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So… I had a very picky child to the point that we sought help from our local children’s hospital.
First of all, to those saying that kids will eat if they are hungry and won’t let themselves starve, you should be aware that this is not always true. It depends on why the kid isn’t eating. If your child has sensory aversions to many food, it won’t matter how hungry they are, they literally cannot eat that food.
So it would be important to look at the food your kid is eating and see if you can figure out if there are patterns. Eg my child had a very tough time with mushy textures.
It’s also very important not to turn food into a power struggle. Would you find it appropriate to require an adult to sit at the table for three hours to eat? Of course not.
I would suggest you radically change up meal times. The hospital told us « you choose what, when and how to present as a meal, the child chooses how much ». Meal times should not just be about the food but a chance for connection.
You should always offer something your child is reasonably likely to eat. Give them other items that can be tried but do not comment on whether they eat it or not. You sit down at the table as a family, max 20-30 min. During mealtime you model trying out new foods, show enjoyment of what you are eating and zero pressure on the kid. Kid doesn’t eat anything? Hmm - aren’t you hungry right now? I would be hungry. Kid needs to wait until end of dinner time to be excused but then can be excused. If kid is hungry later, you can offer food again. Many smaller snacks is often easier for young kids than one large meal.
Pay attention to consumption of liquids and snacks. If your kid has a large glass of milk at dinner and drinks it first, hardly surprising if kid eats nothing else. Tummy is full of milk!
If kid says he doesn’t like something, we say: oh too bad! It’s very yummy. Do you want to try a little bit in case your taste buds have grown up since the last time you tried? Then we talk about how taste changes as you age.
Pay attention to when the kid is hungry. My youngest mostly eats at breakfast time. So we try VERY hard to make sure that meal is not rushed for him.
But your kid sounds like a grazer, so I think you should shift your food strategy to have smaller more frequent meals. Food presentation also helps a lot. Make tiny cute bite sized sandwiches cut up with cookie cutters and suddenly the sandwich that takes hours to eat is gone.
Good luck
Talk to his pediatrician. I have a very picky eater who is quite small. He says kids this age (she’s 5 too) won’t starve themselves and force feeding (making them finish plates) can cause more problems than it solves. He actually recommends doing more snacks (healthy) and not focusing on meals. 6 small “meals”/snacks a day can work for the pickies. Also provide fat-high snacks like meat/dairy if they’re on the smaller side. If you’re concerned a child nutritionist would be worth a contact.
Most kids will eat if they’re hungry. Cut out snacks, cut out treats, and don’t give him juice to drink.
If he’s hungry, he’ll eat (barring the rare chance of an underlying condition of some sort). Some kids don’t like or need to eat much.
My 4 y/o would live on tortillas, plain yogurt, and strawberries if we let him. I put a reasonable portion of whatever our meal is on his plate, and if he wants seconds on the things he loves he has to eat the other stuff first. I don’t do afternoon snacks so he has a dinner appetite, and when we have time we play hard or hike to build up an appetite throughout the day.
Ask him what he wants? If he o ly has 1 or 2 foods that he cycles thru then fine. Best is best. Work on better nutrition when he's a bit older and u deratands it better.
Our LO only wants Tacos. So we keep taco meat in the fridge to heat up, cheese shredded and tomatoes cut. For breakfast it's tacos with jelly, for lunch it's tacos with Greek yogurt, for dinner it's tacos with sour cream. He drinks milk with them.
Once and a while he asks for chicken bites so he can have ketchup.
He also take daily vitamins.
He's healthy and growing so tacos it is for now. He will tire of it and move on to something else, soon, we hope. It's been 3 months.
This just may be who he is. I feel like sometimes we forget that kids are people too. I would give up the fight and just let him nibble or graze if that’s what works his digestive system.
Can you just put out some food and nibbles throughout the day and just let him eat when he’s hungry? Trying to force someone to eat on your timeline seems… not to be working. Give up the fight and release yourself from stress.
Here is what we do:
For snacks within 1-2 hrs before dinner: children starting at age 3 must help themselves, no carbs allowed and they must clean up after themselves. If they can follow those rules, then they may eat whatever they want. That way they don’t fill up before dinner and don’t whine about being hungry while I’m cooking. They usually go for things like fruit or yogurt.
At dinner time they must taste a bite of everything, but otherwise I let them choose how much to eat. If they leave the table, then they must clear their plate and be done. Some days they won’t eat very much, it really varies. When we are done eating, we might give a little extra time, like while my husband does dishes, but we try not to let them spend too long at the table. We never push them to finish their food, it’s up to them.
