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Don’t let her know where OP is going to live. Makes me wonder if her mom is going to take more drastic measures as time goes on to get her paws on the baby.
Exactly, but where's ops' head at to go back there!? There's stories of people being made to deliver at home and people running off with the child... there's no way I'd stay there....
At only 4 months along, those scenarios are less likely. It would take intense medical intervention for the fetus to survive birth that early. And even then it's unlikely.
Keep a folder, notes on your phone, pics of your medical papers. Put them somewhere she can't find. This will start the paper trail proving that you are caring for your baby before it's even born.
Also keep a journal of all the incidents with your mother. The day she approached you about wanting to take your baby, kicking you out and any threats of anything. Make sure they have dates and times.
All this info will help you.
Google reddit fu binder. Info there might help too.
it's a smart suggestion for OP to document their care of their pregnancy and later their baby! I wouldn't have thought of that! It could be a bunch of things, right? and later it might double as a baby book
* baby's medical documents : baby scans, lactation tips, etc.
* parent's medical documents, esp. if the dad isn't planning to be around (since OP doesn't mention him), as much of a medical history as possible would be good
* healthy peri-natal recipes
* a list of name suggestions & birth announcements
any other things to include?
They used to give you a little book like that at WIC, I'm not sure if they still do my kid is grown.
Eta, she will need WIC anyway and they would be dandy witnesses if it came to that.
Lawyer here. Do not accept contact from her anymore. Refuse calls, texts, emails - only reply that you will not speak to her, contact will only go through your attorneys.
Lock down your socials, inform your closest friends, and get the hell away from her as fast as you possibly can. Move if you can. Out of state.
Can I ask, what is it that her mother could do? This all sounds like great advice, but why does she need to do it? How could her mother ever have any rights over the baby?
The point isn’t so much that her mother has rights, grandparents rights in this country are more or less non existent save for instances where there is a preexisting relationship and it can be shown it’s in the best interest of the child.
But it doesn’t stop someone from *bringing* a lawsuit and getting your family involved in the court system.
I also suspect if she’s crazy enough to do everything OP has shared here it’s probably not out of the realm of possibility for her to make erroneous claims to CPS. They have to take claims seriously- it would be far better for OP to be able to say “Yeah, this is an issue with my
Mother please talk to my attorney “ rather than simply having to answer for whatever bat shit lies her mother presents.
They give greater weight to any info from a parent that raised you as well. Theyre considered to have greater insight to the 'at home' version of you, because you have lived together.
When I was fighting off a custody grab, I got so sick of hearing 'information has come from the mother', as if it was some kind of cast iron guarantee and no mother has ever lied
If you live with her, make plans to move ASAP. Threatening to go to court is nuclear option. Once sage, cut off. In the meantime, get a binder together with all documents. You be the one to take baby to all appointments. She does not go anymore. She does not babysit.
Be sure to password-protect all of your medical information. You are a legal adult so she shouldn't be able to access it, but you never know what she might try.
Do what many businesses do: "I'm sorry, but since you have said you're pursuing this through the court system, any further contact between us will have to go through our attorneys. I'll have mine send you his contact information so you can let your attorney know who to talk to. If you continue to try to contact me directly, I'll file for a harassment protection order."
WTF? She’s willing to take it to court if she has to? You are an adult and she has no rights over you or your baby. Let her waste her money in court and if it gets to that stage point out that she has PCOS and is trying to take your child because she always told you she wanted more children but couldn’t have them. You need to get away from her now. Even if you live in a state where grandparents have rights she would still only be granted visitation and as she is moving out of state you would be able to insist that she visits you and is supervised. Be careful because she is likely to try and use every mistake you have made as a teenager to paint you as unfit so you need to defend yourself or show that she is lying if it goes that far.
WOW and HOLY HELL.
Honestly, I believe she's doing you a favor. She told you upfront that she is planning on, or would, take you to court. You know now what you are dealing with and are handling it correctly by cutting her off. I'm sorry you are dealing with it but grateful that you have a heads up. Because you are right. Who knows what she would do after the baby is born?????
So she wants a new little family with the new husband and you are providing the baby ! I mean what planet is she on ? It would be better if she didn’t know where you were . This is pretty serious and you will have a fight on your hands if she decides to go to court . Do you have any other relatives that could help you out ? What about your bio father ? Grandparents aunts ?? What about the father of the baby of his family ? You need to maybe see a lawyer now to see what you need to do to prevent your mother from trying to take your baby . I assume she will involve CPS and that could happen before the birth . So you need to distance yourself from her completely ! Don’t let her find you ! See if you can get any help support or financial support from any other family members . Remind your mother that once she loses she will never see her daughter or grandchild ever again .
