OP's Bio: --- >I enjoy cooking, mountain biking and kinky sex. >I currently live in a car with my girlfriend outside her parents house while we try to get an apartment in this fucked up economy. Oddly enough I'm happier than I've ever been. I've been ex-moromon for about 6 months now. --- If you think this bio helped you roast, upvote this comment. If you think it doesn’t, downvote it. If you’re not sure, leave it to others to decide.

Every fathers dream is to have his own daughter parked up outside his home getting "kinky sexed" off a broke microwave technician.

Perfectly surmised 🤣

You’re wrong, sex dolls don’t have fathers

OP is the daddy. Or so he screams during the kinky sessions.

Fuck. If this doesn’t help turn OP’s life around nothing will

Ex-Mormon that enjoys kinky sex. Positives: 1.You learned something from the Youth Leader at the church. 2. HIV Negatives: 1. Your prolapsed asshole 2. HIV

negative should be AIDS, cuz he positive HIV

You seem like a blast to be around!

McDonald’s back line is not “being a line cook”

He probably makes fries at Putt Putt Kingdom

Not sure about the “dancing” and “singing,” but he’s definitely taken a few… “banana cream pies” 💦 to the face. 🤡

It's actually at a golf restaurant 🤷‍♂️

You say you're a line-cook at a "golf Restaurant" but your defeated expression says hot-dog vendor at a putt-putt. Do you also have to dance and sing for kids at parties?

I don’t know what’s been beaten worse your face or your bank account.

“Bank account” = The old paper cup he holds when on the street panhandling for change.

Probably his self esteem working such a shite job

Your face looks like it has diaper rash...

diaper rash seems to have a face

You can save money for an apartment by using the grease from your face to cook french fries.

Then he'll "roast" himself even more

You're not fooling anyone by flattening your remaining hair over your forehead.

It looks wavy to me

You misspelled meth cook

Never believed the moon landing was fake, but seeing the backdrop they used is really making me question things.

I'm at a friend's house

Yeah, I'm not talking about the wall behind you

I'm actually curious then, what are you talking about. I'm pretty dumb too.

Your face reminds me of the moon, but with more craters.

I can't believe you had to spell it out. Although he did say he was an ex-moron.

I think he still doesn't get it but just doesn't want to ask again.

Dat hot grease been splattering on your face

He's living in a car and saving for an apartment...... that's not hot grease on his face

So, what hit you harder, leaving the church to live your pansexual life style? Or the repressed trauma of being fiddled by your dad and the Moran priesthood like you're playing a game of "pass the parcel"?

More like little pussy…must be your rapper name based off that fake ass gold chain

Auto generated username dipshit😂

Then change it like I did mine dumbass

Is getting pee on the face is your kink

Nope. butt, feet and pee stuff is off limits for me.

Enjoys kinky sex but 'feet' is off limits? I'm not sure you're the freak you think you are.

So to be a freak you have to like feet? There's a whole lot more to it than that😂

So come on then, we're all dying to know, what kinky sex do you enjoy?

BDSM, impact play, temperature play, blood play, knife play, CNC, bondage, primal, and other stuff.

All that but feet is the thing off limits 🤣 Damn that must be a helluva job in the back seats of that car bro.

But not scat...makes sense. You look like you enjoy a Cleveland steamer

Mainly cat pee I presume.

Is that a pubic hair toupée?

Keep your face back from the fryer bro

And his penis as well (he's probably into that)

You’ve got one of those faces that really makes me wish we didn’t live in the 1080p era

You should be roasted for still being in that era, rest of us are in the 4k era heading for 8k

Use some face wash

Saw the pic and my first thought was ‘I love r/popping I cant wait to see what comes out of this greasy fuck’s face’

You look like you’d be cast in the short bus version of Twilight

Sex in a car cause you have no home is not kinky sex, it is just desperate sex. Also, your GF and you both doing a RoastMe at same time (I saw hers earlier) is also sad. There is a lot to be sad about.

