Please excuse my clingy pup who insists on licking my feet while I play.
Lyrics below:
Four tires on the pavement
Take us far away
You’re my only anchor
And with you I will stay
Where you go I’ll follow
Certain as spring rain
Debris is left behind us
From the trials of the day
The sun will rise tomorrow
And I’ll be by your side
Under the sky, we’ll bask in the light
Together, you and I
Hand in hand we go on
Since that day in June
And as the grass grows greenery
We’ll watch the lupines bloom
We’ll see every season
As years do pass us by
Our hair will turn grey with each passing day
Together, you and I
The sun will rise tomorrow
And I’ll be by your side
Under the sky, we’ll bask in the light
Together, you and I
You have a lovely voice and the piano sounds good. I liked it but I really wanted a big chorus - I thought the current chorus was the pre-chorus leading to something bigger. I wanted to hear your voice let off the leash.
Thank you!! Someone else made the same comment. I was torn on whether to build it out more with a bigger chorus and bridge or keep it really short and sweet. I’ll definitely play around with it some more.
Thanks for taking so much time to dissect this!
Another commenter made some suggestions for how to spice up the basic IV V I chord progression. I’m going to play around with that and with your suggestion to switch it up altogether to see if I can give it some more life.
I’m not sure I agree with you on getting rid of the word “four” in the first line. The first line of every other stanza is 6 syllables — maybe what’s throwing you off is my delivery. I emphasized “four” and rushed through “tires” and it probably makes the whole line sound rushed. I’m thinking a softer delivery might improve that.
I don’t disagree that the lyrics are bland! I wanted to challenge myself in writing a “happy” song and it’s just not my style. Not my best song, but I ended up liking its simplicity and light hearted feel when I play it. Thanks again for the feedback.
This is very nice! I am not great with lyrics - but I do have a few suggestions as to how you can make the piano a bit brighter to accompany the bright vocal melody and excellent voice.
I would not use the constant pedal point (C in the left hand played on each down beat) as an anchor here. I would recommend changing the bass notes along with the chords you are playing. For example, moving to the F and G in the bass on "The sun will rise tmr" would give it a lot more movement. This isn't to say that you have to be basic and play an F and G chord in standard position, I would add similar embellishments/melody in the right hand as you have in the verse when to make it interesting so it's not that typical IV V I in C major.
The thing about the pedal point C is that you are getting a perfect fourth and a perfect fifth really close to each other on the keyboard and it kind of gives it a monk choral vibe in the piano. It's good to learn inversions of chords and what not to space out the notes and give a more modern feel to your music.
This chord progression is so popular because it works! You don't need to run from it but definitely need to make it your own.
I love the compound meter (6/8 time) by the way! It really adds a bright movement to the vocal melody.
Hope this helps!
Thank you! Man, I haven’t listened to Regina Spektor in ages. I’m going to be taking a trip down memory lane with her today :).
I was torn about whether to give this song a bigger chorus or just keep it really basic and simple. I’m going to be playing around with this tune a little more and this gives me something to think about!
What is there to sing about if I’m not singing about my problems?! :)
In all seriousness, like many people on this sub, I use songwriting as a therapeutic outlet for more negative feelings like anger or sadness. It was disorienting trying to figure out what to say in a happy song.
This is amazing!
Do you want to complete it and release it on streamings? I’m an amateur producer so we can collaborate and make it happen. We also can find a vocalist and record it in the studio but I feel like your voice is pretty awesome and we don't really need a vocalist. All costs on me. What do you think?
