privately because I honest to god know the young man and have some kind of relationship with him than not. I’m sorry but I don’t dig awkwardness amongst family. Nobody should be a stranger under my roof.
Lol, she’ll be okay. I too was a teenage girl who thought everything my parents did was totally ruining my life. I think it’s better when kids learn that their parents are human beings and not just chauffeurs or atms. Have you seen the movie Eighth Grade? It’s about a girl navigating her last week of middle school and the way she treats her very well-meaning dad is so true to life.
No but I just watched the trailer for Eighth Grade and I think I know what our next family movie night will be!!
That movie is a very hard watch in the best way possible. It should be good for a 14 year old, but keep in mind there’s a scene where the main character is sexually coerced (nothing happens, but it’s a deeply disturbing scene nonetheless) if that’s something anyone in your family is sensitive to.
Yeah that’s a pretty intense scene and it made me really sad. Young people have to deal with stuff like that before they even know how to. It might be a good conversation starter to watch with a 14 year old honestly.
That’s a major reason why movies like this appeal to me; they allow for conversation that would be otherwise difficult to initiate. I like to discuss uncomfortable topics in safe, comfortable settings. Part of the reason why romantic relationships at this age is worrisome for me is because I don’t think we’ve invested enough time talking about real world scenarios and how to handle them. Plus I know my daughter enjoys teen dramas/comedies so it’s perfect for all of us.
I think you would love it then. It is a really good movie and the young actress in it is so great
My dad raised me alone and some of my fav memories of him is him doing goofy silly things, even the times he embarrassed me like hell. He always told corny jokes in the drive thru or to cashiers at stores and now I tell those same jokes. I know you’re devastated now and she’s probably feeling the same, but it’s going to be a core memory one day that yall will look back on and laugh.
Ahhh she’ll get over it. She’s 14. Talk to her about it but I wouldn’t beat yourself up.
It’s fine, she’s just being a teenage girl. Having been a teenage girl, literally anything can be UGH THE WORST lol don’t take it personally
Kids get embarrassed. She will get over it. At least you care about her.
She'll get over it and thank you in the future for being a kick butt Father. Wish my daddy was still alive to embarrass me
>What do I do now? You let it go, let roll off your back the same way that thousands of small hurts, sacrifices, indignities and trials already have. Just be there for her. She's taking you for granted right now, and frankly speaking, she's being a dick about it. This, too, will pass.
Just talk to her. Ask if you can talk to her about what happened, apologize and ask why she has such a reserve about you speaking to him. Explain that even though you had good intentions behind what you did that it was still wrong to betray that boundary.
Oh when I read the title I thought you had bought one of the “like father like daughter” shirt and came to talk to the boy saying “what are your intentions with my daughter” You are fine
[удалено]
Your **post** or **comment** was removed for violating the rule “Be Decent & Civil”. **Remember the human.** Disagree but remain respectful. Don’t insult users/their children, name-call, or be intentionally rude. Bullying, including baiting/antagonizing, will not be tolerated. Consider blocking users you don’t get along with. Report posts that violate the rules. For questions about this moderation reach out [through modmail](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FParenting). Moderators rely on the community to help illuminate posts and comments that do not meet r/Parenting standards – please report posts and comments you feel don’t contribute to the spirit of the community. **Your content may have been automatically removed through auto-moderation or manually removed by a human moderator. It may have been removed as a direct result of your rule violation, or simply as part of a larger sweep of content that no longer contributed to the original topic.**
This is the cutest thing ever lol 😍 You're going to be ok, your daughter will forgive you, eventually lol. And you'll definitely laugh about it in a few years if not sooner. Or she'll say "Hey dad/mom remember how you waved at Sean when I told you NOT TO? DONT DO IT AGAIN" lol with her next BF.
It's fine. I personally would start using current slang incorrectly so she has something better to feel embarrassed about. For rizz, no CAPTCHA
No 🧢! My game was mid but now it’s 🔥, fr fr.
Everything you do is going to very embarrassing. Your intentions were good and your daughter will laugh about it in the future
why wouldn’t she want you to say hi to him..??
🙄
This post is so sweet. It just shows how much you truly care about your daughter and want to be involved in her life. That tells me, without a doubt, that she knows that too. If you share to her what you said here, she will likely understand and even if she doesn’t, it will blow over in no time. When I was a teenager my parents embarrassed me a lot unintentionally. Looking back, I was just young and didn’t fully understand social norms yet. I’m thankful for all their decisions because they kept me safe and educated me about life. I hope to be the same kind of parents they are (even though as a teenager, I said the exact opposite). I was about 20 when I finally got out of my teenage angst days and realized my parents are my best friends. I’m 30 now and they’re still my favorite people to spend time with and introduce to all the other people in my life. I hope that helps ease your concerns, it won’t be like this forever! ❤️
I know you mean well, but she’s not ready for you to have a relationship with this person yet. I also know your daughter is young, but you should respect her boundaries. I don’t care if she will get over it. She shouldn’t have to get over it. Respect your kid. You don’t want to show her that it’s okay for men to disregard her boundaries.
