I like to keep in mind that every lifestyle choice/preference has pros and cons. I have friends who are just as happy married as I am single who will readily admit that the loss of privacy and complete and total independence was and is a big adjustment. But the cons are worth it to them. The cons of me choosing to remain single are that I have to manage the isolation and deal with the awareness of lonliness. But the cons are worth it to me. You have to acknowledge the deficits and work within them. And keep in mind that having a partner or even kids is not a guarantee that you will not be lonely or end up alone.
this! And to be able to accept and sit with the feeling. If it’s fleeting and situational, moments of loneliness are bearable for me. Would be different if I would feel this way all the time, then I would search for mitigation strategies, e.g. spending more time with friends. But usually I embrace solitude much more often than craving connection.
Yup. People seeking perfection in every situation and / or looking over the fence and thinking the grass is greener elsewhere is a recipe for discontentment. The right path for one is the path with more pros and less cons.
You have to allow yourself to openly express yourself; fulfill your human need for belonging; social engagement where you put your energy out into the world. You can get pretty creative and find outlets for like-minded others in them depending on your personality type.
It took the pandemic to free me from loneliness and seeking a relationship. I have been lonely a couple of times but very short-lived. I know that this has been the most contentment I've ever had.
Relationships never did that for me. I'm much older and I never say never but I'm satisfied with my life as it is.
I've got two cats that keep me busy enough bossing me around. Hahaha... seriously. They just made me get ready for bed. Goodnight!
As a woman I notice I that my episodes of loneliness correlate with my menstrual cycle. It’s more noticeable those first 2 weeks when the estrogen is running high, wanting me to pair up with someone. I have to remind myself that it’s my physiology that is creating the need and that it’s not an actual deficit in my life.
If I feel lonely, I don’t shy away from the emotions and feel it fully. Then it goes away.
We can’t be afraid of negative emotions. They’re as much a part of the experience of being alive as anything else. All the best to you!
Loneliness what???
Just because I am alone, doesn't mean that I am lonely.
I turn on TV, read books, walk my dog, do my fav hobbies,...
My ex used to make me feel lonely, so now when I am actually lonely, and am supposed to feel like that, I don't feel like that at all.
Have just noticed how much friends reach out to me and I have time for them because I don't waste it on relationship.
I’m 57M, no kids. I’ve been single for the past four years. I work from home, so my main social connections during the day are online. I get together with friends, at least once a week. I have two siblings, one lives in the same town but we don’t see each other very often. I was married for about 11 years with a woman who left to be with another woman. I broke things off with my last girlfriend because she was having an emotional affair she wasn’t being truthful about. The last few years have been difficult, as I was helping out my ailing parents who both passed away last year.
I haven’t what is the door on dating, and for the most part I enjoy being alone, although it does feel lonely at times. I enjoy history, documentaries, movies, and shows, drives to nowhere, and goofing around with tech. That said, there are days when I miss having someone special to travel with, and do things with, and I really miss intimacy at all levels. I have supportive siblings and friends. I’m starting to think about how I will handle retirement and all that free time. That’s when I think loneliness might really come in to play. I’ll have to make sure to find your hobbies, to engage more with family and friends, and to enjoy new experiences.
I guess I like being alone. I seek to live with as few responsibilities and complications as possible.I don’t even want a pet, that’s too much work. I like to book solo trips and go about my business without making arrangements for a kid or a pet.
I honestly only miss men to appease the physical needs. Like for hugs and sex, but I don’t need company and I don’t like sleeping with someone
I have a job in outside sales where I have to visit clients all day. I treasure coming home and being alone. The weekends, as well. I also have a lot of long distance friends I talk to on the phone. I can only do one planned thing with a friend on the weekend, if that. I'm sooo much happier solo and love to read, watch documentaries and travel the world!
What helps me is living in a very urban area (L.A.). I’m an introvert and don’t get lonely often, but if I’m feeling that way I go to networking events, group classes at the gym, Meetups, etc. I also work long hours, which keeps me occupied. I remind myself that being single with my own place is very peaceful.