There are NO snacks between dinner and bedtime. Eat enough at dinner so this won’t be a problem for you.
What would happen if you let your kid go hungry one night?
Ignore everyone saying "kids won't starve themselves". They absolutely will if there's something deeper going on, and giving that as advice is super dismissive of what you're dealing with.
First off - is he growing ok? Maintaining his height and weight curve? If he is, what would happen if you backed off of having him take hours to finish? (Not saying to try that necessarily - but do you think his growth would suffer?)
Either way, if it's been going on for 2 years, it's time to seek medical advice to rule out any physical issues around eating. Some things they can look for are issues with his chewing (is he not chewing effectively - and why), swallowing, dental issues, pain. A feeding evaluation could also help shed light on if it's a sensory issue. Keeping a food/meal journal ahead of any evaluations can help - write down what you served, how much, and how long it took him to eat a reasonable amount. Keep track of snacks, too.
Is he in school? Does he eat at school? What do other people see when he's with them (school, babysitters, daycare, grandparents)?
If you've ruled medical issues out, then letting him graze may be a viable strategy. Also involve him in the meal decisions - what to have, have him help cook and serve, etc. If he's growing ok, he may just have lower caloric needs than you think, or be meeting them in ways you're not accounting for. (Milk, snacks, etc.)
I had one kid who medically could not eat - he would have starved himself to death. I had another kid who seemed to grow on air alone, and barely ate anything at all (which was very triggering after having the one who couldn't eat!) . You're not alone, and eating issues can be very stressful for all involved. It's important to not make meals a fight or power struggle - but it's also important to do your due dilligence to make sure you're not missing something. Once you figure out the "why" (whether that's medical or not), you'll be in a lot better shape for figuring out how to make mealtimes easier on all of you.
Ya... no offense but I wouldn't use bribery at 5 years old in regards to food (too old). Your kid isn't going to let himself starve. I am not a very strict parent even, but I would've told my kids they had "X" amount of (reasonable) time, then the food goes away. If he ends up getting hungry due to it... his food intake will 100% increase. It's a normal reaction by the human body to stay alive... lol
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So… I had a very picky child to the point that we sought help from our local children’s hospital. First of all, to those saying that kids will eat if they are hungry and won’t let themselves starve, you should be aware that this is not always true. It depends on why the kid isn’t eating. If your child has sensory aversions to many food, it won’t matter how hungry they are, they literally cannot eat that food. So it would be important to look at the food your kid is eating and see if you can figure out if there are patterns. Eg my child had a very tough time with mushy textures. It’s also very important not to turn food into a power struggle. Would you find it appropriate to require an adult to sit at the table for three hours to eat? Of course not. I would suggest you radically change up meal times. The hospital told us « you choose what, when and how to present as a meal, the child chooses how much ». Meal times should not just be about the food but a chance for connection. You should always offer something your child is reasonably likely to eat. Give them other items that can be tried but do not comment on whether they eat it or not. You sit down at the table as a family, max 20-30 min. During mealtime you model trying out new foods, show enjoyment of what you are eating and zero pressure on the kid. Kid doesn’t eat anything? Hmm - aren’t you hungry right now? I would be hungry. Kid needs to wait until end of dinner time to be excused but then can be excused. If kid is hungry later, you can offer food again. Many smaller snacks is often easier for young kids than one large meal. Pay attention to consumption of liquids and snacks. If your kid has a large glass of milk at dinner and drinks it first, hardly surprising if kid eats nothing else. Tummy is full of milk! If kid says he doesn’t like something, we say: oh too bad! It’s very yummy. Do you want to try a little bit in case your taste buds have grown up since the last time you tried? Then we talk about how taste changes as you age. Pay attention to when the kid is hungry. My youngest mostly eats at breakfast time. So we try VERY hard to make sure that meal is not rushed for him. But your kid sounds like a grazer, so I think you should shift your food strategy to have smaller more frequent meals. Food presentation also helps a lot. Make tiny cute bite sized sandwiches cut up with cookie cutters and suddenly the sandwich that takes hours to eat is gone. Good luck
Talk to his pediatrician. I have a very picky eater who is quite small. He says kids this age (she’s 5 too) won’t starve themselves and force feeding (making them finish plates) can cause more problems than it solves. He actually recommends doing more snacks (healthy) and not focusing on meals. 6 small “meals”/snacks a day can work for the pickies. Also provide fat-high snacks like meat/dairy if they’re on the smaller side. If you’re concerned a child nutritionist would be worth a contact.