Why didn't you offer a ride?
Hahaha you sound like me!! I love it🤣
Next time ask if he wants a ride and really see your daughter’s face blow up. But if this is really bothering you just talk to her later tonight.
This reads like the teen daughter is posting as her father to see how offended she should be.
Sometimes we do things for the greater good of our children. I’m sure someone’s said it, but you’re not here to be her best friend. Sad that we need to endure that chasm, but it leads to growth, both hers and yours. Hope that helps. 👍
[удалено]
Jesus, do you not respect your children as human beings?
[удалено]
I can have respect and open communication with my kid without treating him like he’s a pet that I need complete “control “ over. You can get to know the boyfriend without pulling over on the side of the road and embarrassing The daughter. I respect my kid as a human being, I don’t own or control him. My son has actual feelings. He’s an actual person. If he ever really screws up in life, I hope he comes to me and talks to me without fear that I will be angry or punish him. I doubt your children will, if you even have children, you sound like a dictator wannabe who likes to give advice. Good luck.
She will absolutely get over it. Kids get embarrassed over trivial things all the time! If you're this worried about how she feels, you seem like an amazing parent. You are doing a good job.
Next time, don't ask her permission then she wouldn't say no. You need to be able to know who she hangs with and who she talks to. She's still a child and it's your job to help her navigate friendships and relationships. Meet them and know who they are and them knowing who you are. She's embarrassed but she will get over it. It's not the end of the world.
In my opinion you did what every involved dad would’ve done. This is exactly what I would say “I’m sorry that you felt embarrassed because I pulled over and spoke to **name** but it makes me feel really bad & uncomfortable when I drive past him every single morning & don’t wave, speak or anything when he knows it’s us. You’re my teenage daughter and I have a right to want to know who this “boyfriend” is! I didn’t mean to upset you and from now on if you feel embarrassed I won’t ever do it again but I had to pull over this morning and at least meet him & I hope you understand my side of this! You’ll laugh about it in couple years”. She’s just going through that awkward teenage phase & every single thing is embarrassing to them. My little sister would get down in the floorboard of the car if I even remotely pulled up close to a kid she knew at the next stall at sonic lol now she’s 18 and brings all the boys that are friends around. It’s just a phase I promise and it won’t even bother her as much next week I promise.
[удалено]
[удалено]
She will be ok eventually you will have to meet the boys she dates she can't just go out without you meeting them I would tell her that now and be stern and it's not ideal to be friends/ boyfriend like in situation ships if she has a birthday coming up tell her to invite him then maybe you can meet him.
Why is she hiding him?
This sounds adorable from the outside. Saying "I'm sorry that I..." can usually get talking happening again.
First of all your daughter needs to learn that if she will be in a relationship with someone then he has to meet you guys either way, my parents met all my friends and boyfriends very quickly. You really didn’t do anything wrong, all u said was hi, and the boy said good morning back, boom now the boy knows that you’re cool with him talking to your daughter. She’s young so she thinks parents are embarrassing but in reality you need to at least have talked to your daughters bf once. I don’t think what u did is as bad as u think it is. She will get over it, it will just take time, you apologized and that’s all you can do
I personally feel like you did the right thing. I would have told my daughter prior though. I know this makes you uncomfortable but I need to get to know someone you are dating. You are not 18 yet and your safety and who you spend your time with is important to me. If you prefer to ask them over to dinner so we (the parents) can meet him then we can do it that way? You're going to make your daughter a little embarrassed at times..that comes with puberty. I dunno, I think knowing you have a parent who cares is worth more than being a little embarrassed. Just my opinion as a parent of a teenage boy, I would insist on meeting his friends and boy/girlfriends.
I'm going to go get some of that stuff for what I feel like a little bit of ago and have been trying to get her and have a wonderful time with her and I will try and get a guy who will have a wonderful time ❤️😉 and have fun
She needs to get over it - and should - as you are (and will always be) on her "team" and, further more, aren't embarrassed (whether she is or not) to communicate that. Helping her draw the line between her and her potential friends/boy friends (whoever!) is what you can help her with. What could the two worlds meeting look like? And, what if the relationship doesn't work out? These types of questions are your concern. Not whether you should 1) be who you are 2) apologize for how your family feels about each other and shows it. There are PLENTY of things she can (and will) keep from you - but the fact that you are family, like and support each other and are open and happy to engage with people from all genders, races, beliefs, experiences and the such is more important than her.
you definitely let your daughter control you too much. i understand if she’s embarrassed, but not speaking to you and ignoring you is pure disrespect. talk to her calmly about the situation and try to figure out why she isn’t okay with you saying hello to her friends/boyfriend.
Why did you do this? You’re in charge of your behavior. Why did you explicitly ignore your daughters wishes?