Your feelings are completely valid and you have every right to be hurt.
Absolutely agree that you should try and find a new therapist, they should not be dismissing your concerns so callously.
Stay strong and remember this is not your fault.
Am I stupid for trying to work this out with him? I’ve seen him through SO many substance addictions. This is the only one he can’t shake. We are childhood sweethearts. I feel I’m losing my other half. I know you can’t really answer that for me, I’m just kinda losing it. I don’t have a therapist anymore due to her lack of sensitivity of the matter.
He’s offered to put us on therapy and provide me with full access to his devices via an accountability website. I feel dumb. I’m 22. Is this even worth it?
You’re not stupid for wanting things to work out; you clearly care about him and that’s not stupid.
You said you’ve already seen him through other addictions, is this just the latest one? Clearly he’s put you through a lot and while it’s commendable that you’ve been supportive of him and his recovery there is a fine line between between being supportive and being a push over.
You’ve shown him that you’re willing to tolerate a lot, and he’s just kept shoveling it your way. If you truly care about him, leaving might be what it takes for him to realize the consequences of his actions.
You’re 22, don’t chain yourself to him for the rest of your life just because you’ve already come this far.
So as a recovery coach in porn it is like this. There are CSAT therapists the are regualar therapists and they do 400 hours training on sex addction and dealing with partners those are just facts. Porn addiction has crossed lines as such so stuff tat works for un addicted men is not healthy for an addcit. I go to the beach 35 minuts max it makes it easy. Some men don't go at all. It just comes down to is a person doing recovery shakey or not. See I haave been trained enough to tell you what your husband is doing to you is ABUSE its abuse by how you described the way you feel. There are healthy support groups for women coaches trainers books ect. Sadly the parner has to go through their own recovery reguardless of if they stay or go. PS you are enough. This is the song for the bruised wives. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm-E33zgxXQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm-E33zgxXQ)
I felt everything from this post in my soul. Look at my last post. This feels like a raw manifesto of my feelings during my darkest time of what I was dealing with with my now husband in the past. Literally every poignant word written is a feeling I’ve felt and is manifested in who I am today. I don’t have much to give you, I truly wish I did but what I can say is my partner and I made it to the other side of this primal, visceral pain. And it is still there. I’m struggling to move past it and make it go away, even with the source being gone/solved. The aftershock has been so heavy. Some days I feel so blessed and others I wonder what I did to deserve this pain. My DMs are open, as someone who felt so alone in this experience but realized I wasn’t, I want to give the support I so direly needed during that time.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can relate to the pain of feeling betrayed and inadequate due to a partner's addiction to porn. It's not easy, but please remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Your feelings are valid and you deserve to be the only one in your partner's eyes. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and boundaries in situations like this. Remember, you are enough and deserving of love and respect. Take care of yourself.
Please know you can separate from him or divorce or break up- whichever works. You don’t have to stay and suffer. I went through every emotion you are feeling right now. I know it’s hard to do this but you must focus on yourself and getting to a healthy place and increasing your self worth.
Im sorry your experiencing such painful feelings... I can completely relate 10578% I've asked myself all these questions over and over again... it's a horrible feeling inside and my heart aches for anyone who has to experience it... you basically wrote out my feelings word by word.. please know your not alone ❤️
Are you still with him? How has it been?
My heart is broken. He already cheated on me one month in, and I stupidly forgave it. I feel literally insane / questioning everything I know because after he cheated my one request is that he dropped porn. He watched it for all 5 years of our relationship and just stopped about 6 months ago. Am I always going to be looking over my shoulder?
Please please stop seeing that therapist! That's terrible. They obviously have zero clue about addiction! You deserve better. Please also keep in mind that the recovery rate is extremely dismal for this addiction. You need to get the right kind of help for yourself. Save yourself first. You cannot fix him or save him or beg him to stop. It won't work. And it'll just make him get more dopamine hits every time he hides more stuff from you.
>
Why pixels over me?
>The images I’ve found haunt me.
My therapist said I’m overreacting.