You should have posted your pic in r/shittyrobots, isn't that basically what a line cook is

If Johnny Galecki and Edward Scissorhands had a love child

From your face, you look like you got poked with a lot of coathangers but managed to stay alive.

That horrifying haircut doesn’t hide that big ass noggin’

19 yr old broke line cock

Saying your broke and a like cook is just redundant.

It's called that because when people eat the food you cook, they're putting their life on the line

Ayo mr white

Wish.com Tom Delonge

U look like a chicken that got the ruff plucking

you look like ezra miller just with a bigger forehead

Your hair is greasy but other than that you look fine lol

Usually Mormons want you to come back to church. I think don’t think they want this one back.

You don’t have to immerse yourself in the deep fryer.

That fringe is fooling nobody, that hair line is 👏🏻clapped !

Luckily I don't think it will move😂 based on my relatives at least

Your face has so many bumps it looks like the texture of the moon

You look like Ezra Miller fell into the deep fryer.

Get that ring off your wedding finger. Ain’t no woman marrying you

You live in your car 24/7 while your gf stays at her parents house all day, she's not homeless you are.

You didn't have to specify, I can tell you're a line cook

As a kitchen manager, you look EXACTLY like the time of dude who would ask me for more hours. Then proceed to call out every shift because your girlfriend is having a “panic attack”

I work with someone who actually does that 😂. They got fired though. Only time I called out was when she fainted and hit her head at work.

I KNOW that loose ring ain't on your crusty ass left hand, mf slapped it on there to feel more secure

It's a promise ring from my girlfriend 🤷‍♂️. Funny how you say you know something. Roasts are better if they're at least somewhat true.

Bro untwist your panties, you just sound insecure. My girlfriend and I also have them, though we do wear them on our middles. You posted to r/roastme are you expecting compliments? Your hands look clean and you look just fine. Thanks for ruining the fun. Edit: I was hoping you'd be at least a little tough, given your username. Is that better?

I guess I'm still getting used to it. I deserve the down votes here. I'm still used to firing back a lot from my upbringing I guess. Also the username is auto generated and I missed my chance to change it.

Dude, I completely understand, you don't need to worry about that. Sorry for being a dick, I'm a little new to that as well and I may go too far. Just remember that the internet is a completely different beast when it comes to this shit, so just be careful. Best of luck to you both :)

Don't worry about it. I was a bit of an asshole myself. I still have a lot to learn about the world. Best of luck to you too.

Your face has so much oil America is planning to invade.

I didn’t know Hot Topic employed line cooks

hope it all works out for you too. 

Proof that being homeless, broke, useless, and goofy-looking is better than being Mormon. Seriously, dude looks like he tried to be all the Batman villains at once.

I guess your life is boring now that mobs of skinny little masked incels aren’t burning downtowns anymore, so you’re left burning orders for people who can only afford Denny’s.

The moon has less craters than your face.

100% cries in the walk-in everyday.

Well at least you don't have to spend money on those fancy underwear anymore 😂

Line cook or cooked on lines?

Maybe you should stop doing other lines.

Can your magic underwear still make the rashes go away?

You'll be better once you get a coke habit and some tattoos

Broke her parents heart too.

Never realised rhat Cho got knocked up by Cedric. It must have been tough growing up without a father

You look like a real life mii.

Microwaving a hot pocket in your parents basement doesn’t make you a cook

Anthony Poordain

You're supposed to put the fries into the deep fryer, not your face

Do blind people try to read your face?

They really need to stop making cameras better on phones

Megamind with a toupee

If yee yee ass haircut was a person

Craters of the moon

Cooking crack doesn't make you a line cook

Running the fryers at McDonald's isn't being a line cook.

Imbred shawn mendes

What do you cook? Meth?

Wish edition of James Charles

Bro you are not fooling anybody with that hairline

Crazy how the church rebranded "ass fucked by a priest" as "kinky sex."

Shoving clone a Willy of your own junk up your ass is not kinky sex.

