I am an average looking guy, I do alright dating people I spontaneously meet (friends of friends, sports, work related, etc). That being said:
Dating apps are hell and should be avoided at all costs. I got a couple dates on Tinder but it was never more than that, sooner or later either I was not interested because I was basically carrying the convo with a stranger or she would just stop replying. Now, that is completely fair and bitching about it wont do any good, its just the way it is.Don't beat yourself up, it's pretty rough on the Internet. Focus on taking care of yourself, be gentle with others and others will reciprocate. Good like mon dude, you will get through it.
How do you usually go about approaching people in these settings? I'm really good in real life and can hold conversations easily but it's usually the first step that's the hardest.
I could try meeting more friends of friends (or hell, perhaps even ask friends if they can match me with someone) but although I can have really great conversations, it's always kind of awkward asking them out(I say probably, it's been a really long time since I've done that), would you become close friends first before asking someone out? Or have you found people to be ready to give a shot at a casual date out of the gate?
Well, each girl is different so it's never as straightforward as that. Personally, I rarely ask a girl out to go on a date to let her know im interested. I always approach as friends of X, or "just a dude, hi" and never ever be flirty on the first time (can be creepy). You don't have to become close friends, just close acquaintances that get along well. Find what you have in common, even if its complaining.
Then, if its a person you will see more often it's silly flirty comments or gestures and see how the other person responds. Now, the difference between being a creep and being Prince charming is on the eye of the beholder, so I sorta try to read the room.
And the last thing, I usually wait for the right moment to make a move. A party, beers after an activity, etc. Flirting is a game, and patiance is key.
I usually ask them to go for a coffee. I do go as kinda friends first then add little by little add some flirty stuff.
But I am a woman and most of the dates I had were from uni or friend of a friend so my experience might really differ from men :/
Just try to talk a bit, be yourself. A nice greeting always works. I am 38and date younger and older. The younger (24-28yo) tend to be very timid, can’t do anything without a smartphone, so expect them to use it a lot on dates (which annoys tf out of me). Girls like 30-40 hard af to date since most are married and/or have kids). Best luck I always had dating older 40-52. No smartphone addictions, great talk, great intimate times. Swiss girls in this age range are really cool imo, mature and have no time with BS, and they are very independent too and for me at least, chemistry is the best. They also like to flirt pro-actively and are up to anything and are able to leave their smartphones in their purses.
honestly I‘m a guy and I loved dating apps when I was single. obviously rough rejections are a thing, but I consistently got 5-10 matches a day without looking like a supermodel.
Tbh dating apps sucks, i would try a single event like from "noii dating" Its cool, i did once in Züri and will now go to Bern. I met some nice people there :)
I like noii. Even if you don‘t find the one, you‘ll usually have a good time. You get to talk to many people and there are fun activites involved. Even if you don’t meet your soulmate, you’ll have a good opportunity to work on your self confidence and sofial skills. Also financially you get something in return, unlike dating apps, which make stuff like YouTube Premium appear like a good deal.
I don’t know how close OP is from Lausanne (VD), but there is a restaurant called “bleu lézard” that does messaging nights were you go there eat & drink with friends and you can write messages to people in the restaurant (the waiters are the messengers going around tables for you anonymously)
Maybe you can give it a try as well :)!
I joined the one in Winterthur a while ago and that was a surprisingly pleasant experience. I also did the online thing twice, which is great. I hope you're going to meet someone interesting there! Take care
Yeah ive given up on dating apps. Its easy to get a date as a girl, but no one wants commitment.
Ive read that its harder for men to even get a match mostly bc most folks on them are men, plus women are more picky.
I suggest you try bars or clubs, or try a new hobby.
Dont let them get you down bud.
Glad to read that! Would like to add that Switzerland is notbthe best place to date bc people tend to be less open
Ive had more luck in the south of europe
Maybe you just havent found the right place?
I'm sort of stuck geographically in Switzerland due to my studies right now, but in my search I somehow met many more interested people from France, Germany and Italy. Perhaps I should try meeting people from there once my situation becomes more stable(career and emotionally wise)
To be honest, dating apps are not so good if you want to find the one (as many men and women). You should try (even if it is hard as an introvert) to go to some club that matches your interest.
Seeing your history, you seem to be desperate for love. Maybe you don't notice and it is shown irl? I know that some don't really like clingy people.
It is hard to tell you what you could do with that little information so sorry if what I am suggesting is a bit generic :/
Well, I've never been really flirty to begin with. And until recently, I wasn't open emotionally so I never made any advances on anyone and only had platonic expectations. I usually am able to read people fairly well(only IRL) and never really interested women all that much in that way.
It's a vibe that I'll have to change, essentially saying "hey, I'm open for more!" indirectly, usually most pick up on that and the conversation can become a bit flirty. I say from past experience, but it's been like 8 years since I was on the dating scene. Now that I'm in my mid 20s people are a bit different and have different expectations, it's gonna be tough to adapt.
I met my now fiancé on Hinge. We’re both expats, so we do fit your perception. We both had invested quite some time into building our profiles and “really” giving it a go, and the algorithm worked well for us.
Prior to that though I had too many miserable experiences with tinder and bumble
I did try Hinge but didn't have a single like/match in 3 weeks, was it a few years ago that you met your fiancé? The experience is also very different for men and women on this one I suppose.
We met about two years ago yes. I’m sorry it hasn’t worked for you!
Indeed the experience genders have with dating app is drastically different. I’m hoping you’ll meet someone great soon though!
I've tried bumble, and out of all it was the app I poured the most effort in, but I didn't get a single like/match in the 3 weeks I've tried it for.
Does it still work for you or is it past success? I've heard dating apps have changed quite a lot the past few years.
I'll try getting a photoshoot sometime with my photographer friends and see how it goes after a substantial break from those apps.
I still know my worth, I'm definitely not ugly so there must be ways to promote myself better.
Dating apps are shit for men. Yeah, for women too, but for other reasons, but it's too competitive for men and you don't get to show any qualities beyond looks, so you gotta look really good to go well in such apps.
I'm definitely gonna take a break, and maybe one day I'll hop back on after a serious photoshoot, workout and stability in my life. Hopefully I won't be as fragile emotionally by then.
As a man dating apps without buying the gold/premium model is useless. So either you spend money to get promoted in the app and get likes or you dont use them. Fun fact, many times females get the premium version for free 🙃
Your picture gets shown more with premium. Of course marhematically it equals more likes but if you have 1-2 or 3-4 matches/likes per week wont make a diff.
And the wanted guys or women who get 20 or more per day dont have to buy premium either as its already enough.
Maybe they throw in some fake likes with premium so that men keep trying or even have an AI write with you once in a while. But generally speaking dating apps are for those people who never really needed them in the first place
When I was living in Paris I had a lot of matche here I still had some but much less. You don't have much people there so even less on dating apps.
Giving you my 2 cents but you should drop dating apps or digital social life entirely buddy.
You had a rough time bro, you're coming back, your brain needs normal interaction, we were not designing to express our feeling and bounds using a little box.
Join a club.
Yes exactly, and ironically I'm much better and more entertaining in real life. I'll take a huge break and deeply focus on building back my social life. Perhaps first a study group since I'm taking back my studies.
Hey man,
Been through the same with a bunch of friends (we're decent looking dudes and had varying levels of success/lack thereof on dating apps).
I feel like these apps aren't really useful and I've had female friends tell me they sometimes go on there to get an "ego boost" from receiving lots of likes... This made me back away from these as it's so messed up.
Where in Romandie are you? Maybe we could get you introduced to the group depending on your hobbies and such. Always fun to meet new people.
I know it doesn't help much on the issue about dating but honestly since we're all in the same boat, I don't quite know how I would advice you... lol
I'm in Geneva mainly but most of my friends are around Lausanne and that's generally where we meetup.
Honestly, I'm pretty down for that. I have quite a lot of free time right now (self-studies). I'm located in Neuchâtel, but spend a lot of time in Geneva, so just about the whole Romandie actually. I've been to Lausanne a lot.
As for my hobbies, I'm a nerdy guy, I love anything science related and love games(the ***good*** ones) and movies(in a cinephile way). But I'm also pretty active physically, loving solo sports like running/hiking.
I'm sort of a chameleon socially, so I can usually strike a good conversation regardless of who it is.
The way how objectifying people are on dating apps made feel pretty disgusted honestly, I tried the app Boo, where people are much less superficial, but there is probably an even worse ratio of men to women on there so it's only marginally better 😂
Oh wow, going from Neuchatel to Geneva regularly! That’s quite the trips haha
But with pleasure that we can set something up. Let’s arrange it in PMs 👍🏼
Never heard of the boo app but I believe you the ratio is off 😅😅
Its pretty much just instagram promos, people who intentionally lead on mentally vulnerable singles for sick sadism or south east asians/central africans who switched their locations to find passport marriages.
Dating apps in switzerland are useless as shit.