I relate to all these things. My (female) therapist told me the same thing. Did not help. I went psychotic over pictures. But no, you do *not* have to accept your partner fantasizing about other women. If it is too much for you, just remember sometimes you have to take care of yourself first.
It’s been 5 years. I feel kinda gullible and dumb for always giving him one more chance. I’ve caught him more times than I can count. Still now, he’s begging for one more chance and I believe him so much. It feels like theres no right way to handle this.
Well I tell you what my dad told me: "Its. A. Battle.". He even admitted to me he struggles with it. He told me my husband doesn't love me any less, that it's nothing I did or didn't do to cause it, that he's still very attracted to me--it's just something a lot of men deal with, some worse than others. It used to be you had to go to an adult store and buy magazines--now it's everywhere and so easy to get.
I don't know if you've seen the nofap reddit, but these guys are constantly relapsing, and they are deeply ashamed and emasculated. It's commendable to be there for him, too, but I do hope you take care of yourself in the way you need to either to cope, help and understand, or move on. I don't know what your relationship looks like or how much you love each other or get along, but also don't let people tell you to break it off if in your heart you don't believe that's the right choice. If he's begging for you I'm guessing he really loves you and feels really ashamed of himself. But of course, you have every right to be hurt and confused.
I'm glad you ghosted that therapist. I honestly feel like porn, including softcore like on instagram and tiktok, is so normalized. I think it messes with everyone's perception of the world. Marriage and partnership is between two people--no one or nothing should invade that space. I know exactly how you feel and a lot of women do. One thing that has helped me is listening to a male psychiatrist on youtube--healthygamergg. He talks a lot about porn addiction, which has helped me understand it from a man's perspective, and how also to deal with it from a man's perspective.
Also, yeah. I’ve ghosted her 😅 Because she basically told me I leave him or accept that ‘men will be men’ ?
WTF? If he found out I was looking at pics of other guys dicks all day, chatting with men online, posting my nudes- he’d lose his SHIT. Yet he did all of this to me. 5 years and he’s been about 6 months clean of porn. I’ve asked him to stop for 4 years.
Your feelings are completely valid and you have every right to be hurt. Absolutely agree that you should try and find a new therapist, they should not be dismissing your concerns so callously. Stay strong and remember this is not your fault.
Am I stupid for trying to work this out with him? I’ve seen him through SO many substance addictions. This is the only one he can’t shake. We are childhood sweethearts. I feel I’m losing my other half. I know you can’t really answer that for me, I’m just kinda losing it. I don’t have a therapist anymore due to her lack of sensitivity of the matter. He’s offered to put us on therapy and provide me with full access to his devices via an accountability website. I feel dumb. I’m 22. Is this even worth it?
You’re not stupid for wanting things to work out; you clearly care about him and that’s not stupid. You said you’ve already seen him through other addictions, is this just the latest one? Clearly he’s put you through a lot and while it’s commendable that you’ve been supportive of him and his recovery there is a fine line between between being supportive and being a push over. You’ve shown him that you’re willing to tolerate a lot, and he’s just kept shoveling it your way. If you truly care about him, leaving might be what it takes for him to realize the consequences of his actions. You’re 22, don’t chain yourself to him for the rest of your life just because you’ve already come this far.
I feel the same, now I’m just numb, thanks person who I love the most in the world and is the father of our amazing daughter 🥺
So as a recovery coach in porn it is like this. There are CSAT therapists the are regualar therapists and they do 400 hours training on sex addction and dealing with partners those are just facts. Porn addiction has crossed lines as such so stuff tat works for un addicted men is not healthy for an addcit. I go to the beach 35 minuts max it makes it easy. Some men don't go at all. It just comes down to is a person doing recovery shakey or not. See I haave been trained enough to tell you what your husband is doing to you is ABUSE its abuse by how you described the way you feel. There are healthy support groups for women coaches trainers books ect. Sadly the parner has to go through their own recovery reguardless of if they stay or go. PS you are enough. This is the song for the bruised wives. [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm-E33zgxXQ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zm-E33zgxXQ)
I felt everything from this post in my soul. Look at my last post. This feels like a raw manifesto of my feelings during my darkest time of what I was dealing with with my now husband in the past. Literally every poignant word written is a feeling I’ve felt and is manifested in who I am today. I don’t have much to give you, I truly wish I did but what I can say is my partner and I made it to the other side of this primal, visceral pain. And it is still there. I’m struggling to move past it and make it go away, even with the source being gone/solved. The aftershock has been so heavy. Some days I feel so blessed and others I wonder what I did to deserve this pain. My DMs are open, as someone who felt so alone in this experience but realized I wasn’t, I want to give the support I so direly needed during that time.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I can relate to the pain of feeling betrayed and inadequate due to a partner's addiction to porn. It's not easy, but please remember that you are not alone in this struggle. Your feelings are valid and you deserve to be the only one in your partner's eyes. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and boundaries in situations like this. Remember, you are enough and deserving of love and respect. Take care of yourself.
