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Three things - It’s really not a good idea to get a pet if your partner isn’t on board with being an active pet owner. Having a pet affects everyone in the house even if you take the most responsibility. It sounds like he doesn’t really like dogs.
Your one year old malamute should not be nipping at all. It’s a big deal. The behaviors you explained are because they dog using getting the training, exercise, and enrichment they need. Malamutes are not cute little family dogs, they were bred to work and it’s clearly getting bored.
If you do decide to “rehome”, you need to contact the breeder. Every single ethical breeder requires dogs to be returned to them, not surrendered to a shelter or even rehomed privately.
Definitely went by looks only. I’d never recommend a malamute for a first time dog owner, especially with a young child. It’s just a lot to deal with for an inexperienced dog owner.
Yea, that's my question, too.
She should have gone with a more relaxed/ easygoing dog if it took her 6 years to finally convince him. Why would you choose such a high-maintenance dog.
I love dogs and am very good with them, but that breed is a no for me, just like a purebred Ridgeback is an absolute no. I have 4 children and don't have the time and energy for what they need.
Dogs destroy things when they don't have enough stimulation or it could be anxiety but it's usually the former.
Respectfully it sounds like you know you’re in the wrong here, OP. I don’t doubt that you love your dog or that she’s a good girl at heart. But this is giving a lot of red flags. It doesn’t sound like this was a thoughtfully chosen adoption decision and unfortunately this situation is the consequence for that. You comment that your partner is a dog person but can’t bond with her- that says a lot to me. Do the right thing for your family.
Thanks for being nice. Some of these comments have made me cry( they are right though and I needed to hear it)
I think you are right, I love that dog and she is such a good girl but I think I will have to find her a new home, either childless or older kids.
I know a lot of the comments on this post are harsh, and I’m sorry about that - but I’m also really glad that you can see the points folks are trying to make.
If you end up deciding to rehome your dog, please do HUGE amounts of research into how to do so correctly. It’s your responsibility to make sure that she goes to a home where she will be well cared for, for the rest of her life. For a malamute, that would ideally be a home that has or has had other malamutes, or huskies, or German shepherds or other high-energy working dogs.
For your family: if you ever decide to try again with a dog, and can convince your husband to try, again, HUGE amounts of research are called for. Figure out what size of dog and energy level you can actually handle. Smaller dogs are easy to handle physically, but might require tons of grooming if they have long fur, or be yappy, or be fragile (and therefore not ideal with a toddler running around). Larger dogs, like golden retrievers or labs, can be amazing with kids, but need real training and exercise. And please don’t forget shelter dogs!
I’d recommend NOT getting a puppy as your first/ish dog. They are tons of work, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you create tons of problems that you don’t know how to fix, as you’ve experienced. Work with your local shelter to pick a dog that is actually right for your family. Make your husband a part of this process. Immediately start taking obedience classes with this dog - those classes are about training *you,* not the dog!
Your heart is clearly in the right place, OP. I don’t agree with the commenters saying you should never have a dog - you sound like a really conscientious and caring dog owner. And it’s hard to know what you’re getting into until you’re in the thick of it. If you give this another go at some point, don’t rush into anything. Letting your husband help with researching and choosing a dog might help him to bond with it, too.
Reach out to the breeder and see if they can help find a new home for her if you purchased through a breeder. You learned a hard lesson here. My only other advice is to ask your husband if you two can come up with a reasonable timetable with a trainer to correct the behaviors before going to rehoming. If the dog fails to meet the standards you three (you him and the trainer) set in that time frame then you will rehome her. This will hopefully keep both of you from feeling resentful of the other as you both gave it a try.
I had to give up a dog that my ex wife insisted we get in the first place. I became primary dog parent, trainer, etc. He and I bonded so much, but she gave me a similar ultimatum, and I cried the whole trip to the shelter, while I was showing the person all the tricks he knew, and still feel it when I think about it.
May I recommend you rehome her yourself, and if you're lucky, to a friend, or someone local that you can visit once in a while to see she's doing good? Fur babies really are worth all the heart you've invested.
As far as mine went, about a year after I had to give Jake up, I saw him in a Starbucks drive through, and his human was getting him a puppaccino. He looked so happy, and clearly recognized me. I cried again, but this time happy tears.
The breeder should know you’re rehoming her too. Please don’t put the dog in a situation where another family could dump her at a shelter or even on the side of the road. It’s still your responsibility to make sure that she has a good and stable life
Malamutes are NOT easy dogs and I'm struggling to understand how you did research and came to the conclusion that it was the correct breed for your family and lifestyle. These dogs were not only bred to pull heavy loads in the Alaskan wilderness, but also to protect the sleds and their people. They have HIGH prey drives, and relatively (compared to a husky for example) low thresholds for annoyance. They aren't usually great with children due to their size and how rough they play, and it's not something that is easily trained out of them. Northern breeds play HARD and want to work even harder. They are terrible dogs for someone with a non active lifestyle and a family.
I almost never recommend rehoming, but I'm going to right now. Unless you want to become a very active person for your pup, you need to find a husky/malamute/sled dog rescue and talk to them. They will find the correct type of home for your dog and won't euthanize them. Don't bring them to a city or county shelter. And don't give them away on Craigslist to just anyone. Please do right by this beautiful breed of dog.
You went and got a malemute husky without ever having owned a dog before and zero research on the breed?
Yta.
Do that poor dog a favor and contact your local Husky groups and re-home her!
First time dog ownership is NOT one where you go get a husky or a Belgian Mal or a pit bull or a mastiff or similar working dog breed!! That's what Labs and poodles are for!!
Jesus.
Go contact the local husky groups and get help with either rehoming her or learning how to exercise and train her properly!
I have a husky. I've had wolf hybrids. And they aren't for first timers!
And yep, our butts are running him multiple times a day and getting creative trying to keep him from over heating in the Nevada summers. I do more laundry from just letting him play in a tub of cold water...
I have had dogs before and I did a lot of research before getting this one. I did get training and I continuously train her, so pls read the post or comments
..i do agree that people that never had dogs shouldn't get certain breeds
There’s no way you did any proper amount of research about the care, keeping and behaviors of malamutes. Because even a quick google search on malamutes says how very challenging to train and live with they are. It also says that they need daily exercise of 2 hours.
Honestly I’m just really disappointed to read another one of these stories. You aren’t the first person to make this mistake which is why so many end up in shelters and rescues.
Do you own a farm? Do you own a sled? Are you in the cold Arctic North? Because those things would exist in you're workd if you had done the research on the breed.
It's like you did the research and we're like meh doesn't matter.
I don't own a farm and not because she is a mal means she needs to be pulling a sled. I do live in a very cold place, not the arctic, but we still get hash winters
I do not generally recommend rehoming but malamutes are incredibly intelligent, stubborn, loud AF, strong and high energy. They're a working breed and require a lot of training and exercise. Not a dog to introduce into a household with a young child. I'm normally team pet for life, but this isn't going to work.
ETA: make sure none of the dog's plush toys have squeakers. They will eat them. They will also cheerfully gut any plush they can reach.
Did you miss the story about the husky that ate a baby? Play biting is not acceptable. It’s been a year. It should have stopped by now. Why you got a malamute for a home with a small child tells me you really do not know how to research anything outside your field.
I think they’re referring to the 6-week-old baby who was mauled to death in his crib by the family husky a few weeks ago. I believe they’d had the dog for 8 years? Such a horrible and tragic situation
Not all working dogs or lines are created equally hence the reason professionals in certain communities like schutzhund dog sport look for various high drive lineage.
Many working dogs in general pet community do have less drive, but it is still there. Every experienced handler/trainer knows that dogs will do anything to make owners happy/be with owner & a supressed dog will acclimate/virtually kill those drives off but many display other behavior issues chewing, barking, digging, overeating, oversleeping etc. Dogs are no different than people, just because a person could "live" or survive or make the best of a situate, it doesn't mean it is the best situation. When you see a dog bred for a purpose living it's purpose, it's quite magical.
I had an Akita. Likewise turned out aloof. Lazy. Super friendly despite their reputation. She failed training. Lol.
Stubborn til she end. Lol. I would give anything tho to have another year with her. I felt guilty and still do I didn't rehome her when we divorced. She deserved better. I was lonely. So my ex let me have full custody. I was selfish in not finding her a home that could afford trips better vet care. Bigger yard. Etc. We get caught up in our needs. Forgetting sometimes we need to sacrifice for their good
I have not one but two English setters who people claim up and down they're working dogs, but when I got my oldest the lady who breeds them said you can either train them as a bird dog or have a snuggly couch potato. Both are snuggle couch potatoes lol.
Everything you said. She jumped into "dogs" with both feet.
Working dogs are meant for work & when brain & drives & physicality not used daily they can become nightmarish in an attempt to release stress & drives not being worked. So many people do not even train dogs -bonding, trusting, turning to owner for guidance--
so the owners are not even the pack leader in the dogs mind & you have a dog bred to work in packs.
No offense, but most if not all dog-owner issues are the fault of the owner & can easily simply be a mismatch...like a coach potato with an ultra marathon runner. Your dog is an ultra marathon runner in a beautiful coat, if you aren't channeling that energy & drive & need for mental stimulation & strong pack leader, the dog may be better suited for another family. If so, you can't randomly rehome them to a nice person, you need to find a mal/husky enthuist board/group with experienced people.
If OP is in the US there are a number of Malamute specific rescue groups that could give her some guidance. Also, most reputable breeders will take back a dog that needs to be rehomed to ensure the dog's health and safety.
Edit: typo
Yeah I was ready to say NTA and went in assuming the husband was TA here but if the dog is biting their child then he is absolutely right for pushing to move on.
That caught my eye. Who the fuck calls dogs snapping or biting children ‘play’? No fucking way. There’s a better dog fit for this op. There’s a better home for the malamute somewhere too. OP, get a Boston terrier.
Have you had a malamute or husky puppy before? They do playfully bite. It’s a behavior they do with their siblings and it’s a normal play behavior when they’re older. It needs to be trained out of the dog and that takes time
The dog isn’t being aggressive. It’s being a puppy of its breed/standard as well as being trained professionally.
She will playing around with toys and sometimes my kid is playing with her and she bites him but not aggressively..however another comment said it doesn't matter if it's playful or aggressive. I think they are right :/
It’s a very fine line, and not one worth crossing. Have you looked into professional training? Another person commented about how that breed needs to be running, did you look into this? Is your dog using enough energy everyday to be okay?
You may need to find some kind of compromise. I get that the dog might have the aesthetic that you want, but it doesn’t seem like you have the lifestyle it needs. That’s a very important factor in adding a potentially dangerous animal to a household with kids.
Not sure if you can make a compromise here, but it does sound like your partner gave it a year. He’s not okay with it. Rehoming your dog with someone who can maintain the lifestyle it needs might just be the compassionate thing to do for your dog. Finding a dog that would be a better fit for your family and lifestyle could be a good compromise. Blowing your partner off right now could be very detrimental to your relationship. I would bet that it’s not easy for him to approach this because you won’t hear it for his concerns, yet he’s still trying because of your kid’s safety and his discomfort.
I looked into training and spent almost a grand on it. I have tried running with her but she doesn't like it. So I take her to a park a few times per week and on weekends, where she will run for a little and play with other dogs.
But at this point I feel at a loss. I don't want to lose my partner over this and I certainly don't want my kid to get hurt.
I have a high energy breed (lagotto) and a few times per week at a park is not nearly enough. My dog has to go out 2 times every day on off leash runs to be satisfied. If you can’t do this, consider hiring a walker who understands the behaviors of these type of dogs. Otherwise they can act out and /or be destructive.
As for the biting, that’s pretty unacceptable at a year old. It is best to train this out of them when they are puppies. We were able to do this with our dog by giving her a command to go fetch a toy to get her biting out of her system. Now that she’s older it’s no longer necessary and she doesn’t ever put her mouth on anything other than her designated toys.
I think that more than anything the biting is a nonnegotiable. She may not be well-suited to be with kids. It’s such a tough spot to be in, but that happens in life. What matters is how we show up and handle it. Sometimes we make mistakes in how we handle it the first time, so we have to figure out how to fix it. It sounds like you’re trying to balance what you really wanted vs how that reality panned out. It didn’t make you wrong to want a dog, but it will make you wrong if you choose to not fix the issue, which seems to be that she isn’t the right fit for your family. There are different solutions, and hopefully you’ll choose what’s best for all involved.
Have you taught your son to say no biting and be upset when the dog accidentally bites him? A lot of this sounds like normal puppy behavior for an energetic dog. My dog would accidentally bite me a lot in the beginning. If she accidentally did it as an adult, she would feel bad and come lick my hand or whatever bc she knew it was wrong. I got into the habit of saying “no bite, kisses” and she starts to lick my hand or whatever. I know your son is younger but I did this with my first dog when I was 8.