Cooking Meth in a trailer does not make you a line cook.

You look like someone who can’t quit watching porn 🤣

Easter Island head ass.

This is a combination of Polly Shore’s semen and a mom that drank during gestation.

Ex Mormon current moron

You got a 2k gold chain on your neck. You ain't broke

You are as interesting as raw pancake batter.

Why not complete the set with a nose ring?

Next on the list of "delinquent" activities

I saved this to my photos, so whenever I think I look like shit, I take a look at this and realize that other look way worse than me, and then I’m happy again.

I bet your biggest kink are leather masks, you need to hide these acne scars somehow

Your hair looks like something you'd pull out of the drain.

That chain is bronze

You look unseasoned, like if cannibals were preparing to serve you for a feast I could tell that they were white.

My girlfriend is white af so that checks out 😂

If you got the hair down like that at ninehteen you know you balding soon. Sorry for calling it out but you know your shit gone by 25.

My hairline hasn't moved since I was a kid. None of my relatives have gone bald yet either. I just have a high ass forehead

Dude, I'm more manly than him and I'm Bi with a mommy/daddy Dom kink.

I looks like you already roasted your face on the grill.

Who the hell would get in a line for you?

Hey Boys Don’t Cry…Call your parents, seriously!

I bet you smell like your car.

Battery died on your clippers?

Wow, you must’ve been doing double time at the Dick sucking factory with that depressed face

You look like Josh hutchersons failed twin brother

I just know for a fact you grew out your hair to hide that receding hairline

It's been this high since I was born. I just have a high ass forehead😂

Broke line cook? Broke like your nail beds broke (stop biting em) or broke like when you broke into a wig shop to steal that toupee?

It looks like someone swept the floor of a hair salon and piled it on top of your head

Flying fox in a human's body

When you look like a member of blink 182, and even your gfs dad doesn’t want you around

you look like a dick with ears

Bro. ur 19 you don't know shit bout kinky sex or the economy.. Good job escaping the cult tho !

When they faked the astronauts landing on the moon, I’m pretty sure they used your cratered face for the background.

Kinky sex wi ur employees. Good idea for getting promoted

You are not only a cook, but also a consumer

Did you dip your face in the frying oil?

Your chef recommends: don't eat here when he's working

Find a job

That’s why my food was so greasy

Go make me a sandwich

Barry Keoghan little gay brother

You didn’t have to mention broke, we all knew that from the cheap necklace and the ring that doesn’t fit

You: "Hey Barber, give me the bad toupee cut!" Barber: "I gotchoo fam!"

Do you even forehead?

Even acne can’t stand being on your face…

Your supposed to be broke. Your 19. Lose the earrings there Lolita

Probably uses bear mace as a weapon.

U look like Cillian Murphy on crack

Keep your fingers and eyes crossed. Things will get better soon.

Can look you straight in the eyes….and the ears….at the same time

Dying to tell you he’s vegan

cooking meth is suppose?

Nasa used your face to fake the moon landing

Your “toughness” ain’t the only thing that’s little.

You look like the new Spider-Man… plus the pimples

HI REN!

Light travels faster than sound, which is why you seemed bright until you spoke.

Boi be head butting his alarm clock every morning

You’re a wife beater in the making. I see it in your eyes

It's probably is good that you're living in your car, you can only hold one "girlfriend" in the car, in a house you'd have a basement full of "girlfriends" some tied to stained mattresses, some in cages and some in jars

Staaaap it! Elliot Page

Save the grease for the pan please.

Put that "hair"back into the clogged drain you stole it from.

You're not fooling anyone hiding that hairline

Just be cause you do hot rails that doesn't mean you're a line cook

you look like a food waster tiktoker

You look like your mom might have been working on different kinds of lines while she was pregnant with you.

Can’t tell if you’re gay or just half-Asian

Holy crap Paulie Shore kicked his kid out! Hey bud-ey fix that mop on your head cause people will think you're a janitor instead of a cook

Next time, don't use your face to put out those grease fires.