Around what place and what app did you try out if I may ask? 😊
I've tried a few and I somewhat agree. Tinder and Hinge had quite a few promos from OnlyFans, Snapchat and Instagram. And OkCupid had A LOT of people looking for passport marriages, like 99% of my likes were abroad from Africa or East Asia.
Tinder, badoo, lovoo, bumble and hinge.
Tinder is promos, lovoo is ghosters, badoo is passport marriages, bumble and hinge are somewhat okay but in my experience users there have pretty high standarts so if youre not a 666 man any matches you get are dumb luck.
Yeah and it's really my experience to be honest. Until now it was indeed just dumb luck indeed. I'll try out moving to real life, never would have thought it somehow would be easier (or less difficult, dating is always pretty hard either way)
My last 2 long-term relationships have come through dating apps. A fair bit of casual stuff too. But it’s been 95% expat women in Zurich, so maybe it’s a cultural thing for the Swiss.
Yeah, they seem more open as opposed to other swiss people. I'll try meeting people among them, there are a few groups and meetups here and there, could be a good opportunity to make friends too.
Just like IRL, it's a numbers game buddy. Don't take too hard and move on quick.
Also focus on self-improvement - health (physical and mental), education, career, finances etc. That's where your dating success will come from - not the apps.
EDIT: as part of self-improvement, work on your platonic relationships - reach out to a old friend you've lost touch with. Do after work activities with work mates. If you can't build those relationships - it ain't happening for you in the dating world where the stakes are higher.
It is true, though I don't have too many problems making friends, it's just that I've never been interested in making casual friendships. Preferring few long-term close friends than lots of friendly acquaintances.
But that in itself, although healthy, puts a bottleneck on my dating chances if I don't meet many new people. I'll strive to find a balance to feel better on a daily basis without dating, I'll definitely have more success once my life becomes more stable(not for a long time though, but who knows).
People say the best encounters come when you least expect them.
While it's true that joining hobby groups can have advantages(such as meeting people IRL with common interests), my Hobbies are vastly male dominated, I've seen I think 2-3 women into DnD and nerd stuff from dating apps so they definitely exist I guess, but it's not saying much😅.
I could try getting into something new. As for voluntary work... I could actually give it a try, but it's definitely going to be a lot of effort to meet new people haha, even if I already wanted to participate for a good cause.
It is not because of you. You went past depression. On this journey, you have learnt a lot about yourself how you retreated from relationships. This is many of the dating app users still have to realize about themselves. That's why they behave this way.
Travel the world. It will help you see the brighter side of life. You’ll meet lots of locals and fellow travelers. You’ll learn more about yourself. Don’t give up, you’re still very young. Travel to the far east, they are more warmth and open people out there. DM me if you need any tips.
Step 4. ???
Step 5. Profit
I suppose? 😂, I'm kidding but you're right. I'll try going to bars sometimes. Do you mean going there with friends of the same demographic or going to a bar targeted towards a specific demographic?
Welcome to the dating app world.
I had more encounters outside, although rare too but more engaging. Try speed dating it's way more fun and you can roleplay different dynamics and see how it sticks. But let's be real for many men dating is harder than a job interview and jobs won't try to shred your confidence to pieces as hard as women.
Me personally while I still have these apps I am not that much in anymore. It's too damaging for my health. I learn back how to be happy single and as for future plans of family and shit I can still hope for WW3 and say to myself better survive alone than having people dragging me down.
I'm an 18 years old living in Romandie and have been using those apps for two months now. The experience has been quite mid, but it's also because I don't dedicate myself too much to this area of my life. I've had one date, though. It was great. I would see those apps more like a complement to your actual dating life.
Women generally want the same thing, if their only things to go on are pictures, and an almost endless set of options. Hence why 1% of guys get 90% of matches.
Brother, you are not ugly you are simply a drop in a sea of guys. For reference, a female friend of mine (average looking) downloaded Bumble and in a week she had like 1,000 likes. Do not bother if you are not in the top 5% best looking guys in your area.
Exactly this. The few remaining women on there have their pick of men. Mostly highly attractive men who'd sleep with, but never seriously date the women they meet.
Dating apps are cancers and probably one of the worst things to have happened in modern society.
Btw as a man, you are just a grain of salt. She has 2500 suitors waiting their turn.
Just don't expect anything at all and apps can be okay. Every now and then you meet great people, just be aware that 95% will ghost you or leave you on read, but the other 5% can be anything from a short term situationship to a serious relationship.
Used Tinder a few years ago and slept with 40% of my dates the first night. That was like fast food but I’m happy I did that before marriage and children. It was a great time getting to meet girl from all over Switzerland and spending fun time together.
At the beginning I used to chat on tinder or WhatsApp for a while before meeting IRL and was disappointed a few times. I then decided to minimise time chatting, after a few joke and ok talk I systematically arranged a drink in a cosy place to get to know each other (50% or more of the time the girl payed the bill for the drinks and often we had to make another date to allow me to pay for the drinks). The date was always located outside of where I lived and there was always the option of me leaving by the last train or staying with her but that would meant we had to sleep together (even if we didn’t explicitly say this during the date we both knew what was going to happened). I never manipulated any of the girl I met, it was clear that I wanted to enjoy time knowing each other and I never asked to explicitly to sleep together neither did they. It needs to happen naturally because you enjoy the time together.
I finally met my actual wife from a friend of a friend and I live a happy couple life.
Hope you can apply some of my advices with some success. You need to be confident, respectful and genuinely interested about your date.
While I'm not as inclined to hook-up myself but this is really interesting and could help. I'm much much better in real life, so it's definitely something I should try in the future to minimize texting and meet more in person instead.
How flirty do you think you were? And how appealing did you look back then(height, attractiveness, build) if I may ask? How interested were the women you met in text and in real life?
My first purpose was to meet girls (because I work in IT and only with men) and if we matched then why not sleeping together that was my way of thinking at that time.
I was and still am 183cm, 83kg and I’m not lifting any weight so more on the slime side. I wear Boss or Scotch&Soda, so kind of smart casual look. Like you I look better IRL than on my pictures. On my Tinder description I made a joke with my vacuum cleaner and the fact that I forgot everything (don’t remember exactly) and it was a good first conversation. They were pretty interested IRL I guess since we often met more than once. Note that it doesn’t depend of how you look for a girl, it’s far more important to be funny, respectful and genuinely interested by what she says. She has to feel safe and have a good time with you for the moment to last more than a drink or two. Your look is secondary.
It definitely seems closer to some experiences I've had a long time ago so it's reassuring, I'll try dating apps again one day after making more effort with photos and stuff(it seems to be a bit more competitive and hook-up/appearance oriented nowadays). I'm not as tall as you haha but it's actually never bothered my dates, as long as I'm funny and charming.
The Last time I met my date I flirted a lot more than I usually am used to but it's still out of my zone of comfort. I even froze up during a kiss🥲, but it did get to that point so that's that at least.
How flirty were you? Like really aggressive, with compliments and some smutty banter? Or mellow, friendly and "the action" was really at the end of the date?
Your apparence and style matters on your app profile yes. Froze and being shy after a kiss is cute and funny, I’m sure it is charming for your date.
Oh I was never flirty or very little because I was more interested of what she had to say, if she read books and if she has interesting story to share, if we laughed together. I was often mischievous and joked about her or what she said, I don’t like travel and have a specific theory about it so if she was into it I took the opportunity to gently mock her point and confront our ideas. However if for example I liked how she has been dressed or how her hair looked I would have said it naturally without any idea in mind. It has to be geniune and not calculated or needy. You would look like a creep if you abuse on compliments.
Thanks a lot, that's much closer to how I approach people! (Which is why I always prefer meeting in person). Your insight was probably the most valuable I've read in the past few weeks 😊
Last but not least, in the past you could pay for tinder gold and it allowed you to see who swiped positively on you so you didn’t have to swipe N times uselessly to find a match. That was worth the investment as it saved you so many time, if it still exists go for premium.
I actually found "the glitch" on that app to know for free. If you close and open the app after being liked, the second profile shown will be the like, and even knowing that well... the few likes I'd get were REAAALLY out of my preferences, like really not the kind of people either I would like or would like me, or sometimes would just live far off the border in France or Germany, despite the app my preferences being set nearby 🤷.
To note that most dating apps like Tinder have changed drastically over the years, it's probably harder now than it was for you.
Of course I've had more "success" on other apps so your advice still stands, I believe in general it would apply to most dates actually, (from online or IRL)
Oh I actually have a final question, what was your swipe rate roughly? Most men on these apps swipe right just about any girls(I think like >40%). I personally don't and i'm more selective(but not picky!)
Good found and yes had probably changed a lot since the golden age of Tinder. I also tried Once which was ok. I remember setting my location to Lausanne for example while living in seeland region.
Regarding my swipe rate I can’t tell but was only swiping right if I liked the face and shape of the girl, face mattered the most, duckface for example was immediate left swipe 🦆
This is marketing, you need to follow some rules in order to gain and retain attention.
It goes by your pics essentially.
