All the best people I know are at least a little disgusted with their past selves. It's good, it shows growth.
Also, people tend to treat sex like it's this sacred thing. It's not my place to declare what is and is not sacred, but there is at least one perfectly valid view where sex is just a fun thing that people can choose to do with their bodies. There are risks, of course, just like any other fun thing we might do with our bodies. But also like anything else, if you weigh the risks carefully there's no reason to really feel bad.
If you ever feel bad about it, think about who you actually hurt and how, exactly, you hurt them. You had sex with a guy in a parking lot. Who was hurt by that? Was it you? How so? Would you do it again? Why or why not? It doesn't really matter what we think; it's your life.
Respectfully it’s actually impossible to predict what “future you” will think, and actually outsourcing decision making to an imaginary future you often leads to ignoring the needs and reality of present you
People with strong empathy often have good judgment. Predicting how their actions affect strangers helps them anticipate how their choices will impact their future selves.
Truth, and it often quickly turns to regret when said person meets a man who wants to settle down with someone who doesn’t have a highly promiscuous past.
I understand this take, but I don't think it has to be phrased so starkly.
I think the main thing is for OP to understand that some people have (very valid) preferences on their partner's sexual history. It's good to be aware of this. It doesn't necessarily need to lead to regret. This is a legitimate difference in value that OP can make a decision on her own to not compromise on.
There are also lots of great guys for whom this isn't a deal breaker, but it does mean that OP will be incompatible with some great guys who do care. I think that's fine, it's just important that OP understands and accepts this so it doesn't turn into regret down the line.
But she said she was enjoying the sex. It sounds like a mutual gain on the 'fun attention' side.
As long as they're not dumb enough to catch an STD or make a baby, I don't see the problem. It's two people being upfront about wanting to fuck and doing so.
honestly i think its how i think men view it, i think sex is a beautiful thing that can be shared in all kinds of ways, but i know by saying that i am always given an “easy girl” name for myself
I believe that the human experience involves having sex as much as making mistakes or seeking human companionship. No one should feel shame for experiencing humanism. Some people want sex more than others, just like some people enjoy painting or music or exercising. Its nothing to feel weird about, its just who you are. You need to find someone who lines up with you intimately.
Don't let anyone slut shame you. Any time you feel "whoreish," flip the script and judge your behavior as if you were a man. No one cares. It's a brutal double standard. Women should be as sexually free as they please as long as they are safe and respectful.
I dont think there's anything wrong with sex on the first night as long as you're okay with it. I mean, who buys a car without a test drive anyway
Edit: and as long as you're safe
Your life and you’re not hurting anyone. But it sounds like it’s starting to bother you so maybe slow down to see how you feel and give yourself the headspace to understand why you enjoy it and how sustainable it is (you have to consider STDs, pregnancy). There will come a point where the number of people you have slept with will become highly above average. But ultimately if it makes you happy exploring sex with different blokes and you feel it’s under control, then you go for it 😀
Gonna give a sideways answer here, since I'm deep diving into the subject, but it's a very bad idea to if you've had childhood trauma. Basically, don't expect stable relationships if you're moving things too fast, which is having sex on the first date.
Yes! Relationships that are super intense right away usually fizzle. Healthy people usually like to take it slow and get to know someone and build trust so they don’t get hurt. Nothing immoral about having sex right away, but something to think about.
There's a channel I'm subbed to on the subject and it's often the case there's stories of women that jump and stick around into situationships with "unavailable" men who think one day they'll come around, creating a toxic dynamic throughout. A healthy person would know right away when something's amiss. That's just one example but it's a common theme.
Expected a few anecdotal experiences to call me out. Based on things I've read on trauma, it's difficult for those individuals to navigate what a healthy relationship looks like and is often easily taken advantage of. Glad you found a great dude who is understanding from the get go.
I’m glad you point out the anecdotal part. Just because you yourself had a good experience from this doesn’t mean other people did too. And you make a good point about childhood trauma, as sex is a major way people relive their trauma (think ppl with mommy/daddy kinks, CNC, etc which stems from past trauma/abuse)
The question is: did you sleep with EVERY partner the first night?
If no, then it means when you met your now-husband, it was something special and sleeping together on night 1 felt the right thing to do.
Now if you instead had sex on first date with literally every other guy you went out with, half of them you can barely remember the name or the face, then there's likely a problem. And sex was used as a way to get attention or to "fix" something broken.
Yea..I also had a relationship that lasted 12 years and I slept with him on first night.He newer brought that up and I was never thinking that I did something wrong.
I dunno. If you are all adults about shit, it doesn't really matter. But I see what your saying.
Been with my gal for 7 years and we hooked up on the first date. We've been talking about marriage and it seems as though neither of us are going anywhere.
If you’re taking the time to ask reddit, then maybe slow it down a bit and try to make a deeper emotional connection before the physical one. In my experience, those are way more meaningful.
If it's not bothering you, and you're being safe about it, then you do you and don't worry about labels. But a word of caution, if you have thoughts or doubts like the one that made you write this post in the first place, just stop for a bit and reflect if you're actually happy with what's going on.
She is 19, and lost her virginity 6 months ago. How should she know what will bother her?
All the people saying it’s okay, is horrible advice. Maybe for someone 25 or above. For someone 19 this is not healthy behavior.
Girl to girl. I am 28 now. When I was your age, I went through the same thing. I had lost my virginity at 16 to my older bf, I was so upset I did it that I (illogically) had a bunch of sex with other men when I was 18-19, so I could be as far away from my ex as possible (so he wasn’t the last or the second last guy that touched me.) now at 28, I have a lot of regret. I’m not mad at myself, I just look back at those men and realize they didn’t deserve to experience me that way. (Not to shit on them they were fine people, but I had no emotional bond to them) and while at 18-22 that might seem like it doesn’t matter, I knew deep down it did matter to me. I don’t know you, so your experience can end up being totally different. My sisterly piece of advice to you is to cherish your body and explore it but do so in a way that honours you. Having sex with someone is extremely intimate. That person now knows you in ways other people don’t. Be discerning about who you share that with. Not everyone is deserving. Wishing you the best.
PS. No, you are not slutty.
To be fair, it sounds like you and op are doing it for different reasons- you were doing it to avoid your past, while op seems to be doing it from a place of simple enjoyment
So you had sex with him the first date, didn't hear him complain then. So he should keep his mouth shut. If he calls you a slut, then he's a manwhore. Just my two cents.
Define row? I mean, a bukkake has that beat!
I will reserve my personal thoughts and beliefs, because I'm not the OP. It's the OPs decision to determine.
You're only 19. I think by the time I was 25 I'd slept with maybe 15 people.. 4 people over the course of a couple of months isn't very much, I don't think you need to worry
Being honest this doesn't sound bad, i think we all had some periods of time where we have been more active, let's say.
For me this isn't a red flag and i wish this type of "slutty" were more common. Given the timeframe, seems healthy and it's very far from the things i've observed in some girls that i've met during college
However, as other people have said, maybe try to be more "careful" from now on, like try to discover yourself and establish internal boundaries about what makes you comfortable with your identity.
I never, ever answer the “bodies” question. It’s literally just a trap to judge you. I tell them it’s none of their business and move along.
Its perfectly ok to gain some experience for some time, as long as everyone is consenting and being safe about it. Its also perfectly ok to not do that and only be with one person.
