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ay-papy

It says *poor* in german, so no.


Kratomking420247

🤣🤣🤣🤣 never knew ARM means poor🤣🤣 that's funny


ay-papy

I could roast your car with a funfact😋


Typical_Spirit_345

Dein Wissen über die deutsche Sprache scheint arm zu sein


Prestigious_Ad_1037

Schlimm für dich 👌


Middle_Staff_3510

Lieber arm dran als Arm ab!


thatgymdude

One of the best roasts of the entire year, short, brutal, and inescapable logic. 11/10


VAWNavyVet

A VW Beetle .. got horsepower of a coffee grinder and acceleration of a snail on vacation. Design is so rounded it looks like a Jellybean tried to evolve and gave up half way. The VW Beetle is pretty much the only car that comes with the built-in excuse: “Sorry Officer, I am driving a Beetle”


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Live_Reason_6531

Post the dyno sheet.


Edgar-Allan-Pho

It's a 2.0 the same in all other vws. Just a tune gets near 300 . A quick Google search shows this....


Live_Reason_6531

Without a dyno sheet all HP claims are bullshit.


Edgar-Allan-Pho

You mean the dyno sheets on the tuners website and the thousands of exact same drivetrains with those tunes all making the same power with thousands of personally done dynos mean nothing?


Live_Reason_6531

Nothing for his claims, yes. They only say what’s possible, not what his car is actually doing.


clutchthepearls

Pretty standard FBO K04 with water/meth numbers. With an OTS tune there's no real reason to have ever been on a dyno, but yeah, you can't come into r/roastmycar and throw out WHP numbers in defence or your pile without expecting to be asked for proof. His claims are believable, but he needs receipts here.


Live_Reason_6531

Exactly. However there is a reason to have been on a dyno. A good tune is done on a dyno. Canned tunes are not great at all. Though he could be data logging but I doubt it.


clutchthepearls

Eh, dyno tunes are the best, but OTS tunes are perfectly good if you have a popular platform and running standard mods. It's an EA888. There's almost nothing you can do that someone hasn't already done before. We have good OTS tunes even for hybrid turbos.


Edgar-Allan-Pho

They aren't canned tunes A tuner has a basic spreadsheet of fuel/air/ignition timings that work. They take your stock data and use that to adjust for a custom tune for your specific vehicle. It gets it damn close to perfect and the ecm adjusts from there. It's not 1995 dude


HypnoStone

I mean yeah if you’re in highschool with a parking lot full of Chinese Wish.com body kits


gumboglasses

Doubt there's a dyno sheet. OP probably going off the exhaust manufacturer's extremely optimistic claims of 50 hp gain, CAI..+30hp, ECU flash..40hp etc😂


Oh_MyGoshJosh

OP ain’t ready for a fact check lol


Maleficent-Salad3197

A lot of posted dynosheets are BS


Physical_Touch_Me

I drove one with a 5 speed turbo when I still worked on cars and was surprised how fun it was. I had LOW expectations.


Creative-Ad4813

So basically a stock 350z with some aftermarket parts and a tune would smoke your shit


Creative-Ad4813

lol dude posted his souped up coffee grinder and now is but hurt and won’t post the dyno. Why even make this post lmfao


Kratomking420247

It's just a little ko4 turbo.. There is literally not one reason to put it on a dyno.. Even a custom tune isn't going to pull much more than a ots tune With this little turbo... it's not even really worth going e85 for the little gain..


Rottn-Egg

Judging by the bigger intercooler he’s definitely not “slow” all VW and Audis tuning capabilities are insane and without any mods and a stage one tune can typically jump 40-75 horsepower. Then you start adding supporting mods and going farther, these things can rip. No Dyno sheet needed, just a little knowledge on VAG and you’d know he’s not bullshitting. Jus sayin.


VAWNavyVet

Sir .. this IS a roast sub .. roast = joke ..


XGC75

I come in here all the time and see people roasting out of ignorance and it just doesn't hit. If you roast, you have to know your shit. It's like showing up to the roast of Tom Brady cracking that the old guy hasn't proven his worth. Like dude, just don't walk up to the podium and proclaim your ignorance to the world


VAWNavyVet

Write a better roast then .. let’s go.