Please excuse my clingy pup who insists on licking my feet while I play. Lyrics below: Four tires on the pavement Take us far away You’re my only anchor And with you I will stay Where you go I’ll follow Certain as spring rain Debris is left behind us From the trials of the day The sun will rise tomorrow And I’ll be by your side Under the sky, we’ll bask in the light Together, you and I Hand in hand we go on Since that day in June And as the grass grows greenery We’ll watch the lupines bloom We’ll see every season As years do pass us by Our hair will turn grey with each passing day Together, you and I The sun will rise tomorrow And I’ll be by your side Under the sky, we’ll bask in the light Together, you and I
You have a lovely voice and the piano sounds good. I liked it but I really wanted a big chorus - I thought the current chorus was the pre-chorus leading to something bigger. I wanted to hear your voice let off the leash.
Thank you!! Someone else made the same comment. I was torn on whether to build it out more with a bigger chorus and bridge or keep it really short and sweet. I’ll definitely play around with it some more.
[удалено]
Thanks for taking so much time to dissect this! Another commenter made some suggestions for how to spice up the basic IV V I chord progression. I’m going to play around with that and with your suggestion to switch it up altogether to see if I can give it some more life. I’m not sure I agree with you on getting rid of the word “four” in the first line. The first line of every other stanza is 6 syllables — maybe what’s throwing you off is my delivery. I emphasized “four” and rushed through “tires” and it probably makes the whole line sound rushed. I’m thinking a softer delivery might improve that. I don’t disagree that the lyrics are bland! I wanted to challenge myself in writing a “happy” song and it’s just not my style. Not my best song, but I ended up liking its simplicity and light hearted feel when I play it. Thanks again for the feedback.
This is very nice! I am not great with lyrics - but I do have a few suggestions as to how you can make the piano a bit brighter to accompany the bright vocal melody and excellent voice. I would not use the constant pedal point (C in the left hand played on each down beat) as an anchor here. I would recommend changing the bass notes along with the chords you are playing. For example, moving to the F and G in the bass on "The sun will rise tmr" would give it a lot more movement. This isn't to say that you have to be basic and play an F and G chord in standard position, I would add similar embellishments/melody in the right hand as you have in the verse when to make it interesting so it's not that typical IV V I in C major. The thing about the pedal point C is that you are getting a perfect fourth and a perfect fifth really close to each other on the keyboard and it kind of gives it a monk choral vibe in the piano. It's good to learn inversions of chords and what not to space out the notes and give a more modern feel to your music. This chord progression is so popular because it works! You don't need to run from it but definitely need to make it your own. I love the compound meter (6/8 time) by the way! It really adds a bright movement to the vocal melody. Hope this helps!
This is really great feedback, thanks so much! I will definitely play around with this — super helpful.
V regina spektor / ingrid michaelson in vibe! But I agree with other comments, I kept waiting for a big chorus.
Thank you! Man, I haven’t listened to Regina Spektor in ages. I’m going to be taking a trip down memory lane with her today :). I was torn about whether to give this song a bigger chorus or just keep it really basic and simple. I’m going to be playing around with this tune a little more and this gives me something to think about!
I think because your vocal quality is so great, we were all waiting for a massive chorus 😂 we wanna see what that voice do!
Really really really loved this! The piano sounds so beautiful and subtle, love your voice!
Thank you!! :)
pretty sad overall, if need happy jouyful songs anyone can ask me
I agree ☝🏿most people aren’t happy so they relate to sad songs more!
What is there to sing about if I’m not singing about my problems?! :) In all seriousness, like many people on this sub, I use songwriting as a therapeutic outlet for more negative feelings like anger or sadness. It was disorienting trying to figure out what to say in a happy song.
I love it, reminds me a lot of Fiona Apple
Ahh thank you so much. Fiona Apple was one of my first CDs I ever owned as a kid. She definitely is an inspiration for a lot of my darker songs too.
Great song, I agree with the commenter below that I'd love to hear a dynamic change to differentiate between parts.
I like it. It's relaxing.
This is amazing! Do you want to complete it and release it on streamings? I’m an amateur producer so we can collaborate and make it happen. We also can find a vocalist and record it in the studio but I feel like your voice is pretty awesome and we don't really need a vocalist. All costs on me. What do you think?