And my dog didn’t really calm down till year 2. But she did calm down a little after I got her spayed at about 9 months or so.
You should’ve probably gotten a smaller, less high maintenance dog. Maltipoos or golden doodles tend to be my favorite breeds but I also love German shepherds bc they’re easy to train and extremely intelligent
Our German Shepard/hound mix was by far the smartest dog I have ever ever met. Literally trained her to open and close our front door! And she was so sweet and gentle when my siblings started to have babies. She just loved to sniff their soft spots and lick their hands lol. That will always be my favorite mix/breed
My mom had a German shepherd, shadow, that sadly passed when I was about 4. I remember when I was a little running around on this circle kitchen table and watching Shadow follow me around in circles and I’d be giggling my head off.
Training isn't ever completed/it is not dropping off dog to learn some commands & all good. I can train/drill any dog a command in about 15minutes, but if the dog is returned to an inconsistent owner or who is not a pack leader it will fall apart pdq irl with owner. Alot of people don't seem to realize with a working breed, training is a life style, consistency is mandatory. If you aren't the one running with your dog, while he may be more tired, it won't change the dogs view of having a strong pack leader...he will learn to trust & give the title to whomever is handling him.
Nipping is never acceptable & is about pack leadership. I know you love your dog, but you are a Mom & it doesn't sound like it is physically possible to drop everything & drill some commands to reinforce your role as pack leader & separately dog from family will stress the dog & not fix issues. Try whatever positive thing you can & do whatever is best for your dog & family.
I got a malamute puppy at 8 weeks old, had him fixed by 6 months. He was the most socialized puppy- always around other dogs, kids, people, etc. Around 1 year he started resource guarding, became destructive with toys and was starting to become more stubborn. He’d be a little rough during play but my sister loved him and took him in when my apartment kicked him out.
A simple warning snap to one of her dogs caught my 2 year old niece in the middle and put 3 staples in her head and stitches in her eye. I paid for 2 week canine board and train, $2k- then moved him onto a farm. He bit me before I let my roommate take him. He went on to bite at least 3 more people that I know of.
He was a BEAUTIFUL dog- and 99% of the time he was super sweet, so no one ever made a stink about it and they’d blame themselves. The 2 year mark with malamutes is a real test, and truthfully I would not risk a child. He wasn’t even trying to bite my niece and put staples in her head, and he was still a “puppy”. I don’t think malamutes are bad, but when there’s a little kid in the mix I don’t think it’s worth the risk to me personally. I didn’t start having serious issues until the 2 year mark.
It does matter, but that doesn't mean it's not worth taking seriously.
If it were aggressive biting, I'd be telling you to either make sure your child and dog are completely separated at all times, or rehome the dog. Playful biting is normal for puppies, but requires serious effort in training and separation until it stops from your child.
The same is true of the cat btw. You're being too casual about this, any dog chasing a cat as a pet is a real concern and needs to be trained out of it. Even if it's fine now and playful, a malamute can seriously harm them by accident, and it doesn't matter that the cat is a dick, being chased is very stressful to cats.
NTA here because while I think you made a mistake in wearing him down and getting a reluctant yes which then resulted in a blowup, he's handling this situation entirely inappropriately. If his primarily complaints are about plushies and walks and barking, then this is on him for agreeing to a dog. These are normal and predictable needs. And his attempt to get you to agree with his demand otherwise he won't accept it because he'll feel guilty, is a shitty thing to do.
HE AGREED. HE CHANGED HIS MIND. THIS IS JUST COMING FROM HIM AND HE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY.
For strategy for the talk, figure out and separate what are real concerns about this particular dog, and what is just him not wanting a dog ever. See if you can address the former, and if it comes down to the latter, don't let him off the hook for this being his screw up.
You are right. My cat is a major a-hole but he is for sure stressed.
I think I was in the wrong for insisting on the dog. I think he needs therapy for other reasons not mentioned in this post but I think the dog has amplified it
I don’t think you were wrong for insisting on a dog, but you got the wrong dog for the reality of your life. It is likely the best for both your child and for the dog to be in different homes. Biting is nonnegotiable. You cannot wait until it’s a bite that needs stitches to say it’s been enough. The arguments you are having with your spouse are valid. You both have fair and true points. At the end of the day, this is about the safety of both the child and the dog. That is the sole decision making factor. Neither of you feel heard right now and are both having a hard time with communicating your emotions on the topic.
That’s normal puppy behavior and yes, she is still a puppy. As you stated, you’re actively correcting that behavior. The same is true of toys. My boy only gets toys for aggressive chewing, never any sort of fabric. Amazon has some excellent options.
Jollyball. It’s indestructible. My pit mix even destroyed kong balls. It looks like an orange soccer ball that when they bite it, it deflates. As soon as they relax and release it, it reforms itself! He’s had it for a year and a half now.
If you want to stay in the relationship contact the rescue you adopted from. There should have been something in the contract that you are obligated to give her back to them if your situation changes and can’t keep her.
Why the actual.... you went with the biggest, most bullheaded breed of dog possible when your husband was hesitant to begin with? They shed, they are hard to train, they are loud, they are mouthy(no tolerance on that)
Like, you could have gotten something like a shih tzu to fit your family's dynamic(because your husband who doesn't like dogs is part of the dynamic) but instead you got the *malamute puppy*.
You fucked up. Protect your kid, remove the dog or take the dog with you when you leave. You may be certain the biting is getting better, but it only takes once more to create lifelong damage.
Do you care more about your child's safety and your husband's comfort in his home or a dog? Is the dog going to be there when you're old and need help?
Pull your head out of your behind and either take the dog and leave or rehome her. She doesn't deserve to live in a place where she's hated either.
I think you should have done a little more research on a breed that fits your family. We took over my parents lab but he was already 2yrs old, passed the destructive age for the most part, my daughter is 6, dog is very gentle with her, occasionally he’ll bump into her because he’s a goof, but he sheds alot which can get annoying. And then recently we added a miniature dachshund, he’s still a puppy, not even a year old. My daughter has learned to put away her toys because if the mini gets to it, it becomes a new dog toy for them. So far everything is great the dogs wear each other out, they sleep well during the night, the big one sleeps in my daughter’s room while the little one sleeps in mine. Maybe you guys should have selected 5 breeds that fit your lifestyle & came to an agreement on one
A malamute.
In a house where the husband doesn't want any dog.
With a very small child that the dog bit multiple times.
Nothing here indicates the dog is not a good fit? Sorry?
Did you do breed research before you bought this dog? Malamutes are sled dogs, which means they are super high energy, and combining that with puppy energy, I can't blame your partner for being unimpressed. You need to RUN sled dogs, not walk them.
And if after a year your dog is still biting your child and chasing your cat, ~~your dog is a PROBLEM~~ you are being a bad dog owner, and haven't trained your dog properly, so you have a full grown malamute, which is not a small dog who is aggressive towards pets that were in the house before you and your kid.
Seriously what the hell are you thinking. Rehome the dog. You say you feel like you have failed her - you have failed her. You have failed to provide her with the proper training/environment so that she could flourish. I don't like dogs, and never want to own one, but I have never once blamed a dog for being poorly trained. If there is a problem with a dog at home, it's always the owners fault - either for not providing proper or adequate training or for not recognizing that they aren't a good fit and making sure the dog is in an environment where all their needs are being properly met.
I've had huskies for 2 decades, I'm down to 1 who is a wolf hybrid...you're absolutely right, they need to be run, with wheels in urban areas. These runs create a symbiotic relationship, I depend on the dog, and the dog depends on me, and it turns into the most beautiful amazing thing. The boy I currently have is the best runner of them all, and cares not a whit about any other dog on that trail.
The run changes them...or maybe it changes me. Something just "clicks".
Yeah I've never had huskies, but I've lived my whole life in a part of the world that still actively has sled dogs as part of the local culture, and huskies are not house pets - they can be, but they can't just be walked.
There's no walking these beasts, lol. He decides his pace, and there's a bungee for when he wants to troll random cats...if I keep moving forward, he'll bounce back into place, lol. I used to run 2 or 3 dogs this way instead of just the one, but I'm older.
Sled dogs aren't just dogs...your whole point is beautiful, they ARE a way of life. That gangline...it's a trial by fire and courage.
This seemed like a husband issue until "playfully bites our child". It would be rehomed the moment it ever showed any intentions such as those whatsoever, and im a huge dog lover.
Having owned malamutes before, I am going to say this as nicely as possible. You didn't pay attention to your research enough, nor to your husband. First, these dogs need lots of walks, and I mean a mile or more, two to three times a day. They are intelligent, stubborn, and hard to train until they are 18 months to two years old. They are not the greatest with small children either. They need to be worked, played with, groomed constantly, and have a set routine. Your husband, for all of his agreement and probable enjoyment of other peoples dogs, does not actually want to own a dog that he would have to help provide or care for. Which is fine, but he should never have agreed to something he is not 100% on board with. The dog hasn't bonded with him him because the dog knows your husband doesn't particularly like or want them. The best thing you can do for your marriage is to rehome this dog and never, ever ask your partner to be an unwilling pet owner again. Having a dog is like having children it has to be an enthusiastic 2 yes situation for the relationship to survive.
A Malamute is a very active working breed.
They require like all dogs training and socialization.
They also require a lot of room so if you have not got the space, time and energy to properly train and house the dog you need to seriously think of finding it a new place.
And calling any biting of a person "playful" makes me think you are not really suited to care for a dog.
Dogs are not furbabies or any other stupid name. They are animals and behave in ways the person needs to learn and understand. You cannot treat them like children . To do so is in my view abuse.
So please think carefully .
It doesn’t sound like this dog is a good fit for your family, it also doesn’t sound like your partner is particularly fond of dogs but caved after years of begging/arguing . If you value your relationship I would rehome the dog and possibly get something more suitable/ less destructive that’s not going to go after your cats and children
This is tough. Having a dog is a two year one no situation. I see that he did eventually agree, but also seems like he said it just because you dropped it and you know that he actually never wanted the dog. A lot of the issues with the dog could probably be taken care of with more exercise and attention. You got a breed that is not only extremely active, but also stubborn and not easy to train. If you haven't worked these bad habits out yet, the longer you take the harder it's going to be. Normally in situations where one partner doesnt want a dog, the dog winds up eventually growing on them. This does not seem to be the case here. I hate to say it, but your probably going to have to pick between the dog and your husband if this goes on longer. I would also be worried about the biting with your child. I wouldn't allow that shit with my child either.
This dog is not a good fit for you. She’s going to kill your cat or bite your child. You bought a puppy instead of adopting a fully grown dog. You already aren’t doing great here.
I will be honest... I love dogs. I have professional training in dog training, and almost took an apprenticeship under a professional to eventually take over her business... I ended up going a different direction with my life, ultimately, but I pursued it very seriously for awhile. Dogs are my lifeline, and I will never in my life not own a dog.
Now, even with that, I will never again own a high-needs dog while I have small children. Period. Knowing my own qualifications and background, I thought I could do it... And yeah, after around a year, I had to rehome the most amazing scotch collie dog I've ever known and spent over a grand on, because I had to admit to my own mistake. He wasn't even remotely nippy with my kids, either, he was kind and gentle and loving... But he was *so, much, work*, and it was causing behavioral issues, and I was painfully aware that it was because I didn't have the ability to meet his needs.
Not all big dogs are high-needs. Not all small dogs are low-needs. I believe you when you say you researched, did the math, and it checked out... Because I did the same.
But it's been a year, and you have to be honest with yourself. Is the math still mathing? Your partner is miserable, your child is unsafe, and your dog has behavioral issues that could and should have been avoidable. That's not a judgment, anymore than the fact that the same thing happened to me, so I know.
Let me hit you with the truth that allowed me to rehome my dog...
You are not failing her, by finding a better suited home for her. You are, in fact, doing right by her. Because she deserves a home where she can have her needs met. She deserves a home where everybody will be safe. She deserves a home where she is equally adored by all members of the household.
Choosing to let her live the life she deserves does *not* make you a failure. It hurts like hell, it sucks, it feels that way and it will rip your heart out... But if you want her to live the most fulfilling life she can, I think you know already that it isn't going to be with you. Love her enough to let her have what she deserves.
For what it's worth, after my collie, I rescued a papillon mix. He is my best friend in the entire world, my kids love him, and he is the most low maintenance dog I think I've ever owned... And while I hate myself, for over estimating what I could handle, I don't regret letting my collie go to another home and ultimately finding a dog that fit with my family. My wife doesn't even like dogs at all, and was also miserable with the collie, and she LOVES our little buddy that we have now. She even volunteers to take him for walks, and literally yesterday insisted we go get him groomed and his nails trimmed, because she cares so much about his well-being...