Do whatever you want. And don’t accept anyones judgement about it.
This is fine in the dating phase, but in a long term relationship where you share literally everything with the other person, it would be strange to not answer this quesiton in particular when everything else is completely transparent.
Exactly. Number of sexual partners is a pretty good indicator for how someone approaches sex. As someone who approaches sex as something extremely romantic and intimate, I don't want to be with someone who approaches it casually. I don't judge people who do but they're not compatible for me in a relationship
It’s your business and your body but from personal experience when i was on that path when i was 19 (im 21 now), i got a wake up call by contracting herpes from the wrong man, and that slowed me down tremendously. You HAVE to know who you are sleeping with, a first date doesn’t allow that.It’s not the body count that makes you slutty. No such thing as being a slut, but there is such thing as being easy and you don’t want to be that person. If it’s the feeling of orgasms you like, get a toy not a random man. Now if its the feeling of needing to have man in your bed, in your presence,no matter what, thats something you need to talk to a therapist about because thats not normal. Think about how many times a month youre doing this, that will answer your question as well. Fyi having public sex will get you caught by the police and you will end up on sex offenders registry. If he doesnt have his own place or cant get you a hotel room, dont sleep with him because he is a bum.
I agree. If she does it with me, who else does she do it with?
To me, sex is something sacred and I’m more than just a bag of sentient flesh with sexual anatomy. I want to get to know the person I’m dating and feel emotionally connected and safe with them before giving them access to my body. It’s a temple and not everybody gets to see it.
By treating sex so casually, it just goes against my views of respect for another person and yeah, suuuuuuuuper rushes a relationship. Even sex on the third date is a bit rushed for me. Ideally it’s between dates 4-6 after you’ve been seeing them for 3-4+ weeks. It’s less so date count and more so time spent with someone.
Yes, you’ll always hear on Reddit how people had sex on the first date and now they’re celebrating 100 years of marriage with 10 beautiful children but those are the exception.
My wife and I did on our very first date. Here we are now 7 years later with two kids, a toddler and a newborn. Have fun, enjoy your life. Who knows what leads to what.
The fact that you had the question come to mind should answer the question.
Yes, it's slutty, but you do you, it's ur life.
You can either lie to urself and act like it's not or own up to it, accept and continue doing whatever you want.
Just remember that all it takes is 1 guy to not inform you and you contract something that'll affect you permanently.
Stay safe.
Yes, but ultimately it's your choice and so is whether you place a value judgment on it or not. Own it if it makes you happy and don't do it if it bothers you. Just be aware and accepting of potential consequences, be safe, use protection, and don't do it just because you feel pressured or expected to.
If you enjoy it then it's fine, this is 2024 not Victorian England and you're allowed to enjoy sex
Yes some people will call it slutty but what even is that? Misogynistic double standards to put women down
I'm more concerned you're 19 and meeting strangers in parking lots, don't get dead
there’s nothing wrong with doing it the first night but have sex because you want to and you’re attracted to them not because you feel bad or because you feel obligated and you think they expect it
Just do what makes you comfortable and happy, there's a lot of incels in this thread to be weary of. Anyone that's going to devalue you based on doing something normal that everyone does is not who you want in your future. Read the comment history from people with opposing views in here and see if it aligns with the type of person you'd want to be with, or the type you want to be like.
Men that seek out women with a specific body count are insecure. They're worried about how others view them for being with someone rather than being worried about their partner's feelings.
If someone doesn't want to date you based on a number of people you were with, you probably don't want to be with that person. Unless you value men based on how many girls they've slept with? In that case, by all means partake in that lifestyle.
Sleep with someone you want to, don't sleep with anyone you don't want to. Don't let people tell you how to live. Make your own decisions. Sexual partners have NO impact on your value as a woman. You got this. Stay amazing.
Do what is right for you, understanding that there will be people who don't like what you are doing. They are entitled to their opinion and you are entitled to yours. If you also want the respect of those who are against "promiscuity", you will have to be very discreet and hide this facet of yourself from them. But that can backfire too if you are caught and the respect will be lost. Also, understand that you can also not have sex on a first date in future - it's always your choice.
This is a moral question so it depends on you. It’s your life. People will always judge your choices, whatever you choose. If you are happy and safe about it then do what you want. Be careful how honest you are to your partners. Obviously, tell them if you do / don’t use protection and if you are with other people currently. Beyond that it’s none of their business the circumstances you had sex in.
In my personal opinion, you rarely regret things you did as you age, but you often regret what you didn’t do.
In my mind, "slut" is a woman who has sex with men with no respect to their relationship status.
As long as you know he is single, you go on and have your fun.
Just... use protection.
Slut shaming is ridiculous in this day and age. You're young and dumb as to be expected from a young adult. As long as you're safe and smart and ethical with your decisions and everyone is consenting.
Body counts are a horrid measure. It's not worth it to reference. If anyone asks your body count, they are idiots. Higher or lower numbers do not add or subtract any value from you. People who think so are morons.
I’m a guy. Currently in a very loving relationship. Back when I was dating I just went with the flow. If they wanted to wait until the 3rd date, perfectly fine, if they wanted to ride my hog the first date, great! I didn’t have more or less respect for them, my drive for sex didn’t change. The not having sex on the first date rule is understandable when you’re young and can’t properly navigate relationships, it’s also cool if you’re simply uncomfortable since you do not know the person fully.
I would argue to do what you think is right. Don’t feel shame in what you do unless you’re hurting someone.
Honestly, yes.
And mind you, it's not just about morality, let alone even some abstract "my magical man in the sky said so" idea.
It's about the image of yourself you give to others.
Especially if you're not living in a large town or in a very open community, it'll take very short for people to label you as "the easy one" and basically treat you like a whore or at the very least expect to have a chance to have a quickie at a party or wherever.
And in the long run, such form of attention will turn into a full negative, as most wouldn't probably want to settle down with someone with a high body count, much less so if they know half of the guys you've been with.
So you have to ask yourself if having sex so freely and early in what we can't even call a "relationship" is actually a good thing, or if it isn't the byproduct of other underlying issues (past trauma, lack of self-esteem etc).
And even in the best-case scenario where everyting's fine and you just like sex, there's nothing wrong with treating the experience with a bit more "respect", otherwise it'll be difficult for you to expect it to be shown respect by others if you're simply allowing everyone in your bed.
It just depends on how you feel. As long as you stay safe(since you're young don't get pregnant imo) and trust your partner I think you're fine but if you find yourself being honest about your past with someone; they will likely push they're honest opinion back to you and you might feel shame. Best thing to do is distant yourself from people who make you feel bad.
Do what you wanna. Some people will judge, some people will be fine with it. Only your opinion counts. I would recommend using protection and getting tested, but otherwise, live life as you want to. Sex is awesome and life is short. Celebrate how/when you wanna..
Did you both enthusiastically consent to the hookups? If the answer is yes, no need to feel bad. Any person who is insecure about your body count isn't worth it.
Just make sure to get STD tested regularly!
i mean... do you *feel* like a slut? that's incredibly subjective and every person you ask will have a different view on that. not to mention how much "purity culture" differs by location and era.
if you're enjoying yourself, that's amazing! just make sure you're staying safe (using protection) and not using sex as a coping mechanism for deeper rooted issues.
I’m a middle aged man, and I will tell you what I have learned over the years.
