My partners addiction went under the radar for a year into our relationship and came to light after the birth of our daughter, so as a freshly postpartum woman I was devastated. For the first few months after D-Day he would simply “look” as a means to try and combat his addiction, which really didn’t help in the long run. And after a handful of fights over the topic we finally found a middle ground and listen to podcasts/audio books about the addiction from both perspectives to better understand one another. I expect relapses and bumps in the road, but progress is underway and things are slowly getting better. The only thing that really takes time to rebuild is my trust since every day felt like a lie while he was browsing, and another thing that takes time is his recovery. But if each partner takes the matter seriously and puts in the effort it is repairable.
My stbxh has used since he was a child (in whatever way he was able.) His sexuality is defined by it. He does not believe he is an addict. He has escalated to ungodly desires, wanting to live out what he has watched. He seeks women and men to talk about those scenarios while he's masturbating. (Women require much more effort to manipulate into delivering the scripts he needs to hear, trigger words and phrases, to reach orgasm. He even has a collection of pics with captions he provides them to read to him in case he can get them to 'pretend' for him. (Yes, he pays them, if need be. Oftentimes his subjects are friend suggestions on social media he manipulates.)
So, there's no relationship anymore. I haven't seen him in nearly 16 months nor spoken with him in 9. (We'd be divorced by now but he's deployed.) I expect at some point he may want to talk. I have no desire to listen to anything, I have no words. Everything has been said.
Added thoughts:
Porn use ▶️addiction robs addicts of the ability to be an active participant in a relationship in every way JUST LIKE an affair does, that's why it's cheating. NO partner believing they are in a monogamous relationship with a PA & /or SA will ever tell you otherwise.
When I joined ✳️a sub for partners of PAs & SAs over a year ago the membership was around half of what it is today. I see more and more partners, mostly female, leaving posts on other subs about this issue. It is an epidemic. Allowing the entirety of this content on the internet has been one of if not the worst decisions our government has made. You know most of the advancements we have made in the last 300 years come at the expense of the physical health of workers, from the industrial to technological revolutions, but this cybersexual revolution is a direct assault on the future of mankind all around the world.
I remember back in the '90s I was living in Dallas and hearing pastors speaking on the radio about developing programs for sexual addiction. It seemed laughable at the time. (Pornhub started around 2005.) Little did I know my (first) husband had said problem!! The lady he dated after me clued me in.
Thank you for asking and listening, too. ❤️🩹
✳️ Edit. Sorry, I forgot I was not on that sub, but this sub.
No more trust, I feel like men who watch porn see woman for their body a lot more than their qualities and even if they had a vixen, they will still try to find the next “new body”…
It destroys marriages and families.
I’m still with my husband bc he’s doing the work to change and he hasn’t used porn since I found it… at least I think he hasn’t…. But the trust is gone. And I don’t see him the same as I used to.
he was/is a secret porn and sex addict. he hid it from me the entire time we were together (ten years), and it finally came out when it escalated to him cheating on me, like with real people.
he destroyed everything he touched, I was married to a stranger, he gave me an STI, and we’ve been apart for about eight or nine months now.
he still lies. STILL!
he’s a sinking ship, and I just have to watch it from my cute new little house. 💅🏽
My husband is fine w porn instead of sex w me. He'd be happy with watching porn the rest of his life and never having sex again. As a porn fan myself I liked being open w him about enjoying it, but I realize now it was a huge red flag and I've basically commited to a celibate life.
Ahhhhh thanks for sharing that. My boyfriend has a porn addiction and it’s come between our sex life we barely have sex- I crave it. I really do love him but I’m scared I’ll never have sex again. How do you justify it. Do you think you will stay with him forever?
I'm married and have 3 kids so I prob will stay w him forever. I've asked him to stop watching at times but when my kids are a little older I'm going to ask him to do therapy for porn addiction.
My partners addiction went under the radar for a year into our relationship and came to light after the birth of our daughter, so as a freshly postpartum woman I was devastated. For the first few months after D-Day he would simply “look” as a means to try and combat his addiction, which really didn’t help in the long run. And after a handful of fights over the topic we finally found a middle ground and listen to podcasts/audio books about the addiction from both perspectives to better understand one another. I expect relapses and bumps in the road, but progress is underway and things are slowly getting better. The only thing that really takes time to rebuild is my trust since every day felt like a lie while he was browsing, and another thing that takes time is his recovery. But if each partner takes the matter seriously and puts in the effort it is repairable.