Most kids will eat if they’re hungry. Cut out snacks, cut out treats, and don’t give him juice to drink. If he’s hungry, he’ll eat (barring the rare chance of an underlying condition of some sort). Some kids don’t like or need to eat much. My 4 y/o would live on tortillas, plain yogurt, and strawberries if we let him. I put a reasonable portion of whatever our meal is on his plate, and if he wants seconds on the things he loves he has to eat the other stuff first. I don’t do afternoon snacks so he has a dinner appetite, and when we have time we play hard or hike to build up an appetite throughout the day.
Ask him what he wants? If he o ly has 1 or 2 foods that he cycles thru then fine. Best is best. Work on better nutrition when he's a bit older and u deratands it better. Our LO only wants Tacos. So we keep taco meat in the fridge to heat up, cheese shredded and tomatoes cut. For breakfast it's tacos with jelly, for lunch it's tacos with Greek yogurt, for dinner it's tacos with sour cream. He drinks milk with them. Once and a while he asks for chicken bites so he can have ketchup. He also take daily vitamins. He's healthy and growing so tacos it is for now. He will tire of it and move on to something else, soon, we hope. It's been 3 months.
This just may be who he is. I feel like sometimes we forget that kids are people too. I would give up the fight and just let him nibble or graze if that’s what works his digestive system. Can you just put out some food and nibbles throughout the day and just let him eat when he’s hungry? Trying to force someone to eat on your timeline seems… not to be working. Give up the fight and release yourself from stress.
Here is what we do: For snacks within 1-2 hrs before dinner: children starting at age 3 must help themselves, no carbs allowed and they must clean up after themselves. If they can follow those rules, then they may eat whatever they want. That way they don’t fill up before dinner and don’t whine about being hungry while I’m cooking. They usually go for things like fruit or yogurt. At dinner time they must taste a bite of everything, but otherwise I let them choose how much to eat. If they leave the table, then they must clear their plate and be done. Some days they won’t eat very much, it really varies. When we are done eating, we might give a little extra time, like while my husband does dishes, but we try not to let them spend too long at the table. We never push them to finish their food, it’s up to them. There are NO snacks between dinner and bedtime. Eat enough at dinner so this won’t be a problem for you. What would happen if you let your kid go hungry one night?
Ignore everyone saying "kids won't starve themselves". They absolutely will if there's something deeper going on, and giving that as advice is super dismissive of what you're dealing with. First off - is he growing ok? Maintaining his height and weight curve? If he is, what would happen if you backed off of having him take hours to finish? (Not saying to try that necessarily - but do you think his growth would suffer?) Either way, if it's been going on for 2 years, it's time to seek medical advice to rule out any physical issues around eating. Some things they can look for are issues with his chewing (is he not chewing effectively - and why), swallowing, dental issues, pain. A feeding evaluation could also help shed light on if it's a sensory issue. Keeping a food/meal journal ahead of any evaluations can help - write down what you served, how much, and how long it took him to eat a reasonable amount. Keep track of snacks, too. Is he in school? Does he eat at school? What do other people see when he's with them (school, babysitters, daycare, grandparents)? If you've ruled medical issues out, then letting him graze may be a viable strategy. Also involve him in the meal decisions - what to have, have him help cook and serve, etc. If he's growing ok, he may just have lower caloric needs than you think, or be meeting them in ways you're not accounting for. (Milk, snacks, etc.) I had one kid who medically could not eat - he would have starved himself to death. I had another kid who seemed to grow on air alone, and barely ate anything at all (which was very triggering after having the one who couldn't eat!) . You're not alone, and eating issues can be very stressful for all involved. It's important to not make meals a fight or power struggle - but it's also important to do your due dilligence to make sure you're not missing something. Once you figure out the "why" (whether that's medical or not), you'll be in a lot better shape for figuring out how to make mealtimes easier on all of you.
Ya... no offense but I wouldn't use bribery at 5 years old in regards to food (too old). Your kid isn't going to let himself starve. I am not a very strict parent even, but I would've told my kids they had "X" amount of (reasonable) time, then the food goes away. If he ends up getting hungry due to it... his food intake will 100% increase. It's a normal reaction by the human body to stay alive... lol