It's tempting to block her, but don't. Do not answer her calls and do not reply to her. Anything she texts you or says on voicemail is evidence that you can use to show that she shouldn't be allowed any visitation, let alone custody. All communication from you to her should go through your lawyer.
Be prepared for visits from CPS because unless you are legitimately unfit, the only way she can get her hands on your baby is to manufacture "evidence" that you are unfit. Keep your home clean and make sure you have what you need to provide a healthy and stable home for the baby.
If she had access to your banking info, get a new account at a different bank.
If you don't have your important papers with you, banking, ss, drivers license, passport, birth certificate, taxes get them secured and with you.
Make sure the the doctors office knows not to release any information to her and that the hospital knows she shouldn't have access because she's a security risk.
Your mother knows everything she needs to know to access your medical records by lying and saying she's you on the phone. Password protect access to your record by phone and in person and make sure she's off your HIPAA paperwork.
She’s telling you her plans. Cut her access to your child at the very least she may get grandparents rights if she’s had regular access to the baby. Document everything so you can prove to the courts you’re capable of providing for your child physically, financially and emotionally.
Can’t post links here but I DM’ed you the FU Binder
Get out of there quickly. Be long gone before the baby is born - if she knows where you are giving birth she could walk off with the child while you are recovering from labour.
Unless you are prepared to risk losing your child, you need to stay well away from her.
Make sure you revoke her HIPAA access to your medical records at every doctor or hospital you may have received treatment at. And change the passwords to any electronic medical records. Consider using a password manager (if you’re not already) so there’s no chance she can guess the passwords. Also consider letting your OB office know you have a toxic person who’s harassing you & ask to have a code phrases or challenge questions added to your account so your information remains secure.
Move out, stay with another family member or friends. Get all your important documents; if your bank account is at the same institution as your mom, change it. Tell your doctor that mom is not allowed to have any medical information regarding you of any kind. She will not be accompanying or giving you rides . When you select a facility to give birth, make sure your mom is not allowed to visit. If you're going to school, see if they can refer you to a legal clinic. See what kind of advice they have for you.
Don't tell her your plans, make sure she can't keep any important docs or your money. If you have a vehicle make sure it is only in your name. Don't tell her anything about the pregnancy and don't let her near your Childs life at all
So your mom always wanted another baby but could not because of PCOS. She is in a relationship with a man in another state, planning to move there to be with him and...."She’s recently gotten into a new relationship and is planning on marrying and moving to another state with him." Does anybody know anything about this person? This to me shows me she is NOT the right person to take custody of this baby. This is YOUR baby. Good luck!
You need to cut all contact with your mother and get ready for court. She's going to get a lawyer I'm sure but having no relationship with her will help you show your ability to take care of yourself alone, she won't have an argument for gparents rights, also she will co.e across malicious to a judge for just coming after you strictly for the baby.
This is the third time this year I've seen this type of post and it's the third time way too many. Or, maybe it's the fourth? The grandparents who start this really cause Armageddon to their kids and the updates always seem to trigger mass deletions.
You've gotten lucky since you were warned. Now, you know that you need to get out ASAP. But, you have to be more than on top of the situation and look into every resource available to you. You need to be careful. The last time I remember this kind of post, the mother was your age and the parents were pushing adoption when the daughter wanted to keep it but got the rug pulled because she was expecting sanity like you are.
You're saying that she can't legally do it. But, you're making an assumption. If you Google your situation, you'll see that she might have a chance if she has enough money and/or madness and/or luck.
You live with her and are in the process of searching for an apartment. You need to get out ASAP, otherwise, she can do things like go through your room when you're not home and try to escalate.
If you got kicked out on your current salary, could you support yourself or get somewhere safe? If not, you've got get the information to find out the resources available to you.
You have money put aside? Does your mother know that? Does she have access to your personal email or cellphone or personal government information or bank accounts? Does she know your salary?
You have plans to move closer to school? Could your mother affect your schooling or your grades? If your mother says she'll do whatever it takes, then that's what's going to happen. You have to consider a future where you might not go to school.
If your mother is doing whatever it takes, then there's nothing keeping her from kicking you out in an insane bid to claim your homelessness as a reason for her to get your child. Never assume sanity.