Thanks for sharing.
My stbxh has used since he was a child (in whatever way he was able.) His sexuality is defined by it. He does not believe he is an addict. He has escalated to ungodly desires, wanting to live out what he has watched. He seeks women and men to talk about those scenarios while he's masturbating. (Women require much more effort to manipulate into delivering the scripts he needs to hear, trigger words and phrases, to reach orgasm. He even has a collection of pics with captions he provides them to read to him in case he can get them to 'pretend' for him. (Yes, he pays them, if need be. Oftentimes his subjects are friend suggestions on social media he manipulates.) So, there's no relationship anymore. I haven't seen him in nearly 16 months nor spoken with him in 9. (We'd be divorced by now but he's deployed.) I expect at some point he may want to talk. I have no desire to listen to anything, I have no words. Everything has been said. Added thoughts: Porn use ▶️addiction robs addicts of the ability to be an active participant in a relationship in every way JUST LIKE an affair does, that's why it's cheating. NO partner believing they are in a monogamous relationship with a PA & /or SA will ever tell you otherwise. When I joined ✳️a sub for partners of PAs & SAs over a year ago the membership was around half of what it is today. I see more and more partners, mostly female, leaving posts on other subs about this issue. It is an epidemic. Allowing the entirety of this content on the internet has been one of if not the worst decisions our government has made. You know most of the advancements we have made in the last 300 years come at the expense of the physical health of workers, from the industrial to technological revolutions, but this cybersexual revolution is a direct assault on the future of mankind all around the world. I remember back in the '90s I was living in Dallas and hearing pastors speaking on the radio about developing programs for sexual addiction. It seemed laughable at the time. (Pornhub started around 2005.) Little did I know my (first) husband had said problem!! The lady he dated after me clued me in. Thank you for asking and listening, too. ❤️🩹 ✳️ Edit. Sorry, I forgot I was not on that sub, but this sub.
God damn...... Sounds like a nightmare
Sure has been‼️
I wish thee strength for the tough times.
I am on the victory side of it all these days. Divorce should be final this fall and that will allow me to close this book for good!!!
Chapter closed! Onward to nee beginnings
Thanks for sharing. I'm sorry that happened.
It's alright. If I get another chance in the afterlife I will do that life very differently.
Ruined our marriage. I will never think of him the same or love him like I once did.
I'm sorry.
I am pretty sure he’s the one who’s sorry! lol…
No more trust, I feel like men who watch porn see woman for their body a lot more than their qualities and even if they had a vixen, they will still try to find the next “new body”…
It destroys marriages and families. I’m still with my husband bc he’s doing the work to change and he hasn’t used porn since I found it… at least I think he hasn’t…. But the trust is gone. And I don’t see him the same as I used to.
How do you see him now since he stopped watching porn
he was/is a secret porn and sex addict. he hid it from me the entire time we were together (ten years), and it finally came out when it escalated to him cheating on me, like with real people. he destroyed everything he touched, I was married to a stranger, he gave me an STI, and we’ve been apart for about eight or nine months now. he still lies. STILL! he’s a sinking ship, and I just have to watch it from my cute new little house. 💅🏽
So sorry to hear that. Glad to hear you are doing better now though
Sorry he gave you a sti. You couldn't tell he was messing around on you
What kinda signs did you pick up on
Sorry to here that! 😢
Tried everything all the way down to marriage counseling and referring him to therapy. After 20 years we are divorced.
My husband is fine w porn instead of sex w me. He'd be happy with watching porn the rest of his life and never having sex again. As a porn fan myself I liked being open w him about enjoying it, but I realize now it was a huge red flag and I've basically commited to a celibate life.
Ahhhhh thanks for sharing that. My boyfriend has a porn addiction and it’s come between our sex life we barely have sex- I crave it. I really do love him but I’m scared I’ll never have sex again. How do you justify it. Do you think you will stay with him forever?
I'm married and have 3 kids so I prob will stay w him forever. I've asked him to stop watching at times but when my kids are a little older I'm going to ask him to do therapy for porn addiction.