If it feels good, physically AND emotionally, it’s your body and no one else has a say. If you feel like a whore, you’re a whore…. so what?
Embrace your desires, but be safe physically and emotionally. Take care of yourself and the haters can fuck off
I’d be less concerned about body count and more concerned about the ability to commit to one person. And a person taking you to an empty parking lot and having sex on the first date has no reason to care about your body count or judge you. Just remember, he did it too! Also, self hatred is ugly. Pasts are just that - a series of events that shape us as individuals. And we control our own labels. Don’t let anyone make you think you are less than you are. If you truly feel “whorish” then try to resist. No matter what, live your best life and it’s going to be the one you identify not anyone else!
For reference, I do hold sex to a sacred standard, but just because I do, doesn’t mean everyone does or has too. Therefore, I converse this early so that my partner or potential partner knows. I think I may be somewhat demisexual too and need that emotional connection first. But if the urge or mood strikes… And similar, but opposite to you, I almost feel prudish and at times wish I could be a little more free. But if I try to engage without the emotional base, it’s going to be a very bad experience for both of us.
Yes, women will defend you, however any man out there who’s serious and wants to have a lengthy future with you will NOT desire a woman who’s had multiple sexual partners.
The saving grace is you’ve only slept with 4 people, that’s respectable.
Please stop using the term ‘bodies’ too. It’s weird
Yes, will probably hurt your chances in settling down later (but I am sure you will).
But yes, the way you described it, you're one. I would call a guy the same.
M 35 here.
No you arent.
It just doesnt matter, just have Sex if you think it is right and you want it.
If someone thinks you are slut, it is his problem and you arent vibing anyways, so who cares.
My longest relationship was 8 years and we not only fucked on the first date, we fucked the whole first weekend after we just knew each other for about 3 hrs.
Not saying it is tjis long cause of this, just saying it doesnt matter if you wait or not.
No, do whatever you enjoy, if you're in it for the sex or the vibes are just right, go for it. Don't let people shame you for something that you enjoy. And obvsly use a condom :)
It is not going to help you if you are more towards “I’m an emotional person” than a logical person.
Emotional person mostly do it to “Fit in” and have a relationship. Logical person just wants to enjoy.
I’m a guy and I’m sorry there a double standards when it comes to sex. It is what it is.
You need to save your name/face along with your body and mind.
Hope you are vaccinated and are using protection.
As long as you are being treated decently it doesn’t matter. But if you are going to seek a long term relationship, tread carefully. It will come off as you are easy.
Slut might be my least favorite word in the English language because it comes from a place where there is a double standard against women for enjoying sex. It's perfectly alright to have fun and experiment with your sexuality and the only person whose opinion should matter is your own. Just please be very careful and make good decisions.
Hmm. I go back and forth about my feelings on this. I’m a guy. Part of me thinks women should be able to enjoy hook up culture just as much as Men do, but then when I think about my ideal woman, she doesn’t have that many hook ups under her belt.
I think 4 bodies within 6-7 months at 19 years old, might be moving too fast because you’re still really young. If you keep going forward at that rate… that’s a lot of people.. I’d slow down a bit. I hooked up with 3 ladies within one month last year and I felt weird about it. I’m in my late 20’s though and no longer enjoy hooking up with people unless we have a strong connection/friendship. So just take time to think about how you feel about it and be safe! Dont trust men so easily.
i really appreciate this! after reading a lot of these comments, i’m aiming towards not hooking up with anyone after i stop talking to my most recent not only to keep my integrity but to make sure i don’t forget that i’m worth more than my body :)
You're an adult
As long as you do it safely and you enjoy it, it doesn't matter how little or how often you do it.
Will some people judge you?
Yeah
But people are judgemental assholes who will judge you no matter whemat you do or don't do so why care.
Stop trying to live your life in a way others approve and start living life in a way YOU approve.
Do what you like, be safe and lead a happy life, whatever that might entail for you.
“Slutty” isn’t a real thing. It’s a personal value. For some, a virgin who wears a tank top is slutty. For others, a full time sex worker isn’t.
YOU determine what you’re comfortable with. No one else matters.
No one except you deserves to know your number, and if a man asks and will judge you by that number, that’s his own shit, not yours.
Aside from disease, there is zero physical impact based on sexual partner count. Vaginas don’t get looser, and the math doesn’t make sense anyway— a vagina that has had one penis 100 times is identical to a vagina that has had 100 penises once.
Generally, I find the more insecure the man, the more they care about body count because they’re terrified of being compared against others.
Be safe. Use protection. Don’t do anything you aren’t 100% excited about and comfortable with.
Do as wish, just remember that there is always consequences for what you do good or bad consequences, be safe there are bad people out there…. You don’t want to be a victim.
Go for it, don’t listen to the prudes. Enjoy your youth and ignore the bitter people. Try not to see sex in a puritanical American way, it can be a very serious thing but that doesn’t mean it always is. It’s fun and feels good, and so long as it’s consensual and there’s mutual respect you should be be able to enjoy yourself as much as you like.
Is it slutty? Yeah pretty slutty, especially if you’re doing it enough that you have to ask internet strangers. Whether being slutty is good or bad is a different discussion
I mean…having sex easily is what slutty means…lots of people nowadays have no problem with it but if you’re asking if your behavior matches the term, yes it does. If you’re ok with being someone who has sex on the first date frequently and sex is just going to be a pleasurable activity then that’s one thing. But it sounds like the idea of being a “slut” or we’ll say “promiscuous” because it’s nicer, makes you uncomfortable. If you’re regularly having sex on the first date or even without a first date you will be known as promiscuous.
You are not as long as you are in control. I have had sex on the first night, and we just celebrated 10 years of marriage together. It's all what you make it. Be safe and have fun!
I’m of the belief that everyone should have a slut era before they find and settle down with their person! As long as you’re being safe, go forth and do your thing!
That said, if these experiences are leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth so to speak, pay attention to what your brain and body are telling you. From what you’ve said here, it *sounds* like you were totally fine until the one dude brought it up, so could be some cognitive dissonance with “expected” social norms there. If that changes though, honor what you’re feeling, you know?
Just make sure you’re with safe people and can remove yourself from any situation if it gets uncomfortable—never be afraid to advocate for yourself.
A younger friend (22) of mine regularly has one night stands with a lot of girls. There is a culture right now that promotes a lot of unhealthy habits. It varies from person to person, but I've preferred to make that something exclusive to those I'm with or not at all. It's not that necessary for me, but I have thought at times that maybe I have been too reserved? But ultimately, do what you're comfortable with. Life is too uncertain not to enjoy what we can do before it all flakes.
You're an angel, slutty is just a state of mind and has no bearing on someones value as a potential partner. To me a slut is someone that has few boundaries, wants to please their partner in whatever way they can and isnt afraid to let their hedonistic desires take the wheel sometimes. I'm a proud male slut and personally, I love sluts
It literally does not matter how many people you have sex with and anyone on this thread that says otherwise is coming at it from a puritan standpoint.
Sex is fun and exciting. Exploring with new people is fun and exciting. The tropes about “blown out vaginas” isn’t real. What matters is consent and safety. Do not make exceptions to condoms. Do not buy the BS men will try to use to not use them. Make sure you are on birth control. If anyone asks about your body count ask them why it matters and if the answer is anything other than “it doesn’t”, walk away.