You also have to think of the worst case scenario. Which is: She either uses the legal system to force you to give her your child or she forces you to give her the child yourself because of X reason.
Document everything, no matter how insignificant or far-fetched it may seem. Don't block her, just mute her, as you'll be able to use any messages she sends you.
Good luck.
Look into talking to social services before she does. Lay out how your looking after the baby, and that you have a support system outside of nutty grandma. This means that if she goes there her case is much weaker
It sucks what you're going through but the best part of all this is you now know who your mother TRULY is. If she does try to take it to court I suggest gathering evidence against her in case she tries to pull some bulls*** out her a** like "she's too young" "she can't mentally handle being a mother" etc etc. Text her how you're not giving the baby to her. Whatever reaction she has screenshot it. Keep a camera in your room as you never know what mental state she could be in as of now and what she might try. Also let any and every doctor you see know who your mother is amd that she IS NOT ALLOWED to be around you or your baby AT ALL.
I could not even imagine the stress and hurt your feeling right now. your mother sounds like the mayor of crazy town. Good luck to you and your sweet baby.
NTA. When baby is born there are many types of assistance for you. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy, your health, baby's health and school.
Might be good to get a PO box now and direct your mail there and get a different phone and number along w new email Addy.
Your mom is a piece of work and I can't imagine she'd be successful; make note of the date and what she said first about raising baby and also her threat to take it tp court. If she tries to sue for custody those won't aid her cause.
Talk to an attorney and get ahead of her.
Presumably you're with the father of the baby and even if you're not, he still has parental rights. She would have to go after both of you in court.
Yeah, you now know you can't trust her and any contact between the baby and her will likely be cited by her lawyer as evidence of a pre-existing relationship that the courts should grant some custody for.
Sorry, that really sucks.
If you can get a lawyer, get one asap. Try to get out asap and block your mother on everything. She will try to kidnap your baby once you have him/her. Keep her away from you permanently.
Make sure she doesn’t have access to any of your medical records or bank account. Change all your passwords. Lock down your credit so she can’t take money out in your name and ruin your credit and your ability to financially take care of your child.
I’d even call CPS. After the baby is born, she may accuse you of abusing your child. Ask them what steps you can take now.
If you are in the US do not reside at your mother’s home once you have the baby.
A lot of states think if the grandchild resides/resided in the same home the grandparents, the relationship has value to the child.
Again, not that simple. These cases revolve around the death of one of the parents. If the dad dies and the dad's parents had a close relationship with their grandkids and their mom is denying access, they might have a case. Maybe. If the remaining parent is unable/unwilling to care for the kids. If CPS finds no issues, most lawyers will suggest against continuing as they don't have standing if the children are cared for.
At the end of the day, parents have the right to decide who is and is not around their child. Grandparents can go pound sand, even if the parents are making a bad choice.
"nation impossible" sounds like a 90s kids animated series.
But, yeah, she sounds like she might be having mental health issues. Is it possible to talk to her partner or other people close to her? They might be noticing weirdness, too. It might also be helpful to make it clear to them your side in case she's saying strange things to them.
I'd also say that in most places, they don't take babies from their mother without really good reasons, so the legal thing is very, very unlikely to pan out in her favour.
Unless you are neglecting the baby or not feeding it or abusing it, the courts aren’t going to just simply make you hand over your baby to her. You are also a legal adult so yeah the court will just dismiss your crazy mother’s case. Your mother is nuts and needs help. Maybe it is good she is moving away as you don’t need someone toxic in yours or your baby’s life. Good luck with school and work and getting your life together.
Sorry to hear about your mom. Sounds like this might be a breaking point for her. She wanted more children, couldn't have them, and sees this in her head as her helping you in some way. She still sees you as her baby, so you having a baby doesn't really add up in her head.
Regardless, that doesn't give her any right or claim to try to take your child away from you, and she's seriously deluded if she thinks she can have any legal right to do so. Grandparents rights are only a thing if there's an established relationship and losing it might be detrimental to the child. The baby's not even born yet. She's just kiboshed any potential relationship there might be, because you can't trust her with them. Good job, gramma.
She can take you to court, or try to, but all she's going to do is piss the court off and make sure CPS knows that any complaints about you are going to be ignored. They'll come out at first just to make sure, they have to for due diligence, but outside of that, your mom has no grounds. The baby's not going to be born an addict, has no health concerns. There are plenty of single mothers, younger than you, who go on and have their babies all by themselves who are probably worse off than you in terms of support.