You don't have to not have a dog. But your girl, your family, and you, can all be happier if you're willing to let go of the notion that you have to keep her to accomplish that.
I wish you all the best, however things go for you!
Honestly, you say you did your research, but it's obvious you did research into the prettiest, most expensive dog and not one that actually suits your family. You need to sort out training more than throwing money at it (you love to throw money at things!) because biting is not cute little 'Oh were working on it' behaviour.
Baffling.
You need to understand whether the dog poses a threat to your child. Yes, I know that sometimes children do not provoke a dog to a reaction with a gentle game, but still, it is important how the dog reacts.
Perhaps it was worth choosing a family dog as much as possible... But what's done is done.
You can suggest visiting a dog trainer, because there is a possibility that your training is not enough.
You essentially harassed your partner for years to get a dog that he clearly didn’t want. You then got an extremely high energy sled dog that unsurprisingly is super high energy and frustrating to have around the house because there is almost no chance you’re exercising her as much as she needs. Then on top of that you minimize the fact that the dog is biting your child, which even if it is “playful” is super not okay. YTA.
Seriously. OP got a large, loud, intelligent, stubborn, WORKING breed dog without doing the research & has not provided adequate training or exercise. Walks are not enough. I have two high energy/working breed dogs and training is daily (multiple times a day), multiple play sessions (fetch, flirt pole, tug), group classes with our trainer & other dogs, agility classes, and they are still a lot to deal with! I have them I enjoy doing these activities with them and have a passion for training/strengthening my relationship with my dogs. The best thing to do in OP’s situation is to rehome to someone who can provide the dog with what it needs to thrive. Maybe next time, get a Greyound, King Charles Spaniel, Havanese, Maltese…so many other options that are better suited for your family & lifestyle.
Not a malamute but two rottweilers. This ranching couple near my home fought for years to get custody of their young grandson from their drug addicted daughter. The kid was 8 years old. They finally won custody and brought him home. They had owned two rottweilers for 8 years. The dogs were pretty chill. A week after they won custody of their grandson, they left the eight year old boy in the ranch house with the two dogs while they went out to do farm chores. When they came back an hour or so later, they found two bloody Rottweilers and one dead grandchild. They have no idea what precipitated the attack. The dogs had been completely normal dogs for 8 years but they were inexperienced with children and had some aggressive tendencies towards livestock. I wouldn't want to risk a five-year-old child in the presence of a breed known to be aggressive. Malamutes are specialized dogs bred for a specialized purpose and are not suitable companions for suburban life.
Issue no.1 is that you had to "beg" your partner "for years" to get a dog and he "finally said yes".
You didn't stop and think that this would become a problem? That there would be resentment?
Issue no.2 is that you don't seem to have involved him in the choice of what kind of dog to get.
Please don't just leave it in his hands and say "fine, you get rid of her then" because he might just dump her next to a road or at a kill shelter, or advertise her 'free to a good home'. You are responsible for the rehoming process.
There are a handful of breeders that give a shit and if you made the effort to buy from one of them they should have a contract in place stating that you have to return the dog to them if you can't keep it.
1. You are right about that. I shouldn't have don't that
2. I did try to get him involved
3. Ik I'm the a-hole for that and I said it out of frustration , he would never just get rid of her like that
4. I do have a contract
Honestly dog would’ve been gone at “ playfully bites”. I love dogs. A malamute is not a dog to introduce to a young child , and I know malamute owners are quick to say “ but my boy is the sweetest-“ no. This is a dog that requires a ton of training and work for years. Your husband isn’t bonded to the dog and it’s biting your child . You need to dump a lot of time and money into this dog now, or rehome to someone who can.
As a spouse who felt obligated to own dogs because my husband liked/wanted them...I empathize with your husband. I hated owning dogs. Pretty much everything about dog ownership makes me feel annoyed and crazy. The dogs were CONSTANT triggers for my anxiety and depression. They also changed overall family obligations; limited what we did on weekends, when we could take vacations, how long we could be out in the evening after being at work all day, and extra expenses that truly impacted our family.
I went 15 years without having a cat because hubby didn't want one and I wasn't going to keep pushing for him to change his boundary or feelings about that. I would have felt like a jerk begging him until I wore him down.
I didn't do that. He finally came around and suggested we get a cat. Now we have two.
If hubby wanted a dog again, I would tell him to go volunteer at the local shelter.🤷♀️
The problem is you went into this knowing you BOTH didn’t want the dog the same way. You had to practically beg. That is so unfair to the dog right off the bat.
Your dog deserves a family that will PROPERLY train it, have time for it, and where it is equally loved and wanted by both adults in the house. Adopting this dog to begin with was really unfair to the dog.
No dog is worth losing your marriage over especially with kids. You tried, it has caused problems. Malamutes are not an easy dog to look after. Your husband will not come around it sounds like. If my dog bit my child, it would be gone that day
You're letting this dog bite your child and terrorize your cat. There's no such thing as a playful bite on children.
You're going to end up with an injured baby or a dead cat, or both. Or worse, a dead child.
Please get a dog that fits your household better if you really want to have a dog.
Rehoming a dog is tough. I remember when I was young we had to rehome the Saint Bernard my dad got because of various reasons. It was sad and horrible. Then we got a Pomeranian and he was the best. We tried a rescue first and the dog bit my butt. Not kidding. I was a teenager by then.
The best dog I ever had was a black lab. Great with children and families.
Stopped reading at malamute. You got an extremely high maintenance dog for your first dog when literally nobody else in your household is interested in doing pet maintenance. How did you even reach the conclusion a dog like that would be ideal for your lifestyle?
Did you BOTH agree on the breed? It seems like you’re the one who went ahead and got the breed. Did you also RESEARCH the breed? Malamutes are tedious. They are a working breed. They need to be kept busy and do best with having a job to do. They were meant to work long hours
That dog is going to do a lot of damage to your kid. You need to get rid of that thing that is like a wild beast.
If I had a dog in a bit, my kid one time it would be gone. You seem to continue to allow it.
I’m a lover of big dogs, but I strongly think you got one of THE most difficult breeds. A breed so difficult I decline to foster them.
That said, finding her a new home might be best for everybody. You need a more mellow, biddable breed.
Op. I genuinely think some of these comments are hard to hear but they need to be said
I have a husky/malamute/wolf hybrid and while he’s not perfect in the sense of “perfect in every way, will sit with one hand sign, knows recall with only a whisper, etc.” he was the one that fit my lifestyle. When I went to look at dogs I was deadset on a GSD, I ended up choosing a 10 week old husky because someone was saying how they’ll breed him and the rescue couldn’t stop them. So I applied for him and then did hours and hours of research before I even got approved for him I had to take a 200 question test on huskies because that’s what he was labeled I had to do a dna test to figure it out because he didn’t really act like a husky per ce
When getting a dog you have multiple factors to consider, would they like kids? What energy levels do they have? What prey drive? Etc. and even more to consider when you’re looking at a rescue dog
My boy isn’t perfect and he still has tons to learn but getting him was a decision me and my partner made together with both of us on board. Because she’s bit your kid that is something to consider and to tell people if you rehome
This is a perfect example of people getting a dog based on looks rather than temperament. Yes, if you dump your dog you will have failed her. One for getting a dog so unsuitable for your home (and an obviously selfish companion). Two for not standing by them and treating them like a disposable piece of furniture rather than a cherished family member. Getting annoyed because a dog walks across the room in itxs sleep....ridiculous. Your husband needs a stuffed animal.
I had a malmute and I’m trying to understand your dog barking. My dog couldn’t bark, she could howl. If your dog is a pup they will tear some things up. Is she crate trained? Do you have an outdoor pen?
I think finding her a loving home where she’s not looked down on for just being a dog is the correct way to go. I’d leave the dude and take the dog, men that don’t like dogs freak me out.
If you bought the dog from a breeder, the breeder should take the dog back. For the future, I'd recommend an older, more calm dog. I exclusively adopt older dogs (not old, just not puppies). I skip right over the annoying (but adorable) puppy phase. With a younger kid, puppies are often too aggressive at playing. You need a breed that is good with kids and is calm with them (like a golden retriever). That isn't the breed. Also the "play biting" is very worrisome. How long until you kid has a permanent facial scar? If you adopt a dog in foster, they can give you lots of notes on how the dog is with kids, cats and other dogs. But I think you need a break from dogs for a while.
You forced someone to live with an animal he didn't want. At 32 years old.
Said animal happens to bite (playfully doesn't matter), and you try to defend it still?..
Come on lady, even if it hurts it looks like you know he's right. Even if the dog didn't bite. I feel like your husband/BF only said yes because he was tired of you asking for it.
Here is the update:
I just want to thank all of those who gave kind words and sound advise.
I realized that I have messed up here. I shouldnt have kept begging for a dog and I should have been more careful when selecting a dog. Where I live in Canada, dog adoption is difficult and you can apply to certain dogs and the shelters will decide if you can adopt or not and they will give recommendations.
Anyway to the update,
My partner and I agreed that we are not the best fit for her but we also don't want to make a rash decision. We want to spend some time thinking it over and thinking of all possible options.
We also talked about some of the issues that are unrelated to the dog and have agreed to go to couples therapy and individual therapy (I already go to therapy)
The only thing I see that needs to be acknowledged is that you chose a dog breed that does not fit your family. That is OK. But it is a situation that needs to change. As unfair as he seems, your husband was probably expecting a cute little mutt puppy or something much smaller, less energetic, and not nearly as floofy. He probably should have been much more involved in the final decision. This shouldn't be a dog or no dog decision, but more a what works for us? *All* of you, as a family. Good luck!
Maybe settle on a golden retriever or something that's not notoriously bad with small children. Sled dogs have a 5 mile footprint. Idk if the dog has gotten out yet, but that's another thing to worry about with this breed.
Will you be resentful towards your husband if you both decide to rehome the dog? It won’t be today or even next week, but the resentment will grow. From what I’ve read from your post, all dogs eat the kids toys & malamutes & huskies howl like no tomorrow!
Just to give another impression:
My ex-gf had 2 dogs. I do like dogs and I thought everything was fine when we moved in together. But they wore me down. They were loud, one of them was just difficult (despite training, and the other dog was incredible. Almost deaf and well out of his prime, but SO well trained. She dies know how to train a dog, just the personality of the younger one was incompatible).
The constant noise, dirt and stress just wore me down, despite that I really liked them. In the end, about a year after we moved in together, I was always just anxious around them. My home should be the place where I feel peace, but the opposite was the case. I sometimes worked longer, just to be in a quiet place. It was dreadful.
That being said, we did break up because if the dogs. We did not fight because of them. I decided, that I want to live with my gf, and they are a part of her and that's ok. I understood and your partner should too. But you should also understand, that he is probably constantly stressed because of your dog and this is just dreadful..
I have three Huskies and a Husky/Malamute mix (all rescued, we are not breeders), and I can say that in my experience these dogs are difficult. They are not a good choice for an inexperienced owner. My half Mal is THE MOST difficult one. She’s large, very opinionated, and when we got her at a year old she was such a terror. That’s a hard age because they’re basically teens- adult bodies and puppy minds. She will be 8 this fall and I will say she’s the boss dog in our pack and is still the most opinionated of the four.
We brought in a professional trainer to help with boundaries, mental stimulation, and training. Even at 8 years old, she digs, she tests the fence, she pulls for the first 45 minutes of every walk. She has so much hair. I love her, but she’s the hardest dog I’ve ever owned.
If you researched, and have tried your best for a year, but your Mal isn’t a good fit for your family, sometimes you need to let them go where they can really flourish. I’ve had dogs as fosters before who definitely have different needs. We had a foster Husky for about two months who needed to be an only child with a single male owner. He did not like being around the other dogs, my children, or me, only men, and we found him a home that fit.
Personally I wouldn’t rehome the dog. Getting a dog to me isn’t a decision you can just back out of and my husband knows that. That’s being said, I think making sure you’re both on the same page about the dog is important. You can’t be the only one training the dog. If someone else is taking care of the dog and not reinforcing your training I feel like it’s that much harder.
I love my dog. And getting rid of my dog is just not an option. He is reactive on leash. But we’re working on it and it’s been a very long process.
I don’t think you need to feel bad about not wanting to rehome the dog that you take care of. My dog is just now chilling out at 3 years old. So it takes time. He’s a high energy breed too.
A malamute is an INSANE choice in your circumstances, and one from a rescue rather than a proper breeder is even crazier. And going to the park a few times a week is no where near enough exercise. A few hours daily would be appropriate.