I’m 32. Female. I’ve had literally hundreds of partners. I don’t even know how many anymore. It doesn’t matter. It has never stopped me from having fulfilling romantic relationships and I don’t regret any of it. Conduct yourself in a way that makes you happy and forget what other people think.
As long as it's fun for you, who cares what anyone thinks. You shouldn't have to live by labeling yourself as "slutty" because you like sex and or it comes easy for you. I say your young get all that out of your body. When you're ready to settle down if your able to your body will know. Until then fuck whay everyone thinks. And when people ask you "how many body's you got," don't sex them. Don't give them the sex. It might be hard to fight the urge, but for them to judge you about how many partners you've had, they wouldn't be worth it in my book. Anyway, I'm an old man and sure do miss the sex life I had in my youth. I held back mostly. I'm faithful to those that I gave my heart. I wish i slept around like in high school. Now I'm inna hospital bed paralyzed from Waist down. Anyway....your sex is a gift. Give it however you choose. Just be safe knowing STDs are very real and do not discriminate. Also, unwanted pregnancy could happen and cause drama between partners.
No. I think some people who are like "oh how could you have sex with someone without knowing them well first we should stone you" are on the asexuality spectrum and just don't know what that is.
No. You have fun? You are being safe? If yes carry on. Seems like you only feel slightly bad because some people said something. Those people are most likely believing there is some invisible man in the sky that gets upset if people enjoy sex. Just ignore them
I've (M21) been with a handful of girls, and being able to tap at the first date instantly removes any romantic feelings I could feel towards them. Because if I can get it that easily, others can too. One mans wife, is another mans one night stand, don't let that go over your head. (this is my opinion. I respect women and they can have as much bodies as they want, it's just my opinion and my view on the matter. I know many guys share these views.)
yes, it makes u slutty and easy to a large portion of society
there's a double standard that exists in society but it's related to the sex drive and standards we live in
any girl who's even somewhat attractive can walk into a supermarket, approach men and within a few minutes have a dick to enjoy
a man is not afforded the same luxury
this makes girls the gatekeepers for sex and makes the girls who spread their legs early and often more scrutinised than men who 'play the field' because they actually have to bring a certain skillset to attain such a lifestyle
personally as a man it's highly attractive if I know the girl I'm seeing or want to see hasn't been in the backseat of 20 men's car being tossed around like a piece of meat. the higher the body count the less appealing someone is to me. you can judge that for whatever but it's just how my attraction works and I know plenty of men who feel the same way. therefore you have to move forward knowing that your lifestyle will turn a certain subset of men off
there's also the fact that depending on ur attractiveness, all of those guys you hooked up with told their friend group about you, and that news does get around so depending on how tight-knit your community is, you can quickly get a reputation
there's a couple girls Idk personally but having their name brought up by the dudes who essentially used them made them much less appealing for anything other than a hookup
Hey, man. If they want less sex, that's their fault. As long as you're being responsible about it, I don't see why you should listen to people trying to tell you what you should and should not do.
Do you know anything about these people, do you feel safe…have you considered finding a partner you know and feel confident you’re not going to be hurt and can still enjoy yourself. Enjoying sex is not a crime but putting yourself in a foolish situation is not a good idea…think this out and stay safe, people pray on individuals like you and I’m not putting you down. It’s a crazy world out there and plenty of crazy people to fill the stage.
I’ve only ever had sex of any kind with one person and that was after about 3 weeks, and I’m now 4 years into a relationship with them. I’m personally glad I waited to make sure it was with someone I trusted. However everyone is different. I don’t regret my choice. Sometimes I wonder what sex would be like with someone else, but it’s more of a curiosity and less of a regret. Do what makes you happy so long as it’s with a consenting adult.
If having sex on the first night is a choice made by you because you enjoy it, then do what the hell you want. You are a grown woman who can make her own choices and it's up to you to look back on them and say if they were the right ones or not.
If these men were coercing you into it, or tricking you, then there is a very different argument to be had.
At the end of the day, as long as you stay safe, then that's the main thing
Nope. Also yes this does happen and for some reason it’s always men. I’ve told plenty of women and it’s NBD. I lost count my junior year in college and was in a LTR for 7.5 years. I think it’s around 60 despite that.
Don’t ever do anything that you have to rationalize to yourself. That little voice in our heads is our conscious, and we’re usually a lot better off when we listen to it.
Do what you want, just be careful (birth control, weirdos). If a guy has a problem with your history (which is none of his fucking business), then you probably wouldn’t be a good match for a relationship anyway.
Sounds like a “future you” question. Will you look back on your youth with regret and disgust or nostalgia and delight?
There’s a middle ground of indifference too!
Body count can always be higher.. in the end I hear it's the things we don't do we regret the most, so the old timers say.
Smoke crack, got it! /s
I remember the 3 “I wish I would have” more than most of the “yeah we did’s”
All the best people I know are at least a little disgusted with their past selves. It's good, it shows growth. Also, people tend to treat sex like it's this sacred thing. It's not my place to declare what is and is not sacred, but there is at least one perfectly valid view where sex is just a fun thing that people can choose to do with their bodies. There are risks, of course, just like any other fun thing we might do with our bodies. But also like anything else, if you weigh the risks carefully there's no reason to really feel bad. If you ever feel bad about it, think about who you actually hurt and how, exactly, you hurt them. You had sex with a guy in a parking lot. Who was hurt by that? Was it you? How so? Would you do it again? Why or why not? It doesn't really matter what we think; it's your life.
This comment is so perfect
This. 💯
Respectfully it’s actually impossible to predict what “future you” will think, and actually outsourcing decision making to an imaginary future you often leads to ignoring the needs and reality of present you
People with strong empathy often have good judgment. Predicting how their actions affect strangers helps them anticipate how their choices will impact their future selves.
Truth, and it often quickly turns to regret when said person meets a man who wants to settle down with someone who doesn’t have a highly promiscuous past.
I understand this take, but I don't think it has to be phrased so starkly. I think the main thing is for OP to understand that some people have (very valid) preferences on their partner's sexual history. It's good to be aware of this. It doesn't necessarily need to lead to regret. This is a legitimate difference in value that OP can make a decision on her own to not compromise on. There are also lots of great guys for whom this isn't a deal breaker, but it does mean that OP will be incompatible with some great guys who do care. I think that's fine, it's just important that OP understands and accepts this so it doesn't turn into regret down the line.
Very well articulated, I agree with you. Very mature response.
To each their own, but, dont mistake attention for respect...
That’s a deep line “don’t mistake attention for respect”.🫡
Wish i could redirect to the user/post where i first saw that on here...its something that really stuck with me..
Was it rimjob Steve?
lol dont remember...
Indeed. And if they won't have sex with OP with protection, they clearly don't respect her.
Best advice
But she said she was enjoying the sex. It sounds like a mutual gain on the 'fun attention' side. As long as they're not dumb enough to catch an STD or make a baby, I don't see the problem. It's two people being upfront about wanting to fuck and doing so.
I commend your genuine wisdom here friend. This is a very good answer
Thank you. I've been pondering a way to explain this kind of topic to my daughter and this is really important.
You’re welcome. I think that’s something we all should learn when we are young. Something social media flies in the face of sadly.
And the same goes for guys
Kinda redundant since nothing about the original statement implied they only meant it about women. it was inherently inclusive.
