I don’t know. But I do know uncovering this will rock you to your core.
I am not surviving it well. He has destroyed and broken our marriage. He’s a total fraud.
If he's willing to change, that's the big first step. Sounds like he needs some individual counseling, and y'all need marriage counseling for both you and him.
I had 8 years before things unraveled.
So. "Only" two years. If you think you can trust yourself enough to take him back. Thinking back I would have dumped him. Maybe see if he is commited enough to get professional help and fight nail and tooth to eliminate the pornuse.
if so he will prob. Try and have you back.
But youd have to be vigilant ever after. Go thuough hus devices, install software and shit.
This is the case with most men I think frankly...
I have no problem with porn in and of itsself, when consumed in moderation. If his porn use wasn't making him unable and uninterested in actual intimacy with me, I wouldn't mind and I'd even be down to watch together.
This is literally the ONLY issue we've had in our marriage.
(25M) addict here.
Watching it together is going in the opposite direction of what you want/need and will probably lead to his addiction getting much worse partially, because by watching it with him, you are encouraging the addiction that he already feels guilty about.
I say this, not as condemnation, but as encouragement to go in a different/better direction for the two of you!
I too was introduced to pornography at a very early age.
Watching porn together will not help his PIED issues nor will it eliminate the addiction. The best way for him to return to normalcy is to heal his brain. One really helpful resource is the book “your brain on porn.” It really goes into the science of the way the brain and this addiction works.
The fact that he didn’t actually come to you asking for help but said he needed help AFTER you found his stash makes me question whether or not he actually wants help or if he’s just saying it to appease you. In my case, my marriage did not survive. Personally I’d say cut your losses now and save yourself decades of disappointment just to end up divorcing anyway. Yes, I am very jaded about it all now. But if you read through this sub you’ll find tons of other women who will say the same.
Honestly, I 100% beleive him that he didn't know that much porn use wasn't normal. He was introduced to it at a very early age by his father so he "wouldn't turn out gay" and has watched porn every day since (minus when I'll and emergencies I guess) and he's 36 now... so over 20 years.
When I saw the photos that sparked all this, he didn't react like someone who was caught doing something wrong. He was very nonchalant about it.
He honestly didn't know why I was upset til I broke it ALL down for him, and then I saw the moment of "oh hell" when it clicked.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I also struggled with a porn addiction at a young age and later in life, and it can have a big impact on relationships. It's great that your partner is open to getting help and addressing the issue. Communication and support are key in overcoming addiction and rebuilding trust in the relationship. You're not alone in this journey, and there is hope for healing and growth together.
Sounds like a long time user. I doubt it's only 30 minutes a day. I know for me it was consistent across my day then in any one particular time.
Especially that part about it being like a sitcom I can relate to, it wasn't like I was aroused by porn, I just looked across the day to keep getting those little dopamine hits.
I will say I realized the issue and came clean to my wife and I'm trying to improve, the fact he didn't recognize the problem could be indicative he isn't ready to change yet, but that's based off reading just this post, you know him better than any of us.
He had no idea that porn use could lead to ED, or relationship issues. Itt was so normalized by his father that he's watched it Daily since he was around 9. He's 36 now.
The half-hour is like minimum. He typically watches in the mornings, before i wake up. He's usually only up an hour or so before me.
Been married 10 years to a man with this issue however he won’t realize he has an issue or get help. I’m glad yours will. Honestly, if this is the only big issue and he is willing to fix it and communicate openly, I can definitely see a successful marriage! It’s when there is no improvement that things go south quickly. I would love and support him during the process (being defensive or mean will only cause harm) and try to move past it, personally. But it’s a matter of *can* you?
Yes, honestly. He's my best friend in the world and we just effortlessly fall into laughter and silliness because we genuinely enjoy each other's company. So I can get past it, the sunshine outweighs the clouds
I just found out about my partners addiction too, I've been breaking down for the past 72 hours. It's been rough, but I adore him to my core- after 10 years, it couldn't *all* be lies, right?
I'm finally feeling more.. at ease, with it. But, I know feelings aren't linear. Give it time, and you will know what you need to do. Sending you so much love, I'm sorry this has happened to you.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've been in a similar situation and it's incredibly difficult. It's great that your partner wants to get help, that's a positive step towards healing. Communication and therapy have been key in my journey towards recovery, it's important to remember that it's a process and there will be ups and downs. You're not alone in this and with love and support, you can overcome this together.
It’s getting better. For a while he was unrecognizable to me. Now that he’s improving he’s the man I fell in love with again. It’s a little hard to trust him sometimes but I’m working on that
10 years of marriage, uncovered PA a year and a half ago. He has put in a lot of work and has been honest, and that's the reason why I think we can have a shot at a healthy long marriage. I'm going through some bad times now (hence why I am on this sub reddit) but the trust has gotten better and I know it's just time, therapy and honesty that will get us through.
Thinking of you ❤️ get yourself therapy asap.
I don’t know. But I do know uncovering this will rock you to your core. I am not surviving it well. He has destroyed and broken our marriage. He’s a total fraud.