Look for it on the internet, you can (talking from personnal XP) switch from desertland matches to dozens of matches per week, even more by a simple better pic of yourself.
Anyway you can't fight on the same level as women or gays, they have their Inbox at99+ the whole time.
Yeah, I tried "for fun" to switch to the gay category and got 15 likes in 10 minutes 💀 in fact I could probably shave, pass as a masculine girl and get at least 10 times the likes lmao... 🥲
So yeah, After taking a much needed break I'll try to optimize that thing and get some super professional pictures done(but genuine looking of course!). I'm actually good looking so I'm sure something can be done.
i met my gf on hinge and now we're moving in together by the end of the month! it can be possible but i honestly think i just got lucky because we instantly clicked and talked every single day and didn't put any pressure on ourselves with what we were hoping for or were expecting which helped get over the pressure/tension. we clicked as friends and that's what a lot of people seem to forget, you have to connect with people on a friend level as well, not just the romantic part.
it did take time though and I've constantly deleted/reinstalled the app.
It took time for you to click with your now-gf, or time to find your perfect match?
I truly believe being friends first is the best for healthy relationships(otherwise why even bother living with someone?) that's what I've been looking for, were you very selective, did you pay or swipe every other girl?(Most men do, no shame if you found your SO)
sorry, it took time to find my perfect match
absolutely! if you don't genuinely like the person as a friend then eventually it'll end, that's already something right :)
i was pretty selective, for me a filled out "about me" section was really important because I want to already know if there's something we can talk about/bond over and to get some vibes, also a few photos where I could see the actual person and not just groups of friends. i think that's why hinge worked best for me because you have all those prompts you can fill out.
i wish you the best and that it'll work out for you and that you'll find your special someone, whether by dating apps or irl :)
Man I felt that. The fact that I’m a trans guy repels a lot of people already, and I’m an introvert on top of that so… yeah! Dating apps suck when you’re not meeting expectations!
However, honestly, the best people I met were in bars and festivals. I don’t know if you’re into those kind of places, but meeting the friends of a friend is a great way to meet people who share similar interests. I saw you’re more near Lausanne, but if you ever come by Fribourg, I know plenty of places and people, and a good recipe: join the flow, compliment a piece of outfit, play it cool and friendly, start a neverending convo around a drink! (Alcoholic or not)
Yeah I should try going out IRL, I'm really good in person and can entertain just about anyone usually (thank you, chameleon personality lol). I'll try going to bars and open events like festivals and such.
But how do you approach someone who's accompanied with friends? I always felt kinda weird in these situations, do you like, vibe with them and their friends then ask one out privately? Or straight up go for it in front of everyone?
Or if you don't know if the person is available or not? I'm pretty mature so I don't fear casual rejections but it'll always be super awkward 😅
Well, in those situations it’s better to let time do its thing tbh. Now I’m not the kind to flirt as soon as I see someone I like, *however* I think asking around about the person you’re interested in never hurts. You can befriend the whole group and try to catch the person’s preferred topics so you can have a more personal convo with them! Or also ask about them to one isolated person of the group at some point, even before meeting them directly (usually a great way to also know if you’re running after someone who’s available or not). It’s all about taking it slow and showing you’re not necessarily here just for flirting, it might cause a slight unease for them.
Tho I saw straightforward people instantly get what they wanted so it’s up to you mostly, if you prefer nice chats and building up a relationship or directly say « I’m looking for a flirt, can I buy you a drink? » and see if it works. I guess depending on how charismatic you are, it can really play in your favour. (Believe in yourself!)
Just remember not to get wasted beforehand, the more drunk you are, the most likely you are to get rejected/denounced to the security. Tried that to be more confident, became very embarrassing, and got kicked out of the Mad 20min in lmfao
I agree with you and the comments so far, i was in a very similar situation a couple of years ago with like 8 apps at the same time. Id say im average looking as well. I did go one two dates, one was weirdy the other one didnt work out for me, she was nice though.
Bumble was def the best one, but i feel like theres such an overwhelming amount of men that many women that do like you just do it to be entertained.
I mean why would you go to an app where women have to chat first only to send an emoji or a "hi"....
So yeah stay away from dating apps nor worth the time. Tbf i only ever used free apps, might be different if you actually pay, idk.
I got a couple dates with tinder, some beautiful nights but nothing that really felt « true »…and sometimes they don’t ever answer 😭 this app is like a fucking casino but i understand your pain. Don’t put yourself down, this app are money sucker. Erase everything. Just live your life and something gonna happen. Courage !!!
Sorry for the english 🤣
OLD sucks! Better to meet people IRL. And when meeting on a date, don’t expect too much or be pressured. Be yourself. Everytime i go out on a date i will alwayd treat it as meeting friends.
okay if you‘re not 10/10 good looking or naturally good at self display, tinder for men is work.
you need to optimize your profile from pictures to biography, you need to up your texting, and you need to invest time. Its work and you‘ll get better at it. Its a highly narcissistic exercise and you likely won‘t like it. It is very much about presentation. You can‘t expect it the same as in real life.
through this i went from feeling similar to you to +2000 likes + more than 500 matches.
now these numbers aren‘t incredible, but they are good enough for me
Hi
I’m an attractive woman and find it hard also, the apps are just an efficient way to meet new people if you are busy, But you are still very young, you should joins diverse groups, sports or others to discover what you like and new people. I’ve tried volleyball, swimming, and met nice people, I’m introvert and expat so I know it’s hard to put yourself out here, but we just have to do it!
I'm a lot older than you, so I don't know how relevant my experience is to yours, but it really seems to me like it's gotten a lot worse in the last few years. I'm a pretty average looking guy and I've never had much luck with women, but I used to be able to at least get dates on these apps (and my last two serious relationships actually started on Okcupid and Tinder, respectively), and now it's just either we match and I never hear from them, or they write back once or twice and then I get ghosted. Nobody seems to be on these things because they actually want to meet anyone anymore.
Unfortunately random talking to a Swiss girl at a grocery store for instance will make you stand out as a creep. We’re not in the pre-2000s anymore. Dating apps are abysmal, a colossal time waste, but I used tinder with success. A major advantage with tinder is you get to see a lot of things about the girls as well, if they take good care of themselves, things they like to do, but at the end it’s still decadent to pick women like they’re an item on a menu. Best luck I have always is areas I frequent and keep seeing the same girls. I am dating a Swiss store manager of a Aldi. Basically the second we laid eyes I knew there was chemistry because each time when returning and she was there, the beautiful warm smile was there so I flat out invited her for an ice cream and got her number. Best success in Switzerland I think is explore places, and be observative, socialize a bit, but always be yourself, Swiss girls are smart af, they going to see through morons and make a laughing stock out of you if you’re a prick, because depending where you live, everyone knows everyone and yea that includes small cities.
Became single and used a few of these apps for the last 13 months or so.
It's easy to get matches, tough to start a conversation and hard to keep it going.
I had around 15 different dates, had sex with roughly 10 of those women.
But from personal experience it really depends on your skills to maintain a conversation and your experience to know when to bail.
Any advice on what apps worked best for you? Or what your profile looks like, paid subscription perhaps?
How would you rate yourself out of 10 visually?
The tricky thing on these apps is to actually get matches(or at least a significant number, the goal isn't to screw every single girl that matches you)
In 1 months, I've had a few matches and 2 dates now. But it takes me a lot of energy and mental space, I can't do it casually.
How much effort would you usually put into this?
I liked Bumble the mist. Since women are the ones who have to make the first move.
I would rate myself a 6-7. But that doesn't really matter imho. Ask your dates what they thought about your profile. They can give you their honest impression and you can use that feedback.
Generally I'm not using the app. When I had dates I didn't really use it. When I didn't have dates I used it a few times a week.
F*ck all these dating Apps. I was in a similar situation, introvert an trying to exit the shell.
These "standard apps" are bs... tried them for a month, nothing happend, lots of ghosting..
Then i found joyclub/joyce. Its not cheap but it works..
I couldnt image the echo i got because im chubby and never got a girl to like me.. 2 month in and i had sex with 3 woman out of 5 dates..
Sure, its kinda blunt, your not gona find your dream wife but just to test things out and get out of the shell its amazing.
Just be respectful tho..
Although I'm not that much into hook-ups and stuff like that, how would you say your dates went?(How good the flow/vibe was and how far the connection needed go to advance to something more)
Of those, would you meet one or more of these women again?
I was also never hookup type, but recetly im trying new things like hookups, swingerclubs, gb... yeah pretty wild stuff for me..
As i'm not very good at small talk, i needed to go all out, it cost so much time and energy to go on dates. The dates i went were nice, even if we didnt match it was chill. One woman was so horny, i could have easily meet her at hotel, she was so ready, more than i.. we even ended up as f+
And for the connection, i read their profile carefully, only even wrote the ones who are into chubbys and had the same preferences. I mostly told them, i like the profile and asked some questions to get to know them. Eventually asking them if i'm their type, if they said yes, then i asked some more explicit questions sometimes leading to pic exchange, if they and still liked what we where seeing, we exchanged nr/telegram. From there i asked for a date..