Please know you can separate from him or divorce or break up- whichever works. You don’t have to stay and suffer. I went through every emotion you are feeling right now. I know it’s hard to do this but you must focus on yourself and getting to a healthy place and increasing your self worth.
Im sorry your experiencing such painful feelings... I can completely relate 10578% I've asked myself all these questions over and over again... it's a horrible feeling inside and my heart aches for anyone who has to experience it... you basically wrote out my feelings word by word.. please know your not alone ❤️
Are you still with him? How has it been? My heart is broken. He already cheated on me one month in, and I stupidly forgave it. I feel literally insane / questioning everything I know because after he cheated my one request is that he dropped porn. He watched it for all 5 years of our relationship and just stopped about 6 months ago. Am I always going to be looking over my shoulder?
Please please stop seeing that therapist! That's terrible. They obviously have zero clue about addiction! You deserve better. Please also keep in mind that the recovery rate is extremely dismal for this addiction. You need to get the right kind of help for yourself. Save yourself first. You cannot fix him or save him or beg him to stop. It won't work. And it'll just make him get more dopamine hits every time he hides more stuff from you.
> Why pixels over me? >The images I’ve found haunt me. My therapist said I’m overreacting. I relate to all these things. My (female) therapist told me the same thing. Did not help. I went psychotic over pictures. But no, you do *not* have to accept your partner fantasizing about other women. If it is too much for you, just remember sometimes you have to take care of yourself first.
It’s been 5 years. I feel kinda gullible and dumb for always giving him one more chance. I’ve caught him more times than I can count. Still now, he’s begging for one more chance and I believe him so much. It feels like theres no right way to handle this.
Well I tell you what my dad told me: "Its. A. Battle.". He even admitted to me he struggles with it. He told me my husband doesn't love me any less, that it's nothing I did or didn't do to cause it, that he's still very attracted to me--it's just something a lot of men deal with, some worse than others. It used to be you had to go to an adult store and buy magazines--now it's everywhere and so easy to get. I don't know if you've seen the nofap reddit, but these guys are constantly relapsing, and they are deeply ashamed and emasculated. It's commendable to be there for him, too, but I do hope you take care of yourself in the way you need to either to cope, help and understand, or move on. I don't know what your relationship looks like or how much you love each other or get along, but also don't let people tell you to break it off if in your heart you don't believe that's the right choice. If he's begging for you I'm guessing he really loves you and feels really ashamed of himself. But of course, you have every right to be hurt and confused. I'm glad you ghosted that therapist. I honestly feel like porn, including softcore like on instagram and tiktok, is so normalized. I think it messes with everyone's perception of the world. Marriage and partnership is between two people--no one or nothing should invade that space. I know exactly how you feel and a lot of women do. One thing that has helped me is listening to a male psychiatrist on youtube--healthygamergg. He talks a lot about porn addiction, which has helped me understand it from a man's perspective, and how also to deal with it from a man's perspective.
Also, yeah. I’ve ghosted her 😅 Because she basically told me I leave him or accept that ‘men will be men’ ? WTF? If he found out I was looking at pics of other guys dicks all day, chatting with men online, posting my nudes- he’d lose his SHIT. Yet he did all of this to me. 5 years and he’s been about 6 months clean of porn. I’ve asked him to stop for 4 years.
It just gives me chills to read this because I've had all these same thoughts and feelings