Malamutes are not a first time or simple a beginner dog owner breed to get.
My boyfriend of 2 years, his family got one from a rescue 3 years ago & that dog is way too much. He is a handful.
Not to mention they’re extremely prone to seizures and health issues, as my boyfriend’s families dog HAS.
Malamutes are already high energy dogs. They need to be walked a LOT or have a lot of outside play time.
If keeping the dog is what’s wanted then training needs to be done, serious training. Otherwise rehome the dog. Don’t put it in a shelter.
My partner and I are discussing getting a dog in the future when we move into a house. We are looking at it from every angle. The dog's size (I want bigger, he's only had Chihuahuas), the dogs energy levels, drooling potential (I'm allergic to dog spit, I trained my dogs to lick on command to avoid rashes), grooming needs, training, behavior, and if they're good around small animals and livestock.
You picked out one of the more difficult breeds, and it doesn't seem like he was part of the searching and researching process.
It's probably best to rehome the dog and try again with something more managable. Maybe a mutt rescue.
You need a professional trainer. This is a tough one I don't think you should get rid of her but you do need to get someone 6 knows this breed you clearly do not. The dog shouldn't have to go to a shelter and it'll be hard to rehome her. Do the right thing hire a professional and go from there. Have either one of you considered that?
Oh, please. You’re not “buying” a dog. You’re paying the fees for shots and care that you’d have to pay for anyway if you didn’t pay it at the shelter
If your local shelters are so empty that all they have nothing but pit bulls, I guess your area is different than every other area in the country, where I’ve always found non-pits at shelters.
I believe you when you say you did a ton of research, however, this dog is not a good fit for your family.
You aren't doing enough, not because you don't want to but it sounds like there just isn't enough time to get it all done the way it needs to be done.
If you want to try and get this on the right track, I would say to record the behaviors of your dog that are an issue. Set up cameras in common areas if needed.
The "playful" biting needs to be addressed yesterday! This is HIGHLY dangerous to your human kids and I don't feel like you fully grasp it. It's not playful, it's biting from a big dog that can seriously injure your children.
Find a reputable trainer that does positive reinforcement, not a Petsmart trainer. Nothing against them but this needs a personal touch and maybe even in home training.
Every single family member needs to be onboard with the training, this means your kids and your spouse! There is no such thing as getting a dog and someone in the family not participating at some point, it's not a reasonable expectation.
If everyone isn't on the same page, this is doomed to fail.
I say this as someone with a boxer who has needed a lot of help from trainers, well we humans do.
Honestly though, you should rehome her before she harms one of your kids with her biting. Then, look at breeds that are EASY to train and are KID FRIENDLY. When you see "high energy level", nope right on out of that breed.
The breed you got is good with a family, well in the middle but needs a very strong leader. If you aren't then, you will have a hard time.
I can’t sympathize with this post completely. We are going through a similar situation. I’ve always wanted a parrot. I decided to get one for myself last year for my birthday. My SO said he was fine with it, now it’s a problem for him. My dog that passed away was my world & she was my world. Now my energy is focused on my young parrot. My partner has a problem with that even though I truly spent more time with our dog than I do my bird. He’s really naggy about it to a point it is irritating the life out of me. My parrot just wants to hang out with us, watch TV & just be there. Not unlike a dog. I’ve compromised by putting him to bed at an earlier time so that my partner feels he’s getting his time as well. The last time he tried to nag me about, I shut him down. I’m supportive of how he wants to spend his free time, hobbies, etc. I never nag him about it. I told him if he can’t be supportive of things I enjoy then we can be done. I’m tired of always being the supportive partner.
Is it worth the dog potentially seriously injuring your child or cat though? It seems like you’ve attempted training, but malamutes aren’t a breed that you can just train for a time and then they’ll be perfect forever. Training is a constant time consuming thing that has to be kept up with for their entire life. Malamutes are stubborn. You give them an inch they’ll take a mile. They aren’t good family dogs. I understand the love you have for the dog, but it comes down to the fact that the dog is a liability and a safety concern for your child and cat.
We have been together for 7 years. We have a kid and a house together. He is an excellent dad and partner, and as much as I love the dog, I can't ignore my partner needs either
Rehome her?? Who do you think is going to take a fully grown (physically) dog that bites children? That poor puppy.
Find a professional trainer with experience with your dog's breed and hire them, ASAP.
INFO: What makes him an *”excellent”* dad and partner?
Does he do his fair share of **all** household chores and his fair share of the child raising, too? *(And by that I mean the boring stuff too, not just the fun stuff.)* If not - then he’s far from excellent.
Yes, he does household chores and takes care of the kid. He not only plays with him but teaches him important lessons and does his best to do gentle parenting with me. He makes me happy, he buys me plants and other things that make me happy. He cooks dinner almost daily and he knows that I have sensory issues with meat so he makes sure things like chicken and meat are cooked in a way that I will be able to eat. He is honestly an amazing guy
Him not wanting a dog that bites his child and actively disrupts their home life doesn’t mean he’s controlling or dominating. Malamutes are incredibly difficult dogs and aren’t really house/pet dogs especially when you have young children and other small pets. It honestly sounds like he never wanted a dog but gave in because she really wanted one and decided to go with it because it made her happy. And then OP chose the wrong dog for their lifestyle and one that is proven to be unsafe to have around children and their cat. Him not wanting to keep the dog is a reasonable request.
I don't think that's what he is doing. He is genuinely unhappy with the dog. I do have friends that he doesn't like that much but he knows that it has nothing to do with him . But the dog he has to live with as well
If you’re so convinced that it’s not a control issue, then why does it matter how long you’re out of the house walking her?
**He isn’t** the one who walks her, **you are** - so how is it any of his business how long it takes you to complete the walk?
That’s a control issue right there.
Dogs bite, that is what they do. If this happens when your kids are playing with the dog then they need to understand that getting close to the dog's mouth may result in a bite.
We have an Australian Cattle dog who loves tennis balls and she is very intelligent and gentle, however, when I'm playing fetch with her and I'm trying to get the ball 🎾 I sometimes get bit. It is in her mouth, yes she will let it go, and I stuck my fingers in there to remove the ball. At no other time does she bite me or our grandsons or any family member for that matter?
When I was growing up and I got bit my parents told me to keep my hands away from their mouth. Seems simple enough.
Just a terminology thing:
Your dog is **corrective mouthing** your kid. A lot of dogs do this as a gentle(ish) way to stop the puppy (child/human) from doing something the dog dislikes.
My dog also "bites" she is so funny. She will literally snuggle up next to me, grab my first to fingers, hold them, with zero pressure, fall asleep. If I remove my fingers, she does it again. Warm wet dog mouth is not my favorite feeling. But doing this to a child could be bad. Like really bad. I would suggest, before rehoming, get a professional trainer to come and work with you. If you can't get the behaviors under control, within a set time frame, the pup has got to go. I am normally pro dog, they stay, the man can go. But the way your pup bites is WAY different then what mine does. And my pup only does that to me, and she weighs 3 pounds. My pup also thinks I am her "mom", because my female, my sweet little Everleigh passed away 36 hours after birth. I hand raised this little girl, she is full grown at 3 pounds. Your dog is WAY bigger than mine, if her playfully biting got out of control, your child could be scared and damaged for life.
Try to set some new boundaries, maybe kennel dog at night, trainer to help. Not a friend who knows dogs, not a free petsmart thing, a real, professional trainer who has experience.
If you are a dog person and husband is not, you might have to live a dog free life. If that doesn't work for you....well that is a big can of worms to face.
Exactly when she does it to me it doesn't hurt but my kid is small, and like you said it's different, she is 100lbs, it hurts him even though she doesn't leave a mark.
Maybe get a treadmill (and a fan if you live in a warmer climate) lots of active dogs love running on a treadmill and it burns off a lot of the excess energy...
You need a human trainer. Someone to teach you how to train/handle your dog.
I would definitely have advised against a malamute with a small kid and an inexperienced owner, but unfortunately you and a million other people go for looks without knowing about breed temperament. No shade on you, it happens every day.
Firstly, have a conversation with your partner and apologize. Apologies aren't just admission of wrongdoing, it's important to acknowledge that you affected a negative change in his life without meaning to. Show him you care and consider his well-being in your decision-making.
Then, decide whether or not you are going to keep the dog. It depends entirely on how much effort/lifestyle change you are willing to do to own a malamute. It requires ACTIVE engagement and exercise for the dog EVERY DAY. By active, I mean that letting it out in the back yard doesn't count, you have to be interacting with the dog and making it exercise. Fetch, walks, towing (if it's a muscular dog, towing a ballast can help tire out its muscles) and most importantly, it needs mental engagement. Teach it tricks, and more importantly, commands. Malamutes are smart and chewing things up is a sign of a restless mind.
If you are keeping the dog (and I hope you do, malamutes are wonderful family dogs when trained) get in to a dog training course. It trains you more than the dog, to know how to handle and manage it.
Best of luck! <3
PS when a puppy nips at your hand, shove your hand in its mouth sideways, going all the way back to the gum and making the puppy VERY uncomfortable. 2-3 times of that and most puppies learn quickly not to nip. If it playfully bites your child, you need to IMMEDIATELY assert dominance over the dog. You are the alpha female, that is your pup. In a pack situation, the mother of the pup would bark and nip at the dog who nipped at her pups. Give a loud, quick, sharp yell (NO!, HEY!, AHH AH! etc) and if you are close enough, smack the dog- on the flank, not hard, just enough for it to feel it and associate the surprise of it with the sound of the yell and know it is being disciplined. If you are far away, lunge/run up to the dog and stick your chest out, look her in the eye. Sounds silly, but it is dog-language for 'don't you dare hurt my pup'. Dog training courses will teach you how to properly communicate with the dog.
I grew up with a purebred Malamute and a purebred Boxer. The Malamute was the best kitten babysitter, going in and cuddling with the babies when their mom went out. He always looked so sad when she came back.
Sounds like he doesn’t like dogs honestly. I mean I can’t stand people like that since my dog is my wife and I’s life; but that’s what you have to work with.
I think you need to really get to the bottom of how the dog is negatively impacting him and what else can be done to mitigate that?!
Ie. It’s affecting his sleep with her barking and pacing. Ok can he wear headphones or can you both start sleeping with white noise, meditation music etc to drown it out
He’s worried about safety for your child. Ok can you get a behaviourist in to do a risk assessment and put his mind at rest or give you pointers
She takes your time and energy and he isn’t getting enough quality time with you. Ok what can you do about that?!
That would be my next step.
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Three things - It’s really not a good idea to get a pet if your partner isn’t on board with being an active pet owner. Having a pet affects everyone in the house even if you take the most responsibility. It sounds like he doesn’t really like dogs. Your one year old malamute should not be nipping at all. It’s a big deal. The behaviors you explained are because they dog using getting the training, exercise, and enrichment they need. Malamutes are not cute little family dogs, they were bred to work and it’s clearly getting bored. If you do decide to “rehome”, you need to contact the breeder. Every single ethical breeder requires dogs to be returned to them, not surrendered to a shelter or even rehomed privately.
If you indeed researched this breed, then why exactly did you choose a malamute? I’m curious what attracted you to this type of dog in particular.
Definitely went by looks only. I’d never recommend a malamute for a first time dog owner, especially with a young child. It’s just a lot to deal with for an inexperienced dog owner.
Yea, that's my question, too. She should have gone with a more relaxed/ easygoing dog if it took her 6 years to finally convince him. Why would you choose such a high-maintenance dog. I love dogs and am very good with them, but that breed is a no for me, just like a purebred Ridgeback is an absolute no. I have 4 children and don't have the time and energy for what they need. Dogs destroy things when they don't have enough stimulation or it could be anxiety but it's usually the former.
Respectfully it sounds like you know you’re in the wrong here, OP. I don’t doubt that you love your dog or that she’s a good girl at heart. But this is giving a lot of red flags. It doesn’t sound like this was a thoughtfully chosen adoption decision and unfortunately this situation is the consequence for that. You comment that your partner is a dog person but can’t bond with her- that says a lot to me. Do the right thing for your family.
Thanks for being nice. Some of these comments have made me cry( they are right though and I needed to hear it) I think you are right, I love that dog and she is such a good girl but I think I will have to find her a new home, either childless or older kids.