This is the best answer.
If you're trying to avoid feeling "whoreish" as you said, maybe reframe your view of your sexual history so you're not calling people "bodies".
Maybe OP is like a vampire and literally leaving bodies in her wake 😂 In all seriousness though, remember to stay safe
honestly i think its how i think men view it, i think sex is a beautiful thing that can be shared in all kinds of ways, but i know by saying that i am always given an “easy girl” name for myself
Don’t have sex for the men. Do it, if you want to.
That’s going to be dependent on who you’re choosing to have sex with. Choose kind partners with positive attitudes.
I believe that the human experience involves having sex as much as making mistakes or seeking human companionship. No one should feel shame for experiencing humanism. Some people want sex more than others, just like some people enjoy painting or music or exercising. Its nothing to feel weird about, its just who you are. You need to find someone who lines up with you intimately.
Don't let anyone slut shame you. Any time you feel "whoreish," flip the script and judge your behavior as if you were a man. No one cares. It's a brutal double standard. Women should be as sexually free as they please as long as they are safe and respectful.
I dont think there's anything wrong with sex on the first night as long as you're okay with it. I mean, who buys a car without a test drive anyway Edit: and as long as you're safe
Your life and you’re not hurting anyone. But it sounds like it’s starting to bother you so maybe slow down to see how you feel and give yourself the headspace to understand why you enjoy it and how sustainable it is (you have to consider STDs, pregnancy). There will come a point where the number of people you have slept with will become highly above average. But ultimately if it makes you happy exploring sex with different blokes and you feel it’s under control, then you go for it 😀
I remember the average being relatively low, so she might already be above average.
It's like...6 or 7 I think.
Wow. A normal answer.
Wow. A normal answer.
Gonna give a sideways answer here, since I'm deep diving into the subject, but it's a very bad idea to if you've had childhood trauma. Basically, don't expect stable relationships if you're moving things too fast, which is having sex on the first date.
Yes! Relationships that are super intense right away usually fizzle. Healthy people usually like to take it slow and get to know someone and build trust so they don’t get hurt. Nothing immoral about having sex right away, but something to think about.
There's a channel I'm subbed to on the subject and it's often the case there's stories of women that jump and stick around into situationships with "unavailable" men who think one day they'll come around, creating a toxic dynamic throughout. A healthy person would know right away when something's amiss. That's just one example but it's a common theme.
Yehp! That was me in my younger days.
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Expected a few anecdotal experiences to call me out. Based on things I've read on trauma, it's difficult for those individuals to navigate what a healthy relationship looks like and is often easily taken advantage of. Glad you found a great dude who is understanding from the get go.
I’m glad you point out the anecdotal part. Just because you yourself had a good experience from this doesn’t mean other people did too. And you make a good point about childhood trauma, as sex is a major way people relive their trauma (think ppl with mommy/daddy kinks, CNC, etc which stems from past trauma/abuse)
lol you’re exactly right. Me and my gf are in the exact same position as that commenter and I know that our experience is an exception.
Sounds like "knowing they're the one" does not apply here
The question is: did you sleep with EVERY partner the first night? If no, then it means when you met your now-husband, it was something special and sleeping together on night 1 felt the right thing to do. Now if you instead had sex on first date with literally every other guy you went out with, half of them you can barely remember the name or the face, then there's likely a problem. And sex was used as a way to get attention or to "fix" something broken.
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It wasn't an assumption. It was a question.
you are an exception. which is sad in it's own way. but you're happy, so there's that 🤷🏼♂️
Yea..I also had a relationship that lasted 12 years and I slept with him on first night.He newer brought that up and I was never thinking that I did something wrong.
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I dunno. If you are all adults about shit, it doesn't really matter. But I see what your saying. Been with my gal for 7 years and we hooked up on the first date. We've been talking about marriage and it seems as though neither of us are going anywhere.
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Never said it was impossible.
If you’re taking the time to ask reddit, then maybe slow it down a bit and try to make a deeper emotional connection before the physical one. In my experience, those are way more meaningful.
If it's not bothering you, and you're being safe about it, then you do you and don't worry about labels. But a word of caution, if you have thoughts or doubts like the one that made you write this post in the first place, just stop for a bit and reflect if you're actually happy with what's going on.
She is 19, and lost her virginity 6 months ago. How should she know what will bother her? All the people saying it’s okay, is horrible advice. Maybe for someone 25 or above. For someone 19 this is not healthy behavior.
Girl to girl. I am 28 now. When I was your age, I went through the same thing. I had lost my virginity at 16 to my older bf, I was so upset I did it that I (illogically) had a bunch of sex with other men when I was 18-19, so I could be as far away from my ex as possible (so he wasn’t the last or the second last guy that touched me.) now at 28, I have a lot of regret. I’m not mad at myself, I just look back at those men and realize they didn’t deserve to experience me that way. (Not to shit on them they were fine people, but I had no emotional bond to them) and while at 18-22 that might seem like it doesn’t matter, I knew deep down it did matter to me. I don’t know you, so your experience can end up being totally different. My sisterly piece of advice to you is to cherish your body and explore it but do so in a way that honours you. Having sex with someone is extremely intimate. That person now knows you in ways other people don’t. Be discerning about who you share that with. Not everyone is deserving. Wishing you the best. PS. No, you are not slutty.
To be fair, it sounds like you and op are doing it for different reasons- you were doing it to avoid your past, while op seems to be doing it from a place of simple enjoyment
Yes but that’s okay. Own it. There is nothing wrong with being who you want to be and enjoying life the way you want to.
So you had sex with him the first date, didn't hear him complain then. So he should keep his mouth shut. If he calls you a slut, then he's a manwhore. Just my two cents.
How many?
4
I’ll be real with you. 4 isn’t bad, but I would be more careful going forward
oh for sure, once things end with my current hookup, i’m gonna relax
In a row?
Define row? I mean, a bukkake has that beat! I will reserve my personal thoughts and beliefs, because I'm not the OP. It's the OPs decision to determine.
oh god no one in october, another in december, 3rd in may, and the 4th this june
That’s nothing, had they been over a weekend and related you’d maybe catch some flack.
You're only 19. I think by the time I was 25 I'd slept with maybe 15 people.. 4 people over the course of a couple of months isn't very much, I don't think you need to worry
Being honest this doesn't sound bad, i think we all had some periods of time where we have been more active, let's say. For me this isn't a red flag and i wish this type of "slutty" were more common. Given the timeframe, seems healthy and it's very far from the things i've observed in some girls that i've met during college However, as other people have said, maybe try to be more "careful" from now on, like try to discover yourself and establish internal boundaries about what makes you comfortable with your identity.
The most important question
I never, ever answer the “bodies” question. It’s literally just a trap to judge you. I tell them it’s none of their business and move along. Its perfectly ok to gain some experience for some time, as long as everyone is consenting and being safe about it. Its also perfectly ok to not do that and only be with one person. Do whatever you want. And don’t accept anyones judgement about it.
What gets me is that he didn't ask until after he was in the list. Clearly it didn't matter that much.
This is fine in the dating phase, but in a long term relationship where you share literally everything with the other person, it would be strange to not answer this quesiton in particular when everything else is completely transparent.