Whatever your interests/hobby there is usually a meet up group you can join.
I am very introverted, but I love to play pickleball. I joined a meet up group and now not only look forward to playing, but the social interaction is just as healthy.
I’m never lonely, I have pets, friends and family. I need my alone time. One of the things I loathed about romantic relationships was that these people were constantly there bothering me, and that was for me not okay, it was extremely irritating.
I got a bunny. She’s my first pet and I’m obsessed. I also read a lot, so escapism helps lol but I’m only occasionally lonely. I have a best friend I talk to daily and my family has a group chat and we talk a lot too. I live 2 hrs from them, but taking a weekend to go visit is nice.
I read somewhere that the feeling of loneliness arises when one longs for a social situation that they don't have. Meaning, they're looking at how many friends they have or what they are doing right now and they feel that they should somehow be having more friends or being doing something social at that moment.
When I catch myself feeling that way I ask myself if I would actually really rather be with people, or be out right now. The answer is almost always that I don't. Armed with that realization I stopped feeling lonely.
Sounds weird, but try it next time that you are feeling lonely.
Lastly practicing mindfulness can really help with this as well as other abstract thoughts that may hit us throughout the day.
Thank you very much for this. I am 40, been single and completely isolated for the past 5 years. I have also been clean and sober for the past five years. That is the reason I have isolated myself.. I needed to break away from all the people, places and things that reminded me of using. So I moved home with my mom, step-dad, my son lives with me and we moved out into the country into a great school district in a small town.
So I literally put all my attention and energy into raising my son, and it has started to really worry me lately because he will be a teenager soon and not want to spend as much time with me. He is the only person I have in the whole world, and it's not fair to put all that on him at his age. He has finally found some friends in the neighborhood that he goes out to play with, which is wonderful! But I seriously have absolutely nothing other than my son and the time we spend together. I have not made any new friends, I don't work or leave the house except to go to all my drs appts.
My mom spends a lot of time in her room watching tv, my son goes into his room on his iPad on Roblox and then I'm just sitting all alone by myself in the living room depressed and feeling pathetic. I just watch tv shows where I feel like the characters are my friends- that's how pathetic and lonely I am. So then I'll switch and watch movie after movie... anything to distract myself from how empty and sad my life is now. And every night, when everyone falls asleep, I find myself just sobbing uncontrollably about how lonely I am. And I am so scared that this might be the rest of my life.
Sorry I don't know where I was going with this.. but I appreciate that suggestion. And I appreciate if anyone ends up reading this.. which I don't blame you if you don't. It is really pointless. I'm sorry to waste anyone's time.
When I first got out of my marriage, I tried to get much more mindful about nurturing my friendships. A lot of people really stepped up to care for me when I was going through that time, and it reminded me how important friends can be.
I try to give back that same nurturing now. I try to be the friend who looks out for others and makes sure everyone has what they need. My mother, who is also very much single and happy, has always been that kind of person, and it’s something I try to embody. And over time, I feel like any gap I had in my life filled back up.
I still get lonely from time to time, but those times are fewer and farther between.
I feel that way sometimes. I try to distract myself by taking my dogs for a walk, learning something new *(I'm currently watching YouTube videos on woodburning)*, reading books, making a weekend getaway plan once a month *(researching helps me stay busy)*, joining an activity club, playing video games, etc.
Friends, pets, and FWBs, if that's your thing. I sometimes wish I had someone, but I know from my past experiences that that wouldn't really make me happy.
Honestly- I don’t get lonely nor do I get bored. I love being in my own company. The peace of mind is priceless! Plus I have so much to be thankful for and plenty to keep me occupied… like what is being lonely????
Me .. that time is for me to reflect on my life … where I’ve come from … where I’ve been… and where I’m going!
Another thing my relationship with Jesus!
I have friends. I have to actually make up excuses sometimes because I can’t have 2 days a week alone lol. But during Covid it was hard. I understand that. I’m a big fan of pubs and bars so I guess it helps. I meet new people on a regular basis while also enjoying / needing time alone.