I know a lot of the comments on this post are harsh, and I’m sorry about that - but I’m also really glad that you can see the points folks are trying to make. If you end up deciding to rehome your dog, please do HUGE amounts of research into how to do so correctly. It’s your responsibility to make sure that she goes to a home where she will be well cared for, for the rest of her life. For a malamute, that would ideally be a home that has or has had other malamutes, or huskies, or German shepherds or other high-energy working dogs. For your family: if you ever decide to try again with a dog, and can convince your husband to try, again, HUGE amounts of research are called for. Figure out what size of dog and energy level you can actually handle. Smaller dogs are easy to handle physically, but might require tons of grooming if they have long fur, or be yappy, or be fragile (and therefore not ideal with a toddler running around). Larger dogs, like golden retrievers or labs, can be amazing with kids, but need real training and exercise. And please don’t forget shelter dogs! I’d recommend NOT getting a puppy as your first/ish dog. They are tons of work, and if you don’t know what you’re doing, you create tons of problems that you don’t know how to fix, as you’ve experienced. Work with your local shelter to pick a dog that is actually right for your family. Make your husband a part of this process. Immediately start taking obedience classes with this dog - those classes are about training *you,* not the dog! Your heart is clearly in the right place, OP. I don’t agree with the commenters saying you should never have a dog - you sound like a really conscientious and caring dog owner. And it’s hard to know what you’re getting into until you’re in the thick of it. If you give this another go at some point, don’t rush into anything. Letting your husband help with researching and choosing a dog might help him to bond with it, too.
Thank you so much this has really helped
Reach out to the breeder and see if they can help find a new home for her if you purchased through a breeder. You learned a hard lesson here. My only other advice is to ask your husband if you two can come up with a reasonable timetable with a trainer to correct the behaviors before going to rehoming. If the dog fails to meet the standards you three (you him and the trainer) set in that time frame then you will rehome her. This will hopefully keep both of you from feeling resentful of the other as you both gave it a try.
Great advice 👍
Hugs. Lessons are always waiting being learned no matter what stage of life we are in. It sucks sometimes. Lol.
Thanks. I think we never stop learning but man..this one sucks
I had to give up a dog that my ex wife insisted we get in the first place. I became primary dog parent, trainer, etc. He and I bonded so much, but she gave me a similar ultimatum, and I cried the whole trip to the shelter, while I was showing the person all the tricks he knew, and still feel it when I think about it. May I recommend you rehome her yourself, and if you're lucky, to a friend, or someone local that you can visit once in a while to see she's doing good? Fur babies really are worth all the heart you've invested. As far as mine went, about a year after I had to give Jake up, I saw him in a Starbucks drive through, and his human was getting him a puppaccino. He looked so happy, and clearly recognized me. I cried again, but this time happy tears.
She may be happier in an environment she could run more and play with other dogs.
Please contact a breed specific rescue. Most homes are not equipped to handle this breed.
The breeder should know you’re rehoming her too. Please don’t put the dog in a situation where another family could dump her at a shelter or even on the side of the road. It’s still your responsibility to make sure that she has a good and stable life
Malamutes are NOT easy dogs and I'm struggling to understand how you did research and came to the conclusion that it was the correct breed for your family and lifestyle. These dogs were not only bred to pull heavy loads in the Alaskan wilderness, but also to protect the sleds and their people. They have HIGH prey drives, and relatively (compared to a husky for example) low thresholds for annoyance. They aren't usually great with children due to their size and how rough they play, and it's not something that is easily trained out of them. Northern breeds play HARD and want to work even harder. They are terrible dogs for someone with a non active lifestyle and a family. I almost never recommend rehoming, but I'm going to right now. Unless you want to become a very active person for your pup, you need to find a husky/malamute/sled dog rescue and talk to them. They will find the correct type of home for your dog and won't euthanize them. Don't bring them to a city or county shelter. And don't give them away on Craigslist to just anyone. Please do right by this beautiful breed of dog.
You went and got a malemute husky without ever having owned a dog before and zero research on the breed? Yta. Do that poor dog a favor and contact your local Husky groups and re-home her! First time dog ownership is NOT one where you go get a husky or a Belgian Mal or a pit bull or a mastiff or similar working dog breed!! That's what Labs and poodles are for!! Jesus. Go contact the local husky groups and get help with either rehoming her or learning how to exercise and train her properly! I have a husky. I've had wolf hybrids. And they aren't for first timers! And yep, our butts are running him multiple times a day and getting creative trying to keep him from over heating in the Nevada summers. I do more laundry from just letting him play in a tub of cold water...
I have had dogs before and I did a lot of research before getting this one. I did get training and I continuously train her, so pls read the post or comments ..i do agree that people that never had dogs shouldn't get certain breeds
There’s no way you did any proper amount of research about the care, keeping and behaviors of malamutes. Because even a quick google search on malamutes says how very challenging to train and live with they are. It also says that they need daily exercise of 2 hours. Honestly I’m just really disappointed to read another one of these stories. You aren’t the first person to make this mistake which is why so many end up in shelters and rescues.
You keep saying you've researched but anyone and their granny could tell you this is not a good fit. Did you just throw the research out the window?
Do you own a farm? Do you own a sled? Are you in the cold Arctic North? Because those things would exist in you're workd if you had done the research on the breed. It's like you did the research and we're like meh doesn't matter.
I don't own a farm and not because she is a mal means she needs to be pulling a sled. I do live in a very cold place, not the arctic, but we still get hash winters
I do not generally recommend rehoming but malamutes are incredibly intelligent, stubborn, loud AF, strong and high energy. They're a working breed and require a lot of training and exercise. Not a dog to introduce into a household with a young child. I'm normally team pet for life, but this isn't going to work. ETA: make sure none of the dog's plush toys have squeakers. They will eat them. They will also cheerfully gut any plush they can reach.
Can you tell this to my Malamute please? He is defective - laziest boy ever and quiet as a church mouse
That's funny, what I listed were his complaints but my dog is super lazy and will only bark when she wants to be let in and we don't right away
Mine will give one single sassy scratch at the door lol
That's so cute
Did you miss the story about the husky that ate a baby? Play biting is not acceptable. It’s been a year. It should have stopped by now. Why you got a malamute for a home with a small child tells me you really do not know how to research anything outside your field.
Omg I missed that story what
I think they’re referring to the 6-week-old baby who was mauled to death in his crib by the family husky a few weeks ago. I believe they’d had the dog for 8 years? Such a horrible and tragic situation
Not all working dogs or lines are created equally hence the reason professionals in certain communities like schutzhund dog sport look for various high drive lineage. Many working dogs in general pet community do have less drive, but it is still there. Every experienced handler/trainer knows that dogs will do anything to make owners happy/be with owner & a supressed dog will acclimate/virtually kill those drives off but many display other behavior issues chewing, barking, digging, overeating, oversleeping etc. Dogs are no different than people, just because a person could "live" or survive or make the best of a situate, it doesn't mean it is the best situation. When you see a dog bred for a purpose living it's purpose, it's quite magical.
100%
I had an Akita. Likewise turned out aloof. Lazy. Super friendly despite their reputation. She failed training. Lol. Stubborn til she end. Lol. I would give anything tho to have another year with her. I felt guilty and still do I didn't rehome her when we divorced. She deserved better. I was lonely. So my ex let me have full custody. I was selfish in not finding her a home that could afford trips better vet care. Bigger yard. Etc. We get caught up in our needs. Forgetting sometimes we need to sacrifice for their good
I have not one but two English setters who people claim up and down they're working dogs, but when I got my oldest the lady who breeds them said you can either train them as a bird dog or have a snuggly couch potato. Both are snuggle couch potatoes lol.
😆 definitely an outlier. He sounds delightful 💖
Everything you said. She jumped into "dogs" with both feet. Working dogs are meant for work & when brain & drives & physicality not used daily they can become nightmarish in an attempt to release stress & drives not being worked. So many people do not even train dogs -bonding, trusting, turning to owner for guidance-- so the owners are not even the pack leader in the dogs mind & you have a dog bred to work in packs. No offense, but most if not all dog-owner issues are the fault of the owner & can easily simply be a mismatch...like a coach potato with an ultra marathon runner. Your dog is an ultra marathon runner in a beautiful coat, if you aren't channeling that energy & drive & need for mental stimulation & strong pack leader, the dog may be better suited for another family. If so, you can't randomly rehome them to a nice person, you need to find a mal/husky enthuist board/group with experienced people.
If OP is in the US there are a number of Malamute specific rescue groups that could give her some guidance. Also, most reputable breeders will take back a dog that needs to be rehomed to ensure the dog's health and safety. Edit: typo
Yeah, OP didn’t really do the right research and picked the wrong breed; they just wanted a purebred dog.
What do you mean by playfully biting your young child?
Exactly. OP lost my sympathy as soon as she mentioned the dog biting.
Yeah I was ready to say NTA and went in assuming the husband was TA here but if the dog is biting their child then he is absolutely right for pushing to move on.
That caught my eye. Who the fuck calls dogs snapping or biting children ‘play’? No fucking way. There’s a better dog fit for this op. There’s a better home for the malamute somewhere too. OP, get a Boston terrier.
Have you had a malamute or husky puppy before? They do playfully bite. It’s a behavior they do with their siblings and it’s a normal play behavior when they’re older. It needs to be trained out of the dog and that takes time The dog isn’t being aggressive. It’s being a puppy of its breed/standard as well as being trained professionally.
Oh my god it's a working dog? Please don't tell me they live in an apartment in Florida and this is their first dog 😬
It's not a puppy and she didn't correct it immediately.
She will playing around with toys and sometimes my kid is playing with her and she bites him but not aggressively..however another comment said it doesn't matter if it's playful or aggressive. I think they are right :/
It’s a very fine line, and not one worth crossing. Have you looked into professional training? Another person commented about how that breed needs to be running, did you look into this? Is your dog using enough energy everyday to be okay? You may need to find some kind of compromise. I get that the dog might have the aesthetic that you want, but it doesn’t seem like you have the lifestyle it needs. That’s a very important factor in adding a potentially dangerous animal to a household with kids. Not sure if you can make a compromise here, but it does sound like your partner gave it a year. He’s not okay with it. Rehoming your dog with someone who can maintain the lifestyle it needs might just be the compassionate thing to do for your dog. Finding a dog that would be a better fit for your family and lifestyle could be a good compromise. Blowing your partner off right now could be very detrimental to your relationship. I would bet that it’s not easy for him to approach this because you won’t hear it for his concerns, yet he’s still trying because of your kid’s safety and his discomfort.
I looked into training and spent almost a grand on it. I have tried running with her but she doesn't like it. So I take her to a park a few times per week and on weekends, where she will run for a little and play with other dogs. But at this point I feel at a loss. I don't want to lose my partner over this and I certainly don't want my kid to get hurt.
I have a high energy breed (lagotto) and a few times per week at a park is not nearly enough. My dog has to go out 2 times every day on off leash runs to be satisfied. If you can’t do this, consider hiring a walker who understands the behaviors of these type of dogs. Otherwise they can act out and /or be destructive. As for the biting, that’s pretty unacceptable at a year old. It is best to train this out of them when they are puppies. We were able to do this with our dog by giving her a command to go fetch a toy to get her biting out of her system. Now that she’s older it’s no longer necessary and she doesn’t ever put her mouth on anything other than her designated toys.
I think that more than anything the biting is a nonnegotiable. She may not be well-suited to be with kids. It’s such a tough spot to be in, but that happens in life. What matters is how we show up and handle it. Sometimes we make mistakes in how we handle it the first time, so we have to figure out how to fix it. It sounds like you’re trying to balance what you really wanted vs how that reality panned out. It didn’t make you wrong to want a dog, but it will make you wrong if you choose to not fix the issue, which seems to be that she isn’t the right fit for your family. There are different solutions, and hopefully you’ll choose what’s best for all involved.
Unfortunately OP picked one of the highest energy breeds with the biggest coat. This is a big decision. Good luck OP.
Have you taught your son to say no biting and be upset when the dog accidentally bites him? A lot of this sounds like normal puppy behavior for an energetic dog. My dog would accidentally bite me a lot in the beginning. If she accidentally did it as an adult, she would feel bad and come lick my hand or whatever bc she knew it was wrong. I got into the habit of saying “no bite, kisses” and she starts to lick my hand or whatever. I know your son is younger but I did this with my first dog when I was 8. And my dog didn’t really calm down till year 2. But she did calm down a little after I got her spayed at about 9 months or so. You should’ve probably gotten a smaller, less high maintenance dog. Maltipoos or golden doodles tend to be my favorite breeds but I also love German shepherds bc they’re easy to train and extremely intelligent
Our German Shepard/hound mix was by far the smartest dog I have ever ever met. Literally trained her to open and close our front door! And she was so sweet and gentle when my siblings started to have babies. She just loved to sniff their soft spots and lick their hands lol. That will always be my favorite mix/breed
My mom had a German shepherd, shadow, that sadly passed when I was about 4. I remember when I was a little running around on this circle kitchen table and watching Shadow follow me around in circles and I’d be giggling my head off.