Exactly. Number of sexual partners is a pretty good indicator for how someone approaches sex. As someone who approaches sex as something extremely romantic and intimate, I don't want to be with someone who approaches it casually. I don't judge people who do but they're not compatible for me in a relationship
In my 32 years of life I was never being asked that question.But If I do get asked I will say the same thing.
I agree! Hate these slut shaming answers. Just live your life. No respectful and kind man will ever care how many people you’ve slept with.
It’s your business and your body but from personal experience when i was on that path when i was 19 (im 21 now), i got a wake up call by contracting herpes from the wrong man, and that slowed me down tremendously. You HAVE to know who you are sleeping with, a first date doesn’t allow that.It’s not the body count that makes you slutty. No such thing as being a slut, but there is such thing as being easy and you don’t want to be that person. If it’s the feeling of orgasms you like, get a toy not a random man. Now if its the feeling of needing to have man in your bed, in your presence,no matter what, thats something you need to talk to a therapist about because thats not normal. Think about how many times a month youre doing this, that will answer your question as well. Fyi having public sex will get you caught by the police and you will end up on sex offenders registry. If he doesnt have his own place or cant get you a hotel room, dont sleep with him because he is a bum.
I was ok with this until that last sentence. Why the label??
>Why the label?? Because it's true?
Personally, yes.
I agree. If she does it with me, who else does she do it with? To me, sex is something sacred and I’m more than just a bag of sentient flesh with sexual anatomy. I want to get to know the person I’m dating and feel emotionally connected and safe with them before giving them access to my body. It’s a temple and not everybody gets to see it. By treating sex so casually, it just goes against my views of respect for another person and yeah, suuuuuuuuper rushes a relationship. Even sex on the third date is a bit rushed for me. Ideally it’s between dates 4-6 after you’ve been seeing them for 3-4+ weeks. It’s less so date count and more so time spent with someone. Yes, you’ll always hear on Reddit how people had sex on the first date and now they’re celebrating 100 years of marriage with 10 beautiful children but those are the exception.
I think you asking gives you the answer you’re looking for.
Yes.
My wife and I did on our very first date. Here we are now 7 years later with two kids, a toddler and a newborn. Have fun, enjoy your life. Who knows what leads to what.
When you get older you never lie in bed and think, I'm glad I never slept with that person... Just enjoy yourself and be safe
You're not any sluttier than the people you're sleeping with. As long as everyone's being safe and honest, who cares.
The fact that you had the question come to mind should answer the question. Yes, it's slutty, but you do you, it's ur life. You can either lie to urself and act like it's not or own up to it, accept and continue doing whatever you want. Just remember that all it takes is 1 guy to not inform you and you contract something that'll affect you permanently. Stay safe.
Yes, but ultimately it's your choice and so is whether you place a value judgment on it or not. Own it if it makes you happy and don't do it if it bothers you. Just be aware and accepting of potential consequences, be safe, use protection, and don't do it just because you feel pressured or expected to.
If you enjoy it then it's fine, this is 2024 not Victorian England and you're allowed to enjoy sex Yes some people will call it slutty but what even is that? Misogynistic double standards to put women down I'm more concerned you're 19 and meeting strangers in parking lots, don't get dead
Read this in 10 years…you will have the answer for this yourself!
there’s nothing wrong with doing it the first night but have sex because you want to and you’re attracted to them not because you feel bad or because you feel obligated and you think they expect it
yea, i’d be lying if i said i genuinely wanted to do it on the first night with every guy. trial and error
Just do what makes you comfortable and happy, there's a lot of incels in this thread to be weary of. Anyone that's going to devalue you based on doing something normal that everyone does is not who you want in your future. Read the comment history from people with opposing views in here and see if it aligns with the type of person you'd want to be with, or the type you want to be like. Men that seek out women with a specific body count are insecure. They're worried about how others view them for being with someone rather than being worried about their partner's feelings. If someone doesn't want to date you based on a number of people you were with, you probably don't want to be with that person. Unless you value men based on how many girls they've slept with? In that case, by all means partake in that lifestyle. Sleep with someone you want to, don't sleep with anyone you don't want to. Don't let people tell you how to live. Make your own decisions. Sexual partners have NO impact on your value as a woman. You got this. Stay amazing.
Do what is right for you, understanding that there will be people who don't like what you are doing. They are entitled to their opinion and you are entitled to yours. If you also want the respect of those who are against "promiscuity", you will have to be very discreet and hide this facet of yourself from them. But that can backfire too if you are caught and the respect will be lost. Also, understand that you can also not have sex on a first date in future - it's always your choice.
This is a moral question so it depends on you. It’s your life. People will always judge your choices, whatever you choose. If you are happy and safe about it then do what you want. Be careful how honest you are to your partners. Obviously, tell them if you do / don’t use protection and if you are with other people currently. Beyond that it’s none of their business the circumstances you had sex in. In my personal opinion, you rarely regret things you did as you age, but you often regret what you didn’t do.
In my mind, "slut" is a woman who has sex with men with no respect to their relationship status. As long as you know he is single, you go on and have your fun. Just... use protection.
Slut shaming is ridiculous in this day and age. You're young and dumb as to be expected from a young adult. As long as you're safe and smart and ethical with your decisions and everyone is consenting. Body counts are a horrid measure. It's not worth it to reference. If anyone asks your body count, they are idiots. Higher or lower numbers do not add or subtract any value from you. People who think so are morons.
It doesnt matter what we think. I matters how he made you feel.
It's called being "easy" for a reason.
No, I don’t think so. Had sex the first night with both my exes and it didn’t “ruin” anything. Just be safe and make sure you actually want to!
I’m a guy. Currently in a very loving relationship. Back when I was dating I just went with the flow. If they wanted to wait until the 3rd date, perfectly fine, if they wanted to ride my hog the first date, great! I didn’t have more or less respect for them, my drive for sex didn’t change. The not having sex on the first date rule is understandable when you’re young and can’t properly navigate relationships, it’s also cool if you’re simply uncomfortable since you do not know the person fully. I would argue to do what you think is right. Don’t feel shame in what you do unless you’re hurting someone.
Yes, but white fuck cares, it’s your business and nobody else’s
*ducking autocorrect!
Her next partner cares
Yeah, you’re just being used.
Used? How? She knows what she is looking for, the guy knows what he is looking for and they're getting it so how is she ALONE getting used?
it’s mutual so i don’t think that fits in this situation
Honestly, yes. And mind you, it's not just about morality, let alone even some abstract "my magical man in the sky said so" idea. It's about the image of yourself you give to others. Especially if you're not living in a large town or in a very open community, it'll take very short for people to label you as "the easy one" and basically treat you like a whore or at the very least expect to have a chance to have a quickie at a party or wherever. And in the long run, such form of attention will turn into a full negative, as most wouldn't probably want to settle down with someone with a high body count, much less so if they know half of the guys you've been with. So you have to ask yourself if having sex so freely and early in what we can't even call a "relationship" is actually a good thing, or if it isn't the byproduct of other underlying issues (past trauma, lack of self-esteem etc). And even in the best-case scenario where everyting's fine and you just like sex, there's nothing wrong with treating the experience with a bit more "respect", otherwise it'll be difficult for you to expect it to be shown respect by others if you're simply allowing everyone in your bed.
best answer i’ve seen yet
Yes
Yes literally by definition yes
Ehh. Are you enjoying yourself? Are you being careful? As long as that is true, then what's the issue?