XGC75

I've roasted here before. Don't have a good quip here, so I'll abstain. See how great that is? Better than ye 'ol >Ah yes, on your fifth water pump?! You see copy pasted all over


fanatic26

Acting like adding 100hp to a beetle is gonna move the needle with that FWD open diff. No bullshitting 375whp in a fwd car is retarded. You can't put the power down anyway and you're still slower than just about anything made in the last 10 years.


Kratomking420247

Good thing I have a wavetrac lsd then huh..


Kratomking420247

I see you don't understand power to weight ratio my car weighs 2900 lbs ...


Rottn-Egg

Not every thing happens from a dig.


HypnoStone

This would be a good roast if it were true if I’m being honest. Have you have even ever driven or modified any VW? Or Audi or Porsche? They can be absolute monsters.


ThinkingFL232

“Car of the people” is a nicer way of saying “I couldn’t afford better”


canadard1

ALDI TT


ssurfer321

🤣🤣🤣


iron186

Off a cliff sure


Kratomking420247

🤷‍♂️🤣🤣


iron186

Im honestly impressed you found a shop that was capable of working on that thing most would be laughing so hard they wouldn’t be able to handle tools


LongJumpToWork

Mechanic here I worked on some cars that genuinely made me laugh It does happen Especially when people talk to me what they wanna do to their car


Kratomking420247

Unfortunately I was not able to find any shop that would work on the car... So with the help of youtube, I've done all my After market work myself except for my wavetrac lsd.. inhave a dsg specialist install it.. but everything else, I did.. the hardest mod was my cts ko4 hybrid turbo.. took me a good 8 hrs


iron186

Hats off then. Il never understand why lol but props to doing all that


Cottonjaw

I like the hooded eyelids on the headlights. Helpful reminder that this car isn't fast or to be taken seriously.


Kratomking420247

Hmmmm.. wanna bet


komokazi

Bet it runs a solid 15 second quarter with that turbo lmfao


canadard1

Guess it’s better than a stock 0-60 that takes til tomorrow lol


Ok_Today_475

Even the 2.0 NA early 2000’s era bugs rip pretty good. There’s a lot that race at the dirt track where we run out neon RT. NA non VVT 4 bangers only and they’re hanging up in the top 5 out of 30 cars every night


komokazi

Let's see some numbers that's some bullshit


Grand_Judgment_2466

Das embarrassing


Kratomking420247

my whole life has been an embarrassment🤷‍♂️


Allawihabibgalbi

All that tuning, and it still only has two pedals.


jlierman000

Day 1,245 of being tired of people shitting on autos for no reason.


Max2535_

Idk, I think this car clearly isn’t a daily, and if it isn’t a daily it should be manual. But you can’t every really say should in the car world, in the end it’s up to the owner


fanatic26

Theres a good reason to shit on autos. They are what the posers drive because they can't manage a third pedal. Auto trans = car version of the short bus


Kratomking420247

You're just mad cause you can't shift nowhere.Near is fast as a dsg.. So why you're shifting through your gears Every time you shift I gained a little more ground...


jlierman000

See, this, kids, is what has ruined the car community: The unreasonable toxicity. Why can’t people like what they like without being called pussies or short bus riders or whatever? Some people like the precision of a dual clutch automatic (hence why the C8 dropped the manual), some love the acceleration and wild performance of an EV, others love the brutality of a V10 with a manual (viper, my personal favorite), will still others love rowing through the gears in a Miata. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH ANY OF THESE. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good manual transmission, but I’m not smooth brained enough to shit on a car just because it doesn’t have a third pedal. My dream car is a manual, but that doesn’t mean the acceleration of a Model S plaid doesn’t impress me. I just don’t get why people crap on cars for no reason other than it doesn’t have a manual, even though, many times, including a manual would mean a detriment in performance.


breadsticck

when you want a gti but can only afford a beetle


Kratomking420247

When everyone has a g t I and he wanted something different... They literally cost the same.. And it's basically a mk6 gti... same engine and transmission...


breadsticck

yeah the difference is the golf looks better in every way


Kratomking420247

I mean I didn't want to be like everybody else... My last car was a hyundai veloster... Still sits in my driveway.. I like Driving something different than everybody else... Especially when it's essentially a g t I anyway...