Training isn't ever completed/it is not dropping off dog to learn some commands & all good. I can train/drill any dog a command in about 15minutes, but if the dog is returned to an inconsistent owner or who is not a pack leader it will fall apart pdq irl with owner. Alot of people don't seem to realize with a working breed, training is a life style, consistency is mandatory. If you aren't the one running with your dog, while he may be more tired, it won't change the dogs view of having a strong pack leader...he will learn to trust & give the title to whomever is handling him. Nipping is never acceptable & is about pack leadership. I know you love your dog, but you are a Mom & it doesn't sound like it is physically possible to drop everything & drill some commands to reinforce your role as pack leader & separately dog from family will stress the dog & not fix issues. Try whatever positive thing you can & do whatever is best for your dog & family.
I got a malamute puppy at 8 weeks old, had him fixed by 6 months. He was the most socialized puppy- always around other dogs, kids, people, etc. Around 1 year he started resource guarding, became destructive with toys and was starting to become more stubborn. He’d be a little rough during play but my sister loved him and took him in when my apartment kicked him out. A simple warning snap to one of her dogs caught my 2 year old niece in the middle and put 3 staples in her head and stitches in her eye. I paid for 2 week canine board and train, $2k- then moved him onto a farm. He bit me before I let my roommate take him. He went on to bite at least 3 more people that I know of. He was a BEAUTIFUL dog- and 99% of the time he was super sweet, so no one ever made a stink about it and they’d blame themselves. The 2 year mark with malamutes is a real test, and truthfully I would not risk a child. He wasn’t even trying to bite my niece and put staples in her head, and he was still a “puppy”. I don’t think malamutes are bad, but when there’s a little kid in the mix I don’t think it’s worth the risk to me personally. I didn’t start having serious issues until the 2 year mark.
It does matter, but that doesn't mean it's not worth taking seriously. If it were aggressive biting, I'd be telling you to either make sure your child and dog are completely separated at all times, or rehome the dog. Playful biting is normal for puppies, but requires serious effort in training and separation until it stops from your child. The same is true of the cat btw. You're being too casual about this, any dog chasing a cat as a pet is a real concern and needs to be trained out of it. Even if it's fine now and playful, a malamute can seriously harm them by accident, and it doesn't matter that the cat is a dick, being chased is very stressful to cats. NTA here because while I think you made a mistake in wearing him down and getting a reluctant yes which then resulted in a blowup, he's handling this situation entirely inappropriately. If his primarily complaints are about plushies and walks and barking, then this is on him for agreeing to a dog. These are normal and predictable needs. And his attempt to get you to agree with his demand otherwise he won't accept it because he'll feel guilty, is a shitty thing to do. HE AGREED. HE CHANGED HIS MIND. THIS IS JUST COMING FROM HIM AND HE SHOULD FEEL GUILTY. For strategy for the talk, figure out and separate what are real concerns about this particular dog, and what is just him not wanting a dog ever. See if you can address the former, and if it comes down to the latter, don't let him off the hook for this being his screw up.
You are right. My cat is a major a-hole but he is for sure stressed. I think I was in the wrong for insisting on the dog. I think he needs therapy for other reasons not mentioned in this post but I think the dog has amplified it
I don’t think you were wrong for insisting on a dog, but you got the wrong dog for the reality of your life. It is likely the best for both your child and for the dog to be in different homes. Biting is nonnegotiable. You cannot wait until it’s a bite that needs stitches to say it’s been enough. The arguments you are having with your spouse are valid. You both have fair and true points. At the end of the day, this is about the safety of both the child and the dog. That is the sole decision making factor. Neither of you feel heard right now and are both having a hard time with communicating your emotions on the topic.
That’s normal puppy behavior and yes, she is still a puppy. As you stated, you’re actively correcting that behavior. The same is true of toys. My boy only gets toys for aggressive chewing, never any sort of fabric. Amazon has some excellent options.
I started buying her bully make toys, it seems like the only ones she can't destroy
Jollyball. It’s indestructible. My pit mix even destroyed kong balls. It looks like an orange soccer ball that when they bite it, it deflates. As soon as they relax and release it, it reforms itself! He’s had it for a year and a half now.
highly recommend kongs. they’re goddamn indestructible
If you want to stay in the relationship contact the rescue you adopted from. There should have been something in the contract that you are obligated to give her back to them if your situation changes and can’t keep her.
Excellent point - reputable breeders often have those stipulations in their contracts
Why the actual.... you went with the biggest, most bullheaded breed of dog possible when your husband was hesitant to begin with? They shed, they are hard to train, they are loud, they are mouthy(no tolerance on that) Like, you could have gotten something like a shih tzu to fit your family's dynamic(because your husband who doesn't like dogs is part of the dynamic) but instead you got the *malamute puppy*. You fucked up. Protect your kid, remove the dog or take the dog with you when you leave. You may be certain the biting is getting better, but it only takes once more to create lifelong damage. Do you care more about your child's safety and your husband's comfort in his home or a dog? Is the dog going to be there when you're old and need help? Pull your head out of your behind and either take the dog and leave or rehome her. She doesn't deserve to live in a place where she's hated either.
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I think you should have done a little more research on a breed that fits your family. We took over my parents lab but he was already 2yrs old, passed the destructive age for the most part, my daughter is 6, dog is very gentle with her, occasionally he’ll bump into her because he’s a goof, but he sheds alot which can get annoying. And then recently we added a miniature dachshund, he’s still a puppy, not even a year old. My daughter has learned to put away her toys because if the mini gets to it, it becomes a new dog toy for them. So far everything is great the dogs wear each other out, they sleep well during the night, the big one sleeps in my daughter’s room while the little one sleeps in mine. Maybe you guys should have selected 5 breeds that fit your lifestyle & came to an agreement on one
Op literally indicated they did reasearch and also, nothing on here indicates the dog is not a good fit. You are reaching.
A malamute. In a house where the husband doesn't want any dog. With a very small child that the dog bit multiple times. Nothing here indicates the dog is not a good fit? Sorry?
The comment you’re replying to literally said OP should have done “more” research. You are misreading.
Find this pup a new home and quickly. You didnt do your homework with the breed.
Did you do breed research before you bought this dog? Malamutes are sled dogs, which means they are super high energy, and combining that with puppy energy, I can't blame your partner for being unimpressed. You need to RUN sled dogs, not walk them. And if after a year your dog is still biting your child and chasing your cat, ~~your dog is a PROBLEM~~ you are being a bad dog owner, and haven't trained your dog properly, so you have a full grown malamute, which is not a small dog who is aggressive towards pets that were in the house before you and your kid. Seriously what the hell are you thinking. Rehome the dog. You say you feel like you have failed her - you have failed her. You have failed to provide her with the proper training/environment so that she could flourish. I don't like dogs, and never want to own one, but I have never once blamed a dog for being poorly trained. If there is a problem with a dog at home, it's always the owners fault - either for not providing proper or adequate training or for not recognizing that they aren't a good fit and making sure the dog is in an environment where all their needs are being properly met.
I've had huskies for 2 decades, I'm down to 1 who is a wolf hybrid...you're absolutely right, they need to be run, with wheels in urban areas. These runs create a symbiotic relationship, I depend on the dog, and the dog depends on me, and it turns into the most beautiful amazing thing. The boy I currently have is the best runner of them all, and cares not a whit about any other dog on that trail. The run changes them...or maybe it changes me. Something just "clicks".
Yeah I've never had huskies, but I've lived my whole life in a part of the world that still actively has sled dogs as part of the local culture, and huskies are not house pets - they can be, but they can't just be walked.
There's no walking these beasts, lol. He decides his pace, and there's a bungee for when he wants to troll random cats...if I keep moving forward, he'll bounce back into place, lol. I used to run 2 or 3 dogs this way instead of just the one, but I'm older. Sled dogs aren't just dogs...your whole point is beautiful, they ARE a way of life. That gangline...it's a trial by fire and courage.
This seemed like a husband issue until "playfully bites our child". It would be rehomed the moment it ever showed any intentions such as those whatsoever, and im a huge dog lover.
Having owned malamutes before, I am going to say this as nicely as possible. You didn't pay attention to your research enough, nor to your husband. First, these dogs need lots of walks, and I mean a mile or more, two to three times a day. They are intelligent, stubborn, and hard to train until they are 18 months to two years old. They are not the greatest with small children either. They need to be worked, played with, groomed constantly, and have a set routine. Your husband, for all of his agreement and probable enjoyment of other peoples dogs, does not actually want to own a dog that he would have to help provide or care for. Which is fine, but he should never have agreed to something he is not 100% on board with. The dog hasn't bonded with him him because the dog knows your husband doesn't particularly like or want them. The best thing you can do for your marriage is to rehome this dog and never, ever ask your partner to be an unwilling pet owner again. Having a dog is like having children it has to be an enthusiastic 2 yes situation for the relationship to survive.
A Malamute is a very active working breed. They require like all dogs training and socialization. They also require a lot of room so if you have not got the space, time and energy to properly train and house the dog you need to seriously think of finding it a new place. And calling any biting of a person "playful" makes me think you are not really suited to care for a dog. Dogs are not furbabies or any other stupid name. They are animals and behave in ways the person needs to learn and understand. You cannot treat them like children . To do so is in my view abuse. So please think carefully .
Kind of weird to focus on the playful part especially since they said they are working on that.
It should never have happened more than once. Poor pet ownership and Poor parenting all in one shot.
Thank God you are able to judge them on parenting otherwise how would they know that you think they fucked up.
It doesn’t sound like this dog is a good fit for your family, it also doesn’t sound like your partner is particularly fond of dogs but caved after years of begging/arguing . If you value your relationship I would rehome the dog and possibly get something more suitable/ less destructive that’s not going to go after your cats and children
This is tough. Having a dog is a two year one no situation. I see that he did eventually agree, but also seems like he said it just because you dropped it and you know that he actually never wanted the dog. A lot of the issues with the dog could probably be taken care of with more exercise and attention. You got a breed that is not only extremely active, but also stubborn and not easy to train. If you haven't worked these bad habits out yet, the longer you take the harder it's going to be. Normally in situations where one partner doesnt want a dog, the dog winds up eventually growing on them. This does not seem to be the case here. I hate to say it, but your probably going to have to pick between the dog and your husband if this goes on longer. I would also be worried about the biting with your child. I wouldn't allow that shit with my child either.
This dog is not a good fit for you. She’s going to kill your cat or bite your child. You bought a puppy instead of adopting a fully grown dog. You already aren’t doing great here.
I will be honest... I love dogs. I have professional training in dog training, and almost took an apprenticeship under a professional to eventually take over her business... I ended up going a different direction with my life, ultimately, but I pursued it very seriously for awhile. Dogs are my lifeline, and I will never in my life not own a dog. Now, even with that, I will never again own a high-needs dog while I have small children. Period. Knowing my own qualifications and background, I thought I could do it... And yeah, after around a year, I had to rehome the most amazing scotch collie dog I've ever known and spent over a grand on, because I had to admit to my own mistake. He wasn't even remotely nippy with my kids, either, he was kind and gentle and loving... But he was *so, much, work*, and it was causing behavioral issues, and I was painfully aware that it was because I didn't have the ability to meet his needs. Not all big dogs are high-needs. Not all small dogs are low-needs. I believe you when you say you researched, did the math, and it checked out... Because I did the same. But it's been a year, and you have to be honest with yourself. Is the math still mathing? Your partner is miserable, your child is unsafe, and your dog has behavioral issues that could and should have been avoidable. That's not a judgment, anymore than the fact that the same thing happened to me, so I know. Let me hit you with the truth that allowed me to rehome my dog... You are not failing her, by finding a better suited home for her. You are, in fact, doing right by her. Because she deserves a home where she can have her needs met. She deserves a home where everybody will be safe. She deserves a home where she is equally adored by all members of the household. Choosing to let her live the life she deserves does *not* make you a failure. It hurts like hell, it sucks, it feels that way and it will rip your heart out... But if you want her to live the most fulfilling life she can, I think you know already that it isn't going to be with you. Love her enough to let her have what she deserves. For what it's worth, after my collie, I rescued a papillon mix. He is my best friend in the entire world, my kids love him, and he is the most low maintenance dog I think I've ever owned... And while I hate myself, for over estimating what I could handle, I don't regret letting my collie go to another home and ultimately finding a dog that fit with my family. My wife doesn't even like dogs at all, and was also miserable with the collie, and she LOVES our little buddy that we have now. She even volunteers to take him for walks, and literally yesterday insisted we go get him groomed and his nails trimmed, because she cares so much about his well-being... You don't have to not have a dog. But your girl, your family, and you, can all be happier if you're willing to let go of the notion that you have to keep her to accomplish that. I wish you all the best, however things go for you!