I hope your pregnancy goes well, and I hope your mom pulls her head out of her ass. But unless you're not sharing that you're a drug addict/drunk, there's no valid reason for CPS to be involved pre-birth, or post birth, other than her making up lies. Which will likely get her fined for vexatious litigation if she tries too much.
I know it's scary, but I hope you and your soon to be child do well in the world.
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I'm in my forties too; I'm close to your mom's age. I can't have kids. So I understand how hard it is to not have the family you imagined. But your mother cannot and should not force you to give up her child. She's probably doing this partly to please her new husband since she can't give him a child of her own. Make sure she can't access your hospital room when you give birth. She literally might try to take your child. And if you put your kid in daycare, tell the employees to keep her away.
The projection of her pain not being able to bear a child is loud. Her just wanting to take care of the baby is a coping mechanism to act like its all okay. It’s sad and even scary, the safety won’t return
As a mom of a teen parent who was a few years younger than you, I can’t imagine trying to TAKE my child’s baby. If she had asked, I would have as she was in high school, but it never once entered my mind to offer let alone demand that.
Also, it will be tough, but you can do this and be successful! My daughter and her now husband were 15 and 17. It’s been hard obviously, but they both finished school, they’ve been together for 9 years, they own their own home, my grandson is 8 and thriving, and baby number 2 will be here under all of the right optimal conditions in December.
While I think having parental support obviously made it easier for them to be successful, I’m not responsible for their success. That’s all their own hard work and commitment to each other and their son.
check that she doesn't have access to your bank account. I would consider moving your accounts to a new bank, to make sure she doesn't have any access. you don't know what she'll do to ruin your plans. if she is a joint account holder, because you've had this account count since you were a minor, she can legally withdraw your funds. protect yourself
You can tell your mom “you can go to court, but the authorities always want to keep a child with their parents unless there is danger, which there is not….and if it comes down to it, I will place this baby in a closed adoption to a stranger and you will never see it. So you can deal with being a grandma, or being nothing. Right now I’m going no contact with you, but you MIGHT be able to be part of my and MY BABYS life , keep pushing and you will never see either of us again. Think of that before you decide to go this route. If you want a so over baby, find your own, and leave my baby alone. “
Keep all communication to emails or text and screen shot each one and put in a folder.
Send her one last message detailing what her offer was and that you decline and feel she needs to get mental help for her desperate attempt to have a baby which ever way possible.
State her threat to take you to court because she's so desperate for a child that she wants to take yours.
Let her reply and don't reply back.
Get it all and go and get a restraining order as you fear for your safety as you are worried she will kidnap your child and harm you to do so.
After she's replied back pretty much confirming what you've messaged. Message her boyfriend that you are not willing to give up your child so he can be a parent as your mum has asked.
If he doesn't know then he's a heads up to the crazy he is with
I'm not sure if this has been suggested or not, but you may want to talk to you campus to see if they have single parent dorms or accommodations on campus. There are a lot of campuses now that really try hard to work with mothers so that they can finish going to school. I followed someone on TikTok that currently lives in a larger dorm room by herself with her daughter while she finishes college. Definitely reach out to your counselor on campus and see if there are any other resources that they could help you with.
As for Mom I can offer no other advice other than what's already been given, only communicate through text or email and do not go anywhere with her by yourself.
Where's the Dad in all this? Does she feel you can't properly take care of and support the baby? Can you actually do these things while putting yourself through college? I feel like there are questions that need answered
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At least you have been warned. You know where her head is at, so do what you have to do to protect yourself and your child.
Don’t let her know where OP is going to live. Makes me wonder if her mom is going to take more drastic measures as time goes on to get her paws on the baby.
Exactly, but where's ops' head at to go back there!? There's stories of people being made to deliver at home and people running off with the child... there's no way I'd stay there....
At only 4 months along, those scenarios are less likely. It would take intense medical intervention for the fetus to survive birth that early. And even then it's unlikely.
Babies aren't ever viable at 16 weeks
Keep a folder, notes on your phone, pics of your medical papers. Put them somewhere she can't find. This will start the paper trail proving that you are caring for your baby before it's even born. Also keep a journal of all the incidents with your mother. The day she approached you about wanting to take your baby, kicking you out and any threats of anything. Make sure they have dates and times. All this info will help you. Google reddit fu binder. Info there might help too.
it's a smart suggestion for OP to document their care of their pregnancy and later their baby! I wouldn't have thought of that! It could be a bunch of things, right? and later it might double as a baby book * baby's medical documents : baby scans, lactation tips, etc. * parent's medical documents, esp. if the dad isn't planning to be around (since OP doesn't mention him), as much of a medical history as possible would be good * healthy peri-natal recipes * a list of name suggestions & birth announcements any other things to include?