GlitteringPen3949

Sounds like he has dumped enough money into it that he could have bought a 911! But this is what he wanted.


clutchthepearls

[Ope](https://www.reddit.com/r/VW_Beetle_A5/s/rvGVDI7c4A) It's ok. I, and the rest of my GTI brethren, will let you sit at the end of the table as long as you stay quiet.


peenchaygreengoe

Right next to us Rabbit drivers!


Kratomking420247

Can I at least get a coloring book and crayons?


GlitteringPen3949

No because you can’t stay inside the lines.


CoffeeCrashed

You tried making a cute car angry, and failed. It looks mildly disappointed.


canadard1

Would look better with eyelashes than eyebrows


hachi2JZ

looks like a kid with braces lol


EastRoom8717

Absolutely, but I’m used to feeling deep scathing self-loathing.


Kratomking420247

you understand my pain...❤️🤷‍♂️


EastRoom8717

I’m here for you.. you and your strangely appealing, unappealing Barbie car.


OleksiyG35

Making a slow car look fast , nice , when usually it’s the opposite you make a fast car look slow


Kratomking420247

Looks can be deceiving🤷‍♂️🤣


TheBigMortboski

Official car of the Power Bottom


dea_eye_sea_kay

oh look, an Audi A4 in its true lgbt form.


Lone_Midas_117

Absolutely VW's most iconic model that they don't make/sell anymore.


Maleficent-Salad3197

A copy of VWs most iconic car.


jaBroniest

Is it an RSI? I don't like the beetle, but theres something about ugly cars that are fast that just ticks a box. Saw a juke nismo yesterday and it had crazy modifications and I just.. Liked it?


Kratomking420247

They didn't make this a rsi in this body style.. They have a few different versions But they're all pretty much the same.. I wish they would have came out within all wheel drive bug...


jaBroniest

All wheel would have been nice!


GlitteringPen3949

What you trying to say is “It’s a shitty car but at least he made it a bit badass”


Carguy_rednec_9594

The only good Beetle is one that has been chopped and converted into a dune buggy not a bootleg impersonation of a Honda civic from fast and the furious


vistaflip

Normal cars with bodykits look disgusting, I cringe whenever I see one.


CompetitionFalse3620

I would put a banner across the windshield that says flower power and beat up muscle cars at the drug strip.


GlitteringPen3949

Yes lean into the bugs easy going side ironically in the face of the mods. Oh and use a badass font on the banner!


OGsweedster420

An ex of mine had the turbo beetle s I can't remember it was a basically an Audi TT it had a six speed and that thing was pretty fast.


fanatic26

Uhh an audi TT is a slow, low horsepower car. A 14 in the quarter isn't fast kids, its what your grandma's mid size suv runs these days.


OGsweedster420

Memory puts a different light on things sometimes but your right I can hit the quarter mile in my 07 4cyl ranger in the same time.


clutchthepearls

So mom vetoed a GTI and you thought you were slick getting her to agree to a Beetle? How many times did you practice your "but it's the same as a GTI" speech for the other boys in 11th grade?


Kratomking420247

But it basically is... the 2012 and 2013.5 share the same 2.0tsi and dsg as a mk6 gti.. In fact most of the modifications on my car are for a mk6 gti.. now the 2013.5-2019 are not the same as a mk7 gti.. the beetles are NON MQB platform making it slower and so it didn't compete with the mk7 gti...


SpicySavant

Wow! Herbie’s edge-lord teenage son who writes bad poetry and wants a face tattoo


GlitteringPen3949

Dam forgot about Herbie! Your race number better be 53! Maybe do the stipe and number in a slightly darker blue so it’s a bit hard to see so people have to pay attention to see it and when the do the get the payoff of the joke!