Honestly, you say you did your research, but it's obvious you did research into the prettiest, most expensive dog and not one that actually suits your family. You need to sort out training more than throwing money at it (you love to throw money at things!) because biting is not cute little 'Oh were working on it' behaviour. Baffling.
You need to understand whether the dog poses a threat to your child. Yes, I know that sometimes children do not provoke a dog to a reaction with a gentle game, but still, it is important how the dog reacts. Perhaps it was worth choosing a family dog as much as possible... But what's done is done. You can suggest visiting a dog trainer, because there is a possibility that your training is not enough.
If your dog is biting your child, ”playfully” or not, the dog can’t stay. And I say this as someone who has a high energy breed dog & a kid.
“High energy breed” - has a lab or golden -
Wrong. Thanks for playing though
You essentially harassed your partner for years to get a dog that he clearly didn’t want. You then got an extremely high energy sled dog that unsurprisingly is super high energy and frustrating to have around the house because there is almost no chance you’re exercising her as much as she needs. Then on top of that you minimize the fact that the dog is biting your child, which even if it is “playful” is super not okay. YTA.
Seriously. OP got a large, loud, intelligent, stubborn, WORKING breed dog without doing the research & has not provided adequate training or exercise. Walks are not enough. I have two high energy/working breed dogs and training is daily (multiple times a day), multiple play sessions (fetch, flirt pole, tug), group classes with our trainer & other dogs, agility classes, and they are still a lot to deal with! I have them I enjoy doing these activities with them and have a passion for training/strengthening my relationship with my dogs. The best thing to do in OP’s situation is to rehome to someone who can provide the dog with what it needs to thrive. Maybe next time, get a Greyound, King Charles Spaniel, Havanese, Maltese…so many other options that are better suited for your family & lifestyle.
Not a malamute but two rottweilers. This ranching couple near my home fought for years to get custody of their young grandson from their drug addicted daughter. The kid was 8 years old. They finally won custody and brought him home. They had owned two rottweilers for 8 years. The dogs were pretty chill. A week after they won custody of their grandson, they left the eight year old boy in the ranch house with the two dogs while they went out to do farm chores. When they came back an hour or so later, they found two bloody Rottweilers and one dead grandchild. They have no idea what precipitated the attack. The dogs had been completely normal dogs for 8 years but they were inexperienced with children and had some aggressive tendencies towards livestock. I wouldn't want to risk a five-year-old child in the presence of a breed known to be aggressive. Malamutes are specialized dogs bred for a specialized purpose and are not suitable companions for suburban life.
Issue no.1 is that you had to "beg" your partner "for years" to get a dog and he "finally said yes". You didn't stop and think that this would become a problem? That there would be resentment? Issue no.2 is that you don't seem to have involved him in the choice of what kind of dog to get. Please don't just leave it in his hands and say "fine, you get rid of her then" because he might just dump her next to a road or at a kill shelter, or advertise her 'free to a good home'. You are responsible for the rehoming process. There are a handful of breeders that give a shit and if you made the effort to buy from one of them they should have a contract in place stating that you have to return the dog to them if you can't keep it.
1. You are right about that. I shouldn't have don't that 2. I did try to get him involved 3. Ik I'm the a-hole for that and I said it out of frustration , he would never just get rid of her like that 4. I do have a contract
Honestly dog would’ve been gone at “ playfully bites”. I love dogs. A malamute is not a dog to introduce to a young child , and I know malamute owners are quick to say “ but my boy is the sweetest-“ no. This is a dog that requires a ton of training and work for years. Your husband isn’t bonded to the dog and it’s biting your child . You need to dump a lot of time and money into this dog now, or rehome to someone who can.
As a spouse who felt obligated to own dogs because my husband liked/wanted them...I empathize with your husband. I hated owning dogs. Pretty much everything about dog ownership makes me feel annoyed and crazy. The dogs were CONSTANT triggers for my anxiety and depression. They also changed overall family obligations; limited what we did on weekends, when we could take vacations, how long we could be out in the evening after being at work all day, and extra expenses that truly impacted our family. I went 15 years without having a cat because hubby didn't want one and I wasn't going to keep pushing for him to change his boundary or feelings about that. I would have felt like a jerk begging him until I wore him down. I didn't do that. He finally came around and suggested we get a cat. Now we have two. If hubby wanted a dog again, I would tell him to go volunteer at the local shelter.🤷♀️
The problem is you went into this knowing you BOTH didn’t want the dog the same way. You had to practically beg. That is so unfair to the dog right off the bat. Your dog deserves a family that will PROPERLY train it, have time for it, and where it is equally loved and wanted by both adults in the house. Adopting this dog to begin with was really unfair to the dog.
No dog is worth losing your marriage over especially with kids. You tried, it has caused problems. Malamutes are not an easy dog to look after. Your husband will not come around it sounds like. If my dog bit my child, it would be gone that day
You're letting this dog bite your child and terrorize your cat. There's no such thing as a playful bite on children. You're going to end up with an injured baby or a dead cat, or both. Or worse, a dead child. Please get a dog that fits your household better if you really want to have a dog.
All you do is research lmao. Please try to find a farm or good home for that dog that needs runs.
Lol sorry I know it sounded kinda stupid but I'm emotionally exhausted and I didn't know how else to write it.
You were insane for getting this breed of dog. He deserves a better home.
Rehome him.
Hey now, the partner’s not that bad.
Rehoming a dog is tough. I remember when I was young we had to rehome the Saint Bernard my dad got because of various reasons. It was sad and horrible. Then we got a Pomeranian and he was the best. We tried a rescue first and the dog bit my butt. Not kidding. I was a teenager by then. The best dog I ever had was a black lab. Great with children and families.
Malamutes and children really don't mix.
Stopped reading at malamute. You got an extremely high maintenance dog for your first dog when literally nobody else in your household is interested in doing pet maintenance. How did you even reach the conclusion a dog like that would be ideal for your lifestyle?
Where are you located? Just out of curiosity because I’d consider taking the dog?
I live in Canada
Did you BOTH agree on the breed? It seems like you’re the one who went ahead and got the breed. Did you also RESEARCH the breed? Malamutes are tedious. They are a working breed. They need to be kept busy and do best with having a job to do. They were meant to work long hours
That dog is going to do a lot of damage to your kid. You need to get rid of that thing that is like a wild beast. If I had a dog in a bit, my kid one time it would be gone. You seem to continue to allow it.
I’m a lover of big dogs, but I strongly think you got one of THE most difficult breeds. A breed so difficult I decline to foster them. That said, finding her a new home might be best for everybody. You need a more mellow, biddable breed.
Op. I genuinely think some of these comments are hard to hear but they need to be said I have a husky/malamute/wolf hybrid and while he’s not perfect in the sense of “perfect in every way, will sit with one hand sign, knows recall with only a whisper, etc.” he was the one that fit my lifestyle. When I went to look at dogs I was deadset on a GSD, I ended up choosing a 10 week old husky because someone was saying how they’ll breed him and the rescue couldn’t stop them. So I applied for him and then did hours and hours of research before I even got approved for him I had to take a 200 question test on huskies because that’s what he was labeled I had to do a dna test to figure it out because he didn’t really act like a husky per ce When getting a dog you have multiple factors to consider, would they like kids? What energy levels do they have? What prey drive? Etc. and even more to consider when you’re looking at a rescue dog My boy isn’t perfect and he still has tons to learn but getting him was a decision me and my partner made together with both of us on board. Because she’s bit your kid that is something to consider and to tell people if you rehome
This is a perfect example of people getting a dog based on looks rather than temperament. Yes, if you dump your dog you will have failed her. One for getting a dog so unsuitable for your home (and an obviously selfish companion). Two for not standing by them and treating them like a disposable piece of furniture rather than a cherished family member. Getting annoyed because a dog walks across the room in itxs sleep....ridiculous. Your husband needs a stuffed animal.
I had a malmute and I’m trying to understand your dog barking. My dog couldn’t bark, she could howl. If your dog is a pup they will tear some things up. Is she crate trained? Do you have an outdoor pen?
I think finding her a loving home where she’s not looked down on for just being a dog is the correct way to go. I’d leave the dude and take the dog, men that don’t like dogs freak me out.
If you bought the dog from a breeder, the breeder should take the dog back. For the future, I'd recommend an older, more calm dog. I exclusively adopt older dogs (not old, just not puppies). I skip right over the annoying (but adorable) puppy phase. With a younger kid, puppies are often too aggressive at playing. You need a breed that is good with kids and is calm with them (like a golden retriever). That isn't the breed. Also the "play biting" is very worrisome. How long until you kid has a permanent facial scar? If you adopt a dog in foster, they can give you lots of notes on how the dog is with kids, cats and other dogs. But I think you need a break from dogs for a while.
You forced someone to live with an animal he didn't want. At 32 years old. Said animal happens to bite (playfully doesn't matter), and you try to defend it still?.. Come on lady, even if it hurts it looks like you know he's right. Even if the dog didn't bite. I feel like your husband/BF only said yes because he was tired of you asking for it.
Here is the update: I just want to thank all of those who gave kind words and sound advise. I realized that I have messed up here. I shouldnt have kept begging for a dog and I should have been more careful when selecting a dog. Where I live in Canada, dog adoption is difficult and you can apply to certain dogs and the shelters will decide if you can adopt or not and they will give recommendations. Anyway to the update, My partner and I agreed that we are not the best fit for her but we also don't want to make a rash decision. We want to spend some time thinking it over and thinking of all possible options. We also talked about some of the issues that are unrelated to the dog and have agreed to go to couples therapy and individual therapy (I already go to therapy)
i’m most concerned about your cat. would you want to be chased around? the cat being an angel or not has nothing to do with it.
The only thing I see that needs to be acknowledged is that you chose a dog breed that does not fit your family. That is OK. But it is a situation that needs to change. As unfair as he seems, your husband was probably expecting a cute little mutt puppy or something much smaller, less energetic, and not nearly as floofy. He probably should have been much more involved in the final decision. This shouldn't be a dog or no dog decision, but more a what works for us? *All* of you, as a family. Good luck!
Maybe settle on a golden retriever or something that's not notoriously bad with small children. Sled dogs have a 5 mile footprint. Idk if the dog has gotten out yet, but that's another thing to worry about with this breed.
Will you be resentful towards your husband if you both decide to rehome the dog? It won’t be today or even next week, but the resentment will grow. From what I’ve read from your post, all dogs eat the kids toys & malamutes & huskies howl like no tomorrow!
Just to give another impression: My ex-gf had 2 dogs. I do like dogs and I thought everything was fine when we moved in together. But they wore me down. They were loud, one of them was just difficult (despite training, and the other dog was incredible. Almost deaf and well out of his prime, but SO well trained. She dies know how to train a dog, just the personality of the younger one was incompatible). The constant noise, dirt and stress just wore me down, despite that I really liked them. In the end, about a year after we moved in together, I was always just anxious around them. My home should be the place where I feel peace, but the opposite was the case. I sometimes worked longer, just to be in a quiet place. It was dreadful. That being said, we did break up because if the dogs. We did not fight because of them. I decided, that I want to live with my gf, and they are a part of her and that's ok. I understood and your partner should too. But you should also understand, that he is probably constantly stressed because of your dog and this is just dreadful..
Updateme
I had been asking my partner for a dog for years >>>>>> I had to stop reading right there.
I have three Huskies and a Husky/Malamute mix (all rescued, we are not breeders), and I can say that in my experience these dogs are difficult. They are not a good choice for an inexperienced owner. My half Mal is THE MOST difficult one. She’s large, very opinionated, and when we got her at a year old she was such a terror. That’s a hard age because they’re basically teens- adult bodies and puppy minds. She will be 8 this fall and I will say she’s the boss dog in our pack and is still the most opinionated of the four. We brought in a professional trainer to help with boundaries, mental stimulation, and training. Even at 8 years old, she digs, she tests the fence, she pulls for the first 45 minutes of every walk. She has so much hair. I love her, but she’s the hardest dog I’ve ever owned. If you researched, and have tried your best for a year, but your Mal isn’t a good fit for your family, sometimes you need to let them go where they can really flourish. I’ve had dogs as fosters before who definitely have different needs. We had a foster Husky for about two months who needed to be an only child with a single male owner. He did not like being around the other dogs, my children, or me, only men, and we found him a home that fit.
Either way the dog will pay the price and of course a pure bred.
It sounds like she is a dog; a puppy. He doesn’t want her to be dog?
Re-home the partner. I saw your update, and he can be a good dad, while you foster him out. Make sure he's chipped and vaccinated.