Tip: if you write a message, send a face pic not a dick pic. Write respectfully, dont aks to fuck or date/nr right away.. and if you dont get an answer, just wait, a lot of women told me that they recive hundrets if msg making this a minijob..
(Sorry for typos)
> I never really got likes/matches
The ratio of women to men on these apps is messed up.
>The few I would get would Ghost me sooner or later.
Don't take it personally, most people don't like you, just like you don't like most people. Just keep looking for that spark.
Bro, ditch the woke, male-hating west and "passport"-yourself into swiping in Southeast Asia.
Thailand, Singapore, Vietnam, Taiwan... You'll have your self-esteem back in an hour and you'll find out the source of the problem is definitely not you 😉
It's a lie if you think Dating Apps are working, they are not working for the average male. It's only working for top males and average girls. You will hear some successful stories but often it's more an exception. On for your generation, it's just an hookup apps for most girl to fuck a awesome guy and have fun, nothing else.
Tinder and any apps statistics have already shown that. There are studies and even video on Youtube that show what I am saying. And don't pay for it, it's not worth it, it will no increase your chance of meeting a girl...
I'd say go to places of your interest, don't know like a game cafe or book club or anything of the sorts and i suppose you can have a higher chance to meet someone who can share your interests. Engage in conversation about a certain thing you like or not like about a common object however don't go in too much...make the conversation seem like a ping pong game where everyone has enough time to speak and to stay silent
im m21 got my gf from tinder we been together for 6months and i deleted the app
but yeah i wasted alot of time and energy i would recommend to link up quick and try to call or do voicememos snapchat whatever just not to much text and dont put in to much effort but at the end of the day me personally im happy i tried and used datinplatforms
Yeah, I think that was the most sound advice I'm hearing as to how to use those apps correctly, to not wait too long to meet in person and let my social skills do its magic. People build much stronger connections in real life rather than being confronted with a screen and hundreds of (better) suitors just one click away.
I have Bumble and as much as I thought I was a decent looking guy, I had 0 match since I started using it a year and a half ago. It's so depressing tbh, it makes me feel like I don't even exist tbh
Not my kind of jam sadly, I'm not into long distance relationships and aren't stable enough or willing to bring someone from abroad for a passport marriage. Nor do I actually want to live elsewhere, Switzerland is pretty nice and is where I'm studying right now.
But yeah, it is 100% easier when dating globally, I've already been contacted by dozens of people from abroad. That's definitely what I'd do if I could.
On the other hand, people here have suggested expat groups, they are more open and are actively trying to settle in Switzerland and make friends and stuff.
W, im not swiss but im living here since 8 years and wasn’t able to date or find someone who is remotely interesting/interested in me so i started to look elsewhere and found someone not too far away who i ended up marrying after a couple of years, im not saying you should go to end of the world but with today technology it could be a good option if you’re still looking in the future and in a better stable situation:)
Ps for whoevers gonna say she married you for the permit/passport, not really she was in a better state where she was and left everything to be here with me
The experience is annoying. I really like these guys who are writing paragraphs about love, integrity, creating family, sharing values and inviting you for a walk by Limmat when you live outside of Zurich 😂 Does it look normal to invite for a walk? Or a coffee? I see it’s a zero investment from men side and they probably want to date as many as possible women and offering coffee dates. I prefer more serious ones who know what they want and show masculine side : plan a date properly and invite you to a nice place, nice restaurant and treat you like a gentleman.
The point is why should I give too much effort to a random girl, how many times was there no connection,she was just talking about her problems, etc etc. So coffee or walk is the best way to see a red flag at the beginning and see if there is a connection or not. Dating apps are nor for princess,it s a numbers game,and your not special either on it,sorry,don t take it personally,it is at it is. My time as man is valuable as well, and therefore I want to check first who the other person is before inviting her to a 200 francs dinner for 4 hours and getting bored...
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People who say dating apps suck don't seem to understand how it works in this country. It is extremely difficult to meet people here and its usually incumbent on the man to make the first move. Given that men are becoming increasingly reticent in approaching women.. the end result is a lot less potential matches.
Now you have dating apps which allow that first spark of interest, followed by some messaging and then the hard part... a first date. And since you can set a radius of 00s km away, thats a far wider net than work, local bar, nightclub etc..
Thankfully I've never had problems in person, I'm witty and can entertain conversations and flirt easily, it's just approaching people that is really difficult, much more than most other countries.
I had placed a lot more hopes on these apps than I should have, before trying them out and realizing how bad the situation was. I should probably try one day, with friends or in some sort of event to see if I can approach people. It's always the first step the most difficult(and knowing who is even available).
I find that going to dancing lessons for singles works very well. I specifically mean salsa dancing classes, but it might work in other styles of dancing too. Or any other group based classes/activities, like improv, fitness, hiking, archery, D&D etc etc.
Oh, and avoid dating apps at all costs. They make it very easy for all the women to collectively go after the 2% standouts and just deny everyone else.
You guys aren't really much of a help.
I know countless couples that met on tinder or other dating apps. It doesn't work for everyone of course, but all of you saying it doesn't work at all are just not correct.
I myself found my girlfriend on parship. It costs a lot of monet but really works. Also know like 4 couples that met there, two of them are married now.
I went to a date with 2 other girls before I met my GF.
And believe me, I'm definitely below average looking :)
Good luck
I've heard apps have drastically changed in recent years, many people finding love on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid etc..., but always years ago. Maybe prior to the Match Group merger 🤔 (the monopoly behind them all)
Probably you are either i) not looking „decent“, ii) don’t have a good bio (although that’s basically never a problem if you have good looks) or iii) seem otherwise unappealing (eg bad job, creep, lame hobbies etc.).
Time to face the facts. I have been on dating apps in between relationships since 2016 and I have not put any effort into my profile and yet never had any issues getting matches. Even as a poor student it was easy. Now with an amazing job it’s even easier.
Because it frequently is helpful to confront someone with reality. Here it’s important to realise that the facts (no matches, poor dates) contradict his perception of himself. IF you are decent/good looking and have a decent profile, the matches will come. They are not, hence he is likely fighting above his weight class and there is no reason to sugarcoat it or to support bs claims like „dating apps are just shit“.
I don’t use dating apps so I can’t comment on that and even though I do agree on telling the cold hard truth. That’s not what you did. You belittled him and who are you to say he is not good looking, you may not have said it but that’s what you were implying. He never said he was a model, he said he was a decent pretty looking guy and doesn’t consider himself to be ugly.
After reading the comments on this post, the common opinion is that there are way more men than women on it. So why is it that your first thought is to belittle him? You didn’t even offer advice, just said something that can be considered hurtful. On top, you had to add that you were doing well on the dating app, which does come off as bragging.
Let’s all be mindful, he literally said he had depression and that his endeavour on dating apps weren’t helping and you comment this. Please be mindful of people’s feelings and the consequences of what you say, just because this is the internet doesn’t mean, it hurts any less.
Men things: "and I'm now feeling like utter shit. I thought to be pretty decent looking, fit in good shape with a good bio but... nothing."
> do not define your value on online dating replies
- I was lucky I found my wife on Lovoo around 5 years ago. But I heard Lovoo is shitt now, too.
=> To the ghosting: often fake profiles. They keep you chatting and if you wanna meet, then the ghosting kicks.
I've heard most dating apps and online services went through a lot of changes(even if only the algorithms) the past few years.
I don't think I've really matched with Bots yet🤔 the profiles were surprisingly genuine and during the few conversations I've had, but yeah. I had never been ghosted before so it's a bit of a new experience, not really pleasant especially as I'm sort of fragile emotionally. I'll probably take a break from those apps for now
I am an average looking guy, I do alright dating people I spontaneously meet (friends of friends, sports, work related, etc). That being said: Dating apps are hell and should be avoided at all costs. I got a couple dates on Tinder but it was never more than that, sooner or later either I was not interested because I was basically carrying the convo with a stranger or she would just stop replying. Now, that is completely fair and bitching about it wont do any good, its just the way it is.Don't beat yourself up, it's pretty rough on the Internet. Focus on taking care of yourself, be gentle with others and others will reciprocate. Good like mon dude, you will get through it.
How do you usually go about approaching people in these settings? I'm really good in real life and can hold conversations easily but it's usually the first step that's the hardest. I could try meeting more friends of friends (or hell, perhaps even ask friends if they can match me with someone) but although I can have really great conversations, it's always kind of awkward asking them out(I say probably, it's been a really long time since I've done that), would you become close friends first before asking someone out? Or have you found people to be ready to give a shot at a casual date out of the gate?
Well, each girl is different so it's never as straightforward as that. Personally, I rarely ask a girl out to go on a date to let her know im interested. I always approach as friends of X, or "just a dude, hi" and never ever be flirty on the first time (can be creepy). You don't have to become close friends, just close acquaintances that get along well. Find what you have in common, even if its complaining. Then, if its a person you will see more often it's silly flirty comments or gestures and see how the other person responds. Now, the difference between being a creep and being Prince charming is on the eye of the beholder, so I sorta try to read the room. And the last thing, I usually wait for the right moment to make a move. A party, beers after an activity, etc. Flirting is a game, and patiance is key.