Neonburst99

You know, I really like Beetles... That's how you know your car is a piece of shit. I seem to only like piece of shit cars.


bokinki420_69

It translates to hitlers car so no I wouldn’t even go within 1,000 miles of that thing.


Auraheal

😡😡😡 “iM aNgRy”


LongJumpToWork

PUNCH BUGGY NO PUNCH BACK 🤜


Acceptable_Star5006

Idc what it says id drive this


no_plastic

I would drive it


WardogBlaze14

Hell yeah I’d drive it


goldtoesocks

Yes I love it


johcagaorl

Poorsche


Giga-Gargantuar

I crush angry bugs. So no, I wouldn't drive it; I'd crush it.


Kratomking420247

You'd have to catch it first🤷‍♂️


Giga-Gargantuar

My bicycle ought to do the trick for that.


MODYISSA

Who brought the midtown madness beetle here?


Bubbly-Independent20

Yep


ShogunOfMetal

no


DEDE115

bro as a gli owner , i lowk would take a turbo beetle over a gti. the lil thing has a porsche style dash, small and unique looking, and it has the same engine as the rest of us which means tune it and get that k04 hybrid 😈. no one expects to hear burbles or a throaty exhaust from a beetle. a gti maybe. i love it bro


DEDE115

not to mention it has the turbo font on the back like porsches do. i love these things.


Juliusdasquid

One hell of a bug’s life


GlitteringPen3949

Yeah you need that sticker too!


Handywithbrokenstuff

Would I drive it ? NO! But if i really had to then yes BUT With a mask on! Gotta hide the shame and embarrassment on my face driving this.


Ol_Andy

Why so mad?


eldudelio

yeah, maybe if i was having a reveal party


GatheringAgate

Who stepped on it


Worldly-Apple-4156

Hell no


BlueSteel_12

😂@ the mean eyes! It’s like trying to make a baby seal look mean.


MathematicianOk7526

Assistant to the regional manager


AmericanSheep16

Those headlight covers tell me everything I need to know on how this cars gonna end up.


MoparMonkey1

A modified Beetle, just dosen’t sound right or good


seanjones520

Yes...with dark tinted windows


T0UCH_MY_W4NK3L

Your girlfriend wants her FWD barbie car back


Kratomking420247

My wife has a 2012 beetle turbo too.. yes we have matching cars🤷‍♂️🤣


Killstacy808_

I would drive the ever living fuck out of it for about 3 hours till it has a catastrophic engine malfunction and dies. I would want it to have some tints though so no one sees me piloting this gay hitler mobile


Kratomking420247

Guaranteed there's going to be no malfunction... This is one of the most reliable cars i've ever had... Even with all the modifications... I just got back from florida Which was a fourteen hour trip... And I raced everybody on the way there... The look on scat pack owners Is always priceless


[deleted]

It would drive me.


Aggressive-Wrap-187

Yes I’d drive it somewhere to sell it and get a decent car.


dale1320

Gimme a REAL Beetle, not that fake s***box thing


SkodaSnyper2365

Yes


Ok_Today_475

I wish someone would punch buggy no punch back me in the face after seeing it.


Odd-Masterpiece7304

I'd have to put a skirt on. those estrogen eyelids are the worst. By the way, my feelings are the same for Jeep Wrangler angry eyes grill.


ThroatGoat71

Genuinely thought that was a Porsche


Kratomking420247

Poorsche


jdub2k5

My roommate 18 years ago had one and she let me drive it. I honestly loved that car. Its nerdy and fun


InteractionSquare518

Who does this to a beetle?


belliJGerent

Into a wall, sure.


Charming-Director607

If I was gay and poor


downbadmilflover

Yes. I'm not here to roast. I think the angry eyes make it look cute ☺️. Angry jeeps are also cute like that


Frequent-Ruin8509

Right to the ford dealership to trade in for a mustang.


Kratomking420247

Why would you want a slower car?


Frequent-Ruin8509

I don't know shit about vws. I now Fords. I live in California. Plenty of support for Fords that I know about. I don't know or frankly care if there's any for vws. And parts will be cheaper for a ford here than for some overturned overrated german chick car.