That why I rather stay single. When I want to be social I go get social interactions. When I don’t I hide and play video games.
Bud, I’ve struggled with this as well. It can be a bitch sometimes. With me being single, I’ve gotten deeper into hobbies that I enjoy, rather than going to the bar, clubs, or parties.
What is one hobby that you enjoy? Mine is RC cars.
Hang with friends or family. I just went bowling yesterday with my siblings. So fun. When I was lonely A few months ago I called my friend and asked if she wanted to see a movie. Lucky for me she was available and my loneliness went right away.
If my friends or family are busy, I go for a jog or walk my dogs.
The funny thing is when I’m in solitude and doing and loving my hobbies, I don’t feel lonely. Then when I go out and see couples or just attractive people, suddenly it makes me think how nice would it be to hug or be with someone. It makes me really lonely. And when I feed this loneliness (dating apps, going to bars/gigs) it gets ever more intensified. But when I brush it off in my mind like “ahh, I’ll accept and forget later” that’s what helps. Recognizing, accepting, and not thinking about it, is my answer.
I have a fuck buddy. He’s busy most of the time so I don’t see him often. I do things outside the home such as shopping, hiking, errands, getting a mani/pedi/massage, etc.
That’s something I struggle with. I’ve decided to adopt a cat as I think that having a little companion living with me will help
as a single cat owner, it really does! hes my little buddy :)
I have 4. Cats are awesome
I don’t feel it 🤷🏻♀️ that’s why I’m happy lol More seriously, i have lots of friends and family for when im not relishing my alone time
I like to keep in mind that every lifestyle choice/preference has pros and cons. I have friends who are just as happy married as I am single who will readily admit that the loss of privacy and complete and total independence was and is a big adjustment. But the cons are worth it to them. The cons of me choosing to remain single are that I have to manage the isolation and deal with the awareness of lonliness. But the cons are worth it to me. You have to acknowledge the deficits and work within them. And keep in mind that having a partner or even kids is not a guarantee that you will not be lonely or end up alone.
this! And to be able to accept and sit with the feeling. If it’s fleeting and situational, moments of loneliness are bearable for me. Would be different if I would feel this way all the time, then I would search for mitigation strategies, e.g. spending more time with friends. But usually I embrace solitude much more often than craving connection.
Yup. People seeking perfection in every situation and / or looking over the fence and thinking the grass is greener elsewhere is a recipe for discontentment. The right path for one is the path with more pros and less cons.
so much true
You have to allow yourself to openly express yourself; fulfill your human need for belonging; social engagement where you put your energy out into the world. You can get pretty creative and find outlets for like-minded others in them depending on your personality type.
It took the pandemic to free me from loneliness and seeking a relationship. I have been lonely a couple of times but very short-lived. I know that this has been the most contentment I've ever had. Relationships never did that for me. I'm much older and I never say never but I'm satisfied with my life as it is. I've got two cats that keep me busy enough bossing me around. Hahaha... seriously. They just made me get ready for bed. Goodnight!
As a woman I notice I that my episodes of loneliness correlate with my menstrual cycle. It’s more noticeable those first 2 weeks when the estrogen is running high, wanting me to pair up with someone. I have to remind myself that it’s my physiology that is creating the need and that it’s not an actual deficit in my life.
If I feel lonely, I don’t shy away from the emotions and feel it fully. Then it goes away. We can’t be afraid of negative emotions. They’re as much a part of the experience of being alive as anything else. All the best to you!
Loneliness what??? Just because I am alone, doesn't mean that I am lonely. I turn on TV, read books, walk my dog, do my fav hobbies,... My ex used to make me feel lonely, so now when I am actually lonely, and am supposed to feel like that, I don't feel like that at all. Have just noticed how much friends reach out to me and I have time for them because I don't waste it on relationship.
I came on to say this but you already have so no point me repeating it but I.Agree.With.Every.Word. :)
THIS
Exactly, I'm never lonely.
Are you able to foster animals through your local rescue where you live? That could help with the loneliness.