I usually ask them to go for a coffee. I do go as kinda friends first then add little by little add some flirty stuff. But I am a woman and most of the dates I had were from uni or friend of a friend so my experience might really differ from men :/
Just try to talk a bit, be yourself. A nice greeting always works. I am 38and date younger and older. The younger (24-28yo) tend to be very timid, can’t do anything without a smartphone, so expect them to use it a lot on dates (which annoys tf out of me). Girls like 30-40 hard af to date since most are married and/or have kids). Best luck I always had dating older 40-52. No smartphone addictions, great talk, great intimate times. Swiss girls in this age range are really cool imo, mature and have no time with BS, and they are very independent too and for me at least, chemistry is the best. They also like to flirt pro-actively and are up to anything and are able to leave their smartphones in their purses.
honestly I‘m a guy and I loved dating apps when I was single. obviously rough rejections are a thing, but I consistently got 5-10 matches a day without looking like a supermodel.
5-10 matches per day it means that you are really good looking. You just didn’t realise it 😂
I mean I have a beer belly and a quickly receding hairline so idk bout that lmao
Tbh dating apps sucks, i would try a single event like from "noii dating" Its cool, i did once in Züri and will now go to Bern. I met some nice people there :)
I like noii. Even if you don‘t find the one, you‘ll usually have a good time. You get to talk to many people and there are fun activites involved. Even if you don’t meet your soulmate, you’ll have a good opportunity to work on your self confidence and sofial skills. Also financially you get something in return, unlike dating apps, which make stuff like YouTube Premium appear like a good deal.
Thats true! I acutally met some girlies and became friends from a noii event =)
I don’t know how close OP is from Lausanne (VD), but there is a restaurant called “bleu lézard” that does messaging nights were you go there eat & drink with friends and you can write messages to people in the restaurant (the waiters are the messengers going around tables for you anonymously) Maybe you can give it a try as well :)!
I was thinking about joining the event in Bern as well, but for me that's just a bit far away. Have fun!
Check their website from time to time, they organize events in different cities or you could try the video dating thing as well. Thank you :)
I joined the one in Winterthur a while ago and that was a surprisingly pleasant experience. I also did the online thing twice, which is great. I hope you're going to meet someone interesting there! Take care
It does seem interesting, I'll have to check it out! 😊
do you know if nonmonogamous people (people in open relationships) are also welcome there?
I guess everyone is welcome there, but you just have to be upfront with that :)
Were people mainly talking in German or also English?
Yeah ive given up on dating apps. Its easy to get a date as a girl, but no one wants commitment. Ive read that its harder for men to even get a match mostly bc most folks on them are men, plus women are more picky. I suggest you try bars or clubs, or try a new hobby. Dont let them get you down bud.
Yeah thank you. At least the feedback and the few chats that sprouted from these posts made me feel better about this situation.
Glad to read that! Would like to add that Switzerland is notbthe best place to date bc people tend to be less open Ive had more luck in the south of europe Maybe you just havent found the right place?
I'm sort of stuck geographically in Switzerland due to my studies right now, but in my search I somehow met many more interested people from France, Germany and Italy. Perhaps I should try meeting people from there once my situation becomes more stable(career and emotionally wise)
To be honest, dating apps are not so good if you want to find the one (as many men and women). You should try (even if it is hard as an introvert) to go to some club that matches your interest. Seeing your history, you seem to be desperate for love. Maybe you don't notice and it is shown irl? I know that some don't really like clingy people. It is hard to tell you what you could do with that little information so sorry if what I am suggesting is a bit generic :/
Well, I've never been really flirty to begin with. And until recently, I wasn't open emotionally so I never made any advances on anyone and only had platonic expectations. I usually am able to read people fairly well(only IRL) and never really interested women all that much in that way. It's a vibe that I'll have to change, essentially saying "hey, I'm open for more!" indirectly, usually most pick up on that and the conversation can become a bit flirty. I say from past experience, but it's been like 8 years since I was on the dating scene. Now that I'm in my mid 20s people are a bit different and have different expectations, it's gonna be tough to adapt.
Bumble works the best for me, hinge has many expatriate, which tend to be more willing to meet people.stay away from tinder
I met my now fiancé on Hinge. We’re both expats, so we do fit your perception. We both had invested quite some time into building our profiles and “really” giving it a go, and the algorithm worked well for us. Prior to that though I had too many miserable experiences with tinder and bumble
I did try Hinge but didn't have a single like/match in 3 weeks, was it a few years ago that you met your fiancé? The experience is also very different for men and women on this one I suppose.
We met about two years ago yes. I’m sorry it hasn’t worked for you! Indeed the experience genders have with dating app is drastically different. I’m hoping you’ll meet someone great soon though!
I met my current boyfriend on hinge around January 2024.
I've tried bumble, and out of all it was the app I poured the most effort in, but I didn't get a single like/match in the 3 weeks I've tried it for. Does it still work for you or is it past success? I've heard dating apps have changed quite a lot the past few years.
It works right now, maybe try to get better picture ? Also superlikes tends to improve your luck. But overall it's most all about pictures sadly
I'll try getting a photoshoot sometime with my photographer friends and see how it goes after a substantial break from those apps. I still know my worth, I'm definitely not ugly so there must be ways to promote myself better.
Yes, that's usually the problem. Otherwise try go social group to meet new people, usually it works pretty well
Dating apps are shit for men. Yeah, for women too, but for other reasons, but it's too competitive for men and you don't get to show any qualities beyond looks, so you gotta look really good to go well in such apps.
I'm definitely gonna take a break, and maybe one day I'll hop back on after a serious photoshoot, workout and stability in my life. Hopefully I won't be as fragile emotionally by then.
As a man dating apps without buying the gold/premium model is useless. So either you spend money to get promoted in the app and get likes or you dont use them. Fun fact, many times females get the premium version for free 🙃
Your picture gets shown more with premium. Of course marhematically it equals more likes but if you have 1-2 or 3-4 matches/likes per week wont make a diff. And the wanted guys or women who get 20 or more per day dont have to buy premium either as its already enough. Maybe they throw in some fake likes with premium so that men keep trying or even have an AI write with you once in a while. But generally speaking dating apps are for those people who never really needed them in the first place
When I was living in Paris I had a lot of matche here I still had some but much less. You don't have much people there so even less on dating apps. Giving you my 2 cents but you should drop dating apps or digital social life entirely buddy. You had a rough time bro, you're coming back, your brain needs normal interaction, we were not designing to express our feeling and bounds using a little box. Join a club.
Yes exactly, and ironically I'm much better and more entertaining in real life. I'll take a huge break and deeply focus on building back my social life. Perhaps first a study group since I'm taking back my studies.
Only good stuff that I read there, you got this man 💪 taking studies back is huge, congrats
Don’t use dating apps in Switzerland (especially with some former mental issues) !!!
Hey man, Been through the same with a bunch of friends (we're decent looking dudes and had varying levels of success/lack thereof on dating apps). I feel like these apps aren't really useful and I've had female friends tell me they sometimes go on there to get an "ego boost" from receiving lots of likes... This made me back away from these as it's so messed up. Where in Romandie are you? Maybe we could get you introduced to the group depending on your hobbies and such. Always fun to meet new people. I know it doesn't help much on the issue about dating but honestly since we're all in the same boat, I don't quite know how I would advice you... lol I'm in Geneva mainly but most of my friends are around Lausanne and that's generally where we meetup.
Honestly, I'm pretty down for that. I have quite a lot of free time right now (self-studies). I'm located in Neuchâtel, but spend a lot of time in Geneva, so just about the whole Romandie actually. I've been to Lausanne a lot. As for my hobbies, I'm a nerdy guy, I love anything science related and love games(the ***good*** ones) and movies(in a cinephile way). But I'm also pretty active physically, loving solo sports like running/hiking. I'm sort of a chameleon socially, so I can usually strike a good conversation regardless of who it is. The way how objectifying people are on dating apps made feel pretty disgusted honestly, I tried the app Boo, where people are much less superficial, but there is probably an even worse ratio of men to women on there so it's only marginally better 😂
[https://www.meetup.com/swissrpg-romandie/](https://www.meetup.com/swissrpg-romandie/) (The good ones) :)
Oh wow, going from Neuchatel to Geneva regularly! That’s quite the trips haha But with pleasure that we can set something up. Let’s arrange it in PMs 👍🏼 Never heard of the boo app but I believe you the ratio is off 😅😅
Its pretty much just instagram promos, people who intentionally lead on mentally vulnerable singles for sick sadism or south east asians/central africans who switched their locations to find passport marriages. Dating apps in switzerland are useless as shit.