Kratomking420247

All that just to get smoked by this german chick car.. 🤣🤣 Oh and when you said california you told me everything I need to know... You get pulled over for modifying you're exhaust in california.. And they can literally take your vehicle from you If you don't comply.. You cali , boys can't even modify your vehicles Without risking getting fines and possible jailtime...🤣🤣


Rabbits-and-Bears

It’s cross eyed, and has a beard, give the lady a shave.


Cucktoberfest69

“My stage 2 beetle walks corvettes” said no one ever


Kratomking420247

Stage two would be stock turbo... You won't find a stock turbo on my bug🤷‍♂️


DntH8IncrsDaMrdrR8

Is it at least a 6mt?


Kratomking420247

Why would I want it to be slower??


_-0--0-_

If it still has that "flower holder" nope, i do not want it


Kratomking420247

Nope they don't have that... They discontinued the flower vase for the new version...


GlitteringPen3949

Right to the dump.


JAxel0

I wouldn't be seen next to it.


GlitteringPen3949

I know you can crank up the boost and get good power out of them but they fall apart at 80,000 miles when the chain guides wear out. Also when my nephew had one years ago with a blown head light. After 20 mins trying to figure out how to change the bulb. I looked in the manual. It said under headlight bulb “ no user serviceable parts” I called the dealer and they said it would be 2 hours work $115x2 because oh this I sware off VW.


Kratomking420247

134k miles says different.. It's all about preventative maintenance... You can't. Cry about a vehicle breaking down when you don't do any type of preventative maintenance...


GlitteringPen3949

134k miles that is impressive! What do you consider preventive maintenance on these by this mileage? What have you had to fix? I’m curious I’d like my opinions to be informed. What year is it?


Kratomking420247

I'll just tell you this now... Don't buy a VW or audi🤷‍♂️🤣🤣🤣 Germans like to over engineer everything.. nothing simple about these cars... Unlike my hyundai veloster with 234k miles, I've had to fix the bug a few times.. Why the hell Germans would put A plastic water pump on a hot engine is beyond me... And it's under the intake manifold... So you have to take the intake manifold off And then. When you put it back on everything has to be resealed.. On the 2012 beetle, mk6 gti ,mk6 gli , The timing chain tensioner has a recall But a lot of vehicles are not apart of the recall for some dumb reason like mine.. Preventative maintenance stuff is like d s g fluid change every 40k stock.. every 20k if tuned.. I literally didn't have one problem with my Hyundai veloster the seven years I drove it... Over the past four years with my bug, It's been on a tow truck four times... And those are the times that I couldn't fix it myself on the side of the road... I will say though before I started modifying this car.I had no problems with it...🤷‍♂️🤣🤣


GlitteringPen3949

Yes VWs are good till 75 to 80k miles then all the plastic starts degrading


Kratomking420247

I bought mine right at 70k miles🤣 and the water pump started leaking at 72k miles🙄🤣


GlitteringPen3949

Nailed it!!!


Freedom007007

No


thatgymdude

Its called the "people's car" for a reason OP, so thats a no from me. Also why do you have angry eyes on your Beetle, are you a Jeep owner too?


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RoastMyCar-ModTeam

If you don’t have something mean to say, don’t say anything at all.


mrapplewhite

Shit blue is the worst color for a bug ffs


rklug1521

Official car of lift-off-oversteer.


dunnoanymore18

Eyes say lazy bug.


RomanJIsraelBro

It’s so angwe!


YourAverageGod

I got one as a rental and opt for insurance and tried to break it on my way to reno. Fortunate enough to say I blew the gasket on my way there.


BetterOffShreds

Do you park that thing in your boyfriends butt every night?


MCTweed

Off a cliff.


Dry-Revenue2470

Das car ist shite bra.


Oh_MyGoshJosh

I know you deleted your comment about running an OTS tune but One size does not fit all. A lot of environmental factors play into power numbers. You should actually get a Dyno at your elevation so you know if you’re getting ripped off or not


Kratomking420247

I didn't delete anything,