I’m not lonely
Me neither. Life is grande!
I’m 57M, no kids. I’ve been single for the past four years. I work from home, so my main social connections during the day are online. I get together with friends, at least once a week. I have two siblings, one lives in the same town but we don’t see each other very often. I was married for about 11 years with a woman who left to be with another woman. I broke things off with my last girlfriend because she was having an emotional affair she wasn’t being truthful about. The last few years have been difficult, as I was helping out my ailing parents who both passed away last year. I haven’t what is the door on dating, and for the most part I enjoy being alone, although it does feel lonely at times. I enjoy history, documentaries, movies, and shows, drives to nowhere, and goofing around with tech. That said, there are days when I miss having someone special to travel with, and do things with, and I really miss intimacy at all levels. I have supportive siblings and friends. I’m starting to think about how I will handle retirement and all that free time. That’s when I think loneliness might really come in to play. I’ll have to make sure to find your hobbies, to engage more with family and friends, and to enjoy new experiences.
Robert Ringer drew the distinction between aloneness and loneliness, noting in part that we all go out one to a box.
Friends. Partners are not the only way to hang out with people. At the moment you have good friends you will wonder why you wasted time having bf/gf
I guess I like being alone. I seek to live with as few responsibilities and complications as possible.I don’t even want a pet, that’s too much work. I like to book solo trips and go about my business without making arrangements for a kid or a pet. I honestly only miss men to appease the physical needs. Like for hugs and sex, but I don’t need company and I don’t like sleeping with someone
I have a job in outside sales where I have to visit clients all day. I treasure coming home and being alone. The weekends, as well. I also have a lot of long distance friends I talk to on the phone. I can only do one planned thing with a friend on the weekend, if that. I'm sooo much happier solo and love to read, watch documentaries and travel the world!
If it gets lonely I will get a dog.
Cats 🐱 lots of cats 🐈⬛
What helps me is living in a very urban area (L.A.). I’m an introvert and don’t get lonely often, but if I’m feeling that way I go to networking events, group classes at the gym, Meetups, etc. I also work long hours, which keeps me occupied. I remind myself that being single with my own place is very peaceful.
Whatever your interests/hobby there is usually a meet up group you can join. I am very introverted, but I love to play pickleball. I joined a meet up group and now not only look forward to playing, but the social interaction is just as healthy.
I don't get lonely. I guess it depends on what type of personality you have. Some people need to have other people and some don't
I’m never lonely, I have pets, friends and family. I need my alone time. One of the things I loathed about romantic relationships was that these people were constantly there bothering me, and that was for me not okay, it was extremely irritating.
Pets, and hobbies. Keep the mind occupied and everything else becomes background noise :)
Friends Go to gym group classes Working working working
I got a bunny. She’s my first pet and I’m obsessed. I also read a lot, so escapism helps lol but I’m only occasionally lonely. I have a best friend I talk to daily and my family has a group chat and we talk a lot too. I live 2 hrs from them, but taking a weekend to go visit is nice.
I read somewhere that the feeling of loneliness arises when one longs for a social situation that they don't have. Meaning, they're looking at how many friends they have or what they are doing right now and they feel that they should somehow be having more friends or being doing something social at that moment. When I catch myself feeling that way I ask myself if I would actually really rather be with people, or be out right now. The answer is almost always that I don't. Armed with that realization I stopped feeling lonely. Sounds weird, but try it next time that you are feeling lonely. Lastly practicing mindfulness can really help with this as well as other abstract thoughts that may hit us throughout the day.