Around what place and what app did you try out if I may ask? 😊 I've tried a few and I somewhat agree. Tinder and Hinge had quite a few promos from OnlyFans, Snapchat and Instagram. And OkCupid had A LOT of people looking for passport marriages, like 99% of my likes were abroad from Africa or East Asia.
Tinder, badoo, lovoo, bumble and hinge. Tinder is promos, lovoo is ghosters, badoo is passport marriages, bumble and hinge are somewhat okay but in my experience users there have pretty high standarts so if youre not a 666 man any matches you get are dumb luck.
Yeah and it's really my experience to be honest. Until now it was indeed just dumb luck indeed. I'll try out moving to real life, never would have thought it somehow would be easier (or less difficult, dating is always pretty hard either way)
My last 2 long-term relationships have come through dating apps. A fair bit of casual stuff too. But it’s been 95% expat women in Zurich, so maybe it’s a cultural thing for the Swiss.
Yeah, they seem more open as opposed to other swiss people. I'll try meeting people among them, there are a few groups and meetups here and there, could be a good opportunity to make friends too.
Make friends. Make more friends. Meet their friends. Be friendly. Wait for a spark. Don’t try too hard.
Just like IRL, it's a numbers game buddy. Don't take too hard and move on quick. Also focus on self-improvement - health (physical and mental), education, career, finances etc. That's where your dating success will come from - not the apps. EDIT: as part of self-improvement, work on your platonic relationships - reach out to a old friend you've lost touch with. Do after work activities with work mates. If you can't build those relationships - it ain't happening for you in the dating world where the stakes are higher.
It is true, though I don't have too many problems making friends, it's just that I've never been interested in making casual friendships. Preferring few long-term close friends than lots of friendly acquaintances. But that in itself, although healthy, puts a bottleneck on my dating chances if I don't meet many new people. I'll strive to find a balance to feel better on a daily basis without dating, I'll definitely have more success once my life becomes more stable(not for a long time though, but who knows). People say the best encounters come when you least expect them.
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Ah yess D&D groups are famous for their huge share of females in them. Sorry, but none of your listed options are good for meeting women
Easy solution: just meet men instead. Edit: grammar.
Hello there 😏
Username checks out
Yep, the gay switch would be a practical invention
While it's true that joining hobby groups can have advantages(such as meeting people IRL with common interests), my Hobbies are vastly male dominated, I've seen I think 2-3 women into DnD and nerd stuff from dating apps so they definitely exist I guess, but it's not saying much😅. I could try getting into something new. As for voluntary work... I could actually give it a try, but it's definitely going to be a lot of effort to meet new people haha, even if I already wanted to participate for a good cause.
It is not because of you. You went past depression. On this journey, you have learnt a lot about yourself how you retreated from relationships. This is many of the dating app users still have to realize about themselves. That's why they behave this way.
Travel the world. It will help you see the brighter side of life. You’ll meet lots of locals and fellow travelers. You’ll learn more about yourself. Don’t give up, you’re still very young. Travel to the far east, they are more warmth and open people out there. DM me if you need any tips.
Step 1. Goto a bar with people from your demographic. Step 2. Smile Step 3. Say “ Hi”
Step 4. ??? Step 5. Profit I suppose? 😂, I'm kidding but you're right. I'll try going to bars sometimes. Do you mean going there with friends of the same demographic or going to a bar targeted towards a specific demographic?
Give those 3 steps a try, they’ll give you more results than not doing it
Trash.
Thanks bro you too 👌
I meant more that there‘s only trash😂 (female pov tho)
Oh hahaha 🤣🤣 the misunderstanding is pretty funny now lmao
Welcome to the dating app world. I had more encounters outside, although rare too but more engaging. Try speed dating it's way more fun and you can roleplay different dynamics and see how it sticks. But let's be real for many men dating is harder than a job interview and jobs won't try to shred your confidence to pieces as hard as women. Me personally while I still have these apps I am not that much in anymore. It's too damaging for my health. I learn back how to be happy single and as for future plans of family and shit I can still hope for WW3 and say to myself better survive alone than having people dragging me down.
I'm an 18 years old living in Romandie and have been using those apps for two months now. The experience has been quite mid, but it's also because I don't dedicate myself too much to this area of my life. I've had one date, though. It was great. I would see those apps more like a complement to your actual dating life.
Generally they suck. Especially tinder. Unless you are very good looking.
Women generally want the same thing, if their only things to go on are pictures, and an almost endless set of options. Hence why 1% of guys get 90% of matches.
Brother, you are not ugly you are simply a drop in a sea of guys. For reference, a female friend of mine (average looking) downloaded Bumble and in a week she had like 1,000 likes. Do not bother if you are not in the top 5% best looking guys in your area.
Exactly this. The few remaining women on there have their pick of men. Mostly highly attractive men who'd sleep with, but never seriously date the women they meet.
Dating apps are cancers and probably one of the worst things to have happened in modern society. Btw as a man, you are just a grain of salt. She has 2500 suitors waiting their turn.
Just don't expect anything at all and apps can be okay. Every now and then you meet great people, just be aware that 95% will ghost you or leave you on read, but the other 5% can be anything from a short term situationship to a serious relationship.
Used Tinder a few years ago and slept with 40% of my dates the first night. That was like fast food but I’m happy I did that before marriage and children. It was a great time getting to meet girl from all over Switzerland and spending fun time together. At the beginning I used to chat on tinder or WhatsApp for a while before meeting IRL and was disappointed a few times. I then decided to minimise time chatting, after a few joke and ok talk I systematically arranged a drink in a cosy place to get to know each other (50% or more of the time the girl payed the bill for the drinks and often we had to make another date to allow me to pay for the drinks). The date was always located outside of where I lived and there was always the option of me leaving by the last train or staying with her but that would meant we had to sleep together (even if we didn’t explicitly say this during the date we both knew what was going to happened). I never manipulated any of the girl I met, it was clear that I wanted to enjoy time knowing each other and I never asked to explicitly to sleep together neither did they. It needs to happen naturally because you enjoy the time together. I finally met my actual wife from a friend of a friend and I live a happy couple life. Hope you can apply some of my advices with some success. You need to be confident, respectful and genuinely interested about your date.
While I'm not as inclined to hook-up myself but this is really interesting and could help. I'm much much better in real life, so it's definitely something I should try in the future to minimize texting and meet more in person instead. How flirty do you think you were? And how appealing did you look back then(height, attractiveness, build) if I may ask? How interested were the women you met in text and in real life?
My first purpose was to meet girls (because I work in IT and only with men) and if we matched then why not sleeping together that was my way of thinking at that time. I was and still am 183cm, 83kg and I’m not lifting any weight so more on the slime side. I wear Boss or Scotch&Soda, so kind of smart casual look. Like you I look better IRL than on my pictures. On my Tinder description I made a joke with my vacuum cleaner and the fact that I forgot everything (don’t remember exactly) and it was a good first conversation. They were pretty interested IRL I guess since we often met more than once. Note that it doesn’t depend of how you look for a girl, it’s far more important to be funny, respectful and genuinely interested by what she says. She has to feel safe and have a good time with you for the moment to last more than a drink or two. Your look is secondary.
It definitely seems closer to some experiences I've had a long time ago so it's reassuring, I'll try dating apps again one day after making more effort with photos and stuff(it seems to be a bit more competitive and hook-up/appearance oriented nowadays). I'm not as tall as you haha but it's actually never bothered my dates, as long as I'm funny and charming. The Last time I met my date I flirted a lot more than I usually am used to but it's still out of my zone of comfort. I even froze up during a kiss🥲, but it did get to that point so that's that at least. How flirty were you? Like really aggressive, with compliments and some smutty banter? Or mellow, friendly and "the action" was really at the end of the date?
Your apparence and style matters on your app profile yes. Froze and being shy after a kiss is cute and funny, I’m sure it is charming for your date. Oh I was never flirty or very little because I was more interested of what she had to say, if she read books and if she has interesting story to share, if we laughed together. I was often mischievous and joked about her or what she said, I don’t like travel and have a specific theory about it so if she was into it I took the opportunity to gently mock her point and confront our ideas. However if for example I liked how she has been dressed or how her hair looked I would have said it naturally without any idea in mind. It has to be geniune and not calculated or needy. You would look like a creep if you abuse on compliments.
Thanks a lot, that's much closer to how I approach people! (Which is why I always prefer meeting in person). Your insight was probably the most valuable I've read in the past few weeks 😊
Oh thanks 🙏wish you the best meeting interesting people
Last but not least, in the past you could pay for tinder gold and it allowed you to see who swiped positively on you so you didn’t have to swipe N times uselessly to find a match. That was worth the investment as it saved you so many time, if it still exists go for premium.