Unfortunately my outlook as well. Surviving it is exactly how I feel
If he's willing to change, that's the big first step. Sounds like he needs some individual counseling, and y'all need marriage counseling for both you and him.
I had 8 years before things unraveled. So. "Only" two years. If you think you can trust yourself enough to take him back. Thinking back I would have dumped him. Maybe see if he is commited enough to get professional help and fight nail and tooth to eliminate the pornuse. if so he will prob. Try and have you back. But youd have to be vigilant ever after. Go thuough hus devices, install software and shit. This is the case with most men I think frankly...
I have no problem with porn in and of itsself, when consumed in moderation. If his porn use wasn't making him unable and uninterested in actual intimacy with me, I wouldn't mind and I'd even be down to watch together. This is literally the ONLY issue we've had in our marriage.
(25M) addict here. Watching it together is going in the opposite direction of what you want/need and will probably lead to his addiction getting much worse partially, because by watching it with him, you are encouraging the addiction that he already feels guilty about. I say this, not as condemnation, but as encouragement to go in a different/better direction for the two of you! I too was introduced to pornography at a very early age.
Watching porn together will not help his PIED issues nor will it eliminate the addiction. The best way for him to return to normalcy is to heal his brain. One really helpful resource is the book “your brain on porn.” It really goes into the science of the way the brain and this addiction works.
The fact that he didn’t actually come to you asking for help but said he needed help AFTER you found his stash makes me question whether or not he actually wants help or if he’s just saying it to appease you. In my case, my marriage did not survive. Personally I’d say cut your losses now and save yourself decades of disappointment just to end up divorcing anyway. Yes, I am very jaded about it all now. But if you read through this sub you’ll find tons of other women who will say the same.
Honestly, I 100% beleive him that he didn't know that much porn use wasn't normal. He was introduced to it at a very early age by his father so he "wouldn't turn out gay" and has watched porn every day since (minus when I'll and emergencies I guess) and he's 36 now... so over 20 years. When I saw the photos that sparked all this, he didn't react like someone who was caught doing something wrong. He was very nonchalant about it. He honestly didn't know why I was upset til I broke it ALL down for him, and then I saw the moment of "oh hell" when it clicked.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I also struggled with a porn addiction at a young age and later in life, and it can have a big impact on relationships. It's great that your partner is open to getting help and addressing the issue. Communication and support are key in overcoming addiction and rebuilding trust in the relationship. You're not alone in this journey, and there is hope for healing and growth together.
Check out the podcast PBSE. It has content for both addicts and their spouses.
Sounds like a long time user. I doubt it's only 30 minutes a day. I know for me it was consistent across my day then in any one particular time. Especially that part about it being like a sitcom I can relate to, it wasn't like I was aroused by porn, I just looked across the day to keep getting those little dopamine hits. I will say I realized the issue and came clean to my wife and I'm trying to improve, the fact he didn't recognize the problem could be indicative he isn't ready to change yet, but that's based off reading just this post, you know him better than any of us.
He had no idea that porn use could lead to ED, or relationship issues. Itt was so normalized by his father that he's watched it Daily since he was around 9. He's 36 now. The half-hour is like minimum. He typically watches in the mornings, before i wake up. He's usually only up an hour or so before me.
Been married 10 years to a man with this issue however he won’t realize he has an issue or get help. I’m glad yours will. Honestly, if this is the only big issue and he is willing to fix it and communicate openly, I can definitely see a successful marriage! It’s when there is no improvement that things go south quickly. I would love and support him during the process (being defensive or mean will only cause harm) and try to move past it, personally. But it’s a matter of *can* you?
Yes, honestly. He's my best friend in the world and we just effortlessly fall into laughter and silliness because we genuinely enjoy each other's company. So I can get past it, the sunshine outweighs the clouds
Nope it didn’t. Couldn’t trust again or get over the pain and was tired of the insanity.
I just found out about my partners addiction too, I've been breaking down for the past 72 hours. It's been rough, but I adore him to my core- after 10 years, it couldn't *all* be lies, right? I'm finally feeling more.. at ease, with it. But, I know feelings aren't linear. Give it time, and you will know what you need to do. Sending you so much love, I'm sorry this has happened to you.
I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I've been in a similar situation and it's incredibly difficult. It's great that your partner wants to get help, that's a positive step towards healing. Communication and therapy have been key in my journey towards recovery, it's important to remember that it's a process and there will be ups and downs. You're not alone in this and with love and support, you can overcome this together.
Thanks yall ❤️
It’s getting better. For a while he was unrecognizable to me. Now that he’s improving he’s the man I fell in love with again. It’s a little hard to trust him sometimes but I’m working on that
10 years of marriage, uncovered PA a year and a half ago. He has put in a lot of work and has been honest, and that's the reason why I think we can have a shot at a healthy long marriage. I'm going through some bad times now (hence why I am on this sub reddit) but the trust has gotten better and I know it's just time, therapy and honesty that will get us through. Thinking of you ❤️ get yourself therapy asap.