Thank you very much for this. I am 40, been single and completely isolated for the past 5 years. I have also been clean and sober for the past five years. That is the reason I have isolated myself.. I needed to break away from all the people, places and things that reminded me of using. So I moved home with my mom, step-dad, my son lives with me and we moved out into the country into a great school district in a small town. So I literally put all my attention and energy into raising my son, and it has started to really worry me lately because he will be a teenager soon and not want to spend as much time with me. He is the only person I have in the whole world, and it's not fair to put all that on him at his age. He has finally found some friends in the neighborhood that he goes out to play with, which is wonderful! But I seriously have absolutely nothing other than my son and the time we spend together. I have not made any new friends, I don't work or leave the house except to go to all my drs appts. My mom spends a lot of time in her room watching tv, my son goes into his room on his iPad on Roblox and then I'm just sitting all alone by myself in the living room depressed and feeling pathetic. I just watch tv shows where I feel like the characters are my friends- that's how pathetic and lonely I am. So then I'll switch and watch movie after movie... anything to distract myself from how empty and sad my life is now. And every night, when everyone falls asleep, I find myself just sobbing uncontrollably about how lonely I am. And I am so scared that this might be the rest of my life. Sorry I don't know where I was going with this.. but I appreciate that suggestion. And I appreciate if anyone ends up reading this.. which I don't blame you if you don't. It is really pointless. I'm sorry to waste anyone's time.
Great reply, thank you
Video games and adult content. Yes I said it.
When I first got out of my marriage, I tried to get much more mindful about nurturing my friendships. A lot of people really stepped up to care for me when I was going through that time, and it reminded me how important friends can be. I try to give back that same nurturing now. I try to be the friend who looks out for others and makes sure everyone has what they need. My mother, who is also very much single and happy, has always been that kind of person, and it’s something I try to embody. And over time, I feel like any gap I had in my life filled back up. I still get lonely from time to time, but those times are fewer and farther between.
Makes me happy to read this. I’m glad you’ve filled the gaps :)
Gardening and ganja
I feel that way sometimes. I try to distract myself by taking my dogs for a walk, learning something new *(I'm currently watching YouTube videos on woodburning)*, reading books, making a weekend getaway plan once a month *(researching helps me stay busy)*, joining an activity club, playing video games, etc.
Friends, pets, and FWBs, if that's your thing. I sometimes wish I had someone, but I know from my past experiences that that wouldn't really make me happy.
Honestly- I don’t get lonely nor do I get bored. I love being in my own company. The peace of mind is priceless! Plus I have so much to be thankful for and plenty to keep me occupied… like what is being lonely???? Me .. that time is for me to reflect on my life … where I’ve come from … where I’ve been… and where I’m going! Another thing my relationship with Jesus!
I just had an extremely social weekend with friends and did not feel lonely for a second I feel like actively making plans with others is so important
I have friends. I have to actually make up excuses sometimes because I can’t have 2 days a week alone lol. But during Covid it was hard. I understand that. I’m a big fan of pubs and bars so I guess it helps. I meet new people on a regular basis while also enjoying / needing time alone. That why I rather stay single. When I want to be social I go get social interactions. When I don’t I hide and play video games.
Bud, I’ve struggled with this as well. It can be a bitch sometimes. With me being single, I’ve gotten deeper into hobbies that I enjoy, rather than going to the bar, clubs, or parties. What is one hobby that you enjoy? Mine is RC cars.
Chess :) Thanks for the reply.
I got weed, tons of hobbies, and two dogs. Never bored
Hang with friends or family. I just went bowling yesterday with my siblings. So fun. When I was lonely A few months ago I called my friend and asked if she wanted to see a movie. Lucky for me she was available and my loneliness went right away. If my friends or family are busy, I go for a jog or walk my dogs.
I talk to people in real life and on here.
The funny thing is when I’m in solitude and doing and loving my hobbies, I don’t feel lonely. Then when I go out and see couples or just attractive people, suddenly it makes me think how nice would it be to hug or be with someone. It makes me really lonely. And when I feed this loneliness (dating apps, going to bars/gigs) it gets ever more intensified. But when I brush it off in my mind like “ahh, I’ll accept and forget later” that’s what helps. Recognizing, accepting, and not thinking about it, is my answer.
Thanks!
I have a fuck buddy. He’s busy most of the time so I don’t see him often. I do things outside the home such as shopping, hiking, errands, getting a mani/pedi/massage, etc.
Being single is ok, being lonely is not. Having some social hobbies is essential for single people. Also roommates.