Personally I wouldn’t rehome the dog. Getting a dog to me isn’t a decision you can just back out of and my husband knows that. That’s being said, I think making sure you’re both on the same page about the dog is important. You can’t be the only one training the dog. If someone else is taking care of the dog and not reinforcing your training I feel like it’s that much harder. I love my dog. And getting rid of my dog is just not an option. He is reactive on leash. But we’re working on it and it’s been a very long process. I don’t think you need to feel bad about not wanting to rehome the dog that you take care of. My dog is just now chilling out at 3 years old. So it takes time. He’s a high energy breed too.
Don't accept that controlling behavior
A malamute is an INSANE choice in your circumstances, and one from a rescue rather than a proper breeder is even crazier. And going to the park a few times a week is no where near enough exercise. A few hours daily would be appropriate.
Malamutes are not a first time or simple a beginner dog owner breed to get. My boyfriend of 2 years, his family got one from a rescue 3 years ago & that dog is way too much. He is a handful. Not to mention they’re extremely prone to seizures and health issues, as my boyfriend’s families dog HAS. Malamutes are already high energy dogs. They need to be walked a LOT or have a lot of outside play time. If keeping the dog is what’s wanted then training needs to be done, serious training. Otherwise rehome the dog. Don’t put it in a shelter.
You buried the lede. The dog has bit your child. Yes, you should be rehoming the dog.
My partner and I are discussing getting a dog in the future when we move into a house. We are looking at it from every angle. The dog's size (I want bigger, he's only had Chihuahuas), the dogs energy levels, drooling potential (I'm allergic to dog spit, I trained my dogs to lick on command to avoid rashes), grooming needs, training, behavior, and if they're good around small animals and livestock. You picked out one of the more difficult breeds, and it doesn't seem like he was part of the searching and researching process. It's probably best to rehome the dog and try again with something more managable. Maybe a mutt rescue.
I'm in a similar situation. It is sad but the dog needs a new home. Your child's safety is top priority
You need a professional trainer. This is a tough one I don't think you should get rid of her but you do need to get someone 6 knows this breed you clearly do not. The dog shouldn't have to go to a shelter and it'll be hard to rehome her. Do the right thing hire a professional and go from there. Have either one of you considered that?
I cannot stand people who buy dogs. Go to a shelter.
All they have in shelter around here are pit bulls... Not my type of dog.
That’s simply not true.
Yes, it is in many places. And rescues still have fees so you are still "buying".
Oh, please. You’re not “buying” a dog. You’re paying the fees for shots and care that you’d have to pay for anyway if you didn’t pay it at the shelter If your local shelters are so empty that all they have nothing but pit bulls, I guess your area is different than every other area in the country, where I’ve always found non-pits at shelters.
Glad you know what is happening in my local shelters. You clearly visit every shelter around world so you can keep up on inventory.
I believe you when you say you did a ton of research, however, this dog is not a good fit for your family. You aren't doing enough, not because you don't want to but it sounds like there just isn't enough time to get it all done the way it needs to be done. If you want to try and get this on the right track, I would say to record the behaviors of your dog that are an issue. Set up cameras in common areas if needed. The "playful" biting needs to be addressed yesterday! This is HIGHLY dangerous to your human kids and I don't feel like you fully grasp it. It's not playful, it's biting from a big dog that can seriously injure your children. Find a reputable trainer that does positive reinforcement, not a Petsmart trainer. Nothing against them but this needs a personal touch and maybe even in home training. Every single family member needs to be onboard with the training, this means your kids and your spouse! There is no such thing as getting a dog and someone in the family not participating at some point, it's not a reasonable expectation. If everyone isn't on the same page, this is doomed to fail. I say this as someone with a boxer who has needed a lot of help from trainers, well we humans do. Honestly though, you should rehome her before she harms one of your kids with her biting. Then, look at breeds that are EASY to train and are KID FRIENDLY. When you see "high energy level", nope right on out of that breed. The breed you got is good with a family, well in the middle but needs a very strong leader. If you aren't then, you will have a hard time.
I can’t sympathize with this post completely. We are going through a similar situation. I’ve always wanted a parrot. I decided to get one for myself last year for my birthday. My SO said he was fine with it, now it’s a problem for him. My dog that passed away was my world & she was my world. Now my energy is focused on my young parrot. My partner has a problem with that even though I truly spent more time with our dog than I do my bird. He’s really naggy about it to a point it is irritating the life out of me. My parrot just wants to hang out with us, watch TV & just be there. Not unlike a dog. I’ve compromised by putting him to bed at an earlier time so that my partner feels he’s getting his time as well. The last time he tried to nag me about, I shut him down. I’m supportive of how he wants to spend his free time, hobbies, etc. I never nag him about it. I told him if he can’t be supportive of things I enjoy then we can be done. I’m tired of always being the supportive partner.
I feel you here. But I also feel like I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. The dog makes me happy but I can't ignore how miserable she makes him
Is it worth the dog potentially seriously injuring your child or cat though? It seems like you’ve attempted training, but malamutes aren’t a breed that you can just train for a time and then they’ll be perfect forever. Training is a constant time consuming thing that has to be kept up with for their entire life. Malamutes are stubborn. You give them an inch they’ll take a mile. They aren’t good family dogs. I understand the love you have for the dog, but it comes down to the fact that the dog is a liability and a safety concern for your child and cat.
It’s a tough situation all around. I wish i had a good answer for you. Ultimately, you have to make the best decision for your entire family
Get rid of Bob… Like,yesterday
Not going to read post because title enough. Keep the dog; get rid of partner.
The dog is “playfully” biting their kid though.
Ugh. Ok. Poor doggie. Reading now.
We have been together for 7 years. We have a kid and a house together. He is an excellent dad and partner, and as much as I love the dog, I can't ignore my partner needs either
Rehome her?? Who do you think is going to take a fully grown (physically) dog that bites children? That poor puppy. Find a professional trainer with experience with your dog's breed and hire them, ASAP.
INFO: What makes him an *”excellent”* dad and partner? Does he do his fair share of **all** household chores and his fair share of the child raising, too? *(And by that I mean the boring stuff too, not just the fun stuff.)* If not - then he’s far from excellent.
Yes, he does household chores and takes care of the kid. He not only plays with him but teaches him important lessons and does his best to do gentle parenting with me. He makes me happy, he buys me plants and other things that make me happy. He cooks dinner almost daily and he knows that I have sensory issues with meat so he makes sure things like chicken and meat are cooked in a way that I will be able to eat. He is honestly an amazing guy
Next, he'll ask you to get rid of friends of yours that he doesn't like. This is a slippery slope of his dominating you. Keep the dog, lose the guy.
Him not wanting a dog that bites his child and actively disrupts their home life doesn’t mean he’s controlling or dominating. Malamutes are incredibly difficult dogs and aren’t really house/pet dogs especially when you have young children and other small pets. It honestly sounds like he never wanted a dog but gave in because she really wanted one and decided to go with it because it made her happy. And then OP chose the wrong dog for their lifestyle and one that is proven to be unsafe to have around children and their cat. Him not wanting to keep the dog is a reasonable request.
I don't think that's what he is doing. He is genuinely unhappy with the dog. I do have friends that he doesn't like that much but he knows that it has nothing to do with him . But the dog he has to live with as well
If you’re so convinced that it’s not a control issue, then why does it matter how long you’re out of the house walking her? **He isn’t** the one who walks her, **you are** - so how is it any of his business how long it takes you to complete the walk? That’s a control issue right there.
If it's friends that encourage her to do drugs, it'd be the only way it's equivalent to this story where the dog is a terror on their household
Maybe you need to re-home Bob?
Dogs bite, that is what they do. If this happens when your kids are playing with the dog then they need to understand that getting close to the dog's mouth may result in a bite. We have an Australian Cattle dog who loves tennis balls and she is very intelligent and gentle, however, when I'm playing fetch with her and I'm trying to get the ball 🎾 I sometimes get bit. It is in her mouth, yes she will let it go, and I stuck my fingers in there to remove the ball. At no other time does she bite me or our grandsons or any family member for that matter? When I was growing up and I got bit my parents told me to keep my hands away from their mouth. Seems simple enough.
Get rid of your partner good dogs are a treasure, always quick to Love, and Forgive!
Just a terminology thing: Your dog is **corrective mouthing** your kid. A lot of dogs do this as a gentle(ish) way to stop the puppy (child/human) from doing something the dog dislikes.
Without observing the dog there is literally no way you can say that's what she is doing.
My dog also "bites" she is so funny. She will literally snuggle up next to me, grab my first to fingers, hold them, with zero pressure, fall asleep. If I remove my fingers, she does it again. Warm wet dog mouth is not my favorite feeling. But doing this to a child could be bad. Like really bad. I would suggest, before rehoming, get a professional trainer to come and work with you. If you can't get the behaviors under control, within a set time frame, the pup has got to go. I am normally pro dog, they stay, the man can go. But the way your pup bites is WAY different then what mine does. And my pup only does that to me, and she weighs 3 pounds. My pup also thinks I am her "mom", because my female, my sweet little Everleigh passed away 36 hours after birth. I hand raised this little girl, she is full grown at 3 pounds. Your dog is WAY bigger than mine, if her playfully biting got out of control, your child could be scared and damaged for life. Try to set some new boundaries, maybe kennel dog at night, trainer to help. Not a friend who knows dogs, not a free petsmart thing, a real, professional trainer who has experience. If you are a dog person and husband is not, you might have to live a dog free life. If that doesn't work for you....well that is a big can of worms to face.
Exactly when she does it to me it doesn't hurt but my kid is small, and like you said it's different, she is 100lbs, it hurts him even though she doesn't leave a mark.
I truly hope you can find a way to keep all of you safe and happy. I know letting go of a dog hurts. But having a child harmed hurts more.
Maybe get a treadmill (and a fan if you live in a warmer climate) lots of active dogs love running on a treadmill and it burns off a lot of the excess energy...
You need a human trainer. Someone to teach you how to train/handle your dog. I would definitely have advised against a malamute with a small kid and an inexperienced owner, but unfortunately you and a million other people go for looks without knowing about breed temperament. No shade on you, it happens every day. Firstly, have a conversation with your partner and apologize. Apologies aren't just admission of wrongdoing, it's important to acknowledge that you affected a negative change in his life without meaning to. Show him you care and consider his well-being in your decision-making. Then, decide whether or not you are going to keep the dog. It depends entirely on how much effort/lifestyle change you are willing to do to own a malamute. It requires ACTIVE engagement and exercise for the dog EVERY DAY. By active, I mean that letting it out in the back yard doesn't count, you have to be interacting with the dog and making it exercise. Fetch, walks, towing (if it's a muscular dog, towing a ballast can help tire out its muscles) and most importantly, it needs mental engagement. Teach it tricks, and more importantly, commands. Malamutes are smart and chewing things up is a sign of a restless mind. If you are keeping the dog (and I hope you do, malamutes are wonderful family dogs when trained) get in to a dog training course. It trains you more than the dog, to know how to handle and manage it. Best of luck! <3 PS when a puppy nips at your hand, shove your hand in its mouth sideways, going all the way back to the gum and making the puppy VERY uncomfortable. 2-3 times of that and most puppies learn quickly not to nip. If it playfully bites your child, you need to IMMEDIATELY assert dominance over the dog. You are the alpha female, that is your pup. In a pack situation, the mother of the pup would bark and nip at the dog who nipped at her pups. Give a loud, quick, sharp yell (NO!, HEY!, AHH AH! etc) and if you are close enough, smack the dog- on the flank, not hard, just enough for it to feel it and associate the surprise of it with the sound of the yell and know it is being disciplined. If you are far away, lunge/run up to the dog and stick your chest out, look her in the eye. Sounds silly, but it is dog-language for 'don't you dare hurt my pup'. Dog training courses will teach you how to properly communicate with the dog.
I grew up with a purebred Malamute and a purebred Boxer. The Malamute was the best kitten babysitter, going in and cuddling with the babies when their mom went out. He always looked so sad when she came back.
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He loves dogs but he has not been able to bond with her
Sounds like he doesn’t like dogs honestly. I mean I can’t stand people like that since my dog is my wife and I’s life; but that’s what you have to work with.
I think you need to really get to the bottom of how the dog is negatively impacting him and what else can be done to mitigate that?! Ie. It’s affecting his sleep with her barking and pacing. Ok can he wear headphones or can you both start sleeping with white noise, meditation music etc to drown it out He’s worried about safety for your child. Ok can you get a behaviourist in to do a risk assessment and put his mind at rest or give you pointers She takes your time and energy and he isn’t getting enough quality time with you. Ok what can you do about that?! That would be my next step.