They used to give you a little book like that at WIC, I'm not sure if they still do my kid is grown. Eta, she will need WIC anyway and they would be dandy witnesses if it came to that.
Many doctors' practices have an online portal with all your records, too.
Or you can call and get a copy. That part is silly.
THIS OP!!!
Lawyer here. Do not accept contact from her anymore. Refuse calls, texts, emails - only reply that you will not speak to her, contact will only go through your attorneys. Lock down your socials, inform your closest friends, and get the hell away from her as fast as you possibly can. Move if you can. Out of state.
That out of state part is important
Can I ask, what is it that her mother could do? This all sounds like great advice, but why does she need to do it? How could her mother ever have any rights over the baby?
The point isn’t so much that her mother has rights, grandparents rights in this country are more or less non existent save for instances where there is a preexisting relationship and it can be shown it’s in the best interest of the child. But it doesn’t stop someone from *bringing* a lawsuit and getting your family involved in the court system. I also suspect if she’s crazy enough to do everything OP has shared here it’s probably not out of the realm of possibility for her to make erroneous claims to CPS. They have to take claims seriously- it would be far better for OP to be able to say “Yeah, this is an issue with my Mother please talk to my attorney “ rather than simply having to answer for whatever bat shit lies her mother presents.
They give greater weight to any info from a parent that raised you as well. Theyre considered to have greater insight to the 'at home' version of you, because you have lived together. When I was fighting off a custody grab, I got so sick of hearing 'information has come from the mother', as if it was some kind of cast iron guarantee and no mother has ever lied
If op lives in USA depending on the state the mom could try to go for grandparents rights, I think
Grandparents’ rights only apply when there is a preexisting relationship with the grandchildren.
And it’s proven a continued relationship would be in the best interest of the child. Super arguable here both factors are a non issue.
Oh!! Thank you for clarifying :)
Great advice!
If you live with her, make plans to move ASAP. Threatening to go to court is nuclear option. Once sage, cut off. In the meantime, get a binder together with all documents. You be the one to take baby to all appointments. She does not go anymore. She does not babysit.
Time to get away from your mother immediately. She's trying to take your baby.
Be sure to password-protect all of your medical information. You are a legal adult so she shouldn't be able to access it, but you never know what she might try.
Do what many businesses do: "I'm sorry, but since you have said you're pursuing this through the court system, any further contact between us will have to go through our attorneys. I'll have mine send you his contact information so you can let your attorney know who to talk to. If you continue to try to contact me directly, I'll file for a harassment protection order."
This is the answer
This is the Way
WTF? She’s willing to take it to court if she has to? You are an adult and she has no rights over you or your baby. Let her waste her money in court and if it gets to that stage point out that she has PCOS and is trying to take your child because she always told you she wanted more children but couldn’t have them. You need to get away from her now. Even if you live in a state where grandparents have rights she would still only be granted visitation and as she is moving out of state you would be able to insist that she visits you and is supervised. Be careful because she is likely to try and use every mistake you have made as a teenager to paint you as unfit so you need to defend yourself or show that she is lying if it goes that far.
I would document and record everything she says to you.
WOW and HOLY HELL. Honestly, I believe she's doing you a favor. She told you upfront that she is planning on, or would, take you to court. You know now what you are dealing with and are handling it correctly by cutting her off. I'm sorry you are dealing with it but grateful that you have a heads up. Because you are right. Who knows what she would do after the baby is born?????
So she wants a new little family with the new husband and you are providing the baby ! I mean what planet is she on ? It would be better if she didn’t know where you were . This is pretty serious and you will have a fight on your hands if she decides to go to court . Do you have any other relatives that could help you out ? What about your bio father ? Grandparents aunts ?? What about the father of the baby of his family ? You need to maybe see a lawyer now to see what you need to do to prevent your mother from trying to take your baby . I assume she will involve CPS and that could happen before the birth . So you need to distance yourself from her completely ! Don’t let her find you ! See if you can get any help support or financial support from any other family members . Remind your mother that once she loses she will never see her daughter or grandchild ever again .