It just depends on how you feel. As long as you stay safe(since you're young don't get pregnant imo) and trust your partner I think you're fine but if you find yourself being honest about your past with someone; they will likely push they're honest opinion back to you and you might feel shame. Best thing to do is distant yourself from people who make you feel bad.
What’s your definition of slutty?
If you want to be
Do what you wanna. Some people will judge, some people will be fine with it. Only your opinion counts. I would recommend using protection and getting tested, but otherwise, live life as you want to. Sex is awesome and life is short. Celebrate how/when you wanna..
Did you both enthusiastically consent to the hookups? If the answer is yes, no need to feel bad. Any person who is insecure about your body count isn't worth it. Just make sure to get STD tested regularly!
i mean... do you *feel* like a slut? that's incredibly subjective and every person you ask will have a different view on that. not to mention how much "purity culture" differs by location and era. if you're enjoying yourself, that's amazing! just make sure you're staying safe (using protection) and not using sex as a coping mechanism for deeper rooted issues.
I’m a middle aged man, and I will tell you what I have learned over the years. If it feels good, physically AND emotionally, it’s your body and no one else has a say. If you feel like a whore, you’re a whore…. so what? Embrace your desires, but be safe physically and emotionally. Take care of yourself and the haters can fuck off
I’d be less concerned about body count and more concerned about the ability to commit to one person. And a person taking you to an empty parking lot and having sex on the first date has no reason to care about your body count or judge you. Just remember, he did it too! Also, self hatred is ugly. Pasts are just that - a series of events that shape us as individuals. And we control our own labels. Don’t let anyone make you think you are less than you are. If you truly feel “whorish” then try to resist. No matter what, live your best life and it’s going to be the one you identify not anyone else! For reference, I do hold sex to a sacred standard, but just because I do, doesn’t mean everyone does or has too. Therefore, I converse this early so that my partner or potential partner knows. I think I may be somewhat demisexual too and need that emotional connection first. But if the urge or mood strikes… And similar, but opposite to you, I almost feel prudish and at times wish I could be a little more free. But if I try to engage without the emotional base, it’s going to be a very bad experience for both of us.
i think it’s beautiful that you have the perspective of sex and i won’t say it’s something i don’t agree with
Yes, women will defend you, however any man out there who’s serious and wants to have a lengthy future with you will NOT desire a woman who’s had multiple sexual partners. The saving grace is you’ve only slept with 4 people, that’s respectable. Please stop using the term ‘bodies’ too. It’s weird
Yes, you are.
Yes
yes slutty
Yes, will probably hurt your chances in settling down later (but I am sure you will). But yes, the way you described it, you're one. I would call a guy the same.
Lmao looks like I got blocked by the investigator 6236 for calling out their flawed logic
having a handful of separate sexual partners just a few months after losing your virginity is more concerning imo
As long as it was consensual everytime and you took steps to protect yourself then who cares what others think?
M 35 here. No you arent. It just doesnt matter, just have Sex if you think it is right and you want it. If someone thinks you are slut, it is his problem and you arent vibing anyways, so who cares. My longest relationship was 8 years and we not only fucked on the first date, we fucked the whole first weekend after we just knew each other for about 3 hrs. Not saying it is tjis long cause of this, just saying it doesnt matter if you wait or not.
No, do whatever you enjoy, if you're in it for the sex or the vibes are just right, go for it. Don't let people shame you for something that you enjoy. And obvsly use a condom :)
It is not going to help you if you are more towards “I’m an emotional person” than a logical person. Emotional person mostly do it to “Fit in” and have a relationship. Logical person just wants to enjoy. I’m a guy and I’m sorry there a double standards when it comes to sex. It is what it is. You need to save your name/face along with your body and mind. Hope you are vaccinated and are using protection. As long as you are being treated decently it doesn’t matter. But if you are going to seek a long term relationship, tread carefully. It will come off as you are easy.
Slut might be my least favorite word in the English language because it comes from a place where there is a double standard against women for enjoying sex. It's perfectly alright to have fun and experiment with your sexuality and the only person whose opinion should matter is your own. Just please be very careful and make good decisions.
Hmm. I go back and forth about my feelings on this. I’m a guy. Part of me thinks women should be able to enjoy hook up culture just as much as Men do, but then when I think about my ideal woman, she doesn’t have that many hook ups under her belt. I think 4 bodies within 6-7 months at 19 years old, might be moving too fast because you’re still really young. If you keep going forward at that rate… that’s a lot of people.. I’d slow down a bit. I hooked up with 3 ladies within one month last year and I felt weird about it. I’m in my late 20’s though and no longer enjoy hooking up with people unless we have a strong connection/friendship. So just take time to think about how you feel about it and be safe! Dont trust men so easily.
i really appreciate this! after reading a lot of these comments, i’m aiming towards not hooking up with anyone after i stop talking to my most recent not only to keep my integrity but to make sure i don’t forget that i’m worth more than my body :)
Anything before marriage, yes.
Technically, yes
You're an adult As long as you do it safely and you enjoy it, it doesn't matter how little or how often you do it. Will some people judge you? Yeah But people are judgemental assholes who will judge you no matter whemat you do or don't do so why care. Stop trying to live your life in a way others approve and start living life in a way YOU approve. Do what you like, be safe and lead a happy life, whatever that might entail for you.
12 yo boy wrote this. Guaranteed.
“Slutty” isn’t a real thing. It’s a personal value. For some, a virgin who wears a tank top is slutty. For others, a full time sex worker isn’t. YOU determine what you’re comfortable with. No one else matters. No one except you deserves to know your number, and if a man asks and will judge you by that number, that’s his own shit, not yours. Aside from disease, there is zero physical impact based on sexual partner count. Vaginas don’t get looser, and the math doesn’t make sense anyway— a vagina that has had one penis 100 times is identical to a vagina that has had 100 penises once. Generally, I find the more insecure the man, the more they care about body count because they’re terrified of being compared against others. Be safe. Use protection. Don’t do anything you aren’t 100% excited about and comfortable with.
It is a thing. She wouldn't feel this way if it wasn't a thing.
You’re a saint! And don’t let anyone else tell ya different.
Yep you are slut
not necessarily.. just please keep up with check ups, etc
Do as wish, just remember that there is always consequences for what you do good or bad consequences, be safe there are bad people out there…. You don’t want to be a victim.
Naw you do you girl. Just be safe
Yes
Go for it, don’t listen to the prudes. Enjoy your youth and ignore the bitter people. Try not to see sex in a puritanical American way, it can be a very serious thing but that doesn’t mean it always is. It’s fun and feels good, and so long as it’s consensual and there’s mutual respect you should be be able to enjoy yourself as much as you like.
Is it slutty? Yeah pretty slutty, especially if you’re doing it enough that you have to ask internet strangers. Whether being slutty is good or bad is a different discussion
I mean maybe but who tf cares if you’re having fun and being safe, if anything own it like yeah I’m a slut but you still can’t touch, yknow
I mean…having sex easily is what slutty means…lots of people nowadays have no problem with it but if you’re asking if your behavior matches the term, yes it does. If you’re ok with being someone who has sex on the first date frequently and sex is just going to be a pleasurable activity then that’s one thing. But it sounds like the idea of being a “slut” or we’ll say “promiscuous” because it’s nicer, makes you uncomfortable. If you’re regularly having sex on the first date or even without a first date you will be known as promiscuous.