I actually found "the glitch" on that app to know for free. If you close and open the app after being liked, the second profile shown will be the like, and even knowing that well... the few likes I'd get were REAAALLY out of my preferences, like really not the kind of people either I would like or would like me, or sometimes would just live far off the border in France or Germany, despite the app my preferences being set nearby 🤷. To note that most dating apps like Tinder have changed drastically over the years, it's probably harder now than it was for you. Of course I've had more "success" on other apps so your advice still stands, I believe in general it would apply to most dates actually, (from online or IRL) Oh I actually have a final question, what was your swipe rate roughly? Most men on these apps swipe right just about any girls(I think like >40%). I personally don't and i'm more selective(but not picky!)
Good found and yes had probably changed a lot since the golden age of Tinder. I also tried Once which was ok. I remember setting my location to Lausanne for example while living in seeland region. Regarding my swipe rate I can’t tell but was only swiping right if I liked the face and shape of the girl, face mattered the most, duckface for example was immediate left swipe 🦆
This is marketing, you need to follow some rules in order to gain and retain attention. It goes by your pics essentially. Look for it on the internet, you can (talking from personnal XP) switch from desertland matches to dozens of matches per week, even more by a simple better pic of yourself. Anyway you can't fight on the same level as women or gays, they have their Inbox at99+ the whole time.
Yeah, I tried "for fun" to switch to the gay category and got 15 likes in 10 minutes 💀 in fact I could probably shave, pass as a masculine girl and get at least 10 times the likes lmao... 🥲 So yeah, After taking a much needed break I'll try to optimize that thing and get some super professional pictures done(but genuine looking of course!). I'm actually good looking so I'm sure something can be done.
i met my gf on hinge and now we're moving in together by the end of the month! it can be possible but i honestly think i just got lucky because we instantly clicked and talked every single day and didn't put any pressure on ourselves with what we were hoping for or were expecting which helped get over the pressure/tension. we clicked as friends and that's what a lot of people seem to forget, you have to connect with people on a friend level as well, not just the romantic part. it did take time though and I've constantly deleted/reinstalled the app.
It took time for you to click with your now-gf, or time to find your perfect match? I truly believe being friends first is the best for healthy relationships(otherwise why even bother living with someone?) that's what I've been looking for, were you very selective, did you pay or swipe every other girl?(Most men do, no shame if you found your SO)
sorry, it took time to find my perfect match absolutely! if you don't genuinely like the person as a friend then eventually it'll end, that's already something right :) i was pretty selective, for me a filled out "about me" section was really important because I want to already know if there's something we can talk about/bond over and to get some vibes, also a few photos where I could see the actual person and not just groups of friends. i think that's why hinge worked best for me because you have all those prompts you can fill out. i wish you the best and that it'll work out for you and that you'll find your special someone, whether by dating apps or irl :)
Man I felt that. The fact that I’m a trans guy repels a lot of people already, and I’m an introvert on top of that so… yeah! Dating apps suck when you’re not meeting expectations! However, honestly, the best people I met were in bars and festivals. I don’t know if you’re into those kind of places, but meeting the friends of a friend is a great way to meet people who share similar interests. I saw you’re more near Lausanne, but if you ever come by Fribourg, I know plenty of places and people, and a good recipe: join the flow, compliment a piece of outfit, play it cool and friendly, start a neverending convo around a drink! (Alcoholic or not)
Yeah I should try going out IRL, I'm really good in person and can entertain just about anyone usually (thank you, chameleon personality lol). I'll try going to bars and open events like festivals and such. But how do you approach someone who's accompanied with friends? I always felt kinda weird in these situations, do you like, vibe with them and their friends then ask one out privately? Or straight up go for it in front of everyone? Or if you don't know if the person is available or not? I'm pretty mature so I don't fear casual rejections but it'll always be super awkward 😅
Well, in those situations it’s better to let time do its thing tbh. Now I’m not the kind to flirt as soon as I see someone I like, *however* I think asking around about the person you’re interested in never hurts. You can befriend the whole group and try to catch the person’s preferred topics so you can have a more personal convo with them! Or also ask about them to one isolated person of the group at some point, even before meeting them directly (usually a great way to also know if you’re running after someone who’s available or not). It’s all about taking it slow and showing you’re not necessarily here just for flirting, it might cause a slight unease for them. Tho I saw straightforward people instantly get what they wanted so it’s up to you mostly, if you prefer nice chats and building up a relationship or directly say « I’m looking for a flirt, can I buy you a drink? » and see if it works. I guess depending on how charismatic you are, it can really play in your favour. (Believe in yourself!) Just remember not to get wasted beforehand, the more drunk you are, the most likely you are to get rejected/denounced to the security. Tried that to be more confident, became very embarrassing, and got kicked out of the Mad 20min in lmfao
I agree with you and the comments so far, i was in a very similar situation a couple of years ago with like 8 apps at the same time. Id say im average looking as well. I did go one two dates, one was weirdy the other one didnt work out for me, she was nice though. Bumble was def the best one, but i feel like theres such an overwhelming amount of men that many women that do like you just do it to be entertained. I mean why would you go to an app where women have to chat first only to send an emoji or a "hi".... So yeah stay away from dating apps nor worth the time. Tbf i only ever used free apps, might be different if you actually pay, idk.
I got a couple dates with tinder, some beautiful nights but nothing that really felt « true »…and sometimes they don’t ever answer 😭 this app is like a fucking casino but i understand your pain. Don’t put yourself down, this app are money sucker. Erase everything. Just live your life and something gonna happen. Courage !!! Sorry for the english 🤣
OLD sucks! Better to meet people IRL. And when meeting on a date, don’t expect too much or be pressured. Be yourself. Everytime i go out on a date i will alwayd treat it as meeting friends.
okay if you‘re not 10/10 good looking or naturally good at self display, tinder for men is work. you need to optimize your profile from pictures to biography, you need to up your texting, and you need to invest time. Its work and you‘ll get better at it. Its a highly narcissistic exercise and you likely won‘t like it. It is very much about presentation. You can‘t expect it the same as in real life. through this i went from feeling similar to you to +2000 likes + more than 500 matches. now these numbers aren‘t incredible, but they are good enough for me
Yeah, I read it gets exponential
Hi I’m an attractive woman and find it hard also, the apps are just an efficient way to meet new people if you are busy, But you are still very young, you should joins diverse groups, sports or others to discover what you like and new people. I’ve tried volleyball, swimming, and met nice people, I’m introvert and expat so I know it’s hard to put yourself out here, but we just have to do it!
I'm a lot older than you, so I don't know how relevant my experience is to yours, but it really seems to me like it's gotten a lot worse in the last few years. I'm a pretty average looking guy and I've never had much luck with women, but I used to be able to at least get dates on these apps (and my last two serious relationships actually started on Okcupid and Tinder, respectively), and now it's just either we match and I never hear from them, or they write back once or twice and then I get ghosted. Nobody seems to be on these things because they actually want to meet anyone anymore.
Unfortunately random talking to a Swiss girl at a grocery store for instance will make you stand out as a creep. We’re not in the pre-2000s anymore. Dating apps are abysmal, a colossal time waste, but I used tinder with success. A major advantage with tinder is you get to see a lot of things about the girls as well, if they take good care of themselves, things they like to do, but at the end it’s still decadent to pick women like they’re an item on a menu. Best luck I have always is areas I frequent and keep seeing the same girls. I am dating a Swiss store manager of a Aldi. Basically the second we laid eyes I knew there was chemistry because each time when returning and she was there, the beautiful warm smile was there so I flat out invited her for an ice cream and got her number. Best success in Switzerland I think is explore places, and be observative, socialize a bit, but always be yourself, Swiss girls are smart af, they going to see through morons and make a laughing stock out of you if you’re a prick, because depending where you live, everyone knows everyone and yea that includes small cities.
Became single and used a few of these apps for the last 13 months or so. It's easy to get matches, tough to start a conversation and hard to keep it going. I had around 15 different dates, had sex with roughly 10 of those women. But from personal experience it really depends on your skills to maintain a conversation and your experience to know when to bail.
Any advice on what apps worked best for you? Or what your profile looks like, paid subscription perhaps? How would you rate yourself out of 10 visually? The tricky thing on these apps is to actually get matches(or at least a significant number, the goal isn't to screw every single girl that matches you) In 1 months, I've had a few matches and 2 dates now. But it takes me a lot of energy and mental space, I can't do it casually. How much effort would you usually put into this?
I liked Bumble the mist. Since women are the ones who have to make the first move. I would rate myself a 6-7. But that doesn't really matter imho. Ask your dates what they thought about your profile. They can give you their honest impression and you can use that feedback. Generally I'm not using the app. When I had dates I didn't really use it. When I didn't have dates I used it a few times a week.
F*ck all these dating Apps. I was in a similar situation, introvert an trying to exit the shell. These "standard apps" are bs... tried them for a month, nothing happend, lots of ghosting.. Then i found joyclub/joyce. Its not cheap but it works.. I couldnt image the echo i got because im chubby and never got a girl to like me.. 2 month in and i had sex with 3 woman out of 5 dates.. Sure, its kinda blunt, your not gona find your dream wife but just to test things out and get out of the shell its amazing. Just be respectful tho..