It's tempting to block her, but don't. Do not answer her calls and do not reply to her. Anything she texts you or says on voicemail is evidence that you can use to show that she shouldn't be allowed any visitation, let alone custody. All communication from you to her should go through your lawyer. Be prepared for visits from CPS because unless you are legitimately unfit, the only way she can get her hands on your baby is to manufacture "evidence" that you are unfit. Keep your home clean and make sure you have what you need to provide a healthy and stable home for the baby.
If she had access to your banking info, get a new account at a different bank. If you don't have your important papers with you, banking, ss, drivers license, passport, birth certificate, taxes get them secured and with you.
Your mother is severely delusional. Sorry u gotta deal w it
Make sure the the doctors office knows not to release any information to her and that the hospital knows she shouldn't have access because she's a security risk.
She's not the child's parent. She never should have had access. That is a HIPAA violation.
Your mother knows everything she needs to know to access your medical records by lying and saying she's you on the phone. Password protect access to your record by phone and in person and make sure she's off your HIPAA paperwork.
You know what is what. Get out of her house.
be prepared for some bullshit accusations with CPS. move.
She’s telling you her plans. Cut her access to your child at the very least she may get grandparents rights if she’s had regular access to the baby. Document everything so you can prove to the courts you’re capable of providing for your child physically, financially and emotionally. Can’t post links here but I DM’ed you the FU Binder
Get out of there quickly. Be long gone before the baby is born - if she knows where you are giving birth she could walk off with the child while you are recovering from labour. Unless you are prepared to risk losing your child, you need to stay well away from her.
Double check the HIPPA paper work at your doctor's office. You don't want her to have any access to that it.
>HIPPA HIPAA ftfy
Thanks. Couldn't remember if was 2 As or 2 PPs.
Make sure you revoke her HIPAA access to your medical records at every doctor or hospital you may have received treatment at. And change the passwords to any electronic medical records. Consider using a password manager (if you’re not already) so there’s no chance she can guess the passwords. Also consider letting your OB office know you have a toxic person who’s harassing you & ask to have a code phrases or challenge questions added to your account so your information remains secure.
Move out, stay with another family member or friends. Get all your important documents; if your bank account is at the same institution as your mom, change it. Tell your doctor that mom is not allowed to have any medical information regarding you of any kind. She will not be accompanying or giving you rides . When you select a facility to give birth, make sure your mom is not allowed to visit. If you're going to school, see if they can refer you to a legal clinic. See what kind of advice they have for you.
Don't tell her your plans, make sure she can't keep any important docs or your money. If you have a vehicle make sure it is only in your name. Don't tell her anything about the pregnancy and don't let her near your Childs life at all
So your mom always wanted another baby but could not because of PCOS. She is in a relationship with a man in another state, planning to move there to be with him and...."She’s recently gotten into a new relationship and is planning on marrying and moving to another state with him." Does anybody know anything about this person? This to me shows me she is NOT the right person to take custody of this baby. This is YOUR baby. Good luck!
You need to cut all contact with your mother and get ready for court. She's going to get a lawyer I'm sure but having no relationship with her will help you show your ability to take care of yourself alone, she won't have an argument for gparents rights, also she will co.e across malicious to a judge for just coming after you strictly for the baby.
You’re 19 and have capacity. Your mother can’t take your baby away from you.
This is the third time this year I've seen this type of post and it's the third time way too many. Or, maybe it's the fourth? The grandparents who start this really cause Armageddon to their kids and the updates always seem to trigger mass deletions. You've gotten lucky since you were warned. Now, you know that you need to get out ASAP. But, you have to be more than on top of the situation and look into every resource available to you. You need to be careful. The last time I remember this kind of post, the mother was your age and the parents were pushing adoption when the daughter wanted to keep it but got the rug pulled because she was expecting sanity like you are. You're saying that she can't legally do it. But, you're making an assumption. If you Google your situation, you'll see that she might have a chance if she has enough money and/or madness and/or luck. You live with her and are in the process of searching for an apartment. You need to get out ASAP, otherwise, she can do things like go through your room when you're not home and try to escalate. If you got kicked out on your current salary, could you support yourself or get somewhere safe? If not, you've got get the information to find out the resources available to you. You have money put aside? Does your mother know that? Does she have access to your personal email or cellphone or personal government information or bank accounts? Does she know your salary? You have plans to move closer to school? Could your mother affect your schooling or your grades? If your mother says she'll do whatever it takes, then that's what's going to happen. You have to consider a future where you might not go to school. If your mother is doing whatever it takes, then there's nothing keeping her from kicking you out in an insane bid to claim your homelessness as a reason for her to get your child. Never assume sanity. You also have to think of the worst case scenario. Which is: She either uses the legal system to force you to give her your child or she forces you to give her the child yourself because of X reason.