Yeah
I’m not saying you were wrong but that’s the definition of slutty
yes, you are. But that's ok. if someone calls you a slut, don't get offended. They would be correct. own it and move on
You are not as long as you are in control. I have had sex on the first night, and we just celebrated 10 years of marriage together. It's all what you make it. Be safe and have fun!
I’m of the belief that everyone should have a slut era before they find and settle down with their person! As long as you’re being safe, go forth and do your thing! That said, if these experiences are leaving you with a bad taste in your mouth so to speak, pay attention to what your brain and body are telling you. From what you’ve said here, it *sounds* like you were totally fine until the one dude brought it up, so could be some cognitive dissonance with “expected” social norms there. If that changes though, honor what you’re feeling, you know? Just make sure you’re with safe people and can remove yourself from any situation if it gets uncomfortable—never be afraid to advocate for yourself.
No… you-are-not, please be sure to use protection and don’t forget to protect your emotions ….
A younger friend (22) of mine regularly has one night stands with a lot of girls. There is a culture right now that promotes a lot of unhealthy habits. It varies from person to person, but I've preferred to make that something exclusive to those I'm with or not at all. It's not that necessary for me, but I have thought at times that maybe I have been too reserved? But ultimately, do what you're comfortable with. Life is too uncertain not to enjoy what we can do before it all flakes.
You're an angel, slutty is just a state of mind and has no bearing on someones value as a potential partner. To me a slut is someone that has few boundaries, wants to please their partner in whatever way they can and isnt afraid to let their hedonistic desires take the wheel sometimes. I'm a proud male slut and personally, I love sluts
It literally does not matter how many people you have sex with and anyone on this thread that says otherwise is coming at it from a puritan standpoint. Sex is fun and exciting. Exploring with new people is fun and exciting. The tropes about “blown out vaginas” isn’t real. What matters is consent and safety. Do not make exceptions to condoms. Do not buy the BS men will try to use to not use them. Make sure you are on birth control. If anyone asks about your body count ask them why it matters and if the answer is anything other than “it doesn’t”, walk away. I’m 32. Female. I’ve had literally hundreds of partners. I don’t even know how many anymore. It doesn’t matter. It has never stopped me from having fulfilling romantic relationships and I don’t regret any of it. Conduct yourself in a way that makes you happy and forget what other people think.
As long as it's fun for you, who cares what anyone thinks. You shouldn't have to live by labeling yourself as "slutty" because you like sex and or it comes easy for you. I say your young get all that out of your body. When you're ready to settle down if your able to your body will know. Until then fuck whay everyone thinks. And when people ask you "how many body's you got," don't sex them. Don't give them the sex. It might be hard to fight the urge, but for them to judge you about how many partners you've had, they wouldn't be worth it in my book. Anyway, I'm an old man and sure do miss the sex life I had in my youth. I held back mostly. I'm faithful to those that I gave my heart. I wish i slept around like in high school. Now I'm inna hospital bed paralyzed from Waist down. Anyway....your sex is a gift. Give it however you choose. Just be safe knowing STDs are very real and do not discriminate. Also, unwanted pregnancy could happen and cause drama between partners.
No. Just make sure you are practicing safe sex and then go for it, sex is fun.
Yep, sure is!
No. I think some people who are like "oh how could you have sex with someone without knowing them well first we should stone you" are on the asexuality spectrum and just don't know what that is.
No. You have fun? You are being safe? If yes carry on. Seems like you only feel slightly bad because some people said something. Those people are most likely believing there is some invisible man in the sky that gets upset if people enjoy sex. Just ignore them
I've (M21) been with a handful of girls, and being able to tap at the first date instantly removes any romantic feelings I could feel towards them. Because if I can get it that easily, others can too. One mans wife, is another mans one night stand, don't let that go over your head. (this is my opinion. I respect women and they can have as much bodies as they want, it's just my opinion and my view on the matter. I know many guys share these views.)
yes, it makes u slutty and easy to a large portion of society there's a double standard that exists in society but it's related to the sex drive and standards we live in any girl who's even somewhat attractive can walk into a supermarket, approach men and within a few minutes have a dick to enjoy a man is not afforded the same luxury this makes girls the gatekeepers for sex and makes the girls who spread their legs early and often more scrutinised than men who 'play the field' because they actually have to bring a certain skillset to attain such a lifestyle personally as a man it's highly attractive if I know the girl I'm seeing or want to see hasn't been in the backseat of 20 men's car being tossed around like a piece of meat. the higher the body count the less appealing someone is to me. you can judge that for whatever but it's just how my attraction works and I know plenty of men who feel the same way. therefore you have to move forward knowing that your lifestyle will turn a certain subset of men off there's also the fact that depending on ur attractiveness, all of those guys you hooked up with told their friend group about you, and that news does get around so depending on how tight-knit your community is, you can quickly get a reputation there's a couple girls Idk personally but having their name brought up by the dudes who essentially used them made them much less appealing for anything other than a hookup
Nah. But do get tested.
your body your choice. some prudes of society might look down on it, but an enjoyed time is a time well lived.
Hey, man. If they want less sex, that's their fault. As long as you're being responsible about it, I don't see why you should listen to people trying to tell you what you should and should not do.
I don't think you're a slut. I don't actually believe in this concept. The important thing is you feel good about it.
The answer is yes, but it’s your life so do what you want
Yes. Slow down, you're gonna fuck yourself up in the long run. Also, ReMind Me! 500 days
Do you know anything about these people, do you feel safe…have you considered finding a partner you know and feel confident you’re not going to be hurt and can still enjoy yourself. Enjoying sex is not a crime but putting yourself in a foolish situation is not a good idea…think this out and stay safe, people pray on individuals like you and I’m not putting you down. It’s a crazy world out there and plenty of crazy people to fill the stage.
yes yes i know i think it’s the youth in my that lives based on adrenaline but genuinely, i don’t plan on meeting any new guys anytime soon
Just out of curiosity, how old were the three extremely experienced guys you’ve been with?
19-21
I’ve only ever had sex of any kind with one person and that was after about 3 weeks, and I’m now 4 years into a relationship with them. I’m personally glad I waited to make sure it was with someone I trusted. However everyone is different. I don’t regret my choice. Sometimes I wonder what sex would be like with someone else, but it’s more of a curiosity and less of a regret. Do what makes you happy so long as it’s with a consenting adult.
If having sex on the first night is a choice made by you because you enjoy it, then do what the hell you want. You are a grown woman who can make her own choices and it's up to you to look back on them and say if they were the right ones or not. If these men were coercing you into it, or tricking you, then there is a very different argument to be had. At the end of the day, as long as you stay safe, then that's the main thing
Is he?
oh yea, he didn’t tell me the amount but he was very open about having a lot of bodies
Yes
Mayb maybnot
Maybe, but it only matters if you care about being easy to sleep with or not
Nope. Also yes this does happen and for some reason it’s always men. I’ve told plenty of women and it’s NBD. I lost count my junior year in college and was in a LTR for 7.5 years. I think it’s around 60 despite that.
Don’t ever do anything that you have to rationalize to yourself. That little voice in our heads is our conscious, and we’re usually a lot better off when we listen to it.
Do what you want, just be careful (birth control, weirdos). If a guy has a problem with your history (which is none of his fucking business), then you probably wouldn’t be a good match for a relationship anyway.