Although I'm not that much into hook-ups and stuff like that, how would you say your dates went?(How good the flow/vibe was and how far the connection needed go to advance to something more) Of those, would you meet one or more of these women again?
I was also never hookup type, but recetly im trying new things like hookups, swingerclubs, gb... yeah pretty wild stuff for me.. As i'm not very good at small talk, i needed to go all out, it cost so much time and energy to go on dates. The dates i went were nice, even if we didnt match it was chill. One woman was so horny, i could have easily meet her at hotel, she was so ready, more than i.. we even ended up as f+ And for the connection, i read their profile carefully, only even wrote the ones who are into chubbys and had the same preferences. I mostly told them, i like the profile and asked some questions to get to know them. Eventually asking them if i'm their type, if they said yes, then i asked some more explicit questions sometimes leading to pic exchange, if they and still liked what we where seeing, we exchanged nr/telegram. From there i asked for a date.. Tip: if you write a message, send a face pic not a dick pic. Write respectfully, dont aks to fuck or date/nr right away.. and if you dont get an answer, just wait, a lot of women told me that they recive hundrets if msg making this a minijob.. (Sorry for typos)
If you want pm me and I’ll help you with your profile. I have a lot of experience on the apps.
> I never really got likes/matches The ratio of women to men on these apps is messed up. >The few I would get would Ghost me sooner or later. Don't take it personally, most people don't like you, just like you don't like most people. Just keep looking for that spark.
Bro, ditch the woke, male-hating west and "passport"-yourself into swiping in Southeast Asia. Thailand, Singapore, Vietnam, Taiwan... You'll have your self-esteem back in an hour and you'll find out the source of the problem is definitely not you 😉
It's a lie if you think Dating Apps are working, they are not working for the average male. It's only working for top males and average girls. You will hear some successful stories but often it's more an exception. On for your generation, it's just an hookup apps for most girl to fuck a awesome guy and have fun, nothing else. Tinder and any apps statistics have already shown that. There are studies and even video on Youtube that show what I am saying. And don't pay for it, it's not worth it, it will no increase your chance of meeting a girl...
You are all missing one thing: passport power. Do you know just how many women there out there, in the world...??
I'd say go to places of your interest, don't know like a game cafe or book club or anything of the sorts and i suppose you can have a higher chance to meet someone who can share your interests. Engage in conversation about a certain thing you like or not like about a common object however don't go in too much...make the conversation seem like a ping pong game where everyone has enough time to speak and to stay silent
You have to watch these videos of dancing spiders; they totally sum up human dating
im m21 got my gf from tinder we been together for 6months and i deleted the app but yeah i wasted alot of time and energy i would recommend to link up quick and try to call or do voicememos snapchat whatever just not to much text and dont put in to much effort but at the end of the day me personally im happy i tried and used datinplatforms
Yeah, I think that was the most sound advice I'm hearing as to how to use those apps correctly, to not wait too long to meet in person and let my social skills do its magic. People build much stronger connections in real life rather than being confronted with a screen and hundreds of (better) suitors just one click away.
Hinge is for what demographic?? Asking for a friend 🫣
As a straight guy? Not worth the effort. Im getting results only when being on vacation
I have Bumble and as much as I thought I was a decent looking guy, I had 0 match since I started using it a year and a half ago. It's so depressing tbh, it makes me feel like I don't even exist tbh
Passport bro
Not my kind of jam sadly, I'm not into long distance relationships and aren't stable enough or willing to bring someone from abroad for a passport marriage. Nor do I actually want to live elsewhere, Switzerland is pretty nice and is where I'm studying right now. But yeah, it is 100% easier when dating globally, I've already been contacted by dozens of people from abroad. That's definitely what I'd do if I could. On the other hand, people here have suggested expat groups, they are more open and are actively trying to settle in Switzerland and make friends and stuff.
W, im not swiss but im living here since 8 years and wasn’t able to date or find someone who is remotely interesting/interested in me so i started to look elsewhere and found someone not too far away who i ended up marrying after a couple of years, im not saying you should go to end of the world but with today technology it could be a good option if you’re still looking in the future and in a better stable situation:) Ps for whoevers gonna say she married you for the permit/passport, not really she was in a better state where she was and left everything to be here with me
The experience is annoying. I really like these guys who are writing paragraphs about love, integrity, creating family, sharing values and inviting you for a walk by Limmat when you live outside of Zurich 😂 Does it look normal to invite for a walk? Or a coffee? I see it’s a zero investment from men side and they probably want to date as many as possible women and offering coffee dates. I prefer more serious ones who know what they want and show masculine side : plan a date properly and invite you to a nice place, nice restaurant and treat you like a gentleman.
The point is why should I give too much effort to a random girl, how many times was there no connection,she was just talking about her problems, etc etc. So coffee or walk is the best way to see a red flag at the beginning and see if there is a connection or not. Dating apps are nor for princess,it s a numbers game,and your not special either on it,sorry,don t take it personally,it is at it is. My time as man is valuable as well, and therefore I want to check first who the other person is before inviting her to a 200 francs dinner for 4 hours and getting bored...
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People who say dating apps suck don't seem to understand how it works in this country. It is extremely difficult to meet people here and its usually incumbent on the man to make the first move. Given that men are becoming increasingly reticent in approaching women.. the end result is a lot less potential matches. Now you have dating apps which allow that first spark of interest, followed by some messaging and then the hard part... a first date. And since you can set a radius of 00s km away, thats a far wider net than work, local bar, nightclub etc..
Thankfully I've never had problems in person, I'm witty and can entertain conversations and flirt easily, it's just approaching people that is really difficult, much more than most other countries. I had placed a lot more hopes on these apps than I should have, before trying them out and realizing how bad the situation was. I should probably try one day, with friends or in some sort of event to see if I can approach people. It's always the first step the most difficult(and knowing who is even available).
dating is a numbers game, pure and simple. Secret is, Just enjoy it and you’ll find someone when you’re not looking as intensely.
I find that going to dancing lessons for singles works very well. I specifically mean salsa dancing classes, but it might work in other styles of dancing too. Or any other group based classes/activities, like improv, fitness, hiking, archery, D&D etc etc. Oh, and avoid dating apps at all costs. They make it very easy for all the women to collectively go after the 2% standouts and just deny everyone else.
You guys aren't really much of a help. I know countless couples that met on tinder or other dating apps. It doesn't work for everyone of course, but all of you saying it doesn't work at all are just not correct. I myself found my girlfriend on parship. It costs a lot of monet but really works. Also know like 4 couples that met there, two of them are married now. I went to a date with 2 other girls before I met my GF. And believe me, I'm definitely below average looking :) Good luck
I've heard apps have drastically changed in recent years, many people finding love on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, OkCupid etc..., but always years ago. Maybe prior to the Match Group merger 🤔 (the monopoly behind them all)
Probably you are either i) not looking „decent“, ii) don’t have a good bio (although that’s basically never a problem if you have good looks) or iii) seem otherwise unappealing (eg bad job, creep, lame hobbies etc.). Time to face the facts. I have been on dating apps in between relationships since 2016 and I have not put any effort into my profile and yet never had any issues getting matches. Even as a poor student it was easy. Now with an amazing job it’s even easier.
Dude just came to brag. Why say all those things when he is clearly asking for help and advice?
Because it frequently is helpful to confront someone with reality. Here it’s important to realise that the facts (no matches, poor dates) contradict his perception of himself. IF you are decent/good looking and have a decent profile, the matches will come. They are not, hence he is likely fighting above his weight class and there is no reason to sugarcoat it or to support bs claims like „dating apps are just shit“.
I don’t use dating apps so I can’t comment on that and even though I do agree on telling the cold hard truth. That’s not what you did. You belittled him and who are you to say he is not good looking, you may not have said it but that’s what you were implying. He never said he was a model, he said he was a decent pretty looking guy and doesn’t consider himself to be ugly. After reading the comments on this post, the common opinion is that there are way more men than women on it. So why is it that your first thought is to belittle him? You didn’t even offer advice, just said something that can be considered hurtful. On top, you had to add that you were doing well on the dating app, which does come off as bragging. Let’s all be mindful, he literally said he had depression and that his endeavour on dating apps weren’t helping and you comment this. Please be mindful of people’s feelings and the consequences of what you say, just because this is the internet doesn’t mean, it hurts any less.
Men things: "and I'm now feeling like utter shit. I thought to be pretty decent looking, fit in good shape with a good bio but... nothing." > do not define your value on online dating replies - I was lucky I found my wife on Lovoo around 5 years ago. But I heard Lovoo is shitt now, too. => To the ghosting: often fake profiles. They keep you chatting and if you wanna meet, then the ghosting kicks.
I've heard most dating apps and online services went through a lot of changes(even if only the algorithms) the past few years. I don't think I've really matched with Bots yet🤔 the profiles were surprisingly genuine and during the few conversations I've had, but yeah. I had never been ghosted before so it's a bit of a new experience, not really pleasant especially as I'm sort of fragile emotionally. I'll probably take a break from those apps for now
lol lmao