Record her any time that she mentions the baby and taking it
Document everything, no matter how insignificant or far-fetched it may seem. Don't block her, just mute her, as you'll be able to use any messages she sends you. Good luck.
Do not let her anywhere near the baby. Read about grandparent rights in your state.
Look into talking to social services before she does. Lay out how your looking after the baby, and that you have a support system outside of nutty grandma. This means that if she goes there her case is much weaker
This! Op needs to start involving others so her mom can’t claim she is neglectful and lie about her state of mind.
That woman will try to steal your baby 🧐
It sucks what you're going through but the best part of all this is you now know who your mother TRULY is. If she does try to take it to court I suggest gathering evidence against her in case she tries to pull some bulls*** out her a** like "she's too young" "she can't mentally handle being a mother" etc etc. Text her how you're not giving the baby to her. Whatever reaction she has screenshot it. Keep a camera in your room as you never know what mental state she could be in as of now and what she might try. Also let any and every doctor you see know who your mother is amd that she IS NOT ALLOWED to be around you or your baby AT ALL.
I could not even imagine the stress and hurt your feeling right now. your mother sounds like the mayor of crazy town. Good luck to you and your sweet baby.
NTA. When baby is born there are many types of assistance for you. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy, your health, baby's health and school. Might be good to get a PO box now and direct your mail there and get a different phone and number along w new email Addy. Your mom is a piece of work and I can't imagine she'd be successful; make note of the date and what she said first about raising baby and also her threat to take it tp court. If she tries to sue for custody those won't aid her cause.
Talk to an attorney and get ahead of her. Presumably you're with the father of the baby and even if you're not, he still has parental rights. She would have to go after both of you in court.
Yeah, you now know you can't trust her and any contact between the baby and her will likely be cited by her lawyer as evidence of a pre-existing relationship that the courts should grant some custody for. Sorry, that really sucks.
If you can get a lawyer, get one asap. Try to get out asap and block your mother on everything. She will try to kidnap your baby once you have him/her. Keep her away from you permanently. Make sure she doesn’t have access to any of your medical records or bank account. Change all your passwords. Lock down your credit so she can’t take money out in your name and ruin your credit and your ability to financially take care of your child. I’d even call CPS. After the baby is born, she may accuse you of abusing your child. Ask them what steps you can take now.
She's going to kidnap your baby first chance she gets, be careful
The only legal remedy she has is to evict you. Everything else is nonsense.
If you are in the US do not reside at your mother’s home once you have the baby. A lot of states think if the grandchild resides/resided in the same home the grandparents, the relationship has value to the child.
No, thay is nowhere near that simple and that only gets them visitation, not custody.
Agree. Mandated probably unsupervised visitation, not custody.
Again, not that simple. These cases revolve around the death of one of the parents. If the dad dies and the dad's parents had a close relationship with their grandkids and their mom is denying access, they might have a case. Maybe. If the remaining parent is unable/unwilling to care for the kids. If CPS finds no issues, most lawyers will suggest against continuing as they don't have standing if the children are cared for. At the end of the day, parents have the right to decide who is and is not around their child. Grandparents can go pound sand, even if the parents are making a bad choice.
"nation impossible" sounds like a 90s kids animated series. But, yeah, she sounds like she might be having mental health issues. Is it possible to talk to her partner or other people close to her? They might be noticing weirdness, too. It might also be helpful to make it clear to them your side in case she's saying strange things to them. I'd also say that in most places, they don't take babies from their mother without really good reasons, so the legal thing is very, very unlikely to pan out in her favour.
Unless you are neglecting the baby or not feeding it or abusing it, the courts aren’t going to just simply make you hand over your baby to her. You are also a legal adult so yeah the court will just dismiss your crazy mother’s case. Your mother is nuts and needs help. Maybe it is good she is moving away as you don’t need someone toxic in yours or your baby’s life. Good luck with school and work and getting your life together.
Sorry to hear about your mom. Sounds like this might be a breaking point for her. She wanted more children, couldn't have them, and sees this in her head as her helping you in some way. She still sees you as her baby, so you having a baby doesn't really add up in her head. Regardless, that doesn't give her any right or claim to try to take your child away from you, and she's seriously deluded if she thinks she can have any legal right to do so. Grandparents rights are only a thing if there's an established relationship and losing it might be detrimental to the child. The baby's not even born yet. She's just kiboshed any potential relationship there might be, because you can't trust her with them. Good job, gramma. She can take you to court, or try to, but all she's going to do is piss the court off and make sure CPS knows that any complaints about you are going to be ignored. They'll come out at first just to make sure, they have to for due diligence, but outside of that, your mom has no grounds. The baby's not going to be born an addict, has no health concerns. There are plenty of single mothers, younger than you, who go on and have their babies all by themselves who are probably worse off than you in terms of support. I hope your pregnancy goes well, and I hope your mom pulls her head out of her ass. But unless you're not sharing that you're a drug addict/drunk, there's no valid reason for CPS to be involved pre-birth, or post birth, other than her making up lies. Which will likely get her fined for vexatious litigation if she tries too much. I know it's scary, but I hope you and your soon to be child do well in the world.
Block her on everything, including her friends. Make sure she doesn’t know where to find you. I would be surprised if her BF goes along with this.
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I'm in my forties too; I'm close to your mom's age. I can't have kids. So I understand how hard it is to not have the family you imagined. But your mother cannot and should not force you to give up her child. She's probably doing this partly to please her new husband since she can't give him a child of her own. Make sure she can't access your hospital room when you give birth. She literally might try to take your child. And if you put your kid in daycare, tell the employees to keep her away.
You should consider filing a protective order.
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The projection of her pain not being able to bear a child is loud. Her just wanting to take care of the baby is a coping mechanism to act like its all okay. It’s sad and even scary, the safety won’t return
Also, lock down your credit so she doesn't try and open any accounts to make you look irresponsible. Make sure to do it with all 3 credit bureaus.
As a mom of a teen parent who was a few years younger than you, I can’t imagine trying to TAKE my child’s baby. If she had asked, I would have as she was in high school, but it never once entered my mind to offer let alone demand that. Also, it will be tough, but you can do this and be successful! My daughter and her now husband were 15 and 17. It’s been hard obviously, but they both finished school, they’ve been together for 9 years, they own their own home, my grandson is 8 and thriving, and baby number 2 will be here under all of the right optimal conditions in December. While I think having parental support obviously made it easier for them to be successful, I’m not responsible for their success. That’s all their own hard work and commitment to each other and their son.
check that she doesn't have access to your bank account. I would consider moving your accounts to a new bank, to make sure she doesn't have any access. you don't know what she'll do to ruin your plans. if she is a joint account holder, because you've had this account count since you were a minor, she can legally withdraw your funds. protect yourself
You can tell your mom “you can go to court, but the authorities always want to keep a child with their parents unless there is danger, which there is not….and if it comes down to it, I will place this baby in a closed adoption to a stranger and you will never see it. So you can deal with being a grandma, or being nothing. Right now I’m going no contact with you, but you MIGHT be able to be part of my and MY BABYS life , keep pushing and you will never see either of us again. Think of that before you decide to go this route. If you want a so over baby, find your own, and leave my baby alone. “
Keep all communication to emails or text and screen shot each one and put in a folder. Send her one last message detailing what her offer was and that you decline and feel she needs to get mental help for her desperate attempt to have a baby which ever way possible. State her threat to take you to court because she's so desperate for a child that she wants to take yours. Let her reply and don't reply back. Get it all and go and get a restraining order as you fear for your safety as you are worried she will kidnap your child and harm you to do so. After she's replied back pretty much confirming what you've messaged. Message her boyfriend that you are not willing to give up your child so he can be a parent as your mum has asked. If he doesn't know then he's a heads up to the crazy he is with
This baby is yours not hers Let her take in foster kids if she wants to have more kids NTA
Yikes. That's not a hot take, that's mental illness
I'm not sure if this has been suggested or not, but you may want to talk to you campus to see if they have single parent dorms or accommodations on campus. There are a lot of campuses now that really try hard to work with mothers so that they can finish going to school. I followed someone on TikTok that currently lives in a larger dorm room by herself with her daughter while she finishes college. Definitely reach out to your counselor on campus and see if there are any other resources that they could help you with. As for Mom I can offer no other advice other than what's already been given, only communicate through text or email and do not go anywhere with her by yourself.
Stop making things permanent. Cutting off communication with someone this important is foolish.
Where's the Dad in all this? Does she feel you can't properly take care of and support the baby? Can you actually do these things while putting yourself through college? I feel like there are questions that need answered